Business Writing
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LesikarsBusinessCommunicationConnectinginaDigital13thedition.pdf
Lesikar’s Business Communication C O N N E C T I N G I N A D I G I T A L W O R L D
T H I RT E E N T H E D I T I O N
Kathryn Rentz U N I V E R S I T Y O F C I N C I N N AT I
Paula Lentz U N I V E R S I T Y O F W I S C O N S I N – E A U C L A I R E
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LESIKAR’S BUSINESS COMMUNICATION: CONNECTING IN A DIGITAL WORLD, THIRTEENTH EDITION
Published by McGraw-Hill/Irwin, a business unit of Th e McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc., 1221 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, 10020. Copyright © 2014 by Th e McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Previous editions © 2011, 2008, and 2005. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written consent of Th e McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc., including, but not limited to, in any network or other electronic storage or transmission, or broadcast for distance learning.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Rentz, Kathryn. Lesikar’s business communication : connecting in a digital world / Kathryn Rentz, UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI, Paula Lentz, UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN, EAU CLAIRE. — THIRTEENTH EDITION. pages cm Includes index. ISBN 978-0-07-340321-2 (alk. paper) — ISBN 0-07-340321-0 (alk. paper) 1. Commercial correspondence. 2. English language—Business English. 3. Business communication. I. Lentz, Paula. II. Title. HF5721.L37 2014 651.7—dc23 2012049183
Th e Internet addresses listed in the text were accurate at the time of publication. Th e inclusion of a website does not indicate an endorsement by the authors or McGraw-Hill, and McGraw-Hill does not guarantee the accuracy of the information presented at these sites.
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Dr. Kathryn Rentz Dr. Kathryn Rentz is a Professor of English at the University of Cincinnati. She taught her fi rst business writing class as a doctoral student at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign in the early 1980s and has been teaching workplace writing ever since. She helped establish the University of Cincinnati’s professional writing program and has served as its coordinator. She has also won the English Department’s teaching award, directed the department’s graduate program, and helped direct the composition program.
Dr. Rentz’s affi liation with the Association for Business Communication goes back to her beginnings as a business writing teacher. She has performed many roles for the ABC, including serving on the board of directors and chairing the publications board. She served two terms as an Associate Editor of the Journal of Business Communication and was Interim Editor from 2000–2001, for which she won the Francis W. Weeks Award of Merit. In 2008 she won the ABC’s Meada Gibbs
Outstanding Teacher Award. In 2011 she was elected Second Vice President for the association, and she will serve as its president in 2013–2014.
Dr. Rentz has published articles on business communication pedagogy and research in such journals as Business Communication Quarterly, the Journal of Business Communication, Technical Communication Quarterly, and the Journal of Business and Technical Communication . She has participated in many professional meetings and seminars over the years and is always learning from her colleagues and her students.
Dr. Paula Lentz Dr. Paula Lentz is an Assistant Professor and Academic Program Director in the Department of Business Communication at the University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire. She teaches Business Writing, Business Writing II, and Advanced Business Writing. She is also a developer and coordinator of the department’s Business Writing Fun- damentals Program, which ensures that students have basic writing skills essential for success in their fi rst business writing course. In addition, she chaired the College of Business’s Writing Task Force, which developed a college-wide policy for assess- ing students’ writing skills as part of their grade on any writing assignment in any business class.
Dr. Lentz is particularly interested in qualitative research that explores narratives and organizational cultures, genre theory, and writing pedagogy in online environments. She has published in such journals as Academy of Educational Leadership Journal, Wisconsin Business Education Association Journal, Equal
Opportunities International, and Qualitative Research in Organizations and Management. She has also presented her research at several national and regional conferences, including those of the Association for Business Communication and the Academy of Management.
Prior to becoming a full-time academic, she worked as a technical writer and publications editor. She continues to do freelance editing and provides consulting and writing services for several organizations. She received a BA from Coe College, an MA from UW–Eau Claire, and a PhD in Rhetoric and Scientifi c and Technical Communication from the University of Minnesota.
A B O U T T H E A U T H O R S
iii
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A Debt of Gratitude Our deepest respect and appreciation go to Ray Lesikar , who wrote the fi rst edition of this book over 35 years ago and led it through 10 revisions. From the beginning, Ray emphasized currency and realism, adaptation to the reader, and straightforward, courteous, correct use of language. A particular strength of his was persuasive writing, to which he brought considerable professional experience. He was a beloved teacher as well as a busy consultant and prolifi c author, and it is fair to say that, in these roles and as a leader in the Association for Business Communication, he exerted as strong an infl uence on business communication as anyone else in the fi eld before or since.
In 1991 Ray invited an accomplished business communication and information systems professor at San Diego State University to join him as a coauthor. Th us, with the 6th edition, Marie Flatley came on board. Besides doing much of the revision work, Marie added a chapter on communication-related technologies and integrated technology throughout the book. Ever since then, technological currency has been a defi ning trait of Business Communication . An expert on information systems, Marie also put her special stamp on the graphics and research chapters, and she made Lesikar’s book one of the fi rst to provide PowerPoint slides, Web-based material, and online activities. Th ough she has retired from teaching and has offi cially stepped down as an author for this book, she continues to off er her expertise in other venues.
Ray and Marie made a great team, and they set positive examples for us in ways that are too numerous to list. We’re enormously grateful to them and honored to carry on their work.
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P R E F A C E
v
A lot has changed in the three years since the 12th edi- tion of Lesikar’s Business Communication: Connecting in a Digital World was published. Twitter and tablets have now become key players on the technology scene, along with Facebook, email marketing, smartphones, and cloud applications. Th e economies of the United States and many other countries have settled into a recession, creating a tougher job market and chang- ing business and consumer needs. Th e presence of Gen Yers in the workplace has increased, while Baby Boomers are prolonging their retirement. Th e bound- aries between cultures and countries have become more permeable, making the business world “fl atter” and workplaces more diverse. And there’s more in- formation overload, making incisive analysis, lucid presentation of data, and development of targeted per- suasive strategies more critical. Th ese changes have necessitated major revisions to the book. Yet its focus on fundamentals remains. Being able to assess a communication situation and audience, determine an appropriate strategy for meeting a busi- ness goal, and use words and visuals skillfully is the foundation for all the other skills. Th e balance between currency and timelessness—a distinguishing trait of this book throughout its 12 previous editions—is one we’ve worked hard to maintain.
THIS BOOK’S APPROACH AND FEATURES Each business communication textbook brings a some- what unique perspective to the subject. Th is section describes our approach.
Th e Nature of Business Communication Our primary assumption about business communica- tion is that it is a problem-solving activity . Lesikar’s was the fi rst book to take this approach, and it is still the only book with this approach at its core. From the fi rst page to the last, this book makes clear that successful business communication requires analysis, judgment, imagination, and eff ort. Rules of thumb and common patterns are helpful, but preparing an eff ective docu- ment or presentation takes a lot of planning and revi- sion. Students need to be told up front that business communication is not that easy . . . but undertaken with creativity, intelligence, and diligence, it can be ex- tremely rewarding and even fun.
Toward this end, this book includes the most problem-solving cases, by far, of any book on the market—over 150 of them. Th ese realistic scenarios make students consider specifi c contextual factors as they shape their messages, proposals, and reports. In addition, the cases acquaint students with goals they’re likely to encounter on the job, from resolving ethical issues, solving management problems, and craft ing company policies to reporting information, selling a product or idea, and managing customer relations. Th e realistic practice that these cases provide is the key payoff of this book’s approach.
Technology To plan and communicate well, students must know what kinds of communication technologies are avail- able, how their usage diff ers, and how to use them re- sponsibly. Th e medium carries its own message, and what medium one uses aff ects one’s communication choices. Plus, familiarity with a wide range of tools enables one to write better, work more effi ciently, and produce more professional-looking products. With- out overwhelming the students with technical details, we’ve incorporated dozens of useful communication- related technologies into this book, in every chapter and on almost every topic. Students must also understand that technology changes. At the foundation of good communication is the ability to do research, to think, to understand other people, to organize one’s thoughts logically and tactically, and to use well-chosen verbal and visual elements. We keep our primary emphasis on these skills.
Today’s Students Th ese days, students have a lower tolerance than ever for longwindedness, outdatedness, and irrel- evance. We believe that they have a right to expect their business communication book to practice what it preaches. Many of our edits were thus intended to make this edition more reader focused, effi cient, en- gaging, and real. On the other hand, today’s students tend to want clear-cut, quick answers to every question, and this is an unrealistic expectation to bring to business commu- nication. Th ey need to understand what an uncertain enterprise communication is and to be encouraged to solve problems with their own resourceful thinking. Odd as it may sound, they also need to be en- couraged to expand their technological literacy. Re- search shows that students are expert at using a few
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vi Preface
applications (e.g., phone apps, email clients, Facebook, and Twitter) but unaware of many other applications useful in business. Further, students tend to be familiar only with such basic soft ware features as “open,” “save,” “copy,” “paste,” “print,” and “save.” Th us, most students can even use some instruction on Word, PowerPoint, and Excel. Research shows as well that increased use of digi- tal written communication has reduced students’ skill with other media (e.g., body language and facial ex- pressions, oral communication). Businesses need em- ployees who can interview others, conduct an eff ective phone conference, and fi nd information. Many of the exercises and cases in this book require students to practice these skills. Another fact we’ve kept in mind is that business communication students’ needs and interests can vary greatly, even within the same class. Some students will want to work for major corporations, while others plan to work for small businesses, start their own, or seek work in the nonprofi t sector. Some have modest career goals, while others want the fast track to the executive suite. Some will bring strong skills and experience to their coursework, while others will need extra atten- tion to the basics. A comprehensive business commu- nication textbook should accommodate a wide range of student abilities and goals. Th is understanding of our students informs the text of the book as well as these special features:
• Learning Objectives at the start, at the end, and throughout each chapter that make the main goals of the chapter clear.
• Introductory Challenges (formerly “Introductory Situations”) that launch each chapter and each form of business communication with a business scenario to draw students quickly into the topic being discussed.
• Examples of good and bad solutions for the Intro- ductory Challenges.
• Full-page Case Illustrations (real business messages, proposals, and reports), with margin notes, to show how to apply the book’s advice.
• Outlines and checklists to help students grasp basic organizational patterns and editing guidelines.
• Communication Matters boxes that provide expert commentary, interesting facts, and helpful tips.
• Technology in Brief boxes illustrating numerous tools and techniques for making the most of tech- nological aids to business communication.
• Chapter summaries that distill each chapter’s con- tents into key points.
• Critical Th inking Questions , Skills Building Exer- cises , and Problem-Solving Cases at the end of the
chapters to promote comprehension, retention, and skillful use of concepts.
• An Online Learning Center (OLC) that provides online quizzing, PowerPoint slides, video cases, and Bizcom Tools & Tips, a collection of business com- munication Web resources.
• A QR code at the end of every chapter that takes students directly to the book’s online resources.
TODAY’S TEACHERS Business communication teachers face a daunting task: teaching a complex set of concepts and skills in an en- vironment of shrinking resources, increasing class size, and sometimes insuffi cient support from department administrators. Perhaps the main challenge of the job is that the workload tends to encourage an emphasis on surface features (e.g., correctness and formatting), while eff ective business communication depends as well on higher-order skills (e.g. critical thinking, adap- tation to the audience, and editing one’s work). How to do it all—and do it well? In working to make this edition appealing to students, we hope we’ve helped with a major part of the battle. Th e student features listed above also give teachers many excellent talking points and many resources for creating engaging activities and assignments. In addition, we include the following help for instructors:
• Annotated PowerPoint slides for each chapter that include summaries, examples, and interactive slides.
• A downloadable Instructor’s Resource Manual , which includes sample syllabi and rubrics, sample lectures and classroom activities keyed to the PowerPoint slides, answers to end-of-chapter Critical Th inking Questions and Skills Building Exercises, and sample solutions to selected Problem-Solving Cases.
• Appendices on formatting, grading symbols, and documentation of sources.
• A detailed chapter on correctness , ending with a diagnostic test for students (with the answers pro- vided in Appendix A).
• A downloadable Test Bank for each chapter, along with a computerized test generator for building custom tests.
• An Online Learning Center (OLC) that includes resources for every chapter along with video cases and an extensive collection of business communi- cation Web resources, Bizcom Tools & Tips.
• A link to Bcomm Teacher Xchange (bcommteacher- xchange.wordpress.com), our blog for business
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Preface vii
communication instructors. As of the end of 2012, we’d posted almost 100 articles, and we post a new one every other week. You can easily keep track of the latest news, tips, and resources in business communication by using the RSS feed or an email subscription.
ORGANIZATION OF THE BOOK Like the 12 editions before it, this book moves from the more foundational topics to the more specialized ones. The chapters certainly do not have to be taught in the sequence in which they’re presented (in fact, a few instructors we know swear by starting with the job-search chapter), but the building-blocks ap- proach represented by this plan tends to work well. Part I introduces students to the world of business communication. Chapter 1 describes the important role that communication plays in the workplace, cur- rent challenges for business communicators, main cat- egories of business communication, and the business communication process. Chapter 2, picking up on a major trend discussed in the previous chapter, dis- cusses the special challenges posed by cross-cultural communication. Part II reviews the basic techniques of clear, cor- rect, reader-adapted writing. Chapter 3 helps students choose the best wording for their readers, while Chap- ter 4 focuses on writing eff ective sentences and para- graphs. Chapter 5 ends this section with advice on managing tone and emphasis. Part III opens with a chapter on the writing pro- cess, the importance of readable formatting, and special considerations for each major medium of business writing, including social media. This sec- tion then provides patterns and advice for preparing the most common message types: good-news and neutral messages, bad-news messages, persuasive messages and proposals, and messages related to the job search. These chapters also discuss the choice of direct or indirect structure for the different types of messages. Part IV concentrates on report writing, begin- ning with such basics as determining the problem and purpose, gathering and analyzing data, creating a logical structure, writing and formatting the con- tents, and preparing reports collaboratively. It then discusses four types of short reports and the long, formal report; business research methods, including Internet research; and the use of visuals to enhance reader comprehension. Part V turns to oral communication, with a chapter on interpersonal communication and meetings and a chapter on oral reports and presentations. Th e topics range from the basics of speaking and listening to the
eff ective use of diff erent media, including presentation soft ware and Web-conferencing tools. Part VI provides two chapters—one on writing- related technologies and one on correctness—that can assist students with almost all the other chapters in the book. Appendices also provide grading checklists, addi- tional guidelines for formatting written documents, and advice and models for documenting sources.
WHAT’S NEW IN THE 13TH EDITION Th is edition of Lesikar’s Business Communication main- tains the book’s focus on the fundamentals of successful business communication while adapting to the current business and academic environments and incorporat- ing the advice of our helpful reviewers. Perhaps the most noticeable changes are that
• Th e cross-cultural communication and research chapters have been moved to earlier locations in the book to better refl ect their importance.
• Th e chapters on good-news and neutral, bad-news, and persuasive messages and proposals no longer have the words “Directness” and “Indirectness” in their titles. Th ese chapters still recommend the more common pattern of organization for each message type, but the change is meant to allow students more latitude in choosing the pattern that best suits the situation.
• Th e writing style is better adapted to today’s stu- dents. It is less stuff y, more effi cient, and easier to comprehend.
• Just as technology now plays a role in every facet of business, it is everywhere in this book—in the text, in the boxed material, in the examples, in the exercises and cases, and in the visual material. Eff ective use of communication technologies, which has been a special focus of Lesikar’s since the 6th edition, has acquired even greater prominence in this edition.
• A QR code at the end of each chapter now makes it easy for students to visit the book’s website, where they’ll fi nd many more resources.
• Th ree new executives are featured in the book’s six Part Openers: Stuart Crabb, head of learning and development at Facebook; Lynn Marmer, chief communications offi cer for Kroger Company; and Caroline Molina-Ray, Executive Director of Research and Publications at Apollo Research Institute. As with each previous new edition, the references,
examples, visuals, and exercises have been updated in
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every chapter. In addition, each chapter has undergone signifi cant revision, as follows:
Chapter 1: Understanding Workplace Communication • Now opens with an Introductory Challenge (a hy-
pothetical workplace scenario) to generate student interest in the chapter contents.
• Provides the latest statistics on the importance of communication skills in the workplace.
• Updates the “Current Challenges for Business Com- municators” section with research on workplace trends from the experts at the Institute for the Future, Apollo Research Institute, and the Aspen Institute.
• Incorporates new media and genres into the discussion of types of workplace communication. Chapter 2: Communicating Across Cultures
• Now follows Chapter 1 to refl ect the increasing importance of communicating well with those in or from other countries and cultures.
• Includes Hofstede’s “power distance” factor in the discussion of diff erent cultures’ attitudes toward social hierarchy.
• Includes research on the cultural infl uences on online communication.
• Updates the page of additional resources on cross- cultural communication. Chapter 3: Adapting Your Words to Your Readers
• Updates the Introductory Challenge as well as the boxed material on annoying business clichés, in- tergenerational communication, and grammar and style checkers.
• Includes a reference to and defi nition of plain language . • Uses a more logical, less redundant structure and
sharper headings, making the chapter’s points clearer and more distinct. (For example, connota- tion and denotation, oft en-confused words, and id- ioms were all discussed in one section. Now they’ve been separated for better emphasis.)
• Expands and updates the discussion of language referring to those with disabilities. Chapter 4: Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs
• Opens with an updated Introductory Challenge. • Trims the prefatory sections to get more quickly to
the chapter’s advice. • Adds Communication Matters boxes on limiting
the use of “there is/there are” and on avoiding the use of vague “this.”
• Includes clearer advice about using short sentences for emphasis and varying sentence structure (e.g., use of coordination and subordination) to manage emphasis.
• Expands the discussion of faulty parallelism.
Chapter 5: Writing for a Positive Eff ect • Makes a better case up front for paying attention to
the human relations dimension of business writing. • Shortens the discussion of “the old language of
business” since today’s students rarely use this lan- guage. Th ey do overuse clichés, so the section on this stylistic problem has been expanded.
• Renames the section previously labeled “Resisting the Tendency to Be Formal” to “Choosing the Right Level of Formality” and does a better job of help- ing students manage the writer–reader relationship through appropriate word choice.
• Renames the section “Tailoring Your Message to Your Reader,” which covered points already made in the chapter, to “Avoid Blaming the Reader” and discusses techniques for being tactful. Th is new section also includes a brief discussion of avoiding anger, replacing the unnecessarily long section on this topic.
• Adds a Technology in Brief box on “Courtesy in the Age of Mobile Devices” based on the latest advice from Emily Post’s Etiquette .
• Better incorporates the concluding section on managing emphasis by focusing on techniques that contribute to a positive eff ect. Chapter 6: Choosing the Best Process and Form
• Updates the audience analysis checklist to ad- dress what the audience knows; what the audi- ence needs to know; and what the audience needs to think, feel, do, or believe as a result of the communication.
• Provides current advice on letter writing, particularly on avoiding the use of greetings such as “to whom it may concern” and other outdated expressions.
• Revises the discussion of email to treat it as the established form of business communication it has become rather than as an emerging technology. Th e sections on email content and structure have also been deleted to make the discussion of email more parallel with that of letters and memos.
• Replaces outdated content on pros and cons of email with advice on current email practices in the workplace and on the role of email in the context of newer communication technologies such as texting and instant messaging.
• Adds a Communication Matters box on the top 10 email mistakes.
• Updates the information on text and instant mes- saging and social media communication as forms of business messages.
• Adds the content from Chapter 17 regarding print versus online documents, updates this content to refl ect the primary diff erences between the two
viii Preface
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types, and off ers current advice for writing Web content. Chapter 7: Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages
• Shift s the title’s focus from directness (an organiza- tional strategy) to the categories of messages being discussed (good-news and neutral).
• Incorporates a running narrative about routine communication at a hypothetical company, White Label Industries, throughout the chapter’s Introduc- tory Challenges. Th is enables instructors to discuss various communication tasks within a single com- pany and provides a consistent scenario for address- ing audience, context, and communication goals.
• Updates the good and bad examples to match the new Introductory Challenge scenarios.
• Clarifi es the discussion on how to begin a message directly.
• Updates the Case Illustrations. • Includes a section on direct claims, previously in
the chapter on negative messages, with the ratio- nale that routine claims require an approach more like that of neutral messages than that of bad-news messages.
• Adds a Communication Matters box about a company that is doing away with email as a com- munication channel. Th is presents an excellent dis- cussion point for instructors.
• Includes 52 revised or new Problem-Solving Cases. Chapter 8: Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages
• Shift s the title’s focus on indirectness (an organiza- tional strategy) to a focus on the category of mes- sages being discussed (bad-news).
• Cites current research on when to use the direct versus the indirect approach for communicating bad news.
• Addresses the use of apologies in bad-news messages.
• Continues the White Label Industries narrative from Chapter 7 in some of the Introductory Challenges for bad-news messages, which lets instructors continue the simulation in a diff erent rhetorical context.
• Incorporates additional new Introductory Chal- lenges throughout the chapter, with new good and bad sample solutions.
• Adds three new Case Illustrations of bad-news mes- sages written in the indirect approach: a refused re- quest to an external audience, a refused request to an internal audience, and a negative announcement.
• Omits the discussion of direct claims (moved to Chapter 7), keeping the focus in this chapter on preparing claims for an unreceptive audience.
• Adds a Technology in Brief box on using Quick Parts for messages that are sent frequently or routinely.
• Includes 36 revised or new Problem-Solving Cases. Chapter 9: Making Your Case with Persuasive Mes- sages and Proposals
• Includes “Proposals” in the chapter title to better signal where this topic is covered.
• Updates the “Sales Messages” section with a new Introductory Challenge and new bad and good ways to handle it, new Case Illustrations, and ref- erences to the newer sales media (e.g., Facebook pages and Twitter messages).
• Adds a new section, “Enhancing Your Message with Visuals,” to highlight the importance of planning compelling visual components for sales messages.
• Adds a Communication Matters box on Web re- sources for proposal writing.
• Ends with 35 revised or new Problem-Solving Cases for sales and proposal writing. Chapter 10: Conducting a Winning Job Campaign
• Cites current research on the value employers place on internships.
• Adds a Technology in Brief box on tips for creating an eff ective LinkedIn profi le.
• Includes comments in various parts of the chapter on how employers and job seekers use social net- working sites in the hiring or job-search process.
• Distinguishes between features of print résumés and electronic résumés.
• Clarifi es the discussion of the various types of elec- tronic résumés (e.g., email, scannable, Web-based).
• Provides an extended discussion of best practices for creating electronic résumés.
• Clarifi es when to include references with a résumé. • Adds a Communication Matters box reporting a study
on how much time employers spend reviewing résu- més before deciding whether a candidate is a good fi t.
• Updates the Case Illustrations for the résumé and cover letter examples.
• Adds a Communication Matters box on the 10 toughest interview questions.
• Adds a Communication Matters box emphasizing the importance of thank-you notes. Chapter 11: Preparing Informative and Infl uential Business Reports
• Clarifi es the discussion of problem statements by using “problem statement” to mean a description of the situation requiring a solution and “purpose statement” to mean the stated goal of the research conducted to fi nd that solution.
Preface ix
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• Adds basic guidelines for conducting research as preparation for Chapter 13 (“Conducting Research for Decision Makers”).
• Includes a new Technology in Brief box on report- writing soft ware.
• Reduces the overly long section on writing head- ings but extends the discussion of making them parallel. Chapter 12: Choosing the Right Type of Report
• Updates the discussion of problem statements for reports to incorporate the distinction between “problem statement” and “purpose statement.”
• Updates and enhances the sample reports. • Adds a new sample progress report to show stu-
dents how to prepare one about a course project. • Removes audit reports since these are too special-
ized and oft en too routinized to be useful to most students.
• Ends with 35 revised or new Problem-Solving Cases and 152 additional report topics. Chapter 13: Conducting Research for Decision Makers
• Is now grouped with the report-writing chapters to signal the importance of research to report writing.
• Opens with a new motivational section, “Why Research Matters,” followed by an overview of the main categories of research.
• Gets quickly to resources that students and professionals are likely to use—e.g., the Internet and other Web resources—rather than getting bogged down right away in a list of reference materials.
• Includes a new section on conducting research with social networking tools—Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, wikis, blogs, and listservs—and social bookmarking tools.
• Explains what a database (e.g., ABI/Inform) is and how to search it.
• Streamlines the discussion of reference materials by putting these resources into a descriptive table and updates the page-long List of Resources by Research Question.
• Includes more thorough, concrete advice on designing surveys.
• Expands the discussion of ethical guidelines for conducting research. Chapter 14: Using Visuals to Make Your Point
• Changes “graphics” to “visuals” throughout to bet- ter refl ect that business communicators have more options than just those that graph raw data.
• Adds a new Introductory Challenge. • Adds a Communication Matters box on infographics.
• Incorporates many new visuals to illustrate common types of visuals used in business communication.
• Adds a Communication Matters box on avoiding chartjunk. Chapter 15: Communicating Eff ectively in Meetings and Conversations
• Incorporates a new Introductory Challenge. • Adds a Communication Matters box providing spe-
cifi c exercises and tips for improving voice quality. • Adds a Communication Matters box on negotia-
tion as an interpersonal skill. • Includes a Technology in Brief box encouraging
students to become familiar with online meeting tools such as Skype and to try using these tools for their group meetings.
• Updates the discussion of phone etiquette and or- ganizes the information clearly into categories of initiating calls, answering calls directly, and screen- ing calls for others.
• Deletes the discussion on using speech-recognition soft ware for creating messages and reports. Some of the information is relocated to Chapter 17, “Lever- aging Technology for Better Writing.”
• Updates the Communication Matters box on using a professional handshake.
• Adds information regarding current research on the relationship between the technology use of “digital natives’” (Gen Xers and Gen Yers) and the potential underdevelopment of their nonverbal communication skills. Chapter 16: Delivering Oral Reports and Business Speeches
• Enhances and clarifi es the section on oral reports. • Replaces “Making Formal Speeches” with “Giving
Speeches and Presentations” to reduce the empha- sis on speeches and increase the emphasis on the more common types of talks.
• Adds advice on choosing the best medium/media for the presentation.
• Adds sections on planning for interaction with the audience and choosing the means of audience feed- back (e.g., Q&A, Twitter).
• Adds a Communication Matters box on TED talks. • Gives better advice about planning and using visu-
als to support a talk. • Relabels the section “Use of PowerPoint” as “Use
of Presentation Soft ware” and presents guidelines for using any presentation tool (e.g., Prezi, Google Docs, SlideRocket).
• Adds a section on using handouts to support a talk.
x Preface
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• Recasts the fi nal section on virtual presentations as “Delivering Web-Based Presentations” and moves it up in the chapter to refl ect the increased popularity of webinars. Chapter 17: Leveraging Technology for Better Writing
• Focuses the chapter specifi cally on technologies that enhance writing ability rather than on general communication technologies since the latter are discussed throughout the text.
• Eliminates redundancies between this chapter and Chapter 13 (“Conducting Research for Decision Makers”) in terms of gathering information electronically.
• Distinguishes between, and discusses separately, the use of technology to organize a project and the use of technology to organize a document.
• Reorganizes content to fl ow more logically. For ex- ample, the discussion of speech-recognition soft ware is moved to the section on technologies for draft ing rather than on technologies for revising and editing.
• Updates terminology to refl ect current usage (e.g., “electronic calendar” rather than “personal information management tool”).
• Discusses RSS feeds and tablet or smartphone apps as information-gathering tools.
• Mentions multimedia tools, document design soft ware, and Web development soft ware as options for creating and presenting information.
• Omits the discussion of print versus electronic documents (moved to Chapter 6).
• Adds visuals of iPad apps to refl ect current technology used in business communication.
• Provides a Communication Matters box on knowing one’s audience before using texting abbreviations or other “text speak.” Chapter 18: Conveying Professionalism Th rough Correctness
• Includes 50 new practice sentences to build students’ skills in the use of pronoun case, pronoun–antecedent agreement, subject–verb agreement, punctuation, and the apostrophe.
• Provides additional guidelines on pronoun– antecedent agreement.
• Adds a Communication Matters box citing current news articles that discuss the relationship between an employee’s use of good grammar and success in the workplace. In addition, Appendix B (“Physical Presentation
of Letters, Memos, and Reports”) and Appendix E (“Documentation and the Bibliography”) have been updated to refl ect current practices and technologies for formatting documents and citing sources.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Many dedicated business communication instructors and business professionals have contributed to this book throughout its long history. We extend our sin- cere thanks to them for their ideas and inspiration. We are especially indebted to those who have served as reviewers for this and past editions. Th ey truly de- serve much of the credit for improvements in this book.
Reviewers of the 12th edition:
Melissa Bakeman, California State University— San Bernardino
Charles D. Baker, Kent State University
Donna M. Carlon, University of Central Oklahoma
Andrea Deacon, University of Wisconsin—Stout
James H. Donelan, University of California— Santa Barbara
John S. Donnellan, The University of Texas at Austin (retired)
Heather Duvall, University of Central Oklahoma
Daniel L. Emery, University of Oklahoma
Connie Golden, Lakeland Community College
Lawrence W. Hahn, San Diego Miramar College
Harold Hellwig, Idaho State University
Richard Lacy, California State University, Fresno
Nancy Kathryn LeGrand, Southeast Missouri State University
Faith McDonald, The Pennsylvania State University
Gregory H. Morin, University of Nebraska—Omaha
Lauren Paisley, Genesee Community College
Richard D. Parker, High Point University
Diana Reep, University of Akron
Patty Saliba, Belhaven University
Terry Sanders, Macon State College
Jean Anna Sellers, Fort Hays State University
Ida Short, Schoolcraft College
Cecil V. Tarrant III, Western Illinois University
Deborah Valentine, Emory University
Reviewers of previous editions:
Laura Alderson, University of Memphis
Carolyn Ashe, University of Houston—Downtown
Jean Baird, Bringham Young University—Idaho
James J. Balakier, University of South Dakota
Preface xi
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Lecia Barker, University of Colorado
Melissa Barth, Appalachian State University
Rathin Basu, Ferrum College
Jill M. Batson, Henderson State University
Linda Bell, Reading Area Community College
Kenneth R. Bellinder, National–Louis University
Sandra K. Christianson, National American University
Audrey Cohen, Kingsborough Community College
Brenda A. Cornelius, University of Arkansas Community College at Hope
Sara Cushing, Piedmont Technical College
Mary Beth Debs, University of Cincinnati
Linda Di Desidero, University of Maryland University College
Norma J. Dexter, Florida State University—Panama City
Gloria Diemer, Suffolk County Community College
Michael E. Durkee, Miramar Community College
Carolyn Embree, The University of Akron
Donna Everett, Morehead State University
Lu Ann Farrell, Clinton Community College
Dale Fike, Redlands Community College
Alicen Fiosi, Lamar University
Sheryl Fitzpatrick, Waldorf College
Fernando Ganivet, Florida International University
Sean J. Glassberg, Horry–Georgetown Technical College
Glenn Good, Front Range Community College
Katherine Gotthardt, National American University
Diana Green, Weber State University
Frances K. Griffi n, Oklahoma State University
Susan A. Heller, Reading Area Community College
Guillermo A. Hernandez, De Anza College
Deborah Holder, Piedmont Technical College
Robert Insley, University of North Texas
Jane Johansen, University of Southern Indiana
Jean Kapinsky, Northcentral Technical College
Jeanette A. Karjala, Winona State University
Brian Keliher, Grossmont College
Susan King, Union County College
Melinda Knight, University of Rochester
Marianna Larsen, Utah State University
Anita Leffel, The University of Texas at San Antonio
Nancy K. Legrand, Southeast Missouri State University
Jere Littlejohn, University of Mississippi
John La Lone, Tarleton State University—Central Texas
Jeanette S. Martin, University of Mississippi
Kenneth R. Mayer, Cleveland State University
Robert J. McMahon, National American University
Elizabeth Metzger, University of South Florida
Richard R. Meza, Columbia College of Missouri
Andrea Muldoon, University of Wisconsin—Stout
Rebecca Pope-Ruark, Elon University
R. Wayne Preslar, Methodist College
Zane Quible, Oklahoma State University
Windy Rachal, Nicholls State University
Pamela L. Ramey, Kent State University
Evette W. Richardson, Norfolk State University
Lillie A. Robinson, North Carolina AT&T University
Heidi Schultz, University of North Carolina—Chapel Hill
Janet Sebesy, Cuyahoga Community College
Mageya R. Sharp, Cerritos College
Stacey Short, Northern Illinois University
Julie Simon, Clarkson College
Karen J. Smith, Columbia Southern University
Lisa Gueldenzoph Snyder, North Carolina AT&T University
Eric Soares, California State University, East Bay
Jessica Stoudenmire, El Camino College
Sandy Thomas, Kansas City Kansas Community College
Traci Thompson, Kilgore College—Longview
David A. Victor, Eastern Michigan University
David Ward, University of Wisconsin—Madison
Gary T. Ward, Reedley College
Kelly Warren, Wayland Baptist University
Karen Schelter Williams, San Diego Mesa College
Laura Williams, Lipscomb University
Bennie J. Wilson, III, University of Texas at San Antonio
Robert Zackowski, Horry Georgetown Technical College
xii Preface
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Preface xiii
In addition, we would particularly like to thank Lora Arduser for her major contributions to the research chapter and Appendix E, Riley Dugan and Emily Elsner Twesme for the problem-solving cases they contributed, and Heather Smith for her excellent work on the PowerPoint slides and Instructor’s Manual. Finally, on our respective home fronts, we acknowledge the support of our loved ones. Kathy acknowledges the support of Dave, Caroline, and Michael Rentz; her sister, Rebecca Horn; and friends
in the English Department at the University of Cincinnati. Paula acknowledges her husband John, family members, friends, and colleagues in the College of Business at the University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire. Your support has made this book possible.
Kathryn Rentz Paula Lentz
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xiv Contents
LESIKAR’S BUSINESS COMMUNICATION (13th ed.), by Kathryn Rentz and Paula Lentz, brings the contemporary perspective of two experienced teachers to Ray Lesikar’s classic textbook. Following the standard set by the 6th edition, this book integrates current technologies and trends throughout while maintaining an emphasis on the fundamentals: careful analysis of the communication problem, development of an audience-focused solution, and clear, correct use of language and visuals. Combined with abundant realistic examples, exercises, and cases, this approach makes Lesikar’s one of the most pedagogically eff ective books in the fi eld.
A Quick Look
PART OPENERS The six sections of the book begin with part
openers featuring quotes from distinguished
business leaders in such well-known companies
as Facebook and Berkshire Hathaway. These
opening comments attest to the importance of
business communication skills in the real world.
LESIKKAAR’S B Paula Lentz, brings th
PART TWO
With a net worth of around $44 billion, War-
ren Buff ett is ranked by Forbes magazine as
the second-richest person in the world, after
Microsoft Cofounder and Chairman Bill
Gates. Buff ett made his fi rst stock purchase
at the age of 11 but sold before the stock
skyrocketed. Th is early lesson taught him to
study hard and carefully analyze potential in-
vestments. Th e result was the development
of one of the world’s largest holding compa-
nies, Berkshire Hathaway, Inc.
Although best known for his ability to
pick stocks, Buff ett was honored in 2006 by
the National Commission on Writing for
America’s Families, Schools, and Colleges for
writing Berkshire Hathaway’s annual report.
Buff ett writes, “One way or another, you have to project your ideas to other people.
Writing isn’t necessarily easy. . . . But you get better and better at it, and I encourage
everybody to do that.”
Warren E. Buffett, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, Inc.
Fundamentals of Business Writing
3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers
4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs
5 Writing for a Positive Effect
As head of Learning & Development for
Facebook, Stuart Crabb knows what qualities
companies look for in a job candidate. He has
over 20 years’ experience helping companies
hire the right people, develop their talent,
and become more culturally diverse.
What does it take to succeed at Facebook?
According to Crabb, the answers are “criti-
cal thinking,” “problem solving,” “creativity,”
and “performance.” It also takes being “mo-
tivated,” “individually accountable,” and a
“good fi t” with the company culture.
Th ese happen to be key traits of successful
business communicators, too. Th ey under-
stand that communicating well takes analysis, judgment, and even ingenuity. It takes
being attuned to people and to each communication situation. And it takes not only
verbal skill but also technological and visual literacy.
Like business itself, business communication can be challenging. But the chal-
lenge can be fun, and solving communication problems can bring enormous rewards.
Th is book will help prepare you for an exciting future as both a businessperson and a
communicator.
Stuart Crabb, Head of Learning & Development for Facebook
PART ONE
Introduction
1 Understanding Workplace Communication
2 Communicating Across Cultures
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Contents xv
at the 13th Edition
GOOD AND BAD EXAMPLES Numerous good and bad examples of
various business documents—from
messages to memos to reports—are
featured throughout the text. These
writing samples allow students to
learn by example. For easy reference,
good examples are highlighted with a
green bulls-eye and bad examples are
denoted by a red missed target.
158 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
• If appropriate, achieve a secondary goal (e.g., reselling or confi rming a mutual understanding).
• Close with a goodwill-building comment, adapted to the topic of the message.
Contrasting Acknowledgments Th e following two messages show bad and good ways to acknowledge Mr. Lee’s order. As you would expect, the good version follows the plan described in the preceding paragraphs.
Slow Route to a Favorable Message. Th e bad example begins indirectly, empha- sizing receipt of the order. Although intended to produce goodwill, the second sen- tence further delays what the reader wants most to hear. Moreover, the letter is written from the writer’s point of view (note the we-emphasis).
Dear Mr. Lee:
Your April 4 order for $1,743.30 worth of Protect-O paints and supplies has been received. We are pleased to have this nice order and hope that it marks the beginning of a long relationship. As you instructed, we will bill you for this amount. We are shipping the goods today by Blue Darter Motor Freight.
We look forward to your future orders.
Sincerely, This one delays the important news.
This direct message is better.
Dear Mr. Lee:
Your selection of Protect-O paints and supplies was shipped today by Blue Darter Freight and should reach you by Wednesday. As you requested, we are sending you an invoice for $1,743.30, including sales tax.
Welcome to the Protect-O circle of dealers. Our representative, Ms. Cindy Wooley, will call from time to time to offer whatever assistance she can. She is a highly competent technical adviser on paint and painting.
Here in the home plant we also will do what we can to help you profi t from Protect-O products. We’ll do our best to give you the most effi cient service. And we’ll continue to develop the best possible paints—like our new Chem-Treat line. As you will see from the enclosed brochure, Chem-Treat is a real breakthrough in mildew protection.
We genuinely appreciate your order, Mr. Lee. We are determined to serve you well in the years ahead.
Sincerely,
Fast-Moving Presentation of the Good News. The better message begins directly, telling Mr. Lee that he is getting what he wants. The remainder of the message is a customer welcome and subtle selling. Notice the good use of reader emphasis and positive language. The message closes with a note of appreciation and a friendly, forward look.
Cindy She is a
otect-O ontinue will see tection.
you well
CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 211
Contrasting Negative Announcements Good and bad techniques in negative announcements are illustrated in the following two messages. Th e bad one is direct, which in some circumstances may be acceptable but clearly is not in this case. Th e good one follows the pattern just discussed.
Directness Here Alarms the Readers. Th is bad example clearly will upset the readers with its abrupt announcement in the beginning. Th e readers aren’t prepared to receive the negative message. Th ey probably don’t understand the reasons behind the negative news. Th e explanation comes later, but the readers are not likely to be in a receptive mood when they see it. Th e message ends with a repetition of the bad news.
To our employees:
National Window Systems management sincerely regrets that effective February 1 you must begin contributing 25 percent of the cost of your medical insurance. As you know, in the past the company has paid the full amount.
This decision is primarily the result of the rising costs of health insurance, but our profi ts also have declined the last several quarters. Given this tight fi nancial picture, we needed to fi nd ways to reduce expenses.
We trust that you will understand why we must ask for your help with cutting costs to the company.
Sincerely,
Convincing Explanation Begins a Courteous Message. Th e better example fol- lows the recommended indirect pattern. Its opening words begin the task of convinc- ing the readers of the appropriateness of the action to be taken. Aft er more convincing explanation, the announcement fl ows logically. Perhaps it will not be received positively by all recipients, but it represents a reasonable position given the facts presented. Aft er the announcement comes an off er of assistance to help readers deal with their new situ- ation. Th e last paragraph reminds readers of remaining benefi ts and reassures them that management understands their interests. It ends on an appreciative, goodwill note.
To All Employees:
Companies all across the United States, no matter how large or small, are struggling to keep up with the rising cost of healthcare. Legislators, healthcare providers, and businesspeople everywhere are working to fi nd a solution to the skyrocketing cost of health insurance.
We are feeling this situation here in our own company. The premiums that we pay to cover our health benefi ts have increased by 34 percent over the last two years, and they now represent a huge percentage of our expenditures. Meanwhile, as you know, our sales have been lower than usual for the past several quarters.
For the short term, we must fi nd a way to cut overall costs. Your management has considered many options and rejected such measures as cutting salaries and reducing personnel. Of the solutions that will be implemented, the only change that affects you directly concerns your medical insurance. On March 1 we will begin deducting 25 percent of the cost of the premium.
Jim Taylor in the Personnel Offi ce will soon be announcing an informational meeting about your insurance options. Switching to spousal coverage, choosing a less expensive plan with lighter deductibles, or setting up a fl exible spending
This indirect example follows the bad-news pattern.
Directness here sends a negative message.
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xvi Contents
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE Each box presents a realistic business
scenario and provides students with a context
for the topics discussed in the chapter.
Introduce yourself to routine inquiries by assuming you are the assistant to the vice president for administration of White Label Industries (WLI). WLI is the manufacturer and distributor of an assortment of high-quality products. You and your boss were recently chatting about WLI’s plans to relocate its regional headquarters. Your boss tells you that she and other top management have cho- sen the city but have not been able to fi nd the perfect offi ce space. She says that they have not been happy with what realtors have found for them or with what they have found in their own searches of classifi ed ads and realty agencies’ websites. When you suggest that they expand their search to something a little less traditional such as
craigslist, your boss says, “Great idea! I don’t think any of us have used craigslist, though. Could you fi nd some locations and show them to us at our Friday meeting?” You’re a bit intimidated by the prospect, but you know that this is a great chance to demonstrate your professional skills. You visit craigslist and fi nd what you believe would be the perfect offi ce headquarters. You know you could just show the executives the ad at the meeting, but having read the ad and having analyzed your audience, you know the executives will need more information. To present your best professional image at Friday’s meeting, you need to write a routine inquiry seeking additional details about the offi ce space.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Searching for New Regional Headquarters
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF These boxes refl ect how current technologies
affect business communication, covering
such topics as the top 10 email mistakes,
courteous use of mobile devices, and tools
and technologies that students will encounter
in the workplace.
The table of contents generator tool in today’s word- processing software frees writers from both the physical formatting and the accuracy tasks. Just a few clicks pro- duce and format the table of contents, along with leaders and page numbers. Additionally, today’s generators add links so that those reading the report on the screen rather than on paper can easily navigate to a particular section or page by simply clicking it in the table of contents. The table of contents generator works with Word’s built- in styles, which you use as tags to mark the different levels of headings that will be included in the table of contents. If you are using a standard report template, styles are already
incorporated in it. If you are creating your own report from a blank document, you could use predefi ned styles or defi ne your own styles to create titles, headings, and subheads. Styles provide consistency so that headings at certain lev- els always appear the same, helping the reader see the re- lationship of the parts of your report. Furthermore, if you decide to change the material in your report after you have generated the table of contents, you simply regenerate it to update page numbers with only a few clicks. Shown here is a sample table of contents automatically created in Word 2010.
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Using a Table of Contents Generator for Speed and Accuracy
COMMUNICATION MATTERS Communication Matters boxes contain
authoritative and anecdotal commentary to
emphasize communication concepts from
each chapter.
Blogger and writing expert Mary Cullen surveyed a wide range of clients from various industries to ask them “which overused phrases they would like to see banished.” Here are their top replies:
1. At the end of the day
2. 30,000-foot view
3. Give 110%
4. Think outside of the box
5. FYI
6. 800-pound gorilla
7. Throw under the bus
8. My bad
9. Rightsizing
10. Reaching out
11. Low-hanging fruit
12. Paradigm shift
13. Take it offl ine
14. At this point in time
15. Synergy
16. Action item
Cullen adds one more that particularly bothers her: “Going forward.” “Where else would we go?” she asks. “Backward?”
SOURCE: “Top 25 Jargon and Gobbledygook Phrases 2011,” Instructional Solutions, www.instructionalsolutions.com , 2012, Web, 20 May 2012. From Instructional Solutions, www.instructionalsolutions.com. Reprinted with permission.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
The Most Annoying Business Clichés
THEMATIC BOXES Each chapter features thematic boxes to highlight and reinforce important topics.
MATHEMTHHEMTH TICMATHEMTH
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Contents xvii
ENGAGING PHOTOS AND SCREEN CAPTURES Visuals of contemporary people and companies help students
relate to the material and understand key points.
NUMEROUS CASE ILLUSTRATIONS Annotated examples of real business messages, reports,
and other documents show how to apply the concepts
discussed in the chapters.
QUICK ACCESS TO ONLINE RESOURCES A QR code and URL at the end of every chapter will take
students directly to the contents of the website’s Bizcom
Tools & Tips. Here they’ll fi nd over a hundred Web-based
resources—from technology videos to grammar and style tips
to advice on proposal writing and other topics.
RELEVANT AND CHALLENGING CASES An extensive collection of scenario-based cases gives
students practice solving communication problems on
a wide range of business topics, from Internet use to
customer service to marketing research.
CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 159159
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
Online Order Acknowledgment (Order Confirmation with a Second Purpose) . This email message thanks the reader for her order and invites her to participate in this company’s online product review.
From: Gardeners Supply [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2013 9:08 AM To: [email protected] Subject: Tell Us What You Think About Our Products
Pictures provide
a quick visual
confirmation of
the order
Moves to
another goal
of the
message
Links make
participation
easy
Thanks
the reader
and
indicates
a shared
interest
Adds a
reader
benefit and
incentive
Forward-
looking
ending
builds
goodwill
Men's Waterproof Gloves
Glove Set, 3 Pairs
Thank you again for shopping with us.
The Employee-Owners at Gardener’s Supply
Copyright @2008 America’s Gardening Resource, Inc.
Dear Kathryn,
Thank you for your purchase from Gardener’s Supply. We hope you are enjoying your items and that this year’s garden will be your best ever!
Your satisfaction with our products is important to us, and we want to hear what you have to say about them. We recently added customer reviews to our website, which helps us improve our product selection and helps other gardeners find the best products to suit their needs.
We’re hoping you’ll take a moment to rate and review some or all of the items you have purchased from us. Other gardeners will appreciate your opinions and advice, and you may also enjoy reading what fellow gardeners have to say!
Each time you submit a product review to our website, your name will be entered in a monthly drawing for a $1,000 prize (see information below).
Here are the item(s) you recently purchased. Just click on an item to write a review.
Rate and review it
Rate and review it
If approached patiently, humbly, and sincerely, forming international business rela- tions can be incredibly exciting. Be ready to make and acknowledge mistakes, and to forgive them in others. Mutual respect is key—perhaps the key—to successful cross- cultural communication.
THERE’S MORE . . . What time is it in Kyoto, Japan, when it’s 9 a.m. your time? Where can you fi nd an on- line dictionary for Italian? How should you dress when doing business in Chile? Scan the QR code in the margin with your smartphone or use your Web browser to fi nd out at www.mhhe.com/leskiar13e. Choose Chapter 2 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
1. Businesses are becoming increasingly global in their operations. • Being able to communicate across cultures is necessary in these operations. • Specifi cally, it helps in satisfying customers’ needs, gaining additional
business, getting along with co-workers, hiring good people, and avoiding misinterpretations.
2. When learning about a culture, start with the big picture . • Learn about the infl uence of topography, history, and religion on the culture. • Remember that businesspeople the world over share many of the same goals. • Learn about others’ cultures to avoid ethnocentrism and to enhance your cross-
cultural communication. 3. How people use body positions and body movements varies across cultures.
• How people walk, gesture, smile, and touch diff ers from culture to culture. • Understanding others’ body movements is important in cross-cultural
communication. 4. People in diff erent cultures diff er in their ways of relating to people.
• Specifi cally, they diff er in their practices and thinking concerning time, space, odors, frankness, social hierarchy, workplace values, and social behavior.
• We should not use our own culture’s practices as standards for interpreting and evaluating the practices of those from other cultures.
• Instead, we should try to understand other cultures and adapt our communication styles accordingly.
5. Language equivalency problems are another major cause of miscommunication in cross-cultural communication, but you can minimize them. • Some words in a language have no equivalent in other languages. • Languages can also diff er greatly in terms of grammar and syntax. • As in English most words in other languages have multiple meanings
1 Explain why communicating clearly across cultures is important to business.
2 Describe three major factors that infl uence a country or region’s culture.
3 Describe cultural differences regarding body positions and movements and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
4 Describe the impact of culture on views and practices concerning human relations and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
5 Explain the language equivalency problem and techniques for minimizing its effects.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
P R O B L E M - S O L V I N G C A S E S
Shorter Reports
1 You started working for a local car dealership as an offi ce clerk when you were in high school. You’re in college now, but you still work there part time, and you’ve noticed that the management of the company seems to respect your opinion and judgment a little more each day. Today you and some others were hanging around the coff eemaker with one of the owners, who mentioned that he’d seen a new electronic sign at one of his competitor’s sites. “I wonder how much it costs to buy one of those things?” he asks.
“People can see us from the highway, so an electronic sign with changing messages might be a good investment.” Aft er a moment of thought, he turns to you. “Will you fi nd out what kind of electronic sign businesses usually use, and what they cost?” he asks. “And see how you change the content on the sign. Is it hard to learn how to use it once it’s set up?” You tell him you’ll look into the matter and send him an email about it. Do the appropriate research and tell your boss everything he needs to know to decide whether to pursue this idea.
2 Take advantage of the many career resources to research what the career outlook is in your fi eld. Research the em- ployment prospects, typical jobs, advancement opportu- nity, salary range, career advantages/disadvantages, typical responsibilities—whatever you can fi nd. You might start with the U.S. Government’s Occupational Outlook Handbook ( www.bls.gov/ooh/ ). Professional societies also sometimes
have excellent statistics on salaries and working conditions in their fi elds. And don’t neglect such job-search sites as Monster.com . If your instructor directs, interview someone in your fi eld who can give you an insider’s view. Write up your fi ndings as a well-organized short report, and be sure to interpret your fi ndings in terms of their likely signifi cance to you.
3 Th e insurance company where you work as assistant to the information technology (IT) manager is doing well. Just last year, the company hired 9 customer service repre- sentatives and a receptionist, bringing the total number of employees to 54. But with growth come certain headaches— and one of them is fi guring out how to regulate employees’ Internet use. Th e company’s customer service representatives work largely on the phone to handle claims and fi eld other ques- tions. Although they need to use the Internet to do their work, during downtime they continue to use the Internet for personal reasons, including email, social networking, watch- ing favorite television shows, viewing YouTube videos, and
even downloading programs or fi les that have nothing to do with their jobs. Your boss is worried about three things: (1) security breaches resulting from these downloads and from other Internet activities, (2) inappropriate content being viewed or downloaded, and (3) computers running slowly or frequently locking up as a result of the Internet content being viewed or downloaded. It’s time for an Internet-use policy, and your boss thinks you’re just the person to help write it. Your assignment is to study the current wisdom on workplace Internet policies and send your fi ndings to your boss in an email report. She will use the report as the basis for a meeting with her boss next week.
4 It’s almost time for the annual awards dinner for your city’s chapter of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). Th e two most honored awardees will be the LLS’s Man and Woman of the Year, the volunteers who have raised the most money for the cause during the society’s 10-week competition. Your boss, who serves on the orga- nization’s board of directors, has been asked to announce
the winners at the event and to present them each with a gift book. Your boss has asked you to recommend some appropriate books for each winner. Learn more about the LLS and past Men and Women of the Year and then choose three appro- priate books to propose for each. Send your recommenda- tions to your boss in an email report.
5 You were recently hired as an intern at a Mayim’s, a dis- tributor of high end cosmetics and skin care products Kori
for Business Communication class. “I heard some of these options were totally free and really easy to use” she contin
CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 241
In any given case, many appeals are available to you. You should use those that fi t your product or service and your readers best. Keep in mind that how the buyer will use the product may be a major basis for selecting a sales strategy. For example, cosmetics might well be sold to the fi nal user through emotional appeals, but selling cosmetics to a retailer (who is primarily interested in reselling them) would require rational appeals. A retailer’s main questions about the product would be “Will it sell? What turnover can I expect? How much money will it make for me?”
Determining the Makeup of the Mailing When you write a sales message to be sent by mail or email, a part of your eff ort is to determine the makeup of the mailing. To know what you want to say in your main message, you’ll need to decide what kinds of additional pieces will be included and how they will support the main piece.
Consider, for example, a mailing craft ed by Scotts LawnService (see the Case Illustration on page 245). It came in a 9-inch by 12-inch white envelope with the words “LAWN ANALYSIS ENCLOSED FOR (the recipient’s address)” on the front, as well as the words “(recipient’s city) RESIDENTS: PLEASE TAKE NOTICE.” Both the kind of envelope used and the wording on it conveyed the image of an offi cial, personalized document.
Inside were three 7½-inch by 10½-inch pages: • Th e top page included the main sales letter on the front, with bold letters in the
top right corner advertising a “FREE No-Obligation Lawn Analysis for (the resident’s address).” On the back were six testimonials under the heading “Here’s what our customers say about Scotts LawnService.”
A well-known spokesperson can add character appeal.
Figure 9–2
An Email That Makes the Desired Action Easy
Join 1
Join 3
Join 4
Join 2
March 31, 2013
J i 1
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INSTRUCTOR’S MANUAL Th e downloadable Instructor’s Manual (IM) shows how to present the book’s contents step by step. Aft er an orienting introduction, each IM chapter walks the instructor though the corresponding book chapter, syncing the discussion with the chapter’s PowerPoint slides. Th e IM also provides tips for teaching the fi rst day of class, sample syllabi for the quarter and semester systems, sample answers and talking points for the Critical Th inking Questions and Skills Building Exercises, and sample solutions for the Problem-Solving Cases. Th e book’s website supplements the IM with teaching notes for the video cases, a wide range of Web-based resources, and a biweekly blog post by the authors. Even a new instructor can get up to speed quickly while having many helpful options to choose from.
TEST BANK AND EZ TEST Th e Test Bank includes more than 1,000 multiple-choice, true/false, and short- answer questions. Each question identifi es the answer, diffi culty level, and Bloom’s Taxonomy level coding. Each test question is also tagged to the Learning Objective it covers in the chapter and the AACSB Learning Standard it falls under.
EZ TEST ONLINE McGraw-Hill’s EZ Test Online is a fl exible and easy-to-use electronic testing program. Th e program allows instructors to create tests from book-specifi c items, accommodates a wide range of question types, and enables instructors to add their own questions. Multiple versions of a test can be created, and any test can be exported for use with WebCT, Blackboard, or any other course management system. EZ Test Online is accessible to busy instructors virtually anywhere via the Web, and the program eliminates the need for them to install test soft ware. For more information about EZ Test Online, please see the website at www.eztestonline.com.
PRESENTATION SLIDES Clear, visually appealing PowerPoint slides support every chapter. In addition to reinforcing the book’s key points, the slides provide additional cases to discuss and other forms of interactivity (e.g., questions to answer or blanks to fi ll in).
LESIKAR’S BUSINESS COMMUNICATION, THIRTEENTH EDITION, includes a variety of supplemental materials to help instructors prepare and present the material in this textbook more eff ectively.
A Wealth of Supplements
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Th e instructors’ version of the slides also contains brief notes to help the teacher emphasize the key points and explain their importance. Instructors can easily add to or revise the slides to adapt them to a particular approach.
MCGRAW-HILL CONNECT BUSINESS COMMUNICATION
LESS MANAGING. MORE TEACHING. GREATER LEARNING.
McGraw-Hill Connect Business Communication is an online assignment and assessment solution that connects students with the tools and resources they’ll need to understand and apply the book’s concepts. Connect Business Communication helps prepare students for their future by enabling faster learning, more effi cient studying, and higher retention of knowledge.
MCGRAW-HILL CONNECT BUSINESS COMMUNICATION FEATURES Connect Business Communication off ers a number of powerful tools and features to make managing assignments easier, so faculty can spend more time teaching. With Connect Business Communication, students can engage with their coursework anytime and anywhere, making the learning process more accessible and effi cient. Connect Business Communication off ers you the features described below.
DIAGNOSTIC AND ADAPTIVE LEARNING AND MASTERY OF CONCEPTS
Connect Business Communication provides personalized learning plans to develop or improve students’ editing skills, and it empowers students to put responsible writing into practice. Th is adaptive learning system helps students learn faster, study more effi ciently, and retain more knowledge for greater success.
PRACTICE OF PRESENTATION SKILLS INSIDE AND OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM
Th e presentation capture tool gives instructors the ability to evaluate presentations and students the freedom to practice their presentations anytime and anywhere.
ONLINE INTERACTIVES
Online Interactives are exercises that enable students to apply key concepts and develop their critical thinking. Th ese Interactives, prepared by the authors, immerse students in experiential learning by engaging them in a variety of realistic interactive scenarios. Students receive immediate feedback at intermediate steps throughout each exercise, as well as comprehensive feedback at the end of the assignment. All Interactives are automatically scored and entered into the instructor gradebook.
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STUDENT PROGRESS TRACKING
Connect Business Communication keeps instructors informed about how each student, section, and class is performing, allowing for more productive use of class time and offi ce hours. Th e progress-tracking function enables you to
• View scored work immediately and track individual or group performance with assignment and grade reports.
• Access an instant view of student or class performance relative to learning objectives.
• Collect data and generate reports required by many accreditation organizations, such as AACSB.
SMART GRADING
When it comes to studying, time is precious. Connect Business Communication helps students learn more effi ciently by providing feedback and practice material when they need it, where they need it. When it comes to teaching, your time also is precious. Th e grading function enables you to
• Have assignments scored automatically, giving students immediate feedback on their work and side-by-side comparisons with correct answers.
• Access and review each response, manually change grades, or leave comments for students to review.
• Reinforce classroom concepts with practice tests and instant quizzes.
SIMPLE ASSIGNMENT MANAGEMENT
With Connect Business Communication, creating assignments is easier than ever, so you can spend more time teaching and less time managing. Th e assignment management function enables you to
• Create and deliver assignments easily with selectable end-of-chapter questions and Test Bank items.
• Streamline lesson planning, student progress reporting, and assignment grading to make classroom management more effi cient than ever.
• Go paperless with the eBook and online submission and grading of student assignments.
INSTRUCTOR LIBRARY
Th e Connect Business Communication Instructor Library is your repository for additional resources to improve student engagement in and out of class. You
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can select and use any asset that enhances your lecture. Th e Connect Business Communication Instructor Library includes
• Instructor’s Manual • Bizcom Tools & Tips, an extensive collection of Web resources • PowerPoint fi les • Test Bank • Bcomm Teacher Xchange, the authors’ blog • Management Asset Gallery, which contains 23 Self-Assessments and
Manager’s Hot Seat Videos • eBook
STUDENT STUDY CENTER
Th e Connect Business Communication Student Study Center is the place for students to access additional resources. Th e Student Study Center
• Off ers students quick access to lectures, practice materials, Web resources, eBooks, and more.
• Provides instant practice material and study questions, easily accessible on the go.
• Gives students access to the personalized learning plan, described above, and more.
LECTURE CAPTURE VIA TEGRITY CAMPUS
Increase the attention paid to lecture discussion by decreasing the attention paid to note taking. For an additional charge Lecture Capture off ers new ways for students to focus on the in-class discussion, knowing they can revisit important topics later. See below for further information.
MCGRAW-HILL CONNECT PLUS BUSINESS COMMUNICATION
McGraw-Hill reinvents the textbook learning experience for the modern student with Connect Plus Business Communication. A seamless integration of an eBook and Connect Business Communication, Connect Plus Business Communication provides all of the Connect Business Communication features plus the following:
• An integrated eBook, allowing for anytime, anywhere access to the textbook.
• Dynamic links between the problems or questions you assign to your students and the location in the eBook where that problem or question is covered.
• A powerful search function to pinpoint and connect key concepts in a snap.
c C
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In short, Connect Business Communication off ers you and your students powerful tools and features that optimize your time and energies, enabling you to focus on course content, teaching, and student learning. Connect Business Communication also off ers a wealth of content resources for both instructors and students. Th is state-of-the-art, thoroughly tested system supports you in preparing students for the world that awaits. For more information about Connect, go to www.mcgrawhillconnect.com, or contact your local McGraw-Hill sales representative.
TEGRITY CAMPUS: LECTURES 24/7 Tegrity Campus is a service that makes class time available 24/7 by
automatically capturing every lecture in a searchable format for students to review when they study and complete assignments. With a simple one-click start-and-stop process, you capture all computer screens and corresponding audio. Students can replay any part of any class with easy-to-use browser-based viewing on a PC or Mac.
Educators know that the more students can see, hear, and experience class resources, the better they learn. In fact, studies prove it. With Tegrity Campus, students quickly recall key moments by using Tegrity Campus’s unique search feature. Th is search helps students effi ciently fi nd what they need, when they need it, across an entire semester of class recordings. Help turn all your students’ study time into learning moments immediately supported by your lecture.
Lecture Capture enables you to
• Record and distribute your lecture with a click of a button. • Record and index PowerPoint presentations and anything shown on your
computer so it is easily searchable, frame by frame. • Off er access to lectures anytime and anywhere by computer, iPod, or
mobile device. • Increase intent listening and class participation by easing students’
concerns about note taking. Lecture Capture will make it more likely that you will see students’ faces, not the tops of their heads.
To learn more about Tegrity, watch a two minute Flash demo at http://tegritycampus .mhhe.com.
ASSURANCE-OF-LEARNING READY Many educational institutions today are focused on the notion of assurance of learning, an important element of some accreditation standards. Lesikar’s Business Communication is designed specifi cally to support your assurance-of-learning initiatives with a simple, yet powerful, solution.i
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Each Test Bank question for Lesikar’s Business Communication maps to a specifi c chapter learning outcome/objective listed in the text. You can use our Test Bank soft ware, EZ Test and EZ Test Online, or Connect Business Communication to easily query for learning outcomes/objectives that directly relate to the learning objectives for your course. You can then use the reporting features of EZ Test to aggregate student results in similar fashion, making the collection and presentation of assurance-of-learning data simple and easy.
AACSB STATEMENT Th e McGraw-Hill Companies is a proud corporate member of AACSB International. Understanding the importance and value of AACSB accreditation, the authors of Lesikar’s Business Communication, Th irteenth Edition, recognize the curricula guidelines detailed in the AACSB standards for business accreditation by connecting selected questions in the text and/or the Test Bank to the six general knowledge and skill guidelines in the AACSB standards.
Th e statements contained in Lesikar’s Business Communication, Th irteenth Edition, are provided only as a guide for the users of this textbook. Th e AACSB leaves content coverage and assessment within the purview of individual schools, the mission of the school, and the faculty. While Lesikar’s Business Communication and the teaching package make no claim of any specifi c AACSB qualifi cation or evaluation, we have tagged selected questions according to the six general knowledge and skill areas.
MCGRAW-HILL AND BLACKBOARD McGraw-Hill Higher Education and Blackboard have teamed up. What does this mean for you?
1. Your life, simplifi ed. Now you and your students can access McGraw- Hill’s Connect and Create right from within your Blackboard course—all with one single sign-on. Say goodbye to the days of logging in to multiple applications.
2. Deep integration of content and tools. Not only do you get single sign-on with Connect and Create, but you also get deep integration of McGraw-Hill content and content engines right in Blackboard. Whether you’re choosing a book for your course or building Connect assignments, all the tools you need are right where you want them—inside Blackboard. t where you want them—inside Blackboard
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3. Seamless gradebooks. Are you tired of keeping multiple gradebooks and manually synchronizing grades into Blackboard? We thought so. When a student completes an integrated Connect assignment, the grade for that assignment automatically (and instantly) feeds into your Blackboard grade center.
4. A solution for everyone. Whether your institution is already using Blackboard or you just want to try Blackboard on your own, we have a solution for you. McGraw-Hill and Blackboard can now off er you easy access to industry-leading technology and content, whether your campus hosts it or we do. Be sure to ask your local McGraw-Hill representative for details.
MCGRAW-HILL CAMPUSTM
McGraw-Hill Campus™ is a new one-stop teaching and learning experience available to users of any learning management system. Th is institutional service allows faculty and students to
enjoy single sign-on (SSO) access to all McGraw-Hill Higher Education materials, including the award-winning McGraw-Hill Connect platform, from directly within the institution’s website. McGraw-Hill Campus™ provides faculty with instant access to all McGraw-Hill Higher Education teaching materials (e.g., eBooks, Test Banks, PowerPoint slides, animations and learning objects), allowing faculty to browse, search, and use any instructor ancillary content in our vast library at no additional cost to instructor or students. Students enjoy SSO access to a variety of free products (e.g., quizzes, fl ash cards, narrated presentations) and subscription- based tools (e.g., McGraw-Hill Connect). With this program enabled, faculty and students will never need to create another account to access McGraw-Hill products and services. Learn more at www.mhcampus.com.
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MCGRAW-HILL CUSTOMER CARE CONTACT INFORMATION At McGraw-Hill, we understand that getting the most from new technology can be challenging. Th at’s why our services don’t stop aft er you purchase our products. You can email our Product Specialists 24 hours a day to get product training online. Or you can search our knowledge bank of Frequently Asked Questions on our support website. For Customer Support, call 800-331-5094, email hmsupport@mcgraw- hill.com, or visit www.mhhe.com/support. One of our Technical Support Analysts will be able to assist you in a timely fashion.
OUTCOMES-BASED ASSESSMENT SOLUTIONS
PERSONALIZED
Connect’s presentation capture gives instructors the abil- ity to evaluate presentations and students the freedom to practice their presentations anytime, and anywhere. With its fully customizable rubric, instructors can mea- sure students’ uploaded presentations against course outcome and give students specifi c feedback on where improvement is needed.
ADAPTIVE
Connect provides personalized learning plans to develop or improve editing skills and empowers students to put responsible writing into practice. Th is adaptive learning system helps students learn faster, study more effi ciently, and retain more knowledge for greater success. It pinpoints concepts the student does not understand and maps a personalized study plan for success. With interactive documentation tools, it helps students master the foundations of writing. Developed through hours of ethnographic qualitative and quantitative research, it addresses the needs of today’s classrooms, both online and traditional.
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ONLINE LEARNING CENTER (OLC) www.mhhe.com/rentz13e Find a variety of online teaching and learning tools that are designed to reinforce and build on the text content. Students will have direct access to the learning tools, while instructor materials are password-protected.
A BLOG FOR BUSINESS COMMUNICATION TEACHERS Instructors can keep track of the latest business communication news, trends, tips, and tools by following the authors’ blog, Bcomm Teacher Xchange, at www.bcommteacherxchange.wordpress.com. Th e articles are searchable by subject, and a new one is posted every other week.
www
eBOOK OPTIONS eBooks are an innovative way for students to save money and to “go green.” McGraw-Hill’s ebooks are typically 40 percent off the bookstore price. Students have the choice between an online and a downloadable CourseSmart eBook.
Th rough CourseSmart, students have the fl exibility to access an exact replica of their textbook from any computer that has Internet service, without plug-ins or special soft ware, via the online version or to create a library of books on their hard drive via the downloadable version. Access to the CourseSmart eBooks lasts for one year.
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Features CourseSmart eBooks allow students to highlight, take notes, organize notes, and share the notes with other CourseSmart users. Students can also search for terms across all eBooks in their purchased CourseSmart library. CourseSmart ebooks can be printed (fi ve pages at a time).
More Info and Purchase Please visit www.coursesmart.com to learn more and to purchase access to our eBooks. CourseSmart allows students to try one chapter of the eBook, free of charge, before purchase.
Binder-Ready Loose-Leaf Text Th is full-featured text is provided as an option to the price-sensitive student. It is a full four-color text that’s three-hole punched and made available at a discount to students. It is also available in a package with Connect Plus.
CREATE Craft your teaching resources to match the way you teach! With McGraw-Hill Create, www.mcgrawhillcreate.com, you can easily rearrange chapters, combine material from other content sources, and quickly upload content you have written, like your course syllabus or teaching notes. Find the content you need in Create by searching through thousands of leading McGraw-Hill textbooks. Arrange your book to fi t your teaching style. Create even allows you to personalize your book’s appearance by selecting the cover and adding your name, school, and course information. Order a Create book and you’ll receive a complimentary print review copy in three to fi ve business days or a complimentary electronic review copy (eComp) via email in about one hour. Go to www.mcgrawhillcreate.com today and register. Experience how McGraw-Hill Create empowers you to teach your students your way.
Special Binder-Ready Version
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Preface v
PART ONE
Introduction 1
CHAPTER ONE Understanding Workplace Communication 2
CHAPTER TWO Communicating Across Cultures 25
PART TWO
Fundamentals of Business Writing 47
CHAPTER THREE Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 48
CHAPTER FOUR Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 70
CHAPTER FIVE Writing for a Positive Effect 94
PART THREE
Basic Patterns of Business Messages 113
CHAPTER SIX Choosing the Best Process and Form 114
CHAPTER SEVEN Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 141
CHAPTER EIGHT Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 189
CHAPTER NINE Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 226
CHAPTER TEN Conducting a Winning Job Campaign 284
PART FOUR
Fundamentals of Report Writing 341
CHAPTER ELEVEN Preparing Informative and Infl uential Business Reports 342
CHAPTER TWELVE Choosing the Right Type of Report 374
CHAPTER THIRTEEN Conducting Research for Decision Makers 453
CHAPTER FOURTEEN Using Visuals to Make Your Point 493
PART FIVE
Oral Forms of Business Communication 523
CHAPTER FIFTEEN Communicating Effectively in Meetings and Conversations 524
CHAPTER SIXTEEN Delivering Oral Reports and Business Speeches 547
PART SIX
Elements of Professionalism: Technological Profi ciency and Correctness 573
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Leveraging Technology for Better Writing 574
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Conveying Professionalism Through Correctness 592
APPENDIXES
A Corrections for the Self-Administered Diagnostic Test of Correctness 624
B Physical Presentation of Letters, Memos, and Reports 626
C General Grading Symbols: Punctuation, Grammar, Numbers, Spelling, Proofreading, Technique, Strategy, and Formatting 641
D Grading Codes and Checklists: Messages and Reports 645
E Documentation and the Bibliography 649
Photo Credits 669
Index 670
B R I E F C O N T E N T S
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Preface v
PART ONE Introduction 1
CHAPTER ONE Understanding Workplace Communication 2
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 3
THE ROLE OF COMMUNICATION IN BUSINESS 3
Th e Importance of Communication Skills 3 Why Business Depends upon Communication 4 Current Challenges for Business Communicators 5 Main Categories of Business Communication 8 Communication Networks of the Organization 12 Variation in Communication Activity by Business 14
THE BUSINESS COMMUNICATION PROCESS 15
Business Communication as Problem Solving 15 A Model of Business Communication 16
BUSINESS COMMUNICATION: THE BOTTOM LINE 20
THERE’S MORE . . . 21
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 21 KEY TERMS 22 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 22
SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 23
Communication Matters: Peter Drucker on the Importance of Communication in Business 4
Communication Matters: What One CEO Looks for in Job Candidates 7
Communication Matters: Channel Choice Aff ects Message Success 19
CHAPTER TWO Communicating Across Cultures 25
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 26
THE GROWING IMPORTANCE OF CROSS-CULTURAL COMMUNICATION 26
DIMENSIONS OF CULTURAL DIFFERENCE 27
Th ree Major Factors Th at Aff ect Culture 27 Body Positions and Movements 29 Views and Practices Concerning Factors of Human Relationships 31 Eff ects on Business Communication 36
PROBLEMS OF LANGUAGE 36 Lack of Language Equivalency 36 Diffi culties with English 38
ADVICE FOR COMMUNICATING ACROSS CULTURES 41
Do Your Research 41 Know Yourself and Your Company 41 Be Aware—and Wary—of Stereotypes 41 Adapt Your English to Your Audience 43 Be Open to Change 43
THERE’S MORE . . . 44
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 44 KEY TERMS 45 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 45
SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 45
Technology in Brief: Web Tools for Cross-Cultural Communication 28
Communication Matters: Carefully Present and Receive a Business Card in Japan 30
Communication Matters: High-Context versus Low-Context Cultures: Edward T. Hall 33
Communication Matters: Five Dimensions of Culture: Geert Hofstede 34
Communication Matters: Linear-actives, Multi- actives, and Reactives: Richard D. Lewis 35
Communication Matters: Blundering with Words 37
PART TWO Fundamentals of Business Writing 47
CHAPTER THREE Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 48
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 49
THE IMPORTANCE OF ADAPTATION 49 Adaptation Illustrated 49 Adapting to Multiple Readers 50
C O N T E N T S
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SUGGESTIONS FOR SELECTING WORDS 51 Use Familiar Words 51 Prefer Short Words 52 Use Slang and Popular Clichés with Caution 53 Use Technical Words and Acronyms Appropriately 53 Use Precise Language 54 Select Words for Appropriate Usage 56 Prefer Active Verbs 57 Avoid Overuse of Camoufl aged Verbs 60
SUGGESTIONS FOR NONDISCRIMINATORY WRITING 61
Use Gender-Neutral Words 61 Avoid Words Th at Stereotype by Race, Nationality, or Sexual Orientation 64 Avoid Words Th at Stereotype by Age 64 Avoid Words Th at Typecast Th ose with Disabilities 65 Some Final Words about Words 65
THERE’S MORE . . . 66
SUMMAR Y BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 66 KEY TERMS 67 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 67 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 68
Communication Matters: Th e Most Annoying Business Clichés 52
Communication Matters: Lost in Translation 54
Technology in Brief: Grammar and Style Checkers Help Writers with Word Selection 55
Communication Matters: Th e Trouble with Idioms 58
Communication Matters: Everything You Wanted to Know about Active and Passive Voice 59
Communication Matters: How Diverse Is Too Diverse? 63
Communication Matters: Understanding the Diff erent Generations in the Workplace 65
CHAPTER FOUR Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 70
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 71
THE IMPORTANCE OF ADAPTATION 71
CARE IN SENTENCE DESIGN 71 Limit Sentence Content 71 Economize on Words 74
Manage Emphasis in Sentence Design 78 Give Sentences Unity 81 Word Sentences Logically 82
CARE IN PARAGRAPH DESIGN 85 Give Paragraphs Unity 85 Keep Paragraphs Short 86 Make Good Use of Topic Sentences 86 Leave Out Unnecessary Detail 87 Make Paragraphs Coherent 88
THERE’S MORE . . . 89
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 89 KEY TERMS 90 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 90 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 91
Technology in Brief: Readability Statistics Help Writers Evaluate Document Length and Diffi culty 72
Communication Matters: Avoiding Stringy and See-Saw Sentences 73
Communication Matters: Is Th at a Surplus Word? 75
Communication Matters: Th ere Is, Th ere Are . . . Do You Really Need Th em? 77
Communication Matters: Don’t Make Me Laugh 83
Communication Matters: Beware the Vague or Illogical “Th is” 87
CHAPTER FIVE Writing for a Positive Effect 94
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 95
THE IMPORTANCE OF A POSITIVE EFFECT 95
USING A CONVERSATIONAL STYLE 96 Choosing the Right Level of Formality 96 Cutting Out “Rubber Stamps” 98
USING THE YOU-VIEWPOINT 98 Sample Uses of the You-Viewpoint 99 Ethical Use of the You-Viewpoint 100
ACCENTUATING THE POSITIVE 100 Use Positive Words 100 Focus on What You Can Do 101
BEING COURTEOUS 103 Avoid Blaming the Reader 103 Refrain from Preaching 104
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Do More Th an Is Expected 104 Be Sincere 106
MANAGING EMPHASIS FOR A POSITIVE EFFECT 106
Emphasis by Position 107 Sentence Structure and Emphasis 107 Space and Emphasis 108
THE ETHICS OF POSITIVE EMPHASIS 108
THERE’S MORE . . . 108
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 109 KEY TERMS 109 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 110 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 110
Communication Matters: Business Etiquette—It Depends on Where You Are 96
Communication Matters: Parent, Child, or Adult? 102
Technology in Brief: Courtesy in the Age of Mobile Devices 105
PART THREE Basic Patterns of Business Messages 113
CHAPTER SIX Choosing the Best Process and Form 114
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 115
THE IMPORTANCE OF SKILLFUL WRITING 115
THE PROCESS OF WRITING 116 Planning the Message 116 Drafting 119 Revising 120
THE IMPORTANCE OF READABLE FORMATTING 121
LETTERS 123 Letters Defi ned 123 Letter Form 123 Letter Formality 124
MEMORANDUMS (MEMOS) 124 Memorandums Defi ned 124 Memorandum Form 125 Memorandum Formality 126
EMAIL 126 Email Defi ned 126
Email Form 127 Email Formality 128
THE NEWER MEDIA IN BUSINESS WRITING 130
Text Messaging 130 Instant Messaging 132 Social Media 132
PRINT VERSUS ONLINE DOCUMENTS 133 Comparing Print and Online Text 134 Organizing Content 134 Presenting the Content 135 Making Your Web Writing Accessible 136
THERE’S MORE . . . 136
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 136 KEY TERMS 138 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 138 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 138
Technology in Brief: Using Good Email Etiquette Helps Writers Achieve Th eir Goals 129
Communication Matters: Composing an Email: Th e Top 10 Mistakes 130
Communication Matters: “Twitiquette”: New Technologies, New Expectations 131
CHAPTER SEVEN Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 141
THE PREVALENCE OF GOOD-NEWS AND NEUTRAL MESSAGES IN BUSINESS 142
PRELIMINARY ASSESSMENT 142
THE GENERAL DIRECT PLAN 142 Beginning with the Objective 142 Covering the Remaining Part of the Objective 142 Ending with Goodwill 143
ROUTINE INQUIRIES 143 INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 143
Choosing from Two Types of Beginnings 143 Informing and Explaining Adequately 144 Structuring the Questions 144 Ending with Goodwill 145 Reviewing the Order 145 Contrasting Examples 145
FAVORABLE RESPONSES 150 INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 150
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xxxii Contents
Identifying the Message Being Answered 150 Beginning with the Answer 150 Logically Arranging the Answers 151 Skillfully Handling the Negatives 151 Considering Extras 151 Closing Cordially 151 Reviewing the Plan 152 Contrasting Illustrations 152
ORDER ACKNOWLEDGMENTS AND OTHER THANK-YOU MESSAGES 155
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 155
Order Acknowledgments 155 Directness and Goodwill Building in Order Acknowledgments 156 Tact in Order Acknowledgments 156 Strategies for Other Th ank-You Messages 157 Summarizing the Structure of Order Acknowledgments and Other Th ank-You Messages 157 Contrasting Acknowledgments 158
DIRECT CLAIMS 162
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 162
Using Directness for Claims 163 Organizing the Direct Claim 163 Reviewing the Plan 163 Contrasting Examples of Claim Messages 163
ADJUSTMENT GRANTS 165
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 165
Considering Special Needs 166 Reviewing the Plan 166 Contrasting Adjustments 168
INTERNAL-OPERATIONAL MESSAGES 169
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 169
Casual Operational Messages 169 Moderately Formal Messages 169 Formal Messages 170 Summarizing the Structure of Internal- Operational Messages 171 Contrasting Examples of Internal-Operational Messages 171
OTHER DIRECT MESSAGE SITUATIONS 173
THERE’S MORE . . . 173
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 173 KEY TERMS 175 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 175 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 175 PROBLEM-SOLVING CASES 176
Communication Matters: Choosing the Right Font 146
Technology in Brief: Shortcut Tools Help Writers Improve Productivity and Quality 147
Technology in Brief: Tables Help Writers Organize Data for Easy Reading 156
Communication Matters: A Workplace without Email? One Company’s Strategy 162
CHAPTER EIGHT Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 189
APPROACHES TO WRITING BAD-NEWS MESSAGES 190
THE GENERAL INDIRECT PLAN 190 Using a Strategic Buff er 190 Setting Up the Negative News 191 Presenting the Bad News Positively 191 Off ering an Alternative Solution 191 Ending on a Positive Note 192 Apologizing 192
REFUSED REQUESTS 192
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 192
Developing the Strategy 193 Setting Up the Explanation in the Opening 193 Presenting the Explanation Convincingly 193 Handling the Refusal Positively 193 Using a Compromise When Practical 194 Closing with Goodwill 194 Fitting the General Plan to Refused Requests 195 Contrasting Refusals 195
INDIRECT CLAIMS 196
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 196
Choosing the Right Tone 197 Leading into the Problem in the Beginning 197 Describing the Problem Clearly 197 Requesting the Correction 198 Building Goodwill with a Fair-Minded Close 198 Outlining the Indirect Claim Message 198 Contrasting Examples of Indirect Claim Messages 199
ADJUSTMENT REFUSALS 202 INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 202
Determining the Strategy 203 Setting Up Your Reasoning 203 Making Your Case 203 Refusing Positively and Closing Courteously 204
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Adapting the General Plan 205 Contrasting Adjustment Refusal Messages 205
NEGATIVE ANNOUNCEMENTS 207
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 207
Determining the Strategy 208 Setting Up the Bad News 208 Positively Presenting the Bad News 208 Focusing on Next Steps or Remaining Benefi ts 209 Closing on a Positive or Encouraging Note 209 Reviewing the Plan 209 Contrasting Negative Announcements 211 Using Directness in Some Cases 212
THERE’S MORE . . . 212
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 213 KEY TERMS 214 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 214 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 214 PROBLEM-SOLVING CASES 215
Technology in Brief: Outlook Quick Parts Tool Allows Writers to Reuse Content 204
Communication Matters: Balance, Not “Spin,” in Negative Announcements 209
CHAPTER NINE Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 226
THE PREDOMINANCE OF INDIRECTNESS IN PERSUASIVE MESSAGES 227
GENERAL ADVICE ABOUT PERSUASION 227 Know Your Readers 227 Choose and Develop Targeted Reader Benefi ts 227 Make Good Use of Th ree Kinds of Appeals 228 Make It Easy for Your Readers to Comply 228
PERSUASIVE REQUESTS 229
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 229
Determining Your Strategy 229 Gaining Attention in the Opening 231 Developing the Appeal 231 Making the Request Clearly and Positively 231 Summarizing the Plan for Requests 232 Contrasting Persuasive Requests 232
SALES MESSAGES 237
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 237
Questioning the Acceptability of Sales Messages 238 Preparing to Write a Sales Message 239 Determining the Central Appeal 239 Determining the Makeup of the Mailing 241 Gaining Attention Before the Message Begins 243 Gaining Attention in the Opening of the Message 243 Building a Persuasive Case 244 Stressing the You-Viewpoint 246 Choosing Words Carefully 247 Enhancing Your Message with Visuals 248 Including All Necessary Information 250 Driving for the Sale 250 Adding a Postscript 252 Off ering Name Removal to Email Readers 252 Reviewing the General Sales Plan 252 Evaluating Contrasting Examples 253
PROPOSALS 254
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 254
Types of Proposals 255 Proposal Format and Contents 259
THERE’S MORE . . . 269
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 270 KEY TERMS 272 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 272 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 273 PROBLEM-SOLVING CASES 274
Communication Matters:Th e Ingredients of Successful Fundraising 232
Communication Matters: Sophisticated Selling in White Papers 240
Communication Matters: Gaining—and Keeping— Readers’ Attention on Facebook and Twitter 244
Communication Matters: Th e Importance of Vividness in Sales Messages 247
Communication Matters: Persuasive Strategies Vary across Cultures 250
Technology in Brief: Web Resources for Proposal Writing 255
Communication Matters: Wise Words from a Professional Proposal Writer 259
Communication Matters: Th e Seven Deadly Sins of Proposal Writing 260
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xxxiv Contents
CHAPTER TEN Conducting a Winning Job Campaign 284
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 285
THE JOB SEARCH 285 Building a Network of Contacts 285 Obtaining an Internship 286 Identifying Appropriate Jobs 286 Finding Your Employer 289
PREPARING THE APPLICATION DOCUMENTS 292
CONSTRUCTING THE RÉSUMÉ 292 Résumé Content 292 Printed (Hardcopy) Résumés 307 Electronic Résumés 311 Scannable Résumés 312
WRITING THE COVER MESSAGE 313 Cover Letters 313 Email Cover Messages 325
HANDLING THE INTERVIEW 326 Investigating the Company 326 Making a Good Appearance 326 Anticipating Questions and Preparing Answers 327 Putting Yourself at Ease 328 Helping to Control the Dialogue 329
FOLLOWING UP AND ENDING THE APPLICATION 329
Other Job-Search Messages 330 Continuing Job-Search Activities 331
THERE’S MORE . . . 332
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 332 KEY TERMS 334 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 334 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 335 PROBLEM-SOLVING CASES 336
Communication Matters: Th e Where, What, and Whys of Hiring 287
Technology in Brief: Make Your LinkedIn Profi le Work for You 290
Communication Matters: Th e Most Important Six Seconds in Your Job Search 308
Communication Matters: Developing a Professional Portfolio 321
Technology in Brief: Websites Off er Valuable Interview Advice 323
Communication Matters: Answers to the 10 Toughest Interview Questions 327
Communication Matters: What’s the Number One Interviewing Mistake? 329
PART FOUR Fundamentals of Report Writing 341
CHAPTER ELEVEN Preparing Informative and Infl uential Business Reports 342
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 343
REPORTS AND YOUR FUTURE 343
DEFINING REPORTS 343
DETERMINING THE REPORT PROBLEM AND PURPOSE 344
Th e Preliminary Investigation 344 Th e Need for Clear Problem and Purpose Statements 344
DETERMINING THE FACTORS 345 Use of Subtopics in Information Reports 345 Hypotheses for Problems Requiring Solution 346 Bases of Comparison in Evaluation Studies 346
GATHERING THE INFORMATION NEEDED 347
INTERPRETING THE FINDINGS 349 Advice for Avoiding Human Error 350 Appropriate Attitudes and Practices 351 Statistical Tools for Data Analysis 351
ORGANIZING THE REPORT INFORMATION 352
Th e Nature and Benefi ts of Outlining 352 Organization by Division 353 Division by Conventional Relationships 354 Combination and Multiple Division Possibilities 356 From Outline to Table of Contents 357
WRITING THE REPORT 360 Beginning and Ending 360 Being Objective 361 Being Consistent with Time 362 Including Transitions 363 Maintaining Interest 365
COLLABORATIVE REPORT WRITING 365 Determining the Group Makeup 365 Creating the Ground Rules 366 Choosing the Means of Collaboration 366
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Making a Project Plan 367 Researching and Writing the Report 367
THERE’S MORE . . . 369
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 369 KEY TERMS 371 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 372 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 372
Communication Matters: Report-Writing Practices and the Sarbanes-Oxley Act 345
Technology in Brief: Report-Writing Tools Help Businesses Succeed 348
Technology in Brief: Brainstorm and Outline with Visualization Tools 353
Communication Matters: Formal, Informal, or Somewhere in Between? 362
Communication Matters: Choice Lines Gleaned from Accident Reports Submitted to Insurance Companies 364
Communication Matters: Does Your Group Have Emotional Intelligence? 366
Technology in Brief: Comment and Review Tools Help Writers Track Changes to Th eir Documents 368
CHAPTER TWELVE Choosing the Right Type of Report 374
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 375
AN OVERVIEW OF REPORT COMPONENTS 375
Th e Report Classifi cation Plan 375 Th e Report Components 376
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE SHORTER REPORTS 381
Little Need for Introductory Information 381 Predominance of the Direct Order 381 A More Personal Writing Style 383 Less Need for a Structured Coherence Plan 385
FORMS FOR SHORT TO MID-LENGTH REPORTS 385
Th e Short Report 385 Letter Reports 395 Email and Memo Reports 395 Written Reports in Other Forms 398
COMMON TYPES OF SHORT REPORTS 398 Routine Operational Reports 399 Progress Reports 402
Problem-Solving Reports 402 Meeting Minutes 404
COMPONENTS OF LONG, FORMAL REPORTS 407
Th e Report Introduction 407 Th e Report Body 410 Th e Ending of the Report 411 Appended Parts 412
THE STRUCTURAL COHERENCE PLAN 412
THE FORMAL REPORT ILLUSTRATED 414
THERE’S MORE . . . 414
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 431 KEY TERMS 433 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 433 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 433 PROBLEM-SOLVING CASES 435 ADDITIONAL TOPICS FOR REPORTS 448
Communication Matters: Creating a Report Title with the 5 Ws and 1 H 377
Communication Matters: Tips from a Professional Explainer 383
Technology in Brief: Using a Report Template for a Polished Look 384
Communication Matters: Knowledge Management Gives Companies the Competitive Edge 398
Technology in Brief: Using a Table of Contents Generator for Speed and Accuracy 410
CHAPTER THIRTEEN Conducting Research for Decision Makers 453
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 454
WHY RESEARCH MATTERS 454
WHAT RESEARCH IS 455 Primary versus Secondary Research 455 Quantitative versus Qualitative Strategies 456
HOW TO FIND EXISTING RESEARCH 456 Searching the Web 456 Evaluating Websites 463 Taking Advantage of Social Networks 464 Using the Library 469
HOW TO DO NEW RESEARCH 474 Conducting a Survey 474 Conducting an Experiment 480 Using Observation 482 Conducting Qualitative Research 482
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CONDUCTING ETHICAL BUSINESS RESEARCH 484
Treating Research Participants Ethically 484 Reporting Information Accurately and Honestly 484
THERE’S MORE. . . 485
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 485 KEY TERMS 490 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 490 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 491
Technology in Brief: Managing Citations with Zotero 462
Technology in Brief: Web-Based Survey Tools Help Writers Design, Analyze, and Report Results of Questionnaires 478
CHAPTER FOURTEEN Using Visuals to Make Your Point 493
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 494
PLANNING THE VISUALS 494
DETERMINING THE GENERAL MECHANICS OF CONSTRUCTION 494
Size 495 Orientation 495 Type 495 Rules and Borders 495 Color and Cross-Hatching 496 Clip Art 496 Background 496 Numbering 496 Construction of Titles and Captions 497 Placement of Titles and Captions 498 Footnotes and Acknowledgments 498
CONSTRUCTING TEXTUAL VISUALS 499 Tables 499 Pull Quotes 500 Bulleted Lists 501 Flowcharts and Process Charts 501
CONSTRUCTING CHARTS, GRAPHS, AND OTHER VISUALS 503
Bar and Column Charts 503 Pictographs 506 Pie Charts 506 Line Charts 507 Scatter Diagrams 508 Maps 509
Combination Charts 510 Th ree-Dimensional Visuals 510 Photographs 511 Other Visuals 512 Visual Integrity 512
PLACING AND INTERPRETING THE VISUALS 517
THERE’S MORE. . . 518
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 518 KEY TERMS 520 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 520 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 520
Communication Matters: Infographics: Everything Old Is New Again 497
Communication Matters: Avoiding Chartjunk 514
Communication Matters: Th e Periodic Table of Visualization Methods 516
PART FIVE Oral Forms of Business Communication 523
CHAPTER FIFTEEN Communicating Effectively in Meetings and Conversations 524
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 525
THE PREVALENCE OF ORAL COMMUNICATION ON THE JOB 525
INFORMAL WORKPLACE TALKING 526 Elements of Professional Talking 526 Courtesy in Talking 528
CONDUCTING AND PARTICIPATING IN MEETINGS 528
Techniques of Conducting Meetings 529 Techniques for Participating in a Meeting 533
USING THE PHONE 533 Professional Voice Quality 533 Courtesy 533 Eff ective Phone Procedures 535 Eff ective Voice Mail Techniques 535 Courteous Use of Cell Phones 535
LISTENING 536 Th e Nature of Listening 536 Improving Your Listening Ability 536
THE REINFORCING ROLE OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 539
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Th e Nature of Nonverbal Communication 539 Types of Nonverbal Communication 540
THERE’S MORE . . . 542
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 542 KEY TERMS 544 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 544 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 544
Communication Matters: Finding Your Professional Voice 526
Communication Matters: Th e Art of Negotiation 527
Technology in Brief: Collaborative Tools Support Virtual Meetings 529
Communication Matters: What ’ s in a Handshake? 537
CHAPTER SIXTEEN Delivering Oral Reports and Business Speeches 547
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 548
MASTERING FORMAL SPEAKING 548
REPORTING ORALLY 548 Defi ning Oral Reports 548 Understanding the Diff erences between Oral and Written Reports 549 Planning the Oral Report 549
GIVING SPEECHES AND PRESENTATIONS 550
Determining the Topic and Purpose 550 Preparing the Presentation 551 Choosing the Presentation Method 554 Choosing the Means of Audience Feedback 554
PREPARING YOURSELF TO SPEAK 555 Appealing Personal Traits 555 Appropriate Appearance and Physical Actions 557 Pleasant Voice and Speaking Style 559
SUPPORTING YOUR TALK WITH VISUALS 560
What Kinds of Information to Present Visually 560 Techniques for Using Visuals 561 Use of Presentation Software 562 Use of Handouts 564
DELIVERING WEB-BASED PRESENTATIONS 564
Varieties of Web Presentations 564
Special Guidelines for Web Presentations 566
GIVING TEAM (COLLABORATIVE) PRESENTATIONS 566
THERE’S MORE . . . 568
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 568 KEY TERMS 570 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 570 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 571
Communication Matters: Have You Met TED? 552
Technology in Brief: Presentation Delivery Tools Help You Convey Your Message Eff ectively 556
Communication Matters: Look Like a Pro with PowerPoint Keyboard Shortcuts 559
Technology in Brief: Virtual Presentations: Th e Next Best Th ing to Being Th ere 565
PART SIX Elements of Professionalism: Technological Profi ciency and Correctness 573
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Leveraging Technology for Better Writing 574
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 575
TECHNOLOGICAL SUPPORT FOR WRITING TASKS 575
TOOLS FOR CONSTRUCTING MESSAGES 575
Computer Tools for Planning a Writing Project 575 Computer Tools for Gathering and Organizing Information 576 Computer Tools for Presenting Information 580 Computer Tools for Drafting 581 Computer Tools for Revising and Editing 583
COMPUTER TOOLS FOR COLLABORATION 587
Collaborative Writing Programs 587 Discussion Boards 588
A LOOK TO THE FUTURE 588
THERE’S MORE . . . 590
SUMMARY BY LEARNING OBJECTIVES 590 KEY TERMS 591 CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 591 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 591
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xxxviii Contents
Technology in Brief: Backing Up Frequently Is the Writer’s Responsibility 585
Communication Matters: Do U Txt? 589
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Conveying Professionalism Through Correctness 592
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE 593
THE IMPORTANCE OF CORRECTNESS 593
THE NATURE OF CORRECTNESS 593
STANDARDS FOR PUNCTUATION 594 Apostrophe: Apos 1 594 Apos 2 595 Apos 3 595 Brackets: Bkts 595 Colon: Cln 1 596 Cln 2 596 Comma: Cma 1 597 Cma 2–1 597 Cma 2–2 597 Cma 3 597 Cma 4–1 598 Cma 4–2 598 Cma 4–3 598 Cma 4–4 599 Cma 5–1 599 Cma 5–2 599 Cma 6–1 600 Cma 6–2 600 Dash: Dsh 1 600 Dsh 2 600 Exclamation Mark: Ex 600 Hyphen: Hpn 1 601 Hpn 2–1 601 Hpn 2–2 601 Hpn 2–3 601 Italics: Ital 1 601 Ital 2 601 Ital 3 601 Parentheses: Parens 603 Period: Pd 1 603 Pd 2 603 Pd 3 603 Question Mark: Q 603 Quotation Marks: QM 1 603 QM 2 604 QM 3 604
QM 4 604 Semicolon: SC 1 604 SC 2 604 SC 3 606 SC 4 606
STANDARDS FOR GRAMMAR 606 Adjective–Adverb Confusion: AA 606 Subject–Verb Agreement: Agmt SV 606 Adverbial Noun Clause: AN 608 Awkward: Awk 608 Dangling Modifi ers: Dng 608 Misplaced Modifi ers: Mispl 609 Mixed Construction: MixCon 609 Incomplete Constructions: IncCon 609 Sentence Fragment: Frag 609 Pronouns: Pn 1 610 Pn 2 610 Pn 3 611 Pn 4 612 Parallelism: Prl 612 Tense: Tns 612 Tns 1 613 Tns 2 613 Tns 3 613 Tns 4 613 Tns 5 613 Word Use: WU 614 Wrong Word: WW 614
STANDARDS FOR THE USE OF NUMBERS 614
Numbers: No 1 615 No 2 615 No 3 615 No 4 615 No 5 615 No 6 615 No 7 616 No 8 616 No 9 616 No 10 616 No 11 616
SPELLING: SP 616 Rules for Word Plurals 617 Other Spelling Rules 617
CAPITALIZATION: CAP 618
THERE’S MORE . . . 619
KEY TERMS 619
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CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS 620 SKILLS BUILDING EXERCISES 621 A SELF-ADMINISTERED DIAGNOSTIC TEST OF CORRECTNESS 623
Communication Matters: Can You Detect the Diff erence that Punctuation Makes? 594
Communication Matters: Good Grammar: Your Ticket to Getting and Keeping a Job 596
Technology in Brief: Using the Internet to Improve Your Grammar 602
Technology in Brief: Hyphen, Small Dash, or Big Dash? 605
APPENDIXES
A Corrections for the Self-Administered Diagnostic Test of Correctness 624
B Physical Presentation of Letters, Memos, and Reports 626
C General Grading Symbols: Punctuation, Grammar, Numbers, Spelling, Proofreading, Technique, Strategy, and Formatting 641
D Grading Codes and Checklists: Messages and Reports 645
E Documentation and the Bibliography 649
Communication Matters: Quotation Marks, Citation, Both, or Neither? 650
Technology in Brief: Using Microsoft 2010 to Add Footnotes 657
Communication Matters: Citation Management Tools: Use with Caution 663
Photo Credits 669
Index 670
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As head of Learning & Development for
Facebook, Stuart Crabb knows what qualities
companies look for in a job candidate. He has
over 20 years’ experience helping companies
hire the right people, develop their talent,
and become more culturally diverse.
What does it take to succeed at Facebook?
According to Crabb, the answers are “criti-
cal thinking,” “problem solving,” “creativity,”
and “performance.” It also takes being “mo-
tivated,” “individually accountable,” and a
“good fi t” with the company culture.
Th ese happen to be key traits of successful
business communicators, too. Th ey under-
stand that communicating well takes analysis, judgment, and even ingenuity. It takes
being attuned to people and to each communication situation. And it takes not only
verbal skill but also technological and visual literacy.
Like business itself, business communication can be challenging. But the chal-
lenge can be fun, and solving communication problems can bring enormous rewards.
Th is book will help prepare you for an exciting future as both a businessperson and a
communicator.
Stuart Crabb, Head of Learning & Development for Facebook
PART ONE
Introduction
1 Understanding Workplace Communication
2 Communicating Across Cultures
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will understand the role and nature of communication in business. To achieve this goal, you should be able to
1 Explain the importance of communication to you and to business.
2 Describe the main challenges facing business communicators today.
3 Describe the three main categories of business communication.
4 Describe the formal and informal communication networks of the business organization.
5 Describe factors that affect the types and amount of communicating that a business does.
6 Explain why business communication is a form of problem solving.
7 Describe the various contexts for each act of business communication.
8 Describe the business communication process.
CHAPTER ONE
Understanding Workplace Communication
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 3
THE ROLE OF COMMUNICATION IN BUSINESS Your work in business will involve communication—a lot of it—because communica- tion is a major part of the work of business. Th e overview that follows will help you prepare for the communication challenges that lie ahead.
Th e Importance of Communication Skills Because communication is so important in business, businesses want and need people with good communication skills. Evidence of the importance of communication in business is found in numerous surveys of executives, managers, and recruiters. Without exception, these surveys have found that communication ranks at or near the top of the business skills needed for success.
For example, the 431 managers and executives who participated in a survey about graduates’ preparedness for the workforce named “oral communications,” “teamwork/ collaboration,” “professionalism/work ethic,” “written communications,” and “criti- cal thinking/problem solving” as the top “very important skills” job applicants should have. 1 Th e employers surveyed for the National Association of Colleges and Employers’ Job Outlook Survey for 2011 rated “communication” as the most valuable soft skill, with “teamwork skills” and “analytical skills” following closely behind. 2 Why is communica- tion ability so highly valued? As one professional trainer explains, “you will need to
LO1 Explain the importance of communication to you and to business.
You were thrilled to be hired a few months ago as a cus- tomer service representative for OrgWare.com, a com- pany that sells management software specially designed for professional associations. The software enables orga- nizations like the American Marketing Association and the Association for Business Communication to manage their fi nances, keep track of their members, schedule events, and much more. The company is doing well. In 12 years, it has grown from a fi ve-person business into one that employs 120 people. There are now six regional sales teams located across the U.S., and there’s even a development team in Malaysia. But this growth has created a problem: The extensive face-to-face communication that helped make OrgWare.com a thriving business has, in many cases, become diffi cult or impossible. As a result, the sense of teamwork in the organization is weakening. And it is clear that phone calls, emails, and instant messaging
are not suffi cient to keep employees engaged and well informed. The CEO has formed a task force to fi nd an internal communication solution. Will it be an intranet? An elec- tronic newsletter? A secure social networking site? Virtual meetings? A combination? Which would the employees be most likely to read and use? How should the solution be implemented, and what will it cost? To your surprise, you were asked to help fi nd the an- swers. The CEO felt that your familiarity with new media could be an asset to the team. You’ll also be expected to represent the customer service area and the viewpoints of young employees like yourself. Everyone on the team will need to research the pros and cons of different media, acquire employees’ opinions, write progress reports, share ideas, and ultimately help present the team’s recommendation to the top executives. Are you ready?
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Demonstrating Your Value on a High-Profile Team
1 Th e Conference Board, Corporate Voices for Working Families, the Partnership for 21st Century Skills, and the Society for Human Resource Management, Are Th ey Ready to Work? Employers’ Perspectives on the Basic Knowledge and Applied Skills of New Entrants into the 21st Century Workforce , 21, Partnership for 21st Century Skills , Partnership for 21st Century Skills, 2 Oct. 2006, Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 2 NACE, National Association of Colleges and Employers, 2011, Web, 22 Apr. 2012.
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4 PART 1 Introduction
request information, discuss problems, give instructions, work in teams, and interact with colleagues and clients” to achieve cooperation and team effi ciency. To advance, you’ll also need to be able to “think for yourself,” “take initiative,” and “solve problems.” 3 On the managerial level, you’ll fi nd that communication skills are even more essential. In the words of an international business consultant, “nothing puts you in the ‘poor leader’ category more swift ly than inadequate communication skills.” 4
Unfortunately, businesses’ need for employees with strong communication skills is all too oft en unfulfi lled. When NFI Research asked senior executives and managers what areas of their companies they’d most like to see improved, they put “effi ciency” and “communication” at the top of the list. 5 According to Solari Communications, “poor communication costs business millions of dollars every single day” in the form of wasted time, misunderstandings, eroded customer loyalty, and lost business. 6 SIS In- ternational Research found that poor communication is a problem for small and mid- sized businesses, not just for big corporations. Its data indicated that in 2009 a business with 100 employees spent an average downtime of 17 hours a week on clarifying its communications, which translated into an annual cost of $524,569. 7
Th e communication shortcomings of employees and the importance of communica- tion in business explain why you should work to improve your communication skills. Whatever position you have in business, your performance will be judged largely on the basis of your ability to communicate. If you perform and communicate well, you are likely to be rewarded with advancement. And the higher you advance, the more you will need your communication ability. Th e evidence is clear: Improving your commu- nication skills improves your chances for success in business.
Why Business Depends upon Communication Every business, even a one-person business, is actually an economic and social system. To produce and sell goods and services, any business must coordinate the activities of many groups of people: employees, suppliers, customers, legal advisors, community
3 Shirley Taylor, “Why Are Communication Skills Important?,” ST Training Solutions , ST Training Solutions Pte Ltd, n.d., Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 4 Jonathan Farrington, “Th e MOST Important Leadership Trait?—It’s a ‘No-Brainer,’ ” Blogit , Jonathan Farrington, 26 Sept. 2008, Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 5 Chuck Martin, “NFI Research Result: Wish List,” Forbes.com , Forbes.com, 4 Feb. 2010, Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 6 Rich Maggiani, “Th e Costs of Poor Communication,” Solari , Solari Communication, 2012, Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 7 SIS International Research, “SMB Communications Pain Study White Paper: Uncovering the Hidden Cost of Communications Barriers and Latency,” SIS International Research , SIS International Research, Market Intelligence Journal, 10 Mar. 2009, Web, 22 Apr. 2012.
Peter Drucker, recipient of the Presidential Medal of Free- dom and one of the most respected management consul- tants, educators, speakers, and writers of our time, made these observations about communication:
Colleges teach the one thing that is perhaps most valu- able for the future employee to know. But very few stu- dents bother to learn it. This one basic skill is the ability to organize and express ideas in writing and speaking.
As soon as you move one step from the bottom, your effectiveness depends on your ability to reach others through the spoken or the written word. And the further away your job is from manual work, the larger the organi- zation of which you are an employee, the more important it will be that you know how to convey your thoughts in writing or speaking. In the very large organization . . . this ability to express oneself is perhaps the most important of all the skills a person can possess.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Peter Drucker on the Importance of Communication in Business
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 5
representatives, and government agencies that might be involved. Th ese connections are achieved through communication.
Consider, for example, the communications of a pharmaceutical manufacturer. Th roughout the company, employees send and receive information about all aspects of the company’s business:
• Salespeople receive instructions and information from the home offi ce and submit orders and regular reports of their contact with customers.
• Executives use written and oral messages to conduct business with customers and other companies, manage company operations, and perform strategic planning.
• Production supervisors receive work orders, issue instructions, receive status reports, and submit production summaries.
• Shop fl oor supervisors deliver orders to the employees on the production line, communicate and enforce guidelines for safety and effi ciency, troubleshoot problems that arise, and bring any concerns or suggestions to management.
• Marketing professionals gather market information, propose new directions for company production and sales eff orts, coordinate with the research and development staff , and receive direction from the company’s executives.
• Research specialists receive or propose problems to investigate, make detailed records of their research, monitor lab operations for compliance with government regulations, and communicate their fi ndings to management.
• Public relations professionals use various media to build the company’s brand and maintain the public’s trust.
Numerous communication-related activities occur in every other niche of the company as well: fi nance and accounting, human resources, legal, information systems, and other departments. Everywhere, employees receive and send information as they conduct their work, and they may be doing so across or between continents as well as between buildings or offi ces.
Oral communication is a major part of this information fl ow. So, too, are various types of written communication—instant messaging, text messaging, online postings and comments, email, memos, letters, and reports, as well as forms and records.
All of this communicating goes on in business because communication is essen- tial to the organized eff ort involved in business. Simply put, communication enables human beings to work together.
Current Challenges for Business Communicators While communication has always been central to business, the nature of work today presents special communication challenges. Here we discuss four interrelated trends that are likely to infl uence how you will work and communicate.
The Need for Expanded Media Literacy. When email arrived on the scene in the late 1980s, it created something of a revolution. Instead of being restricted to letters, memos, and printed reports and proposals, business writers could now corre- spond electronically. As a result, many tasks formerly conducted via the “old” forms— memos in particular—were performed through email instead, and email replaced many phone and face-to-face conversations as well. Email has also had the eff ect of speeding up communication and of enabling a communicator to reach many more readers simultaneously. It has increased what we can achieve—and are expected to achieve—each day.
Email is still the most heavily used medium in business, but many other media have appeared on the scene. In addition to instant messaging and text messaging, businesses are now using blogs, tweets, podcasts, social networking, virtual meetings, videos, ani- mation, simulations, and even online games. Collectively referred to as new media, these forms of communication and the mobile devices with which people access them are causing another revolution.
LO2 Describe the main challenges facing business communicators today.
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6 PART 1 Introduction
Th e impacts of this change are many and far reaching. It is easy now to network with others, even on the other side of the world, and to tap the intelligence of those outside the boundaries of the organization. Obviously, these “new ways for groups to come together and collaborate” will require that employees be “highly conversant with digital networking and virtual collaboration.” 8 But new media are also increasing the need for employees who have social intelligence —the ability “to quickly assess the emotions of those around them and adapt their words, tone, and gestures accordingly.” 9
With information coming in so fast and from so many sources, organizations are becoming less hierarchical and more brain-like, with each employee acting as a kind of sensor. As a result, front-line employees now have a higher level of decision-making power than ever before. 10 Performing well in such an environment takes “novel and adaptive thinking,” 11 a willingness to “embrace change,” and “fi erce problem- solving skills.” 12 Th e approach to business communication that this book takes will help you develop these strengths.
Increasing Globalism and Workplace Diversity. Countries and cultures continue to grow more interconnected as businesses expand their reach around the world. Ac- cording to a panelist for a recent webinar on workplace trends, we are seeing “the emer- gence of the truly globally integrated enterprise,” which means that the likelihood of working on a global team is increasing, as is the importance of “global social networks.” 13
Cross-cultural competency should thus be a part of your skillset. 14 You will need to be aware that your assumptions about business and communication are not shared by everyone everywhere. As the next chapter explains, businesspeople from other coun- tries may have distinctly diff erent attitudes about punctuality and effi ciency. Th ey can also diff er from you in their preference, or lack thereof, for directness and the show of emotion. And the core features of their culture—such as their preference for indi- vidualism or collectivism, their religious beliefs, their political environment, their ideas about social hierarchy, and their attitudes toward work itself—can make their view of how to do business quite diff erent from yours.
You will encounter other kinds of diversity as well. To have adequate retirement income, the so-called Baby Boomers—those born soon aft er World War II—are extending their careers. Th is means that organizations are likely to have employees in their twenties, in their sixties and seventies, and every age in between. 15 Th e infl ux of women into the workplace has meant increased gender diversity. And according to a diversity offi cer for a major health-care fi rm, each generation of U.S. workers has grown more ethnically diverse, with the so-called Generation Y cohort (those born aft er 1979) having the most ethnic diversity. 16 Th is trend is making organizations more innovative and productive, 17 and it means that “cultural agility” will need to fi gure into your workplace communications. 18
17 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future Work Skills 2020 , 9. 18 Sanstad.
11 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future of Work Report: Executive Summary , 4, Apollo Research Institute , Apollo Research Institute, Mar. 2012, Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 12 Bollier 22. 13 Jim Keane, President, Steelcase Group, Future of Work Webinar , Apollo Research Institute, Apollo Research Institute, n.d., Web, 7 May 2012. 14 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future Work Skills 2020 , 9.
15 According to Ross C. DeVol, chief research offi cer for the Milken Institute, one in fi ve Americans will have hit 60 in 2030, and many of these will be staying in the workforce ( Future of Work Webinar , Apollo Research Institute, Apollo Research Institute, n.d., Web, 7 May 2012). 16 Katherine Haynes Sanstad, Regional Executive Director, Diversity, Kaiser Permanente, Future of Work Webinar , Apollo Research Institute, Apollo Research Institute, n.d., Web, 7 May 2012.
8 David Bollier, Th e Future of Work: What It Means for Individuals, Businesses, Markets and Governments , 15, Th e Aspen Institute , Aspen Institute, 2011, Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 9 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future Work Skills 2020 , 8, Apollo Research Institute , Apollo Research Institute, 2011, Web, 22 Apr. 2012. 10 Bollier 19.
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 7
An Increased Need for Strong Analytical Skills. Adapting to a quickly chang- ing business landscape requires being able to assess information quickly, focus on what’s relevant, and interpret information reliably and usefully. As data-gathering de- vices are built into more objects, there will be more numerical data for us to process. Th e need for computational thinking —the ability “to interact with data, see patterns in data, make data-based decisions, and use data to design for desired outcomes” 19 — will increase. So will the need for visual literacy , the ability to create and interpret graphics. 20
Th e value of interpretive skills extends beyond interpreting numbers. As we’ve pointed out, being able to understand other people is critical. As “smart machines” automate many workplace tasks, employees will spend more time on tasks that require “sense-making,” or “the ability to determine the deeper meaning or signifi cance of what is being expressed.” 21 As one expert put it, “We’ve got to recognize that the real high- value work . . . may actually have an imaginative component.” 22 Th is quality is required to discern the key facts, to explore “what if,” and to choose the best solution—all central components of successful business communication.
An Increased Focus on Ethics and Social Responsibility One more widespread trend under way in business will likely aff ect the goals of the organization you work for: an increased focus on ethical and socially responsible behavior.
While ethical scandals have plagued businesses throughout modern history, the Enron and WorldCom scandals of 2002, in which false reports of fi nancial health cheated employees and shareholders alike, seemed to usher in a new era of concern. Th at concern was well founded: With 2008 came unprecedented discoveries of mis- management and fraud on the part of some of the United States’s largest fi nancial in- stitutions. Accounts of predatory lending, business espionage, and exploitative labor
19 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future Work Skills 2020 , 4. 20 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future Work Skills 2020 , 10. 21 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future Work Skills 2020 , 8. 22 Bollier 8.
In a New York Times interview, Delta CEO Richard Anderson highlighted the importance of communication skills and contextual awareness. When asked if there had been any change in the quali- ties he looks for in a job applicant over the last several years, he responded with these comments:
I think this communication point is getting more and more important. People really have to be able to handle the written and spoken word. . . . The second thing is, I think you’ve got to have what our pilots call operational awareness. You’ve got to have your head up . . . and you’ve got to have situational awareness of everything that’s going on around you.
There is so much going on in the world today, you’ve got to know what’s going on globally, what’s going on around you, particularly today with what’s going on in this economy. And third, you’ve got to have not just the business skills, you’ve got to have the emotional intelligence. It’s just not enough to be the best person operating an HP calculator. You have to have the emotional intelligence to understand what’s right culturally, both in your company and outside your company.
SOURCE: Adam Bryant, “He Wants Subjects, Verbs and Objects,” The New York Times 25 Apr. 2009: BU2, The New York Times, Web, 30 Apr. 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
What One CEO Looks for in Job Candidates
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8 PART 1 Introduction
practices continue to shake the public’s confi dence in business. On a moral level, doing business in a way that harms others is wrong. On a practical level, doing so undermines trust, which is critical to the success of business. Th e more an organization builds trust among its employees, its shareholders, its business partners, and its community, the better for the business and for economic prosperity overall. A key way to build trust is through respectful, honest communication backed up by quality goods and services.
Lately, another important dimension of business ethics has developed: corporate social responsibility . Th e Internet has brought a new transparency to companies’ busi- ness practices, with negative information traveling quickly and widely. Nongovern- mental organizations (NGOs) such as CorpWatch, Consumer Federation of America, and Greenpeace can exert a powerful infl uence on public opinion and even on govern- ments. Businesses now operate in an age of social accountability, and their response has been the development of corporate social responsibility (CSR) departments and initiatives. While the business benefi ts of CSR have been debated, the public demand for such programs is strong. You may well fi nd that social issues will infl uence how you do business and communicate in business.
Main Categories of Business Communication Such newer media as blogs and social networking have weakened the boundary between “inside” and “outside” the organization. One post on a company’s blog, for example, could draw comments from employees, from employees in a similar organiza- tion or industry, or from potential customers.
Even so, most communication on the job can still be categorized as either internal operational, external operational, or personal. Th ese categories, while not completely distinct, can help you understand your purposes for communicating.
Internal-Operational Communication. All the communication that occurs in conducting work within a business is internal operational. Th is is the communication among the business’s employees that is done to perform the work of the business and track its success.
LO3 Describe the three main categories of business communication.
Nongovermental organizations (NGOs) such as CorpWatch attest to the growing importance of social responsibility in business.
SOURCE: CorpWatch, Home page, CorpWatch, n.d., Web, 30 Apr. 2012. From http://www.corpwatch.org.
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 9
Internal-operational communication takes many forms. It includes the ongoing discussions that senior management undertakes to determine the goals and processes of the business. It includes the orders and instructions that supervisors give employees, as well as written and oral exchanges among employees about work matters. It includes reports that employees prepare concerning sales, production, inventories, fi nance, maintenance, and so on. It includes the messages that they write and speak in carrying out their assignments and contributing their ideas to the business.
Much of this internal-operational communication is performed on computer net- works. Employees send email, chat online, and post information on company portals and blogs for others throughout the business, whether located down the hall, across the street, or in other countries. And today, much of this communication takes place via smartphones and other mobile devices.
External-Operational Communication. Th e work-related communicating that a business does with people and groups outside the business is external-operational communication. Th is is the business’s communication with its publics—suppliers, service companies, customers, government agencies, the general public, and others.
External-operational communication includes all of the business’s eff orts at selling—from sales letters, emails, and phone calls to Web and television ads, trade- show displays, the company website, and customer visits. Also in this category is all that a business does to gain positive publicity, such as promoting its community-service activities, preparing appealing materials for current and prospective investors, writing press releases for the media, and contributing expert insights at professional meetings and on webinars. In fact, every act of communication with an external audience can be regarded as a public-relations message, conveying a certain image of the company. For this reason, all such acts should be undertaken with careful attention to both content and tone.
Th e importance of these kinds of external-operational communication hardly needs explaining. Because the success of a business depends on its ability to attract and satisfy customers, it must communicate eff ectively with those customers.
SOURCE: © Randy Glasbergen/ glasbergen.com
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10 PART 1 Introduction
But businesses also depend on one another in the production and distribution of goods and services. Coordinating with contractors, consultants, and suppliers requires skillful communication. In addition, every business must communicate to some extent with a variety of other external parties, such as government agencies and public- interest groups. Some external audiences for today’s businesses are illustrated in Figure 1–1 . Like internal communication, external communication is vital to business success.
Personal Communication. Not all the communication that occurs in business is operational. In fact, much of it is without apparent purpose as far as the operating plan of the business is concerned. Th is type of communication is personal. Do not make the mistake of underestimating its importance. Personal communication helps make and sustain the relationships upon which business depends, and it is more important than ever.
Personal communication is the exchange of information and feelings in which we human beings engage whenever we come together—or when we just feel like talking to each other. We are social animals, and we will communicate even when we have little or nothing to say. Although not an offi cial part of the business’s operations, personal communication can have a signifi cant eff ect on their success. Th is eff ect is a result of
Companies often use carefully designed portals or intranets, such as this one at Procter & Gamble, to communicate with employees and enable them to communicate with each other.
Search option in header
Banner linking to company tools /
services
4 top stories rotate with headline and lead-in, refreshed every 2–3 days or as warranted
All other articles appear in list with title and lead- in, comment count and
rating.
Option to sort by theme, most recent, highest rated, etc...
Featured videos / content
Site “how to” areas
Links to company social media
Stock ticker linked with external provider
SOURCE: Reprinted with permission.
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 11
the infl uence that personal communication can have on the attitudes of the employees and those with whom they communicate.
Th e employees’ attitudes toward the business, one another, and their assignments directly aff ect their productivity. Th e nature and amount of personal talk at work aff ect those attitudes. In an environment where heated words and fl aming tempers are oft en present, the employees are not likely to give their best eff orts to their jobs. Likewise, a rollicking, jovial workplace can undermine business goals. Wise managers cultivate the optimum balance between employees’ focus on job-related tasks and their freedom to engage with others on a personal level. Chat around the water cooler or in the break room encourages a team attitude and can oft en be the medium in which actual business issues get discussed. Even communication that is largely internal-operational will oft en
Figure 1–1
Likely External Audiences for Today’s Businesses
Customers (consumers,
business customers, the government . . . )
Industry Partners (competitors, similar
businesses, lobbyists . . . ) Regulatory Agents (the government, trade
alliances, union officials, national and international
legal experts . . . )
Public Groups (community groups, citizen groups, nongovernmental
organizations, schools and foundations . . . )
Core Business Partners
(suppliers, contract workers, manufacturers,
shippers, distributors . . . )
Your company
The Public at Large (Internet surfers, social networkers, potential employees, potential
investors . . . )
Personal communication in business is both inevitable and important.
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12 PART 1 Introduction
include personal elements that relieve the tedium of daily routine and enable employ- ees to build personal relationships.
Similarly, communication with external parties will naturally include personal remarks at some point. Sometimes you may fi nd yourself writing a wholly personal message to a client, as when he or she has won a major award or experienced a loss of some kind. Other times, you may compose an external-operational message that also includes a brief personal note, perhaps thanking a client for a pleasant lunch or refer- ring to a personal matter that came up in the course of a business meeting.
Using both online and face-to-face networking, you will also cultivate business- related friends. Your relationships with these contacts will not only help you do your current job; they will also be an important resource as you change jobs or even careers. Research shows that “the idea of the steady, permanent job is becoming a relic of an- other era.” 23 Employees are now taking “an entrepreneurial approach” to their lives and skills, considering carefully where to work, what work to do, how much to work, and for how long. 24 Th e personal connections you make in your current employment will contribute to your future success.
Communication Networks of the Organization Looking over all of a business’s communication (internal, external, and personal), we see an extremely complex system of information fl ow and human interaction. We see dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of individuals engaging in untold numbers of communication events throughout each workday.
In fact, as Figure 1–2 shows, there are two complex networks of information in virtually any organization—one formal and one informal. Both are critical to the suc- cess of the business.
The Formal Network. In simplifi ed form, information fl ow in a modern business is much like the network of arteries and veins in the body. Just as the body has blood vessels, the business has major, well-established channels for information exchange. Th is is the formal network —the main lines of operational communication. Th rough these channels fl ows the bulk of the communication that the business needs to operate. Specifi cally, the fl ow includes the upward, lateral, and downward movement of infor- mation in the form of reports, memos, email, and other media within the organization; the downward movement of orders, instructions, advisories, and announcements; and the broad dissemination of company information through the organization’s newslet- ter, bulletin boards, email, intranet, or blogs.
LO4 Describe the formal and informal communication networks of the business organization.
Division manager
Department manager
Black lines = Formal network (slow to change) Red lines = Informal network (frequently changing)
Department manager
Figure 1–2
Formal and Informal Communication Networks in a Division of a Small Business
23 Bollier 3. 24 Institute for the Future for Apollo Research Institute, Future of Work Report 6.
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 13
As we have seen, information routinely fl ows outward as well. Order acknowledg- ments, invoices, receipts, correspondence with suppliers and consultants, and other standard external-operational communications can make external audiences part of the formal communication network.
Th ese offi cially sanctioned lines of communication cause certain forms of commu- nication, or genres , to exist within the organization. For example, it may be customary in one company for project leaders to require a weekly report from team members. In another company, the executives may hold monthly staff meetings. Whatever the established form, it will bring with it certain expectations about what can and cannot be said, who may and may not say it, and how the messages should be structured and worded. You will need to understand these expectations in order to use the approved lines of communication to get things done.
The Informal Network. Operating alongside the formal network is the informal network . It comprises the thousands upon thousands of personal communications that may or may not support the formal communication network of a business. Such com- munications follow no set pattern; they form an ever-changing and infi nitely complex structure linking the members of the organization to each other and to many diff erent external audiences.
Th e complexity of this informal network, especially in larger organizations, can- not be overemphasized. Typically, it is really not a single network but a complex rela- tionship of smaller networks consisting of certain groups of people. Th e relationship is made even more complex by the fact that these people may belong to more than one group and that group memberships and the links between groups are continually changing. Th e department you belong to, the other employees with whom you come in contact in the course of your workday, and the many connections you make with those outside your organization can cause links in this network to form.
Th e informal network inside an organization is oft en referred to as the grapevine. Th is communication network is more valuable to the company’s operations than a fi rst impression might indicate. Certainly, it carries much gossip and rumor. Even so, the grapevine usually carries far more information than the formal communication system, and on many matters it is more eff ective in determining the course of an organization. Skillful managers recognize the presence of the grapevine, and they know that the powerful people in this network are oft en not those at the top of the
Internal-operational communication enables employees to work together toward business goals.
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14 PART 1 Introduction
formal organizational hierarchy. Th ey fi nd out who the talk leaders are and give them the information that will do the most good for the organization. Th ey also make management decisions that will cultivate positive talk.
Employees’ personal relations with external audiences add another dimension to a company’s informal network. Th e widespread use of social media has dramatically increased employees’ informal communication with outsiders. Such communication can either help or hurt the company. Here again, wise managers will be sensitive to the informal network and manage in such a way as to encourage talk that is benefi cial to the company.
As an employee, you need to be careful about how you participate in the infor- mal network. Unwise remarks can get you known as a troublemaker and even get you fi red, whereas representing yourself and your company well can result not only in more pleasant relations but also in professional success.
Variation in Communication Activity by Business Just how much and what kind of communicating a business does depends on several factors. Th e nature of the business is one. For example, insurance companies have a great need to communicate with their customers, especially through letters and other mailings, whereas housecleaning service companies have little such need. Another fac- tor is the business’s size and complexity. Relatively simple businesses, such as repair services, require far less communication than complex businesses, such as automobile manufacturers.
Th e business’s relation to its environment also infl uences its communication prac- tices. Businesses in a comparatively stable environment, such as textile manufacturing or food processing, will tend to depend on established types of formal communication in a set organizational hierarchy, whereas those in a volatile environment, such as soft - ware development or online commerce, will tend to improvise more in terms of their communications and company structure.
Yet another factor is the geographic dispersion of the operations of a business. Obvi- ously, internal communication in a business with multiple locations diff ers from that of a one-location business. Enabling employees to work from home, requiring them to travel, or relying on outside contractors can also increase a company’s geographical reach and thus aff ect its communication. Related to this factor is how culturally diverse the company is. Th e communication of a multicultural organization will require more adaptation to participants’ values, perspectives, and language skills than that of a rela- tively homogeneous organization.
Each business can also be said to possess a certain organizational culture , which has a strong eff ect upon, and is strongly aff ected by, the company’s communication. Th e concept of organizational or corporate culture was popularized in the early 1980s, and it continues to be a central focus of management consultants and theorists. 25 You can think of a given company’s culture as its customary, but oft en unstated, ways of perceiv- ing and doing things. It is the medium of preferred values and practices in which the company’s members do their work.
Recall places you’ve worked or businesses you’ve patronized. In some, the employees’ demeanor suggests a coherent, healthy culture in which people seem to know what to do and be happy doing it. At the other extreme are companies where employees exhibit little affi liation with the business and may even be sabotaging it through poor customer service or lack of knowledge about their jobs. Th e content and quality of the company’s communication have a great deal to do with employees’ attitudes and behavior.
Take care to note that the offi cial culture and the actual culture in a company are not necessarily the same. Offi cially, the company management may announce and try
LO5 Describe factors that affect the types and amount of communicating that a business does.
25 See Edgar H. Schein, Organizational Culture and Leadership, 4th ed. (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2010), print, which reviews the literature on this important concept.
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 15
to promote a certain culture through formal communications such as mission state- ments and mottoes. But the actual culture of a company is a dynamic, living realm of meaning constructed daily through infi nite behaviors and communications at all lev- els of the company. Having your antennae out for the assumptions that actually drive people’s conduct in your or your client’s workplace will help you become a more eff ec- tive communicator.
THE BUSINESS COMMUNICATION PROCESS While business communication involves many diff erent skills, from verbal and visual literacy to technological know-how, none are more important than problem-solving skills and people skills. Th ese are central to the business communication process.
Business Communication as Problem Solving Virtually every signifi cant communication task that you will face will involve analyzing a unique set of factors that requires at least a somewhat unique solution. For this rea- son, it makes sense to think of business communication as problem solving .
Researchers in many fi elds—management, medicine, writing, psychology, and others—have studied problem solving. In general, they defi ne problem as a gap be- tween where you are now and where you want to be. 26 Within this framework, a problem isn’t always something negative; it can also be an opportunity to improve a situation or do things in a better way. As a goal-focused enterprise, business is all about solving problems, and so, therefore, is business communication.
Th e problem-solving literature divides problems into two main types: well de- fi ned and ill defi ned. Th e former can be solved by following a formula, such as when you are computing how much money is left in your department’s budget. But most real-world problems, including business communication problems, cannot be solved this way. Th ey do not come to us in neat packages with the path to the best solution clearly implied. Instead, they require research, analysis, creativity, and judgment. One reason why this is the case in business communication is that, as in any commu- nication situation, people are involved—and people are both complex and unique. But the business context itself is oft en complex, presenting you with multiple options for handling any given situation. For example, if a customer has complained, what will you do about it? Nothing? Apologize? Imply that the customer was at fault? Give a conciliatory discount? Refuse to adjust the bill? Even a “simple” problem like this one requires thinking through the likely short- and long-term eff ects of several pos- sible solutions.
Solving ill-defi ned problems involves combining existing resources with innova- tion and good judgment. Although this book presents basic plans for several common types of business communication messages, you will not be able to solve particular communication problems by just fi lling in the blanks of these plans. Th e plans can be thought of as heuristics —“rules of thumb” that keep you from reinventing the wheel with each new problem. But the plans do not tell you all you need to do to solve each unique communication problem. You must decide how to adapt each plan to the given situation.
LO6 Explain why business communication is a form of problem solving.
26 For discussions of problem solving, see the following print resources: John R. Hayes, Th e Complete Problem Solver, 2nd ed. (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1989); Morgan D. Jones, Th e Th inker’s Toolkit (New York: Th ree Rivers Press, 1998); Janet E. Davidson and Robert J. Sternberg, eds., Th e Psychology of Problem Solving (Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press, 2003); Dan Roam, Th e Back of the Napkin (London: Portfolio, 2008); John Adair, Decision Making and Problem Solving Strategies , 2nd ed. (London: Kogan Page, 2010).
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16 PART 1 Introduction
What this means is that successful business communication is both more challeng- ing and more exciting than you may have thought. You will need to draw on your own powers of interpretation and decision making to succeed with your human communi- cation partners.
Of course, people will handle communication tasks somewhat diff erently depend- ing on who they are, how they interpret the situation, and who they imagine their recipients to be. Does this mean that all communication solutions are equally valid? Not at all. While there is no perfect solution, there can be many bad ones that have been developed without enough analysis and eff ort. Focused thinking, research, and plan- ning will not guarantee success in the shift ing, complex world of business communica- tion, but they will make your chances of success as high as possible. Th e next section will help you perform this kind of analysis.
A Model of Business Communication Figure 1–3 shows the basic elements of a business communication event. Even though people can, and oft en do, communicate inadvertently, this communication model focuses on what happens when someone deliberately communicates with someone else to achieve particular business-related goals.
You’ll notice that the two communicators in the fi gure are labeled simply Com- municator 1 and Communicator 2 instead of Sender and Receiver or Communica- tor and Audience. Certainly any communication event begins with someone deciding that communication is needed and initiating that communication, with an intended recipient on the other end. But in many situations, especially those involving real-time conversation, the two parties work together to reach a mutual understanding. Even in situations where a communicator is attempting to deliver a complete, carefully pre- pared message—as in a letter, report, or oral presentation—the intended recipients have already participated in the construction of the message because the writer or pre- senter has kept them in mind when composing and designing the message. Th e labels in this model are thus intended to convey the cooperative eff ort behind every success- ful communication event.
The Contexts for Communication. Certain features of the communication situ- ation are already in place as the communicators in our model begin to communicate.
LO7 Describe the various contexts for each act of business communication.
Communicator 1 …
1. Senses a communication need
2. Defines the problem
3. Searches for possible solutions
4. Selects a course of action (message type, contents, style, format, channel)
5. Composes the message
6. Delivers the message
Communicator 2 …
7. Receives the message
8. Interprets the message
9. Decides on a response
10. May send a responding message
The Larger Context Business-Economic, Sociocultural, Historical
The Communicators’ Relationship
Communicator 2’s World Organizational Professional Personal
7-10
Communicator 1’s World Organizational Professional Personal
1–6
responding mess age
initia l message
chosen chann el
ch osen channel
Figure 1–3
The Business Communication Process
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 17
Th e larger context includes the general business-economic climate; the language, values, and customs in the surrounding culture; and the historical moment in which the communication is taking place.
Th ink about how these contexts might infl uence communication. For example, when the country’s economy or a particular industry is fl ourishing, a communica- tor’s message and the recipient’s response may well be diff erent from what they would be during an economic slump. Th e sociocultural context also aff ects how individuals communicate. Whether they are communicating in the context of U.S. urban culture, for instance, or the culture of a particular region or another country, or whether they are communicating across cultures, their communication choices will be aff ected. Th e particular historical context of their communication can also be a factor. Consider how recent fi nancial scandals in the United States or the increased focus on the envi- ronment are infl uencing the language of business. Th e skillful communicator is sensi- tive to these larger contexts, which always exert an infl uence and, to some extent, are always changing.
Th e relationship of the communicators also forms an important context for com- munication. Certainly, communication is about moving information from point A to point B, but it is also about interaction between human beings. Your fi rst correspon- dence with someone begins a relationship between the two of you, whether as indi- viduals, people in certain business roles, or both. All future messages between you will continue to build this relationship.
Th e communicators’ particular contexts exert perhaps the strongest infl uence on the act of communication. Th ese interrelated contexts can be
• Organizational contexts. As we’ve discussed, the type and culture of the organization you represent will shape your communication choices in many ways, and the organizational contexts of your audiences will, in turn, shape their responses. In fact, in every act of business communication, at least one of the parties involved is likely to be representing an organization. What you communicate and how you do so will be strongly shaped by the organization for whom you speak. In turn, the organization to which your audience belongs—its priorities, its current circumstances, even how fast or slow its pace of work—can strongly infl uence the way your message is received.
• Professional contexts. You know from school and experience that diff erent professionals—whether physicians, social workers, managers, accountants, or those involved in other fi elds—possess diff erent kinds of expertise, speak diff erently, and have diff erent perspectives. What gets communicated and how can be heavily infl uenced by the communicators’ professional roles. Be aware that internal audiences as well as external ones can occupy diff erent professional roles and therefore favor diff erent kinds of content and language. Employees in management and engineering, for example, have been demonstrated to have quite diff erent priorities, with the former focusing on fi nancial benefi t and the latter on technological achievement. 27 Part of successful communication is being alert to your audiences’ diff erent professional contexts.
• Personal contexts. Who you are as a person comes from many sources: the genes you inherited, your family and upbringing, your life experiences, your schooling, the many people with whom you’ve come in contact, and the culture in which you were reared. Who you are as a person also depends to some extent on your current circumstances. Successes and failures, current relationships, fi nancial ups and downs, the state of your health, your physical environment—all can aff ect a particular communicative act. Since much business communication is between individuals occupying organizational roles, personal matters are usually not disclosed. But it is well to keep in mind the eff ect that these can have on the communicators. If you’re
27 See research by Dorothy A. Winsor, especially Writing Power: Communication in an Engineering Center (Albany: SUNY Press, 2003), print.
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18 PART 1 Introduction
aware, for example, that the intended recipient of your message is under stress or having a bad day, you can adapt your communication accordingly.
The Process of Communication. No one can know exactly what occurs inside the minds of communicators when they undertake to create a message, but researchers generally agree that the process includes the following steps :
1. Sensing a communication need. A problem has come to your attention, or you have an idea about how to achieve a certain goal. Perhaps someone has written an email of complaint and you must answer it, or perhaps you’ve noticed that the company could benefi t from automating a certain procedure. Whatever the case, you fi nd that an action is in order, and you believe that some form of communication will help you achieve the desired state.
2. Defi ning the situation. To create a successful message or plan a communication event, you need to have a well-informed sense of the situation. For example, if you have received a letter of complaint from a customer, what exactly is the problem here? Does the customer have a legitimate point? What further information might you need to acquire in order to understand the situation? In what ways is this problem like or unlike others you have solved? How might your or your organization’s goals be hindered or helped depending on your communication choices?
3. Considering possible communication strategies. As your defi nition of the situation takes shape, you will start considering diff erent options for solving it. What kind of communication event will you initiate, and what will you want to achieve with it? What image of yourself, your company, and your communication partners might you project in your message? To generate a good solution, you will need to think about and research your potential audiences and their contexts, your own goals and contexts, your relationship with each audience, and any relevant larger contexts.
4. Selecting a course of action. Considering the situation as you’ve defi ned it and looking at your communication options, you will consider the potential costs and benefi ts of each option and select the optimum one. Your decision will include preliminary choices about the message type, contents, structure, verbal style, and visual format, and about the channel you will use to deliver the message.
5. Composing the message. Here is where you either craft your written message or plan your presentation or conversation. If you have decided to convey your message orally, you will make careful notes or perhaps even write out your whole message and also design any visuals you need. If you have decided to write your message, you will draft it and then revise it carefully so that it will get the job done and refl ect well on you (see Chapter 6 for helpful writing and revising techniques).
6. Sending the message. When your message is prepared or carefully planned, you are ready to deliver it to your intended recipients in the channel you have chosen. You choose a good time to deliver it, realizing, for example, that Monday morning may not be the best time to make an important phone call to a busy executive. You also consider sending auxiliary messages, such as a “heads-up” phone call or email, that could increase your main message’s chances of success. You want to do all you can to ensure that your message doesn’t get lost amidst all the other stimuli competing for your intended audience’s attention.
While these activities tend to form a linear pattern, the communicator oft en needs to revisit earlier steps while moving through the diff erent activities. In other words, solving a communication problem can be a recursive process. Th is is particularly true for situations that have many possible solutions or heavily involve the audience in the communication process. A communicator may begin a communication event with a certain view of the situation and then fi nd, upon further analysis or the discovery of
LO8 Describe the business communication process.
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 19
additional facts, that this view needs to be revised in order to accommodate all the involved parties and their goals.
If all goes as planned, here is what will happen on the recipient’s end:
7. Receiving the message. Your chosen channel has delivered your message to each intended recipient, who has perceived and decided to read or listen to your message.
8. Interpreting the message. Just as you had to interpret the situation that prompted your communication, your recipient now has to interpret the message you sent. Th is activity will involve not only extracting information from the message but also guessing your communication purpose, forming judgments about you and those you represent, and picking up on cues about the relationship you want to promote between yourself and the recipient. If you have anticipated the recipient’s particular contexts and interests successfully, he or she will form the impressions that you intended. Th e recipient may prompt the initiating communicator for help with this interpretive act, especially if the communication is a live conversation.
9. Deciding on a response. Any time you send a message, you hope for a certain response from your recipient, whether it be increased goodwill, increased knowledge, a specifi c responding action, or a combination of these. If your message has been carefully adapted to the recipient, it has a good chance of achieving the desired response.
10. Replying to the message. Th e recipient’s response to your message will oft en take the form of replying to your message. When this is the case, the receiver is acting as communicator, following the process that you followed to generate your message.
Figure 1–4 lists the main questions to consider when developing a communication strategy. Taking this analytical approach will help you think consciously about each stage of the process and give you the best chance of achieving the desired results.
“Its offi cial, you no longer work for JNI Traffi c Control and u have forfi ded any arrangements made.” Can you imag- ine getting such a text message? The Sydney employer was sued over this inappropriate choice of a communica- tion channel for fi ring an employee. In settling the matter the commissioner went further in stating that email, text messages, and even answering machines were inappro- priate for offi cial business communication. Or what about being notifi ed by text message of an overdue bill? While some might think of that as a service, others would regard it as invasive and inappropriate. Historically, the importance of channel choice has been disputed, with some arguing that it is simply a means for transmitting words and others arguing that the chosen channel is, in itself, a message. However, today most peo- ple realize that the appropriate choice of communication
channel contributes signifi cantly, along with the words, to the success of the message. While research has provided guidelines for understanding when to use very lean (printed material) to very rich (face-to-face) channels, new tech- nologies and laws have added new elements to consider. Not only are there no clear-cut rules or guidelines, but the smallest change in context may make one choice better than another. In selecting a channel, a communicator needs to weigh several factors. These include the message content, the communicators’ levels of competency with the channel, the recipient’s access to the channel, and the assump- tions associated with the channel. Appropriate choice of a communication channel helps people communicate clearly, improving both their productivity and personal relationships.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Channel Choice Affects Message Success
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20 PART 1 Introduction
What is the situation?
• What has happened to make you think you need to communicate?
• What background and prior knowledge can you apply to this situation? How is this situation like or unlike others you have encountered?
• What do you need to fi nd out in order to understand every facet of this situation? Where can you get this information?
What are some possible communication strategies?
• To whom might you communicate? Who might be your primary and secondary audiences? What are their different organizational, professional, and personal contexts? What would each care about or want to know? What, if any, is your prior relationship with them?
• What purpose might you want to achieve with each recipient? What are your organizational, professional, and personal contexts?
• What are some communication strategies that might help you achieve your goals?
• How might the larger business-economic, sociocultural, and historical contexts affect the success of different strategies?
Which is the best course of action?
• Which strategies are impractical, incomplete, or potentially dangerous? Why?
• Which of the remaining strategies looks like the optimum one? Why?
• What will be the best message type, contents, structure, style, and format for your message?
• What channel will you use to deliver it?
What is the best way to design the chosen message?
• Given your goals for each recipient, what information should your message include?
• What logical structure (ordering and grouping of information) should you use?
• What kind of style should you use? How formal or informal should you be? What kinds of associations should your language have? What image of yourself and your audience should you try to project? What kind of relationship with each recipient should your message promote?
• How can you use formatting, graphics, and/or supporting media to make your message easier to comprehend?
• What are your recipients’ expectations for the channel you’ve chosen?
What is the best way to deliver the message?
• Are there any timing considerations related to delivering your message?
• Should you combine the main message with any other messages?
• How can you best ensure that each intended recipient receives and reads or hears your message?
Figure 1–4
Planning Your Communication Strategy: A Problem-Solving Approach
BUSINESS COMMUNICATION: THE BOTTOM LINE Th e theme of this chapter might be summed up this way: Th e goal of business com- munication is to create a shared understanding of business situations that will enable people to work successfully together.
Timely and clear transfer of information is critical to businesses, now more than ever. But fi guring out what kind of information to send, whom to send it to, how to send it, and what form to use requires good decision making. Since every person has his or her own mental “fi lters”—preconceptions, frames of reference, and verbal worlds—wording the information so that it will be understood can be a challenge. You and your audience may even attach completely diff erent meanings to the same words (a problem that the communication literature calls “bypassing”).
Complicating this picture is the fact that communication is not just about informa- tion transfer. Th e creation and maintenance of positive human relations is also essential to business and thus to business communication. Every act of communication conveys
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1. Because communication is vital to business operations, businesses need and reward people who can communicate. • But good communicators are scarce. • So, if you can improve your communication skills, you increase your value to
business and advance your own career as well. 2. Today’s business communicators face special challenges:
• Th e need for expanded media literacy. • Increasing globalism and workplace diversity. • An increased need for strong analytical and interpretive skills. • An increased focus on ethics and social responsibility.
3. Communicating in business falls into three main categories: • Internal-operational communication is the communication inside a business
that enables the business to perform its work and track its success. • External-operational communication is the communicating a business does
with outsiders (customers, other businesses, the public, government agencies, and others).
• Personal communication consists of informal exchanges of information not formally related to operations but nevertheless important to an organization’s success.
4. Th e fl ow of communication in a business organization forms a complex and ever- changing network. • Th e communicating that follows the formal structure of the business comprises
the formal network. Operational information fl ows upward, downward, and laterally through this network, which is sustained by established forms of communication ( genres ).
• Th e fl ow of personal communication forms the informal network. Th e internal version of this network is known as the grapevine. But the use of social media is including more outsiders in companies’ informal networks.
5. Th e kind and amount of communicating a business does depend upon such factors as • Th e nature of the business. • Its size and complexity. • Its environment. • Th e geographic dispersion of its members.
1 Explain the importance of communication to you and to business.
2 Describe the main challenges facing business communicators today.
3 Describe the three main categories of business communication.
4 Describe the formal and informal communication networks of the business organization.
5 Describe factors that affect the types and amount of communicating that a business does.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
an image of you and of the way you regard those to whom you’re speaking or writing. Successful business communicators pay careful attention to the human relations di- mension of their messages.
Yes, business communication can be challenging. It can also be extremely rewarding be- cause of the results you achieve and the relationships you build. Th e advice, examples, and exercises in this book will jump-start you toward success. But it will be your ability to ana- lyze and solve specifi c communication problems that will take you the rest of the way there.
THERE’S MORE . . . What codes of ethics do major companies and professional organizations use? What are 10 qualities of an eff ective team member? How can you become a better problem solver? Scan the QR code with your smartphone or use your Web browser to fi nd out at www.mhhe.com/lesikar13e . Choose Chapter 1 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 21
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22 PART 1 Introduction
• Its degree of cultural diversity. • Its organizational culture (an organization’s customary, oft en unstated, ways of
perceiving and doing things). 6. Business communication can be thought of as a problem-solving activity.
• Finding communication solutions requires analysis, creativity, and judgment. • Heuristics (problem-solving devices such as common communication plans)
can help make your communication problem solving more effi cient. • Th e common communication plans must still be adapted to each situation. • While there is no one perfect solution, a poorly prepared one is likely to fail.
7. Business communication takes place in these contexts: • Th e larger business-economic, sociocultural, and historical contexts. • Th e relationship of the communicators. • Th e communicators’ own worlds: organizational, professional, and personal.
8. Th e process of communication involves these activities, which tend to be linear in nature but are oft en recursive (require revisiting earlier steps): Th e initiator • Senses a communication need. • Defi nes the situation. • Considers possible communication strategies. • Selects a course of action (message type, contents, style, format, channel). • Composes the message. • Sends the message. Th e intended recipient • Receives the message. • Interprets the message. • Decides on a response. • May send a responding message.
6 Explain why business communication is a form of problem solving.
7 Describe the various contexts for each act of business communication.
8 Describe the communication process.
1 “If there’s no defi nitive solution, then all ways of han- dling a business communication problem are equally good.” Using the discussion of business communica- tion problem solving in this chapter, explain why this statement is false. LO6
2 To get a feel for how rapidly information technologies are changing and how signifi cant the impact is on busi- ness, list all the information technologies (devices and applications) that you’ve learned to use over the last fi ve years. Now refl ect on how your communication,
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
K E Y T E R M S
new media, 5
social intelligence, 6
cross-cultural competency, 6
computational thinking, 7
visual literacy, 7
interpretive skills, 7
corporate social responsibility, 8
internal-operational communication, 9
external-operational communication, 9
personal communication, 10
formal network, 12
genres, 13
informal network, 13
grapevine, 13
organizational culture, 14
problem solving, 15
heuristics, 15
relationship of the communicators, 17
organizational contexts, 17
professional contexts, 17
personal contexts, 17
recursive, 18
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CHAPTER 1 Understanding Workplace Communication 23
work, and life have changed as a result of these tech- nologies. LO2
3 “People need to leave their cultures and values at the door when they come to work and just do business.” Dis- cuss the possible merits and fl aws of this attitude. LO2
4 In what ways is imagination important in business? In business communication? LO2
5 Times are hard for Robo Solutions, a small local company that creates assembly-line robotics . Lately, the clients have been few and far between. But today the sales staff got encouraging news: James Pritchett, president of a nearby tool and die company, has in- quired about the possibility of the company’s design- ing a series of computer-run robots for key processes in the plant. Th ere’s a hitch, though; it’s Sara McCann’s turn to try to snare his business (and the commis- sion)—and Pritchett is known to prefer dealing with men. Do you, as Robo Solutions sales manager, send Sarah anyway, or do you send one of your male sales- people to get Pritchett’s business, giving Sarah a shot at the next potential client? How would you solve this communication—and ethics—problem? LO2
6 “Never mix business with personal matters—it just leads to damaged relationships, poor business deci- sions, or both.” In what ways might this be a fair state- ment? In what ways is it unwise advice? LO3
7 List the types of companies requiring many kinds of communication. Th en make a list of types of compa- nies requiring few kinds. What explains the diff erence
between these two groups’ amount and types of com- munication? LO5
8 In Images of Organization, 2nd ed. (Th ousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1997), management scholar Gareth Morgan has analyzed companies using various metaphors. For example, he has looked at those elements of a company that make it appear to run like a machine (with rig- idly organized, specifi c job roles), an organism (with elements that make it dependent upon and responsive to its environment), a brain (with self-managing teams and employees who can do a variety of jobs as needed), and a political system (with employees vying for power and infl uence). Th ink of an organization you know well and decide upon its dominant cultural metaphor. Is it one of Morgan’s? Or is it a family? A team? A com- munity? A prison? A mixture of several kinds? Once you settle on your metaphor, be prepared to explain how this organization’s culture aff ects, and is aff ected by, its communication practices. LO5
9 As noted in this chapter, companies develop specifi c forms of communication, or genres, that enable them to get their work done. In a place where you have worked or another organization in which you have been a member, what were the main forms of com- munication with the employees or members? To what extent were these uniquely adapted to the needs of the organization? LO5
10 Using this chapter’s discussion of communication, ex- plain how people reading or hearing the same message can disagree on its meaning. LO7
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
1 Using the Internet, fi nd a company that has a corporate social responsibility program and study what the com- pany’s website says about that program. What kind of image as a corporate citizen is the company trying to project, and how? How convincing is this eff ort, in your opinion, and why? LO2
2 Choose a certain national or regional culture, ethnicity, or generation—one diff erent from your own—and fi nd out what values the people in this demographic are gen- erally known for. How might working or doing business with a person from one of these groups require you to adapt your own values and communication style? LO2
3 List the types of external-operational and internal- operational communication that occur in an organi- zation with which you are familiar (school, fraternity, church, etc.). LO3
4 Describe the formal network of communication in an organization, division, or department with which you are familiar (preferably a simple one). Discuss why you think the communication network has taken this form
and how successfully it seems to meet the business’s needs. LO4
5 Find two websites of companies in the same industry— for example, two manufacturers of household products or two wireless service providers. Using the evidence pre- sented on their websites, compare their company cultures. Look at their stated mission (if any), their history (if pro- vided), the gender and qualifi cations of their personnel (if given), their employee benefi ts, their information for job applicants, their information for investors, the company image projected by the visual elements on the site—any- thing that suggests who they are or want you to think they are. Write up your comparison in a well-organized, well- supported message to your instructor. LO5
6 Megan Cabot is one of 12 workers in Department X. She has strong leadership qualities, and all her co-workers look up to her. She dominates conversations with them and ex- presses strong viewpoints on most matters. Although she is a good worker, her dominating personality has caused problems for you, the new manager of Department X.
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24 PART 1 Introduction
d. You will terminate work activities no earlier than 10 minutes prior to the end of the work period. You will use the 10 minutes to put up equipment, clean equip- ment, and police the work area.
Th e message was not well received by the workers. In fact, it led to considerable anger and confusion. Using the discussion of communication planning in this chap- ter, explain where the department head’s problem-solv- ing process went awry. What did he or she fail to take into account? LO6–LO8
8 Th ink of a recent transaction you had with a business- person or with a staff person at your school. Describe the contexts of your communication, from the larger contexts (business-economic, sociocultural, or historical) to the personal (to the extent you know them). How did these infl uence the outcome of your communication? LO7
9 Find an article in the business press or general news about a recent incident involving a company—for example, a merger or acquisition, a scandal or crisis, or the launch- ing of a new product. What kind of communication chal- lenges might this event have posed for the company, both internally and externally? What kinds of messages prob- ably needed to be written, and to whom? LO1–LO7
Today you directed your subordinates to change a certain work procedure. Th e change is one that has proven su- perior in the past whenever it has been tried. Soon aft er giving the directive, you noticed the workers talking in a group, with Megan the obvious leader. In a few minutes she appeared in your offi ce. “We’ve thought it over,” she said. “Your production change won’t work.” Explain what is hap- pening. How will you handle this situation? LO4, LO6
7 Aft er noticing that some workers were starting work late and fi nishing early, a department head wrote this mes- sage to subordinates:
It is apparent that many of you are not giving the com- pany a full day’s work. Th us, the following procedures are implemented immediately: a. Aft er you clock in, you will proceed to your worksta-
tions and will be ready to begin work promptly at the start of the work period.
b. You will not take a coff ee break or consume coff ee on the job at the beginning of the work period. You will wait until your designated break times.
c. You will not participate in social gatherings at any time during the workday except during designated break periods.
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will be able to describe the major issues in cross- cultural communication and prepare yourself to communicate with international partners. To reach these goals, you should be able to
1 Explain why communicating clearly across cultures is important to business.
2 Describe three major factors that infl uence a country or region’s culture.
3 Describe cultural differences regarding body positions and movements and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
4 Describe the impact of culture on views and practices concerning human relations and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
5 Explain the language equivalency problem and techniques for minimizing its effects.
6 Describe what one can do to enhance one’s cross-cultural communication skills.
CHAPTER TWO
Communicating Across Cultures
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26 PART 1 Introduction
THE GROWING IMPORTANCE OF CROSS-CULTURAL COMMUNICATION As Chapter 1 points out, increasing globalization is one of the major trends in busi- ness. Th e spread of the Internet, social media, and mobile devices has only fueled this trend. And it isn’t just for big businesses. According to Laurel Delaney, founder of GlobeTrade.com, “It’s the small business owners of the world who are busting borders, discovering unlimited potential for growth and profi t, and changing the shape of the world economy.” 1
Both large and small businesses want you to be able to communicate clearly with those from other cultures, for several reasons. A primary reason is that many busi- nesses sell their products and services both domestically and internationally. Being able to communicate cross-culturally will help you be more successful in understanding customers’ needs, communicating how your company can meet these needs, and win- ning their business. Another reason is that you will be a more eff ective employee within your company. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the number of non- native civilians in the U.S. workforce has reached almost 25 million, and this number is on the rise. 2 If you can work harmoniously with those from other cultures, you will help create a more comfortable and productive workplace. Furthermore, if cultural bar- riers are minimized, your company will be able to hire a wider variety of good people. Also, you will minimize problems stemming from misinterpretations. A fi nal reason is that your attention to communicating clearly with those from other cultures will enrich your business and personal life.
In preparing to communicate with people from other cultures, you might well begin by heeding the advice in the chapters that follow. Adapting your words, sentences,
LO1 Explain why communicating clearly across cultures is important to business.
To introduce yourself to this chapter, assume that you’re a recently hired trainer for a U.S. company that has a new branch offi ce in Sweden. You’ve been sent to the offi ce to facilitate the training of new employees. After what seemed a fruitful brainstorming session with the leadership team, you ask the Swedish head manager, Andreas, to appoint a contact person in the group to help you launch the training project. Andreas turns to the HR manager, Prasan, who is from India, and says that he will be your key contact from here on out. You describe the process you want to follow and the documents you’ll need in order to go forward. Then you ask Prasan if you can expect the documents by the next day. Hesitating, Prasan replies, “Yes, I can send everything to you by the end of the day tomorrow.” His boss sud- denly intervenes: “No, that’s not going to happen. You know you have a lot of work right now and won’t be able
to meet that deadline.” Turning to you, the Swedish man- ager continues, “You can expect the material you need in two weeks.” Prasan looks somewhat embarrassed but nods in agreement. Back in Andreas’s offi ce, you ask, “What just hap- pened? Why did Prasan agree to such an unrealistic dead- line?” Andreas explains that the Indian wanted to save face by giving a pleasing answer. Such an answer would keep you from appearing to be demanding and would keep him from appearing to be slow. “He values face- saving more than accuracy,” the Swede says—implying that he himself does not. You wonder if such clashes of cultural preference could be handled more gracefully than the one you just witnessed. This chapter will introduce you to cross-cultural communication issues that may arise in business situations and help prepare you to meet them successfully.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Preparing for Cross-Cultural Communication
1 Laurel Delaney, Th e World Is Your Market: Small Businesses Gear up for Globalization, Scribd, Scribd, 2004, Web, 2 May 2012. 2 Economic News Release: Table A-7 , Bureau of Labor Statistics, US Department of Labor, 4 May 2012, Web, 6 May 2012.
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 27
and overall message to your audience is always important, and never more so than in cross-cultural situations. Clarity, courtesy, and correctness are appreciated every- where. But how to achieve these goals can vary by culture. In one culture, for example, it might be appropriate to imply the main point, while in another you should state the point directly. Th us, learning about the ways cultures diff er is an important founda- tion for successful business communication. In addition, you must look at the spe- cial problems that our language presents to those who use it as a second language. It is around these two topic areas that this review of cross-cultural communication is organized.
DIMENSIONS OF CULTURAL DIFFERENCE Dutch sociologist Geert Hofstede, probably the most respected expert on cross-cultural diff erences, defi nes culture as “the collective programming of the mind which distin- guishes the members of one category of people from another,” and national culture as “that component of our mental programming which we share with more of our com- patriots as opposed to most other world citizens.” 3 In other words, cultures are “shared ways in which groups of people understand and interpret the world.” 4
Our dominant culture aff ects almost everything about us—from the way we think and communicate to the way we hold our bodies or establish our personal space. Certainly the spread of capitalism, advances in technology and science, and the explo- sive growth of electronic media have eroded national diff erences. Th e title of a popular book on international business claims that “the world is fl at,” 5 and many would agree that we have more in common globally than ever before. But cultural diff erences are still strong in many places and situations.
Of course, even within one culture there can be many subcultures. With only a moment’s refl ection on regional, ethnic, and even gender diff erences within any cul- ture, you will realize that this is true. Plus, the person with whom you are communicat- ing may be completely unrepresentative of his or her culture of origin. National borders are more permeable and workplaces more diverse than they have ever been. Still, an understanding of your communication partner’s cultural roots will greatly enhance your interpretive and interaction skills.
Th ree Major Factors Th at Aff ect Culture Following the advice of Canning, a UK-based communication consulting fi rm, we rec- ommend starting your cross-cultural education with the big picture. 6 Instead of trying to memorize such isolated facts as a culture’s typical greeting or attitude toward punc- tuality, try to gain a holistic understanding, starting with these basic questions:
• What is the topography of the country you are studying? In our Internet-infl uenced age, it may be diffi cult to believe, but topography still has a profound infl uence on what types of people live in a certain place. For instance, many natural borders around a country make for a more insular culture than changing, indistinct borders, and life under a broiling sun creates diff erent habits and values than life in a darker, colder environment.
• What is the country’s history ? Have there been certain events or systems of government that have aff ected the national memory? And what is the country’s history with your country?
LO2 Describe three major factors that infl uence a country or region’s culture.
3 Geert Hofstede, “National Cultures and Corporate Cultures,” Communication Between Cultures, ed. Larry A. Samovar and Richard E. Porter (Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 1984) 51, print. 4 Fons Trompenaars and Peter Woolliams, Business Across Cultures (London: Capstone, 2003) 53, print. 5 Th omas L. Friedman, Th e World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century (New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2005), print. 6 John Mattock, ed., Cross-Cultural Communication: Th e Essential Guide to International Business , rev. 2nd ed. (London: Kogan Page, 2003) 15–23, print.
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28 PART 1 Introduction
The Internet is a rich source of cross- cultural information for business com- municators. Not only can you fi nd information about places where you might be doing business, but you can also use some Web-based tools to help you with your communication. One of these, shown right, is a cur- rency converter, allowing you to convert from one currency to another. In this example, U.S. dollars are converted to Indian rupees. These converters are set up to use regularly updated exchange rates, so you can quote prices in both U.S. dollars and other currency. The Web also offers free translation tools. Google has a built-in translation feature that lets you easily translate webpages. In the screens shown below, a French website about writing cover letters has been translated into English.
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Web Tools for Cross-Cultural Communication
SOURCE: From http://www.xe.com/ucc. The XE.com. Universal Currency Converter, Copyright © 2012 XE Corporation. XE and Universal Currency Converter are registered trademarks of XE Corporation.
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 29
• What role does religion play in the culture? Th ink for a moment about how religious values have shaped the Middle East, diff erent Asian countries, or even the United States. Even when many of a country’s people have stopped observing traditional religious practices, the infl uence of religion can linger, surfacing in certain behaviors and attitudes.
Th ese broad cultural factors can have a major eff ect on businesspeople’s communi- cation practices and preferences. If you know your audience is Islamic, for example, you will be prepared to interpret their behavior when they do not take notes at an important business meeting (they tend to favor oral communication and the use of memory rather than writing) or when they resist detailed planning of a project (since, in Islam, the success of human projects always depends on God’s will).
Keep in mind, though, that businesspeople the world over share many goals and problems. All are interested in keeping their businesses fi nancially viable, hiring and retaining good employees, developing marketable products, fi nding reliable suppliers, and so forth. Your eff orts to understand your cross-cultural audience—like those to understand communication partners from your own culture—can lead to many mutually benefi cial relationships.
Th e next two sections will assist you in these eff orts by discussing important dimen- sions of cultural diff erence, starting with physical diff erences and then moving to mental and social ones. Sensitivity to these dimensions will help you avoid ethnocentrism — the tendency to see only your own cultural programming as “normal”—and make you a better cross-cultural communicator.
Body Positions and Movements One might think that the positions and movements of the body would be much the same for all people. However, physical behaviors diff er by culture, and the diff erences can aff ect communication. For example, in the United States most people sit when they wish to remain in one place for some time, but many of the world’s people squat when relaxing or even when doing business. Because we do not squat, we tend to view squatting as primitive. Th is view could adversely aff ect our communication with people from such countries as Indonesia and Zimbabwe, to whom squatting is a very normal body position.
To take another example, people from the United States who visit certain Asian countries may view the fast, short steps taken by the inhabitants as peculiar and their
LO3 Describe cultural differences regarding body positions and movements and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
Remember that, despite cultural differences, businesspeople around the world share many of the same goals.
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30 PART 1 Introduction
own longer strides as normal. And when people from those countries encounter U.S. natives who do not bow on meeting and leaving each other, they are likely to interpret the omission as rude. Similarly, people from the United States see standing up as the ap- propriate thing to do on certain occasions (as when someone enters the room), whereas people from some other cultures do not.
As you know, movements of certain body parts (especially the hands) are a vital form of human communication. Some of these movements have no defi nite meaning even within a culture. But some have clear meanings, and these meanings may diff er by culture. In the United States an up-and-down movement of the head means “yes” and a side-to-side movement of the head means “no.” Th ese movements may mean nothing at all or something quite diff erent to people from cultures in which thrusting the head forward, raising the eyebrows, jerking the head to one side, or lift ing the chin are used to convey similar meanings.
Hand gestures can have many diff erent meanings. Th e two-fi ngered sign that means “victory” or “peace” in the United States is considered vulgar in Australia, and the “OK” sign is insulting in such diverse countries as Russia, Germany, and Brazil. 7 Even the use of fi ngers to indicate numbers can vary by culture. In the United States, most people indicate “1” by holding up the forefi nger, whereas in parts of Europe, “1” is the thumb,
7 Roger E. Axtell, Gestures: Th e Do’s and Taboos of Body Language around the World (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1998) 43, print.
In Japan, it is considered bad manners to go to a busi- ness meeting without a business card, or meishi. There are a number of ways to present the card, but receiving it is an art, too. If you want to make a good impression on the presenter, receive it in both hands, especially when the other party is senior in age or status or a potential
customer. Be careful not to fi ddle with the card or put it in your rear pocket—that is considered crude. Put it in a distinctive case. Those who do business in both countries often have their business cards translated on the back, as the examples here show.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Carefully Present and Receive a Business Card in Japan
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 31
“2” is the forefi nger, and so forth. To point to themselves, the Japanese point to their faces, while the Chinese point to their noses and Americans point to their chests. 8 And holding up both hands with the palms facing outwards can mean either “ten,” “I sur- render,” “I’m telling the truth,” or “up yours—twice!” depending on where you are. 9
Even meanings of eye movements vary by culture. In North America, we are taught not to look over the heads of our audience but to maintain eye contact when giving formal speeches. In informal talking, we are encouraged to make eye contact but not to stare. In Indonesia, looking directly at people, especially those who are older or in higher positions, is considered disrespectful. On the other hand, our practices of eye contact are less rigorous than those of the British and Germans. Unless one under- stands these cultural diff erences, how one uses eye movement can be interpreted as being impolite on the one hand or being shy on the other.
Touching and particularly handshaking diff erences are important to understand in cross-cultural communication. Some cultures, like the Chinese, do not like much touching. Th ey will give a handshake that Westerners might perceive as weak. Other cultures that like touching will give greetings ranging from full embraces and kisses to nose rubbing. Here are some additional examples:
Culture Handshakes
Americans Firm, three to fi ve pumps
Germans Brusque, fi rm, single pump, repeated upon arrival and departure
French Light, quick, not offered to superiors, repeated upon arrival and departure, may include a double kiss
British Soft, three to fi ve pumps
Hispanics Moderate grasp, repeated frequently
Latin Americans Firm, long-lasting
Middle Easterners Gentle, repeated frequently
Asians Gentle; for some, shaking hands is unfamiliar and uncomfortable (an exception to this is the Korean, who generally has a fi rm handshake)
Arabs Gentle, longlasting, sometimes with kisses on both cheeks
How people greet each other is a major indicator of their social norms. Instead of criti- cally judging others because of their diff erent greeting styles, seize the opportunity to gain insight into their cultures.
In our culture, smiles are viewed positively in most situations. But in some other cultures (notably African cultures), a smile is regarded as a sign of weakness in cer- tain situations (such as bargaining). Receiving a gift or touching with the left hand is a serious breach of etiquette among Muslims, who view the left hand as unclean, but many cultures attach no such meaning to the left hand. And so it is with other body movements—arching the eyebrows, positioning the fi ngers, raising the arms, and many more. All cultures use body movements in communicating, but in diff erent ways.
Views and Practices Concerning Factors of Human Relationships Probably causing even more miscommunication than diff erences in body positions and movements are the attitudes of diff erent cultures toward various factors of human re- lationships. For illustrative purposes, we will review seven of these factors: time, space, odors, frankness, social hierarchy, workplace values, and expression of emotions.
Time. In the United States, people tend to be monochronic. Th ey regard time as some- thing that must be planned in order to be used as effi ciently as possible. Th ey strive to meet deadlines, to be punctual, to conduct business quickly, and to work on a schedule.
LO4 Describe the impact of culture on views and practices concerning human relations and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
8 Wang De-hua and Li Hui, “Nonverbal Language in Crosscultural Communication,” Sino-US English Teaching 4.10 (2007): 67, www.linguist.org.cn, Web, 5 May 2012. 9 Allan Pease and Barabara Pease, Th e Defi nitive Book of Body Language (New York: Bantam, 2006) 111, print.
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32 PART 1 Introduction
In some other cultures (especially those of the Middle East and some parts of Asia), people are polychronic, viewing time in a more relaxed way. Th ey see extensive plan- ning as unwise and unnecessary. Being late to a meeting or a social function is of little consequence to them. In fact, some of them hold the view that important people should be late to show that they are busy. In business negotiations, the people in these cultures move at a deliberately slow pace, engaging in casual talk before getting to the main issue. It is easy to see how such diff erent views of time can cause people from diff erent cultures to have serious communication problems.
Space. People from diff erent cultures oft en vary in their attitudes toward space. North Americans tend to prefer about two feet or so of distance between themselves and those with whom they speak. But in some cultures (some Arabian and South American cul- tures), people stand closer to each other, and not following this practice is considered impolite. To take another example, North Americans view personal space as a right and tend to respect this right of others; thus, they stand in line and wait their turn. People from some other cultures view space as belonging to all. Th us, they jostle for space when boarding trains, standing at ticket counters, or shopping. In encounters between people whose cultures have such diff erent attitudes toward space, actions are likely to be misinterpreted.
Odors. People from diff erent cultures may have diff erent attitudes toward body odors. To illustrate, Americans work hard to neutralize body odors or to cover them up and view those with body odors as unsanitary. On the other hand, in some Asian cultures people view body odors not as something to be hidden but as something that friends should experience. Some of the people from these cultures believe that it is an act of friendship to “breathe the breath” of the person with whom they converse and to feel their presence by smelling. Clearly, encounters between people with such widely diff er- ing attitudes could lead to serious miscommunication.
Frankness. North Americans tend to be relatively frank in their relationships with others, quickly getting to the point and perhaps being blunt and sharp in doing so. Germans and Israelis are even more frank than Americans. Asians tend to be far more reticent or implicit and sometimes go to great lengths to save face or not to off end. Americans belong to a low-context culture, a culture that explicitly shares all relevant background information when communicating. Asians, on the other hand, belong to a high-context culture, which leads them to limit background information and com- municate more implicitly. 10 (See the Communication Matters box on the next page for more about these terms.) Th us, Asians may appear evasive, roundabout, and indecisive to North Americans; and North Americans may appear harsh, impolite, and aggressive to Asians. Phone customs may be an exception, especially among the Chinese, who tend to end telephone calls abruptly aft er their purpose has been accomplished. North Americans, on the other hand, tend to move on to friendly talk and clearly prepare the listener for the end of the call.
Social Hierarchy. In many cultures, strict social classes exist, and class status de- termines how intimately people are addressed and treated in communication. For this reason, a person from such a culture might quiz a person from another culture to de- termine that person’s class status. Questions concerning occupation, income, title, and origin might be asked. People from cultures that stress human equality are apt to take off ense at such questioning about class status. Th is diff erence in attitude toward class status is also illustrated by diff erences in the familiarity of address. Some Americans are quick to use fi rst names. Th is practice is off ensive to people from some other cultures, notably the English and the Germans, who expect such intimate address only from long-standing acquaintances.
10 Iris Varner and Linda Beamer, Intercultural Communication in the Global Workplace, 5th ed. (New York: McGraw-Hill/ Irwin, 2011) 101–102, print.
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 33
An extremely infl uential model of cross-cultural differ- ences comes from U.S. anthropologist Edward T. Hall. With Beyond Culture (1976), as well as two earlier books ( The Silent Language [1959], about perceptions of space and time, and The Hidden Dimension [1966], focusing on the use of space), Hall essentially launched the fi eld of cross-cultural communication. His most lasting contribu- tion to this fi eld has been his dividing of the cultures of the world into low- and high-context communicators. Low-context communicators, in Hall’s model, tend to express themselves in concrete, direct, and explicit ways. The gist of the message and everything one needs in order to interpret it are all there in the message. American, Ger- man, Scandinavian, Swiss, and Finnish people tend to fall into this category. They use and value a straightforward communication style. High-context communicators use a more multimodal style. Rather than putting everything they mean into words, they use eye movements, body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal elements to give interpre- tational cues. Though they communicate implicitly, they
expect you to be able to interpret their points by draw- ing on your knowledge of their cultural context. French, Japanese, Indian, Irish, British, and Arabic people tend to be high-context communicators—though of course their contexts can differ dramatically. Lately Hall’s model has come under fi re for being un- supported by formal research. In an extensive review of the topic, Peter Cardon has shown that Hall’s generaliza- tions arose from unsystematic observation and have often been contradicted. On the other hand, Cardon’s study also shows that Hall’s theory about low and high contexts is the most cited theory in cross-cultural communication. The fact that so many researchers, teachers, and consul- tants have found it useful suggests that, despite its fl aws, the model has a certain tried-and-true appeal. So put it into your cross-cultural communication tool box—and apply it with caution.
SOURCE: Peter W. Cardon, “A Critique of Hall’s Contexting Model: A Meta-Analysis of Literature on Intercultural Business and Technical Communication,” Journal of Business and Technical Communication 22.4 (2008): 399–428, print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
High-Context versus Low-Context Cultures: Edward T. Hall
Greetings vary among cultures, as do many other behaviors. Consult authoritative resources, including those with international experience, to learn the preferred ways of interacting in different cultures—and take a cue from your communication partner as well.
Similarly, how people view superior–subordinate relations can vary by culture. Hof- stede calls this dimension power distance. (See the following Communication Matters box.) Th e dominant arrangement in Latin America, for example, is a strong boss with weak subordinates doing as the boss directs. In other words, these cultures tend to exhibit “high power distance.” In contrast, Israel, New Zealand, and Denmark have “low power
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34 PART 1 Introduction
distance,” which means that authority is widely shared and decisions are oft en made by consensus. Th e U.S. falls somewhere in between. 11 Th ese widely diff ering practices have led to major communication problems in joint business ventures involving people from these cultures.
Th e role of women varies widely by culture. In North America, we continue to move toward the generally shared goal of gender equality. In some Islamic cultures or subcul- tures, the allowable behaviors for women are very restricted. To many in our culture, the practices of the people of these other cultures violate basic human rights. In the view of the people of these cultures, their practices are in accord with their heritage and religious convictions. Th e increasing spread of Western values has made such cultures more hospitable to businesswomen, but they may still encounter serious barriers.
Workplace Values. Also diff ering by culture are our values regarding work. Americans, for example, have been steeped in the Protestant work ethic. It is the belief that if one puts hard work ahead of pleasure, success will follow. Th e product of this
11 “Power Distance Index,” ClearlyCultural, ClearlyCulural.com, n.d., Web, 2 May 2012.
Between 1967 and 1973, Dutch sociologist Geert Hof- stede collected 116,000 questionnaires about business practices and attitudes from IBM employees in over 50 countries. The result was the hugely infl uential Culture’s Consequences (1980), one of the most cited works on cross-cultural communication. The book identifi ed four dimensions of culture, to which a fi fth was later added. These have become mainstays in the fi eld of international business. Here they are briefl y explained:
• Power distance. To what extent do the less powerful members of a culture or organization expect that power will be distributed unevenly? If this is a normal expectation, it means that the company or culture exhibits “high power distance” and values hierarchy and obedience. If not, the company or culture has “low power distance.”
• Individualism vs. collectivism. An individualistic culture is one in which people are expected to look after themselves and their families, while a collectivist culture promotes strong identifi cation with social groups.
• Masculinity vs. femininity. At the feminine end of the spectrum is a “modest, caring” attitude, while at the masculine end is assertiveness and competitiveness.
• Uncertainty avoidance. This label refers to the extent to which “a culture programs its members to feel either uncomfortable or comfortable in unstructured situations.” Uncertainty-avoiding cultures try to
prevent such situations with strict rules and core values. Uncertainty-accepting cultures tend to be more relaxed, more tolerant of differences, and less rule-bound.
• Long-term vs. short-term orientation. This dimension was found in a study conducted by Chinese researchers. People with a long-term orientation are oriented toward the future. They value persistence and thrift. Those with a short-term orientation value the past and present—respecting traditions, fulfi lling social obligations, and saving face in social situations.
It is tempting to see whole cultures as falling at one end or the other on these dimensions. But as with other models, one must use this one only as a rough, preliminary guide. As one business executive puts it, “In my own practice, I look upon Hofstede’s data as would an airplane passenger looking down upon mountain ranges. . . . These represent country cultures. Smaller ranges represent subcultures within countries. But to understand individuals, you have to land at the nearest airport and meet them at the ground level, taking into account their unique qualities.”
SOURCES: Geert Hofstede and Jean-Claude Usunier, “Hoftstede’s Dimensions of Culture and Their Infl uence on International Business Negotiations,” 1989, International Business Negotiations , ed. Pervez N. Ghauri and Jean-Claude Usunier, 2nd ed. (Amsterdam: Pergamon, 2003) 137–153, print; John W. Bing, “Hofstede’s Consequences: The Impact of His Work on Consulting and Business Practices,” Academy of Management Executive 2004 (18.1): 80–87, print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Five Dimensions of Culture: Geert Hofstede
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 35
thinking is an emphasis on planning, working effi ciently, and maximizing production. Of course, not all of us subscribe to this ethic, but it is a strong force in our culture. Th e prevailing view in some other cultures is quite diff erent. In Spain, for example, business is more relaxed because of the emphasis placed on interpersonal relationships and the view that planning can be futile. 12
Views about the relationships of employers and employees also may diff er by cul- ture. North American workers expect to move freely from job to job, and they expect employers to hire and fi re as their needs change. Expectations are quite diff erent in some other cultures. In Japan, for example, employment tends to be for a lifetime. Th e company is viewed much like a family, with loyalty expected from employees and em- ployer. Such diff erences have caused misunderstandings in American–Japanese joint ventures.
Expression of Emotions. From culture to culture, norms for personal expres- sion diff er. To illustrate, some Asian cultures strongly frown upon public displays of aff ection—in fact, they consider them crude and off ensive. Westerners, on the other hand, accept at least a moderate display of aff ection. To Westerners, laughter is a spon- taneous display of pleasure, but in some cultures (Japanese, for one), laughter also can be a controlled behavior—to be used in certain social situations. Even such emotional displays as sorrow are infl uenced by culture. In some Middle Eastern cultures, sor- row is expressed with loud wailing. In similar situations, Westerners typically respond with more controlled emotions, which could be seen as cold and uncaring by Middle Easterners.
A whole culture can tend one way or another regarding the show of emotion. For exam- ple, people of the Mediterranean cultures oft en speak with passion and animation, while Northern Europeans lean toward a more subdued style. Without an understanding of this diff erence, the fi rst group might see the second as uninterested and lacking in friendliness. Th e second may see the fi rst as excitable, emotional, and perhaps even unstable.
12 “Business Culture in Spain,” WorldBusinessCulture, Global Business Culture, 2012, Web, 5 May 2012.
British linguist Richard D. Lewis, founder of a highly suc- cessful cross-cultural communication consulting fi rm, has developed a three-part model for categorizing the world’s many cultures. He believes they can be generally de- scribed as linear-active, multi-active, or reactive. Linear-actives are those who tend to follow a linear path toward a desired goal. They “plan, schedule, organize, pursue action chains, do one thing at a time.” Lewis cites the Germans and Swiss as exemplars of this group. Multi-actives are those who have several things going at the same time—and not all of them overtly business related. According to Lewis, they are “lively, loquacious people who do many things at once, planning their priori- ties not according to a time schedule but according to the relative thrill or importance that each appointment brings
with it.” He puts Italians, Latin Americans, and Arabs in this group. Then there are the reactives —those who listen and ponder carefully and move with caution. In Lewis’s words, they “prioritize courtesy and respect, listening quietly and calmly to their interlocutors and reacting carefully to the other side’s proposals.” The Chinese, Japanese, and Finns would be in this group. Knowing which style your communication partner prefers can help you adjust your expectations and com- munication style accordingly. But as with all categorizing schemes, use this one only as a general guide, paying careful attention to the actual situation you’re in.
SOURCE: Richard D. Lewis, When Cultures Collide: Leading Across Cultures , 3rd ed. (Boston: Nicholas Brealey International, 2006), print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Linear-actives, Multi-actives, and Reactives: Richard D. Lewis
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36 PART 1 Introduction
Many more such diff erences exist. Some cultures combine business and social pleasure; others do not. Some expect to engage in aggressive bargaining in business transactions; others prefer straightforward dealings. Some talk loudly and with emotion; others communicate orally in a subdued manner. Some communicate with emphasis on economy of expression; others communicate with an abundance of verbiage.
Th ere are countless diff erences between cultures. But it is not necessary that you know them all. What is important is that you recognize their existence, respect them, and study them when necessary. Only then can you adapt your communication style accordingly.
Eff ects on Business Communication Because cultural diff erences will aff ect communication between people of diff erent cultures, the communication advice presented in the remaining chapters of this book should be modifi ed to fi t the cultures involved.
Keep in mind that this book was written largely for U.S. readers. Much of what we say may not apply to other cultures. People in Asian cultures, for example, generally favor a somewhat indirect approach for messages we would treat directly. Th ey begin with an identifi cation of context—that is, a description of the situation the message concerns. Th ey use what appears to us as exaggerated politeness and slowness in mov- ing to the point. In fact, some of our direct messages would be regarded as rude by people in these cultures. 13
Even the British, whose culture we think of as resembling our own, have communi- cation practices that diff er from ours. Th ey especially diff er in the treatment of negative situations. Th ey prefer an approach that we would regard as blunt and calloused. Th ey would regard our goodwill strategies as insincere and evasive.
Online communication is also aff ected by culture. In one study, social networking preferences were found to line up with cultural diff erences. Th e U.S. users who were studied formed connections that were much broader and looser than those of their Chinese and South Korean counterparts, who cultivated online relationships more carefully and maintained them longer. 14 Another researcher found that Asians, fearful of overstepping their authority and reluctant to speak to strangers, can be hesitant to off er comments during online conversations. 15
To be eff ective in the contemporary workplace, you have no choice but to become a student of culture. Learn the cultures of those with whom you communicate, and don’t expect them to understand your culture, although many of them will. With eff ort and patience, you can develop cross-cultural competency and enjoy its many benefi ts.
PROBLEMS OF LANGUAGE Th e people on earth use more than 3,000 languages. Because few of us can learn more than one or two other languages well, problems of miscommunication are bound to occur in international communication.
Lack of Language Equivalency Unfortunately, wide diff erences among languages make precisely equivalent trans- lations diffi cult. One reason for such diff erences is that languages are based on the concepts, experiences, and views of the particular cultures that developed them. Th us,
LO5 Explain the language equivalency problem and techniques for minimizing its effects.
13 Richard M. Hodgetts, Fred Luthans, and Jonathan Doh, International Management: Culture, Strategy, and Behavior (New York: McGraw-Hill/Irwin, 2006) 190, print. 14 Sejung Mariana Choi, Shu-Chuan Chu, and Yoojung Kim, “Culture-Laden Social Engagement: A Comparative Study of Social Relationships in Social Networking Sites among American, Chinese and Korean Users,” Computer-Mediated Communication across Cultures, ed. Kirk St. Amant and Sigrid Kelsey, IGI Global, 2012, Web, 2 May 2012. 15 Kirk St. Amant, “Culture, Context, and Cyberspace: Rethinking Identity and Authority in the Age of the Global Internet,” Association for Business Communication Southeast Regional Conference, St. Petersburg, FL, Mar. 2012, conference presentation.
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 37
even a word that seems the same in two languages may have diff erent meanings. For example, we think of a fl orist as someone who sells fl owers and related items in a store. In some cultures, however, fl owers are sold by street vendors, mainly women and chil- dren. Obviously, our fl orist does not have a precise equivalent in the language of such cultures.
Sometimes a word in one language has no corresponding word in another. For ex- ample, supermarket has no equivalent in some languages. Th e French have no word to distinguish between house and home, mind and brain, and man and gentleman. Th e Spanish have no word to distinguish between a chairman and a president, while Italians have no word for wishful thinking. And Russians have no words for effi ciency, challenge, and having fun. However, Italians have nearly 500 words for types of pasta. And so it is with words for many other objects, actions, and concepts (for example, roundup, interview, strike, tough, monopoly, domestic, feminine, responsible, aloof ).
Another explanation for the lack of language equivalency is that there are grammati- cal and syntactic diff erences among languages. Some languages (Urdu, for example) have no gerunds, and some have no adverbs and/or adjectives. Not all languages deal with verb mood, voice, and tense in the same way. Th e obvious result is that even the best translators oft en cannot fi nd literal equivalents between languages.
Adding to these equivalency problems is the problem of multiple word meanings. Like English, other languages have more than one meaning for many words. Th ink, for example, of our numerous meanings for the simple word run (to move fast, to com- pete for offi ce, a score in baseball, a break in a stocking, a fading of colors, and many more). Th e Oxford English Dictionary uses over 15,000 words to defi ne what. Unless one knows a language well, it is diffi cult to know which of the meanings is intended.
Within a culture, certain manners of expression may be used in a way that their dic- tionary translations and grammatical structures do not explain. Th ose within the cul- ture understand these expressions; those outside may not. For example, we might say, “Business couldn’t be better,” meaning business is very good. One from another culture might understand the sentence to mean “Business is bad” (impossible to improve). Or we might say, “We could never be too nice to our customers,” meaning that try as we
Companies can make blunders in international business through their products, practices, and words. Here are some of those where words were the culprit.
• When Coca-Cola fi rst attempted to market its drink in China, the characters representing it sounded like Coca-Cola but translated to a wax-fl attened mare. Now the characters that represent it translate to happiness in the mouth.
• Olympia tried to introduce a copier in Chile under the name Roto, which is the Spanish word for broken.
• American Motor Company’s Matador translated into killer in Puerto Rico, clearly not a good name in a place with high traffi c fatality rates.
• Toyota’s MR2 did well in most countries, but in France it is often pronounced merde, meaning human waste.
• Ford encountered problems when it introduced a low-cost truck it named Fiera into Latin American countries. The name translates to ugly old woman.
• Bacardi developed and launched a fruity drink, calling it Pavian. In German it means baboon .
• When Nike attempted to place a graphic of fl ames on its shoes, it discovered that the illustration resembled the Arabic script meaning Allah, the word for God. The Council on American–Islamic Relations demanded an apology and withdrawal of the shoes from the market.
Selected from David A. Ricks, Blunders in International Business, 4th ed. (Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishing, 2006), print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Blundering with Words
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38 PART 1 Introduction
may, we couldn’t be overly nice. To one from another culture, the sentence might mean “We cannot be nice to our customers.” 16
Similarly, like-meaning words can be used in diff erent ways in diff erent cultures. One example is the simple word yes, a word that has an equivalent in all languages. “Th e Chinese yes, like the Japanese yes, can oft en be understood by Americans and British as their English yes. But the Chinese yes oft en means ‘I am listening.’ Or it may be un- derstood in English as the opposite. For example, when an American says to a Chinese counterpart, ‘I see you don’t agree with this clause,’ the Chinese will usually reply, ‘Yes’ meaning a polite agreement with the negative question: ‘Yes, you are right. I do not agree with the clause.’ ” 17
Overcoming such language problems is diffi cult. Th e best way, of course, is to know your partner’s language well, but the competence required is beyond the reach of many of us. Th us, your best course is fi rst to be aware that translation problems exist and then to ask questions—to probe—to determine what the other person understands. For very important messages, you might consider using a procedure called back translating . Th is procedure involves using two translators, one with fi rst-language skills in one of the languages involved and one with fi rst-language skills in the other language. Th e fi rst translator translates the message into his or her language, and the second transla- tor then translates the message back into the original. If the translations are good, the second translation matches the original.
Diffi culties with English English is the primary language of international business. Th is is not to say that other languages are not used. When business executives from diff erent countries have a com- mon language, whatever it may be, they are likely to use it. For example, an executive from Iraq and an executive from Saudi Arabia would communicate with each other in Arabic, while an executive from Venezuela would use Spanish in dealing with an execu- tive from Mexico. However, when executives have no common language, they are likely to use English. Th e members of the European Free Trade Association conduct all their business in English. In the words of one international authority, “English has emerged as the lingua franca of world commerce in much the same way that Greek did in the ancient world of the West and Chinese did in the East.” 18
We must keep in mind, though, that English is not the primary language of many of those who use it. Since many of these users have had to learn English as a second language, they are likely to use it less fl uently than native speakers and to experience problems in understanding it. Some of their more troublesome problems are reviewed in the following pages.
Two-Word Verbs. One of the most diffi cult problems for nonnative speakers of English is the use of two-word verbs. By two-word verbs we mean a wording consist- ing of (1) a verb and (2) a second element that, combined with the verb, produces a meaning that the verb alone does not have. For example, take the verb break and the word up . When combined, they have a meaning quite diff erent from the meanings the words have alone. And look how the meaning changes when the same verb is combined with other words: break away, break out, break in, break down. Figure 2–1 lists some of the more common words that combine with verbs.
Of course, nonnatives studying English learn some of these word combinations, but many of them are not covered in language textbooks or listed in dictionaries. For this reason, we should use these word combinations sparingly when communicating
17 Zhao 225. 18 Naoki Kameda, Business Communication toward Transnationalism: Th e Signifi cance of Cross-Cultural Business English and Its Role (Tokyo: Kindaibungeisha Co., 1996) 34, print.
16 Jensen J. Zhao, “Th e Chinese Approach to International Business Negotiation,” Journal of Business Communication 37 (2000): 225, print.
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 39
Verb Plus Away
give away
keep away
lay away
pass away
throw away
Verb Plus Back
cut back
feed back
keep back
play back
read back
take back
turn back
win back
Verb Plus Down
calm down
die down
hand down
keep down
let down
lie down
mark down
pin down
play down
put down
run down
shut down
sit down
wear down
Verb Plus In
cash in
cave in
close in
dig in
give in
run in
take in
throw in
Verb Plus Off
break off
brush off
buy off
check off
clear off
cool off
cut off
fi nish off
let off
mark off
pay off
run off
send off
slow off
shut off
sound off
start off
take off
write off
Verb Plus Out
blow out
clean out
crowd out
cut out
die out
dry out
even out
fi gure out
fi ll out
fi nd out
give out
hold out
lose out
pull out
rule out
tire out
wear out
work out
Verb Plus Over
check over
do over
hold over
pass over
put over
roll over
run over
stop over
take over
talk over
think over
win over
Verb Plus Up
blow up
build up
call up
catch up
cover up
dig up
end up
fi ll up
get up
hang up
hold up
keep up
look up
mix up
pick up
save up
shake up
shut up
slow up
wrap up
Verb Plus Miscellaneous Words
bring about
catch on
get across
pass on
put across
put forth
set forth
Figure 2–1
Some Two-Word Verbs That Confuse Nonnative Speakers
with nonnative speakers of English. Following are some two-word verbs and suggested substitutes:
Two-Word Verbs Suggested Substitutes
give up surrender
speed up, hurry up accelerate
go on, keep on continue
put off defer, delay
take off depart, remove
come down descend
go in, come in, get in enter
go out, come out, get out exit, leave
blow up explode
think up imagine
fi gure out solve
take out, take away remove
go back, get back, be back return
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40 PART 1 Introduction
Additional problems result from the fact that some two-word verbs have noun and adjective forms. Th ese also tend to confuse nonnatives using English. Examples of such nouns are breakthrough, cover-up, drive-in, and show-off . Examples of such adjectives are going-away (a going-away gift ), cover-up (cover-up tactics), cleanup (cleanup work), and turning-off (turning-off place). Fortunately, some nouns and adjectives of this kind are commonly used and appear in standard dictionaries (words such as hookup, feed- back, breakthrough, lookout, and takeover ). In writing to nonnative readers, you will need to use sparingly those that do not appear in standard dictionaries.
Slang and Colloquialisms. As the next chapter points out, slang and colloquial- isms can cause problems when your reader or listener is unfamiliar with them. Th e odds of this being the case are dramatically increased in cross-cultural communication.
For example, will non-U.S. communicators understand the expressions nerd, couch potato, control freak, 24/7, pumped, or basket case ? How about words derived from U.S. sports, such as kickoff , over the top, out in left fi eld, strike out, touch base, and get the ball rolling ? Such expressions are sometimes defi ned on English as a Second Language (ESL) websites but rarely in dictionaries. Th ey would be risky to use except with those very familiar with U.S. English. (See Figure 2-2 for more colloquialisms to avoid.)
In the United States we tend to use colloquial expressions oft en in our everyday communicating. Th ey are colorful, and they can communicate clearly to those who un- derstand them. But when you are communicating with nonnative English speakers, try to replace them with words that are clearly defi ned in the dictionaries that these people are likely to use in translating your message. Following are some examples:
Not This But This This is just off the top of my head.
He frequently shoots from the hip.
We would be up the creek without a paddle.
They couldn’t make heads or tails of the report.
The sales campaign was a fl op.
I’ll touch base with you on this problem in August.
I’ll share our research with the committee so they won’t have to start from scratch [or reinvent the wheel].
We will wind down manufacturing operations in November.
Your prediction was right on target.
Don’t let him get your goat.
Here’s a quick idea.
He frequently acts before he thinks.
We would be in a helpless situation.
They couldn’t understand the report.
The sales campaign was a failure.
I’ll talk with you again about this problem in August.
I’ll share our research with the committee to save them some work.
We will end manufacturing operations in November.
Your prediction was correct.
Don’t let him upset you.
head for home
seal the deal
grasp at straws
fl at-footed
on target
out to pasture
sitting duck
in the groove
nuts (crazy)
circle the wagons
shoot from the hip
over the top
on the same page
back to the drawing board
start at square one
a fl op (or bust)
up the creek without a paddle
a fi sh out of water
a chicken with its head cut off
in the ballpark
in a rut
priming the pump
make heads or tails of it
tearjerker
countdown
shortcut
educated guess
all ears
slower than molasses
break the ice
Figure 2–2
Examples of Colloquialisms to Avoid with Nonnative Speakers
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 41
ADVICE FOR COMMUNICATING ACROSS CULTURES As the preceding sections make clear, cross-cultural communication is fraught with po- tential barriers and misunderstandings. And even with the best eff ort on your part, not every act of cross-cultural communication will succeed. Like other kinds of communi- cation, cross-cultural communication involves people—and people are unpredictable. In every culture, some persons are uncooperative, deceitful, prejudiced, or insensitive, while others are respectful, welcoming, sincere, and harmony-seeking. You can only make sure that you are as prepared as possible. Keeping in mind the following advice will help.
Do Your Research Th is chapter cites many helpful resources on diff erent cultures and their communica- tion practices, and Figure 2–3 lists additional websites and books. Before any interna- tional business encounter, be sure you have done your homework. Learn something about the topography, climate, and location of your potential partners’ countries of origin. Learn something about their language—and learn to speak it if you can. Study descriptions of their history, their ways of life, their values, their manners, and even their food and recreation.
Besides doing library and online research, talk with people who have had experience with those in other cultures, and if they have writing samples, ask to see them. Take an intercultural business course or even a course designed for those preparing to do business in a specifi c country. Pursue opportunities to socialize or do teamwork with nonnatives in your own country. Th e more eff ort you make to reach out beyond your own world, the better your cross-cultural relations will be.
Know Yourself and Your Company As several books by international communication experts point out, a frequent mistake made by those preparing to do business abroad is that they focus all their research on people in the culture they’re about to engage with and forget to research themselves. Yet knowing yourself is a good way to anticipate and prevent likely frustations. For example, if you know you tend to be a “low-context,” “low power distance,” “individu- alistic,” “masculine,” “long-term goals” kind of person, you will be less caught off guard by people at the opposite ends of these spectrums. You can remind yourself to watch and listen carefully for visual and vocal cues, to be patient, to show respect and act with due dignity yourself, and so forth.
It is also very important to understand the business you represent. Is yours a rule- bound, procedure-governed operation or one that is more loose and trusting? Do you solve problems by leaving them to management, by hiring an expert, or by pooling everyone’s ideas? Does your company avoid mixing business with pleasure, do em- ployees socialize only with their peers, or does everyone in the company feel free to relax together? Does your company tend to take a straight, effi cient route to its goals or learn and adjust as it goes? Just as you will view your international business partner as representative of his or her company, so he or she will view you. Be sure you send accurate signals.
Be Aware—and Wary—of Stereotypes One of the most sensitive issues in cross-cultural communication is the extent to which generalizing about a culture perpetuates stereotypes. We have come to regard stereo- typing as negative, with good reason: Stereotyping can prejudice us and blind us to others’ true natures. But the reason stereotypes are powerful is that they are based to some degree on observable likenesses within groups of people. Th ey appeal because they are tempting mental shortcuts. But as the international business consultants at Canning point out, that is also their downside. Th ey “are fi xed and conventionalized”
LO6 Describe what one can do to enhance one’s cross-cultural communication skills.
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42 PART 1 Introduction
Websites:
www.state.gov . The U.S. government’s main diplomatic website. The “Countries and Regions” tab on the main menu bar gives you access to the site’s Backgound Notes. These provide extensive, frequently updated information on all countries with which the United States has relations. www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/ . Resources from the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency. The site “provides information on the history, people, government, economy, geography, communications, transportation, military, and transnational issues for 267 world entities.” http://trade.gov/index.asp . Website of the International Trade Administration, U.S. Department of Commerce, whose purpose is to promote international trade. Through the “Publications” tab on the main menu bar, you can access the agency’s latest publications, including its monthly newsletter, as well as previous articles and reports. www.export.gov/ . Website of the U.S. Commercial Service (under the International Trade Administration), offering assistance of all types on international trade. Of particular value are its Country Commercial Guides, regularly updated for each country (access these through “Find Opportunities” > “Market Research” > “Market Research Library”). www.sba.gov/aboutsba/sbaprograms/internationaltrade/ exportlibrary/index.html . Resources from the U.S. government for small businesses interested in doing international trade. www.oecd.org/home/0,3305,en_2649_201185_1_1_1_1_1,00 .html . Website for the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD)—originally the Organisation for European Economic Co-operation (OEEC)—an organization of 34 member countries that share their knowledge and resources on over 200 countries (click the “Countries” tab). www.uscib.org . Website of the United States Council for International Business, a nongovernmental organization. Can access recent issues of the USCIB’s journal International Business and news articles for free (must belong to a member company, law fi rm, or organization to access additional material). www.fi ta.org/index.html . Site of the Federation of International Trade Organizations, another nongovernmental organization promoting international trade. Has links to over 8,000 international trade-related websites on such topics as maps and geography, international business terms, trade law, and many more. (A good place to start is “Really Useful Links” in the “Tools of Trade” section of the left-hand main menu bar.) Some links lead to free resources; some are for paying members only. http://globaledge.msu.edu/ . Sponsored by Michigan State University in the United States. Can fi nd extensive resources by country and state, including not only geography, history, and vital statistics but also news, trade, and industry information. http://timeticker.com . Can fi nd out what time it is in any country or which countries are in any time zone.
www.NationMaster.com . A popular educational website started by an Australian statistics enthusiast. Offers maps, fl ags, and country profi les, but its greatest strength is statistics on many countries, which the site will graph for you. www.calliope.be/ . An online learning center for international communication at the University of Antwerp. Offers theory, exercises, and cases on intercultural communication in three languages: Dutch, English, and French. You can see what readers in these different cultures prefer to see in such documents as résumés, press releases, and persuasive messages. www.kwintessential.co.uk/etiquette/doing-business-in.html. Site of a UK consulting fi rm that offers free guides for doing business in 46 countries.
Selected Books:
Jag Bhalla, I’m Not Hanging Noodles on Your Ears and Other Intriguing Idioms from Around the World (Washington, DC: National Geographic, 2009). A compilation of colorful expressions in different languages.
Mary Murray Bosrock, Asian Business Customs & Manners: A Country-by-Country Guide (Minnetonka, MN: Meadowbrook, 2007). Other books in this popular series focus on Europe, United States, Mexico/Canada, Russia, and the Middle East.
Martin J. Gannon and Rajnandini Pillai, Understanding Global Cultures: Metaphorical Journeys Through 30 Nations, Clusters of Nations, Continents, and Diversity, 5th ed. (Los Angeles: Sage, 2013). An insightful, innovative approach that interprets cultures through their popular metaphors, such as “the Japanese garden” and “the Finnish sauna.”
Jeanette S. Martin and Lillian H. Chaney, Global Business Etiquette: A Guide to International Communication and Customs (Westport, CT: Praeger, 2012). Comprehensive guide to world business communication and behavior.
Terri Morrison and Wayne A. Conaway, Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands: How to Do Business in Sixty Countries , 2nd ed. (Avon, MA: Adams Media, 2006). An alphabetically arranged country- by-country guide describing the overall culture, behavioral styles, negotiating techniques, protocol, and business practices of each country.
Mustafa F. Ozbilgin and Ahu Tatli, Global Diversity Management: An Evidence-Based Approach (London: Palgrave Macmillan, 2008). Case studies and advice concerning many countries and issues.
Kirk St. Amant and Sigrid Kelsey, Computer-Mediated Communication across Cultures: International Interactions in Online Environments, IGI Global , 2012, Web, 5 May 2012.
Fons Trompenaars and Charles Hampden-Turner, Riding the Waves of Culture: Understanding Diversity in Global Business, 3rd ed. (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2012).
Figure 2–3
Additional Resources for Cross-Cultural Communication
and for that reason “suggest a failure to learn from experience.” Well-researched cultural stereotypes can be useful as basic models that you then adjust as you accumulate ad- ditional information. Th e generalizations can be a beginning point of reference, but you should quickly let them go when someone clearly doesn’t represent the general type. 19
19 Mattock 14–15.
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 43
Another reason it is important to be aware of stereotypes is that your prospective international business partners are likely to see you through the lens of a cultural ste- reotype. Th e more familiar you are with the way people from your culture or country are seen by those in another, the better prepared you will be to show them the ways in which you diff er from the stereotype.
Adapt Your English to Your Audience Th e nonnative English speakers you meet will vary widely in their skill. Some may speak better English than you do, while others may have only the barest grasp of the language. As we have suggested, erring on the side of simplicity is your best bet for clear communication. Write or talk simply and clearly. Talk slowly and enunciate each word. Remember that because most nonnative speakers learned English in school, they are acquainted mainly with primary dictionary meanings and are not likely to understand slang words or shades of diff erence in the meanings we give words. Th ey will under- stand you better if you avoid these pitfalls.
You also will communicate better if you carefully word your questions. Be sure your questions are not double questions (for example, avoid a question like “Do you want to go to dinner now or wait until aft er the rush hour is over?”). Also, avoid the yes/no ques- tion that some cultures may have diffi culty answering directly. Use more open-ended questions such as “When would you like to go to dinner?” And avoid negative questions such as “Aren’t you going to dinner?” If the respondent says “yes,” it could mean either “right, I am not going to dinner,” or “Yes, I’m going.”
Finally, try to confi rm that you understand and are being understood correctly. Even in Britain, whose culture is similar to ours in the United States, similar words can have vastly diff erent meanings. For example, we use a billion to mean 1,000,000,000 whereas the British use it to mean 1,000,000,000,000. If a British English speaker asks to table an item, an American English speaker will probably interpret that as a request to put it off , when the real request is to bring it to attention. 20 Continually checking for shared meaning can help ensure the accuracy of the communication process.
Be Open to Change International communication can be a broadening experience if you approach it with openness and tolerance. In addition to learning about new and better ways to do busi- ness, you can also grow personally and enlarge your world.
Is adapting to the practices of one’s international partners always feasible? No. You may fi nd that the culture of the company you represent will simply not mesh with those of some potential business partners. Is adapting to others’ practices always ethical? Here, too, the answer is no. For example, Jean-Claude Usunier lists several practices to avoid in international negotiations, including bribing, buying information, buying infl uence, giving misleading information, exploiting the other party’s ignorance, undermining the competition by buying out their people, and negotiating without intending to keep any promises. 21 Unfortunately, these practices are all fairly widespread, even though some have been made expressly illegal by such acts as the U.S. Foreign Corrupt Prac- tices Act. And other ethical problems—racism, sexism, homophobia, disregard for the environment, exploitation of labor, and so forth—may arise. If put in a situation where you must choose between making a deal or behaving ethically and legally, seek advice from others in your company. You are likely to be advised to do the ethical thing—not only because most businesspeople are honorable but also because, in the Internet age, news about scandalous company dealings travels fast, oft en with disastrous results.
20 Danielle Medina Walker, Th omas Walker, and Joerg Schmitz, Doing Business Internationally: Th e Guide to Cross- Cultural Success, 2nd ed. (New York: McGraw-Hill/Irwin, 2003) 211, print. 21 Jean-Claude Usunier, “Ethical Aspects of International Business Negotiations,” International Business Negotiations, ed. Pervez N. Ghauri and Jean-Claude Usunier, 2nd ed. (Amsterdam: Pergamon, 2003) 437–38, print.
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44 PART 1 Introduction
If approached patiently, humbly, and sincerely, forming international business rela- tions can be incredibly exciting. Be ready to make and acknowledge mistakes, and to forgive them in others. Mutual respect is key—perhaps the key—to successful cross- cultural communication.
THERE’S MORE . . . What time is it in Kyoto, Japan, when it’s 9 a.m. your time? Where can you fi nd an on- line dictionary for Italian? How should you dress when doing business in Chile? Scan the QR code in the margin with your smartphone or use your Web browser to fi nd out at www.mhhe.com/leskiar13e. Choose Chapter 2 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
1. Businesses are becoming increasingly global in their operations. • Being able to communicate across cultures is necessary in these operations. • Specifi cally, it helps in satisfying customers’ needs, gaining additional
business, getting along with co-workers, hiring good people, and avoiding misinterpretations.
2. When learning about a culture, start with the big picture . • Learn about the infl uence of topography, history, and religion on the culture. • Remember that businesspeople the world over share many of the same goals. • Learn about others’ cultures to avoid ethnocentrism and to enhance your cross-
cultural communication. 3. How people use body positions and body movements varies across cultures.
• How people walk, gesture, smile, and touch diff ers from culture to culture. • Understanding others’ body movements is important in cross-cultural
communication. 4. People in diff erent cultures diff er in their ways of relating to people.
• Specifi cally, they diff er in their practices and thinking concerning time, space, odors, frankness, social hierarchy, workplace values, and social behavior.
• We should not use our own culture’s practices as standards for interpreting and evaluating the practices of those from other cultures.
• Instead, we should try to understand other cultures and adapt our communication styles accordingly.
5. Language equivalency problems are another major cause of miscommunication in cross-cultural communication, but you can minimize them. • Some words in a language have no equivalent in other languages. • Languages can also diff er greatly in terms of grammar and syntax. • As in English, most words in other languages have multiple meanings. • As a result, accurate translation is diffi cult. • Th e best advice is to master the language of the nonnative English speakers with
whom you communicate. • Ask questions carefully to make sure you are understood. • Try to avoid two-word verbs and colloquial expressions. • Continually check the accuracy of the communication.
1 Explain why communicating clearly across cultures is important to business.
2 Describe three major factors that infl uence a country or region’s culture.
3 Describe cultural differences regarding body positions and movements and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
4 Describe the impact of culture on views and practices concerning human relations and use this knowledge effectively in communicating.
5 Explain the language equivalency problem and techniques for minimizing its effects.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
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CHAPTER 2 Communicating Across Cultures 45
6. Keep in mind the following advice about cross-cultural communication: • Do your research. • Know yourself and your company. • Be aware—and wary—of stereotypes. • Adapt your English to your audience. • Be open to change.
6 Describe what one can do to enhance one’s cross-cultural communication skills.
1 Put yourself in the shoes of the trainer described in this chapter’s Introductory Challenge. What might have been a better way to handle the situation? Explain why. LO4
2 What are the prevailing attitudes in our culture toward the following, and how can those attitudes aff ect our communication with nonnatives? Discuss. LO4 a. Negotiation methods b. Truth in advertising c. Company–worker loyalty d. Women’s appropriate roles in society e. Th e Protestant work ethic
3 Some of our message-writing techniques are said to be unacceptable to people from such cultures as those of Japan and England. Which techniques in particu- lar do you think would be most inappropriate in these cultures? Why? LO4
4 Th ink of English words (other than this chapter’s exam- ples) that probably do not have precise equivalents in some other culture. How would you attempt to explain each of these words to a person from that culture? LO5
5 Select a word with at least fi ve meanings. List those meanings and consider how you would communicate each of them to a nonnative. LO5
6 Is a conversational style appropriate in writing to non- native readers? Discuss. LO4, LO5
7 Select a country or region and analyze the likely impact of its topography, history, and religious background on its culture. LO2
8 Study a country’s culture and then infer its people’s likely attitudes toward American values and behaviors. LO3, LO4
9 If you were trying to persuade your boss to implement some kind of cross-cultural training in the company, what kind of evidence might help you make a convinc- ing case? LO1
10 On a recent trip to India, Mr. Yang, a prominent Chinese executive, dined with his client Himanshu Jain. Mr. Yang commented that the food was spicy, which Mr. Jain interpreted as an opportunity to discuss Indian cuisine. Aft er lengthy explanations, Mr. Yang commented again that the food was spicy.
What happened here? What barrier is likely getting in the way of clear communication? (Adapted from Danielle Medina Walker, Th omas Walker, and Joerg Schmitz, Doing Business Internationally: Th e Guide to Cross-Cultural Success [New York: McGraw-Hill, 2003] 237, print.) LO2, LO4
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
K E Y T E R M S
culture, 27
ethnocentrism, 29
monochronic, 31
polychronic, 32
low-context culture, 32
high-context culture, 32
power distance, 33
back translating, 38
two-word verbs, 38
stereotypes, 41
Instructions: Rewrite the following sentences for a nonnative English speaker. LO5
1 From newspapers or magazines, fi nd and bring to class 10 sentences containing words and expressions that a nonnative English speaker would not be likely to un- derstand. Rewrite the sentences for this reader. LO5
2 Interview a nonnative speaker of English about com- munication diff erences between cultures he or she has experienced. Report your fi ndings to the class in a 10-minute presentation. LO2, LO3, LO4
3 Research a non-English-speaking country on the Internet or in your library. Look for ways in which the culture of
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
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46 PART 1 Introduction
this country might infl uence the way its citizens do busi- ness. Report your work to the class in a short presenta- tion. LO2, LO6
4 Research diff erences in business etiquette between your country and another one. Report your fi ndings to the class. LO2, LO4, LO6
5 Rewrite the following sentences to accommodate a nonnative English speaker. LO5 a. Last year our laboratory made a breakthrough in
design that really made our sales skyrocket. b. You will need to pin down Mr. Wang to get him to
tighten up expenses. c. Recent losses have us on the ropes now, but we ex-
pect to get out of the hole by the end of the year.
d. We will kick off the advertising campaign in Febru- ary, and in April we will bring out the new products.
e. Maryellen gave us a ballpark fi gure on the project, but I think she is ready to back down from her estimate.
f. We will pull the plug on any of our products that are fl atlining.
g. Mr. Maghrabi managed to straighten up and be- come our star salesperson.
h. Now that we have cut back on our telemarketing, we will have to build up our radio advertising.
i. If you want to improve sales, you should stay with your prospects until you win them over.
j. We should be able to haul in a savings of 8 or 10 grand.
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PART TWO
With a net worth of around $44 billion, War-
ren Buff ett is ranked by Forbes magazine as
the second-richest person in the world, after
Microsoft Cofounder and Chairman Bill
Gates. Buff ett made his fi rst stock purchase
at the age of 11 but sold before the stock
skyrocketed. Th is early lesson taught him to
study hard and carefully analyze potential in-
vestments. Th e result was the development
of one of the world’s largest holding compa-
nies, Berkshire Hathaway, Inc.
Although best known for his ability to
pick stocks, Buff ett was honored in 2006 by
the National Commission on Writing for
America’s Families, Schools, and Colleges for
writing Berkshire Hathaway’s annual report.
Buff ett writes, “One way or another, you have to project your ideas to other people.
Writing isn’t necessarily easy. . . . But you get better and better at it, and I encourage
everybody to do that.”
Warren E. Buffett, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, Inc.
Fundamentals of Business Writing
3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers
4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs
5 Writing for a Positive Effect
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will be able to adapt your language to specifi c readers and to select the most effective words for your communication purpose. To reach this goal, you should be able to
1 Explain the role of adaptation in selecting words that communicate.
2 Simplify writing by selecting familiar and short words.
3 Use slang and popular clichés with caution.
4 Use technical words and acronyms appropriately.
5 Use concrete, specifi c words with the right shades of meaning.
6 Avoid misusing similar words and use idioms correctly.
7 Use active verbs.
8 Use words that do not discriminate.
CHAPTER THREE
Adapting Your Words to Your Readers
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 49
THE IMPORTANCE OF ADAPTATION Clear writing begins with adapting your message to your specifi c readers. As Chapter 1 explains, readers occupy particular organizational, professional, and personal contexts. Th ey do not all have the same kind or level of vocabulary, knowledge, or values. And as Chapter 2 explains, some may be from cultures very diff erent from yours.
To choose words that communicate clearly and with the appropriate tone, you should learn everything possible about those with whom you wish to communicate. Th en you should word your message so that it is easy for them to understand and respond to favorably. Tailoring your message to your readers is not only strategically necessary; it is also a sign of consideration for their time and energy. Everyone benefi ts when messages are clear and appropriate to the correspondents’ situation.
Adaptation Illustrated Th e following paragraphs from two company annual reports illustrate the basic prin- ciple of adaptation . Th e fi rst was written in such a way that investors without a back- ground in fi nance could understand it.
Last year your company’s total sales were $117,400,000, which was slightly higher than the $109,800,000 total for the year before. After deducting for all expenses, we had $4,593,000 left over for profi ts, compared with $2,830,000 for 2011. Because of these increased profi ts, we were able to increase your annual dividend payments per share from the 50 cents paid over the last 10 years.
Th e second paragraph was adapted to those with fi nancial expertise: stockbrokers, fi nancial managers, fi nancial analysts, and bankers.
The corporation’s investments and advances in three unconsolidated subsidiaries (all in the development stage) and in 50 percent-owned companies was $42,200,000 on December 31, 2012, and the excess of the investments in certain companies over net asset value at dates of acquisition was $1,760,000. The corporation’s equity in the net assets as of December 31, 2012, was $41,800,000 and in the results of operations for the years ended December 31, 2011 and 2012, was $1,350,000 and
LO1 Explain the role of adaptation in selecting words that communicate.
To consider the importance of choosing words carefully in your business communication, put yourself in this hypo- thetical scenario. You’re fulfi lling your business school’s co-op requirement by working in the offi ce of a large uni- form and career apparel company. Your supervisor tells you that she thinks the company’s correspondence with customers seems somewhat stiff and outdated, and she asks if you’ll draft a “thank you for your business” form let- ter for new clients that will “make us sound contemporary but still professional.” “Sure,” you say. You sit at your computer and dash off this fi rst draft:
Dear [new customer], You are welcomed as a new customer and thanked for your business.
It will be seen that we have a lot of wonderful products that have gained us notoriety in our industry. Plus, our CRM is second to none. If you ever have a complaint, our customer-service girls will take care of it ASAP. We are anxious to serve you further and look forward to a harmonious and mutually profi table collaborative experience.
As you read over what you’ve written, you’re not very pleased. The more you look at the letter, the more you realize that it’s not likely to be effective. This chapter will help you understand how to choose your words more wisely.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Choosing the Best Words for Your Message
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50 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
$887,500, respectively. Dividend income was $750,000 and $388,000 for the years 2011 and 2012, respectively.
Which writer was right? Perhaps both. Perhaps neither. Th e answer depends on what the stockholders of each company were really like. Both examples illustrate the technique of adaptation. Th ey use diff erent words for diff erent audiences, which is one of the most powerful communication strategies.
Adapting to Multiple Readers Adapting your message to one reader requires considerable care, but what if, as oft en happens, you need to address your message to several diff erent readers? What if your readers vary widely in terms of their education, knowledge of the subject, and reasons for reading? How can you write your message in such a way that you communicate to everyone? Th e solution is to write in such a way that your diff erent readers can fi nd and understand the parts of your message that are of value to them.
For example, assume that you are the assistant director of marketing for a telecom- munications company, and you need to report some complex marketing data to your boss, to the sales manager, and to the president of the company. How might you design your report so that all three, with their diff ering levels of familiarity with market re- search techniques, could understand it?
For the sales manager and the president, the nonexperts, you will need to defi ne any specialized vocabulary you use. You will also spell out the implications of your fi ndings for them. For example, the sales manager in our example will need to know what your fi ndings mean for the sales staff , while the president will want to under- stand how your fi ndings could enhance the fi nancial health of the company.
Accommodating the nonexperts need not bore the expert readers. Th ey oft en can benefi t from seeing the bigger picture themselves, and they usually are not bothered when defi nitions and explanations are provided. But it is oft en helpful to provide clearly worded headings in your message so that readers looking for diff erent things can fi nd those parts, read them carefully, and then skim or skip the rest.
As with every other element of your messages, your choice of words needs to be guided by your audience and purpose. Th at is the main “rule” for eff ective word- ing. Th e advice that follows should always be considered in light of this overarching principle.
Like good signage that the public can understand, your writing should be adapted to the skills and interests of your readers .
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 51
SUGGESTIONS FOR SELECTING WORDS Th e recommendations in this section will help you make you writing clear, interesting, correct, and eff ective.
Use Familiar Words To communicate clearly, you must use words that your readers are familiar with. Because words that are familiar to some people may be unfamiliar to others, you will need to decide which ones your readers will understand.
In general, using familiar words means using the language that most of us use in everyday conversation. Th e U.S. government calls this kind of wording plain language and defi nes it as “communication your audience can understand the fi rst time they read or hear it.”1 To write clearly, avoid the stiff , more diffi cult words that do not com- municate so precisely or quickly. For example, instead of using the less common word endeavor, use try. Prefer do to perform, begin to initiate, fi nd out to ascertain, stop to discontinue, and show to demonstrate.
Th e suggestion to use familiar words does not rule out some use of more diffi cult words. You should use them whenever their meanings fi t your purpose best and your readers understand them clearly. Th e mistake that many of us make is to overwork the more diffi cult words. We use them so much that they interfere with our communica- tion. A good suggestion is to use the simplest words that carry the meaning without off ending the readers’ intelligence. Oft en this means using the words you would use in face-to-face communication with your readers.
Th e following contrasting examples illustrate the communication advantages of familiar words. As you read the examples, consider what it would be like to read an entire message or report written in these styles.
Unfamiliar Words Familiar Words
This machine has a tendency to develop excessive and unpleasant audio symptoms when operating at elevated temperatures.
This machine tends to get noisy when it runs hot.
Purchase of a new fl eet is not actionable at this juncture.
Buying new trucks is not practical now.
We must leverage our core competencies to maximize our competitiveness.
Relying on what we do best will make us the most competitive.
The most operative assembly-line confi guration is a unidirectional fl ow.
The most effi cient assembly-line design is a one-way fl ow.
The conclusion ascertained from a perusal of pertinent data is that a lucrative market exists for the product.
The data studied show that the product is in high demand.
Company operations for the preceding accounting period terminated with a defi cit.
The company lost money last year.
A great resource for business writers—and a great model of the advice it gives— is the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission’s A Plain English Handbook: How to Create Clear SEC Disclosure Documents (available at www.sec.gov/pdf/ handbook.pdf ).
Here’s what the handbook says about using familiar words:
Surround complex ideas with short, common words. For example, use end instead of terminate, explain rather than elucidate, and use instead of utilize. When a shorter, simpler synomym exists, use it.
LO2 Simplify writing by selecting familiar and short words.
1 “What Is Plain Language?,” PlainLanguage.gov, Plain Language Action and Information Network (PLAIN), n.d., Web, 20 May 2012.
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52 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Prefer Short Words According to studies of readability, short words generally communicate better than long words. Of course, part of the explanation is that short words tend to be familiar words. But there is another explanation: A heavy use of long words—even long words that are understood—leaves an impression of diffi culty that hinders communication.
Of course, not all short words are easy, and not all long words are hard. Many excep- tions exist. Not everyone knows such one-syllable words as gybe, verd , and id , whereas even children know such long words as hippopotamus, automobile, and bicycle. On the whole, however, word length and word diffi culty are related. Th us, you should rely mostly on short words and use long ones with caution.
Th is point is illustrated by the following examples. Notice how much easier to understand the short-word versions are.
Long Words Short Words
The proposed enhancement is under consideration .
We are considering your suggestion .
They acceded to the proposition to undertake a collaborative venture .
They agreed to work with us.
Prior to accelerating productive operation , the supervisor inspected the machinery.
Before speeding up production, the supervisor inspected the machinery.
The unanimity of current forecasts is not incontrovertible evidence of an impending business acceleration.
Agreement of the forecasts is not proof that business will improve.
This antiquated merchandising strategy is ineffectual in contemporary business operations.
This old sales strategy will not work with today’s customers.
Blogger and writing expert Mary Cullen surveyed a wide range of clients from various industries to ask them “which overused phrases they would like to see banished.” Here are their top replies:
1. At the end of the day
2. 30,000-foot view
3. Give 110%
4. Think outside of the box
5. FYI
6. 800-pound gorilla
7. Throw under the bus
8. My bad
9. Rightsizing
10. Reaching out
11. Low-hanging fruit
12. Paradigm shift
13. Take it offl ine
14. At this point in time
15. Synergy
16. Action item
Cullen adds one more that particularly bothers her: “Going forward.” “Where else would we go?” she asks. “Backward?”
SOURCE: “Top 25 Jargon and Gobbledygook Phrases 2011,” Instructional Solutions, www.instructionalsolutions.com , 2012, Web, 20 May 2012. From Instructional Solutions, www.instructionalsolutions.com. Reprinted with permission.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
The Most Annoying Business Clichés
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 53
Use Slang and Popular Clichés with Caution At any given time in any society, some slang words and clichés are in vogue. In the United States, for example, you might currently hear “for real” (or, “for real?”), “no worries,” and “sweet,” while other such expressions—“no way,” “get out,” and “bodacious”—now sound dated.
Business clichés come and go as well. “State of the art,” “cutting edge,” and “world class” have given way to “moving forward,” “thought leaders,” and “best practices.” More examples of today’s favored clichés are listed in the Communication Matters box on page 52.
It is true that business clichés can sometimes increase your credibility with other businesspeople and make you sound like “one of them.” Th ese expressions can also add color to your language and quickly convey a certain idea. But they can also work against you. As Harvard professor Marjorie Garber puts it, “Jargon marks the place where thinking has been.”2 Clichés catch on because they represent popular concepts, but with overuse, they begin to sound like a replacement for thinking. Plus, they run the risk of sounding out of date, and as Chapter 2 explains, they can create problems in cross-cultural communication.
Google “annoying clichés” and you will see that popular expressions can soon become unpopular. Use them sparingly and only in communication with people who will understand and appreciate them.
Use Technical Words and Acronyms Appropriately Every fi eld of business—accounting, information systems, fi nance, marketing, and management—has its technical language. Th is language can be so complex that in some cases specialized dictionaries are compiled. Such dictionaries exist for technology, law, fi nance, and other business specialties. Th ere are even dictionaries for subareas such as databases, ecommerce, and real estate.
As you work in your chosen fi eld, you will learn its technical words and acronyms. In time you will use these terms freely in communicating with people in your fi eld, and you should. Frequently, one such word will communicate a concept that would otherwise take dozens of words to describe. Moreover, specialized language can signal to other specialists that you are qualifi ed to communicate on their level.
However, problems can arise when you use technical terms with people outside your fi eld. Because these words are everyday words to you, you may forget that not everyone knows them. Th e result is miscommunication. You can avoid such miscommunication by using technical words only when you are sure your readers know them.
Examples of misuse of technical writing are easy to fi nd. To a worker in the Social Security Administration, the words covered employment commonly mean employ- ment covered by social security. To some outsiders, however, they could mean working under a roof. Annuity has a clear meaning to someone in insurance. A contract that guarantees an income for a specifi ed period would have more meaning to uninformed outsiders. Th ose in the investment fi eld will understand the comment that a company is too highly leveraged, but lay investors will need to have it explained that the company has too much debt.
Initials (including acronyms) should be used with caution, too. While some initials, such as IBM, are widely recognized, others, such as SEO (search-engine optimization) and CRM (customer relationship management), are not. If you have any doubt that your reader is familiar with the initials, the best practice is to spell out the words the fi rst time you use them and follow them with the initials. You may also need to go one step further and defi ne them.
LO3 Use slang and popular clichés with caution.
LO4 Use technical words and acronyms appropriately.
2 Quoted by Helen Sword, “Yes, Even Professors Can Write Stylishly,” Th e Wall Street Journal, Dow Jones & Company, Inc., 6 Apr. 2012, Web, 21 May 2012.
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54 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Your technical language may not be any of the ones mentioned here, but you will have one. You will need to be careful about using it when you write to people who do not understand it.
Use Precise Language Good business communicators use words that have sharp, clear meanings for their in- tended readers, as well as the right emotional tone. Choosing such words means being concrete, specifi c, and sensitive to shades of meaning.
Concrete is the opposite of abstract . While abstract words are vague, concrete words stand for things the reader can see, feel, taste, smell, or count.
Th e most concrete words are those that stand for things that exist in the real world, such as chair, desk, computer, Bill Gates, and the Empire State Building . Ab- stract nouns, on the other hand, cover broad, general meanings as in these examples: administration, negotiation, wealth, inconsistency, loyalty, compatibility, conservation, discrimination, incompetence, and communication . It is diffi cult to visualize what these words stand for.
Notice how much clearer the concrete words are in the following examples:
Abstract Concrete
A signifi cant loss A 53 percent loss
Good attendance record 100 percent attendance record
The leading company First among 3,212 companies
The majority 62 percent
In the near future By noon Thursday
Substantial amount $3,517,000
LO5 Use concrete, specifi c words with the right shades of meaning.
Before using slang in messages that might go to an inter- national audience, consider this lesson about how even a seemingly straightforward word can go wrong:
Some interesting problems can arise when attempts are made to reach what are thought to be single-minded markets supposedly speaking a common language. Spanish is probably the most vivid example of a language that, while it has many commonalities throughout its use in different places, also contains certain words that have marked variations in meaning. As a result, the message that’s meant to be conveyed isn’t necessarily the message that’s received.
To illustrate, according to Philip Cateora in his book International Marketing , the word ball translates in Spanish as bola. Bola means ball in several countries and a lie or fabrication in several others, while in yet another, it’s a vulgar obscenity. Tropicana brand orange juice, he writes, was advertised as Jugo de China in Puerto Rico, but when marketed to the Cuban population of Miami, Florida, it failed to make a dent in the market. To the Puerto Rican, China translated into orange, but none of the Cubans in Miami were interested in buying what they perceived to be Chinese juice.
SOURCE: Michael White, A Short Course in International Marketing Blunders (Novato, CA: World Trade Press, 2002) 10–11, Ebrary Online Books, University of Cincinnati, Web, 20 May 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Lost in Translation
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 55
Today, word processors will help writers with grammar and style as well as with spelling. By default, Microsoft Word checks spelling and grammar automatically, using red and green underlines to distinguish between them. But you can tell Word which grammatical issues to look for. In Word 2010, go to File > Options > Proofi ng and then click the Settings button, highlighted below. That will open an extensive list of options in the Grammar Settings box. Word will look for whatever options you check.
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Grammar and Style Checkers Help Writers with Word Selection
Although grammar and style checkers are not as accu- rate as spelling checkers, they will identify words, phrases, and sentences that could be improved. In fact, they often suggest a way to fi x the problem and provide an explana- tion of correct usage. In the example shown here, the writer told Word to look for instances of passive voice. Then, when she had written the fi rst part of a document, she clicked Review > Spelling and Grammar to have Word check it. The review identifi ed an instance of passive voice. To see how to correct it, she clicked the “Explain . . .” button, and an explanation ap- peared. Now she will need to decide if she wants to keep the sentence as is or change it to active voice. If you use your word processor to help you identify po- tential problems, just remember that no computer applica- tion can tell you if your wording is appropriate; only you can determine that.
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56 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Concrete, specifi c wording can make a dramatic diff erence in longer passages. Try to understand this paragraph written in abstract language:
It is imperative that the fi rm practice extreme conservatism in operating expendi- tures during the coming biennium. The fi rm’s past operating performance has been ineffectual for the reason that a preponderance of administrative assignments has been delegated to personnel who were ill equipped to perform in these capacities. Recently instituted administrative changes stressing experience in operating econo- mies have rectifi ed this condition.
Written for concreteness and specifi city, this message might read as follows:
We must reduce operating expenses at least $2 million during 2013–14. Our $1,350,000 defi cit for 2012-13 was caused by poor investment decisions autho- rized by Mr. Sartan and Mr. Ross. We have hired Ms. Janice Pharr, a CPA with over 25 years of managerial experience, to restructure the fi nance department and estab- lish better investment guidelines.
As you can see, concrete, specifi c wording is not only easier to understand; it is also more informative and interesting.
But being specifi c isn’t your only concern. You also need to elicit the right emo- tional response from your reader. Good writers possess a sensitivity to words’ shades of meaning. Some words are forceful and some timid; some are positive and some nega- tive; some are formal and some informal. Any given word can occupy a place on many diff erent scales of tone and meaning. To achieve your communcation goals, you need to choose the words that will achieve the desired eff ect with your intended readers.
Consider the diff erences among tycoon, industry giant, successful entrepreneur, and prominent business executive . All four terms indicate a person who has acquired wealth and power in business, but you would use these terms in diff erent circum- stances. For example, tycoon calls to mind the robber barons of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, whereas prominent business executive suggests a less fl ashy, less greedy person who has achieved success within the context of a corporation. Simi- larly, fi red, dismissed, downsized, separated, terminated, and discharged refer to the same action but have diff erent shades of meaning. So it is with each of the following groups of words:
sell, market, advertise, promote
money, funds, cash, fi nances
improve, enhance, fi x, correct
concern, issue, problem, incident
secretary, administrative assistant, support staff, coordinator
Th ough the words in each list share the same denotation (basic meaning), they vary widely in their connotations (their social and emotional associations). Being attentive to what diff erent words imply will make you a more skillful and eff ective writer.
Select Words for Appropriate Usage Certain pairs of words in our language can cause trouble for writers. For example, do you know the diff erence between fewer and less? Fewer is used with items that can be
LO6 Avoid misusing similar words and use idioms correctly.
Closely related to being concrete is being specifi c . Even if you are talking about something intangible, you can still make your wording as precise as possible. Th ese examples show what we mean:
Vague
We have a great company.
Our batteries are better.
Please respond soon.
Specifi c
We’ve been voted one of the Business Courier’s “Best Places to Work” for the last fi ve years.
Our batteries cost less and last longer.
Will you let me know by June 1?
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 57
counted (e.g., customers), while less is used to refer to an overall quantity of something that can’t be counted (e.g., traffi c) . Aff ect and eff ect are oft en used as synonyms. But aff ect is a verb meaning “to infl uence,” whereas eff ect is most oft en used as a noun that means “a result” of something (in its verb form, eff ect means “to bring about”). Similarly, care- ful writers use continual to mean “repeated regularly and frequently” and continuous to mean “repeated without interruption.” Th ey write farther to express geographic distance and further to indicate “more, in addition.”
You’ll fi nd more examples of oft en misused words in the “Wrong Word” section of Chapter 18. Watch out for these, as well as for diff erent words that sound alike or nearly alike. Here are some common examples:
Incorrect
The company needs to improve it’s website.
The company needs to improve its’ website.
After we choose the winner, we celebrated.
They’re isn’t any reason to delay.
The employees have received they’re bonus checks.
Their not going to be happy.
Please give me your advise.
Correct
The company needs to improve its website.
It’s time for the company to improve its website.
After we chose the winner, we celebrated.
There isn’t any reason to delay.
The employees have received their bonus checks.
They’re not going to be happy.
Please give me your advice . Please advise me on this matter.
In your eff ort to be a skillful writer, you should also use idioms correctly. Idioms are word combinations that have become standard in a language. Many of these seem arbi- trary, but to avoid unclear or distracting writing, you need to use the word combinations that people expect. For example, there is really no logic behind using the word up in the sentence “Look up her name in the directory,” but leaving it out would make the sentence nonsensical. Other idiomatic errors just sound bad. “Independent of” is good idiomatic usage; “independent from” is not. Similarly, you “agree to” a proposal, but you “agree with” a person. You are “careful about” a sensitive situation, but you are “careful with” your money. Here are some additional illustrations:
Faulty Idiom Correct Idiom authority about authority on comply to comply with different than different from enamored with enamored of equally as bad equally bad in accordance to in accordance with in search for in search of listen at listen to seldom or ever seldom if ever based off of based on
As you can see, some word choices are unwise, some are awkward, and some are just plain wrong. If you are unsure which word you need or would have the best eff ect, consult a dictionary.
Prefer Active Verbs Of all parts of speech, verbs do the most to make your writing interesting and lively, and for good reason: Th ey contain the action of the sentence.
But not all verbs add vigor to your writing. Overuse of the verb “to be” and pas- sive voice can sap the energy from your sentences. To see the diff erence between
LO7 Use active verbs.
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58 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
writing that relies heavily on forms of “to be” and writing that uses active verbs, compare the following two passages (the forms of “to be” and their replacements are italicized):
There are over 300 customers served by our help desk each day. The help desk personnel’s main tasks are to answer questions, solve problems, and educate the callers about the software. Without their expert work, our customer satisfaction rat- ings would be much lower than they are.
Our help desk personnel serve over 300 customers each day. They answer ques- tions, solve problems, and educate the users about the software. Without their ex- pert work, our customer satisfaction ratings would drop signifi cantly.
As these examples show, using active verbs adds impact to your writing, and it usually saves words as well.
In addition to minimizing your use of “to be” verbs, you can make your verbs more active by using what grammarians refer to as active voice . A sentence with a verb that can take a direct object (the recipient of the action) can be written either in a direct (active) pattern or an indirect (passive) pattern. For example, the sentence “the auditor inspected the books’’ is in active voice. In passive voice, the sentence would read: “Th e books were inspected by the auditor.” For further support of the advantages of active over passive voice, compare the following sentences:
Passive Active The results were reported in our July 9 letter. We reported the results in our July 9 letter. This policy has been supported by our union. Our union supported this policy. The new process is believed to be superior by the investigators.
The investigators believe that the new process is superior.
The policy was enforced by the committee. The committee enforced the policy. The offi ce will be inspected by Mr. Hall. Mr. Hall will inspect the offi ce. It is desired by the director that this problem be brought before the board.
The director wants the secretary to bring this problem before the board.
A complete reorganization of the administration was effected by the president.
The president completely reorganized the administration.
Nonnative speakers have particular trouble with idiomatic expressions in foreign languages. Consider the English verbal phrase “put up with.” If you’re a native English speaker, it makes clear sense to you—but imagine how nonsensical it might sound to a nonnative speaker hearing or reading it for the fi rst time. On the other hand, choosing the appropriate preposi- tion to describe going “to” a certain place can be chal- lenging for a nonnative French speaker. The preposition changes depending on whether you are using it with the name of a city or island (“á Paris”), with the femi- nine name of a country (“au Japon” [Japan]), with the
masculine name of a country (“en Belgique” [Belgium]), with the name of a continent (“en Amerique du Sud [South America]”), with the masculine name of a state or region (“dans le Nevada”), or with the feminine name of a state or region (“en Californie” [California])! When communicating with an inexperienced user of your language, try to keep idiomatic expressions to a minimum and to be tolerant of errors in idiom that he or she may make. And when attempting to use the language of another culture, be careful to check your wording against a good phrase dictionary or some other expert source.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
The Trouble with Idioms
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 59
Th e suggestion that active voice be preferred does not mean passive voice is incor- rect or you should never use it. Sometimes passive voice is preferable.
For example, when the doer of the action is unimportant to the message, passive voice properly de-emphasizes the doer.
Advertising is often criticized for its effect on price.
The copier has now been repaired.
Passive voice may enable you to avoid accusing your reader of an action:
The damage was caused by exposing the material to sunlight.
The color desired was not specifi ed in your order.
Passive voice also may be preferable when the performer is unknown, as in this example:
During the past year, the equipment has been sabotaged seven times.
Yet another situation in which passive voice may be preferable is one in which the writer does not want to name the performer:
The interviews were conducted on weekdays between noon and 6 p.m.
Two complaints have been made about you.
Your writing will be clearest and liveliest, though, when you favor the active voice.
Students are often confused by the terms active voice and passive voice. Here’s the lowdown: Broadly speaking, there are two main categories of verbs in English: those that can take direct objects and those that can’t. To illustrate, the verb repair can take a direct object (that is, you can repair something), while the verb happen cannot (you can’t happen anything). Sentences with verbs that can take direct objects are the ones that can be written in either active or passive voice. When you write in active voice, the sentence is in “who 1 does/did what 1 to what/whom” order, as in this example:
An authorized technician repaired the new laser printer.
[who] [did what] [to what]
When you write the same idea in passive voice, the di- rect object moves to the start of the sentence and bumps the real subject to a phrase at the end of it (or out of it altogether). With this move, you now have
The new laser printer was repaired
[what] [had something done to it]
by an authorized technician.
[by whom]
Or even just
The new laser printer was repaired. [real subject removed]
As you can see, inverting the word order this way makes the sentence less energetic, more roundabout, and some- times less informative. You can fi nd instances of passive voice in your own writing by looking for two- and three-word verbs that consist of
• a form of the verb to be (for example , is , was , has been, will be) and
• a verb in past-tense form (for example, installed, reduced , chosen , sent ).
When you fi nd such verbs—was installed, has been reduced , will be chosen—see if your meaning would be clearer and sharper if you wrote in the active voice instead.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Everything You Wanted to Know about Active and Passive Voice
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60 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Avoid Overuse of Camoufl aged Verbs An awkward construction that should be avoided is the camoufl aged verb . When a verb is camoufl aged, the verb describing the action in a sentence takes the form of a noun. Th en other words have to be added. For example, suppose you want to write a sentence in which eliminate is the action to be expressed. If you change eliminate into its noun form, elimination , you must add more words to have a sentence. Your sentence might then be “Th e staff eff ected an elimination of the surplus.” Th e sentence is wordy and hard to understand. You could have avoided the camoufl aged construction with a sentence using the verb eliminate: “Th e staff eliminated the surplus.”
Here are two more examples. If we take the action word cancel and make it into a noun, cancellation, we would have to say something like “to eff ect a cancellation” to communicate the action. If we change consider to consideration, we would have to say “give consideration to.” So it would be with the following examples:
Action Verb Noun Form Wording of Camoufl aged Verb acquire acquisition make an acquisition appear appearance make an appearance apply application make an application appraise appraisal make an appraisal assist assistance give assistance to cancel cancellation make a cancellation commit commitment make a commitment discuss discussion have a discussion investigate investigation make an investigation judge judgment make a judgment liquidate liquidation effect a liquidation reconcile reconciliation make a reconciliation record recording make a recording
Note the diff erences in overall eff ect in these contrasting sentences:
Camoufl aged Verb Clear Verb Form An arrangement was made to meet for breakfast. We arranged to meet for breakfast. Amortization of the account was effected by the staff. The staff amortized the account. Control of the water was not possible. They could not control the water. The new policy involved the standardization of the procedures.
The new policy standardized the procedures.
Application of the mixture was accomplished. They applied the mixture. We must bring about a reconciliation of our differences.
We must reconcile our differences.
The establishment of a wellness center has been accomplished by the company.
The company has established a wellness center.
Give your writing impact by using strong verbs .
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 61
From these illustrations you can see that our suggestion to avoid camoufl aged verbs overlaps with two of our preceding suggestions. First, camoufl aged verbs are abstract nouns, and we suggested that you prefer concrete words over abstract words. Second, camoufl aged verbs frequently require passive voice, and we advised using active voice.
You can apply these related suggestions by following two helpful writing hints. Th e fi rst is to make the subjects of most sentences either persons or things. For example, rather than write “consideration was given to . . . ,” you should write “we considered. . . .” Th e second is to write most sentences in normal order (subject, verb, object), with the doer of the action as the subject. Involved, strained, passive structures oft en result from attempts at other orders.
SUGGESTIONS FOR NONDISCRIMINATORY WRITING As the workforce has grown more diverse, it has become increasingly important to avoid discriminatory words. By discriminatory words we mean words that do not treat all people with equal respect. More specifi cally, they are words that refer negatively to groups of people, such as by gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, age, or disabil- ity. Such words do not promote good business ethics or good business and thus have no place in business communication.
Many discriminatory words are a part of the vocabularies we have acquired from our environments. We oft en use them innocently, not realizing how they aff ect oth- ers. We can eliminate discriminatory words from our vocabularies by examining them carefully and placing ourselves in the shoes of those to whom they refer. Th e following review of the major forms of discriminatory words should help you achieve this goal.
Use Gender-Neutral Words Take care not to use words that discriminate by gender (“sexist” words). Although this form of discrimination can be directed against men, most instances discriminate against women. Our language developed in a society in which it was customary for women to work in the home and for men to be the breadwinners and decision makers. But times have changed, and the language you use in business needs to acknowledge the gender-diverse nature of most workplaces today. Suggestions for doing this follow.
Masculine Pronouns for Both Sexes. Perhaps the most troublesome sexist words are the masculine pronouns ( he , his , him) when they are used to refer to both sexes, as in this example: “Th e typical State University student eats his lunch at the student cen- ter.” Assuming that State is coeducational, the use of his excludes the female students. Historically, of course, the word his has been classifi ed as generic—that is, able to refer to both sexes. But many modern-day businesspeople do not agree and are off ended by the use of the masculine pronoun in this way.
You can avoid the use of masculine pronouns in such cases in three ways. First, you can reword the sentence to eliminate the off ending word. Th us, the illustration above could be reworded as follows: “Th e typical State University student eats lunch at the student center.” Here are other examples:
Sexist Gender-Neutral
If a customer pays promptly, he is placed on our preferred list.
A customer who pays promptly is placed on our preferred list.
When an unauthorized employee enters the security area, he is subject to dismissal.
An unauthorized employee who enters the security area is subject to dismissal.
A supervisor is not responsible for such losses if he is not negligent.
A supervisor who is not negligent is not responsible for such losses.
When a customer needs service, it is his right to ask for it.
A customer who needs service has the right to ask for it.
LO8 Use words that do not discriminate.
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62 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
A second way to avoid sexist use of the masculine pronoun is to make the reference plural. Fortunately, the English language has plural pronouns (their, them, they) that refer to both sexes. Making the references plural in the examples given above, we have these nonsexist revisions:
If customers pay promptly, they are placed on our preferred list.
When unauthorized employees enter the security area, they are subject to dismissal.
Supervisors are not responsible for such losses if they are not negligent.
When customers need service, they have the right to ask for it.
A third way to avoid sexist use of he , his , or him is to substitute any of a number of gender-neutral expressions. Th e most common are he or she, he/she , s/he , you , one , and person. Using neutral expressions in the problem sentences, we have these revisions:
If a customer pays promptly, he or she is placed on our preferred list.
When an unauthorized employee enters the security area, he/she is subject to dismissal.
A supervisor is not responsible for such losses if s/he is not negligent.
When one needs service, he/she has the right to ask for it.
You should use such expressions with caution, however. Th ey tend to be somewhat awkward, particularly if they are used oft en. For this reason, many skilled writers avoid them. If you use them, you should pay attention to their eff ect on the fl ow of your words. Certainly, you should avoid sentences like this one: “To make an employee feel he/she is doing well by complimenting her/him insincerely confuses her/him later when he/she sees his/her co-workers promoted ahead of him/her.”
Words Derived from Masculine Words. As we have noted, our culture was male dominated when our language developed. Because of this, many of our words are mas- culine even though they do not refer exclusively to men. Take chairman, for example. Th is word can refer to both sexes, yet it does not sound that way. More appropriate and less off ensive substitutes are chair, presiding offi cer , moderator , and chairperson.
In today’s diverse workplaces, mutual respect between genders and across generations is key.
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 63
Similarly, salesman suggests a man, but many women work in sales. Salesperson, sales- clerk , or sales representative would be better. Other sexist words and gender-neutral substitutes are as follows:
Sexist Gender-Neutral man-made manufactured manpower personnel, workers congressman representative, member of Congress businessman business executive, businessperson mailman letter carrier, mail carrier policeman police offi cer fi reman fi refi ghter repairman repair technician cameraman camera operator freshman fi rst-year student
Many words with man and his in them have nonsexist origins. Among such words are manufacture, management , history , and manipulate. Also, some sexist words are hard to avoid (manhole, for example) , and some companies still use chairman to refer to an executive of either gender. Whenever possible, though, use the more inclusive term.
Other Words That Lower Status by Gender. In addition to avoiding “man” words, watch out for other wording that might imply a lower status for women. For example, male executives sometimes refer to their female employees by fi rst name only, while using fi rst and last names or titles and last names (“Mr. Cross”) for male employees. Th en there are the many female forms for words that refer to work roles. In this group are lady lawyer, authoress, sculptress , and poetess . You should refer to women in these work roles by the same words that you would use for men: lawyer, author, sculptor, poet . Using words such as male nurse or male teacher can be demeaning as well.
In deciding which words to avoid and which to use, you will have to rely on your best judgment. Remember that your goal should be to use words that are fair and that do not off end.
Can your employer tell you what to wear, outlaw deco- rated fi ngernails, or forbid the display of such body art as tattoos and piercings? According to EmployeeIssues.com, a website about employee rights, the answer is yes—as long as the appearance policies are clearly stated in writing and are applied fairly to all employees. Just as employers can require the use of uniforms, they can delineate what kinds of personal clothing will be acceptable on the job. For example, they might de- fi ne “business casual” in a way that explicitly excludes T-shirts, shorts, and fl ip-fl ops. And as long as tattoos and body piercings aren’t required by your religion, they can be grounds for being disciplined or even fi red—as long as the rules have been clearly laid out and communicated.
Looking professional need not mean selling out your cultural or ethnic heritage, argues Kali Evans-Raoul, founder of an image consultancy for minorities. Everyone must “balance self-expression with workplace realities,” she asserts. Just as one doesn’t wear a uniform at home, one shouldn’t expect to bring one’s entire personal look to work. To avoid confl icts over your on-the-job identity, your best bet is to try to choose an employer whose values align with your own. Then fi nd and abide by that com- pany’s appearance policy.
SOURCES: “Dress Cody Policy,” EmployeeIssues.com , EmployeeIssues .com, 2003–2012, Web, 23 May 2012, and Dan Woog, “Your Professional Image: Balance Self-Expression with Workplace Expectations,” Monster .com, Monster.com, 2009, Web, 23 May 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
How Diverse Is Too Diverse?
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64 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Avoid Words Th at Stereotype by Race, Nationality, or Sexual Orientation Words that characterize all members of a group based on their race, nationality, or sexual orientation can be especially harmful because they frequently reinforce negative stereotypes about this group. Members of any minority vary widely in all characteristics. Th us, it is unfair to suggest that Jews are miserly, that Italians are Mafi a members, that Hispanics are lazy, that African Americans can do only menial jobs, that gays are per- fectionists, and so on. Unfair references to minorities are sometimes subtle and not intended, as in this example: “We conducted the fi rst marketing tests in the low-income areas of the city. Using a sample of 200 African-American families, we . . . .” Th ese words unfairly suggest that only African Americans live in low-income areas.
Also unfair are words suggesting that a minority member has struggled to achieve something that is taken for granted in the majority group. Usually well intended, words of this kind can carry subtle discriminatory messages. For example, a reference to a “neatly dressed Hispanic man” may suggest that he is an exception to the rule—that most Hispanics are not neatly dressed, but here is one who is.
Eliminating unfair references to minority groups from your communication requires two basic steps. First, you must consciously treat all people equally, without regard to their minority status. You should refer to minority membership only in those rare cases in which it is a vital part of the message to be communicated. Second, you must be sensitive to the eff ects of your words. Specifi cally, you should ask yourself how those words would aff ect you if you were a member of the minorities to which they refer. You should evaluate your word choices from the viewpoints of others.
Avoid Words Th at Stereotype by Age Your avoidance of discriminatory wording should be extended to include age discrimination—against both the old and the young. While those over 65 might be retired from their fi rst jobs, many lead lives that are far from the sedentary roles in which they are sometimes depicted. Th ey also are not necessarily feeble, forgetful, or slow. While some do not mind being called senior citizens , others do. Be sensitive with terms such as mature and elderly as well; perhaps retired, experienced, or veteran would be better received. Likewise, when tempted to refer to someone as young ( young accountant, accomplished young woman ), be sure that calling attention to the person’s age is defensible.
Also be careful when using one of the popular generational labels in your writing. While it makes sense for the popular management literature to use such labels as Baby Boomer and Millennial as short-hand references to diff erent generations, the same la- bels can seem discriminatory in business messages. Your co-worker Frank probably does not want to be referred to as the “Baby Boomer in the group,” and your man- ager Courtney probably will not appreciate your saying that she holds the opinions she does because she’s a “Generation Xer.” Use such labels only when relevant and appropriate.
SOURCE: GRANTLAND® Copyright Grantland Enterprises, www.grantland.net.
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 65
Avoid Words Th at Typecast Th ose with Disabilities People with disabilities are likely to be sensitive to discriminatory words. Like those in other minority groups, they run the risk of having others exclude them, treat them as strange, or minimize their abilities. But they are the largest minority group in the world; in the U.S., 19% of the noninstitutionalized population has a disability. 1 Plus, all of us have diff erent levels of ability in diff erent areas. It is important to keep these facts in mind when choosing your words.
For example, negative descriptions such as crippled, confi ned to a wheelchair, wheel- chair bound, handicapped, and retarded should be avoided. Instead, use wheelchair user, developmentally disabled, or whatever term the people with the disability prefer. In gen- eral, that also means saying “those with disabilities” rather than “the disabled” to avoid suggesting that the disability is the only noteworthy trait of people in this group.
Work to develop a nonbiased attitude, and show it through carefully chosen words.
Some Final Words about Words Th ere’s a lot to keep in mind when selecting the most appropriate words. Under time pressure, it can be tempting to take a shortcut and settle—as Mark Twain once put
According to Generations, Inc ., fi ve generations now comprise the U.S. workforce: the Traditional Generation (born between 1918 and 1945), the Baby Boomers (born right after World War II), Generation X (born between 1960 and 1979), Generation Y or the Millennials (born after 1979), and the Linkster Generation (born after 1995). Different social and historical forces have shaped these generations, with the result that their values and work habits are quite different The three main groups—Boomers, Gen Xers, and Gen Yers—have these major traits and preferences:
• The Boomers “have the wisdom of experience that can provide historical perspective,” have a “tenacity” that can help the organization meet new challenges, and “are team players who can enhance any group in which they participate.” But they “need to be engaged,” need to feel that they are still valuable, and need to feel free to use their knowledge to make decisions within reasonable limits (they shouldn’t be “micromanaged”).
• Gen Xers “are happy working MTV style, meaning they like activities that require intense bursts of energy and
that challenge them to think quickly.” They don’t like “stu- pid rules,” they do like “individual recognition,” and they want to move ahead based on merit, not on schmoozing or seniority. They value work–life balance more than the Boomers did and are thus unwilling to work as hard, but they do value professional development. They want to be free to bring their own style to work but also want clear, fair, quick feedback on their performance.
• Gen Yers like to work in supportive environments like the ones that most of them grew up in. Thus, they react better to “coaching” than to being told what to do, and they like frequent reassurance that they are on the right track. Like Gen Xers, they are willing to work hard but not overly hard, they want to understand the value of the work, and they like creativity. They tend to be more fun- loving and less anxious than Gen Xers, though. They are also even more comfortable with communication tech- nologies than Gen Xers are, so much so that they may need to be encouraged to use other forms of communi- cation (e.g., face-to-face and phone conversations).
SOURCE: Meagan Johnson and Larry Johnson, Generations, Inc. (New York: AMACOM, 2010), print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Understanding the Different Generations in the Workplace
1 “Disability in America Infographic,” Disabled World, Disabled WorldTM disabledworld.com , 1 Dec. 2011, Web, 23 May 2012. Th e graphic is based on U.S. census information.
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66 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
it—for the best word’s “second cousin.” But remember: Business and business relation- ships can be won or lost with one word choice. Th e eff ort to say what you mean as clearly, readably, and appropriately as you can is eff ort well spent.
THERE’S MORE . . . How can you fi nd the word with the right connotation? What is “corporate speak” and why should you avoid it? What are 5 common business writing mistakes? Scan the QR code with your smartphone or use your Web browser to fi nd out at www.mhhe.com/lesikar13e . Choose Chapter 3 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
1. To communicate clearly, you must adapt your words to your reader. • Adaptation means using words the reader understands. • It therefore involves using all your knowledge of your reader.
2. Select words that your reader will understand. • Th ese are the familiar words (words like old instead of antiquated ). • Th ey are also the short words ( agreed to quit rather than acceded to the
proposition to terminate ). 3. Use slang and popular clichés with caution.
• Th ey may make your writing sound stale and make you sound superfi cial. • Th ey may also cause miscommunication.
4. Use technical words and acronyms appropriately. • Technical words are appropriate when your reader will understand them. When
writing to nonexperts, explain these terms or use more accessible ones. • Spell out and defi ne acronyms as needed.
5. Use precise language. • Prefer concrete, specifi c words to abstract, general ones. For example,
57 percent majority is more concrete than majority, and June 1 is more specifi c than soon.
• Choose words with the appropriate connotations (shades of meaning). 6. Avoid misusing similar words and use idioms correctly.
• Don’t confuse similar words (e.g., fewer and less, it’s and its). • Follow the conventions for idioms (two-word expressions, such as comply with
and diff erent from). 7. Prefer active verbs.
• Action verbs are more vigorous and interesting than forms of “to be.” • In active voice, the subject acts; in passive voice, it receives the action. Prefer
the active voice (e.g., we reported the results rather than the results were reported by us ).
• Active voice is stronger, more vigorous, and more interesting. But passive voice can be preferable in some situations.
• Avoid overuse of camoufl aged verbs—making the verb a noun and then having to add words (e.g., use appear rather than make an appearance).
8. Avoid discriminatory words. • Do not use words that discriminate against women (for example, using he, him,
or his to refer to both sexes and words such as fi reman, postman, lady lawyer, and authoress ).
1 Explain the role of adaptation in selecting words that communicate.
2 Simplify writing by selecting familiar and short words.
3 Use slang and popular clichés with caution. 4 Use technical words and acronyms appropriately. 5 Use concrete, specifi c words with the right
shades of meaning.
6 Avoid misusing similar words and use idioms correctly.
7 Prefer active verbs.
8 Use words that do not discriminate.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
66 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 67
• Do not use words that suggest stereotyped roles of race, nationality, or sexual orientation (African Americans and menial jobs, Italians and the Mafi a, gays and perfectionists).
• Do not use words that discriminate against certain age groups or those with disabilities.
K E Y T E R M S
adaptation, 49
plain language, 51
concrete, 54
abstract, 54
specifi c, 56
denotation, 56
connotation, 56
idioms, 57
active voice, 58
passive voice, 58
camoufl aged verb, 60
discriminatory words, 61
1 Explain how you would apply the basic principle of ad- aptation to your choice of words for each of the follow- ing writing tasks. LO1 a. An article in a company newsletter. b. A message to company executives requesting approval
to purchase new computer hardware. c. A progress report to the chief engineer explaining
how the development of a new safety device is going. d. A message to employees explaining a change in pen-
sion benefi ts. e. A letter to company stockholders explaining a change
in company reporting dates.
2 Evaluate this comment: “I’m not going to simplify my writing for my readers. Th at would be talking down to them. Plus, if they can’t understand English, that’s their problem.” LO2
3 “Using short words makes the writing sound too sim- ple and not very professional.” Discuss. LO2
4 “It’s important to use business clichés like cutting edge and state of the art to sound professional.” Discuss. LO3
5 “Acronyms and long, hard words contribute to mis- communication. Th us, they should be avoided in all business communication.” Discuss. LO4
6 Using examples other than those in the book, identify some technical terms that would communicate eff ec- tively to others in the fi eld but would need to be clari- fi ed for those outside the fi eld. LO4
7 Style experts advise against monotonous-sounding writing—that is, writing that has a droning, “blah-blah” eff ect when read aloud. What advice in this chapter might help you avoid a monotonous style? LO2, LO5
8 List synonyms (words with similar meanings) for each of the following words. Th en explain the diff erences in shades of meaning as you see them. LO5 a. salesperson b. co-worker c. old d. tell e. happiness f. customer g. boss h. misfortune i. inquire j. stop k. lie l. mistake
9 Explain what’s wrong with this sentence: “Th is proce- dure is diff erent than the one we use.” How would you correct it? Can you think of other examples of this kind of error? LO6
10 Defi ne and give examples of active and passive voice. Explain when each should be used. LO7
11 Do you know of a situation in which a female secretary or staff person is referred to by her fi rst name only (e.g. “See Joan at the front desk and she’ll take care of you”) but the higher-ranking employees are referred to by their fi rst and last names (e.g., “Jim Smith can answer your question”)? What do you think of this practice? Is it ever acceptable? LO8
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
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68 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Using Technical Words Appropriately (LO4)
21 From a scholarly business journal, select a paragraph (at least 150 words long) that would be diffi cult for a student less advanced in the subject than you. Rewrite the paragraph so that this student can understand it easily.
Selecting Concrete Words (LO5)
Instructions, Sentences 22–30: Revise these sentences to make them conform to the writing suggestions discussed in the book.
22 We have found that young men are best for this work. 23 She makes good grades. 24 John lost a fortune in Las Vegas. 25 If we don’t receive the goods soon, we will cancel. 26 Some years ago she made good money. 27 His grade on the aptitude test was not high. 28 Here is a product with very little markup. 29 Th e cost of the online subscription was reasonable. 30 Th ere is only a little time left on our copier’s warranty.
Avoid Misusing Similar Words (LO6)
Instructions, Sentences 31–42: Some of the following are correct and some incorrect. Indicate which is which and correct the problem sentences.
31 We have less than 25 registrants so far. 32 I did not mean to infer that you had made a mistake. 33 If you turn in you’re report by Friday, you can have
Monday off .
34 He is not adverse to your suggestion; he simply wants more information.
35 You may have whichever computer you choose. 36 Th e handbook off ers advise on professional behavior. 37 Please except my apologies. 38 It’s time to remodel the break room. 39 A complementary breakfast is included. 40 Write in such a way that you elicit the response you
want.
41 Th is car needs its’ battery replaced. 42 Th ere is no reason why we should refund their money.
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
Using Familiar Words (LO2)
Instructions, Sentences 1–20: Assume that your readers are at about the 10th-grade level in education. Revise these sen- tences for easy communication to this audience.
1 We must terminate all defi cit fi nancing. 2 We must endeavor to correct this problem by expedit-
ing delivery.
3 A proportionate tax consumes a determinate appor- tionment of one’s monetary fl ow.
4 Business has an inordinate infl uence on governmental operations.
5 It is imperative that consumers be unrestrained in de- termining their preferences.
6 Mr. Sanchez terminated Kevin’s employment as a con- sequence of his ineff ectual performance.
7 Our expectations are that there will be increments in commodity value.
8 Can we ascertain the types of customers that have a predisposition to utilize our instant-credit off er?
9 Th e preponderance of the businesspeople we consulted envisions signs of improvement from the current siege of economic stagnation.
10 If liquidation becomes mandatory, we shall dispose of these assets fi rst.
11 Recent stock acquisitions have accentuated the com- pany’s current fi nancial crisis.
12 Mr. Coward will serve as intermediary in the pending labor–management parley.
13 Ms. Smith’s idiosyncrasies supply adequate justifi ca- tion for terminating her employment.
14 Requisites for employment by this company have been enhanced.
15 Th e unanimity of current forecasts is not incontrovert- ible evidence of an impending business acceleration.
16 People’s propensity to consume is insatiable. 17 Th e company must desist from its defi cit fi nancing
immediately.
18 Th is antiquated merchandising strategy is ineff ectual in contemporary business operations.
19 Percentage return on common stockholders’ equity av- eraged 23.1 for the year.
20 Th e company’s retained earnings last year exceeded $2,500,000.
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CHAPTER 3 Adapting Your Words to Your Readers 69
61 Th is new equipment will result in a savings in maintenance.
62 Will you please make an adjustment on this invoice? 63 Implementation of the plan was eff ected by the crew. 64 Approval of all orders must be made by the chief. 65 A committee performs the function of determining the
award winner.
66 Adaptation to the new policy was performed easily by the staff .
67 Verifi cation of the amount is made daily by the auditor. 68 Th e president tried to eff ect a reconciliation of the two
groups.
Avoiding Discriminatory Language (LO8)
Instructions, Sentences 69–80: Change these sentences to avoid discriminatory language.
69 Any worker who ignores this rule will have his salary reduced.
70 Th e typical postman rarely makes mistakes in deliver- ing his mail.
71 A good executive plans his daily activities. 72 Th e committee consisted of a businessman, a banker,
and a lady lawyer.
73 A good secretary screens all telephone calls for her boss and arranges his schedule.
74 An effi cient salesman organizes his calls and manages his time.
75 Two representatives of our company attended the con- ference: a Hispanic engineer and one of our younger managers.
76 Th ree people applied for the job, including two well- educated black women.
77 Th ese parking spaces are strictly for use by the handicapped.
78 He is one of the best gay designers in the city. 79 We recommend Mr. Sanchez, one of our oldest
managers.
80 As a GenXer, she is very computer savvy.
Using Proper Idiom (LO6)
Instructions, Sentences 43–50: Th ese sentences use faulty idioms. Make the changes you think are necessary.
43 Th e purchasing offi cer has gone in search for a substi- tute product.
44 Our offi ce has become independent from the Dallas offi ce.
45 Th is strike was diff erent than the one in 2000. 46 Th is letter is equally as bad. 47 She is an authority about mutual funds. 48 When the sale is over with, we will restock. 49 Our truck collided against the wall. 50 We have been in search for a qualifi ed supervisor since
August.
Limiting Use of Passive Voice (LO7)
Instructions, Sentences 51–57: Revise the following sentences to eliminate passive voice.
51 Our action is based on the assumption that the compe- tition will be taken by surprise.
52 It is believed by the typical union member that his or her welfare is not considered to be important by management.
53 You were directed by your supervisor to complete this assignment by noon.
54 It is believed by the writer that this company policy is wrong.
55 Th e union was represented by Cecil Chambers. 56 Th ese reports are prepared by the salespeople every
Friday.
57 If more information is desired, the customer service department can be contacted.
Avoiding Camoufl aged Verbs (LO7)
Instructions, Sentences 58–68: Revise the following to elimi- nate camoufl aged verbs.
58 It was my duty to make a determination of the damages. 59 Harold made a recommendation that we fi re Mr.
Schultz.
60 We will ask him to bring about a change in his work routine.
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will be able to construct sentences and paragraphs that are adapted to your readers and easy to understand. To reach this goal, you should be able to
1 Explain the role of adaptation in writing clear sentences.
2 Write short, clear sentences by limiting sentence content and economizing on words.
3 Design sentences that give the right emphasis to content.
4 Employ unity and good logic in writing effective sentences.
5 Compose paragraphs that are short and unifi ed, use topic sentences effectively, and communicate coherently.
CHAPTER FOUR
Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 71
THE IMPORTANCE OF ADAPTATION As you have seen, choosing the right words is essential for clear communication. Equally basic is the task of arranging those words into clear sentences and the sen- tences into clear paragraphs. Like choosing words, constructing clear sentences and paragraphs involves adaptation to the intended readers.
Fitting your writing to your readers requires the reader analysis we discuss in Chap- ter 1 and Chapter 6. You should study your readers to fi nd out what they are like—what they know, how they think, and what their contexts are. Th en write in a way that will communicate with and appeal to them.
In general, this procedure involves using the simpler sentence structures to reach people with lower communication abilities and people not knowledgeable about the subject. It involves using the more complex sentence structures only when communi- cating with more verbal, knowledgeable people. However, as we will see, even advanced readers tend to prefer simplicity.
Writing eff ectively also requires managing the emphasis in your sentences in such a way that your key points stand out. Making each sentence express a main idea and ordering the sentence elements according to accepted rules of grammar and logic will help you achieve your goals as well as convey a professional image.
Th e fi nal section of this chapter off ers advice about how to turn your well-constructed sentences into well-constructed paragraphs—paragraphs that are united, effi cient, for- ward moving, and coherent. Delivering your contents in easy-to-digest chunks is one of your most powerful strategies for engaging and informing your busy readers.
CARE IN SENTENCE DESIGN Th e following rules of thumb will help you write sentences that communicate clearly and correctly.
Limit Sentence Content Business audiences tend to prefer simple, effi cient sentences over long, complex ones. Having too much to do in too little time is a chronic problem in business. Type “time management” or “information overload” into your Web browser’s search box and see how many hits you get. No one, whether executive or fi rst-level employee, wants to read writing that wastes time.
LO1 Explain the role of adaptation in writing clear sentences.
LO2 Write short, clear sentences by limiting sentence content and economizing on words.
This summer you’re making some college money by work- ing as a groundskeeper at a local hotel. Recently, you and the other hotel staff—including the rest of the mainte- nance crew and the housekeepers—received this written message from the new assistant manager:
It has come to my attention that certain standards of quality are not being met by personnel in service positions. For successful operations, it is imperative that we adhere to the service guidelines for staff in each functional area, as set forth by corporate in the training materials that were reviewed during your orientation and onboarding. Be advised that there will be two mandatory training sessions on May 1, one at 4:00 p.m. for daytime employees and the other at 3:00 for the late shift, to
reinforce your understanding of performance standards. Just as a machine cannot work properly if the pistons are all fi ring at different times, we cannot achieve our goals if individuals are setting their own criteria for how to serve our guests. I assume that I will see each and every one of you at a training session so that we may move forward with better comprehension of our roles and responsibilities.
You’re no management pro, but you’re sure this is a faulty message. In addition to being impersonal and insulting, it is diffi cult to understand, and the key point—that every- one will need to attend a training session—is buried in the middle of the paragraph. How can you avoid writing like this? The advice in this chapter will help.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Writing Sentences and Paragraphs That Communicate
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72 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Favoring short sentences can save your readers time. It can also prevent miscom- munication. According to readability studies, the more words and ideas there are in a sentence, the greater the likelihood of misunderstanding. Th is fi nding suggests that the mind can hold only so much information at one time. Th us, to give it too much information in your sentences is to risk falling short of your communication purpose.
Compare these two versions of the same content:
Long, Diffi cult Sentences Shorter, Clearer Sentences
This letter is being distributed with enrollment confi rmation sheets, which are to serve as a fi nal check on the correctness of the registration of students and are to be used later when obtaining semester grades from the regline system, which are to be available two weeks after the term offi cially ends.
This letter is being distributed with enrollment confi rmation sheets. These sheets will serve now as a fi nal check on student registration. Later, the codes on them will be used to access course grades through the regline system; the grades will be available two weeks after the term offi cially ends.
Some authorities in human resources object to expanding normal salary ranges to include a trainee rate because they fear that through oversight or prejudice probationers may be kept at the minimum rate longer than is warranted and because they fear that it would encourage the spread from the minimum to maximum rate range.
Some authorities in human resources object to expanding the normal salary range to include a trainee rate, for two reasons. First, they fear that through oversight or prejudice probationers may be kept at the minimum rate longer than is warranted. Second, they fear that expansion would increase the spread between the minimum and the maximum rate range.
Regardless of their seniority or union affi liation, all employees who hope to be promoted are expected to continue their education either by enrolling in the special courses to be offered by the company, which are scheduled to be given after working hours beginning next Wednesday, or by taking approved online courses selected from a list, which can be found on the company portal.
Regardless of their seniority or union affi liation, all employees who hope to be promoted are expected to continue their education in either of two ways. (1) They may enroll in special courses to be given by the company. (2) They may take approved online courses selected from the list on the company portal.
Grammar and style checkers give writers the option of viewing readability statistics. These statistics report the number of words, characters, paragraphs, and sentences in a document along with averages of characters per word, words per sentence, and sentences per paragraph. The report you see here was generated for a scholarly manuscript. It reports an average of 18.5 words per sen- tence, a bit high for a business document but probably at an acceptable level for a scholarly document’s read- ers. The Flesch-Kincaid score confi rms that the reading grade level is 9.4, too high for business documents but likely appropriate for a scholarly audience. However, the Flesch Reading Ease score should give the writer cause to review the document for accessibility, even for its targeted audience. The 59.3 score is slightly below the 60–70 range that Microsoft recommends.
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Readability Statistics Help Writers Evaluate Document Length and Difficulty
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 73
Th e long sentences on the left require much more eff ort to understand than the shorter sentences on the right.
Bear in mind, though, that what constitutes a short, readable sentence is related to the reader’s ability. Readability studies suggest that writing intended to communicate with the middle-level adult reader should average 16 to 18 words per sentence. For more advanced readers, the average may be higher. For less advanced readers, it should be lower.
Moreover, preferring short sentences does not mean making all sentences equally short. Th e overuse of short sentences results in a choppy, elementary-sounding eff ect. You should use moderately long sentences occasionally. Th ey help you de-emphasize less important content and increase interest by adding variety. And sometimes the in- formation needed to convey a thought requires a long sentence. Even so, you should take care not to make the long sentences excessively long.
Th e following examples illustrate the point. Th e paragraph below is an excerpt from an employee handbook. Obviously the use of one long sentence to convey the informa- tion was a poor decision.
When an employee has changed from one job to another job, the new correspond- ing coverages will be effective as of the date the change occurs, unless, however, if due to a physical disability or infi rmity as a result of advanced age, an employee is changed from one job to another job and such change results in the employee’s new job rate coming within a lower hourly job-rate bracket in the table, in which case the employee may, at the discretion of the company, continue the amount of group term life insurance and the amount of accidental death and dismemberment insurance that the employee had prior to such change.
So many words and relationships are in the sentence that they cause confusion. Th e result is vague communication at best—complete miscommunication at worst.
Now look at the message written in all short sentences. Th e meanings may be clear, but the choppy eff ect is distracting and irritating. Imagine reading a long document written in this style.
An employee may change jobs. The change may result in a lower pay bracket. The new coverage is effective when this happens. The job change should be because
If you try to pack too much information into a sentence, you can wind up with a stringy sentence like this:
While we welcome all applications, we are particularly interested in candidates who have at least three years’ experience, although we will consider those with less experience who have a degree in the fi eld or who have earned a certifi cate from an industry-certifi ed trainer, and we will also consider fl uency in Italian a plus.
A see-saw sentence is one that goes back and forth between two points, like this:
A blog can add visibility to a business, although it can be labor intensive to maintain, but the time spent on the blog could be worthwhile if it generates a buzz among our potential customers.
In these cases, edit the sentences down to readable size, use helpful transitional phrases ( in addition, on the other hand ) between them, and don’t switch directions too often. Here, for example, are more readable versions of the problem sentences:
While we welcome all applications, we are particularly interested in candidates who (1) have at least three years’ experience or (2) have less experience but have earned a degree or certifi cate in the fi eld. Fluency in Italian is also a plus.
A blog can add visibility to a business. True, maintaining a blog takes time, but if the blog generates a buzz among our potential customers, the time will be well spent.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Avoiding Stringy and See-Saw Sentences
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74 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
of physical disability. It can also be because of infi rmity. Old age may be another cause. The company has some discretion in the matter. It can permit continuing the accidental death insurance. It can permit continuing the dismemberment insurance.
Th e following paragraph takes a course between these two extremes. Generally, it em- phasizes short sentences, but it combines content items where appropriate.
The new insurance coverage becomes effective when because of disability, infi rmity, or age an employee’s job change results in lower pay. But at its discretion, the com- pany may permit the old insurance coverage to continue.
Th e upcoming sections on conciseness, management of emphasis, and sentence unity can help you decide how much content each sentence should carry.
Economize on Words A second basic technique for shortening sentences is to use words economically. Any- thing you write can be expressed in many ways, some shorter than others. In general, the shorter wordings save the reader time and are clearer and more interesting.
To help you recognize instances of uneconomical wording, we cover the most com- mon types below.
Cluttering Phrases. An oft en-used uneconomical wording is the cluttering phrase . Th is is a phrase that can be replaced by shorter wording without loss of meaning. Th e little savings achieved in this way add up.
Here is an example of a cluttering phrase:
In the event that payment is not made by January, operations will cease.
Th e phrase in the event that is uneconomical. Th e little word if can substitute for it without loss of meaning:
If payment is not made by January, operations will cease.
Similarly, the phrase that begins the following sentence adds unnecessary length:
In spite of the fact that they received help, they failed to exceed the quota.
Although is an economical substitute:
Although they received help, they failed to exceed their quota.
Too many simple sentences create an elementary-sounding style, so combine ideas where appropriate for your adult readers .
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 75
Th e following partial list of cluttering phrases (with suggested substitutions) should help you avoid them:
Cluttering Phrase Shorter Substitution
Along the lines of Like
At the present time Now
For the purpose of For
For the reason that Because, since
In accordance with By
In the amount of For
In the meantime Meanwhile
In the near future Soon
In the neighborhood of About
In very few cases Seldom, rarely
In view of the fact that Since, because
With regard to, with reference to About
Surplus Words. To write economically, eliminate words that add nothing to sen- tence meaning. As with cluttering phrases, we oft en use meaningless extra words as a matter of habit. Eliminating these surplus words sometimes requires recasting a sen- tence, but oft en they can just be left out.
Th e following is an example of surplus wording from a business report:
It will be noted that the records for the past years show a steady increase in special appropriations.
Th e beginning words add nothing to the meaning of the sentence. Notice how drop- ping them makes the sentence stronger—and without loss of meaning:
The records for the past years show a steady increase in special appropriations.
Here is a second example:
His performance was good enough to enable him to qualify for the promotion.
Th e words to enable add nothing and can be dropped:
His performance was good enough to qualify him for the promotion.
How easy is it to read the following sentence without making a misstep?
We found the reason for our poor performance was stiff competition from a local supplier.
In such a sentence, adding the word that where it is implied would help:
We found that the reason for our poor performance was stiff competition from a local supplier.
On the other hand, sometimes that can be omitted, as in this example:
Check all the items that you wish to order.
How do you know whether to include that? You’ll have to judge by pretending to be the reader. If that prevents misreading, keep it. If it seems unnecessary or distracting, leave it out.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Is That a Surplus Word?
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76 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Th e following sentences further illustrate the use of surplus words. In each case, the surplus words can be eliminated without changing the meaning.
Contains Surplus Words Eliminates Surplus Words
He ordered desks that are for executives.
He ordered executive desks.
There are four rules that should be observed.
Four rules should be observed.
In addition to these defects, numerous other defects mar the operating procedure.
Numerous other defects mar the operating procedure.
The machines that were damaged by the fi re were repaired.
The machines damaged by the fi re were repaired.
By the examining of production records, they found the error.
By examining production records, they found the error.
In the period between April and June, we detected the problem.
Between April and June we detected the problem.
I am prepared to report to the effect that sales increased.
I am prepared to report that sales increased.
Roundabout Constructions. As we have noted, you can write anything in many ways. Some of the ways are direct, while some cover the same ground in a roundabout way. Usually the direct ways are shorter and communicate better.
Th is sentence illustrates roundabout constructions:
The department budget can be observed to be decreasing each new year.
Do the words can be observed to be decreasing get to the point? Is the idea of observ- ing essential? Is new needed? A more direct and better sentence is this one:
The department budget decreases each year.
Here is another roundabout sentence:
The union is involved in the task of reviewing the seniority provision of the contract.
Don’t write like a faceless bureaucrat. Avoid an impersonal “blah-blah” effect by writing concise, clear sentences .
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 77
If the union is involved in the task of reviewing, it is really reviewing. Th e sentence should be written in these direct words:
The union is reviewing the seniority provision of the contract.
Th e following sentence pairs further illustrate the advantages of short, direct word- ing over roundabout wording:
Roundabout Direct
The president is of the opinion that the tax was paid.
The president believes the tax was paid.
It is essential that the income be used to retire the debt.
The income must be used to retire the debt.
Reference is made to your May 10 report in which you concluded that the warranty does not apply.
Your May 10 report concluded that the warranty does not apply.
The supervisors should take appropriate action to determine whether the absentee reports are being verifi ed.
The supervisors should determine whether the absentee reports are being verifi ed.
The price increase will afford the company an opportunity to retire the debt.
The price will enable the company to retire the debt.
During the time she was employed by this company, Ms. Carr was absent once.
While employed by this company, Ms. Carr was absent once.
He criticized everyone he came in contact with.
He criticized everyone he met.
Unnecessary Repetition of Words or Ideas. Repeating words obviously adds to sentence length. Such repetition sometimes serves a purpose, as when it is used
There is/There are sentences are sometimes justifi ed, as in these examples:
There is simply no reason why we cannot achieve our goals this quarter. When there are more than 14 attendees, we use the larger computer lab.
But sometimes there is and there are just add extra words, as these pairs of sentences illustrate:
Wordy: If there is a problem with the copier, the service agreement will cover it. Better: If the copier has a problem, the service agree- ment will cover it.
Wordy: There are three ways in which the Princess Resort is superior to the Breezemont Hotel. Better: The Princess Resort is superior to the Breeze- mont Hotel in three ways.
Wordy: There are varying opinions on the plan depending on whether you are a manager or a staff person. Better: The managers and the staff people have different opinions about the plan.
When tempted to write there is or there are, see if you can say what you want to say more concisely and directly.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
There Is, There Are . . . Do You Really Need Them?
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78 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
for emphasis or special eff ect. But all too oft en it is without purpose, as this sentence illustrates:
We have not received your payment covering invoices covering June and July purchases.
It would be better to write the sentence like this:
We have not received your payment covering invoices for June and July purchases.
Another example is this one:
He stated that he believes that we are responsible.
Th e following sentence eliminates one of the thats:
He stated that he believes we are responsible. [See the Communication Matters box on page 75 for more advice about that.]
Repetitions of ideas through the use of diff erent words that mean the same thing (free gift , true fact, past history) also add to sentence length. Known as redundancies, such repetitions are rarely needed. Note the redundancy in this sentence:
The beginning of the speech will open with a welcome.
Th e beginning and will open are two ways to say the same thing. Th e following sen- tence is better:
The speech will open with a welcome.
Here are other examples of redundancies and ways to eliminate them:
Needless Repetition Repetition Eliminated
Please endorse your name on the back of this check.
Please endorse this check.
We must assemble together at 10:30 AM in the morning.
We must assemble at 10:30 AM.
Our new model is longer in length than the old one.
Our new model is longer than the old one.
If you are not satisfi ed, return it back to us.
If you are not satisfi ed, return it to us.
Tod Wilson is the present incumbent.
One should know the basic fundamentals of clear writing.
Tod Wilson is the incumbent.
One should know the fundamentals of clear writing.
The consensus of opinion is that the tax is unfair.
The consensus is that the tax is unfair.
By acting now, we can fi nish sooner than if we wait until a later date.
By acting now, we can fi nish sooner.
At the present time, we are conducting two clinics.
We are conducting two clinics.
As a matter of interest, I would like to learn more about your procedure.
I am interested in learning more about your procedure.
We should plan in advance for the future. We should plan.
Manage Emphasis in Sentence Design Any written business communication contains a number of items of information, not all of which are equally important. Some are very important, such as a conclusion in
LO3 Design sentences that give the right emphasis to content.
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 79
a report or the objective in a message. Others are relatively unimportant. One of your tasks as a writer is to form your sentences to communicate the importance of each item. Th e following advice will help you do so.
Use Short Sentences for Emphasis. Sentence length aff ects emphasis. Short sentences carry more emphasis than long, involved ones. Th ey call attention to their contents by conveying a single message without the interference of related or supporting information.
For example, notice the impact of the concluding sentence in the following excerpt from a fundraising letter:
Alumni like you have started a transformation that has increased our academic achievements, increased our enrollment, and created an internationally recognized campus landscape. But we have more to do.
Beginnings and endings of business messages are oft en good places for short sen- tences. A short opening enables you to get to the point quickly, and a short closing leaves the reader with an important fi nal thought. Here are some examples:
Openings:
Yes, your insurance is still in effect.
Will you please send me your latest catalog?
Closings:
Thank you again for your generous contribution.
I’m looking forward to your presentation.
Use Independent and Dependent Clauses Deliberately. When a sentence contains two or more ideas, the ideas share emphasis. How they share it depends on how the sentence is constructed. If two ideas are presented equally, or coordinated (in two independent clauses, for example), they get about equal emphasis. But if one idea is subordinated to the other (for example, in one independent clause and one dependent clause), one gets more emphasis than the other.
To illustrate the varying emphasis you can give information, consider this example. You have two items of information to write. One is that the company lost money last year. Th e other is that its sales volume reached a record high. You could present the information in at least three ways. First, you could give both items equal emphasis by placing them in separate short sentences or by joining them with “and”:
The company lost money last year. The loss occurred despite record sales.
The company lost money last year, and the loss occurred despite record sales.
Second, you could present the two items in the same sentence with emphasis on the lost money.
Although the company enjoyed record sales last year, it lost money.
Th ird, you could present the two items in one sentence with emphasis on the sales increase:
The company enjoyed record sales last year, although it lost money.
Which way would you choose? Th e answer would depend on what you want to emphasize. You should think the matter through and follow your best judgment, using coordination and subordination to help you achieve your communication goal.
Think Logically to Determine Emphasis. Th e following paragraphs illustrate the importance of thinking logically when managing emphasis. In the fi rst, each item of information gets the emphasis of a short sentence and none stand out. However, the
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80 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
items are not equally important and do not deserve equal emphasis. Notice, also, the choppy eff ect that the succession of short sentences produces.
The main building was inspected on October 1. Mr. George Wills inspected the build- ing. Mr. Wills is a vice president of the company. He found that the building has 6,500 square feet of fl oor space. He also found that it has 2,400 square feet of storage space. The new store must have a minimum of 6,000 square feet of fl oor space. It must have 2,000 square feet of storage space. Thus, the main building exceeds the space requirements for the new store. Therefore, Mr. Wills concluded that the main building is adequate for the company’s needs.
In the next paragraph, some of the items are subordinated, but not logically. Th e really important information does not receive the emphasis it deserves. Logically, these two points should stand out: (1) the building is large enough and (2) storage space exceeds minimum requirements. But they do not stand out in this version:
Mr. George Wills, who inspected the main building on October 1, is a vice president of the company. His inspection, which supports the conclusion that the building is large enough for the proposed store, uncovered these facts. The building has 6,500 square feet of fl oor space and 2,400 square feet of storage space, which is more than the minimum requirement of 6,000 and 2,000 square feet, respectively, of fl oor and storage space.
Th e third version manages the emphasis more logically. Th e short beginning sen- tence emphasizes the conclusion. Th e supporting facts—that the building exceeds the minimum fl oor and storage space requirements—receive main-clause emphasis. Th e less important facts, such as the reference to George Wills, are treated subordinately. Also, the most important facts are placed at the points of emphasis—the beginning and ending.
The main building is large enough for the new store. According to Vice President George Wills, who inspected the building on October 1, the building’s 6,500 square feet of fl oor space exceed the minimum requirement by 500 square feet, and the 2,400 square feet of storage space exceed the minimum requirement by 400 square feet.
Th e preceding illustrations show how sentence construction can determine emphasis. You can make items stand out, you can treat them equally, or you can deemphasize them.
Business leaders are communicating more and more outside the offi ce. They want their incoming messages to communicate clearly and quickly .
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 81
Th e choices are yours. But what you do must be the result of good, sound thinking and not simply a matter of chance.
Give Sentences Unity Good sentences have unity. Th is means that all the parts of the sentence work together to create one clear point.
Lack of unity in sentences is usually caused by one of two problems: (1) unrelated ideas or (2) excessive detail.
Unrelated Ideas. Combining unrelated ideas in a sentence is the most obvious vio- lation of unity. Putting two or more ideas in a sentence is not grammatically wrong, but the ideas must have a reason for being together and clearly convey one overall point.
You can give unity to sentences that contain unrelated ideas in three ways: You can (1) put the ideas in separate sentences, (2) subordinate one of the ideas to the other, or (3) add words that show how the ideas are related. Th e fi rst two of these techniques are illustrated by the revisions of the following sentence:
Mr. Jordan is our sales manager, and he has a degree in law.
Perhaps the two ideas are related, but the words do not tell how. One solution would be simply to put each in a separate sentence:
Mr. Jordan is our sales manager. He has a law degree.
Now the sentences are unifi ed, but they’re choppy. A better solution would be to keep the ideas together but to subordinate one to the other, as in this example:
Mr. Jordan, our sales manager, has a law degree.
Adding words to show the relationship of the ideas can also correct an unfocused sentence, as illustrated in the revision of the following example:
Our production increased in January, and our equipment is wearing out.
Th e sentence has two ideas that seem unrelated. One way of improving it is to make a separate sentence of each idea. A closer look reveals, however, that the two ideas really are related—the words just do not show how. Th e sentence could be revised to show the connection:
Even though our equipment is wearing out, our production increased in January.
Th e following contrasting pairs of sentences further illustrate the technique:
Unrelated Improved
Our territory is the southern half of the state, and our salespeople cannot cover it thoroughly.
Our territory is the southern half of the state, and it is too large for our salespeople to cover thoroughly.
Using the cost-of-living calculator is simple, but no tool will work well unless it is explained clearly.
Using the cost-of-living calculator is simple, but, like any tool, it will not work well unless it is explained clearly.
We concentrate on energy-saving products, and 70 percent of our business comes from them.
Because we concentrate on energy-saving products, 70 percent of our business comes from them.
Excessive Detail. Putting too much detail into one sentence tends to hide the central thought, and it also makes the sentence too long.
LO4 Employ unity and good logic in writing effective sentences.
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82 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
If the detail isn’t necessary, remove it. If it is important, keep it, but divide the sen- tence into two or more sentences, as in the following examples: Excessive Detail Improved
Because our New York offi ces, which were considered plush in the 1990s, are now badly in need of renovation, as is the case with most offi ces that have not been maintained, we recommend closing them and fi nding a new location.
Our New York offi ces, which were furnished in the 1990s, have not been maintained properly. As they badly need repair, we recommend closing them and fi nding a new location.
We have attempted to trace the Plytec insulation you ordered from us October 1, and about which you inquired in your October 10 message, but we have not yet been able to locate it, although we are sending you a rush shipment immediately.
We are sending you a rush shipment of Plytec insulation immediately. Following your October 10 inquiry, we attempted to trace your October 1 order, but we were unable to locate it.
In 2009, when I, a small-town girl from a middle-class family, began my studies at Bradley University, which is widely recognized for its business administration program, I set my goal as a career with a large public company.
A small-town girl from a middle-class family, I entered Bradley University in 2009. I selected Bradley because of its widely recognized business administration program. From the beginning, my goal was a career with a large public company.
Word Sentences Logically At some point, you’ve probably had a teacher write “awkward” beside one or more of your sentences. Oft en, the cause of such a problem is illogical wording. Th e paragraphs that follow will help you avoid some of the most common types of illogical sentences. But keep in mind that many awkward sentences defy eff orts to label them. Th e only guards against letting these kinds of sentences slip past you are your own good ear and careful editing.
Mixed Constructions. Sometimes illogical sentences occur when writers mix two diff erent kinds of sentences together. Th is problem is called a mixed construction.
For example, can you describe what’s wrong with the following sentence about cut- ting costs?
First we found less expensive material, and then a more economical means of pro- duction was developed.
If you said that the fi rst half of the sentence used active voice but the second half switched to passive voice, you’re right. Shift s of this kind make a sentence hard to fol- low. Notice how much easier it is to understand this version:
First we found less expensive material, and then we developed a more economical means of production.
Th ere’s a similar problem in the following sentence: The consumer should read the nutrition label, but you often don’t take the time to do so.
Did you notice that the point of view changed from third person (consumer) to second (you) in this sentence? Th e following revision would be much easier to follow:
Consumers should read nutrition labels, but they often don’t take the time to do so.
Sometimes we start writing one kind of sentence and then change it before we get to the end, illogically putting parts of two diff erent sentences together. Here’s an example:
Because our salespeople are inexperienced caused us to miss our quota.
Rewriting the sentence in one of the following ways (by changing either the subject or the predicate) would eliminate the awkwardness:
Because our salespeople are inexperienced, we missed our quota.
Our inexperienced salespeople caused us to miss our quota.
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 83
Th ese sentences further illustrate the point:
Mixed Construction Improved
Some activities that the company participates in are affordable housing, conservation of parks, and litter control.
Some causes the company supports are affordable housing, conservation of parks, and litter control.
Job rotation is when you train people by moving them from job to job.
Job rotation is a training method in which people are moved from job to job.
Knowing that she objected to the price was the reason we permitted her to return the goods.
Because we knew she objected to the price, we permitted her to return the goods.
My education was completed in 2009, and then I began work as a manager for Home Depot.
I completed my education in 2009 and then began work as a manager for Home Depot.
The cost of these desks is cheaper. These desks cost less . ( or These desks are cheaper.)
Incomplete Constructions. Certain words used early in a sentence signal that the rest of the sentence will provide a certain kind of content. Be careful to fulfi ll your reader’s expectations. Otherwise, you will have written an incomplete construction.
For example, the following sentence, while technically a sentence, is incomplete:
She was so happy with the retirement party we gave her.
She was so happy . . . that what? Th at she sent everyone a thank-you note? Th at she made a donation to the library in the company’s name? In a sentence like this, either complete the construction or leave “so” out.
Or consider the incomplete opening phrase of this sentence:
As far as time management, he is a master of multitasking.
You can rectify the problem in one of two ways:
As far as time management goes [or is concerned], he is a master of multitasking.
As for time management, he is a master of multitasking.
Dangling/Misplaced Modifiers. Putting modifi ers in the wrong place or giving them nothing to modify in the sentence is another common way that sentence logic can go awry. Consider this sentence:
Believing the price would drop, the purchasing agents were instructed not to buy.
Misplaced modifi ers can have unintentionally humorous effects, as these examples show:
My mother told me that I would have gray hair when I was ten.
The company created a new toy for children made of plastic.
We saw several monkeys on vacation in Mexico.
Many people watched the Fourth of July fi reworks in their cars.
To keep the joke from being on you, put the modifi er next to what it modifi es.
SOURCE: “Misplaced Modifi ers,” JamesBaquet.com, James Baquet, 15 Jan. 2012, Web, 1 June 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Don’t Make Me Laugh
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Th e sentence seems grammatically correct … but it doesn’t make sense. It looks as though the purchasing agents believed the price would drop—but if they did, why did someone else have to tell them not to buy? Th e problem is that the people whom the opening phrase is supposed to modify have been left out, making the opening phrase a dangling modifi er.
You can correct this problem by putting the right agents aft er the opening phrase:
Believing the price would drop, we instructed our purchasing agents not to buy.
What makes this sentence hard to follow?
We have compiled a list of likely prospects using the information we gathered at the trade show.
Surely the “prospects” aren’t really the ones using the information. Th e sentence would be clearer if the fi nal phrase, a misplaced modifi er, were more logically placed, as in
Using the information we gathered at the trade show, we have compiled a list of likely prospects.
Faulty Parallelism. Readers expect the same kinds of content in a sentence to be worded in the same way. Faulty parallelism violates this logical expectation.
How might you make the similar items in this sentence more parallel in wording?
They show their community spirit through yearly donations to the United Way, giving free materials to Habitat for Humanity, and their employees volunteer at local schools.
Here’s one way:
They show their community spirit by donating yearly to the United Way, giving free materials to Habitat for Humanity, and volunteering at local schools.
Can you spot the faulty parallelism in this sentence?
To create a more appealing website, we can gather personal stories, create a new logo, as well as making the layout more readable.
Here’s a corrected version:
To create a more appealing website, we can gather personal stories, create a new logo, and make the layout more readable.
Note that if you format your series as a bulleted list, you still need to keep the items parallel. Th is example has faulty parallelism:
The branding standards include
• The approved logos • A style guide • Using the approved color palette • How to redesign existing materials
Th is bulleted list has much better parallelism:
The branding standards include
• The approved logos • A style guide • The approved color palette • Instructions for redesigning existing materials
Other rules of grammar besides those mentioned here can help you avoid illogical constructions and write clear sentences. See Chapter 18 for more examples and advice.
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 85
CARE IN PARAGRAPH DESIGN Skillful paragraphing is also important to clear communication. Paragraphs show the reader where topics begin and end, thus helping the reader mentally organize the infor- mation. Strategic paragraphing also helps you make certain ideas stand out and achieve the desired response to your message.
Th e following advice will help you use paragraphing to your best advantage.
Give Paragraphs Unity Like sentences, paragraphs should have unity. When applied to paragraph structure, unity means that a paragraph sticks to a single topic or idea, with everything in the paragraph developing this topic or idea. When you have fi nished the paragraph, you should be able to say, “Everything in this paragraph belongs together because every part concerns every other part.”
A violation of unity is illustrated in the following paragraph from an application letter. Because the goal of the paragraph is to summarize the applicant’s coursework, all the sen- tences should pertain to coursework. By shift ing to personal qualities, the third sentence (in italics ) violates paragraph unity. Taking this sentence out would correct the problem.
At the university I studied all the basic accounting courses as well as specialized courses in taxation, international accounting, and computer security. I also took specialized coursework in the behavioral areas, with emphasis on human relations. Realizing the value of human relations in business, I also actively participated in organizations, such as Sigma Nu (social fraternity), Alpha Kappa Psi (professional fraternity), intramural soccer, and A Cappella . I selected my elective coursework to round out my general business education. Among my electives were courses in investments, advanced business report writing, fi nancial policy, and management information systems. The enclosed résumé provides a complete list of my business- related coursework.
LO5 Compose paragraphs that are short and unifi ed, use topic sentences effectively, and communicate coherently.
Give every paragraph a clear focus .
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86 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Keep Paragraphs Short As a general rule, you should keep your paragraphs short. Th is suggestion will help with paragraph unity because unifi ed paragraphs tend to be short.
Using short paragraphs also aids comprehension by helping your reader see the structure of your ideas. In addition, such writing is inviting to the eye. People simply prefer to read writing with frequent paragraph breaks.
How long a paragraph should be depends on its contents—on what must be included to achieve unity. Readability research has suggested an average length of eight lines for longer papers such as reports. Shorter paragraphs are appropriate for messages.
Keep in mind that these suggestions concern only an average. Some good paragraphs may be quite long—well over the average. Some paragraphs can be very short—as short as one line. One-line paragraphs are an especially appropriate means of emphasizing major points in business messages. As noted earlier, a one-line paragraph may be all that is needed for a goodwill closing comment or an attention-grabbing opening.
A good rule to follow is to question the unity of all long paragraphs—say, those longer than eight lines. If, aft er looking over such a paragraph, you conclude that it has unity, leave it as it is. But you will sometimes fi nd more than one topic. When you do, make each topic into a separate paragraph.
Make Good Use of Topic Sentences One good way of organizing paragraphs is to use topic sentences. Th e topic sentence expresses the main idea of a paragraph, and the remaining sentences build around and support it. In a sense, the topic sentence serves as a headline for the paragraph, and all the other sentences supply the story.
Not every paragraph must have a topic sentence. Some paragraphs, for example, in- troduce ideas, continue the point of the preceding paragraph, or present an assortment of facts that lead to no conclusion. Th e central thought of such paragraphs is diffi cult to put into a single sentence. Even so, you should use topic sentences whenever you can. Th ey force you to determine the central idea of each paragraph and help you check for paragraph unity.
Where the topic sentence should be in the paragraph depends on the subject mat- ter and the writer’s plan, but you basically have three choices: the beginning, end, or middle.
Topic Sentence First. Th e most common paragraph arrangement begins with the topic sentence and continues with the supporting material. In fact, the arrangement is so appropriate for business information that one company’s writing manual suggests that it be used for virtually all paragraphs.
To illustrate the writing of a paragraph in which the topic sentence comes fi rst, take a paragraph reporting on economists’ replies to a survey question asking their view of business activity for the coming year. Th e facts to be presented are these: 13 percent of the economists expected an increase; 28 percent expected little or no change; 59 percent expected a downturn; 87 percent of those who expected a downturn thought it would come in the fi rst quarter. Th e obvious conclusion—and the subject for the topic sentence—is that the majority expected a decline in the fi rst quarter. Following this reasoning, we would develop a paragraph like this:
A majority of the economists consulted think that business activity will drop during the fi rst quarter of next year . Of the 185 economists interviewed, 13 percent looked for continued increases in business activity, and 28 percent anticipated little or no change from the present high level. The remaining 59 percent looked for a recession. Of this group, nearly all (87 percent) believed that the downturn would occur during the fi rst quarter of the year.
Topic Sentence at the End. Th e second most common paragraph arrangement places the topic sentence at the end. Paragraphs of this kind usually present the supporting de- tails fi rst, and from these details they lead readers to the conclusion, as in this example:
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 87
The signifi cant role of inventories in the economic picture should not be overlooked. At present, inventories represent 3.8 months’ supply, and their dollar value is the highest in history. If considered in relation to increased sales, however, they are not excessive. In fact, they are well within the range generally believed to be safe. Thus, inventories are not likely to cause a downward swing in the economy .
Topic Sentence within the Paragraph. A third arrangement places the topic sen- tence somewhere within the paragraph. Th is arrangement is rarely used, and for good reason: It does not emphasize the topic sentence, which contains the main point. Still, you can sometimes justify using this arrangement for a special eff ect, as in this example:
Numerous materials have been used in manufacturing this part. And many have shown quite satisfactory results. Material 329, however, is superior to them all. When built with Material 329, the part is almost twice as strong as when built with the next best material. It is also three ounces lighter. Most important, it is cheaper than any of the other products.
Leave Out Unnecessary Detail You should include in your paragraphs only the information needed to achieve your purpose.
What you need, of course, is a matter of judgment. You can judge best by putting yourself in your reader’s place. Ask yourself questions such as these: How will the in- formation be used? What information will be used? What will not be used? Th en make your decisions. If you follow this procedure, you will probably leave out much that you originally intended to use.
Th e following paragraph from a message to an employee presents excessive information.
In reviewing the personnel records in our company database, I found that several items in your fi le were incomplete. The section titled “Work History” has blanks for three items of information. The fi rst is for dates employed. The second is for company name. And the third is for type of work performed. On your record only
When using this to add coherence to your writing, be care- ful to make the reference both clear and logical. What does this refer to in the following example?
I do not think the donors should be listed on the website. This may make some viewers feel uncomfortable or pres- sured to donate.
This almost refers to something clearly, but not quite. We can make the meaning sharp by revising the example in one of these ways:
I do not think the donors should be listed on the website. Naming the donors could make some viewers feel un- comfortable or pressured to donate.
I think we should avoid naming the donors on the web- site. This practice could make some viewers feel uncom- fortable or pressured to donate.
Here’s another example:
We need exposure to other markets. One of the easiest ways to do this is to advertise strategically.
“One of the easiest ways” to do what? There is nothing in the previous sentence that this can refer to. Here’s a possible correction:
We need to gain exposure to other markets. One of the easiest ways to do this is to advertise strategically.
Now do this has something it can refer to: “gain exposure.” Any time you use the word this to refer to previ- ous content, be sure the reference is clear. If it isn’t, reword the content or write “this [something]” (e.g., “this practice”).
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Beware the Vague or Illogical “This”
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88 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
company name was entered, leaving two items blank. Years employed or your duties were not indicated. This information is important. It is reviewed by your supervisors every time you are considered for promotion or for a pay increase. Therefore, it must be completed. I request that you log into the company portal and update your per- sonnel record at your earliest convenience.
Th e message says much more than the reader needs to know. Th e goal is to have the reader update the personnel record, and everything else is of questionable value. Th is revised message is better:
A recent review of the personnel records showed that your record is incomplete. Please log into the company portal at your earliest convenience to update it. This information will enable your supervisors to see all your qualifi cations when consider- ing you for a promotion or a pay increase.
Make Paragraphs Coherent Like well-made sentences, well-made paragraphs move the reader logically and smoothly from point to point. Th ey clearly indicate how the diff erent bits of informa- tion are related to each other in terms of logic and the writer’s apparent purpose. Th is quality of enabling readers to proceed easily through your message, without side trips and backward shift s, is called coherence.
Th e best way to give your message coherence is to arrange its information in a logi- cal order—an order appropriate for the situation. So important are such decisions to message writing that we devote whole chapters to diff erent patterns of organization. But logical organization is not enough. Various techniques are needed to tie the in- formation together. Th ese techniques are known as transitional devices. Here we will discuss three major ones: repetition of key words and ideas, use of pronouns, and the use of transitional words.
Repetition of Key Words and Ideas. By repeating key words and ideas from one sentence to the next, you can smoothly connect successive ideas. Th e following sen- tences illustrate this transitional device (key words in italics):
I am a certifi ed fi nancial planner (CFP) and a member of the Financial Planning Association (FPA). Roughly 70 percent of the FPA’s 23,800 members are CFPs . To earn this designation, we had to study for and pass a diffi cult exam. In addition, about half the members have been in business at least 15 years. As an organization, we want to establish planning as a true profession, one seen in the same light as medicine, the law, and accounting.
Use of Pronouns. Because pronouns refer to words previously used, they make good transitions between ideas. Th e demonstrative pronouns (this, that, these, those) can be especially helpful. Th e following sentences (with the demonstrative pronouns in italics ) illustrate this technique.
Ever since the introduction of our Model V nine years ago, consumers have sug- gested only one possible improvement—voice controls. During all this time, mak- ing this improvement has been the objective of Atkins research personnel. Now we proudly report that these efforts have been successful.
A word of caution, though: When using this or another demonstrative pronoun to refer to an earlier sentence, try to use it with a noun—for example, this plan—to make the reference clear (see the Communication Matters box on page 87).
Transitional Words. When you talk in everyday conversation, you connect many of your thoughts with transitional words. But when you write, you may not use them enough. So be alert for places where providing such words will help move your readers through your paragraphs.
Among the commonly used transitional words are in addition, besides, in spite of, in contrast, however, likewise, thus, therefore, for example , and also. A more extensive list
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appears in Chapter 11, where we review transitions in report writing. Th ese words bridge thoughts by indicating the nature of the connection between what has been said and what will be said next. In addition , for example, tells the reader that what is to be discussed next builds on what has been discussed. However clearly signals that a contrasting idea is com- ing. Likewise indicates that what will be said resembles what has just been said.
Notice how the transitional expressions (in italics ) in the following paragraph show the relations among the parts and move the reader steadily forward through the ideas:
Three reasons justify moving from the Crowton site. First , the building rock in the Crowton area is questionable. The failure of recent geologic explorations in the area appears to confi rm suspicions that the Crowton deposits are nearly exhausted. Second , the distances from the Crowton site to major markets make transportation costs unusually high. Obviously, any savings in transportation costs will add to com- pany profi ts. Third , the out-of-date equipment at the Crowton plant makes this an ideal time for relocation. The old equipment at the Crowton plant could be scrapped.
Th e transition words fi rst, second , and third bring out the paragraph’s pattern of or- ganization and make it easy for the reader to follow along.
Keep in mind that transitional devices can also be used between paragraphs—to tie thoughts together, to keep the focus of the message sharp, and to move the reader smoothly from point to point. Strive for coherence on both the paragraph and the document level.
THERE’S MORE . . . Where can you fi nd an online exercise on faulty parallelism? On redundancy? On wordiness? How about more advice on combining ideas in sentences or on writing clear paragraphs? Scan the QR code with your smartphone or use your Web browser to fi nd out at www.mhhe.com/lesikar13e . Choose Chapter 4 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
1. Writing that communicates uses words that the reader understands and sentence structures that convey a clear meaning. It is writing that is adapted to the reader.
2. In general, you should use short sentences, especially when adapting to readers with low reading ability. Do this in two ways: • Limit sentence content by breaking up sentences that are too long. • Use words economically by following these specifi c suggestions: — Avoid cluttering phrases (if rather than in the event that). — Eliminate surplus words—words that contribute nothing (It will be noted
that). — Avoid roundabout constructions (use decreases rather than can be observed to
be decreasing). — Avoid unnecessary repetition, also known as redundancy (In my opinion,
I think). 3. Give every item you communicate the emphasis it deserves by following these
suggestions: • Use short sentences to emphasize points. • Be aware that how you combine points (with coordination or subordination)
determines the emphasis given. • Th ink logically to manage emphasis. Subordinate less important information
and put more important information in positions of emphasis.
1 Explain the role of adaptation in writing clear sentences.
2 Write short, clear sentences by limiting sentence content and economizing on words.
3 Design sentences that give the right emphasis to content.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 89
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90 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
4. Strive for unity and clear logic in your sentences. • Make certain that all the information in a sentence belongs together—that it
forms a unit. Th ese suggestions help: — Combine only related thoughts. — Eliminate excessive detail. • Take care to use logical wording. Watch for these problems: — Mixed constructions. — Incomplete constructions. — Dangling/misplaced modifi ers. — Faulty parallelism.
5. Design your paragraphs for clear communication by following these standards: • Give the paragraphs unity. • Keep the paragraphs short. • Use topic sentences eff ectively, usually at the beginning but sometimes within
or at the end of the paragraph. • Leave out unnecessary details. • Use these transitional devices for coherence : — Repetition of key words and ideas. — Pronouns that refer back to previous content. — Transitional words (e.g., moreover, in other words).
4 Employ unity and good logic in writing effective sentences.
5 Compose paragraphs that are short and unifi ed, use topic sentences effectively, and communicate coherently.
K E Y T E R M S
cluttering phrase, 74
surplus words, 75
roundabout constructions, 76
redundancies, 78
short sentences, 79
coordinated, 79
subordinated, 79
sentence unity, 81
mixed construction, 82
incomplete construction, 83
dangling modifi er, 84
misplaced modifi er, 84
faulty parallelism, 84
paragraph unity, 85
topic sentence, 86
coherence, 88
transitional devices, 88
1 How are sentence length and sentence design related to adaptation? LO1
2 Discuss this comment: “Long, involved sentences tend to be diffi cult to understand. Th erefore, the shorter the sentence, the better.” LO1, LO2
3 Discuss ways to give ideas more or less emphasis in your sentences. Illustrate with examples. LO3
4 Explain how unity can apply equally well to a sen- tence, to a paragraph, and to longer units of writing. LO4, LO5
5 What are the principal causes of lack of unity in sentences? LO4
6 Th is chapter discusses several kinds of illogical word- ing in sentences. Give an example of each, explain the problem, and correct it. LO4
7 Analyze several types of business writing (e.g., a sales letter, a blog post, a report, a business article). Be ready to explain how paragraphing in business writing is in- fl uenced by genre or medium. LO5
8 How can you tell when paragraphs in business writing are too short? What determines how long they should be? LO5
9 “Topic sentences are useful for reports and letters, but email messages don’t need them.” Discuss. LO5
10 Discuss and illustrate the three main transitional de- vices. Find a section of a business letter or article that uses transitional devices. Identify these devices and be ready to explain how they add coherence to the excerpt. LO5
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 91
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
Managing Sentence Content LO2, LO3, LO4
Instructions, Sentences 1–7: Break up these sentences into shorter, more readable sentences. You may need to reorga- nize and reword some of the content.
1 Records were set Wednesday by both the New York Stock Exchange Composite Index, which closed at 8,001.40 up 27.08 points, topping its previous high of 7,986.50, and Standard & Poor’s 500 Index, which fi n- ished at 1,264.03, up 6.90, moving up signifi cantly and also setting a fi ve-day high.
2 Reserving this property requires a $500 security de- posit, which will be refunded unless there is damage to the property or evidence that there has been smoking in the cottage or a pet on the premises or if the reserva- tion is canceled within one month prior to the rental period.
3 Th e Consumer Education Committee is assigned the duties of keeping informed of the qualities of all con- sumer goods and services, especially of their strengths and shortcomings, of gathering all pertinent infor- mation on dealers’ sales practices, with emphasis on practices involving honest and reasonable fairness, and of publicizing any of the information collected that may be helpful in educating the consumer.
4 Th e upswing in business activity in 2012 is expected to continue and possibly accelerate in 2013, and gross do- mestic product should rise by $542 billion, represent- ing a 4 percent increase, which is signifi cantly higher than the modest 1 percent increase of 2011.
5 As you will not get this part of Medicare automatically, even if you are covered by Social Security, you must sign up for it and pay $88.50 per month, which the govern- ment will match, if you want your physician’s bills to be covered.
6 Given our discussion yesterday, I have decided that you may choose either to take the fi nal exam or to have the paper for which you received your highest grade count as an additional 15 percent of your course grade, but you must let me know in writing by May 15 which option you prefer.
7 Although we have not defi nitely determined the causes for the decline in sales volume for the month, we know that during this period construction on the street ad- jacent to the store severely limited traffi c fl ow and that because of resignations in the advertising department promotion eff orts dropped well below normal.
8 Instructions: Assume that you are the assistant man- ager of a hotel and are describing your hotel’s meet- ing room to a prospective customer who is thinking
of holding a seminar there. Turn the following pieces of information into coherent writing, inserting para- graph breaks where you think appropriate. Be ready to explain why you grouped the information and man- aged the emphasis the way you did. You may need to add some words or information to make the facts fl ow smoothly. LO3, LO4, LO5
We have a meeting room. It will be available on the date you requested. It can seat 100 people. Th e seating can be arranged to your specifi cations. It is quiet. It is on the ground fl oor. It is not near the guest rooms. Th e lounge has live music on occasion. Th e lounge is at the opposite end of the hotel from the meeting room. Th e meeting room has a lectern. It has a projector. It has a screen. It has a laptop hookup and Wi-Fi. We can rent additional equipment. We can rent it at no charge to you. Th e charge for the room is $300. Th is is the charge for one day.
Making Sentences Economical LO2
Instructions, Sentences 9–36: Revise the following sentences for more economical wording.
9 In view of the fact that we fi nanced the experiment, we were entitled to some of the profi t.
10 We should see the prime lending rate increase in the near future.
11 I will talk to him with regard to the new policy. 12 Th e candidates who were the wealthiest won the election. 13 Th ere are many obligations that we must meet. 14 We purchased gloves that are lined with wool. 15 Mary is of the conviction that service has improved. 16 Sales can be detected to have improved over last year. 17 It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary
to correct the problem.
18 Th e chairperson is engaged in the activities of prepar- ing the program.
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92 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
19 Martin is engaged in the process of revising the application.
20 You should study all new innovations in your fi eld. 21 In all probability, we are likely to suff er a loss this
quarter.
22 Th e job requires a minimum of at least three years of experience.
23 In spite of the fact that they hadn’t paid their previous bill, they placed another order.
24 We expect to deliver the goods in the event that we re- ceive the money.
25 In accordance with their plans, company offi cials sold the machinery.
26 Th is policy exists for the purpose of preventing dishonesty.
27 Th e salespeople who were the most successful received the best rewards.
28 Th e reader will note that this area ranks in the top 5 percent in per capita income.
29 Our new coats are made of a fabric that is wrinkle resistant.
30 Our offi ce is charged with the task of counting supplies not used in production.
31 Losses caused by the strike exceeded the amount of $640,000.
32 Th is condition can be assumed to be critical. 33 Our goal is to eff ect a change concerning the overtime
pay rate.
34 Mr. Wilson replaced the old antiquated machinery with new machinery.
35 We must keep this confi dential information from being shared with others.
36 Th e consensus of opinion of this group is that Welling- ton was wrong.
Wording Sentences Logically LO4
Instructions, Sentences 37–58: Revise the following to elimi- nate illogical and awkward wording.
37 Because the Swift Company has a service-oriented cul- ture is the reason it supports all forms of volunteerism.
38 On the night of your party, we experienced a rare oc- currence with our seafood supplier canceling at the last minute.
39 Our staff is among the best as we strive for the highest level of customer service.
40 Th ank you for your feedback that will help us continue to improve.
41 Th e meeting room you have reserved has a projector, Internet access, and will enable your attendees to hear the trainer easily.
42 As a fi ve-star hotel, our guests’ satisfaction is our top priority.
43 Upon review of the facts, the problem was a short in the wiring.
44 Th is streamlined process will save us so much money. 45 Depending on how you make your request will deter-
mine how the reader will respond.
46 On behalf of the management team, I appreciate your extra work on the project.
47 We need to know how many will attend, and please indicate their choice of entrée.
48 During tomorrow’s staff meeting we will discuss our progress on the new ad campaign and how well the installation of the new soft ware is going.
49 As far as phone call monitoring, I believe we should try other methods fi rst.
50 Th rough our research of three local charities we feel that each would make a good one for our company to sponsor.
51 Each department will now be able to update your section of the website.
52 It is such a worthy cause, but I fear this nonprofi t’s website will not attract many donations.
53 Aft er reviewing the organization’s bylaws, I found that they need to be revised and updated.
54 Th is is an important message, but by placing it in a long paragraph, it is unlikely that many people will read it.
55 As a 501(c)(3) organization, donations are tax deductible.
56 Th e main reason his report was late was because his email account was hacked yesterday.
57 Aft er talking to our user testers, it is clear that we need to revise the device.
58 You can volunteer to help with publicity, set up, clean up, or you can bring refreshments.
Managing Paragraph Focus LO5
Instructions, Paragraphs 59–63: Write a topic sentence as needed for each of the following, and reword any of the other sentences to create a smooth, clear paragraph. Be ready to defend your placement of the topic sentence.
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CHAPTER 4 Constructing Clear Sentences and Paragraphs 93
59 Jennifer has a good knowledge of offi ce procedures. She works hard. She has performed her job well. She is pleasant most of the time, but she has a bad tem- per, which has led to many personal problems with the work group. I cannot recommend her for promotion. I approve a 5 percent raise for her.
60 Last year our sales increased 7 percent in California and 9 percent in Arizona. Nevada had the highest in- crease, with 14 percent. All states in the western region enjoyed increases. Oregon recorded only a 2 percent gain. Sales in Washington increased 3 percent.
61 I majored in marketing at Darden University and re- ceived a B.S. degree in 2009. Among the marketing courses I took were marketing strategy, promotion,
marketing research, marketing management, and consumer behavior. Included, also, was a one-semes- ter internship in retailing with Macy’s Department Stores.
62 Our records show that Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. Th e Penns have less breakdown time. Th ey cost more to repair. Th e longer working life off - sets Penn’s cost disadvantage. So does its better record for breakdown.
63 Recently China ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States. Likewise, Germany ordered a large quantity. Increased demand by Eastern European countries also contributed to the improved outlook for wheat farming.
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will be able to write business communications that have a positive effect on human relations. To reach this goal, you should be able to
1 Explain the need for a positive effect in business messages.
2 Use a conversational style that has the appropriate level of formality and eliminates “rubber stamps.”
3 Use the you-viewpoint to build goodwill.
4 Employ positive language to achieve goodwill and other desired effects.
5 Explain and use the elements of courtesy.
6 Use the three major techniques for emphasizing the positive and de-emphasizing the negative.
CHAPTER FIVE
Writing for a Positive Effect
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 95
THE IMPORTANCE OF A POSITIVE EFFECT As the previous two chapters explain, getting your point across effi ciently and accu- rately is essential to successful business communication. Unclear writing can not only waste people’s time but also create costly misunderstandings. You will take a giant step toward a successful career if you learn to write clearly.
But as Chapter 1 points out, clarity is not your only communication goal. Writing involves a human relations dimension, and if you neglect it, you will lose customers, alienate your co-workers, and lose the support of your superiors. Th e “people” content of your messages oft en needs as much attention as the informational content—and in some cases, it will be your primary consideration.
Sure, it’s easier to fi re off a curt email to a complaining customer or an annoying co-worker than to slow down and take that person’s feelings into account. But mes- sages written in haste have a way of coming back to haunt you. Th ink of a time you felt mistreated by someone in business. Perhaps you got an insensitive reply from an insurance company or an impersonal rejection letter from a company you were hoping to work for. Such interactions leave you with negative feelings about the company that will probably last a long time. Plus, you may spread those feelings to other potential customers or employees—or even go onto the Internet to broadcast your displeasure.
Th is chapter will help you see how to write in a way that elicits positive responses. In other words, it will help you build goodwill with your business associates and custom- ers. Businesses cannot survive without goodwill, and you will not last long in business if you do not value it. Courteous, pleasant behavior is part of being a professional. Read on to see how to make your writing meet this professional standard.
LO1 Explain the need for a positive effect in business messages.
To prepare yourself for this chapter, play the role of Cus- tomer Service Director at a large offi ce-supply company. You asked your latest hire, a new college graduate named Jason, to draft a reply to a complaint you received about one of your products. To the right is the message he wrote. If this message were to go out, it would be a customer relations disaster. Jason’s words are blunt, tactless, and unfriendly, and they show no consideration for the reader. Overall, they leave a bad impression—the impression of a writer and a business unconcerned about others’ feel- ings. This chapter will show you how to avoid such an impression.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Affecting Human Relations through Writing
Dear Mr. Morley:
Your December 3rd complaint was received and contents noted. After reviewing the facts, I regret to report that I must refuse your claim. If you will read the warranty brochure, you will see that the shelving you bought is designed for light loads—a maximum of 800 pounds. You should have bought the heavy-duty product. I regret the damage this mistake caused you and trust that you will see our position.
Hoping to be of service to you in the future,
Jason Abbott
Customer Service
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96 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
USING A CONVERSATIONAL STYLE One technique that helps build goodwill is to write in conversational language . Conversational language is warm, natural, and personable. It leaves an impression that people like, and it is also the language that is most easily understood.
In business, a conversational style does not always mean being colloquial. It does mean tailoring your language to your reader and avoiding stiff, impersonal wording.
Choosing the Right Level of Formality Business relationships are much more casual than they used to be. As recently as the early 20th century, routine business letters would contain such expressions as “beg to advise,” “enclosed herewith,” and “thanking you in advance, I remain. . . .” But companies have fl atter organizational structures now, and as social distinctions have broken down, the business world in general has acquired a friendlier tone. Many top executives promote a relaxed company culture, and some even wear t-shirts and blue jeans to work.
Still, a certain formality is expected in many business situations, just as many busi- nesspeople still wear suits. When to be formal and when to be casual will depend on whom you’re writing to, what genre you’re using, and what you’re saying. If you choose the wrong level of formality for the situation, you run the risk of off ending your reader. A too-formal style can sound impersonal and parental, while a too-informal style can make you sound as though you aren’t taking the reader seriously.
Th e more formal style is appropriate when you are
• Communicating with someone you don’t know. • Communicating with someone at a higher level than you.
LO2 Use a conversational style that has the appropriate level of formality and eliminates “rubber stamps.”
Most people are aware that certain unwritten rules for professionalism govern people’s business interactions. Those with whom we do business expect us to show re- spect through our actions, words, and even appearance. But what is considered appropriate will vary from situa- tion to situation, industry to industry, and country to coun- try. For example, in a small informal company, relatively casual clothing and relaxed behavior would be expected, and anyone behaving too formally would be considered stiff and rude. In a more formal setting, such as a bank or the executive offi ces of a large organization, what one should wear, say, or even laugh at would be more constrained. Doing business with those in or from another country requires additional considerations. For example, accord- ing to a website researched by MBA students at the Uni- versity of Texas–Dallas, it is considered rude in China for
women to wear high heels or wear short-sleeved cloth- ing while doing business, or for men to wear anything besides a conservative business suit. The Chinese are also offended by large hand movements, being pointed at while spoken to, and any actions involving touching the mouth. To learn good business etiquette, consult such sources as Judith Bowman’s Don’t Take the Last Donut: New Rules of Business Etiquette (Pompton Plains, NJ: Career Press, 2009) and Jeanette S. Martin and Lillian H. Chaney’s Global Business Etiquette: A Guide to International Communication and Customs (Westport, CT: Praeger, 2012). And then adapt their advice to your specifi c situation.
SOURCE: “China,” InternationalBusinessCenter.org, International Business Center, 1998–2012, Web, 7 June 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Business Etiquette—It Depends on Where You Are
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 97
• Using a relatively formal genre, such as a letter, long report, or external proposal.
• Writing a ceremonial message, such as a commendation or inspirational announcement.
• Writing an extremely serious message, such as a crisis response or offi cial reprimand.
When you are writing in less formal situations, you can bring your formality down a notch. Co-workers and other associates who know each other well and are using an informal medium, such as texting, oft en joke and use emoticons (e.g., a smiley face) and initialisms (e.g., BTW) in their correspondence. When appropriate, such touches add goodwill.
Adjusting your level of formality can sometimes be as simple as substituting one word or phrase for another. Compare these examples of more and less formal wording:
More Formal Less Formal
Studied, investigated, analyzed Looked into
Rearranged Juggled
Ensure Make sure
Exceptional, superior Great, terrifi c
As a result, therefore So
Confi rm Double check
Consult with Check with
Correct, appropriate Right
Thank you Thanks
We will We’ll
I am I’m
Let me know Keep me posted
By June 3 ASAP
A message using the wording on the left would convey the more formal image but would still sound like a person speaking naturally. In your eff ort to sound more for- mal, do not make the mistake of using stilted and unnecessarily diffi cult words. You can sound conversational while also being respectful and clear, as these contrasting examples illustrate:
Stiff and Dull Conversational
Enclosed please fi nd the brochure about which you inquired.
Enclosed is the brochure you requested.
In reply to your July 11 letter, please be advised that your adherence to the following instructions will facilitate the processing of your return.
Here are the procedures for returning your purchase and obtaining a refund.
This is in reply to your letter of December 1, expressing concern that you do not have a high school diploma and asking if a GED would suffi ce as prerequisite for the TAA Training Program.
The GED you mention in your December 1 letter qualifi es you for the TAA Training Program.
This is to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 5 May 2013.
We received your May 5 letter and have forwarded it to the claims department for immediate attention.
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98 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
See Chapter 6 for more advice about choosing the right level of formality for diff er- ent message types.
Cutting Out “Rubber Stamps” Rubber stamps are expressions used by habit every time a certain type of situation occurs. Th ey are used without thought and are not adapted to the specifi c situation. As the term indicates, they are used much as you would use a rubber stamp.
Because they are used routinely, rubber stamps communicate the eff ect of routine treatment, which is not likely to impress readers favorably. Such treatment tells readers that the writer has no special concern for them—that the present case is being handled in the same way as any other. In contrast, words specially selected for this case show the writer’s concern for and interest in the readers.
Chapter 2 discusses the problems that slang and popular clichés can cause. Here, we focus on the type of business clichés that are more routine and less colorful than those—the kind of wording that makes a message sound like a form letter. One com- mon example is the “thank you for your letter” opening. Its intent may be sincere, but its overuse make it a rubber stamp. Another is the closing sentence “if I can be of any further assistance, do not hesitate to call on me.” Other examples of rubber stamps in this category are the following:
I am happy to be able to answer your message.
I have received your message.
This will acknowledge receipt of . . .
This is to inform you that . . .
In accordance with your instructions . . .
I will appreciate your cooperation on this matter.
Thank you for your time.
Please let me know if you have any questions.
Thank you in advance for . . .
Perhaps you are asking yourself, “What’s wrong with thanking the reader for his or her time or with off ering to answer questions?” Th e answer is that such rubber stamps are not specifi c enough. Th ey signal that you have quit thinking about the reader and his or her situation. A better ending is one that thanks the reader for something in par- ticular or that off ers to answer questions about a particular topic.
You do not need to know all the rubber stamps to stop using them. You only need to write in the language of good conversation, addressing your comments to a real person in a specifi c situation.
USING THE YOU-VIEWPOINT Writing from the you-viewpoint (also called you-attitude ) is another technique for building goodwill in written messages. As you will see in following chapters, it means focusing on the reader’s interests, no matter what type of message you are preparing. It is fundamental to the practice of good business communication.
In the broadest sense, you-viewpoint writing emphasizes the reader’s perspective. Yes, it emphasizes you and your and de-emphasizes we and our, but it is more than a matter of just using second-person pronouns. You and your can appear prominently in sentences that emphasize the we-viewpoint, as in this example: “If you do not pay by the 15th, you must pay a penalty.” Likewise, we and mine can appear in sentences that emphasize the you-viewpoint, as in this example: “We will do whatever we can to protect your investment.”
LO3 Use the you- viewpoint to build goodwill.
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 99
Th e point is that the you-viewpoint is an attitude of mind that places the reader at the center of the message. Sometimes it just involves being friendly and treating people the way they like to be treated. Sometimes it involves skillfully managing people’s re- sponse with carefully chosen words in a carefully designed order. How you apply it will depend on each situation and your own judgment.
Sample Uses of the You-Viewpoint Although the you-viewpoint involves much more than word selection, examples of contrasting wording help illustrate the principle. First, take the case of a person writ- ing to present good news. Th is person could write from a self-centered point of view, beginning with such words as “I am happy to report. . . .” Or he or she could begin with news the reader cares about—for example, “Your proposal has been accepted.” Th e messages are much the same, but the eff ects are likely to be diff erent.
Or consider the case of a writer who must inform the reader that a request for credit has been approved. A we-viewpoint beginning could take this form: “We are pleased to have your new account.” Some readers might view these words favorably. But some would sense a self-centered writer concerned primarily with making money. A you- viewpoint beginning would go something like this: “Your new charge account is now open for your convenience.”
Th e you-viewpoint is especially important in bad-news messages. For example, take the case of an executive who must say no to a professor’s request for help on a research project. Th e bad news is made especially bad when it is presented in we-viewpoint words: “We cannot comply with your request to use our staff on your project because they are too busy doing their jobs.” A skilled writer using the you-viewpoint would look at the situation from the reader’s point of view, fi nd an explanation or alternative likely to satisfy this reader, and present the response in you-viewpoint language. Th e you-viewpoint response might take this form: “While we do not have the available staff to assist you with your project, we would be glad to share sample documents with you. If you will tell me. . . .”
Th e following additional examples demonstrate the diff erent eff ects that changes in viewpoint are likely to produce.
In face-to-face communication, words, voice, facial expressions, and gestures combine to create the desired communication effect. In writing, the printed word alone must do the job.
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100 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
We-Viewpoint You-Viewpoint We are happy to have your order for Hewlett-Packard products, which we are sending today by UPS.
Your Hewlett-Packard printers were shipped by UPS today and should reach you by noon tomorrow.
We sell the Chicago Cutlery set for the low price of $24.00 each and suggest a retail price of $36.50.
With a cost of only $24.00, each Chicago Cutlery set you sell at $36.50 will bring you a $12.50 profi t.
Our policy prohibits us from permitting outside groups to use our facilities except on a cash-rental basis.
Our policy of renting our facilities to outside groups ensures that our full range of services will be available to your guests.
We have been quite tolerant of your past-due account and must now demand payment. We have received your report of May 1.
If you are to continue to enjoy the benefi ts of credit buying, you must clear your account now. Thank you for your report of May 1. So that your fi le records may be completed, please send us your January report.
So that we may complete our fi le records on you, we ask that you submit to us your January report. We require that you sign the sales slip before we will charge your account.
For your protection, you are charged only after you have signed the sales slip.
Ethical Use of the You-Viewpoint Th e you-viewpoint has been a matter of some controversy. Its critics argue that it can be insincere and manipulative. For this reason, they say, it is more ethical just to “tell it like it is.”
Th ese arguments have some merit. Without question, the you-viewpoint can be abused. But those who favor its use argue that it need not—in fact, should not—be just a self-serving technique. Th e objective is to treat people courteously because that is the way we all like to be treated. Th e you-viewpoint also helps readers see quickly in what ways a given message applies to them. Th is “translation” work supports both clarity and courtesy.
You do not have to use the you-viewpoint exclusively or overdo it. You can use it when it is friendly and sincere and when your desired eff ects are ethical. In such cases, using the you-viewpoint is “telling it as it is”—or at least as it should be. With this position in mind, we advocate its use as an important element of good business communication.
ACCENTUATING THE POSITIVE As you know, one can say anything in many ways, and each way conveys a diff erent meaning. Whether your written message achieves its goal oft en will depend on the types of words you choose. In most cases, positive or neutral wording will succeed bet- ter than negative wording.
Use Positive Words As Chapter 3 points out, all words have certain emotional associations. Because people generally prefer positive to negative feelings, positive words are usually best for achiev- ing your message goals. Th is is not to say that negative words have no place in business writing. Such words are powerful, and you will sometimes want to use them. But you will usually need the more positive words. Th ey tend to put the reader in the right frame of mind, and they emphasize the pleasant aspects of the goal. Th ey also create the goodwill that helps build good relations.
Negative words tend to produce the opposite eff ects. Th ey may stir up your reader’s resistance to your goals, and they are likely to be highly destructive of goodwill. Care- fully consider the negativeness and positiveness of your words in order to select the ones that are most appropriate in each case.
LO4 Employ positive language to achieve goodwill and other desired effects.
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 101
Be particularly wary of strongly negative words. Th ese words have unhappy and unpleasant associations that usually detract from your goal. Th ey include such words as mistake, problem, error, damage, loss , and failure . Th ere are also words that deny— words such as no, do not, refuse , and stop . And there are words whose sounds or mean- ings have unpleasant eff ects: guts, scratch, grime, sloppy, and nauseous . As you think about these words, notice their eff ect on your feelings. If possible, use more positive alternatives.
Focus on What You Can Do Oft en times when we have to convey negative news, the fact that we must say “no” dominates our thinking. Th is reaction leads us to write in a style that is more negative and selfi sh than it actually has to be. In many cases, you will be able to help solve the reader’s problem even if you cannot do exactly what he or she wants.
Let’s consider the case of a company executive who had to deny a local civic group’s request to use the company’s meeting facilities. To soft en the refusal, the executive could let the group use a conference room, which might be somewhat small for its pur- pose. Th e executive came up with this totally negative response:
We regret to inform you that we cannot permit you to use our auditorium for your meeting, as the Sun City Investment Club asked for it fi rst. We can, however, let you use our conference room, but it seats only 60.
Th e negative words are italicized. First, the positively intended opening, “We regret to inform you,” is an unmistakable sign of coming bad news. “ Cannot permit” is un- necessarily harsh. And notice how the good-news part of the message is hindered by the limiting word only . Th e writer focused only on the negative aspects of the situation. As a result, that is what the reader is being asked to focus on as well.
Had the executive considered the situation more positively, he or she might have written
Although the SunCity Investment Club has reserved the auditorium for Saturday, we can offer you our conference room, which seats 60.
Not a single negative word appears in this version. Both approaches achieve the primary objective of denying a request, but their emphasis is quite diff erent. Clearly the second approach would do a better job of building goodwill.
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102 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Or take the case of a writer granting the claim of a woman for cosmetics damaged in transit. Granting the claim is the most positive outcome that such a situation can have. Even though this customer has had a somewhat unhappy experience, she is receiving what she wants. Th e negative language of an unskilled writer, however, can so vividly recall the unhappy aspects of the problem that the happy solution is moved to the back- ground, as in this negative response:
We received your claim in which you contend that we were responsible for damage to three cases of Estée Lauder lotion. We assure you that we sincerely regret the problems this has caused you. Even though we feel in all sincerity that your receiving clerks may have been negligent, we will assume the blame and replace the damaged merchandise.
Clearly, this grudging, accusatory, and negative approach would not be conducive to goodwill.
In the following version of the same message, the writer focuses on what can be done to settle the problem. Th e job is done without using a negative word and without mentioning the situation being corrected or suspicions concerning the honesty of the claim. Th e goodwill eff ect of this approach is likely to keep the reader as a customer:
Three cases of Estée Lauder lotion are on their way to you by FedEx and should be on your sales fl oor by Saturday.
Here are a few more contrasting examples (the negative words are in italics):
Negative Positive Smoking is not permitted anywhere except in the lobby.
Smoking is permitted in the lobby only.
We cannot deliver until Friday. We can deliver the goods on Friday. We regret that we overlooked your coverage on this equipment and apologize for the trouble and concern it must have caused you.
You were quite right in believing that you have coverage on the equipment. We have now credited your account for. . .
We regret to inform you that the guest room is not available on the date you requested.
The guest room is already booked for the evening of August 7. Would August 8 be a possibility? We would be able to accommodate your party at any time on that date.
In the 1950s, psychologist Eric Berne developed a model of relationships that he called Transactional Analysis. It has proven to be so useful that it is still popular today. At the core of this model is the idea that, in all our transactions with others (and even within ourselves), peo- ple occupy one of three positions: parent, child, or adult.
• A parent is patronizing, spoiling, nurturing, blaming, criticizing, and/or punishing.
• A child is uninhibited, freely emotional, obedient, whining, irresponsible, and/or selfi sh.
• An adult is reasonable, responsible, considerate, and fl exible.
Signifi cantly, the “self” that one projects invites others to occupy the complementary position. Thus, acting “pa- rental” leads others to act “childish” and vice versa, while acting “adult” invites others to be adults. In both internal and external business messages, strive for “adult–adult” interactions. Your courtesy and professionalism will be likely to elicit the same from your readers.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Parent, Child, or Adult?
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 103
BEING COURTEOUS A major contributor to goodwill in business documents is courtesy . By courtesy we mean treating people with respect and consideration. Courtesy produces friendly re- lations between people, and the result is a better human climate for solving business problems and doing business.
As with every other facet of your communications, how to be courteous ultimately depends on the given situation. Including “please,” “thank you,” “we’re sorry,” and other standard expressions of politeness do not necessarily make a message courteous. Rather than focusing on stock phrases, consider what will make your reader feel most comfortable, understood, and appreciated. A message with no overtly polite expres- sions whatsoever can still demonstrate great courtesy by being easy to read, focusing on the reader’s interests, and conveying the writer’s feelings of goodwill.
Still, courtesy generally is enhanced by using certain techniques. We have already discussed three of them: writing in conversational language, employing the you- viewpoint, and choosing positive words. More follow.
Avoid Blaming the Reader Customers, co-workers, bosses, and other businesspeople you work with are going to make mistakes—just as you will. When they do, your fi rst reaction is likely to be dis- appointment, frustration, or even anger. Aft er all, their mistakes will cost you time, energy, and possibly even money.
But you must avoid the temptation to blame the reader when you are resolving a problem. No one likes being accused of negligence, wrongdoing, or faulty thinking. It is better to objectively explain the facts and then move on to a solution.
Th e following examples illustrate:
Blaming Language More Positive Language You failed to indicate which fabric you wanted on the chair you ordered.
To complete your order, please check your choice of fabric on the enclosed card.
If you had read the instructions that came with your cookware, you would have known not to submerge it in water.
The instructions explain why the cookware should not be submerged in water.
Your claim that we did not properly maintain the copier is false .
Listed below are the dates the copier was serviced and the type of service it received.
Your request for coverage is denied because you did not follow the correct appeals procedure.
We need additional information to be able to process your appeal. Please supply [the needed information] and resubmit your request to. . . .
Notice two helpful, related strategies in the better language above. One is to avoid using you when doing so would blame the reader. In these situations, you will actually have better you-viewpoint if you do not use you. Th e second strategy is to keep the focus on the facts rather than on the people. So instead of writing “ you should not sub- merge the cookware in water,” write “the cookware should not be submerged in water.” Notice that the preferred wording in this example uses passive voice, a type of writing you learned about in Chapter 3. As that chapter notes, passive voice (omitting the doer of the action) is not only acceptable but desirable in cases where it will keep you from assigning blame.
A more general strategy that can help you maintain good relations, even when you feel that you have been unfairly blamed, is to blow off steam before you write your message. Try never to send a message written in anger. Tempting as it can be to do so, you will almost always regret it. Take the time to calm down and write in a reason- able tone. A good relationship with your reader is worth much more than a moment’s self-indulgence.
LO5 Explain and use the elements of courtesy.
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104 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Refrain from Preaching You can help give your documents a courteous eff ect by not preaching—that is, by avoiding the tone of a lecture or a sermon. Most people like to be treated as equals; they do not want to be bossed or talked down to. Writing that suggests unequal writer– reader relations is likely to hinder your goals.
Preaching is usually not intended. It oft en occurs when the writer is trying to con- vince the reader of something, as in this example:
You must take advantage of savings like this if you are to be successful. The pennies you save pile up. In time they will turn into dollars.
It is insulting to tell the reader an elementary fact as if he or she did not know it. Such obvious information should be omitted.
Likewise, fl at statements of the obvious fall into the preachy category. Statements such as “Rapid inventory turnover means greater profi ts” are obvious to the experienced retailer and would probably produce negative reactions. So would most statements that include such phrases as “you need,” “you want,” “you should,” and “you must.”
Another form of preachiness is to tell the reader how to react, as in this example: “Would you like to make a deal that would make you a 38 percent profi t? Of course you would!” Th is parental-sounding language would surely off end. Less extreme examples, such as “You’ll be happy to know,” can have a similar negative eff ect.
Do More Th an Is Expected One sure way to gain goodwill is to do a little more than you have to do for your reader. We are all aware of how helpful little acts of support can be in other areas of our personal relationships. Too many of us, however, stop short of these in our messages. Perhaps in
The fi rst step toward creating goodwill with your readers is to put yourself in their shoes.
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 105
an eff ort to be concise, we include only the bare essentials. But the result can be brusque, hurried treatment, which is inconsistent with the eff ort to build goodwill.
Th e writer of a message refusing a request to use company equipment, for example, needs only to say “no” to accomplish the primary goal. But this blunt response would destroy goodwill. To maintain positive relations, the writer should explain and justify the refusal and then suggest alternative steps that the reader might take. A wholesaler’s brief extra sentence to wish a retailer good luck on a coming promotion is worth the eff ort. So are an insurance agent’s few words of congratulations in a message to a policyholder who has earned some kind of distinction.
Likewise, a writer uses good judgment in an acknowledgment message that includes helpful suggestions about using the goods ordered. And in messages to customers a writer for a sales organization can justifi ably include a few words about new merchandise, new services, price reductions, or any other topic likely to be of interest.
Remember that your goal is both to communicate and to build positive human rela- tions, so go the extra mile for your readers.
In the U.S., the name Emily Post has been synonymous with good manners for decades. With the publication of Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home in 1922, Post became the undisputed authority on the topic, and she continued to be so the rest of her life. Her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren have carried on her tradition. Emily Post’s Etiquette is now in its 18th edition, and it now includes a chapter on Personal Communication Devices. Here are some excerpts from the chapter:
Cell Phones
• Without exception, turn your device off in a house of worship, restaurant, or theater; during a meeting or presentation; or anytime its use is likely to disturb others .
• If you must be alerted to a call, put your device on silent ring or vibrate, and check your caller ID or voice mail later. (Put it in your pocket; a vibrating phone, skittering across a tabletop, is just as disruptive as a ring.)
• Wherever you are, if you must make or take a call, move to a private space and speak as quietly as you can.
• Keep calls as short as possible; the longer the call, the greater the irritation to those who have no choice but to listen.
• On airplanes, it’s a courtesy to everyone on board to quickly wrap up your call when the fl ight crew instructs passengers to turn off all electronic devices before takeoff. When cell phone use is permitted after landing, keep your calls short, limiting them to information about your arrival. Save any longer calls for a private spot in the terminal.
• Think about what your ring tone says about you. Is your frat boy hip-hop tone the right ring for your new job as a trainee at an accounting fi rm?
Text Messaging
• Text messaging is a strictly casual communication. You shouldn’t use text messaging when informing someone of sad news, business matters, or urgent meetings unless it’s to set up a phone call on the subject.
• Be aware of where you are. The backlight will disturb others if you text in a theater or house of worship.
• Keep your message brief. If it’s going to be more than a couple of lines, make a call and have a conversation.
• Don’t be a pest. Bombarding someone with texts is annoying and assumes they have nothing better to do than read your messages.
• Be very careful when choosing a recipient from your phone book; a slip of the thumb could send a text intended for a friend to your boss.
• Whenever you have a chance, respond to text messages, either by texting back or with a phone call.
• Don’t text anything confi dential, private, or potentially embarrassing. You never know when your message might get sent to the wrong person or forwarded.
SOURCE: Based on Peggy Post, Anna Post, Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning, Emily Post’s Etiquette: Manners for a New World 18E, 2001, pp. 240–248.
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Courtesy in the Age of Mobile Devices
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106 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Be Sincere Courteous treatment is sincere treatment. If your messages are to be eff ective, people must believe you. You must convince them that you mean what you say and that your courtesy and friendliness are authentic.
Th e best way of getting sincerity into your writing is actually to be sincere. If you honestly want to be courteous, if you honestly believe that you-viewpoint treatment leads to harmonious relations, and if you honestly think that tactful treatment spares your reader’s feelings, you are likely to apply these techniques sincerely, and this sincer- ity will show in your writing.
Don’t Overdo the Goodwill Techniques. Being sincere will help you avoid two problems. Th e fi rst is the overdoing of your goodwill techniques. Th e eff ort to be posi- tive and to display the you-viewpoint can be taken to such an extreme that readers will be put off . For example, referring too oft en to your reader by name can seem manipula- tive, as in this example:
If you will help these children, Ms. Collins, you will become a heroine in their eyes.
Th e following example, included in a form letter from the company president to a new charge customer, has a touch of unbelievability:
I was delighted today to see your name listed among Macy’s new charge customers.
Or how about this one, taken from an adjustment message of a large department store?
We are extremely pleased to be able to help you and want you to know that your satisfaction means more than anything to us.
Don’t Exaggerate. Th e second danger that you should avoid is exaggerating the positive. It is easy to see through most exaggerated statements, and when that happens, you have damaged the reader’s trust in you. Exaggerations are overstatements of facts. Although some hype is conventional in sales writing, even here boundaries exist. Th e following examples clearly overstep these boundaries:
Already thousands of new customers are beating paths to the doors of Martin dealers.
Never has there been, nor will there be, a fan as smooth running and whispering quiet as the North Wind.
Everywhere coffee drinkers meet, they are talking about the amazing whiteness Rembrandt gives their teeth.
Many exaggerated statements involve the use of superlatives. All of us use them, but only rarely are they actually warranted. Words like greatest, most amazing, fi nest, healthiest , and strongest are seldom appropriate. Other strong words may have similar eff ects—for example, extraordinary, incredible, delicious, more than happy, sensational, terrifi c, revolutionary, world-class, and perfection . Such words cause us to doubt rather than believe.
MANAGING EMPHASIS FOR A POSITIVE EFFECT Getting the desired eff ect in writing oft en involves giving proper emphasis to the items in the message. As the previous chapter discussed, every message contains a number of facts and ideas that must be presented. Some of these items are more important than others, and some will be received more positively than others. A part of your job as a writer is to determine which items to emphasize in your message.
Th e three most useful ways to manage emphasis for a positive eff ect are to use posi- tion, sentence structure, and space. Th e following paragraphs explain each.
LO6 Use the three major techniques for emphasizing the positive and de- emphasizing the negative.
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 107
Emphasis by Position Th e beginnings and endings of a writing unit carry more emphasis than the center parts. Th is rule of emphasis applies whether the unit is the message, a paragraph of the message, or a sentence within the paragraph (see Figure 5–1). Some authorities think that the reader’s fresh mental energy explains beginning emphasis. Some say that the last parts stand out because they are the most recent in the reader’s mind. Whatever the explanation, research has suggested that this emphasis technique works.
In light of this fact, you should put your more positive points in beginnings and endings and, if possible, avoid putting negative points in these positions. If we were to use this technique in a paragraph turning down a suggestion, we might write it like this (the key point is in italics ):
In light of the current budget crunch, we approved those suggestions that would save money while not costing much to implement. While your plan is not feasible at this time, we hope you will submit it again next year when we should have more resources for implementing it.
As you can see, putting information in the middle tends to de-emphasize it. Con- sider position carefully when organizing your positive and negative contents.
Sentence Structure and Emphasis Closely related to the concept of emphasis by position is the concept of managing em- phasis through sentence structure. As noted in Chapter 4, short, simple sentences and main clauses call attention to their content. In applying this emphasis technique to your writing, carefully consider the possible arrangements of your information. Place the more positive information in short, simple sentences or main clauses. Put the less important information in subordinate structures such as dependent clauses and modi- fying phrases. Th is sentence from the previous example illustrates the technique (the negative point is in a dependent clause):
While your plan is not feasible at this time , we encourage you to submit it again next year when we are likely to have more resources for implementing it.
Figure 5–1
Emphasis by Position beginning and ending of the message
beginning and ending of the paragraph
beginning and ending of the sentence
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108 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
Here’s another example:
Your budget will be approved if you can reduce your planned operating expenses by $2000 .
Space and Emphasis As a general rule, the more space you devote to a topic, the more you emphasize it. Th erefore, deemphazing the negative means spending as little space on it as possible and giving the positive contents more space.
When we say not to spend much space on negative news, we mean the actual nega- tive point. As Chapter 8 will show, you will oft en need to preface such news with ex- planatory, cushioning words in order to prepare your readers to receive it as positively as possible. For this reason, it oft en takes longer to say “no” than to say “yes,” as in these contrasting openings of a message responding to a request:
A Message Th at Says “Yes”
Your new A-level parking sticker is enclosed.
A Message Th at Says “No”
Your new University Hospital parking sticker is enclosed. As always, we had many more applicants for A-level passes than we had spaces. Your B-level sticker will en- able you to park in the Eden Garage, which is connected to the hospital by a covered skywalk. If you would like to discuss additional options, please contact Ann Barnett, Director of Parking Services, at 555-6666 or [email protected].
The “no” version certainly took longer. But notice that the space actually de- voted to the negative news is minimal. In fact, the negative news isn’t even stated; it is only implied in the positive second sentence (“Your B-level sticker …”). Look how much of the paragraph focuses on more positive things. That is the allocation of space you should strive for when minimizing the negative and emphasizing the positive.
THE ETHICS OF POSITIVE EMPHASIS As with use of the you-viewpoint, emphasis on the positive, when overdone, can lead to fake and manipulative messages. The technique is especially questionable when it causes the reader to overlook an important negative point in the message— the discontinuation of a service, for example, or information about an unsafe product.
Do not let your eff ort to please the reader lead you to be dishonest or insincere. Th at would not only be morally wrong; it would also be a bad way to do business.
On the other hand, the topics we discuss in our communication—whether data, events, people, or situations—can be rightly perceived in multiple ways. In your quest to achieve your communication purpose, think before you let negative feel- ings make their way into your messages. You will often be able to depict the glass as half full rather than as half empty, and you will probably find that your own perspective has improved in the process.
THERE’S MORE . . . What are seven ways to cultivate good business relationships? How can you improve your use of the you-viewpoint? What are some negative words to avoid in business writing? Scan the QR code with your smartphone or use your Web browser to fi nd out at www.mhhe.com/Lesikar13e. Choose Chapter 5 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 109
1. Although clarity is a major goal of business writing, you should also strive to create positive eff ects. • Specifi cally, you should seek to build goodwill, which sustains good human
relations in business. • Lost goodwill can result in lost business, alienated co-workers, and lost support
from your superiors.
2. Write messages in a conversational style (language that sounds like people talking). • Such a style requires that you choose the appropriate level of formality for the
situation. • It requires that you avoid unnecessary formality and stiff ness ( thanking you in
advance, please be advised ). • It requires that you avoid the so-called rubber stamps—words used routinely
and without thought ( this is to inform, in accordance with ). 3. In your messages, you will need to emphasize the you-viewpoint ( your refund is
enclosed . . . rather than I am happy to report . . .). • But be careful not to be or appear to be insincere. • And do not use the you-viewpoint to manipulate the reader.
4. You should prefer positive to negative words. • Negative words have unpleasant meanings (We cannot deliver until Friday). • Positive words have pleasant meanings (We can deliver Friday). • Select those negative and positive words that achieve the best eff ects for your
goal. 5. You should strive for courtesy in your messages by doing the following:
• Practice the goodwill techniques discussed in the chapter. • Avoid blaming the reader. • Refrain from preaching or talking down to your reader. • Do more than is expected. • Be sincere (avoid exaggeration and overdoing the goodwill techniques).
6. Use the three major techniques for positive emphasis in writing. • Determine the items of information the message will contain. • Give each item the emphasis it deserves. • Show emphasis in these ways:
— By position (beginnings and endings receive prime emphasis). — By sentence structure (short sentences and main clauses emphasize more
than long sentences and subordinated ideas). — By space (the greater the space devoted to a topic, the greater the emphasis).
1 Explain the need for a positive effect in business messages.
2 Use a conversational style that has the appropriate level of formality and eliminates “rubber stamps.”
3 Use the you-viewpoint to build goodwill. 4 Employ positive language to achieve
goodwill and other desired effects .
5 Explain and use the elements of courtesy.
6 Use the three major techniques for emphasizing the positive and de-emphasizing the negative.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
K E Y T E R M S
goodwill, 95
conversational language, 96
rubber stamps, 98
you-viewpoint (or you-attitude), 98
courtesy, 103
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110 PART 2 Fundamentals of Business Writing
1 Discuss this comment: “Getting the goodwill eff ect requires extra eff ort and time, and time costs money.” LO1
2 “If a company really wants to impress the readers of its messages, the messages should be as formal as pos- sible.” Discuss. LO2
3 “If you can fi nd words, sentences, or phrases that cover a common situation, why not use them every time that situation comes about? Th ey’re not off ensive, and they sound businesslike.” Discuss. LO2
4 Discuss this comment: “Th e you-viewpoint is insincere and deceitful.” LO3
5 Evaluate this comment: “It’s hard to argue against cour- tesy. But businesspeople don’t have time to spend extra eff ort on it. Anyway, they want their documents to go straight to the point—without wasting words and with- out sugar coating.” LO5
6 “I like writers who shoot straight. When they are happy, you know it. When they are angry, they let you know.” Discuss. LO3–LO5
7 “It is never acceptable to show anger in a business mes- sage.” Discuss. LO5
8 A writer wants to include a certain negative point in a message and to give it little emphasis. Discuss each of the three basic emphasis techniques as they relate to what can be done. LO6
9 Imagine that a customer has written to complain about the lack of attention that she received when visiting a paint store. Th e manager’s responding letter explains why the sales staff were so busy, off ers to make a special appointment with the customer to discuss her decorat- ing needs, and then ends with the following paragraph: “We do apologize again for any inconvenience that this situation caused you. We thank you for your under- standing. Please do not hesitate to contact us again if we ever fall short of the superior service that you have come to expect from us.” If the manager asked for your feedback on this letter, what would you say? It’s full of polite expressions. Is it a good concluding paragraph? Discuss. LO2–LO6
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
Using a Conversational Style (LO2)
Instructions, Sentences 1–10: Rewrite in conversational style.
1 I hereby acknowledge receipt of your July 7 letter. 2 Please be so kind as to reply at your earliest possible
convenience.
3 Attached please fi nd the receipt requested in your May 1st inquiry.
4 You are hereby advised to endorse the enclosed pro- posal and return same to the undersigned.
5 Th is is to advise that henceforth all invoices will be submitted in duplicate.
6 Kindly be advised that this book has been requested by another patron and will therefore be due on 10 May 2012.
7 In reply to your letter of July 13, permission to quote from our report is hereby granted.
8 Please be advised that, with regard to above invoice, a payment of $312 has been credited to your account.
9 I am submitting under separate cover the report you requested.
10 Kindly advise the director as to your availability for participation in the program.
Using the You-Viewpoint (LO3)
Instructions, Sentences 11–25: Rewrite the following using you-viewpoint. You may need to add additional material.
11 Company policy requires that you submit the warranty agreement within two weeks of sale.
12 We will be pleased to deliver your order by the 12th. 13 We have worked for 37 years to build the best lawn
mowers for our customers.
14 Today we are shipping the goods you ordered February 3. 15 (From an application letter) I have seven years of suc-
cessful experience selling offi ce supplies.
16 (From an email to employees) We take pleasure in announcing that, eff ective today, the Company will give a 20 percent discount on all purchases made by employees.
17 We are happy to report approval of your application for membership.
18 Items desired should be checked on the enclosed order form.
19 Our long experience in the book business has enabled us to provide the best customer service possible.
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CHAPTER 5 Writing for a Positive Effect 111
20 So that we can sell at discount prices, we cannot permit returns of sale merchandise.
21 We invite you to buy from the enclosed catalog. 22 Tony’s Red Beans have an exciting spicy taste. 23 We give a 2 percent discount when payment is made
within 10 days.
24 I am pleased to inform you that I can grant your re- quest for payment of travel expenses.
25 We cannot permit you to attend classes on com- pany time unless the course is related to your work assignment.
Accentuating the Positive (LO4)
Instructions, Sentences 26–40: Underscore all negative words in these sentences. Th en rewrite the sentences for a more positive eff ect. Use your imagination to envision the situation for each.
26 Your misunderstanding of our January 7 email caused you to make this mistake.
27 We hope this delay has not inconvenienced you. If you will be patient, we will get the order to you as soon as our supply is replenished.
28 We regret that we must call your attention to our pol- icy of prohibiting refunds for merchandise bought at discount.
29 Your negligence in this matter caused the damage to the equipment.
30 You cannot visit the plant except on Saturdays. 31 We were disappointed to learn from your July 7 email
that you are having trouble with our Model 7 motor.
32 Tuff -Boy work clothing is not made from cloth that shrinks or fades.
33 Our Stone-skin material is less weak than the fabric used by other brands.
34 Even though you were late in paying the bill, we still allowed the discount.
35 We were sorry to learn of the disappointing service you have had from our sales force, but we feel we have cor- rected all mistakes with recent personnel changes.
36 We have received your complaint of the 7th in which you claim that our product was defective and have thoroughly investigated the matter.
37 I regret the necessity of calling your attention to our letter of May 1.
38 We have received your undated letter, which you sent to the wrong offi ce.
39 I regret to have to say that I will be unable to speak at your conference, as I have a prior commitment.
40 Do not walk on the grass.
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PART THREE
What are the key traits of eff ective communication on the job?
Lynn Marmer, VP of Corporate Aff airs for the Kroger company,
has something to say about that. When she was appointed the chief
communications offi cer of the Fortune 25 Company in 1997, she
became the fi rst female offi cer of this leading grocery retailer. Her
responsibilities include external communications and media, corporate
social responsibility and sustainability, customer relations, philanthropy
and community engagement, government relations, and crisis
communications. And she has made Kroger an innovator in the use of
multimedia for internal communication.
But “whatever the medium (traditional, social, speeches, or television
interviews) or audience (employees, external, investors, policymakers),”
she says, “I always strive to honor my own four cardinal rules:
• Tailor the medium and message to the interests/needs of the audience.
• Make the writing clear, unambiguous, and easy to understand; use active voice.
• Be honest, transparent, and authentic.
• Strive to connect with the audience in a way that supports and reinforces the company’s brand promise.”
Kroger is one of the largest retailers in the world, with 2,400 grocery stores in 31 diff erent states, $90 billion
in sales, and more than 330,000 employees. But wherever you work (or apply to work) and whatever you write,
following Marmer’s advice will set you apart as a skillful professional who enhances a company’s success.
Basic Patterns of Business Messages
6 Choosing the Best Process and Form
7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages
8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages
9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals
10 Conducting a Successful Job Search
Source: Reprinted with permission.
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will understand the process for writing business messages and the purpose and forms of the main types of business messages. To reach this goal, you should be able to
1 Describe the writing process and effective writing strategies.
2 Explain the importance of readable formatting.
3 Describe the development and current usage of the business letter.
4 Describe the purpose and form of memorandums (memos).
5 Describe the purpose and form of email.
6 Understand the nature and business uses of text messaging and instant messaging.
7 Understand the nature and business uses of social media.
8 Understand the inverted pyramid structure for organizing and writing Web documents.
CHAPTER SIX
Choosing the Best Process and Form
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 115
THE IMPORTANCE OF SKILLFUL WRITING Much of this book focuses on writing in business. Is skillful oral communication im- portant? Absolutely. How about skillful use of graphics? It’s critical. Th en why the emphasis on writing?
First, experienced businesspeople tend to place writing skills ahead of other com- munication skills when asked what they seek in job applicants. And they seek strong writing skills in particular when considering whom to promote. For example, in one study, a majority of the 305 executives surveyed commented that fewer than half their job applicants were well-versed enough in “global knowledge, self-direction, and writ- ing skills” to be able to advance in their companies. 1 As people move up, their jobs involve handling more information, and this work oft en requires the written forms of communication.
Another reason for our strong focus on writing is that writing is in some ways more diffi cult to do well than other kinds of communication. Writers essentially have no safety net; they can’t rely on their facial expressions, body language, or tone of voice to make up for wording that isn’t quite what they mean. Th e symbols on the page or screen must do the whole communication job. Plus, the symbols used in writing—the alphabet, words, punctuation, and so forth—share no characteristics with the object or concept they represent (unless you count words that sound like the sounds they name, such as “buzz”). Representing something with a photograph is relatively easy. Representing that same thing in words is much harder. Capturing a complex reality by putting one word aft er another requires ingenuity, discipline, and the ability to antici- pate how readers will likely react as they read.
Th e fi rst major section of this chapter will help you achieve this impressive but com- monplace feat in the workplace by showing you how to break the writing process into parts and skillfully manage each part. Th e remainder of the chapter will discuss the main forms of business messages, which bring with them certain features and conven- tions of use. Th ese discussions provide the foundation for subsequent chapters on writ- ing diff erent kinds of business messages.
Introduce yourself to this chapter by shifting to the role of Julie Evans, a recent college graduate in her fi rst job as an accounts manager at a small company that manufactures windows. You are amazed (and sometimes overwhelmed) by the types of messages you send each day. Every day you process dozens of internal email messages. Occa- sionally you write and receive memorandums. Then there are the more formal communications you exchange with
people outside the company—both email and letters. You also write messages for social media sites and daily rely on text and instant messaging for quick communication. With so many audiences and so many ways to send mes- sages, you often wonder if you’re making good choices. This chapter will help you understand the writing process and the types of business messages so that you are sure to meet your audience’s needs.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
The Nature of Business Messages
1 Paula Wasley, “Tests Aren’t Best Way to Evaluate Graduates’ Skills, Business Leaders Say in Survey,” Th e Chronicle of Higher Education, Th e Chronicle of Higher Education, Jan. 2008, Web, 08 June 2012.
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116 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
THE PROCESS OF WRITING Writing researchers have been studying the composing process since the 1970s. Th ey have found, not surprisingly, that each person’s way of developing a piece of writing for a given situation is unique. On the other hand, they have also drawn several conclu- sions about the nature of the process and about strategies that can help it. Familiarizing yourself with these fi ndings will help make you a more deliberate, eff ective writer.
As Figure 6–1 shows, preparing any piece of writing involves three stages: planning, draft ing, and revising . Th ese stages can be defi ned roughly as fi guring out what you want to say, saying it, and then saying it better. Each of these stages can be divided into various specifi c activities, which the rest of this section describes. However, as the arrows in the fi gure suggest, business writers should not think of the three stages as strictly chrono- logical or separate. In practice, the stages are interrelated. Like the steps for solving busi- ness communication problems described in Chapter 1, they are recursive. For example, a writer in the planning stage may start writing pieces of the draft . Or he or she may fi nd when draft ing that gathering more information is necessary. Or he or she may decide that it’s necessary to revise a piece of the document carefully before continuing with the draft - ing. An undue emphasis on keeping the stages separate and chronological will hinder the success of your messages. Allow yourself to blend these stages as necessary.
A good rule of thumb for student writers is to spend roughly a third of their writing time in each of the three stages. A common mistake that writers make is to spend too much time on draft ing and too little on the other two stages, planning and revising. Pre- paring to write and improving what you have written are as critical to success as the draft - ing stage, and careful attention to all three stages can actually make your writing process more effi cient. Once you have become an experienced business writer, you will be able to write many routine messages without as much planning and revising. Even so, some planning and revising will still be essential to getting the best results with your messages.
Planning the Message Chapter 1 presents a problem-solving approach to business communication. As Fig- ure 1–4 indicates, you need to develop a defi nition of the problem that you are trying to solve. Once you have defi ned your problem, you can plan your message by answering several questions regarding your context and audience. As you plan written documents in particular, you can make the planning process more manageable by thinking about it in fi ve smaller steps: determining goals; analyzing your audience; gathering and col- lecting information; analyzing and organizing the information; and choosing the form, channel, and format the document will take.
Planning a good message takes time. Th e reason is that you have a lot to consider when writing to an audience you may not know all that well. Th e investment of your time pays
LO1 Describe the writing process and effective writing strategies.
Figure 6–1
Message Planning Checklist
Planning
• Determine goals • Analyze the audience • Gather and collect data • Analyze and organize information • Choose a form
Drafting
• Be flexible • Keep going • Use your own favorite strategies
Revising
• Revise contents, structure, and format • Edit sentences and words • Proofread
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 117
dividends when you are able not only to achieve the goal of your message but also to en- hance your professional image by writing a coherent, concise, and thorough document.
Determining Goals. Because business writing is largely performed in response to a certain situation, one of your main planning tasks is to fi gure out what you want to do about that situation. Bear in mind that in business communication, “what to do” means not only what you want your communication to achieve but also any action related to the larger business problem. Let’s say, for example, that you manage a hotel where the air conditioning has stopped functioning. You will need to decide what, if anything, to communicate to your guests about this problem. But this decision is related to other decisions. How and when will you get the air conditioning problem solved? In the meantime, will you simply apologize? Make arrangements for each guest to have a free continental breakfast or complimentary beverages? Rent fans for meeting rooms and any guest rooms occupied by people with health problems? As Figure 6–2 shows, solv- ing the business problem and solving the communication problem are closely related. You will need to bring your business goals to bear on your writing goals —though sometimes, clarifying your writing goals will help you generate business solutions.
Analyzing Your Audience. Once you know your purpose—what you want your message to do—you need to think about the audience who will read your message. Who will be aff ected by what you write? What organizational, professional, and per- sonal issues or qualities will aff ect the audience’s response to your message? What organizational, professional, and personal issues or qualities do you have that aff ect how you will write your message? What is your relationship with your reader? Are you writing to your superior? Your colleagues? Your subordinates? Clients? Answers to these questions and others (see Figure 6–3) will infl uence your channel of communica- tion, tone, style, content, organization, and format.
In the hotel manager scenario we discussed, for instance, how might your approach in an announcement to guests who are currently at the hotel diff er from your approach in a response to a guest’s complaint letter a week aft er the incident? Th ough you should take time to analyze your audience early in the planning process, you should continue to think of your audience as you proceed through the rest of the planning stage and through the draft ing and revising stages, too. Always be thinking about what kind of information will matter most to your audience and adapt your message accordingly. If you fail to meet your audience’s needs, your message fails as well, and your professional image is compromised.
Gathering Information. Once you have a sense of what you want your message to achieve and what your audience needs to know, you may need to do some research. In many cases this research can be informal—fi nding past correspondence; consulting with other employees or with outside advisors; or reviewing sales records, warranties, and product descriptions. In other cases you will do formal research such as conducting
Figure 6–2
The Interrelated Nature of Business Goals and Communication Goals
Commmunication Goals
Business Goals
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118 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
What is my relationship to my audience?
■ Subordinate
■ Colleague
■ Superior
■ Client/Customer
■ Other:
What is my relationship with my audience?
■ Friendly and informal. I know my audience well. We communicate often and have a social business relationship.
■ Friendly and formal. We’ve met and have a cordial, business-like relationship.
■ Neutral or no relationship. I don’t know my audience personally.
■ Unfriendly or hostile.
■ Other:
What will my audience’s reaction to my message be?
■ Positive
■ Negative
■ Neutral
What factors in my company culture or other background information should I take into account?
■
■
■
What factors in my audience’s culture or background should I take into account?
■
■
■
What does my audience need to know?
■
■
■
What does my audience already know?
■
■
■
What do I want my audience to think, feel, do, or believe as a result of my message?
■
■
■
would be the best channel for delivering the message because .
Figure 6–3
Audience Analysis Checklist
surveys or reviewing the literature on a certain subject. Chapter 13 discusses various methods and sources at your disposal for this kind of research. In general, you will collect any information that can help you decide what to do and what to say in your message.
Gathering information by using your memory, imagination, and creativity is also important. Visualizing your readers and bearing their interests in mind is an excellent planning technique. Making a list of pertinent facts is helpful. Brainstorming (gener- ating possible solutions without censoring them) will allow you to develop creative
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 119
solutions. Drawing a diagram of your ideas can also enable you to collect your thoughts. Use any strategy that shows promise of contributing to a solution.
Analyzing and Organizing the Information. Once you have a number of ideas, you can start to analyze them. If your data are numerical, you will do the calculations that enable you to see patterns and meaning in the numbers. You will put other kinds of data together as well to see what course of action they might indicate, weighing what the parties involved stand to gain or lose from each possible solution.
As you ponder what to do and say with your message, you will, of course, keep your readers in mind. What kind of information will most matter to them? In the scenario described above, will the hotel guests want information about what caused the air con- ditioning problem or about when it will be fi xed and what they can do to stay comfort- able in the meantime? As always, your intended readers are your best guide to what information to include.
Th ey are also your guide for organizing the information. Whatever order will draw the most positive reaction from your readers is the best order to use. If you have in- formation that your readers will consider routine, neutral, or positive, put it fi rst. Th is plan, called using the direct order, is discussed in the next chapter. On the other hand, if you think your information could run the risk of evoking a negative response, you will use an indirect order, using your message’s opening to prepare the reader to receive the news as positively as possible. As you will see in Chapter 8, such a message usu- ally requires a more skillful use of organization and word choice than one written in direct order. Regardless of the situation, all readers appreciate a logical pattern for the information.
Choosing a Form, Channel, and Format. Writers in school typically produce writing of two types: essays or research papers. But on the job you have a wide range of established forms of communication (genres) to choose from. Which one you use has a huge impact on your planning. For instance, if you want to advertise your company’s services, how will you do it? Write potential customers a letter? Email them? Send a brochure? Create a website? Post a message on your company’s social media sites? Use some combination of these? Each form has its own formatting and stylistic conven- tions and even conventions about content. Business writers do not launch into writing a document without some sense of what kind of document it will be. Th e medium itself helps them know what to say and how to say it. On the job, choosing the type of docu- ment to be written is an important part of planning.
Specifi c decisions about a document’s format or visual design can be made at any point in the writing process, but usually the planning stage involves preliminary deci- sions along these lines. How can you make the information easily readable and acces- sible to your audience? Will you be dividing up the contents with headings? How about with a bulleted or numbered list? How long or short will the paragraphs be? Will there be any visual elements such as a logo or picture or diagram? Anticipating the format can help you plan an inviting and readable message.
Formatting devices have such a large impact on readers’ reactions that we will dis- cuss them separately in the next section. But decisions about formatting are an integral part of the business writer’s writing process, even in the planning stage.
Drafting Writing experts’ main advice about draft ing boils down to these words: “ Be fl exible .” Writ- ers oft en hinder themselves by thinking that they have to write a fi nished document on the fi rst attempt with the parts in their correct order and with perfect results. Writing is such a cognitively diffi cult task that it is better to concentrate only on one thing at a time. Th e fol- lowing suggestions can help you draft your messages as painlessly and eff ectively as possible.
Avoid Perfectionism When Drafting. Trying to make your fi rst draft a perfect draft causes two problems. First, spending too much energy perfecting the early parts can make you forget important pieces and purposes of the later parts. Second, premature
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120 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
perfectionism can make draft ing frustrating and slow and thus keep you from wanting to revise your message when you’re done. You will be much more inclined to review your message and improve it if you have not agonized over your fi rst draft .
Keep Going. When turning your planning into a draft , don’t let minor problems with wording or grammar distract you from your main goal—to generate your fi rst version of the document. Have an understanding with yourself that you will draft relatively quickly to get the ideas down on paper or onto the screen and then go back and care- fully revise. Expressing your points in a somewhat coherent, complete, and orderly fashion is hard enough. Allow yourself to save close reexamination and evaluation of what you’ve written for the revision stage.
Use Any Other Strategies That Will Keep You Working Productively. Th e idea with draft ing is to keep moving forward at a reasonably steady pace with as little stalling as possible. Do anything you can think of that will make your draft ing relatively free and easy. For example, write at your most productive time of day, write in chunks, start with a favor- ite part, talk aloud or write to yourself to clarify your thoughts, take breaks, let the project sit for a while, create a setting conducive to writing—even promise yourself a little reward for getting a certain amount accomplished. Your goal is to get the fi rst orderly expression of your planned contents written just well enough so that you can go back and work with it.
Revising Getting your draft ready for your reader requires going back over it carefully—again and again. Do you say what you mean? Could someone misunderstand or take off ense at what you have written? Is your organization best for the situation? Is each word the right one for your goals? Are there better, more concise ways of structuring your sentences? Can you move the reader more smoothly from point to point? Does each element of format enhance readability and highlight the structure of the contents? When revising, you turn into your own critic. You challenge what you have written and look for better alternatives. Careful attention to each level will result in a polished, eff ective message.
Any given message has so many facets that using what professional writers call “ levels of edit” may be helpful. Th e levels this term refers to are revising, editing, and proofreading .
When revising , you look at top-level concerns: whether or not you included all nec- essary information, if the pattern of organization is logical and as eff ective as possible, if the overall meaning of the message comes through, and if the formatting is appropriate and helpful.
You then move to the editing level, focusing on your style. You examine your sentences to see if they pace the information in such a way that the reader can easily follow it, if they emphasize the right things, and if they combine pieces of information coherently. You also
look at your word choices to see if they best serve your purpose.
Finally, you proofread , looking at mechanical and gram- matical elements— spelling, ty- pography, punctuation, and any grammar problems that tend to give you trouble. Editing func- tions in your word-processing program can help you with this task.
One last word about re- vision: Get feedback from others. As you may well know, it is diffi cult to fi nd weaknesses or errors in your own work.
Successful writers often seek others’ perspectives on important documents.
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 121
Seek assistance from willing colleagues, and if they give you criticism, receive it with an open mind. It is better to hear this feedback from them than from your intended readers when costly mistakes may have already been made.
THE IMPORTANCE OF READABLE FORMATTING Have you ever opened a letter or a reading for a class, seen long, unbroken blocks of text, and dreaded jumping into the piece? Business readers are even more likely to have this reaction. Th ey are far too bombarded with messages to have patience with this kind of document. If you want your readers to actually read what you write and get your ideas and information, you must pay attention to an important element of any message: its physical format .
Decades ago, you might well have been able to rely on a secretary or typist to format your documents for you. But widespread use of the personal computer with its full- featured publishing capabilities has placed the responsibility for readable formatting much more on the writer. Except for projects that involve a graphic designer, you will make the key formatting decisions for your messages. What kind and size of type will you use? What kind of headings? Will you use any means of typographical emphasis? How about numbered or bulleted lists? Should the document include such visual ele- ments as logos, textboxes, pictures, or diagrams? Smart decisions on such matters will not only increase your readers’ motivation to read but also enable them to quickly com- prehend the main points and structure of the message.
For example, below is the starting text of a memo (sent by email) from a university registrar to the faculty with the subject line “‘X’ and ‘WX’ Grades Eff ective for Autumn ’13 Grading.” How inviting do you fi nd the format, and how easy is it to extract the information about the two new grades?
LO2 Explain the importance of readable formatting.
At its October 20, 2013, meeting, the Faculty Senate, having received a favorable recommendation from the Academic Affairs Committee, voted to approve the creation and Autumn Quarter implementation of two new grades: “X” and “WX.” Instructors will record an “X” on the fi nal grade roster for students who never attended any classes and did not submit any assigned work. The “X” will appear on the transcript and will carry zero (0.00) quality points, thus computed into the GPA like the grades of “F” and “UW.” Instructors will record a “WX” for those students who offi cially withdrew from the class (as denoted on the grade roster by either “EW” or “W”) but who never attended any classes and did not submit any assigned work. The “WX” may be entered to overwrite a “W” appearing on the grade roster. An assignment of “WX” has no impact on the student’s GPA. A “W” will appear on the student’s online grade report and on the transcript. The “WX” recognizes the student’s offi cial withdrawal from the class and only records the fact of nonparticipation. The need to record nonparticipation is defi ned in “Rationale” below. With the introduction of the “X” and “WX” grades to denote nonparticipation, by defi nition all other grades can only be awarded to students who had participated in the class in some way. Instructors will record a “UW” (unoffi cial withdrawal) only for students who cease to attend a class following some participation. Previously, instructors utilized the “UW” both for those students who had never attended classes and for those who had attended and participated initially but had ceased to attend at some point during the term. In cases of offi cial withdrawal, instructors have three options available at the time of grading: “W,” “WX,” and “F.” If the student has offi cially withdrawn from the class, a “W” (withdrawal) or “EW” (electronic withdrawal) will appear on the grade roster. If the student participated in the class and the withdrawal was in accordance with the instructor’s withdrawal policy as communicated by the syllabus, the instructor may retain the student’s “W” grade by making no alteration to the grade roster. . . .
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122 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Th e remaining sections of this chapter describe specifi c purposes and traits of dif- ferent message types. Appendix B provides in-depth advice about their physical design. No matter what you’re writing, taking time to make careful formatting decisions during your writing process will signifi cantly enhance your chances of achieving your com- munication goals.
Now look at the fi rst part of the actual message that was sent out. What formatting decisions on the part of the writer made this document much more readable?
At its October 20, 2013, meeting, the Faculty Senate, having received a favorable recommendation from the Academic Affairs Committee, voted to approve the creation and Autumn Quarter implementation of two new grades: “X” and “WX.”
Defi nition of “X” and “WX” Grades, Effective Autumn Quarter 2013
• “X” (nonattendance):
Instructors will record an “X” on the fi nal grade roster for students who never attended any classes and did not submit any assigned work.
The “X” will appear on the transcript and will carry zero (0.00) quality points, thus computed into the GPA like the grades of “F” and “UW.”
• “WX” (offi cial withdrawal, nonattending):
Instructors will record a “WX” for those students who offi cially withdrew from the class (as denoted on the grade roster by either “EW” or “W”) but who never attended any classes and did not submit any assigned work.
The “WX” may be entered to overwrite a “W” appearing on the grade roster. An assignment of “WX” has no impact on the student’s GPA. A “W” will appear on the student’s online grade report and on the transcript. The “WX” recognizes the student’s offi cial withdrawal from the class and only records the fact of nonparticipation. The need to record nonparticipation is defi ned in “Rationale” below.
Participation and Nonparticipation Grades
With the introduction of the “X” and “WX” grades to denote nonparticipation, by defi nition all other grades can only be awarded to students who had participated in the class in some way.
Instructors will record a “UW” (unoffi cial withdrawal) only for students who cease to attend a class following some participation. Previously, instructors utilized the “UW” both for those students who had never attended classes and for those who had attended and participated initially but had ceased to attend at some point during the term.
Offi cial Withdrawals
In cases of offi cial withdrawal, instructors have three options available at the time of grading: “W,” “WX,” and “F.”
1. If the student has offi cially withdrawn from the class, a “W” (withdrawal) or “EW” (electronic withdrawal) will appear on the grade roster. If the student participated in the class and the withdrawal was in accordance with the instructor’s withdrawal policy as communicated by the syllabus, the instructor may retain the student’s “W” grade by making no alteration to the grade roster. . . .
Reprinted with permission from Dr. Douglas Burgess, Registrar, University of Cincinnati.
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 123
LETTERS Letters are the oldest form of business messages. Th e ancient Chinese wrote letters, as did the early Egyptians, Romans, and Greeks. In fact, American businesspeople used let- ters as early as 1698 to correspond about sales, collections, and other business matters. 2
From these early days letters have continued to be used in business. Although their use and purpose have evolved as other business communication genres have devel- oped, they are still the best choice for many communication tasks.
Letters Defi ned Th e general purpose of a letter is to represent the writer and his or her topic rather formally to the recipient. For this reason, letters are used primarily for corresponding with people outside your organization. When you write to internal readers, they are oft en familiar to you—and even if they are not, you all share the connection of being in the same company. Your messages to such audiences tend to use less formal media. But when you write to customers, to suppliers, to citizens and community leaders, and to other external audiences , you will oft en want to present a professional, polished image of your company by choosing the letter format, complete with an attractive company letterhead and the elements of courtesy built into this traditional format. Your readers will expect this gesture of respect. Once you have established friendly relations with them, you may well conduct your business through emails, phone calls, instant or text messaging, and social media. But especially when corresponding with an external party whom you do not know well, a letter is oft en the most appropriate form to use.
Letter Form Th e format of the business letter is probably already familiar to you. Although some variations in format are generally acceptable, typically these information items are in- cluded: date, inside address, salutation (Dear Ms. Smith), body, and complimentary close (Sincerely yours). Other items sometimes needed are attention line, subject line, return address (when letterhead is not used), and enclosure information. Figure 6–4 presents one option for formatting a letter. More options are presented in Appendix B.
LO3 Describe the development and current usage of the business letter.
2 JoAnne Yates, Control through Communication: Th e Rise of System in American Management (Baltimore: Th e Johns Hopkins UP, 1989) 95, print.
Ralston’s Plumbing and Heating 2424 Medville Road Urbana, OH 45702
(515) 555-5555 Fax: (515) 555-5544
February 28, 2013
Ms. Diane Taylor 747 Gateway Avenue Urbana, OH 45702
Dear Ms. Taylor:
Thank you for allowing one of our certified technicians to serve you recently.
Enclosed is a coupon for $25 toward your next purchase or service call from Ralston. It’s just our way of saying that we appreciate your business.
Sincerely yours,
Jack Ralston Owner and President
Enclosure
Doing it right . . . the first time
Figure 6–4
Illustration of a Letter in Full Block Format (Mixed Punctuation)
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124 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Letter Formality As formal as letters can be, they are not nearly as formal as they used to be. Chapter 5 points out that business messages have grown more conversational. Th is is true of letters as well as of other forms of correspondence.
For instance, in the past, if writers did not know the reader’s name, wrote to a mass audience, or wrote to someone whose gender could not be determined by the reader’s name (e.g., Pat Smith), they might have used a salutation such as “To Whom It May Concern,” “Dear Sir/Madame,” or “Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.” Th ese expressions are now consid- ered stiff and old fashioned. More modern options include “Dear Human Resources” or “Dear Pat Smith.” Writers can also omit the salutation, perhaps adding a subject line (a brief phrase stating the writer’s main point) instead. Some business writers also consider the use of the terms “Dear,” “Sincerely Yours,” and even “Sincerely,” outdated or exces- sively formal. Th ese writers will omit “Dear,” replace “Sincerely yours” with “Sincerely,” omit the complimentary close, or use “Best regards” or some other cordial phrase. Your audience and company culture will determine what is appropriate for you.
Regardless of its formality, the letter should always be regarded as an exchange between real people as well as a strategic means for accomplishing business goals.
MEMORANDUMS (MEMOS) Memorandums Defi ned Memorandums , or memos , are a form of letter written inside the business. Th ough in rare cases they may be used to communicate with those outside the business, they are usually exchanged internally by employees as they conduct their work. Originally,
LO4 Describe the purpose and form of memorandums (memos).
Businesses with multiple locations send many of their internal messages by email as well as instant and text messaging.
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 125
memos were used only in hard copy, but their function of communicating within a business has been largely replaced by email. Even so, they still are a part of many com- panies’ communications. Th ey are especially useful for communicating with employees who do not use computers in their work.
Memos can be used for a wide range of communication tasks. For example, as Chapter 12 points out, some memos communicate factual, problem-related information and can be classifi ed as reports. As with the letter, the purpose and use of the memo have evolved as other business communication genres have emerged, but the memo is still an important means for communicating in many organizations.
Memorandum Form Memorandums can be distinguished from other messages primarily by their form. Some companies have stationery printed especially for memos, while many use stan- dard or customized templates in word processors. Sometimes the word memorandum appears at the top. But some companies prefer other titles, such as Interoffi ce Memo or Interoffi ce Communication. Below this main heading come the specifi c headings common to all memos: Date, To, From, Subject (though not necessarily in this order). Th is simple arrangement is displayed in Figure 6–5. As the fi gure indicates, hard-copy memos are initialed by the writer rather than signed.
Large organizations, especially those with a number of locations and depart- ments, often include additional information on their memorandum stationery. Department, Plant, Location, Territory, Store Number, and Copies to are examples (see Figure 6–6). Since in some companies memos are often addressed to more than one reader, the heading To may be followed by enough space to list a number of names.
Memo
Lenaghan Financial
Matthew Lenaghan, President
Payton Kubicek, Public Relations
Katheleen Lenaghan, Chair
June 1, 2012
To:
From:
CC:
Date:
Re: May meeting of Plant Safety Committee
As we agreed at the March 30 meeting of the Environmental Impact Committee, we will meet again on May 12. I am requesting agenda items and meeting suggestions from each (etc.) . . .
Figure 6–5
Illustration of Memo Form Using the MS Word Professional Template
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126 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Memorandum Formality Because memos usually are messages sent and received by people who work with and know one another, they tend to use casual or informal language. Even so, some memos use highly formal language. As in any business communication, you will use the level of formality appropriate to your audience and writing goals.
EMAIL Although businesspeople routinely communicate via social media, text messaging, and instant messaging, email remains the most widely used means of written communica- tion in the workplace. In fact, even among those businesspeople who use tablets, email is the most frequently used app. 3
Email Defi ned According to one estimate, 92 percent of Americans use email —a number that has remained constant even with the advent and popular use of text messaging, instant messaging, and social media. 4 It’s easy to see why email remains popular. Email ad- dresses are readily available, and anyone can send a message to any email address (or multiple addresses simultaneously), regardless of who provides the email account. Th e speed at which readers receive a message can also make email more attractive than a letter or a memo. Consequently, businesses continue to use email as a low-cost, quick, and effi cient means of communicating with both internal and external audiences
LO5 Describe the purpose and form of email.
To:
Store:
At:
Territory:
Copies to:
Subject: Form for In-house Letters (Memos)
This is an illustration of our memorandum stationery. It should be used for written communications within the organization.
Notice that the memorandum uses no form of salutation. Neither does it have any form of complimentary close. The writer does not need to sign the message. He or she needs only to initial after the typed name in the heading.
Notice also that the message is single-spaced with double-spacing between paragraphs.
Penny-Wise Stores, Inc.
MEMORANDUM
Date:
From:
Store:
At:
Territory:
Figure 6–6
Memorandum Stationery with Special Headings Adapted to the Needs of an Organization with Multiple Locations
3 PRWeb, “Tablets Make Th eir Way into the Workplace: Email and Note Taking are the Most Popular Business Uses, Says NPD In-Stat ,” PRWeb, Vocus, Inc., 14 Feb. 2012, Web, 22 May 2012. 4 Kristen Purcell, “Search and Email Still Top the List of Most Popular Online Activities,” Pew Internet & American Life Project , Pew Research Center, 9 Aug. 2011, Web, 24 May 2012.
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 127
either formally or informally. Furthermore, email provides HTML and other format- ting options that text messaging, instant messaging, and social media may not, and it does not limit the writer to any number of characters or amount of text. In addition, emails can be archived and fi led for easy access to a written record of correspondence.
Email, however, also presents communication challenges. Sometimes people use email to avoid having diffi cult face-to-face or phone conversations, which is not a good way to accomplish communication goals or cultivate the audience’s goodwill. Emails are also easily forwarded and therefore can never be considered confi dential. Addition- ally, many businesspeople deal with spam—unsolicited messages or mass emails that are not relevant to their work. Moreover, some writers may assume that an informal email message is not held to the same standards of professionalism, clarity, or correct- ness as a more formal message might be. Finally, when not used properly, email can be costly. According to one source, “In 2010 organizations lost about $1,250 per user a year in productivity due to spam and up to $4,100 per year due to emails [that] were written poorly.” 5 It is important, then, that business writers ensure their emails com- municate clearly, cultivate goodwill, and promote a professional image.
Email Form When you look at an email, you likely notice that its form contains elements of both memos and letters. For example, emails generally contain a Date, To, From, Subject heading structure similar to that of a memo. Th ey may also contain salutations and complimentary closes similar to those found in letters.
Although the various email systems diff er somewhat, email format includes the following:
• To: Th is is where you include the email address of the recipients. Be sure the address is accurate.
• Cc: If someone other than the primary recipient is to receive a courtesy copy, his or her address goes here. Before people used computers, cc: was called a carbon copy to refl ect the practice of making copies on carbon paper.
• Bcc: Th is line stands for blind courtesy copy. Th e recipient’s message will not show this information; that is, he or she will not know who else is receiving a copy of the message.
• Subject: Th is line describes the message as precisely as the situation permits. Th e reader should get from it a clear idea of what the message is about. Always include a subject line to get your reader’s attention and indicate the topic of the message. In the absence of a subject line, a reader may think your message is junk mail or unimportant and delete it.
• Attachments: In this area you can enter a fi le that you desire to send along with the message. Attach only fi les the reader needs so that you do not take up unneeded space in his or her inbox.
• Th e message: Th e information you are sending goes here. Typically, email messages begin with the recipient’s name. If the writer and reader are acquainted, you can use the reader’s fi rst name. If you would normally address the reader by using a title (Ms., Dr., Mr.), address him or her this way in an initial email. You can change the salutation in subsequent messages if the person indicates that informality is desired. Th e salutations commonly used in letters (Dear Mr. Dayle, Dear Jane) are sometimes used, but something less formal (“Hi, Ron”) or no salutation at all is more common. A friendly generic greeting such as “Greetings” is appropriate for a group of people with whom you communicate. As we discussed in the section on letters, you’ll want to avoid outdated expressions such as “To Whom It May Concern.” Like a letter, an email message oft en ends with a complimentary close followed by a signature block containing the writer’s name,
5 Govloop, “Does Email Help or Hinder Your Professional Productivity?” AOL Government , AolGov, 24 Apr. 2012, Web, 24 May 2012.
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128 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
job title, company, and contact information. Some writers also use the signature block as an opportunity to promote a sale, product, or service. Figure 6–7 shows a standard email format.
Email Formality A discussion of email formality is complicated by the fact that email messages are ex- tremely diverse. Th ey run the range from highly informal to formal. Th e informal mes- sages oft en resemble face-to-face oral communication; some even sound like chitchat that occurs between acquaintances and friends. Others, as we have noted, have the increased formality of reports.
A helpful approach is to view email language in terms of three general classifi ca- tions: casual, informal, and formal . 6 Your audience should determine which type of language you choose, regardless of your personal style or preference.
Casual. By casual language we mean the language we use in talking with close friends in everyday situations. It includes slang, colloquialisms (informal expressions), con- tractions, and personal pronouns. Its sentences are short—sometimes incomplete— and it may use mechanical emphasis devices and initialisms (e.g., LOL, BTW) freely. Casual language is best limited to your communications with close friends. Following is an example of casual language:
Hey, Cindy,
Props for me! Just back from reps meeting. We totally nailed it . . . plan due ASAP. Meet, my offi ce, 10 AM, Wed?
Brandon
Use casual language only when you know your readers well—when you know they expect and prefer casual communication. You should also avoid slang, initialisms, emphasis devices, or other casual elements if you are not certain that they will communicate clearly.
Informal. Informal language retains some of the qualities of casual writing. It makes some use of personal pronouns and contractions. It occasionally may use colloquial- isms but more selectively than in casual writing. It has the eff ect of conversation, but it
Figure 6–7
Illustration of Email Form Using Microsoft Outlook
6 Heidi Schultz, Th e Elements of Electronic Communication (Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 2000) 43–47, print.
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 129
is polished conversation—not chitchat. Its sentences are short, but they are well struc- tured and organized. Th ey have varied patterns that produce an interesting style. In general, it is the writing that you will fi nd in most of the illustrations in Chapters 7–9, and it is the language that this book uses. You should use it in most of your business email messages, especially when writing to people you know only on a business basis. An example of an email message in informal language is the following:
Cindy:
The management team has approved our marketing plan. They were very compli- mentary. As you predicted, they want a special plan for the large accounts. They want it as soon as possible, so let’s get together to work on it. Can we meet Wednes- day, 10 A.M. , my offi ce?
Brandon
Using proper email etiquette is as easy as applying a bit of empathy to your messages: Send only what you would want to receive. The following additional etiquette guides will help you consider a variety of issues when using email.
• Is your message really needed by the recipient(s)?
• Is your message for routine rather than sensitive messages?
• Are you sure your message is not spam (an annoying message sent repeatedly) or a chain letter?
• Have you carefully checked that your message is going where you want it to go?
• Has your wording avoided defamatory or libelous language?
• Have you complied with copyright laws and cited sources accurately?
• Have you avoided humor and sarcasm that your reader may not understand as intended?
• Have you proofread your message carefully?
• Is this a message you would not mind having distributed widely?
• Does your signature avoid offensive quotes or illustrations, especially those that are religious, political, or sexual?
• Is your recipient willing or able to accept attached fi les?
• Are attached fi les a size that your recipient’s system can handle?
• Are the fi les you are attaching virus free?
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Using Good Email Etiquette Helps Writers Achieve Their Goals
SOURCE: From www.sangreat.net.
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130 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Formal. A formal style of writing maintains a greater distance between writer and reader than an informal style. It avoids personal references and contractions, and its sentences are well structured and organized. Formal style is well illustrated in the ex- amples of the more formal reports in Chapter 12. It is appropriate to use in email mes- sages resembling formal reports, in messages to people of higher status, and to people not known to the writer.
As with any business message, formal or informal, your emails should achieve your communication goal, promote goodwill, and present a professional image. To do this, follow the advice in Chapters 2–5 for writing clear, courteous messages. You will also want to follow the guides in Chapter 18 to ensure your messages are expressed correctly.
THE NEWER MEDIA IN BUSINESS WRITING Sometimes writers in today’s fast-paced, global business world need to communicate more immediately and quickly than a letter, a memo, or an email will allow. Technology provides business writers with many more channels for immediate, quick communica- tion including text messaging, instant messaging, and social networking.
However, as with more traditional business writing media such as letters, memos, and emails, the use of these more immediate channels should be driven by audience needs and expectations as well as the writer’s goals and purposes.
Text Messaging Text messaging , also called short message service (SMS), is, as its name suggests, used for sending short messages generally from a mobile phone. Because the purpose of a text message is to convey a quick message, the writing in text messages is quite diff erent from that in the more traditional message forms. Because mobile phone service provid- ers may limit the number of characters in a text message, the emphasis is on brevity. You include only the essentials.
Th e need for brevity has led to the use of many abbreviations. So many of these abbreviations have developed that one might say a new language has developed. In fact, a dictionary of over 1,100 text messaging abbreviations has been compiled at Webopedia, an online computer technology encyclopedia ( www.webopedia.com /quick_ref/textmessageabbreviations.asp ). Some examples are the following:
b4 (before) u (you)
gr8 (great) BTW (by the way)
CU (see you) NP (no problem)
LO6 Understand the nature and business uses of text messaging and instant messaging.
Writing an effective email takes careful thought and plan- ning. The top 10 mistakes managers make when compos- ing email include (1) using vague subject lines such as “meeting”; (2) hiding the main point; (3) using the “BCC” fi eld to be sneaky in their communication; (4) not deleting strings of replies and forwards the reader does not need to see; (5) ignoring grammar and mechanics; (6) avoid- ing long emails—though sometimes long messages are
necessary; (7) creating long, poorly organized paragraphs; (8) avoiding emotion or using an inappropriate tone and style; (9) using email when it’s not the best communication channel; and (10) forgetting that email creates a perma- nent record of their decisions and behavior.
SOURCE: Tim Flood, “Top Ten Mistakes Managers Make with Email,” WSJ.com, The Wall Street Journal , 4 Feb. 2010, Web, 8 June 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Composing an Email: The Top 10 Mistakes
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 131
FBM (fi ne by me) HRY (how are you)
TC (take care) TYT (take your time)
In addition to abbreviations, writers use typed symbols to convey emotions (emoti- cons), which can also be found at Webopedia:
:-) standard smiley :-! foot in mouth
;) winking smile :-( sad or frown
:-0 yell (((H))) hugs
Whether and when these abbreviations and emoticons are used depends on the writ- er’s relationship with the audience.
Good business writers will compose text messages that not only convey the writer’s message but also allow for brief responses from the receiver. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve learned that an important visiting cus- tomer is a vegetarian and you have reserva- tions for lunch at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. You need to let your boss know— before the lunch meeting. However, the boss is leading an important meeting in which a phone call would be disruptive and inappropriate, so you decide to send a text message.
Your immediate thought might be to send the following: Marina Smith is a veg- etarian. Where should we take her for lunch today? Zeke .
Many businesspeople use their phones to send and receive emails and text messages. With such a small display screen, conciseness and clarity are especially important.
As new communication genres and technologies become mainstream, so do acceptable practices for using them. Now that Twitter and “tweeting” are part of our everyday business communication, many writers use Twitter for routine messages. Standards for their professional use are emerging—referred to as twitiquette . It’s tempting to think that messages limited to 140 characters would be easy to construct, but though tweets are short and direct, a lot can go wrong in a very short time. PCWorld offers these tips for ensuring that your audience gets your intended message:
• Use a blog instead of Twitter for long commentary rather than send numerous tweets. Your followers may be overwhelmed by “running commentary” on a topic, especially if you do not usually post several tweets in succession.
• Consider which type of message—a private message (D message) or a public message (@ message)—is appropriate for your audience and purpose.
• Check spelling and avoid excessive acronyms. Because smart phones have QWERTY keyboards, PCWorld advises users to avoid “abbrevo-speak” unless you really need space. Further, “No matter how many people fail to take it seriously, spelling still counts on Twitter.”
• Try to get tweets into one sentence.
• If you are retweeting and exceed 140 characters, shorten or edit the retweet, though you should try to preserve the original meaning and language.
• Remember that Twitter is public. Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want everyone to know.
SOURCE: Christopher Null, “Twitter Etiquette: How to Tweet Politely,” PC World , PCWorld Communications, Inc., 28 July 2009, Web, 8 June 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
“Twitiquette”: New Technologies, New Expectations
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132 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Although your message does convey the major fact and is only 77 characters count- ing spaces, it forces the recipient to enter a long response—the name of another place. It might also result in more message exchanges about availability and time.
A better version might be this: Marina Smith is a vegetarian. Shall we go to 1) Fish House, 2) Souplantation, 3) Mandarin House? All are available at noon. Zeke
Th is version conveys the major fact in 130 characters and allows the recipient to respond simply with 1, 2, or 3. As the writer, you took the initiative to anticipate your reader’s needs, identify appropriate alternatives, and then gather information—steps that are as important with text messaging as they are with other messages. If your text messages are clear, complete, and concise and have a professional and pleasant tone, you will fi nd them a valuable tool for business use.
Instant Messaging Instant messaging, commonly referred to as IM-ing or online chatting, is much like telephone conversation in that parties communicate in real time (instantly). It dif- fers primarily in that it is text-based (typed) rather than voice-based communication, though voice-based instant messaging is possible. Many writers will use the same ab- breviations and emoticons in instant messages that they use in text messages. Here again, the use of these devices depends on your audience and purpose.
Because instant messages are similar to phone conversations, you should write instant messages much as you would talk in conversation with another person. If the person is a friend, your language should refl ect this friendship. If the person is the pres- ident of your company, a business associate, or fellow worker, the relationship should guide you. Th e message bits presented in instant messaging are determined largely by the fl ow of the conversation. Responses oft en are impromptu. Even so, in business situ- ations you should consciously direct the fl ow toward your objective and keep your lan- guage and content professional.
Social Media You are probably familiar with such social media sites as Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn. Perhaps you have a blog (a “Web log”) where you keep an online diary or journal that you share publicly. Although you may use these sites to connect with friends, family, or classmates, many business writers also use them to connect with clients, customers, colleagues, and supervisors, as they answer questions, promote products, network with other professionals, or interact briefl y with co-workers. Business professionals, then, are using social networking sites for purposes that are likely very diff erent from your purpose in using them (see the corporate blog in Figure 6–8).
Generally, the messages on social networking sites are brief, with some sites, such as Twitter, restricting messages to 140 characters. As with text messaging, messages must not only be brief but concise and clear. If you have only so much space for your message, you need to make sure your reader immediately knows your point and has enough detail to act on your message. Th erefore, messages on social media sites should begin with your main point (what you need your reader to do, think, feel, or believe as a result of reading your message) and then follow with details in order of importance.
In addition, because the messages on these sites are public, you never want to use language or a tone or writing style that you would be embarrassed to have your boss see, that may have legal implications, or that might get you fi red. In fact, if you cur- rently have a page on a social networking site where family and friends are your au- dience, you will want to remove any pictures or language that you wouldn’t want a prospective employer, current employer, co-worker, customer, or client to see. No mat- ter how private you believe your page to be, you can never know what your friends and family are sharing with other people. Mashable.com cites a study by Reppler, a social media monitoring service, that found “more than 90 percent of recruiters and hiring managers have visited a potential candidate’s profi le on a social network.” Interestingly, the study found that employers are just as likely to reject a candidate (69 percent) as
LO7 Understand the nature and business uses of social media.
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 133
they are to hire a candidate (68 percent) based on what is on someone’s social network- ing site. 7
Regardless of the type of business messages you send, remember that on the job, companies oft en monitor employees’ computer activity. Th ey can detect excessive use, inappropriate or unethical behavior, disclosure of proprietary information, use of sexually explicit language, and attachments with viruses. Companies’ monitoring systems also have features that protect the company from legal liabilities. As a business professional, you must know your company’s computer use policy and avoid writing anything that would refl ect poorly on you or your company or put you or your com- pany at risk.
PRINT VERSUS ONLINE DOCUMENTS As we have discussed, business professionals use a variety of print and electronic genres for business writing. Th e basic principles of business writing apply to both print and electronic text; that is, your text must be reader-centered, accessible, complete, concise, and accurate . Th ough electronic documents oft en provide the opportunity for more creative and interactive features than print documents, these features are useless if your reader does not have the technology to access them. Furthermore, no matter how great your blog or your website looks, if your message is unclear or incomplete, your blog or site serves no purpose. Business writers also have to realize that many audiences may be
LO8 Understand the inverted pyramid structure for organizing and writing Web documents.
Figure 6–8
Example of a Corporate Blog SOURCE: Copyright © Dell Inc. All Rights Reserved.
7 Erica Swallow, “How Recruiters Use Social Networks to Screen Candidates,” Mashable.com, Mashable, Inc., 23 Oct. 2011, Web, 26 May 2012.
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134 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
viewing a company’s website on a mobile device with a small viewing area. In fact, Jan- ice Redish, an expert in Web writing says, “ Understanding your site visitors and their needs is critical to deciding what to write, how much to write, the vocabulary to use, and how to organize the content on your website.” While this advice also applies when writing print documents, writing for online delivery presents special considerations. 8 Th e following are the main ones to keep in mind.
Comparing Print and Online Text Jakob Nielsen, noted usability expert, has found that Web readers read an average of 20 percent of the words on a page. 9 He says that print text can be distinguished from Web text in that print text tends to be linear, while Web text is nonlinear. Th at is, when people read print documents, they oft en start at the beginning and continue reading until they reach the end. By contrast, online readers scan for relevant information and may be diverted by links or other features of the display in their search. In addition, he says that when people look for information in electronic documents, particularly on the Web, they do so not necessarily to read what an author has to say about an issue but to accomplish a specifi c task (e.g., locate a statistic, fi ll out a form). Online text, then, needs to facilitate the reader’s ability to fi nd and use information.
Furthermore, online text can produce comprehensive data more concisely than a print document. Because technology allows writers to embed links to relevant or related information rather than include that information in a paragraph or on a page, electronic documents can incorporate a lot of information in a relatively small space. Print docu- ments, though, could become quite long and unwieldy if an author were to try to include every fact, statistic, or resource related to the topic at hand.
Lastly, print documents generally require that thoughts be expressed in complete sen- tences, with occasional bulleted lists added for clarity and visual appeal. In electronic documents, writers tend to rely much more on bulleted lists and other terse forms of text. Depending on the medium, they may use fragments and frequent abbreviations.
Organizing Content Redish notes that most people visit Web pages because they need to do something. Consequently, they do not read as much as they scan for information, and they want what they need quickly, which means that writers should “think ‘information,’ not ‘doc- ument.’” 10 As with print documents, online information must be organized well. Redish advocates organizing Web pages in the inverted pyramid style, where the main point is presented fi rst, followed by supporting information and then by any historical or background information (see Figure 6–9 ).
Other kinds of electronic documents can benefi t from this advice as well. If read- ers are merely scanning for information, they may not scroll for information, which means that the main point must stand out. Similar to information in printed business documents, information in electronic doc- uments should be chunked in short para- graphs and contain headings and lists that emphasize a logical structure and presen- tation of the information. Figure 6–10 pro- vides an example of writing in the inverted pyramid style.
10 Redish 102.
Figure 6–9
Illustration of the “Inverted Pyramid” Structure SOURCE: “Inverted Pyramid Writing,” Google Images, Google, 2009, Web, 30 May 2012.
8 Janice Redish, Letting Go of the Words: Writing Web Content Th at Works (San Francisco: Elsevier, 2012) 20, print. 9 Jakob Nielsen, “Writing Style for Print vs. Web,” Alert Box, Jakob Nielsen, 7 June 2008, Web, 12 July 2009.
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 135
Presenting the Content Your choice of design elements (font, color, and graphics) depends on your audience. Redish notes that one of the important diff erences between print and electronic docu- ments is that the resolution (sharpness of the letters and images) is lower on a screen than in print. Th us, while you can use a variety of serif and sans serif fonts in a variety of sizes in print documents, you will want to choose sans serif fonts (those without tails at the ends of the letters) in at least a 12-point size for most online documents so that the serifs do not obscure the text. In addition, readers usually see printed documents on 8½ × 11 paper, but online readers may see electronic documents in windows of varying sizes. For this reason, Redish recommends a line length of 50 to 70 characters or 8 to 10 words. Short lines are also more quickly and easily read, though you do not want lines so short that your text does not capture the main point.
Likewise, text formatting conventions diff er in print and electronic environments. In both environments, writers can use emphasis devices such as bullets, headings, bold text, or italics. However, because underlining also represents links in electronic envi- ronments, writers should favor italics or bold text in that context.
Figure 6–10
Example of an Online Article Written in the Inverted Pyramid Structure. SOURCE: Used with permission of Computerworld Online. Copyright © 2012. All rights reserved.
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In addition, as with printed text, writers should use colors that are appropriate for an audience’s culture and visually appealing. For most readers, this will be a dark text on a light background.
Making Your Web Writing Accessible Many businesses have seen the wisdom of ensuring that their websites are ac- cessible by people with disabilities; in fact, accessibility is generally required by law. Many features of the Web that we take for granted may present difficulties for those with disabilities. For instance, how do people with hearing impairments access audio content on a website? How do people with visual disabilities access text? How does a person with a motor impairment use a mouse? Incorporating text along with audio files gives people who have hearing impairments access to a site, while incorporating text with visuals enables the screen readers of those with visual impairments to “read” the visual for the user. People with motor disabilities can be helped with voice-activated features or key commands rather than mouse- controlled navigation.
THERE’S MORE . . . Would you like to learn more about the writing process? Are you curious about uses of social media in business? Do you need additional advice on writing for the Web? Scan the QR code with your smartphone or use your Web browser to fi nd out at www.mhhe .com/lesikar13e. Choose Chapter 6 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
1. Th e writing process consists of fi ve main stages: • Planning includes the following activities:
— Determining goals. — Analyzing the audience. — Gathering and collecting information. — Analyzing and organizing the information. — Choosing a form, channel, and format.
• Draft ing needs to be fl exible. — Avoid perfectionism when draft ing. — Keep going—don’t stop for excessive tinkering. — Pursue any strategy that will help you make progress on the draft .
• Revising involves three main levels of edit: — Revising for content, organization, and format. — Editing sentences and words. — Proofreading to catch mechanical and grammatical errors.
• Th e fi ve stages are recursive—you can revisit earlier stages at any time.
2. Making good formatting decisions is critical to your messages’ success. • Good formatting makes your messages inviting. • Good formatting makes your information easier to fi nd and follow.
1 Describe the writing process and effective writing strategies.
2 Explain the importance of readable formatting.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
136 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 137
3. Th ese are the highlights of the development of business letters: • Th e early civilizations (Chinese, Greek, Roman, Egyptian) used them. • Th ey are now used largely in more formal situations, especially with external
audiences. • Letter formats are standardized (see Appendix B). • Early business letters used a stilted language. • Strategic organization and humanized language characterize today’s letters.
4. Th e memorandum (memo) is a form of letter written inside the business. • Hard-copy memorandums usually are processed on special stationery
(Memorandum at the top; Date, To, From, and Subject follow). • Large organizations oft en include more information (Department, Plant,
Location, Copies to, Store Number, etc.) • Memos vary widely in formality, but most are relatively informal. • Most memos are written in the direct order, though sometimes strategic
indirectness is needed. 5. Email is a popular communication channel in business.
• Emails are written to internal and external audiences. • Emails can communicate quickly to one person or to many. • Email is convenient because messages can be sent to anyone with an email
address, regardless of where the email account is located. • Email provides HTML or other editing tools for text formatting. • Email provides a convenient means of archiving, fi ling, and retrieving messages. • Emails can have a tone that is casual, informal, or formal depending on the audience. • Email form has some characteristics of memos (e.g., Date, To, From, Subject lines)
and some characteristics of letters (e.g., a salutation and a complimentary close). • Email should never be considered confi dential. • Email should not be used as a means of avoiding face-to-face or phone interaction.
6. Text messaging and instant messaging (IM-ing) are important newer types of business messages. • Text messaging is widely used today. • Th e writing stresses brevity and uses shortcuts—but never at the expense of clarity. • Instant messaging is like a telephone conversation, but it uses type rather than voice. • Write your instant messages as though you were talking to the other person.
7. Social networking sites are becoming increasingly popular. • Business writers use them to connect with professional colleagues, co-workers,
clients, and customers. • Be sure that content for any social networking site presents a positive
professional image. 8. Many business writers will fi nd themselves creating documents that are read
online. To write eff ective accessible online documents, you should do the following:
— Analyze your audience. — Organize your message in the inverted pyramid style. — Use a sans serif font in at least 12-point type. — Keep lines of text and paragraphs short. — Use emphasis devices such as bold text, italics, bullets, and headings; avoid
underlining. — Ensure that your site can be accessed by those who have disabilities.
4 Describe the purpose and form of memorandums (memos).
5 Describe the purpose and form of email.
6 Understand the nature and business uses of text messaging and instant messaging.
7 Understand the nature and business uses of social media.
8 Understand the inverted pyramid structure for organizing and writing Web documents.
3 Describe the development and current usage of the business letter.
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138 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
K E Y T E R M S
planning, 116
drafting, 116
revising , 116
recursive, 116
business goals, 117
writing goals, 117
analyze your audience, 117
gathering information, 118
analyze, 119
organizing, 119
forms of communication, 119
be fl exible, 119
revising, 120
editing, 120
proofreading, 120
physical format, 121
letters, 123
external audiences, 123
memorandoms, or memos, 124
internally, 124
email, 126
internal and external audiences, 126
casual, 128
informal, 128
formal, 128
text messaging, 130
instant message, 132
social media, 132
inverted pyramid style, 134
1 Identify and explain the steps in the writing process. LO1 2 Th ink about a writing project that you recently com-
pleted. Using the terminology in this chapter, describe the process that you used. How might using diff erent strategies have made the project more pleasant and productive? What helpful strategies did you use, if any, that were not mentioned in this chapter? LO1
3 Th ink about a letter you received or wrote recently, and explain why it was appropriate to use a letter in this situation. LO3
4 Will hard-copy letters and memos diminish in impor- tance given the prevalence of email in the workplace? Become obsolete? Vanish? LO3
5 a. Discuss the reasons for social networking’s phe- nomenal growth.
b. Do you use social media for business purposes? If so, how? Describe what works well and what does not. LO8
6 Why should business writers be concerned about grammar and spelling in their email communication, even with audiences they know? LO5
7 Some authorities say that shortcuts in text messag- ing and instant messaging will lead to users’ inabil- ity to spell properly in more formal contexts. Do you agree? LO7
8 Letters, memorandums, and email messages can diff er more than in their physical makeup. Explain and dis- cuss. LO3–LO5
9 Discuss and justify the wide range of formality used in memos and email messages. LO4, LO5
10 What factors might determine whether or not instant messaging would be an appropriate medium to use in a given situation? LO6
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
1 Interview a working professional about his or her writing process. In addition to asking about general strategies for diff erent kinds of writing, ask how he or she tack- led a particularly diffi cult writing situation. Write the results of your fi ndings in a brief memo report to your instructor. LO1
2 Find a sample of business writing and evaluate its use of formatting elements. If they are eff ective, say why; if not, explain what you would do diff erently. LO2
3 Using various formatting devices, turn the following contents into a readable, attractive fl yer, brochure, or email announcing a health club’s new rates for employees of a nearby hospital. (You may want to consult Appendix B’s advice on formatting.) LO2, LO5
New Special Rates for Metropolitan Hospital Staff! The Health Club is now offering special rates for all Metropolitan Hospital employees. The Club is a full-service exercise club located at 42 Adams
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CHAPTER 6 Choosing the Best Process and Form 139
Street, just across from the hospital. Our facilities may be a good option for Metropolitan employ- ees to explore. We offer the following member- ship types for Metropolitan employees or retirees: Single Standard, 1 year prepaid ($200/year); Single Standard, by the month ($15/month plus a one- time $50 enrollment fee); Single Deluxe, 1 year prepaid ($300/year). Single Deluxe includes your personal locker and a towel service. Metropolitan employees’ spouses or domestic partners are eli- gible for a 20 percent discount on the Club’s nor- mal rates. You can take a tour, join the Club, or ask any questions by calling 555-5555. We have a large free-weight room; new Cybex (Nautilus-style) machines; ellipticals, treadmills, bikes, steppers, and rowers; an Olympic-size swimming pool; aer- obics, Pilates, and yoga classes; racquetball and handball courts; a large gym/basketball court; a whirlpool; a steam room and saunas; shower and locker room facilities; and free parking. A small fee for some classes may apply. Our hours are Monday through Friday, 5 AM to 10 PM ; Saturday, 7 AM to 8 PM ; and Sunday, 7 AM to 6 PM. Our website address is www.healthclubin.org .
4 Instructions: Write a text message shorter than 160 char- acters for each of the cases below. Be sure your message is both clear and complete. LO6 a. You own three coff ee shops around your area. Al-
though you have a loyal base of regular customers, you realize that there is both room to grow this base and a real need to compete with the growing presence of Starbucks and other competitors. Your coff ee is good and reasonably priced, but seasonal fruit and muffi ns have long been your specialties. In fact, since the local television station included your shop in a healthy eating segment, your low-fat muf- fi ns have been selling out every day even though you have been increasing production. When some of your loyal customers started grumbling about not always being able to get them, you knew you wanted to serve your customers better.
Because most of them have mobile phones, text messaging seems like an obvious solution. You have decided to off er an opt-in polling service that would ask their preference for a particular low-fat muffi n or fresh fruit. Your customers could select the days of the week they would be interested in getting the poll. Although they would not be placing an order, they would be helping you plan. You’ll also be spending well-targeted promotion dollars while creating good- will with your loyal customers. Now you need to write this poll question.
b. You are on your way to the airport for a trip to a week- long conference when you remember a fi le you were supposed to send to a customer. So many last-minute details came up that you really don’t remember if you sent it. Unfortunately, you cannot access your work
computer from outside the company fi rewall, but you have a colleague, Chris VanLerBerghe, who would be able to check your email outbox to confi rm whether or not you sent it. Chris could also send the fi le, if necessary. However, you cannot reach her by phone now because she is in an important planning meeting, so you decide to send a text message with the exact information she will need to help you out. Be sure your message is both clear and complete.
c. As you are in the morning sales meeting, your mobile phone vibrates, indicating that you have an incom- ing call. You recognize the source—Yesaya Chan, the high school student you are mentoring/tutoring in math. When you are fi nally able to listen to the call, you learn that Yesaya needs your help tonight because his teacher moved a test up a couple of days. He wants to know if you can meet him at the local library at 5 pm , noting that it will be open late tonight. You will say yes, but the earliest you can be there on such short notice is 6 pm . Suggest that he still go to the library at 5 pm and work as many of the review problems on his own as he can. You will help him with the others when you get there. Because he is probably in class now, you will send your response as a text message so it won’t interrupt his class.
5 Assume the role of the hotel manager we discussed in the “Planning the Message” section of this chapter. Th e air conditioning has stopped functioning on one of the busiest and hottest weekends of the year. You need to explain the situation and what you are going to do (or have done) about it to three audiences: your guests, your co-workers who will be helping you solve the problem, and your boss, who will not be at the hotel until Monday. Develop a plan for the message you will send to each of these audiences in which you follow the fi ve steps dis- cussed in this chapter for planning a message. (You may fi nd Figure 1–4 useful as well.) Be sure you consider your goal in communicating with each audience, the format/ channel your communication will take, the content each audience will need, and the tone and style that will be appropriate for each audience. LO1
6 You work as a marketing director for a national chain of clothing stores specializing in professional wear for men and women. You think it would be a great idea to run daily specials and advertise them on Twitter, Face- book, and email. However, when you take your idea to the weekly management meeting, some question what these advertisements would look like. Using what you’ve learned about planning messages, writing email, and communicating through social media, write a sample message for each medium. How long will your messages be? What type of content will you include? What will you say in one medium that you might not say in another? What might be the advantages of one medium over an- other? LO1, LO2, LO5, LO7
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140 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
7 You work as a developer for a soft ware company. You’re writing an announcement to all company employees re- minding everyone of an all-hands meeting tomorrow. Th e announcement will be posted on the company in- tranet, which employees know to check multiple times per day, as that’s your company’s preferred mode of in- ternal communication. Th e purpose of the meeting is to make sure everyone is ready for the go-live of your
soft ware at a local clinic. It’s really important that every- one knows how to document any support calls from the clinic and the protocol for prioritizing calls for service— not that you’re expecting diffi culties; you just want to make sure your support for the clinic is organized and orderly. Use the inverted pyramid approach to organize your message. LO1, LO2, LO5, LO8
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CHAPTER SEVEN
Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages
Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will be able to write good-news and neutral messages effectively. To reach this goal, you should be able to
1 Properly assess the reader’s likely reaction to your message.
2 Describe the general plan for direct-order messages.
3 Write clear, well-structured routine inquiries.
4 Write direct, orderly, and favorable answers to inquiries.
5 Write order acknowledgments and other thank-you messages that build goodwill.
6 Write direct claims in situations where an adjustment will likely be granted.
7 Compose adjustment grants that regain any lost confi dence.
8 Write clear and effective internal-operational communications.
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142 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
THE PREVALENCE OF GOOD-NEWS AND NEUTRAL MESSAGES IN BUSINESS Most business messages are those that solve everyday business problems—requesting information, providing information, announcing good news, or communicating about matters that are a routine part of a company’s culture and work. As a result, audiences receive these messages as good-news or neutral communication. Chapter 1 explains why most messages are about routine matters: Communication is central to organized human activity. Especially in business, people need to know what to do, why, and how. Th ey undertake any job knowing they have a certain function to perform, and they need information to be able to perform it well. When external audiences interact with companies, they also expect and need information presented as clearly and concisely as possible.
For this reason, many good-news and neutral messages are written in what is called the direct order . Th ere are, of course, unlimited kinds of good-news and neutral mes- sages. Each business is unique and will have developed its preferred style for commu- nicating these messages based on its audiences and communication goals. However, regardless of the type of message, the direct order is usually best because it gets your reader to your main point immediately.
Th is chapter fi rst describes a general plan for writing good-news and neutral mes- sages in a direct order. Th en we adapt this general plan to some of the more common business situations where it is appropriate. We show why each of these situations re- quires somewhat special treatment. We believe that this review of common direct plans will enable you to adapt them to any related situation.
PRELIMINARY ASSESSMENT As discussed in Chapter 6, writing any messages other than those for the most mechan- ical, routine circumstances requires careful thinking about the situation, your readers, and your goals. When determining your message’s basic plan, a good beginning is to assess your reader’s probable reaction to what you have to say. If the reaction is likely to be positive or even neutral, your best approach is likely to be a direct one—that is, one that gets to the objective right away without delay. If your reader’s reaction is likely to be negative, you may need to use the indirect plan, discussed in Chapter 8. Th e general plan for the direct approach in positive and neutral situations follows.
THE GENERAL DIRECT PLAN Beginning with the Objective Begin with your objective . If you are seeking information, start by asking for it. If you are giving information, start giving it. Whatever your key point is, lead with it.
In some cases, you might need to open with a brief orienting phrase, clause, or even sentence. Especially if your reader is not expecting to hear from you or is not familiar with you or your company, you may need to preface your main point with a few words of background, but keep any prefatory remarks brief and get to the real message. Th en stop the fi rst paragraph. Let the rest of the message fi ll in the details.
Covering the Remaining Part of the Objective Whatever else must be covered to complete your objective makes up the bulk of the remainder of the message. If you cover all of your objective in the beginning (as in an inquiry in which a single question is asked), nothing else is needed. If you have to ask or answer additional questions or provide information, do so in the body of your mes- sage. Cover your information systematically—perhaps listing the details or arranging them by paragraphs. If these parts have their own explanations or commentary, include them.
LO1 Properly assess the reader’s likely reaction to your message.
LO2 Describe the general plan for direct-order messages.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 143
Ending with Goodwill End the message with some appropriate friendly comment as you would end a face-to- face communication with the reader .
Include a closing that is relevant to the topic of your message. General closings such as “Th ank you” or “If you need further information, please don’t hesitate to ask” are polite, but they are cliches. You will build more goodwill with a closing that is tailored to your message—for example: “If you will answer these questions about Ms. Hill right away, we can fi ll the accounting position before our busy tax season.”
Be aware, though, that phrases such as “as soon as possible” or “at your convenience” may have very diff erent meanings for you and your reader. If you need your response by a specifi c date or time, give your reader that information as well as a reason for the deadline so that your reader understands the importance of a timely response. You may say, for example, “Your answers to these questions by July 1 will help Ms. Hill and us as we meet our deadline for fi lling the accounting position.”
Now let us see how you can adapt this general plan to fi t the more common direct message situations.
ROUTINE INQUIRIES
LO3 Write clear, well- structured routine inquiries.
Introduce yourself to routine inquiries by assuming you are the assistant to the vice president for administration of White Label Industries (WLI). WLI is the manufacturer and distributor of an assortment of high-quality products. You and your boss were recently chatting about WLI’s plans to relocate its regional headquarters. Your boss tells you that she and other top management have cho- sen the city but have not been able to fi nd the perfect offi ce space. She says that they have not been happy with what realtors have found for them or with what they have found in their own searches of classifi ed ads and realty agencies’ websites. When you suggest that they expand their search to something a little less traditional such as
craigslist, your boss says, “Great idea! I don’t think any of us have used craigslist, though. Could you fi nd some locations and show them to us at our Friday meeting?” You’re a bit intimidated by the prospect, but you know that this is a great chance to demonstrate your professional skills. You visit craigslist and fi nd what you believe would be the perfect offi ce headquarters. You know you could just show the executives the ad at the meeting, but having read the ad and having analyzed your audience, you know the executives will need more information. To present your best professional image at Friday’s meeting, you need to write a routine inquiry seeking additional details about the offi ce space.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Searching for New Regional Headquarters
Choosing from Two Types of Beginnings Th e opening of the routine inquiry should focus on the main objective. Routine inqui- ries usually open in one of two ways: (1) with a direct question or request or (2) with a brief statement to orient the reader, followed by the request or question.
If you begin with a direct question or request, you can ask one broad question that sets up other questions you’ll ask in the body of the message. For example, if your objective is to get more information about the offi ce space described in the Introductory Challenge, you might begin with a general question:
Could you please send me additional information about the Riverdale offi ce space you advertised on craigslist on May 24?
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144 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Th e body of your message would then present a list of the specifi c information you are seeking.
On the other hand, if you have only one piece of information you are seeking, you could begin with your specifi c question:
Could you please send me the dimensions of the fi rst- and second-fl oor corner offi ces of the Riverdale offi ce space you advertised on craigslist on May 24?
You might then off er some explanation of what you’re looking for, or you might con- clude your message.
If you think your reader would need or appreciate some background information or an orienting statement, provide one. Th is information helps reduce any startling eff ect that a direct opening question might have and can help soft en the tone if the direct opening question sounds demanding or blunt.
The 3200-square-foot Riverdale offi ce space you advertised on May 24 on craigslist seems like a great fi t for our regional headquarters. To help us decide on a new offi ce space, could you please answer a few questions about the Riverdale offi ces?
Regardless of how you begin, be sure your reader has a clear sense of your message’s purpose.
Informing and Explaining Adequately To help your reader answer your questions, you may need to include explanation or information. If you do not explain enough or if you misjudge the reader’s knowledge, you make the reader’s task diffi cult. For example, answers to your questions about offi ce space for WLI may depend on characteristics or specifi c needs of the company. With- out knowing how WLI will use the space, even the best realtor or property manager may not know how to answer your questions or perhaps direct you to other offi ce space that better meets your needs.
Where and how you include the necessary explanatory information depend on the nature of your message. Usually, a good place for general explanatory material is be- fore or aft er the direct request in the opening paragraph. In messages that ask more than one question, include any necessary explanatory material with the questions. Such messages may alternate questions and explanations in the body of the message.
Structuring the Questions Aft er you ask your initial question and provide any relevant background information, your message will take one of two directions. If your inquiry involves only one ques- tion, you have achieved your objective, and you may move to a goodwill ending to fi nish your message. If you have to ask several questions, develop an organized, logical list in the body of your message.
Answering inquiries that do not include adequate explanation can be frustrating.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 145
First, if you have two or more questions, make them stand out. Combining two or more questions in a sentence de-emphasizes each and invites the reader to overlook some. You can call attention to your questions in a number of ways. First, you can make each question a separate sentence with a bullet (for example, ●, ●●, ■) to call attention to it.
Second, you can give each question a separate paragraph whenever your explanation and other comments about each question justify a paragraph.
Th ird, you can order or rank your questions with numbers. By using words ( fi rst, second, third , etc.), numerals ( 1, 2, 3 , etc.), or letters ( a, b, c , etc.), you make the ques- tions stand out. Also, you provide the reader with a convenient checklist for answering.
Fourth, you can structure your questions in true question form. Sentences that merely hint at a need for information do not attract much attention. Th e statements “It would be nice if you would tell me . . .” and “I would like to know . . .” are really not questions. Th ey do not ask—they merely suggest. Th e questions that stand out are those written in question form: “Will you please tell me . . .?” “How much would one be able to save . . .?” “How many contract problems have you had . . .?”
Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no unless you really want a simple yes or no answer. For example, the question “Is the chair available in blue?” may not be what you really want to know. Better wording might be “In what colors is the chair available?” Oft en, combining a yes/no question with its explanation yields a better, more concise question. To illustrate, the wording “Would your soft ware let us deliver our train- ing modules in any format? We need to deliver them in HTML5” could be improved by asking “Would your soft ware let us deliver our training modules in HTML5?”
Ending with Goodwill Th e goodwill ending described in the general plan is appropriate here, just as it is in most business messages. Remember that the closing does the most toward creating goodwill when it fi ts the topic of the message and includes important deadlines and reasons for them.
Reviewing the Order In summary, the plan recommended for the routine inquiry message is as follows: • Focus directly on the objective, with either a specifi c question that sets up the
entire message or a general request for information. • Include any necessary explanation, wherever it best fi ts. • If two or more questions are involved, make them stand out with bullets,
numbering, paragraphing, and/or question form. • End with goodwill words adapted to the topic of the message.
Contrasting Examples Th e following two routine inquiry messages illustrate bad and good approaches to re- questing information about offi ce space for a new WLI regional headquarters (recall the Introductory Challenge). Th e fi rst example follows the indirect pattern. Th e second is direct and more appropriate for this neutral message. You can also study the Case Il- lustrations on pages 148 and 149. Th e margin comments help you see how these sample inquiries follow the advice in this chapter.
As you read the fi rst example, note that it is marked by a “ ” icon in the side panel. We use this icon throughout the book wherever we show bad examples. Th e good examples will be indicated by a “ ” icon.
Th e Indirect Message . Th e less eff ective message begins slowly and gives obvious in- formation. Even if the writer thinks that this information needs to be communicated, it does not deserve the emphasis of the opening sentence. Th e writer gets to the point of the message in the second paragraph. Th ere are no questions here—just hints for information. Th e items of information the writer wants do not stand out but are listed in rapid succession in one sentence. Th e close is selfi sh and stiff .
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146 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
The Direct and Effective Message. Th e second example begins directly by asking for information. Th e explanation is brief but complete. Th e questions are made to stand out; thus, they help make answering easy. Th e message closes with a courteous and appropriate request for quick action.
Dear Mr. Piper:
We saw the advertisement for 3,200 square feet of Riverdale offi ce space that you posted a couple of weeks ago on craigslist. As we are interested, we would like additional information.
Specifi cally, we would like to know the interior layout, annual cost, availability of transportation, length of lease agreement, escalation provisions, and any other information you think pertinent.
If the information you give us is favorable, we will inspect the property. Please send your reply as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
This message’s indirect and vague beginning slows reading.
Of all the issues a writer considers when writing an effec- tive business message, the type of font to use may be at the bottom of the list (if it is on the list at all). However, choosing the right font can make your documents look as professional as they sound.
• What are my choices? The main choice is either a serif or sans serif font. Letters in serif fonts such as Book Antiqua (shown in the box) have “tails” (serifs). Letters in sans serif fonts such as Verdana (also shown in the box) do not. You can see that the “T” in Times New Roman has the “tails” that the “T” in Tahoma does not. What do serifs do? Serifs connect letters, which makes the space between words more distinguishable and the text therefore more readable—at least in printed documents. In electronic documents, the serifs may actually hinder readability depending on the font size and monitor resolution. Sans serif fonts, however, allow for more white space, which makes letters and words stand out. A possible choice, then, is to use a sans serif font for headings and a serif font for body text.
• How many fonts can I use? Limit yourself to not more than two fonts. It’s fi ne to use only one font. However, if you use more than two, you will have a document that looks cluttered and visually confusing. If you do choose two fonts, be sure that one is a serif font and one is a sans serif font. This way the fonts complement rather than compete with each other. Remember that excessive formatting of your fonts (bold, italics, underlining) will also undermine the professional look of your document.
• How big should my fonts be? This depends on the font. Start with the body text at 9–12 points. Make your headings two points larger than your body text. Whatever size you choose, be sure the text is readable and looks professional. Fonts that are too small are hard to read. Fonts that are too big look amateurish and visually attack the reader.
• What style should I choose? That will depend on what kind of document you’re writing and to whom. Look at the sample fonts below. Which would be more appropriate in a print ad for party supplies? In an annual report to investors? In an invitation to a formal event? As you can see, each typeface has its own personality. Choose yours carefully to match your situation.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Choosing the Right Font
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 147
Dear Mr. Piper:
Will you please answer the following questions about the 3,200-square-foot Riverdale offi ce suite advertised May 24 on craigslist? This space may be suitable for the new regional headquarters we are opening in your city in August.
• Is the layout of these offi ces suitable for a work force of two administrators, a receptionist, and seven offi ce employees? (If possible, please send us a diagram of the space.)
• What are the dimensions of the corner offi ces on the fi rst and second fl oors? • What is the annual rental charge? • Are housekeeping, maintenance, and utilities included? • What type of fl ooring and walls does the offi ce space have? • Does the location provide easy access to mass transportation and the airport? • What is the length of the lease agreement? • What escalation provisions are included in the lease agreement?
We look forward to learning more about your property. We hope to secure a space that meets our needs by July 21.
Sincerely,
This direct and orderly message is better.
Shortcuts help writers save time and improve quality. One of the easiest to use is the AutoCorrect tool in Word (shown here). This tool will automatically replace a word you enter with another word you enter to replace that particular word. The default setting is generally set to cor- rect common misspellings and typos. However, it also can be used to expand acronyms or phrases used repeatedly.
If you worked frequently with the Association for Busi- ness Communication, you might set up the AutoCorrect tool to replace the acronym ABC with the full name. Not only will this shortcut enable you to save time, but it also will improve the quality of your work by inserting a cor- rectly spelled and typed replacement every time.
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Shortcut Tools Help Writers Improve Productivity and Quality
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148 PART 00 Part Title148
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
Questions on Management Courses Direct—a general request sets up the specific question
Numbered questions stand out to help the reader respond
Reference to a website tells what the writer knows and helps the reader in responding
Explanations are worked into the questions where needed
A favorable forward look creates a goodwill close
Ms. Garbett:
Please send me the additional information we need to determine whether to enroll some of our executives in your online management courses. We have the general information and the schedule that are posted on your website. Specifically, we need answers to these questions:
1. What are your quantity discount rates? We could enroll about six executives for each course.
2. To what background level is your program geared? We have engineers, accountants, scientists, and business executives. Most have college degrees. Some do not.
3. Can we make arrangements for the attendees to receive college credit for the course? Some of our executives are working on degrees and would want credit.
4. May we have the names and email addresses of training directors of companies that have enrolled their executives in your management courses?
I would appreciate having this information in time for our October 3 staff meeting, and I look forward to learning more about your courses.
Ronald Dupree Director of Training Sorbet Inc. Phone: 619.594.6942 Fax: 801.309.2411 www.sorbet.com
Routine Inquiries (Getting Information about a Training Program) . This email message is from a company training director to the director of a management-training program. The company training director has received literature on the program but needs additional information. The message seeks this information.
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CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 149149
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
Routine Inquiry (An Inquiry about Hotel Accommodations) . This letter to a hotel inquires about accommodations for a company’s annual meeting. In selecting a hotel, the company’s managers need answers to specifi c questions. The mes- sage covers these questions.
July 17, 2012
Ms. Connie Briggs, Manager Drake Hotel 140 East Walton Place Chicago, IL 60611
Dear Ms. Briggs:
We have selected Chicago for our 2013 meeting on August 16, 17, and 18 and are interested in holding it at the Drake. I have found helpful information on your website but would like answers to the following questions:
Can you accommodate a group of about 600 employees on these dates?
Would you be able to set aside a block of 450 rooms? We could guarantee 400.
Do you offer discounted room rates for meetings and conferences?
If so, what are the rates and what are the eligibility requirements?
What are your charges for conference rooms? We will need eight for each of the three days, and each should have a minimum capacity of 60. On the 18th, for the half-hour business meeting, we will need a large ballroom with a capacity of at least 500.
Also, will you please send me your menu selections and prices for group dinners? On the 17th we plan to hold our presidential dinner. About 500 can be expected for this event.
As meeting plans must be announced by September, may we have your response by August 1? We look forward to the possibility of being with you in 2013.
Sincerely,
Patti Wolff Patti Wolff Site Selection Committee Chair
Direct—a courteous general request sets up the specific questions
Specific questions with explanations where needed
Opening provides background information and sets up the specific questions
Questions stand out in separate paragraphs
Individually tailored goodwill close
Visit us: www.womensmedia.com
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150 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
FAVORABLE RESPONSES
LO4 Write direct, orderly, and favorable answers to inquiries.
Continue in your role as assistant to the vice president for operations of White Label Industries (WLI). This time, your task is to respond to a customer’s message. In your email inbox this morning, you have an inquiry from a veterinarian, a Dr. Motley, who wants to know more about WLI’s Chem-Treat paint. In response to an advertisement, this prospective customer asks a number of specifi c questions about Chem-Treat. Foremost, she wants to know whether the paint is safe to use around the animals (and their owners) who visit her clinic. Do you
have supporting evidence? Do you guarantee the results? Does the paint resist dirt and stains? How much does a gallon cost? Will one coat do the job? You can answer all but one of the questions posi- tively. Of course, you will report this one negative point (that two coats are needed to do most jobs), but you will take care to de-emphasize it. The response will be primarily a good-news message. Because the reader is a potential customer, you will work to create the best goodwill effect.
When you answer inquiries positive, your primary goal is to tell your readers what they want to know. Because your message will be a favorable response, directness is appropriate.
Identifying the Message Being Answered Because this message is a response to another message, you should identify the message you are answering. Such identifi cation helps the reader recall or fi nd the message being answered. If you are writing an email response, the original mes- sage is appended to your message. Of course, in an email message, your subject line will identify the message you are answering, but in hard copy messages, you may also use a subject line (Subject: Your April 2 Inquiry about Chem-Treat), as illustrated in Appendix B . Or you can refer to the message incidentally in the text (“as requested in your April 2 inquiry”). Preferably you should identify the message early in your message
Beginning with the Answer Directness here means giving the readers what they want at the beginning. Th us you begin by answering . When a response involves answering a single question, you begin by answering that question. When it involves answering two or more questions, one good plan is to begin by answering one of them—preferably the most important. In the Chem-Treat case, this opening would get the response off to a fast start:
Yes, WLI’s Chem-Treat acrylic latex paint is among the safest on the market.
An alternative is to begin by stating that you are giving the reader what he or she wants—that you are complying with the request. Th is example illustrates this type of beginning.
Here are the answers to your questions about Chem-Treat.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Answering a Potential Customer’s Question
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 151
Logically Arranging the Answers If you are answering just one question, you have little to do aft er handling that question in the opening. You answer it as completely as the situation requires, and you present whatever explanation or other information is needed. Th en you are ready to close the message.
If, on the other hand, you are answering two or more questions, the body of your message becomes a series of answers. You should order them logically , per- haps answering the questions in the order your reader used in asking them. You may even number your answers, especially if your reader numbered the questions. Or you may decide to arrange your answers by paragraphs so that each stands out clearly.
Skillfully Handling the Negatives When your response will include some bad news along with the good news, you will need to handle the bad news with care. Unless you are careful, it is likely to receive more emphasis than it deserves.
In giving proper emphasis to the good- and bad-news parts, you should use the techniques discussed in Chapter 5, especially positioning. Th at is, you should place the good news in positions of high emphasis—at paragraph beginnings and endings and at the beginning and ending of the message as a whole. You should place the bad news in secondary positions. In addition, you should use space emphasis to your ad- vantage. Th is means giving less space to bad-news parts and more space to good-news parts. You also should select words and build sentences that communicate the eff ect you want. Generally, this means using positive words and avoiding negative words and putting bad news in modifying phrases or clauses rather than in main clauses. Your overall goal should be to present the information in your response so that your readers feel good about you and your company.
Considering Extras To create goodwill, as well as future business, you should consider including extras with your answers, as recommended in Chapter 5. Th ese are the things you say and do that are not actually required. Examples are a comment or question showing an interest in the reader’s situation, some additional information that may prove valuable, and a suggestion for use of the information supplied. In fact, extras can be anything that presents more than the routine response. A business executive an- swering a college professor’s request for information on company operations could supplement the requested information with suggestions of other sources. A techni- cal writer could explain highly technical information in simpler language. In the Chem-Treat problem, additional information (e.g., how much surface area a gallon covers) would be helpful. Such extras encourage readers to build a business relation- ship with you.
Closing Cordially As in the other types of direct messages, your ending should be cordial, friendly words that fi t the case. For example, you might close the Chem-Treat message with these words:
If I can help you further in deciding whether Chem-Treat will meet your needs, please let me know.
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152 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Reviewing the Plan To write a favorable response message, you should use the following plan: • Identify, either incidentally or in the subject line, the message being answered. • Begin with the answer or state that you are complying with the request. • Continue to respond in a way that is logical and orderly. • De-emphasize any negative information. • Consider including extras. • End with a friendly comment adapted to your reader.
Contrasting Illustrations Th e following contrasting email messages in answer to the Chem-Treat inquiry il- lustrate two strategies for answering routine inquiries. Th e fi rst message violates much of the advice in this and earlier chapters. Th e second meets the requirements of a good business message. It accounts for the reader’s needs and the writer’s busi- ness goals.
An Indirect and Hurried Response . Th e not-so-good message begins indirectly with an obvious statement referring to receipt of the inquiry. Th ough well intended, the second sentence continues to delay the answers. Th e second paragraph begins to respond to the reader’s request, but it emphasizes the most negative answer by position and by wording. Th is answer is followed by hurried and routine answers to the other questions asked. Only the barest information is presented. Th ere is no goodwill close.
Subject: Your Inquiry of April 3
Dr. Motley, I have received your April 3 message, in which you inquire about our Chem- Treat paint. I want you to know that we appreciate your interest and will welcome your business.
In response to your question about how many coats are needed to cover new surfaces, I regret to report that two are usually required. The paint has been well tested in our laboratories and is safe to use as directed.
Ray Lindner
Customer Service Representative
This email is indirect and ineffective.
An Effective Direct Response . Th e better message begins directly with the most fa- vorable answer. Th en it presents the other answers, giving each the emphasis and posi- tive language it deserves. It subordinates the one negative answer by position, volume of treatment, and structure. More pleasant information follows the negative answer. Th e close is goodwill talk with some subtle selling strategy included.
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CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 153
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153
Negative element— skillfully handles the negative point in positive language
Tone— shows friendly attitude
Direct order— reports a favorable response
Goodwill— is adapted to the topic of the message
Professor Kesten:
Attached is a file containing the production records you asked for in your May 2 message. Thank you for including us in your interesting study.
Because much of the information concerns company secrets our competitors should not know, the file is password protected and set to expire in ten days. Additionally, we request anonymity in any published use of the data.
The work you are doing will be valuable to all of us in the industry. We wish you the best of luck and look forward to reading your results.
Reba O. Whitehead, Production Manager [email protected]
Production Records Attached
dynamic_production data_5yrs.xls
Routine Response (Favorable Response to a Professor’s Request). This email message responds to a professor’s request for production records that will be used in a research project. The writer is giving the information wanted but must restrict its use.
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154 PART 00 Part Title
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154
Complete
yet concise
answers
Direct—
makes
the
purpose
clear
Orderly
listing of
answers
August 7, 2013
Sincerely,
David M. Earp Office Manager
Friendly—
adapted to
the one
case
This extra
builds
goodwill
Enclosure
Our executives have mixed feelings about the effectiveness of the suites. At the beginning, the majority opinion was negative, but it appears now that most believe the suites meet our needs.
The suites option definitely has saved us money. Rental costs in the suburbs are much lower than downtown costs; annual savings are estimated at nearly 30 percent.
We began using executive suites at the request of several sales representatives who had read about other companies using them. We pilot tested the program in one territory for a year using volunteers before we implemented it companywide.
We are quite willing to share with you the list of facilities we plan to use again. Additionally, I am enclosing a copy of our corporate policy, which describes our guidelines for using executive suites.
Ms. Ida Casey, Sales Manager Liberty Insurance Company 1165 Second Ave. Des Moines, IA 50318-9631
Dear Ms. Casey:
Here is the information about our use of temporary executive suites that you requested in your August 3 fax.
1.
2.
3.
4.
If after reviewing this information you have any other questions, please write me again. If you want to contact our sales representatives for firsthand information, please do so. I wish you the best of luck in using these suites in your operations.
Merck & Co., Inc. One Merck Drive P.O. Box 100, WS1A-46 Whitehouse Station NJ 08889
Routine Response (A Request for Detailed Information). Answering an inquiry about a company’s experience with ex- ecutive suites, this letter numbers the answers as the questions were numbered in the inquiry. The opening appropriately sets up the numbered answers with a statement that indicates a favorable response.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 155
ORDER ACKNOWLEDGMENTS AND OTHER THANK-YOU MESSAGES
The next work you take from your inbox is an order for paints and painting supplies. It is from Mr. Tony Lee of Central City Paint Company, a new customer whom White Label Industries (WLI) has been trying to attract for months. You usually acknowledge orders with routine messages, but this case is different. You feel the need to
welcome this new customer and to cultivate him for future sales. After checking your current inventory and making cer- tain that the goods will be on the way to Mr. Lee today, you are ready to write him a special acknowledgment and thank him for his business.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Building Goodwill with a “Thank-You” Message
In the course of your professional career, you will fi nd yourself in situations where business and social etiquette require thank-you messages. Such messages may be long or short, formal or informal. Th ey may be also combined with other purposes such as confi rming an order. In this section we focus on one specifi c kind of thank-you message—the order acknowledgment—as well as more general thank-you messages for other business occasions.
Order Acknowledgments Acknowledgments are sent to let people who order goods know the status of their orders. Most acknowledgments are routine. Th ey simply tell when the goods are being shipped. Many companies use form or computer-generated messages for such situations. Some use printed, standard notes with check-off or write-in blanks. But individually written acknowl- edgments are sometimes justifi ed, especially with new accounts or large orders.
Skillfully composed acknowledgments can do more than acknowledge orders, though this task remains their primary goal. Th ese messages can also build goodwill through their warm, personal, human tone. Th ey can make the reader feel good about doing business with a company that cares and want to continue doing business with
LO5 Write order acknowledgments and other thank-you messages that build goodwill.
Subject: Your April 3 Inquiry about Chem-Treat
Dr. Motley: Yes, Chem-Treat’s low-odor, low-VOC acrylic latex paint is among the safest, most environmentally friendly paints on the market. Several hospitals and clinics have used Chem-Treat successfully and have reported no reactions to it.
Chem-Treat’s latex formula also makes it ideal for high-traffi c areas. Cleaning usually requires nothing more than a little soap and water.
One gallon of Chem-Treat is usually enough for one-coat coverage of 500 square feet of previously painted surface. For the best results on new surfaces, you will want to apply two coats. For such surfaces, you should fi gure about 200 square feet per gallon for a long-lasting coating.
We appreciate your interest in Chem-Treat, Dr. Motley. You can view Chem-Treat’s safety ratings and customer reviews on our website: www.wli.com/chemtreat/features.
Ray Lindner
Customer Service Representative
This direct mail does a better job.
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156 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
v
Setting up tables within a document is an easy task thanks to tools in today’s word-processing programs. This feature allows writers to create tables as well as import spreadsheet and database fi les. In both instances, information can be arranged in columns and rows with detail in the cells. Headings can be formatted, and for- mulas can be entered in the cells. The table you see here
could be one the writer created for use in a favorable response to an inquiry about possible locations for a meeting in Chicago. Organizing information with tables makes it easier for both the writer and the reader. A careful writer will include column and row labels as needed, helping the reader ex- tract information both quickly and accurately.
v
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Tables Help Writers Organize Data for Easy Reading
Hotel Name Address Convention Room Rate for
Standard Rooms Guest Rating
Chicago Marriott Downtown 540 North Michigan Avenue, Chicago, IL 60611-3869
$409 4.2
Drake Hotel 140 East Walton Street, Chicago, IL 60611-1545
$309 4.3
Palmer House Hilton 17 East Monroe Street, Chicago, IL 60603-5605
$252 4.4
that company. To maintain this goodwill for repeat customers, you will want to revise your form acknowledgments regularly.
Directness and Goodwill Building in Order Acknowledgments Like the preceding direct message types, the acknowledgment message appropriately begins with its good news—that the goods are being shipped—and it ends on a good- will note. Except when some of the goods ordered must be delayed, the remainder of the message is devoted to goodwill building. Th is goodwill building can begin in the open- ing by emphasizing receipt of the goods rather than merely the shipment of the goods:
The Protect-O paints and supplies you ordered April 4 should reach you by Wednes- day. They are leaving our Walden warehouse today by Arrow Freight.
It can also include a warm expression of thanks for the order, especially when a fi rst order is involved. Anything else you can say that will be helpful to the reader is appro- priate—information about new products, services, or opportunities for the reader. A forward look to continued business relations is logical gesture in the close.
Tact in Order Acknowledgments Sometimes the task of acknowledging is complicated by your inability to send the goods requested right away. You could be out of them, or perhaps the reader did not give you all the information you need to send them. In either case, a delay is involved. In some cases, delays are routine and expected and do not pose a serious problem. In these situations, you can use the direct approach. However, you will still want to mini- mize any negative news so that your routine message does not become a negative-news message. You can do this by using positive language that focuses on what can or will happen rather than what didn’t or won’t happen.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 157
In the case of a vague order, for example, you should request the information you need without appearing to accuse the reader of giving insuffi cient information. To il- lustrate, you risk off ending the reader by writing “You failed to specify the color of phones you want.” But you gain goodwill by writing “So that we can send you precisely the phones you want, please check your choice of colors on the space below.” Th is sen- tence handles the matter positively and makes the action easy to take. It also shows a courteous attitude.
Similarly, you can handle back-order information tactfully by emphasizing the posi- tive part of the message. For example, instead of writing “We can’t ship the ink jet car- tridges until the 9th,” you can write “We will rush the ink jet cartridges to you as soon as our stock is replenished by a shipment due May 9.” If the back-order period is longer than the customer expects or longer than the 30 days allowed by law, you may choose to give your customer an alternative, such as a substitute product or service. Giving the customer a choice builds goodwill.
In some cases delays will lead to major disappointments, which means you will have to write a bad-news message. A more complete discussion of how to handle such nega- tive news is provided in Chapter 8.
Strategies for Other Th ank-You Messages One of the fi rst thank-you messages you write will be the one for a job interview, which is discussed in Chapter 10. Once you are employed, you may send thank-you messages aft er a meeting or when someone does a favor for you or gives you a gift , when you want to acknowledge others’ eff orts that have somehow benefi ted you, when you want to thank customers for their business, or perhaps when someone has donated time or money to your organization or a cause it supports. Th e possibilities for situations when you might send thank-you notes are many, and sending a message of sincere thanks is a great way to promote goodwill and build your and your company’s professional image.
Th ank-you messages are oft en brief, and because they are positive messages, they are written directly. You can begin with a specifi c statement of thanks:
Thank you for attending the American Cancer Society fundraiser lunch for Relay for Life last week and for donating money to the cause.
Follow with a personalized comment relevant to the reader:
With your support, the 2013 Relay for Life will be our most successful yet … [details follow].
Conclude with a forward-looking statement:
I look forward to joining you on June 12 for this worthy cause.
Your tone should be informal and friendly. If you are on a fi rst-name basis with the reader, you may omit a salutation or use the reader’s fi rst name, but if your relationship with the reader is a formal one, do not use the reader’s fi rst name to create a contrived sense of closeness.
Whether you hand write the thank-you, send an email, or use company stationery depends on the audience. If you have poor handwriting or believe your handwriting does not convey a professional image, you may choose to type your message. Th ough you should always check your own spelling, grammar, and punctuation before sending any message, doing so is especially important in handwritten notes when you have no computer soft ware to alert you to possible errors.
Summarizing the Structure of Order Acknowledgments and Other Th ank-You Messages To write an order acknowledgment or thank-you message, • Use the direct order: Begin by thanking the reader for something specifi c (e.g., an order). • Continue with your thanks or with further information. • Use positive, tactful language to address vague or delayed orders.
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158 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
• If appropriate, achieve a secondary goal (e.g., reselling or confi rming a mutual understanding).
• Close with a goodwill-building comment, adapted to the topic of the message.
Contrasting Acknowledgments Th e following two messages show bad and good ways to acknowledge Mr. Lee’s order. As you would expect, the good version follows the plan described in the preceding paragraphs.
Slow Route to a Favorable Message. Th e bad example begins indirectly, empha- sizing receipt of the order. Although intended to produce goodwill, the second sen- tence further delays what the reader wants most to hear. Moreover, the letter is written from the writer’s point of view (note the we-emphasis).
Dear Mr. Lee:
Your April 4 order for $1,743.30 worth of Protect-O paints and supplies has been received. We are pleased to have this nice order and hope that it marks the beginning of a long relationship. As you instructed, we will bill you for this amount. We are shipping the goods today by Blue Darter Motor Freight.
We look forward to your future orders.
Sincerely, This one delays the important news.
This direct message is better.
Dear Mr. Lee:
Your selection of Protect-O paints and supplies was shipped today by Blue Darter Freight and should reach you by Wednesday. As you requested, we are sending you an invoice for $1,743.30, including sales tax.
Welcome to the Protect-O circle of dealers. Our representative, Ms. Cindy Wooley, will call from time to time to offer whatever assistance she can. She is a highly competent technical adviser on paint and painting.
Here in the home plant we also will do what we can to help you profi t from Protect-O products. We’ll do our best to give you the most effi cient service. And we’ll continue to develop the best possible paints—like our new Chem-Treat line. As you will see from the enclosed brochure, Chem-Treat is a real breakthrough in mildew protection.
We genuinely appreciate your order, Mr. Lee. We are determined to serve you well in the years ahead.
Sincerely,
Fast-Moving Presentation of the Good News. The better message begins directly, telling Mr. Lee that he is getting what he wants. The remainder of the message is a customer welcome and subtle selling. Notice the good use of reader emphasis and positive language. The message closes with a note of appreciation and a friendly, forward look.
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CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 159159
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
Online Order Acknowledgment (Order Confirmation with a Second Purpose) . This email message thanks the reader for her order and invites her to participate in this company’s online product review.
From: Gardeners Supply [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2013 9:08 AM To: [email protected] Subject: Tell Us What You Think About Our Products
Pictures provide a quick visual confirmation of the order
Moves to another goal of the message
Links make participation easy
Thanks the reader and indicates a shared interest
Adds a reader benefit and incentive
Forward- looking ending builds goodwill
Men's Waterproof Gloves
Glove Set, 3 Pairs
Thank you again for shopping with us.
The Employee-Owners at Gardener’s Supply
Copyright @2008 America’s Gardening Resource, Inc.
Dear Kathryn,
Thank you for your purchase from Gardener’s Supply. We hope you are enjoying your items and that this year’s garden will be your best ever!
Your satisfaction with our products is important to us, and we want to hear what you have to say about them. We recently added customer reviews to our website, which helps us improve our product selection and helps other gardeners find the best products to suit their needs.
We’re hoping you’ll take a moment to rate and review some or all of the items you have purchased from us. Other gardeners will appreciate your opinions and advice, and you may also enjoy reading what fellow gardeners have to say!
Each time you submit a product review to our website, your name will be entered in a monthly drawing for a $1,000 prize (see information below).
Here are the item(s) you recently purchased. Just click on an item to write a review.
Rate and review it
Rate and review it
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160 PART 00 Part Title160
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
Order Acknowledgment (Acknowledgment with a Problem) . This email letter concerns an order that cannot be handled exactly as the customer would like. Some items are being sent, but one must be placed on back order and another cannot be shipped because the customer did not give the information needed. The message skillfully handles the negative points.
Fred. [email protected]
Confirmation of Your May 7 Order
Dear Mr. Fletcher:
Thank you for your May 7 order. Your receipt is attached.
By noon tomorrow, your three new Baskin motors and one Dawson 110 compressor should reach your Meadowbrook shops. As you requested, we marked them for your west side loading dock and sent them by Warren Motor Express.
So that we can be certain of sending you the one handcart for your special uses, will you please review the attached description of the two models available? As you will see, the Model M is our heavy-duty design, but its extra weight is not justified for all jobs. When you have made your choice, please let us know by email, phone, or fax. We'll send your choice right away.
Your three dozen 317 T-clamps should reach you by the 13th. As you may know, these very popular clamps have been in short supply for some time now, but we have been promised a limited order by the 11th. We are marking three dozen for rush shipment to you.
We are always pleased to do business with Fletcher Machine Works and will continue to serve you with quality industrial equipment.
Missing information handled tactfully
Helpful explanation to help the reader make a choice
Sincerely,
Shannon E. Kurrus Sales Manager Lowe’s Home Improvement P. O. Box 1111 North Wilkesboro, NC 28696-0001 (910) 491-4000 Fax: (910) 651-4766
Polite, specific acknowledg- ment of the order
Emphasis on the positive news
Negative news deempha- sized
A friendly forward look
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CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 161161
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Thank-You Message (A Follow-Up to a Meeting) . This email from a representative of a telecommunications equipment company thanks a potential customer in Germany for a recent meeting.
Uses the reader’s first name, which indicates a close business relationship
Specifics add sincerity
Politely thanks the reader for something specific (while also reminding him of his promise)
Prepares for future communications between the two parties
Ends on a positive note; looks to the future
Hello, Herman:
Meeting you and the other members of the product selection team last Friday was a pleasure. We are honored not only that you took the time to explain the current dynamics and structure at General Telekom but also that you gave us your entire day. Thank you for your generosity.
I understand that you have graciously offered to share some of United Plorcon’s key product qualities with other executives in your company. We are extremely appreciative that you have offered to help in this way. Based on our discussions at the meeting, we will summarize the main points of interest and send them to you.
To make the cost-benefit charts more self-explanatory, I will slightly condense the material and add some notes. They will not be confidential, so please share them if you wish. I will send those condensed charts to you before the end of the week. After we send them, I will follow up with you to make sure that you have all the material you need to explain who we are and what we offer.
Finally, thank you for your hospitality. Staying in an ideally located hotel, having coffee at a beautiful castle, viewing some of the world’s best art, and sharing an exquisite meal made my first visit to Stuttgart a most memorable one. I hope that between our two companies, we can create many opportunities for our United Plorcon team to return to your beautiful city.
I look forward to talking with you again soon.
Respectfully yours,
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162 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
French tech company Atos discovered that its 80,000 em- ployees were spending 15–20 hours per week on email but fi nding only 15 percent of the email actually necessary. The company’s solution to making communication more productive is to phase out email as an internal com- munication tool, with the goal of eliminating it altogether by 2014. Instead, employees will use social media, instant messaging, and collaboration tools such as Microsoft’s Live Meeting for their internal communication. In addi- tion to eliminating unnecessary communication in the offi ce, the company says moving to communication tech- nologies such as instant messaging means that people will better balance their work and personal lives, as they
cannot check for messages outside the offi ce as easily as they could if they were using email. Comments on the article range from enthusiasm and support for the idea to skepticism, the latter belief being that people will just substitute time spent on instant messaging and social media for the time they would have spent on email. Many note (rightly so) that email, like instant messaging and social media, is just the technology—ultimately the users control how productively it is used.
SOURCE : “IT Firm Phasing Out Email to Boost Productivity,” CBC News Technology and Science , CBS News, 16 Dec. 2011, Web, 15 May 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
A Workplace without Email? One Company ’s Strategy
Continue in your role with White Label Industries (WLI). As the assistant to the vice president of operations, you man- age the supervisors on the paint production line. Today, one of the team leaders came to you for some feedback on his writing. Last week, he ordered some safety equip- ment (goggles and face masks) for employees on the production line; however, he received gloves instead of goggles and only half the masks he ordered, as well as an invoice for $100 more than his order should have cost. He is fairly certain he received someone else’s order. He
just wants the correct order shipped and his bill adjusted accordingly. He called his sales representative but got her voice mail. He left her a quick message to call him about the order, but he also wants to send her an email explaining the situa- tion. He asks for your feedback on the email, and you are surprised at the indirect language and unnecessarily nega- tive and harsh tone. You need to use what you know about writing a direct claim to help him write a message that not only resolves the issue but also builds goodwill.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Requesting a Correct Shipment and Revised Invoice
DIRECT CLAIMS
LO6 Write direct claims in situations where an adjustment will likely be granted.
Occasionally things go wrong between a business and its customers (e.g., merchandise is lost or broken during shipment, customers are inaccurately billed for goods or services). Such situations are not routine for a business; for most businesses, the routine practice is to fulfi ll their customers’ expectations. Because claim messages are not about routine circumstances and because they involve unhappy news, many are written in the indirect approach discussed in Chapter 8. Nevertheless, there are some instances where
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 163
directness in writing a claim is appropriate, and for this reason we discuss the direct claim in this chapter.
Using Directness for Claims Most businesses want to know when something is wrong with their products or ser- vices so they can correct the matter and satisfy their customers. Many times the easiest and quickest way for you to address these claims is simply to call the company directly to settle the matter. Sometimes, though, you may want to write a claim if you need a written record of the request. Or, depending on a company’s phone options for access- ing customer service, a written claim sent via email or the company website may be more effi cient than a phone call.
When writing a claim in cases where you anticipate that the reader will grant an adjustment of your claim, you may use the direct approach (e.g., adjusting an incor- rect charge to an invoice). Be sure that when you write the claim, you keep your tone objective and professional so that you preserve your reader’s goodwill. If you use words such as complaint or disappointment , you will compromise your chances of receiving an adjustment quickly.
Organizing the Direct Claim Because you anticipate that the reader will willingly grant your request, a direct claim begins with the claim, moves to an explanation, and ends with a goodwill closing.
Beginning a Direct Claim. Th e direct claim should open with just that—the direct claim . Th is should be a polite but direct statement of what you need. If the statement sounds too direct, you may soft en it with a little bit of explanation, but the direct claim should be at the beginning of your message, as in this example:
Please adjust the invoice (# 6379) for our May 10 order to remove the $7.50 shipping charge .
Explaining the Issue. Th e body of the direct claim should provide the reader with any information he or she might need to understand your claim. To continue with the same example, we might write the following brief middle paragraph:
Because our order totaled $73.50, we were able to take advantage of your offer for free shipping on orders of $50 or more and should not have been charged a shipping fee .
Providing a Goodwill Closing. Your close should end with an expression of goodwill . A simple ending like the following can suffi ce:
Please send a corrected copy of the invoice to me at jsmith@americanmortgage. com. We look forward to continued business with National Offi ce Supplies .
Reviewing the Plan To write a direct claim message, you should use the following plan: • Begin with a polite direct statement of your claim. • In the body of the message, give the reader information he or she needs to adjust
the claim. • Close with an expression of goodwill.
Contrasting Examples of Claim Messages Th e following two email messages show contrasting ways of handling the erroneous shipment described in the Introductory Challenge. Th e fi rst is slow and harsh. Th e second is courteous, yet to the point and fi rm.
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164 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
An Indirect and Harsh Message. Th e fi rst message starts slowly with a long ex- planation of the situation. Some of the details in the beginning sentence are helpful, but they do not deserve the emphasis that this position gives them. Th e problem is not described until the second paragraph. Th e wording here is clear but much too strong. Th e words are angry and insulting, and the writer talks down to the reader. Such words are more likely to produce resistance than acceptance. Th e negative writing continues into the close, leaving a bad fi nal impression.
Subject: Problem with Our Order #2478 Beth,
As you know, White Label Industries has been ordering our safety supplies from you for over 15 years. We have always depended on you for quick and accurate service, which, unfortunately, looks like it didn’t happen this time. When our orders are not accurate and our safety gear is not what we ordered, you put our employees in jeopardy, and WLI loses money if employees don’t have safety gear and can’t work.
You can imagine how shocked I was when I opened the order expecting face masks and goggles but found gloves and half the face masks I ordered. I was also surprised to see a bill that was $100 more than I planned.
I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer, so I left a voice message. I’m guessing you want to fi x this quickly, so please call me or email me and let me know what you are going do. If my employees do not have the masks and goggles by tomorrow, employees can’t work, and we will have to shut down our production line, which will cost us a lot of money. This was really disappointing service, but I’m sure it won’t happen again, as you have always been accurate in the past. We would hate to think that we need to go with a different supplier. Thank you.
Ken
This claim is insulting, too indirect, and too long.
A Firm yet Courteous Message. Th e second message follows the plan suggested in the preceding paragraphs. A subject line quickly and neutrally identifi es the situation. Th e message begins with a clear statement of the claim. Next, it uses objective language to tell what went wrong. Th e ending is rational and shows that the writer is interested in resolving the issue, not placing blame.
Subject: Need Correct Order Shipped (Invoice 6750)
Beth,
Please send 50 safety goggles and 100 face masks, as well as a new invoice, to replace the incorrect order that arrived this morning.
On Monday, I placed the order for the safety goggles and face masks, but today I received only 50 face masks and 15 boxes of safety gloves. The invoice indicated that this order was supposed to go to J&M Medical Supplies.
If you send the order today, we should receive it tomorrow. Our employees will need the safety equipment in order for us to keep the production line running.
Please let me know how you want to handle the return of J&M’s order.
Thanks,
Ken
This direct claim is clear and effi cient while also maintaining goodwill.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 165
ADJUSTMENT GRANTS
LO7 Compose adjustment grants that regain any lost confi dence.
Continuing in your role with White Label Industries (WLI), this time you fi nd on your computer an email message from an unhappy customer. It seems that Ms. Bernice Watson, owner of Tri-Cities Hardware, is upset because some of the 30 Old London lampposts she ordered from WLI arrived in damaged condition. “The glass is broken in 17 of the units,” she writes, “obviously be- cause of poor packing.” She had ordered the lights for a special sale. In fact, she had even featured them in
her advertising. The sale begins next Friday. She wants a fast adjustment—either the lamps by sale time or her money back. Of course, you will grant Ms. Watson’s request. You will send her an email message saying that the goods are on the way. And because you want to keep this good cus- tomer, you will try to regain any lost confi dence with an honest explanation of the problem. This message is clas- sifi ed as an adjustment grant.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Dealing with the Unexpected
When you can grant an adjustment, the situation is a happy one for your customer. You are correcting an error. You are doing what you were asked to do. As in other positive situations, a message written in the direct order is appropriate.
In most face-to-face business relations, people communicate with courteous directness. You should write most business messages this way .
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166 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Considering Special Needs Th e adjustment-grant message has much in common with the message types previously discussed. You begin directly with the most important point—here, the good news that you are granting the adjustment. You refer to the message you are answering, and you close on a friendly note. Because the situation stems from an unhappy experience, you have two special needs. One is the need to overcome any negative impressions caused by the experience. Th e other is the need to regain any confi dence in your company, its products, or its service that the reader may have lost.
Need to Overcome Negative Impressions. To understand the fi rst need, just place yourself in the reader’s shoes. As the reader sees it, something bad has happened— goods have been damaged, equipment has failed, or sales have been lost. Th e experience has not been pleasant. Granting the claim will take care of much of the problem, but some negative thoughts may remain. You need to work to overcome any such thoughts.
You can attempt to do this using words that produce positive eff ects. For example, in the opening you can do more than just give the affi rmative answer. You can add good- will, as in this example:
The enclosed check for $89.77 is our way of showing you that your satisfaction is our top priority.
Th roughout the message you should avoid words that unnecessarily recall the bad situation you are correcting. You especially want to avoid the negative words that could be used to describe what went wrong—words such as mistake, trouble, damage, broken , and loss . Even general words such as problem, diffi culty , and misunderstanding can cre- ate unpleasant eff ects. Negative language makes the customer’s complaint the focus of your message. Your goal is to move the customer beyond the problem and to the solu- tion—that the customer is going to have his or her claim granted. You can only do this if you use positive, reader-centered language.
Also negative are the apologies oft en included in these messages. Even though well intended, the somewhat conventional “we sincerely regret the inconvenience …” type of comment is of questionable value because it emphasizes the negative happenings for which the apology is made. If you sincerely believe that you owe an apology or that one is expected, you can apologize and risk the negative eff ect. But do it early and move on, and don’t repeat it at the end. In most instances, however, your eff orts to correct the problem will show adequate concern for your reader’s interests.
Need to Regain Lost Confidence. Except in cases in which the cause of the dif- fi culty is routine or incidental, you also will need to regain the reader’s lost confi dence . Just what you must do and how you must do it depend on the situation. If something can be done to correct a bad procedure or a product defect, you should do it. Th en you should tell your reader what has been done as convincingly and positively as you can. If what went wrong was a rare, unavoidable event, you should explain this. Sometimes you will need to explain how a product should be used or cared for. Sometimes you will need to resell the product. Whatever you say should be truthful, professional, and reader focused.
Reviewing the Plan To organize a message granting an adjustment, writers should use the following plan: • Begin directly—with the good news. • Incidentally identify the correspondence that you are answering. • Avoid negatives that recall the problem. • Regain lost confi dence through explanation or corrective action. • End with a friendly, positive comment.
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CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 167167
Good persuasion technique to restore confidence in the company
Direct— good news begins letter Frank and
convincing explanation
Goodwill— positive, reader- adapted close
Identifies claim and transaction
Ms. Brown:
Your leather computer case monogrammed with an Old English B should reach you within two days.
Because your satisfaction is our goal, we looked into the use of the script font on your case. It turned out to be a simple case of human oversight. Two people read and checked the order, and two people overlooked the "Old English monogram" specification. Such things do happen, despite our best efforts. When they do, we are glad to send a replacement. Like our customers, we will settle for nothing less than the highest quality.
Thank you for purchasing one of our finest products. We know that your leather computer case will give you many years of beautiful service.
Jonathan Batte, Manager Customer Relations Brandywine Leathers
Your October 1 Inquiry Concerning Order No. A4170
C A S E I L L U S T R A I O N
Adjustment Grant Messages (Explaining a Human Error). This email message grants the action requested in the claim of a customer who received a leather computer case that was monogrammed incorrectly. The writer has no excuse be- cause human error was to blame. His explanation is positive and convincing.
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168 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Contrasting Adjustments Th e two messages below illustrate an ineff ective and eff ective way to write adjustment messages. Th e fi rst, with its indirect order and grudging tone, is ineff ective. Th e direct- ness and positiveness of the second clearly make it the better message.
A Slow and Negative Approach. Th e ineff ective message begins with an obvious comment about receiving the claim. It recalls vividly what went wrong and then pain- fully explains what happened. As a result, the good news is delayed for an additional paragraph. Finally, aft er two delaying paragraphs, the message gets to the good news. Th ough well intended, the close leaves the reader with a reminder of the trouble.
Subject: Your Broken Old London Lights
Ms. Watson, We have received your May 1 claim reporting that our shipment of Old London lamppost lights reached you with 17 broken units. We regret the inconvenience and can understand your unhappiness.
Following our standard practice, we investigated the situation thoroughly. Apparently the fault is the result of an inexperienced temporary employee’s negligence. We have taken corrective measures to assure that future shipments will be packed more carefully.
I am pleased to report that we are sending replacements today. They should reach you before your sale begins. Our driver will pick up the broken units when he makes delivery.
Again, we regret all the trouble caused you.
Stephanie King
This email is indirect and negative.
The Direct and Positive Technique. Th e better message uses the subject line to identify the transaction. Th e opening words tell the reader what she most wants to hear in a positive way that adds to the goodwill tone of the message. With a you-viewpoint explanation, the message then reviews what happened. Without a single negative word, it makes clear what caused the problem and what has been done to prevent its recur- rence. Aft er handling the essential matter of picking up the broken lamps, the message closes with positive talk.
Subject: Your May 1 Report on Invoice 1248
Ms. Watson:
Seventeen carefully packed Old London lamppost lamps should reach your sales fl oor in time for your Saturday promotion. Our driver left our warehouse today with instructions to special deliver them to you on Friday. Because your satisfaction with our service and products is important, we have thoroughly checked our shipping procedures. It appears that the shipment to you was packed by a temporary employee who was fi lling in for a hospitalized veteran packer. We now have our veteran packer back at work and have taken measures to ensure better performance by our temporary staff.
As you know, the Old London lamppost lights have become one of the hottest products in the lighting fi eld. We are confi dent they will contribute to the success of your sale.
Stephanie King
This message is direct and positive.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 169
INTERNAL-OPERATIONAL MESSAGES
As the administrative assistant for the vice president of operations at White Label Industries (WLI), you have been asked by your boss to send a note on her behalf to all employees reminding them of the company’s ship- ping policy. Whether customers pay shipping charges
depends on the products they order. However, some customers who repeatedly order the same product are sometimes charged for shipping and sometimes are not, which, of course, leads to unhappy customers and is costly for WLI.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Reminding Employees of the Shipping Policy
As Chapter 1 explained, internal-operational communications are those messages that stay within a business. Th ey are messages to and from employees that get the work of the organization done. Th e memorandums discussed in Chapter 6 are one form of operational communication. Internal email messages are another, and so are the vari- ous documents posted on bulletin boards, mailed to employees, uploaded on intranets, or distributed as handouts.
Th e formality of such messages ranges widely. At one extreme are the casual mem- orandum and email exchanges between employees concerning work matters. At the other are formal documents communicating company policies, directives, and proce- dures. Th en, of course, there are the various stages of formality in between.
Casual Operational Messages Th e documents at the bottom of the formality range typically resemble casual conver- sation . Usually they are quick responses to work needs. Rarely is there time or need for careful construction and wording. Th e goal is simply to exchange the information needed to conduct the company’s work.
Frankness describes the tone of these casual operational messages as well as many of the messages at more formal levels. Th e participants exchange information, views, and recommendations forthrightly. Th ey write with the understanding that all participants are working for a common goal—what is best for the company—and that people work- ing together in business situations want and need straightforward communication.
Still, remember that being frank doesn’t mean being impolite. Even in quick mes- sages, you should build goodwill with a positive, courteous tone.
Moderately Formal Messages Moderately formal messages tend to resemble the messages discussed earlier in this chapter. Usually they require more care in construction, and usually they follow a di- rect pattern. Th e most common arrangement begins with the most important point and works down. Th us, a typical beginning sentence is a topic (theme) statement. In messages in memorandum form, the opening repeats the subject-line information and includes the additional information needed to identify the situation. Th e remainder of the message consists of a logical, orderly arrangement of the information covered. When the message consists of items in sequence, the items can be numbered and pre- sented in this sequence.
Suggestions for writing moderately formal internal messages are much the same as those for writing the messages covered previously. Clarity, correctness, and courtesy
LO8 Write clear and effective internal-operational communications.
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170 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
should guide your eff orts. Th e following example of a hard-copy memorandum illus- trates these qualities. It is moderately formal, yet it is conversational. It is organized in the direct order, beginning with the objective and then systematically and clearly cover- ing the vital bits of information. It is straightforward yet courteous.
DATE: April 1, 2013
TO: Remigo Ruiz
FROM: Becky Pharr
SUBJECT: Request for Cost Information Concerning Meeting at Timber Creek Lodge
As we discussed in my offi ce today, please get the necessary cost information for conducting our annual sales meeting at the Timber Creek Lodge, Timber Creek Vil- lage, Colorado. Our meeting will begin on the morning of Monday, June 5; we should arrange to arrive on the 4th. We will leave after a brief morning session on June 9.
Specifi cally, we’ll need the following information: • Travel costs for all 43 participants, including air travel to Denver and ground
travel between the airport and the lodge. I have listed the names and home stations of the 43 participants on the attached sheet.
• Room and board costs for the fi ve-day period, including cost with and without dinner at the lodge. As you know, we are considering the possibility of allowing participants to purchase dinners at nearby restaurants.
• Costs for recreational facilities at the lodge. • Costs for meeting rooms and meeting equipment (e.g., laptops, projectors). We
will need a room large enough to accommodate our 43 participants.
I’d like to have the information by April 15. If you need additional information, please let me know.
Formal Messages Th e most formal operational messages are those presenting policies, directives, and procedures. Usually written by executives for their subordinates, these administrative messages are oft en compiled in manuals, perhaps kept in loose-leaf form and updated as new material is developed. Th eir offi cial status accounts for their formal tone .
Formal operational messages usually follow a direct order, although the nature of their contents can require variations. Th e goal should be to arrange the information in the most logical order for quick understanding. Since the information frequently involves a sequence of information bits, numbering these bits can be helpful. And since these documents must be clearly understood and followed, the writing must be clear to all, including those with low verbal skills. Th e following example illustrates these qualities:
DATE: June 10, 2013 TO: All Employees FROM: Terry Boedeker, President SUBJECT: Energy Conservation
To help keep costs low, the following conservation measures are effective immediately: • Thermostats will be set to maintain temperatures of 72 degrees Fahrenheit
throughout the air-conditioning season. • Air conditioners will be shut off in all buildings at 4 PM Monday through Friday. • Air conditioners will be started as late as possible each morning so as to have
the buildings at the appropriate temperature within 30 minutes after the start of the workday.
• Lighting levels will be reduced to approximately 80 to 100 watts in all work areas. Corridor lighting will be reduced to 50 watts.
• Outside lighting levels will be reduced as much as possible without compromising safety and security.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 171
In addition, will each of you help with this conservation effort? Specifi cally, I ask that you do the following:
• Turn off lights not required in performing your work. • Keep windows closed when the cooling system is operating. • Turn off all computer monitors and printers at the end of the day.
I am confi dent that these measures will reduce our energy use signifi cantly. Your efforts to follow them will be greatly appreciated.
Even though this message is straightforward, note the writer’s courtesy and his use of us and our . When writing direct messages, skillful managers make use of such strategies for maintaining good relations with employees. Remembering this goal becomes espe- cially important in situations where managers have news to convey or requests to make that employees may not be ready to accept. In fact, in these situations an indirect order will be more appropriate, as Chapters 8 and 9 will discuss. For most internal-operational communication, however, the direct order will be both expected and appreciated.
Summarizing the Structure of Internal-Operational Messages To write an internal-operational message, writers should do the following: • Organize in the direct order. • Choose the appropriate tone (casual, moderately formal, or formal). • Be clear and courteous. • Order the information logically. • Close in a way that builds goodwill.
Contrasting Examples of Internal-Operational Messages Th e following two messages show contrasting ways in which the operational message regarding WLI’s inconsistent shipping policies (see the Introductory Challenge at the beginning of this section) may be addressed.
A Wordy, Confusing, and Indirect Message. Th e reader really has to search for the writer’s purpose and intent in this message. In addition, it is wordy, long, and dis- organized and lacks visual appeal.
Subject: Inconsistent Shipping Policies WLI has been incurring increasing freight expenses and a decline in freight revenue over the last two years, impacting our ability to achieve our fi nancial goals. The warehouse team has done a lot of research into the reasons behind this increase, and it has come to our attention that a very considerable number of shipments are going out of Cedar Rapids (1) as unbillable to the customer and/or (2) as overnight shipments rather than ground.
WLI has only one product for which shipping is not billed to the customer—the Chem-Treat paint. In all other cases, product shipments are supposed to be billed to the customer. Therefore, effective immediately, except for Chem-Treat shipments, which by contract provide for free overnight (weekday delivery) shipping, WLI will bill the customer for all shipments of products. Finance will screen all orders to ensure that they indicate billable shipping terms .
WLI’s overnight shipping falls into a few categories, including shipments of products to customers and shipments of marketing materials to prospects and customers. There are no customer programs or marketing programs for which WLI offers overnight shipping (except Chem-Treat). Therefore, effective
This indirect message wastes time and dwells on the negative.
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172 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
A Direct, Concise, and Visually Appealing Message. Th is message is written directly and is more accurate because it communicates correctly the main point that this is a reminder of an existing policy, not an announcement of a new policy. Th is mes- sage is also more concise and gives the reader only the information he or she needs to know to comply. In addition, headings and bulleted lists make for much easier reading.
immediately, except for Chem-Treat shipments, which by contract provide for overnight (weekday delivery) shipping, WLI will not ship products overnight to customers unless the overnight shipping is billed to the customer. Also effective immediately, shipments of sales/marketing materials are to be shipped ground, not overnight .
This policy change will impact some of your work processes, requiring you to be more planful in getting products shipped to customers in a businesslike and timely manner, and challenging you to prevent last-minute rush situations. I suspect that much of the freight performance situation, from a fi nancial point of view, is an awareness issue for our Cedar Rapids team. I thank each of you in advance for adherence to this policy. We are fortunate to have an excellent distribution team in Cedar Rapids. That team needs all of our help so that their high-quality shipping and inventory control performance becomes matched by strong fi nancial performance.
Exceptions to the billable shipping-only and no overnight shipping policies must be brought to me for approval prior to entering the order.
Dean Yourg
VP Operations
Subject: Refresher on Our Shipping Policy
Please remember that our shipping policy is as follows:
Shipping Charges:
• Chem-Treat paint is the only product for which shipping is not billed to the customer.
• All other product shipments (including sales/marketing materials) are billed to the customer.
Overnight Shipping:
• Sales/marketing materials are to be shipped ground, not overnight. • Chem-Treat paint may be shipped overnight at no charge to the customer, as
provided by contract. • All other overnight product shipments are billed to the customer.
Billing our customers accurately and consistently for shipping improves customer satisfaction with our service. In addition, the increased freight revenue will help us achieve our fi nancial goals and control our shipping and inventory costs.
To ensure that your customers receive their products quickly, refer to the shipping and mailing timeline on WLI’s intranet.
The Finance Department will be screening all shipment invoices to make sure that shipments are billed accurately. If you have questions regarding the shipping policy or require an exception, please contact me at Ext. 555.
Dean Young
VP Operations
This direct message will be easy to read and reference. Its tone is straightforward but courteous.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 173
OTHER DIRECT MESSAGE SITUATIONS In the preceding pages, we have covered the most common direct message situations. Others occur, of course. You should be able to handle them with the techniques that have been explained and illustrated.
In handling such situations, remember that, whenever possible, you should get to the goal of the message right away. You should cover any other information needed in good logical order. You should carefully choose words that convey just the right mean- ing. More specifi cally, you should consider the value of using the you-viewpoint, and you should weigh carefully the diff erences in meaning conveyed by the positiveness or negativeness of your words. As in the good examples discussed in this chapter, you should end your message with appropriate and friendly goodwill words.
THERE’S MORE . . . Would you like to learn more about the various types of direct messages, building re- lationships with your reader, or developing your professional writing style? Scan the QR code with your smartphone or use your Web browser to learn more at www.mhhe .com/lesikar13e. Choose Chapter 7 � Bizcom Tools & Tips.
1. Properly assess the reader’s likely reaction to your message. • If the reaction is likely to be negative, indirect order is your likely choice. • If it is likely to be positive or neutral, you probably want directness.
2. Describe the general plan for direct-order messages. • Begin with the objective. • Cover any necessary explanation. • Systematically present any remaining parts of the objective. • End with adapted goodwill.
3. Th e routine inquiry is a basic direct-order message. • Begin it with a request—either (1) a request for specifi c information wanted or
(2) a general request for information. • Somewhere in the message, explain enough to enable the reader to answer. • If the inquiry involves more than one question, make each stand out—perhaps
as separate sentences or separate paragraphs. • Consider numbering the questions. • Word them as questions. • End with an appropriate friendly comment.
4. When responding to inquiries favorably, you should begin directly. • If the response contains only one answer, begin with it. • If it contains more than one answer, begin with a major one or a general
statement indicating you are answering. • Identify the message being answered early, perhaps in a subject line. • Arrange your answers (if more than one) logically. • Make them stand out.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
1Properly assess the reader’s likely reaction to your message.
2Describe the general plan for direct-order messages.
3Write clear, well-structured routine inquiries.
4Write direct, orderly, and favorable answers to inquiries.
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174 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
• If both good- and bad-news answers are involved, give each answer the emphasis it deserves, perhaps by subordinating the negative.
• For extra goodwill eff ect, consider doing more than was asked. • End with appropriate cordiality.
5. Write order acknowledgments and other thank-you messages in the form of a favorable response. • Personalized order acknowledgments can build goodwill. • Good business and social etiquette oft en require that you write other kinds of
thank-you messages. • Use the direct order: Begin by thanking the reader with specifi c wording. • Continue with your thanks or with further information. • Use positive, tactful language to address vague or delayed orders. • If appropriate, achieve a secondary goal (e.g., reselling or confi rming a mutual
understanding). • Close with a goodwill-building comment adapted to the topic of the message.
6. Direct claims are routine messages that are written when a company has clearly not met your expectations for a product or service. • Direct claims diff er from indirect claims, which are written when you are not
sure the company will grant your claim. • Direct claims are written when a company clearly has made an error that it will
want the opportunity to correct. • You write most direct claims as follows:
— Begin a direct claim by stating the claim. — Provide suffi cient detail in the message so that the reader knows what
happened and what issues he or she needs to address. — End with a goodwill statement.
7. Because messages granting adjustments are positive responses, write them in the direct order. • Th ey diff er from other direct-order messages in that they involve a negative
situation, so you will need to overcome any negative impressions the situation has created.
• Open with the good news—what you are doing to correct the wrong. • In the opening and throughout, emphasize the positive. • Avoid the negative—words like trouble, damage , and broken . • Try to regain the reader’s lost confi dence, maybe with an explanation or with
assurance of corrective measures taken. • End with a goodwill comment, avoiding words that recall what went wrong.
8. Internal-operational communications must also be clear and eff ective. • Organize most of them in the direct order. • Choose the appropriate tone (casual, moderately formal, formal). • Make them clear and courteous. • Give administrative communications (policies, directives, procedures) the
careful attention they deserve. • Organize them logically; strive for clarity. • Close with a goodwill statement.
5 Write order acknowledgments and other thank-you messages that build goodwill.
6 Write direct claims in situations where an adjustment will likely be granted.
7 Compose adjustment grants that regain any lost confi dence.
8Write clear and effective internal-operational communications.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 175
K E Y T E R M S
good news messages, 142
neutral messages, 142
direct order, 142
objective, 142
routine inquiry, 143
true question form, 145
order acknowledgment, 155
thank-you messages, 157
direct claim, 163
adjustment grant, 166
internal-operational communications, 169
1 When is the direct order appropriate in inquiries? When would you use the indirect order? Give examples. LO1
2 “Explanations in inquiries merely add length and should be eliminated.” Discuss. LO3
3 Discuss why just reporting truthfully may not be a suffi - cient strategy for handling negative information in mes- sages answering inquiries. LO4
4 Defend a policy of doing more than asked in answering routine inquiries. Can the policy be carried too far? LO4
5 What can acknowledgment messages do to build good- will? LO5
6 Discuss situations where the following email forms of an order acknowledgment would be preferred: form mes- sage and a special message. LO5
7 Discuss how problems (vague orders, back orders) should be handled in messages acknowledging orders. LO5
8 Why is it usually advisable to do more than just grant the claim in an adjustment-grant message? LO7
9 Discuss the use of directness in internal-operational communications. Why is it desirable? Can it be over- done? When might indirectness be appropriate? LO8
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
1 Point out the shortcomings in this email response to an inquiry about a short course in business communication that Casey Webster’s company off ered to its employ- ees. Th e course was taught by a local college professor. Mr. Braden’s initial inquiry included fi ve questions: (1) How did the professor perform? (2) What was the course format (length, meeting structure)? (3) What was the employee evaluation of the instruction? (4) Was the course adapted to the company and its technical employ- ees? (5) Was homework assigned? LO1, LO2, LO4
Subject: Course evaluation
Mr. Braden:
Your January 17 inquiry addressed to the Training Director has been referred to me for attention since we have no one with that title. I do have some training responsibilities and was the one who organized the in-house course on clear writing. You asked fi ve questions about our course. Concerning your question about the instructor, Professor Alonzo Britt, I can report that he did an acceptable job in the classroom.
Some of the students, including this writer, felt that the emphasis was too much on grammar and punctuation, however. He did assign homework, but it was not excessive. We had class two hours a day from 3:00 to 5:00 PM every Thursday for eight weeks. Usually the professor lectured the fi rst hour. He was a good lecturer but sometimes talked over the heads of the students. This was the main complaint in the evalua- tions the students made at the end of the course, but they had many good comments to make also. Some did not like the content, which they said was not adapted to the needs of a technical worker. Overall, the professor got a rating of B- on a scale of A to F. We think the course was good, but it could have been better adapted to our needs and our peo- ple. I also think it was too long—about 10 hours (fi ve meetings) would have been enough. Also, we think the professor spent too much time lecturing and not enough on application work in class. Please be informed that the information about Professor Britt must be held in confi dence.
Casey Webster
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176 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
2 Point out the shortcomings in this message granting a claim for a fax machine received in damaged condition. Inspection of the package revealed that the damage did not occur in transit. LO7
Dear Ms. Orsag:
Your May 3 letter in which you claim that the Rigo FAX391 was received in damaged condition has been carefully considered. We inspect all our ma- chines carefully before packing them, and we pack them carefully in strong boxes with Styrofoam supports that hold them snugly. Thus we cannot understand how the damage could have occurred. Even so, we stand behind our product and will replace any that are damaged. However, we must ask that fi rst you send us the defective one so we can inspect it. After your claim of damage has been verifi ed, we will send you a new one. We regret any inconvenience this situa- tion may have caused you and assure you that problems like this rarely occur in our shipping department.
Scott Hilderbran
3 List your criticisms of this email message inquiring about a convenience store advertised for sale: LO3
Subject: Store details needed
Mr. Meeks:
This is in response to your advertisement in the May 17 Daily Bulletin in which you describe a con- venience store in Clark City that you want to sell. I am very much interested since I would like to relocate in that area. Before I drive down to see the property, I need some preliminary informa- tion. Most important is the question of fi nancing. I am wondering whether you would be willing to fi nance up to $50,000 of the total if I could come up with the rest, and how much interest you would
P R O B L E M - S O L V I N G C A S E S
Routine Inquiries
1 You recently learned about a service organization on your campus, Mentors for Majors. Th e Mentors are alumni and other working professionals who have agreed to fi eld student inquiries about the nature of their jobs, about strate- gies for career success, and so forth.
You’ve been thinking about a certain kind of career, and you’d like to get more information about it from an experienced professional. Checking over the list, you fi nd
that there’s a mentor in this very area. Write an email to the person in which you ask your questions. Find out the main things you’d like to know about this fi eld of employment in a way that shows consideration for the reader and demon- strates your own serious interest in that type of job. (If your instructor directs, use either someone you know or some- one you’ve researched on the Internet and through other re- sources. Turn in a one-paragraph profi le of this person along with your email of inquiry.)
2 You are a sales manager in a company (you choose what kind), and you just attended a professional meeting where the featured speaker extolled the virtues of using Google+ (a so- cial networking space for collaboration and communication)
in her organization. Intrigued, you’d like to learn more about how Google+ might enhance collaboration and “collective intelligence” among your sales staff or in your company in general.
charge and for how long. I also would like to have the fi gures for your operations for the past two or three years, including gross sales, expenses, and profi ts. I also need to know the condition of the building, including such information as when built, improvements made, repairs needed, and so on. Hoping that you can get these answers to me soon so we can do business.
4 Criticize the following thank-you message from a college student to a professor who has sent her a job lead. LO5
Subject: Thanks
Dear Prof. Smith,
Thanks for the hot tip on the job! I’m interviewing there tomorrow!
Sarah
5 Critique the following direct claim message: LO6 I wonder if you would consider reducing the bill I recently received for repair work that Tom, one of your men, performed last week. I did not real- ize that he would charge me for the time he spent going to Home Depot to get the parts he needed. If I’d known this, I probably wouldn’t have chosen your company to do the work.
Please let me know your reply as soon as possible.
Kim Keeley
6 Criticize the following operational message from a res- taurant manager: (LO8)
Wait staff:
It has come to my attention that our customer ser- vice is substandard. We will therefore hold manda- tory training sessions over the next three weeks. See your shift supervisor to plan your work sched- ule so that you can attend.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 177
First, do some Internet research on Google+. You might also set up a Google+ account of your own to explore the Google+ features more thoroughly.
Th en email the speaker you heard—who welcomed follow-up questions—and ask her what you most want to
know about setting up and using Google+ in your type of company or department. Whether or not you will pursue this idea further will depend on her answers, so think care- fully about what to ask.
3 You are a new assistant to a marketing manager at Home Hardware, a national chain of hardware stores. Your boss has been studying the stores’ sales data from the last 10 years, and it appears that the post-Baby Boomer generations have somewhat different hardware needs and preferences than their elders did. For one thing, fewer younger adults are buying homes than the Boomers did at their age; instead, the younger generations tend to be renters longer. But even young homeowners seem to want different products, and different qualities in their prod- ucts, than their predecessors did.
“We need to get into the minds of these buyers and fi nd out what their world is like,” your boss says. “I think it’s time we did some focus group research to learn more about this demographic. Look into having one of our local marketing
research fi rms conduct a couple of focus groups for us. See what process they’d recommend to help us understand our younger customers. Find out what strategies they use, how much they’d charge—you know, everything that would be involved in having them conduct some focus groups for us.”
You do an Internet search to identify some potential fi rms. To be methodical about your research and have a written record of what you learn, you decide to submit your inquiries in writing. Your fi rst one will go to Burke, Inc. Th e company’s website provides an email address for “general inquiries,” and that looks like your best bet. Aft er thinking carefully about what you need to fi nd out and what would make one research fi rm better than another for Home Hardware’s needs, write your inquiry. (You may need to learn more about market research fi rms in general to fi gure out what to ask).
4 You’re part of the management team at a home healthcare company. You have a staff of about 12 registered nurses (RNs), 13 licensed practical nurses (LPNs), and 18 personal care aides (PCAs), who provide services to the chronically ill, those involved in lengthy rehabilitation programs, and senior citizens. Your company has been in business a long time and is well regarded. But you’ve got a big problem: Th is year, your PCAs had a whopping 60 percent turnover rate.
Th is problem is costing the company a great deal of money. Each PCA you hire has not only been through several interviews and a testing procedure but has also undergone two days of training. When the PCAs leave, all that time spent on them is wasted—and some even disappear with the cell phones you issued them. Plus, the PCAs who have to fi ll in for the ones who suddenly leave have to be paid overtime or else they will grow dissatisfi ed and possibly leave.
What you pay your PCAs is well within the industry standard, so you’re not inclined to raise their wages. But
you do wonder if your hiring process could be improved. Specifi cally, you’ve decided to look into personality testing as a way of hiring only those candidates who are really suited to the work.
You’ve done a bit of informal research on personality testing, and you’ve learned that there are several diff erent kinds, that there may be legal issues involved, and of course that it comes with a cost. To test the waters, you decide to call RightFit, a local HR management group, to discuss the possibilities. Th e receptionist puts you through to Sheila Smith, apparently the owner of the business, but you get her voice mail. Th inking quickly, you simply leave the message that you’re calling to discuss the possibility of contracting their personality-testing services but that you’ll follow up with an email providing the details.
Now write that email to Ms. Smith. Tell her enough about your situation and ask her enough on-target questions to help her prepare a helpful response for you.
5 You’re part of the management team at Mazor’s Deli, a local restaurant chain with fi ve locations in the city. Each month, the management—everyone from the fi ve store man- agers up to the president/owner—has a luncheon meeting in which they discuss any issues that have arisen, the fi nancial health of the business, progress on current initiatives, any ideas for creating new business, and various other topics. You think such meetings are a great idea, and you understand the advantages of face-to-face communication (especially in this company’s culture, which is close knit and family oriented)— but you wonder if these meetings are really worth the time and expense involved.
You recently attended a Restaurant Managers Asso- ciation meeting where you learned that many of your peers are conducting business meetings online. One online meet- ing technology you kept hearing about was (WebEx, GoToMeeting, MeetingBurner, or some other one—you choose). Curious, you checked out the product’s website, viewed the demo, and studied the fact sheet. You are think- ing that this product just might be a viable alternative to Mazor’s monthly management meetings.
To gather more facts before sharing your idea with your superiors, you decide to consult a person you met at the RMA meeting who seemed to know a lot about online
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178 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
conferencing and about the particular tool you’re interested in. Th inking carefully about what you’d like to learn about
using this technology for meetings, prepare your questions in the form of an email of inquiry.
6 Parking is tight at your urban university, especially near certain buildings. Th e campus has two large parking garages, and both of them are far away and downhill from the busi- ness building where you have most of your classes as an MBA student. Normally you don’t mind since you enjoy the trek from the garage to the business building. But as the president of your local chapter of Delta Pi Epsilon, the national busi- ness honor society for graduate students, you fi nd yourself needing to reserve one of the few surface spaces close to the building. You have invited a local businessperson to come speak at the chapter meeting on May 3 from 4:00 to 5:30 p.m.
Th is guest will be rushing to the meeting from work and will be carrying a laptop as well as various print materials to dis- tribute. You think it would be impractical as well as rude to force this guest to park in a garage and then trudge up a long hill to get to your building.
Th e parking services website at your school informs you that any special parking requests must be made in writ- ing and sent via email to Ms. Barbara Stallmeyer. Write Ms. Stallmeyer and get permission for the reserved parking space you need. Be sure you make your request at least two weeks in advance as the website directs you to do.
7 You’ve been given an important assignment from your boss, the VP at a real estate fi rm in Philadelphia: to arrange a retreat for the sales staff where they can relax, recharge, and restrategize. Th e boss wants to hold the retreat in or near Cape May, NJ. He has specifi cally instructed you to fi nd a large cottage, not a hotel or resort, because he wants the event to have the feel of a getaway, not a business meeting. But the retreat will serve important business purposes, so employees’ families will not be invited.
Aft er a good bit of Internet searching, you think you’ve found the perfect place: a large cottage overlooking Delaware Bay. You learn a lot about the property from the website— such as how many the cottage will sleep and what kind of beds are provided, how it is equipped (it has a large modern kitchen, a game room with air hockey and ping pong tables, and several large-screen TVs with cable service), what it will cost, and how much money is due by when. You also learn that linen service is provided and that minimal cleaning will be required at the end of your group’s stay.
But you need to know more. For example, is there an area inside the cottage or on the porch, with enough seats,
where the guests can comfortably meet and talk? Th e pic- tures on the website don’t make that clear. Is there Wi-Fi and cell phone service? What attractions nearby might your co-workers enjoy? And then there are the smaller things. Are charcoal and lighter fl uid included with the grill, or is it a gas grill? Are there paper towels? Salt and pepper? Kitchen linens and soap? What if the group wants to go out for drinks or food during the retreat? Are there suitable places nearby? Is the cottage in a nice area? You’ve never been there.
You wanted to ask the realtor these and other ques- tions by phone, but you and she have been playing phone tag. Plus, you want a written record of her answers. So you’ll craft a well-organized email message to get the in- formation you need to ensure that this important com- pany event goes well—and refl ects well on you. Be sure to tell her what she needs to know about your event in order to give you helpful answers. (With your instructor’s per- mission, you may change the venue and other details as appropriate.)
8 You work for a large credit union that is upgrading the soft ware it uses to manage and maintain members’ account and personal information. Everyone who works with or has access to members’ information (tellers, customer service representatives, fi nancial offi cers, loan representatives, department supervisors and managers, employee trainers, technical writers, marketing specialists, clerical staff , and information systems specialists) will need training on the upgraded soft ware. Your boss has asked you, as the lead corporate trainer, to coordinate training sessions.
You discover that the makers of the soft ware (Financial Soft ware Systems, Inc.) can provide training on site or at its corporate headquarters, which happen to be in your town. You need to know which of these options is not only the most feasible and practical but also the most cost eff ective.
You have 500 employees who will need training. You have a corporate training room with 20 computers, a reliable Internet connection, and a data projector. Th e soft ware will be installed in six months. Ideally, you would like to train all of your employees in the two months before the instal- lation. Th at way they can continue to practice on the soft - ware installed in the corporate training room if they would like.
Although you have thought about calling for the infor- mation, you decide to write so that you have a permanent record of the answers to your questions. Write to Ms. Whitley Freeman, training coordinator, to inquire about Financial Soft ware Inc.’s availability to provide training and for infor- mation that will help you decide whether to train on site or at company headquarters.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 179
11 You took out your car loan with Community Bank be- cause of its low interest rates. However, your regular check- ing and savings accounts are at Ocean State Credit Union. You can already tell that sending in a payment coupon and check each month will be neither convenient nor easy to re- member. You wonder if you can just have your car payment for Community Bank automatically deducted from your Ocean State account and sent to Community Bank. You go
to Community Bank’s website and learn that this is possible, but no details are provided regarding the process, so you de- cide to click the link to “Contact Us” and ask your questions in the text box that appears. Th ough you’ll want to think of more questions, you will at least want to know if there is a fee for this service and how long it takes to set up this payment option.
9 You are a recently hired associate at Van Fleet Analytics, a medium-sized marketing research fi rm. In addition to being a well-respected industry leader in marketing research, the fi rm prides itself on its work within the community. One specifi c community service project is the company’s annual “bowl-a-thon” to raise money for the local Humane Society. Your supervisor asks you to coordinate this year’s bowl-a- thon. In the past, the bowl-a-thon has been held at diff erent bowling alleys throughout the city, so your supervisor leaves it up to you to fi nd the best deal. In conducting research on the Internet, you come across Marcotti Lanes, which bills
10 As Komal Gupta, the person in charge of the opening ceremonies buff et for the university’s World Village celebra- tion next month, you need to order food appropriate for the celebration. Your town has a great Middle Eastern restaurant (Zorah’s) that you think you want to feature. You visit the restaurant’s website and are happy to learn that you would be able to order enough tabouli, hummus, pita bread, rice fl avored with almonds and pine nuts, slow-roasted chicken (Zorah’s specialty!), and baklava for 120 people.
What you aren’t sure of, though, is the cost. In addition, the website says the items can be ordered by the half tray or
the whole tray, and you’re not sure how many people a half tray or whole tray will serve.
You’re hoping that because the event is for a worthy cause and because the event would generate publicity for Zorah’s, you might get a bit of a price break on the order. You would even be willing to pick up the order by 11 a.m. on the Saturday of the event. Using the email address provided on Zorah’s website, write a request for the information you need to decide whether you will serve Zorah’s food at the World Village celebration.
12 You are an intern for Canon City’s recently formed Downtown Area Development Commission. Th e commis- sion promotes downtown businesses, markets the downtown area as a great place for businesses to locate, and encourages citizens to shop downtown stores and enjoy local entertain- ment and dining. To build community spirit, the commis- sion has decided to hold a contest to fi nd its logo. Artists who are Canon City residents are encouraged to submit their de- signs for the commission to use on all of its work. Th e artists agree to be photographed and have their names used in the commission’s publicity. Th e winning artist will receive $2,500 and a year of free advertising in the commission’s monthly newsletter and on the commission’s website.
All the artists need to do is submit a logo in .jpg for- mat, proof of residency (think of what this might be as you write your document), and the legal agreement relinquishing
rights to royalties or profi t from their work if the commission chooses their logo. Th e logo can be sent by email or in the mail on a DVD, but it’s not your fault if the DVD is dam- aged in the mail. Th e other forms can be completed online or downloaded and sent in the mail. Add any other details you think would be helpful.
Your job is to write a request to local artists asking that they submit a design. Th e announcement will be posted on the commission’s website. You can format it in Microsoft Word as you want it to appear on the site. Your company’s webmaster will take care of the online formatting; he just needs to know how you want it to look. It’s important for artists to know that if they violate any of the steps in submit- ting their logo, they will be immediately disqualifi ed from the contest.
itself as “one of the premier bowling and entertainment centers in the region.” Intrigued, you decide to fi nd out more.
In an email of inquiry, come up with realistic details about the event (e.g., date, time, number of lanes needed, food and beverage requirements) that you will need to let Marcotti Lanes know about. In addition, devise a list of ques- tions that will determine if Marcotti Lanes is suitable for your event. Th ese questions may be related to cost, non-bowling entertainment options, or anything else of importance. Write the questions in such a way that you’ll be sure to receive a thorough, detailed response.
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180 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
13 You and a friend have decided to move off campus next year into an apartment. Together, you have narrowed down your list of requirements: Th e apartment needs to be within a 15-minute walk of campus, have two bedrooms, allow pets, have on-site laundry facilities, and cost no more than $550 per month including rent and utilities.
Aft er scouring your campus resources with no luck, you come across a posting on craigslist that sounds like it might
Favorable Responses
14 You are an alum of ______ (your school). You cur- rently work as the director for a local nonprofi t organization (you pick the organization). Recently, your school’s Center for Career Services contacted you asking if you would be willing to provide an internship for current students at your school. Th ese students would be juniors and seniors ma- joring in accounting, fi nance, management, or marketing, though the Center for Career Services thinks marketing and management majors would be most interested.
You are willing to provide the internship. You can off er 15 hours a week to someone who would be willing to help
15 You’re a junior fi nancial analyst at the Wrigley Com- pany in Chicago, and you’ve just received an email from a student at the local university asking if she can shadow you for a day to learn more about what the work in her major will be like. Write the student and tell her she can shadow you; tell her which day of the ones she suggested is best for you and when she should arrive; tell her where to park and
enter the building and where/how to meet you; and cover any additional questions she’s likely to have. Drawing upon your knowledge of the job you’re pretending to have and the kind of company it’s in, write a cordial, clear, well-organized, and thorough email that gets the visit set up and prepares the student to have an educational, enjoyable day.
16 You assist the operations manager at a manufacturing company, and one of your jobs is to ensure that you always have enough staff to maintain your production schedule.
In the last week, you’ve heard from several of your supervisors that your newer employees, as well as some of the more experienced ones, are asking about how to request vacation time during the summer. Th ey want to know when they can take vacation, how soon they need to let you know, where they can go to use the online vacation leave forms (which are new since last summer when employees had
to print forms and fi ll them out), and how they can check online to see how much vacation they’ve accrued (also new since last summer when they had to contact their supervisors directly).
Summer is a slow time for your company except for the fi rst two weeks in June, the last week in July, and the fi rst week in August, when no one is allowed to take vacation.
Creating realistic details as needed, write a response to these employees explaining the vacation request policy and process.
17 You are an intern for Kaya Asher, director of corporate communications at Argus, a management consulting fi rm. Kaya has been asked to lead a seminar to help the sales rep- resentatives use more persuasive oral communication, in- cluding formal presentations. Because she wants to do more than just tell her audience about oral communication skills, she plans to use YouTube videos to make her presentation more interesting and engaging. She has asked you to fi nd
four YouTube videos, two that illustrate eff ective oral com- munication and two that illustrate poor oral communication. You fi nd four videos that you think will work for her as well as some alternatives. Write a response to her request. Provide links to the videos as well as a brief summary of what each video contains and why you think it is appropriate for Kaya’s presentation.
be perfect: “2-bedroom apartment within walking distance of campus. Laundry nearby. Cost: $535/month. Available August 1. Contact Casey at [email protected] for more information.” Taking into account your needs, write an email to Casey to fi nd out if this apartment will meet all of your requirements.
Remember, this correspondence could be the start of a year-long professional relationship.
with marketing, public relations, social media advertising, and general offi ce tasks. Th e intern would assist in writing grant proposals and perhaps presenting reports orally and in writing to the organization’s board of directors. What you cannot off er, though, is fi nancial compensation. You’re a nonprofi t organization that is not, nor is ever likely to be, in a position to pay an intern.
Write a response to the Center for Career Services explaining what you can do and minimizing any negative news.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 181
18 You’re an assistant manager at the Hilton Hotel, St. Petersburg, FL. You’ve just fi elded a phone call from Mark Freshley, who was a guest at your hotel last week. He had breakfast in the hotel café the morning he checked out, so the printed bill you prepared for him was missing this last ex- pense. He’d like for you to email him a new fi nal bill showing this expense so that his company can reimburse him for it.
19 As director of corporate communications at the head- quarters of a large consumer-goods manufacturer, you’ve just received an email from Jan Tofar—one of the com- pany’s newest, youngest hires—proposing that you discuss “mindfulness” in one of your weekly feature articles for the company intranet. Jan has been reading research and Web posts about the negative eff ects of multitasking and the ben- efi ts of a focused approach to one’s work. She believes that the employees should be educated on this topic and taught how to minimize distractions that create stress and hamper productivity. Specifically, you will use her ideas and some
research of your own to write a feature article about the benefits of reducing multitasking and increasing mind- fulness at work. Before coming to this decision, you made sure to get the approval of Human Resources, since em- ployee productivity and welfare is their area of expertise and authority. In your favorable response to Jan, be sure you show that you appreciate her idea, that you will do a good job on the article, and that she’ll get credit for her suggestion.
20 Recently, you received a letter from Jana Perkins, president of Midway University’s Beta Upsilon Sigma (BUS) business fraternity. BUS is holding a silent auction to raise money for LIVESTRONG, a foundation to help cancer sur- vivors and fi ght cancer, and has contacted you to see if your company, Backwoods Outfi tters, could supply some items for the auction. Your company sells camping gear, hunting and fi shing equipment, biking gear, skis, snowshoes, cloth- ing, nonperishable food and dry goods, canoes, kayaks— anything anyone would need for an outdoor venture no
matter how large or how small. In addition, Backwoods Outfi tters off ers weekend rental packages that include a tent, canoe, backpacks, and supplies for $200 per weekend. Th e store also rents canoes, kayaks, bikes, skis, snowshoes, and additional camping gear separately.
As the manager for Backwoods Outfi tters, you are happy to grant Jana’s request and see this as a great opportunity to advertise your company and do something for the students and community. Respond to Jana’s letter, telling her which item or items you will provide for the auction.
21 Great news: As president of your school’s Rowing Club, you’ve just received an off er from Michael Selzer, the man- ager of a local grocery store and an alum of your school, to pay your student organization $500 to staff his store’s table at the city marathon and half-marathon. Considering that your student organization is currently fundraising to pay for a cross-country trip to attend a competition, the timing of this off er couldn’t be better.
Th e water and sports drinks will be provided by the marathon, and Selzer will handle the setup of the table and promotional banner. Your club is being asked to provide the
person power—a minimum of seven people to staff the table from 7:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Th is time commitment may be an issue for some of your members, given that the race is being held the weekend before fi nals week.
Write an email to Selzer thanking him for the op- portunity and agreeing to participate. Find out how many people have to be at the table at any given time, and ask any other questions you may have. Be sure you make him feel good about choosing your organization for this fundraising opportunity.
Order Acknowledgments and Other Th ank-You
Messages
22 You’re a student who just shadowed a professional in your area of study. You had a great day with at the company. Sure, there was some down time when she was answering email and doing paperwork, but
she made an eff ort to tell you what she was doing and why. (Plus, for those down times, she’d given you some good read- ing material about the company and its industry.) She also included you in a meeting with her team and in chats with other employees on her breaks. She treated you to lunch and had gone to the trouble to invite a couple of entry-level
Write the email to Mr. Freshley and send him the bill as an attachment. While you’re at it, you’ll thank him for his business, of course. You’ll also take advantage of this opportunity to invite him to join Hilton’s rewards program, HHonors. Study the program at hhonors.hilton.com and select the details that you believe will be most appealing to him.
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182 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
employees—with jobs like the one you hope to get aft er you graduate—to join you. All in all, she really outdid herself. Th ank her in a way that befi ts the eff ort she went to for you.
(Fill in the realistic details that your message will need in order to be eff ective.)
23 You’ve just been hired as a marketing intern for a large online auto parts dealership, AutoGeek.com. Your boss drops by your desk and asks you to look at the order- acknowledgment email message that the company currently uses. Here’s what it says:
This email was sent from a notifi cation-only email address. Please do not reply to this message.
Dear [Customer]:
You have received this message because you have ordered a product from AutoGeek.com. If you’d like to be removed from our mailing list, reply with a blank message to [email protected].
Please be advised that you may not change or cancel your order, as we begin processing or- ders as soon as they are placed.
We are currently checking your credit infor- mation and inventory availability. You will receive a
Sales Invoice once your order has been assembled and packaged. If you do not receive a Sales Invoice within 24 hours, please contact us.
Your invoice number is: 11-38520.
All orders are shipped no signature required. Please be aware that orders only ship on business days, we do not offer weekend or holiday delivery. All orders placed after 5 p.m. EST will ship the fol- lowing business day. A tracking number will be emailed to you within 1–2 business days.
Frequently asked questions: Visit our website and click on Customer Service.
Thank you for buying from AutoGeek.com.
“Th ink you can do better?” your boss asks. “Absolutely,” you answer. Go for it. (If your instructor permits, you may choose another type of business for this case.)
24 A few years ago you and your spouse bought a lake cot- tage near Saugatuck, MI, to rent out until you retire there. It’s an attractive, nicely furnished cottage, and it rents reason- ably well during the short summer season (this far north, the warm weeks don’t last very long).
You’ve been fi elding inquiries from one Deb Sloan, who has been considering renting your cottage for the week of July 4. Today you got her rental deposit in the mail and her
confi rmation that she and her family do want to rent the cottage.
Send her a receipt for her deposit and thank her for choosing your property. Make her feel good about her choice and provide any additional information she might need. You could build some extra goodwill—and perhaps turn her into a repeat renter—by suggesting things to do and places to visit while she’s in the area.
25 As part-owner of your parents’ restaurant, Zorah’s, you responded to Komal Gupta’s request for information about serving 120 people at the World Village Celebration (See case #10). You said in response to the request for a price break that you would put a little extra food on all the trays and include a full order of olives (priced at $20) at no charge. You also agreed to waive the $100 deposit that is usually re- quired for large orders.
Komal was impressed by your response and placed an order. Because each tray serves about 40 people, Komal
placed an order for three trays of each of the following items: tabouli ($60), hummus and pita bread ($50), fl avored rice ($60). Because the slow-roasted chicken must cook all day and is only available for dinner customers, grape leaves stuff ed with lamb ($0.75 each, two per person) were ordered instead.
Write a note to Komal Gupta acknowledging the order and expressing your gratitude. Make Komal feel that select- ing your cuisine for the event was a great choice.
26 As the assistant to the executive director of the Asso- ciation for Business Communication, write the “welcome” message that you will send to new members. Th e message will include a receipt for their fi rst-year dues, their member number (with which they can access members-only web- pages), and of course contact information for the organiza- tion. Highlight any other benefi ts of membership you think
new members would enjoy. Add any other opportunities for members to become active in the ABC. Just as importantly, though, make readers feel good about the investment they’ve just made in their professional development. Remember that the more they take advantage of what the organization has to off er, the more likely they’ll be to renew their membership next year.
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 183
27 Recently, you met with Dan Arojo, marketing manager with DeZine, a major architectural and construction fi rm. His company released an RFP (request for proposal) for someone to design, host, and maintain his company’s web- site. Your company, Web2Go, specializes in Web design and plans to submit a proposal. Fortunately, Mr. Arojo was kind enough to meet with you to answer some questions regard- ing the proposal. He emphasized that DeZine is looking for a creative site that uses modern Web technologies but is user friendly, easily navigated, and visually appealing.
You learned that DeZine’s signature architectural style is edgy and “hip” while being environmentally conscious. You
28 As the general manager of Riverview Golf Club, you are responsible for the club’s facilities, accounting, and event planning. Th e club’s 400 members are very pleased with the job you are doing. Last year, you received a special commen- dation from the club’s membership for your role in secur- ing and hosting a big golf tournament called the Midwestern Open. Th ings are going quite well for both you and the club.
Recently, you received the following email:
Hello, my name is Michael Jones, and I am an as- sistant for Senator Katherine Rettig. The senator will be in town this weekend to meet with some of her constituents. As you may know, the senator is an avid golfer. Ever since she watched last year’s Midwestern Open on television, she has been very interested in playing a round of golf at your club. We understand that your club is private, so please don’t feel obligated to permit the senator to play at your club if you believe it would upset your mem- bership. However, she would really like to play your course, and would require no special attention
other than allowing three members of her legisla- tive team to play alongside her. Ideally, the senator would like to play on Saturday afternoon.
Thank you for your consideration.
You are very excited about the possibility of Senator Rettig’s playing at Riverview! It would generate great publicity for the club. And since she is very popular with your member- ship, you don’t foresee any problems with allowing her to play on Saturday aft ernoon. In fact, you believe that many of the members would be interested in meeting the senator to hear her opinions on the recent tax bill that was introduced into the Senate.
Respond to Michael Jones’s email granting permission for the senator to play at Riverview. Provide directions and state what time the senator should arrive at the club. Also, ask Mr. Jones if the senator would be willing to meet infor- mally with some interested members for a half-hour discus- sion of the new tax bill either before or aft er her golf round.
29 You are the community liaison for a nonprofi t orga- nization of your choice. Your organization participates in a program where donors can give to your program through an automatic credit or debit card deduction. Write a letter to these donors to thank them for their donations and update
them on the organization’s accomplishments during the past year and plans for the coming year. Tip : Th ink about how you might use technology to help you include a personalized salutation rather than simply “Dear Donor.”
30 Recently, your student organization attended a national conference and competition in Anaheim, California. You did a considerable amount of fundraising from both campus de- partments and businesses in the local community prior to the trip to defray costs for your members.
Aft er a lot of hard work and determination, your group placed fourth out of 25 teams from all over the United States.
It was a great experience—and clearly it would not have been possible without the fi nancial help from your supporters.
Now that the competition is over and you are back on campus, write a thank-you letter to your supporters. Let them know how thankful you are for their contributions. Make sure that your letter is professional so that you can keep them on your donor list for the future.
31 You are currently completing your senior year of college and are in the process of applying to jobs for aft er graduation. One of the companies you would love to work for is Grant
Th ornton. At the moment, It does not have any job openings in your area, so you emailed their human resources man- ager, Janet Robino, to request an informational interview.
learned that you will need to include a list of all fees you will charge for designing, creating, and hosting the site; if there are fees that DeZine will incur that are not part of the proposal, you must list them, as the company wants no surprises. In addition, if you plan to subcontract any of the work (e.g., use freelance designers, artists, writers), you must list the subcontractors in the proposal as well. Furthermore, any work you create would become the property of DeZine, not Web2Go. Aft er your talk with Mr. Arojo, you are confi dent that your company’s pro- posal will meet his needs and are excited about submitting it. Write a thank-you note to Mr. Arojo for meeting with you and providing you with the information for your proposal.
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184 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
She must have liked your message because she invited you to visit the fi rm. You did so yesterday, and Janet was very generous. She showed you around the offi ce and patiently answered your questions. In addition, she introduced you to other employees at the fi rm, who described the projects that
they were currently working on. When the visit was over, Ms. Robino gave you a Th ornton coff ee mug. It was a very good experience, and you learned a great deal! Write a thank-you note to Ms. Robino expressing your appreciation for all that she and her colleagues did during your visit.
Direct Claims
32 You’re a clerk in the accounting offi ce of Hocking Hills Resort and Spa, which recently placed a 2/3-page advertise- ment in Travel Ohio magazine. Today’s email brought a no- tice from the magazine that Hocking Hills’ account had been charged $3,700—the amount that a full-page ad costs.
You check with Lizzie Adams, the assistant director of sales and marketing for the resort, and she informs you that
this amount is wrong. She proves it by showing you a list of the magazine’s advertising rates and a copy of the purchase order, which clearly states the amount for a 2/3-page ad. Ob- viously, the accounting offi ce for Travel Ohio has made an error.
Write Travel Ohio to request a credit to Hocking Hills’s account. Use the medium and any supporting evidence that you think will do the best job of getting the results you seek.
33 You open the box of monogrammed shirts you or- dered online for the servers at your new restaurant, and your face falls: Th e shirts are the right color, style, and sizes, but the monogrammed name on the shirts, “Mama Mia’s ,” is misspelled.
You call the company from whom you purchased the shirts, Rite Uniforms, and talk with a customer service rep- resentative, Suzanne Miller. When you explain the situation, she fi rst off ers her sincere apologies. She then tells you what to do to get the shirts replaced. First, you need to fax her
a letter on company letterhead that explains the error and requests replacement shirts. Once she receives this letter (which she will need in order to process your request), she will send you return shipping instructions and get the com- pany working on your replacement shirts.
As you prepare to do as she asks, you think about any- thing else you might add to your message that will help Rite Uniforms solve the problem to your liking and get your relationship with them off on the right foot. Prepare your fax for Suzanne.
34 Remington Textiles is hosting a welcome dinner for a delegation of German executives who are interested in learn- ing about Remington’s products and possibly pursuing some contracts. You really want to make a good impression, so you have paid close attention to the details for the dinner. You even contracted with a local design company, Ridge Water Designs, to make an elegant, tasteful welcome banner to place above the doorway of the private room at the restau- rant where the dinner will take place.
When you ordered the banner, Robin Heinze, the de- signer, told you that Ridge Water Designs could do the ban- ner but could not deliver it until the aft ernoon of the dinner. Th ough you were nervous about getting the banner so close to the time of the dinner, you agreed aft er you were assured
that everything would be fi ne. Th e banner arrived two hours before the dinner. It looked great, but Ridge Water Designs had spelled the German company’s name incorrectly. Obvi- ously, you could not use the banner, which cost $225, and you were incredibly disappointed, as you had sent Ridge Water Designs an email with the spelling of the company’s name and even spelled it over the phone when you ordered the banner. On the day of the dinner, Ridge Water Designs had sent you a quick email to confi rm that the banner was sent but had indicated that no one would be in the offi ce for the rest of the day.
Write to Robin Heinze and request that you not be charged $225 for a sign that you obviously could not use.
35 You are the production supervisor for Pearl River Growers, a greenhouse and nursery. You ordered 200 trays of dahlia “plugs” (plants that start growing in small pots and are transferred to larger pots or gardens once they’ve matured).
One of the trays arrived frozen, which means that all of the plugs are dead. Choose an eff ective communication channel and create a message requesting a replacement tray .
36 You are the building manager for Schneider Enter- prises. Aft er a recent construction project at the company, you contracted Custom Cleaning Services, a commercial cleaning company, to clean the offi ce. According to the
contract, you would pay $3,000 once the job was completed. When you drew up the contract for the cleaning, you and Beth Menendez, manager of Custom Cleaning Services, developed a checklist of cleaning jobs that needed to be
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 185
done. Th e cleaning crew worked throughout the weekend. Th ough you let them in the building on Saturday morning and Sunday morning, you only checked in the evening that the building was locked aft er the crew left . You did not check the crew’s work .
When you arrive for work on Monday morning, you no- tice that the cleaning crew missed some of the items on the checklist, and the cleaning job is sloppy. Th ere are streaks on
the windows. Th e walls also have streaks of dust, dirt, and fi ngerprints. Some of the light fi xtures have not been cleaned or dusted, and the fl oor seems to have a fi lm of some kind on it—like the cleaner did not quite cut through all of the dirt. You know that Beth would not fi nd this cleaning job acceptable and would want you to be a satisfi ed customer.
Contact Beth and request what you think is reasonable for addressing this situation.
37 You are a musician who has ordered books of sheet music for a wedding reception that you and the other three members of your quartet will play for in two weeks. Unfortu- nately, when the books arrive, they are not what you ordered. You can return the music, but you still do not have what you need for the wedding in two weeks. You feel that because this is the company’s fault, the company should overnight the right music at no charge to you. You’ll gladly return the music you can’t use, but you won’t be paying the $7.95
shipping charge—that would be unreasonable since the mis- take was not your fault. You called to talk with a customer service representative but got a message saying that all phone lines were busy and that for faster service, you should go to the company’s customer support webpage. You go to the page and learn that you can type your message into a Web form and receive a response within two hours. Write a direct claim that gets you what you need.
38 You are the owner of a small bakery, Lakewood Con- fectioners. Your business is expanding, and you decide to order three new display cases from Wolburg Furniture, a company based 200 miles away with whom you have not previously done business. However, you have heard positive reviews about the quality of its products from a friend and fellow small-business owner. When the display cases arrive, you are surprised to fi nd four sitting on the loading dock, not the three that you ordered. You double-check with your
bookkeeper, Sam Ross, and verify that the purchase order clearly specifi ed three display cases. Normally, you would simply put the extra item in a box and return it to the sender. However, these display cases are large, and shipping one would be both time consuming and expensive. In addition, the large extra case is taking up the limited space on your loading dock. Send an email to Wolburg Furniture’s shipping department requesting that someone come pick up the extra display case as soon as possible.
Adjustment Grants
39 You’re a customer service representative at CarParts.com, and you recently received a request, posted to your website, that you correct an error your company made (see Chapter 8, case #14). Th e customer makes a good case, and the purchase re- cords confi rm his account of what happened: Th e website does list the wrong number for the part (a problem that you have the webmaster correct immediately). Th e purchase records also show that this customer buys from you quite oft en.
You’ll be glad to pay the return shipping for the wrong part (you will send him a prepaid UPS label) and will credit
his account once you receive it. You will also be glad to send the replacement part directly to the car repair shop, as he requested. He does need to understand, though, that it’s just not economically feasible for you to send this part via overnight shipping. Th e best you can do is get it to the shop within two business days. He’ll need to let you know if, under these circumstances, he still wants the part delivered there. You’ll of course extend your apologies for the trouble caused by the error on your website. Overall, you’ll do your best to restore any goodwill that the incident may have cost you and make the customer feel good about ordering from you again.
40 You work in member services for a local credit union. Today you received a phone call from Sue Wong, a very upset credit union member. Every month, her paycheck is depos- ited in her savings account, with $1,000 automatically trans- ferred to her checking account so that she can pay her bills. Th e automatic transfer has been occurring for three years and has never failed before. Last month, however, the funds were not transferred. Not realizing the funds had not transferred, Ms. Wong wrote several checks against the checking account.
Th e account, of course, had insuffi cient funds to cover the checks, and Ms. Wong incurred service charges of $250.
Although Ms. Wong should have checked her account balance before writing the checks, the error is clearly the credit union’s fault. When you spoke with Ms. Wong on the phone, you told her you would transfer the funds and reverse the service charges.
Credit union policy requires that you follow up these types of phone calls with a letter verifying that you have
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186 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
resolved the issue and explaining to the member what you did. Write the letter to Ms. Wong. You might remind her that if she would use the automatic payment option off ered by the power company, most credit card companies, and many
other services, she wouldn’t have to worry about what is in her checking account or about even having to transfer money to her account each month.
41 Play the role of Suzanne Miller at Rite Uniforms and respond to case #33 in this chapter. Th e customer has faxed his request for replacement shirts to you as you requested, and you’re now emailing him to provide instructions for
returning the shirts. Include in your message any informa- tion that will answer his likely questions, and be sure to do your best to restore any lost goodwill.
44 Oops—it looks like one of the mowing teams at your company (Beauty Lawn) made a mistake (see case #12 in Chap ter 8). Your customer’s request for an adjustment is reasonable, so you’ll grant it. You’re just happy the damage wasn’t any worse. What else might make this new customer
feel that he chose the right lawn care company and that such errors will not be likely in the future? Say whatever you think appropriate to retain his loyalty and restore his confi dence in Beauty Lawn’s expertise.
43 Rarely do your professional cleaners make a mistake, but it looks like this time is an exception. Ms. Julie Todd just brought in an Eileen Fisher knit jacket that your clean- ers managed to shrink so badly that it isn’t even an adult size anymore. She also brought in a printed webpage show- ing that the jacket, which is no longer available, had sold for $250. You asked her how long she’d had the jacket, and she said two years. You promised to have your cleaners see what they could do with the jacket and then get back to her.
Now you must write her a letter off ering her an adjust- ment. Th e jacket was so hopelessly shrunk that it could not be restored to anything near its original size. You have an adjust- ment chart that you use in cases like this one, and it indicates that you should pay her half of the clothing article’s original value. So you’ll off er to void the cleaning charge for the jacket and credit her account for $125 (if she wants the jacket back, though, you cannot adjust the bill; you keep the article of cloth- ing in such circumstances so that customers won’t feel encour- aged to make other such claims and then keep the clothing).
42 You have just received a claim letter from Candace at Handel and Schmidt Holdings (see Chapter 8, case #16). As Bob Sawyer’s trusty offi ce assistant at Sawyer Steakhouse, you must handle her request for a partial refund on her bill. Sawyer’s is the most popular steakhouse in the city—and it just so happened that, on short notice, the mayor decided to bring some visiting dignitaries to dinner on the night when the complaining customer held his company outing. Th at would account for the seating delay that the customer’s party experienced. As for the unpleasant server and mixed-up
orders . . . you’re not sure what happened there. Perhaps the surprise VIPs threw the staff into something of a tizzy. Regardless, you are disappointed that Handel and Schmidt’s experience did not refl ect your usually stellar service.
At any rate, you understand the customer’s point and are genuinely sorry that his special occasion was fl awed. You’ll defi nitely adjust the bill and do any other reasonable thing you can to regain his confi dence and earn his repeat business.
Internal-Operational Messages
45 Revise the following poorly written message so that the message is clear and direct and has an appropriate tone and style. You may add information if you need to for the mes- sage to make sense. Be sure to fi x any grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or word choice errors.
From: Jim Hannigan Sent: Tuesday, June 2, 2013 To: All Employees Subject: Security System
As many of you have noticed the security system is not working at this time, we are aware of this problem and are awaiting repair parts to correct the issue.
In response, the outer doors are unlocked and you will not need to use your badge until we are repaired.
Later this evening we will be falling back to keyed door locks for the evening.
If you are going out the front door, you will need to use the handle to get out the exterior doors after 5 PM.
Thank you for your patients,
Jim Hannigan Building Supervisor Ext. 5555
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CHAPTER 7 Getting to the Point in Good-News and Neutral Messages 187
46 Revise the following poorly written message so that the message is clear and direct and has an appropriate tone and style. You may add information if you need to for the mes- sage to make sense. Be sure to fi x any grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or word choice errors.
Employees are taking too long of breaks. This must stop immediately so that we don’t lose productivity. If we lose productivity, we could lose customers, and you could lose your job.
Remember that you get 15 minutes in the morning and 15 in the afternoon. You get 30 minutes for lunch.
47 As a company that has more than 50 employees liv- ing in or near the city where it is located, your company is covered by the U.S. Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Th is means that employees who meet certain criteria, as outlined by the U.S. Department of Labor ( www.dol.gov/esa/whd/ regs/compliance/whdfs28.pdf ), may take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave if they have a baby, an extended illness, or an impaired relative to take care of.
Many companies have started “leave donation” pro- grams that enable employees to donate some of their ac- cumulated sick leave or vacation time to fellow employees who have taken unpaid leaves. As offi ce manager for your company, you periodically remind employees of this oppor- tunity to help their colleagues. You think the time has come around again for this reminder, especially since you’re aware
of at least two employees who might need their co-workers’ donations.
Write the employees, some of whom have never heard of this program, about the leave donation program. You will direct them to the FMLA website and to your own company’s intranet for the full, offi cial details; however, you will include the basics in your message: how much leave employees need to have accumulated in order to donate, the minimum and maximum amount of hours they can donate, the irreversibil- ity of the donation, what recipients may use it for, how to donate, the fact that donating is strictly voluntary, and what- ever else you think readers need to know in order to decide whether to pursue the matter further. (To generate such de- tails, you can visit the FMLA website and the website at your school or business that describes this kind of policy.)
48 You are the facilities and grounds supervisor for AVG Enterprises. It’s now April 1. Every summer you clean the offi ce carpeting and polish and wax the fl oors. Employ- ees can also request that their offi ces be painted, but their supervisors need to justify and approve the request. Th ose who have had their offi ces painted in the last fi ve years can forget having them painted again, as you do not have the time or the budget. You do the fl oors one department at a time. You have to schedule cleaning for accounting, human resources, education and training, facilities and grounds, communications, sales, marketing, and information systems
departments. Usually, it takes a week to do one department, as you have to do this early in the evening so that the fl oors are dry by the time employees arrive the next morning. If any offi ces need to be painted, the job needs to be done before the fl oors are done; you need three weeks’ notice so that you can pick colors, order paint, and schedule the work. Th e fl oor maintenance will begin June 1. Develop a cleaning schedule that you’ll send to all employees and department supervisors. Remind employees of the approval process for getting their offi ces painted. Because not everyone in the building has ac- cess to email, you’ll write this as a memo.
49 You are the human resources manager for a pub- lic relations company. Your company employs people in many types of positions (e.g., communication, marketing and sales, creative services, accounting, customer service and support, clerical). You were talking with a colleague at a recent Society for Human Resource Management meeting and learned that your colleague’s company of- fers professional development activities for its employ- ees. Th ese activities are generally workshops in which an expert shares his or her knowledge on a particular topic such as confl ict resolution or email etiquette. Workshops are held on site. Most are only an hour or so and are held once a month during the workday. Of course, employees
are paid to attend these sessions and are not required to attend all of them—only the ones that interest them.
You think this kind of professional development program is just what your company needs. You present such a program to your CEO and receive permission to try the program for six months, so you develop a list of topics, set a schedule, and contact experts who agree to lead the workshops.
Send a message to the employees of your company in which you describe the program, present a schedule, invite them to attend, and include a brief list of the topics the pro- gram off ers in the next six months. Be sure you think about what information might motivate readers to participate in this program.
This means you don’t leave early, and it doesn’t mean you take 30 minutes to eat and then take another 5 or 10 to get back to work. This means you get back to work after 30 minutes. Also, this means that when you are working, you are not allowed to be on Facebook or email for personal reasons. This has lead to alot of waste time, to.
I know all of you care about your jobs. If their is any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for all of your hard work. It is appreciated.
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188 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
50 Over the last 10 years, you and four friends have grown your little technology consulting business, IT Doctors, into an 80-person company. Th e time has fi nally come to hire a human resources professional rather than contracting out the payroll and benefi ts services. So you hire Lauren Kiser, who brings extensive knowledge and experience to the posi- tion. Aft er working there a couple of months, Lauren comes to you with a concern. “IT Doctors doesn’t have a sexual harassment policy,” she says. “I see a lot of friendly teasing going on between the male and female employees, but some- times the females seem a bit off ended. To have a welcoming company culture and to ensure that you don’t run into legal
51 Continue on as the executive in case #50 above. Th e new sexual harassment policy you announced two months ago seems to have been well received, but recently you had to use it as grounds for a written warning to an employee whom two employees had complained about. Th is warning went into the off ending employee’s personnel fi le.
Perhaps as a result of this action, news of which no doubt made its way around the company grapevine, other employees seem to have become curious about exactly what goes into a personnel fi le and how that information can be
used. Aft er doing some research on this topic, send the em- ployees an email in which you enlighten them. In prepar- ing your email, consider the kinds of questions they’re likely to have. For example, what kinds of documents get put into a personnel fi le? Which, if any, of these can be shared, and with whom? Are the contents of personnel fi les ever shared with those who are considering hiring IT Doctors’ former employees? Can employees read their own personnel fi les? You may well think of additional questions that you should address.
52 Each year your company organizes a team to partici- pate in your city’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk, one of a series of walks sponsored by the American Cancer Society. Th is year you are the coordinator of your company’s team. Your fi rst task is to invite all employees to an informational meeting. Send a message to everyone in the company regarding the meeting and include an agenda for the meeting. A little research on the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer website will help you decide what to
include in your message. Of course you want your message to start generating enthusiasm for the cause right away—but be sure you make clear that coming to the meeting won’t obligate anyone to participate in the walk. You just want to spread the word about it and be sure that anyone looking for a worthy cause to support (and an inspiring team experi- ence) knows about this opportunity. Th ose who want to be on the team can sign up at the end of the meeting or let you know by August 3.
trouble, I think you really need a sexual harassment policy. It doesn’t have to accuse anyone of anything. But it should make clear what constitutes sexual harassment and empha- size that any such forms of behavior are grounds for repri- mand or even dismissal.”
To help you develop such a policy for IT Doctors, she sends you some Web links to other companies’ policies and also directs you to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission’s (EEOC’s) website. Th inking carefully about the information you’ve gathered and the kind of response you want from your employees, send out a memo in which you announce IT Doctors’ new sexual harassment policy.
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will be able to write indirect messages to convey bad news. To reach this goal, you should be able to
1 Determine which situations require using the indirect order for the most effective response.
2 Write indirect-order messages following the general plan.
3 Use tact and courtesy in refusals of requests.
4 Compose tactful, yet clear, claim messages using an indirect approach.
5 Write adjustment refusals that minimize the negative and overcome bad impressions.
6 Write negative announcements that maintain goodwill.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages
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190 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
APPROACHES TO WRITING BAD-NEWS MESSAGES As explained in Chapter 7, the indirect order is especially effective when you must say “no” or convey other disappointing news. Several research studies indicate that negative news is received more positively when an explanation precedes it.1 An explanation can convince the reader that the writer’s position is correct or at least that the writer is taking a logical and reasonable position, even if the news is bad for the reader. In addition, an explanation cushions the shock of bad news. Not cushioning the shock makes the message unnecessarily harsh, and harshness de- stroys goodwill.
However, research also indicates that the direct approach is warranted for communi- cating negative news in some contexts. 2 In one study of “data breach notifi cation letters” (letters a company uses to alert readers when the security of their personal information has been compromised), the researcher concluded that when “writers must convince readers that a potential problem exists and encourage them to act,” a direct approach may be more appropriate. 3 In addition, if you think that your negative news will be accepted routinely, you might choose directness. For example, in many buyer–seller re- lationships in business, both parties expect back orders and order errors to occur now and then. Th us, messages reporting this negative information would not really require indirectness. You also might choose directness if you know your reader well and feel that he or she will appreciate frankness. Although such instances are less common than those in which indirectness is the preferable strategy, you should always analyze your audience and business goals to choose the most appropriate organizational approach to delivering negative news.
As in the preceding chapter, we fi rst describe a general plan. Th en we adapt this plan to specifi c business situations—four in this case. First is the refusal of a request, a com- mon task in business. Next we cover two related types of negative messages: indirect claims and adjustment refusals. Finally, we cover negative announcements, which are bad-news messages with unique characteristics.
THE GENERAL INDIRECT PLAN Th e following plan will be helpful for most negative-news situations.
Using a Strategic Buff er Indirect messages presenting bad news oft en begin with a strategic buff er. By buff er we mean an opening that identifi es the subject of the message but does not indicate that negative news is coming. Th at is, the buff er is relevant to the topic of the message but does not state what the rest of the message will say about it.
A buff er can be neutral or positive . A neutral buff er might simply acknowledge your receipt of the reader’s earlier message and indicate your awareness of what it said. A positive buff er might thank the reader for bringing a situation to your attention or for being a valued customer or employee. You do need to use care when opening on a posi- tive note. You do not in any way want to raise the reader’s hopes that you are about to deliver the news that he or she may be hoping for. Th at would only make your task of maintaining good relations more diffi cult.
Some may argue that not starting with the good news is, for savvy readers, a clear tip-off that bad news is coming. If this is the case, then why not just start with the bad
LO1 Determine which situations require using the indirect order for the most effective response.
LO2 Write indirect-order messages following the general plan.
2 Jennifer R. Veltsos, “An Analysis of Data Breach Notifi cations as Negative News,” Business Communication Quarterly, 75:2 (2012): 203, print; Creelman. 3 Veltsos.
1 Valerie Creelman, “Th e Case for ‘Living’ Models,” Business Communication Quarterly 75:2 (2012): 176–191, print.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 191
news? Th e answer is that most readers appreciate a more gradual introduction to the message’s main negative point even when they know it is coming. A buff er gives them a chance to prepare for the news—and even if they suspect that it will be negative, the use of a buff er indicates consideration for their feelings.
Setting Up the Negative News For each case, you will have thought through the facts involved and decided that you will have to say “no” or present some other kind of negative news. You then have to fi g- ure out how you will present your reasons in such a way that your reader will accept the news as positively as possible. Your strategy might be to explain the fairness of a certain action. It might be to present facts that clearly make the decision necessary. Or you might cite the expert opinion of authorities whom both you and your reader respect. It might even be possible to show that your reasons for the negative decision will benefi t the reader in the long run.
Whatever explanatory strategy you choose, these reasons should follow your buf- fer and precede the negative news itself. In other words, the paragraph aft er the buff er should start explaining the situation in such a way that by the time the negative news comes, the reader is prepared to receive it in the most favorable light possible.
Presenting the Bad News Positively Next, you present the bad news . If you have developed your reasoning convincingly, this bad news should appear as a logical outcome. You should present it as positively as the situation will permit. In doing so, you must make certain that the negative message is clear—that your approach has not given the wrong impression.
One useful technique is to present your reasoning in fi rst and third person, avoiding second person. To illustrate, in a message refusing a request for a refund for a returned product, you could write these negative words: “Since you have broken the seal, state law prohibits us from returning the product to stock.” Or you could write these words emphasizing fi rst and third person: “State law prohibits us from returning to stock all products with broken seals.”
It is sometimes possible to take the sting out of negative news by linking it to a reader benefi t. For example, if you preface a company policy with “in the interest of fairness” or “for the safety of our guests,” you are indicating that all of your patrons, including the reader, get an important benefi t from your policy.
Your eff orts to present this part of the message positively should employ the positive word emphasis described in Chapter 5. In using positive words, however, you must make certain your words truthfully and accurately convey your message. Your goal is to present the facts in a positive way, not to confuse or mislead.
Off ering an Alternative Solution For almost any negative-news situation that you can think of, there is something you can do to help the reader with his or her problem.
If someone seeks to hold an event on your company grounds and you must say “no”, you may be able to suggest other sites. If someone wants information that you do not have, you might know of another way that he or she could get similar infor- mation. If you cannot volunteer your time and services, perhaps you know someone who might, or perhaps you could invite the reader to make the request again at a later, better time. If you have to announce a cutback on an employee benefi t, you might be able to suggest ways that employees can supplement this benefi t on their own. Taking the time to help the readers in this way is a sincere show of concern for their situation. For this reason, it is one of your most powerful strategies for main- taining goodwill.
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192 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Ending on a Positive Note Since even a skillfully handled bad-news message can be disappointing to the reader, you should end the message on a forward-looking note . Your goal here is to shift the reader’s thoughts to happier things—perhaps what you would say if you were in face- to-face conversation with the person. Preferably your comments should fi t the topic of your message, and they should not recall the negative message. Th ey should make clear that you value your relationship with the reader and still regard it as a positive one.
Apologizing Many times when a writer must deliver bad news, the fi rst thought is to apologize. Aft er all, if a customer or co-worker is unhappy—for any reason—somehow apologizing seems a good strategy for making a situation better. Sometimes an apology can make a bad situ- ation better, but other times it can make a bad situation worse. For example, if a customer incurs fi nance charges because you forgot to credit a payment to the customer’s account, an apology, along with a credit to the account and removal of the fi nance charge, may help restore goodwill. On the other hand, if the bad news is something you had no control over (e.g., a customer didn’t follow instructions for using a product and the item broke), apologizing can make you appear in the wrong even when you’re not. A reader may also wonder why, if you’re so sorry, you cannot do what the reader wants you to do. Apologies may even have legal implications if they can be construed as admissions of guilt.
If you do apologize in a bad-news message, do so early in the message as you explain the reasons and deliver the bad news. Th en move beyond the apology just as you move beyond the bad news and toward your forward-looking conclusion. If you think your apology may have legal implications, you can have your message reviewed by a supervi- sor or your company’s legal department before sending it.
Following are adaptations of this general plan to four of the more common negative business message situations. From these applications you should be able to see how to adapt this general plan to almost any other situation requiring you to convey bad news.
REFUSED REQUESTS
As in Chapter 7, assume the role of assistant to the White Label Industries (WLI) vice president. Today your boss as- signed you the task of responding to a request from the local chapter of the National Association of Peace Offi - cers. This worthy organization has asked WLI to contrib- ute to a scholarship fund for certain needy children. The request is persuasive. It points out that the schol- arship fund is terribly short. As a result, the association is not able to take care of all the needy children. Many of them are the children of offi cers who were killed in the line of duty. You have been moved by the persuasion and would like to comply, but you cannot. You cannot contribute now because WLI policy does not permit it. Even though you do not like the effects of the
policy in this case, you think the policy is good. Each year WLI earmarks a fi xed amount—all it can afford—for con- tributions. Then it donates this amount to the causes that a committee of its executives considers the most worthy. Unfortunately, all the money earmarked for this year has already been given away. You will have to say no to the request, at least for now. You can offer to consider the as- sociation’s cause next year. Your response must report the bad news, though it can hold out hope for the future. Because you like the asso- ciation and because you want it to like WLI, you will try to handle the situation delicately. The task will require your best strategy and your best writing skills.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Denying a Request for a Donation
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 193
Th e refusal of a request is defi nitely bad news. Your reader has asked for something, and you must say no. Your primary goal , of course, is to present this bad news. You could do this easily with a direct refusal; however, opening with the bad news that you are refusing the reader’s request could make you and your company appear insensitive. As a courteous and caring businessperson, you have the secondary goal of maintaining goodwill. To achieve this second goal, you must convince your reader that the refusal is fair and reasonable before you break the bad news.
Developing the Strategy Finding a fair and reasonable explanation involves carefully thinking through the facts of the situation. First, consider why you are refusing. Th en, assuming that your rea- sons are just, try to fi nd the best way of explaining them to your reader. To do so, you might well place yourself in your reader’s shoes. Try to imagine how the explanation will be received. What comes out of this thinking is the strategy you should use in your message.
One oft en-used explanation is that company policy forbids compliance. Th is expla- nation may work but only if the company policy is defensible and clearly explained. Oft en you must refuse simply because the facts of the case justify a refusal—that is, you are right and the reader is wrong. In such cases, your best course is to review the facts and to appeal to the reader’s sense of fair play.
In any situation, you may have multiple ways to off er a fair and reasonable explana- tion. Your job is to analyze your audience and communication goals and select the one that best fi ts your case.
Setting Up the Explanation in the Opening Having determined the explanation, you begin the message with a buff er that sets up the discussion. For example, in the case of WLI’s refusal to donate to the National Association of Peace Offi cers’ worthy cause, the following opening meets this case’s requirements well:
Your organization is doing a commendable job of educating needy children. Like many other worthy efforts, it well deserves the support of our community.
Th is beginning, on-subject comment clearly marks the message as a response to the inquiry. It implies neither a yes nor a no answer. Th e second statement sets up the explanation, which will point out that the company has already given its allotted dona- tion money to other worthy organizations. Th is buff er puts the reader in an agreeable or open frame of mind—ready to accept the explanation that follows.
Presenting the Explanation Convincingly As with the general plan, you next present your reasoning. To do this you use your best persuasion techniques: positive wording, proper emphasis, sound logic, and support- ing detail to convince your reader.
Handling the Refusal Positively Your handling of the refusal follows logically from your reasoning . If you have built the groundwork of explanation and fact convincingly, the refusal comes as a logical conclusion and as no surprise. If you have done your job well, your reader may even support the refusal. Even so, because the refusal is the most negative part of your message, you should not give it much emphasis. You should state it quickly, clearly, and positively; and you should keep it away from positions of emphasis, such as para- graph endings.
You might even be able to make the message clear without stating the negative news explicitly. For example, if you are refusing a community member’s request to use your company’s retreat facility for a fundraiser, you will convey “no” clearly if you say that
LO3 Use tact and courtesy in refusals of requests.
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194 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
you must restrict the use of the facility to employees only and then go on to off er alter- native locations. You must be sure, though, that your message leaves no doubt about your answer. Being unclear the fi rst time will leave you in the position of writing an even more diffi cult, more negative message later.
To state the refusal positively, you should carefully study the eff ects of your words. Such harsh words as I refuse, will not , and cannot stand out. So do such apologies as “I deeply regret to inform you . . .” and “I am sorry to say. . . .” You can usually phrase your refusal in terms of a positive statement of policy. For example, instead of writing “your insurance does not cover damage to buildings not connected to the house,” write “your insurance covers damage to the house only.” Or instead of writing “We must refuse,” a wholesaler could deny a discount by writing “We can grant discounts only when. . . .” In some cases, your job may be to educate the reader. Not only will this be your explana- tion for the refusal, but it will also build goodwill.
Using a Compromise When Practical If the situation justifi es a compromise , you can use it in making the refusal positive. More specifi cally, by saying what you can do (the compromise), you can clearly imply what you cannot do. For example, if you write “What we can do is to (the compro- mise), . . .” you clearly imply that you cannot do what the reader requested. Such state- ments contain no negative words and usually are as positive as the situation will permit.
Closing with Goodwill Even a skillfully handled refusal is the most negative part of your message. Because the news is disappointing, it is likely to put your reader in an unhappy frame of mind. Th at frame of mind works against your goodwill goal. To leave your reader with a feeling of goodwill , you must shift his or her thoughts to more pleasant matters.
Telling people news they don’t want to hear requires your most careful communication effort.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 195
Th e best closing subject matter depends on the facts of the case, but it should be positive talk that fi ts the one situation. For example, if your refusal involves a coun- terproposal, you could say more about the counterproposal. Or you could make some friendly remark about the subject of the request as long as it does not remind the reader of the bad news. In fact, your closing subject matter could be almost any friendly re- mark that would be appropriate if you were handling the case face to face. Th e major requirement is that your ending words have a goodwill eff ect.
Ruled out are negative apologies, such as “Again, may I say that I regret that we must refuse”. Also ruled out are the equally timeworn appeals for understanding, such as “I sincerely hope that you understand why we must make this decision.” Such words sound selfi sh and emphasize the bad news.
Fitting the General Plan to Refused Requests Adapting the preceding analysis to the general plan, we arrive at the following outline for the refused request:
• Begin with words that indicate a response to the request, are neutral about the answer, and set up the strategy.
• Present your justifi cation or explanation, using positive language and you-viewpoint.
• Refuse clearly and positively. • Include a counterproposal or compromise when appropriate. • End with an adapted goodwill comment.
Contrasting Refusals Th e advantage of the indirect order in refusal messages is illustrated by the following contrasting examples of WLI’s possible response to the request from the National As- sociation of Peace Offi cers. Both refuse clearly. But only the one that uses the indirect order is likely to regain the reader’s goodwill.
Harshness in the Direct Refusal. Th e fi rst example states the bad news right away. Th is blunt treatment puts the reader in an unreceptive frame of mind. Th e result is that the reader is less likely to accept the explanation that follows. Th e explanation is clear, but note the unnecessary use of negative words ( exhausted, regret, cannot consider ). Note also how the closing words leave the reader with a strong reminder of the bad news.
Subject: Your request for a donation Ms. Cangelosi:
We regret to inform you that we cannot grant your request for a donation to the association’s scholarship fund.
So many requests for contributions are made of us that we have found it necessary to budget a defi nite amount each year for this purpose. Unfortunately, our budgeted funds for this year have been exhausted, so we simply cannot consider additional requests. We won’t be able to consider your request until next year.
We deeply regret our inability to help you now and trust that you understand our position.
Mark Stephens
This bad email is harsh because of its directness and negative language.
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196 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Tact and Courtesy in an Indirect Refusal. Th e second example skillfully handles the negative message. Its opening words are on subject and neutral. Th ey set up the explanation that follows. Th e clear and logical explanation ties in with the opening. Using no negative words, the explanation leads smoothly to the refusal. Note that the refusal is also handled without negative words and yet is clear. Th e friendly close fi ts the one case.
INDIRECT CLAIMS
Play the role of Jeff Sutton, owner and president of Sutton Creative Services. You’ve just received a bill from Regal Banquet Center for the winter-holiday party that your company held there last week. It’s for $1,410, which you had agreed to pay for an elegant three-course meal, plus drinks, for your 27 employees. The food was as good as its reputation, but there were two problems. First, the room for the party was much too warm. You complained to the servers but to no avail. You would have opened windows to correct the problem yourself, but the room you were given did not have any windows (something you weren’t happy about either). Second, there was apparently a short- age of servers on the night of your event. Some of your
employees had to wait a long time for their food, while those who had their food fi rst either had to start eating before the others or let their food get cold while waiting for all to be served. This ragged timing ruined the dinner, and it also threw off the timing of the program you had planned. You were embarrassed by these problems. They re- fl ected poorly on you and your efforts to thank your employees for their work. While you understand that un- expected problems can arise, you just don’t think you should have to pay the full amount for a subpar experi- ence. You’ll need to write a claim message asking for an adjustment to your bill.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Seeking an Adjustment for a Subpar Experience
Subject: Your Scholarship Fund Request Ms. Cangelosi:
Your efforts to build the scholarship fund for the association’s needy children are commendable.
White Label Industries assists worthy causes whenever we can. That is why every January we budget in the upcoming year the maximum amount we believe we are able to contribute to such causes. Then we distribute that amount among the various deserving groups as far as it will go. Since our budgeted contributions for this year have already been made, we are placing your organization on our list for consideration next year.
We wish you success in your efforts to improve the lives of the children in our city.
Mark Stephens
This email using the indirect approach is better.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 197
When something goes wrong between a business and its customers, usually someone begins an eff ort to correct the situation. Typically, the off ended party calls the matter to the attention of those responsible. Th is claim can be made in person, by phone, or by written message (email or letter).
Our concern here is how to make it in a written message. You would likely choose a written medium if you wanted a record of the interchange, were not on personal terms with the recipient, or knew that writing to the recipient would be quicker and more effi cient than contacting the reader by phone. While some claim messages are written directly (see Chapter 7), many are also written indirectly when the writer anticipates resistance or a strong negative reaction on the part of the reader. In this chapter, we examine an approach for writing indirect claims.
Choosing the Right Tone Your goal in a claim message is to convince your recipient that you deserve some kind of compensation or remedy for a situation that has occurred. But even if you are completely in the right, you will not advance your cause with accusatory, one- sided language. When writing this kind of message, project an image of yourself as a reasonable person. Just as importantly, project an image of the reader as a reason- able person. Give him or her a chance to show that, if presented with the facts, he or she will do the right thing. Do not give in to the temptation to blame or whine. Keep your tone as objective as you can while also making sure that the reader un- derstands the problems caused by the situation. Focus as much as possible on facts, not feelings.
Leading into the Problem in the Beginning A claim message needs to identify the transactions involved. Th is you can do early in the message as a part of the beginning. One way is to put the identifi cation in the sub- ject head in an email message or in the subject line of a letter, as in this example:
Subject: Fire Extinguishers: Your Invoice C13144
Another way is just to include a neutral but relevant buff er:
Today we received via FedEx Ground the fi re extinguishers we ordered on 5 May 2009 (invoice # C13144).
Whether you use a subject line and your fi rst paragraph or the fi rst paragraph alone to introduce the problem , choose your words with care. Such negatively charged words as complaint or disappointment can put your readers on the defensive before you’ve even had a chance to make your case.
Describing the Problem Clearly In the body of your message, explain what happened. Th e words describing the prob- lem should be courteous yet fi rm. Th ey should cover the problem completely , giving enough information to permit the reader to judge the matter. Present your case using facts and logic. If there were consequences to what happened, include them. Th is be- ginning sentence illustrates the point:
When we purchased a Quick Time microwave (Serial No. 713129), we were told that because of our light use and the quality of the microwave, we needed only the six-month warranty rather than the three-year extended warranty. We have had the microwave for only seven months, but it suddenly quit working.
Notice that this example uses the passive voice (“were told”) to avoid accusing or blaming language. You should follow these statements with any other evidence that supports your eventual request to replace the microwave.
LO4 Compose tactful, yet clear, claim messages using an indirect approach.
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198 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Since unanticipated problems occur in business, writing a clear, complete, and fairminded claim will usually solve them.
Requesting the Correction Th e facts you present should prove your claim, so your next step is to follow logi- cally with making the claim . How you handle the claim, however, is a matter for you to decide. You have two choices: You can state what you want (money back, replacement), or you can leave the decision to the reader. You choose which, based on the situation.
Building Goodwill with a Fair-Minded Close Your fi nal friendly words should leave no doubt that you are trying to maintain a posi- tive relationship . You could express appreciation for what you seek. However, you want to avoid the cliché “Th anking you in advance.” Instead, say something like “I would be grateful if you could get the new merchandise to me in time for my Friday sale.” What- ever fi nal words you choose, they should clearly show that yours is a fi rm yet cordial and fair request.
Outlining the Indirect Claim Message Summarizing the preceding points, we arrive at this outline for the indirect claim message:
• Identify the situation (invoice number, product information, etc.) and lead into the problem.
• Present enough facts to be convincing.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 199
• Seek corrective action. • End positively—friendly but fi rm.
Contrasting Examples of Indirect Claim Messages Th e following two messages show contrasting ways of handling Jeff Sutton’s problem with the Regal Banquet Center. Th e fi rst is blunt and harsh. Th e second is courteous, yet clear and fi rm.
A Blunt and Harsh Message. From the very beginning, the fi rst message—a letter that the reader is returning along with his reduced payment—is insulting. “To whom it may concern” is impersonal, generic, and outdated. Th e opening paragraph is a fur- ther aff ront, blurting out the writer’s stance in angry language. Th e middle of the mes- sage continues in this negative vein, accusing the reader with you and your and using emotional language. Th e negative writing continues into the close, leaving a bad fi nal impression. Such wording is more likely to produce resistance than acceptance.
Subject: Bill Adjustment
To Whom It May Concern:
I just received a bill for $1,410 for the winter party that I held for my employees at the Regal Banquet Center. I absolutely refuse to pay this amount for the subpar job you did of hosting this event.
First, you put us in an unpleasant room with no windows even though we had made our reservations weeks in advance. The room was also much too warm. I asked your staff to adjust the temperature, but apparently they never did. Since the room didn’t have any windows, we just had to sit there and swelter in our dress clothes. As if this weren’t bad enough, it took the servers so long to bring all our food out that some people had fi nished eating before others were even served. This made a complete mess of the nice dinner and the scheduled program.
I had heard good things about your center but now regret that I chose it for this important company event. The uncomfortable and chaotic experience refl ected poorly on me and on my appreciation for my employees. Enclosed is my payment for $1,000, which I feel is more than fair.
Sincerely,
Jeff Sutton, Owner and President
Sutton Creative Services
This blunt and accusing letter is unlikely to lead to a cooperative reply or further business with the reader.
A Firm Yet Courteous Message. Th e second message (page 202) follows the plan suggested in preceding paragraphs. A subject line quickly identifi es the situation. Th e fi rst paragraph leads into the problem. Next, in a tone that shows fi rmness without anger, it tells what went wrong. Th en it requests a specifi c remedy. Th e ending uses subtle persuasion by implying confi dence in the reader. Th e words used here leave no doubt about the writer’s interest in a continued relationship.
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200 PART 00 Part Title
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
200
Refused Request Message to an External Audience (Denying an Artist’s Request). A regional medical facility dis- plays local artists’ work at its various satellite locations. Artists submit applications to have their work displayed. This message shows a good strategy for denying a request to an artist who applied to have her work displayed in the Lake Superior Family Medicine Clinic’s reception area.
June 15, 2012
Ms. Jane Burroughs 2942 County Highway J North Concord, WI 54746
Dear Jane:
Thank you for submitting your artwork for consideration at Lake Superior Family Medicine Clinic. The jury’s deliberation process took more time than expected due to the number of submissions. Such a delay is a rare occurrence, so your patience was appreciated.
The Medical Center’s art wall and case is a free service open to local artists like you. This exhibit area has been embraced by not only artists but also community members because of the beauty it showcases. In fact, it’s so popular that we had 75 requests from local artists last month. Due to the limited wall space available and the large number of art submissions, your artwork was not chosen for display at this time.
The jury enjoyed your pieces and noted that your art “personified light.” We encourage you to submit up to 10 pieces from your collection once again in 120 days. As outlined in the initial request letter dated May 22, 2012, artists can submit up to 10 submissions every 120 days.
If you have any questions, please contact me. Again, thank you for submitting your artwork. We look forward to your next submission.
Sincerely,
Samantha Kennedy Director, Marketing/Community Relations Lake Superior Family Medicine Clinic Email: [email protected] Phone: 715-456-7890
Relevant,
neutral
buffer—
gains the
reader’s
favor by
thanking her
Provides a
reasonable,
convincing
explanation
supported
by a fact
Offers an
alternative
Visit us: Web: https://www.lsfm.org
Lake Superior Family Medicine Clinic 4546 Burger Lane North Concord, WI 54746 Web: www.lsfm.org phone: 715-987-4958 fax: 715-567-7684
Lake SuperiorLake Superior Family Medicine Clinic
Provides a
relevant,
forward-
looking
conclusion
that
builds
goodwill
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CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 201
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
201
Refused Request Message to an Internal Audience (Saying “No” to an Employee). This message shows a good strategy for denying a hard-working employee’s vacation request because of CEO Kelsey Riley’s directive.
Vacation Request for August 6–17.
Positive,
relevant buffer
highlights points
the reader and
writer can agree
upon—presents
the writer as a
reasonable
person
Logically
explains the
reasons for
rejecting the
reader’s request
Provides good
news and a
positive
alternative
for the reader
Offers a
goodwill close
and moves
beyond the
bad news
Hi, Darryl,
As you mentioned at yesterday’s meeting, it’s hard to believe that the SAP project we only dreamed about two years ago is just two months from its go- live date. I know how hard you’ve worked to implement SAP readiness activities and understand how eager you are for a vacation.
While July and August usually represent an excellent time to take vacation because production is slow and client demand is low, this summer represents an exception because of our status as an SAP Power User. As a result, CEO Riley has issued the following directive regarding vacation during the summer months for core and site directors:
· Only one week of vacation will be approved between July 1–August 11. · No vacation time will be approved between August 10–September 30.
After September 30, you may request vacation time as usual. Remember that if you are not able to take all of your vacation time between October 1 and the end of the year, you can carry unused vacation time over to 2013. Furthermore, because of the work we’ve all devoted to SAP implementation, CEO Riley has modified the number of allowed carry-over vacation days from 5 days to 10 days for 2013.
I look forward to working with you in the next two months. Because of your fantastic work, the go-live is certain to run smoothly.
Rex _________________________ Rex Adler, Director Human Resources Wentworth Office Supplies Phone: 319-444-1557
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202 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
ADJUSTMENT REFUSALS
Sometimes your job at White Label Industries (WLI) in- volves handling a complaint. Today that is one of your tasks because the morning email has brought a strong claim for adjustment on an order for WLI’s Do-Craft fab- rics. The claim writer, Ms. Arlene Sanderson, explains that a Do-Craft fabric her upholstering company used on some outdoor furniture has faded badly in less than 10 months. She even includes photographs of the fabric to prove her point. She contends that the product is defective, and she wants her money back—all $2,517 of it.
Inspection of the photographs reveals that the fabric has been subjected to strong sunlight for long periods. Do-Craft fabrics are for indoor use only. Both the WLI brochures on the product and the catalog description stress this point. In fact, you have diffi culty understanding how Ms. Sanderson missed it when she ordered from the catalog. Anyway, as you see it, WLI is not responsible and should not refund the money. At the same time, it wants to keep Ms. Sanderson as a repeat customer. Now you must write the message that will do just that. The following discussion tells you how.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Denying a Customer’s Claim
Subject: Invoice #3712 (for Sutton Party on December 12, 2013)
Dear Ms. Sanchez:
As you know, Sutton Creative Services held its winter-holiday party at Regal Banquet Center on December 12. While the food was exceptional, I have some concerns regarding our experience.
When I booked the party last August, I requested that we have the party in Salon A because of its size and view of the city. The room we were given for the event was Salon C. As you know, the room is small and has no windows. In addition, the location also had the drawback of making the temperature hard to control. The servers were sympathetic but were unable to keep the room from getting too warm for my 27 employees. I know that you book many parties during the holiday season; however, as the attached copy of our contract shows, we agreed that Sutton Creative Services would be in Salon A.
It also appeared that more servers were needed for our party. The fare was elegant, but with only two servers, some guests had fi nished eating before others had even started. As a result, we had to start the after-dinner program in the middle of the meal, requiring the speaker to talk while people were eating. This made it diffi cult for people to hear and pay attention to his presentation.
Overall, the event was not the impressive “thank-you” to my hard-working employees I had in mind when we drew up the contract. In light of these circumstances, I am requesting a revised invoice of $1,000. I believe this is a fair amount for an experience that I am sure did not represent the Regal’s typical level of customer service.
I would be grateful for your response by the end of the month so that I can forward the adjusted bill to my accountant for payment.
Sincerely yours,
Jeff Sutton, President and Owner
Sutton Creative Services
This more tactful but honest email invites the reader to do what is fair and retains goodwill.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 203
Adjustment refusals are a special type of refused request. Your reader has made a claim asking for a remedy. Usually you grant these claims. Most are legitimate, and you want to correct any error for which you are responsible. But such is not the case in Ms. Sanderson’s situation. Th e facts require that you say no. Th e following section shows you how to handle this type of message.
Determining the Strategy Th e primary diff erence between this and other refusal messages is that in these situ- ations, as we are defi ning them, your company will probably have clear, reasonable guidelines for what should and should not be regarded as legitimate requests for adjust- ment. You will, therefore, not have to spend much time fi guring out why you cannot grant the reader’s request. You will have good reasons to refuse . Th e challenge will be to do so while still making possible an ongoing, positive relationship with the reader.
Setting Up Your Reasoning With your strategy in mind, you begin with words that set it up. Since this message is a response to one the reader has sent, you also acknowledge this message. You can do this by a date reference early in the message. Or you can do it with words that clearly show you are writing about the specifi c situation.
One good way of setting up your strategy is to begin on a point of common agree- ment and then to explain how the case at hand is an exception. To illustrate, a case involving a claim for adjustment for failure of an air conditioner to perform properly might begin this way:
You are correct in believing that an 18,000 BTU Whirlpool window unit should cool the ordinary three-room apartment.
Th e explanation that follows this sentence will show that the apartment in question is not an ordinary apartment.
Another strategy is to build the case that the claim for adjustment goes beyond what can reasonably be expected. A beginning such as this one sets it up:
Assisting families to enjoy beautifully decorated homes at budget prices is one of our most satisfying goals. We do all we reasonably can to reach it.
Th e explanation that follows this sentence will show that the requested adjustment goes beyond what can be reasonably expected.
Making Your Case In presenting your reasons for refusal, explain your company’s relevant policy or practice. Without accusing the reader, call attention to facts that bear on the case—for example,
LO5 Write adjustment refusals that minimize the negative and overcome bad impressions.
SOURCE: Copyright © 2008 Ted Goff.
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204 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
that the item in question has been submerged in water, that the printed material warned against certain uses, or that the warranty has expired. Putting together the policy and the facts should lead logically to the conclusion that the adjustment cannot be granted.
Refusing Positively and Closing Courteously As in other refusal messages, your refusal derives from your explanation . It is the logical result. You word it clearly, and you make it as positive as the circumstances permit. For example, this one is clear, and it contains no negative words:
For these reasons, we can pay only when our employees pack the goods.
If a compromise is in order, you might present it in positive language like this:
In view of these facts, we can repair the equipment at cost.
As in all bad-news messages, you should end this one with some appropriate, positive comment . You could reinforce the message that you care about the reader’s business or the quality of your products. In cases where it would not seem selfi sh, you could write
If you use Outlook and have content that frequently ap- pears in your email messages, you may want to consider using the Quick Parts tool. Let’s say, for example, that you send reminders every two weeks to employees regarding their time sheets. After you’ve created your content and formatted it the way you always want it to appear in your reminder messages, se- lect the text. Once the text is selected, from the Insert rib- bon, click the Quick Parts dropdown arrow, click “Auto Text,” and then click “Save Selection to AutoText Gallery.” From there, you can use the “Create New Building Block”
dialog box to customize your Quick Parts selection. Over time, you can build, categorize, and organize a list of Quick Parts selections. The next time you need to send your message, you just open a new message, go to the Insert ribbon, click Quick Parts, and choose your text from the list that ap- pears. The content will be inserted into your email just as you originally saved it in Quick Parts. You save time, and you know that your reminders will be consistent in their look and their content.
TECHNOLOGY IN BRIEF
Outlook Quick Parts Tool Allows Writers to Reuse Content
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 205
about new products or services that the reader might be interested in. Neither negative apologies nor words that recall the problem are appropriate here.
Adapting the General Plan When we apply these special considerations to the general plan, we come up with the following specifi c plan for adjustment refusals:
• Begin with words that are on subject, are neutral about the decision, and set up your strategy.
• Present the strategy that explains or justifi es, being factual and positive. • Refuse clearly and positively, perhaps including a counterproposal. • End with positive, forward-looking, friendly words.
Contrasting Adjustment Refusal Messages Bad and good treatment of WLI’s refusal to refund the money for the faded fabric are illustrated by the following two messages. Th e bad one, which is blunt and insulting, destroys goodwill. Th e good one, which uses the techniques described in the preceding paragraphs, stands a fair chance of keeping goodwill.
Bluntness in a Direct Refusal. Th e bad email begins bluntly with a direct state- ment of the refusal. Th e language is negative ( regret, must reject, claim, refuse, damage, inconvenience ). Th e explanation is equally blunt. In addition, it is insulting (“It is dif- fi cult to understand how you failed . . .”). It uses little tact, little you-viewpoint. Because the close is negative, it recalls the bad news.
Tact and Indirect Order in a Courteous Refusal. Th e good message (page 207) begins with friendly talk on a point of agreement that also sets up the explanation. Without accusations, anger, or negative words, it reviews the facts of the case, which free the company from blame. Th e refusal is clear, even though it is implied rather than stated. It is skillfully handled. It uses no negatives, and it does not receive undue emphasis. Th e close shift s to helpful suggestions that fi t the one case—suggestions that may actually result in a future sale.
Subject: Your May 3 claim for damages
Ms. Sanderson,
I regret to report that we must reject your request for money back on the faded Do-Craft fabric.
We must refuse because Do-Craft fabrics are not made for outside use. It is diffi cult for me to understand how you failed to notice this limitation. It was clearly stated in the catalog from which you ordered. It was even stamped on the back of every yard of fabric. Since we have been more than reasonable in trying to inform you, we cannot possibly be responsible.
We trust that you will understand our position. We regret very much having to deny your request.
Marilyn Cox, Customer Relations
The bad email shows little concern for the reader’s feelings.
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206 PART 00 Part Title
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
206
Ms. Cherie Ranney 117 Kyle Avenue E College Station, TX 77840-2415
Dear Ms. Ranney:
We understand your concern about the elegant St. John’s dress you returned February 15. As always, we are willing to do as much as we reasonably can to make things right.
What we can do in each instance is determined by the circumstances. With returned clothing, we generally give refunds. Of course, to meet our obligations to our customers for quality merchandise, all returned clothing must be unquestionably new. As you know, our customers expect only the best from us, and we insist that they get it. Thus, because the perspiration stains on your dress would prevent its resale, we must consider the sale final. We are returning the dress to you. With the proper alterations, it can be an elegant addition to your wardrobe.
Please visit us again when you are in the Houston area. It would be our pleasure to serve you.
Sincerely,
Marie O. Mitchell President
dm
Review of
the facts—
supports
the writer's
position
Good
restraint—no
accusations,
no anger
Friendly
goodwill
close
Emphasis on
what can be
done—helps
restore
goodwill
On-subject opening
Set-up for the
explanation
Negative
language
minimized in
the refusal
103 BREAKER RD. HOUSTON, TX 77015 713-454-6778 Fax: 713-454-6771
Fashions
February 19, 2012
Adjustment Refusal Letter (Refusing a Refund). An out-of-town customer bought an expensive dress from the writer and mailed it back three weeks later asking for a refund. The customer explained that the dress was not a good fi t and that she did not like it anymore. But perspiration stains on the dress proved that she had worn it. This letter skillfully presents the refusal.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 207
Subject: Your May 3 Message about Do-Craft Fabric
Ms. Sanderson:
Certainly, you have a right to expect the best possible service from Do-Craft fabrics. Every Do-Craft product is the result of years of experimentation. And we manufacture each yard under the most careful controls. We are determined that our products will do for you what we say they will do.
Because we do want our fabrics to please, we carefully inspected the photos of Do-Craft Fabric 103 that you sent us. It appears that each sample has been subjected to long periods in extreme sunlight. Because Do-Craft fabrics cannot withstand exposure to sunlight, all our advertising, the catalog, and a stamped reminder on the back of every yard of the fabric advise customers that the fabric is meant for indoor use only.
As you can see from our catalog, the fabrics in the 200 series are recommended for outdoor use. You may also be interested in the new Duck Back cotton fabrics listed in our 500 series. These plastic-coated cotton fabrics are economical, and they resist sun and rain remarkably well.
If we can help you further in your selection, please contact us at [email protected].
Marilyn Cox, Consumer Relations
This better email is indirect, tactful, and helpful.
NEGATIVE ANNOUNCEMENTS
LO6 Write negative announcements that maintain goodwill.
As the assistant to the human resources director at National Window Systems, you have been given the diffi cult assignment of writing a bad-news message for your boss. She has just returned from a meeting of the company’s top executives in which the decision was made to deduct 25 percent of the employees’ medical insurance premiums from their paychecks. Until now, National Window Systems has paid it all. But the rising cost of health coverage is forcing the company to cut back
on these benefi ts, especially since profi ts have declined for the past several quarters. Something has to give if National Window Systems is to remain competitive while also avoiding lay-offs. The administrators decided on a number of cost-cutting measures including this reduction in the company’s payment for medical insurance. The message you will write to National Window Systems employees is a negative announcement.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Announcing a Medical Coverage Cut
Occasionally, businesses must announce bad news to their customers or employees. For example, a company might need to announce that prices are going up, that a service or product line is being discontinued, or that a branch of the business is closing. Or a company might need to tell its employees that the company is in some kind of trouble,
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208 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
that people will need to be laid off , or, as in the Introductory Challenge, that employee benefi ts must be reduced. Such negative announcements generally follow the instruc- tions previously given in this chapter.
Determining the Strategy When faced with the problem of making a negative announcement, your fi rst step should be to determine your overall strategy. Will you use direct or indirect organization?
In most cases the indirect arrangement will be better. Th is route is especially recom- mended when it is reasonable to expect that the readers would be surprised, particu- larly disappointed, or even angered by a direct presentation. When planning an indirect announcement, you will need to think about what kind of buff er opening to use, what kind of explanation to give, how to word the news itself, and how to leave your readers feeling that you have considered their interests.
Setting Up the Bad News As with the preceding negative message types, you should plan your indirect beginning (buff er) carefully. You should think through the situation and select a strategy that will set up or begin the explanation that justifi es the announcement. Perhaps you will begin by presenting justifying information. Or maybe you will start with complimentary or cordial talk focusing on the good relationship that you and your readers have devel- oped. Choose the option that will most likely prepare your reader to accept the coming bad news.
Positively Presenting the Bad News In most cases, the opening paragraph will enable you to continue with background rea- sons or explanations in the next paragraph, before you present the negative news. Such explaining will help you put the negative news in the middle of the paragraph rather than at the beginning where it would be emphasized.
As in other negative situations, you should use positive words and avoid un- necessary negative comments when presenting the news itself. Since this is an
When making a negative announcement, remember that an indirect, tactful approach is usually better than a blunt “loud” approach.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 209
announcement, however, you must make certain that you cover all the factual details involved. People may not be expecting this news. Th ey will therefore want to know the whys and whats of the situation. And if you want them to believe that you have done all you can to prevent the negative situation, you will need to provide evidence that this is true. If there are actions the readers must take, these should be covered clearly as well. All questions that may come to the readers’ minds should be anticipated and covered.
Focusing on Next Steps or Remaining Benefi ts In many cases negative news will mean that things have changed. Customers may no longer be able to get a product that they have relied upon, or employees may have to fi nd a way to pay for something that they have been getting for free. For this reason, a skillful handling of a negative announcement will oft en need to include an eff ort to help people solve the problem that your news just created for them. In situations where you have no further help to off er—for example, when announcing certain price increases—you can still help people feel better about your news by calling attention to the benefi ts that they will continue to enjoy. You can focus on the good things that have not changed and perhaps even look ahead to something positive or exciting on the horizon.
Closing on a Positive or Encouraging Note Th e ending words should cement your eff ort to cover the matter positively. Th ey can be whatever is appropriate for this one situation—a positive look forward, a sin- cere expression of gratitude, or an affi rmation of your positive relationship with your readers.
Reviewing the Plan Applying the preceding instructions to the general plan, we arrive at this specifi c plan for negative announcements written in indirect order:
• Start with a buff er that begins or sets up justifi cation for the bad news. • Present the justifi cation material. • Give the bad news positively but clearly. • Help solve the problem that the news may have created for the reader. • End with appropriate goodwill talk.
Like all human resources professionals, Joan McCarthy, director of human resources communication for Comcast Cable, sometimes has to deliver negative news to em- ployees, whether it’s about healthcare coverage, organi- zational change, or other issues. Her advice? “Balance, not spin, is the key. Frequent, candid communication that balances the good with the bad will go much further to- ward restoring and maintaining employee trust than the most creative ‘spin.’ ”
Sometimes McCarthy will state negative news directly, while other times she takes a more gradual approach. Whichever pattern you use, “it’s important to communicate openly and honestly,” she advises. But you should also bal- ance out the negative by “reinforcing the positive, putting the news in perspective, and showing what the organiza- tion is doing to help.” In these ways you can “communicate bad news in a way that preserves your company’s credibil- ity and keeps employee trust and morale intact.”
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Balance, Not “Spin,” in Negative Announcements
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210 PART 00 Part Title
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
210
Shop Personnel:
We have had a very good year so far: The performance of the department has been exceptional, and the feedback from our business unit customers has also been very positive. It’s your careful attention to deadlines and quality that has helped us manage the fluctuations in our workload in the current economy.
As we all heard at our last all-employee quarterly meeting, the economy is still not growing at the pace we had hoped for. While our profits on sales have been above expectations, sales are behind our initial projections. Additionally, we will not be renewing the work orders for the six outside contractors until or unless the workload requires it. This being the case, we will need to temporarily adjust the shop hours. The current booked work should be enough to allow us to maintain a standard 40-hour week through the summer months; however, we will not be able to justify additional overtime. We are also asking that those with over four weeks’ vacation take a minimum of two weeks between June 1 and August 31.
On the positive side, we fully believe that this is a short-term situation and expect to be back to full workload conditions by the end of FY2012 (September 30). Based on our sales and profits, we have also been able to set aside the scheduled first half of the employee bonus program.
As we move forward with these new schedules, I am confident in our ability to continue our excellent performance and eventually return to our normal schedules. If you have any questions, please contact your supervisor, human resources, or me.
Vic
Victor C. Baez Zip Ready Manufacturing Machine Shop Manager Phone: 904-567-2694 Fax: 904-567-4598
May 27, 2012, 10:00 AM
Offers
positive news
related to the
announcement
Offers a
forward-
looking
conclusion
Reasons are
objectively
presented
A cordial
buffer
sets up the
message
Zip Ready Manufacturing — Machine Shop Employees
Victor C. Baez
Summer Hours/Overtime/Vacation
From…
To…
Negative Announcement (Decreasing Work Hours). Shop employees are told of the effects a slow economy will have on their work hours. The message is friendly and empathetic but clearly conveys the negative news. The goodwill close looks forward to better economic times.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 211
Contrasting Negative Announcements Good and bad techniques in negative announcements are illustrated in the following two messages. Th e bad one is direct, which in some circumstances may be acceptable but clearly is not in this case. Th e good one follows the pattern just discussed.
Directness Here Alarms the Readers. Th is bad example clearly will upset the readers with its abrupt announcement in the beginning. Th e readers aren’t prepared to receive the negative message. Th ey probably don’t understand the reasons behind the negative news. Th e explanation comes later, but the readers are not likely to be in a receptive mood when they see it. Th e message ends with a repetition of the bad news.
To our employees:
National Window Systems management sincerely regrets that effective February 1 you must begin contributing 25 percent of the cost of your medical insurance. As you know, in the past the company has paid the full amount.
This decision is primarily the result of the rising costs of health insurance, but our profi ts also have declined the last several quarters. Given this tight fi nancial picture, we needed to fi nd ways to reduce expenses.
We trust that you will understand why we must ask for your help with cutting costs to the company.
Sincerely,
Convincing Explanation Begins a Courteous Message. Th e better example fol- lows the recommended indirect pattern. Its opening words begin the task of convinc- ing the readers of the appropriateness of the action to be taken. Aft er more convincing explanation, the announcement fl ows logically. Perhaps it will not be received positively by all recipients, but it represents a reasonable position given the facts presented. Aft er the announcement comes an off er of assistance to help readers deal with their new situ- ation. Th e last paragraph reminds readers of remaining benefi ts and reassures them that management understands their interests. It ends on an appreciative, goodwill note.
To All Employees:
Companies all across the United States, no matter how large or small, are struggling to keep up with the rising cost of healthcare. Legislators, healthcare providers, and businesspeople everywhere are working to fi nd a solution to the skyrocketing cost of health insurance.
We are feeling this situation here in our own company. The premiums that we pay to cover our health benefi ts have increased by 34 percent over the last two years, and they now represent a huge percentage of our expenditures. Meanwhile, as you know, our sales have been lower than usual for the past several quarters.
For the short term, we must fi nd a way to cut overall costs. Your management has considered many options and rejected such measures as cutting salaries and reducing personnel. Of the solutions that will be implemented, the only change that affects you directly concerns your medical insurance. On March 1 we will begin deducting 25 percent of the cost of the premium.
Jim Taylor in the Personnel Offi ce will soon be announcing an informational meeting about your insurance options. Switching to spousal coverage, choosing a less expensive plan with lighter deductibles, or setting up a fl exible spending
This indirect example follows the bad-news pattern.
Directness here sends a negative message.
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212 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
account may be right for you. You can also see Jim after the meeting to arrange a personal consultation. He is well versed in the many solutions available and can give you expert advice for your situation.
Our healthcare benefi ts are some of the best in our city and in our industry, and those who continue with the current plan will not see any change in their medical coverage or their co-pays. Your management regards a strong benefi ts program as critical to the company’s success, and we will do all we can to maintain these benefi ts while keeping your company fi nancially viable. We appreciate your cooperation and understanding.
Sincerely,
Using Directness in Some Cases As we mentioned at the beginning of this chapter, in some cases it is likely that the reader will react favorably to a direct presentation of the bad news. If, for example, the negative news is expected (as when the news media have already revealed it), its impact may be viewed as negligible. Th ere is also a good case for directness when the company’s announcement will contain a remedy or announce new benefi ts that are de- signed to off set the eff ects of the bad news. As in all announcements with some negative element, this part must be worded as positively as possible. Also, the message should end on a goodwill note. Th e following example of a store’s announcement about discon- tinuing a customer reward program illustrates this situation.
THERE’S MORE . . . Would you like to learn more about breaking bad news? Would you like to learn tips for maintaining goodwill in bad-news situations? Could your tone and style in bad- news messages be improved? Scan the QR code with your smartphone or use your Web browser to visit www.mhhe.com/lesikar13e. Choose Chapter 8 > Bizcom Tools & Tips.
Dear Ms. Cato:
Effective January 1 Frontier Designs is discontinuing our Preferred Customer program so that we may offer several new promotions.
Your accumulated points will be converted to a savings coupon worth as much as or more than your points total. Your new points total is on the coupon enclosed with this letter. You may apply this coupon in these ways:
• When shopping in our stores, present your coupon at the register. • When shopping from our catalogs, give the coupon number to the telephone service
agent, enclose your coupon with your mail order, or enter it with your online order at www.frontierdesigns.com/catalog.
In all these cases we will deduct your coupon value from your purchase total. If you have any questions, please call us at 1-800-343-4111.
We thank you very much for your loyalty. You’ll soon hear about exciting new opportunities to shop and save with us.
Sincerely,
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 213
1. When the main point of your message is bad news, use the indirect order. • But exceptions exist, as when you believe that the news will be received
routinely. • Make exceptions also when you think the reader will appreciate directness.
2. In general, bad-news messages follow this general plan. • Begin with a buff er that sets up the strategy. • Develop the strategy. • Present the bad news as a logical result of the strategy and as positively as possible. • Try to off er an alternative solution. • End on a positive note. • Determine whether to apologize
3. Th e refusal of a request is one bad-news situation that you will probably choose to treat indirectly. • In such situations, strive to achieve two main goals:
— To refuse. — To maintain goodwill.
• Begin by thinking through the problem, looking for a logical explanation (or reasoning).
• Write an opening that sets up this explanation. • Th en present your explanation (reasoning), taking care to use convincing and
positive language. • Refuse clearly yet positively. • Use a compromise when practical. • Close with appropriate, friendly talk that does not recall the bad news.
4. Indirect claim messages are written when the writer anticipates resistance or a strong negative reaction on the part of the reader. • Plan to write neutrally and reasonably. • Lead into the problem with your beginning. • Th en describe the problem clearly, thoroughly, and tactfully. • Either ask for what you seek or invite your reader to decide what is fair. • End on a positive but fi rm note that leaves open the possibility for future business.
5. Indirectness is usually best for refusals of adjustments. • First, determine your explanation (reasoning) for refusing. • Begin with neutral words that set up your reasoning and do not give away the
refusal. • Th en present your reasoning, building your case convincingly. • Refuse clearly and positively. • Close with appropriate friendly talk that does not recall the refusal.
6. Sometimes businesses must announce bad news to their customers or employees. • Indirect organization usually is better for these announcements. • Precede the bad news with a convincing explanation. • Use positive words when possible to cover the bad news. • Use directness when appropriate. Th is is the case when the news is expected or
will have little negative impact. • Even so, handle the negative with positive wording.
1 Determine which situations require using the indirect order for the most effective response.
2 Write indirect-order messages following the general plan.
3 Use tact and courtesy in refusals of requests.
4 Compose tactful, yet clear, claim messages using an indirect approach.
5 Write adjustment refusals that minimize the negative and overcome bad impressions.
6 Write negative announcements that maintain goodwill.
S U M M A R Y B Y L E A R N I N G O B J E C T I V E S
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214 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
1 Give examples of times (or situations) when direct- ness would be appropriate for responses giving negative infor mation. LO1
2 Writing in the indirect order usually requires more words than does writing in the direct order. Since con- ciseness is a virtue in writing, how can the indirect order be justifi ed? LO1
3 What strategy is best in a message refusing a request when the reasons for the refusal are strictly in the writer’s best interests? LO3
4 “Apologies in refusals are negative because they call at- tention to what you are refusing. Th us, you should avoid using them.” Discuss. LO3
5 Explain how a claim message can be either direct or indirect. LO4
6 “If I’m not emotional in my claim messages, the read- ers won’t understand how upset I am.” Respond to this statement. LO4
7 Some business writers explain an adjustment refusal sim- ply by saying that company policy did not permit grant- ing claims in such cases. Is this explanation adequate? Discuss. LO5
8 Negative announcements usually need to include much more than the announcement. Explain. LO6
9 Give examples of negative announcements that would be appropriately written in the direct order. LO6
C R I T I C A L T H I N K I N G Q U E S T I O N S
K E Y T E R M S
buffer, 190
refusal of a request, 193
compromise, 194
primary goal, 193
indirect claims, 197
adjustment refusals, 203
point of common agreement, 203
Negative announcements, 208
S K I L L S B U I L D I N G E X E R C I S E S
1 Point out the shortcomings in the following email message from a sports celebrity declining an invitation to speak at the kickoff meeting for workers in a fund- raising campaign for a charity. LO3
Subject: Your request for free lecture Ms. Chung:
As much as I would like to, I must decline your re- quest that I give your membership a free lecture next month. I receive many requests to give free lectures. I grant some of them, but I simply cannot do them all. Unfortunately, yours is one that I must decline. I regret that I cannot serve you this time. If I can be of further service in the future, please call on me.
Sincerely yours,
2 Criticize the following message refusing the claim for a defective riding lawn mower. Th e mower was purchased 15 months earlier. Th e purchaser has had diffi culties with it for some time and submitted with the claim a statement from a local repair service verifying the dif- fi culties. Th e writer’s reason for refusing is stated in the email. LO5
Subject: Your May 12 claim
Mr. Skinner:
Your May 12 claim of defective workmanship in your Model 227 Dandy Klipper riding mower has been reviewed. After considering the information received, I regret to report that we cannot refund the purchase price. You have had the mower for 15 months, which is well beyond our one-year guarantee. Even though your repair person says that you had prob- lems earlier, he is not one of our authorized repair people. If you will read the warranty you refer to in your letter, you will see that we honor the war- ranty only when our authorized repair people fi nd defects. I think you will understand why we must follow this procedure. If you will take the machine to the authorized service center in your area (La Rue Lawn and Garden Center), I am confi dent they can correct the defect at a reasonable charge. If I can be of additional service, please contact me.
Sincerely,
3 You work for an online mail-order company, Nonsensi- cals, that sells such novelty items as T-shirts with clever sayings, unique toys and games, and such household ac- cessories as framed posters and retro table lamps. Most of the employees are young, somewhat quirky, and very Internet savvy. Now consider the following email sent to everyone from the company president: LO6
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 215
3 Today you’ve received a solicitation from a well-meaning service organization, People Working Together (PWT). PWT is inviting your company, Handymen for Hire, to be a featured sponsor of its annual Repair Aff air. Th is event, the major fundraiser and publicity eff ort, has volunteers from all over the city contributing one day’s labor to helping their less fortunate neighbors with yard work, home repairs, and other tasks. Your contribution of $1,000 will help pay for the volunteers’
T-shirts (on which your company’s name will appear), the supplies, and the picnic that will follow the day’s work. While this amount doesn’t sound like much for a suc- cessful business, you’re a small organization that can aff ord to make only a limited number of charitable contributions. You’ve given over $5,000 to such causes this year, and that’s all you can aff ord right now. But, truthfully, you’re not sure that the publicity opportunity PWT off ers would be the best
Subject: No More Social Networking during Work Hours
It has become obvious to me that people are spending too much time doing social networking and not enough time actually working while on the job. From now on, you must do your networking (whether on MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, or any other such network) on breaks or during other per- sonal time. Anyone found using these websites on company time will receive an offi cial reprimand.
Considering the advice in this chapter, what would be the main ways to improve this negative announcement?
4 You own a small new- and used-book store and café with free wireless Internet access. You enjoy the calm, quiet atmosphere of your store and like that your customers
choose your store to conduct business, socialize with friends, or just enjoy a good book and a cup of coff ee. Increasingly, many customers are talking on their cell phones—very loudly and in places where they shouldn’t be. Th ey hold up the order line by talking on the phone when they should be talking to the cashier. Th ey disrupt others who are enjoying the quiet atmosphere to work or read. Sure, customers who are working on the computer may need to talk on the phone, but must these customers be so loud and disruptive that those across the room who are trying to read can hear their conversations?
Many customers have actually complained. You want to make these customers happy but not at the ex- pense of making your cell phone users unhappy. Write a cell phone use policy to post in your store. LO6
P R O B L E M - S O L V I N G C A S E S
Refused Requests 1 You were recently invited to serve on the board of the Eastman Health Foundation, a nonprofi t organization that provides various funds and services to area health agen- cies and hospitals. At this point in your career, serving on the board of a high-profi le organization like this one would be a great career enhancer, so you readily accepted the invitation.
But now the foundation’s executives want you to organize and lead their major fundraiser for the year, a silent auction. When the board discussed fundraising ideas, you enthusias- tically supported this one—but you have neither the time nor inclination to be in charge of it. Figure out how to say no while also showing that your support for the organization is genuine. Maybe some kind of counteroff er will help.
2 As the HR director at Hader Building Supply, you couldn’t be happier with how your eff orts to establish an employee- volunteer program have worked out. Th anks to the employees’ donations of their time and expertise to the Hader Helps pro- gram, the community where you live has been improved, and the company has gained a more positive public profi le. But there are still some bumps in the road, and today you’re deal- ing with one of them. Part of the program you set up is a database of company- approved schools, foundations, and other nonprofi t orga- nizations for which employees may volunteer. In order to get approved time off work for their contributions, employees must choose one of these organizations. Th ere are over 30 organizations on the list, and more are added each month as employees propose new causes for the company to support. Beth Atkinson, one of the offi ce staff , has just sent you an email requesting that the local chapter of the Center for Fam- ily Values be approved as one of Hader’s nonprofi t partners.
You check out the organization’s website, and what you sus- pected is confi rmed: Th e organization supports political action that is pro-life and opposed to same-sex unions. And even though the center isn’t affi liated with any particular de- nomination, it has strong ties with Christian churches, as its Pastors for Family Values webpage indicates. You simply cannot grant Beth’s request. Th e guidelines for proposing an addition to the list of supported organizations state that the organization can have no religious or political affi liations. While the Center for Family Values is not an of- fi cial political organization, it is an advocacy group with an explicit political agenda, which the website encourages visi- tors to support through volunteering, donating, voting, and writing legislators. You worked very hard to get the employees behind the new volunteer program, and you don’t want Beth to start any negative talk about it. Refuse her request in such a way that you do not lose her support for the program.
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216 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
use of your money. Th ose helped by PWT aren’t likely to be- come your customers since one reason they’re being helped is that they can’t aff ord to pay for services like yours. True, the volunteers might be potential customers—but the fact that they’re volunteering suggests that they’re able to do their own repairs. It looks very unlikely that you’ll ever be willing to be a sponsor of PWT’s event.
Write the PWT chair a letter turning down the request for a sponsorship while maintaining a positive company image. Perhaps you can think of something you can off er that will help soft en the “no.” (Or, play the role of offi ce manager and assume that your boss has asked you to write the letter for his or her signature.)
4 As executive director of the Northwest Human Resources Institute, you have been gathering information to help the organization’s board of directors decide where to hold its annual meeting three years from now. Specifi cally, the board has asked you to investigate two possible sites: Seattle, Washington, and Portland, Oregon. In both cities you received good help from representatives of the chamber of commerce, but Collin Mallard of Seattle was particularly helpful. He went out of his way to show you the city and give you insider information on its attractions and restaurants. He also took you to the hotels with appropriate facilities for your event and introduced you to the managers. Overall, he
was a delightful tour guide. You were hoping to send your organization’s business his way. Unfortunately, the board has decided on Portland for the meeting. Now it is your job to inform Mr. Mallard that Seattle’s bid has been turned down. Certainly, you will express your thanks for his help. You can also report that the decision was a close one and that Seattle will be considered for later years. Send your message to Mr. Mallard via letter. Remember that the board will see a copy of it. (If your instructor directs, research the two cities and come up with plausible reasons why Portland was chosen.)
5 As a new college graduate, you’re delighted that not one but two companies have off ered you a position in their _____ (you decide which) department. You met representatives of both companies at your university’s job fair. From this fi rst contact came an invitation for an on-site job interview with each company. You really enjoyed learning more about the operations of both companies and meeting their friendly employees. Both companies have great employee benefi ts, and the salaries they’re off ering are comparable. Aft er careful thought, you’ve decided to go with Com- pany B. You sense a little better match between their values and yours, and you think the opportunity for advancement might be better there as well.
Write the recruiter at Company A to reject its offer. Of course you will convey your appreciation for the com- pany’s consideration, and the things you learned on your visit will enable you to give some well-deserved compli- ments. What will be stickiest is figuring out how to ex- plain why you’re choosing another offer. The explanation won’t need to be long, but the company does deserve one. You certainly don’t want to close the door on future em- ployment or business relations with this company, so the time you spend crafting this letter will be time well spent. (If your instructor directs, research two companies to use for this assignment.)
6 You’re responsible for marketing communications at MyBiz.com, a mid-sized company that makes soft ware specially designed for managing small businesses. Today you’ve received an email from Rachel Lundemeyer, who works for the Association for Small Business Owners, ask- ing if your company would like to purchase an ad to run in the association’s quarterly magazine, Small Business Today . She informs you that the magazine has a circulation of around 3,500, and she has included the prices for 1/4-, 1/2-, and full-page ads. You’ve actually been cutting back on print ads. Th ey’re ex- pensive, and you believe that your promotional webinars are a much more eff ective way to generate sales leads. Plus, your advertising money has already been earmarked for other purposes for this year.
It’s possible that you’d be interested in purchasing an ad next year. You’d need more information, though. Do readers pay for this magazine (e.g., with their membership dues), or is it distributed free to prospects on a mailing list? You’d be more inclined to advertise in the magazine if readers paid for it since that would indicate a certain level of interest on their part. And are there other promotional opportunities available in the magazine—for example, could you publish a promotional article about your company, or is there a “high- lighted vendors” section that you could be listed in? Does the magazine include QR codes so readers can easily visit the advertisers’ websites? Respond to Rachel to refuse her request for now and to gather the additional information you’ll need to be able to consider future requests from her.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 217
7 The professional development program at MediTech has been restructured (see “Negative Announcements,” case #26). However, you, the budget director, have re- ceived a proposal from Victor Ramos, one of your four senior sales managers, to attend the annual United Profes- sional Sales Association’s annual conference. Mr. Ramos knows that the conference, which is in a city 330 miles away, does not fall within the new guidelines for reim- bursement, but he has an idea. As a senior sales manager, he (along with all employees in the sales department) earns a bonus when the sales department exceeds corpo- rate sales goals. These bonuses have not been cut because MediTech sees these bonuses as an incentive for the sales staff and senior management to work harder to attract new customers, and during these tough economic times, MediTech needs all of the customers it can get. Mr. Ramos proposes, though, that instead of paying him the money for his sales bonus, the company use the money to pay for his trip to the annual sales conference. Initially, you think this is a great idea. As long as an em- ployee is motivated to do well, you don’t think it should matter to the company what the incentive is. Granted, the company could just pay Mr. Ramos the bonus money and let him use it as he wishes, but then Mr. Ramos would have to
pay income tax. It seems like a win-win situation, especially given that Mr. Ramos has agreed to take vacation time to at- tend the conference. You take Mr. Ramos’s proposal to the others on your executive management team (the president, CEO, and vice president) and are surprised when they reject Mr. Ramos’s proposal. How could they? It seems like a no-brainer. But the executive management has some valid reasons. If Mr. Ramos is allowed to do this, then all of the other 25 senior managers will be allowed also, which would create an administrative nightmare for the people in your accounting department. Furthermore, even though Mr. Ramos is willing to take vacation time to attend the conference, the company must pay him if he is on company business—which he seemingly would be if the company pays him his sales bonus to attend the conference—and there is no way you can just let him have the time off . Th e other senior managers may be angry and think Mr. Ramos is getting special treatment. Your job is to write a response to Mr. Ramos on behalf of the executive management team refusing his request. You think his initiative and creative thinking in fi nding another funding source for professional development are commend- able. Be sure you retain his goodwill so that he is motivated to continue doing such a wonderful job for MediTech.
8 You are a supervisor in the Marketing Department at Plytec Plastics. You and four others have been working on a campaign for a company product that will be released in three months. Today is Wednesday. Because your boss, the manager of the Marketing Department, needs a week to prepare the presentation of the campaign to the board of directors, she has asked for the campaign materials by Monday of next week. You and the rest of your team have known about the deadline for three months. Th is morning you received a message from Mary, the graphic artist, saying that there is no way she can fi nish her portion of the project by Monday. She says she can have the project fi nished by Th ursday and is requesting an extension. In her message she says she has been swamped with work for two other proj- ects. In addition, her children have been sick this week with colds, so she has had to take time off to care for them, and she is hosting a birthday party for one of her children on Sunday, so she cannot work over the weekend to fi nish her part of the project. You talk to your boss, who says she cannot wait until Th ursday for Mary’s work. To be honest, neither can you, as it refl ects poorly on your leadership and supervisory
abilities if you cannot deliver a team project on time. Your boss’s calendar is so busy that she really needs a full week to get her presentation ready for the board, and if her pre- sentation is not excellent, the entire department appears incompetent. Mary has had three months to get her work done, and many times—just yesterday, as a matter of fact— you have seen her on Facebook or on personal phone calls when she should have been working on the project. She was also late with her work for the last project you worked on together, and you are a bit annoyed that this is happen- ing again. You are thinking that since you have two other graphic artists in the department, you will ask one of them to work with you on future projects. You know for sure that if Mary does not have her material ready by Monday, you will be talking about Mary’s inability to meet deadlines in her per- formance and salary review next month. Th ough you plan to talk with Mary in person, you also want a permanent record of your decision, so you decide to write a message to Mary denying her request for an extension and off ering at least one suggestion for what she might do to meet her deadline.
9 You have worked for three months at TAM Interna- tional, a marketing analysis fi rm. You have quite a prob- lem on your hands. Recently, Masooma Lahiri-Larson of Kohl’s Corporation requested 25 printed copies of your company’s latest state retail-market analysis report. Aft er listening to the phone message, you promptly mailed the reports (you had the Kohl’s Corp. contact information and
shipping address on fi le from a previous order). Per your company policy, you included an invoice for the printed copies totaling $625. However, you just received an email from an irate Masooma. She distinctly remembers ordering one electronic PDF copy of the report, costing a one-time fl at fee of $250. Masooma indicates that she is not only refusing to pay the
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218 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
$625 for the 25 printed copies of the report but is also going to write an editorial to Retail Marketers Monthly to expose the treatment she has received. Her memory is not accurate. You have a copy of the order that she submitted online. It does not say anything about a $250 fl at fee for 25 copies. In fact, it clearly says she ordered 25 copies at $24 each plus tax and shipping. You have no idea where she got the idea she
would pay only $250. Maybe she just didn’t read the receipt that was emailed to her. Obviously, though, your company and your boss will not be pleased about the bad press! Write a message to Masooma refusing her request to honor a $250 fee. See what you can do to mend the relationship between your two companies as well so that you can avoid the bad press.
10 Brian Kerry is the public relations director for Billings Industries, a company that has a large campus with beauti- ful gardens and a park-like setting. Falling Water Sounds, a local arts organization, wants to host a summer concert se- ries on the company’s campus where people can bring their friends and families, enjoy a picnic, and listen to a variety of music groups. Falling Water Sounds wanted to have the concert series in city parks, but people cannot bring alcohol into city parks, and Falling Water Sounds wants people to be able to enjoy whatever food and drink they want to bring to the concert and does not anticipate a rowdy crowd or illegal
activity. Th e goal is to get families and friends together for an evening of music. Brian envisions families enjoying a concert on the com- pany’s campus; he thinks this is a great opportunity for the company to be a good citizen and to promote the compa- ny’s presence in the community. However, Brian decides to deny the request. Th ink of at least three reasons why Brian might deny the request. Th en, assume the role of Brian and write a letter to Falling Water Sounds denying the re- quest to hold the summer concert series on your company’s property.
Indirect Claims 11 Th e small company that you work for, InFocus Solu- tions of Washington, DC, is busy prepping for its annual board meeting. As the junior member of the team, you were asked to order lunch from Breadline and to pick up the order on the day of the meeting. Abiding by Breadline’s catering policy, you paid for half of the lunch when ordering and will pay the rest of the bill upon pickup. Sandwiches and salads for 20 people, plus chips, drinks, and dessert came to a total of $235.84. You paid $117.92 over the phone with your company credit card when you placed the order. Aft er weeks of preparation, the day of the meeting is fi nally here. As you board the Metro on your way into the offi ce, you receive an “Urgent Alert” on your cell phone from the city. An unidentifi ed package has been spotted on the White House grounds; consequently, until further notice,
no one except emergency personnel are allowed within a 5-block radius of the White House. Your offi ce is outside of the locked down area . . . but then you remember that Breadline is only a block away from the White House! Th ankfully, you are able to make other lunch reservations, and the board meeting is an all-around success. However, Breadline still owes InFocus Solutions $117.92 for the lunch you were unable to pick up. You’re worried because of a clause in the contract saying “deposits are nonrefundable except in extreme cases (e.g., a natural disaster).” You may not get your deposit back. You understand that Breadline likely purchased the food for your lunch before you cancelled it and would lose money if it returned your deposit; but you also think that especially in Washington, DC, a suspicious package is the equivalent of a natural disaster. Send the manager a message requesting an adjustment to your account.
12 Your yard is big and hilly, and you just don’t have the time and energy right now to maintain it yourself. You fi nally sprang for a professional lawn-mowing service, but the fi rst visit from BeautyLawn did not go well (see also case #44 in Chapter 7). Yes, the grass looks nice, and the crew trimmed nicely around the edges—but they also mowed over the very area you asked them not to mow, the hill where your daf- fodils were just starting to come up. Th e crew chief, while
respectful and hard-working, did not seem to understand English very well. You suspect that even though he wanted to be accommodating, he simply didn’t understand the instruc- tions you gave him. Write BeautyLawn a persuasive claim in which you ex- plain what happened and request that this fi rst yard service be at no charge. You think that’s a pretty fair request, given that you won’t be enjoying your daff odils this year.
13 Assume the role of Carla Reyes. You arrived at the airport last Saturday only to fi nd that Cross Country Airlines canceled your 1:00 p.m. fl ight because of a severe thunderstorm. You thought about renting a car and driving the seven hours to your home, but several other stranded passengers with canceled fl ights had the same idea, so no cars were available for one-way rental.
While you were at a major airport, you live in a small town where there are only two fl ights to your hometown each day. You were rebooked on the only later fl ight available that day, at 9:50 p.m. You waited all day in the airport and were just 25 minutes from boarding your fl ight when you were told that your 9:50 fl ight had been canceled because a fl ight crew was unavailable. Th e agent at the Cross Country Airlines service counter said
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 219
that the 1:00 p.m. fl ight the following day was already booked and that you had been assigned to Sunday’s 9:50 p.m. fl ight. Th e airline off ered to put you up in a hotel for the evening and transport you to the airport on Sunday. Th is was unacceptable. First, you were fl ying home to attend your grandfather’s 80th birthday celebration on Sunday. You would have missed the party if you had taken that 9:50 p.m. Sunday fl ight. Second, the hotel checkout is at 11:00 a.m., which means you would have had to spend almost 12 hours at the airport on Sunday. Fortunately, by 10:00 p.m. on Saturday, you were able to secure a one-way car rental to your hometown, so you decided
to cancel your seat on the Sunday, 9:50 p.m. fl ight. Th e car rental cost $96. As you made the seven-hour drive to your home, you decided that you should be refunded the $112 cost of the ticket that you were not able to use through no fault of your own. In addition, to compensate for the seven hours you had to spend driving through the night to reach your grandfather’s party, you believe the airline should pay for your rental as well. Write to Cross Country Airlines and request that the company pay for your rental and refund the money for your ticket. Be sure to provide details the reader needs to know to act quickly on your request.
14 On a recent road trip, you noticed that your 2001 Dodge Caravan shimmied every time you accelerated. You thought the problem might be an underinfl ated tire, but even aft er you stopped to put air in the tires, your car still shook whenever you pressed the accelerator. You resolved to take it to the repair shop when you got home. When you had the car checked out, you learned that it had a broken front right axle. You’ve had good experiences ordering parts from CarParts.com, so you convinced the owner of the repair shop to let you order the part yourself, which would be cheaper than having the shop order it. Th en you’d have the shop install the part. You searched CarParts’s website and found the exact part for your make and model of Caravan, which you bought. When the part arrived, you took it to the repair shop. Later that day,
Duane, the repair technician, called to tell you that the part was too long—in other words, you had ordered the wrong part for your car. You went back to CarParts’s website to see what might have happened. You entered your car information, and the part that you’d ordered still came up as the appropriate one. Th ere was only one possible explanation: Th e website had assigned the wrong part number to the axle. Now you’ll have to go back to the shop to pick up the erroneous part, ship it back to CarParts, and get them to send a replacement part right away. Using the “Contact us” link on the company’s website, email CarParts.com to request that it send you a prepaid shipping label to return the wrong part and that it send the correct part by overnight shipping directly to the repair shop. Whether you do business with this company in the future will probably depend on its reply.
15 When Ultimate Fitness Gym opened in your town, you were thrilled. You took advantage of the grand opening deal of a lifetime membership fee of $25 per month. Th at was three years ago. Th e gym is building a new facility. You are a little surprised when you receive a letter four months be- fore the new gym’s grand opening off ering you a new lifetime membership of $39.99 per month. Th e letter says that pre- vious lifetime memberships will not be valid once the new facility opens and encourages you to take advantage of this great deal. You’re thinking that $39.99 per month is defi nitely not as great a deal as your current lifetime membership of $25 per month, and you wonder why you would pay the in- creased price when you’ve already bought what is supposed to be a lifetime membership. You called the gym and were told, “Th e ‘lifetime’ in ‘life- time membership’ refers only to the life of your membership in this building. A new building means a new membership, and our new lifetime memberships are $39.99 per month.”
Your brother, who is an attorney, reads the contract and says that even though it does not specify that “lifetime” means the life of the membership in a particular building, it is worded in such a way that the gym can change the terms. Th is seems like a fl imsy explanation for raising your membership. In fact, it seems as though the gym is desperate for a way to raise revenue to cover the cost of the new building and is targeting lifetime memberships. You also feel you were mis- led about the terms of your contract when you were told you had purchased a “lifetime” membership for $25 per month. You have talked with the employees at the front desk and to the gym’s manager, but they refuse to waive the new life- time membership fee for current lifetime members. Frus- trated with the employees’ lack of sympathy, understanding, and action, you decide to write a letter to the gym’s owner asking that he reconsider the new lifetime membership fee and allow yours to remain at $25 per month.
16 You are a manager at a local fi nancial services fi rm, Handel and Schmidt Holdings. Your administrative assistant, Candace, is retiring aft er 35 years with the fi rm. To celebrate her years of service, you’ve organized a lunch outing to Sawyer’s, a local steakhouse, and invited the entire staff of 25 (See case #42 in Chapter 7.) Everyone in the offi ce is looking forward to the outing, as the last two months have been very busy, and your whole staff could use a break. When you get
to Sawyer’s, you are told by the hostess that your tables are not ready, and you wait 30 minutes before being seated. Once your party is seated, the outing turns into a disaster. Your server is rude, and some of the orders get mixed up. You feel bad for Candace and also embarrassed because it was your idea to choose Sawyer’s. At the very least, you feel that you deserve a partial refund of your money. You decide to write to the owner, Bob Sawyer, to express your displeasure.
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220 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
17 You are the executive director of a community regional arts center. You recently contracted a local fi rm, WJF De- signs, to design and print 500 promotional posters for the events and concerts in the upcoming season. You wrote the content and sent it to the fi rm’s graphic designer and copy editor who sent copies to you for proofreading. Today the fi rm delivered your posters and an invoice for $1,500. For whatever reason, when you proofed the fl yers, you failed to notice that the dates for the following season were not changed from 2013 to 2014. You will need to have the posters reprinted.
You cannot leave these posters as they are, and it would look tacky to cross out the wrong date and write in the new one. While you realize you should have found the error when you were proofreading the fi nal copy, you also feel WJF should have noticed the error and corrected it—aft er all, you paid a lot of money for the copy editor’s work, which included proofi ng the content. Write a message to Jordan Peters at WJF. Explain the error and request that the posters be reprinted. In addition, build your case for having WJF cover half the cost of reprinting the posters.
18 You and your family have just returned from fi ve days (four nights) at SunFun Resort at Wrightsville Beach, NC. Your room was nice, the staff was friendly, and the beach was great. What was disappointing was that the pool was closed during your whole stay because of “mechanical problems.” When you expressed your disappointment to the young people staffi ng the front desk, they clearly hadn’t been advised on how to handle the situation and simply said, with apologies, that there was nothing they could do. You didn’t want to make an angry fuss about it since you were there to relax, so you let the matter drop.
But now that you’re back home, you think you’ll write the management of the resort to request a partial refund. Aft er all, the room rate was over $370 per night, plus tax, and the big, beautiful swimming pool was one reason you chose SunFun instead of another resort. You live in Michigan, and it’s not likely that you’ll return to Wrightsville any time soon, so you defi nitely want a refund, not a coupon for a discounted future stay. (You may make up additional details as long as they are realistic and do not change the basic facts of the case.)
Adjustment Refusals 19 You work in the customer service department for Trombley Kitchen Works, makers of high-quality kitchen utensils. You receive a phone call from a longtime customer, Tom Dahrman, who complains about the quality of your Trombley Pro 3000 knife set and asks for a refund. Mr. Dahrman claims that he had been using his knife according to how it was demonstrated on your television commercials but that the blade broke from the handle. When you ask him to elaborate, he mentions that on one of your television commercials, a man in a chef ’s outfi t uses a Trombley Pro 3000 knife to cut through a variety of objects, including chicken bones and even a steel pipe. Aft er watching the commercial, Mr. Dahrman had broken the knife by attempting to cut through his rusty kitchen faucet, which was in need of repair. Th is commercial is supposed to demonstrate the qual- ity and sharpness of your knives but is very clearly a
dramatization. In fact, there is an obvious disclaimer at the bottom of the television screen stating that the knife is not to be used to cut through pipe. Further, instructions that are included with the knife sets clearly specify how the knives are to be used and mention that they are intended solely for routine cooking tasks. In this case, you do not feel that Mr. Dahrman is entitled to the refund that he is demanding, as he did not use the knife the way it was intended to be used. When you tell him so, though, he grows angrier and insists on an adjustment. You assure him that you will speak with a manager about the situation and email him the resolution. Your manager sometimes grants adjustments in complaint cases where a refund is not strictly warranted, but in this case he says “absolutely not.” Inform Mr. Dahrman that Trombley cannot give him a refund and explain the manager’s decision. At the same time, attempt to come up with a creative, realistic solution that will keep Mr. Dahrman a loyal and happy customer.
20 As a customer service representative for a manufac- turer of upscale kitchen appliances, you’re going to have to say no to Janet Hay’s request for a refund. According to the handwritten note she included with the food processor that she just shipped back to you via UPS, she had mail ordered the item almost three months ago, when it was on sale. She had then stored it until her niece’s wedding. But when the niece got around to using the food processor, it made a weird sound and gave off an electrical smell. So Ms. Hay has sent it back and is asking for a refund to her credit card.
Th e problem is that Ms. Hay has waited too late to make this return. As the packing slip said, any defective products need to be returned within 60 days of purchase. Aft er that, there is nothing you can do except recommend an authorized repair center. Write to Ms. Hay to give her the bad news. See if you can fi gure out how to keep her goodwill and her future business. You’ll also need to resolve what to do with the defective food processor she returned.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 221
21 What a complicated complaint from Carla Reyes! (See case #13.) You certainly see how the situation must look from her point of view. For reasons beyond her control, she missed the outbound fl ight that she’d paid for, and then, because the airline didn’t have a crew, she missed her second fl ight and had to pay for a rental car—all of this aft er waiting nearly nine hours in an airport for her second fl ight. Unfortunately, your hands are tied. Th e ticket receipt does clearly state that tickets are not refundable because air travel is sometimes aff ected by factors beyond the control of Cross Country Airlines. Cross Country Travel reimburses the
cost of a missed fl ight only if the airline has made an error it could have avoided, if the passenger has a documented medical emergency, or if the passenger has paid a $150 fl ight insurance fee. And you never reimburse a rental vehicle— renting a vehicle is the customer’s choice. Th ough you can understand Carla’s desire to get home for her grandfather’s birthday, the truth is that Cross Country Airlines did all it could to get people on fl ights. You simply are not allowed to give refunds in such cases. However, you are allowed to give a coupon toward the customer’s next fl ight with you. Respond to Ms. Reyes’s complaint, trying to the best of your ability to restore good relations with her.
22 You are a branch manager for a large bank. On July 1 the bank began assessing a $15 surcharge to all debit cards that had not been used in six months. Th e $15 fee was deducted from cardholders’ checking or savings accounts. Eight weeks before the July 1 deadline, the bank’s customer service department sent letters to all debit cardholders whose cards had been inactive telling them that if they didn’t use their cards by July 1, they would be assessed the $15 fee. Customers were also told that if they no longer wished to have the card, they were to call an 800 number to deactivate it. In addition, all cardholders were reminded that aft er July 1, they had to use their cards at least once every six months to avoid the fee. Th e notice was also placed on cardholders’ monthly statements, posted on the bank’s website, included in the bank’s quarterly newsletter, and advertised in branch offi ce lobbies. Aft er July 1 customers with unused cards were assessed the $15 fee. Many customers who somehow missed the notices of the policy change called customer service to express their anger and disappointment. Once the customer service
representatives reminded these customers of the multiple notices regarding the fee, most grudgingly accepted that they should have paid more attention. One particularly angry customer, though, was not satisfi ed with this explanation. Aft er her phone call to customer service, Laura Nelson wrote a letter to you, the branch manager, saying that the bank had done an insuffi cient job in informing customers of the fee. She said a phone call would have been the best way to let her and others know, and she wants the $15 fee returned to her account. She says that if you don’t give her the $15, she will take her accounts elsewhere. You believe that the bank did all it could do to inform the customers. Making phone calls to all of them would have been unreasonable and ineffi cient. Besides, in a society where phone scams and fi nancial fraud are becoming common, would she have thought a voice message about a $15 fee on a debit card was credible? Write a response to Ms. Nelson denying her request to return the $15 to her account. Retain her goodwill so that she does not take her accounts to another bank.
23 You are a manager for Renata’s, a large, upscale bar and grill. During the summer months, you sponsor a 10K charity fun run. Each year you donate the proceeds to a diff erent charity. Th is year the proceeds go to the United Way and to the Waite City Free Clinic. Runners pay a $50 registration fee to participate in the event. Th e fee covers Renata’s costs: insurance, liability, security, water, and promotional materials. Th ough you’ll let people register for the run at any time, including the day of the event, you do not refund the registration fee aft er March 15 for any reason. You need to know your budget, and adjusting credit card charges or handling cash for anyone who wanted a refund would be too time consuming. Today (May 5) you received an email from Oliver Shand. He paid the $50 registration fee on February 2. He broke
his ankle on February 24. He thought he would be healed in time to participate, but he just has not had time to do the rehabilitation and training he will need to participate in the run. He wants his card credited for $50. You’re a runner, and you empathize with him, but he should have requested the refund when he broke his ankle. Besides, you think it’s pretty cheap and a little tacky that he would want a refund for what is essentially a charitable donation (which, by the way, he will still get a receipt for so that he can claim a tax deduction). You are going to deny his request, using critical thinking and problem-solving skills to explain why the fee is nonrefundable aft er March 15 and to help him feel more positive about your keeping his money.
24 You work in customer service at the headquarters of Petro company, a large chain of gas stations. Today you must answer a complaint that you received from a customer whose car was damaged by the automatic car wash at one of your stations. When the car went through the wash, the whirling brush on the driver’s side broke the mirror. Th e customer
says that when he complained to the manager on duty at the station, she called his attention to the sign at the entry to the car wash stating that Petro would not be responsible for any damage to the cars. She also noted that the sign says to fold in the mirrors of the car before entering the car wash. When the customer explained that his mirrors do not fold in, the
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222 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
manager said she was sorry but that there was nothing she could do. Using a link on your company’s website, the cus- tomer has written the company an email message. He feels that your car washes should be safe for cars like his, and he wants you to pay $100 toward repairing the damaged mirror.
Write a response in which you refuse his request. Th e best you can do in cases like this is attach a coupon good for $10 at any of your stations’ stores.
25 As the manager of SunFun Resort at Wrightsville Beach, NC, you’re going to have to say no to a customer’s request for a partial refund (see case #18 under “Indirect Claims”). Under corporate policy, you’re allowed to give refunds at your discretion if the hotel has made a mistake or a mishap has oc- curred, but not if the pool goes out. As an outdoor facility, the pool is not considered a core service, and you can’t guarantee that it will be open during any given guest’s stay, just as you can’t promise that the weather will be pleasant. Also, when something goes wrong in a guest room, your repair staff can correct it or the guest can be moved to a diff erent room; but
when the pool goes out, you’re at the mercy of the pool con- tractor and the supplier of the parts. Th us, while you do your best to keep the pool open, you can’t take responsibility when it has to be closed for a period of time, and giving refunds for such periods would be costly to your business. Write the customer to say that you can give a $100 dis- count on his next stay of two nights or more at one of your properties. Fortunately, there is a SunFun Resort in Tra- verse City, MI. While it’s unlikely the customer will return to Wrightsville Beach any time soon, the resort in Michigan would be relatively near anywhere he lives.
Negative Announcements 26 Your company, MediTech, is an industry leader in manufacturing cardiac medical devices. MediTech lets its 20 senior management staff attend one professional develop- ment activity a year (e.g., an annual professional conference, continuing education) anywhere in the United States for up to fi ve days. Th e senior managers really enjoy this program because it provides a break in their routine and lets them travel, network, and build their knowledge of the latest in- dustry trends and products. However, business has not been good this past year, so the company has decided to save money by limiting travel for these activities to within 150 miles of the offi ce. Th e company also will not pay for hotel stays or any registration fees over $100. When the alternatives are layoff s, increased employee contri- butions toward health insurance, switching to an employee
health insurance plan with less coverage, or eliminating sales performance bonuses, cutting this policy seems like one way to save money without aff ecting everyone in the company. If senior managers want to take vacation time or pay for activi- ties beyond what the company covers, they certainly may. As MediTech’s budget director, you know senior managers will be upset. Th e policy has been around so long that some even see this policy as a right and a status symbol rather than a privilege. Some others may wonder how they will maintain their skills or network with others in their fi elds. Th ey cer- tainly won’t want to pay for these activities themselves. Write a message to your senior management staff explaining why the new professional development restrictions are in place. Appeal to their management expertise so that they see this as a good business decision. Provide alternatives for network- ing and developing their skills.
27 You’re a regional manager for Arch Insurance, Inc., whose specialty is corporate travel and personal accident policies. Most of your company’s revenue comes from sell- ing policies to businesses and other organizations that need to cover their employees when they’re at work or traveling. Just now you were “called on the carpet” by your boss for excessive expenditures for wining and dining clients. She says that the seven agents who work for you spent over $9,000 last quarter taking representatives of companies, hospitals, and other organizations out to lunch and dinner, either to thank them for their business or attract them as customers. Sure, landing even one good contract with a large organization can
mean thousands of dollars for the company, and representa- tives of a company that caters to businesses can’t aff ord to look “cheap.” But you have to agree that things have gotten out of hand. Your boss says that many of the receipts are for the most expensive restaurants in the area and for such ex- travagant purchases as $150 bottles of wine. Th is has got to stop. Th ere are plenty of elegant ways to say “thank you” or to appeal to a client besides spending money hand over fi st. Using your good problem-solving skills, think about how to advise your employees. Th en write the negative announce- ment that will change their behavior but also maintain their goodwill and their drive to succeed.
28 Assume that you are the ___ (you choose the super- visory position) of a small ___ (you choose the type) com- pany or department. More and more, you’ve noticed, when walking past employees’ cubicles and offi ces, that a social networking site such as Facebook, MySpace, or LinkedIn is up on the screen. You’ve read some articles pointing out that
social networking on the job can be quite a drain on em- ployees’ productivity, and you worry that this is happening in your company (have you noticed any lapse in performance lately?). You think the time has come to send an email to the employees advising them to limit their use of social network- ing on the job.
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 223
Th e thing is, you know that social networking does also bring certain company benefi ts. You don’t want to have the IT person block or monitor the use of social networking sites, nor do you want a strict policy that will actually be counterproduc- tive. So you’re going to try to get people to monitor themselves.
Th ink carefully about what you want the employees to do and why (for example, instead of doing social networking, what should they be doing?). Th en write the message that will get them to change their behavior.
29 Your company, AET Manufacturing, fi nds itself in a tough position. Th e company needs to update its soft - ware and tracking systems to remain competitive in the industry. If the company updates the soft ware, employees will need extensive training in how to use it. However, be- cause of its small size, the company would have to lay off three employees for the summer if it paid everyone for at- tending the eight-hour technology training session.
You have been given the task of informing employees of the technology upgrades and the necessity to come in for an eight-hour training session on a Saturday without pay. Th ink of ways to make this change sound as positive and appealing to employees as possible. Because you cannot aff ord to actu- ally pay the employees for this training, think of how you might otherwise compensate them.
30 Play the role of assistant to Bill Hannigan, owner of a chain of hair and nail salons in the tri-state area. (With your instructor’s permission, choose a diff erent business or or- ganization that serves its customers through scheduled ap- pointments.) Th e business’s policy is “three strikes and you’re out”: that is, if a customer breaks three appointments within 12 months and without advance notice, that client is not al- lowed to make any further appointments. Until now, the managers at the diff erent salons have dealt with this issue informally as it has arisen. When customers who’ve reached their limit have called to schedule another ap- pointment, the managers have just handled the situation by
phone. But Mr. Hannigan wants to ensure that customers in this category are treated uniformly and tactfully. He’s asked you to write a form letter that can be sent to customers who have broken their third appointment to tell them that, in the future, the salon will be able to serve them on a walk-in basis only. In your letter, leave blanks where information specifi c to each case will be included and indicate in brackets what kind of information that will be. Th ink carefully about the facts you’ll need to include in order to justify your position. And do what you can to maintain the customer’s goodwill. You do not want to alienate the customer or his or her family and friends, some of whom may also be your customers.
31 You are the owner of a small company called Marvel Technology Solutions. Th e company has been in business for eight years and has done well fi nancially. In addition, you believe that your company enjoys one of the most positive working environments in the industry. Your employees get along very well with one another, work well as a team, and express their genuine appreciation for how you run your company. Despite your company’s history of success, this last year has been very diffi cult. Th e downturn in the economy has made it tough for many small businesses, and Marvel is no exception. It has been a struggle the last few months just to meet payroll, which has had a noticeable eff ect on the work- place environment, as many of your employees wonder if they will be laid off . You have pondered the possibility of lay- ing employees off , but every time this thought crosses your mind, you quickly dismiss it. Your 14 employees are all out- standing, hardworking, and loyal. You would feel terrible if
you had to lay any of them off . However, your fi nancial situ- ation necessitates that you do something. Aft er much thought, you have decided that the best way to improve the fi nancial situation would be to have everyone—including yourself—take a temporary 15 percent pay cut. Obviously, this will not be a very popular move, as some of your co-workers have spouses who have recently lost their jobs at other companies, so any reduction in salary will make it hard for these families to pay their bills. However, it is better to have a job at reduced pay than no job at all. Write a memo to your employees announcing and ex- plaining your decision to have everyone take a temporary pay cut. Mention that industry experts predict that the econ- omy will improve in 8 to 10 months—which, if true, will put an end to the need for the pay cut. You may also wish to emphasize the historically positive work environment at your company and appeal to your employees’ sense of cama- raderie and loyalty.
32 You work as an administrative intern for Peck and Briggs, a small but well-respected public accounting fi rm located in Cleveland, OH. Traditionally, Peck and Briggs has replaced its employees’ computers on a rotating schedule every three years. But the recession has required some cost- cutting measures, and those who are waiting for replace- ment computers will now need to wait another year before
receiving their upgraded computers. In addition, everyone in the fi rm will need to be advised that computers will now be replaced on a four-year, not three-year, schedule. Th is means that they will need to make do with the Microsoft Offi ce suite that is on their current computers, since that soft ware is up- graded only when the computers are replaced. (Th is issue will not aff ect the accounting soft ware, since the fi rm uses
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224 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Intacct.com, a cloud-based soft ware service, rather than soft - ware on their own computers.)
Your task is to draft a message for Mr. Peck, senior partner, to send to all employees informing them of the new policy.
33 You are the facilities supervisor at Iverness Form and Function, LLC, an architecture fi rm. Th e custodians report that the break room is so trashed, the amount of time needed to clean it has increased from 15 to 30 minutes each day. Employees who take late lunches and aft ernoon breaks have no clean space to use. People are not wiping the tables aft er they eat, used napkins remain on the tables or on the fl oor, and dirty dishes are left in the sink. People will heat food that overfl ows or explodes in the microwave and just leave without cleaning it up. Some of the food in the refrigerator is over a month past its due date. Given all the complaining you have heard about the break room, you would think that peo- ple would be more diligent in cleaning up aft er themselves.
In fact, someone left the message “CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF!!!!!!! YOUR MOTHER DOESN’T WORK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” on the microwave last week. As the offi ce manager, you realize that while the custodians are responsible for cleaning every room in the building, the employees’ messes are excessive and unbecoming of people in professional positions. Send an email to employees to en- courage them to clean up aft er themselves. Just last week you were giving a tour to a member of your town’s chamber of commerce and were thoroughly embarrassed when you took him through the break room. Keep in mind that even though you are sending the email to all employees, it’s not likely that every employee contributes to the mess.
34 You’re a communications intern at J. J. Brown’s, a mail-order clothing and camping gear store, and you’ve been asked to revise the messages the company sends to customers whose orders have had to be delayed or can- celed. When a customer calls to place an order, the call- center representative checks to see that each item being ordered is available, but if other customers are requesting the same item at around the same time, the computer shows the items to be in stock even though an item is sold out. Sometimes when this happens, you can tell customers that more of the desired item is being ordered and give them an estimated delivery date. Other times, when the item is
gone, it’s permanently gone, which is especially likely with clearance items. Your boss feels that the current form emails informing customers of canceled or delayed orders are too stiff and im- personal. Aft er all, the goods your company sells are associ- ated with fun and adventure. Th e revised messages shouldn’t be too cheerful (aft er all, they are bad-news messages), but they should convey a more positive image. Write the two messages that are needed, one for canceled or- ders and one for delayed orders. In your messages, leave blanks where information specifi c to each order will be included and indicate in brackets what kind of information that will be.
35 Next week auditors from company headquarters will be visiting your branch offi ce, observing and interviewing employees to ensure that your company follows corporate policies and procedures. You see this as a routine activity, so you are surprised at the hostility and resistance your employ- ees are showing toward the auditors and their visit. Many are threatening to take vacation or call in sick during the week of the visit. You worry that the auditors will sense the negativity of those who are here, especially given employees’ comments such as “Well, they better not expect to set up their desks and computers in my department.” You simply will not tolerate this negativity. Auditors visit the company every three years, and employees know this. Plus, if they are doing their jobs correctly, employees have nothing to worry about. Th ey just need to show up for work, be mature, and treat the auditors with respect.
Write an announcement to employees letting them know what week the auditors will arrive. Tell the employees in the Accounting Department that temporary workspaces will be set up in the department for the auditors. Yes, this may be inconvenient, but it’s the most centrally located and spa- cious area in the building. In addition, tell the employees that they will not be allowed to take vacation during this time unless they already received vacation approval prior to the sending of this message. You should also remind em- ployees of the company policy stating that if an employee calls in sick and the supervisor thinks the employee is lying, the employee may be required to provide a doctor’s note. No, the policy is not oft en used, but you have no problem enforcing it if employees use sick days to avoid the audi- tors. Be sure your message leaves your readers feeling better about the auditors’ visit.
36 Revise the following negative announcement to im- prove the organization, content, tone, grammar, punctua- tion, and mechanics.
Dear Valued Quality Food Mart Customers; Due to the fact that some customers have recently abused our
coupon policy, effective immediately we are prohibiting the use of double coupons, this includes any use of any coupon with another coupon or using any coupon with sale items that do not require a coupon. What this does mean is you using only one coupon on an item or getting only the sale price for you’re
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CHAPTER 8 Maintaining Goodwill in Bad-News Messages 225
grocery items. Not using more than one coupon or using a coupon with an item already on sale. We will still take all manufacturers coupons and store coupons. Just not more than one at a time and not for an item on sale. We are doing this because people use coupons in a manor for which they are not intended. Due to the popularity of reality shows such as “Coupon Frenzy”
where people compete using coupons to see how much groceries they can get for free or not alot of cost. We can not do this and remain in business, we must manage how we and customers use coupons so that we can serve you better. Thank you for your understanding. Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you.
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Learning Objectives Upon completing this chapter, you will be able to use persuasion effectively, especially when making requests, composing sales messages, and writing proposals. To reach this goal, you should be able to
1 Describe important strategies for writing any persuasive message.
2 Write skillful persuasive requests that begin indirectly, develop convincing reasoning, make a call to action, and close with goodwill.
3 Discuss ethical concerns regarding sales messages.
4 Describe the planning steps for direct mail or email sales messages.
5 Compose sales messages that gain attention, present persuasive appeals, use appropriate visual elements, and effectively drive for action.
6 Write well-organized and persuasive proposals.
CHAPTER NINE
Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 227
THE PREDOMINANCE OF INDIRECTNESS IN PERSUASIVE MESSAGES Everything you write on the job will have some kind of persuasive purpose—to convince the reader of your professionalism, convey an appealing company image, promote good relations, or all of these. But in some situations, persuasion will be your central goal. In these cases, your readers will hold a certain position, and your task will be to move them from this position to another one that is more favorable to you or your company. Meeting this challenge requires careful analysis, strategic thinking, and skillful writing.
Because you will be proposing something that your reader probably does not already agree with or want to do, it is oft en best to organize persuasive messages in an indirect order . Preparing the reader to accept your idea is a much better strategy than announc- ing the idea from the start and then having to argue uphill through the rest of the mes- sage. Ideally, you should organize each persuasive message so that, from the title or subject line to the end, your readers will agree with you. If you try to have them on your side from start to fi nish, you’ll have your best chance of success.
Although indirectness works for most persuasive messages, sometimes you will want to use a direct approach . For example, if you know your reader prefers directness or if you believe your readers will discard your message unless you get to the point early, then directness is in order. As we discuss later in this chapter, proposals in response to specifi c requests may also use directness.
In the following pages we fi rst provide some general advice for eff ective persuasion using the indirect approach. We then explain how the indirect order is used in two kinds of persuasive messages: the persuasive request and the sales message. Finally, we cover another important category of persuasive writing: proposals. Th ese, as you will see, can use either the direct or indirect pattern, depending on whether they are invited or uninvited.
GENERAL ADVICE ABOUT PERSUASION All our previous advice about adapting your messages to your readers comes into play with persuasive messages—only more so. Moving your reader from an uninterested or even resistant position to an interested, cooperative one is a major accomplishment. To achieve it, keep the following advice in mind.
Know Your Readers For any kind of persuasive message, thinking about your subject from your readers’ point of view is critical. To know what kind of appeals will succeed with your readers, you need to know as much as you can about their values, interests, and needs. Com- panies specializing in email and direct-mail campaigns spend a great deal of money to acquire this kind of information. Using a variety of research techniques, they gather demographic information (such as age, gender, income, and geographic location) and psychographic information (such as social, political, and personal preferences) about their target audience. Th ey also develop mailing lists based on prior shows of interest from consumers and purchase mailing lists from other organizations that have had success with certain audiences.
If you don’t have these resources, you can use other means to learn as much as pos- sible about the intended readers. You can talk with customer service about the kinds of calls they’re getting, study the company’s customer database, chat with people around the water cooler or online, and run ideas past colleagues. Good persuasion depends on knowledge as well as on imagination and logic.
Choose and Develop Targeted Reader Benefi ts No one is persuaded to do something for no reason. Sometimes their reasons for acting are related to tangible or measurable rewards. For example, they will save money, save time, or acquire some kind of desired object. But oft en, the rewards that persuade are intangible . People may want to make their lives easier, gain prestige, or have more freedom. Or perhaps
LO1 Describe important strategies for writing any persuasive message.
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228 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
they want to identify with a larger cause, feel that they are helping others, or do the right thing. In your quest for the appeals that will win your readers over, do not underestimate the power of intangible benefi ts, especially when you can pair them with tangible rewards.
When selecting the reader benefi ts to feature in your persuasive messages, bear in mind that such benefi ts can be intrinsic, extrinsic , or a combination. Intrinsic benefi ts are benefi ts that readers will get automatically by complying with your request. For example, if you are trying to persuade people to attend your company’s awards dinner, the pleasure of sharing in their colleagues’ successes will be intrinsic to the event. Door prizes would be an extrinsic benefi t. We might classify the meal itself as a combination—not really the main feature of the event but defi nitely central to it. Intrinsic benefi ts are tightly linked to what you’re asking people to do, while extrinsic ones are added on and more short-lived. Let intrinsic benefi ts do the main work of your persuasive eff ort. Focusing too much on extrinsic benefi ts can actually cheapen your product or service in the readers’ eyes.
When presenting your reader benefi ts, be sure the readers can see exactly how the benefi ts will help them. Th e literature on selling makes a useful distinction between product features and reader benefi ts . If you say that a wireless service uses a certain kind of technology, you’re describing a feature. If you say that the technology results in fewer missed or dropped calls, you’re describing a benefi t. Benefi ts persuade by enabling read- ers to envision the features of the recommended product or action in their own worlds.
One common technique for achieving this goal is to use what we call scenario painting — a description that pictures the reader in a sample situation enjoying the promised benefi ts. Here is an example of scenario painting from the Carnival Cruise Lines website:
Think your schedule is too tight to take a fun-fi lled vacation? Our Baja Mexico sail- ings are just the cruises to change your mind. You can experience the tropical beauty of Baja with a 3-day weekend cruise to Ensenada. Relax in the privacy of Ensenada’s private beaches before hitting the fashionable shops of Avenida Primera for new jewelry—duty-free, of course. Have an extra day to spare? Our 4-day Baja cruises visit Catalina Island. Who knows? You may spot some of Hollywood’s elite while sunning on the golden beaches of California’s Emerald Island.
Scenario painting is common in sales messages, but you can also use it to good advantage in other persuasive messages, even internal ones. Whatever your persuasive situation or strategy, be sure to provide enough detail for readers to see how they will benefi t from what you are asking them to do.
Make Good Use of Th ree Kinds of Appeals Th e fi rst acknowledged expert on persuasion, the Greek philosopher Aristotle, lived almost 2,500 years ago, but many of his core concepts are still widely taught and used. Of particular value is his famous categorizing of persuasive appeals into three kinds: those based on logic (logos), those based on emotion (pathos), and those based on the character of the speaker (ethos). All three kinds come into play in every persuasive message—in fact, one might say, in every kind of message. But as the writer of a per- suasive message, you will need to think especially carefully about how to manage these appeals and which ones to emphasize given your intended audience.
As you plan your message, consider what kind of logical appeals you might use. Saved money? Saved time? A more dependable or eff ective product? How about emo- tional appeals? Higher status? More sex appeal? Increased popularity? And don’t ne- glect appeals based on character. What kind of image of yourself and your company will resonate with the reader? Should you get a celebrity or expert to endorse your product or to serve as the spokesperson? Not only when planning but also when revis- ing your persuasive message, assess your appeals. Be sure to choose and develop the ones most likely to persuade your audience.
Make It Easy for Your Readers to Comply Sometimes writers focus so much on creating persuasive appeals that they put insuffi - cient thought into making the requested action as clear and easy to perform as possible.
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 229
If you want people to give money or buy your product, tell them where and how to do it, and supply a preaddressed mailing envelope or a Web address if applicable. If you want employees to give suggestions for improving products or operations, tell them exactly where and how to submit their ideas, and make it easy for them to do so. If you want people to remember to work more safely or conserve on supplies, give them spe- cifi c techniques for achieving these goals and include reminders at the actual locations where they need to remember what to do. Making the desired action specifi c and easy to perform is a key part of moving your readers from resistance to compliance with your request.
With this general advice in mind, we now turn to the three main types of persuasive writing in business: persuasive requests, sales messages, and proposals.
PERSUASIVE REQUESTS
LO2 Write skillful persuasive requests that begin indirectly, develop convincing reasoning, make a call to action, and close with goodwill.
You’re a mid-level manager for Arslan, one of the largest custodial services companies in your city. Like many others in the company, you devote some of your personal time to serving the community. Arslan wants you to do this volunteer work for the sake of good public relations. You want to do it because it is personally and professionally rewarding. Currently, as chair of the fundraising committee of the city’s Junior Achievement program, you head all efforts to get fi nancial support for the program from local busi- nesspeople. The committee can contact some of these potential donors by phone, but there are too many for you to be able to reach all of them this way.
At its meeting today, the Junior Achievement board of directors discussed various solutions. One director sug- gested using a fundraising letter. The board accepted the idea with enthusiasm. With just as much enthusiasm, it gave you the assignment of writing the letter. As you view the assignment, it is not a routine letter- writing problem. Although the local businesspeople are probably generous, they are not likely to part with money without good reason. In fact, their fi rst reaction to a request for money is likely to be negative. So you will need to over- come their resistance in order to persuade them. Your task is indeed challenging.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Raising Funds for a Worthy Cause
At many points in your career—starting with your job search—you will need to make persuasive requests. Perhaps, as in the scenario above, you will be asked to write a fundraising message. Perhaps you will need to ask your management for another staff position or for special equipment. You may need to persuade a potential client to join you in a meeting so that you can demonstrate the benefi ts of your products. Or maybe you will be trying to persuade your employees to change their behavior in some way.
Whether written to internal or external readers, requests that are likely to be resisted require a slow, deliberate approach. In essence, you must persuade the reader that he or she should grant your request before you actually state it. Such an achievement requires that you carefully plan your persuasive strategy.
Determining Your Strategy Figuring out the best persuasive approach involves three interrelated tasks: determin- ing what you want, fi guring out your readers’ likely reactions, and deciding upon a persuasive strategy that will overcome reader objections and evoke a positive response.
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230 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Th ink carefully about your actual goals for your persuasive request. A request for a one-time-only donation might be written very diff erently from a request that is in- tended to create a long-time, multiple donor. If you were convincing employees to leave the parking places next to the building for customers’ use, you would write a very dif- ferent message if it were the third rather than the fi rst request. Your goals, considered in the context of your organization’s goals and your relationship with your readers, are key shapers of your persuasive message.
To anticipate how your readers will react to your request, consider everything you know about them and then put yourself in their shoes. Look at the request as they are likely to see it. Figure out what’s in it for them and how to overcome any objections they may have. From this thinking and imagining, your plan should emerge.
Th e specifi c plan you develop will depend on the facts of the case. You may be able to show that your reader stands to gain in time, money, or other tangible benefi ts. Or you may be able to show that your reader will benefi t in goodwill or prestige. In some cases, you may persuade readers by appealing to their love of beauty, excitement, serenity, or other emotions. In diff erent cases, you may be able to persuade readers by appealing to the pleasant feeling that comes from doing a good turn. You decide on the benefi ts that will be most likely to win over your readers.
A special kind of persuasive request is one that casts the request as a problem– solution message. With this strategy, you fi rst present a problem that you and the readers share—called the common-ground persuasion technique —and then show how doing as you propose will solve the problem for all concerned. Many fundrais- ing letters use this technique, giving us striking facts about the current economic climate, the environment, or living conditions in a certain area of the world. But this strategy can also be a powerful one for internal audiences who might not be receptive to a straightforward proposal for action but who share your opinion that something needs to be done.
A persuasive request situation is a special opportunity for analysis, creativity, and judgment. With careful use of all three, you can plan messages that will change your readers’ minds and move them to action.
Many persuasive messages arrive uninvited, and they compete with many other messages. Unless they gain the reader’s attention at the beginning, they are likely to end up in the recycle bin.
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 231
Gaining Attention in the Opening In the indirect messages discussed in Chapter 8, the goal of the opening is to set up the explanation for the negative news. Th e opening of a persuasive request has a similar goal: to lead into your central strategy. But the opening of a persuasive request has an additional goal: to gain attention.
You need to draw your reader in with the opening of your persuasive message be- cause you are writing to a person who has not invited your message and may not agree with your goal. An interesting beginning is a good step toward getting this person in a receptive mood.
Determine what your reader will fi nd compelling. It might be some statement that arouses curiosity, or it might be a statement off ering or implying a reader benefi t. Be- cause questions get people thinking, they are oft en eff ective openings. Th e following examples indicate the possibilities.
From the cover letter of a questionnaire seeking the opinions of medical doctors: What, in your opinion as a medical doctor, is the future of the private practice of medicine?
From a message requesting contributions for orphaned children: While you and I dined heartily last night, 31 orphans at San Pablo Mission had only dried beans to eat.
From a message seeking the cooperation of business leaders in promoting a fair: What would your profi ts be if 300,000 free-spending visitors came to our town during a single week?
If writing your request in the form of a problem–solution message, you should start with a goal that you and the readers share. For example, let’s say that a project manager in your company has retired and that you want to recommend his capable admin- istrative assistant as his replacement. Since no member of the support staff has ever broken into the managerial ranks, any direct proposal to promote your candidate will be likely to be met with resistance. To get readers on your side from the beginning, you could start your message with facts that everyone can agree upon: that someone has retired, that his or her duties are important, and that someone capable needs to be found quickly. Your subject line for an email along these lines might be something like, “ Reassigning Jim Martin’s Duties” (which everyone supports), not “Promoting Kathy Pearson” (which your readers will resist).
Whatever the case, the form of indirectness that you choose for your opening should engage your readers right away and get them thinking along the lines that will lead to their approval of your request.
Developing the Appeal Following the opening, you should proceed with your goal of persuading. Your task here is a logical and orderly presentation of the reasoning you have selected.
As with any argument intended to convince, you should do more than merely list points. You should help convey the points with convincing details. Since you are try- ing to penetrate a neutral or resistant mind, you need to make good use of the you- viewpoint . You need to pay careful attention to the meanings of your words and the clarity of your expression. You need to use logic and emotion appropriately and project an appealing image. And because your reader may become impatient if your appeal is not clear, you need to make every word count.
Making the Request Clearly and Positively Aft er you have done your persuading, move to the action you seek. You have tried to prepare the reader for what you want. If you have done that well, the reader should be ready to accept your request.
As with negative messages, your request requires careful word choice. You should avoid words that detract from the request. You also should avoid words that bring to
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mind images and ideas that might work against you. Words that bring to mind reasons for refusing are especially harmful, as in this example:
I am aware that businesspeople in your position have little free time to give, but will you please consider accepting an assignment to the board of directors of the Children’s Fund?
Th e following positive tie-in with a major point in the persuasion strategy does a much better job:
Your organizing skills and stature in the community would make you an ideal board member for the Children’s Fund.
Whether your request should end your message will depend on the situation. In some cases, you will profi t by following the request with additional persuasive material. Th is procedure is especially eff ective when your reader needs a lot of convincing. In cases where your request is relatively simple, won’t cost the reader much, and isn’t likely to be resisted, you can end your message with the request. Even here, though, you com- bine or follow the request with wording that makes the reader feel good about doing as you ask (see the sample messages on pages 234–236).
Summarizing the Plan for Requests From the preceding discussion, the general plan for persuasive requests can be sum- marized as follows: • Open with words that (1) gain attention and (2) set up the strategy. • Develop the strategy using persuasive language and the you-viewpoint. • Make the request clearly and without negatives (1) either at the end of the message
or (2) followed by words that continue the persuasive appeal.
Contrasting Persuasive Requests Th e persuasive request is illustrated by contrasting letters that ask businesspeople to donate to Junior Achievement. Th e fi rst message is direct and bland. Th e second mes- sage, which follows the indirect approach and provides convincing details, is much more likely to succeed.
A Selfish Blunt Approach. Th e weaker letter begins with the request. Because the requested action is something the reader probably doesn’t want to do, the direct begin- ning is likely to get a negative reaction. In addition, the comments about how much to give tend to lecture rather than suggest. Some explanation follows, but it is weak and scant. In general, the letter is poorly written. It makes little use of the you-viewpoint. Perhaps its greatest fault is that the persuasion comes too late. Th e selfi sh close is a weak reminder of the action requested.
Expert fundraiser Jerold Panas conducted several focus groups to fi nd out what makes fundraising successful. The answers boiled down to “three Es”—plus one “I”:
• Empathy—the ability to understand the audience’s values and interests
• Energy—the determination to put suffi cient work into the fundraising effort
• Enthusiasm—the fundraiser’s obvious commitment to the cause
• Integrity—the fundraiser’s sincerity and truthfulness
SOURCE: Asking: A 59-Minute Guide to Everything Board Members, Volunteers, and Staff Must Know to Secure the Gift, rev. ed. (Medfi eld, MA: Emerson& Church, 2009) 17–20, print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
The Ingredients of Successful Fundraising
232 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 233
Dear Mr. Williams: Will you please donate to the local Junior Achievement program? We have set $50 as a fair minimum for businesses to give. But larger amounts would be appreciated.
The organization badly needs your support. Currently, about 900 young people will not get to participate in Junior Achievement activities unless more money is raised.
If you do not already know about Junior Achievement, let me explain. Junior Achievement is an organization for high school students. They work with local business executives to form small businesses and then operate the businesses. In the process, they learn about our economic system. This is a good thing, and it deserves our help.
Hoping to receive your generous donation,
This direct, bland approach is not likely to persuade.
Skillful Persuasion Using the Indirect Order. Th e next message follows the rec- ommended indirect pattern. Its opening generates interest and sets up the persuasive strategy. Notice the eff ective use of the you-viewpoint throughout. Not until the reader has been sold on the merits of the request does the message ask the question. It does this clearly and directly. Th e fi nal words leave the reader thinking about the benefi ts that a yes answer will give.
Dear Mr. Williams: Right now—right here in our city—620 teenagers are running 37 corporations. The kids run the whole show; their only adult help comes from business professionals who work with them.
Last September these young people applied for charters and elected offi cers. They created plans for business operations. For example, one group planned to build websites for local small businesses. Another elected to conduct a rock concert. Yet another planned to publish electronic newsletters for area corporations. After determining their plans, the kids issued stock—and sold it, too. With the proceeds from stock sales, they began their operations. This May they will liquidate their companies and account to their stockholders for their profi ts or losses.
What’s behind these impressive accomplishments? As you’ve probably guessed, it’s Junior Achievement. Since 1919, this nonprofi t organization has been teaching school kids of all ages about business, economics, and entrepreneurship. Thanks to partnerships between volunteers and teachers, these students gain hands- on experience with real business operations while learning the fundamentals of economics and fi nancial responsibility. They also learn cooperation and problem solving. It’s a win–win situation for all involved.
To continue to succeed, Junior Achievement needs all of us behind it. During the 13 years the program has been in our city, it has had enthusiastic support from local business leaders. But with over 900 students on the waiting list, our plans for next year call for expansion. That’s why, as a volunteer myself, I ask that you help make the program available to more youngsters by contributing $50 (it’s deductible). By helping to cover the cost of materials, special events, and scholarships, you’ll be preparing more students for a bright future in business.
Please make your donation now by completing our online contribution form at www.juniorachievement.org . You will be doing a good service—for our kids, for our schools, and for our community.
Sincerely,
This indirect, interesting letter has a much greater chance of success.
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234 PART 00 Part Title
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
234
A Persuasive External Request (Asking for Information about Employment Applicants) . In this letter a trade publica- tion editor seeks information from an executive for an article on desirable traits of job applications. Granting the request will require time and effort from the executive. Thus, indirect persuasion is appropriate.
Ms. Adelade O. Romano Director of Human Resources Chalmers-DeLouche, Inc. 17117 Proden Road St. Paul, MN 55108
Dear Ms. Romano:
What clues have you found in employment applications that help you estimate a person’s character and desirability to your firm?
Young people entering business are eager for any clue that will put them on the other side of the fence. They want to know what goes on in your mind when you are judging the people behind the letters and résumés. In our column, “Applications That Talk,” we want to send a message especially to those people. To make the article as practical as possible, we are drawing our information from people in the field who really know.
A mutual friend of ours, Max Mullins, told me of your recent problem of finding the most desirable person behind 250 applications. What specific points did you look for in these applications? What clues distinguished some people from the others? When the going got hard, what fine points enabled you to make your final choice? The young professionals of today are eager for answers to such questions.
You can help solve their problem if you will jot down your personal comments on a diverse sample of these applications and then allow me to interview you about your judgments. All applicant information would of course be kept confidential.
Will you share your insights with me and with hundreds of young professionals? If so, please call or email me to set up an interview time that is convenient for you. It is just possible that, through this article, you will contribute to the success of a future leader in your own company. At the least, you will be of service to the many young people who are trying to get “that” job that is so important to them right now.
405 Perrin Ave.
Austin, TX 78716
512-437-7080
FAX: 512-437-7081
The
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November 20, 2014
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Charlotte C. Clayton Associate Editor
enclosures
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CHAPTER 00 Chapter Title 235
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
235
A Persuasive Internal Request (Using a Central Emotional Appeal Supported by Logical and Character-Based Appeals). The writer wants employees to participate in the company’s annual blood drive. He needs to convince them of the importance of the drive and overcome their likely objections. This message will be distributed to employees’ mailboxes.
Did you help save Brad Meyer’s life?
A few years ago, an employee of Amberly was driving to a friend’s wedding when an oncoming car, operated by a drunk driver, swerved across the center line. Brad doesn’t remember the crash. But he does remember two months spent in the hospital, two months of surgery and therapy.
Without the help of people like us, Brad would not have lived. Some Amberly employees save lives regularly. We’re blood donors. Please be a lifesaver and join us on Friday, March 19, for Amberly’s annual blood drive.
Your help is needed for a successful drive.
Giving blood is simple. The entire process will take less than 45 minutes.
Giving blood is safe. Experienced health professionals from the Steinmetz Blood Center will be on site to conduct the procedure exactly as they would in a clinical setting.
Giving blood is convenient. The Steinmetz staff will be in Room 401, Building B, between 9:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. To save time, make an appointment to donate. Call the Steinmetz Blood Center at 569-1170.
Giving blood is important. Nobody knows who will need blood next, but one thing is certain—it will be available only if healthy, caring people take time to give it. Brad’s accident required 110 units—more than 12 gallons—of blood. Because 110 people set aside 45 minutes, Brad Meyer has a lifetime of minutes to be grateful.
Take a few moments now to make your pledge on the reverse side of this letter. Then return it to the Community Relations department, Mail Location 12, by March 15.
From Brad and from other families—like yours and mine—who might need it in the days to come,
Uses a character- based appeal; invites the reader to identify with these “lifesavers”
February 27, 2014 Opens with an attention-getting, you-focused question
Makes the requested action clear and easy
Addresses likely reader objections
Tells an engaging story with specific details
Avoids words such as “draw blood” or “needle” that would bring unpleasant thoughts to mind
Recalls the emotion-based opening and links it to a logical appeal: You or someone in your family might benefit
Thank you,
John M. Piper Director, Community Relations
Engineering & Construction AMBERLY
Department of Community Relations Mail Location 12 123 Jackson Street Edison, Colorado 80864 (719) 777-4444 [email protected]
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236 PART 00 Part Title
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
236
A Persuasive Email to Members of a Professional Organization. The writer of this message, the president of the American Society for Training and Development (ASTD), uses character appeal as well as logic and emotion to persuade readers to participate in a survey.
C A S E I L L U S T R A T I O N
Monday, 6/18/2013 9:00 a.m.
Kathryn Smythe
Tony Bingham
Help Shape the ASTD 2013 State of the Industry Report
Help Shape the ASTD 2013 State of the Industry ReportHelp Shape the ASTD 2013 State of the Industry Report
Help Shape the ASTD 2013 State of the Industry Report
Help Shape the ASTD 2013 State of the Industry Report
Help Shape the ASTD 2013 State of the Industry Report
Dear Kathryn,
ASTD is currently collecting data for its 16th annual State of the Industry Report. I’d like to personally invite your organization to participate in the survey that provides crucial data for the report. The greater the submissions, the more meaningful the report is for the entire learning profession. With your contribution, we are able to effectively measure and report critical learning and development information including investments, expenditures, practices, and outcomes, across a variety of industries and organizations.
The ASTD State of the Industry Report is widely quoted by business and industry analysts around the world, and continues to be a leading source of credible statistics about employee learning. ASTD Research handles participant data with the strictest confi dence and sensitivity, and we report results in aggregates and averages that do not identify participating organizations or organization-specifi c data. Having your organization’s data included is a tremendous contribution to our accurate analyses of important learning and development benchmarks for 2012.
If you are not the person responsible for this, would you please share this request with your organization’s Chief Learning Offi cer or senior learning executive? You can access the survey at this link: https://survey.astd.org/se.ashx?s=34B40469374EE2B4
Each participant will receive a complimentary download of the ASTD 2013 State of the Industry Report when it is released in November (a $499 value). We appreciate your time and willingness to participate in this important industry benchmark.
Sincerely,
Tony Bingham
ASTD President and CEO
ASTD | 1640 King Street | Box 1443 | Alexandria, VA 22313 | United States Unsubscribe from future marketing messages from ASTD
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 237
Play the role of Zach Miller, a student in your university’s college of business. You’ve had your own house-painting business ever since you started college. So far, you’ve gained your customers through word of mouth only, but you think it’s time to expand. You’ve got two buddies willing to come on board if you can generate enough business for them to work full time in the summer months and part time in the spring and fall. You’ve decided that your fi rst step in growing the busi- ness will be to advertise your services to the faculty and staff of your school. After getting permission to post your message to the listservs of several offi ces and academic
departments, you sit down to think through what you want to say. Considering your audience, you decide to reveal to them that you’re a student. Given the line of work they’re in, your readers obviously like the feeling of helping young people succeed. On the other hand, you’ll need to over- come any concern that the job you’ll do will be less than professional. As you start fi guring out your persuasive de- tails, you realize that it may be a good idea to include links to other information. Hmmm . . . this message is going to take some careful planning in order to be effective. The following sections will help you think through your options.
INTRODUCTORY CHALLENGE
Generating More Customers for Your Business
One of the most widely disseminated forms of business communication is the sales message. It is such an important component of most businesses’ sales strategies that it has become an elaborate, highly professionalized genre, shaped by extensive consumer research. Th ink about the typical sales letter that you receive. Careful attention has been paid to the message on the envelope, to the kinds of pieces inside, and to the visual
Face-to-face selling is only part of the picture. Many sales occur through mail, email, Web-based media, and mobile messaging.
SALES MESSAGES
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238 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
appeal of those pieces, as well as to the text of the letter itself. Clearly, advertising pro- fessionals produce many of these mailings, as well as much of the fundraising literature that we receive. You can also see a professional’s hand in many of the sales emails that appear in your in-box, as well as in other sales communications, such as blogs, Face- book pages, and white papers. Why, then, should you study sales writing?
As a businessperson, you will oft en fi nd yourself in the position of helping to shape a major sales campaign or contribute to its success through social networking. You may have valuable insight into your product’s benefi ts and your potential customers. You need to be familiar with the conventions for sales messages and to be able to off er your own good ideas for their success.
In addition, knowledge of selling techniques can help you in many of your other activities, especially the writing of other kinds of business messages. As we’ve said, most of them involve selling something—an idea, a line of reasoning, your company, your- self. Sales techniques are more valuable to you than you might think. Aft er you have studied the remainder of this chapter, you should see why.
Questioning the Acceptability of Sales Messages Sales messages are a controversial area of business communication, for two main rea- sons: Th ey are oft en unwanted, and they sometimes use ethically dubious persuasive tactics. You probably know from your own experience that sales letters are not always received happily. Called “junk” mail, these mailings oft en go into the wastebasket or recycle bin without being read. Th ey must be profi table, though, because they are still heavily used.
Sales messages sent by email may create even more hostility among intended cus- tomers. Angrily referred to as “spam,” unsolicited email sales messages have generated strong resistance among email users. Perhaps it is because these messages clutter in- boxes. Maybe it is because mass mailings place a heavy burden on Internet providers, driving up costs to the users. Or perhaps the fact that they invade the reader’s privacy is to blame. Whatever the explanation, the resistance is real. You will need to consider these objections any time you use this sales medium.
Fortunately, a more acceptable form of email selling has developed. Called permission-based email , it permits potential customers to sign up for email promo- tions on a company’s website or provide their email addresses to an email or phone marketer. Th e potential customers may be asked to indicate the products, services, and specifi c topics of their interest, or the company may be able to track those interests based on what the customer has searched for or ordered in the past. Th e marketers can then tailor their messages to the customer, and the customer will receive only what he or she wants. According to a recent report by eMarketer, 93 percent of U.S. online con- sumers have at least one email subscription, and it is by far their preferred method for hearing about sales or promotions (64 percent of those surveyed ranked this method fi rst, as opposed to 25 percent for postal mail and 8 percent for social media sites). Permission-based email is thus a powerful sales practice, and it has helped address the problem of unwanted sales messages. 1
As for the charge that persuasive messages use unfair persuasive tactics, this is, unfortunately, sometimes the case. Th e unfair tactics could range from deceptive wording and visuals to the omission of important information to the use of emotional elements that impair good judgment. In a Missouri court case, Publishers Clearing House was found guilty of deception for direct mail stating that the recipients were already winners, when in fact they were not. 2 To consider a diff erent example, one linen supply company sent a letter to parents of fi rst-year students at a university telling them that the students would need to purchase extra-long sheets, off ered by
LO3 Discuss ethical concerns regarding sales messages.
1 10 Best Practices for Email Marketing, 2, eMarketer, eMarketer, May 2011, Web, 20 June 2012. 2 See Helen Rothschild Ewald and Roberta Vann, “ ‘You’re a Guaranteed Winner’: Composing ‘You’ in a Consumer Culture,” Journal of Business Communication 40 (2003): 98–117, print.
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 239
this company, to fi t the extra-long beds on campus—but omitted the fact that only one dorm out of four had such beds. And it is well documented that images, because they work on an emotional level, persuade in ways that tend to bypass the viewers’ reasoned judgment, leading some to question the ethics of such elements. 3 Certain kinds of online sales messages are particularly obnoxious, such as giant pop-ups that obscure the screen. Some of these trap readers in a loop that they can’t exit without restarting their computers or, in extreme cases, having to remove spyware or viruses.
Any persuasive message is, by its very nature, biased. Th e writer has a favored point of view and wants to persuade the reader to adopt it. Th erefore, considering the ethi- cal dimension of your communication, while important for all types of messages, is especially critical for persuasive messages. Let your conscience and your ability to put yourself in the readers’ shoes guide you as you consider how to represent your subject and win others to your cause.
Preparing to Write a Sales Message Before you can begin writing a sales message, you must know all you can about the product or service you are selling. You simply cannot sell most goods and services unless you know them well and can tell the prospects what they need to know. Before prospects buy a product, they may want to know how it is made, how it works, what it will do, and what it will not do. Clearly, a fi rst step in sales writing is careful study of your product or service.
As we have stressed, you must also study your readers. You should gather de- mographic, psychographic, and any other kind of information that will help you understand why they might want or need your product. The more you know about your readers, the better you will be able to adapt your sales message to them.
In large businesses, a marketing research department or agency typically gathers information about prospective customers. If you do not have such help, you will need to gather this information on your own. If time does not permit you to do the necessary research, you may have to use logic and imagination. For example, the nature of a product can tell you something about its likely buyers. Industrial equipment would probably be bought by people with technical backgrounds. Expensive French perfumes and cosmetics would probably be bought by people in high-income brackets. Long-term care insurance would appeal to older people in middle-income brackets.
To be able to choose the most persuasive channel for your message, you should familiarize yourself with all the sales media that are now available. Oft en times, several media will need to work together to have the best eff ect. Th ese days, sales emails are oft en linked to websites, and websites oft en provide links to social networking sites. You may even decide that the best approach is to start with an email and follow up with a phone call, or speak face to face with a prospect and then hand him or her some sales literature. Th ere have never been so many media available, and the more you know about them, the better your selling can be.
Determining the Central Appeal With your product or service, your prospects, and your medium or media in mind, you are ready to create the sales message. Th is involves selecting and presenting your per- suasive appeals, whether emotional, logical, character based, or a combination. But for most sales messages, one appeal should stand out as the main one—mentioned in the beginning, recalled in the middle, and reiterated at the end. While other benefi ts can be brought in as appropriate, the message should emphasize your central, best appeal.
LO4 Describe the planning steps for direct mail or email sales messages.
3 Charles A. Hill, “Th e Psychology of Rhetorical Images,” Defi ning Visual Rhetorics, ed. Charles A. Hill and Marguerite Helmers (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2004) 30–38, print.
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240 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Emotional appeals—those based on our senses and emotions—can be found in al- most any sales message, but they predominate in messages for goods and services that do not perform any discernable rational function. Th e following example illustrates:
Linger in castle corridors on court nights in London. Dance on a Budapest balcony high above the blue Danube. Seek romance and youth and laughter in charming cap- itals on fi ve continents. And there you’ll fi nd the beguiling perfume that is fragrance Jamais.
Logical appeals are useful for selling products that help readers save money, do a bet- ter job, or get better use from a product. Illustrating a rational appeal (saving money) are these words from a message selling magazine subscriptions:
We’re slashing the regular rate of $36 a year down to only $28, saving you a full 22 percent. That means you get 12 information-fi lled new issues of Science Digest for only $2.33 a copy. You save even more by subscribing for 2 or 3 years.
Character-based appeals can enhance any kind of sales message. Th ey persuade by stating or implying “I use this product, so you should, too” or “I am an authority, so you should do what I recommend.” Ads that employ sports fi gures, fi lm stars, or ex- perts to sell their products are relying heavily on character-based appeals. Companies themselves oft en project an appealing “character” in their sales campaigns. Note how the following excerpt from a sales letter for Consumer Reports magazine uses the company’s identity to persuade:
Consumer Reports is on your side. We’re a nonprofi t consumer protection organiza- tion with no commercial interests whatsoever. To put it bluntly, we don’t sell out to big companies and private interest groups—we’re accountable to no one except to consumers. And when you’re not beholden to advertisers (like other so-called con- sumer protection publications), you can tell it like it is.
People may also buy a certain product because they want to identify with, and be iden- tifi ed with, a certain successful, socially responsible, or “cool” company as projected in the company’s sales messages.
A kind of sales writing that many companies now use is the white paper. Originally, it was intended to brief gov- ernment offi cials on affairs of state, but it has become a popular form of indirect selling. A business white paper typically opens with a descrip- tion of a situation, usually some kind of problem that the recipient’s company faces or soon will face, or a need that it has. This section, which often cites numerous respected sources, can go on for several paragraphs or pages with- out even mentioning the seller’s product. At some point, though, the white paper will offer the seller’s products or services as a solution to the problem or answer to the need. The document thus has the look and feel of a research re- port but is ultimately a sales document.
For example, a white paper written by a software de- veloper might discuss the diffi culty of fi nding an appro- priate tool for internal communication—a problem many companies share—and then focus on its own product as a solution. Many white papers are written business to business, informing one’s partners in the industry of new technology or other kinds of products that can benefi t all concerned. White papers are often beautifully formatted and illus- trated, as if produced by the staff of a professional print or online magazine. In fact, they are similar in nature to the subtly promotional articles in trade magazines. For guide- lines and examples, subscribe to the WhitePaperSource newsletter at www.whitepapersource.com .
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Sophisticated Selling in White Papers
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 241
In any given case, many appeals are available to you. You should use those that fi t your product or service and your readers best. Keep in mind that how the buyer will use the product may be a major basis for selecting a sales strategy. For example, cosmetics might well be sold to the fi nal user through emotional appeals, but selling cosmetics to a retailer (who is primarily interested in reselling them) would require rational appeals. A retailer’s main questions about the product would be “Will it sell? What turnover can I expect? How much money will it make for me?”
Determining the Makeup of the Mailing When you write a sales message to be sent by mail or email, a part of your eff ort is to determine the makeup of the mailing. To know what you want to say in your main message, you’ll need to decide what kinds of additional pieces will be included and how they will support the main piece.
Consider, for example, a mailing craft ed by Scotts LawnService (see the Case Illustration on page 245). It came in a 9-inch by 12-inch white envelope with the words “LAWN ANALYSIS ENCLOSED FOR (the recipient’s address)” on the front, as well as the words “(recipient’s city) RESIDENTS: PLEASE TAKE NOTICE.” Both the kind of envelope used and the wording on it conveyed the image of an offi cial, personalized document.
Inside were three 7½-inch by 10½-inch pages: • Th e top page included the main sales letter on the front, with bold letters in the
top right corner advertising a “FREE No-Obligation Lawn Analysis for (the resident’s address).” On the back were six testimonials under the heading “Here’s what our customers say about Scotts LawnService.”
A well-known spokesperson can add character appeal.
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242 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
• Th e second page, on glossy paper, had “before” and “aft er” pictures of a lawn under the heading “Now you can enjoy a thick, green, beautiful lawn . . . and Scotts LawnService will do the work! ” On the back were various character appeals for the company under the heading “Here’s why you can expect more from Scotts LawnService than any other lawn service.”
• Th e third sheet was a replica of a “FREE LAWN ANALYSIS” form “TO BE COMPLETED FOR (the recipient’s) FAMILY at (the recipient’s address),” with “SAMPLE” stamped (or appearing to be stamped) across the form.
Th e last piece was a return envelope with a detachable form to fi ll out and return. Both parts advertised again the “FREE No-Obligation Lawn Analysis.”
Direct-mail messages can include many extras beyond the main message.
The envelope often begins the persuasive effort.
Alexis Sharp 53 Walnut St. Waynesville, NC 28786-1916
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 243
Th e author of this elaborate mailing determined that the free lawn analysis would be the immediate selling point, with the main reader benefi t being the beautiful lawn that the analysis would lead to. With these decisions made, the writer could then decide what to place in the foreground of the letter, what other pieces to include, and how to coordinate the letter with the other pieces. Even if someone else, such as a graphic artist or desktop publishing expert, will be designing the pieces of your mailing, you will need to be able to explain what you want and plan how all parts of the sales package will work together, especially for a complex mailing like the one described here.
Email sales messages can use all the publishing features available on the com- puter. The message can be presented creatively with color, font variations, box ar- rangements, artwork, and more. It may include links to the seller’s website as well as to other supporting material and to the ordering procedure. And it may have attachments. Just as with a direct-mail package, the email sales package can use many elements to persuade and to provide all the information a reader will need in order to make a purchase.
Gaining Attention Before the Message Begins Sales messages must gain the reader’s attention right away. Otherwise, they won’t be read. For this reason, the sales eff ort oft en begins before the actual message does.
Many mailed messages have an attention getter on the envelope. It may be the off er of a gift (“Your gift is enclosed”). It may present a brief sales message (“12 months of Time at 60 percent off the newsstand price”). It may present a picture and a message (a picture of a cruise ship and “Tahiti and more at 2-for-1 prices”). An offi cial-appearing envelope sometimes is used. So are brief and simple messages such as “Personal” or “Sensitive material enclosed.”
With email, of course, there is no envelope. Th e attention begins with the From, To, and Subject fi elds. To avoid having your message regarded as spam (promotional email sent indiscriminately to a huge number of readers), you should clearly tell who you are and identify your company. You should also address the reader by name. Th ough some readers will delete the message even with this clear identifi cation, the specifi city will induce some to read on.
Th e subject line in email messages is the main place for getting attention. Here hon- esty and simplicity should be your guide. Th e subject line should tell clearly what your message is about, and it should be short. It should avoid sensational wording, such as “How to earn $60,000 the fi rst month.” In addition, avoiding sensationalism involves limiting the use of solid caps, exclamation points, dollar signs, and “free” off ers. In fact, you risk having spam fi lters block your message or send it to the junk folder of your readers’ computers if you use “free” or other words and phrases commonly used in spam. An email with the subject line “Making your restaurant more profi table” that is sent to a researched list of restaurant managers and owners is much more likely to be opened and read than a message with the subject line “You have to read this!” that is sent to thousands of readers.
Gaining Attention in the Opening of the Message Th e fi rst words of your message must also gain attention and motivate the reader to keep reading. What you do here can be creative, but the method you use should help set up your strategy. It should not just gain attention for attention’s sake. Attention is easy to gain if nothing else is needed. In a sales letter, a sensational statement such as “You can be a millionaire!” or “Free chocolate for the rest of your life!” would gain attention, but it wouldn’t be likely to help sell most products or services, which can’t live up to such extravagant claims.
LO5 Compose sales messages that gain attention, present persuasive appeals, use appropriate visual elements, and effectively drive for action.
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244 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
One of the most eff ective attention-gaining openings is a statement or question that introduces a need that the product will satisfy. For example, this rational-appeal opening would be likely to tap into a retailer’s main need:
Here is a proven best-seller—and with a 12 percent greater profi t.
Th is paragraph of a message selling a fi shing vacation at a lake resort illustrates a need-fulfi lling beginning of an emotional-appeal approach:
Your line hums as it whirs through the air. Your line splashes and dances across the smooth surface of the clear water as you reel. From the depth you see the silver streak of a striking bass. You feel a sharp tug. The battle is on!
A diff erent tack is illustrated by the following example. It attracts interest by telling a story and using character-based appeal:
In 1984 three enterprising women met to do something about the lack of accessible health information for women.
Whatever opening strategy you choose, it should introduce or lead into your central selling point.
Building a Persuasive Case With the reader’s attention gained, you proceed with the sales strategy that you have planned. In general, you establish a need. Th en you present your product or service as fulfi lling that need.
The plan of your sales message will vary with each case. But it is likely to follow certain general patterns determined by your choice of appeals. If your main appeal is emotional, for example, your opening has probably established an emotional at- mosphere that you will continue to develop. Thus, you will sell your product based on its effects on your reader’s senses. You will describe the appearance, texture, aroma, and taste of your product so vividly that your reader will mentally see it, feel it—and want it. In general, you will seek to create an emotional need for your product.
Messages on Facebook and Twitter don’t use envelopes or subject lines, so how do you gain attention in these media? Monica Clarke of The Wakeman Agency, a New York-based public relations fi rm serving nonprofi ts and small to medium-sized businesses, has some advice. If you can afford it, hire a celebrity spokesperson; “co- branding or collaborating with a ‘star’ may give your cause the spark it needs.” But if that’s not feasible, use televi- sion ads, magazine ads, your website, and other outlets to start a buzz. Once you have people logged in, “the major effort must be focused on not losing their attention.” Keep the feeds
coming, and provide content “that will get people talking to their friends about your social media marketing cam- paign.” Find an interesting angle “and work it—don’t just provide information about your organization, but provide information about the bigger picture.” Just setting up a Facebook or Twitter account and hoping for followers is a surefi re way to become “just another ‘@’ symbol in the crowd.”
SOURCE: “Standing Out Amongst Millions—How to Get Attention on Twitter and Facebook,” The Wakeman Agency , The Wakeman Agency, n.d., Web, 20 June 2012.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Gaining—and Keeping—Readers’ Attention on Facebook and Twitter
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A Direct-Mail Message (Selling a Lawn Care Service). This sales letter used all three types of appeals (logical, emotional, and character based). It also came with several other pieces—including “before” and “after” pictures, cus- tomer testimonials, and a sample “free lawn analysis” form with the customer’s name and address printed on it.
March 27, 2012
The Adams Family 14111 Scottslawn Rd-Attn Dan Adams Marysville, OH 43041-0001
YOU’LL BE SEEING OUR TRUCK ON SCOTTSLAWN RD A LOT THIS YEAR!
Dear Adams Family,
Do you know what’s wrong with your lawn?
What do you need to do now to protect your lawn from unsightly weeds, insects you can’t even see, and damaging turfgrass diseases? Call Scotts LawnService®! We have developed NEW Ortho Weed-B-Gon Pro® and Ortho® Max™ Pro Insect Control to handle tough weed and insect lawn problems.
Sign up for Scotts LawnService like so many of your neighbors who had those problems. You’ll see us treating their lawns throughout the season.
Now you can have a Scotts LawnService professional inspect your lawn for potential problems.
We’ll carefully examine your lawn and give you a detailed report on what we find, and what you need to do to keep your lawn thick, green and healthy.
And there’s absolutely no cost and no obligation for this FREE Lawn Analysis.
Simply call us Toll Free at 1-800-736-0205 within the next 14 days, and Scotts LawnService will arrange for your FREE Lawn Analysis. It’s easy, and you don’t have to be home. We’ll also include our recommendations for a Scotts LawnService program that’s right for your lawn, plus a no-obligation price quote.
If you decide to become a Scotts LawnService customer, we’ll put together a program that will give you the beautiful lawn you’ve always wanted. We use Scotts® slow-release, professional fertilizers on your lawn – and you can really see the difference in the results.
We’ll evaluate your lawn during every visit, foreseeing and solving problems that may occur and taking personal responsibility for its progress. That’s why Scotts LawnService offers you a Satisfaction Guarantee.
Call Scotts LawnService now or mail in the slip enclosed in the postage-paid envelope to request your FREE No-Obligation Lawn Analysis. It’s the first step to having a thick, green, healthy lawn you can be proud of.
Sincerely,
Mike Pribanic North Jersey, Branch Manager
P.S. It’s important to start early—to enjoy a beautiful lawn all season long. Please provide your phone number on the request slip, detach, and mail in the enclosed postage-paid envelope. For faster service, call 1-800-736-0205 to receive your FREE No-Obligation Lawn Analysis.
Uses the you-viewpoint; suggests that you need to call in the experts
Makes several logical appeals
Uses the bandwagon appeal—do what so many of your neighbors are doing
Makes it seem as though Scotts may have already looked at the customer’s lawn
Announces the immediate benefit that will lead to the main benefit: a beautiful lawn
Builds Scotts’ ethos as a company of knowledgeable professionals
Appeals to emotion and logic and builds trust in the Scotts professionals
Requested action is clear and easy and linked to the main benefit
A final reminder of the main benefit and the easy first step
FREE No-Obligation Lawn Analysis for 14111 Scottslawn Rd-Attn Dan Adams
271 2nd Street Saddle Brook, NJ 07663
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246 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
If you select a rational appeal as your central theme, your sales description is likely to be based on factual material. You should describe your product based on what it can do for your reader rather than how it appeals to the senses. You should write matter-of- factly about such qualities as durability, savings, profi ts, and ease of operation.
When using character-based appeals, you will emphasize comments from a well- known, carefully selected spokesperson. Or, if the character being promoted is that of the company itself, you will provide evidence that your company is expert and dependable, understands customers like “you,” and stands behind its service or product.
Th e writing that carries your sales message can be quite diff erent from your normal business writing. Sales writing usually is highly conversational, fast moving, and ag- gressive. It even uses techniques that are incorrect or inappropriate in other forms of business writing, such as sentence fragments or catchy slang. As the Case Illustrations show, it also uses visual emphasis devices (underscore, capitalization, boldface, italics, exclamation marks, color) and a variety of type sizes and fonts. And its paragraphing oft en appears choppy. Any sales message is competing with many other messages for the intended reader’s attention. In this environment of information overload, punchy writing and visual eff ects that enable quick processing of the message’s main points have become the norm in professional sales writing.
Stressing the You-Viewpoint In no area of business communication is the use of the you-viewpoint more important than in sales writing. A successful sales message bases its sales points on reader interest. You should liberally use and imply the pronoun you throughout the sales message as you present your well-chosen reader benefi ts.
For example, assume you are writing a sales message to a retailer and that one point you want to make is that the manufacturer will help sell the product with an ad- vertising campaign. You could write this information in a matter-of-fact way: “Home- Health products will be advertised in Self magazine for the next three issues.” Or you could write it based on what the advertising means to the reader: “Your customers will read about HomeHealth products in the next three issues of Self magazine.” As you can see, viewing things from the reader’s perspective strengthens your persua- siveness. Th e following examples further illustrate the value of presenting facts as reader benefi ts:
Facts You-Viewpoint Statements
We make Aristocrat hosiery in three colors. You may choose from three lovely shades.
The Regal weighs only a few ounces. The Regal’s featherlight touch makes vacuuming easier than ever.
Lime-Fizz is a lime-fl avored carbonated beverage.
Your customers will keep coming back for the refreshing citrus taste of Lime-Fizz.
Baker’s Dozen is packaged in a rectangular box with a bright bull’s-eye design.
Baker’s Dozen’s new rectangular package fi ts compactly on your shelf, and its bright bull’s-eye design is sure to catch the eyes of your customers.
You may also want to make use of scenario painting, putting the reader in a simu- lated context that brings out the product’s appeal. Th e J. Peterman company is famous for this technique, exemplifi ed in the following excerpt from an advertisement for a picnic backpack:
It’s a 7-mile hike to Snowmass Lake.
Best do it in late spring, early summer.
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 247
At sunset, the orange hues of Snowmass Mountain refl ect off this glassy, ripple free water. Many stop here to rest before a summit run.
Audrey and I are here for a picnic. No further quest required, less equipment, too. I have the overnight gear. She, this perfectly equipped lightweight picnic backpack.
Choosing Words Carefully In persuasive messages, every word can infl uence whether the reader will act on your request. Try putting yourself in your reader’s place as you select words for your mes- sage. Some words, while closely related in meaning, have diff erent emotional eff ects. For example, the word selection implies a choice, while the word preference implies a fi rst choice. Consider how changing a single adjective changes the eff ect of these sentences:
The NuPhone’s small size . . .
The NuPhone’s compact size . . .
The NuPhone’s sleek size . . .
Framing your requests in the positive is also a proven persuasive technique. Read- ers will tend to opt for solutions to problems that avoid negatives. Here are some examples:
Original Wording Positive Wording
Tastee ice cream has nine grams of fat per serving.
Tastee ice cream is 95 percent fat free.
Our new laser paper keeps the wasted paper from smudged copies to less than 2 percent.
Our new laser paper ensures smudge-free copies over 98 percent of the time.
In reviewing the research on visual persuasion, Charles A. Hill identifi es vividness as a key element in persuasive messages, whether verbal or visual. Research has shown that readers are more persuaded by one vivid picture or story than they are by statistics. For example, the picture of a hungry child or a detailed story about the child can persuade more successfully than the statistic that thousands of children are hungry. This fi nd- ing seems illogical because many cases should logically outweigh one case. But as Hill points out, reactions to viv- idness are not logic based. They tend to elicit immediate, emotional responses, not reasoned ones, and emotion often persuades more powerfully than reason. Hill offers the following hierarchy of vividness, with the most vivid information at the top and the least at the bottom:
Actual experience
Moving images with sound
Static photograph
Realistic painting
Line drawing
Narrative, descriptive account
Abstract, impersonal analysis
Statistics
Look for ways to include vivid, attractive detail—whether in the form of words or graphics—at key points in your persuasive message. But be sure to do so ethically.
SOURCE: “The Psychology of Rhetorical Images,” Defi ning Visual Rhetorics , ed. Charles A. Hill and Marguerite Helmers (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2004) 25–40, print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
The Importance of Vividness in Sales Messages
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248 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Figure 9–1
Many sales emails today are designed to be displayed in two formats, one for a computer screen and one for a mobile device. As you see here, the large-screen version can be graphically rich, but the mobile version might include text and links only.
Enhancing Your Message with Visuals Th e Web has made today’s readers more visually oriented than any before in history. When preparing any kind of sales message, be sure to consider whether photos, tables, boxes, word art, borders, or other graphical elements would enhance your message’s appeal.
As pointed out in our discussion of the Scotts LawnService mailing, sales letters can contain elaborately designed materials. Oft en, the envelope will contain artful text and images. Inside, you’ll fi nd visual elements ranging from logos and creatively chosen fonts to photos of products and customers.
Email sales messages have become just as visually appealing, if not more so. Many that sell products, such as the Wolferman’s message on the left in Figure 9–1, are almost all pictures. Some are at the oppositive end of the spectrum, such as some email mes- sages designed to be read on mobile devices (the message on the right in Figure 9–1). Probably most fall somewhere in between these two extremes, such as the Case Illustra- tion on page 249.
Th e visual literacy you read about in Chapter 1 defi nitely comes into play when de- signing sales messages. You need to understand, for example, that a photo is not just a literal representation of a person or a product; it conveys a mood, a set of values, and even an experience. Where to put the visual elements is also an important decision, requiring that you imagine the readers’ likely response to the screen or page design. Whatever visual elements you choose and wherever you put them, be sure that they project the desired message and complement the textual content.
SOURCE: Reprinted with permission of Harry & David Operations, Inc.
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An Email Sales Message (Persuading Readers Who Used a Trial Version of an Application to Purchase It). This message uses logical appeals and a variety of visual elements to make the product’s benefi ts stand out.
Monday, 5/14/2013 7:10 a.m.
Kathryn Rentz
TechSmith
Use Your Snagit Captures Anywhere
Use Your Snagit Captures AnywhereUse Your Snagit Captures Anywhere
Makes use of multimedia to
engage, teach, and sell
Testimonial is given emphasis and visual
interest
Opening stresses the central selling point: ease of use
Bulleted list focuses on tasks that the reader would be likely to want to do
Links encourage readers to stay informed and follow the brand
“Freebie” builds brand loyalty and the seller’s credibility
Call to action includes appealing information
SOURCE: Reprinted with permission.
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250 PART 3 Basic Patterns of Business Messages
Including All Necessary Information Of course, the information you present and how you present it are matters for your best judgment. But you must make sure that you present enough information to complete the sale. You should leave none of your readers’ questions unanswered. Nor should you fail to overcome any likely objections. You must work to include all such information in your message, and you should make it clear and convincing.
You will also need to decide how to apportion your information across all the pieces in your mailing or the layout of a screen. With direct mail, you should use your letter to do most of the persuading, with any enclosures, attachments, or links providing supplementary information. Th ese supplements might provide in-depth descriptions, price lists, diagrams, and pictures—in short, all the helpful information that does not fi t easily into the letter. You may want to direct your readers’ attention to these other pieces with such comments as “you’ll fi nd comments from your satisfi ed neighbors in the enclosed brochure,” “as shown on page 7 of the enclosed catalog,” or “you’ll see testimonials of satisfi ed customers in the blue shaded boxes.”
When you send the sales message by email, the supporting information can be worked into the message, accessed via Web links, or provided in attachments that you invite the reader to view. Because people skim email quickly, be sure to keep the mes- sage itself relatively short. Skillfully chunking the message visually (see the Case Illus- tration on page 249) also helps reduce the impression of excessive length.
Driving for the Sale Aft er you have developed your reader’s interest in your product or service, the next logical step is to drive for the sale. Aft er all, this is what you have been working for all along. It is the natural conclusion to the previous paragraphs.
How to word your drive for the sale depends on your strategy. If your selling eff ort is strong, your drive for action also may be strong. It may even be worded as a command
When writing persuasive messages, be especially careful to adapt them to the culture of the intended readers. For example, while sales letters in English and Chinese use many of the same core elements, there are also these crucial differences:
• English sales letters often use attention-getting headlines and postscripts that pressure readers to act, while Chinese sales letters do not use these aggressive strategies.
• Both types of letters contain a salutation, but it is more formal in Chinese letters (for example, “Honored Company” instead of “Dear Mr. Smith”). Furthermore, Chinese letters follow the salutation with polite words of greeting, whereas English letters go directly into sales talk.
• English letters tend to describe the product’s benefi ts by using “you,” whereas the Chinese, fi nding the use
of “you” disrespectful, tend to use “we” (as in “Our consistent goal is to produce comfortable luxury cars of high standard and good quality”).
• Both types of letters extol the benefi ts of the product, but Chinese letters use fewer details, especially about price.
• When making the actual request, Chinese letters are less pushy than English letters, favoring such mild language as “If you are interested in our products, please contact us.”
• Both types of letters use a complimentary close, but instead of “Sincerely yours,” the Chinese attempt to promote cooperation and mutual respect with such closings as “Wishing good health.”
SOURCE: Zhu Yunxia, “Building Knowledge Structures in Teaching Cross-Cultural Sales Genres,” Business Communication Quarterly 63.4 (2000): 49–69, print.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Persuasive Strategies Vary across Cultures
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CHAPTER 9 Making Your Case with Persuasive Messages and Proposals 251
(“Order your copy today—while it’s on your mind.”). If you use a milder sel
