Group Issues and Conflict

It is important to inform the members that the session is entering the closing phase. This can be done by saying any of the following:

· We need to start winding down, so I want you to think about the session today, and what it has meant to you.

· Because there are only a few minutes left in today’s session, let’s review what we have gone over today.

· I think we are at a good stopping point, so let’s spend the next few minutes summarizing the session today, and then we’ll talk briefly about next week’s session.

· Let’s begin the closing phase of the session, because we need to stop in about 10 minutes.

Purposes and Goals of the Closing Phase

The closing phase may serve one or more of the following purposes:

· (1)

summarizing and highlighting the main points,

· (2)

reinforcing commitments made by individual members, and

· (3)

checking for unfinished business from the session.

Summarizing and Highlighting the Main Points

Good. See if they’ll send you any material, too.

Pablo:

I am going to draw up a tentative list of rules for the unit residents to live by.

Leader:

Be sure to get input from us, especially from Cindy.

Cindy:

I am going to devise a list of personnel that would be needed to staff such a unit.

Bill:

I’m going to try to get funding for the unit.

Leader:

Bill, I think we decided that you were to look into possible sources for funding and bring that list to the group next session.

Examples

It is the third session of a personal growth group in a college counseling center. During the closing phase of the session, the leader asks various members about their goals.

Leader:

I think we’ve summarized what we covered today pretty well. In the next few minutes, it might be helpful if people share specific goals that they are shooting for this week. Betty, I know you decided to try a different approach with your boyfriend when he’s late.

Betty:

Today I learned that yelling only gets us into a fight. When he is late, I’m going to calmly tell him that I’m disappointed and that I’m willing to wait for only 20 minutes. I feel better knowing I can be in control.

Leader:

Frieda, how about you? You said you wanted to set up a study schedule. Have you come up with any thoughts about how you might do that?

Frieda:

I decided I’m going to study 6 hours every night. That should really help me catch up.

Leader:

(Turning to the other members) What do you think about Frieda’s plan?

Will:

That seems like a lot. I’d get burned out in one day.  (Other members nod agreement.)

Leader:

What do you think, Frieda?

Frieda:

Well, maybe that is a lot. I guess I’ll start with 2 hours and see how that goes. Anything will be an improvement.

By helping the member develop a realistic goal, the leader has increased the likelihood of the member experiencing success.

During the session, Al discussed his desire for a salary increase. With the help of the group, he role-played strategies for talking with his employer about the raise. Although he made progress, Al needed further assistance in increasing his assertiveness and in exploring ways to handle potential rebuffs and excuses from his boss. The group is now in the closing phase.

Leader:

Who else learned something from today’s session?

Al:

Boy, I did. That role-playing about asking for a raise really helped. Even though you don’t think I am ready, I do. I think I’ll go in tomorrow and ask for the raise!

Al, if he says no, what are you going to say? We didn’t get a chance to practice that.

Al:

Oh, I didn’t even think of that. All I was thinking about was how I now know what to say. I’m not prepared for a negative answer. Maybe I should wait until we talk about it next week in group.

If the leader had not clarified the member’s goal during the closing phase, Al would probably have asked for a raise even though he had not developed the resources to cope with the situation. By reviewing Al’s reaction to the session, the leader was able to discover his unrealistic plan and caution him about moving ahead prematurely.

Checking for Unresolved Issues (Unfinished Business) 

The closing phase is also the time to check with members for any issues that are not fully resolved during the session. Sometimes issues are brought up that may need some additional closure as the session comes to an end. The leader may find it unproductive to focus for too long on a particular member or issue and thus bring temporary closure to the discussion. The closing phase may be used to refocus on that previous issue or concern, providing an opportunity for a member to express new thoughts or for the leader to help members agree to continue to work on the issue in the next session. This would be especially important if there was some tension between members regarding something that happened during the session. Occasionally, a member may have unfinished business that cannot wait until the following session, either because a decision is imminent or because the issue is causing considerable discomfort for the member. The leader could ask the members if they would be willing to extend the session to work on the issue. If this cannot be done, the leader may see the member individually as soon after the session as possible.

To find out if members have unfinished business from the session, the leader can say something like the following:

· Does anyone have something that was “stirred up” during the session that they want to mention? We’ll either deal with it now, if it won’t take too long, or we will deal with it at the next session.

· Is there any unfinished business from the session that you think needs to be discussed for a few minutes?

· I want to come back to what happened earlier and make sure everyone is in a reasonably good place before we finished the session.

Because there are time constraints during the closing phase, the leader may need to carry unfinished business into the next session. However, by having members mention their unfinished business, the leader is able to either help them finish the issue or assure them that they will be able to discuss the matter at the next session.

During a counseling group at a rehabilitation center, Troy expressed some angry feelings regarding his parents’ not visiting him often enough, but he was not able to see how he was upsetting himself by blaming his parents. After working with Troy for about 20 minutes, the leader chose to focus on another member. Now, during the closing phase, the leader wants to see if Troy has had any additional thoughts about his anger toward his parents.

Leader:

We’ll spend the next few minutes bringing things to a close for today. I’d like each of you to think about what stood out for you.  (Pauses and scans the group. After a short silence, the leader makes eye contact with Troy.) Troy, I felt there were more feelings you had to express about your parents. While we don’t have time to work a lot more with those feelings today, do you have additional thoughts you would like to share with the group?

Troy:

I feel better after talking about it, but I still think they should visit more. I don’t seem as angry.

Leader:

I guess I’d like you to keep thinking about this between now and our next session. I hope you’ll bring it up at the next session.  (Troy nods in agreement.)

Here the leader contracts with the member to work on the issue during the next session. He wants to make it clear to the member and the entire group that he is not forgetting the issue and plans to come back to it. He also wants to make sure that if there are any pressing feelings, they are handled before the session ends.

A group of divorced men and women are meeting for the fourth session in a support/therapy group. One member, Ann, worked on guilt feelings about giving the custody of her two children to her husband. During the session, Ann concluded that she did not have to feel guilty about her actions. However, when the focus of the group shifted to another topic, Ann continued to think about her decision. Now the leader is bringing the group to a close.

Leader:

Several of you worked on some pretty important issues today. It might be useful to review our session and see if you have additional thoughts about anything you discussed.

Sue:

It was really helpful for me to see that even though my parents don’t believe in divorce, that’s their value and it’s okay for me to have a different value.

Leader:

I’m glad that helped, Sue. What about other people?

Ann:

(Looking down and speaking in a weak voice) I’ve been sitting here thinking about my kids. I know being without them right now is best for me. Yet, to be a good mother, I still feel I should be with them. I guess I’m confused all over again.

Ann, it is apparent there is more we need to do to help clear up your concerns. Can this wait until our next session?

Ann:

I think it can wait. I have to get this straight in my mind.

Had the leader not checked for unfinished business, Ann might have felt stranded with those feelings when she left the group. Also, the leader could have finished the session thinking that Ann had worked through a personal issue when, in fact, she was still struggling with it.

15-1bFormats for Closing a Session

Group Counseling Skills

Closing a Group–Use of Rounds

Go to video 15.1 and watch the segment where the leader uses a round to close the group.

Dyads Followed by Comments to the Group

Starting the closing phase with dyads is a good way to involve all the members. Dyads are beneficial during the closing phase when much has happened in the group and the leader wants members to get a chance to share but does not have the time to hear all that each member has to say. In dyads, members can say out loud to another their thoughts and feelings. Dyads can also be used to energize members, especially if the energy level is low toward the end of a session.

Examples

Leader:

Let’s take the next few minutes to close. I’d like to form pairs composed of Phil and Pat; Roger and Paula; Ted and Ramón; Mike and Kay. What I’d like you to do is share with your partner one or two things that were particularly important to you about today’s session. Then we’ll come back to the large group and share any thoughts and feelings.

In this example, the leader decided to pair the members, but she could have allowed the members to select partners. If the leader decides to do the pairing, she should give special thought to anything that occurred during the session that might make it especially valuable for certain members to be together; for example, two members who expressed similar concerns or worked on similar problems could be paired. In the following example, the leader decides to participate in a dyad to encourage a member to share during the closing phase.

It is the second session of a support group made up of spouses of alcoholics. One member, Sally, has spoken only a couple of times during these first two sessions.

Leader:

Carme:

The group has been good for me to just get things off my mind.

Bill:

Jack and I talked about what it was like to have alcoholic wives. I feel relieved just knowing other people are in the same boat.

Leader:

Sally shared some of her fear about talking about her family situation in the group. We both agreed it would be helpful for her to talk a little about that before we stop.

Sally:

It’s real scary for me to be here. I feel I contributed to my husband’s drinking by trying to cover it up.

Carme:

I feel the same way—I hope we can talk about this at the next meeting.

The leader knew it was important for this quiet member to “break the ice” with the group before the end of this session so that she and the other members would begin to feel comfortable with one another.

Members Summarize

A simple way to close the session is to have one or more members summarize what has transpired. The leader can ask for a volunteer to summarize or may select a member who would do a good job. If one member summarizes, other members may also be given the opportunity to add what they feel is important. The leader may also want to add any important events that were overlooked by the members. During the closing phase, a summary should not be long or boring. The purpose is to give the members a brief review. Following the summary, members may wish to comment on particular points that were especially important to them.

Leader Summarizes

The leader may choose to summarize the session. By doing this, the leader can emphasize certain points and focus on certain members’ comments. The disadvantage is that the leader may forget something that was important to one or two members; this may result in those members feeling hurt or resentful. To prevent this, the leader may find it helpful to let members contribute additional summaries following the leader’s summary.

Written Reactions

There are several ways the leader can use written reactions during the closing phase (Riordan & White, 1996). The leader can begin the closing phase of a session by asking members to write their reactions to the session.

It’s about 8:45. Let’s summarize and close the group. First, I’d like you to spend a few minutes jotting down any reactions, thoughts, or feelings regarding the session tonight. We’ll then share some of those thoughts and stop by 9:00.

Writing can be helpful for those members who respond more comfortably after having had a chance to put their ideas on paper. Members can also write for 5 to 10 minutes at the very end, when the group has completed the closing. The journal can be left with the leader, who then has an opportunity to read the members’ reactions. The leader may choose to write encouraging or clarifying comments in the journals and then return them to the members at the next session.

The journal also provides each member with a lasting chronicle of the entire group experience from the first to the final session.

15-1cHelpful Closing Skills and Techniques

Clarity of Purpose

The leader needs to be very clear as to the purpose of the closing phase. A variety of issues and concerns may be raised by members during the closing phase that can take the group in unproductive or new directions. When members bring up new topics, the leader needs to explain the purpose of the closing phase and offer the option of bringing the topics up at the beginning of the next session. The important thing to remember during the closing phase of a group session is that the session is ending.

Cutting Off

To maintain the necessary focus on closing, the leader must be ready to use cutting-off skills. Members not only bring up new material during the closing phase but they often get into rehashing the session rather than highlighting or summarizing.

Example

Leader:

What else did you learn from the session today?

Linda:

I’d like to know from the other girls if they have to go to church every Sunday. I do, and I hate it!

Leader:

(In a warm, caring voice) Linda, that seems like an important issue for you, but we really do not have time to get into a new topic right now. If you will bring that up at the next session, we’ll certainly talk about it.

In this example, the leader stops other members from answering by speaking first. She does so to make sure that a new topic does not get started during the closing phase.

Closing a Group—Preventing a New Topic

Go to video 15.3 and watch the segment where the leader uses cutting off in order to prevent a new topic from being introduced during the closing phase.

Tying Together

Closing a Group—Use of Wishes

Go to video 15.2 and watch the segment where the leader uses the technique of “My Wish for You.”

Acknowledging a New Member

The leader may want to vary the closing slightly when a member is present for the first time. The leader might want to allow some extra time during the closing phase to focus on the new member if the member seems to feel comfortable enough but has been relatively quiet. Focusing on the new member gives that member a chance to share, which can help her feel even more comfortable. It also gives members a chance to know a little more about her. By hearing from the new member, the leader also has a better idea of how that person is feeling about being in the group.

Example

Two members have finished summarizing the session, and others have commented.

Leader:

Connie ( the new member), I hope this has been interesting and maybe even helpful.

Connie:

Well, I was really nervous for the first 10 minutes, but I did relax. I am sorry that I didn’t say more, but I really don’t like talking in front of groups. I hope it will get easier for me.

Leader:

Was the session helpful?

Connie:

Oh, yes. I already realize that others have feelings similar to mine.

Leader:

I hope that during the next session you will feel free to share. Anyone else have any closing thoughts before we stop?

Acknowledging a Member Who Is Leaving

There are occasions when a member leaves a group even though the group continues. In a closed group, members may drop out for any variety of reasons. More often, the departure of one member occurs in an ongoing, open-membership group, such as residential treatment programs in substance abuse or physical rehabilitation centers. Members leave the group because they are going home or somewhere else.

The amount of time that should be given to a member who is exiting depends on the length of time of the session, the purpose of the group, and the kind of member he has been. In open-ended groups, members may be exiting fairly often, so the time devoted to a leaving member must be monitored. It is important not to devote most of the session to the departing member because this could mean that every session or two would be focused on departing members rather than those who are in the group. To say goodbye to the exiting member, 5 to 10 minutes is usually sufficient.

Examples

Leader:

We have about 20 minutes left in the session, so I would like to begin to summarize the session. Also, I want to leave the last few minutes free to focus on Walt, who will be leaving the group after today. I want each of you to think of the one thing that stood out for you today.  (Pause) Mike, you seem ready.

Mike:

The discussion about the importance of not keeping our feelings inside was really helpful.

Andy:

The thing that stood out for me was …

Leader:

(After spending time completing the round and processing the session) Okay, let’s spend a few minutes saying goodbye to Walt. Most of you have known Walt for a while now. I want you to think of how you see Walt now compared to when he first entered the group. We’ll share that and then we’ll share any wishes that we have for him. How is Walt different?

Mario:

He is really different.  (To Walt) When you first came into the group, you didn’t talk or even look up. I really do think the program has helped you.

Leader:

I agree. You really have changed. I see you as a lot more open and that chip on your shoulder seems to be gone.

Carl:

That’s right! You did have a chip on your shoulder those first two meetings. It’s gone.

Leader:

(After others have shared) If you had a wish for Walt, what would that be?

Jeff:

My wish is that you have that conversation with your wife that you practiced in here.

Bruno:

My wish is that you don’t let that chip come back. The soft, gentle side is much nicer.

(After two other members have shared wishes) Walt, what thoughts or reactions or closing comments do you have for the group?

Walt:

Well, I appreciate all your support. I also want to say …

In this example, the exiting member got a chance to hear some good and encouraging feedback.

There are times when a departing member has not really used the group or the treatment program that much. In this case, the leader may want to focus on feedback and wishes, in the hope that something might be said that will help.

Leader:

In saying goodbye to Sharon, I want each of you to think of what you believe will be the roughest thing for Sharon to handle when she goes home.

Paul:

I really think that Sharon is going to have trouble.

Leader:

Instead of talking to me, could you address Sharon?

Paul:

Sure. Sharon, I think you are going to have trouble with a lot of things, because you still seem angry at your parents.

Biff:

Sharon, I think you are fooling yourself when you say that you can make it without going to AA meetings. I hope your pride will not keep you from calling someone for help.

In this example, the leader wants to make sure that the member is not attacked, because she is leaving that afternoon. At the same time, he is hoping that someone says something that will be helpful, because Sharon really does not seem ready to leave the program.

15-1dAlerting Members to Reactions Outside of Group

Leader:

I want to say something now, and I will probably say it again in our last session. Many of you are really opening up and sharing with the group, and I think it is great. Also, the way you are responding to what is being said is terrific. I think nearly everyone is experiencing good feelings as a result of being here. For many of you, these feelings are unique, and I want to caution you about going home and trying to share like this with your spouse and friends. Remember, they have not been in this group and have not had this experience. If you want this kind of sharing, give them time. Don’t expect them to be able to do this immediately. Also, realize that they may never be able to do exactly what we are doing here.

15-1eHandling Criticism of the Session

The leader should be prepared for criticism about the session or the group during the closing of the session. The leader must not be defensive. In most cases, the leader will not want the closing to be spent entirely on criticism unless he senses that the majority of the members are having the same feelings. The way the leader handles the criticism will depend on the kind of criticism, the merit of the criticism, and the amount of time needed for the actual closing. The following are several ways the leader can handle criticism during the closing phase.

Examples

Melvin is a member who has tried to dominate the group, and the leader has had to cut him off on numerous occasions. The leader has a strong sense from the members’ nonverbal responses that they appreciate the fact that Melvin is not allowed to dominate.

Melvin:

(In a hostile voice) I have something I want to say. I feel you control too much. In other groups, the leader hardly said anything—this is more your group than our group!

Leader:

In this example, the leader briefly responded, got support from the members, and then went back to closing the group.

Leader:

Who else wants to comment on what stood out to them?

James:

I feel like the group gets too personal. When Pete was talking, I felt you really pushed him too hard!

Leader:

James, let me answer that.  (Looking at the entire group) The group is personal, and I do push members hard because all of you have problems that need to be dealt with on more than a superficial level. Certainly, I try not to push you  too hard, but do realize that not dealing with your problems is what got you into the hospital.

Pete:

I’m glad you pushed. I think I understand why I get so angry.

The leader has been feeling that the group has not gone well the last couple of sessions.

José:

I don’t mean to be critical, but the group has not been very valuable for me lately.

Leader:

How do others of you feel? I, too, think something is missing.

Rusty:

I would like us to be more personal rather than just discussing things. Does anyone else feel that way?

Pam:

I do. The discussions about legal issues, custody, and so on are all good, but there are personal things that I think I am ready to share.

Paul:

I would like that better.

Leader:

So what you are saying is that you would like this to be more of a sharing group than a discussion/education group. How about the rest of you, how do you feel?

In this example, the leader decided to focus on the criticism because she felt that the group did perhaps need a new emphasis.

15-1fFinal Thoughts on Closing a Session

15-2The Closing Stage

Perhaps the most important point to remember when preparing for the closing stage of a group is that the group is not an entity in itself, but a collection of individuals. When the group is over, the individuals go away, taking with them new information, insights, decisions, or beliefs that make everyday living happier and more productive. The leader’s task during the closing stage is to focus on these benefits.

15-2aTime Allowed for the Closing Stage

The amount of time allowed to complete the closing stage of a group depends on the kind of group, its purpose, the number of sessions, and the members’ needs. As a general rule, the greater the number of sessions and the more personal the sharing, the longer the closing stage. For example, in a therapy group meeting for 2 hours weekly for 15 sessions, the leader might begin the closing stage toward the middle of the fourteenth session, because there will be a considerable amount to cover. In contrast, a task group working on improving a residential treatment program for drug abusers and meeting an hour each week for four sessions may require only 15 minutes of the last session for the closing stage. The closing stage of education and discussion groups would usually not take more than 10 to 20 minutes of the last session. Similarly, a children’s self-concept group meeting for 40 minutes a week for five sessions may take only 10 to 15 minutes of the last session for closing. Although it is possible that the closing stage could take two or more sessions, part of the last session is usually enough time for closing.

15-2bPurpose and Goals of the Closing Stage

The purpose of the closing stage is to pull together the significant ideas, decisions, and personal changes experienced by the members during the group. This is a time for members to look at their progress in the group and to compare their goals at the start of the group with their accomplishments at the end. While the leader may focus to some extent on the dynamics of the group itself (such as how the members have interacted or how they have helped each other), the main focus for most groups will be on each member’s growth and development. The following are the several tasks of the closing stage.

1. Reviewing and summarizing the group experience

2. Assessing members’ growth and change

This task applies to groups such as therapy groups, where the primary purpose is personal growth or change. By the time the closing stage rolls around, members should have experienced the implementation of some changes in their lives. One problem that members face when the group meetings end is that members may return to their former, less effective ways of living. It is important for the leader to highlight this potential problem for members and to reinforce their efforts to maintain positive change. This can be done, in part, by getting members to evaluate their success in making changes. This assessment reinforces the changes and encourages members to pursue further growth and development.

Example

The group is in the closing stage of a personal growth experience in a university counseling center.

Leader:

Since this is our last session, I think it might be helpful if each of you spent a few minutes looking at the changes you have brought about in your lives during these past 10 weeks. Some of you are more aware of your values and what you want to get from your life; others of you brought problems or concerns that you resolved through the group, and so forth. Take a minute and think about the important changes you’ve experienced in the group. When you are ready, I’m going to ask you to share those thoughts with the group.

This sharing can lead to feedback from other members, encouragement, and plans for continued work on issues following the end of the group.

Finishing Business

The following is an example of how a leader might introduce the topic of unfinished business.

Leader:

One thing that is important to do during this closing is to allow some time for any unfinished group business that needs to be dealt with. I am not asking for personal work issues because we are trying to close the group. If there is something that you want to say or ask, please do so. I urge you not to leave thinking, “I wish I had said this or that.”

15-2cApplying Changes to Everyday Life (Implementing Decisions)

Discussing how the members are going to continue to implement the changes that they have made is valuable. By talking about applying the changes in the group to their everyday lives, members can be reminded of how far they have come and what they still need to do to become the person they want to be. This applies especially to in-patient groups or treatment centers where they don’t get to apply the changes to their “real” lives.

Providing Feedback

During the closing stage, some final feedback to members is often helpful. Members should be given a chance to comment to one another about the changes each has made. Such reinforcement should be sincere and as specific as possible. The leader should monitor the type of feedback given to make sure it is on target.

Leader:

Let’s spend a few minutes thinking of positive changes that you have seen in other members. I’d like you to pick three people who you feel have made some positive changes. I’ll ask you to tell each person what the change is and how you think the change is helpful for the person. For example, Alan, I feel that you are much friendlier, and it is now much easier to talk with you.

Leader:

I want you to think about feedback that you feel would be helpful to give other members. You may want to think about changes that you have seen in members or thank them for something they said or did during a session.

Example

In a drug treatment group, a member who is still denying that his continued use of drugs is having a negative effect on his family life may benefit greatly from feedback sincerely given by the other members of the group.

Sam:

Dave, even though you are fooling your family, your therapist, and even yourself by your continued use of drugs, you are not fooling us, because we’ve been there.

Ann:

I agree, Dave, you really have to stop thinking that you don’t have a problem. Face it, you have a drug problem! Even though this group is ending, I do hope you will decide to really get help.

In this example, the members can probably have more impact than the leader, because they are seen as peers who have struggled and dealt with a similar problem. In other situations, the leader is better able to give confrontive or negative feedback because he sees aspects of a member’s behavior that the members do not see or because he knows the member better from having worked with him on an individual basis.

Handling Goodbyes

It is important for the leader to remember that for many members, the ending of a group is the end of a very special event in their lives. The relationships formed in the group may be the closest relationships some members have ever experienced. For most members, this will go smoothly. However, for some, the ending of the group will elicit anxiety over separating from the others. The positive effect of the group may be lessened if the leader does not identify and deal with those feelings. Clues to such feelings might be found in statements from members like these:

· I couldn’t sleep last night because I knew today would be our last meeting.

· I feel like this is my second family, and I don’t want to leave it.

· I don’t think I can make it without this group.

Planning for Follow-Up Care

The wishes exercise provides a special type of feedback for members during the closing stage. We gave an example of this earlier for the closing phase, but it is also an excellent activity for the closing stage.

Example

It is the last session of a support group for recently divorced persons.

Leader:

Let’s take the next few minutes and see if there are any wishes you might have for one another. You may or may not have a wish. It’s okay either way. I have a wish for Darlene. My wish for you is that you will be able to let go of your angry feelings toward your husband and get on with your life.

Darlene:

Thank you.

Bill:

My wish for you, Jane, is that you realize your teenagers are old enough to help out around the house and that you can stop being their slave.

Josefa:

I have a wish for you too, Jane. My wish for you is that you take a chance. You won’t know whether you can build a new relationship if you don’t try.

Reunion Fantasy

This exercise can be very thought-provoking for members who have come to know each other very well. As with all exercises, this one must be tailored to the kind of group, its purpose, and the needs of the members as they experience the group coming to an end. This exercise would be good to use during the beginning part of the closing stage, because it would get members to think about the group ending and the issues and changes they have talked about in the group. (It can also be used during the middle stage of a group if the leader wants to get members to focus on the future and possible changes.)

Members Writing about Their Experience

The leader may provide a chance for members to write about some aspect of the group, either in their journals (if journals were used) or on paper provided. The members may write on a variety of topics: four or five things they learned, the most helpful experience for them during the group, personal goals at the beginning of the group and the extent to which each was achieved, and how decisions they made in the group will be applied outside the group. The leader may then have members share their written thoughts in pairs, small groups, or with the entire group. If the topic the members write about is lengthy or complex, the leader may ask each member to underline two or three key passages to share with the entire group to save time and maintain the focus. When using journals, members may also review their journal entries from all the previous sessions and write a summary paragraph that pulls together the key points of the group for them.

Using the Flipchart or Handouts

2. Conducting exit interviews

3. Holding follow-up sessions

4. Evaluating the group

5. Ending with a party

Guarding against Ending with Strong Emotions

When closing a group where members have gotten very close, the leader will want to pay close attention to the emotional tone. The members may experience the ending as a very sad, intense, or extra-special event. If possible, these kinds of feelings should be avoided. Members should ideally see the ending as a new beginning, feeling positive about the group experience and excited about their future. The first example that follows depicts a leader talking about sad feelings regarding the ending of the group. The second example depicts a leader talking about the possibilities of ending on a “high.”

Examples

Leader:

When we stop today, I know you might feel sad since this is the last group session. I hope you will realize that you can continue with the things you have learned in this group. I purposely will try to have us end with good feelings and not sadness, because I feel the group really has been a good experience for all of us. It has helped members to share and care, and I hope you have already started to create the same kind of sharing with significant others in your life.

The leader can prevent the false high phenomenon by presenting a positive yet calm attitude. To avoid ending on the “high,” with much hugging and joyous crying, you might try to end groups that have been very close and personal by saying something like this:

Leader:

(In a soft, rather neutral voice) We are going to stop now. I do think the whole experience has been good, and the closing has been very good. I think you have had enough time to say what you wanted and to start a new beginning for yourself. If I can ever be of help, please feel free to contact me. I certainly have found the experience to be a good one. I think it is time to end.

Conducting Exit Interviews

Holding Follow-Up Sessions

The leader may consider holding a follow-up session of the group several weeks or months after the final regular session. The decision to have one or more follow-up meetings depends on the kind of group and the members’ needs. For example, members of a task group who work together in the same organization may wish to have a follow-up session to assess how things are going. With some support or counseling groups, follow-up sessions give members a chance to share how they are doing and lessen the anxiety of separation. The leader may set up a formal follow-up program where members are notified and encouraged to return for a meeting. Occasionally, members decide they want to plan for a reunion in 6 months. This decision usually arises from the good feelings members have toward one another during the closing stage.

Experience suggests that these reunions are usually not very successful, because the feelings fade as time passes and members become involved in their own lives. If a reunion is planned, the leader should not feel disappointed by a small turnout, and members should be prepared for the experience to be very different from when they were meeting regularly.

One unique follow-up procedure that we use is to have members write themselves letters in which they assess their goals, give themselves feedback, and list plans for the future. The letters are given to the leader in a self-addressed, stamped envelope and are then mailed several weeks or months after the group has ended. Members have reported that this technique is powerful.

They say that writing the letter is thought-provoking, and knowing that it will come in the mail someday causes them to keep working even after the group has ended. Others have said that often their letter arrived at a good time, because they needed a “booster shot.” The letter exercise is designed for use in a personal growth, counseling, or therapy group, but it could also be used with a task group as a way for members to check on the degree to which they have followed through on their decisions.

Evaluating the Group

· How valuable was the experience? (The leader could use a 1–10 scale.)

· What did members like about the group?

· What did members dislike about the group?

· What did members like about the way the leader led the group?

· What did members dislike about the way the leader led the group?

· How could the group have been better?

These are just the basic questions that should be asked. Certainly a more elaborate questionnaire could be devised that asked about specific topics, exercises, and events that occurred during the group. We encourage leaders, especially beginning leaders, to evaluate any group they lead. The responses and comments from their members can be very helpful in leading future groups.

Ending with a Party

Often members want to end the group with a party. They may suggest meeting at someone’s house or meeting for pizza. The leader should give a good deal of thought to such a request; often, when the group meets in another setting, a group session never really takes place and thus no real closing occurs. If the leader and the group decide to meet in a setting like this, the leader will want to tell members ahead of time that the first hour or so will be devoted to closing the group.

A variation of this is for the group to plan a party to be held after the group has officially ended. Sometimes this type of party works fine, and other times it does not work out very well. We suggest that the leader at least prepare members for the possibility that the party may not go well.

15-3aConcluding Comments

The  closing phase is a very important phase of a session and is often mishandled because the leader has not managed the time of the session very well. The closing phase serves the purpose of reviewing a session and ensuring that members leave feeling reasonably “finished.” When a leader fails to plan for the closing phase, closing is either hurried or skipped, causing the members to leave with no closure. It is very important to have a closing phase to each session.

The  closing stage of a group is the last stage—it is when the group is winding down and preparing to stop meeting. The closing stage is usually a portion of the last session, the entire last session, or perhaps, the last two sessions. Its purpose is to bring closure to the experience.

The closing phase and the closing stage are each very important aspects of a group because they allow members to review what has happened and to commit to what they are going to do in the future. Also, closing is an important time for reflecting on the group, and giving and receiving feedback. During the closing stage, it is important for the members to assess their progress, evaluate the experience, and discuss follow-up support.

Activities

1. Think back to group experiences or classes that you had where there was no time for closing. What did it feel like to have the experience just end? What would have made the ending better for you?

2. List the skills and techniques you plan to use in the closing phase and stage of groups that you will be leading in the future.

Group Counseling Skills

View again the three videos (15.1, 15.2, 15.3) showing closing in a group, and think about different directions the group could have gone if the leader had not had closing skills. Also think of some other ways these groups could have been closed.

There are a couple of strategies that involve the whole group. One is to address the group with the hope that the talkative member hears the message. The other strategy involves seeking feedback from the members.

Examples

It is early in the life of the group, and the leader wants to curb the rambler’s talking but at the same time not seem critical of the member. Therefore, the leader decides to deliver the message to the entire group by looking at everyone as she speaks.

Leader:

It is important to keep in mind that the purpose of the group is for  everyone to share thoughts and feelings. If any one member gets too long-winded, the focus of the group changes from sharing to listening to one member. Please be aware of how much you are talking, and whether or not you are dominating the discussion.

In this example, the leader introduces a feedback exercise because she believes members want to confront the talkative member.

Leader:

As I stated in the beginning of this group, one of the most potentially helpful aspects of a group such as this is for members to receive feedback about themselves from other members of the group. In effect, this feedback acts as a mirror, letting you know how others in the group see and react to you. Is there anyone here who would like to give another member some feedback?

The leader would use this kind of opening to a feedback exercise only if she were confident that members wanted to share their feelings about a member’s excessive talking. If the leader felt that members would not speak up unless the leader did, a feedback exercise could be devised in which the leader could also give feedback to the rambling member. Sometimes members will offer feedback without being prompted to do so. When this happens, the leader merely needs to make sure that the member receiving the feedback doesn’t feel attacked.

One direct way of intervening with the talkative member is to speak to the member immediately after the session or sometime before the next session about his excessive talking.

Example

Leader:

(Talking to a member after the session has ended) Wanda, tell me if I’m wrong, but you seemed a bit nervous during the group tonight. You were repeating yourself a lot as you talked, and you talked very rapidly.

Wanda:

Yes, you’re right. I was hoping that no one would notice. I just get uptight every time I’m around a new group of people. It is something that I definitely want to work on.

Another strategy that could be used if the leader were having the members turn in any kind of written reactions to the group would be to give the member feedback in writing. (In therapy and growth groups, members often write a brief reaction at the end of each session.) For example, the leader might write the following feedback at the bottom of the member’s reaction:

Tom, I sense that you are uncomfortable because you talked quite a bit and at a very rapid pace. I am hoping that you will be a little more comfortable and thus talk a little less. Let me know if there is anything that we can do to help you feel more comfortable.

Members usually receive this message very well and become more cognizant of their talkative behavior. In addition, a note such as this often helps members feel more comfortable about talking to the leader outside the group. This is a nonthreatening way to offer feedback; however, there is no guarantee that the member receiving the feedback will respond favorably to it, and if the member reads it somewhere outside the group, no one will be there to help process the feedback.

Group Counseling Skills

Dealing with a Talkative Member

Review video 8.2 and watch how the leader has to twice deal with the very talkative member.

16-2The Dominator

The dominator is a member who tries to rule the group. This member is different from the chronic talker because this person wants to run things and be in control. This kind of member is fairly common in residential treatment settings and in school groups. In education, discussion, or task groups, a dominator is often present. The leader should try some of the different techniques suggested for dealing with the chronic talker; however, the leader quite often needs to meet with this kind of member privately to discuss his behavior in the group. Sometimes this kind of member can be used as a helper or be given a role that makes him feel special. Other times, the behavior is such that he has to be asked to leave the group because he is not willing to give control to the leader.

16-3The Distracter

The distracter is a member who is either seeking attention or is avoiding looking at herself. To accomplish this, she tries to get the group off task by bringing up unrelated subjects or asking questions that are not relevant. Some distracters make noises or move around as a way to distract members. This person is often found in school or residential groups and in groups that are not voluntary. Sometimes this member is very difficult to deal with because she is not intentionally trying to distract the group. Talking with the member and then ignoring her comments or behaviors often helps to minimize the effects of the distracter.

16-4The Rescuing Member

Rescuing is the attempt of a member to smooth over negative feelings experienced by another member of the group. When a member becomes upset, often other group members attempt to soothe the member with such statements as, “Now, don’t worry, it will be all right” or “Everything has a way of working itself out if you just give it time.” This is usually not helpful, and such comments often sound patronizing. Rescuing can prevent the member in pain from problem solving.

Examples

One of the members, Judy, cries as she tells the group about her upcoming divorce. As she does so, another member, Karen, attempts to rescue her.

Karen:

Don’t worry Judy, everything will be okay. I went through a divorce myself, and you just have to make the best of it. I think …

(Interrupting Karen in mid-sentence) Judy, you are in a lot of pain right now, and if you would like, we can listen and try to be of help. By sharing, I think you will at least get some of your thoughts out, and I think that you will feel our support.  (Judy nods that she would like to.)

Leader:

(After Judy has discussed her divorce and using a kind voice) I’d like to say something to all of you here. Usually when a member is struggling with some issue like a divorce, she doesn’t need our sympathy or advice as much as she needs to be listened to and supported.

Members often think they are being supportive when, in fact, they are trying to rescue the member. Teaching members how helping and sharing differ from rescuing is important as the group progresses. In the early life of the group, the leader may need to intervene quite often, because group members are not aware of their rescuing behaviors. In the preceding example, the leader decides to convey the message about sympathy being unhelpful to the entire group so that they could observe her modeling the correct method of being therapeutic in the group.

This group is a stress management group composed of first-year teachers. One of the members, Vivian, is upset with her husband. Another member hears this and gives her sympathy and pity.

Vivian:

It is so stressful being a first-year teacher and juggling all the things with the kids and the house. My husband is always on me about the house and the kids, but it is hard to get it all done. I am trying but sometimes I just can’t get to the laundry or the cleaning, and then he doesn’t have a shirt to wear. I feel so bad. I feel so lucky to have met such a good person who doesn’t drink or yell that often. I just feel like a failure on all fronts—I am not pleasing him, and I am not being a good mom or a good teacher.  (Starts to tear up)

Rose:

Vivian, things will get better. The school year is nearly half over and we all will know so much more about teaching next year. I think you’re doing a good job. I like teaching with you when we have those joint classes. Don’t the rest of you think Vivian is a good teacher?

Leader:

(With a slow, kind voice) Wait just a second. I don’t think this is really about whether Vivian is a good teacher, but more about the self-talk that is going on in her head. Vivian, would you like to understand more about where your stress is coming from?

16-5The Negative Member

A negative member is one who constantly complains about the group or disagrees with other members of the group. Negative members are particularly troublesome because their attitude and behavior counter the leader’s goal of maintaining a positive working tone. If one or two members are negative and begin to complain, other members will sometimes join in and also become negative. The group sessions may become gripe sessions, and very little is accomplished.

There are three possible strategies for dealing with the negative member:

1. Talk to the person outside the group and attempt to establish why he is so negative. The leader can even ask for the member’s cooperation in making the group productive. Sometimes such members simply want the leader’s attention or a role to play in the group. By talking to the member, the leader can offer a positive role to the negative member.

2. Identify the allies (positive group members) in the group and direct questions and comments to them. Getting these members to talk more than the negative members can help to establish a more positive tone in the group.

3. When asking the group a question, avoid eye contact with the negative person so that you do not draw her out.

Leaders should usually avoid confronting a negative member in front of the other group members. This confrontation can turn into an argument between the leader and the negative member, which would not be productive for the other group members. If the leader finds herself in any kind of argumentative situation, she should shift the focus to another person or topic and then talk to the negative member at the end of the group.

It is important to understand that groups will at times have one or two negative members. This is especially true at the beginning of a group and particularly so if the group is a mandatory one. Many times negativism diminishes as the group becomes more interesting. However, there will be times when, no matter what the leader does, a member will remain negative. In extreme cases, it may be necessary to ask the member to leave the group or to sit quietly. Leaders often devote far too much time trying to work with a negative member while ignoring those members who are interested in the group.

Group Counseling Skills

Dealing with Negative Members

Review video 1.1 and watch how the leader dealt poorly with negative members. Then watch 1.2 and see how the leader better handled negative members.

16-6The Resistant Member

Some members are resistant because they are forced to be in the group. Sometimes these members will work through their resistance if they are given a chance to express their anger. This situation is difficult for the leader, because he does not know whether allowing the member to express anger will be of benefit or if the member will merely complain and set a negative tone for the group. However, it is essential for the leader to pay attention when a member is seemingly working through her resistance.

Four examples of resistant members would be:

1. The member who, during the first meeting, says he does not know why he has to be at the meeting and does not see how the group can be helpful

2. The member who comes and sits with her arms crossed and does not contribute unless forced to—and then says as little as possible

3. The member who always tries to focus the group on topics not relevant to the group, such as movies, sports, or the latest fashions

4. The member who is not resisting the group but is resistant to changing something about himself

Some members have negative expectations about the effectiveness of a group. These members believe that the group will not be helpful, and therefore, they refuse to participate cooperatively. If the leader is faced with a resistant member, her two primary strategies are to let the member share his feelings in the group, or to talk to him in a dyad, or after the session, and try to help him work through his resistance. If neither of these works and the member has to remain in the group because of the setting (such as a residential treatment center), the leader will want to be sure  not to focus on that member. A common mistake of leaders is to devote as much as half of each session trying to break down members’ resistance.

Sometimes a resistant member appears to be opposed to the leader’s attempt to be helpful but not to the members’ attempts. If this seems to be the case, the leader may want to set up situations in which the member can share with other members of the group. This can be done through the use of dyads, triads, and small-group discussions without the direct participation of the leader. Or if the member is the focus of the group, the leader lets the members do the majority of the helping.

Conversely, the resistant member may oppose the attempts of the members to be helpful but not the leader’s attempts. If this is the case, individual counseling within the group or privately may be the best way to help the member.

It is important that the leader distinguish between the member who is resisting the group process and the member who is resistant because she does not want to change something about herself or her situation.

Angela has been discussing being a mother and having a career. She has stated that she wants to continue her career but doesn’t know what to do with her children during the day.

Jackie:

Could you leave them at a day care center?

Angela:

Yes, but I’m not so sure that is a good place for them.

Todd:

Does your company have a program for taking care of employees’ children?

Angela:

Yes, but I don’t like some of the children and workers there.

Frances:

Do you have relatives nearby who would be willing to care for them?

Angela:

Yes, but I hate to impose.

In a case like this, the leader should realize that the member is resistant to or hesitant about hearing suggestions. One way to deal with this resistance would be to say something like the following:

Leader:

Angela, I think we understand the concern, but I am not sure how we can be of help here in the group. What would be helpful to you?

· Putting a member on the spot in front of the other members

· Cutting off a member inappropriately (or even appropriately)

· Not giving a member the chance to talk or failing to recognize when a member wants to speak

· Telling a member that the group will come back to his issue or concern, and then failing to do so

· Allowing the group members to offer too much negative feedback to a particular member

· Not being skilled enough to control the group

· Allowing the group to be boring because of the leader’s lack of skill

Although the leader is often the cause of get-the-leader behavior in the group, there are other possible causes.

· Members who are not self-referred sometimes take out their frustrations and anger on the leader.

· Members sometimes project their fears about being in the group onto the leader.

· Members who have struggled in their relationships with authority figures might attempt to spoil the leader’s efforts.

· Members sometimes want to be the leader’s “favorite” and react angrily when they don’t feel that they are.

Probably the first thing a leader should do when she realizes that a member is trying to get her is to shift the focus away from any power struggle between the member and herself.

Examples

Leader:

I’d like us to begin today’s session by talking about how drinking has affected your family life.

Joe:

Why do you always pick the topics? I thought this was  our group. Tell me!

Leader:

(Speaking in a calm voice while making eye contact with all the members, using no extra eye contact with Joe in order to try to discourage Joe from additional comments) Let me explain to all of you how I decide on the topics. Also, be aware that if there is a topic or something that you would like to discuss, you can let me know. There are a number of topics that I feel we should cover.…

I would like each of you to close your eyes and try to imagine that…

Lynn:

(Interrupting) Are you going to do another one of those stupid fantasy exercises? What good are they?

Leader:

Lynn, feel free to sit quietly.  (To the other members) I want you to close your eyes and imagine that you are an animal.…

Once the leader has sidestepped the member’s attempt to get him, he should try to understand why the member has targeted him. Often, the leader knows why it happened, and if the problem can be corrected by such techniques as paying more attention to the member, going back to the member’s issue, or making sure not to put the member on the spot, then the leader should make the correction. If the leader does not understand why the member has targeted him, he might choose to pair up in a dyad with the member or talk to the member at the end of the session to see if he can gain some information. He might say something like, “Something seems to be going on between you and me. Is it anything I said or did that upset you?”

If the member does not want to share his thoughts, the leader might be able to gain some insight from talking to other members. Often a member will share disgruntled thoughts with a fellow member but not with the leader. If the leader seeks information from other members, he must be very careful to ensure that the members do not feel any pressure to share something they feel they should not share. This may happen in school or residential settings where the counselor interacts with the members on a regular basis.

If a member persists in trying to sabotage the leader and the leader has talked to the member, the leader may get help from the group by asking for feedback about the member’s complaints or behavior. The leader would do this only if he knew he had the support and understanding of all, or nearly all, the other members. The leader could ask the entire group, “Do you like the way the group is going and the activities I ask you to do?” Or he could be more specific: “I would like some feedback. Whenever I suggest anything, Cleve always wants to argue with or question me. How do the rest of you feel about Cleve’s doing that?” Assuming the leader receives a favorable response from either of these feedback questions, the member should see that he is alone in his attacks or that the other members are annoyed with his behavior.

We hope this discussion has alerted you to the existence of this phenomenon and has given you some ways of dealing with it. Too many beginning leaders fail to recognize “get the leader” and misread it as resistance or negativism, when in fact it is something that they either caused or can change with a slight adjustment. However, there are times when there is almost nothing the leader can do to stop the member other than removing that member from the group.

16-8Dealing with Silence

Sometimes members are silent at the beginning of a session because they are not yet warmed up to the session. It can be a mistake to let silence occur at the beginning of the session, because what the members really need is some discussion or activity to get them started. This goes back to what we have said about the importance of leading the group rather than waiting for the members to take charge. Sometimes the wait is very long and not productive.

If the members have nervous or blank looks on their faces, wondering who will start, we suggest that the leader break the silence after 15 or 20 seconds to get the group started. Some experts feel very differently about this and let a group sit in silence for 5 to 10 minutes in the belief that the members should be responsible for what happens in the group. For the most part, we have found this to be counterproductive. In groups where this has occurred, many members have reported that they were confused about what was going on and were bored sitting there waiting for something to happen. It can also promote verbal attacks among members. We feel that in situations where the members are not really thinking, the group time usually can be better spent when the leader breaks the silence with a question, a round, or an exercise that is relevant and productive.

When the leader feels the silence is being very productive and a member starts to speak, the leader can say to the member, “Let’s wait just a few more seconds. People seem to really be thinking.”

16-9Dealing with Sexual Feelings

At times members form relationships that do not interfere with the group; other times outside relationships do cause problems. If a situation has arisen that is hindering the group (such as two people dating or one person being interested in another member who is not reciprocating), the leader may choose to talk privately to the person or persons involved about possible solutions to the problem. Other times, the issue can be brought up in the group, especially if other members feel that the relationship is disrupting the group in some way. This may not be easy to handle, but the leader should not ignore these situations. Sometimes, having one of the members drop out of the group is the best solution.

16-10Dealing with Crying

Members may cry at any time during the group. They may cry when they or someone else talks about topics such as low self-esteem, abuse, the death of a loved one, a divorce of their own or of their parents, the loss of a job, an illness, or moving from one place to another. The tears may range from moisture in the eyes (tearing up) to uncontrollable sobbing and may indicate a range of emotions from sadness to fear, anger, depression, emptiness, confusion, anxiety, and even happiness.

Some leaders who notice that a member is starting to cry immediately try to help the member with the pain before getting a contract to do so. Often, members are not ready to discuss what they are feeling, so when the leader tries to help those not ready to share, the member feels pressure, which may lead to resentment. The leader should always be sure the member wants to work on the problem and that there is enough time to adequately deal with the emotions of the member. A common mistake that beginning leaders make when they notice a member tearing up is to focus on that member without considering how much time is left in the session. They then find themselves having to cut short the work with that person in order to end the session at the designated stopping time. Naturally, if someone is in pain, the leader will want to be sensitive to that person, but he also needs to be aware of the time.

If time is not a factor, the leader may pair up with the member in pain to find out more about the pain. To occupy the other members, the leader would have them get into dyads and process what they were just discussing or some other topic that the leader thinks is relevant. The leader could also acknowledge the pain and suggest to the member that they talk after the group.

In some groups, such as educational or discussion groups or even some experiential groups, dealing for any length of time with a member in psychological pain is not appropriate. If the leader observes that someone is beginning to cry, he may want to shift the focus away from that member and then seek her out after the group. Or the leader may want to say something like, “Martina, I can see that you are in some pain. Let’s talk after the group.” When leading education, discussion, or task groups, beginning leaders often make the mistake of holding the focus on the person in pain, thus creating confusion in the members who are expecting a different kind of group. In a therapy group where crying is appropriate, the leader may say something like: “I notice you are tearing up/crying; is there something you would like to work on in group today?”

Examples

This group is composed of cancer patients. One of the members, Wanda, is discussing her failing health.

Wanda:

Some days are better than others. I try to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing, and I succeed if I feel good that day. Today, I’ve felt bad.  (She begins to cry.) It’s on these days that I wonder if I’m gonna make it.

Jerry:

(Sitting next to her, he puts his arm around her shoulders and attempts to comfort her.) Wanda, let it out if you need to. I don’t think it helps to always try to keep up a positive image.

In this example, Wanda was genuinely struggling with a life-and-death issue. It is perfectly acceptable for Jerry to touch her.

Leslie:

(In a little girl voice) They just never let me grow up. Just like this past Christmas. I wanted to go to the mountains to ski, but my mother said that I should come home because my grandparents were going to be there. They make me so mad.  (Starts to cry) And they also hurt my feelings. My dad said that I was selfish and that I only think of myself. I just wish they would learn to accept me and stop trying to make me a clone of them.  (Carey starts to put her arm around Leslie.)

Leader:

(In a calm, soft voice) Carey, don’t do that. Leslie, I am wondering if we can get the thinking part of you to deal with this issue? Right now, I sense that you are coming more from the hurt, angry part.

· Where do your parents live?

· How many grandchildren do your grandparents have?

· How often do you visit?

Group members can divert the central focus of the group by asking such irrelevant and untimely questions, often out of discomfort and a desire to stop the crying. When this occurs, the leader must step in and cut off the questions.

A member may also start to cry during the first or second session, before the group is ready to deal with an intense emotional concern. Many times a member will be ready to delve into his concern. However, the leader needs to be careful in this situation, because sometimes members become frightened by the emotional intensity and do not return. During the first and second sessions, a leader should be cautious about how much pain and emotion she lets members express. If the majority of the group seems ready, then it can be valuable to let a member get into his intense pain.

16-11Dealing with Mutually Hostile Members

In any kind of group, there is the possibility of a member disliking another member. This dislike may manifest itself in arguments, disagreements, and silence between members. Sometimes members begin the group disliking each other because of something that happened before the group began. If possible, this should be checked out by the leader during the screening interview by asking, “Is there anyone whom you dislike and would not want to be in the group with you?” However, this is not a foolproof method for preventing members from disliking each other because even members who do not know each other at the beginning of the group can quickly grow to dislike each other as the group progresses. When this occurs, the leader may want to address the issue in the group if she feels that such a discussion would be beneficial. Often members’ behavior within the group is indicative of their behavior outside the group. Thus, focusing on the process of how members came to dislike each other can be one of the most beneficial discussions for them in terms of helping them become more accepting of others in their daily lives. Helping members come to terms with each other can also potentially be one of the most productive processes for solidifying the group and building group cohesion. However, there will be times when, no matter what happens in the group, members will not overcome their personal dislike for each other. Rather than getting members to like each other, the goal is to get the members not to let their dislike for another completely interfere with their benefiting from the group experience.

Example

Two members of a group in a residential treatment center for adolescents are in a power struggle over control issues in the center. The leader has the option of switching either member into another therapy group but decides to try to help them work on their issues. The leader meets with each member individually and then opens the session as follows:

Leader:

Today I’m hoping we can spend some time dealing with an issue that’s important to all of us. As you know, Jack and Phillip have had some problems with each other. I talked to each of them and got them to agree to try and work some things out in the group.  (The leader then turns to the two members to get confirmation.)

Jack:

Yeah, I agree to try.

Phillip:

It’s okay with me.

Leader:

Okay, I guess I’d like to start by asking the rest of you what you see as the cause of the problems between Jack and Phillip.

Moe:

They each think they are right and can’t stand it if the other is right.

Pete:

They are always trying to one-up each other. Jack is a pretty good listener when anyone but Phillip is talking. When Phillip talks, Jack, you don’t listen to him at all.

Jack:

He doesn’t listen to me. When I was talking about my dad, he said I was stupid!

Leader:

So wait a minute. Some of your anger, Jack, is over the thing Phillip did when you were talking about your dad? How do others of you deal with someone who has done something upsetting to you?

When members don’t like each other, the leader may be able to prevent any further growth of animosity by using dyads and exercises. Placing members who dislike each other in pairs or having them complete an exercise together may only serve as a battleground for their dislike toward one another. On the other hand, forcing antagonistic members to work together may help them bridge their differences. Sometimes leaders find it effective to pair the two members who dislike each other and then join the dyad to help them talk through their dislikes.

If the dislike is so great that it is interfering with the group, one or both members should be removed from the group if possible and placed in a different group. In addition, if this type of behavior seems to be a pattern for a particular member, perhaps the member is not ready for a group and would benefit more from individual counseling.

16-12Asking a Member to Leave

Although asking a member to leave the group is not a regular occurrence, it is an option that leaders need to understand and be willing to implement. There are several reasons a leader would ask a member to leave, such as being very negative, hostile, or resistant. A leader may also ask a member to leave the group because her needs may be so contrary to the purpose of the group that she would receive no benefit from it. For example, if a member of a parent education group kept bringing up personal problems dealing with her self-concept, marriage, and weight, it would be best if that member were not a part of that group. After determining that a member should not be a part of the group, the leader must next consider how and when to tell that member. Sometimes the task can be quite easy. For example, the leader could meet with the member after the group and say something like the following:

Leader:

Teresa, it seems that the things you really need from a group are not what this group is about. Maybe you have even wondered whether or not this group could be helpful to you. Given that your needs will not be served by this group, I think it might be best if we found you another alternative. Perhaps we could locate a more appropriate group for you or refer you to someone whom you could see on an individual basis. What do you think?

Leader:

(Calmly) Patty, I must speak to you very frankly for a moment. Whether or not you are aware of it, you are disrupting the group to the point that I’m afraid the other members are not receiving any benefit. All attempts to halt your disruption have been to no avail. I think it would be best if you did not return. It is my responsibility to refer you to another group or to an individual therapist, and I will be glad to do so.

If the disruption is so severe that waiting until a break or the end of the group is not possible, the leader must act immediately so that the session may resume and be of benefit to the other members. In this case, the leader must explain the action to the entire group and then say something like, “Steve, I must ask you to leave,” or “Steve, you have disrupted the group too much; please leave.”

Of course, the strategies mentioned here apply to group situations where the members can be removed; that is, they are volunteers in the group or the setting, which gives the leader the freedom to remove a member if necessary. In a setting where the members must attend and there is no freedom to remove a member, the leader may ask that the member sit in silence or sit outside the circle of working members.

16-13Dealing with Prejudiced, Narrow-Minded, or Insensitive Members

Example

Susan:

I know I am young and all, but for the last year or so, I have been really questioning if there is a God. I am not sure how others of you feel, but I don’t think I believe in God. This has me worried and I end up often fighting with my mom about this.

Donna:

(Angrily and with a condescending voice) How can you not believe in God!

Susan:

I am confused, and it does not feel good because all my life I have thought of God as an important part of my life, and now, I don’t know what to think. It just doesn’t make sense to me, especially when I talk with these friends of my brother who are in college and studying world religions.

Donna:

That’s crazy. What do they know compared to what older people know! Where do you think we came from?

Leader:

(In a calm, caring voice) Donna, try to be helpful to Susan. Tune in to her.

Donna:

Maybe you are just going to the wrong church. You should come to my church! I just can’t believe you are questioning if there is a God. My father says that anyone who doesn’t believe in God is …

Leader:

(Firmly) Wait a minute. Donna, if you cannot tune in to her pain, then you need to not talk. Your comments are not helpful. Susan, I want you to look at other members and realize that we do understand how hard this is for you.  (She looks around and sees very concerned faces; Donna is now looking down. The leader stays with Susan.) I feel that we can help you. Are you willing to talk about it some more?

Susan:

Yes.

In this example, the leader had to intervene quickly because the member was being insensitive to the situation. If the member persists, the leader may have to talk with the member or even ask her to leave the group if she is not open to viewpoints different from hers.

Chapter Review

16-14aConcluding Comments

For crying members, the leader has to know when the tears should be supported and when they should be ignored. A very important thing to understand is that there will be times when you will have to ask a member to leave the group because of the dynamics that he is creating. When faced with these situations (and you will be faced with them if you lead groups), we suggest you refer back to this chapter. And remember, these problems are not unique to your group or a reflection on your leadership.

Activities

1. Think of at least three different situations you have been in where there was a problem member or student. What would you have done if you had been in charge of dealing with that person?

2. Consider the problem situations of a crying member, a dominator, or a member who is out to get the leader. Which one of these will be hardest for you to handle? Why? Talk with your fellow students or colleagues about this, and hear which one would be hardest for them.

Group Counseling Skills

View again videos 3.2 and 8.2, and watch how the leader deals with these difficult members. Try to picture what would happen if the leader did not intervene.