Research project rough draft

San Francisco State University

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Finding Ourselves, Finding Each Other:

Exploring Socio-cultural Factors Affecting Queer & Trans Transitional Aged Asian Americans

Asian American Studies

Instructor: Professor Mai-Nhung Le

Fall 2015

Introduction

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In June of 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court passed a historic ruling that guaranteed same-

sex marriage as a constitutional right, just in time for the “Gay Pride” weekend celebrations that

kicked off in various cities across the nation. The New York Times described the Supreme

Court’s ruling as a “long-sought victory for the gay rights movement,” and everyday people

across the world celebrated by rainbow flag-ifying their social media profile pictures and

spreading the hashtag, “#LoveWins.” This particular moment in time carried with it a sensation

of intense hope and victory for some, reminiscent of President Obama’s first election: the idea

that the time has come for this historically oppressed group, and that they have arrived. However,

as with Obama’s election, the reverse side of the idea of a group who has finally “made it” is the

false notion of a “post” oppression society, whether that is in reference to a “post-racial” or

“post-LGB” (the ‘T’ for transgender purposefully left out of same-sex marriage debates) society.

With the legalization of same-sex marriage, many falsely believe that these communities no

longer experience institutionalized inequality and discrimination on a daily basis.

Despite the rampant celebrations that took place on the surface, there remained queer and

trans people who expressed indifference and even disagreement with the assimilationist approach

brought forth by the goal of marriage equality. One illustrative example of this is the speed to

which dozens of corporations spewed out rainbow-themed marketing campaigns featuring well-

to-do white gay and lesbian couples, aiming to profit off of the newly official market for same-

sex wedding services. Arguably, marriage equality, along with the repeal of LGBTQ-exclusion

laws such as Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, has been prioritized as the main issues regarding the

mainstream gay rights movement for the last decade or so. Just within the last year, several

events regarding lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people have received

tremendous and widespread attention from the media in the United States and across the world.

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Caitlyn Jenner, famous from her success as an Olympian and as one of the parental figures on the

widely popular television show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, has had one of the most

publicized and widely discussed transitions in history. In July, Vanity Fair released an issue with

Jenner on the cover, and her visibility in the media became even more controversial and

sensationalized. Despite the huge amount of attention that LGBTQ-related topics have amassed,

many queer and trans people continue to be excluded from mainstream representations and

discourse about the LGBTQ community. Since the main issues covered have focused on a white,

middle to upper class lens, many queer and trans people of color have not had anything to

celebrate; it is possible that they might feel more excluded than ever. It has been the work of

community members to challenge the mainstream white, middle/upper class narratives and

recenter the experiences of marginalized identities within the queer and trans spectrum. Drawing

on this work, I now look to focus on queer and transgender Asian American youth, a group that I

myself belong to.

Queer and trans (umbrella terms that I will use to refer to lesbian, gay, bisexual,

transgender, and queer identities) Asian Americans face unique challenges and barriers during

the transition to adulthood as a result of being placed at an intersection of multiple oppressions.

While the specific range of ages may differ, many service providers consider the ages from

sixteen to twenty-four as a crucial transitional period in a young person’s life from youth to

adulthood, and many government-funded programs are funded to work within this age

parameter. Without substantial resources or systems of support, transitional aged youth

experience countless barriers to economic self-sufficiency, healthy familial and social

relationships, and ability to navigate different systems, including employment, housing, and

medical. I am studying the socio-cultural factors affecting queer and trans Asian American

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transitional aged youth in order to find out how their needs may or may not be different from

issues highlighted in larger conversations about transitional aged youth and/or queer and trans

people. By looking at these factors, service providers can link day-to-day experiences of their

clients and participants to overarching themes that affect transitional aged queer and trans Asian

Americans and tailor their services to be more culturally relevant.

Literature Review

When looking at the existing body of work that addresses queer and transgender Asian

American youth, most of the articles found mainly examine either the general population of

LGBTQ youth without regards to race (Banghart, 2013; Fish, 2015), or queer and trans Asian

Americans at large without specifically addressing age (Akerlund, 2000; Chung, 2006; B.

Chung, 2006; Nadal, 2013; Narui, 2011; Rhee, 2013). While these studies provide important

information about the queer and trans youth population, queer and trans Asian Americans, and

gender specific experiences, they also overlook the importance of age and race/ethnicity in

forming Asian American LGBTQ people’s sense of self and identity. Furthermore, studies that

do account for age tend to group populations based on their current grade level (Chung, 1998;

Kumashiro, 1999; Varney, 2001). However, the challenges faced by queer and transgender high

school youth, for example, do not end simply when they graduate from high school, and the

categorization of transitional age youth is an attempt to include that crucial period of transition

from minority status to adulthood. The challenges with the “aging out” process is highlighted by

Banghart (2013), whose study on LGBT youth who aged out of foster care found that the

suddenness in losing resources and having to be self-sufficient was an extreme challenge,

especially since they did not always have the tools to advocate for themselves and navigate

heteronormative systems on their own.

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The health disparities of queer and trans youth are widely documented, particularly when

it comes to issues of mental health, depression, and suicidal ideation (Fish, 2015). According to

the 2012 study conducted by the Office of Health Equity at the California Department of Public

Health, gay men and lesbians access mental health services at a higher rate than heterosexuals,

but queer and trans people who seek these services often navigate these systems with fear. While

homosexuality has been removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental

Disorders (DSM), many mental health practitioners continue to hold strong beliefs about queer

clients as abnormal and immoral. In addition, with the latest 2012 revision of the DSM (DSM-5),

transgender people must be diagnosed with “gender dysphoria” by a health professional before

they can access gender-affirming treatments and transition care (Ford, 2012). When considering

Asian Americans and mental health, scholars within counseling psychology consider ethnic

identity as one of the key factors that cause difficulties with dealing with sexual orientation for

queer Asian American youth, and these challenges are further emphasized due to lack of

culturally competent mental health services for Asian Americans (Chung, 2006). Chung

highlights queer Asian Americans’ position as a “double minority” and the important

relationship between ethnic identity and sexual orientation. Despite their position as a double

minority, this population remains a low priority for queer-specific and/or Asian American

service providers.

Even within academia, spaces that specifically address queer and trans Asian Americans,

let alone youth in this population, are rarely offered. For scholars of queer Asian American

studies, there is the sentiment that the academy still fails to recognize this arena of study as

necessary or important, despite that queer Asian Americans have participated in major

movements for decades, including Third World liberation, gay liberation, and Vietnam War

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protests (Eng and Hom, 1998). Eng and Hom assert that equally as important is the cross analysis

in queer and lesbian/gay studies of centering race as a primary organizing principle. Despite that

the field of queer Asian American studies has gained more traction through numerous

publications (Bao and Yanagihara, 2000; Eng and Hom, 1998; Leong, 1996), there have been

some complaints about how queers have “taken over the field” and it is important that scholars

begin to value “queer” as a category of analysis rather than just an added-on identity (Malansan,

2015). The emergence of issues such as gay marriage and gay-focused consumerism has given

rise to a disregard of the intersections of race and class, and it is important that a queer-focused

approach in Asian American studies takes all of these factors into account (Malansan, 2015).

Methods

In this study, I conducted six in-depth interviews among queer and transgender Asian

American youth between the ages of 16 to 24. The sample consists of 6 youth total. The

breakdown of their ethnic backgrounds is as follows: three Chinese Americans, two Vietnamese

Americans, and one Filipino American. There were two queer young women, two queer/gay

young men, and two queer and gender non-conforming/gender fluid youth. All of the participants

were born in the Bay Area and only one currently lives outside of the Bay Area. There was one

seventeen year old, two twenty-two year olds, two twenty-three year olds, and one twenty-four

year old. Three participants are college graduates and out of those three, two are currently

working, while the other three are students, working part-time. Three participants have an

average yearly household income between $15,000-29,000, while others range between $30,000

to $59,000, and one in the $90,000 range. All of the participants currently live with their family.

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These participants were recruited through non-probability sampling. As a queer and trans

youth community worker, I reached into my existing networks and posted a call for participants

on my Facebook page. My colleagues also referred additional participants to me. About half of

the participants have known me for several years through my involvement in the community, and

the other half knew one of my colleagues or youth I have worked with.

I used in-depth interviews to gather information about my participants’ experiences. All

of the in-depth interviews were conducted between October to November of 2015, and each

interview took approximately 30 minutes to an hour. Interviews were conducted at a location

most convenient for the participants, including community centers and restaurants. In general,

interviews took place in the afternoon and the total time commitment for participants was one

hour-long meeting, with the in-depth interview taking approximately 30 to 45 minutes of that

time. The other 15 minutes consisted of introductions, getting settled in, completing necessary

forms, and wrapping up. I began the interview by having participants review and sign the

consent form. In addition, I also included a short demographic survey to capture basic

information about participants. Then, I reviewed the agenda for the session and gave time for any

questions they may have had before beginning the in-depth interview. During the interview, I

recorded the interview for purposes of transcription. After each session, I transcribed the

interview and began looking for themes that surfaced.

The questionnaire consisted of twenty questions total, focusing on five key areas: their

experiences with growing up, “coming out,” school, family, and queer and/or trans community

spaces. The main questions I am asking of the data are: how has being queer or trans affected

their sense of belonging in their family? Where have they found their main sources of support?

And how does their racial/ethnic background affect their sense of belonging in queer and trans

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community spaces? This information will be significant because Asian Americans are often

overlooked in wider discussions about queer, trans, and transitional aged youth populations, and

there is little to no information about this specific population. This is one of the first studies to

look in-depth into the experiences of transitional aged queer and trans Asian Americans.

Findings

In this study, I wanted to ask the questions, how does family and community acceptance

affect queer and trans Asian American young people’s sense of belonging and their ability to

navigate daily life? What supports are needed in order for queer and trans Asian American young

people to be self-sufficient and live as their most authentic selves? By looking at these areas, I

hope to get an understanding of the issues that most highly affect this population and the gaps in

their current support systems. Some of the recurring themes that surfaced from the in-depth

interviews included family rejection, ongoing daily struggles, inter-community support, and

challenges with double oppression as queer and trans Asian Americans.

Family Rejection

First, one of the key themes was around family rejection during the coming out process,

an experience that 4 out of 6 participants struggled with. In some cases, participants were

forcibly outed to their parents against their will by other family members, a traumatic experience

that left them feeling further isolated in the home. A 23-year-old gay/queer Chinese American

man said,

I came out to my mom when I was sixteen… and I told her, mom, I’m gay. And she goes, what? Like, what in your life made you this way? And she got out of the car and I got out, that’s when I said, mom! What about grandma and grandpa? And she goes, let’s just hope they die first. And I was like, oh okay. And then I just went in and we never spoke about it since. This year I realized that she hadn’t, she hadn’t really spoken to me about anything about our lives since that moment. She had kind of just stopped talking to me.

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And I’m not sure, still figuring this out, if it was because of that or if it was just because I felt really distant from coming out to her. A 23-year-old queer, genderfluid Vietnamese American stated,

[One] result of me being outed to them was them trying to keep me at home as much as possible and like under their eyes as much as possible. I felt really, really isolated and I took on that sense of shame because one of the first things [my parents] said was like, what will our friends think if they see you with, like… what will they think of us as parents, stuff like that. The funniest thing that my mom said to me was that like, she started arguing about God and about how God like didn’t make woman and woman to be together and whatever. And I’m like, what are you talking about God, we’re Buddhist! You weren’t even religious before, you didn’t even explain to me what all these like religious icons in our house are. What are you talking about, God? Experiences of family rejection are directly linked to the health disparities affecting queer

and trans youth, including mental health and depression (Fish, 2015). When asked about their

childhood, many participants recalled how close they were to their family members, whether it

was their siblings or parents. However, their experiences with coming out or being outed often

marked the beginning of a new and distant relationship with their family members, as well as

feeling isolated in the home. While some participants have found that their parents have become

more accepting over time, others experience an ongoing silence and communication gap in the

family, as illustrated by the experiences of the 23-year old gay/queer Chinese American man. In

addition, one participant has not yet come out to her family since she has come into her queer

identity only within the last year; it is also worth nothing that this was the youngest participant,

who is seventeen years old. In general, most participants’ families learned of their gender or

sexual orientation when they were in high school. This participant stated that even the concept of

coming out is extremely difficult to think about and that she fears what could happen if her mom

were to learn about her sexual orientation. In this case, the worry about not meeting her mother’s

intense expectations is enough to hold off on disclosing her identity in the meantime. These

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family expectations include doing well in school, attending college, eventually finding a “good

husband,” and having children. As this participant put it,

Being Asian American, you’re taught to be saving face and like, oh being queer doesn’t fit into that kind of narrative. Like, you can’t be like, oh, I can’t be different from what traditionally you’re supposed to be. You have to find a rich husband, you have to be successful, you have to marry a doctor or a lawyer, at least if you’re a woman, and you have to have children. And I was just like, oh, what if I don’t want my partner to be like, what if my partner’s not first of all, male. And what if my partner’s not financially successful or stable. And what if my partner’s not, ooh, there’s this other thing with interracial, what if my partner is not the same race as me, what if they’re not Asian. Like, there’s so much complicated things going into that. This quote illustrates that breaking traditional heteronormative expectations can cause

queer young people to question other expectations about acceptable partners, where the focus is

placed on race, class, and the image of success. These expectations feel rigid and constraining

and are difficult for queer youth, who often hold many anxieties about their futures, to negotiate.

This relates back to the idea of “saving face” and the ways that queer Asian American youth are

told by their families that if their queer or trans identity is known to the public, that the family

will lose face. One participant explained, “with a lot of Asian cultures, family is very important.

And so I feel like a lot of us have difficulty coming out, like sitting down, telling our parents like

hey, I’m not straight, or whatever you identify as. Because we don’t wanna break that harmony.”

These cultural values related to filial piety stem from Confucianism, in which parents’ life-long

devotion to their children is considered so grand that it can never be fully repaid; but children

must spend their entire lives attempting to repay their parents, in order to be considered decent

human beings (Chung, 2006). For queer Asian American young people, fulfilling these gendered,

heteronormative expectations is essentially impossible, and this conflict can cause deep anxiety,

fear, and further isolation.

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Ongoing Daily Struggle

Since 3 out of 6 participants graduated college within the last two years, another theme

that surfaced was the continual struggle with family after college. Participants of this particular

age range (between 22 to 23 years old) are in a position where they have to negotiate conflicting

notions of achievement and success, as well as their reality of the lack of economic self-

sufficiency and freedom. Despite that they previously imagined that freedom would be granted

after they obtained a college degree, many of them have had to move back in with their family as

a result of financial need and are living a post-grad life that is far different from what they had

originally envisioned for themselves. Furthermore, their identities continue to be ignored and are

never openly discussed with their parents; participants who have come out to their parents shared

that their parents have never discussed the issue again after the conversation initially arose. A 23-

year-old gay/queer Chinese American man stated,

Our cultural background is that if something happens that you don’t like, you don’t speak of it. And you ignore it. Until it goes away. So it really has affected me negatively because it just makes me feel like I should just go away. And that’s exactly what I’m trying to do, is leave. Going back home after LA, if I knew what I was getting myself into, I would’ve never gone home. But then, being a part of my family, since fear is so well instilled into all of our genes, that was the only choice that I made, was to go back. Since his experiences with silence and being ignored have become so ingrained in his

daily life at home, he feels that he cannot truly be free unless he moves out. However, this is a

challenge due to his lack of financial self-sufficiency as a recent college graduate and familial

expectations of staying with the family. For another participant, the conflicts that have arisen

since moving back home after graduation have been heightened because of how deeply

immersed they were in their university’s queer and trans communities. In contrast, it has been

challenging to find similar spaces now that they are back in San Francisco, the city where they

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grew up. One of the reasons why they are seeking out community spaces now is because they did

not really open up to others about being queer or genderfluid until they found the supports to do

so when they were in college.

Inter-community Support

Out of the participants interviewed, only one felt that his family would be supportive of

his sexual orientation if he came out. For all the others, the majority of their support came from

other LGBTQ peers and friends (5 out of 6). When asked about their friends growing up and in

the present-day, many participants seemed to suddenly realize at that moment that many of their

closest friends are also queer or transgender, which suggests that even if they do not consciously

choose queer and trans friends, they may find a higher level of connection and comfort with

them. For some participants, leaving San Francisco for college and being on their own sparked

their need to actively seek out other queer and transgender peers. A 23-year-old gay Chinese

American man stated,

[I] was like always that one queer person in a group of straight girls. Which made it feel very wrong. Very wrong. Cause then you’re like, where are all the homos? Where are my people? In college, I actually started um, coming into being queer because like. It was a point where like LA was so desolate, like to find a gay guy, you really had to go clubs, you know, like I went to a private college. Everyone was like working their ass off, like. I was literally like, praying my ass off to find a gay friend. And I found one, and he has been everything!

For this participant, growing up in San Francisco, often considered as one of the most

LGBTQ-accepting cities in the world, meant that he could easily find other queer friends and

support from community organizations. In contrast, it was difficult to move to a new city, where

everything was unfamiliar and challenging to navigate. Due to the feeling of desolation, this

participant felt a heightened sense of urgency to find community, even if it was just being able to

connect to one other gay friend.

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On the difference between their experiences in high school versus college, one

participant, a 23-year-old genderfluid Vietnamese American who identified as bisexual and

cisgender (non-transgender) during high school, recalled how it did not matter whether or not

queer spaces were made available in high school because they were not ready to participate in

such spaces due to internalized homophobia. Instead, their girlfriend at the time was essentially

their only connection to the queer community, and that was also a challenging dynamic; the

participant described this relationship as “mutually abusive” due to their lack of knowledge

about healthy relationships. The compounded experiences of family rejection and inability to

access community resources led to this participant to further isolation and self-harm. This

participant stated,

Since I was just so used to hiding anyway, I didn’t really want to put myself out there as much and look for those resources in high school. In college it was obviously a lot better being away from my family and feeling like I have my own sense of freedom. So in freshman year, I applied to live in the LGBTQQIATP themed hall and I got in. And that was literally what it was called because it was as inclusive as it could be and it was really awesome because my RA was the first non-binary person I’d ever met and also one of the kindest people and like gentlest souls I’ve ever known, so it was a really good place to sort of like be introduced to a new environment.

In contrast, this participant’s experience with college represented a new time in their life

when they had a newfound sense of freedom and could meet others who identified similarly to

them. This was a huge difference from their experience in high school, where the compounded

aspects of internalized homophobia and lack of culturally relevant queer and transgender student

resources created an environment in which this participant did not feel welcomed or affirmed in

any space. In college, instead of living at home with unsupportive parents, they could live in a

place where they were surrounded by other queer and trans students and become more involved

with the community.

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Resources on college campuses provided a positive space for 3 out of 6 participants,

including those who continued to live at home during their undergraduate years. They found

queer-specific Asian American spaces within academia, namely at San Jose State University and

UC Berkeley, where they could participate in workshops covering various social justice topics

and community building activities. One participant spoke highly of the spaces offered at these

universities, stating that “there was this whole new world that was presented to me” and that “it

was kind of an amazing feeling.” For these participants, the resources they could access in

college provided them their first glimpse at what an Asian American or people of color centered

queer/trans space could look like. Unfortunately, once they graduated, the same resources were

never easy to find. Some participants continue to attend queer/trans Asian American conferences

hosted at various universities, but these spaces exist exclusively within academic settings.

Double Oppression as Queer and Trans Asian Americans

The final theme that surfaced was the idea of double oppression and how participants felt

excluded due to being queer and/or trans as well as Asian American. All participants spoke of a

lack of spaces where queer or trans Asian Americans were centered. In their best experiences,

they found solidarity among other queer and trans people of color, and in their worst

experiences, they dealt with racist, homophobic, and transphobic comments and outward

exclusion. Gay male participants, in particular, spoke of the prevalence of stereotypes about gay

Asian men as “bottoms,” “tiny,” and “frail.” One participant said,

I’m very self-conscious about the way people look at me. Just because people are always staring at me and I don’t know why. Like, all my life, like. It’s just very uncomfortable, you know… I guess because I am an Asian male, I walk into these spaces and everyone, I get the same questions. No one ever really truly treats me like a person. Unless they’re also Asian, and they’re kind of like hey, what do you like? Some people come up and straight up ask me, do you watch anime? And then some people will be like, you’re a

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bottom aren’t you? I’m like, that may be the fact, but how could you tell just from looking?

For some queer or trans Asian Americans, the pervasive mainstream image of the queer

community as overwhelmingly white caused them to feel like an anomaly. This lack of visibility

had a deep impact on what queer Asian American youth saw as possible for their futures,

because they had no role models who could serve as an example of how to navigate the world as

a queer Asian American. A 22-year old Chinese American queer woman stated,

Before I got involved with the community, I felt like I was the only queer Asian cause then yeah I did see some queer people, but then they were all white, you know. Even on the internet, like Tegan and Sara are white, everyone’s white. I just didn’t, I wasn’t even aware of this whole community of like queer Asian folks, you know. So I felt kind of alone. I just didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if I could make any friends, if I could even like find love, you know. Another participant, a 24-year-old queer, gender non-conforming Chinese American,

mentioned that although there were several out gay teachers in her high school, she did not feel

comfortable confiding in them because they were all white.

I never talked to [my teachers] about my personal stuff, I mean. I don’t know. They were gay, but they were white. It was just… still this barrier, I think. I guess it was kind of hard because I had this group of friends that were just Asian, and straight… very straight. Like they just talked about guys. And then there was my group of LGBT friends, they were not very Asian. They were like a mix of stuff, but they were just not Asian, you know. Like, being Asian and queer, it’s a very unique experience, I think. And female. There wasn’t really anyone I could talk to, except my gay best friend. In addition, while some participants were empowered by spaces where queer and trans

people of color were centered, in some ways they felt pressured to generalize their experiences as

people of color instead of centering their ethnic identity. One Vietnamese American stated,

Even though I know I’ve met a lot of like Asian queer and trans folks, and like we’ve all agreed that like we could come together as a community identifying as Asian and Pacific Islander… those spaces aren’t necessarily created. Sometimes I feel like I have to navigate as like, choosing to identify as a person of color more generally rather than Asian American or Vietnamese American.

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For many Asian Americans, having to overlook their ethnic identity in order to align with

a larger group identity can be troubling as well as empowering. Asian American studies scholars

have continually called to disaggregate data that lumps all Asian Americans into one category

due to the tendency to paint all Asian Americans as an overachieving model minority, thus

erasing the experiences of ethnic groups within the Asian American umbrella who at large are

not as well off. This quote illustrates that within queer and trans communities, we may still be

one step behind that where we have not yet considered specificities among different communities

of color, let alone separate ethnic groups.

Among many queer and trans people of color, the issue of having to “choose between

cultures” (Akerlund, 2000) is prevalent. One Vietnamese American queer young woman, who is

very active in multiple Asian American youth community groups, stated that the staff there have

been “pretty open to me being queer, but it’s not like the highlighting factor. Usually, it’s more

of my identity as a person of color and as Asian American and as a woman. That’s more stand

out, and like queer is off to the side.” She went on to elaborate that although one of the group

facilitators is also a queer woman, she rarely discusses her sexual orientation or queer issues with

the group. This furthers the deeply felt sentiment that queer people and queer issues are not

prioritized in Asian American spaces, and it shows us that simply having one queer person in the

room does not solve this issue; instead, there must be intentional space carved out for queer

youth to feel included and valued. As Chung (2015) writes, queer Asian Americans’ position as a

double minority means that Asian American health providers and service providers at large must

prioritize them in order to address existing disparities; if homophobia and transphobia are not

explicitly addressed, then heteronormative values continue to take reign.

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As previously mentioned, while there are queer-specific Asian American spaces at

various universities, many participants have found it difficult to find similar spaces once they

have graduated and transitioned out of campus life. Scholars in queer Asian American studies

continue to push for a cross analysis of race, class, gender, sexuality, etc. (Eng and Hom, 1998;

Malansan, 2015), and it is important that these ideas are put into practice rather than withheld

within academia, which is not accessible to everyone in the community. One area of exploration

that surfaces is around how we can continue building these spaces in the community so that they

are accessible to a wider group of people who do not attend college, as well as for college

graduates who struggle to find similar spaces after they leave their schools.

Conclusion

Based on my personal experiences as a youth community worker in San Francisco, I have

been able to work with many queer and transgender transitional aged youth, a population that I

identify with myself. There is a lot of momentum in city politics to prioritize transitional aged

youth, and the Transitional Age Youth Advisory Board in recent terms has chosen to highlight

undocumented transitional aged youth and queer and trans transitional aged youth as groups that

need to be prioritized. Despite these huge strides, queer and trans youth are often lumped in

together as one group, without any considerations given to the unique experiences that they face

based on their different genders, orientations, racial/ethnic groups, socioeconomic class, etc.

The findings of this study illustrate how family acceptance has a significant impact on

queer and trans Asian American young people’s sense of belonging, particularly as there is a

need for domestic “harmony,” or pressure on children to prove that they are “good and moral”

through satisfying their parents’ expectations. These expectations are particularly difficult for

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youth who want a close relationship with their family and youth from working class families,

who feel the responsibility to provide familial support through working part-time jobs or

providing childcare for their younger siblings. These young people begin to put up emotional

barriers and distance themselves from their family in order to avoid any confrontations about

their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. For queer and trans transitional aged Asian

Americans, there are many conflicting emotions and sentiments between having hope for the

future and feeling unsure about how much progress their family has actually made in the realm

of queer/trans acceptance. As one participant put it,

[My identity is] not acknowledged, but it’s something that I’m sure that they know, and are just coming to terms with on their own level. So, I have a good relationship with them, but I feel like I have to deal with these sorts of things on my own because I don’t want to be put back in that position where I feel completely rejected by them. Because it’s very uncertain with my parents.

Given the conditional love and ongoing conflict that participants experience with their

parents, it makes sense that the majority of them then find their strongest supports among other

queer and trans people. Even then, the search for a strong support system is not easy because

queer and trans American Americans are impacted by multiple oppressions, which

simultaneously makes it difficult to fit into mainstream white gay spaces and mainstream

heteronormative Asian American spaces. For many of the participants, navigating between these

different places in their lives—family, community, school, friends, etc.—is a constant battle

between acceptance and rejection, and they are forced to grapple with the choice between

showing up as their full selves or hiding certain parts of their identities in order to fit in.

This study bridged the gap in existing literature by looking at the crucial transitional

period in a young person’s life from youth to adulthood and considering how aspects including

race/ethnicity, age, and gender/sexual orientation all impact the lived experiences of queer and

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trans Asian American transitional aged youth. Based on the participants in this study, we can

observe some of the anxieties that arise for queer and trans Asian American youth beginning

from their senior year of high school, a time in which students generally spend most of their time

thinking about their future plans of either attending college or finding a job. For youth in this

population, their options are often limited based on what they have envisioned as possible for

someone who navigates the world as queer or transgender and Asian American, an intersection

of identities that are rarely represented in pop culture and mainstream LGBT media. During this

time in their life, some participants did not know that other queer and trans Asian Americans

even existed; this speaks to the level of erasure and lack of guidance that youth in this population

are faced with.

During college, many queer and trans Asian American students, particularly those who

attended schools in Northern California, found spaces where they could build community, but

similar spaces were usually not accessible after they graduated from college. While it is

important that these student groups are available to provide safe space for queer and trans Asian

American students while they are in school, this study points to the need for more spaces to be

created outside of the higher education system. Student groups located within the higher

education system are not accessible to everyone in the community, particularly many youth and

working class people. Service providers must take into account the needs of youth all along the

transitional age spectrum, particularly as they make crucial decisions about their futures and

begin navigating various systems on their own, including employment, education, and medical.

With limited support or outright rejection from the family, queer and trans Asian American

youth need to have culturally relevant resources that they can turn to where their basic needs for

19

connection and community can be met. Service providers must recognize the unique challenges

that these youth face as they leave one space and move into a new period in their lives.

When participants were asked about what services should be created for queer and trans

Asian American youth, the two consistent themes that surfaced were youth needing someone

they can talk to, and being able to participate in social justice workshops and community

building spaces. In addition, participants clearly stated that they would have benefitted from

queer/trans Asian American centered spaces when they were younger, such as during high

school. Participants in the twenty-two to twenty-four age range tended to speak of their high

school years in terms of missed opportunities; had they been able to access such spaces, they felt

that they would have overcome adversities earlier in life and had the opportunity to focus on

things other than finding acceptance. As a 23-year-old Filipino American gay man stated,

I know that in my past, personally, um, I kind of had this internal racial thing where I felt weird or too different because I’m like Asian, comparing myself specifically to Caucasians, like Americans. And I think it would be nice to see some sort of space to be able to sort of like breed that excitement to be who you are. And you know, you don’t have to be white to be happy. Like, you can totally be who you are and still be happy at any time, any day, and I feel like growing up, maybe that’s something I should have ventured into, looking back.

The heterosexism that these participants faced was seen as a hindrance, as the cause for

time lost that could have been spent preparing for their future. Service providers, particularly

those who work with sixteen to nineteen-year-olds, should work closely with youth in this

population and offer one-on-one support so that they can gain knowledge and confidence around

the multiple parts of their identities. This kind of work will support transitional aged youth in

developing a strong sense of self in the face of white supremacist mainstream queer images.

In order to build on this knowledge about transitional aged queer and trans Asian

American youth, further directions in research should begin to disaggregate and focus on specific

20

ethnicities, genders, orientations, and socioeconomic class levels within youth in this population.

In particular, there should be a stronger focus on transgender and gender non-conforming youth,

who are often lumped into the “LGBTQ” categorization and overlooked and erased by

researchers. Trans and gender non-conforming youth have unique experiences from cisgender

queer people and continue to face transphobia and gender-based discrimination within queer

community spaces. Additionally, many of the participants in the $15,000 to $29,000 average

yearly household income range shared that they made choices about their education and living

arrangements based on their family’s financial standing, and it would be important to further

explore the ways in which socioeconomic class affects working class youth in this population.

Finally, it is important to honor the personal journeys that each of the participants in this

study has gone through; the process of coming into their queer and/or trans identities has not

been easy, and the challenges they have experienced provide ample evidence for why queer/trans

and Asian American youth spaces must tackle the harm that is done when racism, homophobia,

and transphobia remain unaddressed within these spaces. As one 23-year-old queer, genderfluid

Vietnamese American shared about their own journey,

I think during high school I was anxious like 24/7 after I was outed, to a certain degree. Because after I broke up with my girlfriend, I started dating a guy and like, that just opened the fucking doors for my parents. They were like, stay out as late as you want! Just don’t get pregnant and you’ll do whatever. Um, so like, in terms of how different [high school] compared, to a certain degree, I was still very closeted in my mind and in the way that I interacted with the world. So when I went to college, I went with that mindset. I went with like, okay, I am like a queer person? But like, let’s not be too queer, you know, like come on. And then I slowly came to understand why it was important to have that as one of the forefronts of who I am and to like identify myself that way.

Let us then always center queer and trans people at the forefront of Asian American

communities, and not just in our community spaces, but in every arena of our lives—

encompassing our families, personal lives, schools, neighborhoods, and beyond.

21

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