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PulliamRobin_HSCO502_Impact_PowerPoint.pptxDivorce: Impact on Children
By Robin Pulliam
Divorce and the impact it has on children.
This presentation seeks to focus on divorce and the impact it may have on a child or children. The definition and description of divorce are given along with reasons why divorce and the impact it has on the children should be an important topic for discussion in the field of human development. Studies confirm that when changes in the family structure occur it contributes to changes in behavior and mental processing of everyone involved.
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Introduction What is Divorce????
Divorce happens when someone legally dissolves their marriage to another by a court or other legal system. They no longer want to be married so they go to court to get a divorce. This means that the parents will no longer be living in the same household and if they have children, they will either be required to live with one parent full-time and visit the other on specified occasions. It could also mean that the parents share custody and the child or children are going back and forth between homes and parents. The loss of a spouse or partner [or parent], regardless how, is considered a stressful time in one’s life due to this life change (Kang, Kim & Lee, 2016).
What is Divorce?
Divorce happens when someone legally dissolves their marriage to another by a court or other legal system.
They no longer want to be married so they go to court to get a divorce.
This means that the parents will no longer be living in the same household and if they have children, they will either be required to live with one parent full-time and visit the other on specified occasions.
It could also mean that the parents share custody and the child or children are going back and forth between homes and parents.
The loss of a spouse or partner [or parent], regardless how, is considered a stressful time in one’s life due to this life change (Kang, Kim & Lee, 2016).
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Developmental Impact Divorce can increase the risk of mental health problems in children and adolescence regardless of age, gender, or culture.
Infant to 2 years
Too young to understand what is happening
May sense parents stress and feel changes in daily routine
Their task is to develop trust and to bond with their parents
Preschooler (ages 2 to 5)
Lack mental ability to understand what is happening
Can be confused, angry, sad, and fearful
May believe they are at fault
Fantasy play will reveal their fears and desires of the family reuniting
May resort to bed wetting or thumb sucking
Divorce can increase the risk of mental health problems in children and adolescence regardless of age, gender, or culture.
Infant to 2 years
Too young to understand what is happening between their parents
May sense parents stress and feel changes in their daily routine
Their task is to develop trust and to bond with their parents
Preschooler (ages 2 to 5)
Lack mental ability to understand what is happening
Can be confused, angry, sad, and fearful
May believe they are at fault
Fantasy play will reveal their fears and desires of the family reuniting
May resort to bed wetting or thumb sucking
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Developmental Impact—Cont.
Ages 6 to 8
Reactions include anger, grief, and a deep yearning for the departed parent
Anger can be expressed through tantrums
May feel responsible for taking care of parents
Identify with both parents – do not criticize other parent in front of child or children
Ages 9 to 12
Have the ability to see both parents view on the divorce
Need to talk about their feelings to acknowledge their anger
Puberty makes it difficult to separated from same-sex parent
Likely to manipulate and play games with parents
Ages 6 to 8
Reactions include anger, grief, and a deep yearning for the departed parent
Anger can be expressed through tantrums
May feel responsible for taking care of parents
Identify with both parents – do not criticize other parent in front of child or children
Ages 9 to 12
Have the ability to see both parents view on the divorce
Need to talk about their feelings to acknowledge their anger
Puberty makes it difficult to separated from same-sex parent
Likely to manipulate and play games with parents
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Developmental Impact—Cont.
Age 13 to 18
More developed socially and emotionally – peers are primary focus
Lack of consistency in discipline and control is unsettling –growing up too fast
May act out anger and frustration through delinquency, substance abuse, or sexual promiscuity
Honest communication helps teens see both sides of the issue – without involving them in adult issues
Age 13 to 18
More developed socially and emotionally – peers are primary focus
Lack of consistency in discipline and control is unsettling –growing up too fast
May act out anger and frustration through delinquency, substance abuse, or sexual promiscuity
Honest communication helps teens see both sides of the issue – without involving them in adult issues
Emerging adulthood – Ages 18 to 25
Accelerated independence – growing up faster
Early departure from family to avoid conflict
Involvement with alcohol, drugs or inappropriate sexual behaviors to escape pain
Feel they have lost their home
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Developmental Impact—Cont.
Emerging adulthood – Ages 18 to 25
Accelerated independence – growing up faster
Early departure from family to avoid conflict
Involvement with alcohol, drugs or inappropriate sexual behaviors to escape pain
Feel they have lost their home
Client Awareness How does divorce impact the individual’s environment?
Their world as they know it is shattered
Divorce can impact the individuals environment because they will not be living with both parents in the same household.
The child or children may have to live in two different homes at certain times, so this means they may have two sets of rules to follow
How does divorce impact the individual’s environment?
Their world as they know it is shattered.
Divorce can impact the individuals environment because they will not be living with both parents in the same household.
The child or children may have to live in two different homes at certain times, so this means they may have two sets of rules to follow.
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Client Awareness—Cont. How does divorce impact the individual’s family?
Children may subsequently experience anger, depression, or even panic attacks, unless their feelings are assuaged early on in the separation by each parent.
The child or children may feel like they are in a tug-of-war game between their parents.
A separation or divorce can also affect the extended family of a marriage.
In some cases, the family members of each spouse may feel like they have to take sides.
Children may subsequently experience anger, depression, or even panic attacks, unless their feelings are assuaged early on in the separation by each parent.
The child or children may feel like they are in a tug-of-war game between their parents.
A separation or divorce can also affect the extended family of a marriage.
In some cases, the family members of each spouse may feel like they have to take sides.
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Client Awareness—Cont. What are the best strategies for dealing with this from an individual or family support perspective?
Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin
What are the best strategies for dealing with divorce from an individual or family support perspective?
This illustration tells readers that parents should maintain a healthy relationship with their child or children even if they do get a divorce.
You will notice the other illustrations tell parents to use consistent discipline – this means have similar rules in both homes. For example, set a certain time for them to do their homework and enforce this rule in both homes.
Co-parent peacefully – do not let the children see or feel conflict from the parents. Let them see you working together to raise them. by doing this, the parents are showing the children that they are focusing on the family and its well-being.
Parents need to help their child or children feel safe and secure.
Monitor adolescents closely, teach them specific coping skills that will empower your child or children.
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Client Awareness—Cont. What are the best strategies for dealing with divorce from an individual or family support perspective?
Parents can help avoid these problems by being open with their children about the divorce and what can be expected to happen due to the divorce.
The parents can also talk with their children about their feelings and emotions during this stressful time in their lives.
By doing this the parents will be able to understand how their child or children are feeling and they can help them work through the emotions they are having.
The child or children will be able to ask their parents questions during this talk too.
Parents can help avoid these problems by being open with their children about the divorce and what can be expected to happen due to the divorce.
The parents can also talk with their children about their feelings and emotions during this stressful time in their lives.
By doing this the parents will be able to understand how their child or children are feeling and they can help them work through the emotions they are having.
The child or children will be able to ask their parents questions during this talk too.
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Faith & Professional Perspectives
As Christians, we are taught that “God designed marriage to provide: partnership, spiritual intimacy and the ability to pursue God — together. God created the husband and wife to steer each other in His direction” (Heffernan, 2005).
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6, New International Version (NIV).
The Bible makes it clear that God hates divorce.
There are two instances of divorce mentioned in the Bible: (1) sexual marital unfaithfulness which is adultery (one of the commandments); and (2) the unbelieving spouse's refusal to continue the marriage after the conversion of the other partner. “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15, NIV).
Are there Christian principles or biblical themes that provide explanation or clarification you want to include?
As Christians, we are taught that “God designed marriage to provide: partnership, spiritual intimacy and the ability to pursue God — together. God created the husband and wife to steer each other in His direction”
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6, New International Version (NIV).
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Faith & Professional Perspectives—Cont. What can clients expect you to do to help them (you as a human service professional)?
As a human service providers work with families and children cope with divorce and the impact it is having on the children, they need to let the parents and the children know that the key to getting through this change in their lives is communication between everyone involved.
The provider should let the clients know that they are there to help them during this time in their lives, be a good listener and do not judge them.
As a Christian human service provider, one could remind the client of their worth in God, the one who will never forsake them.
As a human service providers work with families and children cope with divorce and the impact it is having on the children, they need to let the parents and the children know that the key to getting through this change in their lives is communication between everyone involved.
The provider should let the clients know that they are there to help them during this time in their lives, be a good listener and do not judge them.
As a Christian human service provider, one could remind the client of their worth in God, the one who will never forsake them.
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Resources Educational Readings
How Parents can Help Kids Deal with Divorce by Lynn Lipinski
https ://news.usc.edu/trojann-family/a-social-worker-explains-how-parents-can-help-kids-deal-with-divorce /.
Two Homes by Claire Masurel
https:// www.goodreads.com/book/show/353369.Two_Homes
Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids by Isolina Ricci
https:// www.amazon.com/Moms-House-Dads-Kids-Feeling-
Educational readings that one might suggest to a client who is going through a divorce that can help them and their children cope with divorce should include ideas and tools that both parents and the child or children can work on together and apart. Literature for the parents and the children are listed below.
The first suggested educational reading is called How Parents can Help Kids Deal with Divorce by Lynn Lipinski. It is an article that can help the parents better understand how to help their children deal with the divorce and changes in their lives. The author tells readers that the parents need to be open and honest with their children about the divorce. The author also recommends that the parents work together to make the divorce less stressful for their children. They need to make the children their main priority in dealing with the divorce. Parents should reassure their children by telling them often that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. The author suggests parents keep a routine in effect for their children’s academics so they are not affected by the separation. The article concludes with eight different ways parents can help children cope with what is happening in their lives. The author reminds parents that avoiding conflict has the best impact on the children.
There are two books suggested for parents to read with their children. The first book is called Two Homes by Claire Masurel and it is relative to children ages 3 to 7. It tells a story about a child living part-time at each parent’s home. He lives with his mother in the city and his father in the suburbs. This book is intended to help children understand that they are loved by both parents. They have two sets of everything..
The second book is Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids. The author of this book Isolina Ricci is a family therapist. This guidebook was written for children ages 10 and up. It can help “tweens and teens” cope with two sets of house rules and schedules, stay neutral when their parents have conflicts or disagree with one another, and how to manage their stress, guilt, or any other emotion they may be experiencing. It also includes worksheets and lists for the children to use.
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Resources Referral Sources
Kardia Heal Services
https :// kardiahealthservices.com
Healing Counseling Center https :// hopeandhealingcounselingctr.com/about-us
Referral Sources
Kardia Heal Services has qualified staff with over 30 years of clinical experience providing evaluations and therapy services to both adolescents and adults. They specialize in medical and behavioral health issues relating to depression, anxiety, and chronic pain syndromes. They use “HeartPath Techniques” which are interventions that speak to the client’s “healing journey as a whole being; physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.” This service was chosen because it allows the client to heal by helping them learn how to connect their body and soul.
Healing Counseling Center is a facility that has qualified counselors understand the impact that “circumstances of life have psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually” on a person. They are recommended because want to help people become happy, healthy and hopeful by offering “services such as individual counseling, marriage, family and group therapy, for healing of the mind, body and spirit.”
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References
Broderick, P. C., & Blewitt, P. (2015). The life span: Human development for helping professionals (4th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.
D’Onofrio, B. & Emery, R. (2019). Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health. World Psychiatry 18(1), 100-101. doi: 10.1002/wps.20590. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6313686/.
Heffernan, C. (2005). God’s design for marriage. Focus on the Family. Retrieved from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/gods-design-for-marriage/.
Kang, J., Kim, J., & Lee, M. (2016). Marital status and mortality: Does family structure in childhood matter? Social Science & Medicine, 159, 152-160. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2016.05.010. Retrieved from https://www-sciencedirect-com.ezproxy.liberty.edu/science/article/pii/S0277953616302222.
Lee, D. & McLanahan, S. (2015). Family structure transitions and child development: Instability, selection, and population heterogeneity. American Social Review 80(4), 738–763. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4902167/.
Lipinski, L. (2017). How parents can help kids deal with divorce. USC Trojan Family Magazine. Retrieved from https://news.usc.edu/trojann-family/a-social-worker-explains-how-parents-can-help-kids-deal-with-divorce/.
Masurel, C. (2001). Two homes. Massachusetts: Somerville, Candlewick Press. Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/353369.Two_Homes.
Morin, A. (2019). The psychological effects of divorce on children: Take steps to help kids bounce back faster. Verywell Family. Retrieved from https://www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170.
Pasqualini, M., Lanari, D., & Pieroni, L. (2018). Parents who exit and parents who enter: Family structure transitions, child psychological health, and early drinking. Social Science & Medicine, 214, 187-196. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2018.08.017. Retrieved from https://www-sciencedirect-com.ezproxy.liberty.edu/science/article/pii/S0277953618304416.
Ricci, I. (2006). Mom's house, dad's house for kids. New York: NY, Simon and Schuster, Inc. retrieved from https://www.amazon.com/Moms-House-Dads-Kids-Feeling-ebook/dp/B001D1Y948/.
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