Sociology article review due on 11/27/19

Historically, there have been three generalapproaches to choosing one’s mate: marriage by capture, marriage by arrangement, and free- choice mate selection. I examine each of them in turn.

MARRIAGE BY CAPTURE Although it has probably never been the usual

method of obtaining a wife, men have taken women by force in many times and places. This typically occurred in patriarchal societies in which women were often considered property. Often women were seized as part of the spoils of war, and other times a specific woman was forced into mar- riage because the man wanted her and could not afford the brideprice or obtain the permission of her parents. The capture and marriage of a woman was legal in England until the reign of Henry VII, who made it a crime to abduct an heiress (Fielding, 1942).

The ancient Hebrews would seize wives under certain circumstances. A dramatic example is recounted in the Old Testament (Judges, Chapter 21), where it was arranged for young women to be kidnapped from two different areas to serve as wives so that the tribe of Benjamin would not die out after a war that they had lost.

There was also a formal procedure for dealing with wives captured in warfare:

When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the Lord thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive; And seest among the captivesa beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her

nails; And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whether she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her. (Deuteronomy 21:10–14)

At least she was given time to get used to the idea and never sold into slavery! Fielding (1942) cites a number of different cultures, including the Australian aborigines, who frequently resorted to marriage by capture in the recent past. The Yanomama of Venezuela (an Amazonian tribe) are reported (Peters, 1987) to use capture as one of their mate selection options. One village is often raided by another for the specific purpose of finding wives. If a man captures a young, attractive female, he must be careful as other men from his own village will try to steal her from him.

In the popular musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, the concept of marriage by capture is acted out, and one of the songs is based on the his- torical incident of the rape of the Sabine women. There are many cultures that still have remnants of the old practice of marriage by capture in their wed- ding ceremonies. In each of them, the match is pre- arranged, but the husband pretends to take his bride by force, and she feigns resistance.

One example are the Roro of New Guinea. On the wedding day, the groom’s party surrounds the bride’s home and acts out an assault on it. The bride attempts to run away but is caught. Then a sham battle ensues, with the bride mother leading the way and crying at the loss of her (laughter when she is taken off to the groom (Fielding, 1942).

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Mate Selection and Marriage Around the World

BRON B. INGOLDSBY

“Mate Selection and Marriage Around the World,” by Bron B. Ingoldsby, reprinted from Families in Multicultural Prespectives, 1995, Gilford Press. pp. 143–151. Reprinted by permission of Guilford Publications, Inc.

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MARRIAGE BY ARRANGEMENT

It appears that the most common method of mate selection has been by arrangement. Typically, the parents, often with the aid of certain relatives or professional matchmakers, have chosen the spouse for their child. This form of mate choice is more common when extended kin groups are strong and important. Essentially, marriage is seen as of group, rather than individual, importance, and economics is often the driving force rather than love between the principles.

Arranged marriages have been considered especially important for the rulers of kingdoms and other nobility. Care had to be taken to preserve bloodlines, enhance wealth, and resolve political issues. It is believed, for instance, that the majority of King Solomon’s 700 wives and 300 concubines were acquired for the purpose of political alliances.

Stephens (1963) identifies four major reasons that determine mate choice in societies in which marriages are arranged. The first is price. The groom’s family may need to pay for the bride, with either money or labor. In some cultures, the situa- tion is reversed, with the bride’s family paying a dowry to the husband. In other cases, there is a direct exchange, where both families make pay- ments to each other or simply trade women for each other’s sons.

The second consideration is social status. That is, the reputation of the family from which the spouse for one’s child will come is very important. A third determinant is any continuous marriage arrangement. This refers to a set pattern for mate selection, which is carried on from generation to generation. For instance, cousin marriages are pre- ferred in many societies.

The final criteria for mate choice are sororate and levirate arrangements, which refer to second marriages and tend to be based on brideprice obliga- tions. These terms are more fully explained later.… Stephens also notes 19 societies (including, for example, some large ones such as China and Renaissance Europe) that have practiced child betrothals or child marriages. This means that the marriage is arranged before puberty and can even be worked out before the child is born.

In addition to marriage by capture, the Yanomama also practice variety within arranged marriages. The ideal match is between cross-

cousins, and the majority of unions fall into this cat- egory. Most betrothals are made before the girl is three years of age. Men initiate these arrangements at about the time they become hunters, which is shortly after they turn 15. Another acceptable form of mate selection is sister exchange. Two unrelated single males wish to acquire wives and have sisters who are not promised to anyone, so they simply trade sisters (Peters, 1987).

Some societies have provided an “out” for cou- ples who have strong personal preferences that go against the arrangement of their families. This is to permit elopement. Stephens (1963) gives this account of the Iban of Borneo:

When a young woman is in love with a man who is not acceptable to her parents, there is an old custom called nung-hop bui, which permits him to carry her off to his own village. She will meet him by arrangement at the waterside, and step into his boat with a paddle in her hand, and both will pull away as fast as they can. If pursued he will stop every now and then to deposit some article of value on the bank, such as a gun, a jar, or a favor for the acceptance of her family and when he has exhausted his resources he will leave his own sword. When the pursuers observe this they cease to follow, knowing he is cleared out. As soon as he reaches his own village he tidies up the house and spreads the mats, and when his pursuers arrive he gives them food to eat and toddy to drink, and sends them home satisfied. In the meanwhile he is left in possession of his wife. (p. 200)

Following is a detailed look at some of the spe- cific mechanisms of arranged marriages.

Brideprice Throughout much of human history, marriage

has been seen as chiefly an economic transaction. As an old German saying goes, “It is not man that marries maid, but field marries field, vineyard marries vineyard, cattle marry cattle” (Tober 1984, p. 12). The purpose of a brideprice is to compen- sate the family of the bride for theloss of her services. It is extremely common and is indicative of the value of women in those societies. Stephens (1963) reports that Murdock’s World Ethnographic

Mate Selection and Marriage Around the World 3

Sample yields the following breakdown on mar- riage payments:

Brideprice—260 societies Bride service—75 societies Dowry—24 societies Gift or woman exchange—31 societies No marriage payment—152 societies

This means that in 62% of the world’s soci- eties, a man must pay in order to marry a woman. The price is usually paid in animals, shell money, or other valuable commodities and often exceeds one’s annual income. Some cultures prefer payment in service, often many years of labor to the bride’s par- ents, or at least permit it for suitors who cannot afford to pay in goods. One famous example from the Old Testament is that of Jacob, who labored seven years for each of Laban’s two daughters, Leah and Rachel.

Dowry The dowry appears to be an inducement for a

man to marry a particular woman and therefore relieve her family of the financial burden of caring for her. Although relatively rare, it is a sign of a cul- ture that places a low value on women. Actually, the key purpose of a dowry is probably to stabilize a marriage, because it is not given to the husband but is something that the bride brings with her into the marriage. For example, in Cyprus before the time of English influence, the expected dowry was often a house. If the husband divorced his wife or mistreat- ed her and she left him, the dowry went with her. Like modern-day wedding gifts, or the bride’s trousseau, it was an investment in the marriage and intended to reduce the chances of a breakup (Balswick, 1975).

The dowry has been around for a long time. The Babylonian code of Hammurabi (1955 B.C.) clearly stated that the wife’s property stayed with her if her husband divorced her and passed on to her children when she died. Ancient Greece and Rome also considered the dowry to be essential in any honorable marriage (Fielding, 1942).

Recent research in the southern Indian state of Kerala (Billig, 1992) differentiates between the tra- ditional dowry and an actual “groomprice.” Groomprice is money paid by the bride’s family directly to the husband to use as he sees fit. In the 1950s and 1960s, rapid population growth resulted in more younger women looking for husbands a few

(average of seven) years older than themselves. This surplus of potential brides increased the value of husbands. Popular revulsion for the groomprice has resulted in a decrease in the age difference (now five years), women lowering their social status expectations for their husband or increasing their own education, and a government outlawing of the practice.

Sororate and Levirate These terms refer to marriage practices

designed to control remarriages alter the death of the first spouse. In cultures that practice the soro- rate, a sister replaces a deceased wife. Assume that a man has paid a good brideprice for his wife but some time later she becomes ill and dies. He has lost his wife and the brideprice. Therefore, to make good on the original bargain, the parents who received the brideprice provide the man with a new wife. This new wife is an unmarried sister or other close relative of the first wife. Here we see how marriage is often more of an economic transaction than it is a personal relationship.

Much more widely practiced has been the levi- rate. Under this system, it is the husband who dies, and his wife must be married to a brother of the deceased man. There are various reasons for this practice. One is that the wife belonged to her hus- band as part of his property and as such would be inherited along with the other possessions by a near relative. Another is that it is presumed that women need someone to take care of them, and brothers-in- law (which is the meaning of the Latin word levir) should assume that responsibility. It has been reported that the levirate has been practiced by the New Caledonians, the Mongols, the Afghans, the Abyssinians, the Hebrews, and the Hindus, as well as certain Native American and African tribes (Fielding, 1942).

The chief reason that the Hindus and Hebrews practiced the levirate was religious and had to do with the importance of having a son in the family. Hindu men needed a son to perform certain sacri- fices, so if a man died before having one, a boy born to his former wife and brother would carry out those ceremonies in his name (Fielding, 1942).

For the Hebrews, it was also important that every man have a son, so that his name would not die out. There was a ritualized penalty for men who refused to marry their brother’s widow and rear a son in his name:

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And if the man like not to take his broth- er’s wife, then let his brother’s wife go up to the gate unto the elders, and say, My husbands brother refuseth to raise up unto his brother a name in Israel, he will not perform the duty of my husband’s brother. Then the elders of his city shall call him, and speak unto him: and if he stand to it, and say, I like not to take her; Then shall his brother’s wife come to him in the pres- ence of the elders, and loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face, and shall answer and say, So shall it be done unto that man that will not build up his broth- er’s house. (Deuteronomy 25:7–9)

The punishment for refusing to practice the levirate used to be more severe than the above-quot- ed ritual. In Genesis, Chapter 35, we read of Judah’s son Onan and how he was killed by the Lord for refusing to impregnate his dead older brother’s wife. The book of Ruth in the Old Testament is also an excellent example of how the levirate worked. It is an account of how Naomi has no more sons for her daughter-in-law Ruth to marry, so she arranges for another male relative, Boaz, to take on the responsibility.

Matchmaking There are various ways in which two young

people can be brought together. Typically, the par- ents of both boys and girls will work out the details among themselves and then announce it to their children. The initial go-between in Turkey has been the boy’s mother, who would inspect possibilities at the public baths and then give reports to her son (Tober, 1984). The popular musical Fiddler on the Roof is about father-arranged marriages. Often, hired go- betweens, or matchmakers, assist in making the arrangement. They might act as intermediaries between the families or suggest potential spouses. Checking for astrological or other religious signs and requirements could also be part of their job.

In the 1800s, bachelor pioneers in the American West would sometimes find a wife by ordering one from a mail-order catalog. Even today, many Asian families publish matrimonial want ads in search of a respectable spouse for their child (Tober, 1984). I recently found the following in the classified section of a Philippine newspaper:

FOREIGNERS: video match a decent friendship marriage consultant office

introducing a beautiful single educated Filipina view friendship to marriage.

LADIES: Australian European business- men newly arrive in town sincerely will- ing to meet decent Filipina view friend- ship to marriage. Ambassador Hotel suite 216.

Computer dating services in the United States, Japan, and elsewhere manifest the continued utility of professional matchmaking, even in societies in which the individuals involved make the final deci- sions themselves. There are also magazines designed for singles that include matrimonial or relationship want ads.

There are immigrants to Western societies who are not comfortable with love-based unions and pre- fer to have their marriages arranged by their parents or through a mediator. It is estimated, for instance, that up to 90% of the marriages in the East Indian community in Edmonton, Alberta, are to some degree arranged (Jimenez, 1992). Some ethnic Indians return to the Indian subcontinent to find a spouse, whereas others allow their parents to find a match locally for them. Some place ads in newspa- pers such as India Today or India Abroad, which focus on desired background characteristics such as education, religion, and age. In deference to Western customs, the young people can veto any match that does not appeal to them, and a dowry is rarely accepted.

FREE-CHOICE MATE SELECTION … Love gradually became the principal criteri-

on for marriage in the Western world after the Renaissance. The shift from kinship and economic motives to personal ones in mate selection led to the conclusion that the individuals themselves, rather than their parents or others, were best qualified to make the decision. In societies in which the basic family unit is nuclear, both romantic love and free mate choice are more common. This is because extended kin groups are not important enough to see marriage as needing to be group controlled.

Even though free choice is the mate selection method of the modern United States, one should not conclude that it is the most common approach in the world. In a survey of 40 societies, Stephens (1963) found only five in which completely free mate choice is permitted. An additional six allowed the young people to choose their spouse, but subject to

Mate Selection and Marriage Around the World 5

parental approval. Twelve other cultures had a mix of arranged marriages and free-choice (usually sub- ject to approval) unions, and the final 16 allowed only arranged marriages.

Moreover, even free choice does not mean that one can marry anyone. All societies have marital regulations. The rule of exogamy declares that a per- son must marry outside his/her group. Typically, this means that certain relatives are unavailable as marriage partners. Exogamous rules are generally the same as the incest taboos of the society, which prohibit sexual intercourse between close blood rel- atives. Others go beyond that, however. In classical China, two people with the same surname could not marry even if there was no kinship relation (Hutter, 1981).

The rule of endogamy declares that a person must marry within his/her group. This rule applies social pressure to marry someone who is similar to oneself in important ways, including religion, race, or ethnic group; social class; and age. These factors have been found to be related to marital compatibil- ity and are precisely the kinds of things considered by parents in arranged marriages. One reason why the divorce rate seems to be higher in free-choice societies may be that many couples ignore endogamy issues and allow romantic love to be practically the sole consideration in mate selection. There is a tendency for marriages to be fairly homogenous, however, even in free-mate-choice societies.

A final factor is propinquity (geographical nearness). It is, of course, impossible to marry someone who lives so far away from you that you never meet. At another level, however, this principle refers to a human tendency to be friends with peo- ple with whom it is convenient to interact. Let us say that you leave your hometown to attend college elsewhere. You left a boyfriend or girlfriend back at home and you also meet someone new at college. All other things being equal, which one will you marry? Generally, it will be the one at school sim- ply because it is easier.

Some Examples Free mate choice is on the rise in China today.

However, it is very different from the courtship pat- tern in North America. Young people gather infor- mation about each other first and check for mutual suitability before going public with their relation- ship. In fact, dating follows, rather than precedes,

the decision to marry. Typically, the couple knows each other for well over two years before marrying. This cautious approach is paying off, as the quality of these marriages seems to be higher than that of arranged unions (Liao & Heaton, 1992).

The Igbo are a people living in present-day Nigeria (Okonjo, 1992). About 55% of the Igbo have their marriages arranged, while the remaining 45% are in free-choice unions. Most of the latter are younger, indicating a move from arranged to free choice, which we see occurring throughout much of the world today. Regardless of type, premarital chastity is very highly valued among the Igbo.

As the Igbo move to free mate choice based on love, their various arranged practices are falling into disfavor. Customs that are quickly disappearing include woman-to-woman marriage. In this situa- tion, an older childless woman pays the brideprice to marry a younger female, usually a cousin. A male mate is chosen for the “wife” to have children with, but they belong to the older female spouse, who has the legal role of “husband.”

Another way of securing an heir is father-to- daughter marriage. If a man has no sons, he may prohibit a daughter from marrying. She has children from a male mate (not the father) but her sons are considered her father’s. Men whose husbands turn out to be impotent are allowed to have a lover from whom to have children, who are considered to be the legal husband’s. Other arranged practices sel- dom practiced anymore are the levirate and child marriages.

COURTSHIP AND SEX One final issue in the area of mate selection is

premarital sexuality in courtship. There is consider- able variation across cultures concerning the accept- ability of premarital sexual relations. Most are fair- ly permissive, however. Of 863 societies in Murdock’s Ethnographic Atlas, 67% impose little restriction on premarital sex. The largest proportion of permissive societies are found in Pacific regions, and the most restrictive are the Arab and Muslim nations (Wen-Shing & Jing, 1991).

In the Marshalls of Micronesia, sexual activity begins around puberty. It is common to have many different partners, to cohabit with a few, and even- tually to marry a more permanent mate. There is no stigma to being an illegitimate child or an unwed mother, and having children does not seem to

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reduce a woman’s chances of finding a future mate (Wen-Shing & Jing, 1991). In this culture, sexuality is just seen as part of life, with no special taboos or significance attached to it.

The Hopi also included sexuality as part of their courtship procedure. A girl was allowed to receive suitors in her late adolescence. The boys would sneak into her house at night and sleep with her, and the parents would pretend not to notice if he was considered a good marriage prospect. Eventually, she would become pregnant and then select her favorite lover as her husband. The fami- lies involved would then arrange the marriage. As a result, a Hopi boy would never have intercourse with a girl whom he was not willing to marry (Queen, Habenstein, Quadagno, 1985).

In the United States today, one estimate is that about 80% of college men and 63% of women in college have had premarital intercourse (Kephart & Jedlicka, 1991). The “sexual revolution” of the 1960s and I 970s had a major impact on premarital behavior: In the 1930s, only 15% of U.S. women had experienced premarital coitus. In spite of fairly high rates of sexual experience, there is still wide- spread disapproval of premarital coitus in U.S. soci- ety. In comparison, other Western countries appear to be more relaxed about it. Much of today’s caution has to do with the dangers associated with sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

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