essay on Movie Iron Man
Vincent666
PeerReviewResponseforIronmanEssay1.docxName of peer reviewer: John Robinson
Name of the person being peer reviewed: Tai Xiong
Optional: Current grade you would give the draft based on the rubric: __________/100
1. Does your partner identify the author/director/photographer, title, and time period of their chosen primary text in the introduction paragraph?
The name of the movie and the time period are present, but the director, Jon Favreau is not mentioned
2. Does this paper introduce the primary topic of the paper in a clear and meaningful way in the paper’s introduction? (If yes, highlight specifically what your partner does well. If not, what could they improve upon?)
The primary topic is somewhat nebulous. The introduction introduces so many ideas and not many of them are mentioned in the easy.
3. Did this paper build smoothly into the thesis statement, or was the transition somewhat bumpy?
The thesis is separate from the introduction paragraph. The thesis should be added to the introduction paragraph and should be more condensed rather than it being its own paragraph.
4. Is the thesis developed throughout the paper, or do some sections not connect well? Be specific!
There is development of the ideas of technology and capitalism however capitalism, while it is a good subject for the essay, is not mentioned in the introduction or the thesis and should be mentioned there before the body paragraphs
5. Were the literary/auditory/visual devices that would be focused on in the body of the paper clearly identified within the thesis statement?
I was unable to find explicit mention or use of literary/ auditory/ visual devices throughout the essay.
Was a larger point/theme/idea that connected all of the literary devices clearly articulated within the thesis? If so, what is this larger idea?
The larger idea was the effect the development and rise of technology has on our daily life as well as in the movie.
6. Was the unspoken “so what?” of the first two portions of the thesis addressed?
The so what in the thesis is stated as real-life application of technology i.e. combating terrorism and technology’s potential threats i.e. the hacking of robots.
7. Does your partner’s thesis engage with the historical-cultural moment the text was produced within? If so, where in the thesis does this occur?
The cultural moment used is the present. We are in a time of booming technological
8. Based on your reading of your partner’s paper, was there clear thought put into the paragraph order? Was it an organizational style that made sense to you, or would you suggest your partner consider a different organization in their next draft? The order of paragraphs was based on the characterization of Tony Stark and how technology affects him throughout the movie.
9. Were there smooth transitions between every paragraph that make it clear to the reader how the paragraphs connect/build off of one another? If not, which paragraphs need some further transitions? There are introduction and conclusion sentences for each paragraph which allows for a smooth transition between each idea.
10. Does every paragraph have strong topic sentences (they should include a transition, a link to the thesis, and should serve as the thesis of your paragraph)? Which paragraph had the strongest topic sentence (make note of what makes this topic sentence particularly strong in your opinion) and which had the weakest?
11. Number each of the body paragraphs and state what you, as the reader, believe the argument for each paragraph is. Do any paragraphs not have a clear main argument? There are 6 body paragraphs which establish the characterization of Tony Stark as well as establishing shots of the movie and the technological impact.
12. Does each paragraph clearly support the thesis? If not, which paragraph(s) stray from the thesis? Certain paragraphs characterize tony stark and is more summary than analysis but adding tony stark’s characterization to the thesis would help fix this issue.
13. Was primary textual support (either paraphrased or quotes) utilized in each body paragraph? There was no primary text support present.
14. Was the primary textual support thoroughly explained within each paragraph?
There was no primary text support, no quotes from the movie were present
15. Did the textual support for each paragraph clearly aid in the argument for each paragraph you identified in question 11? N/A
16. Were at least two secondary sources cited within the essay? If so, where?
Both secondary sources were used throughout the essay.
17. Did both secondary sources help the essay engage with the cultural/historical context of the piece? If so, how did each secondary source aid in the pieces cultural/historical link?
Both secondary sources are used but I had trouble finding out how they were pertinent to the essay, there were no direct quotations, just citations.
18. Does your partner use their conclusion to flesh out a possible “so what?” of their argument in more depth than what was originally introduced in their thesis statement? Does this conclusion convince you, as the reader, that their argument is important? (If yes, what specifically makes it convincing? If no, why not?)
The conclusion wraps up the essay but does not really flesh out the so what of the thesis. The conclusion seems to just talk more about the movie and doesn’t really make the essay convincing
19. Was the format correct (most notably the in-text citations and work cited page)?
MLA format was more or less correct, I added the correct heading just to be helpful.
20. What were some major, overarching grammar/syntax issues (for example, did many sentences start with a vague “that”/ “it”? Were there a lot of run on sentences?)
There was some summary throughout the essay which could be helped with some extra analysis. Some parts were a little difficult for me to understand bit I feel like that’s just me. Overall I think with a little revision this will be in good shape
