Writing Portfolio

Running head: EDUCATION ESSAY 1

EDUCATION ESSAY 2

Education Essay

Thyiest A Mosley

Park University

30 June 2019

Why do we need education? This is a question you as a student that is going to off to college may have wondered at some point. Many argue that education is the gateway to a good life, accords one a certain quality of life, and opens up employment opportunities (Reda, 2019). Mark Edmundson in his article “Who Are You and What Are You Doing Here,” “ argues that most people attend college, not for the education itself but rather for the parties, the connections, and the accolades that will finally lead to a good job with benefits. Although Edmundson’s arguments about how students should focus on their educational needs rather than conforming to the current educational system appear convincing [?] [incomplete expression], he fails to point out that dreams do not always pan out. The system is flawed and therefore even though students will end up might graduate with large student loan debts for careers they never [?] wanted to pursue in the first place, the social, and economic stability that comes with having a well -paying job, are is [subject/verb agreement: stability is] far superior to any purported happiness thought to be acquired from seeking better education or pursuing a career path of one’s choosing. Introduction paragraph incomplete: thesis/purpose statement not clear; no blueprint statement (overview statement of topics to be discussed in the essay).

Economic stability is one of the reasons students attend institutions of higher learning. The reason is that h Higher paying jobs often require the knowledge and skills acquired at these institutions. Every person who wants a better life for themselves himself or herself [pronoun/antecedent agreement: “every person” is singular, not plural] has at some point had a revelation that they he or she [pronoun/antecedent agreement] needed papers a college degree to get [“get” is casual; avoid using] gain access to these jobs. These jobs also come with perks [casual] benefits such as medical insurance which in turns makes [subject/verb agreement: insurance makes] healthcare that much affordable. Is it that unfathomable that you would want to choose a career path solely based on future perceptions rather than fleeting happiness? [I’m not sure what the point of this statement is] Truth is in as much as people try to encourage others to live in the present, people often avoid or pity those who are struggling and thus may not want to help out, and if they do so, they will do so begrudgingly [I’m not sure what the points of this statement is: what does it have to do with Edmundson’s article?]. Let nobody lie to you, people will always have choice words for someone who followed their passion but failed to succeed. It is only those who succeed who are used as poster children for the case for following dreams [I’m not sure what the pint of this statement is].

There is a certain social status that comes with being successful. Most students imagine such a successful [?] life for themselves, which is perhaps the major reason you they [pronoun/antecedent agreement] will attend college. Edmundson recognizes the same idea in his article. He speaks of a time when he himself was willing to go along with the flow. [vague, casual statement] follow the paths of his fellow students [?]. He shares a conversation he had with his father before he went off to college. When asked by his father what career path he intended to undertake, he argued stated that he wanted to take pre-law because he thought lawyers made a lot of money. His father instead urged him to choose a career path that he loved, since he would only get [“get” is casual, vague, overused] one shot at one opportunity to attend college, and that is how he ended up an English major (Greene, & Lidinsky Edmomndson, 2011 2019 [?]). However, the pressure to do something celebrated by society [I’m not sure what this means] is still there and most people's career choices involve a bit of societal expectation [I’m not sure what this statement means]. This [vague “this”; this what?] is not always a bad thing [“thing” is casual, overused] idea as it gives someone a baseline [?] if one ever decides to deviate from their his or her [pronoun/antecedent agreement: “one” is singular] chosen path. In addition, a wealth of experience from another field can make a person an insightful worker

Happiness is defined as a state of well-being, a moment when one feels content [How is this statement related to college education?]. There are a variety of reasons a person may feel happy; [fused sentence] for instance when they he or she [pronoun/antecedent agreement: “person” is singular] does work that is meaningful, when they he or she volunteers, or when traveling. While being passionate about what you do is of great significance, I believe that happiness is relative. Some people derive their happiness or rather their motivation extrinsically. If they are successful at what they do, they are happy, and that should be considered instead of equating happiness to this abstract thing [?] that has to be achieved in totality [I’m not sure what this statement means]. Even those who pursue careers of their choosing have moments of sadness just like everyone else. In addition, there are other things [“things” is casual, vague, opverused] issues that can make someone happy besides career choices, for example, flexible working hours or not working in an office.

In conclusion, I agree with Mark Edmundson’s assertions that there is more to college than parties, getting [“getting” is casual, overused] earning a degree and connections for a plush good-paying job as taking interest in what students learn in universities is paramount. However, I opine [?] that today’s realities have led to this aspect being overlooked and going to college has become more of a symbolic practice [I’m not sure what this expression means]. However, the system is faulty [What do you mean by “faulty? In what way? Who says so? Edmundson? You?] and students are just sticking to what has become the norm following standard educational paths [?]. Therefore unless more emphasis is put into skills and experiences rather than fancy degrees [What are “fancy degrees”? Do you discuss this topic? Does Edmundson?], there is nothing much that students could do to change the system.

Thyiest, your essay is not clearly organized; you do not discuss Edmondson’s points in an organized manner, and many of your statements are not clearly expressed. There are several grammar errors as well.

References

Greene, S., & Lidinsky, A. (2011). From inquiry to academic writing: A text and reader. Macmillan. [you do not cite the entire text; you cite the specific article in the text]

Reda, M. (2019). Top 10 Reasons why Education is Extremely Important. Retrieved from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/top-10-reasons-why-education-extremely-important-mohamed-reda