Psychology Group Leading Proposal Assignment

Read: Jacobs, Schimmel, Masson, & Harvill: Chapter 7

Read: Jacobs, Schimmel, Masson, & Harvill: Chapter 8

Jacobs, E. (2015).  Group Counseling: Strategies and Skills (8th ed.). Cengage Learning US.  https://mbsdirect.vitalsource.com/books/9798214344782

Chapter 7. Focus

Introduction

In this chapter, we discuss the importance of knowing how to establish, hold, shift, and deepen the focus. We use the term focus primarily as a noun to refer to what is happening in the group. At any given moment in a session, the focus is either on a topic (love relationships, ways of dealing with parents, trust within the group), an activity (guided fantasy, a written exercise, blind trust walk), or a person (member talking about personal conflicts, fears, concerns, issues, or problems). Throughout a session, the leader establishes the focus on certain topics, activities, or individuals; holds the focus; or shifts the focus. The leader should always be aware of the depth of any discussion or personal work and should, when appropriate, try to deepen the focus. The skilled leader understands that the focus moves from person to person and topic to topic, and it is the leader who is responsible for making sure the focus goes with the purpose of the group. Knowing how to establish, hold, shift, and deepen the focus is essential for good leadership.

Establishing the Focus

There are many different ways to establish focus in a group. The important thing to understand is that the leader is usually the person who establishes the focus. The following sections highlight several ways in which the leader can establish the focus. They are use of comments, use of activities and exercises, and use of rounds and dyads.

Use of Activities and Exercises to Establish the Focus

Using visual aids and having members write or draw something are excellent ways to get members focused. The following are just a few examples of activities that can be used to establish the focus.

Use posters, charts, or diagrams relevant to the topic or task of the group. Visual aids get the members involved both visually and auditorily.

Use a whiteboard or a large pad to list items or characteristics. For instance, if the group members are talking about drugs, the leader can go to the board and say, “Let’s list the pros and cons of drug use.” In a school group, the leader can say, “Let’s list the characteristics of a good friend.” While looking at the list on the board, members often get more focused by trying to generate new items to add.

Use a whiteboard to draw pictures or visual analogies. For example, group members could be discussing all the ways they feel they are being held down. The leader could go to the board (or a large flip chart) and sketch a large hot-air balloon with various lead weights hanging off the sides. Each weight would be labeled in terms of pounds (200, 100, 50, 25, 10), and there would be space under each to fill in what that weight represented. This image might prove helpful to members and allow them to focus on what is holding them down and to what degree. Another drawing might be of a road with various roadblocks and choices on it. Having a drawing in front of the members often helps them focus on a topic.

Have members list or write something. A very helpful focusing technique is to have members write answers on sentence-completion forms. For example, a leader who wants the group to focus on the topic of parents could make up a list of five sentences for members to complete. It might look something like the following:

When I think of my mom, I blank 1.

When I think of my dad, I blank 1.

I wish my dad blank 1.

I wish my mom blank 1.

The biggest problem I have with my parents is blank 1.

Another focusing technique that involves writing is to have each member make a list of something. For instance, the leader could have a group of first-year college students list their worries or have elementary school children list their favorite activities.

Have members draw something. Drawing such things as their favorite scene, the house they grew up in, or their earliest memory helps members focus on topics such as “what I like and value,” “what my family was like,” and the impact of childhood on present-day living.

Put a large piece of paper on the floor in the center of the group with a stimulus word or phrase on it. With this phrase in the center of the floor to stare at, members usually stay focused. Some examples of words and phrases that you might put in the middle of the group are Dad, Mom, work, responsibilities, fears I have, changes I can make in my life, and things I enjoy.

Use handouts that contain information you want to cover. Handouts give members something to look at and relate to. Also, members can take them with when the session is over.

Place an empty chair in the center of the room. The empty chair can represent different people. If the leader wants to focus on parents, she can have the chair represent one or both parents. If she wants to focus on anger, she can have the chair be someone with whom the members are angry.

Stand on a chair. The leader can usually focus members on such issues as need for approval or codependency by standing on an empty chair and asking a few questions about the people that the members have “above” them.

Place a small child’s chair in the center of the room. The small chair can represent the free child, the inner child, or the hurt child. By having the chair present, members tend to focus on that part of themselves much more easily than if simply asked to imagine being the child.

Group Counseling Skills Getting the Focus

Watch video 10.2 for a demonstration of using the small chair to focus members.

Other creative techniques include the use of shields, beer bottles, rubber bands, and videotapes. For a complete description of these and other creative techniques, see Impact Therapy: The Courage to Counsel (Jacobs & Schimmel, 2013), a book that encourages counselors to be creative and innovative when counseling individuals and groups.

When used properly, all these techniques can prove very helpful to the leader. There are many direct and creative ways to establish group focus, and it is important to have a number of techniques to choose from. Different situations call for different techniques; through trial and error and experience, you will learn which ones work best in particular situations.

Group Counseling Skills Getting the Focus

Watch video 7.1 for a discussion of focus and a demonstration of using a creative technique to establish focus.

Use of Rounds and Dyads to Establish the Focus

Rounds and dyads are two additional ways to establish the focus. Rounds are very useful because they involve everybody and focus members by having them think of what they are going to say. Below are a few examples of how rounds can be used to establish the focus.

Think of what has been the biggest change since your accident. In a minute, I’m going to have each of you comment briefly on this.

How much effect do your siblings have on you today—a lot, a little, or none? Think about this, and then we’ll do a round and hear from each of you.

In a word or a phrase, what stood out to you the most about tonight?

Dyads help focus members on a topic because members are paired with one another and instructed to discuss various ideas. The following examples illustrate how dyads can be used to get members to focus on certain issues.

Pair up and talk about ways you can benefit from the group.

Pair up and talk about your reaction to the reading for the week.

Holding the Focus

Once the leader has the group focused, knowing how to hold the focus is essential. The leader is constantly deciding if she should hold the focus or shift it to some other person, topic, or activity. Holding the focus means sticking with what is currently happening. For example, if Mac is discussing the pain he’s experiencing over his wife’s death and Melvin interrupts and begins discussing his brother’s visit, the leader holds the focus by directing the group back to Mac. If members of a group are discussing feelings of insecurity regarding dating and someone asks a question about the five best places to go with a date, the trained leader does not let the topic shift to “places to go” but rather holds the focus on insecurities. There are three considerations to keep in mind for holding the focus: when to hold it, how long to hold it, and how to hold it.

When to Hold the Focus

Focus on a Topic

The following questions are helpful in determining whether to hold the focus on a topic. (By topic, we mean such things as parents, vanity, the value of staying in school, how to budget money, or any other subject the group is discussing.)

Is the topic relevant to the purpose of the group? If it is not relevant to the purpose, usually the leader will want to shift the focus to a more relevant topic.

Are the members interested in the topic? If most members are not interested, the leader will probably want to shift the focus, although there are times when the leader may decide to stay with it a little longer.

Has the focus been on the topic too long? This usually depends on how much the leader planned to cover in the session. If there are five major issues to discuss and the group is still on the first one with only half the session remaining, the focus should probably be shifted.

Has the group discussed the topic before? Sometimes a group will go over the same issues week after week. If that topic is becoming redundant and there seems to be little energy for that topic, an effective leader will shift the focus.

The answers to these questions will give leaders a sense of whether to hold or shift the focus. When the leader is unsure about whether to stay with a topic, doing a “quick 1–10” will help to decide. The leader can say, “I want to get a quick reading from you on whether we should continue to discuss the issue of __. On a 1–10 scale, with 10 being very interested and 1 being very disinterested, what number best describes your attitude?” Usually the numbers will indicate whether there is enough interest. If all are low numbers or high numbers, the decision is obvious.

If there is a range, a number of things can be done. The leader may ask those who indicated high interest what they specifically would like to discuss and then focus the group there with a time limit of 5, 10, or 20 minutes. She could split the group and let those with high interest meet for 20 minutes (depending on the time remaining) while the others discuss another topic. Splitting the group is appropriate only in educational or discussion groups where group cohesion is not a major goal. Leaders rarely do this in a growth or therapy group. The leader can also give a break to those who rated their interest as low while the high-interest members continue with the topic. As you can see, the quick 1–10 round can offer information that generates a number of options for the leader.

Focus on a Person

In any group, the focus can easily center on one person. When this happens, it is the leader who decides whether to hold the focus on the person or to shift it to another person or to a topic. The leader must consider a number of things when making this decision.

Does Focusing on One Person Serve the Purpose of the Group?

Some groups meet for the purpose of doing therapy or personal growth work; in such groups, focusing on one person is appropriate. Other groups meet for discussion, sharing, or accomplishing a task; thus, to focus on one person would be inappropriate.

Is the Person Benefiting from Having the Focus?

If the person is benefiting and most of the other members are also, then the leader would want to hold the focus. If the person is benefiting but most of the other members are not, then the decision to hold the focus is more difficult. Rarely will the leader want to hold the focus when only one or two members are involved in what is being said. If the leader cannot engage most of the members in the working member’s work, he may decide to meet with the person individually because the issue is not one to which the other members can relate.

Who Is Talking, and How Much “Air Time” Has the Speaker Had Recently?

If the person talking has not spoken in a while or has spoken very little throughout the group’s life, it is usually beneficial to hold the focus on that individual. On the other hand, if the person has had the group’s attention often in the past, the leader may choose to shift the focus.

How Long to Hold the Focus

One question you may be asking is, How long is the focus held on a person or topic? There is no single answer because it depends on the purpose of the group, which session it is, what happened in the previous sessions, and how much time is left in the current session. Also, different factors must be considered, depending on whether the focus is on a topic or on a person.

Focus on a Topic

How long to hold the focus on a topic depends on a number of things. If the group is an education, discussion, or task group where there are a number of things to be covered, the leader will want to budget the time wisely. Many beginning leaders get so caught up in the content or interaction that they forget that other topics need to be covered. Also, leaders have to be aware when interest in the topic is waning. It is usually best to shift the focus to another topic before the majority of the members get bored and tune out the group.

Focusing on a heavy issue in the early stages of a group is usually not wise. Also, the leader should not focus on topics such as sex or death unless there is ample time to discuss them. A discussion of death can stir up a number of feelings, memories, and fears, so it is probably wise not to hold the focus on death if it comes up during the last 30 minutes of the session. The leader would probably want to say something like, “Let’s hold off discussing the topic of death until next week because we really don’t have enough time to fully discuss it, and I wouldn’t want us to get started on something that might leave some of you hanging.”

Focus on a Person

The amount of time to hold the focus on a person depends partly on the kind of group being led. For therapy, growth, and support groups, where holding the focus on one person is appropriate, the upper limit is probably 30 minutes. Naturally, there will be exceptions: Sometimes the leader may stay with one person for an hour or more; however, this should be the exception rather than the rule. In most therapy, growth, and support groups, the usual amount of time is between 5 and 15 minutes. In other kinds of groups (discussion, education, or task), a good rule of thumb would be not to hold the focus longer than 5 minutes on any one person, because you would probably want an exchange of ideas or information from all the members.

Holding the focus for a long period also depends on which session it is. Leaders do not want anyone to dominate the first couple of sessions because the goal is to get people to feel comfortable being in the group. If one person dominates, other members tend to sit back and listen rather than think and contribute. Beginning leaders often make the mistake of focusing for too long on one member in early sessions because of their own nervousness or their lack of cutting-off and drawing-out skills.

How to Hold the Focus

When the group is flowing and the focus starts to shift, the leader has access to several skills and methods for holding the focus. The main skill is cutting members off. (See Chapter 8 for a complete discussion.) Whether you are using that skill or one of the methods described next, remember that the most important thing is to act quickly. The longer you wait before bringing the group back to the topic or person, the harder it will be, because the members’ energy and attention will have become invested in the new person or topic. The most common method for holding the focus is to address the group directly.

Let’s stay with Sandy.

I want to go back to what Joe was saying. Joe, when did you start feeling that way?

Can we put that on hold until Karen finishes with her list?

I believe we may have left Manuel, and I think we need to stay with him a little longer—Manuel, do you want to say more about that situation?

Let’s finish this topic before we start a new one.

I think if we’re not careful, we’ll get too many things going at once—let’s go back to the topic of blank 1.

If you decide that you want the group to stay with a certain topic or person for a while, it is sometimes helpful to verbalize this. For example, if your group has been discussing aspects of daily living, you might say, “Let’s spend the next 10 minutes talking only about what is difficult for you on a daily basis.”

Another way to hold the focus is to conduct a group exercise or use a prop. For instance, if the members were discussing their fears about cancer and the focus shifted to financial concerns, the leader could bring them back to the topic of fears by saying, “I’d like to list the different fears that you are experiencing (Stands and goes to the board). Financial fear is one; what are some others?” Or imagine a task group where eight members are trying to resolve their differences on how the probation office and welfare office can work together. The discussion has turned momentarily to a local judge and how her recent rulings have been inconsistent. Seeing the need to hold the focus on the task, the leader could say to the members, “I’d like to do something a little different. I want each of you to pair up with someone from the other office and come up with a list of suggestions for improving the working relationship of your two offices.”

The possible techniques for holding the focus are actually unlimited. With experience, you will develop more techniques. Until then, try to use some of the ideas provided, plus others you will learn later in this book.

Group Counseling Skills Holding the Focus

Watch video 7.2 for a demonstration of the leader holding the focus. You will also see holding the focus demonstrated in many other videos.

Shifting the Focus

Although holding the focus and shifting the focus are very much tied together, it is important to conceptualize them as separate skills. Leaders consciously shift the focus when they decide that there is a need for a change in the group. The shift can go in any of the following directions:

From a topic to a person

From a topic to another topic

From a topic to an activity

From a person to another person

From a person to a topic

From a person to an activity

From an activity to a topic

From an activity to a person

It is important to notice that “from an activity to another activity” is not listed because this kind of focus shift is usually not appropriate. One of the biggest mistakes that beginning leaders make is to conduct one activity after another. Group exercises need to be followed by discussion and not just conducted one after the next. We discuss conducting group exercises in Chapter 11.

When to Shift the Focus

There are two main ways to conceptualize shifting the focus:

(1)

as a shift away from some person, topic, or activity, or

(2)

as a shift to some person, topic, or activity.

The leader may shift the focus in any of the following situations:

The focus has been on one person for too long.

The focus has been on one topic for too long.

The focus does not fit the purpose of the group.

The time left dictates the need for change.

The leader feels the members need a change to re-energize the group.

The leader wants to draw another member into the group.

The leader wants to introduce a new topic or activity.

Shift from a Topic to a Person

Leaders often want to shift the focus from a topic to a person in counseling, therapy, and growth groups, but may do so in all kinds of groups.

Examples

The group has been discussing jealousy, and a number of members have commented on how they handle it. The discussion has been going on for 3 to 4 minutes. The leader decides to focus on one person. Here are two ways the focus can be shifted to a person.

Missy:I just can’t help it—I’m a jealous person. If Frank is talking to some woman at a party, I lose it.

Bill:But why? My wife does that to me, too. I don’t like it at all.

Ted:I’m a lot more jealous than my wife. In fact, I don’t think she gets jealous, and that makes me mad sometimes!

Leader:Missy, I’m wondering if you would want to explore your jealousy further. You seem to be bothered by it, and I think I detect a desire on your part to get better control of it.

Using this same example, the leader merely indicates the desire to shift to a person but does not focus on any one individual.

Leader:Would anyone like to spend a few minutes talking specifically about his or her concerns with jealousy? It is apparent to me that many of you are concerned about it. Ted, you and Missy and Bill all have talked about how jealousy is interfering in your relationships.

The following examples are additional comments that leaders can make to shift to a person:

I’d like each of you to think about what we have been talking about for the last few minutes. Does anybody want to work on anything regarding this issue?

Who wants to take this issue deeper? There seem to be several things that you could work on.

This discussion is good; however, I feel that some of you may have something personal that you want to discuss. Does anyone have something you would like to bring up?

In the last example, the shift would not only be to a person but possibly to a new topic. If the leader doesn’t want the topic to shift, a comment like the first example, which is more specific, should be used.

Shift from One Topic to Another

In discussion, task, and education groups, the leader will usually need to shift the focus to cover the necessary material or accomplish the task. To shift the focus, the leader might say any of the following:

Let’s take a minute or two to finish this topic because we need to move on to something else.

We seem to be about finished with this issue. Who has some other issues or points to bring up?

We have a lot to cover tonight, so let’s go on to something else.

I would like to change the discussion to focus on what Kay was talking about. She mentioned the effects of the decision. Let’s talk about what the rest of you think the effects would be.

In task groups and education groups, there is often specific material to be covered. The leader can help shift the focus by letting the members know the agenda and an estimate of the time needed to cover the topics. For example, the leader could say the following:

Today, we are going to talk about diet and exercise as they relate to stress. We’ll spend approximately 45 minutes on each topic.

First, we need to decide which proposal we want to accept. Then we need to decide who will do what and discuss the necessary schedule changes that will be required. We have only an hour and a half, so we’ll need to watch the time.

In each of these examples, telling the members what the agenda is helps the leader. It is still the leader’s responsibility to budget the group’s time and to shift the focus when needed, but the clock can be used to do so—that is, by allowing a specified number of minutes for each topic. When the time has run out, the leader can say to the group, “We need to move on because of time.” Following are some additional ways that leaders can shift to a new topic:

We have a lot to cover today, so let’s move on to the next chapter.

Let’s turn to another issue that is equally as important as the one we are now discussing.

There are two more topics that we need to cover today. Let me throw them out to you, and then let’s decide which one we want to do next.

Shift from a Topic to an Exercise

Often, when the group is discussing a topic, a group exercise may be useful to further the discussion or involve more members. The leader introduces the exercise by saying something like, “I want us to stay with what we are discussing, but I think an exercise could be helpful now.” Or the leader can say, “I want to change the format a little bit. There is a group exercise that fits in with what we are talking about.” Leaders often use a round exercise to shift from a topic. For instance, if the group has been discussing a topic for some time, the leader might say, “In a word or phrase, what are you thinking about right now? Let’s do a round and hear from everyone.” Another round that leaders use after a discussion is, “What are two things that stood out to you? We’ll quickly go around the room and hear from each of you.” Another easy way to shift from a topic to an activity is to have members form dyads to further discuss the topic that was being explored in the large group.

Shift from One Person to Another Person

If the leader has determined that the focus needs to shift to another person, there are a number of possible things to say. Following are some examples of different situations and different responses:

Lori, I think it would be good to let you just think about what you have been saying these last 15 minutes; then maybe we’ll come back to you later on. What did this bring up for the rest of you? Who wants to explore their reactions or feelings?

Joe, I’d like to shift to Cindy. (The leader turns and addresses Cindy.) You seem to really be relating to this. I noticed a couple of times that you wanted to say something. Do you want to share that now?

Avid, we’ll stay with you for another couple of minutes; then I’m going to give others a chance to share their ideas.

In these examples the leader addresses the person who has the focus and then shifts it. The leader who wants to cut off the member who has the focus will address the group directly. In such situations, the leader might say something like this:

Does anyone want to comment on what Joe has been saying?

Let’s not focus on John, but rather on you. Any thoughts or feelings?

Cindy, how about you? You seem deep in thought.

Can anyone relate to what Lori has been saying? (The leader would look away from Lori and would have some idea of who might want to speak.)

Shift from a Person to a Topic

There are times when a leader wants to focus on the topic that a person is addressing. This may be because the topic is one that he thinks is relevant for most of the members or because he wants to subtly shift the focus from the member who currently has it. The following examples illustrate this:

Dean, I want to pick up on what you’ve been talking about. I think the issue is a good one, and I want to hear how others think and feel about it. What do others of you think about the issue—how do you deal with it and what reactions have you received? (Throwing out so many different questions invites discussion, which in this case is the intention.)

Carol, you have brought up many concerns that certainly others can relate to. I’d like to spend the rest of the session discussing some of those issues. Let’s take the one you mentioned first. (Mentioning Carol by name and using some of the content she has been discussing increases the likelihood that she will not feel cut off.)

Julio, your thoughts are interesting. However, I am aware that we are running out of time, and we still have one more major item to discuss. Why don’t you summarize your position, and then we will move on.

I want to shift the discussion to the whole group because we really want to hear a number of ideas and views. What do the rest of you think?

Shift from a Person to an Exercise

As mentioned earlier, the leader can use a round as a very good way to shift the focus; that is, ask members to rate on a 1–10 scale or give a word or phrase about some subject. Also, the leader can simply ask the members to pair up and discuss what the member has been talking about, or to talk about any thoughts or feelings they had when the member was speaking. Many other group exercises can be used to shift the focus. The following ways can introduce such exercises:

I want to take what you are talking about and get the whole group to think about it. Everyone get out a piece of paper and something to write with. I want you to do the following….

Ruth, your energy and enthusiasm are appreciated. I want to see if I can get everyone as excited and interested as you are. Everyone stand up—I want you to move to this side of the room. Now, here’s what I want you to do.

Group Counseling Skills Shifting the Focus

Watch videos 7.3 and 7.4 for demonstrations of a leader shifting focus.

Deepening the Focus

A leader thinks not only of holding or shifting the focus but also whether or not to deepen the focus. The key to most groups is deepening the focus to a level that is productive and meaningful for the members. In many groups, members have a tendency to get sidetracked or avoid delving too deeply into their issues. Therefore, it is the leader’s responsibility to make sure the group “funnels” to a meaningful depth. Depth is measured differently for various groups—for education and discussion groups, depth is measured by assessing learning and the exchange of ideas. Task-group depth is measured by productivity and how well members are working together. Counseling, therapy, growth, and support groups are measured by new insights about living and belonging, and the level of sharing when doing personal work. A leader deepens the focus by using the following techniques:

Asking very thought-provoking or challenging questions

Asking members to share at a more personal level

Working with a member in a more intense manner

Conducting an intense exercise that gets in touch with some deep, personal issues

Confronting members about certain dynamics that are interfering with the group

Examples

Molly:I think everyone gets angry at their partners.

Ed:Sonja and I fight at least once a week.

Toni:I said I didn’t want to fight like my parents, but we do.

Leader:Wait just a minute. I want all of you to really think about what you are saying. Do you really believe you have to fight? I absolutely don’t agree with that. Many couples do fight, but they don’t have to. I would bet if you look at your fights with your partner, you will see some unhealthy patterns, lots of expectations not in line with reality, and lots of unfinished business from childhood or former relationships.

Ed:(After a minute or so of silence) I hate to say it, but you are right. I want Sonja to be like my first wife was, and she is not. That’s what most of our fights are about.

Leader:Would you like to explore that further?

Ed:Yes, I think so.

Leader:Let’s hear from others and then we’ll come back to you, Ed.

Karen:I think the government should spend more on research for medical cures than sending all the foreign aid to other countries.

Cynthia:I heard that the drug companies are partly the reason why they don’t find cures because it would put them out of business.

Leader:Let’s not worry about the politics of finding a cure. Our time can be much better spent sharing personal thoughts and feelings about your disease. What feelings have you had this week?

Connie:I sometimes wake up so scared, I can’t go back to sleep.

Leader:I want to bring up something I noticed. Many of you have things on your mind because you have shared them in your diaries or in individual meetings with me, but no one shares in the group. There is something holding you back. I know this can be a good experience for most, if not all, of you if we can just figure out what is going on. Think about it. I want us to discuss what keeps you from sharing. Any thoughts?

Juan:I think I know some of why I hold back.

In each example, the leader made a comment or asked a question to deepen the focus. Many less skilled leaders let the group members take the group where they want it to go, which often results in the group not going to a deeper level.

Depth Chart

To discuss the depth of the group in a concrete way, we have devised the depth chart. The depth chart is a 10–1 scale, with a 10 representing surface-level talking or sharing, and a 1 representing deep, intense, personal sharing. During the life of a group, the depth of discussion will vary. In the beginning phase, the depth is usually a 10 or 9 because members are telling stories or talking superficially about some topic or issue. As a group moves to the middle phase, the depth should reach below 8 to at least a 7; and for most groups, the leader will want the group to reach a depth of 6 or below. Too often, groups bounce from topic to topic and never go deep enough to derive any benefit, following a pattern of 10, 9, 8; new topic 10, 9, 8; new topic, 10, 9, 8. In the chart, the interaction of a group is depicted: One topic went to an 8, then a new topic started and went to a 7, and then a third topic was started and went to a 5.

By using a depth chart, a leader can better visualize and understand what is happening in the group. In most groups, the desired depth during the working phase is 6 or deeper, with some groups going to an intense level of 3, 2, or even 1. If the group is staying at the 10, 9, 8 level, the leader needs to intensify the discussion. The leader may want to funnel to a deeper level by using an exercise that encourages members to explore an issue in greater depth. Processing the exercise can lead to discussion or individual work at a level of 6 or lower. In some groups, the leader may draw or explain the depth chart and periodically ask the members how they would chart the discussions and interactions within the group.

When to Deepen the Focus

There are two considerations when thinking of deepening the focus. The first is the phase of the session, because deepening the focus should be done only during the middle phase of a group, not during the warm-up or the ending phases. When there is an opportunity to deepen the focus during the middle phase, the leader should also consider if there is enough time to adequately cover the issue or topic. Beginning leaders often will deepen the focus and then run out of time and leave members hanging—this is not good leadership.

How Deep to Focus

There are a number of considerations regarding how deep to focus a group. The most important consideration is the purpose of the group. Too often in education, discussion, and task groups, leaders mistakenly deepen the focus on individuals. This makes members uncomfortable and can be harmful, because members did not expect or even agree to a therapy group; and, yet, all of a sudden, that is what is happening. Always consider the purpose of the group before deepening the focus to a very personal, intense level.

Even if the members are open to going to a deeper level, it is always advisable for a leader to think about the members and the appropriate depth. For most school groups, especially elementary groups, leaders should not want personal sharing to be below a 4. The leader always should consider whether a member can handle sharing personal concerns or receiving feedback in the group. Members differ in the degree to which they are ready and comfortable to share and receive feedback and can be harmed if they are not able to deal with what is being said. Too often, beginning leaders get so involved in the process that they forget to consider if certain members are ready and able to deal with the depth to which the group is heading.

Example

The leader of this group of elementary kids stops the focus from going deeper, because he sensed that the member was going to get into some serious abuse issues that would not be appropriate for the other members to hear.

Elaine:My dad isn’t mean exactly, but he does make me do things I don’t want to do.

Members:Like what?

Elaine:(Head hanging down, in a sad voice) Not nice things.

Members:What?

Leader:You know, Elaine, I think this may be something you and I can talk about privately. Does anyone else want to talk about fights you are having with your parents?

There are two other considerations regarding the depth of focus: The first has to do with expertise and the second with multicultural concerns. Sometimes in groups, issues come up that the leader may know little about. It is unethical to push a member into deeper work when the leader does not have the experience, knowledge, and understanding to deal with the problem. Too often, we hear of unqualified leaders dealing with some very intense therapy issues. Regarding multicultural concerns, any leader must consider the cultural background before delving too deeply and too quickly with a group member, because some members may be very uncomfortable. It is very important to get a contract with the member before pushing him into deeper work.

Example

Here the leader makes sure the member wants to work on the issue she is struggling with. The leader uses another member to help deepen the focus.

Dasha:Ever since coming to this country, I have been confused about my role as a woman. Here, things are very different. I get a point of view from this group that clashes with everything I was taught in my country.

Susan:But you live here and are planning to stay here. We will support you. That’s what the group is for.

Leader:(Interrupts with a kind, warm voice) Wait a minute here. Dasha, I want you to tell us how we can be of help. Certainly, we want to respect what you learned from your country, and at the same time, we want to be of help and not confuse you. Do you think the group can be helpful to you right now and if so, how?

Dasha:I do think you can help by helping me get over feeling like I am doing something wrong.

Leader:(Deciding to hold the focus on Dasha and try to deepen it) I think we can do that. Have any of you made changes in your life where you went against your upbringing?

Elie:My decision to come to this country went against everything I’d been taught. I struggled with the pain I caused my family.

Dasha:How did you get the strength to do what you believed was right for you?

Elie:I had to trust myself—after much soul-searching, I might add.

Dasha:(With a thoughtful voice) I have to learn this. I do have to learn to trust myself. I can see most of you are happy and I am not. I have to come to believe that I have a right to be happy.

Leader:Would it help to tell us about your culture and what you were taught?

Group Counseling Skills Deepening the Focus

Watch videos 7.5 and 7.6 for demonstrations of a leader deepening the focus. In 7.5 the focus is deepened on a person. In video 7.6, watch how the leader deepens the focus on a topic. You will also see this skill demonstrated in many other videos (10.2, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3).

Concluding Comments

A good leader understands that paying attention to the focus is one of the most important skills of group leading. There are many different techniques for establishing, holding, shifting, and deepening the focus. The focus of a group is always either on a person, topic, or activity. To maintain control over what is happening in the group, the leader should be aware of where the focus is and whether it needs to be shifted or held. The leader also must be aware of how deep the session is and may use a depth chart to monitor the development of a session. Before deepening the focus, the leader should consider the purpose of the group, the stage of the group, the phase of the session, the amount of time left, and how deep to focus the group.

In Chapters 2 and 3, we introduced concepts that, along with the focus, serve as maps for understanding the interactions and development of a group. Because these maps are so useful when leading groups, we summarize them here to show how the four go together.

Purpose: Why the group is meeting

Stage: Where the group is in its development (beginning, middle, ending)

Phase: Where the session is (warm-up, working, closing)

Focus: The content of the group (establishing, holding, shifting, and deepening the focus)

Activities

Next time you are in a group, class, or among friends, observe how the focus is on either a topic, person, or activity. Also observe how the focus is either holding or shifting. If appropriate, using comments or questions, consciously shift or hold the focus and, if possible, deepen the focus.

Using the depth chart idea, observe the depth of a discussion with a group of people. Try to give numbers, using the 10–1 scale (10 being surface talk). If the group is not going below 7, try to deepen the focus by asking a thought-provoking question or by making an insightful statement.

Think of a group you might lead. Set a purpose and then a topic that is appropriate. Think of three different ways you could deepen the focus on the topic you have chosen.

Group Counseling Skills

Review videos 7.1–7.6.

Think about the importance of using the skills of getting, holding, shifting, and deepening the focus.

Imagine how these groups would have gone differently if the leader had not been using the skills of holding, shifting, and deepening the focus.

Review the first two segments of the videos—The Leader Without Skills (1.1) and The Leader with Skills (1.2)—and note the difference in regards to the leader’s skills in holding and shifting of the focus.

Watch video 14.3 and observe how the focus is held on a topic (forgiving yourself) and a person (the woman whose father abused her). Also watch the leader briefly hold focus on one member who had voted for herself, since he knew it would only take a few minutes, and then return to the heavier issues.

Chapter 8. Cutting Off and Drawing out

Cutting Off

To lead an effective group, a leader must be willing and able to cut off members when necessary. Of all the skills we present in this book, cutting off is probably the hardest to use because leaders often fear that they will hurt a member’s feelings or that members will become angry. In addition, the skill is difficult because, when growing up, we do not learn to stop others from talking when theirremarks are boring, long-winded, or inappropriate. However, a group leader is responsible for ensuring positive group outcomes, and when group members’ comments are counterproductive, the leader should intervene.

Cutting off is the term we use to describe a leader stopping a member from talking (Harvill, Masson, & Jacobs, 1983; Masson & Jacobs, 1980). Other terms used to describe this skill are blocking (Corey, Corey, & Corey, 2009; Day, 2007; Trotzer, 2006) and intervening (Dyer & Vriend, 1980). Although cutting off may sound as if we are advocating that the leader be rude or authoritarian in the group, we are not. There are simply instances when the leader must interrupt a member to protect other members or to move the group in a better direction.

There are two broad situations when the leader will want to use cutting-off skills:

(1)

when a member has the floor but is either rambling, storytelling, or avoiding going deeper;

(2)

when a member is saying something inappropriate.

Before discussing these, we want to mention a number of important points regarding cutting off.

Timing

Perhaps the most important thing to understand about cutting off is that it has to be timed properly. The leader should stop members before they ramble too long, argue for an extended period, or offer unhelpful advice. On the other hand, leaders will want to make sure they are not interrupting a legitimate and worthwhile comment; this can anger and frustrate members. Unfortunately, there is no way to spell out exactly when the leader should cut off someone, because each situation is different. Experience and feedback from members will probably be the leader’s best teacher.

Use of Voice

Voice tone, pitch, and inflection have a lot to do with how effective a leader is in using cutting-off skills. If the leader seems critical, gruff, or angry, members are likely to react in a negative way. When cutting off, the goal is not to criticize or humiliate but rather to stop something that is not helpful. It is important to remember that members are usually not consciously giving the leader or other members a hard time; rather, they don’t understand or have not yet learned how to be productive group members.

Clarifying

It is important in the first session to explain to the members that you will at times cut off certain discussions for various reasons. Often, the leader also explains at the time of cutting off why he is doing it. Explaining is a good practice because confusion and anger can result if someone feels cut off for no apparent reason. Some may think it is because the leader does not like them or that their opinions don’t matter. Others may assume that they should not speak unless asked to do so. Of course, there will be many instances when the leader chooses not to offer an immediate explanation for cutting someone off—for example, if the leader feels it is important to move on immediately.

Nonverbal Signals

Sometimes the leader’s avoiding eye contact can serve as a signal to let a member know that he wants the member to stop. Some members will wrap up once they notice the leader not looking at them.

Another technique the leader can use is to signal the member with his hand to stop. Just a slight gesture—such as one used by a traffic officer—is sometimes enough to cue the member to wind down.

Group Counseling Skills Cutting Off

Watch videos 8.1 and 8.2 for a discussion of cutting off and three segments where the leader used cutting-off skills.

Cutting Off a Member Who Has the Focus of the Group

In any group, there are times when a group focuses on a member who is rambling, not getting to the point, or avoiding exploring an issue at a deeper level. Some members drone on and on, totally oblivious to the negative effect that their rambling is having on others. If left unchecked, these members often drain the energy and enthusiasm present in other members. Therefore, the leader has to use some kind of cutting-off technique.

The leader has three possible decisions regarding cutting off in a situation where a member has the attention of the group. The leader can

(1)

cut and stay with the person,

(2)

cut and stay with the topic, or

(3)

cut and leave the person and topic.

Cut and Stay with the Person

Many times, the leader sees value in interrupting and keeping the focus on a member. There are a number of techniques that can be used.

1. Ask a question. The leader, using a kind voice, can cut off a member by asking a focusing type question, such as any of the following:

How can the group help you with this?

If we give you 10 more minutes to talk about this, what would be helpful?

You seem to be rambling and the group wants to help you with this. What is your point? Where are you going with this?

Are you just telling us about this or are you asking the group for some help?

2. Ask the person clarifying questions. The leader may interrupt and either ask or have the members ask some questions to break up the monologue of the rambler. The leader will want to be sure that the questions are not ones that encourage more storytelling.

Examples

Danie:(Who has been telling stories for a couple of minutes about her alcoholic father and is not expressing her feelings) And another thing he did was …

Leader:Just a second here. Let us ask you some questions about you and your dad. I want each of you to think of something you can ask Danie that will get her to explore more deeply her feelings about her situation. One question I want to ask is, “How much do you blame yourself for his drinking?”

Danie:And another thing he did was …

Leader:Just a second here. Let us ask you some questions about you and your dad. I want each of you to think of something you can ask Danie that will get her to explore more deeply her feelings about her situation. Who has a question to ask?

Malik:I do. How can we help you? All you do is come here and tell us stories. Do you really want help?

Danie:I think I do. But what I was going to say …

Leader:Hold on, Danie. Who else has a question?

Lee:Is there anything we can do to get you to quit denying that your father is an alcoholic?

Danie:(Tearing up) I don’t want him to be alcoholic. I really need help.

3. Have the person do some focused activity (perhaps with chairs, drama, or some experiential activity). Using the example of Danie, the leader could put a chair in front of Danie, ask her to pretend that her father is sitting there, and ask her to have a conversation with him. Or the leader could ask Danie to act out one of the scenes she has been describing, using members of the group to play her father and other family members. (Often reenactment of scenes triggers emotional reactions.) The leader could try many other activities. The point is that the leader has stopped Danie’s storytelling, kept the focus on her, and tried to deepen the focus.

4. Have the person comment to each member (from her seat, or have the person sit in front of each of the members). At times, having the member who is working repeat statements or questions to other group members can encourage them to go deeper with their thoughts and emotions.

Example

Leader:Danie, let me get you to do this. I want you to turn to Lilly and complete the following sentence: “When Dad drinks, I ________.”

Danie:(Looks at Lilly, who is sitting next to her) When Dad drinks, I feel that it is my fault.

Leader:Now look at Amos and start with the same phrase.

Danie:When Dad drinks, I feel I should do something.

Leader:Turn to Tomika and start with the same phrase.

Danie:When Dad drinks, I get scared that someone will get hurt. I feel I have to protect my little sister. (Begins to cry)

Leader:Stay with those feelings.

5. Have the members give the person feedback. If the member is not benefiting from talking, the leader can interrupt by asking the other members to give some feedback.

Examples

Leader:Danie, I want to stop you for a second, and I am going to ask the group for some feedback. What do you think Danie is trying to say?

Harvey:I think she is trying to say that she doesn’t know what to do, but she thinks she should do something. She is doing what I used to do, which is take responsibility for the family and the drinking because no one else was trying to fix the problem.

Leader:What do you think Danie needs to explore but is avoiding?

Sonya:She seems to feel bad about herself, but she won’t talk about it. Danie, you are blaming yourself, and it is not your fault!

Danie:(Head down, softly crying) But why does it feel like it is?

6. Have the members role-play the person. Allowing group members to role-play the working member can provide insight to the member of focus by showing how they are appearing to the group. This can allow for a great deal of insight on the part of the working member.

Example

Leader:Who can become Danie? Try with your voice and body to be her. Who can do this?

Monica:I think I can. (With head hanging and with a weak voice) My dad came home last night and started in on us.

Danie:Is that how I really look and sound? No wonder I feel so bad.

The leader can even ask the member who is playing Danie a number of deepening questions. If a member can role-play Danie well, this can prove to be very enlightening to her. This activity and the previous one, where feedback was given, can be valuable, because the focus stays on the member, but the member stops talking in order to listen and watch. Some members actually can benefit more by listening to themselves being discussed than by talking.

These are just some of the techniques that can be used to cut off and stay with the person. With experience, leaders develop a number of ways to interrupt and stay focused on a member who is rambling or making nonproductive comments.

Group Counseling Skills Cutting Off—Staying with the Member

View video 8.3 where the leader cuts off the member but stays with her.

Cut and Stay with the Topic

There will be times when the leader will want to shift the focus away from the member who is talking but stay with the topic. When the leader makes the decision to intervene in this manner, the member often does not feel so cut off. Using the example of Danie, the leader might say:

Leader:Danie, let me get other members’ comments about their relationships with their parents. Can any of you relate to what Danie is saying?

Cut and Leave the Person and the Topic

Inevitably, there will be times when the leader will need to cut off and redirect the group because it is off on a tangent or it is time to start closing the group. In such instances, the leader might say something like:

Leader:I think we need to move on. I want to shift our attention to an exercise that I think you will find interesting.

The important thing to understand from this discussion is that you have choices when you are thinking about cutting off.

Other Situations Calling for Cutting-Off Skills

There are a number of situations when a leader may want to use the skill of cutting off. We discuss seven of them:

When a member’s comments conflict with the group’s purpose

When a member is saying something hurtful

When a member is saying something inaccurate

When the leader wants to shift the focus

When it is near the end of the session

When members are arguing

When members are rescuing other members

When a Member’s Comments Conflict with the Group’s Purpose

One of the main uses of cutting off is to ensure that the group’s content fits with its purpose. Whenever a member’s comments are not in line with the group’s purpose or when the group is discussing a nonproductive or unrelated topic, the leader should use cutting off to refocus the group on a more relevant issue. Too often, when a member talks on an irrelevant topic, the leader lets that person continue indefinitely. Instead, the leader should say something like:

Leader:Let me interrupt. I think we have gotten away from the purpose of the group. I’d like us to get back to our task, which is …

When a Member Is Saying Something Hurtful

Extreme, value-laden comments about certain issues also need to be cut off. Members may attempt to lecture others about such things as the evils of having an affair or an abortion. A member may want to comment at length about how organized religion is a harmful institution and should be banned or about how divorce is the ultimate failure, and all marriages can be saved. These types of comments usually represent one particular member’s point of view and have the potential of being hurtful. To let that member continue would be a mistake on the part of the leader, especially because other group members could be greatly offended. There are times in support, counseling, and therapy groups when a member begins to make very critical comments to another member. The leader must cut these off.

Example

Kirk:… and I just feel that it is important that I share this. I have not been completely honest here. You see, my lover is not a she, but actually is a he—that is, I am gay.

Bob:That’s disgusting!! I think...

Leader:Wait a second. Bob, that is your issue. I want to stay with Kirk and his feelings.

The leader should block Bob’s comments because the comments were going to be hurtful. Some beginning leaders let a member like Bob continue because they are not comfortable cutting off. This could be harmful to a disclosing member and the group in general.

Group Counseling Skills Cutting Off Harmful Comments

View video 8.1 again and think about the harm that would have occurred if the leader had not cut off when she did.

When a Member Is Saying Something Inaccurate

In discussion, education, and task groups, comments can be made that are inaccurate, misleading, or inappropriate. For example, in an education group about birth control, a member might say, “The pill should never be used because it has been proven to cause cancer. I have two friends now who are suffering from its side effects. Let me tell you about them.” The leader would want to use cutting-off skills to correct this member’s exaggerated statements. Whenever something is being said that is not accurate, the leader should not feel that he has to wait until the person is finished before commenting. In fact, it is best to cut off “speeches” that are not beneficial to the group as soon as the leader identifies them as such.

In counseling, therapy, and growth groups, it is especially important to listen for inappropriate comments or advice because members can say things harmful to others. For instance, a member might say to another, “I think you should divorce her immediately. Any woman who won’t go to church with her husband is not a good woman.” In this situation, the leader needs to cut off the member for giving inappropriate advice.

A common phenomenon in many groups is the guaranteeing of someone’s behavior. That is, a member will say to another, “If you do X, then your wife (son, boss, parents) will do Y.” It is important that the leader not let anyone make promises about how another person will think, feel, or behave. Here are some examples of such promises:

If you get mad a couple of times, she’ll change. You just need to let her know who is boss.

Go home and tell your mom you’re sorry for what you did. She’ll understand, and all will be fine.

In these examples, members are promising some behavior over which they have no control. The leader should cut off any comments similar to this. One cardinal rule for leaders and members to follow is, Do not guarantee anyone’s behavior other than your own. Human behavior is highly unpredictable.

Example

The group is composed of stepparents who are sharing feelings and experiences about their particular situations in the hope of discovering new ways of coping.

Jim:My stepson, Jeff, seems to prevent himself from getting emotionally close to me because of his loyalty to his biological father.

Edgar:(Dogmatically) You should spend more time with him, Jim. If you’ll limit his time with his father and use it for the two of you, he’ll grow to love you more. That’s what I did with my stepson, and it’s working out okay. I guarantee you that Jeff will respect...

Leader:(Interrupting) Edgar, let me stop you here to say a couple of things. First, I appreciate your attempt to help. I’m glad that it is working out well between you and your stepson. I’m not so sure that your particular method will work for Jim and Jeff. What Jeff is experiencing is actually a very common and normal thing. Many stepchildren experience divided loyalty between their absent parent and the new stepparent. Each of you may want to think about this issue as it applies to your children…

In this example, the leader was aware that Edgar was making guarantees to Jim based on his own experience and that his advice was not appropriate.

When the Leader Wants to Shift the Focus

Frequently, when a topic has been thoroughly covered or the focus has been held on one member too long, the leader’s task is to shift the focus. Sometimes, a natural break occurs in the interaction, and the shift is easy. At other times, the leader will need to use cutting-off skills to accomplish the shift.

Examples

This is a growth group for high school girls. The topic of discussion is love relationships. While Amy is telling a story about her sister, the leader notices that Sherry seems to want to speak.

Amy:I just don’t understand. Tom and Cindy got along so well in the beginning. They were so happy together. They could talk to each other about anything. I thought it was for keeps, but after a couple of months, things were not so rosy. I think they maintained the relationship for several months because they kept hoping they could regain what they once had. Let me give you an example. They were … (The leader notices that Sherry is listening intently and nodding her head in agreement.)

Leader:Amy, let me stop you before you really get into the story, unless this applies to something in your own relationship history. (Amy shakes her head indicating that it is not personal.) It seems that Sherry is reacting to what you are saying, and I want to give her a chance to comment. Sherry, would you like to offer some comments?

Sherry:Oh, yes. What Amy was saying about the relationship being so good at first and then changing also happened to me. My boyfriend and I ended our relationship a week ago. It just seemed that we suddenly had nothing in common anymore. I …

In this example, the leader decides to cut off Amy and shift to Sherry for two reasons. First, although Amy was telling an interesting story, she appeared to have no personal investment in the topic. Second, Sherry appeared interested in the discussion and seemed to relate to it personally.

The members have been discussing their families of origin. The discussion has been going on for about 10 minutes, and the members still seem to be on the surface. The leader decides that the family sculpture exercise would be a way to get members to really focus on their home environments. The members are currently having a superficial discussion about vacations they had with their parents when they were young.

Leader:Let me jump in here. I’d like to make this discussion about families more meaningful. An exercise that I have used before and one that is quite helpful in getting you to look at how you were affected by your early family experiences is called “Family Sculpture.” This involves having you pick members of the group to represent your family as it was when you were growing up.…

In this example, the leader cut off the discussion, moving to a structured activity to funnel the group from merely conversational to insightful reflections.

When It Is Near the End of the Session

There are two situations when cutting off is necessary near the end of a session. When leading a group with a designated ending time, the leader sometimes has to cut off members to allow time for summarizing and ending the group promptly. It is very important to have enough time to close the group, and sometimes the only way to do this is by cutting off what is going on.

The second situation is when a member brings up an emotional issue with little time remaining in the session. A skilled leader will quickly cut off the member before he gets too far into his issue. Obviously, this is a difficult situation to handle, but there are times when there is not enough time for dealing with the concern.

Example

There are approximately 10 minutes left in the first session of a group of adults who were adopted when they were young and who are now trying to find their biological mothers. Tracy starts to talk about her fears and the problems her search has already caused.

Tracy:(In a distressed voice) I am so afraid that my search is going to end in nothing. I have so much anxiety and worry. I have three choices now and I …

Leader:(Using an understanding voice) Tracy, could I ask you to hold that until we meet next week? What you have to say is so important and I don’t think we have enough time now to really deal with your issue, and we need to stop in about 5 minutes. Now, in the few minutes left, I’d like us to summarize tonight and get different reactions to this first session. I think we are off to a good start.

In this example, Tracy’s concern is obviously a sensitive and personal one, and the leader is wise to hold off on it until the next session. The leader also does the right thing by cutting her off quickly before the momentum of the group shifts to Tracy’s anxiety and worry.

When Members Are Arguing

Any time people come together to form a group there is the potential for arguments. Members usually leave it to the leader to stop arguments; if left on their own, some members would spend the entire session arguing. Therefore, the leader has to intervene and come up with better ways of discussing or resolving issues. Ordinarily, it is best to cut off arguments quickly because they are usually not productive and are often detrimental to the group. Arguments do nothing to build cohesion and can erode trust. Arguments can also set a negative tone for the group and use up time that can be spent in a much more productive manner.

In a few situations, a leader might allow an argument to continue for a short period. For example, the leader may want to observe the argument and then focus on process instead of content to help the members learn about their style of interacting and arguing. A good rule to follow is, Don’t let members argue unless it is productive in some way for them or the group.

When members are arguing, the leader can use the following techniques:

Cut off and focus on process by discussing what is happening in the group.

Cut off and focus on content by getting some of the nonvolatile members to discuss the issue.

Cut off and focus on content by asking the volatile members to continue the discussion but tone down their remarks.

Cut off and focus on content by discussing the issue calmly herself.

Cut off and shift the focus to a new issue.

Example

The group is composed of clients at a mental health center. Members are discussing their different living arrangements; it is the third session.

Rita:I live in a communal-type situation with three men and four women.

Sam:(Bolts upright) I think that’s disgusting!

Rita:What do you mean by that?

Sam:I mean I think that’s wrong—God didn’t put us on this earth to live in sin!

Rita:Who says it’s a sin?

Sam:God does! In the Bible …

Leader:(Calmly) Hold on. Let me say something to everyone. Maybe I haven’t touched enough on the subject of attacking one another. Our purpose here is not to judge whether others are right or wrong in their actions or beliefs but rather to listen to the variety of ideas expressed and learn about differences in the way people live. Human relationships require listening without judging. I hope in this group you will learn to get along with people who are different from you. Rita, you were saying …

In this example, the leader recognizes that the exchange is not productive. The leader decides to make a brief comment on the purpose of the group, which serves both to cut off the rapidly escalating argument and to inform the members that making moral judgments about the actions of others is inappropriate. By speaking in a calm way, the leader is able to defuse the hostile tone being created.

Group Counseling Skills Cutting Off

View video 1.1 again and watch what happens when the leader does not cut off. Note the tension that develops. Remember, the purpose of this segment is to demonstrate poor leadership skills.

When Members Are Rescuing Other Members

Some members occasionally present a helpless, “poor me” self-portrait where they present themselves as victims of their environment. When this happens, other members often want to rescue them by saying certain soothing things or by offering all kinds of advice. This usually sounds something like, “It’ll be okay; everything is going to work out” or “Don’t cry; things will get better.” This kind of member comment is usually not productive because it tends to reinforce the “working” member’s belief that he is helpless.

Example

A group of recently divorced women is meeting for the purpose of support.

Alice:(Crying) I’m just no good to anyone. I’m not pretty and obviously not interesting. The divorce was all my fault. I’m sure no one will ever ask me out.

Terri:(Patronizingly) There, there, Alice. (Patting her on the arm) Everything will be okay. There are lots of men out there who are just waiting for someone like you to come along. There’s no need to cry. I’ll bet your husband …

Leader:Wait a minute, Terri. (To the entire group) Helping someone doesn’t always involve making them feel better immediately. Alice, I’m not sure if you are asking for help or just telling us your current feelings.

The leader quickly stepped in to prevent Terri from rescuing Alice, because Alice is not making any attempt to improve her situation but, rather, is wallowing in self-pity. In essence, there is no indication from Alice that she really wants to work on her issues. The leader should get such an agreement from her; otherwise, Alice might simply manipulate the group with her “poor me” routine.

Certainly it is desirable for members to help each other, but there is a difference between helping and rescuing. Leaders often mistakenly allow rescuing when such behavior should be cut off. A similar mistake is to allow members to hug or touch another who is crying because of a “poor me” attitude. This kind of physical support can serve to reinforce the “I’m weak” position taken by that member. With experience, the leader will come to recognize when it is appropriate to stop rescuing behavior and when it is appropriate to offer support and caring touch.

Practice

In this section, you will have the opportunity to practice what you’ve learned. Four examples follow, to which you may respond in your own words. Read each one and think about what you would say and why; you may want to write out your responses. Each example is discussed after it is presented.

Examples

The group is composed of prisoners, all of whom have committed violent acts against others. The purpose of the group is to help members overcome their inability to control their anger. The members are talking about events during the past month that have triggered their anger. Don has been talking for the past 90 seconds, and as he ruminates about an event, he becomes angrier and angrier.

Don:And then that @!_#!_just looked at me and grinned, and I knew I couldn’t do a thing about it. If he’d been out on the street, I would have fixed him. The next time that @_#!_ pulls that on me, I’m …

Think about what you would say if you were the leader. Your goal would be to stop Don from continuing to speak, because he seems to be escalating his anger. Take some time here to formulate one or two different ways to handle this situation. Here are some possible cutting-off responses:

Leader:Don, let me break in here if I may. (Looks at all members) I want to talk about something I am sensing in the group. I think many of you have short fuses like Don’s; when the fuse goes, there is an explosion, and that explosion gets you into trouble—namely, prison. I hope we can lengthen those fuses so that you can stay out of trouble and not hurt anyone unnecessarily. How could Don have stayed calmer in that situation?

Leader:Don, do you want help with this and if so, how can we be of help?

Leader:Don, you obviously lost it in this situation. I want you to turn to Bill and tell him one thing you could have done to avoid becoming so angry.

These are some possible responses. Yours may have been different but equally as effective. The important thing to note in this example is that the member is getting more and more agitated, and Don’s comments are not helpful to himself or to other members. This is a definite signal that some form of cutting off is needed.

This group is composed of middle school students whose parents are divorced. The leader has been encouraging members to share any feelings they have about their family situation.

Sarah:I’ve just been hoping that Mom and Dad will get back together. Mom is seeing another guy named Dave, and I just can’t stand him. He always kisses me, and it just makes me sick. Sometimes when Dave is there, I sit in my room and cry, wishing that my dad would come back.

Mike:Your dad was a drunk! Why would you think about him? Anyone would be better than him. I remember when he took us to the zoo. He …

What would you say if you were the leader? Stop and think of a couple of responses. Here are some possible responses:

Leader: Mike, stop. Let’s stay with Sarah and her feelings.

Leader: Mike, let me stop you because I don’t think you are tuned into Sarah very well. Sarah, say some more about how you are feeling.

Leader: Mike, hang on for a second. We need to work with Sarah and then maybe even talk about how everyone in the group can learn to be more sensitive to others. I do want you, Mike, to think about whether you were coming from Sarah’s viewpoint or yours. Sarah, let’s get back to you.

Leader: Mike, rather than focus on Sarah’s dad, I’d like to work with you on your comments because you often tend to say things that are not sensitive to the member who is sharing. Have others of you noticed that Mike tends to do this? Sarah, we will come back to you, but I do think it is important for Mike to get some feedback.

The leader certainly needs to cut Mike off and then to decide whether to focus on Sarah or Mike. Probably the better person to focus on is Sarah. The leader could also use the incident as a way to talk about being more sensitive to others when commenting. Some leaders might mistakenly get angry at Mike and hold the focus on him and his behavior, thus leaving Sarah, who is in pain. The last response is one where the focus is held on Mike.

This is a weekend growth group composed of married couples whose goal is to discuss and eliminate problem areas in their marriages. Couples have been sharing about their hobbies and vacations. One couple, Mary and Tom, are now arguing about problems around taking their vacations.

Tom:Why do we have this insurmountable difference over where to go on vacations? You always demand that we see your parents.

Mary:That’s because we only see my parents once a year, but we practically live with yours. Besides, all you want to do on vacation is fish or camp, and you know I hate that! You are so uncaring and unfair! Why don’t you care about me?

Tom:Don’t start that again. You always do this!

What would you do if you were leading this group? Take a moment and think of two or three different responses. Some leaders might make the mistake of allowing the argument to continue. It is apparent that the couple has fought over this issue a number of times. There are several things the leader could say:

Leader:Let me stop you because I don’t think you are hearing each other. (To the group) What do some of you think is going on with Tom and Mary? (This holds the focus on Tom and Mary but gets others involved and stops the useless arguing.)

Leader:I want you to stop because it doesn’t seem that you are getting anywhere. I want the two of you to listen to others who have probably had similar problems. Have any of you had problems like this? (The leader is second-guessing that other couples have had problems over vacations.)

Leader:I want to ask you something. Why do the two of you get nowhere with this argument? Think about it. What is happening to each of you as you talk? (This holds the focus on them and will probably involve other members, because the focus has shifted to communication patterns.)

Leader:I want to try something here that I think may help you see what you do to each other. I need someone to play Tom and someone to play Mary, and I want you to act out this argument. Tom, you and Mary just watch. I think you’ll learn something. Who can play either Tom or Mary? (Cutting off stops the arguing and shifts to a role-play that should generate more involvement for all members. Tom and Mary should especially benefit.)

This group is composed of high school seniors. Its purpose is to discuss various situations that young adults face once they leave high school.

Leader:(To start the session) What did you find out about loans and credit? Did any of you ask your parents or friends about this?

Larry:I did. I found out a lot about loans and interest and how that all works. (Larry goes on for a couple of minutes.)

Leader:How about others of you? What did you find out about the different places to borrow money?

Larry:Oh, I found out that there were a number of places. They are … (Larry goes on for a couple of minutes.)

Leader:(Notices that members seem to be tuning out)

It is a good bet that Larry’s constant replies are affecting the other members. Any time a leader allows a member to dominate a group, the other members usually share less and feel less involved. This is especially true when the dominant member is not saying particularly interesting things but rather seems to be talking due to anxiety or a need for attention. How would you respond if you were the leader? Take a minute and think of a couple of responses. Listed below are some of the options available to the leader:

Leader: Larry, let me cut in and stop you to give other members a chance to speak. Others of you, what reactions do you have?

Leader: Larry, I want you to hold off on your comments until others have shared.

Leader: Larry, I notice that you are always ready to speak first. I’m wondering if that has any significance, and I’m also wondering if you’d like some feedback from the group on how they feel about your always commenting. (This shifts the focus to Larry, and the leader would want to do this only if she thought Larry would benefit from feedback. Often, the leader can tell by the members’ nonverbal reactions how they are feeling about the talker.)

Drawing out

If cutting off is the most essential skill a leader needs to know, then drawing out is probably the second most important skill. A skilled group leader understands when and how to draw out members. Drawing out is the term we use to refer to the skill of eliciting group members’ comments. Throughout this section, we discuss various reasons for drawing members out and how to accomplish this effectively.

Reasons for Drawing Members out

One of the main reasons for drawing out is to get greater involvement from the group members, because one of the benefits of being in a group is to hear different ideas from the members.

Another major reason for drawing out is to help members who have a difficult time sharing in a group. In most groups, there is usually a member who has trouble talking in front of others. If at all possible, a leader should try to draw out all the members during the early stage of the group—ideally, during the first session. Getting members to talk early in the life of the group can ease some of the anxiety about speaking in the group. The longer a shy or reluctant person waits to make his first contribution, the harder it will be. In addition, involving members during the beginning stage reduces tension in another way—if a member remains quiet for an extended period, the other members usually begin to wonder why. They sometimes imagine that the quiet member doesn’t like the group or that he feels superior. By drawing out all members, the leader can often prevent members from making up what others are thinking and feeling.

Getting a member to go deeper is a form of drawing out that is very helpful to members in support, growth, counseling, and therapy groups. Some members will share but not really explore a problem in depth; that is, they stay on the surface. People usually gain more when they explore “uncharted waters.”

Reasons for Silent Members

Most leaders consider using drawing-out skills when members are silent. Understanding the reasons for silence is necessary because drawing out is not warranted for all types of silence. A leader often has to decide if drawing out is needed. The following is a list of reasons why members may be silent.

Fear/anxiety Not prepared

Thinking or processing Confused

Quiet by nature Lack of trust or commitment to the group

Not mentally present Intimidation by a dominant member or leader

Fear/Anxiety

Even when members desperately want to speak, they sometimes do not because they are afraid of what other members might think. They conjure up images of people laughing at them, turning away in disgust, or thinking, “What a stupid fool.” Drawing out these individuals is very important because they need to realize they are, in fact, imagining how the group will respond. Drawing out is difficult because the members may feel picked on unless the leader is careful.

Example

In this example, the leader of an ongoing therapy group knows why Frank is in the group (from the intake interview) and knows that he is afraid to share what he did.

Leader:Frank, you have not shared why you are here. My hunch is that you are afraid of what others are going to think of you. All I can say is that we are not here to judge you or anyone else; rather, we are here to help. Would all of you agree? (Members nod) Also, Frank, the way you are going to help yourself is by talking about it.

Frank:It’s hard to face anyone. I don’t know why I did it.

Leader:I know you don’t, and I hope that by sharing here and in individual counseling, you will come to understand yourself better.

Frank:(Looking at the floor) Well, I’ll try. I know that all of you will think this is horrible, but I exposed myself to these teenage girls last month.

Leader:(After glancing at the members’ faces and seeing that they are concerned for Frank) Frank, if you will look up you will see that no one here is thinking you are the scum of the earth like you seem to think.

In this example, the leader felt confident about how the members would react because he had been meeting with the group for a number of weeks. Even in a situation like this one, however, the leader cannot absolutely guarantee how the members will react and should be prepared for a negative reaction.

If this leader felt Frank could not handle negative feedback, he would avoid drawing him out—or at least have been fully prepared to deal with the various comments.

Thinking or Processing

A second reason for silence is that members are thinking about or processing the group interaction. Most frequently, this occurs immediately following an exercise or some intense work on the part of a member. Usually the leader can, by scanning the room, pick up on the facial expressions of members who seem to be really thinking or experiencing something. This kind of silence is productive, because the members need time to reflect and think. However, such silences can become prolonged, and sometimes a member who is ready to speak is a little hesitant to do so. Usually, the leader can sense when members are on the verge of speaking and can often elicit their comments through a simple head nod or hand gesture. The leader also has a number of possible drawing-out statements that could be used:

Go ahead.

It looks as though you are thinking. Would you like to share your thoughts?

You seem to be reacting to something. Is there anything you would like to share?

It seems that you were relating to our discussion on blank 1.

Quiet by Nature

A third reason for silence is that some members are quiet people. They grew up listening more than speaking and are not in the habit of saying much, even to family and friends. It is important for the leader to assess this and not attempt drawing out if it is going to make the member uncomfortable. However, it is important to realize that, if it is done with caution and forethought, drawing out may help this type of member say more in the group.

Example

In this example the leader decides to try to draw out Lucinda, who has contributed very little during the first three sessions of an education/growth group on improving communications.

Leader:I’d like to get a number of you to share your reactions to the model, and then we will practice some. Speaking up does seem to be difficult, and knowing these different categories can be helpful. (In a gentle, caring voice) Lucinda, I realize that you are a rather quiet person. Did the model give you any additional understanding of yourself?

Lucinda:It is true that I am rather quiet. I am the quietest in my family.

Leader:Do you know why you were quiet?

Lucinda:Because it wasn’t safe to talk and my sisters were mean and no one seemed to want to hear what I had to say.

Leader:I think it is safe here in group and we do want to hear what you have to say (Members’ heads nod).

Lucinda:I guess it is a habit. I’d like to not be so quiet.

Leader:And we’d like to hear from you.

In cases where the leader understands that a certain member is quiet by nature, it would be important that the group be made aware of this so they don’t harbor negative feelings toward the quiet member.

Not Mentally Present

Some members are silent because they are not mentally present. Their thoughts are on things outside the group, such as their term papers, financial worries, or children. Allowing these members a couple of minutes to talk about what is on their minds can help them focus on the group.

Example

The leader has noticed that Phil has been silent for the first 20 minutes of the group and decides to draw him out.

Leader:Phil, you have been quiet. Is there something on your mind?

Phil:Well, yes, I guess I am not with it today. My father is at the doctor’s right now because he has a spot on his lung, and they are supposed to tell him what it is.

Leader:Even though this is not really in line with our purpose, if you would like to take 5 minutes or so to talk about that, we could. Obviously, it is a major concern.

Phil:But this group is about career planning and job interviewing.

Leader:I realize that, and I think we can spare 5 minutes. Also, if we allow you some time, then you may be able to focus a little more on what we are talking about here.

Not Prepared

In certain groups, members may not be prepared; thus, they will be silent. In discussion, education, and task groups in particular, there are often out-of-group assignments to complete before the next session. A member who has not completed the assignment will probably not be as involved. Drawing out these members in an effort to combat their silence will be largely unsuccessful. What is needed instead is a way to motivate the members to do the assigned work.

Confusion

Members may also be silent because they are confused. Rather than speaking up or asking for clarification when they are unsure about what is going on in the group, some members will remain silent. It is good for the leader to be aware of this kind of silence because, when members are confused, they often withdraw or get annoyed with the leader. If the leader thinks the members are being silent for this reason, the following might be an appropriate comment:

Leader:I have noticed that some of you have been quieter than usual. I was wondering—is it because you might be confused because things have kind of jumped around?

Lack of Trust or Commitment to the Group

Members are often silent if they don’t want to be in the group and have no commitment to what is happening. This lack of commitment is common in nonvolunteer groups, such as groups for drunk drivers, prisoners, or adolescents in group homes. Another reason for silence is that members don’t trust the leader or some of the other members in the group. When there is little trust, members will tend to be relatively silent.

Intimidation by a Dominant Member or Leader

A final reason for members’ silence is because the leader or one of the members tends to dominate, causing others to sit back and listen rather than contribute. Also, in situations where one person dominates, members may have found that, when they have tried to speak, they were interrupted by the dominating person, and the leader did nothing.

There will be some instances in which a member is silent and the leader has no idea why. In these situations, the leader may choose to ask the member directly, put himself in a dyad with the silent member and then ask, or wait until the end of the session to ask.

Direct Method for Drawing out Members

The most direct method of drawing out members is to ask them if they would like to comment or if they have any reactions to what is taking place.

Examples

This group is composed of high school teachers who are discussing the current guidelines for handling behavior problems in the classroom. Ron, who is usually very verbal, has not spoken.

Leader:Ron, we’ve discussed many new procedures, and several ideas have been offered. Is there anything that you would like to offer at this time?

Ron:Well, yes, I have one idea that I think could work. It deals with …

This group is composed of members who have AIDS. One member has died recently; John, his close friend, has been very quiet.

Leader:(Very calmly and supportively) John, you have been very quiet this session. I can only guess that it may have to do with Ted’s death. Is there any way we can help?

John:Well, yeah, I really do think about Ted a lot—especially on group night. I…

Drawing out Delicately

Sometimes, drawing out is a real art. The skilled leader is able to get a member to talk, share, or express herself without feeling forced or pressured. The challenge is to be able to invite members to share but to give them a number of ways to decline at the same time. The idea is to give members permission to speak—possibly even gently encouraging them to do so—without alienating them. Beginning leaders often make the mistake of putting people on the spot when they are trying to get them to speak. For example, such a leader might say, “Marvin, what do you think?” or “Cheryl, you have been quiet—why don’t you share your ideas?” In certain situations, this type of probe would be totally acceptable, but if Marvin and Cheryl were not ready to speak, they would certainly feel on the spot.

The art of drawing out is evident when one is able to allow “outs” for the members while getting most of them to join in and share. One way to provide an out is to call on two or three members instead of just one. Then the leader can use her eyes to see if one of those members seems willing to speak. Focusing one’s eyes for too long on a member can make him feel as though he were under a spotlight, so the leader will not want to gaze at just one member for any length of time. By looking at the member for a brief moment, the leader can invite the member to speak with her eyes. By shifting her eyes, the leader gives the member an out and relieves him of any pressure beyond that caused by having his name mentioned. (This slight pressure would be intentional because the leader would be trying to draw the member out.)

Two other components of drawing out are the leader’s voice and attitude. At no time should the leader use a tone of voice that could be interpreted as condescending. The leader should never ridicule or embarrass a member for not being an active participant but rather should try to understand that member and then, if it seems appropriate, try to draw him out.

Two examples follow. The first one illustrates how not to draw out; the leader puts a member on the spot and does not give her an easy way out. The second example illustrates a more effective way to use the skill.

Examples

The group is composed of high school seniors who are about to graduate. They have been discussing plans for after graduation. It is near the end of the session, and one of the members, Jackie, has not spoken.

Leader:(In a demanding tone) Jackie, why haven’t you said anything? Would you like to tell us about your plans? (The leader maintains eye contact with Jackie. All members of the group have their eyes on her.)

This is the same group and situation as in the preceding example.

Leader:(Tentatively) Jackie, I’ve noticed that you have been silent this session. I am not sure if you would like to comment or not. Certainly, we’d like to hear from you if you feel comfortable. (Shifts his eyes to scan the group) Who would like to comment on anything that they are thinking about? (The leader watches to see whether Jackie seems to want to talk.)

In the first example, the leader comes on too strong. Also, the leader puts Jackie on the spot by maintaining eye contact and directing the group’s attention to her. If Jackie is quiet because of discomfort, the leader’s behavior can only increase that discomfort. Another error lies in not giving Jackie a choice whether or not to participate.

In the second example, the leader is tentative in his approach and does not focus the group on Jackie. In fact, the leader acknowledges that Jackie has not spoken, invites her to do so if she wishes, and then moves on. Because of this, Jackie feels no unnecessary pressure to speak. Assume that Jackie is pregnant and is considering whether to share this in the group—the leader in the second example has a much better chance of drawing her out than the leader in the first example.

Group Counseling Skills Drawing out

Go to the video on drawing out (8.4, 8.5) and hear a discussion regarding drawing out. Watch a demonstration of the right and wrong way to draw out.

Use of Dyads for Drawing out Members

Dyads can be used when members seem to be rather quiet and take a long time to warm up. When members are paired and given directions to discuss something of interest, the inevitable result is that the two individuals will talk to each other. The energy generated is often sufficient to stimulate comments in the large group from members who might otherwise have been silent. When the dyad is completed, the leader may use any of the following responses to draw out members:

Who would like to comment on what you discussed?

What are your reactions to discussing blank 1?

What did you learn by discussing blank 1 with your partner?

Please comment on any thoughts or feelings you may be having.

Joe, what did the two of you discuss?

Chandra, what did you learn in your dyad?

These questions are usually nonthreatening, because the members are warmed up as a result of the dyads. Also, the members will usually have something to say, because they were just discussing the issue.

Another way the dyad can be used to draw out a member is for the leader to pair up with the member he wants to draw out. By talking with this member, the leader can often encourage him to share in the larger group, or at the least, the leader can find out why the member has been silent. It is appropriate for the leader to ask a member why he does not talk much. However, it is usually best to do so privately.

Use of Rounds for Drawing out Members

Rounds are another very useful technique for getting silent members to say something, because in a round, the leader is asking everyone to comment without singling out any one member. Most members are willing to share a word, phrase, number, or brief comment.

Another way to draw out a member through a round is to end the round on the person to be drawn out. In this way, the leader can more easily ask the member questions because he is the last to comment in the round, and the focus must shift from the round because it is complete.

Example

The group is composed of women who are single parents. All group members have been actively involved in the discussion except Beth. Interest in the current topic is beginning to wane, so the leader decides to shift the focus to a new topic that may add energy and get Beth involved.

Leader:Okay, if we’re finished with this issue, I’d like to shift the focus. In a word or a phrase, what is the hardest thing about being a single parent? Think about that for a moment; then I’m going to get everyone to comment. (After about 10 seconds) Jamie, in a word or a short phrase, what is toughest for you? (Jamie is seated next to Beth who has been quiet and the leader wants to draw out. Starting the round next to Beth and going the opposite direction means that the round will end on Beth.)

Jamie:It’s finding time for myself.

Sally:(Also seated next to Jamie) Being both parents!

Jane:Money—making ends meet.

Molly:Dating and not feeling guilty.

Beth:Not feeling appreciated by anyone.

Leader:What exactly do you mean by not being appreciated?

Beth:My teenage daughter doesn’t appreciate any of my sacrifices or efforts. She blames me for the divorce.

Leader:I believe others here struggle with that. Could you say a little more about your feelings and your daughter’s feelings?

Beth:Well, my daughter…

In this example, the leader chooses to focus on Beth and purposely has the round end on her. The leader then draws her out by asking some follow up questions.

Use of Written Exercises for Drawing out Members

Another method of drawing out is to have members complete a writing task. Writing tasks can be making lists, answering some questions, or completing sentences. Drawing out in this manner is non-threatening because the leader merely asks members what they wrote. With the answers in front of them, members usually do not mind being asked to share their responses. Also, when the leader calls on members, it does not seem as if the spotlight is on them but simply that the leader wants them to share their written answers. If you have a number of quiet members, we strongly recommend the use of written exercises. When members can read what they have written they often get over their fears of speaking in a group.

Group Counseling Skills Drawing out Using Sentence Completion

Go to video 8.6 to see a demonstration of the use of writing to draw out a member.

Use of Eyes to Draw out

Another component of drawing out that we have alluded to in the earlier examples is the use of the leader’s eyes. It is often possible to elicit comments from members by establishing eye contact with them and holding that contact for a few seconds. The leader’s eyes are especially useful in drawing out members who are waiting to talk. By acknowledging people with his eyes and possibly a slight nod, the leader can often get them to comment. Or, if someone else is talking, the leader can cue others with his eyes and a slight nod indicating that they will be next to speak. One way to draw out a member while giving her an out is by maintaining a lot of eye contact with that member while speaking to the entire group.

Example

Leader:(Looking mainly at Carol) Is there anyone else who wants to comment on his or her relationship? (Scans the group, then looks again to Carol. When Carol does not seem to be ready to respond, the leader shifts his eyes to other group members.)

If this is done skillfully, Carol would feel gentle pressure to speak, but the leader’s broad request for comments allows Carol to refrain if she chooses. The leader has to believe in Carol’s right not to speak. That is, if the leader is really trying to force Carol to talk, staring at her will cause her to feel singled out, and she will not hear the leader’s words but rather the intent, which would sound to her like, “Carol, SPEAK!”

Use of Movement to Draw out

Another way to draw out members is to use movement exercises. The reason for this is that often times quiet members will participate and the leader can draw them out by asking them why they positioned themselves where they did or why they took the pose that they did. We discuss movement exercises in greater detail in Chapter 10.

Drawing out Using Movement

Go to video 8.7 to see a demonstration of the use of movement to draw out a member.

Additional Comments Regarding Drawing out

It is important to assess how much a particular individual needs to talk. Sometimes leaders mistakenly believe that it is important for all members to speak up equally. Some members find it comfortable and beneficial to participate verbally at only a minimal level, yet they learn a great deal. The rule is, Don’t draw out unless it seems needed. Also, before drawing out a reluctant member, it is important to consider the kind of response the member will get from other members.

If the tone of the group is such that the leader feels a negative response is possible, drawing out has to be done carefully or not at all because the member may be too uncomfortable.

There are some members you may not want to draw out. Beginning leaders think they should always draw out uncommitted members, and this often is not the best option. When drawn out, uncommitted members will frequently resist the efforts of the leader and the other members and try to create a negative tone. We suggest that leaders be careful with uncommitted members and members who do not seem focused at the beginning of the session. You may choose to run the group as planned, choosing not to draw out members who don’t seem focused. Frequently, the interaction and comments of the other members will help get those members aboard, which means that no drawing out is necessary.

Practice

As in the previous section on cutting off, you now have an opportunity to practice. Think of various drawing-out responses to the following three examples. You may want to write down your responses and then compare them to ours, which follow each example.

Examples

The group is composed of seven women who are patients in the mental health unit of a community hospital. The group meets daily. All the members have been there for at least a week except for Ambuja, who has been in the hospital only 3 days. Ambuja has commented only when asked, and each time she has said very little. She is in the hospital because she attempted suicide. How would you try to draw her out if you were the leader? Take a minute and think of some different ways to draw out and then check our suggestions below. Jot down a couple of responses before continuing.

Leader:Ambuja, you have not said too much yet in the group. I think you would probably find it helpful to share some of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to being here in the hospital. I do think we can be of help to you if you will just open up to us.

In this method, the leader asks Ambuja directly if she wants to share. It is important to note that the leader keeps commenting after initially urging Ambuja to talk. These additional comments let the leader observe Ambuja’s reaction; if she seems resistant or afraid, the leader may move on by saying something like, “Well, Ambuja, it seems like that would be too uncomfortable. We’ll move on and hopefully you’ll share later.”

A second way to draw Ambuja out is to use a round that ends on her. The leader could ask the members to comment in a word or phrase on how they are feeling now about whatever it was that brought them to the hospital. Assume four others have commented before Mary.

Mary:I’m doing better. My family was here yesterday.

Dot:I understand why I am so depressed. Being here has really helped.

Ambuja:I am doing okay.

Leader:What do you mean when you say you are doing okay?

Ambuja:Things don’t seem as bad as they did.

Leader:Maybe you can tell us a little about how it was.

Ambuja:I think I would like to. The reason I am here is because…

Still another way the leader might get Ambuja to participate would be to focus on the topic of suicide, because Ambuja has attempted suicide.

Leader:A number of you have mentioned that you were depressed or lonely. I’d like to talk about how you have chosen to handle those feelings. I know for some of you, suicide may have been considered or even attempted.

Mary:I have never thought of suicide, but I sometimes feel that life really stinks. I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings, but things are getting better.

Leader:Ambuja, what about you? I know a little about your history although I do not know many of the details.

Ambuja:Well, uh, I tried suicide because I have been so lonely since my husband left me. The feelings are…

This group is composed of six ministers who are on a weekend retreat to discuss the stresses and strains of being a minister. During a discussion about the effects that being a minister has on families, both Mike and Jake have been exceptionally quiet and look troubled. How would you, as the leader, try to draw these people out? Take a minute to think of at least two different ways to draw them out before continuing.

In this situation, the leader may guess that the ministers who are quiet are having problems at home. The leader must decide whether to draw both out at the same time or just one of them. To draw both out, the leader could say something like:

Leader:Mike, I can’t help but notice that both you and Jake have been quiet since we started the discussion about families. (Looking at both of them) Would either of you like to comment?

If the leader wanted to draw out only one of them, he could address that person directly:

Leader:Jake, you seem to be thinking about what we are saying. My guess is you are thinking about your family situation.

The leader would choose to draw out only one member if it appeared that one was in greater need or if the other did not seem ready to share. By focusing on the one member, the leader could later draw out the other when he seemed more open to sharing. The leader could also use an exercise that would get at the ministers’ feelings about their families.

Leader:On a 1–10 scale, with 10 being very stressful and 1 being not stressful, how would each of you rate the stress that the ministry has caused your family?

This group is composed of five college women who are discussing values as part of Mental Health Week. The discussion is about premarital sex. Helen has been quiet the entire session. Carolyn has shared with the group that she is not a virgin and now has her head down as April talks about how she plans to save herself for her husband because it is God’s way. Susan and Janice have shared some of their thoughts but have not commented personally on their feelings about premarital sex. They seem to be uncomfortable as they listen to April. How would you continue the discussion if you were the leader? Take a moment and think of a couple ways to draw out the other members.

The leader probably would want to stop April from talking, because other members seem to be reacting to what she is saying. The leader would then need to decide whether or not to draw out Carolyn, who is obviously feeling bad. If the leader decides to do so, she could say something like this:

Leader:Carolyn, it is important for you to realize that what April is saying is her opinion. Other members feel differently. When she was talking, I could not help but notice your reaction. What were you thinking or feeling?

The leader could also choose to draw out Janice and Susan, because their opinions might differ from April’s. Drawing them out first could make it easier to later draw out Helen and Carolyn. If the leader senses that Carolyn is feeling quite bad, she would probably shift the focus to Carolyn. Because the leader could see that the other members differed with April, he could use a brief exercise to elicit comments from others. This would also serve as a way to cut off April.

Leader:I want each of you to complete this sentence: “For me, sex is blank 1.” This exercise enables the leader to hear from Helen, Janice, Susan, and Carolyn and makes it easier to draw out those members because the leader can simply ask them about their responses.

Concluding Comments

Cutting off and drawing out are essential skills for good group leading. Knowing how and when to draw out and cut off members improves the quality of the group because the leader is able to get more involvement from the members. Cutting off allows the leader to make sure that the content of the group fits with the purpose. Cutting-off skills are needed to hold, shift, and deepen the focus. It is important to understand when cutting off a member, the leader can choose to cut and stay with the member, cut and stay with the topic but not the member, or cut and leave the topic and the member. Many situations require that the leader use cutting-off skills, including when a member’s comments are hurtful, off track, or inaccurate; when the focus needs to shift; when members are arguing or rescuing other members; or when the group is near the end and the leader does not want to start a new topic.

Members are silent for a number of reasons including being fearful, not mentally present, not prepared, confused, bored, not committed, or intimidated. By understanding why members are silent, the leader can better choose how and when to draw out certain members. Rounds, dyads, and written responses are three excellent ways to draw out members.

Activities

In groups or classes, observe the cutting-off skills of the teacher or leader. Observe if the teacher/leader waited too long to cut off. What skills from this chapter would you have used to handle the different situations if you were the teacher or leader?

In classes or groups, observe the drawing-out skills of the teacher or leader. Observe if the teacher or leader waited too long to draw out or if she let a few people dominate the discussion. What skills from this chapter would you have used to handle the different situations if you were the teacher/leader?

Group Counseling Skills

View videos 3.2, 3.3, and 5.1 and watch how the leader had to use cutting-off skills.

What would have happened if the leader had let the discussion continue in each of the videos?

Think about how clarity of purpose and cutting off go together in the three videos.

Note how in video 5.1 the session could have turned into a debate about whether the war was the right thing to be doing.

View video 6.3 again.

How did the leader draw out other members? Was that helpful?

View videos 8.4 and 8.5 again.

Note the differences in the two approaches.

What did the leader do to get the male member talking?

What are your thoughts about the delicate timing and art of drawing out?