Project 1: Vulnerability Process and Assessment Memo

Ideas and content

You have done a good job explaining the vulnerability management process and the

vulnerability scanning tools, specifically focusing on the needs of Mercury USA. You have

also provided a Business Case Example for further clarity. Well done!

Organization

The ideas in the paper are organized logically and systematically. You have discussed

each of the main idea in a different paragraph, which helps to make the comprehension

easier. Good job!

Voice

Your tone in the essay is appropriate for the intended audience. The ideas are mostly

conveyed in simple language. Well done! However, there is a slight ambiguity in the line,

“a major problem in most of the transportation sectors including them which calls for

a cyber threat analyst for solutions”. You could review the lines to avoid confusion and

ensure that your idea is effectively communicated.

Word Choice

Most word choices in the essay are effective and efficiently communicate your ideas.

However, at certain places, wordiness and repetition is noted. For instance, the line,

"The industry-standard scanning tool that will be used for scanning includes the

Nessus Professional" could be written as "The Nessus Professional is one of the

industry-standard scanning tools used". Similarly, you could consider reframing the line,

"Through the planning process of identifying the vulnerabilities, this is where the asset

involved will be identified through the identification of the vulnerabilities that mostly

affect the system", in a concise manner.

Sentence Fluency

You have attempted to bring variation in length and rhythm of the sentences. Most

sentences are well-constructed. Moreover, you have made effective use of transitional

words like 'however', 'even though', 'besides' etc., which improves the flow of the essay.

Well done! However, the transition into the third segment seems a bit abrupt. You could

increase fluidity by beginning the segment with a topic sentence that mentions that

there are several benefits to using Nessus. Further, at certain places, the sentences are

framed in a confusing manner, which may mislead the reader. For instance, you could

review the sentence pattern in the lines, "Identification of the vulnerabilities is the first

step in the plan that identifies the vulnerabilities..." and "Evaluation of the

vulnerabilities in the evaluation of the severity of the threats to the vulnerabilities

identified."

Grammar and spelling

You have a strong sense of spelling and grammar. Most sentences are precise in their

verb and tense usage. Well done! However, there are a few minor grammatical errors

which could be rectified for a more effective paper. For instance, you could reconsider

the grammatical form in the lines, "This will help to advocates [advocate] for advanced

security measures " and “it can be concluding [concluded] that". Omission of

punctuation is noted in the line, "Its implementation [,] together with other tactics for

security [,] is vital for minimizing the cyber-attacks". Also, to avoid the issue of parallel

construction, you could reframe the line, "will highly help in the assessment of the

vulnerabilities and the mitigation techniques to be put in place.” as "will highly help in

the assessment of the vulnerabilities and the placement of mitigation techniques".

Moreover, you could review the spelling in the lines, "using the form [four] main stages

of the VM process " and "One's [Once] scanning has been done”. Additionally, in the

line, "The scanning tool is of has the advantages of being free", you could omit the

words "is of", for grammatical accuracy.