1200-1500 word essay. Need done within 24 hours

Legendre:1

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Ronald! I am Patricia C. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength: 

First off, I commend you for summarizing and synthesizing your discussion well. Here is an excerpt from your conclusion:

· In conclusion, the perception that the violence depicted in rap music is a cause of cultural violence needs to be changed. The actual understanding of the hip hop through relating the theme of the hip hop in context with those who were oppressed at that period should be overemphasized. This will help to know the actual reason behind the angry emotions portrayed in the songs. To maintain hip- hop culture as a cultural artifact, the original producers of the music, the African American, need to be given the full responsibility in production and consequently distribution.

You reiterate your analysis of hip-hop and provide recommendations based on this analysis. This way, you unify your discussion in the body paragraphs well and, also, leave a strong, lasting impression on your readers. Excellent work, Ronald!

*Ronald 11099962, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:  

At the moment, your thesis in the introduction does not encompass your discussion. Here it is:

· Hip-hop culture is not only a cultural phenomenon but also likable art due to its unique style and message among the youths.

Unlike your summary in the conclusion, this thesis is only about the strengths of hip-hop. It does not cover everything you say in the body paragraphs, so it does not prepare readers well for your discussion. I encourage you to highlight the weaknesses of hip-hop in this thesis, too. Here is a revision model:

· Despite ______________________________________, hip-hop culture remains to be a cultural phenomenon that is also likable art due to its unique style and message among the youths

I used your original thesis but changed some words (bold face) and added a first part. What are the weaknesses of hip-hop? Provide your answer in the blank! For more guidance in writing your thesis, consult your instructor, Ronald. 😊

Content Development:

Moving on, in some parts of your discussion, you do not explain your assessment of hip-hop. For instance, here is an excerpt from your first body paragraph:

· In the initial years, the only form of hip hop culture was through art writing, dancing, rapping, and DJ-ing. Clothing styles and fashion got recognition as a form of hip-hop’s expression later, through criticism and observation. In recent year’s other forms like theatre and writing theatre were also included in hip hop culture. In this scenario, hip hop culture is a good cultural artifact.

You provide some examples of how hip-hop has influenced other areas of culture and claim that because of these influences, hip-hop is a “good cultural artifact.” You do not explain why these influences make hip-hop a good cultural artifact. Readers, however, might not share your assessment, so I encourage you to explicitly explain it here.

First, clarify your criteria for a “good cultural artifact.” Based on your research or your personal observation, how should a cultural artifact affect other areas of culture? Then, after clarifying your criteria, you can explain your assessment better. For instance, how did hip-hop improve fashion, dancing, writing, DJ-ing, and theater? Or, how did hip-hop raise awareness or increase productivity in these areas? In other words, how did the cultural artifact, hip-hop, make these other areas “good?”

Make sure that you explain your assessment of hip-hop, Ronald. You can learn more about developing ideas by reviewing this lesson from our handbook: Developing Ideas. 

*Ronald 11099962, you requested help with Word Choice:   

Finally, your in-text citations are not in MLA style. Here is an excerpt from your introduction:

· Hip-hop roots date back to the early 1970s in North America according to the quote “I argue that rap music has a positive influence on Black American youth as it serves as an outlet, both for listeners and artists, for understanding the hardships of growing up within the struggles of inner city life caused by institutional racism’’ (Powell, Kevin. Pg. 2.).

You write the author’s full name, reversed, provide a label for the page number, and separate the details using a period. This in-text citation, overall, does not adhere to MLA style.

When using MLA style, you only need to write the author’s last name. Then, no label is needed for the page number. Finally, the details are separated with only a space. Here is an example:

· A student’s self-development relies heavily on constructive self-criticism (Marco).

Guided by this example, you can correct the errors in your in-text citation above. Make sure that you fix similar errors in your draft, Ronald. To learn more about using MLA style, you can review this lesson in our handbook: MLA Style. Summary of Next Steps: 

· State hip-hop’s weaknesses in your thesis.

· Explain your assessment of hip-hop.

· Write correct MLA citations.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Ronald. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~Patricia C.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Anthony Legendre lll

Stephanie Pippin

Date of submission

10/27/19\

Word Count: 1,376

Hip Hop Culture Critical Analysis

“You can’t do contemporary music without addressing the urban culture, they are inexorably tied…. Hip-Hop culture is the most dominant pop-culture for now.” This is not an overstatement from Howard Kramer on the hip-hop culture. The “yo” is a fashion of Hip-hop that is currently used as a form of marketing items like cars. Youths are the largest consumers of hip-hop music and its associated culture. Hip Hop is a combination of four key elements which are rapping, MC-ing, graffiti writing, and DJ-ing. Hip-hop roots date back to the early 1970s in North America according to the quote “I argue that rap music has a positive influence on Black American youth as it serves as an outlet, both for listeners and artists, for understanding the hardships of growing up within the struggles of inner city life caused by institutional racism’’ (Powell, Kevin. Pg. 2.). In 1973 during a Halloween dance party, DJ Herc used an innovative turntable technique played now recognized as the first beat. This was the first hip-hop beat that was emulated by other DJs later. Hip-hop culture is not only a cultural phenomenon but also likable art due to its unique style and message among the youths.

Hip-hop culture has its history. [The topic sentence should state your main point in the body paragraph. Since you are talking about the strengths of hip-hop here, this topic sentence should state your assessment of these strengths. Overall, why is hip-hop a good cultural artifact?] “Rapper’s Delight”, was the first hip-hop music hit by a Sugar Hill Gang rappers in 1979. Before this many DJs including but not limited to Grandmaster Flash and Afrika Bambaataa used the vinyl records that were complemented with turntables to make music that was popular among the youths in New York City according to “Coexistent with White youth fascination with hip-hop culture and African American athletes and celebrities is the continuing manifestation of White youth resistance to programs that challenge institutional racism” (Ebony, p. 16.). The first award for a hip- hop song was in 1988. The Grammy-award went to the “Parents Just Don’t Understand” musician Will Smith. To date, a historian consultant Kevin Powell describes the hip- hop music as “a billion-dollar industry that crosses racial, social and economic boundaries.” An extension of hip-hop music available now for academic studies and Museums like the National Museum of American History in 2006 cannot be left unmentioned.

Culture is closely influenced by hip-hop music to a great extent. Breakdancing was a term that is ascribed to the first introduction of hip hop. In the initial years, the only form of hip hop culture was through art writing, dancing, rapping, and DJ-ing. Clothing styles and fashion got recognition as a form of hip-hop’s expression later, through criticism and observation. In recent year’s other forms like theatre and writing theatre were also included in hip hop culture. In this scenario, hip hop culture is a good cultural artifact. [I encourage you to provide specific examples to illustrate your points, Ronald. For instance, what are specific artwork inspired by hip-hop? What are their titles, and who are the artists? Or, what theater plays use elements of hip-hops? Again, what are their titles, and who wrote them?]

The hip-hop genre is displayed by many cultural critics as gangster, hence promoting violence. This is due to the unique style of this rapping is viewed to have most of its content as offensive in nature. The message in the lyrics of the rap is however only understood by the ones who own it. The offensive words by the critics are viewed here as a display of the “hip-hop darker moments” this gives the artifact a bad picture. The message in these lines shows the emotional expression that is only achieved by listening and seeing words the hip hop at that time. Besides, rap music is viewed as violent because of the fight against the oppression message it conveys. The message is conveyed as a warning from the ghettos and the day to day racial discrimination among the American youth. However, the violent message has no harm on the American Youths as it’s only a form of expression on various inequalities (Childs, p.87)

Many mainstream media CNN being an example dismissed and gave the wrong picture the life of many African American youths. The actual nature and state of the African American youth lived a poverty life full of racism against their white American counterparts. The media contrary gave false information. In awake from this form of discrimination rappers from griots came up with a slogan ‘CNN for black people” whose aim was respect for the African traditions. The songs that the rappers made in the United States went far and wide conveying the information of the real lifestyle of African Americans. This was a big role in the hip- hop culture at large.

Also, rap played a role in political advocacy. Slavery and subjugation were systems set to discriminate against the African American people. However, rap through the rhyming games that involved the African slaves and their masters helped to improve the relations among the two groups. Slaves through rhyming games not only provided entertainment but also inspiration through their intellect that was creative. An example of the creativity was the viewing of slaves as rabbits and the masters taking the fox part. Davey D, a hip hop journalist explains the relationship between African tradition and modern rap. In his statement, he says,” you see, these slaves were smart and they talked in metaphors. They would be killed if the masters heard them speaking in unfamiliar tongues. So they did what modern rappers do, they flexed their lyrical skills.”

Commercialization of hip hop is another aspect in the development of hip hop culture. Originally the music was only sold to radio stations back in the 1970s. The advent of commercialization destroyed this norm. How the programmers ensured that the interests of their listeners were catered for was washed away (Sulé, p.185). Business people who owned various corporations purchased local stations and controlled effectively. The African American stations in this next decade after 1970 were faced out. The white class stations took center stage. The corporate upon familiarizing themselves with the record labels and rap music, through their money, they repackaged the content and sold it back to the streets with new marketing strategies like music videos.

The cultural aspect of hip hop will fade away if it is not in the hands of the ones who traditionally made it (Nguyen, p.101). [Starting your body paragraph with a piece of evidence is not advisable. A topic sentence should clearly indicate your point. However, a piece of evidence, rather than state your point, indicates the point of an outside source. In your own words, what do you say about the traditional creators of hip-hop here?] Currently, this is not the case. However, the tables can be turned if hip hop is not solely for commercial purposes. The hip hop culture can also be impressed by the inclusion of classical music into the school music curriculum. Integration of rap into English and another language to be used in poetry for example also aids in keeping the cultural aspect of hip-hop.

In conclusion, the perception that the violence depicted in rap music is a cause of cultural violence needs to be changed. The actual understanding of the hip hop through relating the theme of the hip hop in context with those who were oppressed at that period should be overemphasized. This will help to know the actual reason behind the angry emotions portrayed in the songs. To maintain hip- hop culture as a cultural artifact, the original producers of the music, the African American, need to be given the full responsibility in production and consequently distribution. Construction of national museum that collects every aspect of hip-hop will make the slogan “Hip-Hop Won’t Stop” a living reality. Hip-hop culture general as an artifact is valuable because it is informative, it’s a form of expression, source of entertainment and educative too.

Works cited

Childs, David. "Socially Constructing Race and History: Exploring Black Identity and Popular Culture in Social Studies Classrooms through Cultural Studies Framework." Journal of Pan African Studies 8.2 (2015).

Ebony, June 2007, p. 16. Gale OneFile: Pop Culture Studies, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A163864467/PPOP?u=lincclin_tcc&sid=PPOP&xid=fe88 10f7. Accessed 26 Oct. 2019.

Nguyen, Jacqueline, and Gail M. Ferguson. "A Global Cypher: The Role of Hip Hop in Cultural Identity Construction and Navigation for Southeast Asian American Youth." New directions for child and adolescent development 2019.164 (2019): 99-115.

 Powell, Kevin. "Dead? 'Hip-hop culture has been murdered'." Ebony, June 2007, p. 2. Gale OneFile: Pop Culture Studies, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A163864467/PPOP?u=lincclin_tcc&sid=PPOP&xid=fe88 10f7. Accessed 26 Oct. 2019.

Sulé, V. Thandi. "Hip-hop is the healer: Sense of belonging and diversity among hip-hop collegians." Journal of College Student Development 57.2 (2016): 181-196.

Source Citation (MLA 8th Edition) Powell, Kevin. "Dead? 'Hip-hop culture has been murdered'."