Paper Requirement

Chapter 14 SOCIOEMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN EARLY ADULTHOOD

Learning Goals

Learning Goal 1: Describe stability and change in temperament, and summarize adult

attachment styles.

A. Define temperament.

B. Describe the types of attachment.

Learning Goal 2: Identify some key aspects of attraction, love, and close relationships.

A. Discuss characteristics of attraction.

B. Explain the faces of love.

C. Describe the phenomenon of falling out of love.

Learning Goal 3: Characterize adult life styles.

A. Describe the life of a single adult.

B. Explain outcomes associated with cohabitating

C. Discuss the married life style.

D. Describe the life style of divorced adults.

E. Discuss issues faced by remarried adults.

F. Summarize the life style of gay male and lesbian adults.

Learning Goal 4: Discuss making marriages work, parenting, and divorce.

A. Explain strategies for making a marriage work.

B. Describe becoming a parent.

C. Discuss strategies for coping with divorce.

Learning Goal 5: Summarize the role of gender in relationships.

A. Discuss the role of gender in communication.

B. Discuss women’s development in early adulthood.

C. Discuss men’s development in early adulthood.

Personality

How would you describe yours? What are the traits that a friend would use to describe you to

someone who didn’t know you?

 Researchers have linked several dimensions of childhood temperament with characteristics of adult personality

 Easy and difficult temperaments  Inhibition  Ability to control one’s emotions

 Link between childhood and adult temperament may depend on aspects of the environment

Attachment

 Romantic partners fulfill some of the same needs for adults as parents do for children  Adults may count on their romantic partners to be a secure base

 Childhood attachment is linked with adult attachment in romantic relationships  Link can be lessened by stressful and disruptive experiences

 Adult Attachment Styles:  Secure Adults:

 Have a positive view of relationships and find it easy to get close to others  Are not overly concerned with or stressed out about romantic relationships  Tend to enjoy sexuality in the context of a committed relationship

 Avoidant Adults:  Are hesitant about getting involved in romantic relationships  Tend to distance themselves from their partner

 Dependent Adults:  Demand closeness; are less trusting  Are more emotional, jealous, and possessive

 Benefits of Secure Attachment:  They have a well-integrated sense of self-acceptance, self-esteem, and self-efficacy  They have the ability to control their emotions, are optimistic, and are resilient  They activate cognitive representations of security, are mindful of what is

happening around them, and mobilize effective coping strategies

None of this is to say that if you have an avoidant or dependent style that you cannot develop a more

secure style, it just takes exploration and practice to change old habits and ways of thinking and relating.

 Attachment insecurity places couples at risk for relationship problems

 Attachment security predicted more positive romantic relationships (Holland & Roisman, 2010).

 Attachment-anxious individuals showed strong ambivalence toward a romantic partner (Mikulincer & others, 2010).

 Anxiously attached adults were more ambivalent about relationship commitment than their securely attached counterparts (Joel, MacDonald, & Shimotomai, 2011).

 A national survey indicated that insecure attachment in adults was associated with the development of disease and chronic illness, especially cardiovascular system problems such as high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke (McWilliams & Bailey, 2010).

 Attachment-anxious and attachment-avoidant adults had higher levels of depressive and anxious symptoms than attachment-secure adults (Jinyao & others, 2012).

 Individuals with an avoidant attachment style were less resistant to the temptations of infidelity, which was linked to their lower level of relationship commitment (Dewall & others, 2011).

 Adults with avoidant and anxious attachment patterns had a lower level of sexual satisfaction than their counterparts with a secure attachment pattern (Brassard & others, 2012).

 What Motivates Attraction?  Familiarity is necessary for a close relationship  People seek others who are similar to themselves, but opposites do attract in

certain instances  Consensual Validation: our own attitudes and values are supported when

someone else’s are similar to ours

 Physical attractiveness is important, but the link is not clear-cut. Men find this more important than women.  Standards of what is attractive change over time and across cultures  Matching Hypothesis: we tend to choose partners who match our own level

of physical attractiveness

The Matching Hypothesis:

The hypothesis was invalidated when Angelina Jolie was with Billie Bob Thornton, whom many

people perceived to be less physically attractive than she was…

As opposed to now that she is with Brad Pitt, people would tend to say that this validates the

Matching Hypothesis.

The Faces of Love

 Intimacy:  Self-disclosure and the sharing of private thoughts are hallmarks of intimacy

 Erikson: Intimacy vs. Isolation  Intimacy should occur after one is well into establishing a stable and successful

identity

 Intimacy is finding oneself while losing oneself in another person  Failure to achieve intimacy results in social isolation

Gender and Communication

 In what ways do male/male friendships differ from female/female friendships?  Differences in Communication:

 Problems come in part from differences in preferred ways of communicating  Research by Deborah Tannen:

 Women prefer rapport talk: the language of conversation; a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships

 Men prefer report talk: designed to give information, which includes public speaking

 Research has yielded somewhat mixed results  Gender differences in certain aspects of communication

Friendship

 Gender Differences in Friendships:  Women have more friends than men; female friendships involve more

self-disclosure and exchange of mutual support

 Women’s relationships are characterized by depth and breadth  Men tend to engage in activities, especially outdoors  Men share useful information but keep a distance  Men are less likely to share weaknesses; they seek practical solutions to their

problems rather than sympathy

 Male relationships are more competitive

 Cross-gender friendships are more common among adults than among elementary school children. Can a heterosexual male and a heterosexual female have a platonic friendship?

 Can provide both opportunities and problems  Learning more about common feelings and interests  Acquiring knowledge and understanding of beliefs and activities of the other gender  Different expectations  Unclear sexual boundaries

Love

 Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love:  Triangle with three main dimensions:

 Passion: physical and sexual attraction to another  Intimacy: emotional feelings of warmth, closeness, and sharing  Commitment: cognitive appraisal of the relationship and the intent to

maintain the relationship even in the face of problems

Within these different components, there are many types of love. Discuss these types, and have the students generate examples of when these various types of love might occur. Examples are: Liking Intimacy alone (friendships) Infatuation Passion alone (sexual attraction, mutual sexual attraction with no other

components) Romantic Love Intimacy and Passion (often in early stages of a relationship—no commitment) Companionate Love Intimacy and Commitment (friendship, marriage with young kids) Fatuous Love Passion and Commitment (no intimacy, also known as stalker love)

Consummate Love Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment (ultimate love)

Empty Love Commitment alone How might these types of love influence expectations about love and marriage?

 Falling Out of Love

 Ending a close relationship may be wise if:  You are obsessed with a person who repeatedly betrays your trust  You are involved with someone who is draining you emotionally or financially

or both

 You are desperately in love with someone who does not return your feelings

 Can lead to depression, obsessive thoughts, sexual dysfunction, inability to work effectively, etc.

Adult Life Styles

 Single Adults:

 Dramatic rise in the last 30 years  Associated with many myths and stereotypes

 “swinging single” to “desperately lonely, suicidal”

 Common problems:  Forming intimate relationships with other adults  Confronting loneliness  Finding a place in a society that is marriage-oriented

 Advantages:

 Having time to make decisions about one’s life  Freedom to make autonomous decisions and pursue one’s own schedule and

interests  Opportunities to explore new places and try out new things  Privacy

 Recent decades have seen a dramatic rise in the percentage of single adults. Data from 2009 indicate that for the first time in history the proportion of individuals 25 to 34 years of age who have never been married (46 percent) exceeded those who were married (45 percent) (U.S. Census Bureau, 2010). The increasing number of single adults is the result of rising rates of cohabitation and a trend toward postponing marriage.  In recent years, marriage rates in the United States have declined. From 2007 to 2010, the

marriage rate continued to drop. In 2010, 51 percent of Americans were married, down from

72 percent in 1960 (Pew Research Center, 2010). More adults are remaining single longer, with

27 percent of U.S. adults currently having never married (Pew Research Center, 2010). In 2011,

the U.S. average age for a first marriage climbed to 28.7 years for men and 26.5 years for

women, higher than at any other point in history (Pew Research Center, 2011). In 1980, the

average age for a first marriage in the United States was 24 years for men and 21 years for

women. In addition, the increase in cohabitation and a slight decline in the percentage of

divorced individuals who remarry contribute to the decline in marriage rates in the United

States (Copen & others, 2012).

 Cohabitating Adults:

 Percentage has increased in recent years

 Some couples choose to cohabit permanently, rather than get married  In the U.S., cohabiting arrangements tend to be short  Relationships between cohabiting men and women tend to be more equal than

those between husbands and wives

 Problems:  Disapproval by parents and other family members  Difficulty with legal and financial issues

 Cohabiting Adults (continued):  Research suggests either no difference or worse outlook for couples who cohabit

before marriage

 Timing seems to be key: couples who cohabited only after being engaged had better marital outcomes

 May be a selection effect: people who are likely to cohabit may be less conventional and may not believe in marriage in the first place

 May be that cohabiting changes people’s attitudes and habits in ways that increase their likelihood of divorce

 Marital Trends:

 Marriage rates have decreased in recent years  Marriage in adolescence is more likely to end in divorce

 Getting married in the U.S. between 23 and 27 resulted in a lower likelihood of divorce

 Average duration of marriage in the U.S. is just over nine years  Percentage of married persons who said they were “very happy” declined from

1970s to 1990s, but recently began to increase

 Men report being happier in marriage than women  The older you get, the more pressure to get married.

 Contexts within a culture and across cultures are powerful influences on marriage  Communication is rated as a relatively severe problem in most marriages, but it is most

severe in high-income households

 Drugs and infidelity are more severe problems in low-income households  Cultural variations in ideal mates, role of religion, etc. Severity of Specific Relationship Problems in Low, Middle, and High-Income Households

 Premarital Education:  Premarital education can improve the quality of marriage and reduce the chances of

divorce

 Recommended to begin 6 months to 1 year before marriage

Premarital education occurs in a group and focuses on relationship advice. Might

premarital education improve the quality of a marriage and possibly reduce the chances

that the marriage will end in divorce? Researchers have found that it can (Halford,

Markman, & Stanley, 2008; Owen & others, 2011). For example, a survey of more than

3,000 adults revealed that premarital education was linked to a higher level of marital

satisfaction and commitment to a spouse, a lower level of destructive marital conflict, and

a 31 percent lower likelihood of divorce (Stanley & others, 2006). The premarital

education programs in the study ranged from several hours to 20 hours, with a median of

8 hours. It is recommended that premarital education begin approximately six months to

a year before the wedding. A recent study revealed that individuals in second marriages

are less likely to get premarital education than those in first marriages (Doss & others,

2009). In this study, for both first and second marriages, individuals who received

premarital education had a lower risk of subsequent marital distress and divorce.

 Benefits of a Good Marriage:  Happily married people live longer, healthier lives

 Less physical and emotional stress

 Divorce:

 Divorce rates have increased dramatically in all socioeconomic groups, from 2% in 1950 to 10% in 2002

 Some groups have a higher incidence of divorce:  Youthful marriage  Low educational level  Low income level  Not having a religious affiliation  Having divorced parents  Having a baby before marriage

 Divorce typically occurs within the 5th to the 10th year of marriage  Divorced men and women complain of loneliness, lowered self-esteem, anxiety

about unknowns, and difficulty forming new intimate relationships

Dealing with Divorce

 Strategies for Dealing with Divorce:  Think of divorce as a chance to grow personally  Make decisions carefully  Focus more on future than the past  Use your strengths and resources to cope with difficulties  Don’t expect to be successful and happy in everything you do  You are never trapped in just one pathway, but moving on to a better life usually

requires some effort

 Remarried Adults:  Most adults remarry within four years after divorce (men tend to remarry sooner

than women)

 Stepfamilies come in many sizes and forms  Remarried adults are more likely to have higher levels of depressive symptoms than

adults in intact, never-divorced families

 Many remarry not for love but for financial reasons, help in rearing children, and to reduce loneliness

 Remarried couples experience more stress in child-rearing

 Gay Male and Lesbian Adults:

 If unmarried, easier to dissolve than heterosexual marriage relationships  Are similar to heterosexual relationships in satisfactions and conflicts  An increasing number are creating families that include children  Many misconceptions:

 Masculine/feminine roles are relatively uncommon  Only a small segment of the gay male population have a large number of

sexual partners

 Typically prefer long-term, committed relationships Becoming a Parent

 Parenting Myths and Reality:

 Myths:  The birth of a child will save a failing marriage  The child will think, feel, and behave like the parents did in their childhood  Having a child gives the parents a “second chance” at achievement  Parenting is an instinct and requires no training

 Parenting Trends in the U.S. Today:  The age at which individuals have children is increasing  As birth control is common practice, many consciously choose when they will have

children, and how many

 The number of one-child families is increasing  Women are having fewer children and are working outside the home more  Fathers are increasing their participation in household chores  There is widespread institutional childcare (day care)  Women are becoming mothers later life, a large number after they are 35 years of

age

 Advantages of Having Children Early:  Parents are likely to have more physical energy  Mother is likely to have fewer medical problems with pregnancy and childbirth  Parents may be less likely to build up expectations for their children

 Advantages of Having Children Later:  Parents will have had more time to consider life goals  Parents will be more mature and will benefit from their life experiences  Parents will be better established in their careers and typically have more income