Q-A

Conditional and Unconditional Parenting

Kohn states that two methods are used in parenting, conditional and unconditional (10). Conditional parenting involves the use of conditional love whereby children must conform to a parent’s behavior and standards that are deemed appropriate (Kohn 11). This type of parenting may take many forms. However, rewarding children for following the guidelines and codes of behavior set by the parents is the most common. For instance, a parent may buy a 10-year-old boy a PlayStation for stopping bullying other children. Another example is gifting a five-year-old girl with a bunny as an incentive for finishing her food.

Conditional parenting is subject to many shortcomings. One of the problems of conditional parenting is that it focuses solely on behavior. Kohn asserts that this approach is associated with the concept of behaviorism which concentrates exclusively on behaviors (13).  Moreover, this approach in parenting neglects the emotional aspect of a child. Children are forced to obey external forces without considering what they feel, which prevents them from portraying true emotions. That the most common example of this problem is parents that force their children to apologize for wrongdoings (Kohn 14). Some of the children are forced to say sorry, yet they do not mean what they say (Kohn 14). This habit is responsible for the development of a child into a liar. Additionally, children are deprived of the freedom of thought in the implementation of conditional love. The primary objective of conditional parenting is to influence and control a child. Therefore, it limits their ability to reason. Furthermore, this strategy does not fit well with more significant objectives and goals that parents have for their children (Kohn 2). Thus, while conditional parenting is a valid and effective methid of raising one’s kids, one should not rely solely on it for fear of the repercussions described above.

Unconditional parenting involves loving and accepting a child regardless of the mistakes that they make in life. A parent’s love towards their children is the most fundamental element in unconditional parenting. It enables a parent to achieve rapport with a child and inculcate the child’s perspective in parenting. Unconditional parenting promotes the decision-making skills of a child since it provides them with the opportunity to make their own choices on certain issues. The end game of this approach is to facilitate the achievement of long-term goals rather than short-term goals of the child.

From my perspective, Kohn gives an eye-opening view of conditional and unconditional parenting. The inclusion of research cases and critical analysis of various parenting books and articles makes his insight viable. I would categorize this text as the most enlightening article I have read on parenting. Practicing an unconditional approach to parenting is a better method than conditional parenting. The rationale for this decision is based on the development and achievement of the child’s potential which relies on laying a good foundation through parenting. Unfortunately, my parents raise me through a conditional parenting approach. I feel that this parenting method has inhibited me from achieving my full potential as an adult. My parents were very controlling, particularly in my early teenage life, which often made me rebel against their instructions. However, I think that, despite the parenting approach, they did an incredible job in raising me. I have turned into a responsible, loving, and diligent person indicating their concerted efforts to raise a good child.