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The Family Life Cycle 309

Cultural Diversity around the World East Is East and West Is West: Love and Arranged Marriage in India

A fter Arun Bharat Ram returned to India with a de- gree from the University of Michigan, his mother announced that she wanted to find him a wife.

Arun would be a good catch anywhere: 27 years old, edu- cated, well-mannered, intelligent, handsome—and, not in- cidentally, heir to a huge fortune.

Arun’s mother already had someone in mind. Manju came from a middle-class family and was a college gradu- ate. Arun and Manju met in a coffee shop at a luxury hotel—along with both sets of parents. He found her pretty and quiet. He liked that. She was im- pressed that he didn’t boast about his back- ground.

After four more meetings, including one at which the two young people met by themselves, the par- ents asked their chil- dren whether they were willing to marry. Neither had any major objections.

The Prime Minister of India and fifteen hundred other guests came to the wedding.

“I didn’t love him,” Manju says.“But when we talked, we had a lot in common.” She then adds,“But now I couldn’t live without him. I’ve never thought of another man since I met him.”

Despite India’s many changes, parents still arrange about 90 percent of marriages. Unlike the past, how- ever, today’s couples have veto power over their par- ents’ selection. Another innovation is that the prospective bride and groom are allowed to talk to each other before the wedding—unheard of a genera- tion or two ago.

Why do Indians have arranged marriages? And why does this practice persist, even among the educated and upper classes? We can also ask why the United States has such an individualistic approach to marriage.

The answers to these questions take us to two socio- logical principles. First, a group’s marriage practices match its values. Individual mate selection matches U.S. values of

individuality and independence, while arranged marriages match the Indian value of children deferring to parental authority. To Indians, allowing unrestricted dating would mean entrusting important matters to inexperi- enced young people.

Second, a group’s marriage practices match its patterns of social stratification. Arranged marriages in India affirm caste lines by channeling marriage within the same caste. Unchaperoned dating would encourage premarital sex, which, in turn, would break down family lines. Vir- ginity at marriage, in contrast, assures the upper castes that they know who fathered the children. Conse-

quently, Indians so- cialize their children to think that parents have superior wis- dom in these mat- ters. In the United States, where family lines are less impor- tant and caste is an alien concept, the practice of young people choosing their own dating partners mirrors the relative openness of our so- cial class system.

These different backgrounds have produced contrasting ideas of love. Americans idealize love as something mysterious, a pas- sion that suddenly seizes an individual. Indians view love as a peaceful feeling that develops when a man and a woman are united in intimacy and share life’s interests and goals. For Americans, love just “happens,” while for Indians the right conditions create love. Marriage is one of those right conditions.

The end result is this startling difference: For Ameri- cans, love produces marriage—while for Indians, marriage produces love.

For Your Consideration What advantages do you see to the Indian approach to love and marriage? Could the Indian system work in the United States? Why or why not? Do you think that love can be created? Or does love suddenly “seize” people? What do you think love is anyway?

Sources: Based on Gupta 1979; Bumiller 1992; Sprecher and Chandak 1992; Dugger 1998; Gautham 2002; Easley 2003, Berger 2007; Swati and Ey 2008.

This billboard in Chennai, India, caught my attention. As the text indicates, even though India is industrializing, most of its people still follow traditional customs. This billboard is a sign of changing times.

India

India