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1/28/2020

Mr. Doublelift

League of Legends esports player

Currently bot laner for Team Liquid.

Dear Doublelift:

This is the Game Center department. We are inviting many gamers to attend this time to exhibit. On February 2, 2020, our campus will hold a league of legends game, we hope you can join us.

Our campus built a game center and want to let students know this news. Our university will build a team for the World Cup. Our university attaches great importance to this competition. We will hold a league of legends games. This game team will include some Universities. We plan to win three out of five games in two days 2/2-2/4. If you come up, Michael is a temporary secretary. He will take care of you and help your trip to Chicago. His e-mail is [email protected] and called 312-333-9999. The winner will get $10,000. Actually, we will pay you $20,000 for you coming to this match. Could you make a decision before the expiration day on 1/31/2020?

Please let us know if you can attend this event. If you have any questions let me know, please RSVP to [email protected] and called 312-333-2222.

Thank you for your attention!

Sincerely,

Game center-manager

DePaul University

Weaknesses:

Additional proofreading is needed to revise the run-on sentences similar to this one: "On February 2, 2020, our campus will hold a league of legends game, we hope you can join us." There are two ideas inside of this sentence which need to be separated either by a semicolon or a period.

Unclear wording: "If you come up, Michael is a temporary secretary."

Additional work is needed with the word choice. For example, in the following sentence - " Could you make a decision before the expiration day on 1/31/2020?" The word "decision" sounds rude here. "The expiration day" doesn't work in this context.

You only had $500 to spend on your guest, so you can't use $20000.