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them, and they are able to transmit their family values. But taking over as parents also brings stress: the unexpected responsibilities of parenthood, the squeezed finances, the need to continue working when they were anticipating retirement, conflict with the par- ents of the children, and feeling trapped (Waldrop and Weber 2001; Lumpkin 2008). This added wear and tear takes its toll, and these grandparents are more likely than oth- ers to be depressed (Letiecq et al. 2008).

Trends in U.S. Families 323

“You Want Us to Live Together ? What Do You Mean By That?”

W hat has led to the surge of cohabitation in the United States? Let’s consider two funda- mental changes in U.S. culture.

The first is changed ideas of sexual morality. It is diffi- cult for today’s college students to grasp the sexual morality that prevailed before the 1960s sexual revolu- tion. Almost everyone used to consider sex before mar- riage to be immoral. Premarital sex existed, to be sure, but it took place furtively and often with guilt.To live to- gether before marriage was called “shacking up,” and the couple was said to be “living in sin.” A double standard prevailed. It was the woman’s responsibility to say no to sex before marriage. Consequently, she was considered to be the especially sinful one in cohabitation.

The second cultural change is the high U.S. divorce rate. Although the rate has declined since 1980, today’s young adults have seen more divorce than any prior generation. This makes marriage seem fragile, as if it isn’t going to last regardless of how much you try to make it work. This is scary. Cohabitation reduces the threat by offering a relationship of intimacy in which divorce is impossible. You can break up, but you can’t get divorced.

From the outside, all cohabitation may look the same, but not to the people who are living together. As you can see from Table 10.2, for about 10 percent of couples, cohabitation is a substitute for marriage. These couples

consider themselves married but for some reason don’t want a marriage certificate. Some object to marriage on philosophical grounds (“What difference does a piece of paper make?”); others do not yet have a legal divorce from a spouse. Almost half of cohabitants (46 percent) view cohabitation as a step on the path to marriage. For them, cohabitation is more than “going steady” but less than engagement. Another 15 percent of couples are simply “giving it a try.” They want to see what marriage to one another might be like. For the least committed, about 29 percent, cohabitation is a form of dating. It pro- vides a dependable source of sex and emotional support.

If you look at these couples a half dozen years after they began to live together, you can see how important these different levels of commitment are. As you can see from Table 10.2, couples who view cohabitation as a substitute for marriage are the least likely to marry and the most likely to continue to cohabit. For couples who see cohabitation as a step toward marriage, the out- come is just the opposite:They are the most likely to marry and the least likely to still be cohabiting. Couples who are the most likely to break up are those who “tried” cohabitation and those for whom cohabitation was a form of dating.

For Your Consideration Can you explain why the meaning of cohabitation makes a difference in whether couples marry? Can you classify cohabiting couples you know into these four types? Do you think there are other types? If so, what?

Down -to-Earth Sociology

Substitute for Marriage 10% 35% 65% 37% 63% Step toward Marriage 46% 31% 69% 73% 27% Trial Marriage 15% 51% 49% 66% 34% Coresidential Dating 29% 46% 54% 61% 39%

TABLE 10.2 What Cohabitation Means: Does It Make a Difference?

After 5 to 7 years

Of Those Still Together

Source: Recomputed from Bianchi and Casper 2000.

What Cohabitation Means

Percent of Couples

Split Up Married Cohabitating

Still Together