Interview essay

Talking about religion -- at last Daley, Bill . Chicago Tribune ; Chicago, Ill. [Chicago, Ill]13 Apr 2014: 6.4.

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ABSTRACT  

"The trick to a good religious conversation is humility, humor and sincerity -- applied in the right way," Stephen

Asma, a philosophy professor at Columbia College in Chicago and author of, among other books, "Why I Am a

Buddhist: No-Nonsense Buddhism With Red Meat and Whiskey," writes in an email from Beijing, where he is

teaching on a Fulbright Fellowship. "A wonderful conversation starter is, 'I don't know anything, or I don't know

much about your religious practices and I would appreciate it if you can help me understand the significance of

your upcoming holiday,' " said Stuart Matlins, a Woodstock, Vt.-based publisher of Skylight Paths, a publishing

house specializing in religious-themed books, and co-editor of "How to Be the Perfect Stranger: The Essential

Religious Etiquette Handbook."

FULL TEXT  

Religion, like politics, is something polite people aren't supposed to talk about, particularly at the dinner table. And

there's sound reasoning for this: Passions can flame, voices spike, dissent can explode into long-festering

disputes.

But if one never talks about religion, how will one ever learn? And that's seen as vital now as society is becoming

more multicultural, more multidenominational and ever more vocal.

"Over the years, I have noticed several changes," Vasudha Narayanan, director of the University of Florida's Center

for the Study of Hindu Traditions, wrote in an email. "People are less than shy about talking about religion; in fact,

they wear it on their sleeves and also display it through their car bumper stickers."

Narayanan, a religion professor and author or editor of seven books, including "Hinduism," believes talking about

religion is a "good thing." What's important, she stressed in both the email and a subsequent telephone interview,

is talking the talk in a "nonconfrontational" manner.

April offers plenty of opportunity for good discussion. The month holds a number of days important to various

religious and cultural groups worldwide. Two of the most well-known for North Americans are Passover, which

begins at sundown April 14, and Easter, which for both Eastern and Western Christians occurs April 20. (Curious

about other religious holidays in April? Check the Web. Interfaithcalendar.org, for one, offers a month-by-month

calendar.)

"The trick to a good religious conversation is humility, humor and sincerity -- applied in the right way," Stephen

Asma, a philosophy professor at Columbia College in Chicago and author of, among other books, "Why I Am a

Buddhist: No-Nonsense Buddhism With Red Meat and Whiskey," writes in an email from Beijing, where he is

teaching on a Fulbright Fellowship. "If you approach a friend or acquaintance with a humble attitude -- the opposite

of missionary zeal -- you'll start a more honest dialogue. Sprinkle in a little bit of humor about your faith (yes, even

serious believers should have a sense of humor) and ask sincere questions."

"Sincerity about your motives is crucial," Asma added. "Many people maintain devotion to their beliefs by harboring

secret disdain for every other faith. If you're just baiting someone in order to roll your eyes later with like-minded

friends, then you're not having a genuine interfaith conversation."

Jane Larkin of Dallas, who writes about parenting for InterfaithFamily.com and pens "The Seesaw" column on

intermarriage for The Jewish Daily Forward, says she and her husband, an Episcopalian, talk about religion all the

time with their 9-year-old son. This is a change for her. Growing up, religion was discussed only by "people who

were very observant or crazy," she said.

"We want our son to grow up understanding religion is not a forbidden topic, and he needs to be able to speak

about it," said Larkin, whose book, "From Generation to Generation: A Story of Intermarriage and Jewish

Continuity," will be published in June. "It is very much in your face down here, and you need to be able to talk about

it, take a position and support it."

Realize, too, that generational or cultural differences can add tension. Put, for example, parents who moved here

from another country with their more Americanized children, and there "may be an energetic discussion," said

Edgar Hopida, communications director for the Islamic Society of North America in Plainfield, Ind.

Why does talk of religion generate so much heat?

"It often comes from a gut place rather than a heart place, and a gut place is more reactive," said the Rev. Shannon

A. White, pastor of the Wilton Presbyterian Church in Connecticut and author of such books as "How Was School

Today? Fine" and "Invisible Conversations With Aging Parents.""When you talk to someone about your religion or

religion in general, it's important to come from the heart place," she said. "You are not trying to change people. You

are interested, curious even, in the other person and what their experience is."

- - -

How to have a spirited spiritual conversation

Be honest. "A wonderful conversation starter is, 'I don't know anything, or I don't know much about your religious

practices and I would appreciate it if you can help me understand the significance of your upcoming holiday,' " said

Stuart Matlins, a Woodstock, Vt.-based publisher of Skylight Paths, a publishing house specializing in religious-

themed books, and co-editor of "How to Be the Perfect Stranger: The Essential Religious Etiquette Handbook."

Reach out bravely. "Say you grow up a fundamentalist Christian in southwest Missouri, and the people you

congregate with are from a similar background. If you have never talked to someone of a different ilk, it can be

scary talking to someone outside the fort," said Susan Campbell, the East Haven, Conn.-based author of a memoir

titled "Dating Jesus: A Story of Fundamentalism, Feminism, and the American Girl." "But the fort is completely

boring. It's like reading newspaper columnists who completely agree with you."

Realize culture and religion are often deeply intertwined. Gain insight into religion, said Vasudha Narayanan, a

religion professor at the University of Florida, through food, music, dance, performance and other cultural

activities.

Use humor cautiously. Don't make jokes until you get to know the people you're with, Narayanan said. "Frequently

people from an ethnic or religious group make jokes about themselves, and it can be hysterically funny, and we are

tempted to follow it up with another in the same genre. But ... the same joke told by an 'outsider' can be offensive."

Stay calm. "Religion is so emotional," said Jane Larkin, who writes for InterfaithFamily.com. "It's sometimes hard to

walk away or take a deep breath. You will never change someone's mind with an emotional reaction. Stay calm,

state your position."

Be willing to change the subject. "Sometimes you have to pick your battles," said the Rev. Shannon A. White,

pastor of Wilton Presbyterian Church in Connecticut. "Sometimes you can change the subject and say, 'I don't want

to go there.' Or you can say, 'We agree to disagree,' which is not easily bought by someone who needs to be right.

You just say, 'There are a lot of different viewpoints. I'm just expressing one.' "

-- B.D.

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Subject: Books; Religion; Personal relationships; Interpersonal communication

Publication title: Chicago Tribune; Chicago, Ill.

Pages: 6.4

Publication year: 2014

Publication date: Apr 13, 2014

Section: Life+Style

Publisher: Tribune Publishing Company, LLC

Place of publication: Chicago, Ill.

Country of publication: United States, Chicago, Ill.

Publication subject: General Interest Periodicals--United States

ISSN: 10856706

Source type: Newspapers

Language of publication: English

Document type: Feature

ProQuest document ID: 1515482448

Document URL: https://chamberlainuniversity.idm.oclc.org/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proqu

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Copyright: (Copyright 2014 by the Chicago Tribune)

Last updated: 2017-11-21

Database: U.S. Newsstream

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