Reactions to all articles in 1-2 pages

© 2007 Anti-Defamation League www.adl.org/education [email protected]

RESPONDING TO JOKES AND SLURS

Many people are unsure what to say or do when confronted with offensive humor or slurs. When

bystanders choose to stand silently by, however, they may be inadvertently communicating their

acceptance of the behavior to others. The following process outlines a way to respond that has proved

helpful for many people, from elementary school children to adults.

1. Clarify for yourself what you want to get out of the interaction. If your primary goal is to

express your anger and indignation toward the offender, it is unlikely that the interaction will

be personally satisfying. Your anger may generate equally-offensive remarks or you may

succeed in publicly embarrassing the person, but these responses are ineffective in changing

the person’s behavior in the future.

2. Assume good will. Many people who make offensive remarks do so out of ignorance. Because

they do not intend harm, they often assume no harm is done.

3. Talk to the person privately. By speaking to the offender one-on-one, you remove the person’s

need to “save face” publicly or to defend the actions in front of a group.

4. Use “I” statements, not “you” statements. Your goal is to let the offender know how you feel

about what was said. Instead of focusing on what the other person did “wrong,” communicate

how the incident made you feel and why. Choose words that will help eliminate the offender’s

need to defend his or her actions.

5. Remember your rights. You do not have the right to dictate someone else’s sense of humor. You

do, however, have the right to request that this type of humor not be used in your presence.

Provided by: ADL’s Education Division, A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE® Institute