kim woods

Vincent McDuffie

Instructor

Class and Section

28 February 2021

A Memorable Concert

I can still describe the best event in my life: a concert by my favorite rap group . It had not been easy to convince my parents to allow me to attend that concert, especially because it was a night performance and my parents are very strict. I was lucky to have been there. Despite being my favorite rap group, I had never seen them before, and seeing them perform that night was awesome . I arrived at the venue at 6 o'clock which was rather early as the event was supposed to start at 8 o'clock. What makes this concert memorable is the awesome performance by the rap group and the wild excitement of the crowd.

Contrary to what I would have wished for, the concert did not start immediately. People had arrived too early and the wait was taking forever. I was in the regulars' section and it was so crowded. The mixture of perfume and sweat made me nauseated. What is more= is that it was too noisy. One could hear people talking a lot about this particular group, other controversial groups, and their likes and dislikes for them. The event organizer had a hard time calling people to order when it was finally time for the concert to begin.

People started screaming at the sight of the first member of the group on stage. The performance started and every sound of each of the many instruments that the group played sent people moving closer. Within no time, the VIP section was overcrowded as the guards were unable to restrict movement to this section. The music was loud and the audience made it even louder as they sang along and let out screams of joy and excitement. The stage was lit dimly with red, green, and yellow fluorescent lights. I was so lost in singing and dancing that I forgot that the main reason I was there that night was to see the members of my favorite rap group.

Although it was a three-hour performance, when it was finally over it felt like it had lasted only a few minutes. It was now time to leave and people were struggling to get out as fast as they could. Again there were screams and wails as some people got hurt in the struggle. Outside, it was dark and the street lights made the night beautiful. The cold wind was such a welcome relief from the warm uncomfortable air that had been in the room. Some people were selling snacks that looked appealing and I bought potato chips as I waited for my dad to pick me up.

The awesome performance by the band and the wild excitement of the crowd had made the event memorable. I spotted my dad's red car from a distance and started walking to where I knew he would park it. Everywhere people were talking excitedly about the concert. Although I had not clearly seen my favorite group, I was happy. Today, I can still clearly remember the sounds of the instruments, the screams of excitement, and the smell of delicious food . Oh! I just want to go back and live that event again.

The good (keep doing these things):

+general essay structure

+few major error types

The bad (target these errors when you study):

-somewhat vague details. Which group was performing? Who were the artists?

-run-ons: include both the comma and the coordinating conjunction to join independent clauses correctly.

�Name them! That’s a good, specific detail to include

�Vague detail

�What was the venue?

�RO: you need both the comma and the coordinating conjunction to join independent clauses in a sentence.

�RO

�Shift in person. You’re telling a story of your own experience. Go ahead and use mainly first person.

�Somewhat vague details.

�Name?

�RO

�RO

�RO

�The only food you really mentioned is the chips you bought.