eng 120

Intermediate Draft Too Much Exercise (with instructor

comments)

1 Although exercise is important, many people have gone too far and become fanatics about it by overdoing activity they think will help them stay fit and healthy.

2 Here at my community college the exercise room has more than a dozen silver machines. With LED readouts. They indicate time, speed, length to completion, and heart rate. Students and faculty climb up and down the Stairmaster. Increasing their pace as the machine directs them. Others race along the black rubber surface of a treadmill. There is sweat over everything as rowers in a wooden stationery boat grunt and groan. They do stop every now and then for a gulp of water from a Poland Springs bottle, runners along streets and beside highways are everywhere! This is very dangerous.

3 What they don’t always realize is that more reasonable exercise programs exist. Psychologists Carole Wade and Carol Tavris say that a key reason for the rise in wieght worldwide is “the sharp decline in exercise and other expenditures of energy” in part because of the “convenience of driving instead of walking” (435). Going on foot or by bicycle to school or work is a simple exercise that can raise daily activity safely and with good effects.

4 For those who want a more structured program, they’re is the Royal Canadian Exercise Plan. This plan, around for more than fifty years, provides five different exercises to do at home. Plus aerobic running in place. The exercise last only for 11 minutes a day. A person’s age sets the frequency and level of difficulty, and exercisers move up along a series of charts both to establish the number of repetitions and the specific exercise required (5BX).

5 Exercise doesn’t have to be a “no pain, no gain” experience.

INSTRUCTOR COMMENTS:

I like the way you’ve taken a contrarian view: you catch the

reader’s attention by arguing against too much exercise. Good

idea! And your alternatives are useful, but I’d like to hear more

about the dangers of outdoor running. I like the images of the

gym. I really can see those folks huffing and puffing.

As you revise, think about these points:

 You could use more sources than just the two you’ve used.

(You should reconsider Wikipedia in any case).

 Work on your intro and conclusion. They’re both too hasty

and don’t feel integral to your essay.

 Proofread carefully for those run-ons, comma splices,

fragments, and errors in agreement—these can be major

problems on a final draft. See relevant sections in the

Handbook (at the end of Student’s Book) for review and

practice.

Good effort for an intermediate draft, Mike. Revise! Revise!

Revise!

Final Draft Too Much Exercise

Mike Boyle

1 Evidence points to the fact that Americans are not as healthy as they should be. In

particular, the extremely overweight face serious health issues. Mark Ambinder writes

that our country ranks “as the world’s fattest developed nation, with an obesity rate

more than double that of many European nations” (72). Other than changing diet,

everyone knows that exercise is important for weight loss and good health. But too

many people overdo it and become fanatics about exercise, unaware that simpler

activities exist that can help improve health and fitness.

2 A visit to the local gym proves the point of workout mania. The exercise room has

rows of silver machines with LED readouts flashing time, speed, length to completion,

and heart rate. Out-of-shape students and faculty climb up and down the Stairmaster,

increasing their speed as the machine tells them to. Others zoom along the black rubber

surface of a treadmill grunting and groaning and sweating all over everything. There are

long waits for those who can’t find an available machine, and tempers fly when

someone tells an exerciser that time is up.

3 Outdoor exercisers also can push themselves to dangerous limits. In October of 2009

three runners—aged 26, 36, and 65—died in the Detroit Marathon (Tucker and Dugas).

These people may have had medical problems, but still the risk is there for competitors.

And one Web source reports that “Compulsive exercising can lead to insomnia,

depression, fatigue, and anxiety” (“Negative Effects”). Not everyone is at risk of serious

problems with lots of exercise, but why take the chance when there are other ways?

4 Reasonable exercise programs do exist. Psychologists Carole Wade and Carol Tavris

say that a key reason for the rise in weight worldwide is “the sharp decline in exercise

and other expenditures of energy” in part because of the “convenience of driving instead

of walking” (435). Going on foot or by bicycle to school or work is a simple exercise

that can raise daily activity safely and with good effects. For those who want more

structure, there’s the Royal Canadian Air Force Exercise Plan. This plan, around for

more than 50 years, provides five different exercises to do at home, plus aerobic running

in place. The exercises last only for 11 or 12 minutes a day. A person’s age sets the

frequency and level of difficulty, and exercisers move up along a series of charts both to

set the number of repetitions and the specific exercise required (Royal Canadian).

In an age of overkill that we live in—too many gadgets, too many high speed cars, too

much cutthroat competition—it’s hard to support restraint on any level. Try, for

instance, to tell a teenager to reduce texting time or cut down on listening to music on

his or her iPod. Writing against exercise in a world of too much everything is not bound

for great success. The point here is not to attack exercise, just to state that compulsive

exercise is not the best route to fitness and wellbeing. Next time you think of getting in

shape, try something simple that can help you stay fit and healthy.

Works Cited 1. Ambinder, Mark. “Beating Obesity.” The Atlantic, May 2010, pp. 72-83. 2. “Negative Effects of Over Exercising.” Eating Disorders Online,

2010, www.eatingdisordersonline.com.

3. Royal Canadian Air Force Plans for Physical Fitness. Rev. ed., Pocket, 1962. Internet

Archive, archive.org/details/Royl_Canadian_Air_Force_Exercise_Plans_962.

4. Tucker, Ross, and Jonathan Dugas. “Sudden Death During Exercise: The Media, Risk, and Running.” The Science of Sport, 22 Oct.

2009, scienceofsport.blogspot.com/search?q=Sudden+Death+During+Exerc

ise.

5. Wade, Carole, and Carol Tavris. Psychology. 10th ed., Longman, 2011.