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“To begin with a definition: Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness.” (“What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not” by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, 1997, article adapted from The Art of Living Consciously, Simon & Schuster, 1997).

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“Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is a good deal more than a mere feeling — this must be stressed. It involves emotional, evaluative, and cognitive components. It also entails certain action dispositions: to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; to operate self- responsibly rather than the opposite.” (“What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not” by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, 1997, article adapted from The Art of Living Consciously, Simon & Schuster, 1997).

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“One does not need to be a trained psychologist to know that some people with low self-esteem strive to compensate for their deficit by boasting, arrogance, and conceited behavior.” (“What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not” by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, 1997, article adapted from The Art of Living Consciously, Simon & Schuster, 1997).

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“Yet another misconception……..is the belief that the measure of our personal worth is our external achievements. This is an understandable error to make but it is an error nonetheless. We admire achievements, in ourselves and in others, and it is natural and appropriate to do so. But this is not the same thing as saying that our achievements are the measure or grounds of our self-esteem. The root of our self- esteem is not our achievements per se but those internally generated practices that make it possible for us to achieve. How much we will achieve in the world is not fully in our control. An economic depression can temporarily put us out of work. A depression cannot take away the resourcefulness that will allow us sooner or later to find another or go into business for ourselves. "Resourcefulness" is not an achievement in the world (although it may result in that); it is an action in consciousness — and it is here that self-esteem is generated.” (“What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not” by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, 1997, article adapted from The Art of Living Consciously, Simon & Schuster, 1997).

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On this exercise, for the purposes of simplification, we’re using self-esteem and self-confidence interchangeably. In particular, we’re using self-confidence to mean self-esteem.

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Please write down or list all of your feelings about yourself. You can include both positive and negative feelings about yourself. If you have both positive and negative feelings, it’s best to write them down separately. For example, you can make a list of positive feelings first, and then a list of negative feelings, or vice versa.

The key to this exercise is to not judge what you write but to simply and dispassionately list your feelings. The goal is to learn about ourselves, not to judge & be unkind to ourselves

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Please write down or list all of your thoughts about yourself. You can include both positive and negative thoughts about yourself. If you have both positive and negative thoughts, it’s best to write them down separately. For example, you can make a list of positive thoughts first, and then a list of negative thoughts, or vice versa.

The key to this exercise is to not judge what you write but to simply and dispassionately list your thoughts. The goal is to learn about ourselves, not to judge & be unkind to ourselves.

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Please write down or list how you act in self-confident or less than self-confident ways. You can include both positive and negative behaviors

The key to this exercise is to not judge what you write but to simply & dispassionately list your behaviors. The goal is to learn about ourselves, not to judge & be unkind to ourselves

Again, on this exercise, for the purposes of simplification, we’re using self-esteem and self-confidence interchangeably. In particular, we’re using self-confidence to mean self-esteem.

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Are you ready to accept all of you? Now. At this moment. Are you ready to accept exactly how you are and how everything in your life is - all the things that you perceive as ‘good’ and ‘not so good’ in yourself and in your life. Are you ready, at this moment, to take all the ‘good’ and the ‘not so good’ in everything, in yourself, and in everyone, and simply allow yourself to accept all of these? Can you accept “all there is”? If you’re feeling truly ready for this exercise, please go ahead, and feel the feelings of true acceptance of all things, people, yourself, your life, the past, the present, and the future. Feel the feelings of pure acceptance for “everything”. Allow yourself to feel that acceptance for a few minutes. Feel the feelings of pure acceptance and peace. Accept all thoughts, feelings, behaviors, the past, the present, and the future whether they are yours, others’, the world’s, and everything else there is. Take a few minutes and allow yourself to feel pure acceptance of yourself in all your parts and in all your ways knowing that we’re all human, that we’re not perfect, and that we’re all trying and learning. Simply relax into that acceptance. Simply allow yourself to accept all there is.

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Knowing where you are currently in terms of your self-confidence, please list down the specific things you can do to enhance your self-confidence.

Future action: Would you be willing to commit to enhancing your self-confidence? List the specific actions you can take now and/or in the future that could enhance your self-esteem.

Again, on this exercise, for the purposes of simplification, we’re using self-esteem and self-confidence interchangeably. In particular, we’re using self-confidence to mean self-esteem.

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“Nathaniel Branden in 1969 defined self-esteem as "the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness." According to Branden, self-esteem is the sum of self-confidence (a feeling of personal capacity) and self-respect (a feeling of personal worth). It exists as a consequence of the implicit judgment that every person has of their ability to face life's challenges, to understand and solve problems, and their right to achieve happiness, and be given respect.” (Wikipedia, 2012) So, one may say that: Self- esteem = self-confidence + self-respect

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The following is taken from the article of “What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not” by Dr. Nathaniel Branden (1997) (this article is adapted from The Art of Living Consciously, Simon & Schuster, 1997) (Nathaniel Branden’s reputable work includes his book titled “Six pillars of self-esteem.”)

In The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, I examine the six practices that I have found to be essential for the nurturing and sustaining of healthy self-esteem: the practice of living consciously, of self-acceptance, of self-responsibility, of self-assertiveness, of purposefulness, and of integrity. I will briefly define what each of these practices means:

The practice of living consciously: respect for facts; being present to what we are doing while are doing it; seeking and being eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedback that bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects; seeking to understand not only the world external to self but also our inner world, so that we do not out of self-blindness.

The practice of self-acceptance: the willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning — and also without self-repudiation; giving oneself permission to think one's thoughts, experience one's emotions, and look at one's actions without necessarily liking, endorsing, or condoning them; the virtue of realism applied to the self.

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The practice of self-responsibility: realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one us is responsible for life and well-being and for the attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achieve our goals, we must offer values in exchange; and that question is not "Who's to blame?" but always "What needs to be done?" ("What do I need to do?")

The practice of self-assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.

The practice of living purposefully: identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them (formulating an action-plan); organizing behavior in the service of those goals; monitoring action to be sure we stay on track; and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when we need to go back to the drawing-board.

The practice of personal integrity: living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.

What all these practices have in common is respect for reality. They all entail at their core a set of mental operations (which, naturally, have consequences in the external world).

When we seek to align ourselves with reality as best we understand it, we nurture and support our self-esteem. When, either out of fear or desire, we seek escape from reality, we undermine our self-esteem. No other issue is more important or basic than our cognitive relationship to reality — meaning: to that which exists.

A consciousness cannot trust itself if, in the face of discomfiting facts, it has a policy of preferring blindness to sight. A person cannot experience self-respect who too often, in action, betrays consciousness, knowledge, and conviction — that is, who operates without integrity.

Thus, if we are mindful in this area, we see that self-esteem is not a free gift of nature. It has to be cultivated, has to be earned. It cannot be acquired by blowing oneself a kiss in the mirror and saying, "Good morning, Perfect." It cannot be attained by being showered with praise. Nor by sexual conquests. Nor by material acquisitions. Nor by the scholastic or career achievements of one's children. Nor by a hypnotist planting the thought that one is wonderful. Nor by allowing young people to believe they are better students than they really are and know more than they really know; faking reality is not a path to mental health or authentic self-assurance. However, just as people dream of attaining effortless wealth, so they dream of attaining effortless self-esteem — and unfortunately the marketplace is full of panderers to this longing.

People can be inspired, stimulated, or coached to live more consciously, practice greater self-acceptance, operate more self-responsibly, function more self-assertively, live more purposefully, and bring a higher level of personal integrity into their life — but the task of generating and sustaining these practices falls on each of us alone. "If I bring a higher

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level of awareness to my self-esteem, I see that mine is the responsibility of nurturing it." No one — not our parents, nor our friends, nor our lover, nor our psychotherapist, nor our support group — can "give" us self-esteem. If and when we fully grasp this, that is an act of "waking up." (all from “What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not” by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, 1997, article adapted from The Art of Living Consciously, Simon & Schuster, 1997).

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What are the things that you can do to live more consciously?

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What are the things that you can do to have more self-acceptance?

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What are the things that you can do to take more responsibility of your own life in a healthy way?

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What are the things that you can do to be more self-assertive in a healthy way?

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What are the things that you can do to live more purposefully?

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What are the things that you can do to have more personal integrity?

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