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PARTICIPANT GUIDE

Interpersonal Skills: Developing Effective Relationships

Management Concepts [email protected]

(p) 703.790.9595 (f) 703.790.1371 8230 Leesburg Pike, Tysons Corner, Virginia 22182 www.managementconcepts.com

© Management Concepts, Inc., exclusive of U.S. government material, works in the public domain, or as otherwise indicated in the manual. This manual is protected by U.S. and international copyright laws. Except for any U.S. government material or works in the public domain contained in the manual, no reproductions, distributions, public performances/displays, or derivative works of the manual may be made in any format now known or later developed without Management Concepts’ prior written permission.

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Printed in the United States of America.

Interpersonal Skills Course # 4367 Version: 21-02-11

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Syllabus ............................................................................................................................ 11

Course Overview ............................................................................................................. 11

Who Takes This Course ............................................................................................... 11

Learning Objectives ...................................................................................................... 11

Prerequisites ................................................................................................................ 11

Course Expectations ........................................................................................................ 11

Required Texts ............................................................................................................. 11

Course Schedule .......................................................................................................... 12

Requirements for Successful Completion ..................................................................... 13

Professional Benefits ....................................................................................................... 13

Module 1: Overview of Interpersonal Skills in the Workplace .................................... 17

Interpersonal Skills Model .................................................................................... 19 Lesson 1:

1.1 Understanding the Interpersonal Skills Model ........................................................ 19

1.1.1 Exercise: Reflection and Plan for Improving Interpersonal Skills ...................... 21

Senge's Wheel of Learning .................................................................................. 23 Lesson 2:

2.1 The Four Stages of Senge's Wheel of Learning ..................................................... 23

2.1.1 Reflecting ......................................................................................................... 24

2.1.2 Connecting ....................................................................................................... 24

2.1.3 Deciding ........................................................................................................... 24

2.1.4 Doing ............................................................................................................... 24

2.1.5 Exercise: Reflection and Plan for Lifelong Learning ......................................... 25

Module 2: Awareness of Self and Others ..................................................................... 29

Understanding Emotional Intelligence ................................................................. 31 Lesson 1:

1.1 What is Emotional Intelligence? ............................................................................. 31

1.1.1 Exercise: Emotional Intelligence Appraisal ....................................................... 32

1.2 The Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence ......................................................... 33

1.2.1 Self-Awareness ................................................................................................ 34

1.2.2 Self-Management ............................................................................................. 35

1.2.3 Social Awareness ............................................................................................ 36

1.2.4 Relationship Management ............................................................................... 36

Expanding Perceptions ........................................................................................ 39 Lesson 2:

2.1 Using the Johari Window for Self-Discovery and Disclosure .................................. 39

2.1.1 Open Pane ....................................................................................................... 41

2.1.2 Facade Pane ................................................................................................... 41

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2.1.3 Blind Pane ........................................................................................................41

2.1.4 Unknown Pane .................................................................................................41

2.1.5 Exercise: Using the Johari Window ...................................................................42

Accommodating Different Styles and Preferences ................................................43 Lesson 3:

3.1 Find Yourself ..........................................................................................................43

3.1.1 Exercise: Find Yourself Assessment .................................................................44

3.2 The Four Behavioral Styles ....................................................................................45

3.2.1 Exercise: Work With Me ....................................................................................47

Module 3: Effective Communication Skills ................................................................... 53

Transparent Communication ................................................................................55 Lesson 1:

1.1 Barriers to Communication .....................................................................................55

1.1.1 Exercise: Behind the Blind ................................................................................57

1.2 The Ladder of Inference .........................................................................................58

1.3 Sending Clear Messages With the Five I-Messages Method ..................................59

1.3.1 Exercise: Using the Five I-Messages ................................................................63

1.4 Communicating with Responsible Honesty .............................................................64

Focused Conversations ........................................................................................67 Lesson 2:

2.1 What Happens When We Listen? ...........................................................................67

2.1.1 Phase 1: Sensing the Message ........................................................................68

2.1.2 Phase 2: Interpreting the Message ...................................................................68

2.1.3 Phase 3: Evaluating the Message .....................................................................68

2.1.4 Phase 4: Responding to the Message ..............................................................68

2.2 The Power of Good Listening Skills ........................................................................68

2.3 Becoming a Better Listener ....................................................................................69

2.3.1 Levels of Listening ............................................................................................69

2.3.1.1 Level One—Competitive Listening .............................................................70

2.3.1.2 Level Two—Selective Listening .................................................................70

2.3.1.3 Level Three—Active Listening ...................................................................71

2.3.2 Improving Your Listening Skills .........................................................................71

2.4 Exercise: Practicing Effective Listening ..................................................................73

Modern Communication .......................................................................................75 Lesson 3:

3.1 Technology Impacts Engagement Platforms ..........................................................75

3.2 Etiquette for Technology Platforms .........................................................................76

3.3 Nonverbal Communication .....................................................................................77

3.3.1 Responding to Others' Nonverbal Cues ............................................................80

3.3.2 Interpreting Nonverbal Cues in Online Communication .....................................81

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Module 4: Forming Connections with Others .............................................................. 85

Cultivating Trust .................................................................................................. 87 Lesson 1:

1.1 What is Trust? ....................................................................................................... 87

1.1.1 The Four Dimensions of Trust .......................................................................... 88

1.2 Why Do We Need Trust? ....................................................................................... 89

1.3 Trust-Building Behaviors ........................................................................................ 90

1.3.1 Six Steps to Rebuild Trust after You Break It ................................................... 93

1.3.2 Steps to Take When Your Trust is Broken ....................................................... 93

1.3.3 Exercise: Mending Fences ............................................................................... 95

Strengthening Relationships with Feedback ........................................................ 97 Lesson 2:

2.1 The Impact of Feedback ........................................................................................ 97

2.2 Types of Feedback ................................................................................................ 97

2.3 Achieving Optimal Feedback ................................................................................. 98

2.3.1 Giving Constructive Feedback ......................................................................... 99

2.3.2 Receiving Feedback Gracefully ........................................................................ 99

2.3.3 Exercise: Giving Better Feedback .................................................................. 101

Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation .............................................................. 103 Lesson 3:

3.1 The Power of Gratitude........................................................................................ 103

3.2 Three-Part Model of Appreciation ........................................................................ 104

3.2.1 Exercise: Applying the Three-Part Model of Appreciation ............................... 105

Module 5: Dealing with Difficult Interpersonal Relationships .................................. 109

Resolving Conflict .............................................................................................. 111 Lesson 1:

1.1 Exercise: What to Do When Conflict Happens ..................................................... 112

1.2 The CALM Model of Conflict Resolution .............................................................. 113

1.3 Types of Conflict .................................................................................................. 113

1.3.1 Intrapersonal .................................................................................................. 114

1.3.2 Interpersonal .................................................................................................. 114

1.3.3 Intragroup ...................................................................................................... 115

1.3.4 Intergroup ...................................................................................................... 115

1.4 Causes of Conflict ............................................................................................... 116

1.4.1 Values ............................................................................................................ 116

1.4.2 Culture ........................................................................................................... 117

1.4.3 Goals ............................................................................................................. 117

1.4.4 Approach ....................................................................................................... 117

1.4.5 Information ..................................................................................................... 117

1.4.6 Position .......................................................................................................... 118

1.4.7 Perceptions .................................................................................................... 118

1.5 Effects of Conflict ................................................................................................. 120

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1.6 Responding to Conflict ......................................................................................... 121

1.6.1 Accommodate: I Lose/You Win ....................................................................... 122

1.6.2 Avoid: I Lose/You Lose ................................................................................... 122

1.6.3 Compete: I Win/You Lose ............................................................................... 122

1.6.4 Compromise: We Both Win/We Both Lose ...................................................... 123

1.6.5 Collaborate: I Win/You Win ............................................................................. 123

1.6.6 Exercise: How Do You Handle Conflict? ......................................................... 124

1.7 Managing Conflict to Resolution ........................................................................... 125

1.7.1 Create a Healthy Environment ........................................................................ 125

1.7.2 Promote a Collaborative Approach ................................................................. 126

1.7.3 Prepare for Your Conversation ....................................................................... 126

1.7.4 Exercise: Conflict Resolution .......................................................................... 128

Module 6: Binding Teams ............................................................................................. 135

Interpersonal Skills on Virtual Teams ................................................................. 137 Lesson 1:

1.1 Overview of Interpersonal Skills-Based Development .......................................... 137

1.1.1 Importance of Interpersonal Skills on a Virtual Team ...................................... 138

1.2 Conflict Resolution in a Virtual Team .................................................................... 138

1.2.1 Conflict Management Tools ............................................................................ 139

1.3 Communication Protocols ..................................................................................... 140

1.3.1 Ways to Create Human Connections on a Virtual Team ................................. 141

1.4 The Importance of Collaboration .......................................................................... 142

1.4.1 Exercise: Collaborative Behaviors .................................................................. 144

1.5 Building a Strong Network .................................................................................... 146

1.6 Exercise: Connecting on Virtual Teams ................................................................ 147

Capstone: EXIT Game (EXperiential Interpersonal Techniques) ........................ 151 Lesson 2:

2.1 Exercise: Scenario 1 ............................................................................................ 152

2.2 Exercise: Scenario 2 ............................................................................................ 154

2.3 Exercise: Scenario 3 ............................................................................................ 156

2.4 Exercise: Scenario 4 ............................................................................................ 157

2.5 Exercise: Scenario 5 ............................................................................................ 159

2.6 Exercise: Scenario 6 ............................................................................................ 160

2.7 Exercise: Scenario 7 ............................................................................................ 161

2.8 Exercise: Scenario 8 ............................................................................................ 162

2.9 Exercise: Scenario 9 ............................................................................................ 163

2.10 Exercise: Scenario 10 .......................................................................................... 164

2.11 Exercise: Scenario 11 .......................................................................................... 165

2.12 Exercise: Scenario 12 .......................................................................................... 166

Action Plan .............................................................................................. 171 Resource A:

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Overview ........................................................................................................................ 171

Part I: Key Learning Points ............................................................................................ 171

Part II: On the Job .......................................................................................................... 173

Presentation Slides ................................................................................ 179 Resource B:

Bibliography ................................................................................................................... 247

TABLE OF CONTENTS

8 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Syllabus

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

SYLLABUS

COURSE OVERVIEW

Some believe that successfully navigating relationships is an inherent quality that can’t be

learned—but this is not the case. Developing your interpersonal skills increases your self-

awareness and strengthens your ability to better understand others. Gain a better understanding of

your communication style and how it differs from others, and learn to use that understanding to

communicate effectively—verbally and nonverbally. You will participate in an interactive game

where you use your newfound interpersonal skills to respond to a series of scenarios.

Who Takes This Course

This course is intended for individuals at all levels who want to improve their communications and

relationships with others.

Learning Objectives

 Discover an interpersonal skills model to create an action plan for the skills you want to develop or improve

 Use multiple self-assessments to increase understanding of yourself and the perspectives of others

 Apply positive and productive communication techniques to various types of interactions by receiving feedback from others

 Create supportive workplace relationships by treating others with respect, trust, and dignity

 Use strategies to successfully overcome tense situations and restore confidence in relationships

 Using a competitive game environment, use interpersonal skills to respond to a series of scenarios

Prerequisites

There are no prerequisites for this course.

COURSE EXPECTATIONS

Required Texts

The following required materials will be issued to each participant and will be used throughout the

course.

Management Concepts®, Interpersonal Skills: Developing Effective Relationships © [Includes text,

appendices, and handouts.]

PARTICIPANT GUIDE ICON KEY

Discussion

SYLLABUS

12 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Example

Refer to Resource

Refer to Website

Tip

These icons are used throughout your Participant Guide. Words that are bolded and italicized appear as terms in the Glossary.

Please note that the page numbers of this Participant Guide differ from the page numbers of the Course Delivery Guide used to conduct this class. This is because the Course Delivery Guide contains additional notes and solutions to exercises. Therefore, section numbers are provided along with topic titles to help navigate the course text.

Course Schedule

Day One

Morning Module 1: Overview of Interpersonal Skills in the Workplace

Module 2: Awareness of Self and Others

Lunch

Afternoon Module 2: Awareness of Self and Others, continued

Module 3: Effective Communication Skills

Day Two

Morning Module 3: Effective Communication Skills, continued

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Day Two

Module 4: Forming Connections with Others

Lunch

Afternoon Module 4: Forming Connections with Others, continued

Module 5: Dealing with Difficult Interpersonal Relationships

Day Three

Morning Module 5: Dealing with Difficult Interpersonal Relationships, continued

Module 6: Binding Teams

Capstone: EXIT (EXperiential Interpersonal Techniques) Game

Lunch

Afternoon Capstone: EXIT Game, continued

Requirements for Successful Completion

Attendance and Participation

Full (100%) attendance is expected and required. Successful completion of the course depends on

full class attendance and active participation in individual and group exercises.

PROFESSIONAL BENEFITS

Many Management Concepts courses are designed to meet the standards and requirements of

leading industry organizations. Participants seeking information regarding earned credentials or

recognition, such as college and continuing education credit and professional certification, should

refer to the certificate of completion issued at the end of the course.

Refer to Website For additional information about credits and certifications available for Management Concepts courses, please visit: https://www.managementconcepts.com/Certifications/Professional- Certifications-Training/Certifications-Training

https://www.managementconcepts.com/Certifications/Professional-Certifications-Training/Certifications-Training

SYLLABUS

14 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Overview of Interpersonal Skills in the Workplace

MODULE 1 | OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL

SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

Module Objective

 Complete an action plan to develop your interpersonal skills

Interpersonal skills are integral to the relationships between people. Good interpersonal skills can

improve many aspects of life, as they lead to a better understanding of others and more fulfilling

relationships.

Although these skills may appear to come naturally to some and be more difficult for others, the

reality is that anyone can develop strong interpersonal skills with practice.

Discussion

 What are interpersonal skills?

 Why are interpersonal skills important in today's workplace?

 What are specific behaviors and characteristics of people with good interpersonal skills?

 Which interpersonal traits do you admire or appreciate the most?

We spend a lot of time at work relating with others. People who relate well to others deal with

difficult issues in a straightforward manner, listen well, share information fully, demonstrate empathy

for others, and stay receptive to bad news as well as good.

Interpersonal skills are the foundation of trust relationships in the workplace and are key factors in

individual and organizational performance. Successful interpersonal relationships contribute to

better performance, enable effective problem solving, and assist in appropriate decision making.

John Hayes wrote in Interpersonal Skills at Work:1

Simply put, interpersonal skills are the skills we use to interact or deal with others.

Interpersonal skills are sometimes also referred to as communication skills, people

skills and/or soft skills. How we deal with others can greatly influence our

professional and personal lives, improving these skills builds confidence and

enhances our relationships with others.

1 Hayes 2002

MODULE 1 | OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

18 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Interpersonal competence involves diagnosing what is going on in social situations,

identifying the action required to bring about a desired state of affairs and translating

this requirement into an effective performance.

Lessons

1. Interpersonal Skills Model

2. Senge's Wheel of Learning

MODULE 1 | OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

LESSON 1

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS MODEL

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 1.1.1 Use the Interpersonal Skills Model to complete an action plan that describes interpersonal

skills you want to develop or improve

1.1 UNDERSTANDING THE INTERPERSONAL SKILLS MODEL

The Interpersonal Skills Model is a framework of key skills and competencies essential for

developing effective relationships with others.

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS MODEL

Interpersonal skills are interdependent, so that growth in even one area can cause your personal effectiveness to flourish

LESSON 1 | INTERPERSONAL SKILLS MODEL

20 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Three competencies form the foundation of the Interpersonal Skills Model:

 Awareness of self begins with understanding your own communication skills and how they

impact others. With greater awareness, you can make new choices about how to communicate

more effectively. Self-awareness often begins with some self-reflection or self-assessment.

 Awareness of others includes careful listening, skillful questioning, and keen observation of

nonverbal cues to ensure understanding. With greater awareness of others, you can structure

your communication to be more effective with different types of people in a variety of situations.

 Maximizing relationships means using and refining interpersonal skills over time to develop

satisfying connections with others, as well as deal with the inevitable conflict and breakdowns

that occur between people in the workplace.

These competencies are supported by a network of must-have skills. Each skill is directly linked to the success of the others. In other words, skills in all areas are essential for effective interpersonal relationships:

 Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own state of mind and your capabilities,

manage yourself to respond constructively to situations, and engage successfully with other

people. Emotional intelligence provides the basis for the kinds of social competencies that are

important for success in almost any job.

 Communication styles describe the ways people communicate with others (e.g., some people

focus on facts and details, while others emphasize feelings). When interacting with someone,

you are more likely to achieve your desired outcome when you adjust your communication to

align with the other person's style.

 Building trust is the foundation of authentic interpersonal relationships. Every aspect of

developing positive and productive relationships with others is based on demonstrating that you

care about them and will keep their needs and priorities in mind.

 Effective communication consists of three elements:

— Listening: At the heart of strong interpersonal skills, we must be willing to listen so that we

can understand other people’s perspectives. If we do not listen, or listen poorly, we cannot

effectively connect and build relationships with others.

— Speaking: Much of what others think of us comes from our ability to effectively

communicate and get our message across. It is important to understand all of the

components that go into communicating a message effectively.

— Nonverbal communication: This is just as important as the words we choose. In many

cases, people put more weight on nonverbal signals than what they hear. In effective

communication, our verbal and nonverbal messages must be aligned.

 Giving and receiving feedback is a key part of developing and maintaining relationships.

Successfully giving and receiving feedback allows us to reinforce positive behaviors and bring

attention to negative ones so that changes can be made.

 Showing gratitude and appreciation is often overlooked because we tend to focus on the

pressures and problems that need our attention. However, taking the time to show gratitude and

appreciation to others can have a powerful impact on relationships, as well as our own

satisfaction and fulfillment.

 Conflict resolution is essential because conflict is inevitable. When managed effectively,

conflict can strengthen relationships, rather than destroy them.

People who continually develop skills in these areas increase their ability to maximize results and

maintain positive relationships with others, both personally and professionally.

MODULE 1 | OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

1.1.1 EXERCISE: REFLECTION AND PLAN FOR IMPROVING INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

Directions

 Reflect on the Interpersonal Skills Model and answer the questions.

Questions

1. What areas of the Interpersonal Skills Model do you want to develop or improve?

2. Think of at least one challenging relationship in your life. What changes do you hope will occur

in this relationship by improving your interpersonal skills?

LESSON 1 | INTERPERSONAL SKILLS MODEL

22 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

MODULE 1 | OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

LESSON 2

SENGE'S WHEEL OF LEARNING

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 1.2.1 Use Senge’s Wheel of Learning to complete an action plan that identifies ways to implement

each stage (reflecting, connecting, deciding, and doing) to improve your workplace relationships

When was the last time you dedicated 15 minutes, uninterrupted, to a disciplined examination of an

action you recently took or a decision you recently made?

If you are like many busy professionals today, the answer may be, “I can’t remember.” Instead of

pausing to consider why something did or did not go well and how to handle the situation the next

time it occurs, most are on to the next task, project, plan, or emergency. In today’s rush to get stuff

done, busy professionals are missing many opportunities to learn from their successes and failures

to improve future efforts.

2.1 THE FOUR STAGES OF SENGE'S WHEEL OF LEARNING

Learning is not a linear set of steps with a beginning and an end, but a cycle—a series of activities

that recur regularly—always leading back to the starting point and continuing on from there. Many

adult learning and learning organization theorists have described similar approaches for maximizing

personal learning through a combination of action and reflection.

Senge’s Wheel of Learning provides an effective model for ongoing learning.1 The authors maintain

that in order to be most effective, individuals need to find a way to engage in an ongoing cycle of

action and reflection. Their preferred tool is the Wheel of Learning, which encourages learners to be

disciplined and deliberate as they attend to each of four stages of the wheel before moving on to

the next.

Practiced regularly, the Wheel of Learning becomes a way of life. The challenge is disciplining

yourself to pause regularly and spend the necessary time reflecting on your actions and considering

alternatives. The more disciplined you become, the more insightful you’ll become. When time for

reflection is automatically built in, you know your decisions and actions will be thoughtful and aware.

If you think about it, taking the time to be reflective is likely to save you time in the long run.

Discussion

 How does lifelong learning benefit your interpersonal relationships, both personal and professional?

1 Senge et al.1994

LESSON 2 | SENGE'S WHEEL OF LEARNING

24 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

2.1.1 Reflecting

Take time out! Reflecting is the process of observing and critiquing your own thinking and action. It

helps you to learn from what happens as you experiment with new knowledge skills or new

situations. This is what many refer to as a postmortem—an investigation of what happened, how it

happened, why it happened and what were the results. Whether in the classroom or on the job,

build time for reflection into your schedule.

2.1.2 Connecting

Ask yourself if there is a past experience you can refer to for insight into how to act in the future.

 How is this situation similar to others you’ve experienced?

 Is there a link between what you are doing and what someone else in the organization is doing

that may help you?

 What did you do this time that you didn’t do last time?

 How did it affect the outcome? Try to generate hypotheses about your actions and alternatives

that may prove more fruitful.

 How will this experience shape similar future encounters?

2.1.3 Deciding

Based on what you discovered about the action you took (reflection), and given the alternatives you

generated (connection), refine your approach and choose your new method for action.

2.1.4 Doing

Now, when it’s time to act, you’re ready. Although you may be surprised by the next opportunity you

have to act, you have already chosen (through a process of reflecting, connecting, and deciding)

the new method you want to try, so go for it. And when you do, do it in an experimental way. Test

the hypothesis you developed by using your new approach. Then remember to start the cycle again

by pausing and reflecting on your new experience.

Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing himself. —

Leo Tolstoy, "Pamphlets"

MODULE 1 | OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

2.1.5 EXERCISE: REFLECTION AND PLAN FOR LIFELONG LEARNING Directions

Think of a situation that went well, or you wish had gone differently. 1.

Answer the questions, draft a plan, and be prepared to discuss your responses. 2.

Questions

1. Reflect on your own thinking and actions. What underlying beliefs seemed to affect the way you

handled the situation?

2. Look for connections between your actions and others. What new understandings do you have

about the situation?

3. Decide on a method for action. What alternate actions could you take in the future? Why?

When you are able to act on your plan, make sure to immediately go back to the reflecting stage to

determine how well it worked and whether additional changes are necessary.

MODULE 1 | OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

26 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Action Planning

Refer to the Action Plan and record ideas to implement from this module.

Awareness of Self and Others

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

Module Objective

 Use multiple self-assessments to increase your understanding of yourself and the perspectives of others

The journey to successful interpersonal relationships starts

with you and knowing who you are, then moves on to

understanding and relating effectively with others.

The first step involves awareness of yourself—understanding

how and why you behave the way you do, as well as what

you are like from the perspectives of others. Even in the best

situations, it is often difficult to discern why we feel the way

we do or how our reactions impact our perceptions, our

decisions, our behaviors, and ultimately those who interact

with us.

The next step is becoming aware of the different ways other

people think and act so you can anticipate interpersonal challenges in order to minimize them.

When we are able to accurately read others and adjust our actions accordingly, we have the best

chance of creating satisfying relationships.

Lessons

1. Understanding Emotional Intelligence

2. Expanding Perceptions

3. Accommodating Different Styles and Preferences

Having a clear perception of yourself allows you to better relate to others

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

30 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

LESSON 1

UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL

INTELLIGENCE

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 2.1.1 Use your completed Emotional Intelligence Appraisal to develop personal improvement

goals that align with the results of your appraisal

Emotional intelligence (EI)—the ability to accurately read our own and others’ emotions to better

understand and communicate with others—is a crucial skill in today's organizations. A significant

amount of valid research suggests the ability to leverage your emotional intelligence is the biggest

differentiator of performance in the workplace.1

1.1 WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

More than 25 years of research and study about the factors that

contribute to success in the workplace have resulted in breaking

through widely held perceptions about intelligence. Quantifiable

data on performance in a wide variety of industries and

organizations has resulted in a body of study that helps to explain

why, despite equal intellectual capacity, training, or experience,

some people excel while others lag behind. This characteristic is

called emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own state

of mind and your capabilities, to manage yourself to respond

constructively to situations, and to engage successfully with other

people. In other words, just doing the work is not all that matters.

How you go about doing it can greatly impact the end result.2

Discussion

 In your own words, what does emotional intelligence mean to you and how does it affect interpersonal relationships?

1 Bradberry 2014

2 Goleman 2005

Emotional intelligence is essential for maintaining effective relationships

LESSON 1 | UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

32 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.1.1 EXERCISE: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL Directions

Complete the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal as directed. 1.

Answer the questions as they relate to your current (not desired) behaviors. 2.

Tip Your honest answers to the appraisal will:

 Define which competencies you can continue to leverage as strengths

 Identify which competencies you may need to develop to become more effective

 Provide a road map for action(s) you can take to develop your emotional intelligence competence

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

1.2 THE FOUR DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence consists of four domains:

Self-awareness. The ability to recognize your emotions. 1.

Self-management. The ability to regulate your emotional reactions to engage in more rational 2.

thought processes.

Social awareness. The ability to read and empathize with others' emotions. 3.

Relationship management. The ability to build constructive interpersonal relationships by 4.

accurately reading your own and others’ emotions.

Each domain consists of several competencies, behaviors, and techniques. While each

competency can stand alone, there is more value in looking at them as clusters of skills that are

necessary for maximum effectiveness in demonstrating competence in the over-arching

competency or domain.

TABLE: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE COMPETENCIES

With Self: Personal Competence With Others: Social Competence

What I See

Self-awareness:

 Emotional self-awareness

 Accurate self-assessment

 Self-confidence

Social awareness:

 Empathy

 Organizational awareness

 Service orientation

LESSON 1 | UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

34 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

With Self: Personal Competence With Others: Social Competence

What I Do

Self-management:

 Self-control

 Trustworthiness

 Conscientiousness

 Adaptability

 Achievement orientation

 Initiative

Relationship management:

 Visionary leadership

 Influence

 Developing others

 Communication

 Change catalyst

 Conflict management

 Building bonds

 Teamwork and collaboration

There is a difference between emotional intelligence and emotional competence. One’s emotional

intelligence describes a person’s capacity to learn the practical emotional intelligence

competencies, while emotional competence shows how that person is actually putting their potential

to use. A person can be very emotionally intelligent, yet not demonstrate emotional competence.

For example, an individual may be well aware of their emotional triggers, but is unwilling or unable

to engage in self-management and control those reactions. Individuals who recognize but don’t take

ownership over their emotional responses are not demonstrating emotional competence.3

Refer to Resource Handout: Emotional Intelligence Application Checklist

1.2.1 Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize your strengths, weaknesses, assets, limitations, and

emotional responses and their effects.

People who exhibit self-awareness demonstrate the following competencies:

 Emotional self-awareness. The recognition of how our emotional responses affect our

performance and the ability to use our values to guide decision-making. A person with this

competency:

— Knows which emotions they are feeling and why

— Realizes the links between their feelings and what they think, do, and say

— Recognizes how their feelings affect their performance

— Has a guiding awareness of their values and goals

3 Goleman et al.2002

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

 Accurate self-assessment. A candid sense of our personal strengths and limits, a clear vision

of where we need to improve, and the ability to learn from experience. A person with this

competency is:

— Aware of strengths and weaknesses, which is a strength itself

— Reflective, learns from experience

— Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self-development

 Self-confidence. The courage that comes from certainty about our capabilities, values, and

goals. A person with this competency:

— Presents themselves with self-assurance; has presence

— Voices views that are unpopular and goes out on a limb for what is right

1.2.2 Self-Management

Self-management means managing your biases, impulses,

abilities, and resources to reach your goals.

People who exhibit self-management demonstrate the following competencies:

 Self-control. Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses

in check. A person with this competency:

— Manages impulsive feelings and distressing

emotions well

— Stays composed, positive, and unflappable, even in

trying moments

— Thinks clearly and stays focused under pressure

 Trustworthiness. Maintaining and consistently displaying honesty and integrity. A person with

this competency:

— Acts ethically and above reproach

— Builds trust through reliability and authenticity

— Avoids hidden agendas that places blame on others

— Acts honorably

 Conscientiousness. Dependability and responsibility in fulfilling obligations. A person with this

competency:

— Meets commitments and keeps promises

— Holds themselves accountable for meeting vision and objectives

— Punctual, careful in their work, self-disciplined, and scrupulous in meeting responsibilities

 Adaptability. Being open to novel ideas and approaches and flexible in handling change and

challenges. A person with this competency:

— Smoothly handles multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change

— Adapts responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances

— Is flexible in how they see events

 Achievement orientation. Striving to meet or exceed standards of excellence. A person with

this competency:

— Is results-oriented with a high drive to meet objectives and standards

— Sets challenging goals and takes calculated risks

— Pursues information to reduce uncertainty and finds ways to improve

Practicing self-management is particularly important in stressful workplace situations

LESSON 1 | UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

36 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

 Initiative. Displaying proactivity and persistence. A person with this competency:

— Is ready to seize opportunities

— Pursues goals beyond what’s required or expected

— Cuts through red tape to fix emerging problems before they become crises

— Mobilizes others through enterprising efforts

1.2.3 Social Awareness

Social awareness, sometimes called social radar, is the ability to sense others' needs, priorities,

and preferences and treat them accordingly.

People who exhibit social awareness demonstrate the following competencies:

 Empathy. Sensing other people’s emotions, understanding their perspective, and taking an

active interest in their concerns. People with this competency:

— Are sensitive to emotional cues and listen well

— Show sensitivity and understand others’ perspectives

— Help based on understanding other people’s needs and feelings

 Organizational awareness. Staying current with organizational life, building decision networks,

and navigating politics. People with this competency:

— Accurately read key power relationships

— Detect crucial social networks

— Understand the forces that shape views and actions of stakeholders

— Accurately read organizational and external realities

 Service orientation. Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ needs, both internal

and external. People with this competency:

— Understand customers/stakeholders’ needs and match them to services or products

— Seek ways to increase customers’ satisfaction and loyalty

— Gladly offer appropriate assistance

— Grasp a customer’s perspective, acting as a trusted advisor

1.2.4 Relationship Management

Relationship management is focused on taking actions that

build trust, gain commitment, and stimulate high

performance.

People who are able to manage relationships demonstrate the following competencies:

 Visionary leadership. Taking charge and inspiring with a

compelling vision. People with this competency:

— Articulate their agenda for the organization

graphically, compellingly, and memorably

— Create excitement, incite people’s imaginations, and

inspire them to move in a desired direction

— Guide the performance of others and holds people accountable, lead by example

 Influence. Wielding a range of effective persuasion tactics. People with this competency:

— Are skilled at winning people over

— Fine-tune presentations to appeal to the listener

Relationship management involves connecting with others on a personal level

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

— Use complex strategies like indirect influence to build consensus and support

— Orchestrate compelling events to effectively make a point

 Developing others. Sensing others’ development needs and bolstering their abilities through

opportunities, feedback, and guidance. People with this competency:

— Acknowledge and reward people’s strengths and accomplishments

— Offer useful feedback and identify people’s needs for further growth

— Mentor, give timely coaching, and offer assignments that challenge and foster a person’s

skills

 Communication. Listening openly and sincerely and sending clear, convincing, and well-tuned

messages. People with this competency:

— Effectively give and take, registering emotional cues in attuning their message

— Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly

— Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and welcome full information disclosure

— Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well as good

 Change catalyst. Initiating, promoting, and managing change; leading people in a new

direction. People with this competency:

— Recognize the need for change and remove barriers

— Challenge the status quo to acknowledge the need for change

— Champion the change and enlist others in its pursuit

— Model the change expected of others

 Conflict management. De-escalating disagreements and orchestrating resolutions. People with

this competency:

— Handle difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact

— Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open, and help de-escalate

— Encourage debate and open discussion

— Orchestrate win-win solutions

 Building bonds. Cultivating and maintaining instrumental relationships. People with this

competency:

— Cultivate and maintain extensive informal networks

— Seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial

— Build rapport and keep others in the loop

— Make and maintain personal friendships among work associates

 Teamwork and collaboration. Promoting cooperation and building teams to work toward

shared goals. People with this competency:

— Build team identity, esprit de corps, and commitment

— Draw all members into active participation

— Model team qualities: respect, helpfulness, and cooperation

— Balance focus on task with attention to relationships

— Share plans, information, and resources

— Promote a friendly, cooperative climate

LESSON 1 | UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

38 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

LESSON 2

EXPANDING PERCEPTIONS

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 2.2.1 Populate the four quadrants of the Johari window to broaden your perception of yourself and

others

Developing strong relationships with others begins with seeing yourself in a new light. The more

you can see yourself as others see you, and the more you let others know how you see them, the

more you will be able to create an environment conducive to improving relationships and enhancing

personal fulfillment.

2.1 USING THE JOHARI WINDOW FOR SELF-DISCOVERY AND DISCLOSURE

The Johari Window, originally developed by Joe Luft and Harry Ingham, is a model that illustrates

how an increased awareness of self and others affects personal and relationship growth and

development, including trust. The model serves as a communication window through which you

give and receive information about yourself and others. Use the model as a method to explore how

to strengthen your relationships with others.

LESSON 2 | EXPANDING PERCEPTIONS

40 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

JOHARI WINDOW

The four panes in the Johari Window represent the following:

 Open. Things that I know about myself and things others know about me.

 Blind. Things I don't know about myself but things others know about me.

 Facade (or hidden). Things I know about myself but things others don't know about me.

 Unknown. Things I don't know about myself and things others don't know about me.

Although the panes in the window appear to be of equal size, information can move from pane to

pane over time, thus changing the size and shape of the panes within the window.

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

2.1.1 Open Pane

The first pane contains information that you know about yourself, as well as information that others

know about you. This area is characterized by free and open interaction between yourself and

others. Your behavior and information about you in this pane is public and available to everyone.

Usually, the size of this pane will vary depending on your familiarity and experience with others. The

larger this pane grows (the more you have established some type of relationship with others), the

freer you are to be yourself and perceive others as they really are.

2.1.2 Facade Pane

Your hidden self contains things you know about yourself but choose not to reveal. This is

information you’ve decided to keep private for some reason. There may be opportunities that

haven't fully developed enough to share with others such as career aspirations or skills that would

be beneficial for others to know.

You may be afraid that if others knew your feelings, perceptions, opinions, or beliefs they might

judge you negatively. This perceived threat might cause you to avoid revealing certain aspects of

your real self.

It takes energy to hide your behaviors and beliefs from others. The less we withhold information, the

more energy we have available to focus on our creativity. This pane has a tendency to shrink as

you allow your public self to grow through feedback and disclosure.

2.1.3 Blind Pane

In the third pane, the blind pane, are things you don’t know about yourself but others may. This is

where others can see things in you that may be unknown to you. For example, as you participate in

a group or interact with others, your behaviors, ideas, inactions, style, and other cues may be

communicating all kinds of information of which you are not aware. Many people are frequently

unaware of how their own behavior affects others.

You can reduce your blind spot pane by actively soliciting feedback from others. If you want to

continue to receive others’ honest reactions, be open to their perspective and listen closely to what

they have to say. The more gracious you are in receiving the feedback, the more likely others will

continue to provide it.

2.1.4 Unknown Pane

The last pane represents information about you and your behavior that is unknown to you and to

others. Some of this data about yourself may, in fact, be influencing your overt behavior and

opinions. Some of what exists in the unknown today may surface tomorrow as you learn more

about yourself through dialogue, feedback, and disclosure. Some, however, may never surface and

may remain unknown forever because of personal defense mechanisms and other internal

subconscious processes.

Discussion

 How does an increased awareness of self and others affect personal and relationship growth and development?

LESSON 2 | EXPANDING PERCEPTIONS

42 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

2.1.5 EXERCISE: USING THE JOHARI WINDOW Directions

Identify items to list in the Facade pane. 1.

Next, identify who you can ask for feedback on the Blind pane. 2.

You will not have to share your window with anyone else. 3.

TABLE: MY JOHARI WINDOW

Things I Know About Myself Things I Don't Know About Myself

Things Others Know About Me

Open

Blind

Things Others Don't Know About

Facade

Unknown

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

LESSON 3

ACCOMMODATING DIFFERENT STYLES

AND PREFERENCES

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 2.3.1 Given real-life scenarios, use strategies to appropriately communicate with people based on

the definitions of the four behavior styles

We all have specific styles or preferences for communicating. Some people like to focus on the

details, whereas others prefer to step back and consider the big picture.

Although many of our communication choices are

unconscious or automatic, they are determined to a large

degree by our behavior styles.

No particular style is good or bad, but they do affect

interactions with others, especially between people with

different styles.

Being more attentive to your own style, as well as the styles

of others, is the first step in ensuring that your messages are

received and that you understand others.

Adapting your style to include elements from another

person's style will also help you anticipate and minimize

communication challenges.

Discussion

 How do you think your style of behavior is perceived by others?

3.1 FIND YOURSELF

The Find Yourself Assessment is designed to help assess how people prefer to work and

communicate. You will use this assessment to identify your preferred behavioral style. The Find

Yourself Assessment does not address intellectual abilities, aptitudes, performance, or other related

issues. It simply identifies behavioral preferences.

Our communicating style describes how we communicate with others and how we prefer to

have them communicate with us

LESSON 3 | ACCOMMODATING DIFFERENT STYLES AND PREFERENCES

44 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

3.1.1 EXERCISE: FIND YOURSELF ASSESSMENT

Refer to Resource Resource: Find Yourself Assessment

Directions

Take the Find Yourself assessment. It is 24 questions and should take about 5-10 minutes. 1.

There are no right, wrong, or better answers.

When you are finished, review your results and answer the following questions. 2.

Questions

1. How consistent are your results with your experience?

2. Which results are significant? Why?

3. What is important for you to remember about these results?

4. Based on your results, what changes will you make?

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

3.2 THE FOUR BEHAVIORAL STYLES

The different behavior styles, Controller, Stabilizer, Analyzer,

and Persuader can also help you understand your

interpersonal style.1

The information in the table Behavioral Styles Strengths and

Blind Spots highlights the strengths and blind spots for each

style, including major focus, driving need, support, time

needed, and what to provide. This will give you insight to

increase the effectiveness of your communication with others.

TABLE: BEHAVIORAL STYLES STRENGTHS AND BLIND SPOTS

Controller Stabilizer Analyzer Persuader

Major focus: Results Relationships Quality, accuracy, and perfection

People

Driving need: To be in control Security To get it right To be liked

Greatest strength:

Uses conflict Maintaining harmony Uses facts, data, and history

Uses verbal skills

Blind spot: Listening Initiating quickly Declaring a position

Following systems

Support: Their objectives and results

Them as a person Their standards and principles

Their ability to take risks

Take time to: Be efficient Understand their goals Be accurate Get acquainted, have fun

Provide: Action Appreciation Facts and data Approval and praise

Some communication attributes that align with the different behavior styles are:

 Controller:

— Gets right to the point when writing a communication

— Adds only as much detail as necessary, but the detail they do add is important and specific

— Objective tone in writing with short, succinct sentences

— Uses calls to action or directives to accomplish things

1 Effectiveness Institute 2020

BEHAVIORAL STYLES

LESSON 3 | ACCOMMODATING DIFFERENT STYLES AND PREFERENCES

46 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

 Stabilizer:

— Uses a warm tone in writing

— Eases into the communication with pleasantries or friendly openers

— Uses qualifiers to mitigate directness of asks or requests

— Asks for feedback and invite questions and comments

 Analyzer:

— Uses very precise and specific language; incredibly detail-oriented

— Tone of communications tends to be less warm and more formal

— Uses written communications as inputs for decision-making

— Able to adeptly synthesize points for various audiences

 Persuader:

— Uses enthusiastic tone in their written communications

— Able to use persuasive writing techniques to spur people to action

— Writing tends to be less objective and more emotional

— Express themselves freely with written communications

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

3.2.1 EXERCISE: WORK WITH ME Directions

Working in groups assigned by behavioral style, create a how-to list of ways to best 1

communicate with your style.

Include anything you want other styles to know, such as your preferred frequency and modes of 2

communication.

Be prepared to present your list to the class. 3

Questions

1. What is your behavioral style?

2. What are the best ways to communicate with your style?

MODULE 2 | AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

48 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Action Planning

Refer to the Action Plan and record ideas to implement from this module.

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

BEHAVIORAL STYLES, STRENGTHS, AND BLIND SPOTS TABLE: BEHAVIORAL STYLES STRENGTHS AND BLIND SPOTS

Controller Stabilizer Analyzer Persuader

Major focus: Results Relationships Quality, accuracy, and perfection

People

Driving need: To be in control Security To get it right To be liked

Greatest strength:

Uses conflict Maintaining harmony Uses facts, data, and history

Uses verbal skills

Blind spot: Listening Initiating quickly Declaring a position

Following systems

Support: Their objectives and results

Them as a person Their standards and principles

Their ability to take risks

Take time to: Be efficient Understand their goals Be accurate Get acquainted, have fun

Provide: Action Apprciation Facts and data Approval and praise

Some communication attributes that align with the different behavior styles are:

 Controller:

— Gets right to the point when writing a communication

— Adds only as much detail as necessary, but the detail they do add is important and specific

— Objective tone in writing with short, succinct sentences

— Uses calls to action or directives to accomplish things

 Stabilizer:

— Uses a warm tone in writing

— Eases into the communication with pleasantries or friendly openers

— Uses qualifiers to mitigate directness of asks or requests

— Asks for feedback and invite questions and comments

 Analyzer:

— Uses very precise and specific language; incredibly detail-oriented

— Tone of communications tends to be less warm and more formal

— Uses written communications as inputs for decision-making

— Able to adeptly synthesize points for various audiences

 Persuader:

— Uses enthusiastic tone in their written communications

— Able to use persuasive writing techniques to spur people to action

— Writing tends to be less objective and more emotional

— Express themselves freely with written communications

RESOURCE A: ACTION PLAN

50 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Effective Communication Skills

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

SKILLS

Module Objective

 Apply positive and productive communication techniques to various types of interactions by receiving feedback from others

Why is it so difficult to communicate with some people but not others? Although a frequently asked

question, no single answer solves the mystery. This is because communication incorporates

multiple components that impact the message that is being conveyed and received. An alternative

definition of the communication process is: the skills involved in sending and receiving a message.

This impacts all of us on a daily basis.

Communication skills encompass our nuanced understanding of language, including the intricacies

of body language, facial expression, gesture, vocal tone, and word use. It's our entire set of skills for

how we relate, read, and experience information, how we confirm the way things are or should be—

how we assess with others what we're experiencing and why we're experiencing it.

Communication sets the course of our relationships. It can build up walls, break down barriers, gain

support, lose battles, and render great insights into commonly practiced wisdom or utter obscurity.

Workplace communication is fundamental to strong, successful professional relationships and a

healthy and productive working environment. Having a deeper understanding of these skills can

unlock great potential.

Discussion

 What is the purpose, or goal, of communication?

 What is effective communication?

Lessons

1. Transparent Communication

2. Focused Conversations

3. Modern Communication

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

54 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

LESSON 1

TRANSPARENT COMMUNICATION

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 3.1.1 Express yourself clearly and completely using the Five I-Messages format so others

correctly summarize the message

Engaging in transparent communication means sending a clear and authentic message to those

around us. Much of our perception by others comes from our ability to effectively communicate and

get our message across. It is important to understand all of the components that go into

communicating a message effectively.

1.1 BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION

We will start with the barriers to communication to better understand what factors interrupt clear

communication. There are a multitude of reasons why people just don't get it, and the only way to

remedy the interaction is to find out the cause and optimal solution specific to each interaction.

Although we communicate all the time, it is surprisingly difficult to communicate well. Frequently, we

are unable to influence others the way we want because we have failed to recognize and address

the communication barriers. Before we can overcome these barriers, we must be able to recognize

their characteristics and influence on communication.

It is important to figure out what barriers may exist and tailor the conversation around those

components to ensure the correct message is not only sent but also received accurately.

There are many different reasons why communication can be so difficult.

LESSON 1 | TRANSPARENT COMMUNICATION

56 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

TYPES OF COMMUNICATION BARRIERS

Discussion

 What types of communication barriers have you experienced in your workplace?

 How have these barriers impacted your ability to start or complete tasks?

 Will you continue to experience these barriers?

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

1.1.1 EXERCISE: BEHIND THE BLIND Directions

Work together in groups to recreate a structure as directed by your team leader. 1.

Discuss and answer the Phase 1 Questions. 2.

Work together in groups to recreate a second structure. 3.

Answer the Phase 2 Question. 4.

Phase 1 Questions

1. How did your team leader explain the structure? If you were the leader, how did you

communicate what you saw to your team?

2. Did you experience any frustration with the activity? Give examples.

3. How were team members' suggestions handled by the leader? How did that affect the team

members?

Phase 2 Question

4. What happened when all team members were able to look at the structure?

LESSON 1 | TRANSPARENT COMMUNICATION

58 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.2 THE LADDER OF INFERENCE

We live in a world where self-generated beliefs are facts and assumptions are

untested truths. We form conclusions from adopted beliefs, based on what we

inferred from our observations and past experiences.

When we communicate and interact with people, we add meanings to situations

based on our skewed perceptions. We follow a mental pathway known as the Ladder

of Inference that seems logical to us, but to us alone.1

We subconsciously go through different stages every time we have an experience

with someone. It happens within a matter of seconds—we enter from the bottom and

fly through the top, and before we know it, we've made blanket assumptions and

beliefs about everything in the world around us, including people.

Understanding the Ladder of Inference can help us to avoid making incorrect

judgments, improve our communication, and strengthen our workplace relationships.

TABLE: THE LADDER OF INFERENCE IN ACTION

Stage What Happens Example

1. Pure observations.

This is the directly observable data or experiences

Your supervisor says,"You're really doing an outstanding job. However, your workload is slowing you down. I'm going to give some of your work to Donna. From here on, she'll be responsible for it."

2. Filtered observations.

Out of all observable data, your brain selects limited data through filtered observations. Typically, the information selected is that which reinforces or affirms your emotional reaction.

My supervisor thinks I'm working slowly, and she's giving some of my work to someone else

3. Selected meanings.

Based on limited data selected, your brain makes meaning out of that data

My supervisor is suggesting that my work is not up to par

4. Assumptions. Your brain then makes assumptions about the other person or situation based on the meaning you added to the data

My supervisor is taking my work away. She is taking my job away from me.

5. Conclusions. Based on our automatic assumptions, your brain draws conclusions about the other person or the situation

I know why this is happening. I missed one deadline, and now I'm being penalized for it. I was only late because Eric's team didn't get me the information. It wasn't really my fault. It's easier for my supervisor to take away my work than tell Eric's team they're messing things up.

1 Argyris and Schön 1974

By evaluating our

communication, we can walk

back down the ladder of inference

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Stage What Happens Example

6. Beliefs. These conclusions lead to new beliefs or reaffirm existing beliefs you have about the person or situation. These beliefs are activated any time in the future you confront that same or even a similar person or a situation.

My supervisor doesn't talk to anyone about performance. She just lets everything slide, and it's hurting our team.

7. Actions. Based on your beliefs, you take action, engaging in behaviors that will ultimately have an impact on you and others around you. Those who observe your actions will walk up their own ladder of inference, thus starting the cycle all over again.

This is completely unfair. I'm going to march into my supervisor's office and tell her that this is unfair!

The Ladder of Inference shows us how we can better control our emotions by helping us visualize

the information we filter in and out based on the facts that we see. By continuously examining our

emotional reaction and assumptions, we can see how our blanket conclusions influence the actions

we take.

As easy as it is to fly through each step of the ladder, we can better react to our experiences with

conscious effort. By asking questions about the facts we see, the meanings we assign to certain

behaviors, and the conclusions we made based on our previous experiences and assumptions, we

can proactively rethink the way we interact with the people around us.

Discussion

If you experience something negative in your workplace:

 What emotions do you feel?

 Do you have any physical reactions?

 What effect does this have on your communication?

1.3 SENDING CLEAR MESSAGES WITH THE FIVE I-MESSAGES METHOD

Discussion

 Have you ever told someone a story and they had no idea how to react or respond? What was that experience like?

 Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you know what you are saying isn't being interpreted or understood the way you meant it? What impact did that have?

When there is more unknown than known, we often find ourselves flying up our Ladders of

Inference trying to make sense of what exactly was said and how we should respond. In the

LESSON 1 | TRANSPARENT COMMUNICATION

60 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

workplace where we may or may not know our coworkers well enough to know their intent, or with

high risk client situations, we feel the need to be as quick as possible with our responses.

The key to sending clear messages and avoiding misunderstanding is to share as many details

about your experience as possible. For example, if someone says, "Traffic was terrible," the listener

most likely visualizes being stuck on a highway in bumper-to-bumper traffic. However, if the

speaker was referring to Internet traffic, the miscommunication has already occurred.

This is the reasoning behind the Five I-Messages method.2 This method is based on the five main

dimensions of experience that the person you are speaking to can use to recreate your experience

inside their minds. The more dimensions of your experience you share, the easier it will be for the

other person to reconstruct your experience accurately and understand what you think, feel, and

want. This ensures what is being said is said clearly and completely.

The five I-message dimensions are:

Observation. What you see, limited to facts only. 1.

Emotion. What you feel. 2.

Reason. The cause or basis of your emotions. 3.

Request. What you are asking for. 4.

Result. The outcome you hope to achieve. 5.

The table Five I-Messages provides a breakdown of how I-messages are constructed.

2 Rivers 2015

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

TABLE: FIVE I-MESSAGES

Message Dimensions

Message Structure

Sample Language Do this: Not this:

What are you 1. seeing, hearing, or otherwise sensing? (Facts only.)

When I saw/heard...

 As I remember...

 When I acted upon...

Describe the specific actions you observed— what you actually see or hear

Avoid labels or making judgements, (e.g., when I heard that you totally screwed up again)

What emotions 2. are you feeling?

...I felt...  Happy

 Angry

 Delighted

 Sad

 Calm

 Resentful

 Embarrassed

Think about the specific emotion you are really feeling

Avoid words that imply the action of another person (e.g., ignored, manipulated, criticized)

What 3. interpretations, wants, needs, memories, or anticipations of yours support those feelings?

...because I...(need, want, interpret, associate, etc.)

 ...because I take that to mean...

 ...because I imagine that...

 ...because I see that as...

 ...because I would have liked...

 ...because I was hoping that...

Express this in terms of your feelings or unmet needs

Avoid statements that accuse the other person (e.g., because you did this to me)

What action, 4. information, or commitment do you want now?

...and now I want (then I wanted)...

 ..and now I want you to tell me...

 ...and now I want you to help me...

 ...and now I want to request...

Ask for a specific action or step towards an action, including when, where, and how

Avoid asking a person for an emotion (e.g., I want you to cheer up, I want you to be angry about this issue)

What positive 5. results will that action, information, or commitment lead to in the future? (No threats.)

...so that (in order to)...

 ...so that we can...

 ...in order for us to...

Focus on the positive impact so the other person is motivated by feeling capable of giving something worthwhile

Avoid results based on guilt, duty, obedience, punishment, or other negative consequences

Expressing yourself completely might appear to take longer than the familiar shorthand style of

communication. But if you include the time it takes to unscramble frequent misunderstandings, and

work through the frustrations of being misinterpreted, expressing yourself this way can actually be

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62 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

more efficient. In addition, this type of communication guides your relationships toward mutual

respect and understanding, which are essential building blocks for fulfilling interpersonal

relationships.

TABLE: FIVE I-MESSAGES EXAMPLE

When I saw/heard...

...I felt... ...because I...(need, want, interpret, associate, etc.)

...and now I want (then I wanted)...

...so that (in order to)...

When I saw the grant application in the mail

I felt delighted because I think our program is good enough to win a large grant

and I want to ask you to help me with the budget section

so that I can keep up my case work over the next three weeks.

When I saw the deadline for my project

I felt anxious because I am concerned that it is not enough time to finish

and I want to ask you for an extension of two weeks

so that I can complete the required analysis.

When I heard that you were late to work again today

I felt upset because I need to make sure our customers are taken care of

and I want you to tell me what time you can commit to being here every day

so that our team can meet our customer service goals.

Discussion

 Review the examples in the table Five I-Messages Example. How would you write an I-message based on one of your own experiences?

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

1.3.1 EXERCISE: USING THE FIVE I-MESSAGES Directions

Working in groups, take turns retelling a story using the Five I-Message format. 1.

— Describe the issue or conflict

— Identify the emotions that were evoked as a result of the event

— Explain the outcome or solution that was achieved

Your group members will then summarize their understanding of your story. 2.

Exchange roles and repeat the process. 3.

After all group members have shared their story, each should summarize their understanding of the

stories they heard.

LESSON 1 | TRANSPARENT COMMUNICATION

64 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.4 COMMUNICATING WITH RESPONSIBLE HONESTY

Discussion

 What does responsible honesty mean to you?

 How do you think it impacts transparent communication?

HONESTY SCALE

There are three different levels of honesty:

Emotional censorship. Occurs when a person does not tell others what they really think and 1.

feel. There are many reasons why this occurs, including fear of repercussions or lack of trust in

the relationship. People who engage in emotional censorship often do so because it makes their

life a little easier, at least in the short term. They might tell a colleague that something is a great

idea when they know that it won't work. Although they may appear humble or deferential, their

focus is only on themselves.

Responsible honesty. Involves being tactful and diplomatic when sharing your opinion. 2.

Responsible honesty helps others to hear and embrace your message, especially when it

involves a sensitive situation. If you're sharing a difficult truth, why not tell it in the way that hurts

the least, still gets the point across, and allows the receiver to accept it if it needs to be

accepted?

Brutal honesty. Occurs when a person shares their opinion without regard for the other 3.

person’s feelings and perspective. These messages are often characterized by sarcasm,

blaming, cruelty, bullying, fear, punishment, demeaning, dismissing, insults, unhelpful criticism,

personal attacks, or manipulation. Often, users of brutal honesty view their delivery as

justified—"I'm just being honest," or, "If you don't like my opinion, you shouldn't have asked for

it." In reality, their underlying message may be justified, but their delivery puts the other person

on the defensive. Once the other person's defenses go up, they can no longer hear the

message.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Example: Responding to Brutal Honesty If you are on the receiving end of brutal honesty, remember that the other person is only sharing their opinions, even though the term honesty implies that they are telling the truth.

Try the following responses to rescue these conversations:

 "That's an interesting perspective. Why do you think that?"

 "Do you mind if I give this some more thought before responding?"

 "Okay, what makes you say that?"

 "I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. Would you like to discuss this more tomorrow?

 "Let's step back for a second. Can you walk me though your view of the situation?"

These types of responses are not intended to validate the other person's opinion, but to simply show your willingness to hear them out, whether right then or at a later time. By preventing negative interactions from escalating into an impossible situation, you can pave the way for a more authentic and productive relationship.

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66 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

LESSON 2

FOCUSED CONVERSATIONS

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 3.2.1 Use active listening skills to paraphrase what you heard and verify with the speaker you

were able to capture all relevant points

Communication depends on the ability to send and receive messages. Hearing is simply an

awareness of a recognized sound. Listening, on the other hand, is a continuous process which, not

only includes perception but also interpretation, assimilation, association, and reaction.

Of all our communication skills, we use listening the most frequently. According to the Center for

Management and Organization Effectiveness, the average person spends about 80% of their

waking hours communicating and almost half that time listening.1 Yet most of us have had no real

training in listening—unlike our preparation in reading, comprehension, writing, and speaking.

Listening is a skill many of us have hardly begun to develop, and many of us have picked up some

bad listening habits.

2.1 WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE LISTEN?

Listening is an active, integrated communication skill that demands energy. It is powerful, full of

purpose, and most importantly, it is productive.

In a matter of seconds, we:

Hear the information. 1.

Select information on which to focus. 2.

Give that information meaning. 3.

Determine how we feel about it. 4.

Decide how best to respond. 5.

Respond to it. 6.

This process is grouped into four main phases: sensing, interpreting, evaluating, and responding.2

FOUR PHASES OF LISTENING

1 CMOE 2020

2 Bonet 2001

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68 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

2.1.1 Phase 1: Sensing the Message

The first phase is about the physical reception of sound:

 Sound waves reach our ears, and we become aware that someone is trying to communicate

with us

 We receive information through our ears

 Our brains filter out many random sounds before they reach our conscious awareness

 To sense more effectively, we need to focus and concentrate

2.1.2 Phase 2: Interpreting the Message

The purpose of the second phase is to assign meaning to the sounds we hear:

 For example, if we hear bells ringing at a railroad crossing, we make the following interpretation:

“The bells are warning me to stop for an oncoming train"

 When we hear someone talking, we listen for cues to the meaning of the words

 We select information to pay attention to and filter out other information

 Our interpretations are based on past experience along with beliefs and biases we have

developed over time

 Most listening errors occur at this level. We can listen more effectively by getting clarification

and by paraphrasing. We need to check our assumptions before arriving at conclusions and

taking action.

2.1.3 Phase 3: Evaluating the Message

During this phase, we determine the importance of the message we have just heard:

 We decide what we think or feel about the information and form judgments and conclusions

 We assign importance based on values we have developed over time

 We can choose to suspend judgment until we get more information through questions and

nonverbal cues

 To be effective, we should withhold judgment until speakers are finished and ask clarifying

questions

2.1.4 Phase 4: Responding to the Message

The result of the final phase of listening is the action taken as a result of the message:

 Once we understand the message, we may choose the best way to respond

 There are a variety of ways to respond

2.2 THE POWER OF GOOD LISTENING SKILLS

Listening may be the best tool for building interpersonal relationships. It is the key to developing

mutual understanding and trust, and often, to making things happen. Giving your full attention to

what someone else is saying shows respect and builds real connections.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

BENEFITS OF LISTENING

Discussion

 How could developing better listening skills enhance your relationships with colleagues?

2.3 BECOMING A BETTER LISTENER

We start listening to others the day we are born. For most of our lives, we listen all day to stimuli

and information in the environment. With this much time spent listening, most of us believe that we

are pretty good at the skill. However, one of the primary reasons why we don't listen as well as we

could is because listeners are able to think four times faster than speakers can talk. This extra

thinking time gives us more than enough time to adopt our bad habits.

2.3.1 Levels of Listening

Listening can occur at three different levels.

LESSON 2 | FOCUSED CONVERSATIONS

70 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

THREE LEVELS OF LISTENING

2.3.1.1 Level One—Competitive Listening

Level one, competitive listening, happens when the listener actually does not want to listen, or at

least does not want to listen anymore.

In such cases, the listener is more interested in promoting their point of view than in understanding

or exploring someone else's view. The listener cannot wait for the speaker to stop, because the

listener has something so important to say that keeping it bottled up is just too difficult. In many

cases, the listener will interrupt the speaker in order to share their perspective. Even if the listener

does not interrupt, a person at level one will mentally rehearse or run all the thoughts and ideas that

are going to come out, just as soon as the speaker finishes. This mental work to get ready also

distracts from listening.

Example: Common Signs of Competitive Listening Do you find yourself doing any of the following when listening to someone else?

 Thinking of what you want to say next instead of concentrating on what the other person is saying

 Assuming you know what the other person is going to say and tuning out

2.3.1.2 Level Two—Selective Listening

Level two, selective listening, happens when the listener is interested in the speaker’s content—

but mainly because something the speaker has said reminds the listener of something in their own

internal world.

For example, a listener may hear a speaker talk about a budget cut. The listener immediately

reacts, having gone through a painful budget cut some time ago. As the speaker is talking about the

situation, the listener is remembering all that the budget cut meant to them. There may be head-

nodding and the ubiquitous expressions of agreement, but the listener is actually off in their own

thoughts. It may turn out that the speaker is experiencing the budget cut in a completely different

way than the listener had, but it will be difficult for the listener to discern this. One way to know if

you’ve been in level two listening is that when you finally say something, it reflects your situation

more than the speaker's, who might reply, “What I was trying to say was…”

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Example: Common Signs of Selective Listening Do you find yourself doing any of the following when listening to someone else?

 Hearing what you want to hear instead of what is actually being said

 Faking listening attention (nodding your head, saying “uh- huh”) while letting your mind drift elsewhere

2.3.1.3 Level Three—Active Listening

Level three, active listening, happens when the listener deliberately suspends their own thoughts,

ideas, opinions and even reactions, and simply listens without distraction to the real content of what

the speaker is saying, and what it means to the speaker. Level-three listening involves trying to

understand the feelings and values behind the speaker’s words.

You should strive for level three listening in most of your interactions. While it is not possible to

listen at level three all of the time—it would not be prudent in emergencies, for example—there are

many opportunities each day. Level-three listening is very hard at first. The temptations for

distraction are always present, and it is easy to succumb to evaluating and thinking about what the

speaker just said, rather than what the speaker is saying right now. It involves focused relaxation,

concentration, and centering. You must be calm and ready.

Level-three listening is particularly useful in conflict. In fact, just truly listening to someone else in a

conflict can often defuse it. But as the conflict matters more and more to the listener, it becomes

more difficult to stay in level three. However, it can be done. Just like exercising a physical muscle,

level-three listening ability grows with practice.

2.3.2 Improving Your Listening Skills

STEPS TO IMPROVE LISTENING

LESSON 2 | FOCUSED CONVERSATIONS

72 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Steps you can take to improve your listening skills include:

Remove distractions. To fully concentrate on the other person, free yourself from distractions. 1.

Turn off your computer screen. Put your phone away. Mentally put aside your own internal

monologue that may take your focus away from the other person.

Read others' feelings. Listen between the lines. The speaker does not always put everything 2.

that is important into words, so observe body language: the changing tones and volume of

voice, expressions, hand gestures, and body movements. Listening is trying to understand what

the message really means.

Summarize. Mentally summarize what the person has been saying. What point has been made 3.

already, if any?

Reflect. Verify your understanding by using reflection statements to confirm whether you do or 4.

do not understand. Reflection is to restate, in your own words, what you understand the speaker

to have said. Use reflection for both content (what the words mean) and feeling (how the person

feels). Reflection is particularly useful when:

— Dealing with a problem or an angry person who is acting defensively

— Confirming your understanding of what the other person meant

— Disagreeing or presenting an opposing idea or position

— Confronting, contradicting, handling conflict, or discussing change

Think. Take a moment before you respond to manage your own opinion and beliefs of the 5.

sender and their message. Create the space to consider a response that will lead to your

desired outcome.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

2.4 EXERCISE: PRACTICING EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Directions

Select a topic you feel comfortable discussing. Consider these prompts to spur your thinking: 1.

— Where do you see your career going?

— How would you describe your leadership style?

— What is the most engaging thing about your current job?

Working with a partner or small group, take turns speaking and listening for three uninterrupted 2.

minutes.

As the listener, you cannot contribute to the conversation. You may only listen. 3.

Be prepared to discuss the experience with the class. 4.

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74 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

LESSON 3

MODERN COMMUNICATION

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 3.3.1 Use examples of virtual and nonverbal communication to conduct a teach-back that

demonstrates a practical workplace interaction and determine the best strategy to interpret the situation

As technology advances, there are more ways to communicate. In most cases, this is positive;

however, greater use of technology can increase the likelihood of misunderstandings. Technology

has changed the types of nonverbal and environmental cues we can use to interpret the message

of the sender.

For instance, if you were to receive a voicemail from someone and then reply in an email, the

receiver may assume you do not want to talk to them. However, you may have chosen this method

because you had five minutes between meetings and decided it was an efficient means of

answering the inquiry.

Regardless of the communication method, making assumptions based on nonverbal cues can lead

to more misunderstandings and ultimately to less productivity.

3.1 TECHNOLOGY IMPACTS ENGAGEMENT PLATFORMS

Discussion

 How has the technology-driven world led to breakdowns in basic communication skills?

 How has it improved basic communication skills?

Communication is key to building relationships with the people around us. Technology platforms

provide ways for remote and office-based employees to interact and build relationships regardless

of physical location. When people communicate using various platforms, there can be benefits as

well as challenges.

With so many different types of technologies in use, it is important to recognize which forms of

communication people prefer. One of the most popular forms of communication is email. When

email communication was first introduced, people were skeptical about using email for anything

other than short task-oriented messages. However, in the last decade, people have become

remarkably adept at communicating and building relationships through email.

Important tips to keep in mind when using email include:

 Give your message a subject that is appropriate to the topic you are addressing and gives your

reader a clue to the enclosed message

 Use headings, bullets, numbered lists, white space, and indenting to organize your message

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76 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

 Respect others' privacy; do not quote or forward an email without the original author's

permission

 Avoid sarcasm as is it easily misinterpreted

 Avoid ALL CAPS or use them carefully as they are generally construed as shouting

 Use cc: thoughtfully and only for those who need to know what is in your message

 Be courteous by responding in a timely manner and providing read receipts if requested

 If the subject of the email is not resolved within a few exchanges, switch to another platform

Platforms such as Microsoft Teams, WebEx, Zoom, instant-

messaging services, and company/department blogs are all

examples of additional places to interact and build

relationships with coworkers. Studies have shown that, in

recent years, phone has been the preferred communication

channel after email.1 However, video conferencing has been

increasing in popularity as organizations adopt newer

communication channels.2

Modern technology also allows for employees to work with a

company remotely, without having to be physically present in

the office. Remote employees may face a higher level of

pressure to stay connected and always be accessible. Since more companies and organizations

are becoming acclimated with new technology, remote employees are no longer a fringe minority.

With technological advances, the ability to complete tasks is no longer dependent on being

physically present in the office.

Whether you are a remote or an onsite employee, company engagement is key when it comes to

developing an interpersonal relationship with coworkers among different platforms.

Engagement is seen as leading to many important positive business outcomes; however, individual

engagement alone is not always enough to produce the high performance results needed by

groups. Rather, individual engagement, in the context of high interdependence with a group, may

need to be partnered with “shared and inspiring goals, identification with the group and patterns of

relationship interaction” that support results at the team level.3

3.2 ETIQUETTE FOR TECHNOLOGY PLATFORMS

Etiquette for technology platforms (sometimes called netiquette) refers to the use of good manners

in online communication such as email, forums, blogs, and social networking sites. Since online

communication mostly consists of typed messages, it is important to be cognizant of unique

nonverbal factors indicated through words, emojis, punctuation, etc., to ensure the message isn't

misunderstood.

It is equally important to consider the impact that your personal presence and activity on social

media can have on your professional career.

1 van der Merwe 2014

2 Gately 2020

3 Rothbard 2012

The modern workplace provides various platforms to communicate and build

relationships with others

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Adhering to the following set of core guidelines will help maintain and establish positive online relationships between coworkers:4

Remember the human. Before you post a message or send an email, ask, "Would I say this to 1.

the person's face?" or even, "Would I say this to someone important to me?"

Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life. There's 2.

always a possibility that you may meet the people you're communicating with online in person.

Know where you are in cyberspace. Some sites are more permissive about what they 3.

consider acceptable online communication; others are much more strict. Make sure you check

comment policies or lurk for awhile to ensure that you understand the expectations.

Respect other people's time and bandwidth. Do not expect instant responses from others 4.

and be prompt with your own responses. If you receive a request and know that you will need

some time to find the answer, consider sending a quick reply letting the other person know

when they can expect an answer.

Keep a good online reputation. Be mindful of your writing, both in terms of content and style. 5.

Often, your writing is the way you make a first impression, so it should be the best

representation of who you are.

Help keep flame wars under control. Flaming generally refers to someone who expresses a 6.

strong opinion without holding back. Flaming is not bad, but it can quickly get out of hand with

two or more people engaging in a series of angry exchanges and personal attacks. When a

flame war erupts, consider diffusing the situation and trying to get the conversation back on

track.

Respect other people's privacy. This simply means do not read your colleagues' emails or 7.

access their accounts unless you have their permission.

Be forgiving of other people's mistakes. If someone makes a spelling error, forgets to include 8.

an attachment, asks you a question that you already answered, or gives an unnecessarily long

answer, try to be polite in pointing it out, preferably in private.

Discussion

 Think of a time when one of these rules was broken. What was the impact? What could have been done differently?

3.3 NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, conducted studies on communication where the

words expressed did not match the facial expression (i.e., incongruence). In these cases, he found

that of messages pertaining to feelings or attitudes, 7% of the message was conveyed through

words, 38% was paralinguistic (i.e., the way that the words are said—tone, pitch, volume, inflection,

etc.), and 55% was conveyed through facial expressions (i.e., nonverbal).5 In Mehrabian's research,

people tended to believe the expression they saw much more than the words which were spoken.6

4 Shea 2009

5 Mehrabian 1981

6 Businessballs 2020

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78 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

INCONGRUENCE BETWEEN WORDS AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

Experts also know that different types of body movements communicate different types of

information. In addition, communication through body language is almost instant. For example,

when you meet strangers, you start forming an opinion about them within seconds, largely because

of nonverbal communication. While words transmit facts and information, most body language

conveys feelings, emotions, and attitude, which are critical when evaluating facts and information.

TYPES OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

Considerations for different types of nonverbal communication include:

 Vocal tones. The volume and tonality of a person’s voice can be perceived a variety of different

ways. How loudly a person speaks may be interpreted as either aggressive or angry, or hesitant

and uncertain. How fast one is speaking can convey nervousness, urgency, or excitement, or it

can indicate disinterest and boredom.

— Speaking with a clear voice at moderate speed and appropriate volume will convey the

speaker’s confidence and sincerity about the message

— Since what is deemed appropriate in one situation may be different than in other situations,

it is important to be aware of our default vocal style and observe how similar to or different

our style is from others in various situations

 Eye contact. Your eyes convey nonverbal messages that can greatly support and strengthen

your verbal communication. Eye contact establishes a relationship between the receiver and the

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

speaker, and helps both focus on the message. Eye contact can reflect your mood, reaction,

and personality.

— The seemingly simple notion of eye contact is actually a nuanced element of

communication. When we hold eye contact for too long, others may interpret that as an act

of aggression or anger. When we don’t hold it long enough, others may interpret it as

nervousness, dishonesty, or fear.

— Different cultures have varied expectations and preferences concerning interpersonal

communication, and in certain situations, not making eye contact at all is a norm. Being

aware of your own use—or misuse—of eye contact is an important step in regulating your

nonverbal communication.

 Facial expression. Facial expressions can send messages that show respect, reflect interest,

indicate curiosity, and express compassion, and many more. What’s more, unbeknownst to us,

our faces are constantly displaying micro-expressions, which are often involuntary facial

expressions that indicate our true emotions in a very subtle way.7

— When our words or actions do not match our micro-expressions, others pick up on that

misalignment, either consciously or unconsciously, and may begin to perceive that we are

untrustworthy

— As we communicate with people, it is imperative that we develop more awareness of our

own and others’ micro expressions, to manage our reactions and be perceived as

authentic in our communication

 Gestures. Body language is a critical part of communication, and leaders need to consider how

their body movements can be perceived by others. Consider the following and how these

gestures may be perceived by others:

— Shaking hands

— Using hands to emphasize a point

— Crossing arms

— Crossing legs

— Touching one's own face or neck

— Wringing or rubbing hands together

— Nodding one's head

 Posture. Your posture can convey confidence, awareness, energy, interest, and enthusiasm.

— Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist at Harvard University, presents a wealth of research

indicating that body posture has an immense impact on how we perceive ourselves as well

as how others perceive us. People with tall, erect postures and a relaxed but controlled

stance are not only seen by others as confident, important and powerful, they actually

perceive themselves as more powerful when they adopt what Cuddy refers to as power

poses.

— People with stooped or hunched shoulders, or those who hold themselves rigidly, appear

less confident, less important, and less powerful, and actually demonstrate higher levels of

stress and lower levels of self-confidence. Moreover, individuals who adopt more powerful

stances actually perform significantly better at complex mental tasks than those who adopt

powerless stances.

7 Ekman 2003

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80 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

 Personal space. Most of us naturally control a zone of space around us by standing at a certain

distance from family members, friends, and work colleagues. The distance will vary depending

on what level of personal intimacy is desired or appropriate for the encounter.

— Sometimes we may inadvertently invade another’s personal space because we do not

have the same boundaries; you will notice this when the other person backs away

— In most work-related encounters in North America, the term arm’s length is a good rule to

remember about personal space

For various cultures, some nonverbal cues could be interpreted differently than intended, which

could cause an unintended reaction and cause conflict in the relationship. When people from

different cultural backgrounds communicate, their ingrained values, beliefs, and cultural practices

shape their interpretation, expectation, and behaviors. By being of aware some common cultural

differences that exist across different backgrounds, potential conflicts can easily be avoided.

A few skills to better understand cultural factors that shape how people interact with one another include:

 Understand cultural orientations to enhance problem solving and negotiation abilities

 Identify cultural similarities and build on them to enhance relationships

 Identify how others define conflict and their interests to build shared definitions and norms

 Understand the symbolism and reservations of external factors so as to not insult others

Engaging in the following steps to increase intercultural flexibility can address many of these differences and enhance workplace relationships:

As you identify nonverbal cues, try to be flexible, especially when you aren’t sure your 1.

interpretations match the intentions of the other person.

Dig deeper when superficial explanations don’t also match intended meanings. 2.

Focus on how something is said rather than what is being said; paralinguistic cues can provide 3.

insight to emotions or feelings behind what is said.

Be flexible with appropriate nonverbal display rules in specific situations and cultural 4.

communities.

Learn to be more tentative in interpreting nonverbal cues and reduce judgmental tendencies. 5.

Discussion

 How is nonverbal information conveyed through online communication?

3.3.1 Responding to Others' Nonverbal Cues

It is unrealistic for a person to walk through life without trying to add meaning to their experiences.

However, you can learn to improve your communication by understanding and reflecting upon your

inferences of nonverbal cues. You can use it to challenge your own conclusions and assumptions

before acting on them. By becoming aware of your assumptions and inferences, you can learn to

reflect more effectively on what you experience. With greater reflection and understanding, you can

make effective decisions.

When you believe that you are making an assumption or inference, test it with the following list of

questions.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

During observations and experiences, ask yourself:

 Is it possible that I am jumping to conclusions? What assumptions might I be using?

 Why am I making these assumptions? What led me to these conclusions?

 What makes me believe that this is the right way to think or action to take? Are there other

actions to consider?

 Am I using all of the facts or data available?

3.3.2 Interpreting Nonverbal Cues in Online Communication

Scenario It is Sunday evening and you are getting ready for bed. You get an alert on your phone indicating a new email from your supervisor. The message says:

Subject: New org change CC: Senior Leadership Group Sun 9:35 PM

I need to meet with you ASAP Monday. Come to my office as soon as you get in.

Discussion

 What is your initial reaction to this email?

 What nonverbal cues are contained in the email?

 What conclusions can you draw about the intent of the sender?

 If you were to rewrite this email, what would you change?

Action Planning

Refer to the Action Plan and record ideas to implement from this module.

MODULE 3 | EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

82 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Forming Connections with Others

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH

OTHERS

Module Objective

 Create supportive workplace relationships by treating others with respect, trust, and dignity

At the heart of interpersonal skills is the ability to establish productive relationships with others.

Partnerships and collaboration are built on mutual trust and appreciation. Without these

components, partnerships do not work well. For most of us to collaborate with someone, we must

believe that the other person cares about us, is willing to listen to us, is appreciative, and is keeping

our needs or priorities in mind by providing feedback where appropriate.

Lessons

1. Cultivating Trust

2. Strengthening Relationships with Feedback

3. Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation

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MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

LESSON 1

CULTIVATING TRUST

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 4.1.1 Demonstrate behaviors that build trust by working through scenarios

Trust is often referred to as the glue that holds relationships together. We’ll explore trust-building

behaviors and address the importance of partnerships, alliances, and networks. Trust is the

foundation for any successful organization. It can be hard to develop trust because you must be

willing to show vulnerability. However, trust is repaid with trust, making it easier to trust the next

time.

1.1 WHAT IS TRUST?

Poll

 Who trusts everyone first and then maintains or loses trust based on what an individual does? o Me o Not me

Poll

 Who doesn't trust an individual until a period of time has passed? o Me o Not me

Poll

 What do people have to do for you to trust them?

Poll

 Think of someone you trust. Why do you trust that person and what do they do that makes you trust them?

Trust is a foundational element that exists within everything we do. Partnerships and collaboration

are built on mutual trust and without trust those relationships aren’t conducive to the growth of the

workplace. When trust with someone is broken, we psychologically perceive the other person as a

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threat. We focus on protecting ourselves, which drains our mental and emotional energy and makes

us less productive and effective.

Trust is having reliance on (or confidence in) the integrity, strength, and ability of another person or entity:

 Some people tend to extend trust to others easily and with little or no evidence that it is

warranted

 Others believe that people must earn their trust by demonstrating trustworthiness

 Whether you tend to extend trust more or less easily, you do so by assessing the probability that

the other person will support or harm what you value in the future

 Trust is the foundation for any successful organization

1.1.1 The Four Dimensions of Trust

For our purposes, trust is defined as reliance on the integrity, strength, and ability of another

person or entity. In other words, trust is having confidence in another.

All four dimensions must be present to create trust

The four dimensions of trust are:

 Reliability:

— You meet the commitments you make and keep your promises

— You can be counted on to follow through

— You are dependable

 Care:

— You have the other person's interests in mind as your own when you make decisions and

take actions

— Care is in some ways the most important for building lasting trust

— When people believe you hold their interest in mind, they will extend their trust more

broadly to you

 Sincerity:

— You are honest; you say what you mean and mean what you say

— You can be believed and taken seriously

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

— When you express an opinion, it is valid, useful, and supported by sound thinking and

evidence

— Your actions align with your words

 Competence:

— You have the ability to do what you are doing or propose to do

— In the workplace, this usually means the other person believes you have the requisite

capacity, skill, knowledge, and resources to do a particular task or job

— You exhibit a blend of technical skills and interpersonal skills that make you successful

When you trust someone, what you make vulnerable can range from concrete things such as

money, a job, a promotion, or a particular goal, to less tangible things like a belief you hold, a

cherished way of doing things, your reputation, or even your sense of happiness and well being.

Whatever you choose to make vulnerable to the other’s actions, you do so because you believe

their actions will support or, at the very least, not harm it.

Discussion

 Which dimension do you think is most important in building trust? Why?

 Which dimensions are your strengths?

 Which dimensions do you wish to improve?

1.2 WHY DO WE NEED TRUST? Trust is at the heart of everything we do. We would not get behind the wheel if we did not trust the functionality of the car, nor would we sit in the passenger seat if we did not trust the decision- making of the driver. Trust is the foundation for partnership and collaboration in the workplace and is the basis for all successful interpersonal interactions:

 Trust is powerful.

— Individuals who trust the people they work with are self-assured, open and honest, willing

to take risks, less resistant to change, and inclined to act in a trustworthy manner

— Trust is empowering

 Trust promotes information sharing and collaboration.

— When people trust that they will be given credit for their ideas and that sensitive

information that they share will be kept confidential, they are more inclined to discuss their

creative ideas and personal goals and concerns. Such an open environment is the ideal

context for developing innovative ideas and resolving conflicts with win-win solutions.

— Managers who trust their subordinates are more inclined to delegate tasks to them, and

subordinates who trust their managers are more comfortable taking on the additional

responsibility even when there is some risk of failure. Such subordinates know that their

mistakes will be treated as learning opportunities rather than threats to their careers.

 Trust helps people through change and uncertainty.

— Leaders who have established trust among their followers are able to direct them with less

resistance

— Followers go above and beyond the call of duty for leaders they trust

Trust is part of an organization’s social capital, and can be a very valuable intangible asset. Social

capital promotes cooperation, commitment, extra effort, continuous improvement and information

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exchange, which can all help an organization survive and achieve a competitive advantage. Thus, it

is well worth the effort to build a culture of trust.

TRAITS OF PEOPLE WHO TRUST

People who trust possess qualities that are critical to organizational success

Trust is a form of risk assessment:

 Some people tend to extend trust to others easily and with little or no evidence that it is

warranted. They only withdraw their trust if it is betrayed.

 Others believe that people must earn their trust by demonstrating trustworthiness

 By assessing the probability that the other person will either support or harm what you value in

the future, you are choosing to trust or distrust as a form of risk assessment

Discussion

 What does a work environment where trust is lacking look like?

 What impact does a lack of trust have on the work?

1.3 TRUST-BUILDING BEHAVIORS

We build trust by consistently demonstrating specific behaviors. If trust is the foundation of our

relationships and partnerships, then we must look at specific behaviors that we do (or do not)

demonstrate and how they may affect our partnerships.

Trust behaviors can be demonstrated during our personal interactions with an individual

(relationship-based) or through the work that we do each day (task-based). Some behaviors apply

to both the relationship and the task.

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

TYPES OF TRUST BUILDING BEHAVIORS

Relationship-based trust behaviors include:

 Be straightforward

— Talk to people truthfully and directly; don’t spin the facts

— Call it like it is, good or bad

— Show honesty and integrity; people know where you stand

 Show respect

— Treat every person with dignity and care

— Show genuine interest in helping people, regardless of who they are or their place in the

organizational structure

 Act and speak with transparency

— Share all, not partial, information

— Fully disclose your thoughts and agenda

— Be open with people about your thoughts and feelings

 Correct mistakes

— Recognize that everyone makes mistakes

— Take responsibility and fix your mistakes

— Demonstrate humility

 Demonstrate loyalty

— Maintain confidentiality

— Ensure that others receive credit when due

Task-based trust behaviors include:

 Deliver results

— Complete work and deliver results (as opposed to activities)

— Do not make excuses for poor results

— Accomplish goals on time

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 Personally improve

— Learn and grow in order to improve knowledge, skills, and abilities

— Value and act upon feedback from all sources

— Constantly learn

 Be realistic

— Do not hide the real issues or challenges

— Discuss tough issues and undiscussables

— Do not use rose-colored glasses for all situations

 Clarify expectations

— Discuss personal expectations

— Ask others for their expectations

— Surface and discuss changes in expectations

— Don’t assume that everyone shares the same expectations

 Demonstrate accountability

— Hold yourself and others accountable for work and commitments

— Do not blame others

— Take ownership for actions

— Clearly communicate status reports throughout work

Relationship- and task-based trust behaviors include:

 Listen before talking

— Try to understand others’ perspectives before disclosing your own

— Ask questions instead of making assumptions or inferences

— Seek to understand

— Listen for not only what is said, but what isn’t said

 Keep commitments

— Work to keep commitments at all costs

— Always keep your word

— Explicitly state your plans, then execute them

 Offer trust to others

— Give others trust

— Recognize that you must give trust in order to receive trust

— Recognize that trust can involve risks

Discussion

 In your experience, what behaviors build trust in the workplace?

 What behaviors can break trust in the workplace?

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

1.3.1 Six Steps to Rebuild Trust after You Break It

Although trust is generally considered an essential part of any effective relationship, many of us are unsure how to restore someone's trust when we have broken it. The following steps serve as a roadmap toward rebuilding that relationship:

Acknowledge what happened. If you are unsure about what you did, ask the other person to 1.

describe how you undermined their trust. Accept their feelings without becoming defensive. Ask

questions until you fully grasp what they say.

Apologize sincerely. Take full responsibility for your actions. Although you should not justify 2.

your actions, you may explain your intent. Remember, good intentions do not always result in

the impact we’d like.

Agree upon expectations for the future. Ask what you need to do differently and then commit 3.

to doing it.

Ask the other person to hold you accountable. Reaffirm your commitment to the relationship 4.

and the person’s interests or priorities.

Act consistently by ensuring your actions and words are aligned. Follow through on your 5.

commitments to the other person.

Ask for honest feedback. Regularly follow up with the other person to find out if the actions 6.

you are taking are working to rebuild their trust, and make changes as needed.

Discussion

 Do you agree with these steps to rebuild someone's trust after you break it?

 Are these the right steps?

 Would you change any of them based on your experience?

1.3.2 Steps to Take When Your Trust is Broken

Situations where trust is lost or broken can be difficult because they involve managing the negative

emotions that come with having your trust violated. But there are steps you can take to prevent the

situation from being further aggravated.

When someone else violates your trust, use these steps to manage your response

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Take a moment to cool down. Our instinct may be to lash out or take revenge, but nothing 1.

good comes from reacting in the heat of the moment. Regardless of how justified your feelings

may be, a knee-jerk reaction may only serve to reflect poorly on you.

Examine your assumptions. Are you certain the other person’s action was malicious? Could it 2.

have been an unintentional act? Consider all the evidence in deciding whether there could be

another explanation for what happened.

Approach the other person in a direct, non-attacking manner. State your understanding of 3.

the situation, and ask them to explain their side. For example, "At last week’s recognition

ceremony, I was surprised I wasn’t included when the director thanked all the other team

members by name. Could you tell me how this oversight happened?" Ask follow-up questions if

needed.

Ask for what you want the other person to do differently in the future. For example, "I 4.

would really like to be included in any team recognitions in the future. How do you think you can

make that happen?"

Watch and wait. You need to give the other person enough time to demonstrate a consistent 5.

change of behavior in similar situations in the future. Based on what you observe, you may be

able to trust them again, or you may need to be more cautious in your future interactions with

them.

Tip If the problem behavior persists or escalates, bring it to your supervisor’s attention or, if necessary, to your organization’s human resource department.

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

1.3.3 EXERCISE: MENDING FENCES Directions

Working in groups with your assigned scenario, put yourself in the shoes of the person who was 1.

betrayed.

Decide how to respond appropriately to the person who betrayed your trust. 2.

Prepare a role-play scenario based on your approach. 3.

Be prepared to perform your role play for the class. 4.

Scenario 1 You are working on a project with your coworker, Robert. Robert is likable and easy to work with, and is known for his expertise in your field. Although he is highly qualified, he tends to procrastinate and always asks you to pitch in on some of his tasks so he won’t miss deadlines. It bothers you that you end up doing most of the work, even though he is the more experienced team member. Recently, you came up with an innovative approach for one of the problems you've been working on. You emailed it to Robert asking for his input. He never responded. At your next meeting with the project sponsor, Robert raises the idea as his own.

Scenario 2 Karl joined your team three months ago, and quickly caught the attention of senior management for his achievements. He’s intelligent, articulate, and his problem-solving skills turned a troubled major initiative into a well-run operation. Within the team, however, he has developed a reputation for an abrasive communication style. He interrupts people, belittles ideas he doesn’t agree with, and accuses others of being overly sensitive if they have a problem with him. After one of his latest episodes, your coworker Lee asked you for your opinion of Karl. You told Lee what you thought his problems were, asking her to keep your comments private. That afternoon, Karl approaches you and tells you “So, I hear you think I’m…” and repeats the list of criticisms you told to Lee.

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Scenario 3 You just finished compiling a report on the quarterly metrics for your region, which is due to your regional headquarters by noon tomorrow. Since you’ll be in meetings the rest of the day, you ask your coworker Maria to drop the package off at the mailroom, explaining that it must arrive in time for the regional presentations tomorrow at noon, which she agrees to do. The next day, you find out that the package never arrived. You try to reach Maria, but she doesn’t respond to email or voicemail. When you go by her office, the package is sitting right where you left it yesterday.

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

LESSON 2

STRENGTHENING RELATIONSHIPS

WITH FEEDBACK

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 4.2.1 Provide feedback to others that is timely, accurate, relevant, and emphasizes the value of

the relationship

Establishing a productive working environment can be achieved by clearly communicating your

expectations and providing appropriate feedback. There are a number of criteria that distinguish

appropriate from inappropriate feedback. It is also important to consider whether the feedback that

is received or sent is optimal for the situation or behavior.

Consider the following elements in your strategy for giving and receiving feedback:

 The impact of the message on the receiver

 Determining the appropriate type of feedback for the situation

 Optimizing the manner in which the feedback is delivered and received

2.1 THE IMPACT OF FEEDBACK

Everyone has certain blind spots, whether it is with their work, behavior, or emotional awareness. A

blind spot is an area unknown to the person but known to others. The objective of feedback is to

reduce these blind spots, increase awareness, and create space for improvement and growth. This

applies to feedback between you and anyone you interact with in the workplace, not just between

an employee and their manager.

The impact of the feedback is important to keep in mind especially if the feedback needs to address

a difficult topic. Unless feedback is received well, it won't have the intended impact. The sender

ends up wasting their time and cannot remedy the issue, the receiver is at risk for getting feedback

on the wrong aspect of the issue, and the relationship can suffer as a result.

2.2 TYPES OF FEEDBACK

Not all feedback is the same. If the right type of feedback isn't implemented, the outcome can be

very different than what was intended.

There are two main types of feedback:

 Affirmative feedback. Increases commitment by reinforcing positive behaviors (e.g., "You

delivered your presentation very well."). This can have positive effects on an individual's

confidence and motivation. Benefits of affirmative feedback include:

— Uplifts change within an organization

— Enhances relationships between individuals

— Improves general morale

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 Corrective feedback. Identifies where the person needs to put in effort, and offers insight into

how to improve (e.g., "You entered the data in the wrong fields."). Benefits of corrective

feedback include:

— Aids personal development

— Improves individual and team performance

— Enhances effectiveness of a task, activity, or behavior

Both types of feedback are important in improving individual, team, and organizational

performance.1

2.3 ACHIEVING OPTIMAL FEEDBACK

After determining whether the feedback is affirmative or corrective, it is important to ensure that it is

delivered optimally to have the greatest impact.

Addressing all four components empowers the recipient to achieve the best results

Optimal feedback is:

 Relevant. The recipient of feedback must perceive it to be relevant to their personal or

professional lives. Focusing on what an individual has the ability to control allows them to take

ownership of their actions.

 Timely. Feedback must be provided in a timely manner. Feedback given days or weeks after an

event has occurred lessens its value because it can no longer be applied.

 Accurate. Before providing feedback, make sure you have the correct facts. Validate

secondhand information before using it as a basis to provide feedback.

 Focused on the relationship. This is the most overlooked criterion in providing feedback.

While addressing mistakes is important, feedback that is offered out of a sincere desire to help

the other person grow benefits both parties.

1 Hattie and Timperley 2007

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

2.3.1 Giving Constructive Feedback

Ultimately, the reason for providing constructive feedback is

to improve progress toward achieving individual, group, and

organizational goals. In essence: be timely and specific, not

general; focus on the behavior and impact of the behavior

(why it made a difference); express positive intent and a

sincere desire to help the recipients of your feedback.

When giving constructive feedback, follow these guidelines:

 Prepare for the feedback session:

— If you are frustrated or angry, allow your emotions to

subside before giving feedback

— Practice stating what you have observed and its

impact to the organizational goals

 Be sensitive to timing:

— Avoid giving difficult feedback when a person has no time to respond, or when other issues

may inhibit their receptivity

— Tell the person that you would like to share some feedback and ask if now or later would

be a good time

 Stick to the facts:

— Difficult situations sometimes prompt us to talk at length about how much we dislike

another’s behavior or work habits

— Effective feedback must be fact-based

— Discuss only what actually happened without value judgments and opinions

 Keep it simple:

— By sticking to the facts, the feedback message will usually be short and simple

— Saying too much can obscure the main message and lead to sidetrack conversations

2.3.2 Receiving Feedback Gracefully

Receiving constructive criticism or feedback is a key aspect

of growing as a person.

The truth is that criticism can hurt. Often, we say we are open

to feedback when in fact we are not. We all want to be liked

and admired. Sometimes feedback can put a dent in our self-

esteem.

Consider these strategies for receiving feedback with grace and dignity:

 Listen actively:2

— Maintain eye contact and open body language

— Summarize what was said

— Clarify with questions, if needed

2 Kruse 2014

The purpose of feedback is to help another person improve or strengthen their performance

Being open to feedback is essential

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 Avoid arguing:

— Openly disagreeing signals that you are not receptive

— Always thank the person giving the feedback

 Pay attention:

— Look for ways to apply the feedback you have received

— If you apply the feedback, share your results with the feedback giver

 Don't be defensive.3 Maintain openness and approachability.

 Do your best to suspend judgment. Look for ways to gain insight about how you are

perceived.

 Corroborate the feedback:

— Take the risk to check in with others

— Ask for their candid opinion

Discussion

 What challenging situations have you experienced when giving or receiving feedback?

 How did you overcome these challenges?

3 Heathfield 2016

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

2.3.3 EXERCISE: GIVING BETTER FEEDBACK Directions

In your groups, have one person identify an instance from personal experience when they 1.

needed to provide feedback to a coworker.

Using the Providing Feedback Checklist, decide how to provide feedback to the coworker. 2.

Using the Receiving Feedback Checklist, put yourself in the coworker’s shoes and anticipate 3.

how they would respond to your feedback.

TABLE: PROVIDING FEEDBACK CHECKLIST

Step Guidance Notes

Examine your 1. motives.

Where are you coming from? Is it from anger or a desire to build trust and connection with the other person? Are you judging the other person? Are you trying to prove that you’re right? Is it affirmative or constructive?

Prepare specific 2. examples.

Do you have supporting facts from the past that can serve as an example?

Set the context. 3. Depending on the type of feedback, you may need to ask the other person for specific time to meet with you. Make sure to set aside enough time to answer questions. For constructive feedback, ensure that you have a private, neutral place for the meeting.

Start the 4. conversation.

Emphasize your respect for the other person and your desire to see them be successful. One example is to say, “Out of respect for you, I feel I need to tell you…” Use any language that feels natural to you.

Provide your 5. feedback.

Examples include:

 This briefing may be easier to follow if you use the sample we talked about earlier

 I realize no one likes to do this task, but you did it pretty well last time. I need you to do the same thing this time.

 You need to do more research on the recycling initiative. Would you like me to show you what I’m talking about?

Invite the other 6. person to share any feedback about you.

Your willingness to receive feedback from them shows that you value their opinion, and they may be more likely to value yours in return. Thank the other person for receiving your feedback.

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TABLE: RECEIVING FEEDBACK CHECKLIST

Step Guidance Notes

Consider all 1. sources of potential feedback.

Are you actively asking for feedback from all of your stakeholders? Who else could provide you with valuable input? Can you create a system for getting valuable feedback for your development?

Determine the type 2. of feedback.

Is it affirmative or corrective?

Assess your gut 3. reaction.

Are you focusing on protecting yourself or on building trust and connection? Try to suppress any self-protection instincts that may occur.

Ask clarifying 4. questions.

Ensure that you get the most value out of the feedback. You can show respect for the other person by seeking to understand their perspective.

Consider whether 5. the feedback is valid.

Unfortunately, some people may not have the best intentions when giving you feedback. If any comments are not serving your development, decide to let go of them. If this feedback is similar to feedback that you have received before, you may want to explore it further.

Commit to 6. reasonable action.

Decide what actions you feel would be appropriate for you to take. If you’re unsure, tell the other person that you’d like to think about it, and get back to them later. However, if you don’t want to take action at all, consider why. Are you resisting something? Do you think you’re in the right about this?

Use steps 1–2 if you want to ask others to give you feedback. Start at step 3 if another person is providing feedback to you.

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

LESSON 3

EXPRESSING GRATITUDE AND

APPRECIATION

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 4.3.1 Construct sincere expressions of gratitude that include all elements of the Three-Part Model

of Appreciation

Most people are motivated by positive reinforcement, yet many feel that more time is spent

punishing poor performance than recognizing great performance at work. If employees feel

appreciated for the work that they do, they tend to be happier in their overall job environment. It is

important to make sure the types of compliments that are delivered are genuine and sincere, to

ensure the receiver fully understands the depth of appreciation. By adding details and context, a

cliche statement can be transformed into a meaningful compliment. Compliments that are perceived

as disingenuous can cause more harm than good.

3.1 THE POWER OF GRATITUDE

Gratefulness has two sides:

 Inner attitude. To express gratitude in a meaningful way,

a person needs to feel grateful, and that often involves

looking at a person or situation from a new angle. Thus,

gratitude starts with the way we look at our lives and the

way we turn the events of our lives into meaningful

stories.

 Outward action. Expressing gratitude is a conscious

action, like opening a door for someone or offering to help

someone in need without expecting anything in return.

The inner attitude often drives the outward action, but it can also work in reverse. By adopting a

discipline of expressing gratitude on a regular basis, a grateful inner attitude can develop over time.

Discussion

 What would be different if you felt more appreciated at work?

 What would be different if you expressed more appreciation to others?

An outward expression of appreciation starts with a grateful mindset

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3.2 THREE-PART MODEL OF APPRECIATION Although most common compliments sound like praise, often there is very little depth or personalization.

 You are the best!

 Thank you—you’re amazing.

 You did a great job on this!

There are several reasons why a generic compliment may not be received in the same manner it was intended:

 The compliment, although positive, is a judgment on the recipient, and most people dislike being

judged

 There is no “I feel” to anchor the feelings as belonging specifically to the giver of appreciation.

Without a connection between the giver and receiver in the compliment, it can seem inauthentic

and hollow.

 The expressions of gratitude do not inform the receiver what exactly is being appreciated about

them

The Three-Part Model of Appreciation provides a method of giving compliments that have weight. It

provides a structure that can be easily used by the sender and understood by the receiver. This

model has the person share the details of their experience as a result of another person’s action.1

The Three-Part Model of Appreciation consists of:

Your observation of another person's action (When I saw/heard...) 1.

A positive emotion you experienced as a result of your observation (I felt...) 2.

The reason for your emotion based on the other person's action (because I...) 3.

The table Using the Three-Part Model of Appreciation provides sample messages constructed

using this model.

TABLE: USING THE THREE-PART MODEL OF APPRECIATION

1. When I saw/heard... 2. I felt... 3. Because I...

When I saw that you fixed the software I felt very grateful because now I can complete my project on time.

When I heard you resolving a problem with a difficult customer

I felt impressed because I always struggle with those situations.

When I saw your final report I felt excited because I know our client will be very happy with it.

The key to the Three-Part Model is to focus on quality, not quantity. A single detailed expression of

gratitude will make the receiver more appreciative than a dozen generic clichés. The receiver will

recognize the effort you put into developing a well-thought out expression of gratitude, in which they

are truly being appreciated for a specific action or behavior.

1 Rivers 2015

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

3.2.1 EXERCISE: APPLYING THE THREE-PART MODEL OF APPRECIATION

Directions

Working individually, think of three people for whom you are grateful at your workplace. 1.

Use the Three-Part Model of Appreciation to construct a sincere expression of gratitude for each 2.

person: When I saw/heard [observation], I felt [emotion] because I [reason].

Be prepared to share your examples. 3.

Tip Remember to format your expression of gratitude using the Three-Part Model of Appreciation:

When I saw/heard [observation], I felt [emotion] because I [reason].

Expressions of Gratitude

1. Who is this expression of gratitude for?

What is your expression of gratitude?

2. Who is this expression of gratitude for?

What is your expression of gratitude?

3. Who is this expression of gratitude for?

What is your expression of gratitude?

MODULE 4 | FORMING CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS

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Action Planning

Refer to the Action Plan and record ideas to implement from this module.

Dealing with Difficult Interpersonal Relationships

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT

INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Module Objective

 Use strategies to successfully overcome tense situations and restore confidence in relationships

Sometimes we work with people we don’t get along with. This could be because we are unable to

relate to them or perhaps it is simply a clash of different personalities. Or maybe there was a more

serious falling out in the past.

One of the most important interpersonal skills is the ability to have difficult conversations with

others. Though our natural inclination may be to avoid these interactions, the process of working

through workplace issues has the potential to strengthen relationships. These types of interactions

require extra attention to the context of the situation, an awareness of our own emotional state, and

the needs of others. By handling conflict in a productive manner, we are able to benefit from the

opportunities that come out of conflict situations.

Lessons

1. Resolving Conflict

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MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

LESSON 1

RESOLVING CONFLICT

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 5.1.1 Develop solutions to conflict scenarios that incorporate the needs of both parties according

to the CALM model of conflict resolution

Discussion

 Is conflict good or bad? Which resonates with you and why?

Conflict occurs when the parties involved have different needs, ideas, and goals. It is a natural part

of human interaction, and therefore, it is a part of everyday life and common in organizations.

Although conflict is usually uncomfortable, it is important to understand that it is natural and that it

will occur. Because conflict is a part of human interaction, it cannot and should not be eliminated.

Therefore, it is necessary to understand how to manage conflict situations effectively. If managed

effectively, conflict can favorably impact the organization and enrich the individual. In fact, conflict

can actually improve organizations by encouraging people to develop creative solutions to

problems.

For this to work, however, you must resolve conflict using a collaborative approach, which leaves

everyone feeling satisfied. The first step in resolving conflict is to recognize it when it occurs. This is

not merely sensing that something is wrong, or realizing that an offense has taken place. Rather,

the key to recognizing conflict is to understand the various types and sources, which will help you

assess the conflict situation objectively and ultimately find a way to move toward resolution.

In Toward a New Psychology of Women, Jean Baker Miller wrote, "Conflict is a source of all growth

and an absolute necessity if one is to be alive."1

Discussion

 How do you know you are in a conflict situation?

1 Miller 1976

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

112 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.1 EXERCISE: WHAT TO DO WHEN CONFLICT HAPPENS

Directions

Watch the video titled CALM Model of Conflict Resolution: Interpersonal Skills. 1.

Note the key points. 2.

Be prepared to share your observations with the class. 3.

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

1.2 THE CALM MODEL OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION The CALM model provides a way to establish a spirit of cooperation and improve relationships through conflict resolution:

 Clarify the issue

 Address the problem

 Listen to the other side

 Manage your way to resolution

In the Clarify stage, answering the following questions can help you think clearly about the conflict:

What am I upset about? 1.

What exactly am I feeling (anger, frustration, threatened, etc.)? 2.

How might I have contributed to the problem? 3.

Is there a chance that I’m overreacting to the situation? 4.

What are my desired outcomes for this situation? 5.

If I was the other person involved in the conflict, how would I want to be approached and dealt 6.

with?

1.3 TYPES OF CONFLICT

Each conflict is unique, depending on the people and issues involved. However, all conflict

situations fall into one or more of the following categories.

TYPES OF CONFLICT

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

114 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.3.1 Intrapersonal

Intrapersonal conflicts occur within an individual. They develop when we experience situations that

we cannot solve the way we desire. Our tasks either do not fulfill our personal needs and wants or

are in conflict with our value system.

Intrapersonal conflict is rooted in:

 A search for a balance within. For example, Joe told the team he agrees with the

implementation plan, but he really believes the quality assurance standards should be higher so

risk of injury is diminished. His actions and words are not congruent with his values and beliefs.

 A search for behavior that is appropriate to each situation in life. For example, Sally needs

to align her behaviors with beliefs developed from past experience. She may ask herself, “If I do

this, then that is likely to be the outcome based on experience in similar situations. Is that

outcome acceptable to me?”

 Problem solving and decision making. For example, Markus is working through an issue to

solve the problem or come to a decision. He is in conflict because multiple approaches or

solutions are being considered. The conflict stems from having to weigh the pros and cons of

each solution.

 Role conflict. For example, Maria is in conflict when the actions and words being used do not

match the role or position she is in. She is conflicted because the feedback she is giving to a

colleague is from a manager’s perspective and she is not in a management role. She fears she

may be overstepping her bounds, but believes the person needs to hear the feedback.

 Changing behavior. For example, Abdul is in the habit of working with his door closed. He

believes he is more productive. However, in his new role as the manager, he thinks to appear

more approachable he must leave the door open. His change in behavior is conflicting because

he perceives that he is not able to focus on his projects, but his staff is approaching him with

issues that require his attention. He will likely feel conflicted until he can achieve a new balance.

1.3.2 Interpersonal

Interpersonal conflicts occur among individuals. They often develop where there are differences in

age, sex, race, values, and power. Such personal needs as love, recognition, security,

independence, and respect are at stake in many of these conflicts.

Interpersonal conflict emerges because of:

 Competition for scarce goods or resources, such as time and space. For example, there is

one position opening and two employees are competing for the promotion.

 Distrust and suspicion. For example, one employee does not trust that the other has the

team’s best interest in mind when making decisions that affect the team.

 Value differences. For example, an executive-level decision must be made that impacts the

well-being of the organization. One manager values the human aspect of the organization and

the other’s values are aligned with ensuring the structural and financial health of the

organization.

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

 A struggle for power. For example, two departments within the organization are working on

the same project. Each is vying for the opportunity to influence the decision makers to support

the interest of their department.

 Perceived inequalities. For example, one staff member does not believe that he receives the

same support and resources necessary to complete his objectives as does his coworker who

has the same objectives.

1.3.3 Intragroup

Intragroup conflicts occur within a group. They usually develop when expectations and

responsibilities are not well defined, rewards are not equitable, and there is poor communication

among group members.

Intragroup conflict is rooted in:

 Unclear goals and norms. The goal is not clearly articulated, leaving the members of the

group to each draw their own conclusions about what the goal as stated means.

 Distrustful relationships. Within the group, there is mistrust of one another or specific

members of the group.

 Power distribution. Within the group, the power structure has not been clearly defined or is

inequitable.

 Reward distribution. Recognition or compensation of members of the group is not perceived to

be equitable.

 Poor construction. The group is comprised of the wrong people to achieve the objective at

hand.

1.3.4 Intergroup

Intergroup conflicts occur between groups, such as between similar or different groups, between

groups within a larger organization, or between groups in different organizations.

This kind of conflict centers around the same areas as intragroup conflict and has comparable

consequences in the greater social environment.

Intergroup conflicts often develop when groups are different and have varying power bases and

goals. For example, one division in an organization has more power than another division. Conflict

arises when the more powerful division makes decisions affecting the other division, or when the

more powerful division’s contributions or recommendations are more highly recognized than those

of the other division.

Discussion

 What types of conflict were presented in the video CALM Model of Conflict Resolution: Interpersonal Skills?

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

116 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.4 CAUSES OF CONFLICT

Discussion

 Why is it important to understand the cause of a conflict?

 How do you find out the root cause of a conflict?

SEVEN CAUSES OF CONFLICT

There may be numerous elements at play in a conflict situation. These elements can be attributed

to an individual or to a group, thus increasing the complexity of identifying the causes of the conflict.

Conflict occurs when there are discrepancies between the parties involved within any of the

elements at either the individual or group level.

1.4.1 Values

The cause of this kind of conflict is differences in morals, ideology, or philosophy. Value differences

tend to be rooted in upbringing, education, and religious orientation. The more people share values,

the less conflict will occur over moral, ideological, or philosophical issues. If groups can identify and

align with a set of values, the potential for conflicts is diminished because decisions can be made

using the defined and agreed-upon values as a guideline.

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

1.4.2 Culture

The concept of culture is very complex. Its meaning is broader than we might think. People make sense of the world by looking through their cultural lens, which is created and changed through social interaction. It affects the way people think and react. While conflict comes from many sources, cultural differences play an important role in the creation of conflict and how people respond to it.

 Individual culture. As a part of a culture, the individual may have adopted the characteristics of

the culture, which can influence how conflict is expressed. It is difficult for people to recognize

their own culture until exposed to one that is different from their own.

 Organizational culture. Organizational culture is shaped by the individuals within the

organization and by groups who interact with it. The way of life or culture within the organization

may or may not reflect the officially stated organizational values. Organizational culture can shift

when a person leaves or joins the organization, or when there is organizational change such as

restructuring. Outside changes can also affect organizational culture.

— Within most organizations, sub-cultures exist for a number of reasons. Therefore, sub-

cultural differences can exist between different groups in the same organization.

1.4.3 Goals

Parties disagreeing about what is important cause conflict related to goals:

 As individuals, goals can be wants, needs, or expectations

 At the group level, conflict occurs when individuals interpret the organization’s goals differently

Because this conflict is more subjective and involves a higher degree of personal commitment and

risk, conflict over goals has a greater potential for volatility than conflict over approach or

information.

Discussion

 What are some examples of unmet needs?

 How can you become more aware when your needs are not being met?

1.4.4 Approach

Individuals approach conflict situations differently. These differences may involve the way an

individual deals with conflict, communicates through the conflict, or strategizes to address the issue.

Organizational culture can also either increase or decrease someone’s willingness and ability to

handle conflict well.

Conflict can result from a group whose members have different personal styles or practices. Conflict

stemming from disagreement as to what strategy should be used, such as a method or procedure,

can usually be managed objectively, even though personal opinion may enter into the process.

1.4.5 Information

Conflict over facts is the most frequent cause of conflict. Fortunately, it is also the easiest to

resolve. A disagreement about information is usually objective in nature, and non-volatile. The

parties in conflict usually resolve their differences by comparing the object of the conflict to a

standard, or by referring to a mutually acceptable authority.

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

118 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.4.6 Position

When people interact, there is a relationship between the parties involved. Each participant has a

role in that relationship. An individual’s role is characterized by what actions they are expected to

take and the degree of power they may exert. The status of the individual or group can significantly

affect a conflict situation.

1.4.7 Perceptions

Perceptions influence what we believe to be true and guide our actions. Perceptual differences

develop because people have had different experiences with similar situations. These differences

are created by the different contexts in which people encounter other people, events, or things.

When people enter new situations, they tend to select information from the situation on the basis of

what experience has shown to be most relevant. They tend to interpret it in a manner consistent

with their experience and in keeping with their own value system. Thus, it is not unusual that the

same data may produce distinctly different perceptual images in the minds of different individuals. It

is important that people become more aware of their perceptions and make conscious choices

about what they perceive.

Three factors tend to complicate the problem of perceptual differences, making this source of conflict one of the most important sources to understand thoroughly:

Perceptions. No one can always see the whole situation as it really exists. What cannot be 1.

seen is filled by assumptions that are likely to be shaped by individual biases. Accepting and

evaluating other people’s perceptions will help form more accurate assumptions.

Assumptions. People tend to assume others see things the same way they do. As a result, 2.

people tend to misinterpret the source of conflict and assume it is based on a character flaw

rather than being a matter of perspective, thus blocking any hope of resolution.

Emotions. Emotional feelings (anger, frustration, anxiety, etc.) tend to distort perceptions. Minor 3.

differences in opinion are blown out of proportion, and solid support for one’s view is found in

even the most tangential evidence.

Perceptions come from projecting what we believe to be true onto a situation or person, instead of

fully engaging our senses to understand what is happening or being said. Allowing our minds to fill

in the blanks with our own biases and beliefs while half listening or reading something important

can cause conflicts between people.

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Example: Conflict Scenario Company A recently consolidated several small units into two major departments responsible for supporting customers who have purchased Company A's products. The Owner Support department is responsible for responding to customer question about the use of their products, while the Quality department is responsible for conducting quality control before products are sent to customers.

The company makes a brief announcement about the consolidation to all employees and includes a description of the new responsibilities of both departments.

Shortly after the announcement, the Owner Support managers create a system for logging and tracking the incoming customer questions, and assign each inquiry to an Owner Support team member.

The Owner Support team notices that many customer questions are related to quality issues with the products. Knowing this is the responsibility of the Quality department, the Owner Support team members reach out directly to the Quality team members hoping they can quickly answer these questions.

The Quality team becomes annoyed by these requests because they feel it is not their job to answer questions about the products. They are also flustered because they do not have time to complete their normal responsibilities and engage in customer support.

When the Quality team notifies their managers about the requests from the Owner Support department, the managers are outraged that they were not included in the communications from the Owner Support team members. They are also irritated that the Owner Support team members are taking up the Quality team's time that has been allotted for other tasks.

Discussion

 What perceptions are the source of the conflict in the conflict scenario?

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

120 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.5 EFFECTS OF CONFLICT Conflict that is not managed effectively or remains unresolved can produce outcomes that are damaging to the individual as well as the group. The ill effects of conflict include:2

 Impeded productivity. If people are in conflict with one another and will not work together, then

things may not get done.

 Diminished quality of work. If people involved in the conflict tend to avoid conflict situations,

the quality of the work may suffer because the decisions and actions taken were a compromise

and not necessarily the best solution.

 Increased cost. The loss of productivity and the cost of poor decisions directly impact the

bottom line.

 Increased competitiveness. A breakdown in cooperation can lead to mistakes or duplication of

effort because information or resources are not being shared.

 Lowered morale. Employees who find conflict uncomfortable or unpleasant and are exposed to

it repeatedly or for long period of time can demonstrate behaviors consistent with poor morale.

 Drained energy. If an employee is in conflict and unhappy and under stress, they may expend

a lot of negative energy during the workday. This could impact the positive energy that could be

put towards being productive.

 Harbored anger and hostility. A prior conflict experience or an unresolved conflict can impact

an individual’s interaction with the same party or parties in another situation.

 Diminished physical and mental well-being. Stress brought on by conflict can have physical

implications such as fatigue, inability to concentrate, headaches, digestive disorders, etc.

 Increased absenteeism. Any physical manifestations of stress or an employee’s unwillingness

to engage can result in employee absenteeism.

 Increased attrition. An employee who feels the conflict is severe and having significant impact

may decide to leave the organization.

2 Hocker and Wilmot 2014

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

1.6 RESPONDING TO CONFLICT CONFLICT STYLES

There are five basic conflict styles that describe the ways in which people respond to conflict.3 Each

style can be valuable as long as it is used in the right context. No single conflict style fits all

situations, so knowing how to apply different styles will improve your skills in resolving conflict.

3 Carter 2005

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

122 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Although most people respond to conflict instinctively, the conflict style you are most comfortable with may not be the right one for a given situation. Deciding which style is appropriate is based on two factors:

 Importance of the relationship. The type of relationship helps determine how someone will

respond to another person. If the relationship is one in which the parties have gotten along in

the past, they are less likely to get into conflict than in a relationship in which they have regularly

been at odds with each other. Relationships that include a strong sense of trust and

commitment can more effectively manage a conflict situation. Because the parties involved have

a lot invested in the relationship, they are more likely to expend the energy to resolve the

conflict. Experience may have shown that conflict is productive and ultimately strengthens the

relationship.

 Importance of the outcome. Resolving conflict is an investment of time and energy. If

something is not important, people are not as likely to enter into conflict and are more likely to

avoid the conflict or accommodate the other person’s wishes.

Once the conflict is recognized and the elements of conflict

have been considered, each participant in the conflict will

assert a conflict style to negotiate their way through the

conflict. The effect of each style should be carefully evaluated

before it is used to ensure that it fits your value system, is

appropriate for the situation, and is likely to be effective.

1.6.1 Accommodate: I Lose/You Win

Giving in to someone else’s needs is a form of

accommodating. This also means that you may tend to put

aside your own needs, probably because you perceive them as less important.

By accommodating, you lose because you have let the other person win. A potential problem with

accommodating is that over time, you may regret not having your needs met. Accommodating

emphasizes maintaining a good relationship and it is a way of smoothing over or suppressing a

conflict.

1.6.2 Avoid: I Lose/You Lose

Someone may postpone conflict as a short-term strategy to prevent making things worse or to buy

time to figure out how to handle the situation. Someone who regularly avoids conflict usually does

not feel comfortable dealing with it. Unresolved conflict results in both people losing something

significant when the relationship or outcome is important.

1.6.3 Compete: I Win/You Lose

Some people are more competitive than others. There are people who are willing to fight for what

they want or believe in, but only when it is important to them. There are others who simply seem to

enjoy fighting. Other people don’t care for the adversarial relationship of competition and avoid it at

all costs. Competing is appropriate when a quick decision is needed or when someone needs to

defend something that is valued deeply, such as an ethical standard. This may be the best

approach when the relationship is not very important but the outcome is critical.

Compare the pros and cons of each approach before deciding which is appropriate

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

1.6.4 Compromise: We Both Win/We Both Lose

The perception is that compromising is fair, and both sides win because they each get something

out of the conflict. Although both sides get some of their needs met, both people also lose

something in the process and are often unsatisfied. Compromising works best when the relationship

is reasonably important and the outcome isn’t critical to either person.

1.6.5 Collaborate: I Win/You Win

Collaboration is the process of working together to resolve a particular problem. Collaboration and

problem-solving work well when the relationship and outcome are both important. It requires good

communication, trust, and a respect for the process. It should also include respect for the other

person.

Collaboration is usually not easy, especially if the conflict has been continuous or progressive. This

style can promote good decision-making and help build long-term relationships. As a result, both

sides will be more willing to work together in the future. The collaboration approach is also the most

time-consuming approach but can be very satisfying, which is why it is considered a win-win

solution.

Discussion

 What conflict style does the CALM model encourage? Why?

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

124 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.6.6 EXERCISE: HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICT? Directions

Working individually, review the conflict style descriptions. 1.

Reflect on your conflict style and answer the questions. 2.

Questions

1. Which conflict style do you tend to use most often at work?

2. Which conflict style do you use when dealing with family and friends?

3. Comparing your styles at work and home, what stands out to you?

4. Given your responses, what areas do you want to develop in order to handle conflict more

effectively?

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

1.7 MANAGING CONFLICT TO RESOLUTION

Keys to Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution is a combination of conflict-handling techniques, good communication, and

interpersonal skills. There are quite a few strategies for effective conflict management. Effective

conflict-management techniques seek to identify problems, determine areas of common ground or

shared interest, recognize the importance of differing values and perceptions, and whenever

possible, solve the problem to everyone’s mutual satisfaction.

1.7.1 Create a Healthy Environment

Establishing an environment that is conducive for effective conflict resolution can be achieved through the ways you interact with others:

 Cultivate a positive attitude about conflict. Regardless of the source, conflict can be a

positive force, even though there are times when it leads to unproductive results. It is through

disagreement that various perspectives on a situation can be explored. Often a better decision

can be reached by examining a situation through a greater variety of viewpoints. Promoting

healthy conflict can be achieved by structuring workgroups so that people with different

approaches, strengths, and perspectives must work together to achieve a common goal.

 Create a sense of safety. A need for safety can be physical, emotional, or financial. You can

demonstrate this by maintaining confidentiality and preventing a conflict from becoming a public

event. People also find comfort in knowing they will not build resentment in their colleagues by

offering a difference of opinion.

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

126 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

 Be open and honest in your communication. When people feel they are in a safe

environment, they are more likely to be open and honest in their communication. It is still

important to temper your honesty with tact and diplomacy.

 Be mindful of appropriate language. Effective communication is vital to resolving conflict.

Your word choice and tone are very important. Be prepared to adapt your style and the structure

of your conversation based on the other party’s responses. Plan ahead and consider how the

other person is likely to interpret the response.

 Time your response appropriately. Usually, it is best to respond to conflict quickly, especially

if the conflict could escalate. However, there are times to avoid conflict or postpone addressing

the problem. For example, you may need more time to think through how you want to approach

the person on the issue, or the setting in which the conflict occurs is not appropriate for further

discussion. Be careful about waiting too long to address an issue, or it could result in lost

productivity or resources.

1.7.2 Promote a Collaborative Approach

Unless there is agreement on the problem, the conflict can’t be resolved. Once both parties understand the problem, try to appreciate the other person’s perspective (not necessarily agreement.) This will help create a willingness to listen and work together. To effectively use the collaboration style to resolve conflict:

 Agree to collaborate. Collaboration requires that all parties involved agree to apply a

collaborative style to resolve the conflict. Collaboration doesn’t necessarily come naturally, so it

requires that people stay focused on the process.

 Explore and clarify the problem. Unless there is a common understanding of the problem,

neither party is likely to meet their own needs. Identify the issues for each side—what is

important and why it makes a difference. The goal is to meet everyone’s needs, and this

requires sharing information.

 Create lots of options. This is also known as brainstorming. Try to avoid the “yes, but”

syndrome. Too often, possible solutions are lost because they are dismissed before they can be

explored. Creative solutions can come from combining options that are not feasible on their

own.

 Assess the alternatives. Again, try to explore all possibilities. The needs and concerns that

were identified while exploring the problem can be used to assess an option—does it meet

everyone’s needs? If not, is there a way to modify the option or combine it with another one to

make it viable? If discussion is stalled or emotions get too high, go back to why the parties want

to resolve the problem, take a break, or look at whether or not there is agreement on the

problem.

 Plan for resolution. Once there is agreement on the best option or options, make a plan for

how to implement it. This means getting specific—who will do what, how, and when. Planning

may need to continue at another time or after the solution has been attempted. Conflict

resolution requires trust, and that may not come easily.

1.7.3 Prepare for Your Conversation

If you think you are ready to approach someone regarding a conflict situation then take a few

moments to prepare for your conversation.

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Refer to these guidelines as suggested in Susan Langlitz’s book, Eureka!4

Assess your feelings. It is normal to feel anger, betrayal, frustration, or confusion when faced 1.

with a conflict. It is important to work through these feelings so you can maintain a sense of

composure during the conversation.

Examine your purpose. Consider the situation. What happened? Determine what results you 2.

desire for your conversation. Focus on the problem, not the person. As Ken Cloke and Joan

Goldsmith wrote, "Define the problem as a person and you're in trouble; define it as a behavior

and you can do something."5

Express a common goal. Determine what each of you stands to gain in the resolution of the 3.

issue. Identify the value for the other person in order for them to engage in working to resolve

the problem.

Uncover each person’s contribution versus blame. Each party should have the opportunity 4.

to explain their perspective of the event. Avoid laying blame, which involves making

assumptions about the other person's intentions. Take ownership of mistakes you made.

Admitting to and apologizing for your mistakes can be a powerful means of gaining trust and

respect from the other party.

Outline the facts. Focus on the facts of the situation. Identify things like who, what, when, and 5.

where as related to the issue.

Propose a solution. Prepare for the conversation by outlining your suggestions for a resolution. 6.

Bear in mind that when you have the conversation you will need to ask for and listen to the other

party’s suggestions. Using a collaborative approach means you will work through the proposed

suggestions until you find a solution that all parties can agree upon.

Agree to next steps. If you have been able to come to agreement in your conversation, then 7.

identify who is responsible for what action as it relates to your decided solution. In some cases,

the other party will not be prepared to discuss proposed solutions and therefore your next step

may be to agree to meet on the subject later.

Example: Conflict Clarification Questions Asking yourself these questions will help you get a handle on the conflict situation:6

What am I upset about? 1. What exactly am I feeling (anger, frustration, threatened, 2.

etc.)? How might I have contributed to the problem? 3. Is there a chance that I’m overreacting to the situation? 4. What are my desired outcomes for this situation? 5. If I was the other person involved in the conflict, how would I 6.

want to be approached and dealt with?

4 Langlitz 2003

5 Cloke and Goldsmith 2000

6 CRM Learning 2009

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

128 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

1.7.4 EXERCISE: CONFLICT RESOLUTION Directions

Review the three conflict scenarios. 1.

Working in groups, apply the CALM model to: 2.

— Identify the issue(s) involved in the conflict

— Generate potential resolutions that consider the needs of all parties

— Recommend actions to avoid similar conflicts in the future

Be prepared to discuss your answers with the class. 3.

Scenario 1 Your supervisor, Lillian, is generally very supportive of the members of her team. She has a caring and affable demeanor, and you really respect her on a personal level. However, she has a habit of giving very little direction or information about project assignments. Kickoff meetings often leave you with more questions than answers. She also has a tendency to swoop in at the last minute to micromanage your work. Whenever Lillian’s supervisor sends a request, she goes into a tailspin of anxiety, emailing you and then coming by your office if you don’t immediately respond. You have talked to other members of the team, and they have expressed feeling agitated and demoralized by Lillian's lack of trust in their work. You want to bring this up to Lillian, but you are sure that she will take it personally and will be hurt by your feedback.

Scenario 1 Questions

1. What are the issues involved?

2. What are the potential resolutions?

3. What actions would you recommend to avoid similar conflicts in the future?

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Scenario 2 It is 4:00 p.m. on a Friday when you receive an email from one of your coworkers, Gary. He asks for your help with a project he is working on with the IT department. He is having trouble with a software application that you have a great deal of experience using. He wants to set up a two-hour meeting on Monday morning so that you can teach him the application. You have several mission-critical project milestones coming up and really feel like you have no extra time to spare. You send a short reply telling Gary that you will not be able to help him next week because of your tight deadlines.

On Monday morning, you open your inbox to find a meeting request from your manager. It seems Gary forwarded your email directly to your manager, and now he wants to hold a meeting to discuss your willingness to be a team player in the organization. You immediately feel a wave of frustration wash over you, thinking about how you are now going to be punished for prioritizing your work over Gary's. You are frustrated at both Gary and your boss for not trusting your decision-making.

Scenario 2 Questions

4. What are the issues involved?

5. What are the potential resolutions?

6. What actions would you recommend to avoid similar conflicts in the future?

LESSON 1 | RESOLVING CONFLICT

130 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Scenario 3 You are the longest-tenured member of your team. You pride yourself on your hard work, attention to detail, and ability to meet project deadlines. Other members of your team do not seem as diligent with their work. Deadlines are often missed, communication is lacking, and projects are frequently over budget. To combat these trends, your manager has scheduled a day-long mandatory team workshop to discuss ways of prioritizing work and effectively communicating with others. You are not happy about having to attend this meeting. You have never had any problem getting your work done, and you are upset that you will lose a day of work because others on your team cannot pull their own weight. You resent the implication from your manager that you are not getting things done properly.

Scenario 3 Questions

7. What are the issues involved?

8. What are the potential resolutions?

9. What actions would you recommend to avoid similar conflicts in the future?

MODULE 5 | DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Action Planning

Refer to the Action Plan and record ideas to implement from this module.

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132 © Management Concepts. See inside front cover for additional details.

Binding Teams

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

BINDING TEAMS

Module Objective

 Apply interpersonal skills to virtual work environments and novel scenarios

Relationships with team members play a significant part in the effectiveness of the team:

 Do you trust them?

 Are you engaged in a conflict with another team member?

 Is your team cohesive?

These questions highlight the importance of using interpersonal skills to build cohesive and

effective teams, whether co-located, virtual, or a hybrid.

Lessons

1. Interpersonal Skills on Virtual Teams

2. Capstone: EXIT Game (EXperiential Interpersonal Techniques)

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MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

LESSON 1

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS ON VIRTUAL

TEAMS

Lesson Objective

After completing this lesson, you will be able to: 6.1.1 Demonstrate the ability to communicate effectively and defuse conflict on virtual teams

Interpersonal skills-based development is when a team fosters human connections among

members who work remotely. The manager and team members take actions to manage conflict,

build trust, develop professionally, and create motivation and engagement. The team actively

manages up, controlling expectations both internal and external to the team.

1.1 OVERVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS-BASED DEVELOPMENT VIRTUAL TEAM TOOLS AND PROCESSES—INTERPERSONAL SKILLS-BASED

DEVELOPMENT

Interpersonal skills-based development is one of two process segments, along with task-based

development, for virtual teams. Within this segment, virtual team members build strong

relationships with each other and the team manager.

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The evolution of strong relationships relies heavily on:

 Building trust and cohesion

 Resolving conflicts

 Establishing constructive behavioral norms

 Increasing team and individual development

Unfortunately, the relationship process is often overlooked—or ignored. Dedicating an appropriate

amount of time to deal with team and individual relationships yields very productive returns and

helps position the virtual team for optimum performance.

1.1.1 Importance of Interpersonal Skills on a Virtual Team

On any team, in any work relationship, it’s vital to have a good relationship with everyone else on a team. While it may be more challenging to build relationships on a virtual team, it is no less important. In all relationships, three things are paramount:

 Be kind

 Be calm

 Be clear

Always remember to inject kindness into interactions. When responding to an email about a

contentious situation, don’t let frustration over the situation affect the response. When the stress of

an upcoming deadline begins to weigh heavily, respond calmly when a coworker asks a question.

And clarity means to strive to provide all the information the other person needs to meet their

objectives.

A focus on being kind, calm, and clear; knowing how to handle conflict; and being accountable for

promised results naturally lead to being considered a person others can trust.

These actions are even more important in a virtual team, when you can't see others or sit down with

them around a table and exchange ideas. The narrowed relationship necessarily depends on a

smaller range of inputs. There is only the other person’s voice, their choice of words, their work

habits (e.g., response times to emails), and the quality of their work. Because of this, excellent

interpersonal skills are essential when working on a virtual team.

The interpersonal skills-based process includes:

 Conflict management tools

 Communication protocols

 Collaboration and networking

1.2 CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN A VIRTUAL TEAM

In general, the word conflict has negative connotations. While many conflicts are an impediment to

a productive relationship, some conflicts can create a better process or procedure. Two types of

conflict that come into play with virtual teams are interpersonal and task-related conflict.

Task-related conflict is easy to identify and usually manifests when team members have more

than one way to perform work. This can be healthy and precipitate better ways to perform a task or

a series of tasks. The tricky part is preventing task-related conflict from evolving into interpersonal

conflict.

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

Interpersonal conflict deals with relationships between team members. This type of conflict is

negative in nature, but often occurs because a task-related conflict is not addressed effectively.

Interpersonal conflict is much more difficult to resolve than task-related conflict.

So what's the best way to resolve a task-related conflict? Studies have shown that an online

discussion board in a shared virtual workspace is one of the most effective.

Used properly, this technique socializes the conflict, which provides the following advantages:1

 Problems don't fester. Issues can be addressed as they arise.

 Issues or conflicts can be vetted. Multiple people can contribute to resolve the issue or

conflict.

 False consensus can be avoided. If comments can be submitted anonymously, people will

provide stronger input or pushback.

 Inferior ideas are filtered out. Team members think through the issue before communicating.

 Transparency builds trust. Open discussion leads to an atmosphere of trust.

 Information can be retained. Discussions and decisions are archived in a repository.

Discussion

 Does your virtual team (or current team, no matter whether it's virtual or in-person) use an online discussion board?

 What other methods can be used to resolve task-related conflict?

1.2.1 Conflict Management Tools

It is vital to have a set of tools to build a strong working relationship and manage conflict in virtual

teams.

Relationship vs. Outcome

Which is more important: the relationship or the outcome? In every conflict situation, it's essential to

first determine the relative importance of both the relationship and the outcome.

If the relationship is more important, remember to use these relationship-smoothing techniques:

 Empathy. Connecting with the other person around their expressed or unexpressed feelings.

 Active listening. Listening to fully understand the other person.

 Appreciation. Looking for what the other person is doing well.

 Supportive communication. Legitimizing rather than challenging what the other person says.

If the outcome is more important, focus on getting the results you want through negotiation or other

results-focused discussions. In either case, remember: be calm, be kind, and be clear.

1 Ferrazzi 2012

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Additional Tips for When the Relationship Is More Important

Relationship-building is important for virtual team success. Additional tips include:

 Don’t misinterpret the other person’s confusion and see it as obstinacy or being difficult

 Be patient. You may have to try different ways of answering a question or explaining something

so the other person understands.

 Don’t expect online tools to work perfectly. When you’re sharing a screen and looking at several

documents, you may need to take the time up front to communicate what each document is and

how to navigate through each document.

How to Have a Difficult Conversation

If you have reason to believe that a particular conversation may become difficult, either because of

the topic itself, or because the other person has a markedly different approach to the situation

under discussion than you do, you need to prepare for that conversation.

Guidelines to follow include:2

 Keep goals realistic. You can’t ever eliminate the stress you’ll feel around telling a fellow team

member that what they’ve just submitted doesn’t meet quality standards, but you can reduce it.

Spend energy on preparation—focus on developing a specific script.

 Give bad news up front. Tough messages should be simply and clearly stated in the first

sentence.

 Adopt the and stance. Take control of the conversation by pre-empting objections and blame

by using and. For example, “I know you worked long hours, and I know you want to do well, and

I know you just joined the division, and I know the graphics people sometimes get the data

wrong, and I know I could have been clearer in my directions to you ...” And, and, and.

 Get out of the blame frame. Each person involved in the situation has a different objective

story about what happened. Your goal is not to judge who’s right and wrong, it’s to manage to

better outcomes in the future.

 Paraphrase. To create clarity and to let people know you’re genuinely listening, summarize

what they’re telling you—and ask them to do the same.

 Be prepared for bad reactions. Finger-pointing, denial, arguments, and tears are all possible

outcomes of tough conversations. You can't control the other person’s reactions, but you can

anticipate them and be emotionally ready.

 Pretend it’s three months or 10 years from now. Put the difficult conversation in perspective

by thinking about the future. The conversations that are hardest right now will seem less

daunting.

1.3 COMMUNICATION PROTOCOLS

In communicating via email, phone, and instant messaging (IM), you can build and support positive

interpersonal relationships by using proven ways to communicate effectively.

2 Dowling 2009

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

These eight practices can guide you in becoming more intentional about effective communication when working virtually:

Communicate honestly, clearly, and frequently. Don’t leave team members wondering what 1.

you're working on and when they’ll have your portion of the project ready for review or

discussion.

Keep agreements. Remember to under-promise and over-deliver so you can meet the 2.

deadlines you’ve agreed to meet.

Respond to emails as quickly as you can. You can use a standard response if you need time 3.

to research or think about the response. Say, “Thanks for your email. I need a day to research

your question before I can give a complete answer.” That way the sender knows that you got

the email and has a sense of when they’ll hear back from you.

Be prepared and on time for virtual meetings. 4.

Give the gift of attention. Don’t multi-task during virtual meetings or phone calls. 5.

Engage with interest in team meetings and discussions. 6.

Inject enthusiasm and warmth into voice and interactions with colleagues. Vary tone 7.

(bright, warm, serious), pitch (high, low) and speed (slow, fast) to keep others’ interest,

particularly if you are making a presentation or responding to another team member’s

suggestion.

Choose words that are more positive than negative. Say, “I can get that to you Friday” 8.

instead of “I can’t get that to you until Friday.”

1.3.1 Ways to Create Human Connections on a Virtual Team

Building human connections with the virtual team is important. Remote workers report that feeling a

lack of community has the greatest impact on their happiness at work. Creating human connections

with teammates helps remote workers collaborate more effectively and feel more satisfied at work.

Strategies for building human connections include:3, 4

Prioritize people. 1.

— Introduce yourself to your remote teammates and learn about them and their backgrounds

— Do not prioritize efficiency over human connections. Begin calls and meetings with small

talk and personal information. Avoid multitasking during meetings.

— For new teams, have team building activities (including icebreakers) to help employees get

to know each other and you

— Make sure you are connecting every day with each member of the team whether it’s

through email, phone, text, or collaborative meeting software to let them know they are part

of a team and you are always available

Focus on emotions. 2.

— When use of a video camera is available and approved, turn on your camera to pick up on

expressions. Smile and use positive body language.

— Limit muting during meetings when possible, as shared laughter encourages humor and

creates connection

— Pay attention to others’ feelings and tones

3 Ferrazzi 2014

4 Tolentino 2019

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— Be mindful of your tone in written and non-written communications

— Use emoji when appropriate to share emotion in written communications

Create a culture of learning. 3.

— Remember that most people work best when they can collaborate and learn from others

— Learn from your mistakes and publicly share what you have learned with others

— Ask for help when you need it and be generous with helping others

— Really listen to others

Be accommodating. 4.

— Be mindful of time-zone differences

— Be flexible when scheduling meetings and deliverables

Show gratitude. 5.

— Show appreciation and give positive feedback to teammates and their managers

— Find ways to celebrate and socialize remotely. For example, have a monthly celebration

time to congratulate fellow team members on birthdays, work anniversaries, and other

personal or professional milestones.

Encourage candor. 6.

— Ask members of your team what is on their minds at the end of meetings

— Encourage disagreement and different ideas

— Tell team members when you will protect their confidentiality and create avenues for

anonymous feedback

Refer to Website For more information on ways to collaborate effectively as a remote team, visit: https://hbr.org/video/5812716214001/the- explainer-how-to-collaborate-effectively-if-your-team-is- remote

1.4 THE IMPORTANCE OF COLLABORATION

The goal of collaboration in general is to maximize the success of a business. A group of individuals

has more power and impact than a single person. Working in teams enables employees to share

knowledge, work more efficiently and effectively. Each member of the team is like another resource

or tool that team members can leverage to make better and smarter decisions. In addition, working

together in teams promotes healthy employee relationships. Healthy employee relationships lead to

better team performance and overall productivity.

Like any other working environment, collaborating in the virtual workplace:

 Improves workflow processes

 Optimizes team and relationships

 Maximizes yield

 Increases efficiency

There are six key practices to effective communication:

Assess the environment. 1.

Define the outcome. 2.

Build trust. 3.

Share power and influence. 4.

https://hbr.org/video/5812716214001/the-explainer-how-to-collaborate-effectively-if-your-team-is-remote

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

Develop people. 5.

Be emotionally intelligent. 6.

Let's look at how well you collaborate now.

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1.4.1 EXERCISE: COLLABORATIVE BEHAVIORS Directions

Rate yourself on the essential behaviors of the six key practices of effective collaboration using 1.

the provided scale.

Answer the questions that follow. 2.

Be prepared to debrief with the class. 3.

Rating scale:

Almost never. 1.

Seldom. 2.

Sometimes. 3.

Frequently. 4.

Almost always. 5.

TABLE: COLLABORATIVE BEHAVIORS SELF-ASSESSMENT

Key Practice Collaborative Behavior Rating

Assess the Environment I learn about the overall environment before proposing action

Assess the Environment I use a systems perspective to attempt to understand the entire situation

Define the Outcome I help define the hoped-for end result

Define the Outcome I facilitate the development of a shared goal

Define the Outcome I make sure all team members know the goal

Build Trust I keep agreements

Build Trust I model communication styles and put processes in place that facilitate a free and open exchange of ideas

Build Trust I express confidence in others’ abilities

Share Power and Influence

I use my personal power responsibly

Share Power and Influence

I share power whenever possible

Share Power and Influence

I encourage and facilitate shared decision-making processes

Develop People I am committed to seeking and bringing out the best in others

Be Emotionally Intelligent I recognize the effect of my emotions on my behavior

Be Emotionally Intelligent I recognize my personal impact on the group

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Key Practice Collaborative Behavior Rating

Be Emotionally Intelligent I work to resolve conflicts responsibly

Questions

1. What areas were you strongest and what areas could you improve upon?

2. How can you leverage your strengths to improve collaborating with your team in the virtual

environment?

Questions in this assessment were loosely adapted from the Collaborative Leadership: Self-Assessment Questionnaire developed by the Turning Point Program, a public-health program sponsored by the Robert Wood Johnson and Kellogg foundations. The program has ended and the questionnaire is no longer available.

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1.5 BUILDING A STRONG NETWORK

Building trust and knowing how to resolve conflict are important strategies in fostering positive

working relationships while working virtually. Another way to proactively ensure healthy working

relationships is by building a robust network. Having a network of professionals who support you—

both inside and outside the bounds of a virtual team—can have an overall positive effect on your

productivity as well as strengthen your sense of connection to others.

There are a wide variety of technologies you can use to build networks among in-person and virtual

team members.

Ways to build your network include:

 Social media

 Discussion groups

 Wikis

 Intranet

 Newsletters

 Web collaboration tools

 Face-to-face meet-ups

 Conferences/training events

 Company-sponsored events

Regardless of the technology used, however, networks are ultimately about people. It is important

to proactively seek out ways to stay connected to other people—both remotely and face-to-face

when possible. As long as connections are made and people strive to learn new strategies for

connecting with others, you'll be on your way to building a strong network that will enhance your

professional life.

Low-tech Ways to Stay Connected with Colleagues

Sometimes the simplest, lowest-tech ways of connecting are the most effective. You can:

 Send an email to a colleague with a link to an article on a topic they are interested in

 Offer to connect a colleague to someone in your network for professional advancement or as an

information source on a project

 Ask a colleague how a new project is going and share something you recently learned about the

topic that may be useful

 Include a colleague who you know is interested in a topic on your project team is working on

 Just stay in touch—call or email to ask someone how they’re doing

Discussion

 What can you do to ensure the successful implementation of the interpersonal skills-based development segment?

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

1.6 EXERCISE: CONNECTING ON VIRTUAL TEAMS

Directions

In your group, assign one participant the role of manager, one participant the role of employee, 1.

and the other participant(s) the role of observer(s).

If role-playing the manager or employee, act out Scenario 1. If observing, take notes using the 2.

Scenario 1 Observation Checklist.

Rotate roles and act out Scenario 2 while the new observer takes notes. 3.

Be prepared to share your observations with the class. 4.

Scenario 1: Manager You are a manager overseeing the work of four analysts. Your team recently transitioned to a fully remote team, and three of the analysts have adjusted well to this change.

One analyst, Mariah, seems to be having some challenges with this transition. She doesn’t always keep her calendar up to date with appointments when she plans to be out of the office, making it difficult to schedule meetings. Her activity status often shows that she is away from her desk or offline when you expect her to be working. She has also become less responsive to emails, which is starting to affect her work performance.

You have scheduled a meeting with Mariah to get to the root of these issues and help keep her accountable and successful in her work.

Scenario 1: Employee You are an analyst on a team which recently converted to a fully remote team.

After years commuting to the office, you have been thriving as a virtual employee. You finally have time to schedule doctor's appointments during the workday and pick up your kids after school.

While you are grateful for this more flexible work arrangement, you do not intend to take advantage of it. You work late hours to make up for any time missed during the day, and you keep your work phone on you at all times.

You were surprised when your manager set up a meeting with you to discuss your performance since this transition to a virtual team.

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Scenario 1 Observation Checklist

1. What communication practices did the manager use to approach a difficult conversation with

the employee?

2. To what extent was the manager’s communication focused on the relationship with the

employee? To what extent was it focused on the outcome?

3. What did the manager do to create human connection with the employee?

4. What did the employee do to create human connection with the manager?

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

Scenario 2: Manager You are a manager overseeing a team of four technical specialists. Three of these employees work with you in the office. The fourth employee, Dan, joined your team six months ago and works remotely.

You are starting to have concerns about Dan. He has a strong work ethic and strong technical knowledge which make him an asset to your team. However, you are concerned about him feeling disconnected from the rest of the team. It is not uncommon for the other members of the team to schedule after- work happy hours, and team members will typically ask someone in the office for help before reaching out to Dan. You are worried he will start to feel dissatisfied and that this will start to affect his work performance or desire to stay on the team.

You have scheduled a meeting to talk with Dan and find ways to help him feel more connected to the team.

Scenario 2: Employee You are a technical specialist who joined your team six months ago. You work remotely, while your manager and the other members of your team work together in an office space.

While at first you were excited about your new position, you have started to feel disconnected from the team, and this is impacting your job satisfaction. You feel left out of social activities, office banter, and certain work communications. Team meetings are held just once a week, and they are typically short and to the point, making it hard to build relationships with others on the team. When you set up virtual meetings with coworkers, no one seems to want to turn on their webcam.

Your manager set up time with you to talk through your concerns and find ways to help you feel more connected to the team.

Scenario 2 Observation Checklist

5. What communication practices did the manager use to approach a difficult conversation with

the employee?

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6. To what extent was the manager’s communication focused on the relationship with the

employee? To what extent was it focused on the outcome?

7. What did the manager do to create human connection with the employee?

8. What did the employee do to create human connection with the manager?

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

LESSON 2

CAPSTONE: EXIT GAME (EXPERIENTIAL

INTERPERSONAL TECHNIQUES)

Capstone Objective

After completing this capstone, you will be able to: 6.2.1 Given a competitive game environment, use interpersonal skills to respond to a series of

scenarios

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2.1 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 1

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions Part 1

With your team, discuss and answer the first three Scenario 1 Questions. You have 7 minutes to 1.

answer the questions.

Answer the fourth question when it's provided by your facilitator. You will have 3 minutes to 2.

answer as a team.

Part 2

 Working individually, complete the Individual Reflection Questions.

Scenario 1 Questions

1. What did you learn about the zombie outbreak?

2. What did you learn about the evacuation?

3. What did you learn about the safe zone?

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

Scenario 1 Timed Question

4. Wait for further instruction before answering the final question.

Individual Reflection Questions

5. What was your experience with this activity?

6. How well did you listen to others in your team?

7. How do you feel about the outcome?

8. What emotions did you experience? How did you express them?

9. What tensions were you aware of during the activity?

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2.2 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 2

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide, Supply List

Directions

Using the supply list, decide which supplies your team wants to take on your journey to the safe 1.

zone.

— First-place team: 18 supplies

— Second-place team: 15 supplies

— All other teams: 12 supplies

Each card or list item represents one supply, even if more than one item is shown. 2.

Do not select more supplies than you are allotted. 3.

Scenario 2 Questions

1. How many supplies is your team allowed?

2. What supplies do you think you should take?

3. What was the final decision?

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2.3 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 3

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 3 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 3 Questions

1. What do you know about the situation?

2. What are the stakes?

3. What do you think you should do?

4. What is your final decision?

5. What are the results of your decision?

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

2.4 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 4

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 4 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 4 Questions

1. What do you know about the situation?

2. What are the stakes?

3. What do you think you should do?

4. What is your final decision?

5. What are the results of your decision?

LESSON 2 | CAPSTONE: EXIT GAME (EXPERIENTIAL INTERPERSONAL TECHNIQUES)

Team Reflection Questions

6. How did your team communicate with each other?

7. What process did your team use to make decisions?

8. What did your team have to do or believe to be successful in making a decision?

9. How effective was your team in ensuring that everyone had input into the decisions?

10. What will you do differently when you encounter similar scenarios?

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

2.5 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 5

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 5 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 5 Questions

1. What did you observe?

2. What might these observations mean?

3. What is your final decision?

4. What are the results of your decision?

LESSON 2 | CAPSTONE: EXIT GAME (EXPERIENTIAL INTERPERSONAL TECHNIQUES)

2.6 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 6

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 6 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 6 Questions

1. What do you know about the situation?

2. What are the stakes?

3. What do you think you should do?

4. What is your final decision?

5. What are the results of your decision?

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2.7 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 7

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 7 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 7 Questions

1. What do you know about the situation?

2. What are the stakes?

3. What do you think you should do?

4. What is your final decision?

5. What are the results of your decision?

LESSON 2 | CAPSTONE: EXIT GAME (EXPERIENTIAL INTERPERSONAL TECHNIQUES)

2.8 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 8

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 8 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 8 Questions

1. What did you observe?

2. What might these observations mean?

3. What is your final decision?

4. What are the results of your decision?

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2.9 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 9

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 9 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 9 Questions

1. What do you know about the situation?

2. What are the stakes?

3. What do you think you should do?

4. What is your final decision?

5. What are the results of your decision?

LESSON 2 | CAPSTONE: EXIT GAME (EXPERIENTIAL INTERPERSONAL TECHNIQUES)

2.10 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 10

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 10 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 10 Questions

1. What did you observe?

2. What might these observations mean?

3. What is your final decision?

4. What are the results of your decision?

MODULE 6 | BINDING TEAMS

2.11 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 11

Refer to Resource Handout: EXIT Game Guide

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 11 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Scenario 11 Questions

1. What do you know about the situation?

2. What are the stakes?

3. What do you think you should do?

4. What is your final decision?

5. What are the results of your decision?

LESSON 2 | CAPSTONE: EXIT GAME (EXPERIENTIAL INTERPERSONAL TECHNIQUES)

2.12 EXERCISE: SCENARIO 12

Directions

Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position. 1.

Discuss and answer the Scenario 12 Questions. 2.

As a team, decide which option you will choose. 3.

Working individually, complete the Individual Reflection Questions. 4.

Scenario 12 Questions

1. What do you know about the situation?

2. What are the stakes?

3. What do you think you should do?

4. What is your final decision?

5. What are the results of your decision?

Individual Reflection Questions

6. How do you feel about the way your team listened to your input?

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7. What did you discover about yourself or your team?

8. How do you feel about the final outcome?

9. What lessons can you learn from this?

10. In hindsight, what would you change if you had to do it again?

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Action Planning

Refer to the Action Plan and record ideas to implement from this module.

Action Plan

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

RESOURCE A

ACTION PLAN

OVERVIEW

Participating in a training course is only the first step to mastering a discipline. In order for your

learning to continue, it is important that you put the tools and techniques presented in this course

into action.

PART I: KEY LEARNING POINTS

At the end of each module, time is allotted for you to document ideas that you want to remember.

Module/Lesson Title Key Learning Points

RESOURCE A: ACTION PLAN

Module/Lesson Title Key Learning Points

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Module/Lesson Title Key Learning Points

PART II: ON THE JOB

Review your key learning points and select three to five that you want to implement when you return

to your job.

Use the table provided on the next page to:

 Prioritize your implementation items

 Write a SMART objective for each item

— Specific

— Measurable

— Attainable

— Realistic

— Time-bound

 Identify the content that supports your objectives

 Document your strategy to achieve your objective

 Set a due date for achievement

Once back on the job, post this action plan in a visible location to remain focused on the completion

of these goals.

RESOURCE A: ACTION PLAN

ACTION PLAN

Priority Objective Supporting Content

Strategy Due

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Priority Objective Supporting Content

Strategy Due

RESOURCE A: ACTION PLAN

Presentation Slides

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

RESOURCE B

PRESENTATION SLIDES

Interpersonal Skills: Developing Effective Relationships

Course Objectives

 Discover an interpersonal skills model to create an action plan for the skills you want to develop or improve

 Use multiple self-assessments to increase understanding of yourself and the perspectives of others

 Apply positive and productive communication techniques to various types of interactions by receiving feedback from others

 Create supportive workplace relationships by treating others with respect, trust, and dignity

 Use strategies to successfully overcome tense situations and restore confidence in relationships

 Using a competitive game environment, use interpersonal skills to respond to a series of scenarios

Overview of Interpersonal Skills in the Workplace

Overview of Interpersonal Skills in the Workplace Objective

Complete an action plan to develop interpersonal skills

Discussion

• What are interpersonal skills?

• Why are interpersonal skills important in today's workplace?

• What are specific behaviors and characteristics of people with good interpersonal skills?

• Which interpersonal traits do you admire or appreciate the most?

Interpersonal Skills Model

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Use the Interpersonal Skills Model to complete an action plan that describes interpersonal skills you want to develop or improve

Understanding the Interpersonal Skills Model

Exercise: Reflection and Plan for Improving Interpersonal Skills

Directions

Reflect on the Interpersonal Skills Model and answer the questions.

Senge's Wheel of Learning

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Use Senge’s Wheel of Learning to complete an action plan that identifies ways to implement each stage (reflecting, connecting, deciding, and doing) to improve your workplace relationships

The Four Stages of Senge's Wheel of Learning

1.Reflecting.

2.Connecting.

3.Deciding.

4.Doing.

Discussion

How does lifelong learning benefit your interpersonal relationships, both personal and professional?

Exercise: Reflection and Plan for Lifelong Learning

Directions

1.Think of a situation that went well, or you wish had gone differently.

2.Answer the questions, draft a plan, and be prepared to discuss your responses.

Awareness of Self and Others

Awareness of Self and Others Objective

Use multiple self-assessments to increase your understanding of yourself and the perspectives of others

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Use your completed Emotional Intelligence Appraisal to develop personal improvement goals that align with the results of your appraisal

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Discussion

In your own words, what does emotional intelligence mean to you and how does it affect interpersonal relationships?

Exercise: Emotional Intelligence Appraisal

Directions

1.Complete the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal as directed.

2.Answer the questions as they relate to your current (not desired) behaviors.

The Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence

Self-Awareness

• Emotional self-awareness

• Accurate self-assessment

• Self-confidence

Self-Management

• Self-control

• Trustworthiness

• Conscientiousness

• Adaptability

• Achievement orientation

• Initiative

Social Awareness

• Empathy

• Organizational awareness

• Service orientation

Relationship Management

• Visionary leadership • Influence • Developing others • Communication • Change catalyst • Conflict management • Building bonds • Teamwork and collaboration

Expanding Perceptions

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Populate the four quadrants of the Johari window to broaden your perception of yourself and others

Using the Johari Window for Self-Discovery and Disclosure

Discussion

How does an increased awareness of self and others affect personal and relationship growth and development?

Exercise: Using the Johari Window

Directions

1.Identify items to list in the Facade pane.

2.Next, identify who you can ask for feedback on the Blind pane.

3.You will not have to share your window with anyone else.

Accommodating Different Styles and Preferences

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Given real-life scenarios, use strategies to appropriately communicate with people based on the definitions of the four behavior styles

Discussion

How do you think your style of behavior is perceived by others?

Find Yourself

• Designed to help assess how people prefer to work and communicate

• Identifies behavioral preferences

• Does not address intellectual abilities, aptitudes, or performance

Exercise: Find Yourself Assessment

Directions

1.Take the Find Yourself assessment. It is 24 questions and should take about 5-10 minutes. There are no right, wrong, or better answers.

2.When you are finished, review your results and answer the following questions.

Understanding Your Behavioral Style

Behavioral Styles Strengths and Blind Spots

Controller Stabilizer Analyzer Persuader

Major focus: Results Relationships Quality, accuracy, and perfection

People

Driving need: To be in control Security To get it right To be liked

Greatest strength: Uses conflict Maintaining harmony

Uses facts, data, and history

Uses verbal skills

Blind spot: Listening Initiating quickly Declaring a position

Following systems

Support: Their objectives and results

Them as a person

Their standards and principles

Their ability to take risks

Take time to: Be efficient Understand their goals

Be accurate Get acquainted, have fun

Provide: Action Appreciation Facts and data Approval and praise

Exercise: Work With Me

Directions 1.Working in groups assigned by behavioral

style, create a how-to list of ways to best communicate with your style.

2.Include anything you want other styles to know, such as your preferred frequency and modes of communication.

3.Be prepared to present your list to the class.

Effective Communication Skills

Effective Communication Skills Objective

Apply positive and productive communication techniques to various types of interactions by receiving feedback from others

Discussion

• What is the purpose, or goal, of communication?

• What is effective communication?

Transparent Communication

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Express yourself clearly and completely using the Five I-Messages format so others correctly summarize the message

Barriers to Communication

Discussion

• What types of communication barriers have you experienced in your workplace?

• How have these barriers impacted your ability to start or complete tasks?

• Will you continue to experience these barriers?

Exercise: Behind the Blind

Directions

1.Work together in groups to recreate a structure as directed by your team leader.

2.Discuss and answer the Phase 1 Questions.

3.Work together in groups to recreate a second structure.

4.Answer the Phase 2 Question.

The Ladder of Inference

7. Actions. 6. Beliefs. 5. Conclusions. 4. Assumptions. 3. Selected meanings. 2. Filtered observations. 1. Pure observations.

Discussion

If you experience something negative in your workplace:

• What emotions do you feel?

• Do you have any physical reactions?

• What effect does this have on your communication?

Discussion

• Have you ever told someone a story and they had no idea how to react or respond? What was that experience like?

• Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you know what you are saying isn't being interpreted or understood the way you meant it? What impact did that have?

The Five I-Messages Method

Dimension Description Structure

Observation What are you seeing, hearing, or otherwise sensing? (Facts only.)

When I saw/heard...

Emotion What emotions are you feeling? ...I felt...

Reason What interpretations, wants, needs, memories, or anticipations of yours support those feelings?

...because I...

Request What action, information, or commitment do you want now?

...and now I want...

Result What positive results will that action, information, or commitment lead to in the future? (No threats.)

...so that (in order to)...

Discussion

Review the examples in the table Five I- Messages Example. How would you write an I-message based on one of your own experiences?

Exercise: Using the Five I- Messages

Directions 1.Working in groups, take turns retelling a story

using the Five I-Message format. —Describe the issue or conflict —Identify the emotions that were evoked as a

result of the event —Explain the outcome or solution that was

achieved 2.Your group members will then summarize their

understanding of your story. 3.Exchange roles and repeat the process.

Discussion

• What does responsible honesty mean to you?

• How do you think it impacts transparent communication?

Communicating with Responsible Honesty

Focused Conversations

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Use active listening skills to paraphrase what you heard and verify with the speaker you were able to capture all relevant points

What Happens When We Listen?

In a matter of seconds, we:

1.Hear the information.

2.Select information on which to focus.

3.Give that information meaning.

4.Determine how we feel about it.

5.Decide how best to respond.

6.Respond to it.

Four Phases of Listening

The Power of Good Listening Skills

Discussion

How could developing better listening skills enhance your relationships with colleagues?

Levels of Listening

Improving Your Listening Skills

Exercise: Practicing Effective Listening

Directions 1. Select a topic you feel comfortable discussing. Consider

these prompts to spur your thinking: —Where do you see your career going? —How would you describe your leadership style? —What is the most engaging thing about your current job?

2. Working with a partner or small group, take turns speaking and listening for three uninterrupted minutes.

3. As the listener, you cannot contribute to the conversation. You may only listen.

4. Be prepared to discuss the experience with the class.

Modern Communication

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Use examples of virtual and nonverbal communication to conduct a teach-back that demonstrates a practical workplace interaction and determine the best strategy to interpret the situation

Discussion

• How has the technology-driven world led to breakdowns in basic communication skills?

• How has it improved basic communication skills?

Technology Impacts Engagement Platforms

• Emails

• Remote employees

• Company engagement

Etiquette for Technology Platforms

1.Remember the human. 2.Adhere to same standards of behavior online

and in real life. 3.Know where you are in cyberspace. 4.Respect other people's time and bandwidth. 5.Keep a good online reputation. 6.Help keep flame wars under control. 7.Respect other people's privacy. 8.Don't abuse your power. 9.Be forgiving of other people's mistakes.

Discussion

Think of a time when one of these rules was broken. What was the impact? What could have been done differently?

Nonverbal Communication

Types of Nonverbal Communication

Discussion

How is nonverbal information conveyed through online communication?

Responding to Others' Nonverbal Cues

During observations and experiences, ask yourself: • Is it possible that I am jumping to conclusions?

What assumptions might I be using? • Why am I making these assumptions? What

led me to these conclusions? • What makes me believe that this is the right

way to think or action to take? Are there other actions to consider?

• Am I using all of the facts or data available?

Interpreting Nonverbal Cues in Online Communication

Scenario

It is Sunday evening and you are getting ready for bed. You get an alert on your phone indicating a new email from your supervisor. The message says: Subject: New org change CC: Senior Leadership Group Sun 9:35 PM I need to meet with you ASAP Monday. Come to my office as soon as you get in.

Discussion

• What is your initial reaction to this email?

• What nonverbal cues are contained in the email?

• What conclusions can you draw about the intent of the sender?

• If you were to rewrite this email, what would you change?

Forming Connections with Others

Forming Connections with Others Objective

Create supportive workplace relationships by treating others with respect, trust, and dignity

Cultivating Trust

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Demonstrate behaviors that build trust by working through scenarios

What is trust?

• The glue that holds relationships together

• Requires vulnerability

• Repaid with trust

Poll

Who trusts everyone first and then maintains or loses trust based on what an individual does? o Me

o Not me

Poll

Who doesn't trust an individual until a period of time has passed? o Me

o Not me

Poll

What do people have to do for you to trust them?

Poll

Think of someone you trust. Why do you trust that person and what do they do that makes you trust them?

Trust Is...

Having reliance on (or confidence in) the integrity, strength, and ability of another person or entity.

The Four Dimensions of Trust

Discussion

• Which dimension do you think is most important in building trust? Why?

• Which dimensions are your strengths?

• Which dimensions do you wish to improve?

Why Do We Need Trust?

• Trust is powerful

• Trust promotes information sharing and collaboration

• Trust helps people through change and uncertainty

Discussion

• What does a work environment where trust is lacking look like?

• What impact does a lack of trust have on the work?

Trust-Building Behaviors

Relationship-Based Trust Behaviors

• Be straightforward

• Show respect

• Act and speak with transparency

• Correct mistakes

• Demonstrate loyalty

Task-Based Trust Behaviors

• Deliver results

• Personally improve

• Be realistic

• Clarify expectations

• Demonstrate accountability

Relationship- and Task-Based Trust Behaviors

• Listen before talking

• Keep commitments

• Offer trust to others

Discussion

• In your experience, what behaviors build trust in the workplace?

• What behaviors can break trust in the workplace?

Six Steps to Rebuild Trust after You Break It

1.Acknowledge what happened. 2.Apologize sincerely. Take full responsibility

for your actions. 3.Agree upon expectations for the future. 4.Ask the other person to hold you

accountable. 5.Act consistently by ensuring your actions

and words are aligned. 6.Ask for honest feedback.

Discussion

• Do you agree with these steps to rebuild someone's trust after you break it?

• Are these the right steps?

• Would you change any of them based on your experience?

Steps to Take When Your Trust is Broken

Exercise: Mending Fences

Directions 1.Working in groups with your assigned

scenario, put yourself in the shoes of the person who was betrayed.

2.Decide how to respond appropriately to the person who betrayed your trust.

3.Prepare a role-play scenario based on your approach.

4.Be prepared to perform your role play for the class.

Exercise: Scenario 1

You are working on a project with your coworker, Robert. Robert is likable and easy to work with, and is known for his expertise in your field. Although he is highly qualified, he tends to procrastinate and always asks you to pitch in on some of his tasks so he won’t miss deadlines. It bothers you that you end up doing most of the work, even though he is the more experienced team member. Recently, you came up with an innovative approach for one of the problems you've been working on. You emailed it to Robert asking for his input. He never responded. At your next meeting with the project sponsor, Robert raises the idea as his own.

Exercise: Scenario 2

Karl joined your team three months ago, and quickly caught the attention of senior management for his achievements. He’s intelligent, articulate, and his problem-solving skills turned a troubled major initiative into a well-run operation. Within the team, however, he has developed a reputation for an abrasive communication style. He interrupts people, belittles ideas he doesn’t agree with, and accuses others of being overly sensitive if they have a problem with him. After one of his latest episodes, your coworker Lee asked you for your opinion of Karl. You told Lee what you thought his problems were, asking her to keep your comments private. That afternoon, Karl approaches you and tells you “So, I hear you think I’m…” and repeats the list of criticisms you told to Lee.

Exercise: Scenario 3

You just finished compiling a report on the quarterly metrics for your region, which is due to your regional headquarters by noon tomorrow. Since you’ll be in meetings the rest of the day, you ask your coworker Maria to drop the package off at the mailroom, explaining that it must arrive in time for the regional presentations tomorrow at noon, which she agrees to do. The next day, you find out that the package never arrived. You try to reach Maria, but she doesn’t respond to email or voicemail. When you go by her office, the package is sitting right where you left it yesterday.

Strengthening Relationships with Feedback

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Provide feedback to others that is timely, accurate, relevant, and emphasizes the value of the relationship

The Impact of Feedback

• Reduce blind spots —A blind spot is an area unknown to the

person but known to others

• Enhance self-awareness

• Facilitate improvement and growth

Types of Feedback

Affirmative feedback • Goal: reinforce

positive behaviors • Benefits:

—Uplifts change within an organization

—Enhances relationships between individuals

—Improves general morale

Corrective feedback • Goal: identify areas for

improvement and growth • Benefits:

—Aids personal development

— Improves individual and team performance

—Enhances effectiveness of a task, activity, or behavior

Achieving Optimal Feedback

Giving Constructive Feedback

• Prepare for the feedback session

• Be sensitive to timing

• Stick to the facts

• Keep it simple

Receiving Feedback Gracefully

• Listen actively

• Avoid arguing

• Pay attention

• Don't be defensive

• Do your best to suspend judgment

• Corroborate the feedback

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Discussion

• What challenging situations have you experienced when giving or receiving feedback?

• How did you overcome these challenges?

Exercise: Giving Better Feedback

Directions 1. In your groups, have one person identify an

instance from personal experience when they needed to provide feedback to a coworker.

2.Using the Providing Feedback Checklist, decide how to provide feedback to the coworker.

3.Using the Receiving Feedback Checklist, put yourself in the coworker’s shoes and anticipate how they would respond to your feedback.

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Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Construct sincere expressions of gratitude that include all elements of the Three-Part Model of Appreciation

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The Power of Gratitude

• Inner attitude. Gratitude starts with the way we look at our lives and the way we turn the events of our lives into meaningful stories.

• Outward action. Expressing gratitude is a conscious action, like opening a door for someone or offering to help someone in need without expecting anything in return.

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Discussion

• What would be different if you felt more appreciated at work?

• What would be different if you expressed more appreciation to others?

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Three-Part Model of Appreciation

1. When I saw/heard... 2. I felt... 3. Because I...

When I saw that you fixed the software

I felt very grateful because now I can complete my project on time.

When I heard you resolving a problem with a difficult customer

I felt impressed because I always struggle with those situations.

When I saw your final report I felt excited because I know our client will be very happy with it.

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Exercise: Applying the Three-Part Model of Appreciation

Directions

1.Working individually, think of three people for whom you are grateful at your workplace.

2.Use the Three-Part Model of Appreciation to construct a sincere expression of gratitude for each person: When I saw/heard [observation], I felt [emotion] because I [reason].

3.Be prepared to share your examples.

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Dealing with Difficult Interpersonal Relationships

Dealing with Difficult Interpersonal Relationships Objective

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Use strategies to successfully overcome tense situations and restore confidence in relationships

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Resolving Conflict

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Develop solutions to conflict scenarios that incorporate the needs of both parties according to the CALM model of conflict resolution

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Discussion

Is conflict good or bad? Which resonates with you and why?

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Discussion

How do you know you are in a conflict situation?

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Exercise: What to Do When Conflict Happens

Directions

1.Watch the video titled CALM Model of Conflict Resolution: Interpersonal Skills.

2.Note the key points.

3.Be prepared to share your observations with the class.

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CALM Model of Conflict Resolution

The CALM model provides a way to establish a spirit of cooperation and improve relationships through conflict resolution:

• Clarify the issue

• Address the problem

• Listen to the other side

• Manage your way to resolution

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Types of Conflict

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Discussion

What types of conflict were presented in the video CALM Model of Conflict Resolution: Interpersonal Skills?

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Discussion

• Why is it important to understand the cause of a conflict?

• How do you find out the root cause of a conflict?

Causes of Conflict

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Discussion

• What are some examples of unmet needs?

• How can you become more aware when your needs are not being met?

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Discussion

What perceptions are the source of the conflict in the conflict scenario?

Effects of Conflict

• Impeded productivity • Diminished quality of work • Increased cost • Increased competitiveness • Lowered morale • Drained energy • Harbored anger and hostility • Diminished physical and mental well-being • Increased absenteeism and attrition

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Five Styles for Responding to Conflict

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Discussion

What conflict style does the CALM model encourage? Why?

Exercise: How Do You Handle Conflict?

Directions

1.Working individually, review the conflict style descriptions.

2.Reflect on your conflict style and answer the questions.

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Managing Conflict to Resolution

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Create a Healthy Environment

• Cultivate a positive attitude about conflict

• Create a sense of safety

• Be open and honest in your communication

• Be mindful of appropriate language

• Time your responses appropriately

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Promote a Collaborative Approach

• Agree to collaborate

• Explore and clarify the problem

• Create lots of options

• Assess the alternatives

• Plan for resolution

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Prepare for Your Conversation

• Assess your feelings

• Examine your purpose

• Express a common goal

• Uncover each person's contribution versus blame

• Outline the facts

• Propose a solution

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Exercise: Conflict Resolution

Directions 1.Review the three conflict scenarios. 2.Working in groups, apply the CALM model to:

—Identify the issue(s) involved in the conflict —Generate potential resolutions that consider

the needs of all parties —Recommend actions to avoid similar conflicts in

the future

3.Be prepared to discuss your answers with the class.

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Exercise: Conflict Resolution Scenario 1

Your supervisor, Lillian, is generally very supportive of the members of her team. She has a caring and affable demeanor, and you really respect her on a personal level. However, she has a habit of giving very little direction or information about project assignments. Kickoff meetings often leave you with more questions than answers. She also has a tendency to swoop in at the last minute to micromanage your work. Whenever Lillian’s supervisor sends a request, she goes into a tailspin of anxiety, emailing you and then coming by your office if you don’t immediately respond. You have talked to other members of the team, and they have expressed feeling agitated and demoralized by Lillian's lack of trust in their work. You want to bring this up to Lillian, but you are sure that she will take it personally and will be hurt by your feedback.

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Exercise: Conflict Resolution Scenario 2

It is 4:00 p.m. on a Friday when you receive an email from one of your coworkers, Gary. He asks for your help with a project he is working on with the IT department. He is having trouble with a software application that you have a great deal of experience using. He wants to set up a two-hour meeting on Monday morning so that you can teach him the application. You have several mission-critical project milestones coming up and really feel like you have no extra time to spare. You send a short reply telling Gary that you will not be able to help him next week because of your tight deadlines. On Monday morning, you open your inbox to find a meeting request from your manager. It seems Gary forwarded your email directly to your manager, and now he wants to hold a meeting to discuss your willingness to be a team player in the organization. You immediately feel a wave of frustration wash over you, thinking about how you are now going to be punished for prioritizing your work over Gary's. You are frustrated at both Gary and your boss for not trusting your decision- making.

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Exercise: Conflict Resolution Scenario 3

You are the longest-tenured member of your team. You pride yourself on your hard work, attention to detail, and ability to meet project deadlines. Other members of your team do not seem as diligent with their work. Deadlines are often missed, communication is lacking, and projects are frequently over budget. To combat these trends, your manager has scheduled a day-long mandatory team workshop to discuss ways of prioritizing work and effectively communicating with others. You are not happy about having to attend this meeting. You have never had any problem getting your work done, and you are upset that you will lose a day of work because others on your team cannot pull their own weight. You resent the implication from your manager that you are not getting things done properly.

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Binding Teams

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Binding Teams Objective

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Apply interpersonal skills to virtual work environments and novel scenarios

Interpersonal Skills on Virtual Teams

After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

Demonstrate the ability to communicate effectively and defuse conflict on virtual teams

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Overview of Interpersonal Skills-Based Development

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Conflict Resolution in a Virtual Team

An online discussion board socializes conflict, which provides the following advantages:1

• Problems don't fester • Issues or conflicts can be vetted • False consensus can be avoided • Inferior ideas are filtered out • Transparency builds trust • Information can be retained

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1 Ferrazzi 2012

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Discussion

• Does your virtual team (or current team, no matter whether it's virtual or in-person) use an online discussion board?

• What other methods can be used to resolve task-related conflict?

How to Have a Difficult Conversation

• Keep goals realistic

• Give bad news up front

• Adopt the and stance

• Get out of the blame frame

• Paraphrase

• Be prepared for bad reactions

• Pretend it’s three months or 10 years from now

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Communication Protocols

Eight practices to guide you in becoming more intentional about effective communication: 1. Communicate honestly, clearly, and frequently. 2. Keep your agreements. 3. Respond to emails as quickly as you can. 4. Be prepared and on time. 5. Give the gift of attention. 6. Engage with interest. 7. Inject enthusiasm and warmth into your voice and

interactions. 8. Choose words that are more positive than negative.

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Ways to Create Human Connections on a Virtual Team

• Prioritize people

• Focus on emotions

• Create a culture of learning

• Be accommodating

• Show gratitude

• Encourage candor

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The Importance of Collaboration

Like any other working environment, collaborating in the virtual workplace:

• Improves workflow processes

• Optimizes team and relationships

• Maximizes yield

• Increases efficiency

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Exercise: Collaborative Behaviors

Directions

1.Rate yourself on the essential behaviors of the six key practices of effective collaboration using the provided scale.

2.Answer the questions that follow.

3.Be prepared to debrief with the class.

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Building a Strong Network

Ways to build your network include: • Social media • Discussion groups • Wikis • Intranet • Newsletters • Web collaboration tools • Face-to-face meet-ups • Conferences/training events • Company-sponsored events

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Discussion

What can you do to ensure the successful implementation of the interpersonal skills- based development segment?

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Exercise: Connecting on Virtual Teams

Directions 1. In your group, assign one participant the role of

manager, one participant the role of employee, and the other participant(s) the role of observer(s).

2. If role-playing the manager or employee, act out Scenario 1. If observing, take notes using the Scenario 1 Observation Checklist.

3. Rotate roles and act out Scenario 2 while the new observer takes notes.

4. Be prepared to share your observations with the class.

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Capstone: EXIT Game

After completing this capstone, you will be able to:

Given a competitive game environment, use interpersonal skills to respond to a series of scenarios

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Exercise: Scenario 1 Emergency Statement

We are in an emergency situation. There is a highly contagious zombie outbreak affecting great numbers of people. The government has ordered an evacuation. The goal is to arrive at a designated safe zone and be admitted. The safe zone has food, safety, and medical care. Along the way, you will face various decisions as a team. Some decisions will be rewarded by moving closer to the safe zone or gaining supplies. Other decisions may lead you to lose valuable supplies or distance. 147

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EXIT Gameboard

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Exercise: Scenario 1, Part 1

Directions

Part 1 1.With your team, discuss and answer the

first three Scenario 1 Questions. You have 7 minutes to answer the questions.

2.Answer the fourth question when it's provided by your facilitator. You will have 3 minutes to answer as a team.

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Exercise: Scenario 1, Part 2

Part 2

Working individually, complete the Individual Reflection Questions.

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Exercise: Scenario 1 Questions

1.What did you learn about the zombie outbreak?

2.What did you learn about the evacuation?

3.What did you learn about the safe zone?

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Exercise: Scenario 1 Timed Question

What supplies are mentioned in the emergency announcement?

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Exercise: Scenario 1 Outcomes

The emergency announcement mentions eight supplies: food, water, portable radio, plastic gowns, goggles, gloves, bleach, and personal identification.

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Team Number of Supplies

First-place team 18 supplies

Second-place team 15 supplies

All other teams 12 supplies

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Exercise: Scenario 2 Weather Forecast

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Exercise: Scenario 2 Directions

Directions 1.Using the supply list, decide which supplies

your team wants to take on your journey to the safe zone. —First-place team: 18 supplies —Second-place team: 15 supplies —All other teams: 12 supplies

2.Each card or list item represents one supply, even if more than one item is shown.

3.Do not select more supplies than you are allotted.

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Exercise: Scenario 3

One of you is happy to come across your best friend and their family en route to the safe zone. They have no food and very little water, having been unable to bring much with them. If you take them in, they will consume your limited supplies. As a group, what do you do? • Choice A: Take them in • Choice B: Don't take them in

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Exercise: Scenario 3 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 3 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 3 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Take Them In Choice B: Don't Take Them In

Outcome You used up some of your supplies and put the group at

risk of becoming too large

You've conserved supplies and gained distance

Supplies - 2 supplies + 0 supplies

Mileage + 9 miles + 9 miles

Exercise: Scenario 4

You must cross over a river. You discover that the nearest bridge is significantly damaged. It appears that you may be able to cross on foot, two people at a time. The next nearest crossing is 5 miles north, and it is safe. What do you do?

• Choice A: Detour to the other crossing

• Choice B: Cross the damaged bridge

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157

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Exercise: Scenario 4 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 4 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 4 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Detour to Other Crossing

Choice B: Cross Damaged Bridge

Outcome You chose the safer route, but the detour slowed your

progress

The damage was too great and you needed rope to get across. If

you have rope, you may cross safely. If you don't have rope,

you're forced to detour.

Supplies + 0 supplies + 0 supplies

Mileage + 3 miles + 5 miles (with rope) or + 3 miles (without rope)

Exercise: Scenario 5 (Part 1)

You see a woman running toward you yelling.

"Help, Help!"

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Exercise: Scenario 5 (Part 2)

"Please, I need your help desperately. My child is trapped in our apartment."

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Exercise: Scenario 5 (Part 3)

"I tried to climb the fire escape but the ladder is too high for me to reach."

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Exercise: Scenario 5 (Part 4)

"We don't have much time. You must come quickly!!! She is in great danger."

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Exercise: Scenario 5 (Part 5)

"My child is just over there in that building."

What do you do?

• Choice A: Help her

• Choice B: Decline to help

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Exercise: Scenario 5 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 5 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 5 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Help Her Choice B: Decline to Help

Outcome At the apartment building, you rescue the child. Inside the apartment, the woman

offers additional supplies she has been storing.

You lost out on obtaining additional supplies she was storing in her

apartment. Feeling remorse, your group backtracks to try to find her,

but with no luck.

Supplies + 5 supplies + 0 supplies

Mileage + 5 miles + 2 miles

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Exercise: Scenario 6

On the side of the road, one of you sees your spouse’s car. It looks like they left it in a hurry. Some of you think you should stop and see if you can locate the spouse. Others believe the spouse could be anywhere by now, and it would be a waste of time to stop. As a group, what do you do? • Choice A: Don’t look for the spouse • Choice B: Stop and look for the spouse

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Exercise: Scenario 6 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 6 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 6 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Don't Look for the Spouse

Choice B: Look for the Spouse

Outcome This may have been a more practical choice, but it did not

generate trust within your group. You will remember

this.

After searching the area, the spouse is nowhere to be found, but

you do find additional supplies. The kindness of your group helps

console you.

Supplies + 0 supplies + 0 supplies

Mileage + 7 miles + 2 miles

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Exercise: Scenario 7

Several of you have a dull headache and sore eyes since you woke up. You are concerned that you may be at risk for developing the zombie syndrome. As a group, what do you do?

• Choice A: Quarantine those members of your group to see if symptoms improve

• Choice B: Leave them behind and promise to come back with help after reaching the safe zone

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Exercise: Scenario 7 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 7 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 7 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Quarantine Team Members

Choice B: Leave Team Members Behind

Outcome Your team members' symptoms improved during

the afternoon, showing it was not the zombie syndrome

The path you took led to a highly contaminated area, forcing you

back to where you left your group members. You quickly realize they are not affected, but they’ve used

up some supplies.

Supplies + 0 supplies - 2 supplies

Mileage + 4 miles + 0 miles

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Exercise: Scenario 8 (Part 1)

When your group stops for a break, a man walks up carrying a large backpack.

"Hi there. Good afternoon."

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Exercise: Scenario 8 (Part 2)

"Don’t be alarmed. I’m not carrying a gun and I mean you no harm."

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Exercise: Scenario 8 (Part 3)

"I’m glad I ran into you nice people. I was ambushed yesterday by some people who called themselves Snatchers and stole all my stuff."

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Exercise: Scenario 8 (Part 4)

"It looks like you’ve got a lot of supplies there. Surely you can spare some for me since I lost all of mine yesterday…"

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Exercise: Scenario 8 (Part 5)

"I’m so hungry. Please, you wouldn’t want to see me go hungry, now would you?"

What do you do? • Choice A: Offer him

some food • Choice B: Ask him to

hand over his backpack

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Exercise: Scenario 8 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 8 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 8 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Offer Him Some Food

Choice B: Ask for His Backpack

Outcome He is actually a member of the Snatchers scouting for

looting targets. He takes out a knife and demands your

supplies. He ties you up and vows to return with others.

You are able to escape before he returns.

You confront him and he admits he’s a member of the Snatchers. He promises not to report your whereabouts, and gives you his

supplies in exchange for his freedom. Just to be safe, you tie

him up before leaving. If you have the rope card, discard it.

Supplies - 2 supplies + 5 supplies

Mileage + 3 miles + 6 miles

Exercise: Scenario 9

Just ahead, you spot an abandoned car. The gas tank is full, and you are able to start it up. The car only fits your group and half of your supplies. What do you do?

• Choice A: Take the car

• Choice B: Continue on foot

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Exercise: Scenario 9 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 9 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 9 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Take the Car Choice B: Continue on Foot

Outcome Not only did you lose half of your supplies, you put yourself at risk of being

heard by Snatchers in the area. After 3 miles, the road becomes impassable by car.

You kept all your supplies, and followed instructions mentioned in

the outbreak announcement

Supplies - half of your team's supplies + 0 supplies

Mileage + 9 miles + 5 miles

Exercise: Scenario 10 (Part 1)

You are flagged down by a group of officers in uniform.

"Hey, you! Stop! Come here, now!"

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Exercise: Scenario 10 (Part 2)

"What are you doing in this area and where are you headed?"

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Exercise: Scenario 10 (Part 3)

"This is a restricted area and you are not allowed to be here without authorization."

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Exercise: Scenario 10 (Part 4)

"We are going to take you to a detainment center. There we will begin the process for admittance into the Safe Zone."

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Exercise: Scenario 10 (Part 5)

"It's just a formality. Soon you will all be safe and secure once again."

What do you do? • Choice A: Run away

from them • Choice B: Go with

them

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Exercise: Scenario 10 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 10 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 10 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Run Away From Them

Choice B: Go With Them

Outcome When you attempt to flee, you discover they have the area surrounded by guards. Your group is captured and brought to their detainment

center, where they confiscate all of your supplies. You find

out they are a group of corrupt officials expelled from

the safe zone.

When you arrive at their detainment center, they confiscate everything you have. You find out

that this is actually a group of corrupt officials who have been

expelled from the safe zone. They are known for scamming citizens

out of their supplies.

Supplies - all supplies - all supplies

Mileage Advance to Stop Sign Advance to Stop Sign

Exercise: Scenario 11

At the detainment center, you discover about 20 other people being held against their will. You learn that the ex-officials are planning to use all of you as leverage to gain control over the safe zone. Your group decides to plan an escape and finds an unguarded path out of the detainment center. What do you do? • Choice A: Keep your escape plan to yourselves—

it will be easier to escape with a smaller group • Choice B: Tell the other groups so they can

escape with you

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Exercise: Scenario 11 Directions

Directions

1.Update your supplies and EXIT Gameboard position.

2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 11 Questions.

3.As a team, decide which option you will choose.

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Exercise: Scenario 11 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Keep the Escape to Yourselves

Choice B: Include Other Groups in Escape

Outcome You escaped the detainment center undetected. On your way out, you discover the

stock room, where you quickly grab some supplies.

You successfully escaped the detainment center. On your way

out, one of the other groups leads you to the stock room. You and the

others grab all the supplies you can carry.

Supplies + 10 supplies + all supplies

Mileage + 1 mile + 1 mile

Exercise: Scenario 12

Your group has arrived at the safe zone! You must present your personal ID and go through medical screening. You will only be admitted if you have the Personal Identification supply and any two of the following items: plastic gowns, goggles, disposable gloves, or bleach. Retrieve the required items and prepare for screening. • Choice A: Present the required items to the

inspector • Choice B: Unable to present the required

items

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Exercise: Scenario 12 Directions

Directions 1.Update your supplies and EXIT

Gameboard position. 2.Discuss and answer the Scenario 12

Questions. 3.As a team, decide which option you will

choose. 4.Working individually, complete the

Individual Reflection Questions.

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Exercise: Scenario 12 Outcomes

Decision Choice A: Present the Required Items

Choice B: Unable to Present the Required Items

Outcome Congratulations! You have been admitted to the safe

zone.

Unfortunately, you have failed the screening process and are

prohibited from entering the safe zone.

Supplies + 0 supplies + 0 supplies

Mileage + 1 mile + 1 mile

Exercise: EXIT Game Debrief

• Overall experience

• Emotional intelligence

• Communication

• Trust

• Giving and receiving feedback

• Gratitude and appreciations

• Conflict

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RESOURCE B: PRESENTATION SLIDES

Bibliography

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

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“Mehrabian’s Communication Theory: Verbal, Non-Verbal, Body Language.” Businessballs.

Updated September 3, 2020. https://www.businessballs.com/communication-skills/mehrabian-s-

communication-theory-verbal-non-verbal-body-language/.

Argyris, Chris. and Donald Schön. 1974. "Theory in Practice: Increasing Professional

Effectiveness." San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Bonet, Diane. 2001. "The Business of Listening: A Practical Guide to Effective Listening." Boston,

MA: Course Technology.

Bradberry, Travis. “Emotional Intelligence - EQ,” Forbes.com. Last modified January 9, 2014.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/01/09/emotional-

intelligence/?sh=1a176f461ac0.

Carter, Gregg Lee. 2005. "How to Manage Conflict in the Organization." 2nd Edition. New York, NY:

AMACOM.

Center for Management and Organizational Effectiveness. "Do You Spend 80% Of Your Time

Communicating?" (blog). Accessed December 7, 2020. https://cmoe.com/do-you-spend-80-of-

your-time-communicating/.

Cloke, Kenneth and Joan Goldsmith. 2000. "Resolving Conflicts at Work: Ten Strategies for

Everyone on the Job." San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

CRM Learning. 2009. "What to Do When Conflict Happens." DVD. Bellevue, WA: Media Partners.

Dowling, Daisy Wademan. 2009. “7 Tips for Difficult Conversations.” Harvard Business Review,

March 11, 2009.

Ekman, Paul. 2003. "Emotions Revealed." New York: Henry Holt and Co.

Ferrazzi, Keith. “How to Manage Conflict in Virtual Teams.” Harvard Business Review (blog).

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Ferrazzi, Keith. “How Virtual Teams Can Create Human Connections Despite Distance.” Harvard

Business Review (blog) January 31, 2014. https://hbr.org/2014/01/how-virtual-teams-can-

create-human-connections-despite-distance.

Gately, Edward. “Vonage Survey: COVID-19 Changes Communications Preferences.” Channel

Partners, October 22, 2020. https://www.channelpartnersonline.com/2020/10/22/vonage-survey-

covid-19-changes-communications-preferences/.

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Power of Emotional Intelligence." Boston, Mass: Harvard Business School Press.

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Goleman, Daniel, Richard E. Boyatzis, and Annie McKee. Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power

of Emotional Intelligence. Boston, Mass: Harvard Business School Press, 2002.

Goleman, Daniel. 2005. "Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition. Why It Can Matter More

Than IQ." New York: Bantam Books.

Hattie, John and Helen Timperley. 2007. "The Power of Feedback." Review of Educational

Research 77(1): 81–112.

Hayes, John. "Interpersonal Skills at Work. 2002. New York: Routledge Publishing.

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17, 2016. https://www.thebalance.com/receive-feedback-with-grace-and-dignity-1916643.

Hocker, Janet L. and William W. Wilmot. 2014. "Interpersonal Conflict." 9th Edition. New York:

McGraw-Hill.

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Syllabus

Course Overview
Course Expectations
Professional Benefits

Overview of Interpersonal Skills in the Workplace

Interpersonal Skills Model

1.1 Understanding the Interpersonal Skills Model

1.1.1 Exercise: Reflection and Plan for Improving Interpersonal Skills

Senge's Wheel of Learning

2.1 The Four Stages of Senge's Wheel of Learning

2.1.1 Reflecting
2.1.2 Connecting
2.1.3 Deciding
2.1.4 Doing
2.1.5 Exercise: Reflection and Plan for Lifelong Learning

Awareness of Self and Others

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

1.1 What is Emotional Intelligence?

1.1.1 Exercise: Emotional Intelligence Appraisal

1.2 The Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence

1.2.1 Self-Awareness
1.2.2 Self-Management
1.2.3 Social Awareness
1.2.4 Relationship Management

Expanding Perceptions

2.1 Using the Johari Window for Self-Discovery and Disclosure

2.1.1 Open Pane
2.1.2 Facade Pane
2.1.3 Blind Pane
2.1.4 Unknown Pane
2.1.5 Exercise: Using the Johari Window

Accommodating Different Styles and Preferences

3.1 Find Yourself

3.1.1 Exercise: Find Yourself Assessment

3.2 The Four Behavioral Styles

3.2.1 Exercise: Work With Me

Effective Communication Skills

Transparent Communication

1.1 Barriers to Communication

1.1.1 Exercise: Behind the Blind

1.2 The Ladder of Inference
1.3 Sending Clear Messages With the Five I-Messages Method

1.3.1 Exercise: Using the Five I-Messages

1.4 Communicating with Responsible Honesty

Focused Conversations

2.1 What Happens When We Listen?

2.1.1 Phase 1: Sensing the Message
2.1.2 Phase 2: Interpreting the Message
2.1.3 Phase 3: Evaluating the Message
2.1.4 Phase 4: Responding to the Message

2.2 The Power of Good Listening Skills
2.3 Becoming a Better Listener

2.3.1 Levels of Listening

2.3.1.1 Level One—Competitive Listening
2.3.1.2 Level Two—Selective Listening
2.3.1.3 Level Three—Active Listening

2.3.2 Improving Your Listening Skills

2.4 Exercise: Practicing Effective Listening

Modern Communication

3.1 Technology Impacts Engagement Platforms
3.2 Etiquette for Technology Platforms
3.3 Nonverbal Communication

3.3.1 Responding to Others' Nonverbal Cues
3.3.2 Interpreting Nonverbal Cues in Online Communication

Forming Connections with Others

Cultivating Trust

1.1 What is Trust?

1.1.1 The Four Dimensions of Trust

1.2 Why Do We Need Trust?
1.3 Trust-Building Behaviors

1.3.1 Six Steps to Rebuild Trust after You Break It
1.3.2 Steps to Take When Your Trust is Broken
1.3.3 Exercise: Mending Fences

Strengthening Relationships with Feedback

2.1 The Impact of Feedback
2.2 Types of Feedback
2.3 Achieving Optimal Feedback

2.3.1 Giving Constructive Feedback
2.3.2 Receiving Feedback Gracefully
2.3.3 Exercise: Giving Better Feedback

Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation

3.1 The Power of Gratitude
3.2 Three-Part Model of Appreciation

3.2.1 Exercise: Applying the Three-Part Model of Appreciation

Dealing with Difficult Interpersonal Relationships

Resolving Conflict

1.1 Exercise: What to Do When Conflict Happens
1.2 The CALM Model of Conflict Resolution
1.3 Types of Conflict

1.3.1 Intrapersonal
1.3.2 Interpersonal
1.3.3 Intragroup
1.3.4 Intergroup

1.4 Causes of Conflict

1.4.1 Values
1.4.2 Culture
1.4.3 Goals
1.4.4 Approach
1.4.5 Information
1.4.6 Position
1.4.7 Perceptions

1.5 Effects of Conflict
1.6 Responding to Conflict

1.6.1 Accommodate: I Lose/You Win
1.6.2 Avoid: I Lose/You Lose
1.6.3 Compete: I Win/You Lose
1.6.4 Compromise: We Both Win/We Both Lose
1.6.5 Collaborate: I Win/You Win
1.6.6 Exercise: How Do You Handle Conflict?

1.7 Managing Conflict to Resolution

1.7.1 Create a Healthy Environment
1.7.2 Promote a Collaborative Approach
1.7.3 Prepare for Your Conversation
1.7.4 Exercise: Conflict Resolution

Binding Teams

Interpersonal Skills on Virtual Teams

1.1 Overview of Interpersonal Skills-Based Development

1.1.1 Importance of Interpersonal Skills on a Virtual Team

1.2 Conflict Resolution in a Virtual Team

1.2.1 Conflict Management Tools

1.3 Communication Protocols

1.3.1 Ways to Create Human Connections on a Virtual Team

1.4 The Importance of Collaboration

1.4.1 Exercise: Collaborative Behaviors

1.5 Building a Strong Network
1.6 Exercise: Connecting on Virtual Teams

Capstone: EXIT Game (EXperiential Interpersonal Techniques)

2.1 Exercise: Scenario 1
2.2 Exercise: Scenario 2
2.3 Exercise: Scenario 3
2.4 Exercise: Scenario 4
2.5 Exercise: Scenario 5
2.6 Exercise: Scenario 6
2.7 Exercise: Scenario 7
2.8 Exercise: Scenario 8
2.9 Exercise: Scenario 9
2.10 Exercise: Scenario 10
2.11 Exercise: Scenario 11
2.12 Exercise: Scenario 12

Action Plan

Overview
Part I: Key Learning Points
Part II: On the Job

Presentation Slides
Bibliography