Research Draft corrections/adjustments from peer and profresor review

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  HLT-317V Peer Review Template

Part of your responsibility as a student in this course is to provide quality feedback to your peers that will help them to improve their writing skills. This template will assist you in providing that feedback. Submit the template to your instructor through the LMS, and make sure that the writer gets a copy as well.

Name of the Draft’s Author: Joshua Garcia

Name of the Peer Reviewer: Kelli Herron

Summary: After reading through the draft one time, write a summary (3–5 sentences) of the rough draft in the box below.

This review highlights the need for more research to be conducted on increased expenditures associated with the aging population. Health care related issue associated with wasting funds are due to the older generation’s health literacy, socioeconomic status, lack of insurance, and support services from a community and governmental perspective. In order to reduce the waste of funds spent on the aging population it requires that other generations help more along with better governmental assistance be provided.

Health Care Field Research Draft

After a second, closer reading of the draft, evaluate the essay using the Health Care Field Research Draft rubric from Topic 2. Determine the level of achievement appropriate for each assignment criteria. (Level of achievement ranges from Unsatisfactory to Excellent, and is found at the top of the rubric. Assignment criteria are found in the left column of the rubric.)

Introduction of the Topic

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Good.

· What evidence do you have for this score? A lot of good information is provided in the introduction. Joshua did a really great job on establishing why the aging population is an important topic to address. Josh made a sound argument when he stated, “Reports from various studies have indicated that there have been more costs incurred in healthcare services on patients above 60 years compared to the rest of the population below 60 years. I believe the introduction would flow better with different word choices and transitions sentence and placement of sentences. (Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions).

Explanation of Research Articles as it Relates to the Allied Health Care Profession

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Satisfactory.

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? Joshua does a great job in describing how the research process works. It briefly mentions the articles used are scholarly research articles and they are related to allied health care professions but is missing the supporting details and a literature reviews role in research. (Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions).

Ethical Considerations for Data Collection

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Unsatisfactory

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? I read the rough draft several times to make sure that I was not overlooking the information regarding ethical consideration in general or for the specific topic. A brief mention ethical information was regarding a “researchable item” only when the third article is addressed. (Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions).

Explanation of What the Data Reveals in Terms of Statistical Analysis

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Satisfactory.

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? Joshua did a great job with providing findings in the each of the articles that related to data. The statistical analyses in terms of data was addressed along with the concluded findings. The third article addressed was missing the supporting data to justify the usage. I recommend mentioning the author and the articles tile in the topic sentence along with better word choice and transition sentences. (Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions)

Evaluation of the Effectiveness of the Topic of Interest

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Satisfactory

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score?

Joshua provided enough information to make a decision on the topic’s effectiveness. I would like to see more supporting data to describe and justify. I also want to recommend that you tell the reader that this information provided in the paragraph about the effectiveness of this study. (Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions).

Summary of the Conclusions from the Articles

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Unsatisfactory.

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? There is no summary of conclusion provided.

Thesis Development and Purpose

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is excellent.

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? Joshua did a great job with clearly stating the purpose of the paper. Great Job!

Argument Logic and Construction

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion?

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? Joshua provided a lot of arguments but sometime does not justify with support data. I would like to see your sources used to ensure creditability in your arguments. (Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions).

Mechanics of Writing

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Less than Satisfactory

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? Joshua has some really great sentences that have strong words that convey the message. However, I had a hard time with reading the paper because of the number of errors with word choice, sentence structure, transitions, and most importantly paragraph identification and placement. I believe if the paper where to be layout with section headers and subsection header then it would improve the flow and ensures that the reader is able to follow along. (Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions).

Paper Format

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Excellent.

· What evidence from the paper do you have for this score? Joshua paper meets all the requirement provided in GCU’s guidelines and course assignment. Great Job!

Research Citations

· What level of achievement did the author score for this criterion? The level of achievement for Joshua is Good.

Three positive things about this paper are:

1) Information that Joshua provided was focused on the Impacts of Aging in Health care and did not veer off to other issues.

2) Joshua thesis statement made the purpose of this paper clear. Kudo to you I always have a hard time with developing a thesis.

3) Meet the word count as outlined in the assignment.

Three things that could be improved are:

1) Word choice and transitions

2) Sentence structure and placement

3) Paper outline with Headings and subheading along with paragraph placement.

(Please see your rough draft for mark-ups, comments, and suggestions).

Kelli

Great job on your peer review. A lot of good information for the original author to use to improve their final draft. Well done.

Dr.R.

Impacts of Aging in Healthcare

Joshua Garcia

GCU-HLT 317V

November 1, 2020

Introduction Comment by Kelli Herron: You do not need to label the paragraph as introduction instead place the title of the paper here.

The aging population provides a wide range of challenges in various fields of the society. Healthcare is one of the heavily affected areas by the aging population. The older people generation are often faced with multiple health complications and challenges and hence therefore, spend much of their resources on medical bills (Rice, 2018). The production levels and the development levels in the society will automatically slow down since much of the available funds and resources are directed towards the medical and healthcare sectors. The aging population may not contribute significantly to the economic development than the young and energetic people. The aging cannot work or even move from place to place for business deals and hence is considered consuming more than they produce. Comment by Kelli Herron: I believe that you have a good point. However, I would suggest better word choices to ensure you are being sensitive to the older generation. If this information is support through empirical data, then I would make sure to cite.

Governments and the ruling class in any society should ensure that public health is given the plight and the organization's significant matters' primary concern. Unfortunately, some communities and institutions have to incur extra costs in the quest for medical and healthcare services. Research conducted over the years has indicated the impacts of the aging population in the society (Pueyo, 2013). It should be noted that the rest of the people society directly felts feels the challenges experienced by the aging population since considering they share the majority of the social amenities and other institutions like the healthcare institutions.

Discussion Comment by Kelli Herron: Missing supporting information that speaks to the literature reviews role in general research.

The articles selected are used in the scholarly research within the healthcare sector, and it relates to the allied health care profession. The research process entails various steps that are followed to ensure the realized results are result realized is valid. The first step is the identification of the problem. According to our topic on aging, the problem is not the population, but the challenge associated with the aging population towards the healthcare sector (Rice, 2018). Much of the aging difficulties include the chronic illnesses like cancer and diabetes, which are expensive to treat and, at some point, lead to death. The next step comprises consist of searching and evaluating the literature from identifying the problem and the challenges facing the aging population. To solve the challenges, we require vast amount of information and knowledge to handle such challenges the challenge in the appropriate required way and manner. Comment by Kelli Herron: You could define what a literature is here and its purpose. Make sure you have a source to site to make it creditable. Comment by Kelli Herron: Good Job!! This is a statement that support the need for research on this topic!

From the first article, information is given on the way to conduct research starting from the household. In the household, three age groups should be considered, and those are childhood, youth, and the old age. The three age groups have different forms of expenditure from the research conducted, which they incur in healthcare services (Pueyo, 2013). The survival to old age is not assured, but health care can ensure old age is a guarantee from the advanced developments realized in the healthcare field. Other factors may also lead to increased healthcare expenditure in the healthcare system. The exposure and the level of education attained by the members of a specific community are also other factors contributing to higher healthcare expenditure. The story of education is vital to one's healthcare. A person who has the necessary knowledge may also be equipped with health education like a balanced diet and the importance of hygiene. Through primary teaching, some of the diseases experienced by all the age groups in the society can be avoided and controlled. Primary education is what most of the aging the majority of the aged population in the society is lacking. It directly translates to the lack of necessary health information, knowledge, or education. Therefore, it means that the aged are pre-disposed with factors that make them prone to diseases, hence the extra costs incurred in healthcare. The younger and childhood ages or the youths are not necessarily in the category of those lacking health information and knowledge. Comment by Kelli Herron: You should mention the article that you are reviewing. Make sure you provide title and author. Comment by Kelli Herron: I liked this part and was wondering more about the context. Can you provide supporting information that the levels of education is a contributing factor?

The amount of capital available is mostly determined by the level of education one attained and the employment opportunities available. Lack of proper education denies one the chance of having a reliable source of income. Hence, the aged are associated with low standards of living since they are not educated, and therefore, the majority are not able to obtain in a position to land a job. Lack of employment leads to poor or low living standards, contributing to the higher expenditure in the healthcare sector (Gnjidic, 2018). With the low standards of living, it translates to the fact that one has to must forego some of the daily needs, some of in which may be necessary for survival, and hence skip a meal or have a meal that is not balanced. The aged are affected since most of them are weak and prone to be attacked by diseases exposed to the environment polluted by the locals' living standards in the area. The low living standards translate to the fact that some basic needs may not be available to the family. Low living standards are also referred to as a lack of funds. Lack of funds being a challenge poses a significant threat to the aged but and poor since they will cannot afford medical care. There is a higher expenditure in the healthcare facilities on instances where an aged individual has been hospitalized. The aged are very weak and cannot do much to regain energy apart from the hospital's medication. To cater to an aged person, the healthcare sector requires a higher number of doctors and nurses to cater to the patient instead of how it would have been if it were a young person. Due to the aging population being more prone to illnesses and the obstacles surrounding the recuperation during and after hospitalization, the health care sector has seen an increase of doctors and nurses needed to fill the gap. The relationship between population aging and the demand for good healthcare is very high. The majority of the aged in society need healthcare, hence leading to the higher healthcare expenditure. Comment by Kelli Herron: Do you have supporting data for this statement. Comment by Kelli Herron: I believe this is important to how the aging population impacts health care, but I would suggest restructuring the sentence with better words choices. Also is there any supporting data on this? If yes, then make sure you cite it. Please see my suggestion sentence in red.

From the second article, we learn how to utilize the already gathered and collected data to help remedy the situation. Data sources are the channels that give information concerning something, especially after a follow-up to ensure the challenges faced by the aged in the community are solved, especially those challenges in the healthcare sector. The government should use the already established data collected regarding collected data of the aged individuals who are reported sick reported in the country from various hospitals (Gnjidic, 2018). The data can prepare an insurance cover for most of those seeking healthcare services, mostly the aged. The program can only be achieved by adequately analyzing the collected data and creating a plan of action focused on moving to chart the way forward in helping the aged. Through government provided insurance to the aged, the potential of saving a large amount of funds, otherwise spent on they may save the enormous amounts of cash they would have incurred in the healthcare services, can be used to improve their usual standards of life. Data would help identify the number of the individuals who need the insurance and other medical and healthcare facilities bought near for easier handling of the aged patient matters. In the healthcare sector, data collected is very vital in the running of the healthcare activities. Doctors and nurses would have a clear picture of the number of patients visiting the healthcare facilities and hence which would allow future forecasting of clinical staff. plan on the required number of nurses and doctors. It would also be essential to prepare in advance the drugs needed, among other work tools, to cater to the rising cases of healthcare needs. With improved healthcare facilities, the rate of life expectancy would increase compared to the rate of death. Comment by Kelli Herron: You should mention the article that you are reviewing. Make sure you provide title and author. Comment by Kelli Herron: I am confused to what a follow up entails. Are you referring to a follow-up dr. visit? If so, then I would add “doctors visit”. Comment by Kelli Herron: I am unable to understand what this sentence addresses. Are you meaning they will provide a co-pay or provide an insurance plan? Comment by Kelli Herron: I would restructure the sentence to flow better. Maybe break up into two sentences.

In the third article, there is a process of the usage of data and information gathered in the research process. To have the best result, the following procedure steps must have be addressed adhered too: Comment by Kelli Herron: You should mention the article that you are reviewing. Make sure you provide title and author.

· Identification of the research problem

· Searching and evaluating the literature

· Developing a hypothesis or an aim

· Identification of an appropriate research design or methodology

· Addressing the ethical considerations

· Sampling and participant recruitment

· Data collection

· Data analysis

· Findings and drawing conclusions

· Dissemination of research findings. Comment by Kelli Herron: I would suggest this list be used in a block quote formation and needs to be cited if pulled from a scholarly article.

In the healthcare sector, the above research procedure must be followed adhered to to ensure the results are valid and legit authentic in order to help solve the aging challenges in healthcare. As indicated above, the aging population is faced with various challenges like chronic illnesses. The essential point is noting the components of the researchable question. The researchable item must be clear, unambiguous, and focused. Any other related concept must be clearly defined, feasible, and ethically sound and should not be focused on too many issues (Gnjidic, 2018). The aging population should be cared catered for by the government agencies and some non-governmental organizations, which helps cater to their needs to prevent the excessive expenditure in the healthcare sector. Comment by Kelli Herron: The last article seems to focus more the research process as a whole and not on the impact of aging population. I would recommend providing supporting details and data presented in article to ensure cohesiveness.

In conclusion, the healthcare sector is faced with various challenges. There should be adequate research conducted in the healthcare sector since changes in terms of diseases and illnesses develop, causing delays in the treatment and control of the conditions. Efforts should be made in supporting rallied behind the aging population by the other generations such as; community like the youth and the childhood ages, which may help prevent and control various challenges facing the healthcare administration and their management and treatment.

References