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REPAIRING TRUST AFTER INFIDELITY 1

Repairing Trust After Disclosed Marital Infidelity: A Comparison of Accountability, Emotional Safety, Acceptance, and Relational Decision Making in Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy

Abraham De La Cruz

School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University

Author Note

Abraham De La Cruz is a doctoral student in the Community Care and Counseling program at Liberty University.

I have no known conflict of interest to disclose.

Correspondence concerning this paper should be addressed to Abraham De La Cruz, School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University.

Annotated Outline

I. Introduction and Scope

A. Exposure to infidelity in marriage interferes with trust, attachment security, conflict patterns, and shared commitment. Harmed and engaged partners have various demands, and thus, therapy cannot afford to keep both partners safe without the responsibility of each being viewed as similar (Mitchell et al., 2022).

B. This paper is a comparison of the Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy as a couple therapy as a trust repair pathway. The former enhances acceptance, empathic understanding, and behavior change, and the latter enhances accountability, transparency, conflict regulation, and renewed commitment. They collectively promote emotional safety, informed relational decision making, and sustainable trust repair.

II. Systemic and Developmental Framework

A. Systemic formulation situates infidelity in the context of patterns of interaction, personal vulnerability, family background, cultural background, and external stress. Integrative Systemic Therapy aids in the evaluation of problem sequences, constraints, resources, and solutions without disturbing the couple as the direct client system (Breunlin et al., 2022).

1. The therapist must recognize ongoing contact in the affair, lies, coercion, violence, uncontrolled responses to trauma, or coercion to forgive. This evaluation will identify the safety of the conjoint therapy.

2. The therapist must also discuss the development, gender expectations, spirituality, culture, family of origin, and personal meaning since they are the factors that determine fidelity, accountability, forgiveness, safety, and reconciliation.

B. Repair of trust is something that must be practiced. The course presentation focuses on time, perseverance, and consistency as investments that help couples sustain the change in tough times (Liberty University, n.d.).

1. Time will allow the injured partner to see whether the remorse and transparency are maintained, and perseverance will allow partners to endure painful discussions.

2. Consistency transforms promises into believable evidence since frequent honesty, responsiveness, and boundary keeping lessen uncertainty. A systematic review identifies trustworthy behavior and responsive communication as key mechanisms for trust repair (Giacobbi & Lalot, 2025).

III. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy

A. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy is a contextual behavioral theory that attributes distress to differences, emotional sensitivities, external circumstances, and patterns of interaction. It is neither accepting nor changing but presupposes that all differences should vanish (Christensen & Doss, 2017).

1. The therapist develops a collective formulation that minimizes moral simplification without taking away responsibility. It demonstrates the role of avoidance, pursuit, shame, anger, secrecy, and reassurance seeking in perpetuating distress.

2. This model is supported by research reviews as a proven treatment of relationship distress, but evidence on infidelity specifically is more extensive in general distress (Doss et al., 2022).

B. Acceptance plans convert the emotional meaning of repetitive differences and injuries.

1. Empathic joining assists partners in revealing vulnerable feelings behind blame, such as fear, humiliation, guilt, grief, or inadequacy. It makes it less defensive but does not justify betrayal.

2. Unified detachment assists the partners to see the problem as a common pattern, and tolerance building creates responsiveness and maintains boundaries about intolerable behavior.

C. Change strategies translate insight into observable repair.

1. Exchange of behavior can create specific behavioral practices, such as the termination of external contact, responding to agreed-upon questions, providing pertinent information, initiating reassurance, and arranging consistent connection.

2. Communication and problem-solving skills assist couples in talking about triggers and boundaries. Five-year outcomes revealed that couples who reported infidelity and received behavioral couple therapy were more stable than couples who kept their infidelity a secret (Marín et al., 2014).

IV. Gottman Method Couple Therapy

A. Gottman Method Couple Therapy uses the Sound Relationship House, which links trust and commitment with friendship, conflict management, positive sentiment, and shared meaning.

1. The therapist assesses friendship, turning toward, flooding, failed repair attempts, conflict patterns, and shared meaning to identify the betrayal injury and barriers to recovery.

2. Trust is built by having recurring occasions demonstrating that the relationship is important, whereas commitment involves safeguarding the relationship and dismissing other options. These constructs render accountability quantifiable.

B. The Gottman affair recovery sequence progresses through atonement, attunement, and attachment.

1. Atonement places a premium on terminating the affair, honesty, disclosure within clinical boundaries, accountability, regret, openness, and patient responses. Pilot study observed greater gains than usual treatment in trust, conflict management, relationship satisfaction, and sexual quality (Irvine et al., 2024).

2. Attunement assists partners to learn about emotions, needs, vulnerabilities, and relationship history, and to learn softened start-up, repair, compromise, and self-soothing. The relationship can be explained in context without relocating the responsibility for betrayal.

3. Attachment aids in revitalized intimacy, connection rituals, shared aims, and expressive commitment, and maintains accountability in view.

V. Comparison of Core Trust Repair Constructs

A. Accountability

1. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy places responsibility in the functional analysis and behavior change. It determines what keeps secrets, avoids or is defensive, and substitutes these reactions with truthful actions.

2. Gottman Method Couple Therapy makes accountability the first requirement of atonement. The focus on disclosure, remorse, transparency, and boundaries provides it with a clear structure during a crisis.

B. Emotional Safety

1. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy provides safety by joining in an empathic manner, non-blaming pattern descriptions, and tolerance of painful emotions. Injured partners are able to show distress when other partners are present.

2. Gottman Method Couple Therapy produces safety via controlled conversation, soothing, repair efforts, and foreseeable responsiveness. Research on healing finds in recovery accountability, profound communication, reconnection, and progressive forgiveness (Fife et al., 2023).

C. Acceptance

1. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy views acceptance as a main process that minimizes a fruitless struggle and maximizes understanding. Acceptance is not approval, forgetting, immediate forgiveness, or boundary surrender.

2. Gottman Method Couple Therapy indirectly applies acceptance with the help of attunement, validation, friendship, and shared meaning. Its strategy seems more action-oriented, whereas the behavioral model offers a more robust theory of acceptance.

D. Relational Decision Making

1. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy elucidates patterns, values, change costs, change capacity, and readiness to engage. The therapist does not confuse reconciliation and success and assists the couple in evaluating whether safety can be developed.

2. Gottman Method Couple Therapy determines the reliability of atonement and attunement in bringing change. Hurt partners indicate that apologies, social support, renegotiated boundaries, therapy, and signs of reestablished trust affect their decisions to stay together (Mitchell et al., 2026).

VI. Integrated Clinical Progression

A. In the process of stabilization, the therapist is to evaluate the safety, terminate active deception, set boundaries of contact, control crisis responses, and develop a treatment contract. Infidelity work is reported by therapists to be emotionally taxing and a clinically complicated area of supervision and intentional impartiality (O’Rourke et al., 2025).

B. In meaning-making and pattern change, Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy may enhance emotional insight and acceptance, and Gottman interventions enhance transparency, conflict regulation, and trust behaviors.

C. At the time of decision and consolidation, the therapist must favor reconciliation, discernment, or respectful separation depending on observed change. The process of recovery can alternate between connection and separation, so clinicians must anticipate nonlinear progress (Walravens & Rober, 2024).

VII. Clinical Implications and Research Needs

A. Aggression, coercive control, instability, substance misuse, and ongoing deception should be screened by clinicians prior to conjoint intervention. They ought to explain confidentiality and secret policies, not coerce the injured partner into forgiving.

B. The treatment must be culturally responsive since couples vary in their definition of infidelity, privacy, gender roles, spirituality, family involvement, and evidence of repair. Clinicians are encouraged to make adjustments, maintaining accountability.

C. Both models are supported by the current evidence, yet there is a lack of direct comparative research. Future research ought to employ a variety of samples, a longer follow-up period, precise definitions, consideration of digital betrayal, and indicators of safety, accountability, acceptance, and the quality of decision-making.

VIII. Conclusion

A. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy treat compatible aspects of trust repair. An effective plan will incorporate tolerance and practical knowledge, openness, repentance, controlled confrontation, and regular guarded action.

B. Sustainable recovery is based on the presence of both partners building safety, enduring uncertainty, exhibiting change, and making a voluntary choice. Regardless of whether the couple remarries or gets divorced, therapists must define success as responsible healing and informed choice.

References

Breunlin, D. C., Russell, W. P., Chambers, A. L., & Solomon, A. H. (2023). Integrative systemic therapy for couples. In J. L. Lebow & D. K. Snyder (Eds.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (6th ed., pp. 318–338). The Guilford Press.

Christensen, A., & Doss, B. D. (2017). Integrative behavioral couple therapy. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 111–114. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.022

Doss, B. D., Roddy, M. K., Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2022). A review of the research during 2010–2019 on evidence‐based treatments for couple relationship distress. Journal of marital and family therapy, 48(1), 283–306. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12552

Fife, S. T., Gossner, J. D., Theobald, A., Allen, E., Rivero, A., & Koehl, H. (2023). Couple healing from infidelity: A grounded theory study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(12), 3882–3905. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075231177874

Giacobbi, M., & Lalot, F. (2025). Unpacking trust repair in couples: A systematic literature review. Journal of Family Therapy, 47(1), e12483. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-6427.12483

Irvine, T. J., Peluso, P. R., Benson, K., Cole, C., Cole, D., Gottman, J. M., & Schwartz Gottman, J. (2024). A pilot study examining the effectiveness of Gottman method couples therapy over treatment-as-usual approaches for treating couples dealing with infidelity. The Family Journal, 32(1), 81–94. https://doi.org/10.1177/10664807231210123

Liberty University. (n.d.). A marriage to die for, part 2 [Video transcript].

Marín, R. A., Christensen, A., & Atkins, D. C. (2014). Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy: Relationship outcomes over 5 years following therapy. Couple and family psychology: Research and practice, 3(1), 1. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/cfp0000012

Mitchell, E. A., Brown, K. S., Spencer, J., & Harris, K. (2026). Staying Together After Infidelity: An Exploration of the Decision‐Making Process of Recovery From the Perspective of the Injured Partner. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 52(1), e70110. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.70110

Mitchell, E. A., Wittenborn, A. K., Timm, T. M., & Blow, A. J. (2022). Affair recovery: Exploring similarities and differences of injured and involved partners. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 48(2), 447–463. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12538

O’Rourke, V., McElvaney, R., & Kirrane, M. (2025). Grappling with infidelity: The experiences of therapists. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 24(1), 24–48. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2024.2391965

Walravens, G., & Rober, P. (2024). Relational recovery after infidelity as a dual process: A model based on the experiences of female injured partners. Family process, 63(1), 151–162. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12857