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Description of Metaphor
Parenting is like taking a family trip to the beach! Don’t be fooled by how much fun that sounds, though – think of all that must be done prior to departure: picking which shore to visit, making sure everyone remembers their towels, gathering toys, water and snacks, double-checking you have the right sun gear and swimwear for each member of the family, as well as sufficient sunscreen. And don’t forget the chairs and sandals! Then you pack everyone into the car (as well as all the gear), navigate to your destination, select the perfect family spot along the sandy coastline (close enough to the bathrooms, but far enough away from the concessions stands!), and finally, you can settle in and enjoy your time at the beach. And the more of it that can be done with a smile on your face and a gentle tone in your voice, the better for everyone!
Just as preparation, thought, planning, and patience must all come together for a family to spend a memorable and fun day at the beach, so too must many different elements come together for a couple to create the ideal parenting environment and atmosphere for their children to blossom and succeed in life.
Class Concepts
In the very first, before anything else can be done or supplies packed, the decision must be made to go and a beach selected. There are numerous options to choose from, and the choice is dependent upon what the couple wants the beach to provide. Do they want lots of sand for the children to play in, or large swells in which to surf, or warm water so the kids can learn to swim? Is a rockier beach okay because the day will be spent out on a boat, or does the family want extra-fine sand to lay on and play games in? Is the weather at the beach the deciding factor, or is the shore’s proximity to where the couple lives more important? In the same way that a beach is chosen based on the features the beach needs to provide, couples need to decide what values are important to each of them and establish a parenting value system in the very beginning. If couples don’t have their values in mind from the start, they may end up teaching principles to their children that go against what the parents believe (Chapter 11). They may end up at a beach where they don’t want to be!
Once the couple know where they’re going (and why), they need to start packing for the trip. It would be futile to pick a beach for its beautiful coral reefs if the snorkeling gear was left at home! Packing for an outing to the beach is comparable to preparing for parenthood. Couples need to prepare for parenthood – both physically, with all the “stuff” babies need, and emotionally, for all the changes and choices that will be coming (Chapter 12). If a couple (either individually or collectively) doesn’t adequately prepare for parenthood, situations will come up where they won’t have the proper tools for the needs of their family. Insufficient preparation can both ruin a day at the beach (everybody can’t be out in the sun all day without sunscreen!) and tear at a marriage, hurting both the children and parents.
So what needs to be packed? No matter the beach, everybody is going to get thirsty at some point, so water is essential! Nothing creates a thirst like swimming in a salty ocean and playing under a brightly shining sun, so if a couple forgets water, dehydration may become an issue. Children and adults need sufficient hydration to maintain their health and energy for a fun day at the beach, just like families need both quality and quantity time together for optimum family happiness and positive outcomes for the children (Chapter 11). Part of balancing work and family is making sure to put sufficient focus on both the amount of time spent together, as well as the value of what is done during that time.
Sunscreen is also an important part of any trip to the beach. Forgetting the sunscreen can cause unhappiness both today and in the future – UV rays bouncing off the sand, ocean, clouds, and water on a person’s body can cause a painful burn, which, when combined with the skin’s dryness from being in salty water, may result in especially raw skin for weeks. In the same way sunscreen protects a child’s skin from the sun today and additional pain tomorrow, creating a secure attachment with your children provides fortification from the demands and realities of a difficult world both today and in the future (Chapter 11).
Another important item for any family to take on a trip to the seaside is toys, of course! Balls, a kite, buckets and shovels for digging in the sand, cups for building sand castles, surfboards or boogie boards for ocean play, and small toys for young children are all great things to bring. Although not necessary for a family outing to the beach, toys can help the day go more smoothly (for example, as a redirection for squabbling siblings or a small child) and be the extra oomph the family needs to create lasting memories. Correspondingly, slowing down and taking time to be together can be just what a household needs to become a bonded family and help home life go more smoothly (Chapter 11 and Raising an Unhurried Child).
Next, everybody will need some sandals to keep their feet safe from the hot sand and sharp rocks along the coast. Along the same lines, teaching children to “pay attention” rather than “be careful” can foster resiliency, which will protect them from future disappointment and prepare them for the challenges life can bring (Chapter 14).
And what trip to the beach would be complete without swimsuits and towels? There are hundreds of choices when selecting a swimsuit, just like there are many choices when selecting childcare (Chapter 13). And just like a swimsuit needs to fit right and be comfortable, parents need to be at ease with their childcare choice! Also, towels can be made from either high-quality or low-quality fabric. Both will dry a person’s body from a romp in the ocean, but the high-quality towel will be soft and gentle to use, and probably long enough to spread out and lay on to warm up under the sun, while the low-quality towel will be abrasive and not long enough to be comfortable to lay on. Correspondingly, quality childcare can be a beneficial and more comfortable situation for your child, while low-quality childcare (though it may meet the need for a child to be taken care of while his parents are working) will not sufficiently meet all the needs of a child to develop and grow to his full potential, and can be harmful (Chapter 13).
Snacks are also a wonderful element of a trip to the shore, and a necessary item when kids are around! Children usually run off and do their own thing at the beach, and since parents are usually the ones who maintain possession of the snack bag, snacks are a way for everyone to come back together, reconnect with the family, and refuel before returning to their play. Likewise, family rituals are a way to bind everyone together as a family unit, creating shared memories and connecting them when they are away from each other (Chapter 15).
A final thing that many couples may forget to pack is chairs for sitting on in the sand. Towels may be sufficient for children to sit on, but a chair allows the parent to comfortably keep an eye on the children while relaxing themselves. It’s much easier to look up and check on children when watching a playing toddler or reading a book while in a chair than it is to sit up from lying down. Sitting in a chair also allows the children to see a parent more easily than if the parent were lying on a towel. It shows children the parent is awake and aware of what’s going on, rather than falling asleep in the sun on the towel. A parallel can be drawn between the function of the beach chairs and the concept of quiet availability in parents. Being present with the children without being overbearing and hovering over them as they go about their work and play gives them the gentle assurance that their parents are there and accessible when the child needs them (Chapter 14).
Now the couple has everything packed, they can head out to the beach with the family. Once at the seashore, however, the parents must pick the best spot for the family to settle in. Depending on what the family needs, this may mean being close to a public restroom, close to the water, surrounded by dry sand, far away from the concessions stand, close to or far away from other people, etc. Different couples will look for different spots along the oceanfront, conditional upon what they have determined their requirements to be. Similarly, couples must develop parenting strategies to meet the needs of their children, especially when both parents are working (Chapter 14). No matter what strategies are decided upon, and no matter where the family decides to settle in at the beach, the outcome will be a happy one as long as the family’s needs are kept in focus.
Conclusion