Can you answer this question ?

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Part Two: The Reconciliation Plan

Michael Whitener

1. Describe the material issues in this conflict

One of the material issues in this conflict is talking to Erick’s girlfriend without his awareness. Erick found that I spoke to his girl after seeing my photo and following our chats. The other material issue is that his woman respects him less because of our conversations (Phillips, 2017). Erick said that his girlfriend seemed more comfortable talking to me than him. Consequently, he felt so offended, culminating in the current conflict.

2. Describe the personal issues or offenses in this conflict

Some personal issues arise between me and Erick that have escalated the conflict. I have also been blaming Erick and condemning him for talking to his girlfriends without telling them. Erick has always felt infuriated by my comments. Also, I have constantly reminded him about how he mistreats his girlfriend by denying him the freedom to associate with others. On the other hand, Erick reminds me of my family, saying it is in our blood to go for other people’s wives. His statement me feel offended and unwilling to prove my innocence further.

3. Write down everything you can think of that is noble, right, or admirable about the other person in this dispute, including good memories or ways God has blessed you through that person

Erick is one of the best friends I met at high school. I remember the many times we attended college sports together to cheer for our basketball players. He is often cheerful and willing to help where he can. Before the conflict, we had been sharing many secrets which he safeguarded. He often called to check on me and confirm that I was well. I had always admired his generosity as he used to buy some students lunch when they had no cash.

4. What rights, legally or morally, do you have in this situation?

The conflict parting my long-time friend and me is problematic from my point of view, but I still think of myself as having some rights. First, from a legal standpoint, I am innocent, as Erick has not yet confirmed the allegations. Also, Erick has no legal document showing that they are legally married. Therefore, he cannot prove that his wife is the lady I was chatting to in court. Morally, I did not indulge in any love affair with Erick’s girlfriend, something I appreciate.

5. Which of the personal issues or offenses described can you simply overlook? Which of the material issues described can you simply give in on?

On personal issues, I think I can overlook Erick’s conversations with other people’s girlfriends. One of the reasons to ignore the issue is that I do not have enough evidence to prove my allegations. Also, this issue makes Erick more suspicious of my intentions while talking to his girlfriend, and he may be forced to believe that I was after love. Regarding material matters, I may give in on defending my conversation with his girlfriend. I may have to take the entire blame and criticism for him to forgive me.

6. Which listening skills do you have a hard time with: waiting, attending, clarifying, reflecting, or agreeing? Write down some things you will do or say to overcome these weaknesses.

The listening skill I have challenge with when conversing with Erick is agreeing. In most of the meetings to solve our conflicts, I feel that he is blaming me for so many things in his complicated relationship. The more I have disagreed, the more our conflict has worsened, and thus, I need to improve on the skill. One thing I believe I can do to overcome the barrier is being an accommodator, denying my feelings, and being more concerned about his happiness. I will also listen to his arguments carefully to see their rationale before deciding on agreeing or disagreeing.

7. How can you show that you are trying to believe the best about the other person (i.e., making charitable judgments)?

Sometimes people reconcile when they put aside their issues and focus on the point of disagreement. I could prove to believe the best about Erick by showing that I am disappointed with my actions that led to the conflict. I would also pay attention to his concerns and show some regrets for my part in the dispute. The other way is to avoid pointing out Erick’s weaknesses that are not part of our conflict. I can also use phrases that show I care about what happened and that; I did not intend to hurt him.

8. Which worldly weapons have you been using, or are you tempted to use, in this situation?

So far, I have not resorted to any weapon as part of dealing with Erick. However, I thought of physically meeting and beating her girlfriend after Erick discovered that I was chatting with her. I was disappointed because I thought she deleted all the texts every time we spoke so that Erick would not recognize our communication. Sometimes when Erick ignores my defense and appears self-centered, I am tempted to use a knife to eliminate him. However, given our friendship, this will not happen, and hopefully, our issues will end.

9. Have you been using your tongue to bless your opponents or to speak critically of them? How could you breathe grace to them in the days ahead?

I have used my tongue to bless my opponent Erick, with whom I have a dispute. I always wish him the best because he will realize my innocence one day, however long it will take. I am convinced that, since I am innocent, there is no need to criticize him or talk ill about him to my friends. I will forgive him by letting all the personal issues he raised during our discussion go. He spoke negatively about my family taking other people’s wives, and I would not wish to keep that in my heart.

10. To whom can you turn for godly advice and encouragement?

The person I can turn to for godly advice is my grandmother. I have stayed with her for almost a decade, and her guidance has always helped me in tricky situations. She also goes to church every day, and I firmly believe God inspires her counsel. On encouragement, I would talk to my girlfriend. She is always available to offer me a helping hand when everything seems to go against me. She is a wonderful blessing in my life and a great resource in solving my issues with Erick.

11. What can you keep on doing in this situation that is right?

In this conflict, Erick considers me as the cause of every problem. He never perceives his unwillingness to forgive me as an issue keeping us separated. Neither does she see his girlfriend as having played a role during our communication. Therefore, the best thing to do right is to accommodate Erick and his accusations against me. It will not matter how insulting he will become; the important thing is that he remains happy if that will solve the issue.

12. Would it be wiser to communicate in person, on the phone, or using a letter? Why?

I think it would be wiser to communicate with Erick in person than any other means. I prefer in-person communication because we have never agreed on anything every time I have talked to him through the phone (Henderson, 2020). Through face-to-face communication, I can show my regrets for my mistakes and prove that it was unintentional. Also, through the in-person meeting, we can further build trust, reduce tension and strengthen our relationship (Henderson, 2020). All these gains from face-to-face conversations will help us solve our disputes fast.

13. Clearly articulate your plan for resolving this dispute over the next two weeks.

My ongoing dispute with Erick is of no use to both of us, and it needs to come to an end amicably. The first step I plan to undertake is requesting Erick for solutions on how he thinks we can resolve the dispute amicably (The five steps to conflict resolution, 2019). I will organize in-person talks twice during the two weeks and examine his proposed solutions and rationale. Also, I intend to show the highest commitment and collaboration towards solving the dispute. I will involve his girlfriend to testify that our conversations had no hidden agenda.

References

The five steps to conflict resolution. AMA. (2019, July 25). Retrieved February 12, 2022, from https://www.amanet.org/articles/the-five-steps-to-conflict-resolution/

Henderson, I. (2020, April 6). Communication in conflict situations. ACCORD. Retrieved February 12, 2022, from https://www.accord.org.za/lessons/communication-in-conflict-situations/#:~:text=Often%2C%20the%20only%20tool%20we,ability%20to%20talk%20things%20through.&text=Good%20communication%20in%20conflict%20situations,remains%20firm%20on%20important%20points

Phillips, R. (2017, December 5). The material and personal dimensions of conflict. Robin Mark Phillips. Retrieved February 12, 2022, from https://robinmarkphillips.com/conflict-resolution-ken-sande/