sexual psycology

‘‘Did You Come?’’ A Qualitative Exploration of Gender Differences in Beliefs, Experiences, and Concerns Regarding Female Orgasm Occurrence During

Heterosexual Sexual Interactions

Claire M. A. Salisbury Department of Psychology, Western University

William A. Fisher Department of Psychology and Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology,

Western University

This study explored gender differences in young adult heterosexual men’s and women’s experiences, beliefs, and concerns regarding the occurrence or nonoccurrence of orgasm during sexual interactions, with emphasis on the absence of female orgasm during intercourse. Qualitative reports were obtained from five female focus groups (N ¼ 24, M age ¼ 19.08) and five male focus groups (N ¼ 21, M age ¼ 19.29), involving three to five participants per group. Transcripts of the discussions were analyzed for emerging themes across focus group discus- sions. Results indicated that, for both male and female participants, the most common concern regarding lack of female orgasm in a partnered context focused on the negative impact this might have on the male partner’s ego. Male and female participants also agreed that men have the physical responsibility to stimulate their female partner to orgasm, while women have the psychological responsibility of being mentally prepared to experience the orgasm. Men and women tended to maintain different beliefs, however, regarding clitoral stimulation during intercourse, as well as the importance of female orgasm for a woman’s sexual satisfaction in a partnered context. Findings suggest foci for sexual education.

Introduction

Men and women share similar subjective sensations of orgasm (Vance & Wagner, 1976), are able to mastur- bate to orgasm within a similar time frame (Hite, 1976, 1982; Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin, & Gebhard, 1953), and share similar orgasm consistency rates via masturbation (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994; Salisbury, 2010; Wade, Kremer, & Brown, 2005). A gen- der difference exists, however, in regard to the frequency of orgasm experienced by men and women during sexual interactions; men tend to experience orgasm more consistently than do women during sexual acts with a partner (Laumann et al., 1994). The largest discrepancy when comparing men’s and women’s orgasm frequency is found during the sexual act of penile-vaginal inter- course. While the majority (over 90%) of men indicate they usually or always orgasm during heterosexual inter- course (Hite, 1982; Salisbury, 2010; Wade et al., 2005),

the majority (up to 70%) of women indicate they usually do not orgasm during intercourse (Dawood, Kirk, Bailey, Andrews, & Martin, 2005; Hite, 1976; Lloyd, 2005; Salisbury, 2010; Wade et al., 2005). Such a gender difference in orgasm occurrence may influence men’s and women’s perceptions, concerns, and assumptions about the other sex’s experiences, in relation to their own and their partner’s orgasm.

The current qualitative research focused on gender differences in the experiences, beliefs, and concerns sur- rounding lack of orgasm in partnered sexual interactions within a young adult, heterosexual, nonclinical popu- lation. Given that women are more likely than men to experience infrequent orgasm during sexual interactions, special attention was directed toward men’s and women’s experiences, beliefs, and concerns surrounding lack of female orgasm. Furthermore, because female orgasm is least likely to occur during vaginal-penile intercourse in comparison to manual or oral genital stimulation (Fisher, 1973; Hite, 1976; Kinsey et al., 1953; Laumann et al., 1994; Wade et al., 2005), and because intercourse is the most commonly reported behavior among men’s and women’s most recent sexual events (in comparison to oral sex, anal sex, and

Correspondence should be addressed to Claire M. A. Salisbury,

Department of Psychology, Western University, Westminster Hall,

361 Windermere Road, London, Ontario N6A 3K7, Canada. E-mail:

[email protected]

JOURNAL OF SEX RESEARCH, 51(6), 616–631, 2014

Copyright # The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality

ISSN: 0022-4499 print=1559-8519 online

DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2013.838934

partnered masturbation; see Herbenick et al., 2010; Laumann et al., 1994), concerns surrounding lack of female orgasm during intercourse (i.e., coital orgasm) are highlighted.

Throughout this article, the term coital orgasm is used to refer to orgasms that occur during penile- vaginal intercourse as opposed to other sexual acts. Although we do not argue that orgasms experienced during intercourse are more important than, or inher- ently different from, orgasms experienced during other sexual acts, we acknowledge the debate within the literature surrounding the proposed psychologi- cal and physiological benefits of female coital orgasm and encourage readers to refer to relevant research and critiques (e.g., see Brody, 2010; Levin, 2011; Prause, 2011).

Importance of Studying Orgasm in a Young Adult

Population

A variety of factors may contribute to difficulties in sexual functioning experienced by young men and women, including inadequate sexual education (Byers et al., 2003; Santelli et al., 2006), limited skills in sexual communication (Abel & Fitzgerald, 2006; Halpern- Felsher, Kropp, Boyer, Tschann, & Ellen, 2004), and a shorter history of sexual experiences on which to draw, in comparison to older adults. As such, young adults may be expected to report sexual difficulties, such as infrequent orgasm, as a normative part of their trajectory of learning to be sexual (O’Sullivan & Majerovich, 2008). For example, researchers from the Canadian Contracep- tion Study (Boroditsky, Fisher, & Bridges, 1999), ques- tioning 1,599 women about sexual and reproductive health issues, found that orgasm occurrence was signifi- cantly less common among younger women than older women of reproductive age, regardless of marital status. Such a finding is consistent with results from Laumann and colleagues (1994), in which young adult women and men (ages 18 to 24) reported significantly lower orgasm consistency across various partnered sexual activities in comparison to older adults. Given that orgasm is least likely to occur in younger individuals, and that sexual experiences in both adolescence and young adulthood may be the foundation upon which the sexual lives of adults are based (Bickham et al., 2007; Else-Quest, Hyde, & DeLamater, 2005), it is important that researchers gain a better understanding of the experiences and perceptions associated with the lack of orgasm in a younger population.

Clitoral Stimulation and Female Orgasm

Clitoral stimulation has been found to be the primary source of sensory input for triggering female orgasm; even during vaginal-penile intercourse alone there is usually some form of clitoral stimulation, either direct

or indirect (Darling, Davidson, & Cox, 1991; Hite, 1976; Masters & Johnson, 1966). Thus, sexual activities aimed at direct clitoral stimulation have been suggested as the most likely to maximize orgasm occurrence in women (e.g., Griffit & Hatfield, 1985). The frequency of female orgasm across sexual acts steadily decreases as one considers orgasm attained through masturbation (with, on average, the greatest amount of clitoral stimulation), partner manual stimulation, oral stimu- lation, and, finally, vaginal-penile intercourse (with, on average, the least amount of clitoral stimulation; Fisher, 1973; Fugl-Meyer, Oberg, Lundberg, Lewin, & Fugl-Meyer, 2006; Hite, 1976; Kinsey et al., 1953; Laumann et al., 1994; Wade et al., 2005). One can ques- tion whether young men and women are aware of the importance of the clitoris in triggering female orgasm, or are knowledgeable with regard to female orgasm in general. Wade and colleagues (2005) surveyed more than 800 undergraduate men and women (M age 19 years) and found that women were more knowledgeable than men about the role of the clitoris in the occurrence of female orgasm during intercourse. Interestingly, female knowledge of the clitoris correlated significantly with the frequency of female orgasm during masturbation (i.e., more clitoral knowledge was associated with greater orgasm consistency during masturbation) but not during intercourse. Thus, female knowledge alone was not useful in maximizing female coital orgasm occurrence. Even if women are knowledgeable as to the best way to attain an orgasm, it appears that there is something about being in a partnered sexual interaction that impedes the chances of female orgasm occurrence.

Inaccurate Male Assumptions and Lack of

Communication

Wade and colleagues (2005) reported that many men are guided by inaccurate working assumptions with regard to the clitoris and the female orgasm. More than 37% of men were incorrect in assuming that ‘‘the clitoris is directly stimulated by (penis-vagina) intercourse,’’ and more than 32% of men were incorrect in assuming that ‘‘most women will have an orgasm from (penis- vagina) intercourse’’ (p. 127). In addition to these inaccurate assumptions, many men have difficulty iden- tifying whether a woman has had an orgasm (Hite, 1982; Laumann et al., 1994; Roberts, Kippax, Waldby, & Crawford, 1995). Although women’s estimates of how often their male partners experience orgasm during sex are quite similar to men’s reports of their own orgasm frequency, gross overestimation is common when men are asked the same question about their female partners (Laumann et al., 1994, p. 115; see also Roberts et al., 1995).

Overall, there exists a divide between the genders in regard to knowledge surrounding female orgasm, and

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women do not seem to be sharing their knowledge with men. Although communication within couples in regard to sexual topics has been associated with both relationship and sexual satisfaction (Byers & Demmons, 1999; MacNeil & Byers, 2005), such com- munication is not common (Byers & Demmons, 1999; MacNeil & Byers, 1997), especially in couples who experience orgasmic difficulty (Kelly, Strassberg, & Turner, 2004). As such, many men and women may rely on working assumptions to infer a partner’s sexual experiences. Unfortunately, young adult men and women are generally not very accurate in regard to such assumptions (Miller & Byers, 2004; Simms & Byers, 2009).

Importance of Orgasm for Men’s and Women’s Sexual

Satisfaction

Experiencing one’s own orgasm in a sexual encounter appears to be somewhat more important for men in comparison to women. For instance, Meston and Buss (2007) reported that their male and female participants ranked orgasm as the 9th and 14th most important rea- sons for having sex, respectively. Men are also more likely than women to endorse orgasm as one of their primary objects of sexual desire (Mark, Fortenberry, Herbenick, Sanders, & Reece, 2012) and as their goal for having intercourse (Salisbury, 2010). Further- more, after conducting 41 semi-structured interviews, McClelland (2011) found that all of her male parti- cipants, but none of her female participants, reported that ‘‘having an orgasm was an important benchmark for determining sexual satisfaction’’ (p. 311). While these studies demonstrate that orgasm during sexual interaction is relatively less important for women than it is for men, there is currently a lack of agreement in regard to exactly how important orgasm is for a woman’s sexual satisfaction.

Some research has demonstrated that infrequent female orgasm is not associated with decreased sexual or relationship satisfaction or with decreased pleasure derived from intercourse for women (Fisher, 1973; Hite, 1976; Wallin, 1960; Waterman & Chiauzzi, 1982). An in-depth interview study by Nicolson and Burr (2003) found that several female respondents reported sexual pleasure was much broader than orgasm during a sexual encounter, and sensuality and physical affection were equally, or even more, satisfying than orgasm per se for these women. On the other hand, a few studies have demonstrated that orgasm is important for a woman’s sexual satisfaction (e.g., Fugl-Meyer et al., 2006; Kelly et al., 2004; Sigusch & Schmidt, 1971). Attempting to understand such discrepancies in the literature as to the importance of orgasm for women, Laan and Rellini (2011) determined that women who found it easier to orgasm were also more likely to regard orgasm as important. Such a finding led these

researchers to conclude that ‘‘orgasms are important for women’s sexual satisfaction, and that placing less importance on orgasms is related to women’s lesser consistency of orgasm during partnered sexual activity and not to orgasms being less important per se’’ (p. 331).

Concern About Lack of Female Orgasm

While the importance of orgasm for women in relation to their sexual satisfaction has varied across pre- vious studies, the fact remains that infrequent orgasm occurrence poses a potential challenge for a large pro- portion of women. The majority of women are not able to reliably experience orgasm during sexual activity with a partner, and around 10% are never able to experience orgasm in any situation (Dawood et al., 2005; Lloyd, 2005). Furthermore, orgasmic difficulties are the first or second most frequently reported sexual concern by women in both nonclinical samples and those seeking sex therapy (Fugl-Meyer & Sjoren Fugl-Meyer, 1999; Laumann et al., 1994; Meston, Hull, Levin, & Sipski, 2007; Meston, Levin, Sipski, Hull, & Heiman, 2004; Sidi, Puteh, Abdullah, & Midin, 2007; Spector & Carey, 1990). The specific content of such concerns, however, has not been thoroughly addressed in previous studies.

Why may women be concerned about their lack of orgasm in partnered sexual interactions, especially given findings that seem to show orgasm may not be necessary for women’s sexual satisfaction? Some clues may come from Nicolson and Burr’s (2003) in-depth interviews with 33 women, aged 19 to 60 years (M age 28 years). These investigators reported that these women ‘‘seemed less concerned with achieving orgasm through heterosexual intercourse for themsel- ves . . . there was, however, evidence of a strong desire to experience orgasm in this way for the sake of their male partners’’ (p. 1735, emphasis added). This finding seems to suggest that female concerns regarding lack of personal orgasm in a sexual encounter may focus on the male partner and not on the self. Whether or not such findings hold true in a sample limited to young adults coming of age sexually is unclear. Furthermore, Nicolson and Burr’s (2003) study did not shed light on men’s concerns associated with lack of their female partner’s orgasm.

Current Study

Given substantial gender differences in the frequency of orgasm occurrence during sexual interactions, the lack of sexual communication that characterizes many couples, and an apparent reliance on assumptions about a partner’s sexual experiences and preferences, it is possible that other gender differences exist in regard to the concerns, thoughts, and feelings men and women

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have regarding their own and their partner’s orgasm. The purpose of the current study was to qualitatively explore gender differences in the experiences, beliefs, and concerns regarding the occurrence and nonoccur- rence of orgasm during heterosexual sexual interactions, with a particular emphasis on absence of female orgasm during intercourse. We examined this issue among young adult, heterosexually active, male and female university students who were at an age of emerging sexuality and who report the lowest orgasm consistency in comparison to older age groups (Boroditsky et al., 1999; Laumann et al., 1994).

Method

Participants

A total of 24 undergraduate women from an Ontario university participated in female focus group discus- sions. Participants’ ages ranged from 18 to 22 years (M ¼ 19.08, SD ¼ 1.38), and 21 (87.50%) identified as Caucasian, one (4.17%) as South East Asian, one (4.17%) as Korean, and one (4.17%) as Chinese. In all, 19 (79.17%) were dating one person exclusively, four (16.67%) were dating, but not exclusively, and one (4.17%) was not dating anyone. All but one female par- ticipant had experienced sexual intercourse. Of those who had experienced intercourse, the mean number of lifetime intercourse partners was 2.74 (SD ¼ 2.18, range 1 to 9), and the mean age at first intercourse experience was 17.08 years (SD ¼ 1.56, range 15 to 22). Only one (4.17%) female participant reported never having experienced orgasm. Among men, 21 undergraduate men from the same university participated in male focus group discussions. Ages ranged from 18 to 21 years (M ¼ 19.29, SD ¼ 1.27), and 17 (80.95%) participants identified as Caucasian, one (4.76%) as Korean, one (4.76%) as Black, and two (9.52%) as ‘‘Other.’’ Thirteen (61.90%) were not dating anyone at the time, five (23.81%) were dating one person exclusively, two (9.52%) were dating but not exclusively, and one (4.76%) was married. All male participants had experi- enced sexual intercourse, reporting a mean age at first intercourse experience of 16.24 years (SD ¼ 1.30, range 13 to 18), and a mean number of lifetime intercourse partners of 6.43 (SD ¼ 6.06, range 2 to 27). All male participants reported having experienced orgasm. Parti- cipants were recruited through an undergraduate psy- chology research pool and an undergraduate human sexuality course. Those from the research pool received two research credits for participation and those from the sexuality course received neither credits nor monetary compensation. Participation was limited to those who had been heterosexually active (i.e., had at least one sex- ual interaction with a person of the other sex in their lifetime).

Measures

Demographic and Sexual Experience Questionnaire. A Demographic and Sexual Experience Questionnaire, assessing participants’ demographic information and sexual experience, was developed for this study.

Focus group guides. Female and male focus group discussion guides were developed for this study (see Appendix). Overall, 32 specific questions were asked. The female focus group guide was divided into sections concerning women’s sexuality, orgasm experience, lack of orgasm, the male partner, communication, faking orgasms, masturbation, and sex toys. The male focus group guide was divided into sections concerning men’s sexuality, male and female orgasm, communication, faking orgasm, clitoral stimulation, and sex toys. Although the majority of questions regarding orgasm occurrence did not specify a particular sexual context, a few questions were focused particularly on sexual intercourse for reasons previously discussed.

Procedure

Five female focus groups were conducted with four to five participants in each group. Focus group discussions were facilitated by the female author and, for two groups, with the assistance of a female graduate student. Five male focus groups were conducted with three to five participants in each group. Male focus group discus- sions were facilitated by the female author and a male graduate student. Given the potentially sensitive nature of the focus group discussions, we thought it beneficial to have a male discussion leader present for the male focus groups, taking the main role of presenting the questions to the participants. Our hope was that a male focus group leader would facilitate open and honest discussion of how men felt.

Prior to focus group discussion, each participant signed an informed consent sheet after reading a study information document, which included the instruction, ‘‘You do not need to answer any questions you do not feel comfortable answering and you can leave the discussion at any time’’ (although all questions were answered by each participant and no one left the discussion). Each participant also filled out the paper- and-pencil Demographic and Sexual Experience Ques- tionnaire. It was clearly explained to participants that diverse responses to focus group questions were accept- able and consensus was not necessary, as there were no right or wrong answers. Participants were asked to respect the request not to disclose anything said in the discussion and not to provide any identifying infor- mation during the discussion. While a considerable number of questions were posed, a consistent flow of discussion was maintained across all groups, with the aim of generating the experience of an informal

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conversation among attendees. On occasion, discussion naturally led to addressing a question out of order in relation to the focus group guide. When this occurred, after the question was discussed, the focus group leader resumed addressing the remaining questions in sequence. To gather more information regarding beliefs and experiences surrounding lack of female orgasm, focus group leaders would sometimes pose follow-up inquiries (not listed in the focus group guide) specifically regarding orgasm in the context of sexual intercourse. Discussions lasted between 60 to 90 minutes and, with permission granted from all participants, the discussions were audio recorded in order to identify emerging themes at a later time. Once the group discussions were complete, all participants were debriefed, given an opportunity to ask questions, and provided with refer- ences concerning sexual function.

Focus groups were limited to a maximum of five part- icipants so that each person would have as much time as desired to respond, while at the same allowing discus- sions to conclude within a reasonable time frame, reduc- ing the chance of participant fatigue and disinterest. The use of fewer participants in some groups was due to the limited availability of participants to meet at the same time and location. A smaller number of focus group participants did not appear to hamper discussion and in fact allowed more time for richer descriptions of participants’ experiences. All study procedures were approved by the university’s research ethics board.

Data Analysis

Female and male focus group data were coded and analyzed separately, implementing a phenomenological approach (Moustakas, 1994) to investigate the subjec- tive experiences of male and female participants regard- ing orgasm occurrence in partnered sexual interactions. Each focus group discussion was transcribed verbatim, and, separately for the female and male focus groups, all responses to each focus group question were grouped together. Next, the transcriptions were broken down into three equal sections to facilitate coding, and each section was reviewed independently by the lead author and one other coder to identify predominant and recur- ring themes, both within each question and across ques- tions. Each coder had access to recordings of the discussions to confirm interpretation of the transcripts, if needed. For each question, and independently for each coder, responses expressing similar ideas were coded together, and the most common responses for each question were documented. Finally, two lists of the most common and recurring themes (for the male and female focus groups separately) were identified via reference to coded themes and discussion to consensus between the coders. Any disparities that arose between coders were addressed by having the coders reanalyze particular

statements and themes together and then coming to agreement on the themes represented. Quotations were selected from transcripts to illustrate identified themes.

Results and Discussion

The themes reported represented the most common responses elicited within and across male and female focus groups discussions. Unless stated otherwise, the themes should not be taken to suggest that every male or every female participant held such an opinion or experience. The focus group guide question number to which participants were responding appears in parenth- eses after each quotation.

Female Focus Groups

Six themes emerged from analysis of the female focus group discussions.

Males are responsible for the physical stimulation of females to orgasm. Women viewed responsibility for the occurrence of female orgasm as falling on both the male and female partner but in very different ways. Men were seen as having the physical responsibility of properly stimulating the woman to orgasm, whereas women were seen as having the psychological responsi- bility to remain in the proper mindset and focus their attention on the stimulation they were receiving. Thus, whereas female participants saw men as responsible for giving the woman an orgasm, they saw women as responsible for being psychologically ready to receive the orgasm. Following are some illustrative quotes:

I think [responsibility for female orgasm] it’s more physi- cal for the guy and emotional for the girl. (Question 17)

I think mostly [female orgasm is] the guy’s responsi- bility, but if you’re not going to let him make you feel good, like if you’re going to shut yourself off, then you’re inhibiting it. (Question 17)

My boyfriend can do the exact same thing twice, and one night he can [make me orgasm] and the second night he can do the exact same thing and I might not come. It depends on your mindset, and if you’re stressed out then you’re probably not going to. If you think you’re not, then you’re probably not going to. It’s all in your mind. You have to relax, and you can’t think about other stuff . . . . There’s only so much a guy can do, and the rest of it is up to you and if you’re willing to do it. (Question 17)

Female orgasm is not necessary for women’s sexual satisfaction during partnered interactions. Women viewed female sexual satisfaction as not being dependent on the occurrence of female orgasm, and instead they viewed female orgasm as a ‘‘bonus’’ and not the goal,

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or even a goal, of sexual interactions (particularly intercourse), as the following quotes demonstrate:

I don’t think it’s important to have an orgasm [during intercourse] every time since it’s difficult, and I don’t think that the act of sex is to have an orgasm. It’s not the goal. The goal of sex is to be intimate with your part- ner and show them you care and that you love them, and if you have an orgasm that’s just beneficiary [sic]. (Question 7)

It doesn’t really bother me [if I don’t orgasm] . . . . I think it’s the act of pleasuring each other and being able to satisfy the other person [that’s more important]. (Question 11)

[Female orgasm during intercourse] is not important, but it is a plus. As long as the woman enjoys herself, why is an orgasm important? The whole point is to have a good time. An orgasm would just be icing on the cake. (Question 7)

If the partner truly tried to please you and sexual activity was still pleasurable, then personally [not having an orgasm] would not bother me as much. (Question 11)

I don’t think [female orgasm during intercourse is] important, but I think she should feel satisfied. Because there are times when I haven’t had an orgasm but I’ve still been satisfied. (Question 7)

Female orgasm is more important for the male partner than the female partner. Women expressed the view that the importance of female orgasm rested not with increasing the female’s sexual satisfaction and physical pleasure but, rather, paradoxically rested with a concern for the male partner’s feelings and perceptions. Specifi- cally, women’s concerns about lack of female orgasm centered on concern about the male partner’s ego and sense of himself as a good or competent lover in response to not being able to ‘‘give’’ her an orgasm, as the following quotes illustrate:

She is most concerned about her partner feeling inad- equate [if she doesn’t orgasm]. Like, he didn’t do a good job, and it hurts his self-esteem. And the annoying ques- tion, ‘‘Did you finish?’’ as if sex is now goal oriented instead of enjoyed. (Question 13)

I think the guy almost feels more satisfied [than his part- ner] half the time when you orgasm. They feel like the hero or something . . . . Their ego is so big when they know that they have accomplished [the female orgasm], so I almost feel that it’s more satisfying for them than it is for you. (Question 13)

It’s not like I have to [orgasm] for the man, but I feel bad when I’m really stressed and just can’t really get into it— I shouldn’t have started having sex in the first place in that situation. He’s trying really hard, but you’re just like, I feel bad because he’d be disappointed if I didn’t [orgasm]. (Question 13)

If you’ve been working on it for a long time and don’t [have an orgasm], I’d be concerned with what he’s thinking and if he’s coming down on himself. (Question 13)

Concern for the male partner’s feelings and perceptions was also evident when women discussed the issue of faking orgasms to avoid negative partner reactions, as these quotes demonstrate:

I think that if you don’t [orgasm during intercourse], the guy just feels like he isn’t good, or failed, or is not doing something right . . . . Then you feel pressured to fake it, but you don’t want to fake it because you want to be honest, so then it’s just awkward. (Question 7)

I definitely don’t think it’s a good thing to fake it, but at the same time I still think it happens. Like it’s still kind of embarrassing if you can’t please the other person and you wouldn’t want him to feel embarrassed, especially if things are going well and you’re in a relationship and you don’t want him to feel inadequate or embarrassed so you may be having a good time but you may not completely orgasm, so you fake it a little bit. It does happen. Like you shouldn’t do it, but you want to save the person you care about from being embarrassed. (Question 23)

Sometimes you have to [fake orgasm] because you’re going to upset the person. (Question 7)

Reliance on working assumptions and lack of commu- nication. Women assumed that men highly value the occurrence of female orgasm during sexual interactions, and that men judge themselves and=or their female partners harshly if the female partner does not have an orgasm. However, direct communication between partners with regard to the lack of female orgasm was reported as being uncommon, and the accuracy of women’s assumptions about men’s reactions to the lack of female orgasm in sexual encounters was not tested, as these quotes illustrate:

He didn’t say anything [after I did not orgasm during intercourse], but he obviously felt deficient. (Question 18)

I don’t really see that much change in their mood [given lack of female orgasm], but deep down it’s kind of, like, [it] really hurts their ego. It’s like they let you down type thing. But they would never come out and say it, because they don’t want to admit they’re wrong type thing. (Question 18)

I think he’ll be silent [after a lack of female orgasm during intercourse], because he’s ashamed. He doesn’t know what to do and he failed, and when you fail you just don’t want to talk about it. (Question 18)

Guys, as far as I know, are really emotional [given lack of female orgasm during intercourse]. They just don’t like to say that they are. (Question 18)

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Superiority of male concerns over female physical pleasure. Women’s concern for the male partner’s feel- ings, ego, and judgments inhibited them from acting on their own sexual desires. For example, even if desired, women tended not to request clitoral stimulation or engage in self-stimulation during intercourse or during other sexual activity given fear their partner would feel incompetent or would judge them. In line with this con- cern, although interpersonal communication regarding sexual self-disclosure was perceived by women to be very important for the attainment of sexual satisfaction, making suggestions as to how a male partner might improve or change his technique was seen as devastating to a man’s self-esteem. Illustrative quotes included:

I don’t know if I would ever ask for [more clitoral stimu- lation]. Especially ’cause if you’ve just had sex and you didn’t have an orgasm, I think I’d be a little bit uncomfortable asking for that afterwards because he definitely knows that he didn’t do it for you and that you still want more. (Question 14)

[Self-stimulation during sexual intercourse] is very embarrassing, uncomfortable. I don’t know, maybe I’m just not there yet. If I do it on my own then no one knows about it, but if I do it in front of somebody, then they know and maybe he’ll think worse of me. (Question 28)

[Communication on sexual preferences] is difficult especially since you never know how he’s going to respond. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship and you’ve never communicated like that before, it’s always hard to initiate it and you don’t know how he’s going to respond or if he’s going to take it offensively if he’s not doing something right. (Question 21)

Orgasm beliefs and concerns differ between casual versus relationship sexual interactions. Women sponta- neously discussed the importance of the type of relation- ship a woman has with her sexual partner (e.g., a casual sexual relationship with one or few sexual interactions versus a committed romantic relationship with repeated sexual interactions) in determining their responses to questions about orgasm occurrence. For instance, in a casual sexual encounter, women thought that female orgasm was not very important for men, and faking female orgasm was more acceptable. Furthermore, communication with regard to sexual preferences and orgasm was viewed to be more difficult in this context. In a committed romantic relationship, however, women thought that female orgasm was very important to the male partner, and faking orgasm was not acceptable. Overall, communication with regard to sexual preferences was judged as easier in this context but was still viewed as quite difficult. Following are some illustrative quotes:

If they’re just hooking up with you then they’re not going to care as much [about your orgasm] because

they’ll probably never see you again or, if I do [see him again], it’ll probably be an awkward encounter and it’ll never happen again. So a one-night stand for a reason. But for a relationship I think it means a bit more to them to satisfy your needs as much as theirs. Give and take. (Question 16)

If you’re just hooking up with someone, like a one- night stand thing, where you really didn’t care about them and you just want to get [sex] over and done with . . . in that situation I think [faking an orgasm] would be okay, but otherwise I don’t see why you would do it. If you want to build a relationship, it should be built on trust and honesty. And if you can’t be honest during sex, then how can you be honest about anything else? It’s the easiest thing to be honest about, really. (Question 24)

Male Focus Groups

Seven themes emerged from analysis of the male focus group discussions.

Male coital orgasm is very important for men. For men, the occurrence of their own orgasm during inter- course was extremely important and was expected to be a common occurrence. As such, if a man wanted and was trying to have an orgasm yet could not, this lack of orgasm would be quite frustrating for him, with the primary concern being self-focused on a lack of pleasure and associated discomfort. Illustrative quotes included:

[My coital orgasm is] very important, I’d say . . . with guys, it’s kind of like, if you don’t orgasm, there’s no point. (Question 7)

[My coital orgasm] is vital, I’d say. I wouldn’t consider it sex unless I had an orgasm. (Question 7)

You kind of have to [orgasm during intercourse] or else you’re in somewhat of a painful situation afterwards, which is not too enjoyable. When I first started seeing the girl I’m with right now, I got harsh blue balls and I had to go to work afterward, and it was the most stressful three hours of my life, because I couldn’t move my hip area without it hurting a lot. (Question 7)

I think all guys would be concerned about [not having an orgasm] because they didn’t get the pleasure. (Question 11)

Only two male participants brought up a partner- focused concern that a female partner would judge herself negatively if he did not have an orgasm, as this quote illustrates:

Um, definitely he’d be most concerned about his part- ner’s reaction . . . . The girl’s going to look at him like, ‘‘Why didn’t you come? Was it me?’’ You know, girls start being like, ‘‘You’re not into me? Was it a pity fuck? What was it?’’ (Question 11)

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Females are perceived to have a strong desire for personal coital orgasm. Men assumed that female orgasm during intercourse was very important to women given the sexual pleasure that could be attained from orgasm. Moreover, the importance of female orgasm was said to be greatest for a woman in a casual sexual encounter (e.g., one-night stand) in comparison to a woman in a relationship. Illustrative quotes included:

I think [coital orgasm for women is] really important, especially if it’s just, like, a one-night stand kind of thing. Like that’s what they’re there for. So if you brought a girl home on a one-night stand and she wasn’t satisfied, then that kind of just defeated the purpose for her. (Question 16)

It would be the same for any human being—if you want to have sex, you want to have orgasm. You want to; that’s the point. (Question 16)

It depends on the relationship. If it’s a one-night stand, she would probably want to orgasm to satisfy herself. But, like, in a relationship, she’ll also want to orgasm too, but she’s not going to like get mad if she doesn’t orgasm. (Question 16)

Female orgasm is extremely sexually satisfying and important for men. Men viewed the occurrence of female orgasm as extremely satisfying and extremely important for men, and the majority of male parti- cipants listed the occurrence of female orgasm as one of the most sexually satisfying experiences men could have. In agreement with women in the female focus groups, men believed that it was their physical responsi- bility to give their female partner an orgasm, with the female partner bearing the psychological responsibility of being prepared to receive the orgasm. Overall, primary importance of the female orgasm for men rested on the sense of personal accomplishment men felt after having given their female partners an orgasm. Illustra- tive quotes for this theme follow:

For me, I really enjoy, or find sex extremely satisfying, if whoever I’m having sex with orgasms at least once. I personally find it sexually satisfying. If the female . . . just just doesn’t have an orgasm, I’m always kind of down about it, regardless of the fact that I’ve had one. So, for me, a satisfying experience would definitely involve my partner’s orgasm, and then followed by my own. (Question 4)

I think [female orgasm] serves as a confidence boost for men. (Question 17)

I’d say [her orgasm is] essential to a satisfactory experi- ence for most men. (Question 17)

If you’re trying to and she doesn’t [orgasm], then that’s like upsetting. But if you do and she does, it’s a pretty big accomplishment. (Question 17)

I think [female orgasm is] definitely important, um, because the man again is that sort of leader. It’s almost like his job to make it happen, you know? He’s got to be the one who leads it for the female to have an orgasm. (Question 17)

I could argue that [female orgasm is] the woman’s psychological responsibility, because if a man was able to produce an orgasm in a female on one occurrence, and let’s say he does the exact same thing the next time and she doesn’t orgasm, then you could say that maybe it’s just something psychologically with her, like something’s bothering her or the moment’s not right or something. (Question 15)

Lack of female orgasm is very distressing for men.. For men, the lack of female orgasm during sexual interactions was said to elicit a negative reaction in the man, especially within a relationship context. The most common male concern associated with lack of female orgasm was self-focused, in terms of judging his own abilities as a sexual partner. The second most common concern about lack of female orgasm in a sexual interac- tion was partner focused, in terms of worrying that the female partner did not attain all of the pleasure she could have if orgasm had occurred. Such concern was expressed only in connection with lack of female orgasm in committed relationships and not within casual sexual encounters. Following are some illustrative quotes:

[Lack of female orgasm] would bother most men, I think, just ’cause they’d feel like they didn’t do, perform, like they should have. It was their own shortcoming that didn’t bring on orgasm. I’d say most men are bothered just because they would feel embarrassed that they didn’t bring on an orgasm. Maybe they didn’t have the sexual prowess to, uh, accomplish that in their partner. (Question 18)

I think it’s only natural to look at yourself and probably blame yourself to an extent. Even though there’s count- less factors that could have contributed [to the lack of female orgasm during intercourse], it could be com- pletely not your fault, but the guy has most of the responsibility to make the female orgasm. So, if she doesn’t then the onus was on you, then it was your fault. At least I would take it personally. (Question 19)

[Lack of female coital orgasm] affects the male ego com- pletely and that’s the only thing, unless you’re in a relationship. [In a relationship,] I make her come and I’m happy for her, kind of thing, because I made the girl that I love, like, have pleasure. (Question 19)

If there’s a close relationship you will probably want to please your girlfriend, so you want to give her satisfac- tion. So, you feel kind of crappy [if she does not orgasm]. (Question 18)

Furthermore, in relation to occasional lack of female orgasm, men reported being highly motivated to make

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their partner orgasm in the future. However, such motivation decreased if lack of female orgasm was a common occurrence during sexual interactions. Repeated lack of female orgasm was said to have a negative effect on the relationship. Illustrative quotes follow:

I’d say, yeah, you’re definitely more motivated to make her come the next time if you don’t [make her orgasm] the first time. (Question 23)

Personally for me though, after [she doesn’t orgasm], I’ll try new things, keep trying, and if it doesn’t work, eventually there’s a certain point in time when you’re like, I’m out of here! What else can I do at this point? Like, I don’t know. Like, I think, personally, for me it would really affect me negatively if down the road I tried everything for her and it still doesn’t work. It’s like, well, maybe we’re just not sexually compatible. (Question 22)

[Lack of female orgasm] definitely becomes an issue and becomes sexually unsatisfying, um, it puts stress on a relationship. The men begin to feel emasculated because they feel like they’re not doing what they need to be doing, or what they should be, and so it becomes a bit of an issue for both parties. But I think on a whole it’s, um, especially for the woman, it becomes an issue, her feeling unfulfilled and the men’s sense of guilt at that, so it definitely affects relationships, and uh, creates a lot of stress within them. (Question 22)

Positive and encouraging view of (manual) clitoral sti- mulation. Men were exceedingly motivated to increase a female partner’s sexual pleasure. Accordingly, men expressed extremely positive reactions to (a) stimulating their female partner’s clitoris during intercourse, (b) the female self-stimulating her clitoris during intercourse, and (c) their female partner asking for additional clitoral stimulation. Only one male participant brought up a concern with regard to clitoral stimulation, such that he said he would question his abilities if his partner asked for such stimulation. Many men indicated that they wished women would ask for and engage in clitoral stimulation during intercourse more often, as such beha- viors were said to serve as a turn-on for men and to teach them what their female partner enjoys.

Illustrative quotes regarding stimulating a partner’s clitoris follow:

I encourage [stimulating her clitoris during intercourse]. The more, the better. (Question 31)

I definitely think [stimulating her clitoris during inter- course] is a good idea, because you might not always be able to be that incredible with your penis and, depen- ding on some positions, it can be really hot. (Question 31)

We all love it! It helps the girl get off faster. (Question 31)

Illustrative quotes regarding a woman stimulating her clitoris were:

Definitely a turn-on! (Question 30)

I love it! (Question 30)

I don’t think it’s an insult to the guy at all [if she stimu- lates her clitoris during intercourse]. There’s a lot of positions that it’s not very easy for the guy to stimulate the girl’s clitoris, and it may be way easier for her to do it. When you’re having sex it’s not about who’s doing more work, so if the girl is in a position where she experiences more pleasure when we’re doing it, then that’s a good thing. (Question 30)

Illustrative quotes regarding women asking for clitoral stimulation included:

That’s a turn-on! (Question 32)

Why not? I think communication is amazing. I think [a woman asking for clitoral stimulation] actually adds to the sexual pleasure of both parties. (Question 32)

It wouldn’t bother me at all. I ask for things during sex on a regular basis, and so if she asks for it, it wouldn’t bother me one bit, and I would do it, and I would ask how she wanted it and, uh, and just ensure that I was giving her the pleasure she desired. So, yeah, I wouldn’t think twice about not doing it if she asked. I’d just do it. It wouldn’t bother me one bit. (Question 32)

Such clitoral stimulation appeared to be interpreted by the men to mean manual clitoral stimulation, as their extremely positive reactions to such stimulation disap- peared as soon as a vibrator was the specified source of the stimulation. The majority of men expressed either indifference or a negative reaction concerning the use of a vibrator (by them or their partner) during sexual inter- actions. Thus, something about the addition of this sex toy tended to dampen men’s desire to have women experience as much sexual pleasure as possible, as these quotes illustrate:

I wouldn’t enjoy it. (Question 34)

I don’t think I’d like [the introduction of a vibrator] a lot. Because I feel like she needs something else, like, not just me. She wants something else involved, so I’d feel incompetent. (Question 34)

I wouldn’t say [the introduction of a vibrator into the sexual experience] has a negative effect, but I wouldn’t say it’s a turn-on. I wouldn’t be excited about it, but it wouldn’t bother me at all. (Question 34)

Importance of female communication on lack of orgasm occurrence. Men reported that communication about lack of female orgasm is very important within a relationship so that men can work toward employing

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different techniques to give their partner an orgasm in future scenarios. However, men generally preferred that their female relationship partner be the one to communi- cate her lack of orgasm, given that men tended not to want to bring this topic up directly themselves. If men did bring up the topic, it tended to be indirectly (e.g., asking, ‘‘Was it good for you?’’), waiting for the woman to take the lead in discussing orgasm specifically. Illustrative quotes for this theme follow:

I hate it if [women] don’t specify if they came or not. (Question 26)

[Communication on orgasm occurrence] is vital. If you don’t talk to each other, um, you know, you can just get stuck in a rut and create real issues in the relation- ship. I think if one or both partners are dissatisfied and are unwilling to talk about it, you’re never going to become sexually satisfied in the relationship, and so there needs to be, um, regular communication on your sex life with your partner. (Question 25)

I discuss, you know, what she enjoyed and didn’t enjoy instead of saying, ‘‘Did you come? Did you like that?’’ It seems sort of putting her on the spot, and you’re just like asking for trouble. (Question 24)

The importance of such communication of the lack of female orgasm was evident in the preference that every man had for the woman in a relationship to not fake an orgasm. Instead, the majority of men preferred their relationship partner to directly communicate the truth if she did not orgasm during a sexual interaction. This was in contrast to a casual sexual encounter scenario where, if the woman did not orgasm, men preferred that she fake an orgasm. Illustrative quotes follow:

I’d prefer she’d communicate with me [if she didn’t orgasm during intercourse]. I definitely wouldn’t want her to fake it or anything. I would definitely want a con- versation about it and see what could be done to rectify the situation. (Question 29)

Personally, communicate with me [your lack of orgasm]. Be like, ‘‘Hey, uh, it wasn’t very good. Um, can you do this next time?’’ . . . I definitely want her to not fake it . . . . I definitely want it to be communicated after. (Question 29)

[My preference] would probably have to depend on the situation again, because if it’s just a one-time thing, like actually a one-time thing, you’ll never see this person again, I’d probably prefer that she fakes [if she doesn’t orgasm] just because it wouldn’t matter to me, and it would make me feel better in the long run. But if it were a relationship then . . . like, not fake it. (Question 29)

Orgasm beliefs and concerns differ between casual versus relationship sexual interactions. As is clear from some of the preceding themes, men spontaneously

discussed the importance of distinguishing the type of relationship (e.g., casual versus committed) a man has with his sexual partner in framing their responses to many questions regarding orgasm. Within a casual sexual encounter, men’s goals are focused on the self (as opposed to the partner), with the attainment of per- sonal orgasm in both men and women holding great importance. Given the reduced attention on the sexual partner, female orgasm is not as important for men, honest communication about orgasm occurrence is less desired, and faking orgasm is acceptable within this con- text. In terms of sexual encounters within a committed romantic relationship, men’s goals are focused both on the self and the partner, the occurrence of female orgasm is very important, honest communication between committed partners regarding orgasm is desired, and faking female orgasm is not acceptable. Illustrative quotes for this theme follow:

I think the goal of sex is to please yourself first and fore- most, especially if it’s a one-night stand. But if it’s a relationship, then the reason why you’re having sex, or the goal of sex, is to become closer to the one you love and to please them in ways that, like, they really need to be pleased. (Question 2)

In a relationship [female orgasm] is more important, ’cause I want to make her happy. But in a one-night stand, what the hell do I care? (Question 17)

I don’t think something like faking would pull off in, like, a relationship. But if it’s a one-night stand or just someone to sleep with, like, it really has no meaning. [Faking] probably wouldn’t really matter then. (Question 27)

If it was my girlfriend then, yeah, I’d want her to tell me [if she didn’t orgasm]. But if it was just a one-night stand, I wouldn’t care. (Question 29)

Discussion

This research adopted a qualitative approach to explore potential gender differences in young adult men’s and women’s experiences, assumptions, and con- cerns surrounding their own and their partner’s orgasms with a primary focus on lack of female orgasm during heterosexual sexual interactions, particularly intercourse.

Shared Beliefs: The Male Responsibility for Female

Orgasm and the Male Ego

Men and women in our focus groups were in agree- ment on two main concepts: the man’s responsibility to physically produce female orgasm, and the signifi- cance of the male ego in connection with female orgasm occurrence and nonoccurrence. The most common concern reported by both our male and female parti- cipants in regard to lack of female orgasm in a sexual

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interaction focused on the male partner’s judgment of himself as a lover and the associated negative impact lack of female orgasm would have on his self-esteem. This finding, that women tend to place emphasis on how their partner may feel in regard to the occurrence of female orgasm, potentially over and above their own desire for greater sexual satisfaction, is consistent with findings about women’s motivations to fake orgasm (see Bryan, 2001; Thompson & Muehlenhard, 2003). For instance, Muehlenhard and Shippee (2010) found that college women’s most frequently men- tioned reason for faking orgasm was to avoid negative consequences, particularly in regard to hurting their partner’s feelings. We speculate that such an emphasis on the male ego in relation to female orgasm is associa- ted with the other shared belief men and women had in our sample: that men have the physical responsibility to stimulate their female partner to orgasm, while women have the psychological responsibility of being mentally prepared to experience (or receive) the orgasm. The existence of such beliefs is not novel (see Hite, 1982; Muehlenhard & Shippee, 2010; Roberts et al., 1995). With the expectation that men have sole physical responsibility to produce female orgasm, it is not surprising that our male participants reported judging themselves negatively if they were unsuccessful in their attempts to fulfill this obligation. Nor is it surprising, given this expectation, that our female participants tended to infer damage to their partner’s self-esteem, even though direct communication regarding men’s concerns about lack of female orgasm was reported as uncommon.

The focus on a man’s ability to be a skillful lover has been addressed in previous studies (e.g., Duncombe & Marsden, 1996; Mansfield, McAllister, & Collard, 1992; Roberts et al., 1995). For example, in an in-depth inter- view study with 15 women and 15 men (18 to 50 years of age), Braun, Gavey, and McPhillips (2003) concluded, ‘‘If a woman does not have an orgasm she . . . (potentially) lets down her male partner, as her lack of orgasm undoubtedly reflects badly on his performance as a ‘good lover’ ’’ (p. 252). Such a focus on the male partner appears to be in line with the notion of cultu- rally derived power imbalances between men and women, as discussed by authors such as Jackson and Scott (2002), who noted that while ‘‘[m]ale orgasm is . . . seen as ‘natural’ and inevitable . . . that of women requires work and, in keeping with the idea of female sexual passivity and male sexual expertise, women’s bodies need to be worked on by the male virtuoso in order to produce orgasm’’ (p. 107). If a woman wants to experience orgasm more often during partnered inter- actions (particularly during intercourse), it would likely be beneficial for her to take a more active approach to her own physical stimulation by ‘‘working on’’ herself and letting go of the assumption that men alone have this duty.

Disconnects Exist: Men and Women Do Not Always

Concur

Not all of the beliefs male and female participants had regarding female orgasm were congruent with one another. For instance, while male participants tended to assume women highly value the occurrence of their own orgasm during intercourse because of a desire for personal pleasure, the majority of women disagreed, asserting instead that their orgasm was more of a ‘‘bonus’’ rather than a goal of sexual interactions. It is possible that if men in our sample held beliefs regarding the importance of female orgasm for women in line with that of our female sample, damage to the male ego asso- ciated with lack of female orgasm may not have been as prevalent, given a reduced pressure to perform. With less concern about the male partner’s self-esteem (parti- cularly if such concern is present during sexual activity), it is also possible that women who had once been focused on a partner’s judgment of himself would now be able to divert their attention, instead, toward being present in the sexual moment. Focusing attention on the erotic aspects of a sexual interaction, during such interaction, is one way for women to increase the likeli- hood of orgasm with a partner, if so desired. This is because fewer cognitive distractions (such as a focus on a male partner’s ego) during sexual activity have been associated with a greater likelihood of female orgasm (Cuntim & Nobre, 2011).

Another significant, and quite striking, disconnect between our male and female participants’ beliefs existed in terms of their perceptions regarding clitoral stimulation during intercourse. While men reported quite positive views and anticipated sexual arousal in regard to the possibility of clitoral stimulation during intercourse (via manual stimulation), the majority of women believed that asking for or engaging in clitoral stimulation in the presence of their male partner would damage his self-esteem and thus would not be welcomed. Such an inaccurate female assumption could be quite problematic for those who wish to increase their orgasm occurrence with a partner, given that clitoral stimulation is the most likely trigger of female orgasm (Darling et al., 1991; Masters & Johnson, 1966). Even if clitoral stimulation is desired by women to obtain greater sexual satisfaction, it appears as though our female participants placed consideration of the male partner’s sexual experience as a higher priority than their own sexual needs. Such a finding is similar to observations made by Elmerstig, Wijma, Sandell, and Bertero (2012), in a study involving in-depth interviews with 14 young women; participants in their study experi- enced both a tendency and pressure to ‘‘put more focus on the importance of men’s sexual pleasure and orgasm than on their own’’ (p. 131). If our female participants were aware that their male peers were actually quite aroused by the act of clitoral stimulation, we speculate

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that their comfort with asking for and engaging in such stimulation (if desired) would increase, which would, in turn, increase the likelihood of their experiencing orgasm in a partnered context.

Female Orgasm and the Romantic Relationship

Our results also suggest that when it comes to beliefs, concerns, and assumptions about female orgasm occurrence in a partnered context, the type of relationship matters. Whether the sexual interaction occurred in the context of a casual sexual encounter or within a commit- ted relationship exerted considerable influence over our participants’ thoughts about the importance of female orgasm, the need for honest communication, and the goals of a sexual interaction. Of particular note, female orgasm held the greatest importance for men in the context of a committed relationship, and our female participants seemed to be aware of this. Not only does the type of relationship matter to thoughts about female orgasm, but female orgasm matters to thoughts about the relation- ship. Our male participants reported that a repeated lack of female orgasm would have a negative influence on a romantic relationship. This finding raises concerns, considering that a sizable minority (up to 15%) of sexually active women report never having experienced orgasm (Birnbaum-Lichtenstein, 1998; Kinsey et al., 1953; Spector & Carey, 1990), over one-quarter of sexually active women report being unable to orgasm for several months at a time (Laumann, Paik, & Rosen, 1999), and the majority of women do not usually orgasm during the most common sexual activity between partners (i.e., intercourse; Lloyd, 2005). If a woman communicates her usual (or complete) lack of orgasm to her male partner—a preference indicated by the majority of male participants—according to our results, she is jeopardizing her relationship. Given that our female sample tended to be aware of how important female orgasm was to men in a relationship context (as well as the associated impact lack of female orgasm would have on a male partner’s self esteem), it is understandable that our female participants tended not to fully disclose their lack of orgasm to their partners and, instead, may have faked orgasm to spare their partner’s feelings (and, potentially, save the relationship).

Limitations and Suggestions for Future Research

Limitations in the current research approach should be noted. First, by focusing on the most consistent pat- tern of responses within our male and female focus group discussions, we did not typically describe specific information about the uncommon responses within each gender. Although substantial within-gender homogen- eity did exist, there was, of course, some heterogeneity within women’s and men’s answers. As such, explo- ration of within-female and within-male heterogeneity in relation to orgasm occurrence and nonoccurrence

merits additional research attention. Second, the men in our focus groups could have been influenced by the presence of a female discussion leader, causing men to respond in a manner perceived to be most desirable by the female leader. Although we were unable to guaran- tee this did not occur, when specifically questioned by the male focus group leader at the end of discussions (with the female leader stepping out of the room during two of these instances), male participants reported being truthful in their responses. Third, although this study obtained rich detail about participants’ experiences, data were obtained from a relatively small sample. In this connection, the specific characteristics of the sample under study—a fairly homogenous group of young adult, Canadian, Caucasian, well-educated, heterosex- ual, university students—was also a limitation, as our results may have differed substantially had other popu- lations been sampled. One of the aims of the current research, however, was to generate hypotheses to guide further qualitative and quantitative research with larger and more diverse samples. In accordance, it would be interesting to investigate our research questions with older adults, given previous findings that female orgasm consistency increases with age (Boroditsky et al., 1999; Laumann et al., 1994) and that age moderates the association between sexual dysfunction and distress in women (Stephenson & Meston, 2012). Given the exist- ence of culturally diverse beliefs and experiences surrounding sexuality and orgasm (e.g., Marshall, 1971), it would also be intriguing to explore beliefs, experiences, and concerns surrounding orgasm occur- rence within other cultures. Finally, we note that we did not sample both partners in a sexual relationship. Although we assessed working assumptions and predic- tions regarding how partners would respond to a variety of situations, we did not obtain said partners’ actual responses. As such, we cannot discuss our findings as measures of the absolute accuracy men and women have with regard to the assumptions they make about a specific partner. Obtaining couple-level data would be an ideal next step in this research area.

General Implications and Conclusion

Results from this study suggest foci for human sexu- ality educators. In addition to providing education on female sexual functioning (particularly in regard to nor- mative orgasm frequency rates), educators could address the common beliefs young people may have regarding responsibility for female orgasm. By not actively engag- ing in clitoral self-stimulation during sexual interactions (particularly intercourse), those women who desire more frequent orgasms during partnered sex are limiting the extent of the sexual pleasure they can obtain. Perceived male responsibility for producing female orgasm may therefore be an obstacle to sexual gratification for both partners, and perceived female responsibility for

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protecting the male ego may be a burden for women. Human sexuality educators may also wish to target men’s knowledge surrounding whether experiencing female orgasm during every act of intercourse is truly important for young women’s sexual satisfaction (for the majority of our female participants, this was not the case).

Our findings also speak to the importance of increas- ing communication between sexual partners in regard to each other’s experiences, beliefs, and concerns surround- ing orgasm within a relationship context, particularly in young couples who are concerned about infrequent female orgasm in their sexual interactions. Discussions surrounding beliefs about the importance of female orgasm as well as perceptions surrounding clitoral stimulation are recommended because misunderstand- ings about these topics may affect sexual functioning in both relationship partners. Although education regarding normative patterns of sexual response and experience in young adult men and women is important, to truly understand a partner’s unique sexual experience, direct communication with a partner regarding sexual topics is also necessary. Overall, it appears that many of the beliefs and assumptions about female orgasm that young adult men and women may have could serve to burden both partners in a sexual relationship, parti- cularly within a committed context, leading to less than optimal sexual functioning and satisfaction.

Funding

This research was supported in part by an Ontario Graduate Scholarship and a Joseph-Armand Bombar- dier Canada Graduate Scholarship from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada.

Acknowledgments

We would like to acknowledge and thank Alexandra McIntyre-Smith and Taylor Kohut for their generous help in coleading the female and male focus groups, respectively.

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Appendix: Focus Group Questions

Shared Male and Female Focus Group Questions

Sexuality.

1. How important is sex in a relationship? 2. Who takes the lead in sexual interactions? 3. Describe a typical sexual encounter between a

male and a female. What does the whole situ- ation look like from beginning to end?

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

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4. Describe an extremely satisfying sexual experi- ence. What does the whole situation look like from beginning to end?

5. Describe an extremely unsatisfying sexual experi- ence. What does the whole situation look like from beginning to end?

6. What are some stressful experiences that could be associated with intimacy with a partner? Leading up to intercourse? During intercourse? After intercourse?

Additional Female Focus Group Questions

Orgasm experience.

7. How important is it for a woman to have an orgasm during intercourse? Why?

8. What is (or are) the easiest way(s) for a woman to have an orgasm?

9. What does it feel like to have an orgasm? 10. In what ways would the experience of orgasm

change the longer a woman is with a sexual part- ner (e.g., from the first sexual encounter to being together for years)?

Lack of orgasm.

11. Would it bother women when orgasm does not occur?

12. Why would it bother a woman if she does not orgasm?

13. When a woman does not orgasm what is she most concerned about?

14. What do women do when they cannot orgasm during sexual activity with a partner?

15. If you had difficulty having orgasms all together, or in specific contexts, how likely is it that you would pursue advice? From what sources?

Partner.

16. How important is female orgasm for the male partner?

17. Who has the greatest responsibility in producing a woman’s orgasm: the partner, the woman, or both?

18. How do males tend to react when their female partner does not orgasm during intercourse?

19. Does it influence the relationship when a woman does not orgasm?

Communication.

20. How important is it for women to openly com- municate with their partner what specifically sexually satisfies them?

21. How easy is it for women to openly communicate sexual turn-ons with their partner?

22. What advice do you have for women with regard to opening up communication?

Faking orgasms.

23. What is your opinion on faking orgasms? 24. What are some reasons why a woman would fake

an orgasm? 25. What are the benefits=downfalls in faking

orgasm?

Masturbation.

26. How important is prior experience with mastur- bation in achieving a satisfying sex life?

27. Can you talk about masturbation with your friends?

28. How do you feel about self-stimulation with a partner?

Toys.

29. Do you think women you know use sex toys, such as vibrators? Was it beneficial?

30. What would be the reasons for using sex toys?

31. How do you think women’s partners react to the introduction of a vibrator into the sexual experience?

32. Who initiates the use of sex toys?

Additional Male Focus Group Questions

Male orgasm.

7. How important is achieving orgasm during inter- course for men?

8. How important is the man’s orgasm for the female partner?

9. Who has the greatest responsibility in producing a man’s orgasm: partner, man, or both?

10. Would it bother a man if he did not orgasm? 11. If a man doesn’t orgasm during sexual inter-

actions, what is he most concerned about? 12. How do women react when a man doesn’t orgasm

during intercourse?

Female orgasm.

13. How common is it for women to have orgasms during intercourse?

14. What are the easiest ways for a woman to have an orgasm?

15. Who has the greatest responsibility in producing a woman’s orgasm: partner, woman, or both?

16. How important is the female orgasm for the woman? What about for the man?

17. Would it bother men if a female partner did not orgasm during a sexual interaction? Why?

18. If she does not orgasm during intercourse, what are men most concerned about?

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19. If a woman does not orgasm during intercourse, what is she most concerned about?

20. Does it influence the relationship when a woman does not orgasm at times or ever? How?

21. If she doesn’t orgasm, are you more or less moti- vated to try harder to make her orgasm in future encounters?

Communication.

22. If a man suspects his partner did not orgasm, how likely is he to talk to her about it?

23. How important is partner communication about orgasm occurrence and sexual likes=dis- likes?

24. How common is partner communication about orgasm occurrence and sexual likes=dislikes?

Faking orgasm.

25. What is your opinion on faking orgasm (both in males and females)?

26. What are the benefits=downfalls in faking orgasm (both in males and females)?

27. If your partner did not orgasm, would you prefer she faked it, not say anything, or communicate with you after?

Clitoral stimulation and sex toys.

28. How do you feel about a woman stimulating her own clitoris while having intercourse?

29. How do you feel about stimulating a woman’s clitoris while having intercourse? What if she directly asks for this stimulation?

30. Do people you know incorporate sex toys, such as vibrators, into sexual interactions?

31. How do males tend to react to the introduction of a vibrator into the sexual experience?

32. Who initiates the use of sex toys?

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