Rhetoric and Research Portfolio

Legalization of Marijuana in United States.doc

by Cherie (Online) Henry

Submission dat e : 12- Apr- 2019 09:19AM (UT C- 07 00) Submission ID: 1111235525 File name : Legalizatio n_o f _Marijuana_in_United_States.do c (36K) Word count : 1267 Charact e r count : 664 2

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10% SIMILARIT Y INDEX

6% INT ERNET SOURCES

1% PUBLICAT IONS

7% ST UDENT PAPERS

1 5% 2 1% 3 1%

4 1% 5 1% 6 1% 7 1%

Legalization of Marijuana in United States.doc ORIGINALITY REPORT

PRIMARY SOURCES

Submitted to Keiser University St udent Paper

Submitted to Miami-Dade Community College St udent Paper

Edward P. Krenzelok. "Marijuana legalization: A continuing conundrum", American Journal of Health-System Pharmacy, 2017 Publicat ion

Submitted to Stoughton High School St udent Paper

alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov Int ernet Source

www.bignerds.com Int ernet Source

www.livoniasaveouryouth.org Int ernet Source

Exclude quo tes On

Exclude biblio graphy On

Exclude matches < 4 wo rds

FINAL GRADE

/100

Legalization of Marijuana in United States.doc GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

Cherie,

Yo ur stro ng langauge, and o rganizatio n o f the arguments f ro m beginning to end, sho ws me that yo u are a passio nate writer. Yo u appro ach yo ur reader, letting them kno w what yo u beleive and invite them to participate.

Yo ur thesis is o f f to a go o d start - but yo u need to be specif ic. Ref er to yo ur to pic sentneces in each argument paragraph - that will help. See mo re o n my no te my no te in the paper.

Ho wever, no te that the page requirement is 4 - 5 pages. T his is to o sho rt.

By no w yo u'll no te my pattern o f asking questio ns where clarif icatio n is needed, o r depth o f analysis is impo rtant. T he key is sticking to the page allo wance/limit, while f ully develo ping arguments. So metimes this will mean develo ping so me areas, while cho o sing to delete o ther areas.

Af ter f inishing reading thro ugh, I believe yo u have taken o n to o much in this sho rt essay. Yo u have to o many arguments to make that require citaito n/depth o f insight/multiple paragraphs. Fo r yo ur revised versio n o f this essay (summative pro ject), co nsider ho w yo u can narro w in o n a mo re specif ic to pic.

Additio nally, yo ur co nclusio n is inco mplete. Yo ur

have ref erences so me o f yo ur arguments, but do n't specif ically relate back to yo ur thesis.

Best, Ashleigh

https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips- and- to o ls/co nclusio ns/

Choosing a T opic: It is impo rtant to have a range o f reso urces, making sure yo ur to pic is relatable to a wider audience. Ho wever, the to pic also needs to be narro w eno ugh that yo u are able to f ully discuss the to pic (bo th sides o f the co ntro versy), witho ut rushing. Balance. Watch this video f o r a clear and basic break do wn o f narro wing a to pic. It’s a specif ic example, but I think it is very helpf ul: ht t ps://www.yout ube.com/wat ch? v=nXNzt CLYgxc

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Comment 1

Altho ugh APA research papers do o f ten use subtitles/sectio n titles - I do n't f eel they are necessary in such a sho rt assignment. T he o rganizatio n o f yo ur essay - including to pic sentences and smo o th tansitio ns sho uld acco unt f o r yo ur reader understanding the f lo w.

Comment 2

is there o verlap?

Comment 3

Is any media against marijuana use?

Comment 4

Where do es it play a huge ro le?

T his sentence isn't clear.

Comment 5

Which co untries? In what way is their health better than in the US?

Comment 6

Go o d thesis start. But there is wo rk to be do ne here to specif y.

What are the advantages/benef its/po sitive ef f ects that yo u will explain thro ugho ut yo ur paper (essay map)? Also , are yo u arguing f o r just medicinal legalizatio n, o r recreatio nally, to o ?

Comment 7

T his is repeated f ro m yo ur thesis.

Comment 8

I do n't understand what yo u mean by this.

Comment 9

Who are "mo st o f the peo ple?"

What abo ut peo pel who do n't go alo ng with this? Make sure yo u appro ach the o ppo sing side.

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Comment 10

Altho ugh yo u have all the inf o rmatio n. yo u've go t so me wo rk to do in o rganizing the paragraph so that yo u can co nvince yo ur readers o f yo ur view po int.

Co nsider what argument f allacies might be co ntributing to a weak argument.

Comment 11

repeated f ro m the previo us sentence.

Comment 12

capitalized.

capitalized.

Comment 13

But are these peo ple just who are impriso ned f o r drug related (marijuana) charges?

Comment 14

Ho w is there no do ubt?

What abo ut peo ple who do n't believe this to be true?

Clarif y.

Comment 15

T his is repititio n f ro m abo ve.

One recco mendatio n might be saying so mething like:

T he o ver 20 states that have legalized medicinal marijuana have do ne so because....

and include mo re specif ic inf o rmatio n.

Comment 16

Clarif y.

Opio d is is no t an ailment.

Do yo u mean o pio d addictio n?

o pio d epdiemic?

Comment 17

Can yo u be mo re specif ic. T his calls f o r so me research. Ho w much f urther in histo ry can we see the use o f marijuana to decrease pain? In what cultures/so cieties?

Comment 18

?

T his sentence is co nf using.

Comment 19

In this paragraph yo u are discussing medical marijuana. yo u have a lo t go ing o n here, so co nsider if mental health + marijuana is it's o wn argument.

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Comment 20

?

Comment 21

Co nsider deleting sentences that are repetitive o r do n't add to the argument.

What is the reaso n?

When is as so o n as po ssible?

And why in such a hurry?

Strikethrough.

Comment 23

???

Again, "no do ubt?"

Ho w do yo u kno w this to be true? What is the research?

Comment 24

What is against the po licies?

What are the po liceis?

Comment 25

Ho w do these two relate? Give us yo ur analysis.

Comment 26

Do yo u mean reduce the amo unt o f peo ple addicted to marijuana?

Comment 27

Who are they?

Comment 28

I'm no t sure what yo u mean?

Do yo u mean there will be mo re co mpanies co llabo rating/investing in pro cessing marijuana?

Also - who are the po tential co mpanies? Do n't they are exist?

Do yo u mean there will be mo re co mpaines?

Comment 29

capital

Comment 30

in what ways?

Comment 31

T ell me mo re.

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Comment 32

Ho w is it clear?

What are the benef its?

Comment 33

And what are they?

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