1100 words essay

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TUTORING RESPONSE SHEET

Reader’s personal response to the writing in terms of interest, insight, and ideas: You seem to have a lot of valuable information in your essay! You're off to a good start!

Global Categories	Score: “1” is weak, “6” is strong
Thesis/Main Idea/Focus	\|_\|1 \|_\|2\|_\|3\|_\|4\|_\|5\|_\|6
Organization	\|_\|1 \|_\|2\|_\|3\|_\|4\|_\|5\|_\|6
Development/Support/Data	\|_\|1 \|_\|2\|_\|3\|_\|4\|_\|5\|_\|6
Word Choice	\|_\|1 \|_\|2\|_\|3\|_\|4\|_\|5\|_\|6
Sentence Structure/Style	\|_\|1 \|_\|2\|_\|3\|_\|4\|_\|5\|_\|6

Comments on the above scores: Thesis: Your thesis is very broken and doesn't seem to address anything you are trying to talk about. You clearly have organization and information within your essay, but your thesis is meant to direct your readers before diving into your support information.

Organization: Your organization of ideas seems fine at the moment, although structuring them together of alike ideas will help keep your readers on task.

Development: You have great ideas to support a concept! However your thesis makes you lose sight of the relevance. Keep the support, change your thesis.

Word choice: You need to work on your word choice. Simple word choice may be effective, but since you are taking a stance on a particular type of toy, your language needs to be eaqually assertive.

Sentence Structure: You seem to have many simple sentences. Although it is effective and are used correctly, the paragraphs seem to feel very quick paced. The shortest sentences just glaze over and your reader will not hold onto your meaning. Try adding compound and complex sentences.

Grammar/Mechanics

Check major problem areas:

|_| Verb/Subject Agreement

|_|Verb Forms

|_|Verb Tense

|_|Sentence Boundaries (Fragments, Run-ons, Fused Sentences)

|_|Prepositions

|_|Articles

|_|Pronoun Reference

|_| Punctuation

|_|Spelling

|_|Other (Please comment)

Comments and Recommendations for Grammar/Mechanics: You have several different forms of sentences and word usage, however, you need to work on verb forms and tense because it because confusing on what tense you are working with. There seems to be a flop of present and past. Choose one. Also you need to keep track of your lack o fprepositions and articles. They help give emphasis and meaning to your data information. If you need more help, come by the Writing center. We have worksheets.

Tutor: Maria Acero Date: April 30, 2018