Research Interview transcript

Me: Thanks for agreeing to video chat with me today!

Transwoman: Absolutely! I think this will be fun.

Me: I hope so, but if at any point you feel uncomfortable please let me know.

Transwoman: Oh Girl Imma open book there is nothing that will make me uncomfortable.

Me: Either way I will make sure I remain respectful. Lets dive in!

Woah! Let me think…I can’t think of the exact age but I remember a picture my mom took of me wearing her heels (transwoman chuckles). I couldn’t have been any older than about 3 or 4. Everybody laughed…probably because it was all women. I never had a dad or a father figure because my granny was a single mom who had 5 girls and all of them including my mom was all single moms…it’s a curse I guess. I was the first born male in my family and I was SPOILED! I use to play in their makeup and dress in their clothes and they only laughed it was always a show. No one judged me, no one ever even said the word gay in our family, or at least I never heard them say the word. I would pretend to be all of my aunties and mom and my granny even and they would get a kick out of it. Looking back they saw it as entertaining and I saw it as wishing I was just like them. I was never forced to do “manly” things like play sports or take out the trash. My idea of extra curricula was putting on makeup.

(transwoman checks her phone) Girl these damn politicians keep messaging me a thousand times a day! Are they blowing you up?

Me: All the time (laughs)

Transwoman: All I know is if the one stays in office Imma have to pay to get all this reversed (laughs) lets just hope it doesn’t come to that.

Me: Let’s hope not

Transwoman: but back to your question I think I have always felt female but I guess I just never knew how to say it out loud. It was like my family accepted me pretending to be a girl so maybe I just assumed they knew I was suppose to be a girl. Almost like some sort of unspoken law.

Me: question #2

Transwoman: Well I grew up in the eighties so it was one big disco ball in the community but in school was a different playing field. I figured out quick kids where cruel and didn’t understand a boy dressing and acting like a girl. I went to a Catholic school so we had to wear uniforms as bad as I wanted to wear the cute plaid skirt…and I know I would have rocked it…I knew better. I am what you would call a “late bloomer” because I didn’t come out to people outside of my family until my early thirties.

Me: What about with relationships…

Transwoman: I was lesbian..I always brought a woman home. Yes! I love women always have loved women so people naturally believed I was a heterosexual male instead of a homosexual female. The biggest reveal was when my long term girlfriend saw me in makeup for the first time. I will never forget her words. She said, “I love you, everything about you but I can’t be with a woman”. I played those words over and over in my head and it hurt that she left but she was the first person to really see me for who I am. Like she saw me as a woman. The relationship ended but we remained friends and I figured it was time to step out as the woman I always knew I was.

Me: I know you said you assumed your family knew. At any point did you have to say those words to them?

Transwoman: Oooh let me make you laugh really quick. (Laughing) I went to my mom house and two of my aunties was there, my granny was there and some of my girl cousins. I was in tears, like boohoo like a baby I was crying so hard. Everybody was scared they thought somebody died. I just blurted out “I’M A WOMAN” my granny said (transwoman laughing so hard at this point she can barely finish the rest of the story) she said, “Aw Hell, we known that since you was a lil baby” The whole family started laughing and next thing I knew my tears turned into tears of laughter. We got serious about what my plans where for transitioning and they told me no matter what I did or how far I went I had to check in everyday. They were concerned about my safety.

Me: Its so refreshing to hear of such a supportive family. Question #3

Transwoman: Well as you know I’m a late bloomer right. Well I went to college got a job working as a IT specialist and I was making some real money. I had a cute little condo downtown with the fancy foreign car. I was always taking trips and just living life. I had been on my job about 7 years before my journey to transition and this was my first obstacle. I had great health insurance due to my job but when I went for a consultation with a doctor for reassignment surgery. At this point I wasn’t even sure I was going to go through with it. I just wanted to go and see. Well it was weird cause I never input my insurance information. I paid for the consultation out of pocket but somehow it was still reported through my insurance which set off a red flag. My boss called me to ask if I had let someone use my insurance. He asked as if it was a debit card or something. (laughing) I told him no I am the only one on my insurance. He said he was informed of a surgery that is not covered. I said ok-ay. Like I was trying to figure out what else needed to be said because he had this look on his face like he wanted to say something else about it but he just couldn’t find the words. He let me go back to work but about a month later he called me to say the company was downsizing and they were going to have to let me go. I was confused at first because I had been there longer than a lot of the other people they kept on board. I received many awards with them for my work performance but I was let go. Oh and with a severance pay as if that would suffice. (transwoman becomes annoyed at this point) Now that I think about it that is when my life became the hardest. I decided to take a few months off from working to focus on my transition. I thought if I came into a new job as my “new self” it wouldn’t be hard for people to accept. WRONG! I went to my first job interview after months of being on estrogen, breast implants and a new name. I was so nervous. I didn’t get the job nor the next what seemed like 20 jobs and I started getting distracted. Money started running out and I had to do something quick so I started performing at drag shows to make enough money to pay my bills and keep up with my estrogen prescription. Eventually I landed a job at a newly developed company as a IT specialist. Lucky for me I have been on this job for a few years. Fingers crossed.

Me: Sounds like a bit of a struggle starting out but looks like things are looking up! What do you think went differently in the 20 failed interviews opposed to the final one that landed your current position? Question #4

Transwoman: If I am being honest I think I was able to start “passing” the more time had passed. No matter how much of a woman I thought I reflected on the outside others still saw me as a man or as someone they couldn’t identify so it was easier for them to just write me off. When they looked at me I think they saw a confused person with loads of drama. My current job the interview was over the phone so its likely when they saw me in person they probably was kicking themselves (laughing) but oh well nothing they could do about it without a law suite following. Good thing I’m good at my job!

Me: question #5

Transwoman: I am convinced that to this day no one knows I am trans. I mean my boss knows because she has to know but if she has told some of the other employees they are really good at keeping a secret (laughing). Its not a secret, if someone was to ask me I would tell them but no one has asked so I just let them believe whatever they want to believe. I have not been disrespected and honestly when it comes to safety I am not concerned. I’m not saying bad things can’t happen but I sort of work alone on my own schedule so I’m not really around my other coworkers like that.

Me: question #6

Transwoman: My job requires me to be out in the field mostly so when I go to the restroom its usually at my house or I go to a place that has unisex restrooms. The company I work for is in a small building so there are two restrooms without any labels on them. I guess some may assume there are two for male and female but honestly everyone use whichever is available at the time. Oh and the restrooms are single stall so there’s only one toilet and sink in each bathroom, if I didn’t already make that clear. Now that I think of it maybe my boss is keeping it like that because she knows I am trans. One thing about me I don’t like attention so if I’m not somewhere where there is a unisex bathroom I usually wait to use the restroom until I get home. Mainly because I have not had “bottom surgery” yet and I know some people are still on the fence about sharing bathrooms with trans people. I think it has a lot to do with the fact I bloomed later than others and some part of me is still skeptical plus my family has always told me to be careful.

Me: Well you answered my next question #7 so I will move forward.

Transwoman: (shows me her drivers license) yes ma’am says it right there I am a SHE! (laughs)