reality acceptance
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Lesson_5_Reality_Acceptance_Skills_-_final1.pptxSit in Your Groups
While you wait – Practice those handshakes. We’re going to demo today!
INSTRUCTOR NOTE: Play music of your choice for about 5 minutes before class begins. We typically choose something upbeat and uplifting.
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Questions
Mindfulness Activity
Observe & Describe
Breathing in WISE
Breathing out MIND
Today, we are going to do a mindfulness activity that has us practicing getting into wise mind. It is going to be an observe and describe exercise. Ask the students what type of skills are “observe and describe?” Answer: they are “what” skills which can only be done one at a time.
So, when I tell you to start the exercise: we are going observe our breath. In doing so, we are going to say the word “wise” in our minds (not out loud) on the inhale and “mind” on the exhale. Just your normal regular breathing pattern. Breathing in “wise” on the inhale and “mind” on the exhale. If you notice you are distract or are no longer focusing on the exercise – notice it and return to the exercise.
Ok, Step 1: get in your mindfulness position (computer laptops closed, phones put away, books closed)
Step 2: take a nice deep breath
Step 3: begin the exercise of breathing in WISE and breathing out MIND
Do this exercise for 2:00 minutes – then debrief it by asking students to describe what they observed – praising descriptions that are based on facts, and highlighting others that are based on judgment.
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Reality Acceptance
Lesson 5
(DeCano & Cook, 2015)
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Will talk about things you can actively do to seek out connection and support
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Summary of Previous Lesson
Habits are the automatic behaviors we exhibit after a cue.
Our emotions are a part of who we are. They range from typical to impairing
Emotional dysregulation – the inability to control or regulate ones emotional responses and behavior in response to certain situations
Amygdala Hijack – when our emotions overtake our decision-making abilities (EMOTION MIND takes over)
Summary of Previous Lesson
For Emotional Dysregulation – use Distress Tolerance - Crisis Survival Skills
These are not problem-solving skills – they are don’t make it worse skills
TIPP
Distract with ACCEPTS
IMPROVE the moment
Pros & Cons
Willpower – the ability to control our attention, emotions and impulses (desires) in pursuit of something that isn’t immediately attainable. Or act in a way that furthers our goals, even when doing something else seems immediately more appealing
Learning Objectives
After completing this lesson, you will be able to:
Understand the importance of accepting reality even during difficult times
Use the skills of turning the mind and willingness
Distinguish between the two types of distress tolerance skills
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Lesson #5: Glossary Terms
| Distress Tolerance: Reality Acceptance | |
| Willfulness | The mindset or thoughts that things should be different and the inability to accept reality as it is. This includes thoughts of could of, should of, and would of. |
| Willingness | The mindset or thoughts that the situation is what it is. The ability to accept reality as it truly is. That this situation is in the past and history is not going to change. |
Participation Week 5 Part 1
What is something in your life right now that is hard to accept?
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Distress Tolerance Skills
Important to highlight that reality acceptance skills does not mean approval. One can accept that they failed a test, they lost a game – it doesn’t mean they approval of it.
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Do not reproduce or distribute without written permission.© Mazza Consulting, 2018
Acceptance vs. Change
Acceptance
Validation
Dialectic or Balance of Life
Distress Tolerance
Crisis Survival (last week)
Reality Acceptance
Change Skills
Change
Problem-Solving
Where does it fit?
Most of the skills we learn also fall into one of two categories: acceptance skills .or change skills. These skills come from Dialectic Behavior Therapy or DBT (Linehan, 1993; 2015).
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Overview of Reality Acceptance Skills
| Radical Acceptance |
| Turning the Mind |
| Willingness |
| Mindfulness of Current Thoughts |
Why bother
Rejecting reality does not change reality
Changing reality requires first accepting reality
Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering
Refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, anger, shame, bitterness or other painful emotions.
Provide any local or personal examples to help students under the difference between rejecting vs accepting reality
In Pittsburgh is cold in January – So wishing it was 70 degrees in the middle of January and expecting it to be that way – only increases the suffering that it is cold. Accepting reality doesn’t change that fact that you may not like the cold, it helps provide the mindset that it will be cold in January, so its more likely to match your expectations, which reduces suffering.
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Steps by Step for Radical Acceptance
| 10 Ideas for Radical Acceptance |
| 1. Observe you are questioning or fighting reality – it shouldn’t be this way |
| 2. Remind yourself that the unpleasant reality is just as it is and cannot be changed |
| 3. Remind yourself that there are causes for the reality |
| 4. Practice accepting with the whole self |
| 5. Practice opposite action** (this skill is lesson 9) |
| 6. Cope ahead with events that seem unacceptable |
| 7. Attend to your body’s sensations |
| 8. Allow disappointment, sadness, or grief to arise within you |
| 9. Acknowledge that life can be worth living, even when there is pain |
| 10. Do pros and cons |
Go through the list of 10 different ideas in helping to achieve Radical Acceptance
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Accepting Reality Skills
This skill is the pathway in how to get to radical acceptance
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Do not reproduce or distribute without written permission.© Mazza Consulting, 2018
Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
ACCEPTANCE - is a choice. It is like coming to a “fork in the road.” You may have to turn your mind towards the “ACCEPTANCE road” and away from the “REJECTING reality road.”
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Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
STEPS to Turning the Mind.
Notice when you are not accepting (anger, bitterness, “why me”).
Make an inner commitment to accept.
You may have to turn your mind over and over and again.
Turning the mind is all about accepting the reality you’re in rather than focusing on wishing it wasn’t the reality. Sometimes in life there are situations we don’t like and we don’t have the power to change them right now. We can choose to focus our energy on being unhappy about the situation or we can accept that this is where we’re at and thereby free up that negative energy for other purposes.
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Why Bother Using Turning the Mind
Pain is inevitable
Suffering is optional – pouring gas on the emotional fire
Reason for this slide is to help students understand that pain is going to happen in their lives. Its important to highlight to them that suffering exacerbates and prolongs the pain. So the idea is to use our mindfulness skills to be aware to put the gas can down and not make the situation worse. Thus, accepting reality skills help us experience the pain as it is, without making it worse.
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Turning the Mind
Accepting reality means Turning the Mind to acceptance:
Willfulness = Acceptance
a. fuels emotion dysregulation
Willingness = Acceptance
a. acceptance = approval
b. it limits emotional fuel
This doesn’t mean we’re ignoring or agreeing with what is happening/how we’re feeling. Rather we’re ACCEPTING that it is real in this moment and we can’t change it!
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Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
Willfulness is refusing to tolerate a situation or giving up
Willfulness is trying to change a situation that cannot changed, or refusing to change something that must be changed
Willfulness is “the terrible twos” – “no…no…no…”.
Willfulness is the opposite of “DOING WHAT WORKS.”
WILLFULNESS:
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Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
Willingness is allowing the world to be what it is and participating in it fully.
Willingness is doing just what is needed – no more, no less. It is being effective.
Willingness is listening carefully to your Wise Mind and deciding what to do.
When willfulness doesn’t budge, ask: “What is the threat?”
Replace Willfulness with willingness
The difference between Willfulness vs Willingness
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Factors that interfere with acceptance
Beliefs get in the way: You believe that if you accept your painful situation, you will become weak and just give up, approve of reality or accept a life of pain
Emotions get in way: Intense anger at the person or group that caused the painful event; unbearable sadness, guilt about your own behavior; shame regarding something about you; rage about the injustice of the world
Jealousy
Jerk
Dumbass
Idiot
Reality Acceptance Skill –
Mindfulness of Current Thought
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Do not reproduce or distribute without written permission.© Mazza Consulting, 2018
Why bother with Mindfulness of Current Thought
Pain is inevitable
You are not your thoughts – believing your thoughts increases suffering
Putting your thoughts on a conveyer belt and watch them go by.
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Step by Step Mindfulness of Current Thought
Observe your thoughts
Observe them as a wave.
Do not suppress thoughts.
Do not judge them.
Practice willingness.
Step back and observe your thoughts.
Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Observe youth thoughts
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Step by step Mindfulness of Current Thought (cont)
2. Adopt a curious mind
Ask: where do my thoughts come from?
Notice that every thought comes and also goes out of your mind.
Observe but do not evaluate your thoughts. Let go of judgement.
Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Curious Mind
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Step by step Mindfulness of Current Thought (cont)
3. Remember: You are not your Thoughts
Do not necessarily act on your thoughts.
Remember times when you had different thoughts.
Remember how you think when you are not feeling such intense emotions.
Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Remember – you are not your thoughts
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Step by step Mindfulness of Current Thought (cont)
4. Don’t block or suppress thoughts.
Step back, and allow your thoughts to come and go.
Repeat your thoughts out loud or sing them.
Try loving your thoughts.
Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Don’t block or suppress your thoughts.
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Summary of this Lesson
Distress tolerance skills help us avoid decisions that will likely make things worse, and are used to accept reality for what is really is
When you cannot change the situation, the problem cannot be solved, then use reality accepting skills
The skill of radical acceptance – helps us to see things as they really are and reduces our suffering
The skill of turning the mind – is used to help us refocus on what truly happened, moving away from willfulness to willingness
Finally, the skill of mindfulness of current thought helps us separate our thoughts from who we really are and that we can simply have thoughts, notice them, and watch them go by – you are not your thoughts
To summarize, there are 5 main take-away messages from this lesson.
Distress tolerance skills – don’t make things worse skills
Accepting reality skills are for the long-term, when the problem cannot be solved. We use these skills to avoid making things worse and to reduce our suffering.
Radical acceptance – helps reduce suffering
Turning the Mind – moving away from willfulness (would of, could of, and should of) toward willingness
Mindfulness of current thought – net letting our thoughts define who we are and our behavior/emotions. This process is called cognitive defusion and the skill of mindfulness of current thought helps us reach cogntive defusion
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Participation Week 5 Part 2
How are you going to enact more willingness in your life over the next week?
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Mindfulness Activity
Observe and Describe
Counting your breath up to 10
Similar to our beginning class mindfulness exercise – we are going to do an observe and describe exercise. This time, we are going to count 1 on the inhale and 2 on the exhale, then 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale until we get to 10. Once you reach 10, then start over again at 1. Are there any questions before we begin?
Ok, Step 1: get in your mindfulness position (computer laptops closed, phones put away, books closed)
Step 2: take a nice deep breath
Step 3: begin the exercise of counting you breath.
Do this exercise for 2:00 minutes – then debrief it by asking students to describe what they observed – praising descriptions that are based on facts, and highlighting others that are based on judgment.
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Activity for Lesson #5
Identify a topic you are really passionate about
Political party affiliation
Sports team
Climate change
Now take the opposite side (rival) and make a case for the opposite side of what you believe.
Walk around the room coaching students who are making the argument opposite of their belief. In walking around, try to keep the students in Wise Mind.
Make sure each student in the pair gets to do the activity, so have partners switch roles after about 10 minutes
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Group Discussions
How did this practice go for you?
What did you find hard?
Where in your life would this be helpful?
Discuss at table groups about the activity. Then have each group share out key points to the whole class.
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Handshake Demos
