Part 3

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Oral History Project Final Essay: Woman N. Ame

My A. Student

Department of Social Science, UMGC

WMST 200: Introduction to Women’s Studies: Women and Society

Dr. Instructor Name

Month Day, 20##

Interview Description

I had the chance to interview a family friend named Cynthia. Cynthia is always helping others and sharing her story with others who have gone through similar experiences. I knew a little bit about her background, which includes domestic violence and single motherhood, so I knew she had overcome some struggles in her lifetime and this would make her a good candidate for my interview. I developed my questions by choosing topics that related to her life experiences, like women and work. I interviewed Cynthia on the afternoon of June 23rd at her home. Cynthia was open to all questions and topics, which made it easier for me as an interviewer. One thing I learned about Cynthia that I didn’t know before was her ex-husband’s lack of help within their marriage and their children’s lives. Overall, the interview process was easy and straightforward, because I got to ask Cynthia each question on my list and she answered honestly.

Interview Analysis

At a young age, Cynthia and her older sister were molested by their father. Once Cynthia told her mother about what her father was doing to her, the molestation stopped. As one can imagine, this incident changed their relationship, as Cynthia no longer wanted to have the title of “daddy’s girl” and no longer wanted to be around him. Prior to her father’s passing, Cynthia says that she forgives her father, despite him never apologizing for the molestation. Cynthia attributes this inappropriate behavior to a family history filled with incestuous relationships. This incident made Cynthia very conscious of her body, and it made her uncomfortable being around men. She was afraid that they would be untrustworthy and touch her, like her father had done. Is there anything in our course materials that talks about domestic abuse that would be useful here?

Growing up in the 1970s with seven siblings, Cynthia says of domestic duties in her childhood home, “Girls were expected to do their part and the boys kind of got away with not doing anything.” This isn’t surprising considering that most women carry the burden of household upkeep and parental duties. As discussed in Module 3, Commentary Section 1 (2013), “Even when they work outside the home, women continue to carry the burden of family upkeep, including cooking, cleaning, and making sure that children make it to doctor's appointments, violin lessons, or soccer practice.” Cynthia and her sisters cleaned the home, went to the grocery store, and couldn’t stay out late. Whereas her brothers faced a more lenient discipline. Unlike her brothers, her sisters were motivated and worked hard to get jobs. Looking back on how her and her siblings were treated, Cynthia states, “The boys were more favored... and didn’t have to do the things we [her and her sisters] had to do that were expected and required to do.” These roles and expectations were brought on by both of Cynthia’s parents, probably due to their own upbringing. Unbeknownst to Cynthia’s parents, they were reinforcing the socially constructed notion of what women should be like: subservient and domesticated (“Motherhood,” 2015).

Several years later, Cynthia would meet her then husband, David, and have four daughters with him. When asked how the housework was divided between the two, she responded bluntly, “It wasn’t, it was all on me.” This isn’t too surprising, considering that women, like Cynthia, are almost conditioned from a young age to take on these chores, and men do not experience this conditioning whatsoever (Mainardi, n.d1970.). Most shockingly, she said “I couldn’t even tell you how much he made – he didn’t share his money with me…he was more of a taker.” Cynthia’s attempts at trying to get David to be more hands-on in the household fell on deaf ears. The unfair burden of housework was yet another sole responsibility for Cynthia, while David probably saw it as trivial or unnecessary, either way housework duties are necessary tasks that no one absolutely loves to do (Mainardi, n.d.). David would pay for the bills “once in a while,” and only buy his daughter’s clothes on occasion. Throughout their marriage, David would be physically and verbally abusive to Cynthia, both in the house and in public. Cynthia reported the abuse to the police and David even went to rehab a few times. However, these were all temporary fixes and Cynthia soon divorced David. Cynthia was very courageous for reporting her domestic abuse, as many women are fearful to do so, because they are scared that they may face retribution or even embarrassment (“Module 2, Commentary Section IV,” 2013).

Because Cynthia faced the burden of taking care of all four of her daughters with little to no help from her alcoholic husband, she made sure she maintained a full-time job with leave, in case she had to take off for her daughters. She always had to juggle her time in order to make sure she could make it home in time to pick up her daughters from day care. She recalls “I wanted to make sure I got home at a decent time to cook dinner, spend time with them, make sure homework was done, and make sure they were bathed.” As one can imagine, all these tasks for one person was no easy feat. A lot of the time Cynthia had to take a bus or a train to drop her daughter off at day care and then go to work in the middle of winter. Looking back during these times, Cynthia’s voice starts to weaken and she states, “ Some nights it was just cold and bad...I didn’t have money to catch a cab so I just had to wait [at the bus stop at night] to come home.” During that time, she was fortunate for her oldest two daughters who watched over their young two sisters, calling them “little mothers.”

Despite her struggles of being a single mother, Cynthia says that her family responsibilities never prevented her from advancing in her career. Since being a mother, Cynthia has maintained a full-time workload to support herself and her children. She has since remarried and leads a successful career. She still shares her story to those who will listen and looks forward to what the future holds for her and her daughters. One thing’s for sure—she is grateful for her past, because it made her stronger and smarter.

References

Burkhard, B. & Williams-Forson, P. (2013). Module 2: Women and Body Politics, Commentary Section VI. In WMST 200 Course Modules. https://learn.umuc.edu/d2l/le/content/145648/viewContent/6366442/View

Holberg, A. (2015). Motherhood. [PowerPoint slides]. UMGC. https://learn.umgc.edu/d2l/le/content/486383/viewContent/18725472/View

Mainardi, P. (n.d1970.). The Politics of Housework. Caring Labor: an Archive. https://caringlabor.wordpress.com/2010/09/11/pat-mainardi-the-politics-of-housework/

Standish, R. (2013). Module 3: Women and Society, Commentary Section 1. In WMST 200 Course Modules. https://learn.umuc.edu/d2l/le/content/145648/viewContent/6366446/View