First Draft: Summary / Response Essay

review: Eliminating the human by MARCELO FIORILO GONZALES

Submission date: 22-May-2020 08:14AM (UTC-0400) Submission ID: 1329820773 File name: Eliminating_the_Human.docx (22.76K) Word count: 850 Character count: 4922

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2 Summary Thesis

3

proofread for passive voice; use active voice

Summary Content

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4

proofread for conciseness

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5 proofread for missing words

MLA In-Text Citations

Topic Sentence Clarity

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6

MLA Citation Required

Accuracy of Claims

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7

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6% SIMILARITY INDEX

4% INTERNET SOURCES

0% PUBLICATIONS

6% STUDENT PAPERS

1 4% 2 1% 3 1%

Exclude quotes On

Exclude bibliography On

Exclude matches Off

review: Eliminating the human ORIGINALITY REPORT

PRIMARY SOURCES

Submitted to Miami-Dade Community College Student Paper

Submitted to University of Florida Student Paper

Submitted to Santa Fe Community College Student Paper

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FINAL GRADE

65/100 review: Eliminating the human GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

PAGE 1

Comment 1

This is a great start, Marcelo! Your thesis and body paragraphs make great points, but you should revisit Byrne's essay, as he makes many of the same arguments you make here.

Keep in mind that you can revise this essay again, so feel free to ask any questions you have about the essay.

Comment 2

Make sure claims about his argument are accurate. His argument seems to oppose this idea of conspiracy.

Summary Thesis

Be sure the first sentence of the summary paragraph includes the author's entire thesis. You may have to look in multiple places within the original source to identify the author's main argument.

Comment 3

Be specific; what exactly does he argue about these patterns?

proofread for passive voice; use active voice

Summary Content

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Make sure the summary accurately reflects each of the author's main points.

proofread for mixed constructions

Comment 4

The previous sentence indicates that Byrne's claim about technology is wrong, but this sentence seems to agree with his claim.

proofread for conciseness

PAGE 2

proofread for mixed constructions

Comment 5

Are you sure he doesn't make this argument?

proofread for missing words

MLA In-Text Citations

Review pages 551-58 in our textbook along with the other materials I have provided on Canvas to correctly format MLA in-text citations.

Topic Sentence Clarity

Write topic sentences that indicate the paragraph's main topic.

proofread for wordy phrases

Eliminate unnecessary words and phrases.

Comment 6

Proofread to remove passive voice. The three instances of passive voice in this sentence make the sentence difficult to understand.

MLA Citation Required

All quotes and paraphrases must be cited using MLA citations.

Accuracy of Claims

Make sure all claims about sources are accurate.

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Make sure all claims about sources are accurate.

proofread for passive voice; use active voice

PAGE 3

Comment 7

Is this not one of Byrne's arguments?

proofread for sentence fragments

proofread for sentence fragments

Comment 8

Good point in this paragraph!

Comment 9

He's a rock musician, not a scholar.

PAGE 4

RUBRIC: GRADING: SUMMARY/RESPONSE

SUMMARY (20%)

EXCELLENT: A (4)

ABOVE AVERAGE: B+/B (3)

AVERAGE: C+/C (2)

BELOW AVERAGE: D+/D (1)

INCOMPLETE: F (0)

RESPONSE (20%)

EXCELLENT: A (4)

ABOVE AVERAGE: B+/B (3)

AVERAGE: C+/C (2)

BELOW AVERAGE: D+/D (1)

INCOMPLETE: F (0)

ORGANIZATION (20%)

EXCELLENT: A

2.60 / 4

2 / 4

Introduces the author and article in the introductory paragraph. Accurately summarizes the thesis.Represents the main ideas of the source accurately. Includes only important details. Uses your own words, not the exact words of the source.

3 / 4

Accurate interpretation and incorporation of source texts. Includes a thesis that makes a precise claim. Accurately uses direct quotations and examples from sources.has a conclusion that sums up the response and its implications to your audience.

4 / 4

Has unified and cohesive paragraphs. Clear topic sentences (precise and limiting sub-claims). Logical transitions between paragraphs.

(4)

ABOVE AVERAGE: B+/B (3)

AVERAGE: C+/C (2)

BELOW AVERAGE: D+/D (1)

INCOMPLETE: F (0)

MLA STYLE (20%)

EXCELLENT: A (4)

ABOVE AVERAGE: B+/B (3)

AVERAGE: C+/C (2)

BELOW AVERAGE: D+/D (1)

INCOMPLETE: F (0)

GRAMMAR/STYLE (20%)

EXCELLENT: A (4)

ABOVE AVERAGE: B+/B (3)

AVERAGE: C+/C (2)

BELOW AVERAGE: D+/D

2 / 4

MLA format (heading, parenthetical quotations, works cited page). 12-point type, Times New Roman font. Relevant title. Indent the first line of each paragraph. Left-justified (do not center or right-justify your text).

2 / 4

Concise sentences free from grammar and punctuation errors.

(1)

INCOMPLETE: F (0)