Dance

1. The definition of Hip-Hop in this paper is very broad. It is far too large of a category to discuss in depth within the scope of this paper. I would recommend that you concentrate on one form of Hip-Hop: for example, are you talking about commercial Hip-Hop? if so, what kind? Are you talking about street dances? Part dances? Or breaking? You may need to do further research into a specific form.

2. I am confused by your use of the word "ancient" throughout, which I think is connected with my confusion around your claim that Hip-Hop began to develop during the time of slavery. It is true that some of the African American vernacular forms that later influenced Hip-Hop were practiced on the plantations, but the form of social dance performed at that time cannot be termed Hip-Hop.

3. I would recommend that you take another look at Naomi Bragin's "Shot and Captured," which we read for class. This piece could be very useful to you as it complicates many of your claims, especially that HIp-Hop is about happiness and freedom of expression. It is also very deliberately not a commercial form in this instance.

4. The writing is strong over all and the paper has a logical flow, but I would recommend that you work on your paragraph structure. You want to be sure that each paragraph discusses a single topic in depth, and doesn't bounce around between two or three sub-points of your argument.

5. You need to examine a performance in order to analyze HOW Hip-Hop does that things you claim it does. Are there any particular performances that you can use to exemplify your claims about the political and social import of Hip-Hop?