essay revise

Reader’s personal response to the writing in terms of interest, insight, and ideas: I think your essay is well written and you have a lot of good stuff to work with here. Some major things that might need attention is your introduction paragraph. Your introduction seems long and it gives a lot of informaion on the author and book that you are talking about. All of that is good but I would suggest cutting it down and only using a few key ideas that you have already written here. Your thesis is good and your paper is organized well as it follows what you've written in your thesis.

Global Categories

Score: “1” is weak, “6” is strong

Thesis/Main Idea/Focus

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Organization

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Development/Support/Data

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Word Choice

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Sentence Structure/Style

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Comments on the above scores: Thesis: Your thesis was good and very clear. I would just revise the introduction paragraph.

Grammar/Mechanics

Check major problem areas:

|_| Verb/Subject Agreement

|_|Verb Forms

|_|Verb Tense

|_|Sentence Boundaries (Fragments, Run-ons, Fused Sentences)

|_|Prepositions

|_|Articles

|_|Pronoun Reference

|_| Punctuation

|_|Spelling

|_|Other (Please comment)

Comments and Recommendations for Grammar/Mechanics: I think for the most part you did well in this. I would just suggest that you read your paper to yourself so you can catch where things may sound off and you can revise.