Love in a Digital Oriented Society, First Draft

Professor Toumey

ENC1101

19 February 2020

Love- First Draft

Love in a Digital Oriented Society

To begin with, it is important to state that love is the supreme emotion above all other emotions. Romantic love is among the key human needs that propels one to self-actualizations according to the hierarchy of needs by Abraham Maslow. However, the advancements in internet and computer technology has made complex finding and sustaining romantic love. This is because unlike the past when single individuals met potential love partners via family, friends or colleagues, in the contemporary world, there are online dating websites such as Tinder. Whilst this has made it easier for people to find love, the main challenge is that technology has made people make rush judgements about settling in relationships. However, the key to maintain a healthy relationship in this digital era is premised on healthy communication and keeping healthy boundaries (Rosenthal 35). This are explicated in the subsequent paragraphs below. Comment by Edwin: Only use TAB once to indent a new paragraph, not twice. This goes for the next paragraph as well. Comment by Edwin: Insert a comma before adding non-restrictive information to the end of a sentence using gerund verbs (-ing) or the words/phrases “which, such as, including” Comment by Edwin: Since you’re talking about two things, use “have” plural Comment by Edwin: Move this word to the end of the sentence for better word flow. Comment by Edwin: Omit – we already assume that this is what you’re writing about.

As stated above, there are various online dating platforms such as Tinder, Match.com and OKCupid. This implies that people looking for romantic partners can now do so by surfing on the internet and browsing through pictures. This offers a significant number of people convenience over the traditional physical meetings and referral through friends and family. Besides the convenience that it offers, such dating platforms increase the probability of getting into a relationship with someone who meets their criteria of their ideal love partner (Kirshenbaum, 21).

Dating platforms also entails key challenges that present negate the essence of technology in love and relationships. First, the easiness in entering into a relationship has made individuals rush into relationships that they should have not entered into in the first place. “Individuals make rush judgements over the choice of partners and tend to overlook aspects that are significant qualities of a potential partner” (Gottman 89). This is because these judgements are clouded by superficial factors such as physical beauty and/or attractiveness. Comment by Edwin: Plural “entail” Comment by Edwin: Insert a comma here – this is the same rule as explained on page 1

The internet dating platforms emphasize on the need to find the perfect person to enter into a relationship with. Whilst this motive is good, there is no technology that can ever replace the ability of the human mind to intuitively identify the right person to fall in love with and enter into a relationship. As argued by Hellen Fisher, “There’s not a dating service on this planet that can do what the human brain can do in terms of finding the right person.” Online dating platforms also make it easy for people to choreograph their first impressions. They make people who are insecure about their physical attractiveness have the leeway for coming across as confident (Hendrix, 23).

This consequently makes it difficult to make sound judgments of the first impressions of potential over partners because of the possibility of a façade. Besides, such platforms tend to give the idea that initiating texting is a sign of potential interest or making a first move. However, miscommunication between partners that meet on online dating sites is quite high and misconstrued through texting (Rosenthal 56). Comment by Edwin: Start this sentence with “Consequently, this makes…” so that you’re not interrupting a subject and verb

With the intricacies of dating as outlined above, it is important to understand that in the world today, technology and the internet have become indispensable. Relationships and love between couples has to subsist in the digital society today. Besides, online dating, smartphones have become the easiest channel by which couples’ access social media and use it as a platform to post and share with the world some information about their relationships. Often couples post photos or videos of themselves on popular social media sites such as Instagram and Facebook. Also, some information shared on their social media accounts may touch on sensitive aspects of their relationships; sometimes couples post details of their break-up on social media and thus open up their relationship to public scrutiny (Kirshenbaum 58). Comment by Edwin: There is no possessive here, so no apostrophe

Smartphones and the internet also act as a disruption to relationships to the extent that it interferes with couples spending quality time together. There have been complaints registered by couples on how whenever they are together, one party tends to focus more on his/her phone and only paying little attention to his/her partner. This implies that smartphones today have become an” impediment to healthy communication between partners especially when the two are together” (Rosenthal 71).

Another challenge presented by smartphones is that they have made it easy to propagate unfaithfulness in relationships. This is because they ease communication with other people to the extent that one can have multiple relationships with many partners and still remain secretive about it. However, the problem arises when one of the parties discovers his/her partner’s promiscuity through accessing his/her smartphone and hence breaking up the marriage through a separation or a divorce (Rosenthal, 60). Comment by Edwin: Such a great point!

With the above in mind, it is becoming increasingly important for couples to have to make their relationships work in this digital society. There are various considerations to be given if relationships are to be maintained between couples. First, each partner should be cautious not to allow their smartphones jeopardize their relationship. This may entail keeping the phones way when the couples have decided to spend time with each other. Lack of distractions has been shown by research to enhance the chances of fostering more robust romantic relationships between couples (Gottman 201).

Besides, according each other time when together without focusing on the phone has been correlated with” higher relationship satisfaction amongst couples by boosting the mental health as well as happiness of one’s romantic partner”. However, there are a few instances when digital technology can boost intimacy between couples. This is by playing certain app-based games that encourage teamwork, cooperation and synergy between the couple. Besides sexting is another way couples can leverage on technology to enhance the intimacy in their relationship (Rosenthal 57).

Secondly, couples should be conscious of what they post on social media, especially if this has the possibility of harming their relationship. Scientific research shows that couples who post a lot of affectionate information on their relationship on social media actually have lower levels of relationship satisfaction. Such couples tend to be unhappy and they seek justification of their relationships on social media. However, this is not to say that couples should not share information about their relationship on social media. Instead, the decision of which information to share should be mutually agreed upon between the couple such that none of the partners feel embarrassed by whatever results out of the information posted. Besides, literature also shows that posting one’s partner profile picture on social media platforms such as WhatsApp actually enhances the level of closeness amongst the couple (Rosenthal 84).

Third, the couple should have clearly agreed upon expectations on texting. This is based on the fact that “different couples have different opinions over texting and how frequently this should be done between them”. Some partners may like to be in constant communication with each other through texting while others may prefer not to frequently text each other. Hence, it is for the couple themselves to decide what works for them and what they are most comfortable with. This should be premised on the fact that receiving a nice message from one’s romantic partner can go a long way in helping the other partner go through a stressful day (Hendrix 43).

Fourth, consideration should be given to micro-cheating in the digital society. This is “flirting as well as infidelity that is made much easier on digital technology platforms”. This is because with digital technology, it is difficult for one to determine and monitor boundaries between people who flirt with each other. To counter such micro-cheating tendencies between the couple, open communication between them should be encouraged. Besides, the couple should agree with each other with what they consider to be acceptable online behavior. This will help enhance on the level of trust between them and refrain from engaging in any online behaviors that the other partner is not comfortable with each other (Rosenthal 59). Comment by Edwin: Needs citation

The tenets of healthy relationships remain constant both in the pre-internet and post-internet eras. One of the cornerstones of building healthy relationships is ensuring that there is healthy communication between the couple. Healthy communication is” open, honest as well as safe communication”. None of the partners should hold back from speaking up whenever they have an issue to address with the other partner. Besides, healthy communication is founded on respect and unconditional support for each other. This entails respecting each other privacy by for instance not snooping on each other’s phone or being insecure over minor actions by one’s activities on social media (Kirshenbaum 63). Comment by Edwin: Needs citation

The other cornerstone of healthy relationships is healthy boundaries. This means creating and respecting boundaries that have been agreed on by the couple. This helps secure the type of relationship that works for both. Such boundaries should bot limit either of the partners from interacting with friends online or sharing passwords to personal email addresses or social media accounts (Rosenthal, 116).

The digital society today has redefined how people fall in love and get into relationships. Online dating platforms such as Tinder have made it easy for people to find potential romantic partners who meet the criteria of their ideal romantic partners. However, digital technology has also made it difficult for people to maintain health relationships because they act as distractions, especially social media. The key to maintaining healthy relationships in the digital society is based on healthy communication and having healthy boundaries between the couple.

Works Cited

Kirshenbaum, M. I Love You But I Don’t Trust You. Penguin Publishing Group. Columbia (2012). Comment by Edwin: Kirshenbaum, Mira. I Love You But I Don’t Trust You. Penguin Publishing Group, 2012.

Hendrix, H. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. H. Holt & Company. Field (2001). Comment by Edwin: Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. H. Holt & Company, 2001.

Rosenthal, N. Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Keeping the Flame Alive. Friesen Press. Iowa State (2014). Comment by Edwin: Rosenthal, Neil. Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Keeping the Flame Alive. Friesen Press, 2014.