Thread Response 2

Response to Jalincia

Week 7 Discussion - Option #3

Countertransference is a natural part of any counseling relationship, but premarital and remarital counseling can bring out particularly strong emotional reactions in the therapist. These settings invite couples to explore hopes, disappointments, past wounds, expectations, and relational fears. Because the work touches on attachment needs, family-of-origin patterns, and beliefs about love and commitment, therapists often find themselves responding emotionally in ways they might not initially expect. Understanding possible countertransference reactions before they show up in the counseling room can help counselors stay grounded, compassionate, and ethically sound. 

One common countertransference issue in premarital counseling is overidentifying one partner. For example, a counselor who has been through a difficult relationship or divorce may feel protective of the partner who seems quieter, more anxious, or overshadowed in sessions. Without realizing it, the counselor might lean toward that person’s perspective, subtly validating one partner more than the other. This can create a distorted dynamic in which one individual feels “chosen” while the other experiences judgment. Over time, this imbalance may erode the counselor’s ability to remain neutral, and the couple might feel the counseling process itself has become a battlefield. In premarital counseling where trust and balance are everything, this can undermine the couple’s ability to explore their relationship openly and fairly. 

Gelso and Kline (2021) recommend exploring how therapists’ underlying emotional “wishes,” needs, and relational tendencies shape countertransference reactions and how these shifts across therapy may relate to client progress. 

Another likely countertransference reaction is impatience or frustration toward couples who minimize their problems. Some engaged couples insist that they “never fight” or that everything is “perfect.” A therapist who values emotional honesty or who learned the hard way that ignored issues often grow may feel an urge to push the couple to “face reality.” While this reaction may come from wisdom, it can also lead to the counselor overdirecting sessions or interpreting conflict where none may exist. If left unrecognized, this countertransference can cause the couple to feel misunderstood or pressured, thus reducing the effectiveness of counseling. 

In remarital counseling, countertransference may arise for different reasons. Counselors who have seen the impact of blended-family stressors may feel protective, skeptical, or overly cautious when working with remarriage situations. For example, a therapist might overemphasize potential challenges such as co-parenting issues, loyalty conflicts, or stepfamily integration because of past experiences with families that struggled. While it is important to prepare couples, overemphasizing risk can unintentionally communicate discouragement or doubt about their future. Couples may feel as though the counselor is waiting for their relationship to fail rather than helping them build a strong foundation. 

Another form of countertransference is idealization which is defined as feeling overly inspired or moved by the couple’s love story. When couples come into counseling full of hope, faith, and excitement, a counselor may feel uplifted or even emotionally invested in their success. While positive emotions are not harmful on their own, idealization can cloud judgment. The counselor might gloss over warning signs, avoid addressing conflict patterns, or hesitate to challenge unrealistic expectations. In these cases, countertransference can create blind spots that prevent couples from doing important premarital work. 

From an ethical and legal standpoint, countertransference carries important implications. Counselors have a duty to maintain professional boundaries, provide competent services, and ensure their personal reactions do not harm clients. The ACA Code of Ethics (2014) requires counselors to monitor their own emotional functioning and seek supervision or consultation when countertransference could impair judgment. Ignoring countertransference places clients at risk for biased treatment, inappropriate interventions, or misdiagnosis. Legally, unaddressed countertransference can lead to allegations of discrimination, negligence, or boundary violations. If a counselor acts on emotional reactions such as giving unequal treatment, making decisions based on personal values, or allowing favoritism, it may be considered a breach of professional standards. 

In Christian counseling settings, countertransference can even intersect with spiritual beliefs. Counselors may feel tempted to guide couples based on personal convictions about marriage rather than clinical insight. While integrating faith is valuable, the scripture reminds us of the importance of humility and self-examination. 

Psalm 139:23–24 (New International Version) says,  “Search me, God, and know my heart… see if there is any offensive way in me.” This verse speaks directly to the heart of countertransference work inviting God to reveal personal biases, wounds, or blind spots that may influence the counseling relationship. 

Effectively managing countertransference begins with awareness. Counselors should regularly ask themselves:  What am I feeling? Where might it be coming from? Whose story am I responding to my client’s or my own? When patterns emerge, supervision, peer consultation, or personal therapy can help counselors gain clarity. Practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques can also help therapists stay emotionally present without becoming emotionally entangled.

As Jenks & Oka  (2021) explain,  “We view countertransference as being inevitable, for all therapists have unresolved unconscious conflicts and ‘soft spots’ or vulnerabilities that are touched upon in interactions with other human beings.” 

Ultimately, countertransference is not something to fear, it is something to recognize and use wisely. When counselors practice humility, self-reflection, and accountability, countertransference becomes a tool rather than a hindrance. In premarital and remarital counseling especially, staying aware of emotional reactions helps us honor the sacred work couples are doing: preparing their hearts, their minds, and their lives for a future together. As counselors, our role is to walk alongside them with openness, honesty, and compassion, offering a space free from judgment and full of intentional support. When we manage our own hearts well, we help couples build healthier, more resilient relationships that can stand the test of time. 

 

References 

 

Bible. (2011).  Holy Bible: New International Version. Zondervan. 

Jenks, D. B., & Oka, M. (2021). Breaking Hearts: Ethically Handling Transference and Countertransference in Therapy.  The American Journal of Family Therapy,  49(5), 1–18.  https://doi.org/10.1080/01926187.2020.1830732Links to an external site. 

Gelso, C. J., & Kline, K. V. (2021). Some directions for research and theory on countertransference.  Psychotherapy Research,  32(1), 1–6.  https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2021.1968529Links to an external site.