IA2 Edited

Thesis & Organization

Goals:

· Articulate your thesis, argument, main idea, and/or purpose clearly.

· Organize your document or presentation in a manner that promotes understanding.

Throughout my advice, I will copy/paste text from your paper highlighted in yellow, and may then show corrections or suggested changes in blue. I will also use bold or italics to point out things I’m fixing.

· Which organization? In this organization, it has been confirmed that approximately 60 percent of the workforce is home as a result of the flu outbreak. (p2)

· I’m already lost—is this part of a case study where your professor already knows all the details about this organization? What activities? It is clear that the activities within this area have gone down, and productivity is equally going down

· Since I’m not understanding the details about your company or the case, the introduction is confusing. Can you give more details?

· Writing introductions (UNC CH): http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/introductions/

· The introduction is a roadmap to the rest of your paper—it tells the reader what to expect. You want to cover the scope of the paper and give your reader the highlights of what the paper will cover (this is often why headings are used). Your introduction should make your readers want to read your paper by capturing their interest. The introduction can be more than one paragraph, but it needs to encapsulate what your paper is about. Often it’s written at the end of the writing process so you can see what you’ve written and make sure it’s all included in the intro.

UMUC Essay Introductions: http://www.umuc.edu/current-students/learning-resources/writing-center/writing-resources/parts-of-an-essay/introductions.cfm

Grammar & Mechanics

Goals:

· Use sentence structure appropriate for your task, message, and audience.

Follow conventions of Standard Written English

· “flu infection”: Therefore, there is a need for a proper way to control the flue infection that will ensure there is continued service (p2)

· Spell out an acronym the first time you use it: This compilation outlines the COOP plan that can be used to ensure there is continued service delivery within the organization despite the flue infection

· Complete this sentence: Obviously, for the organization's activities to continue amidst the flu outbreak, there is a need for the (p3)

· Can you clarify this sentence? I’m not understanding the meaning: Also, there are some roles that as ensuring that the workforce members are kept properly cured lies in the health care system in which the organization is in lyson

· Moreover, the employees will need proper uniforms as well as masks to keep themselves from transmitting the flu to the remaining 40% of the team members

· “laws as they pertain…”: The COOP keeps keen attention on the available constitutional laws as it pertains to epidemics in organizations.

· Incidence is protected? Or reduced? The organization is prepared to ensure that the incidence of the flue is protected shortly. (p4)

· Define “lousy stage”: The organization is in its lousy stage, in which 60% of the employees are at their homes following a flu infection.

· Define “activities”: For this reason, we need to get activities going on within this organization.

· If “Community of Operations Plan” is a proper noun, capitalize each word: This has prompted the need for a Continuity of operations plan.

· Capitalization

· Grammarly: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/capitalization-rules/

· “include but are not limited to”: The possible threats that the organization is currently facing since the onset of the flu infection include but not limited to the possibility of running insolvent as a result of expenses, closure of the organization, and loss of employees. (p5)

· “critical turning point”: This is a critical turn point, and it will be tough for us to keep with that.

· The basic resources needed for the recovery of the operations include nurses to properly offer health services within the organizations and the proper working uniforms that will ensure that there will be no transmission of the flu to their employees within the organization upon the continuation of activities.

· This is a comma splice—separate these two clauses with a semicolon: The most important of the resources that we need is finance, it is clear that money is the only thing that can keep the organization moving on and make it possible to kick out flu amongst us. How can money kick out the flu?

· Comma splice: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma-splice/

· Semicolons (Grammar Book): https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/semicolons.asp

· I don’t understand this sentence—simplify it please: Upon a meeting that led to the development of this COOP plan, it was decided that the employees will be required at the organizational premises as from next week in which they will be tested to ascertain the levels of their conditions.  (p6)

· “upon being offered”: After their level of the employees' conditions is ascertained, those who are not in a critical condition will be required to resume work upon been offered the proper uniforms and medication procedures to ensure they fully recover as well as not transmit the flu to the other employees.

Good luck! As you continue your work on this project, be sure to:

1. Fix a variety of grammar and punctuation errors, including comma splices, commas, and semicolons.

2. Review your draft for clarity. You have either misspelled or incorrect words, and some of your sentences don’t make sense.

3. Format references and citations in APA style.

4. Be more clear in your introduction about the organization and what the paper will cover.

5. Create paragraphs that are at least 3 sentences with strong topic sentences.