Revise Paper: Instructions are included in the essay, marked in the comments section.

English 300: Advanced Composition

Comparison and Contrast Prewriting

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Pass Return

Thesis, Ideas, and Content -The thesis makes a focused claim that can be sustained in a longer essay.

-The outline/organizer provides a close reading of book and film using compari-

son and contrast patterns of development.

-The main points analyze the significance of the changes between book and film.

Thesis is better, but identify why the audience will be dissatisfied with spe-

cific language. Analysis and evidence needs development.

Textbook: “Supporting Your Thesis Statement with Evidence” (pp. 125-138) Textbook: “Including Supporting Details” (pp. 164-169) Textbook: Part 5: “Writing with Sources” Sources must be reliable and properly formatted.

X

Organization -Ideas are logically arranged and help move paper forward.

-Each proposed main point is focused on one aspect of the topic and helps sup-

port the thesis statement.

Body Paragraph Organization: Focus each body paragraph on a single

difference. Use topic sentences to announce each specific difference and

transitions to connect paragraphs and ideas within paragraphs.

Body Paragraph Content: State the specific difference. Prove the differ-

ence exists (using evidence from the book and movie). Analyze how the dif-

ference proves your thesis argument.

X

Bibliography -Properly formatted using MLA guidelines.

X

Commented [MTL1]: Missing header.

-Provided six potential outside sources for research.

Style and Voice -Maintains a consistent point of view on topic

-Proposed evidence will engage readers’ interest in the topic.

X

Conventions -The outline/organizer has been spell-checked and proofread to check for errors

in word choice and typos.

-The paper is reasonably free of errors that interfere with a reader’s ability to

understand the content.

X

Format -The prewrite is developed as an outline or graphic organizer.

- It includes all required information in a properly formatted header.

X

Exam Number: 500505 Grade: Pass

Date: 11/6/17 Instructor: TM

IMPORTANT NOTICE

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the evaluation chart identifying the rating you earned on each trait. If you don't see this

feedback, click on the "View" tab and "Print Layout" or click on "Review" and the op-

tion "Final Showing Markup." If you still cannot see the feedback, please contact the

school for the complete evaluation.

USS Ordeal by Sea vs USS Indianapolis

Everyone is unique in their own way. One person may like books; another may like movies.

Depending on your style of learning and dissecting information, that could have a determination of

what your preferences are. For instance, many people choose to read books versus movies because

some believe books are more in depth. Most visual people are prone to watch more movies than books

because it's easier for them to transcode the information. Ordeal by Sea: The Tragedy of the U.S.S.

Indianapolis by Thomas Helm tells a harrowing story of one of the greatest naval vessels in the history

of America navy. It is a story of the USS Indianapolis, a World War 2 submarine that was sunk by a

torpedo on July 30, 1945, and 1,196 men went into the sea. Of that number, only 317 were found alive

Commented [MTL2]: As previously instructed, this word does not make sense here.

when rescue arrived after five days (Ordeal by Sea). Similarly, the movie USS Indianapolis: Men of

Courage, a movie that produced to mirror Ordeal by Sea but lacks the background details, while adding

drama, and action scenes in place of historical details which caused viewers to be dissatisfied with the

movie.

A: In the beginning of the book the audience is offered a background of the ship and the context of

its presence in the Pacific at that time in history. For instance, in the first chapter, Thomas Helm speaks

of the class of the USS Indianapolis belongs. He indicates that the submarine, designated CA-35, was

the first peacetime warship to be built in the United States of America after the 1929 London treaty. It

also describes the ship's strengths and weaknesses.

B: The movie does not show these weaknesses, instead, the audience is left to guess on them

weaknesses after its sinking.

Since the book provides detailed information regarding the time which includes W.W. 2 and the U.S.

was heavenly involved. The book also illustrates the ships dimensions, strengths, weaknesses, and

background information of the crew members journey the readers have a better idea of what the plot of

the story will be.

The movie starts off with an attack from a Japanese war plan without a proper introduction of the USS

crew members, the history of the ship, or the crew's mission. This places the audience right in the mid-

dle of a war which could provide confusion as to how we ended in war or why we are in the war.

One critic mentioned, "The start is like something from a cartoon not a big budget film in 2016".

Commented [MTL3]: Okay, but why would viewers be dissatisfied? Did the lack of historical details cause the mov-

ie to be inaccurate?

Commented [MTL4]: Such as?

Commented [MTL5]: What weaknesses? You did not identify them.

Commented [MTL6]: Use quotes from the book to support your analysis of the importance of these details.

Commented [MTL7]: Who? You need to be specific.

Commented [MTL8]: Missing in-text citation.

Since the movie is supposed to be based on a true story a proper introduction is warranted so that the

viewer can obtain the proper credentials in the beginning in order to fully comprehend what's going on.

Also, the viewer never knows the threshold of damage the ship can take before it sinks. This infor-

mation is critical considering the ship sunk later on in the movie.

Drama

A. Once the U.S. cruiser ship was sunk by the Japanese the captain of the U.S. ship was court-

martialed and the captain was found guilty of gross negligence due to not zig-zagging. The Captain

was later promoted to Admiral.

B. Unlike the book the movie also displayed the captain being found guilty. In addition to the captain

being court-martialed, he had started receiving harassing phone calls from the public and it got too un-

bearable to handle and the captain committed suicide.

B1: In the movie, the audience also gets another dramatic scene two childhood friends, who both fall in

love with the same woman, this is never brought up in the book.

The movie goes out of its way to produce drama scenes in order to satisfy the audience to keep them

hooked because it lacks depth like the movie.

One critic states “the movie lacks the unlimited manpower to equal other movies based on a true story

but does have dramatic postscript” (observer.com).

This is a significant impact because the movie claims to be a replica of the book, however, it has some

Commented [MTL9]: Is this the book or the movie? It is unclear.

Commented [MTL10]: How does this affect the audi- ence’s understanding of the story? You need to make the

connection to your thesis.

Commented [MTL11]: Who?

discrepancies which impacts the value of the movie based on the review above.

Finally, the rescue.

A. The book details the survivors being stranded at sea for seven days without proper food, water,

sleep, or aid after their ship had been sunk. Sharks are surrounding them because they had to abandon

their ship due to it being sunk. After seven days at sea, the crew is finally spotted by an Air Force unit,

and rescue missions start.

B. The movie is identical to the book in regards to the number of days stranded at sea without food, wa-

ter, sleep, or aid. The movie displays the remaining crew as shark bait. Unlike the book, the movie

actually shows the sharks attacking over 500 servicemen. Also, the movie shows how weak the men

were and how they were barely clinging on to life.

Again, this part in the movie is very visual and the sound effects of the sharks, the terror on the crew

face and the sun just beating down on the rags that remained on their skin. Unlike the book, you are

not able to see the sharks biting the men and blood that is seen on the surface of the water.

Critics felt the movie was trying to make it only about the sharks killing men of the U.S. (Imdb.com)

In my opinion, it did appear that the movie was more focused on shark attacks versus actually trying to

replica the history.

The readers say that the movie spent a lot of time in the sea being attacked by the sharks. This caused

many disconnections between the meaning of the movie. It was supposed to be a lesson about the War

World 11, however, the movie made it seem like it was a war with the sharks and navy men. The rea-

son why this is significant because it changed the audience comprehension of what the producers were

trying to convey.

Based on the evidence supported by both the literature of the book and digital format it is evidence that

the plot of the story is consistent throughout both. The movie lacked the background history infor-

mation as to why the United States was in a middle of a war. The movie used dramatic scenes and ac-

tion scenes to cover up its lack of background details. If you want to see a ship sink and navy men at-

tacked by sharks for an unknown reason USS Indianapolis is the movie for you.

Work Cited

Helm, Thomas. Ordeal by Sea: The Tragedy of the U.S.S. Indianapolis. Whitefish, MT: Literary Licensing, 2012. Print.

USS Indianapolis. Dir. Mario Van Peebles. Perf. Nicolas Cage. Patriot Pictures, 2016. DVD.

Jade, Cassandra. “Cassandra Jade In the Realm.” 10 Reasons Why Movies Are Better than Books, 26 Nov. 2009, 05:11 AM, cassandrajade.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/10-reasons-

movies-books/.

Grown, Dave. “USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage Reviews & Ratings.” IMDb, IMDb.com, 11 May 2017,

www.imdb.com/title/tt2032572/reviews?start=10.

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