paraphrasing

Karishma Lama

Professor: Justine White

English-1302-82701

28th April 2022

Computer Technology

(Introduction, Counterargument, and Refutation)

Bill Gates the co-founder of Microsoft argued that “If you are born poor it's not your

mistake but if you die poor, it's your mistake”. Following the above famous quote I believe in

what Bill Gates says so, I work hard every day to make my life prosperous and beautiful. I came

from a middle-class family, and I know what poverty is, I still remember my parent’s struggle to

pay my school fees and feed us. It wasn’t until the year 2007 that I saw the a computer for the

first time in my school. I have a flashback that my teacher told me a computer is a life-changing

machine this that makes everyone’s lives easy and creates lots of jobs so poverty will be

eliminated from the world, and I was convinced by his argument that the computer has lots of

advantages. However, some argue that (include the opposing viewpoint here). But in reality, (list

your reasons). Therefore, (thesis).

You are missing almost all of your introduction. All you have is a hook. You need the

rest of the intro. You don’t even have a thesis!

A computer is a life-changing machine for educated people, but it However, a computer is

a disaster for illiterate people who have no knowledge of computers and or technology and there

Commented [JW1]: Spacing: Remove the extra space after paragraphs. Set your defaults in Word to correct this, or use the template provided for you in the MLA folder at the top of every unit.

Commented [JW2]: Do not bold these. Quotation marks: When no citation is present, punctuation such as commas and periods go inside the quotes; however, semicolons and colons go outside quotation marks.

Commented [JW3]: Comma splice: Your sentence combines two or more complete sentences with only a comma. Use a semi-colon, separate into two sentences with a period, or add a FANBOYS conjunction instead.

Commented [JW4]: Add comma: You have left out a comma with a FANBOYS conjunction. You need a comma when combining two complete sentences with a FANBOYS conjunction.

Commented [JW5]: Your counterargument needs to open with a topic sentence that starts with a transition and states the claim of the opposition. Otherwise, you run the risk of confusing your reader. They might mistakenly think that this is your view. However, some argue... You only include the opposing view in the counterargument, not your view.

Commented [JW6]: Add comma: You have left out a comma with a FANBOYS conjunction. You need a comma when combining two complete sentences with a FANBOYS conjunction.

Lama 2

are more illiterate people than the educated ones in the world. Because most Many human jobs

are have been robbed by the computers and technology. Not only that, according to Wu, Eddy’s

“A World Without Work” book written by Daniel Susskind Eddy Wu from include his title here

like professor of … from the University of … reveals that in the future AI technology and

computers will continue to advance astronomically and become so powerful that they can do so

as many jobs that as a human can do. In short, the future will be controlled by highly intelligent

robots and computer technology (Eddy Wu 56). So, computers and technology have big

disadvantages which are unseen by many people and huge computer industrialists. They even

have the potential of displacing intelligent people and doing all kinds of human jobs. Computer

and AI technology create poverty and job losses. In the end, some argue that computers They can

snatch people’s happiness and joy and pushed them into poverty without notifying them.

It may be true for some people that computers and technology can bring rise to

unemployment in the future but for most people, it can bring massive opportunities with different

variations. The article “Computer occupation: New Applicants new jobs titles” discover explains

that computer occupation has been generating a lot of wide variety of jobs as it is advancing and

growing every day. The work ranges from academic researchers to complex hardware or

software systems to data entry workers and computer equipment repairers (“Computer

occupation”). The changes in jobs variation also created new job titles like software developer,

data analyst, quality assurance, and more. These jobs were are integrated into one title software

system, so, only a few people were are able to get this job now that it’s changed. Furthermore,

minimum college-level computer training was is the requirement to get the IT jobs but now this

culture has been changed too. People who were are taught programming in a vocational school or

have an associate degree in computer science can also get a job and they are trained in the work

Commented [JW7]: Use last names

Commented [JW8]: No commas after FANBOYS conjunctions

Commented [JW9]: You need a summary sentence of the objection

Commented [JW10]: Add comma: You have left out a comma with a FANBOYS conjunction. You need a comma when combining two complete sentences with a FANBOYS conjunction.

Commented [JW11]: Capitalize the title

Commented [JW12]: This verb does not make sense here

Commented [JW13]: wordy

Commented [JW14]: You don't need a citation since you introduced the title in the sentence.

Commented [JW15]: Add comma: You have left out a comma with a FANBOYS conjunction. You need a comma when combining two complete sentences with a FANBOYS conjunction.

Lama 3

according to their needs. In reality. computers and technology are creating a lot of jobs

opportunity of different kinds and helping to eradicate poverty. Good

(Three Supporting Paragraphs)

Moreover, computer technology began to expand has expanded and progressed every year,

creating many high-paying jobs. They have created more jobs compared to other industries and

that makes making people live comfortably in this inflation. According to Challenger, John A.’s

article “Making Most of The Opportunities” Forrester Research estimates that 830,000 service

sector jobs were created in 2005 due to computer technology and in 2015, the number of jobs is

expected to reach 3.4 million. But this is only a small percentage from their point of view, of the

total number of jobs constantly being created within the American economy. They have said that

they are expected to create about 33 million jobs in the U.S. in the next seven years, all due to

computers and technology According to John A. Challenger, Chief Executive Officer of the

global outplacement firm, Challenger, Gray & Christmas, Inc., “Forrester Research estimates

that 830,000 service sector jobs will move offshore by 2005. And by 2015, the number of jobs

relocating offshore is expected to reach 3.4 million. But this is only a small percentage of the

total number of jobs constantly being created and destroyed within the American economy. We

are expected to create about 33 million jobs in the U.S. in the next seven years” (Challenger 19).

Moreover, these jobs were created not only in the US but also all around the world, mostly in

India, China, and some European countries (Challenger 19). So, computers and technology have

generated plenty of jobs of various kinds with good pay and they are growing even bigger every

day which is a positive thing for everyone. During a pandemic people almost lost their jobs, so,

computer technology created an online working platform and saved millions of jobs, some are

still working from home which is a new culture of working taught by computer technology. In

Commented [JW16]: You need to include his title and credibility.

Commented [JW17]: This is plagiarism. All you did was move words around. That is NOT acceptable for paraphrasing. You MUST quote this exactly with quotation marks.

Commented [JW18]: Add comma: You have left out a comma with a FANBOYS conjunction. You need a comma when combining two complete sentences with a FANBOYS conjunction.

Commented [JW19]: Comma splice: Your sentence combines two or more complete sentences with only a comma. Use a semi-colon, separate into two sentences with a period, or add a FANBOYS conjunction instead.

Lama 4

short, computers and technology have saved people jobs even in harsh conditions like pandemics

and generated different kinds of jobs every single day. So, it is the best invention that people

have ever created.

In the same way, technology has lots of benefits than anyone ever imagine about it. The

computer is used in all sectors, and it is very important, especially in health-related filed fields

like hospitals, clinics, and labs. Computers are used to do X-rays, and operations, monitor

patients’ heartbeats, maintain patients’ records, and many more. In the article “Perceptions

and Use of computer-assisted surgery (CAS) in the orbit” there is an Ahsen Hussian, from

include title conducted an online survey of the American Society of Ophthalmic Plastic and

Reconstructive Surgery, Canadian Society of Oculoplastic Surgery, and British Oculoplastic

Surgery Society and “they found that computer assist surgery (CAS) is a very effective method

to do surgery. In addition, it is good for patient safety because the survey proved that it has

80.8% of accuracy in surgery and 69% patient safety” (Hussian, Ahsen, Hussian et al. You need

a page number with academic sources. Open the PDF to see the correct page numbers). Also, it

can cost less money for the patient to do have surgery and surgent surgeon can performed

perform their work in less time effectively. So, computers and technology are very useful in

health services, and they might have saved will save lots of lives, and doctors and nurses can

work very efficiently and confidently every day saving thousands of lives with the help of

technology.

Moreover, these computers and technology have changed the world if anyone has look back

in 15 years. It has made people’s work easier and created tons of jobs in almost every field like

delivery, online shopping, telecommunication, and so on. People can shop online these days

comfortably and they can take the classes online using their computers. In the article “Fit for the

Commented [JW20]: This is a pointless sentence. Your topic sentence is actually second.

Commented [JW21]: Again, this is NOT an acceptable paraphrase. You need to review how to paraphrase and cite this correctly.

Commented [JW22]: Vague. You need a clear claim for a topic sentence

Commented [JW23]: Add comma: You have left out a comma with a FANBOYS conjunction. You need a comma when combining two complete sentences with a FANBOYS conjunction.

Commented [JW24]: It is not appropriate to list the title of the article. Instead, give the author’s full name and credentials, i.e. professor of… director of…

Lama 5

future in a digitized Europe through education” written by Dieter Grasedieck, Dieter said that

these inventions of modern technology and computers were the dream of engineers a decade ago

and they came into reality now and they have made everybody’s life easy and comfortable like

this days window can be snap and shut down independently when raining and they hit the alarm

when the thief approaches, fridge reminds when to buy milk, able to check blood sugar and pass

data to the doctor if needed and so on (Grasedieck, Dieter 3). Furthermore, people can travel far

and go for long drives with confidence. They don’t have to worry about missing their exit and

destination because everyone most people have has GPS on their phone. Also, they can reach out

to anyone through phone calls and solve their problem while staying at home. Computer and

technology also have created a job like uber, door dash, Grub hub, and many more and these

types of jobs don’t need any high-level academic education. So, In the end, computer and

technology has changed people's lives and benefited them in all different ways and now people

cannot imagine their life without computer technology.

Works Cited

Wu, Eddy. “A World Without Work.” Perspectives on Science & Christian Faith, vol. 73, no. 1,

Mar. 2021, pp. 56–57. EBSCOhost, https://search-ebscohost-

com.dcccd.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=149566392&site=ehost-

live.

Commented [JW25]: Write in present tense. Literature is always in present tense. Use past tense for real life history that has already happened. Verbs: Your sentence uses weak verbs. Avoid these types of verbs: talks, says, gives, shows. Instead, find a strong descriptive verb to use in its place like argues, describes, illuminates, explains.

Commented [JW26]: Again, this is more plagiarism. You MUST cited exact words with quotation marks. OR you need to paraphrase correctly. This is NOT acceptable.

Commented [JW27]: Capitalize these proper nouns

Commented [JW28]: There is a problem with the library database citation. They misuse the name of the database. It's not EBSCOhost. It's Academic Search Complete. Please correct it every time.

Lama 6

“Computer Occupations: New Applications, New Job Titles. (Cover Story).” Occupational

Outlook Quarterly, vol. 36, no. 4, Winter 1992, p. 13. EBSCOhost, https://search-

ebscohost-

com.dcccd.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=9304260299&site=ehost-

live.

Challenger, John A. “Making The Most Of Opportunities.” Vital Speeches of the Day, vol. 71,

no. 1, Oct. 2004, pp. 19–23. EBSCOhost, https://search-ebscohost-

com.dcccd.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=14962794&site=ehost-

live.

Hussain, Ahsen, et al. “Perceptions and Use of Computer-Assisted Surgery (CAS) in the

Orbit.” Orbit, vol. 38, no. 3, June 2019, pp. 180–83. EBSCOhost, https://doi-

org.dcccd.idm.oclc.org/10.1080/01676830.2018.1490440.

Grasedieck, Dieter. “Fit for the Future in a Digitized Europe through Education.” Proceedings of

the Multidisciplinary Academic Conference, Dec. 2015, pp. 1–12. EBSCOhost,

https://search-ebscohost-

com.dcccd.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=111482216&site=ehost-

live.

Lama 7