Pitch Assiginmetn

MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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Pitch Script 1 Feedback, Example, Tactics, and Rubric

We have not yet finished our Pitch Assignments! We will submit one more draft and one

more video. As we discussed during the first class, to improve, we must reflect upon our

previous performances, recognize our missteps, acquire and apply new knowledge, skills, and

abilities, engage in meaningful practice, and then perform better. In that spirit, we will be

discussing topics like motivation, charisma, communication, influence, and change, so that we

may learn to craft more effective messages and understand better how the subtleties of our

messaging affect others’ behaviors, hopefully rallying their commitment to our causes rather

than merely their compliance with our orders. In this way, we may become better leaders.

As an addendum to the syllabus, this assignment now comprises six deliverables. The

syllabus provides the relevant due dates (also included below). The percentages below reflect

the proportion of your Pitch Assignment grade determined by each deliverable.

1) Pitch Script 1 15%

2) Pitch Video 1 15%

3) Pitch Script 2 30% due 10/3

4) Pitch Video 2 30% due 10/10

5) Peer Evaluations 10% due 10/14

Below I have provided some feedback regarding your initial Pitch Script Drafts, as well as

a sample pitch script and a formal rubric, to guide your revision process. It should be relatively

easy to self-diagnose and determine why points were deducted from your drafts by judging your

scripts by the comments below and the rubric at the end of this document. Please also review

the original Pitch Assignment document to ensure you are conforming to the requirements

outlined therein before submitting the next draft. I intend for your revision process to be self-

directed through the final draft, though I encourage you to seek feedback from others (e.g.,

friends, family, coworkers) to help you craft a better pitch. Although I do not provide individual

written feedback on your drafts, I am happy to do so over the phone or Zoom. The reasons I

have deducted points on Pitch Script Draft 1 include:

o Several people may not have sufficiently read the Pitch Assignment document I posted. Your

job is not to inform the audience (i.e., your professor and classmates) about you or your

passion, but to convince us to engage in your passion. In other words, your pitch is not about

you. You are merely an advocate for your passion. Your focus should be persuading us to

change our behaviors, attitudes, opinions, beliefs, or values. If your passion is recycling,

convince us to recycle. If your passion is voting, convince us to vote during the next election.

Importantly, don’t offend us in the process by telling us we currently are fools. You should

direct your pitch more toward the skeptics than those who already agree with you.

MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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o Many students would benefit from being much more specific in their topics. For instance, if

you are discussing environmental issues and encouraging us to adopt more environmentally

friendly practices, it would be better to select a single issue and practice for us to adopt than

to broadly encourage better environmental stewardship. In this case, you might discuss the

problems of single-use plastic water bottles and how purchasing a reusable water bottle

might ameliorate those problems. As another example, if you are discussing self-

improvement, it would be better to select a limited topic, like reading 30 minutes a day,

rather than something generic and clichéd like, “Follow your dreams and never give up so

you can be the best you and show the world all you have to offer because you are a shining

star that keeps the world from darkness and I know you’ll succeed because I believe in you

just like me!” If you are asking us to volunteer or donate to a charity or cause, tell us which

one. Be as specific as you can.

o Many pitches were unstructured, resembling a stream-of-consciousness rather than

comprising distinct sections. You should not have just one or two run-on paragraphs

comprising your entire pitch. Instead, you should have perhaps four paragraphs (including

the introductory paragraph; see below for comments), each serving a unique function, but

together supporting your primary goal of inspiring your audience to engage in your passion.

For each paragraph of your pitch, ask yourself, “What do I want my audience to be thinking

or feeling by the end of this paragraph?” For instance, one paragraph might tell a personal

story. Another paragraph might pose and answer a rhetorical question using expert opinion

and statistics. Both paragraphs should seek to evoke some emotional or cognitive response

from your audience. Do you want them to feel curious? Amused? Outraged? Or perhaps a

sense of FOMO? Structure your pitch to build tension through a few such cognitive and

emotional phases, and then resolve that tension through a well-crafted call-to-arms (see

below for comments).

o Your introductory paragraph should be just 50-75 words. Importantly, let us (i.e., the

audience) know the purpose of your pitch in the introduction. Directly and specifically (and

briefly) indicate to us what behavior, idea, social cause, attitude, opinion, or value you would

like us to adopt. How do you seek to change us? Also, this paragraph should include a formal

dedication to someone important to you. Many students failed to include such a dedication.

o Many students did not include a call-to-arms. The final section of your pitch should provide

specific, actionable, and feasible steps we can take to engage in your passion. The call-to-

arms should not be a series of questions posed to the audience. Rather, it should answer any

such questions the audience may have about how to engage in your passion. For the final

drafts is should be perhaps one-quarter to one-third of your pitch.

MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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o Related to the above point, many students who included some form of call-to-arms could

improve them. The call-to-arms is the most important section of your pitch. As such, it should

be treated as a distinct section and not as an afterthought or summary section. The call-to-

arms is a message directly to us, your classmates and professor(s), and not some fictional or

faceless entity, nor society at large. As noted above, the more specific you are, the better.

Two approaches to the call-to-arms were popular in the first drafts. One approach I will call

the blitzkrieg, wherein the author bombards the audience with so many steps that they

become overwhelmed and are left dazed and confused. The other approach I will call the

dagger, wherein the author thrusts just a single point toward the audience at the end. Our

call-to-arms should be more like a finely crafted trident, with 3-5 prongs that are connected

to each other as well as the preceding paragraphs.

o Many students used redundant or otherwise superfluous language. With a ~600-word limit,

every word counts. You should not be rephrasing ideas multiple times. You should make any

given statement precisely once (unless you are purposefully using techniques like repetition

and anaphora). Below I provide a purposefully exaggerated example of such language:

“Hello to everyone watching my video today. As some of you may know but others may not yet know, my name is Rob and I am a fellow MBA student in your classes here at UHD. Because this assignment we are doing in this class deals with what I am passionate about in my life, today I want to talk about a great passion of mine in this pitch which is called art. I became passionate about this topic of art when I was a child and am still passionate about it today, even though I am no longer a child because I am currently an adult. Art is a source of passion for me in my life and so I will discuss it here and try to get you to like it, too, if you don’t yet do so.”

Such a passage could be stated more clearly, concisely, and compellingly as:

“Hello, I’m Rob! I’ve been passionate about art, especially drawing and painting, since I was a kid. Today I’m going to tell you why you should make art a part of your life and hopefully inspire you to draw or paint something today. I’d like to dedicate this pitch to my great aunt Helen who introduced me to painting.”

The revised paragraph has several advantages beyond eliminating redundancy and

superfluousness. For example, “art” is a broad term, and in the first paragraph, the author

does not indicate whether he is passionate about art creation, appreciation, preservation, or

whatever else. The revised paragraph states the topic explicitly as creating drawings and

paintings. As another advantage, the revised paragraph avoids telling the audience what we

already know (e.g., that we are watching your video, etc.). Moreover, the revised paragraph

contains a message specifically directed at the audience. Finally, the revised paragraph

contains an explicit dedication per the instructions provided in the initial Pitch Assignment

document.

MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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o Some students submitted scripts that were either too long or too short. I want 575-625

words.

o Several students were late in submitting the papers.

o This draft is for a speech. Students who included graphics or hyperlinks should remove them,

though I do appreciate the extra effort.

o Some students plagiarized. Even a single unattributed sentence is enough to constitute a

violation of academic honesty, so make sure your work is your work. You may use a short

quote or two (i.e., 10-15 words), but you should attribute the source(s) during your pitch and

cite the source(s) at the end of your Pitch Script. Any quotes you use should be inspirational,

not informational. Do not quote statistics. Rephrase any statistics you use and cite the

source(s).

Now, the good news is that I see a lot of promise in your drafts! You have revealed a

diverse set of passions, and it’s exciting to learn so much from you. Some of you have shared

stories that are beautiful, tragic, comical, and courageous. I look forward to seeing how your

pitches develop over the next couple of weeks. Let me know if you have any questions.

MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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Supplementary Instructions for Pitch Script 2

Pitch Script 2 should represent a complete rewrite of your pitch. You may keep or

reframe the same topic you used before, as well as any stories or anecdotes you shared, or you

may select a new topic. Either way, I would suggest starting with a fresh Word document for this

draft so that you do not use any of your old material. One of the reasons this assignment is so

short is that I want you to work with the language and structure comprehensively.

As you are working to recompose your Pitch Script, imagine that you are reading a

stranger’s work. Try to overcome the emotional connection you have to your work (remember

the IKEA effect?) and critique it objectively. Ask yourself if you find the pitch truly persuasive. Ask

yourself if you feel inspired by the writing. Ask yourself if you feel compelled to change by the

language. If you encounter a moment of confusion or ambiguity in your writing, your audience

will, too. If you feel bored, your audience will, too. If you feel like you are being preached to,

your audience will, too. Work with the language until you feel it is perfect.

Annotate Tactics

You are required to use and annotate at least 12 distinct verbal persuasive techniques in

your pitch. Properly doing so is worth up to one-half of your grade for the second Pitch Script.

Examples of persuasive techniques include Charismatic Leadership Tactics (CLTs), influence

tactics, principles of persuasion, and any other identifiable techniques you might wish to employ

(e.g., anaphora, alliteration, inspirational quote, etc.). CLTs will be discussed during our class on

Communication. Influence tactics will be covered during our lecture on Power, Influence, and

Change. You may use and annotate nonverbal tactics, but they do not count toward your 12-

tactic minimum. Also, you may use and annotate specific verbal tactics more than once, but you

may only count a specific tactic once toward your 12-tactic quota. For example, you may use

multiple metaphors, similes, and analogies, but you may only count that tactic of “metaphors,

similes, and analogies” once.

You should annotate your use of these tactics using the “Comments” feature in Word

(available under the Review tab). This link and this video provide more instruction for using that

feature. When you save your Word document prior to uploading the file to Blackboard, ensure

that “All Markup” is selected as the “Display for Review” option in the “Tracking” section of the

“Review” tab. Please refer to the example below to see how it should look upon upload.

MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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Pitch Script Example

The sample script below is not a blueprint for your scripts, but it should give you some

sense of the intended structure and style, especially with regard to annotating the tactics. I did

not want to provide this example before you submitted Pitch Script 1 because I did not want you

to be constrained structurally or stylistically to how I have written this sample script. In this

example, I have utilized numerous CLTs, influence tactics, and other principles of persuasion. At

the end of this document, you will find a non-exhaustive list of nearly 40 different tactics

available to you. I have labeled all the tactics used in the example script. You should do the same

per the instructions provided in the previous section. You will notice that some of the sentences

below contain more than one tactic. At times, certain tactics are nested within other tactics,

such as using contrasts when telling a story. Also, note that I have used several tactics more than

once. You may also use tactics more than once, but you must use at least 12 different tactics. I

have embedded nearly 20 tactics here to illustrate just how easy it can be to insert these tactics

into your own written and verbal communication.

Again, what I have provided here is merely an example. It should not be treated as an

ideal template for your pitches. However, your pitch should look like the sample below with

tactics annotated to the side.

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Hello, I’m Rob Austin McKee, a Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior. I also

work with non-profits to help aspiring entrepreneurs hone their public speaking skills. Today I’m

going to discuss the art of the pitch with the goal of helping you pitch your ideas better. I dedicate

this speech to all the teachers and professors who believed in me even when I did not.

I am one of those strange souls who enjoy public speaking. A few years ago, I was part of a

medical device startup going through the Texas Medical Center Startup Accelerator. I had the pleasure

of speaking at a showcase event in front of nearly 1,000 attendees, including successful entrepreneurs,

investors, and doctors. Being on stage at such an event is exhilarating. Immediately after my pitch, a

white-haired gentleman suddenly approached me and began enthusiastically complimenting my

performance, passion, and poise on stage. When he wandered off, one of the co-founders of our

company suddenly approached me to ask about the conversation. At that time, this co-founder was

the Chair of Bioengineering at Rice, so most of his daily life was spent being the smartest and most

important person in any given room he happened to occupy. Mr. Chair-of-Bioengineering was

perplexed that I seemed so casual about my conversation with Mr. White-Hair and asked if I knew

who the gentleman was. When I responded that I did not, he shook his head and explained that Mr.

White-Hair was the smartest and most important person in that room. He was one of the top heart

surgeons in the world with nearly 60 patents and a Lambo. And Dr. White-Hair somehow remembers

me to this day. That’s the power of good public speaking. You never know who might be watching!

I believe that a single good presentation lasting just a few minutes can elevate a career or cause

faster than months or even years of solid but out-of-sight performance. Have you ever heard the

phrase “out of sight, out of mind”? Well, being in front of the room ensures that you are in sight and

in mind. You set the content. You set the tone. You set the agenda. How many people do we

remember from history just because they were the ones on stage? The civil rights movement involved

millions of people, but we remember Martin Luther King, Jr. because he was on stage. Alone, we are

limited in our capacities to effect change, but if we can rally others to our causes, we become mighty

forces.

So, how do we deliver great pitches? Here are three principles to follow. First, the structure is

crucial, so write it out. Some speakers go so far as to develop storyboards for their pitches to keep

them focused, nonredundant, and moving along, like a series of planned pitstops on a road trip to

some definitive destination. Second, give both micro and macro perspectives on the issue. The micro

perspective is easy; tell a story related to your topic involving some protagonist, who may well be you.

The macro perspective should illuminate the importance of your topic more broadly, providing

information like benefits and consequences that would be relevant to your audience and the greater

world. Third, you should include a call-to-arms that directly addresses the audience and provides

specific and actionable steps they can take. This call-to-arms is the ultimate purpose, or definitive

destination, of your pitch! It should not be a smorgasbord of minor details, but rather a few big-picture

items that distill the essence of your pitch to make it memorable and achievable by your audience. If

you follow these three easy steps, I believe your next pitch will be a good one. And you never know

who might be watching!

Commented [RAM1]: 1) Storytelling

Commented [RAM2]: 2) Authority – I establish myself as a credible source of information on the topic by showing I have been recognized as a skillful speaker by luminaries

Commented [RAM3]: 3) Alliteration, AND 4) List of three

Commented [RAM4]: 5) Humor

Commented [RAM5]: 6) Repetition

Commented [RAM6]: 7) Use of a colloquialism for Lamborghini

Commented [RAM7]: 8) Apprising

Commented [RAM8]: 9) Rhetorical question, AND 10) Use of a common proverb

Commented [RAM9]: 11) Contrast

Commented [RAM10]: 12) Anaphora

Commented [RAM11]: Rhetorical question (I counted this tactic once already, so I labeled it for the reader’s convenience but did not count it again.)

Commented [RAM12]: 13) Invoking history

Commented [RAM13]: 14) Inspirational appeal

Commented [RAM14]: Rhetorical question (I counted this tactic once already, so I labeled it for the reader’s convenience but did not count it again.)

Commented [RAM15]: List of three (I counted this tactic once already, so I labeled it for the reader’s convenience but did not count it again.)

Commented [RAM16]: 15) Simile

Commented [RAM17]: Repetition (I counted this tactic once already, so I labeled it for the reader’s convenience but did not count it again.)

Commented [RAM18]: Repetition (I counted this tactic once already, so I labeled it for the reader’s convenience but did not count it again.)

MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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Nonexhaustive List of Persuasive Tactics

o Charismatic Leadership Tactics from Week 5, Learning Charisma, Antonakis et at. (2012), HBR

o Metaphors, similes, and analogies

• Stories and anecdotes

• Contrasts

• Rhetorical Questions

• Three-part lists

• Expressions of moral conviction

• Statements that reflect the sentiments of the group

• Setting high goals

• Convey confidence that the goals can be achieved

• Creating a sense of urgency

• Invoking history

• Using repetition

• Talking about sacrifice

• Using humor

o Principles of Persuasion from Week 5, Science of Persuasion, Cialdini and Martin

• Liking

• Reciprocity

• Social Proof

• Consistency

• Authority

• Scarcity

o Influence Tactics from Week 6, Validation of the Extended Influence Behavior Questionnaire,

Yukl et al. (2008), The Leadership Quarterly

• Rational Persuasion

• Consultation

• Inspirational Appeals

• Collaboration

• Apprising

• Ingratiation

• Personal Appeals

• Exchange

• Legitimating

• Pressure

• Coalition

o Other Tactics: You may use other identifiable tactics, as I did in the sample script above.

Examples of such tactics include anaphora, alliteration, colloquialisms, proverbs,

inspirational quotes (limited to 10-15 words with a citation provided), cultural references

(e.g., celebrities, popular characters from TV or movies), etc.

Pitch Assignment Rubric - MBA 6213, Dr. Rob Austin McKee

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Expert Proficient Apprentice Novice

Verbal Communication

Grammar and language are excellent

Grammar and language are good

Grammar and language are acceptable

Grammar and language are poor

Very persuasive, correctly using at least 12 different

tactics

Fairly persuasive, correctly using at least 9 tactics

Mildly persuasive, correctly using at least 6 tactics

Not persuasive, correctly using fewer than 6 tactics

Nonverbal Communication

Facial expressions, body language, and vocal tone are excellent and strongly

reinforce the topic

Facial expressions, body language, and vocal tone

are good and reinforce the topic

Facial expressions, body language, and vocal tone are acceptable and mildly

reinforce the topic

Facial expressions, body language, and vocal tone

are poor and fail to reinforce the topic

Does not seem to be reading script

Rarely seems to be reading script

Occasionally seems to be reading script

Constantly seems to be reading script

Structure and Flow

Topic is specific and focused

Topic is generally focused Topic is apparent but lacks

focus Topic is unspecified or

vague Includes a clear

introduction of speaker and topic of 50-75 words

Includes an introduction of speaker and topic of <50 or

>75 words

Includes some form of introduction of <25 or >100

words

No distinct introductory paragraph, or paragraph

>125words Introduction includes a

formal dedication Introduction does not include a formal dedication

Clearly seeks to change audience's behavior,

attitudes, opinions, beliefs, or values

Generally seeks to change audience's behavior,

attitudes, opinions, beliefs, or values

Somewhat seeks to change audience's behavior,

attitudes, opinions, beliefs, or values

Does not seek to change audience's behavior,

attitudes, opinions, beliefs, or values

Sequence of ideas presented in the pitch is

logical

Sequence of ideas makes sense

Sequence of ideas meanders but is acceptable

Sequence of ideas wanders aimlessly

Topic sentences readily distinguish different

sections

Topic sentences distinguish different sections

Different sections are moderately identifiable

Different sections are not identifiable

Well-defined call-to-arms with 3-5 specific and

actionable steps Good call-to-arms Acceptable call-to-arms No call-to-arms

No redundancy present Little redundancy present Some redundancy present Much redundancy present

No plagiarism present Inclusion of any plagiarized content will result in a failing grade and a Academic Honesty

report being filed with the University

Length 575-625 words <550 or >650 words <525 or >700 words <500 or >750 words Timing ~4m ~15s more or less than 4m ~30s more or less than 4m ~1m more or less than 4m

Video Quality

Video contains no edits, special effects, props, or

added sounds Video contains edits, special effects, props, or added sounds

Video shows upper and lower torso to mid-thigh

Video shows only a limited portion of the student’s face and torso such that the full range of expressions and body language is not visible

Video and audio quality are good with a well-lit and

quiet location Video or audio quality is poor such that the student cannot be seen or heard clearly

File Upload

File is uploaded by the deadline to the correct folder and named using student’s first and last name only, no changes made to folder settings

File is not uploaded correctly

Note: “Verbal Communication” and “Structure and Flow” apply to the Pitch Script. All categories apply to the Pitch Video.