ENG 121 Respond dis2

Date: January 10, 2018

· Outline your essay as it currently stands.

Introduction:

State your attention grabber:

We have all learned from our failures in life, I know I have learned an immense amount from every failure I have encountered.

State your thesis:

While gaining a degree build intellect, going back to college has not been easy because it take a lot of self-discipline and motivation.

Body paragraph 1:

State your topic sentence:

As gaining a degree can build intellect within you it can also be so much more than expanding my horizon intellectually.

Summarize your evidence/examples:

Learning more about myself, how my mind works, how to critically read and write, along with learning how to better self-analyze.

Body paragraph 2:

State your topic sentence:

Going back to college, after ten years, has not been an easy task.

Summarize your evidence/examples:

To be successful it takes self-discipline and motivation. I failed the first couple times I attempted college due to procrastination and lack of motivation. Along with my time management skills being very poor.

Body paragraph 3:

State your topic sentence:

I know now some courses may not come easy, but they will lead me to where I

want to be in the long run.

Summarize your evidence/examples:

The more difficult courses I will take will expand my learning and help me more in the long run. The difficult courses I will take on as a challenge.

Conclusion:

Transition word:

Thus

How purpose is reemphasized:

Thus, I have learned more than I ever thought I would learn about myself and how to succeed. I have also learned that I will learn the most within my most difficult task or most uncomfortable moment. I now know how to better time manage my studies, how to study more thoroughly and how to be more self-disciplined. These three little skills will lead me to my success in gaining my degree and furthering my career.

My purpose was restated by restating my thesis statement within my conclusion paragraph.

· Locate two gaps in the outline where you need to make connections more clear. See “Is the Paper Coherent?” in Chapter 9, Section 2 of your textbook.

1. The first gap I see is with paragraph 2 and 3. I need better examples to help the paragraphs flow and connect.

2. The second gap I see is from paragraph 4 to my conclusion. I need better transition words and sentences to connect these two paragraphs more efficiently.

· How can I make my essay more organized? List two ideas.

1. I can provide more examples to connect my essay in a more of a coherent way.

2. I need to use better transition words and sentences

· Where can I add more content? List two ideas. Describe what you might add.

1. I need to add more content in describing my journey. More examples of how I got to where I am from where I was.

2. I also need to add more personal conversations I had that led me to getting my chance in really succeeding.

· List 3 to 5 instructions for improvement provided by your instructor on your week 1 practice essay

that would also helpful as you revise your week 3 draft.

1. Adding more narrative content.

2. Give the reader more description.

3. Using the Ashford videos on writing.

· List 1 to 3 specific suggestions for improvement provided by your peers from your week 3 draft that you wish to address.

1. Remove the negativity within the essay.

2. Describe more efficiently how I failed.