personal Narrate

Personal Narrative by Olayemi Olatunji

Submission date: 08-Jul-2021 02:22PM (UTC-0400) Submission ID: 1617222396 File name: www_moodle_temp_turnitintool_1112545966.Personal_Narrative.docx (284.71K) Word count: 543 Character count: 2556

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Capitalization error

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Word form

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Awk.

WC

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Personal Narrative ORIGINALITY REPORT

PRIMARY SOURCES

FINAL GRADE

33/40 Personal Narrative GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

Dear Olayemi,

I think this is a good start to your personal narrative. I didn't mind that you took your time getting to the thesis statement-- that first section was quite good, in my opinion.

The rest of the paper is also quite good, though I'll be honest: the formatting/presentation here confused me at times. The columns are not always enclosed, and sometimes they seem to bleed into one another. I would just focus on a three- column a page approach and not have blocked sections.

You also come down into the second page a bit. This isn't the biggest problem, but visually it's a bit weird to have all that white space there. I'm not counting off for this, but I want you to think about what you might have removed from your essay in order to fit everything on one page. It's good to think about content revision in this way!

I hope to see more of your work!

GAA

PAGE 1

Comment 1

I look forward to reading your work, Olayemi.

QM

QM

QM

QM

GAA

Comment 2 | Format

You can just put your first and second name on the same line.

Capitalization error | Punct./Cap.

Capitalization error

Comment 3

Good hook.

Comment 4

Interesting way of saying it.

Word form | Style/Lang.

Wrong word form

Comment 5 | Format

I like your thesis! Don't forget to underline.

Comment 6 | Format

The lines/columns are a bit confusing, here.

Comment 7 | Format

Column confusion

Comment 8 | Body/Details

What sort of resistance?

Awk. | Style/Lang. Awkward: The expression or construction is cumbersome or difficult to read. Consider rewriting.

WC | Style/Lang. Word choice error: Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the

one you're looking up. However, it can often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.

Comment 9

Great!

PAGE 2

Comment 10 | Style/Lang.

missing being verb

RUBRIC: E1SLV7PERNAR

INTRO THEME (20%)

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BODY/DETAILS (20%)

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4.13 / 5

5 / 5

Introduction Theme or Thesis (First Paragraph) Opening “hook” Background Information Thesis/Main Point (lesson learned)

The opening “hook” is not present. The main point/theme of the essay is not evident and/or distracts from the story. The writer’s awareness of the audience is not apparent.

The opening “hook” is not apparent. The main point/theme of the essay is difficult to discern; the author's awareness of the audience is difficult to ascertain.

The opening “hook” is attempted, but it may/may not be successfully engaging. The main point/theme of the narrative is evident, though it may lack strength; it loosely prepares the audience for the story.

The opening “hook” is present and may/may not enhance the reader’s interest in the narrative. The main point/theme of the essay is present, and it prepares the audience for the story.

The opening “hook” grabs the reader’s attention. The main point/theme of the story or the thesis is both clear and captivating, and it thoughtfully prepares the audience for a story.

4 / 5

Details and Essay Development (Body Paragraphs) Describe the experience. Details Order of events Dialogue

The author does not portray the narrative in a manner or format that effectively helps the reader to understand the point of the story, and nor does the story have a succinct and/or clear beginning, and/or middle and/or end.

The author does not infuse enough details into the narrative to clearly extrapolate the point of the story. In fact, some details may be irrelevant to the author’s conveyed experience. The story’s beginning, and/or middle and/or end may lack development and/or clarity.

The author does not use enough details to outline the point of the story. As well, the noted details may not always be relevant to the author’s conveyed point of the experience. The story’s beginning, and/or middle and/or end may lack development and/or clarity.

The author uses some details to outline the point of the story. These details may occasionally lack specificity; however, they are relevant to the experience. Dialogue may be attempted to drive the plot. The story has a clear beginning, middle and end.

The author uses vivid details to outline the point of the story. Meaningful dialogue drives the plot. The author shares details that are specific and relevant to this experience. The story has both a thoughtful and clear beginning, middle and end.

CLOSING (20%)

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STYLE/LANG. (13%)

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PUNCT./CAP. (13%)

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5 / 5

Impact statement Lessons learned

The essay does not clearly explore a transformational experience, nor is it clear how the author’s writing portrays an experience of impact.

The essay may hint at a transformational experience; it is not clear how the author’s writing portrays an experience of impact.

The essay shares some elements of a transformational experience, but the point of the story is not clear, nor does the writing appropriately share its impact on the author.

The essay illustrates that the author’s said experience had an impact on them and/or implicitly portrays the experience as being transformational.

The essay explicitly illustrates that the author’s said experience had a definite impact on them and/or shows a personal transformation of some kind.

3 / 5

Sentence Structure (Grammar) Word Choice/Vocabulary (redundancy, repetition, awkwardness)

The writer has given very little or no apparent consideration to language and style. Word choice is sloppy and/or incorrect.

The writer’s use of language and style diminishes the nature and strength of the essay. Writer’s language/style choices make the essay less cohesive and/or difficult to understand.

The writer’s use of language and style, at times, deters form the overall argument. The writer’s word choice and style sometimes detracts from the overall message.

The writer’s use of language and style helps convey the author’s point(s). The writer almost always uses language and style as a tool to enhance the personal narrative.

The writer’s use of language and style accentuates the nature of the essay. Writer wields language and style as a tool to enhance the personal narrative.

4 / 5

Comma errors, comma splices, apostrophe errors, capitalization errors, semicolon errors, colon errors, typos/misspellings

Contains more than 6 different punctuation/capitalization errors. The identical or similar errors may be repeated throughout. The errors help to significantly deter from the writer’s overall narrative.

Contains many (more than 4) different punctuation/capitalization errors. The identical or similar errors are repeated throughout. The errors deter from the writer’s overall narrative.

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FORMAT (13%)

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Contains more than 3 different punctuation/capitalization errors. The identical or similar errors may be repeated throughout. At times, the errors deter from the writer’s overall narrative.

Contains 1-2 types of punctuation/capitalization errors, which may be repeated throughout the essay. The errors do not deter from the writer’s overall narrative, but they serve as a distraction.

Contains either no punctuation/capitalization errors, or no more than 2 different errors with no repetition, and/or the errors do not deter from the writer’s narrative.

3 / 5

Attention to Directions/ Format Name, Course Title, Assignment Name Original Title Use of First-Person Pronoun (I) Three Photos/Images Brochure/Newsletter Formatting or otherwise effective format Main point/thesis underlined. Minimum word count: 500 words

Doesn’t meet formatting and/or word count requirements, and as a result, the writing is difficult to read or unreadable.

Meets very few formatting requirements, and those missing deter from the readability of the writing.

Meets some formatting requirements: the lack of appropriate formatting may lead to a lack of readability or to a distraction while reading.

Meets most formatting requirements; the formatting does not discourage readability.

Meets all of the suggested essay formatting requirements; formatting enhances the readability of the writing.