Revision for my Research paper (writing course)

Research Paper: Combat COVID-19 with big data and artificial intelligence

No self-assessment?

The most important edits should be fixing how the sources and researched information are used.

1. As a test reader, I’m not always sure

· if a portion of the draft has come from a source that hasn’t been properly cited,

· if it is a quote or a paraphrase, or

· if it is otherwise your own ideas in your own words.

2. There are also worrisome writing issues in the case where a source is cited. That is,

· few apparent extrapolations of a source text are put in the quotation marks and presented as quotes,

· while other portions of the same source aren’t even cited but should have been (e.g.,).

3. IMPORTANT: Do you have any questions concerning proper use of outside information and citations? IF yes, we should a most address your questions asap, since the level of ambiguity and the kinds of confusing citation practices shown in the draft can lead to serious problems of plagiarism.

4. On a different note, several of your sources are great finds. I just felt that you need to be more patient with reading, jotting down notes, summarizing, and thinking through their main points in relation to your research paper.

5. And you should plan to do this for ALL your sources. Only then will you be able to tell where in the paper these sources can be used, purposefully and properly.

6. Review Chapter 2 of They Say/I Say for summarizing techniques and how to integrate the summaries into your own text.

7. I personally would consider the above as a worthy achievement even if it is the only thing I learn to do well through the research paper project.

You wrote

> I need to work more on my argument… adjust my languages used and the logic connection between paragraphs… work on the ratio of cited sources and my own words.... I’d like to learn more about how to integrate academic writing techniques such as counterarguments, limitation and future studies into my own paper.

· Argument: Why not start by thinking through and revising the Introduction?

· Are you citing Wendy Taylor’s Rockefeller Talk (2019) as a background source to bring up the topic of big data and its use for developing intervention strategies during a pandemic?

· IF so, can you provide more context? What, for instance, did she say about the use of big data and AI in responding to the 2017 cholera epidemic in Yemen (7:20-)?

· While the case in Yemen appeared to be controlled back then, Taylor also listed 4 challenges facing the use of technology during an outbreak (9:00-). Might this discussion be relevant to your research on COVID, big data, and AI technology?

· In other words, did you/can you envision your study as a response to Taylor’s presentation (e.g., They say)? Did/does it aim to investigate how big data and AI have been deployed in controlling the spread of COVID in 2020 (e.g., I say)?

· Although a clear argument is still lacking, it appears that, towards the end of the draft, the study has also examined the issue of data sharing and privacy. This seems to be an important topic, given that Taylor did not delve into it at all. Will this give your study a good argumentative niche as well?

· In the remaining of the paper, can you then use your sources to describe how big data and AI have been used in different regions to combat the spread of COVID in 2020?

· In this way, do you think it possible to retain the general organization of the BODY of the draft?

· What appear to your major findings about the apps as developed and used in the various locations? To what extent data sharing and privacy might be an issue or might be overcome?

· Can you use the findings above to craft a clear and compelling argument, i.e., your thesis, and include it somewhere in the Introduction?

· Language use and citation: As mentioned above, this is the MOST IMPORTANT area for correction and improvement. I agree with your peer reviewers that citation problems and unclear use of sources persist throughout your draft.

· In your RAQs as well as your Story Map, you were able to use signal phrases to refer to either course materials or additional scholarly and online sources. You were also able to distinguish direct quotations from summaries. Can you review your RAQs and apply those summarizing and citation techniques to your research paper?

· Specifically, regarding the MLA citation style, signal phrases are expected whenever a source is used. In-text citations must also be provided to indicate the end of summaries. In your case, will the following signal phrases and in-text citations work when using your sources? E.g.,

· In this Rockefeller presentation, Wendy Taylor discussed… (Taylor).

· As reported in “Combat COVID-19 with Artificial Intelligence and Big Data,” China began with a month-long nation-wide lockdown to contain the coronavirus. This containment measure was followed by social distancing and contact tracing policies supported by big data and technology (Lin and Hou PAGE #).

· In their study “COVID-19 Control Strategies in Taizhou City, China,” Lin et al also described a method used to track and control the spread of COVID… (Lin et al. PAGE #).

· According to “Response to COVID-19 in Taiwan, Big Data Analytics, New Technology, and Proactive Testing,” a contact tracing app was developed in Taiwan with similar applications used in Hong Kong, Singapore and South Korea (Wang, Ng, and Brooks PAGE #).

· On a related note, you should take a close look at the Works Cited page.

· NOT all sources actually used in this draft have been included in Works Cited: e.g., “Combat COVID-19 with Artificial Intelligence and Big Data” by Lin and Hou; “Response to COVID-19 in Taiwan, Big Data Analytics, New Technology, and Proactive Testing” by Wang, Ng, and Brooks; as well as other online sources, apparently.

· On the other hand, a few sources included in Works Cited have NOT been actually used: e.g., “Preventive Healthcare Policies in the US” by Batarseh, et al.; "From "Infodemics" to Health Promotion” by Schillinger, Chittamuru, and Ramírez. OR, did I miss anything?

· Citations become very problematic around a couple of key sources. E.g., some portions of “The Vital Role of Big Data In the Fight Against Coronavirus” by Marr are provided with in-text citations while others aren’t. What will be the consequences when this happens?

· The confusing Works Cited and inconsistent citation practices in this draft—including ambiguity between direct quotes and summaries are really not acceptable. As discussed in class and emphasized throughout this feedback, these can lead to serious academic honesty violations. Again, IF you ran into any difficulties in MLA citation and documentation, can you let me know what those difficulties are and how I and Kathy, our course librarian, can help?

· I’ll attach a sample MLA paper (also available in Assignments > Sample papers in APA, Chicago, CSE, and MLA citation styles) in case you want to look up examples for MLA citation and documentation specifics (in addition to the issues pointed out above, be sure to provide pagination in the upper right corner and arrange entries in Works Cited, NOT with numbers, but listed alphabetically accordingly to the first author’s last name).

· Finally, do you think one or more Writing Fellow/Consultant visits might help improve your summarizing and citation skills? Many writers find it helpful to just talk about their writing projects out loud. While Fellows and Consultants give great, practical editing tips, the additional conversations also allow writers to pick up language and vocabulary more quickly than just by reading alone. They also give writers the opportunities to ask specific questions about, say, how best to summarize a given source and provide follow-up comments and how to use the reverse outline to both improve transition and craft an argument-driven thesis statement. I’ve offered this suggestion in class on Discussion Board (see below). But it’s worth mentioning again, I think.

· If helpful, check out A Guide to Getting the Most Out of Your Writing Fellows Visit (in the Assignments folder) and seek feedback … from a Writing Consultant/Fellow or through Write-on (https://writing.rochester.edu/tutoring/virtual-tutoring.html).