questions and answers

MIDDLE ADULTHOOD

Welcome to middle adulthood! Thus far, your adult life has been quite eventful, especially in the realms of work and family. As you get ready to enter your forties, your educational pursuits are behind you, your career is established, and your personal life revolves around your partner and children. What is next for you in the middle years? You are eager to find out!

Your family has lots of good things going on. Juan is promoted at work and finding career success. Your parents retire and use their leisure time to travel and be more actively involved with their grandchildren. Your sister Gwen is in a serious relationship with a great guy, and your nephew Ben is doing well in high school. After living with your parents for years, Gwen and Ben move to their own apartment. You agree to pet sit their dog while they’re out of town for Ben’s baseball tournament. Your kids have been asking for a dog for a while and pet sitting only intensifies their desire. You have a feeling a dog is in your family’s future!

You and Huda grab coffee and chat about life in middle adulthood. As usual, Huda brings such a grounded, rational perspective. She talks about the influence of culture on the perception of aging and how the transition to midlife and beyond can be more challenging in cultures where aging is devalued. That makes a lot of sense!

Exciting news! Your nephew Ben graduates from high school and will be attending the state university in the fall. The whole family comes together to attend the graduation ceremony and the party Gwen hosts in Ben’s honor. Christopher Omar and Katherine adore their older cousin and are happy he’s staying close for college. It’s a joyful occasion and you’re proud of Ben and his accomplishments!

You have a new family member! You adopt a 1-year-old dog from the local animal shelter. She is a beautiful grey-black color and comes with the name Shadow. It’s no time before you all instantly fall in love with her!

An accidental collision with another player during a soccer game leaves Katherine with a concussion. He is evaluated at the emergency room and the concussion is deemed to be mild. The experience is a scare for you all nonetheless!

Your children are into all sorts of activities. Christopher Omar is musically inclined and plays the violin. Katherine plays soccer with the town’s recreational league. These and their other activities are a lot of fun, but they make for a pretty full schedule most evenings and weekends.

You gave the green light to kitchen renovations and they are now complete. The whole family is enjoying cooking, eating, and hanging in the new kitchen space!

Gosh, your mother is getting unusually forgetful. You notice it more and more lately. You mention it to Gwen and your father. Gwen says she’s noticed too, but your father seems to think everything is fine. Your mom is taking several medications, and you know medications can interfere with memory function. You recommend mom make a trip to her doctor to talk about it. You even offer to take her

As your teen children spend more time with their friends, you are able to do the same—well, spend more time with your own friends! You have different social groups from work and the neighborhood, but have remained closest with your crew of long-term friends including Alex, Michael, Sarah, and Huda. It’s nice to now have some free time you can put toward upping your social engagement!

Congratulations! You are promoted to a senior position at work! You’re very excited that your hard work and determination have paid off! The salary increase is pretty exciting as well. You’re up for the challenges and additional responsibilities that come with the higher status position. And you plan to continue with your efforts to further your professional growth until you are ready to retire.

The big topic of conversation at your work is pay inequity, when it comes to light that a female coworker is getting paid less than a male coworker in the same position and with a similar level of experience. Your organization vows to investigate whether gender pay gaps are occurring among employees and make a plan to resolve any inequities.

You reflect on family happenings. Your sister Gwen finds happiness with a wonderful guy (they marry!), and your nephew Ben graduates college and is working in construction management. You have the opportunity to see extended family at a few recent events. Your aunt and uncle are as vigorous as ever (You think they could outlive you!), and your cousins are doing well. On a less happy note, your family dog Shadow passes away, leaving you all mourning her loss. Shadow brought a lot of joy to your family, and you like to think your family brought a lot of joy to Shadow. As if that wasn’t bad enough, your mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and she continues to experience memory loss and confusion. Your father has been caring for her while Gwen’s family and yours help out as much as you can. The ups and downs of life!

After a series of very emotional counseling sessions, you and Juan make great strides in repairing your relationship. You’re thankful you never pursued the flirtation with your former coworker and decided, instead, to focus your energies on making things work with your partner. You both feel a renewed sense of commitment, love, and motivation to make the relationship work. You vow to stick it out and put to use the strategies you’ve learned for handling conflict. You’re hopeful you can bring back the connection and joy you once shared together. You’re hopeful you can bring back the connection and joy you once shared together.

You and Juan rekindle your relationship. The emotional and physical intimacy is returning and you’re more skillfully handling conflicts. You appreciate each other and are grateful you didn’t give up on the relationship. The two of you decide that now is the perfect time for that trip to Europe you’ve always wanted to take together.

Christopher Omar graduates high school! You couldn’t be happier or more proud! You celebrate with fanfare! You are thrilled to be launching him to college in the fall. Katherine is doing well in high school and it won’t be long before you’re attending her graduation!

Ugh! You need a couple of fillings replaced and you have a cavity! Aren’t cavities a childhood thing? Your dentist tells you that after years of wear and tear, it’s actually quite common to need to repair old fillings and for tooth decay to occur. One of your coworkers recently had a tooth extracted, so you suppose you would rather fillings than losing a tooth at this point.

Sure, you’re slowing down, but overall you are feeling great. Staying active and eating right have been good for you. Your LDL cholesterol and blood pressure are both in the normal range. Plus, you’re a healthy weight and your energy level is high. Your doctor recommends you continue with your lifestyle choices, which will keep you on track for a high quality, healthy life for years to come.

Phew. You made it through the lay-offs. Given the reputation you’ve earned as a hard worker, you weren’t terribly worried you would be let go. Regardless, when an organization restructures and downsizes, it’s not a pleasant time for anyone involved. Your role and responsibilities aren’t affected, so it’s “business as usual” as you move forward with your work.

You’ve had an eventful few years with your children. Christopher Omar elected to stay close for college and is studying health science, preparing to enter an occupational therapy graduate program. Katherine went out of state for school to study computer science. You think fondly that Katherine must have gotten her love for all-things-computers from your brother, Jack. Both of your kiddos are doing well as they forge their adult lives!

Life has been relatively smooth lately, but one evening a family tragedy occurs. While doing some light work around his house, your father has a heart attack and passes away. It’s a shock to your whole family, as there had been no signs of heart problems (which may be because problems went undiagnosed, given your dad hardly went to the doctor). Your entire family is deeply saddened. So you all gather together to deal with his loss, and square away the financial and practical matters after his passing. Due to your mom’s Alzheimer’s disease, she is left confused and not managing well on her own. It’s clear that you and Gwen need to make a plan for her care.

With the loss of your father and your mother’s health progressively declining due to Alzheimer’s disease, your mom can no longer live independently. You and Gwen work together to make arrangements to sell your parents’ house. You wish you could take care of your mother full-time, but it’s not realistic given the around-the-clock level of care she needs going forward. With sadness but careful consideration, you and Gwen move your mother into an Alzheimer’s care unit at an assisted living residence.

Middle age is typically the time of greatest career productivity, success, and earning power. This has been the case for you! Your hard work has led to a prosperous professional journey and you see no reason your career won’t continue to flourish until you retire.

You’re glad you and Juan weathered the relationship storm. Just as with most things in life that are worth having, it wasn’t easy and took effort. You can say for sure, though, that it was worth it! Your relationship is stronger than ever. You look forward to spending the rest of your lives together.

The physical changes of middle adulthood have not escaped your notice. Your skin isn’t as tight; in fact, it’s sagging and wrinkles are more prominent. And you are finding brown spots and skin tags that were never there. Plus, certain foods you have always eaten no longer agree with your digestive system, leaving you with a stomachache or heartburn, which is disappointing!

You do a check-in on your retirement plans. Unfortunately, you haven’t saved enough to be able to retire at this point. Many of your same-aged friends, like Alex, are retiring now. But you will need to continue working until your late 60s.

Joy, joy! You have your first grandchild! Christopher Omar and his partner welcome baby Lucy into the world. She is precious! After finishing his graduate degree, Christopher Omar began a career in occupational therapy, fell in love, and recently moved near you so that Lucy can be raised around family. You can be as active a grandparent as you want to be! You are pleased to see your children doing well. That includes Katherine, who works in computer science and is focused on traveling as much as possible while free from commitments keeping her in one place.

Your friend Sarah, who had been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, is doing great! She is successfully managing the disease by living a healthy lifestyle. A sedentary person, she is no longer! She powerwalks several days a week and eats a diet low in sugar and saturated fat. You are relieved her health is in a better place and that she is feeling vigorous!

After deteriorating both cognitively and physically from Alzheimer’s disease, your mother passes away peacefully. Her final days are in hospice care. You, Gwen, and your families are able to be there by her side. It is difficult, but you have been coming to terms with the situation as your mother could no longer recognize you or communicate with you.

Juan retires. Your relationship continues to blossom and you are looking ahead with excitement to the adventures you two will have! You know retirement may require you and Juan adjusting to new roles at home, but you don’t anticipate it will be a problem.

As the matriarch of the family, your mother had been the kinkeeper, the one who was the “glue” and kept everyone informed and in contact. Gwen is now playing that role. She hosts holiday dinners and plans a reunion to gather extended family together. It’s nice that she’s promoting family ties!

CAREER Your career in Health Sciences was a large part of your life during middle adulthood. Through your hard work you achieved great occupational success by earning a senior position and a salary to match. You have yet to retire, but anticipate that once you do, you will look back on your career as a highlight to celebrate. CAREER Your career in Health Sciences was a large part of your life during middle adulthood. You achieved solid occupational success by progressively developing your skills and moving up the ladder. You have yet to retire, but anticipate that once you do, you will look back on your career as a highlight to celebrate. LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS Maintaining a romantic relationship across decades takes work. You found that out first hand! After years of tension and distance between you and Juan, you two put in the work to improve communication and conflict management as well as reconnect and rekindle your love. It feels wonderful to be back on the same page and appreciate each other again. You are headed into late adulthood ready to create new memories with your partner! Over the middle years, you went from a busy parent of two to an empty-nester and grandparent! Your children graduated high school and college (and Christopher Omar earned a graduate degree), and are making their way in the world. Christopher Omar is an occupational therapist, has a partner, and is the parent to your first grandchild. Katherine is a computer scientist and is focused on building her career and traveling the world. You are bursting with pride about your children and grandchild! You look forward to seeing what is in store next for all of you! In middle adulthood, you lost both of your parents. It was a trying and emotional time dealing with their deaths. You and Gwen remained close through it all and continue to make efforts to stay connected with extended family. Another notable shift that occurred in midlife was in regard to how you spend your time. You spent less time with your children and more time with your friends, and this was particularly so after becoming an empty-nester. You see your friends as being a large and fun part of your life in late adulthood! FINANCIAL PLANNING Toward the end of middle adulthood, one indicator of financial well-being is being in the position to afford to retire. Unfortunately, you could not afford to do so. You preferred spending in the present more than saving for the future. Now that the “future” is here, you’re still working and doing a better job of saving so that you can retire and afford a similar lifestyle in your advancing years. HEALTH AND WELL-BEING Many factors contribute to health, some of which are lifestyle choices under your control. Well, you found out from personal experience the effects diet and exercise lifestyle choices can have. Thankfully, your choices and their effects have been positive! You elected to be physically active and eat right, and are now reaping the benefits such as maintaining a healthy weight, feeling well, and not being at risk for heart disease or stroke. Continue on this path in order to sustain your strength, stamina, and health in late adulthood! You entered middle adulthood with good coping skills that you put to use when handling the stressful life events and aging-related issues you encountered. Continuing to respond to life’s difficulties in ways that help you manage the stress and maintain positivity will be useful in late adulthood as you experience declines and make adaptive adjustments. The later years generally bring increased happiness and well-being. Let’s see what late adulthood has in store for you!