Paper Review

Proofed Paper: ntp401284 - Sun Jun 10 5:08:07 EDT 2018

Paper Title: Marginalization of Minorities

No. of Pages: 4 pages

Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Other

Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No

Feedback Areas: Topic Development, Focus/Thesis Statement

Paper Goals: Details on the First Page

Proofing Summary:

Hi Shuntee,

I’m DJ, your composition tutor for the Writing Center. I have reviewed your submission and have several

suggestions that will help you revise. Please feel free to contact us through a live chat session with any

follow-up questions or for any clarification.

Below, you will find a revision plan along with comments made throughout the paper. Use my suggestions

as a starting point for the revision process. Also, please note that I have not edited or proofread the entire

draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on overall concerns such as idea development. For a complete

look at your grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarly software available under “Writing

Center” in your classroom.

You have done a good job of gathering some potentially useful information here, including material from

outside sources. Nice work so far!

For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:

1. Review the guidelines for the assignment. You have not yet addressed all of the items in the prompt.

This prompt is a complicated one, to be sure. If you carefully break down the prompt, you will see that it is

asking for you to:

-discuss the global societal problem,

-propose a solution to the problem,

-evaluate the validity, reliability, and biases of the sources you used in addition to pointing out where more

research is needed, and

-show ethical implications of your proposed solution.

Please review this sample paper to help you to better understand the expectations of this assignment and

to complete all of the necessary sections: http://tinyurl.com/j7qq7mc

2. Organize and develop the body paragraphs. In general, your body paragraphs should have 3 pieces:

P-Point—also known as your topic sentence where you state what the paragraph is about

I-Information—where you present your information (facts, details, quotes, and reasons)

E-Explanation—where you explain the relevance or importance of your information

Try to organize your information like this when writing your body paragraphs. For help with this, click here:

http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/body-paragraphs

3. Academic voice. Pay special attention to your choice of words when writing for an academic purpose.

Avoid using clichés and language that is too conversational. Try to use language that is specific, precise,

and more formal. This does not mean using long words, just words that are more polished. For more help,

click here: http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/academic-voice

Good luck in the course, and I hope we can help you with your next assignment.

page 1 / 7

Proofed Paper: ntp401284 - Sun Jun 10 5:08:07 EDT 2018

Please use this guide to help you to set up your running head and title page in correct APA

style. Click here: http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/introduction-apa

page 2 / 7

Proofed Paper: ntp401284 - Sun Jun 10 5:08:07 EDT 2018

It looks like you have some errors related to the set-up of your document. For help with

using Word for APA style formatting, please click on this great source:

http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/introduction-apa

Remember you should identify the global

societal problem within the introductory

paragraph and conclude with a thesis

statement that states your proposed

solution(s) to the problem. Consider

reviewing the sample paper to get a better

idea of how the information should be

organized.

Remember that any time you incorporate

outside information or data in your essays,

you need to include citations for the

sources.

page 3 / 7

Proofed Paper: ntp401284 - Sun Jun 10 5:08:07 EDT 2018

Try to make sure the first sentence of

each body paragraph acts as a "topic

sentence" for the paragraph, describing

the main point or idea that will be

presented.

Keep in mind the topic sentence should

not be a cited statement; rather, the

cited information should be provided as

supporting evidence for the point made

in the topic sentence.

Consider re-organizing the structure and organization of information in

the paragraphs so as not to end with cited statements, instead including

the outside information within the paragraphs and ending with

interpretations or explanations connecting the cited information to the

main points.

Keep in mind it is best to refrain from

using pronouns that address or include

the readers, such as “you” or “we”,

since addressing the reader is

considered informal in tone and not

suitable for academic writing.

page 4 / 7

Proofed Paper: ntp401284 - Sun Jun 10 5:08:07 EDT 2018

Make sure the wording is appropriate for

academic writing; this means limiting the

use of casual, conversational, or

colloquial speech.

page 5 / 7

Proofed Paper: ntp401284 - Sun Jun 10 5:08:07 EDT 2018

Remember you also need to include the section concerning

your solutions' ethical implications and rationale, as well as the

section for evaluating your research and data for validity and

possible bias.

Academic journal titles do not use sentence casing. They use their official casing.

page 6 / 7

Proofed Paper: ntp401284 - Sun Jun 10 5:08:07 EDT 2018

Remember to use sentence casing for

titles of articles, chapters, web pages,

and books. Also, you seem to be

missing the publication information

here.

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