Psychology: Person-Centered Coaching

Reflective Listening “Listening looks easy, but it’s not simple. Every head is a world.”

Cuban proverb

WHAT

It attempts to reconstruct what the client is thinking and feeling and to relay this understanding back to the client.

This includes: • content about what a person says or thinks

• inferences on a person's feelings

• stated or unstated implication about what a person wants

HOW

Ideas for reflection come from listening, observing, and interpreting verbal and nonverbal cues. The listener tries to

walk in the shoes of the speaker… seeing the world through the speaker’s eyes and experiences and speaking from that

point of reference. This can happen through:

• Mirroring the mood of the speaker • Reflecting the emotional state with words

• Summarizing what the speaker said • Restating and clarifying what the other has said

• Verbalizing the feelings contained in what the other is saying, not just the facts or ideas.

Common reflective statement stems:

“So you feel...” “It sounds like you...”

“You're wondering if...” “For you it’s like…”

The listener can repeat

or substitute synonyms or phrases and stay

close to what the

speaker has said.

The listener can make

major restatements in

which the speaker’s

meaning is inferred.

The listener can

emphasize emotional

aspects through feeling statements.

It is NOT about asking questions or telling what the listener feels,

believes, or wants.

Reflective listening is a communication strategy involving two key steps: 1. Seeking to understand a speaker's idea

2. Then offering the idea back to the speaker, to confirm the idea has been understood correctly.

“I’ve been feeling more depressed lately.”

Simple Simple

ReflectionReflection

Repeating an element of

what the speaker has said

“You’ve been more depressed lately”

Staying close to what the

speaker has said with

some synonyms

“You are feeling a little more sad about life than usual.”

Complex Complex

ReflectionReflection

Inferring/guessing at the

speaker’s meaning and

reflecting it back

“You are struggling right now and want to understand why you keep sliding backwards.”

Emphasizing the

emotional dimension through feeling/

“It’s like a heavy cloud that’s descended on you and taking your energy.”

What can make a reflection complex?What can make a reflection complex?

Adding Content (interpretation or feeling) I’ve been struggling lately.

“There’s a big part of you thinking it’s just not worth it anymore.”

Metaphor or Simile (“picture language”) The stress seems never-ending. “You feel like you’re running on the hamster wheel.”

Amplification (stronger or weaker) I’m not sure I’m up for it. “This is by far the biggest challenge you’ve ever faced.”

Double-Sided (reflect two side of customer’s viewpoint) I’m not sure I can quit smoking.

“On one hand it’s a comforting habit, and on the other hand you’re starting to worry about the physical impact it’s taking on you.”

Reframing (put situation in a different light) I don’t think I could work for minimum wage. “You’re ready to research what your next steps are for finding a financially

rewarding career.”

Verbalization of unspoken emotion I don’t think she needs to get more education.

“You have some fear that she may end up leaving you.”

Emphasize one side (for particular effect) I know I have to quit drinking, but I don’t know how my friends would

react and I know I would get bored. “Part of you that knows it’s killing you and that now is the time to take control of

it.”