Social Science - Sociology assignment discussion 9
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Kaoetal2018AsianAmericanMeninRomanticDatingMarkets.pdf
asian american men in romantic dating markets
Author(s): grace kao, kelly stamper balistreri and kara joyner
Source: Contexts , FALL 2018, Vol. 17, No. 4, asian america/ns (FALL 2018), pp. 48-53
Published by: Sage Publications, Inc. on behalf of the American Sociological Association
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48 contexts.org
asian american men in romantic dating markets
kelly stamper balistreri, and kara joyner
by grace kao,
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49FALL 2018 contexts
In January 2017, African-American comedian and talk show host
Steve Harvey joked about a book titled How to Date a White Woman:
A Practical Guide for Asian Men. He claimed that no one could pos-
sibly like Asian men. He said, “You like Asian men? … I don’t even
like Chinese food, boy…. I don’t eat what I can’t pronounce.” Chef
and author Eddie Huang (whose autobiography served as ground-
work for the sitcom Fresh Off the Boat) later responded with a New
York Times op-ed: “Yet the one joke that still hurts, the sore spot
that even my closest friends will press, the one stereotype that I still
mistakenly believe at the most inopportune bedroom moments—is
that women don’t want Asian men.”
The landmark 2018 film, Crazy Rich Asians, is notable not
only for its all-Asian leading cast, but for its portrayal of Asian
Americans as attractive leading men. In a 2018 Washington Post
article by Allyson Chiu about the film, Sinakhone Keodara (who
is Laotian American and works in the entertainment industry)
talked about his experiences on Grindr (a gay/bisexual dating
app), saying, “It’s heartbreaking... it’s been really humiliating
and degrading….” He was often told things like, “Asian guys
are not attractive” and “Asian guys are not desirable.” In per-
sonal correspondence, actor Peter Shinkoda wonders, “I don’t
know which is to blame—is it Hollywood and Western media
perpetuating social preferences or is it the other way around?
Either way, for Asian guys it’s a constant struggle having to deal
with constant negative stereotypes surrounding us.”
Is it true Asian American men are seen as undesirable?
Aren’t men largely evaluated on the dating market by their
educational and occupational attainment? Looking back to
the publication of William Petersen’s 1966 New York Times
Magazine article touting the success of Japanese Americans
just 20 years after their internment during World War II, Asian
Americans have been heralded as the model minority. Historian
Ellen Wu argues that this image might even be traced back to
the 1940s, employed by Chinese and Japanese Americans to
defend themselves from attack of their foreignness. Petersen and
others who support the model minority idea argue that Asians
exemplify what is possible for any ethnic minority group as long
as they are willing to work hard (despite suffering from extreme
discrimination). In fact, Petersen argued that, “(b)y any criterion
of good citizenship that we choose, the Japanese Americans are
better than any other group in our society, including native-born
whites.” By 1984, President Ronald Reagan stated, “Asian and
Pacific Americans have helped to preserve that dream by living
up to the bedrock values that make us a good and a worthy
people… it’s no wonder that the median income of Asian and
Pacific American families is much higher than the total American
average.”
This “success” narrative is still prominent today. In a well
publicized 2012 Pew Research Report, Asian Americans are
noted as the group with “the highest-income, best-educated…
they are more satisfied than the general public with their lives,
finances, and the direction of the country, and they place more
value than other Americans do on marriage, parenthood, hard
work and career success.” In fact, many social scientists implic-
itly believe that Asian Americans have assimilated to the U.S.
Contexts, Vol. 17, Issue 4, pp. 48-53. ISSN 1536-5042, electronic ISSN 1537-6052. © 2018 American Sociological Association. http://contexts.sagepub.com. 10.1177/1536504218812869.
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50 contexts.org
mainstream and do not need to be studied because their overall
well being, in terms of education, income, and health outcomes,
is superior to other minority groups’ and, in many cases, better
than Whites’. These arguments further suggest, implicitly, that
the disadvantaged status of other minority groups is due to cul-
tural deficits. In fact, like the Pew Report, many social scientists
equate educational and income (socioeconomic status) success
with assimilation and integration into U.S. society.
Asian American scholars have, of course, long questioned
the portrait of Asian Americans as the “model minority,” but
they do so largely by arguing that there are vast differences in
Asian Americans’ education and income by ethnicity. Indeed,
given that Cambodian and Hmong Americans have comparable
poverty rates to Hispanics and Blacks, many scholars critique
the lumping of all Asian Americans into a monolithic group as
obscuring considerable socioeconomic and ethnic diversity. And
yet, in terms of their demographic profile, most Asian American
ethnic groups (with the exception of Cambodian and Laotian
immigrants) can boast large shares of college-educated adults,
and most Asian ethnic groups have higher median household
incomes than those of Whites, Blacks, and Hispanics.
The socioeconomic advantages of Asian Americans are
not only experienced within a single household, but through
co-ethnic communities as they create a shared source of social
capital. If a child is more likely to go to college because his/her
parents went to college, that association is further reinforced
if when all of the child’s parents’ friends also went to college.
One could argue that even in the absence of college-going by
one’s parents, the child may still benefit by belonging to an
ethnic community whose members have high levels of educa-
tion and income.
Still, the idea that socioeconomic success is sufficient for
the assimilation of any minority group overlooks the issue of
social acceptance. Even early scholars such as Robert Park, Ernest
Burgess, and Milton Gordon suggested that intermarriage was
a more important indicator of assimilation than was socioeco-
nomic success—perhaps they assumed that intermarriage was
a proxy for more general social acceptance. Racial hierarchies
dictate the relative social status of different racial groups, and
gendered racial hierarchies reinforce the social desirability of men
and women from different racial groups. Alongside these earlier
scholars, we argue that by solely focusing on socioeconomic
outcomes, social science researchers miss an important aspect
of assimilation and everyday social integration: the desirability as
a romantic partner by virtue of one’s race and gender. In other
words, even if Asian American men are doing well in terms
of their educational and occupational achievement, does this
necessarily mean that they fare well on the straight (and gay)
dating and marriage market?
In our research, we find that Asian American men, in par-
ticular, are socially excluded from romantic relationships. In fact,
we find that despite the higher education and income of Asian
American men, there is evidence that they are systematically
excluded from having romantic relationships during adoles-
cence and young adulthood (see next page, left). The popular
images of Asian American men as geeky and undesirable as
potential mates are consistent with work on racial preferences
among internet daters, as well as with our own research on the
romantic relationship opportunities of adolescents and young
adults (in which Asian American youth begin dating later than
other racial groups). Given their marginalization in both straight
and gay mate markets, Asian American men present a paradox
to family sociologists and demographers, like Megan Sweeney,
who find evidence that earnings and education are critical in
men’s prospects of marriage.
educational and income success among asian american men
Asian Americans are a broad panethnic group comprising
Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, Korean, Indian, but also smaller
groups such as Cambodian, Thai, and Laotian. The first Asian
Americans came to the United States (mainland) in the mid-
1800s; however, immigration from Asian stalled starting with
the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act, the
1907/1908 Gentlemen’s Agreement (with
the Japanese government), and the Immi-
gration Act of 1917 (also known as The
Asiatic Barred Zone Act). Notably, the 1965
Immigration and Nationality Act (or Hart-
Cellar Act) ended exclusion by national
origin. The bulk of today’s Asian American
population (approximately 90%) are indi-
viduals or descendants of individuals who
arrived after Hart-Cellar. A non-trivial number of Asian Americans
are descendants of earlier immigrants, though most hail from
more recent immigrant families. Moreover, because most of
today’s Asian Americans come from immigrant families, they
are different in a number of ways from White populations that
primarily come from non-immigrant families.
The immigration policies of the United States, the physical
proximity of the sending country to the United States, and the
complex histories between the country-of-origin and the United
States interact to create very different immigration streams
depending on country-of-origin. For example, Asian Indians in
Earnings and education are critical in men’s marriage prospects, yet Asian American men, who have high levels of both, are marginalized in marriage markets.
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51FALL 2018 contexts
the United States are highly educated—approximately three-
quarters of Indian adults have a BA or higher, compared to about
30% of the U.S. population. Notably, the Indian population in
the United States is not similar to the Indian population in India,
where fewer than 10% attend college and 40% of the populace
is illiterate. Because of immigrants’ self-selection and many other
reasons, many Asian ethnic groups in the United States are well
educated because they come to the United States with high
levels of education and wealth and because the advantages of
immigrant parents are then passed on to their children.
Recent headlines suggest that Asian men have not only
reached parity with White men in terms of education and earn-
ings, they may have surpassed them. In 2016, Pew reported that
Asian American men earned 117% of what White men earned.
There is no doubt that Asian American men have higher levels
of education and income than Hispanic and Black men. These
patterns would suggest a considerable advantage of Asian
American men in the dating market, because scholars agree that
men’s economic success increases their desirability as partners.
So why are Asian American men at such a dating disadvantage?
dating Most Americans begin to date in adolescence. Using a
nationally representative data set of 90,000 students in 7th to
12th grades (National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult
Health, or Add Health), researchers have documented patterns
of romance for different racial groups, both in adolescence and
in later periods of the life course. The figure above (left) reveals
that among these youth, 60% of Asian males have never dated,
compared to roughly 40% of White, Black, and Hispanic males.
Girls are typically more likely than boys to date, but the sex gap
in romantic involvement is especially pronounced among Asians.
Using data from the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Sys-
tem, Patricia Cavazos-Rehg and colleagues also found that Asian
males had a later average age of sexual debut than their White,
Black, and Hispanic counterparts. By age 17, 33% of Asian
American males, compared to 53% of White males, 82% of
Black males, and 69% of Hispanic males had lost their virginity
(among girls, 28% of Asian American females, compared to
58% of White, 74% of Black, and 59% of Hispanic females
had done the same). Because early sexual experience is associ-
ated with a number of negative outcomes, researchers have
frequently interpreted the late sexual debut of Asian Americans
as a healthy and desirable outcome. However, if Asian American
men are interested but simply less successful in dating or having
sex, then researchers ought to examine the possible sources of
this marginalization.
Starting to have sexual relationships later does not, of
course, necessarily imply that Asian American males will be sexu-
ally marginalized as adults. Yet, in our work using Add Health,
we found evidence that by ages 25-32, Asian American men
continue to be excluded from romantic relationship markets.
As revealed in our data (top left), these Asian American men
are less likely than White, Black, and Hispanic men to be in
a romantic and/or sexual relationship. One might argue that
perhaps Asian Americans differ from other groups in terms of
their cultural preferences. However, it is unlikely that cultural
norms can account for the lower levels of romantic involvement
of only men. In other words, if cultural norms dictated romantic
relationship behavior, we would expect to find that Asian Ameri-
can women have similarly low levels of relationship involvement
(perhaps even lower than Asian American men). That’s not the
case. Asian American women have higher rates of being in a
romantic relationship compared to Asian American men, as well
as compared to their Black and Hispanic counterparts (above
right). In preliminary work using U.S. Census Data, we find
evidence that Asian American men are also disadvantaged in
same-sex relationships; on average, when they are in interracial
relationships, they partner with much older men.
We wondered if these differences applied only to foreign-
born Asian Americans or if they reflected preferences for certain
physical attributes (height for men) that might disadvantage
these men. In statistical analytic models that account for these
differences, we find that Asian American men are still less likely
Men with no current romantic relationship in adolescence and in young adulthood, by race/ethnicity
10
20
30
40
50
60 percent
adolescence young adulthood
White Black Hispanic Asian Source: National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health (Add Health)
Women with no current romantic relationship in adolescence and in young adulthood, by race/ethnicity
10
20
30
40
50
60 percent
adolescence young adulthood
White Black Hispanic Asian Source: National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health (Add Health)
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52 contexts.org
than other men to be in a romantic relationship. We found no
differences for Asian American women relative to other women.
The disadvantage is specific to Asian American men.
the question of masculinity and asian american men
In his documentary, The Slanted Screen (2006), filmmaker
Jeff Adachi shows that Asian American men are usually absent
from Hollywood films. When they do appear, they are usually
geeky and undesirable men, unable to attract women. Asian
women sometimes serve as romantic leads, but they are rarely
paired with Asian men. And though representations of interracial
romance in films and television are still far less common than
unions with individuals of the same race, in those films that
feature an Asian/White romance, it is almost always a White man
paired with an Asian female. Many of these storylines take place
in Asia (think of The World of Suzy Wong, Sayonara, The Last
Samurai, Shogun, or even the recent Netflix film The Outsider),
and the White male characters inevitably fall in love with an
Asian woman. Asian men are rarely romantic leads, whether
with Asian women or women of any other race.
For those of us who went to high school in the 1980s,
Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles (directed by John Hughes)
is the brutal short-hand for Asian men’s undesirability. He is a
foreign student who repeatedly (and unsuccessfully) hits on the
movie’s White lead, Molly Ringwald—a geeky buffoon, painfully
unaware of his inherent undateability. In the 2000 film Romeo
Must Die, loosely based on Romeo and Juliet, the male lead
(played by Chinese martial arts actor Jet Li) and the female lead
(played by African-American singer Aaliyah), are supposed to
kiss. However, that scene did not test well with focus groups,
who stated they were uncomfortable seeing an Asian man kiss
a Black woman. The scene was changed. Most recently, the
CBS TV Show Two Broke Girls (2011-2017) featured an Asian
American male character (Han Lee played by Matthew Moy) who
owned the diner where the two main characters worked. Asian
American writers argued that this character was retrograde and
racist, but like Long Duk Dong, Han was still portrayed as short,
unattractive, and lacking experience with women. Actor Peter
Shinkoda says, concisely, “when it comes to casting Asian Ameri-
can males, Hollywood doesn’t make many opportunities for us.”
Between negative portrayals and complete absence, the
foreclosure of Asian men’s sexual storylines in Hollywood have
disturbing consequences for their dating experiences in real life.
The disadvantage of Asian American men in the dating market
is apparent in online dating sites. Cynthia Feliciano and col-
leagues used data from the early 2000s (on opposite-sex daters
on Yahoo! Personals) and found that, among those who stated
Crazy Rich Asians is groundbreaking for many reasons, including featuring Asian actors like Henry Golding (pictured) as its romantic lead. Golding was even named among [italics] People Magazine’s “sexiest men alive” in 2018.
G et
ty Im
ag es
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53FALL 2018 contexts
racial preferences, more than 90% of non-Asian women said
they would not date an Asian man. Moreover, while less than
10% of Asian men who stated a preference said they would not
date an Asian woman, 40% of Asian women said they would
not date an Asian man. A 2005 Gallup Poll revealed similar
trends: researchers found that just 9% of all women said that
they had dated an Asian man (compared to 28% of all men
who said that they had dated Asian women).
When dating site OK Cupid published five years’ worth of
data on race, gender, and attractiveness, it showed that, while
there were a few modest changes with respect to increasingly
liberal attitudes toward dating people of different races in
this period, there was little change in group-level patterns of
attractiveness of different race/gender groups. Asian American
men and Black women were consistently rated as “less attrac-
tive” than the average same-gender person by others (with
the exception of their same-race counterparts). For instance, in
2009, White men rated Asian women 6% more attractive and
Black women 22% less attractive than average. White women
rated Asian men 12% less attractive than
average, and Asian women rated White
men 16% more attractive than average.
The asymmetry in attractiveness scores is
consistent across multiple data sources.
Some of the variation in desirability
manifests in interracial marriage rates.
According to data from the 2015 Ameri-
can Community Survey (ACS), 36% of Asian women compared
to 21% of Asian men were married to someone of a different
race. Sex gaps in interracial marriage are also prominent among
Blacks, where 25% of Black men married someone of a different
race compared to 12% of Black women. Thus, Asian women
outmarry at higher rates than Asian men, and Black women
outmarry at lower rates than Black men. These patterns are
consistent with the stereotypes that emerge in the media as
well as the attractiveness scales in online dating sites. Black
women are stereotyped as being too masculine and Asian men
are seen as not masculine enough. Perhaps this is what accounts
for the asymmetry in interracial marriage rates. It is also possible
that these stereotypes are reinforced by family members. Jes-
sica Vasquez, in her study of Latino intramarriage, argues that
surveillance and punishment by others reinforce racial romantic
boundaries.
Comedian, writer, and actress Issa Rae (of HBO’s Insecure)
notes that Asian men and Black women like her live “at the
bottom of the dating totem pole.” In her memoir, she even
jokingly suggests that smart Black women should start dating
Asian men, because they are more their equals. We believe that
more expansive media representations and opportunities for
Asian American men (especially as romantic leads) might help
mitigate these negative stereotypes. This is why the film Crazy
Rich Asians has been met with such enthusiasm from many
(East) Asian Americans, despite its problematic and puzzling
exclusion of South and Southeast Asians in Singapore. After
all, gendered racial hierarchies of desirability are as socially con-
structed as other racial hierarchies. Further work on same-sex
pairings suggests that gay men may also subscribe to racial and
gender hierarchies that view Asian men as more feminine than
other men. Overall, it is certainly clear that for Asian American
men, socioeconomic success does not bring additional dating
or marriage opportunities.
recommended resources Allyson Chiu. 2018. “’Asian, Ew Gross’: How the ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ Movie Could Help Change Stereotypes about Asian Men,” Washington Post (August 3). Explores the importance of Crazy Rich Asians in asserting Asian men as sexual and romantic leads.
OK Cupid. 2015. “Race and Attraction, 2009-2014. What’s Changed in Five Years.” A brief blog post on the race and gender patterns apparent in five years of OK Cupid’s dating site data.
Jeff Adachi. 2009. The Slanted Screen: Asian Men in Film & Television. AAMM Productions. This documentary pro-
vides an overview of the pattern of film roles for Asian American men.
Kelly Stamper Balistreri, Kara Joyner, and Grace Kao. 2015. “Rela- tionship Involvement among Young Adults: Are Asian American Men an Exceptional Case?” Population Research and Policy Review 34. Our earlier paper, providing statistical analysis of the data referred to in this article.
Nancy Wang Yuen. 2017. Reel Inequality: Hollywood Actors and Racism. New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers University Press. A recent overview of race in Hollywood.
Grace Kao is in the sociology department at Yale University, and Kelly Stamper
Balistreri and Kara Joyner are both in the sociology department at Bowling Green
State University in Ohio. Together, they are working on a new book manuscript on
interracial friendships and romantic relationships.
Gendered racial hierarchies of desirability are as socially constructed as other racial hierarchies.
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