In what ways do you think the church is succeeding and/or failing when it comes to guiding singles on matters of sexuality and cohabitation? What does scripture teach and research show regarding cohabitation before marriage?

Lecture Notes: Module 5

(For Exam 4)

Table of Contents

HS 401: Sexual Dysfunction: Restoring Pleasure to One’s Relationship

Clifford Penner, Ph.D., and Joyce Penner, M.N.

HS 402: Every Man’s Battle: Pornography in Everyday Life

Steve Arterburn, M.Ed.

Course Description

Here is the paradoxical riddle: Why, in this age of sexual freedom, is there a rise in the number of persons reporting a wide range of sexual dysfunctions? In any given year, 60% of married couples report some kind of sexual dysfunction. Learn why and what to do about this serious problem through this course.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to identify and understand the broad categories of sexual dysfunction and the specific diagnoses in each category.

2. Will be able to effectively assess and provide treatment commensurate with one’s qualifications, as well as recognize the limits of one’s abilities and make appropriate referrals for treatment.

3. Will be familiar with recent changes in diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction.

Introduction

A mutually satisfying sexual relationship in marriage is not only a biblical expectation, but an attainable reality. Misinformation, false expectations, and lack of communication about the sex in marriage, as well as physiological and psychological issues, interfere with the actualization of that potential. This course trains helping professionals to effectively assess, identify, and understand sexual barriers. It also identifies helpful resources to assist couples in overcoming sexual disappointments and restoring the pleasure in their sexual lives.

I. Introduction

A. Cliff and Joyce’s Journey in Understanding and Treating Sexual Dysfunction:

B. The Student’s Journey:

· Where is each person in his/her personal and professional process of understanding and reversing sexual dysfunction?

· What someone needs to be an effective helper:

1. Comfort and competence

2. A well-defined system

3. Clear guidelines

4. Tools

II. Sexual Dysfunctions and Treatment

A. Problems Due to Relationship Issues

· Frequency - Rx: Negotiate and schedule

· Initiation - Rx: Reverse patterns

· Boredom - Rx: 52 Ways to Have Fun, Fantastic Sex by the Penners

· Inhibition

1. Religious - Rx: Invite God into the bedroom

2. Personal - Rx: Guide small steps to freedom

B. Problems Due to Destructive Relationship Patterns

· The insecure sexually demanding husband -

Rx: Separate need for validation from sex

· The sexually controlling wife -

Rx: Overcome past hurts; accept realistic sexual conditions

· Sexual addictions -

Rx: Refer to other videos in this course

C. Problems of Sexual Desire

· Internal conflict due to alcoholic or out-of-control home

1. Need for control:

2. Four steps to make need for control work positively:

i. Make a conscious decision to be sexual.

ii. Take control of the sexual experience (initiate).

iii. Plan or schedule for sex.

iv. Have the other spouse back off from initiation.

· Sexual conflict due to past trauma

1. Identify trauma

2. Work through unresolved issues

3. Help establish new patterns

4. Forgive the offender

· Medical difficulties due to testosterone levels

1. Get a complete diagnosis of hormone levels

2. Use hormone supplements, gels or creams as needed

D. Problems of Sexual Arousal

· Female lack of feelings of arousal

1. Give permission

2. Raise awareness of bodily responses

· Female lack of vaginal lubrication

1. Hormonal therapy

2. Lubrication creams or gels

3. Eating and vitamin supplements

· Male erectile dysfunction (impotence or E.D.)

1. E.D. may signal other diseases that cause the E.D.

2. E.D. may result from psychological factors

3. Treatment for E.D.

i. Injections

ii. Viagra

iii. Sexual therapy (Restoring the Pleasure)

E. Problems of Release

· Female orgasmic inhibition

Rx: Help woman get out of spectator role into active role, understand her body, and communicate her needs to her husband

· Female lack of coital orgasm

Rx: Bridging technique and G-spot exploration

· Male inhibited ejaculation (rare)

Rx: Sexual retraining

· Male premature ejaculation (common)

1. Definition

2. Teaching ejaculatory control: Sexual retraining

3. Medical therapy

F. Problems of Pain during Intercourse (Dyspareunia)

· Vulvar pain

· Pain of the vaginal barrel

· Pain of the pelvic cavity

III. Message of Hope

A. Be clear about how to guide couples through sexual dysfunction.

B. Understand the role and importance of sex in marriage.

C. Bring hope and healing to others.

Bibliography/Reading List

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Sex Facts for the Family . (Dallas, TX: Word Publishers, 1992).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Counseling for Sexual Disorders. (Dallas: Word, 1990).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Restoring the Pleasure . (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1993).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. What Every Wife Wants Her Husband to Know About Sex.(Dallas,

TX: Word, 1998).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. 52 Ways to Have Fun, Fantastic Sex . (Nashville, TN: Thomas

Nelson, 1994).

HS 401 Study Questions

1. How common is the problem of sexual dysfunction among marriages? What are the common causes of sexual problems? What is necessary to be an effective helper?

2. What sexual problems result from destructive relationship patterns and how can they be remedied?

3. What sexual problems result from the lack of sexual desire? What types of therapy can help couples restore pleasure and desire to their sexual relationship?

4. Describe the sexual dysfunctions that result from problems of arousal and release. What healing methods can couples try to overcome these difficulties?

5. How legitimate is a woman’s complaint of pain during intercourse? What can be done to alleviate her pain?

Soul Care Notes

Genesis 34:2; 50:20

Leviticus 19:29

2 Kings 16:3

Song of Solomon 7:6-12

Lamentations 3:55-57

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

James 1:2-4

Course Description

Every man must decide the standard by which to live. The world’s standard allows anything that two people agree on. Sometimes the church’s standard is to try harder and be good. God’s standard is holiness and a life free of any hint of sexual immorality. This course focuses on the battle with pornography and how to live according to God’s standard. It offers practical solutions on how to win the battle for sexual integrity.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual components of the battle of sexual temptation.

2. Will acquire the tools and weapons necessary to win the battle for sexual integrity.

3. Will be able to teach men how to love their wives with clean hearts and minds, and help men worship God without barriers as men of integrity.

Introduction

Men today are struggling with sexual integrity at every level. Temptations are so common that most men don’t believe they can win the fight against sexual temptation. Men’s lives are riddled with guilt, fear and discouragement, blocking their ability to worship God and hold their heads up high. This is not God’s plan for any man or his marriage, and He has provided a way for men to escape and become free!

I. Introduction

A. Doing Things Differently

B. No Battle Plan

C. Certain Defeat

Pastors’ Survey: 50,000 pastors are involved with Pastor Rick Warren’s web site at pastors.com. When asked how many of them have viewed a pornographic web site within the last year, 50% said they had. When asked how many had viewed a pornographic web site in the last 30 days, 30% said they had.

Sexual purity is not just a minor problem for men who don’t go to church regularly. It is a serious problem with not only lay folk, but also the clergy.

II. Steve’s Personal Story

A. Before Marriage

B. After Marriage

C. Wake Up Call

D. His dilemma

E. His decision

F. His Commitment

Sexual integrity occurs when all of our sexual gratification comes from one person and that person is a man’s wife. If single, all sexual gratification comes from one person and that person is a man’s future wife.

III. Three Defense Perimeters

A. Perimeter One: To Make a Commitment with One’s Eyes

· Job 31:1 – Job made a commitment with his eyes.

· Bounce one’s eyes away.

· With men, the visual is sexual foreplay.

· Starve the eyes.

· A man’s wife will become more attractive to him.

· A husband will honor God and his wife.

· A man’s wife will begin to connect with him

B. Perimeter Two: To Make a Commitment with One’s Mind

· The “mustang” mind

· The rancher must corral the mustang.

· Every man has a mustang mind.

· The “corral” of the mind

The reality of a mustang mind is that we will have a sexual experience with anything that gets into the corral of the mind.

· Emotional sex

· Psychological affairs

· Sexual purity

C. Perimeter Three: To Make a Commitment with One’s Heart

· A new commitment with one’s heart towards his wife

· Dictator/doormat system

It probably will not be at the top of a wife’s list to have a wonderful gratifying sexual experience with the man that she feels is holding her hostage.

· A new commitment to win the heart of one’s wife

· Mutual submission to oneness

· Cherishing one’s wife

This lesson has been talking about men who struggle with sexual purity and integrity. It is not talking about the sexual addict; although they would benefit from these perimeters, they are in need of additional help as well.

IV. Differentiating the Levels of Addiction

A. A Sexual Addict Typically Struggles with One or More of the Following:

· Compulsive masturbation

· Massage parlors and prostitutes

· Voyeurism or exhibitionism

· Rape, incest, molestation

B. Men Struggling with Sexual Purity and Integrity Typically Struggle with One or More of the Following:

· His eyes automatically lock on to a woman who walks by or near.

· He finds his wife less and less satisfying.

· He will start to find other women more attractive.

· He will seek out sexually arousing articles or magazines.

· He will maintain a private place or secret compartment in his mind.

· He might look forward to a business trip to be free to do what he wants.

· He may frequent pornographic sites.

· He may seek out sexually arousing R rated movies.

Bibliography/Reading List

Arterburn, Steve, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey. Everyman’s Battle . (WaterBrook Press,

2000).

Arterburn, Steve, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey. Everyman’s Battle Workbook.

(WaterBrook Press, 2002).

Arterburn, Steve, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey. Every Young Man’s Battle . (WaterBrook

Press, 2002).

Arterburn, Steve, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey. Every Women’s Desire . (WaterBrook

Press, 2001).

Crabb, Larry. Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference . (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan,

1991).

Hayes, Steve. Safe and Sound . (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2002).

HS 402 Study Questions

1. What are the three lines of defense a man needs to have in place to win the battle for sexual purity and integrity?

2. What is it called when all of a man’s sexual gratification comes from his wife and her alone? In what way does the wife benefit? How would the husband benefit?

3. What aspects of the strategy for bouncing and starving the eyes make the most sense to each individual? What changes would one need to make in order to accomplish bouncing and starving one’s eyes?

4. What does it mean to have a “mustang” mind? How would one explain the corral concept as it applies to sexual purity in someone’s thought life? What does it represent? What does it accomplish?

5. What do most sexual addicts struggle with? What do most men who lack sexual integrity struggle with?

Soul Care Notes

Matthew 5:28

Mark 7:21-23

Acts 15:29

Romans 13:12-13

1 Corinthians 5:11

1 Corinthians 6:13-18

Galatians 5:16-19

Ephesians 5:3-4

Colossians 3:5-6

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7

SEXUAL BROKENNESS

HS 401

SEXUAL HARASSMENT / BOUNDARY VIOLATIONS

Diane Langberg, Ph.D.

HS 402

EVERY MAN’S BATTLE: PORNOGRAPHY IN EVERYDAY LIFE

Steve Arterburn, M.Ed.