Rough Draft and Peer Review

Alyson Yuen

English 001B

February 2, 2023

Professor Staylor

Essay 2 Rough Draft

There are always two sides to every story and in some cases, the stories we hear will

never agree with each other. In “Actually” we read about two college students who attend a

prestige college and have a sexual encounter one night after a party. However, after their drunken

and playful night, Ziegler describes both points of view of Amber and Tom of what actually

happened that night, but explains it in very ambiguous details. The dialogue jumps from scene to

scene to events that lead up to that night and also background evidence that tells us a little more

about who Tom and Amber are. But with so much going on, it is hard to learn the truth about

who was in the wrong. Miscommunication and misunderstanding are what both characters are

feeling after that night, and it could be quite difficult to determine to learn the exact details of

that night. Although we experience a dilemma between Amber and Tom, I believe Tom should

not be accused of sexual misconduct because his race being black already puts judgment in the

court, Tom doesn’t appear to be the aggressor in this situation, and both characters knew that sex

was on the table.

Race and privilege are always one of the first things people judge when accusations are

made against a person. Because Amber is white and comes from a higher-class family, it would

be easier to believe her words that she was raped. She’s unaware of her of how she speaks to

Tom and doesn’t believe she is offending him by telling him, “ It’s a great way to help you get

into college. Just like being black”(5). Her lack of self-awareness and as Tom says, “

Alyson Yuen

English 001B

February 2, 2023

Professor Staylor

macro-aggression” are reasons why people like Amber would make an easy accusation towards

Tom without thinking of its consequences. Another example that shows how race plays a huge

role is when Amber makes a comment, “And the way Leslie looks at me, even though he doesn’t

say anything, makes me worry that Tom isn’t gonna get a fair trial..then I realized that shouldn’t

really matter to me”(17). Amber may have an advantage in this case, and her realization of what

black men go through in court doesn’t bother her at all. With her being white, she can probably

get away with this, unlike Tom who is already seen as incriminating. This raises the idea that

racial bias will always be an issue, especially in court, and Tom will have to advocate for himself

more compared to Amber.

Looking back on the details of that night, Tom may have not been the aggressor of the

situation as Amber initiated the start of that night. At the beginning of the book, Tom and Amber

are playing two truths and a lie, which Amber initiated to play the game. Coming off from her

exact words, “ If you wanna sleep with me tonight, for one thing”, gives the impression to the

readers that she knows that the night will end with them having intercourse. Amber comes off

confident that things will happen between them and Tom follows along with her, thinking they

both want the same thing. Another quote from Amber was,” I imagined Tom slipping into my

dorm, unannounced, crawling into my bed just having me”(22). So during the nights of being

together, Amber had fantasized about Tom being with her and this goes to show that Amber was

not opposed to sleeping with Tom. Of course, sometimes at the moment, she may feel erratic

moments like these but it still tells us that Amber like the idea of being with Tom. From the night

of the party, Amber was prepared for what the night will bring her. For example, when she got

Alyson Yuen

English 001B

February 2, 2023

Professor Staylor

Tom drunk because she saw he was in a mood and she didn’t want him to go through that as they

were out. So her idea was to get drunk, which she did, and also get Tom drinking so he can forget

whatever he was feeling prior to meeting up. Another piece of evidence that shows Amber being

the aggressor was in court when they state,” So everyone agrees that earlier that night you took

your shirt off. That you drank to excess. That you very willingly went back to Tom’s room and

got into his bed.”(45). Both characters appeared very drunk that night and Amber’s action of

taking her shirt off during the party shocked Tom of how drunk Amber was. He just went with it

and continued on until they both decide to leave together and go back to Tom’s dorm. This

doesn’t mean that Amber was using her body to symbolize that she wanted to sleep with him,

this was just a spur of the moment that gave the reader the impression that she initiated the

sexual experience.

Tom may appear to be a cocky and confident person when he’s about partying and

sleeping with a significant amount of girls, but he’s self-aware of his actions and words.” And

this might be why I write back Amber back. Because she looked at me as though I really might

pursue something”(35). He had genuine feelings about Amber that made him text her back. It

seems like Amber wasn’t like other girls he has been out with which is why he was hesitant

about saying yes to her in the first place. However, a scene that has me questioning Amber's

self-awareness was when she thought to herself, ” Why would you have asked him to stop? You

were into it at first. On this everyone agrees”(41). Amber is insecure about how other people

would think and what their best interests are instead of prioritizing her own. If something felt

wrong and you wanted to stop then communicating those feelings would change the situation.

Alyson Yuen

English 001B

February 2, 2023

Professor Staylor

But those feelings are how she felt at first, then she realized she also didn’t want it. She

definitely has experienced hard times saying no which could explain why she found it difficult to

stop Tom from continuing on. And the morning after their hookup Tom asked his roommate, ”...’

but she was into it right?’ And he gives me this look like ‘you’re really gonna ask me that?’ but

still he said…And I guess that was what I was asking. And I was relieved”(43). After Amber had

left, Tom didn’t want to have an uneasy feeling of knowing if the night between him and Amber

went well. After finding the condom on the floor, he felt some sort of relief that they had causal

sex and the night didn’t go the wrong way, which Amber thinks otherwise. But he did text her

asking if she was okay and just assuring her that he was in a different state last night, just to clear

the air in case Amber may have other feelings about what happened.

Based on the points of what has occurred between Amber and Tom, personally, I believe

that there has been no case of sexual misconduct. There was just so much unassuredness and a

hard time recalling memories of that night that made me believe that nothing serious happened.

Both characters have two different stories of who stormed out the morning after their hookup and

it’s two different stories that no one but them can actually confirm the truth of that morning.

During a part in the book, as we are reading about Amber’s thoughts in court, she fantasizes

about him and being with him in bed which gives an off feeling because she is accusing him of

rape. Or when Tom’s roommate, Jayson, confirms to Tom that Amber was into it, then later

confesses the opposite in court. So it’s quite conflicting to really take a side in this story, and

Ziegler has definitely made sure to have the audience really think about the different subjects of

matters between race, privilege, and the complex hookup culture in college. Personally, I try my

Alyson Yuen

English 001B

February 2, 2023

Professor Staylor

best to not let bias affect my decision because it’s only fair that both sides are carefully looked at

instead of looking at it based on gender or race. Sexual assault cases should not be taken lightly

and although Tom and Amber are facing a battle, it’s hard to determine who is at fault here.