Unit I.2

Chapter 1 A Framework for Interpersonal Skill Development

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Learning Objectives

After reading and studying this chapter and completing the exercises, you should be able to

Explain how interpersonal skills are learned.

Explain the model for interpersonal skills improvement, including how to set goals effectively.

Pinpoint your needs for improvement in interpersonal relations.

Describe potential opportunities for developing interpersonal skills on the job.

When Marissa Mayer was 24 years old, she joined Google as employee number 20. While at Google, she ran the company’s search group and worked on successful products such as Gmail. Her last position with the company was vice president, local, maps, and location services, placing her just below Google’s top-executives suite. At age 37, Mayer joined Yahoo! as chief executive and president, the company’s seventh CEO. Her mission was to turn around a company that had lost ground as perhaps the best-known search and content company on the Internet.

At once, the vivacious, glamorous, and super-intelligent Mayer became a celebrity CEO, receiving worldwide publicity. At Stanford University, Mayer majored in symbolic systems, a course of studies that includes psychology, linguistics, philosophy, and computer science. The aim of the program is to understand how people learn and reason, and to endow computers with human-like behavior. A dorm-mate of Mayer’s who later became an information technology executive said that although Mayer was shy, she was not a loner. He claims that Mayer stood out because she had unusual balance along with a deep understanding of people and how to relate to them effectively.

Mayer was a standout at high school, too being captain of the debate club and the pom-pom team. She was known for scheduling long pom-pom practices to make sure that everyone was synchronized. She was also recognized for her exceptional talent in choreography as well as her fairness; she made sure the best dancers made the team.

At Google, Mayer was obsessively driven, working 90 hours per week when necessary to complete a key project. She developed a reputation for being brusque with people and quick to criticize team members when she disagreed with their ideas. Yet at the same time, Mayer respected others‘ talents and had many positive personal qualities that helped her attain popularity. At Google, Mayer became a leader who motivated individuals because she nurtured talent.

Part of Mayer’s leadership style is to empower employees and urge them to make constructive changes. In her first few months at Yahoo!, she personally approved every new hire to help assure that talented and well-motivated people were joining the company. One of her first moves at the company to please employees was to provide free food in the company cafeteria and free smartphones for all employees.

Mayer’s interest in employees also includes establishing a connection with Yahoo!’s programmers by engaging them in regular e-mail exchanges with software engineers who report to other managers in the company. She also initiated weekly “FYI” meetings every Friday in which employees are able to ask her questions, and new hires are announced.[1]

One of the several themes in this story about the famous Internet executive is that even at the highest level in an organization, skill in human relations facilitates success. Mayer may be work-obsessed and technology-obsessed, but at the same time she relates well to many people and has a deep concern for the welfare and development of others. The Dale Carnegie organization explains that because the workplace today emphasizes collaboration, motivation, and leadership, outstanding interpersonal skills are quite important.[2]

Effective interpersonal relations must be combined with technical knowledge and good work habits to achieve success in any job involving interaction with people. Workers at all levels are expected not only to solve problems and improve processes (how work is performed), but also to interact effectively with other employees.[3] Two employment specialists found that being enjoyable to work with is the most important indicator of employability. Joyce Hogan and Kimberly Brinkmeyer analyzed the content of employment ads across the United States. Of the total positions advertised, 47 percent required strong interpersonal skills. The same skills were identified as essential for 71 percent of the positions involving client contact and 78 percent of the positions requiring coworker interaction.[4]

The viewpoint of Bob McJury, the vice president for sales of a graphics company, places the importance of interpersonal skills on a more personal and less statistical basis. He observes that the basics of being courteous to people are very important for the success of his company.[5]

Furthermore, the lack of good interpersonal skills can adversely affect a person’s career. A study found that 90 percent of firings result from poor attitudes, inappropriate behavior, and problems in interpersonal relationships, rather than substandard technical skills.[6] An example of poor interpersonal relations that led to job loss was a receptionist at a boat dealer who told several potential customers something to this effect: “Are you just here to look? You don’t look like you could afford one of our speedboats.”

Another way of looking at the importance of interpersonal skills is that they enable you to connect with others, thereby being more successful in business. Author Susan Scott observes that the next frontier for growth in business lies in the area of human connectivity.[7]

This chapter explains how people develop interpersonal skills and presents a model that can serve as a foundation for improving your interpersonal skills. In addition, the chapter explains how the workplace can be a natural setting for developing interpersonal skills.

Plan of The Book

Learning Objective 1

This entire book is devoted to many different ways of improving interpersonal relations in organizations. A three-part strategy is presented for achieving the high level of effectiveness in interpersonal relations required in today’s workplace.

First, each chapter presents key concepts required for understanding a particular aspect of interpersonal relations, such as resolving conflict. Second, the chapter provides specific suggestions or behavioral guidelines for improvement in the aspect of interpersonal relations under consideration. Third, a variety of exercises give you the opportunity to work on and improve your skills. Among these exercises are self-assessment quizzes, skill-building exercises, and cases for analysis. In addition, the questions at the end of each chapter give you an opportunity to think through and apply the key ideas in the chapter. Figure 1-1 illustrates the plan of the book.

Much of this book is concerned with interpersonal skills training, the teaching of skills for dealing with others so they can be put into practice.

interpersonal skills training

The teaching of skills for dealing with others so that they can be put into practice.

Interpersonal skills training is referred to as soft-skills training to differentiate it from technical training. (Technical skill training is referred to as hard-skills training.) Soft-skills training builds interpersonal skills, including communication, listening, group problem solving, cross-cultural relations, and customer service. In recent years, business schools have pushed the teaching of soft skills such as accepting feedback with grace and speaking

Figure 1-1 Plan for Achieving Effectiveness in Interpersonal Relations

with respect to subordinates. The reason is that many corporate executives think that these skills are essential for future business leaders.[8] Several other specific competencies related to soft skills are as follows:

Effectively translating and conveying information

Being able to accurately interpret other people’s emotions

Being sensitive to other people’s feelings

Calmly arriving at resolutions to conflicts

Avoiding negative gossip

Being polite [9]

Being able to cooperate with others to meet objectives (teamwork)

Providing leadership to others in terms of the relationship aspects of leadership

Soft-skills training is more important than ever as organizations realize that a combination of human effort and technology is needed to produce results. Multiple studies have shown that soft skills can compensate somewhat for not having superior cognitive (or analytical) intelligence. For example, a supervisor with good interpersonal skills might perform well even if he or she is not outstandingly intelligent.

Soft skills are often the differentiating factor between adequate and outstanding performance because dealing with people is part of so many jobs.[10] Assume that a company establishes an elaborate social networking site to enable employees to exchange work-related information with each other. The system will not achieve its potential unless employees are motivated to use it properly and develop a spirit of cooperation. The employees must also be willing to share some of their best ideas with each other. Consider this example:

Sonya, a newly hired intake receptionist in a cardiac clinic, notices that too often the patients present incomplete or inaccurate information, such as omitting data about their next of kin. Sonya spends considerable amounts of time reworking forms with the patients, until she begins using soft skills more effectively. With coaching from her supervisor, Sonya learns that if she attempts to calm down a patient first, the patient is more likely to complete the intake form accurately.

Well-known executive coach Marshall Goldsmith reminds us that building relationships with people is important for workers at every level in the organization, including the CEO. An example of an interpersonal skill that can help build relationships is demanding good results from others and showing them respect at the same time.[11]

The following Job-Oriented Interpersonal Skills in Action box can jumpstart a person’s career.

A Model for Improving Interpersonal Skills

Learning Objective 2

Acquiring and improving interpersonal skills is facilitated by following a basic model of learning as it applies to changing your behavior. Learning is a complex subject, yet its fundamentals follow a five-part sequence, as shown in Figure 1-2. To change your behavior,

Figure 1-2 A Model for Improving Interpersonal Skills

Job-Oriented Interpersonal Skills in Action Jeremy Gets Rewarded for His Interpersonal Skills

Jeremy works as an electronics technician for Event Planners, a company that specializes in setting up exhibits for companies and trade associations at business meetings and conventions. Jeremy’s work is highly specialized and requires installing and uninstalling electronics in compressed periods of time. All of the electronics have to work well, including panel displays, television sets, and computers. The planned events usually take place over a three-day to one-week time period, leaving little time to make repairs if the displays are set up incorrectly.

While returning home from a convention in Chicago, Jeremy received a text message from Katie, his manager: “Can you make a Monday 9 a.m. meeting in my cubicle? Have good news for you.” Jeremy thought, “If Pamela wants to meet with me in person rather than virtually, this must be big.” Jeremy sent back a text message immediately that he would make the meeting.

At the meeting, Pamela offered Jeremy a promotion to the position of team leader. The present team leader was moving to another position in the company, creating the vacancy. Jeremy would still have some responsibility for installing the electronic parts of exhibit booths, but his primary role would be as a team leader (also known as a crew supervisor). Jeremy’s salary would be immediately increased by 10 percent.

With a big smile on his face, Jeremy said, “Wow, Pamela, that’s a great offer, and I accept immediately. I love Event Planners, and I really want more responsibility. But why did you choose me? A few of the other members of the team have more experience than me, and they are very good workers.”

Pamela replied, “My boss and I both chose you for the same reason. In addition to your good technical qualifications, you work great with people. You are polite and friendly, and from what I hear, you give your coworkers encouragement when they need it the most. When the pressure is enormous, you help others stay calm.”

“Thank you for your encouragement, Pamela,” said Jeremy. “I can’t wait for our next exhibit installation.”

Questions

To what extent is Pamela justified in promoting Jeremy to team leader over other, more experienced workers just because he has good people skills?

From the few statements made by Jeremy above, which good interpersonal skills are you able to detect?

and therefore improve, you need a goal and a way to measure your current reality against this goal. You also need a way to assess that reality and a way to obtain feedback on the impact of your new actions.[12]

Goal or Desired State of Affairs

Changing your behavior, including enhancing your interpersonal relations, requires a clear goal or desired state of affairs. Your goal can also be regarded as what you want to accomplish as a result of your effort. A major reason having a specific goal is important is that it improves performance and increases personal satisfaction. With a goal in mind, you keep plugging away until you attain it, thereby increasing personal satisfaction and improving your performance. Goals are also important because if people perceive that they have not attained their goal, they typically increase their effort or modify their strategy for reaching the goal.[13]

Having a goal helps provide motivation and makes it possible to exercise the self-discipline necessary to follow through on your plans. In short, the goal focuses your effort on acquiring the improvements in behavior you seek.

Here we turn to Sean, a credit analyst who is being blocked from promotion because his manager perceives him as having poor interpersonal skills. After a discussion with his manager, Sean recognizes that he must improve his interpersonal relations if he wants to become a team leader.

Sean’s goal is to be considered worthy of promotion to a leadership position. To achieve his goal, he will have to achieve the general goal of improving his interpersonal relations. By conferring with the human resources director, Sean learns that his broad goal of “improving my interpersonal relations” will have to be supported by more specific goals. Having poor interpersonal relations or “rubbing people the wrong way” is reflected in many different behaviors. To begin, Sean selects one counterproductive behavior to improve: He is exceptionally intolerant of others and does not hide his intolerance. Sean’s goal is to become less intolerant and more patient in his dealings with others on the job.

State each goal as a positive statement.

Formulate specific goals.

Formulate concise goals.

Set realistic goals as well as stretch goals.

Set goals for different time periods.

Figure 1-3 Guidelines for Goal Setting

Fine Points about Goal Setting

So far, we have made goal setting seem easy. A truer description of goal setting is that it involves several fine points to increase the probability that the goal will be achieved. Key points about setting effective goals are outlined in Figure 1-3 and described next.

State Each Goal as a Positive Statement: To express your goals in positive statements is likely to be more energizing than focusing on the negative. [14]  An example of a positive statement would be, “During the next year when I am attending networking events, I will create a positive, professional impression with everybody I meet.” The negative counterpart would be, “During the next year, I will avoid making a fool of myself when I am attending networking events.” Despite this suggestion, there are times when a negative goal is useful, such as in reducing errors.

Formulate Specific Goals: A goal such as “attain success” is too vague to serve as a guide to daily action. A more useful goal would be to state specifically what you mean by success and when you expect to achieve it. For example, “I want to be the manager of patient services at a large medical clinic by January 1, 2018, and receive above-average performance reviews.”

Formulate Concise Goals: A useful goal can usually be expressed in a short, punchy statement; for example: “Decrease input errors in bank statements so that customer complaints are decreased by 25 percent by September 30 of this year.” People new to goal setting typically commit the error of formulating lengthy, rambling goal statements. These lengthy goals involve so many different activities that they fail to serve as specific guides to action.

Set Realistic as Well as Stretch Goals: A realistic goal is one that represents the right amount of challenge for the person pursuing the goal. On the one hand, easy goals are not very motivational; they may not spring you into action. On the other hand, goals that are too far beyond your capabilities may lead to frustration and despair because there is a good chance you will fail to reach them. The extent to which a goal is realistic depends on a person’s capabilities.

An easy goal for an experienced person might be a realistic goal for a beginner. Self-efficacy is also a factor in deciding whether a goal is realistic. (The term refers to the confidence in your ability to carry out a specific task.) The higher your self-efficacy, the more likely you are to think that a particular goal is realistic. A person with high self-efficacy for learning Chinese might say, “I think learning two new Chinese words a day is realistic.”

self-efficacy

The confidence in your ability to carry out a specific task.

Several goals that stretch your capability might be included in your list of goals. An extreme stretch goal might be for a store manager trainee to become the vice president of merchandising for Target within four years. Another type of stretch goal is striving for a noble cause. A Home Depot supervisor might not get excited about having the store associates load lumber onto the steel shelves, but she might get excited about the lumber being used to build homes, schools, and hospitals.

Set Goals for Different Time Periods: Goals are best set for different time periods, such as daily, short range, medium range, and long range. Daily goals are essentially a to-do list. Short-range goals cover the period from approximately one week to one year into the future. Finding a new job, for example, is typically a short-range goal. Medium-range goals relate to events that will take place within approximately two to five years. They concern such things as the type of education or training you plan to undertake and the next step in your career.

Long-range goals refer to events taking place five years into the future and beyond. As such, they relate to the overall lifestyle you wish to achieve, including the type of work and family situation you hope to have. Although every person should have a general idea of a desirable lifestyle, long-range goals should be flexible. You might, for example, plan to stay single until age 40. But while on vacation next summer, you might just happen to meet the right partner for you.

Short-range goals make an important contribution to attaining goals of longer duration. If a one-year career goal is to add 25 worthwhile contacts to your social network, a good way to motivate yourself is to search for two contacts per month for 11 months, and search for three in the remaining month. Progress toward a larger goal is self-rewarding.

Assessing Reality

The second major requirement for a method of changing behavior is to assess reality. Sean needs a way to assess how far he is from his goal of being eligible for promotion and how intolerant he is perceived to be. Sean has already heard from his manager, Alison, that he is not eligible for promotion right now. Sean might want to dig for more information by finding answers to the following questions:

“If I were more tolerant, would I be promoted now?”

“How bad are my interpersonal relations in the office?”

“How many people in the office think I rub them the wrong way?”

“How many deficiencies do my manager and coworkers perceive me to have?”

A starting point in answering these questions might be for Sean to confer with Alison about his behavior. To be more thorough, however, Sean might ask a friend in the office to help him answer the questions. A coworker is sometimes in an excellent position to provide feedback on how one is perceived by others in the office. Sean could also ask a confidant outside the office about his intolerance. Sean could ask a parent, a significant other, or both about the extent of his intolerance.

An Action Plan

The learning model needs some mechanism to change the relationship between the person and the environment. An action plan is a series of steps to achieve a goal. Without an action plan, a personal goal will be elusive. The person who sets the goal may not initiate steps to make his or her dream (a high-level goal) come true. If your goal is to someday become a self-employed business owner, your action plan should include saving money, establishing a good credit rating, and developing dozens of contacts.

action plan

A series of steps to achieve a goal.

Sean has to take some actions to improve his interpersonal relations, especially by reducing his intolerance. The change should ultimately lead to the promotion he desires. Sean’s action plan for becoming more tolerant includes the following:

Pausing to attempt to understand why a person is acting the way he or she does. An example is attempting to understand why a sales representative wants to extend credit to a customer with a poor credit rating.

Learning to control his own behavior so that he does not make intolerant statements just because he is experiencing pressure.

Taking a course in interpersonal skills or human relations.

Asking Alison to give him a quick reminder whenever she directly observes or hears of him being intolerant toward customers or workmates.

A fundamental reason that action plans often lead to constructive changes is the “do good, be good” method. It capitalizes on the well-established principle that our attitudes and beliefs often stem from our behaviors rather than precede them.[15] If Sean, or anybody else, starts being tolerant of and accepting toward people, he will soon believe that tolerance is important.

In addition to formulating these action plans, Sean must have the self-discipline to implement them. For example, he should keep a log of situations in which he was intolerant and those in which he was tolerant. He might also make a mental note to attempt to be cooperative and flexible in most of his dealings at work. When a customer does not provide all of the information that Sean needs to assess his or her creditworthiness, Sean should remind himself to say, “I want to process your credit application as quickly as possible. To do this, I need some important additional information.” Sean’s previous reflex in the same situation had been to snap, “I can’t read your mind. If you want to do business with us, you’ve got to stop hiding the truth.”

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Feedback on Actions

The fourth step in the learning model is to measure the effects of one’s actions against reality. You obtain feedback on the consequences of your actions. When your skill-improvement goal is complex, such as becoming more effective at resolving conflict, you will usually have to measure your progress in several ways. You will also need both short- and long-term measures of the effectiveness of your actions. Long-term measures are important because skill-development activities of major consequence have long-range implications.

To obtain short-range feedback, Sean can consult with Alison to see whether she has observed any changes in his tolerance. Alison can also collect any feedback she hears from others in the office. Furthermore, Sean will profit from feedback over a prolonged period of time, perhaps one or two years. He will be looking to see whether his image has changed from an intolerant person who rubs people the wrong way to a tolerant person who has cordial interactions with others.

You will often need to be persistent and encouraging to obtain useful feedback from others. Many people are hesitant to give negative feedback because of a conscious or preconsicious recognition that the recipient of the negative feedback might become hostile and retaliate.[16] The recipient of the negative feedback might appear hurt and respond with a statement such as, “I’m not perfect, and neither are you.”

Frequent Practice

The final step in the learning model makes true skill development possible. Implementing the new behavior and using feedback for fine-tuning is an excellent start in acquiring a new interpersonal skill. For the skill to be long lasting, however, it must be integrated into your usual way of conducting yourself.

In Sean’s case, he will have to practice being tolerant regularly until it becomes a positive habit. After a skill is programmed into your repertoire, it becomes a habit. This is important because a skill involves many habits. For example, good customer service skills include the habits of smiling and listening carefully. After you attempt the new interpersonal skills described in this book, you will need to practice them frequently to make a noticeable difference in your behavior. Changes may appear unnnatural at first, but with practice they become ingrained behavioral tendencies and a means of relating to other people.[17]

A sports analogy is appropriate here. Assume that Ashley, a tennis player, takes a lesson to learn how to hit the ball with greater force. The instructor points out that the reason she is not hitting with much force is that she is relying too much on her arm and not enough on her leg and body strength. To hit the ball with more force, Ashley is told that she must put one foot out in front of her when she strikes the ball (she must “step into” the ball).

Skill-Building Exercise 1-1

Applying the Model for Improving Interpersonal Skills

The model for improving interpersonal skills is aimed at developing skills. At the same time, becoming effective in applying the model is a valuable skill in itself. You will need to apply the model perhaps a few times before you can become effective at developing an interpersonal skill when you want to. To get started with the model, attempt to develop an important, yet basic, interpersonal skill. For illustrative purposes, begin with enhancing your ability to give recognition to others for actions and words you consider meritorious. If you are already good at giving recognition, you can enhance your skill even further. For additional information, you might want to refer to the discussion about giving recognition in Chapter 11. The exercise under discussion should take a few minutes here and there to spread out over several weeks.

Step 1.Goal or Desired State of Affairs

Your goal here is to learn how to give recognition or to enhance further your skill in giving recognition. You want to recognize others in such a way that they are encouraged to keep up the good work. (Or perhaps you have another related goal.)

Step 2.Assessing Reality

Ask a few confidants how good you already are in giving recognition. Ask questions such as, “How good have I been in saying thank you?” “When you have done something nice for me, how did I react to you?” “How many thank-you e-mails and text messages have I sent you since you’ve known me?” Also, reflect on your own behavior in such matters as giving a server a big tip for exceptional service or explaining to a tech specialist how much he or she has helped you. Ask yourself whether you have ever thanked a teacher for an outstanding course or explained to a coach how much his or her advice helped you.

Step 3.Action Plan

What are you going to do in the next few weeks to recognize the meritorious behavior of others? Will you be sending thank-you e-mails, text messages, and warmly worded postal cards; offering smiles and handshakes to people who help you; or giving larger-than-usual tips for excellent service with an explanation of why the tip is so large? Part of the action plan will be who are you going to recognize, where you are going to recognize them, when you will be giving recognition, and how (what form of recognition) you will be giving it.

Step 4.Feedback on Actions

Observe carefully how people react to your recognition. Do they smile? Do they shrug off your form of recognition? It is especially important to observe how the person reacts to you during your next interaction. For example, does the server who you tipped so generously give you a big welcome? Does the bank teller who you thanked so sincerely seem eager to cash your next check? If you do not get the intended result from your recognition efforts, you might need to fine-tune your sincerity. Maybe when you sent a recognition e-mail or text message, you did not mention the person’s name, and just wrote “Hey.” Maybe you did not combine a thank you with a smile. Analyze carefully the feedback you receive.

Step 5.Frequent Practice

For this exercise, perhaps you can only practice giving recognition in one or two settings. Yet if this exercise appears promising, you might continue to practice in the future. Should you continue to practice, you will be taking a personal step to make the world a better place.

Under the watchful eye of the coach, Ashley does put a foot out in front when she strikes the ball. Ashley is excited about the good results. But if Ashley fails to make the same maneuver with her feet during her tennis matches, she will persist in hitting weakly. If Ashley makes the effort to use her legs more effectively on almost every shot, she will soon integrate the new movement into her game.

In summary, the basics of a model for learning skills comprise five steps: goal or desired state of affairs → assessing reality → an action plan → feedback on actions → frequent practice. You must exercise self-discipline to complete each step. If you skip a step, you will be disappointed with the results of your interpersonal skill-development program.

Identification of Developmental Needs

Learning Objective 3

An important concept in skill development is that people are most likely to develop new skills when they feel the need for change. A person might reflect, “Hardly anybody ever takes my suggestions seriously, in either face-to-face or electronic meetings. I wonder what I’m doing wrong?” This person is probably ready to learn how to become a more persuasive communicator.

As you read this book and complete the experiential exercises, you will probably be more highly motivated to follow through with skill development in areas in which you think you need development. A specific area in which a person needs to change is referred to as a developmental need. For instance, some people may be too shy, too abrasive, or too intolerant, and some may not give others the encouragement they need.

developmental need

A specific area in which a person needs to change or improve.

To improve interpersonal skills, we must be aware of how we are perceived by people who interact with us. Developmental needs related to interpersonal skills can be identified in several ways. First, if you are candid with yourself you can probably point to areas in which you recognize that change is needed. You might reflect on your experiences and realize that you have had repeated difficulty in resolving conflict. Second, a related approach is to think of feedback you have received. If there has been consistency in asking you to improve in a particular area, you could hypothesize that the feedback has merit. Perhaps five different people have told you that you are not a good team player. “Becoming a better team player” might therefore be one of your developmental needs.

A third approach to assessing developmental needs is to solicit feedback. Ask the opinion of people who know you well to help you identify needs for improvement with respect to interpersonal skills. Present and previous managers are a valuable source of this type of feedback. (As mentioned earlier, you may have to be persistent to obtain feedback because many people are hesistant to provide negative feedback.)

A fourth approach to pinpointing developmental needs is closely related to the previous three: feedback from performance evaluations. If you have worked for a firm that uses performance evaluations to help people develop, you may have received constructive suggestions during the evaluation. For example, one manager told his assistant, “You need to project more self-confidence when you answer the phone. You sound so unsure and vague when you talk on the telephone. I have noticed this, and several customers have joked about it.” The recipient of this feedback was prompted to participate in assertiveness training in which she learned how to express herself more positively.

Self-Assessment Quiz 1-1 gives you the opportunity to identify your developmental needs. The same exercise is a first step in improving your interpersonal relations on the job because identification of a problem is the first–and most important–step toward change. For example, if you cite improving your relationships with people from cultures different from your own, you have planted the seeds for change. You are then more likely to seek out people from other cultures in the workplace or at school and cultivate their friendship.

Now that you (and perhaps another person) have identified specific behaviors that may require change, you need to draw up an action plan. Proceed with your action plan even though you have just begun studying this text, but peek ahead to relevant chapters if you wish. Describe briefly a plan of attack for bringing about the change you hope to achieve for each statement that is checked. Ideas for your action plan can come from information presented anywhere in this text, from outside reading, or from talking to a person experienced in dealing with people. A basic example would be to study materials about customer service and observe an effective model if you checked “I feel awkward dealing with a customer.”

Universal Needs for Improving Interpersonal Relations

We have just described how understanding your unique developmental needs facilitates improving your interpersonal skills. There are also areas for skill improvement in interpersonal relationships that are shared by most managerial, professional, technical, and sales personnel. These common areas for improvement are referred to as universal training needs. Almost any professional person, for example, could profit from enhancing his or her negotiation and listening skills.

universal training need

An area for improvement common to most people.

This book provides the opportunity for skill development in a number of universal training needs. In working through these universal training needs, be aware that many of them will also fit your specific developmental needs. A given universal training need can be an individual’s developmental need at the same time. It is reasonable to expect that you will be more strongly motivated to improve skills that relate closely to your developmental needs.

Self-Assessment Quiz 1-1

What Are Your Developmental Needs?

This exercise is designed to heighten your self-awareness of areas in which you could profit from personal improvement. It is not a test, and there is no score; yet your answers to the checklist may prove helpful to you in mapping out a program of improvement in your interpersonal relations.

Directions:

Following are many specific aspects of behavior that suggest a person needs improvement in interpersonal skills. Check each statement that is generally true for you. You can add to the validity of this exercise by having one or two other people who know you well answer this form as they think it describes you. Then compare your self-analyses with their analyses of you.

	Place check mark in this column.
1. I’m too shy.
2. I’m too overbearing and obnoxious.
3. I intimidate too many people.
4. I have trouble expressing my feelings.
5. I make negative comments about people too readily.
6. I have a difficult time solving problems when working in a group.
7. I’m a poor team player.
8. Very few people listen to me.
9. It is difficult for me to relate well to people from different cultures.
10. When I’m in conflict with another person, I usually lose.
11. I hog too much time in meetings or in class.
12. I’m very poor at office politics.
13. People find me boring.
14. It is difficult for me to criticize others.
15. I’m too serious most of the time.
16. My temper is too often out of control.
17. I avoid controversy in dealing with others.
18. It is difficult for me to find things to talk about with others.
19. I don’t get my point across well.
20. I feel awkward dealing with a customer.
21. I am a poor listener.
22. I don’t get the importance of ethics in business.
23. My attempts to lead others have failed.
24. I rarely smile when I am with other people.
25. I don’t get along well with people who are from a different ethnic or racial group than mine.
26. I multitask when people are talking to me.
27. I insult too many people on social networking sites.
28.                               (Fill in your own statement.)

The major universal training needs covered in this text are as follows:

Understanding individual differences: To deal effectively with others in the workplace, it is necessary to recognize that people have different capabilities, needs, and interests.

Self-esteem and self-confidence: To function effectively with people in most work and personal situations, people need to feel good about themselves and believe that they can accomplish important tasks. Although self-esteem and self-confidence are essentially attitudes about the self, they also involve skills such as attaining legitimate accomplishments and using positive self-talk.

Interpersonal communication: Effective communication with people is essential for carrying out more than 50 percent of the work conducted by most professional and managerial workers.

Behaving appropriately when using digital devices: Digital devices are integrated into most facets of our work and personal lives. Knowing how to use various electronic devices and systems, including e-mail, cell phones, and smartphones, in a positive and constructive way instead of being uncivil and unproductive can be a major contributor to building your interpersonal relationships.

Developing teamwork skills: The most sweeping change in the organization of work in the last 40 years has been a shift to teams and away from traditional departments. Knowing how to be an effective team player therefore enhances your chances for success in the modern organization.

Group problem solving and decision making: As part of the same movement that emphasizes work teams, organizations now rely heavily on group problem solving. As a consequence, being an above-average contributor to group problem solving is a key part of effective interpersonal relations on the job. In addition to solving the problem, a decision must be made.

Cross-cultural relations: The modern workplace has greater cultural diversity than ever before. Being able to deal effectively with people from different cultures, from within and outside your own country, is therefore an important requirement for success.

Resolving conflicts with others: Conflict in the workplace is almost inevitable as people compete for limited resources. Effective interpersonal relations are therefore dependent upon knowing how to resolve conflict successfully.

Becoming an effective leader: In today’s organizations, a large number of people have the opportunity to practice leadership, even if on temporary assignment. Enhancing one’s leadership skills is therefore almost a universal requirement.

Motivating others: Whether you have the title of manager or leader or are working alone, you have to know how to motivate the people who you depend on to get your work accomplished. Given that few people are gifted motivators, most people can profit from skill development in motivation.

Helping others develop and grow: As power is shared in organizations among managers and individual contributors (nonmanagers) alike, more people are required to help each other develop and grow. To carry out this role, most of us need skill development in coaching and mentoring.

Positive political skills: Whether you work in a small or large firm, part of having effective interpersonal relationships is being able to influence others in such a way that your interests are satisfied. Positive political skills help you satisfy your interests without being unethical or devious.

Customer service skills: The current emphasis on customer satisfaction dictates that every worker should know how to provide good service to customers. Most people can benefit from strengthening their skills in serving both external

Pressmaster/Shutterstock

and internal customers. (Internal customers are the people with whom you interact on the job.)

Enhancing ethical behavior: Although most workers know right from wrong in their hearts, we can all sharpen our ability to make ethical decisions. By consistently making highly ethical decisions, people can improve their interpersonal relations.

Stress management and personal productivity: Having your stress under control and having good work habits and time-management skills contributes to relating well to others, even though they are not interpersonal skills themselves. By having your stress under control and being efficient and productive, you are in a better position to relate comfortably to others. Coworkers enjoy relating to a person who is not visibly stressed and who does not procrastinate.

Job search and career-management skills: Finding an outstanding job for yourself, holding onto the job, and moving ahead are not specifically interpersonal skills. However, both finding the right job for yourself and managing your career rely heavily on good interpersonal skills. Two basic examples are conducting yourself well in an interview and developing a network of contacts that can help you advance.

Developing Interpersonal Skills on the Job

Learning Objective 4

The primary thrust of this book is to teach interpersonal skills that can be applied to the job. As part of enhancing your skills, it is essential to recognize that opportunities also exist in the workplace for developing interpersonal skills. This dual opportunity for learning soft skills is similar to the way hard skills are learned both inside and outside the classroom. Studying a text and doing laboratory exercises, for example, will help you learn useful information technology skills. On the job, one day you might be asked to optimize your company’s presence on the Internet. (“Optimize” in this sense means that your company’s Web site appears higher on Internet searches.) Having never performed this task before, you may search appropriate Web sites, ask questions of coworkers, telephone tech support, and use trial and error. Within a few days, you have acquired a valuable new skill. The information technology skills you learned in the course facilitated learning new computer tasks, yet the actual work of learning how to optimize your company’s URL in Web site searches was done on the job.

Here we look at two related aspects of learning interpersonal skills on the job: informal learning and specific developmental experiences.

Informal Learning

Business firms, as well as nonprofit organizations, invest an enormous amount of money and time into teaching interpersonal skills. Teaching methods include paying for employees to take outside courses, conducting training on company premises, using videoconferencing or Web-based courses, and reimbursing for distance learning courses on the Internet. Workers also develop interpersonal skills by interacting with work associates and observing how other people deal with interpersonal challenges.

Informal learning is the acquisition of knowledge and skills that takes place naturally outside a structured learning environment. In the context of the workplace, informal learning takes place without being designed by the organization. Learning can take place informally in ways such as speaking to the person in the next cubicle, asking a question of a coworker while in the hall, or calling the tech support center.

informal learning

The acquisition of knowledge and skills that takes place naturally outside of a structured learning environment.

A study conducted by the American Society for Training Directors found that informal learning is part of how employees learn. Nearly one-half of the 1,104 respondents said that informal learning is occurring to a high or very high extent in their organizations. E-mail emerged as the top-ranked informal learning tool, with accessing information from an Intranet a close second.[18]

Learning interpersonal skills informally can take place through such means as observing a coworker, manager, or team leader deal with a situation. A newly hired assistant store manager couldn’t help seeing and overhearing a customer screaming at the store manager about a defective space heater. The manager said calmly, “It appears you are pretty upset about your heater that caused a short circuit in your house. What can I do to help you?” The customer calmed down as quickly as air is released from a balloon. The assistant store manager thought to herself, “Now I know how to handle a customer who has gone ballistic. I’ll state what the customer is probably feeling, and then offer to help.”

Informal learning can also occur when another person coaches you about how to handle a situation. The store manager might have said to the new assistant manager, “Let me tell you what to do in case you encounter a customer who goes ballistic. Summarize in a few words what he or she is probably feeling, and then offer to help. The effect can be remarkable.” (This incident is classified as informal learning because it takes place outside a classroom.)

Formal and informal learning of interpersonal skills are useful supplements to each other. If you are formally learning interpersonal skills, your level of awareness for enhancing your interpersonal skills will increase. By formally studying interpersonal skills, you are likely to develop the attitude, “What hints about dealing more effectively with people can I pick up on the job?” You may have noticed that if you are taking lessons in a sport, you become much more observant about watching the techniques of outstanding athletes in person or on television.

Specific Developmental Experiences

Another perspective on developing interpersonal skills in the workplace is that certain experiences are particularly suited to such development. Coping with a difficult customer, as previously suggested, would be one such scenario. Morgan W. McCall Jr. has for many years studied ways in which leaders develop on the job. Contending with certain challenges is at the heart of these key learning experiences. Several of the powerful learning experiences McCall has identified are particularly geared toward developing better interpersonal skills.[19]

Unfamiliar responsibilities: The person has to handle responsibilities that are new, very different, or much broader than previous ones. Dealing with these unfamiliar responsibilities necessitates asking others for help and gaining their cooperation. For example, being assigned to supervise a group doing work unfamiliar to you would put you in a position of gaining the cooperation of group members who knew more about the work than you.

Proving yourself: If you feel added pressure to show others that you can deal effectively with responsibilities, you are likely to develop skills in projecting self-confidence and persuading others.

Problems with employees: If you supervise employees or have coworkers who lack adequate experience, are incompetent, or are poorly motivated, you need to practice skills such as effective listening and conflict resolution in order to work smoothly with them.

Influencing without authority: An excellent opportunity for practicing influence skills is being forced to influence coworkers, higher management, company outsiders, and other key people over whom you have no formal control. Team leaders typically face the challenge of needing to influence workers over whom they lack the authority to discipline or grant raises. (The reason is that a team leader usually does not have as much formal authority as a traditional manager.)

Difficult manager: If you and your manager have different opinions on how to approach problems, or if your manager has serious shortcomings, you will have to use your best human relations skills to survive. You will need to develop subtle skills such as using diplomacy to explain to your manager that his or her suggestion is completely unworkable.

The general point to be derived from these scenarios is that certain on-the-job challenges require a high level of interpersonal skill. Faced with such challenges, you will be prompted to use the best interpersonal skills you have. Formal training can be a big help because you might remember a skill that should be effective in a particular situation. Assume that you are faced with an overbearing manager who belittles you in front of others. You might be prompted to try a conflict-resolution technique you acquired in class.

Concept Review and Reinforcement

Key Terms

interpersonal skill training   4

self-efficacy   7

action plan   8

developmental need   10

universal training need   11

informal learning   14

Summary

Effective interpersonal relations must be combined with technical knowledge to achieve success in any job involving interactions with people. This book presents a three-part strategy for achieving a high level of interpersonal skill. Each chapter presents concepts related to an area of interpersonal skill, behavioral guidelines, and experiential exercises. Interpersonal skill training is also referred to as soft-skills training to differentiate it from technical training.

A five-part model of learning can be applied to improving interpersonal skills. First, state a goal or desired state of affairs. Second, assess the reality of how far you are from your goal. Third, develop an action plan to change the relationship between the person and the environment. Self-discipline is required to implement the action plan. Fourth, solicit feedback on actions to measure the effects of your actions against reality. Fifth, continue to practice your newly learned skill.

To use the learning model effectively, it is useful to understand the goal-setting process. The guidelines offered here for goal setting are to (1) state each goal as a positive statement, (2) formulate specific goals, (3) formulate concise goals, (4) set realistic as well as stretch goals, and (5) set goals for different time periods.

People are most likely to develop new skills when they feel the need for change. A developmental need is the specific area in which a person needs to change. Identifying your developmental needs in relation to interpersonal relations can be achieved through self-analysis and feedback from others. You can also solicit feedback and make use of the feedback you have received in performance appraisals.

Universal training needs are those areas for improvement that are common to most people. The major topics in this text reflect universal training needs because they are necessary for success in most positions involving interaction with people.

Opportunities exist in the workplace to develop interpersonal skills. A general approach to developing these skills is informal learning, whereby you acquire skills naturally outside of a structured work environment. Informal learning of interpersonal skills often takes place through means such as observing a coworker, manager, or team leader cope with a situation. Certain workplace experiences are particularly well suited to developing interpersonal skills. These include unfamiliar responsibilities, proving yourself, having problems with employees, influencing without authority, and having a difficult manager.

Questions for Discussion and Review

Your friend says, “I’m such a great techie that I don’t have to worry about interpersonal skills.” What advice do you have for your techie friend?

In your opinion, do supervisors of entry-level workers rely more on soft skills or hard skills to accomplish their work?

Identify a developmental need related to interpersonal relations of the current president of the United States. How did you reach this conclusion about the president?

Why are interpersonal skills very important for job seekers when there is a shortage of good jobs open in their field?

How does a person know whether or not the feedback he or she receives from another person is accurate?

How could doing a thorough job on Self-Assessment Quiz 1-1 have a major impact on a person’s career?

A statement frequently made in business is, “If you are obnoxious, you need to be very talented to succeed.” How does this conclusion relate to the learning of interpersonal skills?

Based on what you have learned so far in this book, and your own intuition, how would you respond to the statement, “You can’t learn how to get along with people from reading a book”?

Give an example of a skill you might have learned informally at any point in your life.

Give an example of how a small-business owner needs good interpersonal skills to survive.

The Web Corner

www.interpersonalskillsonline.com/about

www.wikihow.com/Develop-interpersonal-skills

(Interpersonal skill development)

www.infed.org

(Informal learning)

Internet Skill Builder: The Importance of Interpersonal Skills

One of the themes of this chapter and the entire book is that interpersonal skills are important for success in business. But what do employers really think? To find out, visit the Web sites of five of your favorite companies, such as Starbucks.com or Apple.com. Go to the employment section, and search for a job that you might qualify for now or in the future. Investigate which interpersonal or human relations skills the employer mentions as a requirement, such as, “Must have superior spoken communication skills.” Make up a list of the interpersonal skills you find mentioned. What conclusion or conclusions do you reach from this exercise?

Developing Your Human Relations Skills

Interpersonal Relations Case 1.1

Tyler Likes Tyler

Tyler is an inventory control specialist at a company that manufactures fiber-optic cables for the telecommunications industry. Among the users of fiber-optic cables are telephone companies and cable television companies. Tyler enjoys his position within the company and believes that he has a promising future in an industry that will most likely continue to grow.

During his lunch break one day, Tyler sat down next to Isabella, another inventory specialist. “Wow, I have some very exciting news to tell you,” said Tyler. “I dented my SUV a week ago, and I thought I would have about a $700 repair bill not covered by insurance. Instead, I tried one of these paint-free dent specialists. The guy took out the dent for $150, and my SUV looks as good as new.”

Isabella replied, “Oh yes.” Tyler, then said, “Everything is good with you isn’t it?” Before Isabella responded, Tyler continued, “You will be very excited to know that this summer I am going on a four-day hike in the Colorado Rockies. Isn’t that really something?”

Isabella glanced up briefly at Tyler, and said, “See you later. I have an appointment.”

Later that day, Tyler sat down next to Noah, a sales representative during the afternoon break. Noah began the conversation by saying, “Hey, Tyler, you might be interested in knowing about a big sale I have pending with a regional telephone company.”

Tyler said in response, “I have even bigger news. My supervisor Mindy said that I am doing an outstanding job of controlling the inventory and that I might be eligible for an above-average salary increase.”

Noah said, “Tyler, I’ll see you later. I just remembered that I have a couple of important calls to make back at my cubicle.”

Tyler began to wonder what was going on with his coworkers. He thought, “That’s twice today that my coworkers have been acting a little bit uninterested in me. I wonder if they are under too much pressure.”

Case Questions

What developmental needs does Tyler appear to have?

To what extent do you think Isabella and Noah were being rude toward Tyler?

What would you recommend that Tyler do to obtain feedback on his needs for development?

Interpersonal Skills Role-Play

Tyler Wants to Improve His Interpersonal Skills

Tyler, in the case just presented, comes to recognize that perhaps he has some problems in the way he conducts conversations, and that if he focused more on his coworkers and less on himself, he might get along better with his coworkers. This role-play is divided into two parts. In the first part, one student plays the role of Tyler, who meets up with Isabella on another day to engage her in conversation. Isabella thinks that Tyler met with her again for the purpose of talking more about himself. In the second part, one student plays the role of Tyler, who meets up with Noah again. Noah is a little discouraged with Tyler because he thinks that Tyler is looking for another opportunity to brag about his own accomplishments.

Run the role-play for about six minutes, while other class members observe the interactions and later provide feedback about the interpersonal skills displayed by Tyler in relation to his interaction with both Isabella and Noah. Also, rate Isabella and Noah. Observers rate the role players on two dimensions, using a 1-to-5 scale from very poor (1) to very good (5). One dimension is “effective use of human relations techniques.” The second dimension is “acting ability.” A few observers might voluntarily provide feedback to the role players in terms of sharing their ratings and observations. The course instructor might also provide feedback.

Interpersonal Relations Case 1.2

Betty Lou Sets Some Goals

Betty Lou is a marketing specialist at Pasta Mucho, the biggest pasta maker in her region. Over two years in the position, she contributed to the success of the Pasta Mucho product line. Although Betty Lou admits that a recession has contributed to the upswing in pasta sales nationwide, she believes that more than luck is involved. “After all,” she says, “I contributed to the marketing campaign that showed that preparing pasta at home makes you cool.”

Betty Lou’s boss, Garth, is pleased with her job performance; but as part of the performance evaluation process, he has encouraged Betty Lou to prepare a goal sheet, mapping out her plans for the upcoming year. “Make it impressive,” said Garth, “because my boss will be reviewing your goals also.” Three days later, Betty Lou sent Garth an e-mail laying out her goals as follows:

Help make Pasta Mucho one of the great brands on the planet, much like Coca-Cola, Mercedes, and Microsoft.

Become the best marketing executive I can be.

Help the company develop some other wildly successful brands.

Get in good with more buyers at supermarket chains.

Get Pasta Mucho all over Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr.

After reading the set of goals, Garth thought to himself, “What can I tell Betty Lou without hurting her feelings?”

Case Questions

If you were Garth, what would you tell Betty Lou about her goals without hurting her feelings?

What suggestions can you offer Betty Lou to improve her goal statement?

How might interpersonal skills contribute to Betty Lou attaining her goals?

References

Original story created from facts and observations in the following sources: Amir Efrati and Jessica E. Vascellaro, “Yahoo’s Profit Lags: New CEO Faces Scores of Problems as Financial Woes Mount,” The Wall Street Journal, July 18, 2012, p. B7; Michelle V. Rafter, “Yahoo’s Recruiter-in-Chief,” Workforce Management, November 2012, pp. 20–22; Amir Efrati and Jon Letzing, “Google’s Mayer Takes Over as Yahoo Chief,” The Wall Street Journal, July 17, 2012, pp. B1, B2; Patricia Sellers, “Marissa Mayer: Ready to Rumble at Yahoo,” Fortune, October 29, 2012, pp. 118–128; Brad Stone, “Reading the Mind of Marissa Mayer,” Bloomberg Businessweek, July 23–July 29, 2012, pp. 30–31; Gianpiero Petrigilieri, “Marissa Mayer Is Not the Exception—She Is the Norm,”  http://www.forbes.com/sites/insead , July 20, 2012, pp. 1–3; Joann S. Lublin and Leslie Kwoh, “For Yahoo CEO, Two New Roles,” The Wall Street Journal, July 18, 2012, pp. B1, B6; Amir Efrati, “A Makeover Made in Google’s Image,” The Wall Street Journal, August 9, 2012, pp. B1, B6.

Dale Carnegie Training Brochure, Spring–Summer 2005, p. 12.

Joanne Lozar Glenn, “Lessons in Human Relations,” Business Education Forum, October 2003, p. 10.

“Unleashing the Power of the New Workforce: Interpersonal Skills in the Modern Workplace,” Hogan Assessment Systems. (Printed in Workforce Management, November 2011, p. S3).

Cited in Diana Louise Carter, “A Picture of Success: Graphics Company Has Shown Steady Growth,” Democrat and Chronicle (Roc Business), July 9, 2012, p. 6B.

Cited in Donna Nebenzahl, “Turning the Page on Corporate Leadership,”  thestar.com  (The Toronto Star), September 19, 2009, p. 2,  http://www.thestar.com .

Based on Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & In Life, One Conversation at a Time (New York: Random House, 2009).

Melissa Korn and Joe Light, “On the Lesson Plan: Feelings,” The Wall Street Journal, May 5, 2011, p. B6.

George B. Yancey, Chante P. Clarkson, Julie D. Baxa, and Rachel N. Clarkson, “Example of Good and Bad Interpersonal Skills at Work,” http://www.psichi.org/pubs/articles/article_368.asp, p. 2, accessed February 2, 2004.

Edward Muzio, Deborah J. Fisher, Err R. Thomas, and Valerie Peters, “Soft Skill Quantification (SSQ) for Project Manager Competencies,” Project Management Journal, June 2007, pp. 30–31.

Marshall Goldsmith, “How Not to Lose the Top Job,” Harvard Business Review, January 2009, p. 77.

The model presented here is an extension and modernization of the one presented in Thomas V. Bonoma and Gerald Zaltman, Psychology for Management (Boston: Kent, 1981), pp. 88–92.

Gary P. Latham, “The Motivational Benefits of Goal-Setting,” Academy of Management Executive, November 2004, pp. 126–127.

Susan B. Wilson and Michael S. Dobson, Goal Setting: How to Create an Action Plan and Achieve Your Goals, 2nd ed. (New York: American Management Association, 2008).

Kirsten Weir, “Revising Your Story,” Monitor on Psychology, March 2012, p. 28.

Karen Wright, “A Chic Critique,” Psychology Today, March/April 2011, p. 56.

“Unleashing the Power of the New Workforce,” p. S3.

Andrew Paradise, “Informal Learning Overlooked or Overhyped?” http://www.astdf.org/Publications, July 1, 2002, pp. 1–2.

Morgan W. McCall Jr., High Flyers: Developing the Next Generation of Leaders (Boston: Harvard Business School Press, 1998).

Chapter 2 Understanding Individual Differences

wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

Learning Objectives

After reading and studying this chapter and completing the exercises, you should be able to

Make adjustments for the individual differences among people in dealing with them on the job.

Develop insight into how your personality, mental ability, emotional intelligence, and values differ from others.

Respond to personality differences among people.

Respond to mental ability differences among people.

Respond to differences in values among people.

US Airways Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger III, the hero of the January 2009 airline ditching in the Hudson River, told investigators that he determined in a matter of seconds that only the river was “long enough, wide enough, and smooth enough” to put down the crippled jetliner. Testifying before the National Transformation Safety Board, Sullenberger said that when both engines of his Airbus 320 lost power at about 2,700 feet after sucking in birds, he quickly decided that the plane was losing speed and altitude, and that returning to New York’s LaGuardia Airport was “problematic.” After spotting a flock of birds that were very large and filled the entire windscreen of the jet, Sullenberger noticed a dramatic drop in thrust. Disregarding air traffic controller suggestions to return to LaGuardia or try to swoop into another nearby airport, he set his sights on the surface of the Hudson. With the plane’s flaps out, speed dwindling fast, and splashdown barely seconds away, Sullenberger asked his first officer, “Got any ideas?” Copilot Jeff Skiles instantly replied, “Actually not.”

Once the plane settled in the water, and the crew realized the fuselage remained intact, Sullenberger turned to his first officer and both instinctively blurted out at the same instant, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought.” Responding to questions about the lessons to be learned from the landing, Capt. Sullenberger mentioned training to help pilots work together as a team and additional efforts to improve emergency evacuations. His comments repeatedly swung back to the notion of an airline culture that stresses safety and respects the judgment of experienced pilots. “The captain’s authority is a precious commodity that cannot be denigrated,” he said. The captain’s testimony also highlighted the importance of relying on experience and memory, rather than rigidly using checklists to deal with unexpected emergencies. With both pilots in the cockpit clocking an impressive 20,000 hours of total flight time, Captain Sullenberger said, “Teamwork and experience allowed us to focus on the high priorities without referring to written checklists.”[1]

The story about the hero pilot “Sully” illustrates several of the key topics about differences among people that will be described in this chapter. Native intelligence, including the capacity to memorize details, practical intelligence (wisdom and common sense), and emotional control all play an important role in job performance. The major theme of this chapter deals with how people vary in a wide range of personal factors. Individual differences exert a profound effect on job performance and behavior. Such differences refer to variations in how people respond to the same situation based on personal characteristics. One of hundreds of possible examples is that some people can concentrate longer and harder on their work, thereby producing more and higher quality work, than others.

individual differences

Variations in how people respond to the same situation based on personal characteristics. Mental processes used to perceive and make judgments from situations.

This chapter describes several of the major sources of individual differences on the job. It also gives you the chance to measure your standing on several key dimensions of behavior and helps you develop skills in responding to individual differences. Knowing how to respond to such differences is the cornerstone of effective interpersonal relations. To be effective in human relations, you cannot treat everybody the same.

Personality

Learning Objective 1

Learning Objective 2

“We’re not going to promote you to department head,” said the manager to the analyst. “Although you are a great troubleshooter, you’ve alienated too many people in the company. You’re too blunt and insensitive.” As just implied, most successes and failures in people-contact jobs are attributed largely to interpersonal skills. And personality traits are major contributors to interpersonal, or human relations, skills.

Personality refers to those persistent and enduring behavior patterns that tend to be expressed in a wide variety of situations. A person who is brash and insensitive in one situation is likely to behave similarly in many other situations. Your personality is what makes you unique. Your walk, your talk, your appearance, your speech, and your inner values and conflicts all contribute to your personality.

personality

Persistent and enduring behavior patterns that tend to be expressed in a wide variety of situations.

Here, we illustrate the importance of personality to interpersonal relations in organizations by describing eight key personality traits and personality types related to cognitive styles. In addition, you will be given guidelines for dealing effectively with different personality types.

Eight Major Personality Factors and Traits

Many psychologists believe that the basic structure of human personality is represented by five broad factors, known as the Big Five: neuroticism, extraversion (the scientific spelling of extroversion), openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. Three more key personality factors—self-monitoring of behavior, risk taking and thrill seeking, and optimism—are also so important for human relations that they are considered here.

All eight factors have a substantial impact on interpersonal relations and job performance. The interpretations and meanings of these factors provide useful information because they help you pinpoint important areas for personal development. Although these

Figure 2-1 Eight Personality Factors Related to Interpersonal Skills

factors are partially inherited, most people can improve them provided they exert much conscious effort over a period of time. For example, it usually takes at least three months of effort before a person is perceived to be more agreeable. The eight factors, shown in Figure 2-1, are described in the following list.

Neuroticism reflects emotional instability and identifies people who are prone to psychological distress and to coping with problems in unproductive ways. Traits associated with this personality factor include being anxious, insecure, angry, embarrassed, emotional, and worried. A person of low neuroticism—or high emotional stability—is calm and confident, and usually in control.

Extraversion reflects the quantity or intensity of social interactions, the need for social stimulation, self-confidence, and competition. Traits associated with extraversion include being sociable, gregarious, assertive, talkative, and active. An outgoing person is often described as extraverted, whereas introverted persons are described as reserved, timid, and quiet. Introverts tend to prefer the inner world of their own mind, whereas extraverts tend to prefer the outer world of sociability. [2]  A study conducted with more than 4,700 people found a positive relationship between extraversion and the tendency to be an entrepreneur. [3]  This finding makes sense, because being an entrepreneur requires considerable reaching out to people to start the business, including fund raising.

Openness reflects the proactive seeking of experience for its own sake. Traits associated with openness include being creative, cultured, intellectually curious, broadminded, and artistically sensitive. People who score low on this personality factor are practical, with narrow interests.

Agreeableness reflects the quality of one’s interpersonal orientation. Traits associated with the agreeableness factor include being courteous, flexible, trusting, good-natured, cooperative, forgiving, softhearted, and tolerant. The other end of the continuum includes disagreeable, cold, and antagonistic people.

Conscientiousness reflects organization, self-restraint, persistence, and motivation toward attaining goals. Traits associated with conscientiousness include being hardworking, dependable, well organized, and thorough. The person low in conscientiousness is lazy, disorganized, and unreliable.

Self-monitoring of behavior refers to the process of observing and controlling how we are perceived by others. Self-monitoring involves three major and somewhat distinct tendencies: (1) the willingness to be the center of attention, (2) sensitivity to the reactions of others, and (3) ability and willingness to adjust behavior to induce positive reactions in others. High self-monitors are pragmatic and even chameleonlike actors in social groups. They often say what others want to hear. Low self-monitors avoid situations that require them to adapt to outer images. In this way, their outer behavior adheres to their inner values. Low self-monitoring can often lead to inflexibility. Take Self-Assessment Quiz 2-1 to measure your self-monitoring tendencies.

Risk taking and thrill seeking refers to the propensity to take risks and pursue thrills. Persons with high standing on this personality trait are sensation seekers who pursue novel, intense, and complex sensations. They are willing to take risks for the sake of such experiences. The search for giant payoffs and daily thrills motivates people with an intense need for risk taking and thrill seeking. [4]  Taking prudent risks can be important for the success of a business. Jim Donald, CEO of Extended Stay of America, encouraged employees to take risks, because the company had emerged from bankruptcy, and employees were still in the survival mode. They avoided decisions that might cost the company money, such as repairing the property or accommodating an angry guest with a free night’s stay. Donald’s solution was to hand out about 9,000 miniature “Get Out of Jail Free” cards to employees. When employees took a big risk for the company, they could use a card free, with no questions asked. [5]

Take Self-Assessment Quiz 2-2 to measure your propensity for risk taking and thrill seeking.

Optimism refers to a tendency to experience positive emotional states and to typically believe that positive outcomes will be forthcoming from most activities. The other end of the scale is pessimism—a tendency to experience negative emotional states and to typically believe that negative outcomes will be forthcoming from most activities. Optimism versus pessimism is also referred to in more technical terms as positive affectivity versus negative affectivity and is considered a major personality trait.

A person’s tendency toward having positive affectivity (optimism) versus negative affectivity (pessimism) also influences job satisfaction. Being optimistic, as you would suspect, tends to enhance job satisfaction.[6]

A potential downside of optimism is that it can lead a person to not fear risks, such as the possibility of being fired for poor performance. Also, being a little pessimistic about the future can sometimes help us reduce anxiety about potential worst-case scenarios.[7] For example, a job seeker might land a position with a start-up company that has earned hardly any revenue. Thinking about the problems of working for a company that never gets off the ground, such as not getting paid, may help that person be less anxious about the prospects of failure.

Martin Seligman, director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, places the need for balance between optimism and pessimism in these words: “The idea that optimism is always good is a caricature. It misses realism, it misses appropriateness, it misses the importance of negative emotion.”[8]

A high standing on a given trait is not always an advantage, and a low standing is not always a disadvantage.[9] For example, a person who is highly extraverted might spend so much time interacting with coworkers that he or she does not spend enough time on analytical work. Also, a person who is a low self-monitor might give people such honest feedback—rather than telling them what they want to hear—that he or she helps others to grow and develop.

Stockbyte/Getty Images

Self-Assessment Quiz 2-1

 

The Self-Monitoring Scale

Directions:

The statements ahead concern your personal reactions to a number of different situations. No two statements are exactly alike, so consider each statement carefully before answering. If a statement is TRUE or MOSTLY TRUE as applied to you, circle the “T” next to the question. If a statement is FALSE or NOT USUALLY TRUE as applied to you, circle the “F” next to the question.

	True	False
1. I find it hard to imitate the behavior of other people.	□	□
2. My behavior is usually an expression of my true inner feelings, attitudes, and beliefs.	□	□
3. At parties and social gatherings, I do not attempt to do or say things that others will like.	□	□
4. I can only argue for ideas in which I already believe.	□	□
5. I can make impromptu speeches even on topics about which I have almost no information.	□	□
6. I guess I put on a show to impress or entertain people.	□	□
7. When I am uncertain how to act in a social situation, I look to the behavior of others for cues.	□	□
8. I would probably make a good actor.	□	□
9. I rarely seek the advice of my friends to choose movies, books, or music.	□	□
10. I sometimes appear to others to be experiencing deeper emotions than I actually am.	□	□
11. I laugh more when I watch a comedy with others than when alone.	□	□
12. In groups of people, I am rarely the center of attention.	□	□
13. In different situations and with different people, I often act like very different persons.	□	□
14. I am not particularly good at making other people like me.	□	□
15. Even if I am not enjoying myself, I often pretend to be having a good time.	□	□
16. I’m not always the person I appear to be.	□	□
17. I would not change my opinions (or the way I do things) in order to please someone else or win their favor.	□	□
18. I have considered being an entertainer.	□	□
19. In order to get along and be liked, I tend to be what people expect me to be rather than anything else.	□	□
20. I have never been good at games like charades or improvisational acting.	□	□
21. I have trouble changing my behavior to suit different people and different situations.	□	□
22. At a party, I let others keep the jokes and stories going.	□	□
23. I feel a bit awkward in company and do not show up quite as well as I should.	□	□
24. I can look anyone in the eye and tell a lie with a straight face (if for a good cause).	□	□
25. I may deceive people by being friendly when I really dislike them.	□	□

Scoring and Interpretation:

Give yourself one point each time your answer agrees with the key. A score that is between 0–12 would indicate that you are a relatively low self-monitor; a score that is between 13–25 would indicate that you are a relatively high self-monitor.

F

F

F

F

T

T

T

T

F

T

T

F

T

F

T

T

F

T

T

F

F

F

F

T

T

Source: Mark Snyder, “Self-Monitoring of Expressive Behavior,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 4 (October 1974): 528–537.

Self-Assessment Quiz 2-2

 

The Risk-Taking Scale

Directions:

Answer true or false to the following questions to obtain an approximate idea of your tendency to take risks, or your desire to do so:

	True	False
1. I occasionally eat fresh fruit or vegetables without first washing them.	□	□
2. I think that amusement park roller coasters should be abolished.	□	□
3. I don’t like trying foods from other cultures.	□	□
4. I would choose bonds over growth stocks.	□	□
5. I like to challenge people in positions of power.	□	□
6. I don’t always wear a seat belt while driving.	□	□
7. I sometimes talk on my cell phone or send and receive text messages while driving at highway speeds.	□	□
8. I would love to be an entrepreneur (or I love being one).	□	□
9. I would like helping out in a crisis such as a product recall.	□	□
10. I would like to go cave exploring (or already have done so).	□	□
11. I would be willing to have at least one-third of my compensation based on a bonus for good performance.	□	□
12. I would be willing to visit a maximum-security prison on a job assignment.	□	□

Scoring and Interpretation:

Give yourself one point each time your answer agrees with the key. If you score 10–12, you are probably a high risk taker; 6–9, you are a moderate risk taker; 3–5, you are cautious; 0–2, you are a very low risk taker.

T

F

F

F

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

Source: The idea of a test about risk-taking comfort, as well as several of the statements on the quiz, comes from psychologist Frank Farley.

The Eight Factors and Traits and Job Performance

Depending on the job, any one of the preceding personality factors can be important for success. The evidence of the contribution of the Big Five traits stems from the self-ratings of the people taking the test, as well as ratings by persons who know the test taker well. An analysis of a large number of studies found that ratings of the Big Five traits were more closely related to the job performance of the people rated than were self-ratings of personality.[10] One explanation for personality being tied to performance is that a particular personality trait gives us a bias or positive spin toward certain actions.[11] A person high in conscientiousness, for example, believes that if people are diligent they will accomplish more work and receive just rewards.

Conscientiousness relates to job performance for many different occupations, and has proven to be the personality factor most consistently related to success. As explained in the discussion above, each of the Big Five factors is composed of more narrow or specific traits. With respect to conscientiousness, the specific trait of dependability may be the most important contributor to job performance.[12]

Extraversion

Another important research finding is that extraversion is associated with success for managers and sales representatives. The explanation is that managers and salespeople are required to interact extensively with other people.[13] When referring to the association between extraversion and sales performance, it is helpful to consider which type of selling is involved. For example, particularly in selling complicated products and services, the sales representative is expected to be a problem solver who quietly reflects on the problem. Such behavior tends more toward introversion than extraversion, even though the sales representative still recognizes the importance of relationship building.

Self-Monitoring

For people who want to advance in their careers, being a high self-monitor is important. An analysis was made of the self-monitoring personality by combining 136 studies involving 23,101 people. A major finding was that high self-monitors tend to receive better performance ratings than low self-monitors. High self-monitors were also more likely to emerge as leaders and work their way into top management positions.[14] Another advantage to being a high self-monitor is that the individual is more likely to help out other workers, even when not required to do so. An example is helping a worker outside of your department with a currency exchange problem even though this is not your responsibility. Self-monitors are also much more likely to click with other workers and to succeed in the workplace. The “clicking” may lead to good relationships that facilitate performing well.[15]

Organizational Citizenship Behavior

The willingness to go beyond one’s job description without a specific reward apparent is referred to as organizational citizenship behavior. We mention organizational citizenship behavior here because it is linked to other traits. Agreeableness and conscientiousness are frequently found to be associated with citizenship behavior. Recent evidence indicates that emotional stability, extraversion, and openness to experience are also linked to such behavior.[16]

organizational citizenship behavior

The willingness to go beyond one’s job description without a specific reward apparent.

Organizational citizenship behavior has many components or sub-behaviors. Two particularly important components for human relations are found in the distinction between affiliation-oriented and challenge-oriented citizenship behaviors. Affiliation-oriented behaviors are are interpersonal and cooperative, and tend to solidify or preserve relationships with others.[17] How about going out of your way to calm down a coworker who has to make a presentation to management in a couple of hours? Challenge-oriented behaviors are change-oriented and come with the risk that that they could hurt relationships with others because they criticize the status quo. How about going out of your way to tell management that in-person meetings should be replaced by video conferences to save time and money?

Good organizational citizens are highly valued by employers. An analysis of studies based on a total of more than 50,000 employees highlights the importance of organizational citizenship behavior in understanding how a willingness to help others contributes to both individual and organizational success. Among the findings were that being a good organizational citizen leads to better performance ratings by supervisors, higher salary increases, and less turnover and absenteeism. Organizational citizenship behavior also contributes to higher productivity, reduced costs, and better customer satisfaction.[18]

Another perspective on organizational citizenship behavior is that an employee will make a short-term sacrifice that leads to long-term benefits to the organization.[19] An example is an employee voluntarily working from home to deal with customer confusion about a product recall, which can lead to more loyal and appreciative customers.

Self-Assessment Quiz 2-3 gives you an opportunity to think through some of your own tendencies toward organizational citizenship behavior.

Turnover and Personality

A synthesis of studies suggests that personality can be linked to turnover. Employees who are emotionally stable are less likely to plan to quit, or to actually quit. Employees who score higher on the traits of conscientiousness and agreeableness are less likely to leave voluntarily. Another finding of note is that workers who are low on agreeableness and high on openness to experience are likely to quit spontaneously.[20] (Maybe the grouchy, intellectually curious employee may jump on a sudden opportunity for another job.)

Optimism and Pessimism

Optimism and pessimism also can be linked to job performance. Optimism can be quite helpful when attempting such tasks as selling a product or service or motivating a group of people. Yet psychologist Julie Normen has gathered considerable evidence that pessimism can sometimes enhance job performance. Pessimists usually assume that something will go wrong, and will carefully prepare to prevent botches and bad luck. A pessimist, for example, will carefully back up computer files or plan for emergencies that might shut down operations.[21]

Self-Assessment Quiz 2-3

 

My Tendencies toward Organizational Citizenship Behavior

Describe whether each of the statements in the quiz ahead is mostly true or mostly false about you. If you have not experienced the situation, estimate whether it would be most likely true or most likely false about you.

No. Statement about Organizational Citizenship Behavior	Mostly True	Mostly False
1. I have helped a coworker with a work problem without being asked.
2. I pick up litter in the company parking lot or outside of the building, and then dispose of the litter properly.
3. Helping others is an important part of my job, even if I am not a manager.
4. I make a special effort to say thank you and smile when somebody helps me in any way on the job.
5. I volunteer to do a nonglamorous task when nobody in particular has responsibility for the task.
6. If I found an apparently intoxicated person sleeping on the ground outside my workplace, I would call for help rather than leaving him or her lying there.
7. I am pretty good at putting myself in another worker’s place and understanding his or her perspective.
8. I do my best to give effective comforting messages to other workers in distress.
9. I am able to initiate, maintain, and terminate casual conversations with coworkers.
10. During group meetings, I listen carefully to whomever is speaking to the group without performing another task such as looking at a smartphone placed on my lap.
11. If my company faced an emergency such as a flood or hurricane, I would tell my supervisor that I will be on call 24 hours per day to help out.
12. I have covered for workers who were absent or out on a break.
13. I check with others before doing something that would affect their work.
14. Even if I disliked a coworker, I would help him or her with a difficult problem.
15. I help people outside my work group when I have the right knowledge or skill.
16. I am willing to do work not in my job description, even if the effort means that I will have to work a couple of extra hours.
17. I am willing to point out things the work group might be doing wrong, even if others disagree with me.
18. I am willing to risk disapproval in order to do what is best for the company.
19. I challenge work procedures and rules that seem to be nonproductive.
20. I have tried to resolve person-to-person conflicts between workers in my department or unit.
21. I do what I can to raise the spirits of coworkers who are having problems on the job.
22. If I pick up some new job-related knowledge, I will share it with team members for whom the knowledge is useful.
23. When I think of something that will help the entire company, I will share that knowledge with my manager and/or company leadership.
24. I have politely voiced my concerns about something I think the company is doing wrong.
25. If I see a social media comment about our company that seems significant, I will forward that comment to the right person in my company.

Scoring and Interpretation:

Count the number of statements that you indicated are mostly true.

18-25 points: You have strong tendencies toward displaying positive organizational citizenship behavior. Your initiative and other proactive behavior will probably be an asset in your career.

7-17 points: You have about average tendencies with respect to engaging in positive organizational citizenship behavior. It would be helpful for you in your career to seek out ways to help coworkers and the company besides performing well in your own job.

0-7 points: You take very little initiative to work outside the limits of your job description. You run the risk of being perceived as not caring about the welfare of coworkers or the company. Such a negative perception could be a limiting factor in terms of you being regarded as eligible for promotion.

Source: Several of the statements in this quiz are based on Scott B. MacKenzie, Philip M. Podaskoff, and Nathan P. Podaskoff, “Challenge-Oriented Organizational Citizenship Behaviors and Organizational Effectiveness: Do Challenge-Oriented Behaviors Really Have an Impact on the Organization’s Bottom Line?” Personnel Psychology, Number 3, 2011, p. 574; Theresa M. Glomb, Devasheesh P. Bhave, Andrew G. Miner, and Melanie Wall, “Doing Good, Feeling Good: Examining the Role of Organizational Citizenship Behaviors in Changing Mood,” Personnel Psychology, 2011, Number 1, p. 204; Nicole M. Dudley and Jose M. Cortina, “Knowledge and Skills that Facilitate the Personal Support Dimension of Citizenship,” Journal of Applied Psychology, November 2008, p. 1253.

Combination of Standing on Several Personality Traits

A combination of personality factors will sometimes be more closely associated with job success than one factor alone. A study about personality and job performance ratings was conducted with diverse occupations, including clerical workers and wholesale appliance sales representatives. A key finding was that conscientious workers who also scored high on agreeableness performed better than conscientious workers who were less agreeable.[22] (Being agreeable toward your manager helps elevate performance evaluations!)

Personality Types and Cognitive Styles

People go about solving problems in various ways. You may have observed, for example, that some people are more analytical and systematic, while others are more intuitive. Modes of problem solving are referred to as cognitive styles. According to this method of understanding problem-solving styles, your personality traits influence strongly how you approach problems, such as being introverted pointing you toward dealing with ideas. Knowledge of these cognitive styles can help you relate better to people because you can better appreciate how they make decisions.

cognitive styles

Modes of problem solving.

One of the best-known methods of measuring personality types is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI®), a self-report questionnaire designed to make the theory of psychological types developed by psychoanalyst Carl Jung applicable to everyday life.[23] Another leading method of measuring types is the Golden Personality Type Profiler.[24] Jung developed the theory of psychological types, but did not develop the two measuring instruments just mentioned.

As measured by the Golden instrument, four separate dichotomies direct the typical use of perception and judgment by an individual. The four dichotomies can also be considered a person’s cognitive style.[25]

Energy flow: extraversion versus introversion. Extraverts direct their energy primarily toward the outer world of people and objects. In contrast, introverts direct their energy primarily toward the inner world of experiences and ideas.

Information gathering: sensing versus intuition. People who rely on sensing focus primarily on what can be perceived by the five primary senses of touch, sight, sound, smell, and taste. People who rely on intuition focus primarily on perceiving patterns and interrelationships.

Decision making: thinking versus feeling. People who rely primarily on thinking base conclusions on logical analysis, and emphasize objectivity and detachment. People who rely on feelings base conclusions on personal or social values, and focus on understanding and harmony.

Lifestyle orientation: judging versus perceiving. Individuals high on judging tend to orient their lives in a deliberate and planned manner. Individuals high on perceiving tend to orient their lives in a spontaneous and open-ended manner.

Combining the four types with each other results in 16 personality types, such as the ESFP, or “The Entertainer.” ESFP refers to extraverted/sensing/feeling/perceiving. It is believed that approximately 13 percent of the population can be classified as the ESFP type. People of this type are optimistic and are skilled at living joyfully and entertaining others. ESFPs are effective at communicating their good-natured realism to others.

You might want to take the Golden Personality Type Profiler. Here our concern is with how your personality influences your cognitive style. Figure 2-2 presents 4 of the 16 personality types, along with the implications for each one with respect to cognitive style.

Far too many people perceive personality types as being definitive indicators of an individual’s personality, and they therefore think they know exactly how to classify that person in terms of personality. The developers of the Golden point out that the instrument is an accurate and dependable measure of the aspects of personality measured. However, it is up to the person taking the Golden to determine if the report’s description of him or her is accurate.[26] If the results are completely out of line with what you believe to be true about yourself, or what others have told you about your personality type, the results of the Golden (or another type indicator) should not be a cause for concern.

An interpersonal skills application of understanding the Golden personality types is to help people get along better within a work group. All the group or team members would

Personality Type	Highlights of Type
ENFP (The Proponent) Extraverted/ iNtuitive/Feeling/Perceiving	Lives continually in the realm of the possible. When absorbed in their latest project, they think of little else. Filled with energy, they are tireless in their pursuit of goals. Have an almost magnetic quality that enables them to have fun in almost any setting. The combination of Extraversion, Intuition, and Perceiving is well suited for leadership.
ENFJ (The Communicator) Extraverted/ iNtuitive/Feeling/Judging	Chief concern is fostering harmony and cooperation between self and others. Has strong ideals and a potent sense of loyalty, whether to a mate, a school, a hometown, or a favorite cause. Usually good at organizing people to get things done while keeping everyone happy. At work, well armed to deal with both variety and action. Typically patient and conscientious, make a concerted effort of sticking with a job until finished.
INFP (The Advocate) Introverted/iNtuitive/Feeling/Perceiving	Capable of immense sensitivity and has an enormous emotional capacity that is guarded closely. Has to know people well before displaying warmth, letting down the guard, and displaying warmth. Interpersonal relationships are a crucial focus. Has powerful sense of faithfulness, duty, and commitment to the people and causes he or she is attracted to. Able to express emotion and move people through his or her communication. A perfectionist on the job. Prefers a quiet working environment and, despite attraction for human companionship, will often work best alone. Will work at best only in job he or she truly believes in.
INFJ (The Foreseer) Introverted/ iNtuitive/Feeling/Judging	Imaginative, inspired, tenacious, creative, and inward looking. Also stubborn, easily bored by routine work, and often pays little attention to obstacles. Makes decisions easily. Lives in a world of ideas, and will have a unique vision. Pours all own energy into achieving his or her goal. Trusts own intuition. Can express emotion and move people through written communication. Although cherishes the companionship of people, prefers a quiet working environment, and working alone. Perfectionist about quality. Creativity is his or her hallmark.
Code: E = Extraverted, N = iNtuitive, F = Feeling, P = Perceiving, I = Introverted, J = Judging

Figure 2-2 Four Cognitive Styles of the Golden Personality Types

Source: Karen A. Deitz and John P. Golden, Boundless Diversity: An Introduction to the Golden Personality Type Profiler (San Antonio, Texas: Pearson TalentLens, 2004).

have their types assessed using the Golden instrument, and all members would be made aware of each other’s type or working style. Knowing your type among the 16 types and the type of the other group members would give you some clues for working together smoothly.

To illustrate, I will use a couple of the types shown in Figure 2-2. Visualize yourself as a member of a work group. You know that Nick is a forseer (INFJ). The group has an assignment that calls for creating something new, so you consult with Nick to capitalize on his imaginative thinking, determination to attain goals, and fine written communication skills. Yet you know that you and Margot are proponents (ENFP), so you two will play a heavy role in helping translate Nick’s plan into action. And you, Nick, and Margot know that Jason is an advocate (INFP), so you will have to work slowly with him to get him to believe in the new project so that he can make good use of his tendencies toward perfectionism. You will also not discourage Jason from spending some time working alone, so that he can be at his best.

Guidelines for Dealing with Different Personality Types

Learning Objective 3

A key purpose in presenting information about a sampling of various personality types is to provide guidelines for individualizing your approach to people. As a basic example, if you wanted to score points with an introvert, you would approach that person in a restrained, laid-back fashion. In contrast, a more gregarious, lighthearted approach might be more effective with an extravert. The purpose of individualizing your approach is to build a better working relationship or to establish rapport with the other person. To match your approach to dealing with a given personality type, you must first arrive at an approximate diagnosis of the individual’s personality. The following suggestions are therefore restricted to readily observable aspects of personality:

When relating to a person who appears to be emotionally unstable, based on symptoms of worry and tension, be laid back and reassuring. Attempt not to project your own anxiety and fears. Be a good listener. If possible, minimize the emphasis on deadlines and the dire consequences of a project’s failing. Show concern and interest in the person’s welfare.

When relating to an extraverted individual, emphasize friendliness, warmth, and a stream of chatter. Talk about people more than ideas, things, or data. Express an interest in a continuing working relationship.

When relating to an introverted individual, move slowly in forming a working relationship. Do not confuse quietness with a lack of interest. Tolerate moments of silence. Emphasize ideas, things, and data more heavily than people.

When relating to a person who is open to experience, emphasize information sharing, idea generation, and creative approaches to problems. Appeal to his or her intellect by discussing topics of substance rather than ordinary chatter and gossip.

When relating to a person who is closed to experience, stick closely to the facts of the situation at hand. Recognize that the person prefers to think small and deal with the here and now.

When relating to an agreeable person, just relax and be yourself. Reciprocate with kindness to sustain a potentially excellent working relationship.

When relating to a disagreeable person, be patient and tolerant. At the same time, set limits on how much mistreatment you will take. Disagreeable people sometimes secretly want others to put brakes on their antisocial behavior.

When relating to a conscientious person, give him or her freedom and do not nag. The person will probably honor commitments without prompting. Conscientious people are often taken for granted, so remember to acknowledge the person’s dependability.

When relating to a person of low conscientiousness, keep close tabs on him or her, especially if you need the person’s output to do your job. Do not assume that because the person has an honest face and a pleasing smile, he or she will deliver as promised. Frequently follow up on your requests, and impose deadlines if you have the authority. Express deep appreciation when the person does follow through.

Skill-Building Exercise 2-1

 

Personality Role-Plays

The Extravert:

One student assumes the role of a successful outside sales representative who has just signed a $3 million order for the company. The sales rep comes back to the office elated. The other student assumes the role of a member of the office support staff. He or she decides this is a splendid opportunity to build a good relationship with the triumphant sales rep. Run the role-play for about seven minutes. The people not involved in the role-play will observe and then provide feedback when the role-play is completed. (These directions regarding time, observation, and feedback also apply to the two other role-plays in this exercise and throughout the book.)

Openness:

One student plays the role of an experienced worker in the department who is told to spend some time orienting a new co-op student or intern. It appears that this new person is open to experience. Another student plays the role of the co-op student who is open to experience and eager to be successful in this new position.

Organizational Citizenship Behavior:

One student plays the role of a strong organizational citizen who wants to help other people, going beyond what is found in his or her job description. The strong organizational citizen is thinking, “What can I do today to help somebody?” As the student walks down the row of cubicles, he or she spots a person who is staring at the computer with an agonized, perplexed look. The good organizational citizen thinks, “Maybe I’ve just found a good opportunity to be useful today.” The other student plays the role of the perplexed worker who might need help with a specific problem facing him or her at the moment.

For the three scenarios, observers rate the role players on two dimensions, using a 1-to-5 scale from very poor (1) to very good (5). One dimension is “effective use of human relations techniques.” The second dimension is “acting ability.” A few observers might voluntarily provide feedback to the role players in terms of sharing their ratings and observations. The course instructor might also provide feedback.

When dealing with a person whom you suspect is a high self-monitor, be cautious in thinking that the person is truly in support of your position. The person could just be following his or her natural tendency to appear to please others, but not really feel that way.

When relating to a person with a high propensity for risk taking and thrill seeking, emphasize the risky and daring aspects of activities familiar to you. Talk about a new product introduction in a highly competitive market, stock options, investment in high-technology startup firms, skydiving, and race car driving.

When relating to a person with a low propensity for risk taking and thrill seeking, emphasize the safe and secure aspects of activities familiar to you. Talk about the success of an established product in a stable market (like pencils and paperclips), investment in US Treasury bonds, life insurance, camping, and gardening.

When dealing with a sensation type of information gatherer, emphasize facts, figures, and conventional thinking without sacrificing your own values. To convince the sensation type, emphasize logic more than emotional appeal. Focus on details more than on the big picture.

When dealing with an intuition type of information gatherer, emphasize feelings, judgments, playing with ideas, imagination, and creativity. Focus more on the big picture than details.

To start putting these guidelines into practice, do the role-plays in Skill-Building Exercise 2-1. Remember that a role player is an extemporaneous actor. Put yourself in the shoes of the character you play, and visualize how he or she would act. Because you are given only the general idea of a script, use your imagination to fill in the details.

Cognitive Ability

Cognitive ability (also referred to as mental ability or intelligence) is one of the major sources of individual differences that affects job performance and behavior. Cognitive Intelligence is the capacity to acquire and apply knowledge, including solving problems. Intelligent workers can best solve abstract problems. In an exceedingly simple job, such as packing shoes into boxes, having below-average intelligence can be an advantage because the employee is not likely to become bored.

cognitive intelligence

The capacity to acquire and apply knowledge, including solving problems.

Understanding the nature of intelligence contributes to effective interpersonal relations in the workplace. Your evaluation of a person’s intelligence can influence how you relate to that person. For example, if you think a person is intelligent, you will tend to seek his or her input on a difficult problem. If you realize that different types of intelligence exist, you are more likely to appreciate people’s strengths. You are thus less likely to judge others as being either good or poor problem solvers.

Four important aspects of cognitive ability include (1) the components of traditional intelligence, (2) practical intelligence, (3) multiple intelligences, and (4) emotional intelligence. (This fourth type of intelligence can also be regarded as personality, not cognitive ability.) Knowledge of the four aspects will enrich your understanding of other workers and yourself.

Components of Traditional Intelligence

Intelligence consists of more than one component. A component of intelligence is much like a separate mental aptitude. Evidence suggests that intelligence consists of a g (general) factor and s (special) factors that contribute to problem-solving ability. Scores of tests of almost any type (such as math, aptitude for spatial relations, or reading skill) are somewhat influenced by the g factor. The g factor helps explain why some people perform well in so many different mental tasks. Substantial evidence has accumulated over the years that workers with high intelligence tend to perform better. The relationship between g and job performance is likely to be strongest for those aspects of jobs involving thinking and knowledge, such as problem solving and technical expertise.[27]

g (general) factor

A factor in intelligence that contributes to the ability to perform well in many tasks.

s (special) factors

Specific components of intelligence that contribute to problem-solving ability.

Over the years, various investigators have arrived at different special factors contributing to overall mental aptitude. The following seven factors have been identified consistently:

Verbal comprehension. The ability to understand the meaning of words and their relationship to each other and to comprehend written and spoken information.

Word fluency. The ability to use words quickly and easily, without an emphasis on verbal comprehension.

Numerical acuity. The ability to handle numbers, engage in mathematical analysis, and perform arithmetic calculations.

Spatial perception. The ability to visualize forms in space and manipulate objects mentally, particularly in three dimensions.

Memory. Having a good rote memory for symbols, words, and lists of numbers, along with other associations.

Perceptual speed. The ability to perceive visual details, pick out similarities and differences, and perform tasks requiring visual perception.

Inductive reasoning. The ability to discover a rule or principle, apply it in solving a problem, and to make judgments and decisions that are logically sound.

Being strong in any of the preceding mental aptitudes often leads to an enjoyment of work associated with that aptitude. The reverse can also be true; enjoying a type of mental activity might lead to the development of an aptitude for the activity.

Attempts to improve cognitive skills, or intelligence, have become an entire industry, including both brain-stimulating exercises and food supplements. Common wisdom suggests that staying in shape mentally by such activities as doing crossword puzzles, surfing the Internet, or studying a foreign language can slow the decline of an aging brain. Brain-imaging studies support the idea that mental workouts help preserve cognitive fitness, a state of optimized ability to remember, learn, plan, and adapt to changing circumstances. Acquiring expertise in such diverse areas as playing a cello, juggling, speaking a foreign language, and playing video games and computer games expands your neural systems and helps them communicate with one another. This means that by learning new skills you can alter the physical makeup of the brain even in later life. Engaging in play also enhances brain functioning that helps explain the link between creativity and play.[28]

cognitive fitness

A state of optimized ability to remember, learn, plan, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Training people in memory skills (still an important part of intelligence) has been shown to be successful in many experiments. For example, research with seniors showed that training with a computer game that involved executive control skills improved performance in a variety of memory tasks.[29] Considerable evidence exists that aerobic exercise helps maintain cognitive intelligence, particularly for the elderly. It is possible that the exercise results in a better flow of oxygen to the brain, thereby boosting its capability, at least in the short term.[30]

The contribution of food supplements to enhancing or maintaining cognitive ability is debatable, yet at least promising. Nevertheless, a balanced, healthy diet contributes to the propering functioning of the brain, as well as any other organ of the body. In recent years, several energy drinks have appeared on the market that contain citicoline, an organic molecule that is said to boost the production of neurotransmitters that are necessary for brain functioning. A review of 14 experiments found that cicitcoline has a positive effect on memory and behavior, at least in the medium term.[31] So go ahead and purchase a medically approved brain booster at a pharmacy, knowing that it could help you conquer your next big cognitive challenge.

Practical Intelligence

Many people, including psychologists, are concerned that the traditional way of understanding intelligence inadequately describes mental ability. An unfortunate implication of intelligence testing is that intelligence as traditionally calculated is largely the ability to perform tasks related to scholastic work. Thus, a person who scored very high on an intelligence test could follow a complicated instruction manual, but might not be street smart.

The practical type of intelligence is required for adapting your environment to suit your needs. Practical intelligence is an accumulation of skills, dispositions, and knowledge, plus the ability to apply knowledge to solve every day problems.[32] The idea of practical intelligence helps explain why a person who has a difficult time getting through school can still be a successful businessperson, politician, or athlete. Practical intelligence incorporates the ideas of common sense, wisdom, and street smarts.

practical intelligence

An accumulation of skills, dispositions, and knowledge, plus the ability to apply knowledge to solve everyday problems.

A person with high practical intelligence would also have good intuition, an experience-based way of knowing or reasoning in which the weighing and balancing of evidence are done automatically. Examples of good intuition include a merchandiser who develops a hunch that a particular style will be hot next season, a basketball coach who sees the possibilities in a gangly youngster, and a supervisor who has a hunch that a neighbor would be a great fit for her department. Intuition is also required for creative intelligence.

intuition

An experience-based way of knowing or reasoning in which the weighing and balancing of evidence are done automatically.

An important implication of practical intelligence is that experience is helpful in developing intellectual skills and judgment. At younger ages, raw intellectual ability, such as that required for learning information technology skills, may be strongest. However, judgment and wisdom are likely to be stronger with accumulated experience. This is why people in their 40s and older are more likely to be chosen for positions such as the CEO of a large business or a commercial airline pilot. Poor judgment is sometimes associated with inexperience and youth, and the frequent impulsiveness of young people is often referred to as the teenage brain.

A study conducted with more than 300 printing industry CEOs and founders of early-stage printing and graphics businessess demonstrated that practical intelligence is associated with business success. Practial intelligence was measured by having the participants solve problems revealed in three printing-business scenarios. Among the many findings of the study was that practical intelligence is important for business success, measured in terms of new venture growth in an entrepreneurial setting.[33]

One major reservation some have about practical intelligence is the implication that people who are highly intelligent in the traditional sense are not practical thinkers. In truth, most executives and other high-level workers score quite well on tests of mental ability. These tests usually measure analytical intelligence.

Multiple Intelligences

Another approach to understanding the diverse nature of mental ability is the theory of multiple intelligences. According to Howard Gardner, people know and understand the world in distinctly different ways and learn in different ways. Individuals possess the following eight intelligences, or faculties, in varying degrees:

multiple intelligences

A theory of intelligence contending that people know and understand the world in distinctly different ways and learn in different ways.

Linguistic. Enables people to communicate through language, including reading, writing, and speaking.

Logical-mathematical. Enables individuals to see relationships between objects and solve problems, as in calculus and statistics.

Musical. Gives people the capacity to create and understand meanings made out of sounds and to enjoy different types of music.

Spatial. Enables people to perceive and manipulate images in the brain and to recreate them from memory, as is required in making graphic designs.

Bodily kinesthetic. Enables people to use their body and perceptual and motor systems in skilled ways, such as dancing, playing sports, and expressing emotion through facial expressions.

Intrapersonal. Enables people to distinguish among their own feelings and acquire accurate self-knowledge.

Interpersonal. Makes it possible for individuals to recognize and make distinctions among the feelings, motives, and intentions of others, as in managing or parenting.

Naturalist. Enables individuals to differentiate among, classify, and utilize various features of the physical external environment.

Your profile of intelligences influences how you best learn and to which types of jobs you are best suited. Gardner believes that it is possible to develop these separate intelligences through concentrated effort. However, any of these intelligences might fade if not put to use.[34] The components of multiple intelligences might also be perceived as different talents or abilities. Having high general problem-solving ability (g) would contribute to high standing on each of the eight intelligences.

Two books in recent years have emphasized that having natural abilities of the type just described is not as important as hard work in developing talent. According to the 10,000-hour rule proposed by Malcolm Gladwell, no one gets to the top without 10,000 hours of practice in a field.[35] Guided practice does indeed help, but a person still needs some basic talent to attain high-level success in such fields as finance, foreign languages, and sports. Recognize also that many teenagers achieve outstanding success in information technology, science, sports, and music without having practiced 1,000 hours per year for 10 years.

The three types of intelligence mentioned so far (cognitive, practical, and multiple) all contribute to but do not guarantee our ability to think critically. Critical thinking is the process of evaluating evidence and then, based on this evaluation, making judgments and decisions. Through critical thinking, we find reasons to support or reject an argument. Personality factors contribute heavily to whether we choose to use the various types of intelligence. For example, the personality factor of openness facilitates critical thinking because the individual enjoys gathering evidence to support or refute an idea. Conscientiousness also facilitates critical thinking because the individual feels compelled to gather more facts and think harder.[36]

Emotional Intelligence

How effectively people use their emotions has a major impact on their success. Emotional intelligence refers to qualities such as understanding one’s own feelings, having empathy for others, and regulating one’s emotions to enhance living. The intelligence aspect focuses on the ability to engage in complex information processing about your own emotions and those of others. At the same time, you use this information as a guide to thought and behavior.[37] A person with high emotional intelligence would be able to engage in such behaviors as sizing up people, pleasing others, and influencing them. Four key factors included in emotional intelligence are as follows:[38]

emotional intelligence

Qualities such as understanding one’s own feelings, empathy for others, and the regulation of emotion to enhance living.

Self-awareness. The ability to understand your moods, emotions, and needs as well as their impact on others. Self-awareness also includes using intuition to make decisions you can live with happily. A person with good self-awareness knows whether he or she is pushing other people too far. Imagine that Amanda is an assistant to the food service manager at a financial services company. Amanda believes strongly that the cafeteria should ensure that no food served on company premises contains trans fats. However, the food services manager seems lukewarm to the idea. Instead of badgering the manager, Amanda decides to fight her battle bit by bit by presenting facts and reminders in a friendly way. Eventually, the manager agrees to have a meeting on the subject, with a nutritionist invited. Amanda’s self-awareness has paid off.

Self-management. The ability to control one’s emotions and act with honesty and integrity in a consistent and acceptable manner. The right degree of self-management helps prevent a person from throwing temper tantrums when activities do not go as planned. Effective workers do not let their occasional bad moods ruin their day. If they cannot overcome the bad mood, they let coworkers know of their problem and how long it might last. A person with low self-management would suddenly decide to drop a project because the work was frustrating.

Imagine that Jack is an assistant to the export sales manager, and today is a big day because a company in Russia appears ready to make a giant purchase. The export sales manager says, “Today we need peak performance from everybody. If we nail down this sale, we will exceed our sales quota for the year.” Unfortunately, Jack is in a grim mood. His favorite sports team was eliminated from the playoffs the night before, and his dog has been diagnosed as having a torn abdominal muscle. Jack would like to lash out in anger against everybody he meets today, but instead he focuses his energy on getting the job done, and does not let his personal problems show through.

Social awareness. Includes having empathy for others and having intuition about work problems. A team leader with social awareness, or empathy, would be able to assess whether a team member has enough enthusiasm for a project to assign him to that project. Another facet of social skill is the ability to interpret nonverbal communication, such as frowns and types of smiles.[39] A supervisor with social awareness, or empathy, would take into account the most likely reaction of group members before making a decision that affects them.

Image Source/Corbis Images

Imagine that Cindy has been working as an assistant purchasing manager for six months. Company policy prohibits accepting “lavish” gifts from vendors or potential vendors attempting to sell the company goods or services. Cindy has been placed in charge of purchasing all paper toweling for the company. Although most of the purchasing is completed over the Internet, sales representatives still make the occasional call. The rep from the paper towel company asks Cindy if she would like an iPhone as a token gift for even considering his company. Cindy badly wants an iPhone, and it is not yet in her budget. After thinking through the potential gift for five minutes, Cindy decides to refuse. Perhaps an iPhone is not really a lavish gift, but her intuition tells her it would look like a conflict of interest if she accepted the iPhone.

Relationship management. Includes the interpersonal skills of being able to communicate clearly and convincingly, disarm conflicts, and build strong personal bonds. Effective workers use relationship management skills to spread their enthusiasm and solve disagreements, often with kindness and humor. A worker with relationship management skills would use a method of persuasion that is likely to work well with a particular group or individual.

The current interest in emotional intelligence in the workplace appears to be related to a growing acceptance of emotional expressiveness, including occasional crying on the job for both men and women. A national study conducted by crying expert Anne Kreamer found that 69 percent of respondents believed that when a person gets more emotional on the job, it makes that person seem more human. Also, 93 percent of women and 83 percent of men believed that being sensitive to others’ emotions at work is an asset.[40] Furthermore, a study of 212 professionals from a variety of industries found that emotional intelligence was associated with teamwork effectiveness and job performance. This finding was true mostly when the professional’s job had some managerial work demands because responding to the emotions of others requires emotional capabilities.[41]

Much of this book is about relationship management, but here is yet another example. Donte is an information technology specialist. His assignment for the first six months is to visit users at their workplace to help them with any IT problems they might be experiencing. In discussing his role with his supervisor, Donte begins to realize that helping with technical problems is not his only job. He is an ambassador of good will for the IT department. He and his manager want to build a network of support for the efforts of the department. So when Donte visits the various departments, he is courteous and friendly, and asks about how an IT rep could make work easier for the person in question.

Emotional intelligence thus incorporates many of the skills and attitudes necessary to achieve effective interpersonal relations in organizations. Most of the topics in this book, such as resolving conflict, helping others develop, and possessing positive political skills, would be included in emotional intelligence. It is therefore reasonable to regard emotional intelligence as being a mixture of cognitive skills and personality.

Guidelines for Relating to People of Different Levels and Types of Intelligence

Learning Objective 4

Certainly you cannot expect to administer mental ability and emotional intelligence tests to all your work associates, gather their scores, and then relate to associates differently based on their scores. Yet it is possible to intuitively develop a sense for the mental quickness of people and the types of mental tasks they perform best. For example, managers must make judgments about mental ability in selecting people for jobs and assigning them to tasks. The following are several guidelines worth considering for enhancing your working relationships with others.

If you perceive another worker (your manager included) to have high cognitive skill, present your ideas in technical depth. Incorporate difficult words into your conversation and reports. Ask the person challenging questions.

If you perceive another worker to have low cognitive skill, present your ideas with a minimum of technical depth. Use a basic vocabulary, without going so far as to be patronizing. Ask for frequent feedback about having been clear. If you have supervisory responsibility for a person who appears to be below average in intelligence, give the person the opportunity to repeat the same type of task rather than switching assignments frequently.

If you perceive a work associate to relish crunching numbers, use quantitative information when attempting to persuade that person. Instead of using phrases such as “most people,” say “about 65 percent of people.”

If you perceive a work associate to have high creative intelligence, solicit his or her input on problems requiring a creative solution. Use statements such as “Here’s a problem that requires a sharp, creative mind, so I’ve come to you.”

If you perceive a work associate to have low emotional intelligence, explain your feelings and attitudes clearly. Make an occasional statement such as “How I feel about his situation is quite important” to emphasize the emotional aspect. The person may not get the point of hints and indirect expressions.

To start putting these guidelines into practice, do the role-plays in Skill-Building Exercises 2-2 and 2-3.

Values as a Source of Individual Differences

Another group of factors influencing how a person behaves on the job is that person’s values and beliefs. A value refers to the importance a person attaches to something. Values are also tied to the enduring belief that one’s mode of conduct is better than another mode of conduct. If you believe that good interpersonal relations are the most important part of your life, your humanistic values are strong. Similarly, you may think that people who are not highly concerned about interpersonal relations have poor values.

value

The importance a person attaches to something.

Skill-Building Exercise 2-2

 

Adapting to People of Different Mental Ability

The Cognitively Skilled Coworker:

One student plays the role of a worker who needs to learn a complex software program in a hurry. You intend to approach a particular coworker who is known for having a sharp mind. You wonder whether this highly intelligent person will be interested in your problem. The other person plays the role of the computer whiz who ordinarily does not like to solve problems for people that they should be able to solve themselves. The first worker meets with the second to discuss loading the software.

The Cognitively Average Team Member:

One student plays the role of a supervisor who needs to explain to a team member how to calculate discounts for customers. To the supervisor’s knowledge, the team member does not know how to calculate discounts, although it will be an important part of the team member’s new job. The supervisor and the team member get together for a session on calculating discounts.

Values are closely tied in with ethics, or the moral choices a person makes. A person’s values influence which kinds of behaviors he or she believes are ethical. Ethics convert values into action. An executive who strongly values profits might not find it unethical to raise prices higher than needed to cover additional costs. Another executive who strongly values family life might suggest that the company invest money in an on-site childcare center. Ethics is such an important part of interpersonal relations in organizations that the topic receives separate mention in Chapter 15.

ethics

The moral choices a person makes. Also, what is good and bad, right and wrong, just and unjust, and what people should do.

Classification of Values

An almost automatic response to classifying values is that people have either good or bad values, with bad values meaning those that are quite different than yours. To the person with a strong work ethic, an individual who took a casual approach to work might have “bad values.” To the person with a weak work ethic, the person who was work obsessed might have “bad values.” Shalom H. Schwartz, a professor from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, has developed a method of classifying values that is particularly useful because it points to how we establish goals to fit our values.[42] For example, as shown in Table 2-1, people who value power are likely to set the goals of attaining power, strength, and control. And those who value benevolence are likely to establish the goals of being kind, being charitable, and showing respect for others. The link between values and goals has extensive research support.

Generational Differences in Values

Differences in values among people often stem from age, or generational, differences. Workers above 50 years of age, in general, may have different values than people who are much younger. These age differences in values have often been seen as a clash between Baby Boomers and members of Generation X and Generation Y. The category of Baby Boomers is so broad that part of the Baby Boomer generation is said to include Generation Jones, the younger boomers born between 1954 and 1964. This group comprises one-fourth of the US population. Members of Generation Jones are typically entering the peak of their careers and are not yet thinking much about retirement.[43]

Skill-Building Exercise 2-3

 

Helping an Intellectually Challenged Worker Get Started

You are an order-fulfillment supervisor at the distribution center for a large online store. Your area of responsibility is the order fulfillment of games, toys, and sports. Part of top-level management’s human resource philosophy is “give a break to those who need a break.” One way of implementing this philosophy is to hire the occasional job applicant who is well below average in cognitive (traditional) intelligence. Under this program, you are assigned Jimmy, an amiable, physically able, and energetic 20-year-old who has substantially below-average problem-solving ability (such as is measured by I.Q.). Your manager instructs you to assign Jimmy to a job you think he can handle. You decide that packing orders for video games would be a starting point. It is day one on the job, and you want Jimmy to feel useful right away. Jimmy also wants to feel useful, yet he is apprehensive about the situation.

Demonstrate how you will reassure Jimmy, and show him how to get started packing the box and attaching the shipping label. Another student plays the role of Jimmy.

Table 2-1 A Classification of Values and Associated Goals

Source: Anat Bardi, Rachel M. Calogero, and Brian Mullen, “A New Archival Approach to the Study of Values and Value-Behavior Relations: Validation of the Value Lexicon,” Journal of Applied Psychology, May 2008, pp. 483–497. Based on Shalom. H. Schwartz, “Universals in the Content and Structure of Values: Theoretical Advances and Empirical Tests in 20 Countries,” in Advances in Experimental and Social Psychology, ed. Mark P. Zanna (New York: Academic Press, Vol. 25, 1992), 1–65.

Value	Goals Associated with Each Value
Power	power, strength, control
Achievement	achievement, ambition, success
Hedonism	luxury, pleasure, delight
Stimulation	excitement, novelty, thrill
Self-direction	independence, freedom, liberty
Universalism	unity, justice, equality
Benevolence	kindness, charity, mercy
Tradition	tradition, custom, respect
Conformity	restraint, regard, consideration
Security	security, safety, protection

According to the stereotype, Baby Boomers see Generation Xers and Yers as disrespectful of rules, not willing to pay their dues, and being disloyal to employers. Generation Xers and Yers see Baby Boomers as worshipping hierarchy (layers of authority), being overcautious, and wanting to preserve the status quo. Members of Generation X and Generation Y are likely to believe even more strongly than Baby Boomers in the imporance of sustainability, or preserving the physical environment. Sustainability also refers to the idea of meeting the needs of the present without creating environmental problems that will block future generations from satisfying their needs.[44]

Table 2-2 summarizes these stereotypes with the understanding that massive group stereotypes like this are only partially accurate because there are literally millions of exceptions. For example, many Baby Boomers are fascinated with technology, and many Generation Yers like hierarchy. When the Traditionalists (pre-Baby Boomers) are included, four different generations converge in today’s workplace—sometimes leading to conflict as described in Chapter 9 .

How Values Are Learned

People acquire values in the process of growing up, and many values are learned by the age of four. Many of our values are influenced by the cultural experiences of our childhood.[45] An example is that many people who grew up during the Internet generation believe that information should be freely exchanged and come without a fee. Whereas in the past the family was the most important environment for shaping values, attitudes, and beliefs, today children are exposed via television and the Internet to many more role models, values, ways of thinking, and choices than ever before.[46] Models can be teachers, friends, brothers, sisters, and even public figures. If we identify with a particular person, the probability is high that we will develop some of his or her major values. For example, if a parent valued helping less fortunate people, the child might place a high value on helping people in need later in life.

Another major way values are learned is through the communication of attitudes. The attitudes that we hear expressed directly or indirectly help shape our values. Assume that using credit to purchase goods and services was considered an evil practice among your family and friends. You might therefore hold negative values about installment purchases. Unstated but implied attitudes may also shape your values. If key people in your life showed no enthusiasm when you talked about work accomplishments, you might not

Table 2-2 Value Stereotypes for Several Generations of Workers

Sources: The majority of ideas in this table are from Adrienne Fox, “Mixing It Up,” HR Magazine, May 2011, pp. 22–27; Ron Alsop, The Trophy Kids Grow Up: How the Millenial Generation is Shaking Up the Workforce (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2008); Alsop, “Schools, Recruiters Try to Define Traits for Future Students,” The Wall Street Journal, February 14, 2006, p. B6; Kathryn Tyler, “Generation Gaps: Millennials May Be Out of Touch with the Basics of Workplace Behavior,” HR Magazine, January 2008, pp. 69–72; Lindsay Holloway, “Stick Together,” Entrepreneur, March 2008, p. 30; Martha Irvine, “Recession Intensifies Gen X Discontent at Work,” The Detroit News (www.detnews.com), November 16, 2009; Chris Penttila, “Talking about My Generation,” Entrepreneur, March 2009, pp. 53–55; Cindy Krischer Goodman, “Meeting in the Middle: Generations X and Y,” The Miami Herald (http://www.miamiherald.com), August 18, 2010, pp. 1–3; and Susan Berfield, “Levi’s Has a New Color for Blue Jeans: Green,” Bloomberg Businessweek, October 26–October 28, pp. 26–28.

Baby Boomers (1946–1964) including Generation Jones (1954–1965)	Generation X (1961–1980)	Generation Y (1981–2002) Millenials
Uses technology as a necessary tool, but not obsessed with technology for its own sake	Tech-savvy	Tech-savvy, and even questions the value of standard IT techniques such as e-mail, with a preference for communications on a Web site
Appreciates hierarchy	Teamwork very important	Teamwork very important, highly team focused
Tolerates teams but values independent work	Dislikes hierarchy	Dislikes hierarchy, prefers participation
Strong career orientation	Strives for work–life balance, but will work long hours for now; prefers flexible work schedule	Strives for work–life balance, and may object to work interfering with personal life; expects flexible work schedule
More loyalty to organization	Loyalty to own career and profession	Loyalty to own career and profession, and feels entitled to career goals
Favors diplomacy and tact	Candid in conversation	Quite direct in conversation
Seeks long-term employment	Will accept long-term employment if situation is right	Looks toward each company as a stepping stone to a better job in another company
Believes that issues should be formally discussed	Believes that feedback can be administered informally, and welcomes feedback	Believes that feedback can be given informally, even on the fly, and craves feedback
Somewhat willing to accept orders and suggestions	Often questions why things should be done in certain way	Frequently asks why things should be done in a certain way, and asks loads of questions
Willing to take initiative to establish starting and completion dates for projects	Slight preference for a manager to provide structure about project dates	Prefers structure on dates and other activities based on childhood of structured activities
Regards rewards as a positive consequence of good performance and seniority	Expects frequent rewards	Feels strong sense of entitlement to rewards, including promotions
Will multitask in front of work associates when it seems necessary	Feels comfortable in multitasking while interacting with work associates	Assumes that multitasking, including listening to music on earphones while dealing with work associates, is acceptable behavior
Prefers working at desk in company office	Eager to have the option of working from anywhere at any time.	Prefers working from anywhere at any time; feels constrained when having to work in company office full time
Believes that sustainability (protecting the environment) should be balanced with its economic costs, including job generation	Wants employers to take a positive stand in terms of protecting the environment	Thinks that sustainability is as important as profitability, and only wants to work for a “green” employer
Note: Disagreement exists about which age bracket fits Baby Boomers, Generation X, and Generation Y, with both professional publications and dictionaries showing slight differences.

place such a high value on achieving outstanding results. If, however, your family and friends centered their lives on their careers, you might develop similar values. (Or you might rebel against such a value because it interfered with a more relaxed lifestyle.) Many key values are also learned through religion and thus become the basis for society’s morals. For example, most religions emphasize treating other people fairly and kindly. To “knife somebody in the back” is considered immoral both on and off the job.

Although many core values are learned early in life, our values continue to be shaped by events later in life. The media, including the dissemination of information about popular culture, influence the values of many people throughout their lives. The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina intensified a belief in the value of helping less fortunate people. Volunteers from throughout the United States and several other countries invested time, money, and energy into helping rebuild New Orleans and several other Gulf Coast cities. Influential people, such as NBA players, were seen on television building houses for Katrina victims. Such publicity sent a message that helping people in need is a value worth considering.

The media, particularly through advertisements, can also encourage the development of values that are harmful to a person intent on developing a professional career. People featured in advertisements for consumer products, including snack food, beer, and vehicles, often flaunt rudeness and flagrantly incorrect grammar. The message comes across to many people that such behavior is associated with success.

Changes in technology can also change our values. As the world has become increasingly digitized, more and more people come to value a digital lifestyle as the normal way of life. Many people would not think of spending time away from the house without their electronic gadgets, even while participating in or watching sports. Being part of the digital lifestyle is therefore an important value for many people of all ages.

Company values can also influence or shape individual values, such as an organization emphasizing total respect for the rights of customers. Several business firms also strongly emphasize the value of spirituality, which could awaken such values with many employees. A strong example is Tyson Foods, Inc. which employs 120 chaplains. The head chaplain, Richard McKinnie, explains the value in these terms: “It’s not about Chistianity or Islam. It’s the spiritual side of what people are.”[47]

Clarifying Your Values

The values that you develop early in life are directly related to the kind of person you are and to the quality of the relationships you form.[48] Recognition of this fact has led to exercises designed to help people clarify and understand some of their own values. Self-Assessment Quiz 2-3 gives you an opportunity to clarify your values.

The Mesh between Individual and Job Values

Under the best of circumstances, the values of employees mesh with those required by the job. When this state of congruence exists, job performance is likely to be higher. Suppose that Jacquelyn strongly values giving people with limited formal education an opportunity to work and avoid being placed on welfare. So she takes a job as a manager of a dollar store that employs many people who would ordinarily have limited opportunity for employment. Jacquelyn is satisfied because her employer and she share a similar value.

A group of researchers attempted to discover why congruence between individual and organizational values leads to positive outcomes such as low turnover and high performance. The major factor creating positive outcomes appears to be employees trusting managers based on the congruence. Communication also plays a role because when communication is regular, open, and consistent, trust is enhanced. For example, trust is enhanced when management explains the reasons behind major decisions. Good communication also enhances interpersonal attraction between managers and employees. Goal congruence also came about to a lesser extent because employees liked the managers. Liking, in turn, was enhanced by managers communicating well with employees.[49]

When the demands made by the organization or a superior clash with the basic values of the individual, he or she suffers from person–role conflict. The individual wants to obey orders, but does not want to perform an act that seems inconsistent with his or her

person–role conflict

The situation that occurs when the demands made by the organization clash with the basic values of the individual.

Self-Assessment Quiz 2-4

 

Clarifying Your Values

Directions:

Rank from 1 to 20 the importance of the following values to you as a person. The most important value on the list receives a rank of 1; the least important a rank of 20. Use the space next to “Other” if the list has left out an important value in your life.

        Having my own place to live

        Having one or more children

        Having an interesting job and career

        Owning a car

        Having a good relationship with coworkers

        Having good health

        Spending considerable time on social networking Web sites

        Being able to stay in frequent contact with friends by cell phone and text messaging

        Watching my favorite television shows

        Participating in sports or other pastimes

        Following a sports team, athlete, music group, or other entertainer

        Being a religious person

        Helping people less fortunate than myself

        Loving and being loved by another person

        Having physical intimacy with another person

        Making an above-average income

        Being in good physical condition

        Being a knowledgeable, informed person

        Completing my formal education

        Other

Discuss and compare your ranking of these values with the person next to you.

Perhaps your class, assisted by your instructor, can arrive at a class average on each of these values. How does your ranking compare to the class ranking?

Look back at your own ranking. Does it surprise you?

Are there any surprises in the class ranking? Which values did you think would be highest and lowest?

values. A situation such as this might occur when an employee is asked to produce a product that he or she feels is unsafe or of no value to society.

Guidelines for Using Values to Enhance Interpersonal Relations

Learning Objective 5

Values are intangible and abstract, and thus not easy to manipulate to help improve your interpersonal relations on the job. Despite their vagueness, values are an important driver of interpersonal effectiveness. Ponder the following guidelines:

Establish the values you will use in your relationships with others on the job, and then use those values as firm guidelines in working with others. For example, following the Golden Rule, you might establish the value of treating other people as you want to be treated. You would then not lie to others to gain personal advantage, and you would not backstab your rivals.

Establish the values that will guide you as an employee. When you believe that your values are being compromised, express your concern to your manager in a tactful and constructive manner. You might say to your manager, “Sorry, I choose not to tell our customers that our competitor’s product is inferior just to make a sale. I choose not to say this because our competitor makes a fine product. But what I will say is that our service is exceptional.”

Skill-Building Exercise 2-4

 

The Value-Conflict Role-Play

One student plays the role of a CEO who makes an announcement to the group that the company must soon lay off 10 percent of the workforce in order to remain profitable. The CEO also points out that the company has a policy against laying off good performers. He or she then asks four of the company managers to purposely give below-average performance ratings to 10 percent of employees. In this way, laying them off will fit company policy.

Four other students play the role of the company managers who receive this directive. If such manipulation of performance evaluations clashes with your values, engage in a dialogue with your manager expressing your conflict. Remember, however, that you may not want to jeopardize your job.

Conduct this role-play for about seven minutes. Observers rate the role players on two dimensions, using a 1-to-5 scale from very poor (1) to very good (5). One dimension is “effective use of human relations techniques.” The second dimension is “acting ability.” A few observers might voluntarily provide feedback to the role players in terms of sharing their ratings and observations. The course instructor might also provide feedback.

Remember that many values are a question of opinion, not a statement of right versus wrong. If you believe that your values are right, and anybody who disagrees is wrong, you will have frequent conflict. For example, you may believe that the most important value top managers should have is to bring shareholders a high return on their investment. Another worker believes that profits are important, but providing jobs for as many people as possible is an equally important value. Both of you have a good point, but neither is right or wrong. So it is better to discuss these differences rather than hold grudges because of them.

Respect differences in values and make appropriate adjustment when the value clash is reasonable. If you are an older person, recognize that you may have to win the respect of a younger coworker rather than assume that because you are more experienced, or a manager, that respect will come automatically.[50] If you are a younger person, recognize that an older person might be looking for respect, so search for something you can respect right away, such as his or her many valuable contacts in the company.

Recognize that many people today are idealistic about their jobs, and want to have an impact on the lives of others.[51] In the meantime, you might feel that you need that person’s cooperation to get an important task done right now, such as fulfilling a larger order. Invest a couple of minutes into helping that person understand how an ordinary task might be having an impact on the lives of others—such as earning money to feed a hungry baby at home!

To help you put these guidelines into practice, do Skill-Building Exercise 2-4. Remember, however, that being skilled at using your values requires day-by-day monitoring.

Concept Review and Reinforcement

Key Terms

individual differences   23

personality   23

organizational citizenship behavior   28

cognitive styles   30

cognitive intelligence   33

g  (general) factor   34

s  (special) factors   34

practical intelligence   35

intuition   35

multiple intelligences   35

emotional intelligence   36

value   38

ethics   39

person–role conflict   42

Summary

Individual differences are among the most important factors influencing the behavior of people in the workplace. Knowing how to respond to such differences is the cornerstone of effective interpersonal relations.

Personality is one of the major sources of individual differences. The eight major personality factors described in this chapter are neuroticism, extraversion, openness, agreeableness, conscientiousness, self-monitoring of behavior, risk taking and thrill seeking, and optimism. Depending on the job, any one of these personality factors can be important for success, and they also affect interpersonal relations. Conscientiousness relates to job performance for many different occupations, and has proven to be the personality factor most consistently related to success.

Personality also influences a person’s cognitive style, or modes of problem solving. According to the Golden Personality Profiler, four separate dichotomies direct the typical use of perception and judgment by the individual as follows: (a) energy flow: extraversion vs. introversion, (b) information gathering: sensing vs. intuition, (c) decision making: thinking vs. feeling, and (d) lifestyle orientation: judging vs. perceiving. Combining the four types with each other results in 16 personality types, such as being a proponent, communicator, advocate, or enforcer. For example, the proponent (ENFP) scores high on extraversion, intuition, feeling, and perceiving.

Mental ability, or intelligence, is one of the major sources of individual differences that affects job performance and behavior. Understanding the nature of intelligence contributes to effective interpersonal relations in organizations. For example, understanding that different types of intelligence exist will help a person appreciate the strengths of individuals.

Intelligence consists of many components. The traditional perspective is that intelligence includes a general factor (g) along with special factors (s) that contribute to problem-solving ability. A related perspective is that intelligence consists of seven components: verbal comprehension, word fluency, numerical acuity, spatial perception, memory, perceptual speed, and inductive reasoning.

To overcome the idea that intelligence involves mostly the ability to solve abstract problems, the triarchic theory of intelligence has been proposed. According to this theory, intelligence has three subtypes: analytical, creative, and practical (street smarts included). Another approach to understanding mental ability contends that people have multiple intelligences, or faculties, including linguistic, logical-mathematical, musical, spatial, bodily kinesthetic, intrapersonal, interpersonal, and naturalist.

Emotional intelligence refers to factors other than traditional mental ability that influence a person’s success. The four components of emotional intelligence are (1) self-awareness, (2) self-management, (3) social awareness, and (4) relationship management. Emotional intelligence is a skill through which employees treat emotions as valuable information when navigating a situation.

Values and beliefs are another set of factors that influence behavior on the job, including interpersonal relations. Values are closely tied in with ethics. A useful way of classifying values points to how we establish goals to fit our values, as shown in Table 2-1. Differences in values among people often stem from age, or generational, differences.

People acquire values in the process of growing up and modeling others, and the communication of attitudes. Later life influences such as the media also shape values. The values a person develops early in life are directly related to the kind of adult he or she becomes and to the quality of relationships formed. Values-clarification exercises help people identify their values.

When the values of employees mesh with those required by the job, job performance is likely to be higher. Person–role conflict occurs when the demands made by an organization or a superior clash with the basic values of an individual.

Questions for Discussion and Review

Provide an example of how you have successfully taken into account individual differences in dealing with people. In what way did your approach make a difference in the outcome of the interaction with that person?

Suppose you found out from a reliable source that a coworker of yours is a high self-monitor. What precautions (if any) would you take in dealing with that person?

Identify three job situations (or entire jobs) in which being optimistic might be an asset.

Identify three job situations (or entire jobs) in which being pessimistic might be an asset.

Identify two business occupations for which a high propensity for risk taking and thrill seeking would be an asset. Also, identify two business occupations for which risk taking and thrill seeking might be a liability.

Imagine yourself going about your job in your field, or intended field. Give an example of how you might use the five primary senses of touch, sight, sound, smell, and taste to gather information.

Which of the seven components of traditional intelligence represents your best mental aptitude? What is your evidence?

How could you use the concept of multiple intelligences to raise the self-esteem of people who did not consider themselves to be very smart?

Which aspect of personality, cognitive ability, or values would best help explain why so many actors, actresses, sports figures, politicans, and business executives damage their careers through such means as drunk driving, shoplifiting, sexual harassment, or physically assaulting others?

How can you use information about a person’s values to help you relate more effectively to him or her?

The Web Corner

http://myskillprofile.com

(This site provides many self-quizzes, including emotional intelligence, sports mental skills, and spiritual intelligence. Several of the tests are free.)

http://www.queendom.com

(This site provides many tests and quizzes related to cognitive factors, personality, and emotional I.Q.)

http://www.annekreamer.com/its-always-personal/weep-survey

(Customized evaluation of your emotional style at work.)

Internet Skills Builder: Boosting Your Mental Ability

Do you want to be smarter? Thousands of specialists think they have developed intelligent ways of making people more intelligent. You will find at least 110 million Web sites that provide information about improving brain functioning through such methods as practice in problem solving and taking food supplements. Try out one of these sites. Evaluate the suggestions for plausibility. You might even try the exercises for a couple of weeks and observe whether you become smarter. Ask somebody close to you if have become smarter. You might also see if you do better on tests with the same amount of study and classroom attentiveness.

Developing Your Human Relations Skills

Interpersonal Relations Case 2.1

The Big Stakes Repo Men at International Recovery

The key players at the International Recovery Group are high-stakes repossession specialists, or “repo men” as they are commonly known. Their repossession targets are expensive properties such as $250,000 yachts or private planes worth $1 million. Banks and other lenders hire these repo specialists for the same reason they hire them to take back autos and trucks of more modest value; the loan holders have fallen way behind on their payments and have shown no good intention to catch up.

According to its owner, Ken Cage, business at International Recovery surges during a recession because many wealthy people, such as real estate developers, suffer a big loss in income. Senior repossession specialist and former professional wrestler, Randy Craft (formerly “Rockin’ Randy”), says that carrying out “repos” can be dangerous. He says that he has been threatened with a snow shovel, run over by a car, and chased down a river by an enraged boat owner. (Craft has left the company to pursue other interests.)

When the business first started, Cage used to repossess mostly small airplanes and boats. As the business grows, he and his group seize much larger items, including multimillion dollar jets and yachts. International Recovery also repossesses race horses and exotic cars.

Cage and his colleagues use detective-like techniques to track down the property they are seeking, including asking disarming questions: “We were sent here to pick up this boat [while displaying a clear photo]. By any chance, have you seen it?” Cage has also developed a network of people who feed him the information he needs. Among these people are marine captains, tow-boat operators, jet-terminal workers, and aircraft pilots.

On a representative seizure, four repo men enter a marina in a truck. The group stays hidden in tall grass as they sight their target boat. One specialist quickly moves next to the target yacht, while the others stand lookout on the dock. Craft is especially skilled at lock picking, so he is the first inside the yacht. Cage unties the boat from the dock. A captain, who is part of the team, fires up the twin diesel engines. The yacht is then on its way to another marina, to be reclaimed by the bank and eventually resold.

Cage is cagey. He changes his natural Philadelphia regional accent to sound like a person from the region in which he is working, such as Florida, when he makes phone calls or interviews people face to face.

Case Questions

Which personality traits does Cage, as well as his coworkers, most likely demonstrate?

How much cognitive skill is probably required to be a repossession specialist at

International Recovery Group?

How might practical intelligence contribute to success as a high-end repo specialist?

How might being a former professional wrestler be a contributing factor to success in this type of work?

Source: Original case created from facts presented in in the following sources: Robert Frank, “Cries of ‘Hey, That’s My Jet!’ Don’t Deter High-End Repo Men,” The Wall Street Journal, March 20, 2010, pp. A1, A6; Matthew Teagure, “The Luxury Repo Men,” Bloomberg Businessweek (http://www.businessweek.com), October 25, 2012, pp. 1–8; “Downturn Sees Rise in Repossessions of Yachts, Private Planes,” Voice of America (http://www.voanews.com), November 2, 2009, pp. 1–2; Peter Howe, “A Day in the Life of a Luxury Repo Man,” http://www.necn.com, 1–2, July 20, 2010.

Interpersonal Relations Case 2.2

A Values Clash at the Hearing Center

Jessica, a recent graduate in health administration, was delighted to be hired by the Brandon Hearing Centers as an office administrator for one of the two center locations. Her responsibilities included record keeping, dealing with vendors, accepting payments, bill paying, and monitoring the hearing center Web site, as well as fill-in responsibility as a receptionist. Brandon was operated by a husband-and-wife team of audiologists, who divided their time between the two locations.

Jessica enjoyed her new position for two key reasons. First, she was acquiring valuable ground-floor experience as a health administrator. Second, she felt she was making a contribution to helping people with hearing problems. Yet, she was concerned about one feature of her job; she had to receive and make so many phone calls to patients. Jessica thought that the Center’s reliance on phone calls was both old-fashioned and a productivity drain. Jessica hinted at the problem several times to the Brandon couple, but her complaints were politely dismissed.

Several months into her position, Jessica asked to meet with Ted and Lucille Brandon about her concerns in relation to the communication mode used at the center. “I think we are in the communication dark ages around here,” said Jessica. “I know that most of our patients are middle-aged or older, but still, they would probably prefer to send e-mails and text messages back and forth than make all these phone calls. Our Web site doesn’t even indicate an e-mail address for our hearing center.”

“Jessica, I think that you are confusing personal communication with business communication,” said Lucille. “A few years ago we did give out an e-mail address for our patients, and the results were horrendous. Patients would send us e-mails day and night, and some of them would send six e-mails a day. So we turned back to telephone communication also.”

“I agree with Lucille,” said Ted. “And to take it one step further, I think I see a youth problem here. You probably think that texting is cool and the natural way to communicate. Especially with the assistance we provide, most of our patients prefer to use the phone because appointments with us are serious business. Text messages are more for social life and goofing around.”

“I accept your reasoning for now,” said Jessica. “But as a professional health administrator, I think we have to modernize communication at the Brandon Hearing Centers.”

Questions

In what way does this case represent a problem of differences in generational values?

Why might excluding e-mails and text messages to and from patients lower productivity at the Brandon Hearing Center?

What do you think Jessica should do to change the opinions of the Brandons in relation to the communication mode? Or do you think Jessica should just drop the issue and try to understand the Brandons’ point of view?

Interpersonal Relations Role-Play

Dealing with a Difference in Values

One student plays the role of Jessica, who wants to stay employed as the office administrator at the Brandon Hearing Center. However, she wants to remain true to her professional values of modernizing her workplace. Two other students play the roles of Lucille and Ted Brandon, who are meeting briefly with Jessica to listen to her thoughts about upgrading the electronic communications in the office. Ted and Lucille Brandon are becoming annoyed with Jessica’s insistence on making changes in communicating with patients at the hearing center. Jessica is convinced she is right. Run the role-play for about seven minutes, with observers providing feedback about how well the differences in values are headed toward resolution.

References

Tom Belden, “Winging It: Sullenberger Touts the Value of Training,”  Philly.com , October 5, 2009; “Security Tape Shows Plane’s Hudson Landing,” The Associated Press, January 23, 2009; Andy Pastor, “Hero Pilot ‘Sully’ Stars at Hearing,” The Wall Street Journal, June 10, 2009, p. A2.

Laurie Helgoe, “Revenge of the Introvert,” Psychology Today, September/October 2010, p. 56.

Scott Shane, Nico Nolaou, Lynn Cherkas, and Tim D. Spector, “Genetics, the Big Five, and the Tendency to be Self-Employed,” Journal of Applied Psychology, November 2010, pp. 1154–1162.

Marvin Zuckerman, “Are You A Risk Taker?” Psychology Today, November/December 2000, p. 53.

Leslie Kwoh, “Memo to Staff: Take More Risks,” The Wall Street Journal, March 20, 2013, p. B8.

Remus Ilies and Timothy A. Judge, “On the Heritability of Job Satisfaction: The Mediating Role of Personality,” Journal of Applied Psychology, August 2003, pp. 750–759.

Oliver Burkeman, “The Power of Negative Thinking,” The Wall Street Journal, December 8–9, 2012, p. C3.

Quoted in Annie Murphy Paul, “The Uses and Abuses of Optimism (and Pessimism),” Psychology Today, November/December 2011, p. 63.

Daniel Nettle, “The Evolution of Personality Variation in Human and Other Animals,” American Psychologist, September 2006, p. 622.

In-Sue Oh, Gang Wang, and Michyael K. Mount, “Validity of Observer Ratings of Five-Factor Model of Personality Traits: A Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Applied Psychology, July 2011, pp. 762–773.

“Which Traits Predict Job Performance?” APA Help Center, http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=33, accessed March 22, 2005.

Nicole M. Dudley, Karin A. Orvis, Justin E. Lebiecki, and José M. Cortina, “A Meta-Analytic Investigation of Conscientiousness in the Prediction of Job Performance: Examining the Intercorrelations and the Incremental Validity of Narrow Traits,” Journal of Applied Psychology, January 2006, p. 51.

Gregory M. Hurtz and John J. Donovan, “Personality and Job Performance: The Big Five Revisited,” Journal of Applied Psychology, December 2000, pp. 869–879.

David V. Day, Deidra J. Scheleicher, Amy L. Unckless, and Nathan J. Hiller, “Self-Monitoring Personality at Work: A Meta-Analytic Investigation of Construct Validity,” Journal of Applied Psychology, April 2002, pp. 390–401.

Gerald L. Blakely, Martha C. Andrews, and Jack Fuller, “Are Chameleons Good Citizens? A Longitudinal Study of the Relationship Between Self-Monitoring and Organizational Citizenship Behavior,” Journal of Business and Psychology, Winter 2003, pp. 131–144; research synthesized in Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman, “To the Vulnerable Go the Spoils,” Bloomberg Business Week, June 14–June 2, 2010, p. 72.

Dan S. Chiaburu, In-Sue Oh, Christopher M. Berry, Ning Li, and Richard G. Gardner, “The Five-Factor Model of Personality Traits and Organizational Citizenship Behaviors: A Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Applied Psychology, November 2011, pp. 1140–1166.

Scott B. Mackenzie, Philip M. Podsakoff, and Nathan P. Podsakoff, “Challenge-Oriented Organizational Citizenship Behaviors and Organizational Effectiveness: Do Challenge-Oriented Behaviors Really Have an Impact on the Organization’s Bottom Line?” Personnel Psychology, Number 3, 2011, p. 560.

Nathan P. Podsakoff, Whiting, S.W., Podsakoff, P.M., and Blume, B.D, “Individual- and Organizational-Level Consequences of Organizational Behaviors: A Meta-Analysis, Journal of Applied Psychology, January 2009, pp. 122–141.

Jeff Joireman, Dishan Kamdar, Denise Daniels, and Blythe Duell, “Good Citizens to the End? It Depends: Empathy and Concern with Future Consequences Moderate the Impact of a Short-Term Time Horizon on Organizational Citizenship Behaviors,” Journal of Applied Psychology, November 2006, p. 1315.

Ryan D. Zimmerman, “Understanding the Impact of Personality Traits on Individuals’ Turnover Decisions: A Meta-Analytic Path Model,” Personnel Psychology, Summer 2008, pp. 309–348.

Cited in David Stripp, “A Little Worry Is Good for Business,” Fortune, November 24, 2003, p. 68.

L. A. Witt, Lisa A. Burke, Murray R. Barrick, and Michael K. Mount, “The Interactive Effects of Conscientiousness and Agreeableness on Job Performance,” Journal of Applied Psychology, February 2002, pp. 164–169.

Isabel Briggs Myers, Introduction to Type, 6th ed. (Mountain View, CA: CPP, Inc., 1996), p. 10. (Revised by Linda K. Kirby and Katharine D. Myers.)

John Patrick Golden, Golden Personality Type Profiler Technical Manual (San Antonio, TX: Pearson TalentLens, 2005).

Golden, Golden Personality Type Profiler, p. 27.

Golden, Golden Personality Type Profiler, p. 24.

Brian S. Young, Winfred Arthur, Jr., and John Finch, “Predictors of Managerial Performance: More than Cognitive Ability,” Journal of Business and Psychology, Fall 2000, pp. 53–72.

Roderick Gilkey and Clint Kitts, “Cognitive Fitness,” Harvard Business Review, November 2007, pp. 53–66.

Richard E, Nesbitt et al., “Intelligence: New Findings and Theoretical Developments,” American Psychologist, February–March 2012, p. 130.

Nesbitt, et al., “Intelligence,” p. 139.

Evidence reviewed in Laura Johannes, “An Energy Shot for the Brain,” The Wall Street Journal, January 24, 2012, p. D3.

J. Robert Baum, Barbara Jean Bird, and Sheetal Singh, “The Practical Intelligence of Entrepreneurs: Antecedents and a Link with New Venture Growth,” Personnel Psychology, Number 2, 2011, p. 39.

Baum, Bird, and Singh, “The Practical Intelligence of Entrepreneurs,” pp. 397–425.

Howard Gardner, Intelligence Reframed: Multiple Intelligence in the 21st Century (New York: Basic Books, 1999); Mark K. Smith, “Howard Gardner and Multiple Intelligences,” in The Encyclopedia of Informal Education (http://www.infed.or/thinkers/gardner.htm), © Mark K. Smith, 2002, 2008.

Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success (Boston: Little, Brown, 2008). See also Geoff Colvin, “Why Talent is Over-Rated,” Fortune, October 27, 2008, pp. 138–147.

Sharon Begley, “Critical Thinking: Part Skill, Part Mindset and Totally up to You,” The Wall Street Journal, October 20, 2006, p. B1.

John D. Mayer, Peter Salovey, and David R. Caruso, “Emotional Intelligence: New Ability or Eclectic Traits?” American Psychologist, September 2008, pp. 503–515.

Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee, “Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance,” Harvard Business Review, December 2001, pp. 42–51.

David A. Morand, “The Emotional Intelligence of Managers: Assessing the Construct Validity of a Nonverbal Measure of ‘People Skills,’” Journal of Business and Psychology, Fall 2001, pp. 21–33.

Study reported in Anne Kreamer, “Go Ahead—Cry at Work,” Time, April 4, 2011, p. 55.

Crystal I. C. Chien Farh, Myeong-Gu Seo, and Paul E. Tesluk, “Emotional Intelligence, Teamwork Effectiveness, and Job Performance: The Moderating Role of Context,” Journal of Applied Psychology, July 2012, pp. 890–900.

Shalom H. Schwartz, “Universals in the Content and Structure of Values: Theoretical Advances and Empirical Tests in 20 Countries.” In Mark P. Zanna, ed., Advances in Experimental and Social Psychology (New York: Academic Press, vol. 25, 1992), pp. 1–65.

Jeff Payne, “Generation Jones, Still Striving,” HR Magazine, December 2008, p. 15. (From Readers section.)

Helen M. Haugh and Alka Talwar, “How Do Corporations Embed Sustainability Across the Organization?” Academy of Management Learning and Education, September 2010, p. 385.

Adrienne Fox, “Mixing It Up,” HR Magazine, May 2011, p. 22.

2008 Annual Report of the APA Policy and Planning Board, “How Technology Changes Everything (and Nothing) in Psychology, American Psychologist, July–August 2009, p. 454.

Fara Warner, “With their Blessing.” Workforce Management, April 2011, p. 20.

David C. McClelland, “How Motives, Skills, and Values Determine What People Do,” American Psychologist, July 1985, p. 815.

Jeffrey R. Edwards and Daniel M. Cable, “The Value of Value Congruence,” Journal of Applied Psychology, May 2009, pp. 654–677.

Jean M. Twenge, Generation Me (New York: The Free Press, 2006).

“Get Ready for ‘Millennials’ at Work,” Manager’s Edge, January 2006, p. 1.

Chapter 3 Building Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Granger Wootz/Getty Images

Learning Objectives

After studying the information and performing the exercises in this chapter, you should be able to

Describe the nature, development, and consequences of self-esteem.

Explain how to enhance self-esteem.

Describe the importance of self-confidence and self-efficacy.

Pinpoint methods of enhancing and developing your self-confidence.

“My career began in the purchasing department of a large company,” says John, a real-estate professional. “I felt stifled by how long it would take me to get promoted. I left the company to become a sales representative for a small real estate company. Soon I was performing so well that I was lured away to a larger, more prestigious company, Holloway Properties. I started out with a bang, and kept up the fast pace. Don Holloway, the owner, kept praising me and telling me how I was going to enable him to retire early.

“One day Don asked me if I would be interested in purchasing the company. I told him that I was interested, but had limited funds. He told me he would lend me the money to buy his firm. Against the advice of my friends, I bought the business. The agreements between Don and me were spoken rather than written. The business was going very well for three years. I was beginning to see a bright future when the bottom fell out. Don had encountered some hard times and wanted the business back. He had gone through all the payments I made to him for his company. I was devastated! When I tried to fight him through a lawsuit, I had only spoken agreements to offer as proof.

“I lost all my savings, my house, and was forced to file for bankruptcy. I had reached what I thought was the darkest and most humiliating point in my life. I was filled with a sense of worthlessness and despair. I wondered what I could have done to deserve this.

“After several months of feeling sorry for myself, I visited a career counselor and got his recommendations about making a new start. His first recommendation was to make a list of my strengths and weaknesses. Second, he suggested that I ask myself what I really like to do. He also suggested that I should list goals that I wanted to attain and a prioritized plan of how I hoped to accomplish them.

“I was advised to make positive steps and improve both my morale and my self-image through the sense of achievement that comes from accomplishing these goals. With the help of my wife and the counselor, I began getting back on track. My early accomplishments included such positive steps as reducing my intake of wine and updating my résumé. Two months later I found a position as an assistant manager in a real estate firm that dealt with both commercial and residential properties. I was also given the opportunity to sell part time. Finally, I felt that my comeback was unfolding.”

The story about the real-estate agent illustrates that a person can take steps to rebuild lowered self-confidence and self-esteem. Many other people you will meet in this book score high in self-esteem and self-confidence—otherwise they would never have been so successful. In this chapter, we focus on two of the biggest building blocks for more effective human relations: the nature and development of self-esteem and self-confidence. The development of both self-esteem and self-confidence includes refining certain skills.

The Meaning of Self-Esteem, Its Development and Consequences

Learning Objective 1

Understanding the self from various perspectives is important because who you are and what you think of yourself influence many different facets of your life both on and off the job. A particularly important role is played by self-esteem, the overall evaluation people make about themselves—whether positive or negative.[1] A useful distinction is that our self-concept is what we think about ourselves, whereas self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves.[2] People with positive self-esteem have a deep-down, inside-the-self feeling of their own worth. Consequently, they develop a positive self-concept. Before reading further, you are invited to measure your current level of self-esteem by doing the Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 3-1. We look next at the development of self-esteem and many of its consequences.

Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 3-1

 

The Self-Esteem Checklist

Indicate whether each of the following statements is mostly true or mostly false as it applies to you.

	Mostly True	Mostly False
1. I am excited about starting each day.
2. Most of any progress I have made in my work or school can be attributed to luck.
3. I often ask myself, “Why can’t I be more successful?”
4. When my manager or team leader gives me a challenging assignment, I usually dive in with confidence.
5. I believe that I am working up to my potential.
6. I am able to set limits to what I will do for others without feeling anxious.
7. I regularly make excuses for my mistakes.
8. Negative feedback crushes me.
9. I care very much how much money other people make, especially when they are working in my field.
10. I feel like a failure when I do not achieve my goals.
11. Hard work gives me an emotional lift.
12. When others compliment me, I doubt their sincerity.
13. Complimenting others makes me feel uncomfortable.
14. I find it comfortable to say, “I’m sorry.”
15. It is difficult for me to face up to my mistakes.
16. My coworkers think I am not worthy of promotion.
17. People who want to become my friends usually do not have much to offer.
18. If my manager praised me, I would have a difficult time believing it was deserved.
19. I’m just an ordinary person.
20. Having to face change really disturbs me.
21. When I make a mistake, I have no fear of owning up to it in public.
22. When I look in the mirror, I typically see someone who is attractive and confident.
23. When I think about the greater purpose in my life, I feel like I am drifting.
24. When I make a mistake, I tend to feel ashamed and embarrassed.
25. When I make a commitment to myself, I usually stick to it with conviction and await the rewards that I believe will come from it.

Scoring and Interpretation:

The answers in that indicate high self-esteem are as follows:

Mostly True

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly True

Mostly True

Mostly True

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly True

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly True

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly True

Mostly True

Mostly False

Mostly False

Mostly True

20–25 You have very high self-esteem. Yet if your score is 25, it could be that you are denying any self-doubts.

14–19 Your self-esteem is in the average range. It would probably be worthwhile for you to implement strategies to boost your self-esteem (described in this chapter) so that you can develop a greater feeling of well-being.

0–13 Your self-esteem needs bolstering. Talk over your feelings about yourself with a trusted friend or with a mental health professional. At the same time, attempt to implement several of the tactics for boosting self-esteem described in this chapter.

Questions:

How does your score on this quiz match your evaluation of your self-esteem?

What would it be like being married to somebody who scored 0 on this quiz?

Source: Statements 21–25 are based on information in the National Association for Self-Esteem, “Self-Esteem Self-Guided Tour—Rate Your Self-Esteem,” http://www.self-esteem-nase.org, accessed May 6, 2005, pp. 1–4.

How Self-Esteem Develops

Part of understanding the nature of self-esteem is to know how it develops. Self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives based on interactions with people, events, and things.[3] As an adolescent or adult, your self-esteem might be boosted by a key accomplishment. A 44-year-old woman who was studying to become licensed practical nurse (LPN) said that her self-esteem increased when she received an A in a pharmacology course. Self-esteem can also go down in adulthood because of a negative event such as being laid off and not being able to find new employment.

Early life experiences have a major impact on self-esteem. People who were encouraged to feel good about themselves and their accomplishments by family members, friends, and teachers are more likely to enjoy high self-esteem. Early life experiences play a key role in the development of both healthy self-esteem and low self-esteem, according to research synthesized at the Counseling and Mental Health Center of the University of Texas.[4] Childhood experiences that lead to healthy self-esteem include

being praised,

being listened to,

being spoken to respectfully,

getting attention and hugs, and

experiencing success in sports or school.

In contrast, childhood experiences that lead to low self-esteem include

being harshly criticized,

being yelled at or beaten,

being ignored, ridiculed, or teased,

being expected to be “perfect” all the time,

experiencing failures in sports or school, and

often being given messages that failed experiences (losing a game, getting a poor grade, and so forth) were failures of their whole self.

A widespread explanation of self-esteem development is that compliments, praise, and hugs alone build self-esteem. Yet many developmental psychologists seriously question this perspective. Instead, they believe that self-esteem results from accomplishing worthwhile activities and then feeling proud of these accomplishments. Receiving encouragement, however, can help the person accomplish activities that build self-esteem.

Martin Seligman argues that self-esteem is caused by a variety of successes and failures. To develop self-esteem, people need to improve their skills for dealing with the world.[5] Self-esteem therefore comes about by genuine accomplishments, followed by praise and recognition. Heaping undeserved praise and recognition on people may lead to a temporary high, but it does not produce genuine self-esteem. The child develops self-esteem not from being told he or she can score a goal in soccer, but from scoring that goal.

In attempting to build the self-esteem of children and students, many parents and teachers give children too many undeserved compliments. Researchers suggest that inappropriate compliments are turning too many adults into narcissistic praise junkies. As a result, many young adults feel insecure if they do not receive compliments regularly.[6]

As mentioned previously, experiences in adult life can influence the development of self-esteem. David De Cremer of the Tilburg University (Netherlands) and his associates conducted two studies with Dutch college students about how the behavior of leaders and fair procedures influence self-esteem. The focus of the leader’s behavior was whether he or she motivated the workers/students to reward themselves for a job well done, such as a self-compliment. Procedural fairness was measured in terms of whether the study participants were given a voice in making decisions. Self-esteem was measured by a questionnaire somewhat similar to the Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 3-1 in this chapter. The study questionnaire reflected the self-perceived value that individuals have of themselves as organizational members.

The study found that self-esteem was related to procedural fairness and leadership that encourages self-rewards. When leadership that encouraged rewards was high, procedural fairness was more strongly related to self-esteem. The interpretation given of the findings is that a leader/supervisor can facilitate self-esteem when he or she encourages self-rewards, and uses fair procedures. Furthermore, fair procedures have a stronger impact on self-esteem when the leader encourages self-rewards.[7] A takeaway from this study would be that rewarding yourself for a job well done, even in adult life, can boost your self-esteem a little.

The Consequences of Self-Esteem

Extremely high as well as extremely low self-esteem has many consequences for people, as outlined in Table 3-1.

Career Success

A major consequence of having high self-esteem is that you have a better chance of attaining career success, as mentioned at the beginning of this section and supported by long-term research. The study in question was known as the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, involving over 12,000 young men and women. The group was studied over a 25-year period beginning in 1979. The Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 3-2 gives you the opportunity to take the same survey used in the study to measure core self-evaluations.

The components of core self-evaluations include high self-esteem, self-efficacy (an aspect of self-confidence described later in this chapter), beliefs in personal control over events, and emotional stability. Individuals with high core self-evaluations are better motivated, perform better on the job, tend to hold more challenging jobs, and have higher job satisfaction.

Table 3-1 Several Consequences of Extremes in Self-Esteem

Positive Consequences	Negative Consequences
1. Career success including a high income	1. Narcissism
2. Organizational prosperity	2. Envying too many people
3. Good mental health	3. Romance problems
4. Profiting from feedback
5. Serves as a guide for regulating social relationships

Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 3-2

 

National Longitudinal Survey of Youth Measure of Core Self-Evaluations

No.	True	False
1. I have little control over the things that happen to me.	□	□
2. There is little I can do to change many of the important things in my life.	□	□
3. I feel that I am a person of worth, on an equal basis with others.	□	□
4. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.	□	□
5. All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.	□	□
6. I feel I do not have much to be proud of.	□	□
7. I wish I could have more respect for myself.	□	□
8. I’ve been depressed.	□	□
9. I’ve felt hopeful about the future.	□	□
10. What happens to me in the future depends on me.	□	□
11. What happens to me is of my own doing.	□	□
12. When I make plans, I am almost certain to make them work.	□	□

Scoring and Interpretation:

The answers that indicate high core self-evaluation are as follows:

False

False

True

True

False

False

False

False

True

True

True

True

Although there are no specific categories for scores, the more statements you answered in the direction of high core self-evaluations, the more likely it is that you have the type of core self-evaluations that will facilitate career success.

Questions:

How does your score on this quiz match your evaluation of your self-evaluation?

How does your score on this quiz compare to your score on Self-Assessment Quiz 3-1?

How can you explain the fact that responses to the preceding statements were found to be related to long-term career success?

Sources: The statements are from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (NLSY79), a study commissioned and operated by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, US Department of Labor. The statements are also reported in Timothy A. Judge and Charlice Hurst, “How the Rich (and Happy) Get Richer (and Happier): Relationship of Core Self-Evaluations to Trajectories in Attaining Work Success,” Journal of Applied Psychology, July 2008, p. 863.

Among the many results of the study were that people with higher core evaluations performed better in their first jobs. Furthermore, over time, those people with high core evaluations increase their career success at a faster pace than those with below-average core evaluations. Over a 25-year span, the career success they have over others doubles. Success was measured in terms of job satisfaction, pay, and holding a higher-status position.[8] A practical conclusion to take away from this study is that if you have high core self-evaluations, it will pay impressive career dividends.

Later research suggests that people with high core self-evaluations are more likely to have high job performance when they combine positive attitudes toward the self with a concern for the welfare of others. (Consistently good job performance enhances career success.) For example, call-center employees with positive core self-evaluations tended to perform better when they worried about letting other people down. The call-center work involved telemarketing to generate funds to support new jobs at a university.[9]

Organizational Prosperity

The combined effect of workers having high self-esteem helps a company prosper. Self-esteem is a critical source of competitive advantage in an information society. Companies gain the edge when, in addition to having an educated workforce, employees have high self-esteem, as shown by such behaviors as the following:

Being creative and innovative

Taking personal responsibility for problems

Having a feeling of independence (yet still wanting to work cooperatively with others)

Trusting one’s own capabilities

Taking the initiative to solve problems [10]

Behaviors such as these help you cope with the challenge of a rapidly changing workplace in which products and ideas become obsolete quickly. Workers with high self-esteem are more likely to be able to cope with new challenges regularly because they are confident that they can master their environments.

Good Mental Health

One of the major consequences of high self-esteem is good mental health. People with high self-esteem feel good about themselves and have a positive outlook on life. One of the links between good mental health and self-esteem is that high self-esteem helps prevent many situations from being stressful. Few negative comments from others are likely to bother you when your self-esteem is high. A person with low self-esteem might crumble if somebody insulted his or her appearance. A person with high self-esteem might shrug off the insult as simply being the other person’s point of view. If faced with an everyday setback, such as losing keys, the high self-esteem person might think, “I have so much going for me, why fall apart over this incident?”

Positive self-esteem also conributes to good mental health because it helps us ward off being troubled by feelings of jealousy and acting aggressively toward others because of our jealousy. Particularly with adolescents, lower self-worth leads to jealousy about friends liking other people better.[11]

Profiting from Negative Feedback

Although people with high self-esteem can readily shrug off undeserved insults, they still profit well from negative feedback. Because they are secure, they can profit from the developmental opportunities suggested by negative feedback. Workers with high self-esteem develop and maintain favorable work attitudes and perform at high levels. These positive consequences take place because such attitudes and behaviors are consistent with the personal belief that they are competent individuals. Mary Kay Ash, the legendary founder of beauty products company Mary Kay, put it this way: “It never occurred to me I couldn’t do it. I always knew that if I worked hard enough, I could.” Furthermore, research has shown that high-self-esteem individuals value reaching work goals more than do low-self-esteem individuals.[12]

Serves as a Guide for Regulating Social Relationships

Another positive consequence of self-esteem is that you can use it as a guide in regulating social relationships. According to Mark Leary, director of social psychology at Duke University, self-esteem provides a gauge of performance during social interactions: “Self-esteem rises and falls, acting as an internal barometer of how well you’re faring, telling you to fix this problem here, and helping you understand that you don’t have to worry about it there.”[13]

Following this reasoning, fluctuations in self-esteem provide information that is useful in working your way through social relationships. For example, if you are talking and the person you are talking to yawns, your self-esteem drops, signaling you to change the topic. When you tell a joke, and people laugh, your self-esteem climbs rapidly. If we did not feel bad when we bored or offended others, or satisfied when we delighted them, we would not be inclined to change course.[14]

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Potential Negative Consequences

Both high and low self-esteem can sometimes have negative consequences. Three reasons for this problem are described next.

Exaggerated levels of self-esteem can lead to narcissism. Self-esteem can elevate to a level whereby the individual becomes self-absorbed to the point of having little concern for others, leading to narcissistic attitudes and behaviors. Narcissism is an extremely positive view of the self, combined with limited empathy for others. Quite often extreme narcissism can hamper success because the narcissist irritates and alienates others in the workplace. A frequent human relations problem with office narcissists is that they are poor listeners because they attempt to dominate conversations by talking about themselves. Yet the right amount and type of narcissism can at times facilitate success because the narcissist appears to be self-confident and charismatic. [15]

Envying too many people. A potential negative consequence of low self-esteem is envying too many people. If you perceive that many individuals have much more of what you want and are more worthwhile than you, you will suffer from enormous envy. To decrease pangs of envy, it is best to develop realistic standards of comparison between you and other people in the world.

If high school basketball player Joshua measures his self-esteem in terms of how well he stacks up with basketball superstar and super-millionaire LeBron James, young Joshua will take a lot of blows to his self-esteem. However, if Joshua compares himself to other players on his team and in his league, his self-esteem will be higher because he has chosen a more realistic reference group. For example, Joshua might think that Kent, the starting point guard on his team, has a good chance of winning a basketball scholarship to college, speaks intelligently, and is well groomed. Joshua works hard to develop the same potential and behaviors. When he believes he has succeeded, Joshua will experience a boost in self-esteem.

Kristin Neff, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, supports the idea that making social comparisons can lead to problems with self-esteem. She explains that in American culture, people tend to acquire a sense of self-worth from feeling special. A musician who compares herself to a musician of less talent will feel superior, and even have a boost in self-esteem. But if she compares herself to a more talented musician, she will feel a decrease in self-esteem even if her talent and skills have not diminished.[16]

Poor romantic relationships when self-esteem is low. Low self-esteem can have negative consequences for romantic relationships because people with self-doubts consistently underestimate their partners’ feelings for them. People with low self-respect distance themselves from the relationship—often devaluing their partner—to prepare themselves for what they think will be an inevitable breakup. (Self-respect refers to how you think and feel about yourself.) John G. Holmes, a psychologist at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, says, “If people think negatively about themselves, they think their partner must think negatively about them—and they’re wrong.” [17]

Enhancing Self-Esteem

Learning Objective 2

Improving self-esteem is a lifelong process because self-esteem is related to the success of your activities and interactions with people. The following are approaches to enhancing self-esteem that are related to how self-esteem develops. (See Figure 3-1.) Each of these approaches has a skill component, such as learning to avoid situations that make you feel incompetent. In addition to working on skills to enhance self-esteem, it is helpful to maintain a constructive attitude. A representative statement to keep in mind as you work on self-esteem enhancement is as follows:[18]

“I am a very special, unique, and valuable person. I deserve to feel good about myself.”

Attain Legitimate Accomplishments

To emphasize again, accomplishing worthwhile activities is a major contributor to self-esteem (as well as self-confidence) in both children and adults. Social science research suggests this sequence of events: Person establishes a goal; person pursues the goal; person achieves the goal; person develops esteem-like feelings.[19] The opposite point of view is this sequence: Person develops esteem-like feelings; person establishes a goal; person pursues the goal; person achieves the goal. Similarly, giving people large trophies for mundane

Figure 3-1 Methods of Enhancing Self-Esteem

accomplishments is unlikely to raise self-esteem. More likely, the person will see through the transparent attempt to build his or her self-esteem and develop negative feelings about the self. What about you? Would your self-esteem receive a bigger boost by (1) receiving an A in a course in which 10 percent of the class received an A or by (2) receiving an A in a class in which everybody received the same grade?

Bragging about legitimate accomplishments will often give a modest boost to self-esteem. Social media posts are a natural place for bragging, with statements such as “Just aced an advanced statistics exam,” or “Yesterday I received the maximum possible rating in my performance evaluation. I feel great.” Although such bragging can annoy some people, it can increase our self-esteem (as well as narcissism!).[20]

Legitimate accomplishments are more effective in raising self-esteem when the legitimacy of these accomplishments is not dependent on what others think about them. Contingent self-esteem refers to feelings of self-worth that depend on outside praise in a realm that matters to a person.[21] An example of non-contingent self-esteem would be redecorating your work area and feeling proud because it is aesthetically pleasing. Contingent self-esteem would be not feeling proud about your redecorated cubicle until somebody else complimented the result. Keep in mind, however, that we cannot exclude outside validation as a source of self-esteem unless we are delusional. If several people who walked by your redecorated cubicle laughed at the design, it might be difficult to think you had made a legitimate accomplishment.

Be Aware of Personal Strengths

Another method of improving your self-esteem is to develop an appreciation of your strengths and accomplishments. A good starting point is to list your strengths and accomplishments in a word-processing document or on paper. This list is likely to be more impressive than you expected.

You can sometimes develop an appreciation of your strengths by participating in a group exercise designed for such purposes. A group of about seven people meet to form a support group. All group members first spend about 10 minutes answering the question,

Skill-Building Exercise 3-1

 

Reinforcing a Positive Self-Image

To do this exercise, you will need a piece of paper and a pencil or pen, or a word processor, and a timer or clock. Set a timer for 10 minutes or note the time on your watch, smartphone, or a clock. Write your name across the top of the document. Then write everything positive and good you can think of about yourself. Include special attributes, talents, and achievements. You can use single words or sentences. You can write the same things over and over if you want to emphasize them. Your ideas do not have to be well organized. Write down whatever comes to mind. You are the only one who will see this document. Avoid using any negative words. Use only positive ones.

When the 10 minutes are up, read the document over to yourself. You may feel sad when you read it over because it is a new, different, and positive way of thinking about yourself. Your document will contradict some of the negative thoughts you have had about yourself. Those feelings will diminish as you reread this document. Read the document over again several times. Print the document if you used a computer, and put it in a convenient place, such as in your pocket, purse, wallet, or on your bedside table. Read it over at least once a day to keep reminding yourself of how great you are! Find a private space and read it aloud. If you have a good friend or family member who is supportive, read it to that person. Maybe your confidant can think of a positive attribute that you have missed.

Source: Adapted from “Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide,” http://store.samhsa.gov/product/Building-Self-Esteem-A-Self-Help-Guide/SMA-3715, accessed July 22, 2013.

“What are my three strongest points, attributes, or skills?” After each group member records his or her three strengths, the person discusses them with the other group members.

Each group member then comments on the list. Other group members sometimes add to your list of strengths or reinforce what you have to say. Sometimes you may find disagreement. One member told the group, “I’m handsome, intelligent, reliable, athletic, self-confident, and very moral. I also have a good sense of humor.” Another group member retorted, “And I might add that you’re unbearably conceited.”

Skill-Building Exercises 3-1 and 3-2 provide additional ways of developing self-esteem, both of which focus on appreciation of strengths.

Rebut the Inner Critic

Another early step in attaining better self-esteem is to rebut your inner critic—the voice inside you that sends negative messages about your capabilities. Rebutting critical statements

Human Relations Skill-Building Exercise 3-2

 

The Self-Esteem Building Club

You and your classmates are invited to participate in one of the most humane and productive possible human-relations skill-building exercises, membership in the “self-esteem building club.” Your assignment is for three consecutive weeks to help build the self-esteem of one person. Before embarking upon the exercise, review the information about self-esteem development in this chapter. One of the most effective tactics would be to find somebody who had a legitimate accomplishment, and give that person a reward or a thank you. Record carefully what the person did, what you did, and any behavioral reactions of the person whose self-esteem you attempted to build. An example follows, written by a 46-year-old student of human relations:

Thursday night two weeks ago, I went to the athletic club to play racquetball. Different than usual, I had a date after the club. I wanted to look good, so I decided to wear my high school class ring. The ring doesn’t have much resale value, but I was emotionally attached to it, having worn it for special occasions for 28 years. I stuffed the ring along with my watch and wallet in my athletic bag.

When I was through with racquetball, I showered, and got dressed. My ring was missing from my bag even though my wallet and watch were there. I kind of freaked out because I hate to lose a prized possession. I shook the bag out three times, but no luck. Very discouraged, I left my name, telephone number, and e-mail address at the front desk just in case somebody turned in the ring. I kept thinking that I must have lost the ring when I stopped at the desk to check in.

The next morning before going to class, I got a phone call from a front-desk clerk at the club. The clerk told me that Karl, from the housekeeping staff, heard a strange noise while he was vacuuming near the front desk. He shut off the vacuum cleaner immediately, and pulled out my ring. To me Karl was a hero. I made a special trip to the club that night to meet with Karl. I shook his hand, and gave him a ten-dollar bill as a reward. I also explained to Karl what a difference he had made in my mood. I told him that honest, hardworking people like him who take pride in their work make this world a better place. It made my day when Karl smiled and told me it was a pleasure to be helpful.

Your instructor might organize a sharing of self-esteem building episodes in the class. If the sharing does take place, look for patterns of what seemed to work in terms of self-esteem building. Also, listen for any patterns in failed attempts at self-esteem building.

about you might also be considered another way of appreciating your strengths. Two examples of rebutting your inner critic follow:[22]

Your unfairly harsh inner critic says: “People said they liked my presentation, but it was nowhere as good as it should have been. I can’t believe no one noticed all the places I messed up. I’m such an imposter.”

Your reassuring rebuttal: “Wow, they really liked it. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but I worked hard on that presentation and did a good job. I’m proud of myself. This was a great success.”

Your harsh inner critic makes leaps of illogic: “He is frowning. He didn’t say anything, but I know it means that he doesn’t like me!”

Your rebuttal that challenges the illogic: “Okay, he’s frowning, but I don’t know why. It could have nothing to do with me. Maybe I should ask.”

The above statements are examples of the type of putdowns we often hear from our inner critic. To boost your self-esteem in spite of such criticism, you need to develop the skill of rebuttal by rebutting your inner critic frequently.

Practice Self-Nurturing

Although you may be successful at pointing to your strengths and rebutting the inner voice that puts you down, it is also helpful to treat yourself as a worthwhile person. Start to challenge negative experiences and messages from the past by nurturing and caring for yourself in ways that show how valuable, competent, deserving, and lovable you really are. Self-nurturing is often referred to as treating yourself well or spoiling yourself. Here are two suggestions for self-nurturing, both of which involve a modest amount of skill development.

Administer self-rewards for a job well done. When you have carried out an activity especially well in relation to your typical performance, reward yourself in a small, constructive way. You might dine at a favorite restaurant, take an afternoon off to go for a nature walk, or spend an hour at a Web site you usually do not have the time to visit.

Take good care of yourself mentally and physically. Make sure that you get enough sleep and rest, eat nutritious foods, avoid high-bacteria environments such as a public keyboard or doornob unless you use a bacteria spray, and participate in moderate physical exercise. Even taking an extra shower or bath can give you a physical and mental boost. The suggestions just mentioned are also part of stress management.

Real estate agent Laura provides a helpful example of how self-nurturing can help bolster self-esteem. While watching Todd, her son, play soccer at four in the afternoon, she was asked by another soccer parent, “How’s business?” Laura replied, “I haven’t made a deal in two weeks, but I know times will get better. So for now, I’m enjoying myself watching Todd play his little heart out. Afterwards we are going for pizza, and a few video games. My soul will be energized again.”

Minimize Settings and Interactions That Detract from Your Feelings of Competence

Most of us have situations in our work and personal lives that make us feel less than our best. If you can minimize exposure to those situations, you will have fewer feelings of incompetence. The problem with feeling incompetent is that it lowers your self-esteem. Suppose, for example, that Sally is a very poor golf player, and intensely dislikes the sport. She is better off excusing herself from a small group of people at the office who invite her to a golf outing. A problem with avoiding all situations in which you feel not fully competent is that it might prevent you from acquiring needed skills. Also, it boosts your self-confidence and self-esteem to become comfortable in a previously uncomfortable situation. In Sally’s case, perhaps she can eventually learn to play golf better, and then she will be mentally prepared to participate in golf outings.

Get Help from Others

Self-esteem is strongly shaped by how others perceive us, so getting help from others is a major step a person can take to improve his or her self-esteem. However, getting help from others can also be difficult. People with low self-esteem often do not ask for help because they may not think they are worthy of receiving help. Yet help from others is effective in overcoming the negative messages received from others in the past.

Asking for support from friends can include such basic steps as these: (1) Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or think that you do well. (2) Ask someone who cares about you to listen to you complain about something without offering a solution to your problem. (3) Ask for a hug. (4) Ask someone who loves you to remind you that he or she does.

Getting help from teachers and other helpers can include these steps: (1) Ask professors or tutors for help with work you find challenging. (2) If you lack self-confidence in certain areas, take classes or attempt new activities to increase your competence. An increasing number of retired people today are taking classes in such subjects as social media utilization and digital photography to help catch up with younger people whose skills have challenged their self-esteem.[23]

Another way of getting help from others is to talk and socialize frequently with people who can boost your self-esteem. Psychologist Barbara Ilardie says that the people who can raise your self-esteem are usually those with high self-esteem themselves. They are the people who give honest feedback because they respect others and themselves. Such high self-esteem individuals should not be confused with yes-people who agree with others just to be liked. The point is that you typically receive more from strong people than weak ones. Weak people will flatter you but will not give you the honest feedback you need to build self-esteem.[24]

For many people with low self-esteem, casual help with others will not increase self-esteem. In these situations, discussing low self-esteem with a mental health specialist might be the most effective measure.

Model the Behavior of People with High Self-Esteem

Observe the way people who you believe to have high self-esteem stand, walk, speak, and act. Even if you are not feeling so secure inside, you will project a high self-esteem image if you act assured. Eugene Raudsepp recommends, “Stand tall, speak clearly and with confidence, shake hands firmly, look people in the eye and smile frequently. Your self-esteem will increase as you notice encouraging reactions from others.”[25] (Notice here that self-esteem is considered to be about the same idea as self-confidence.)

Choose your models of high self-esteem from people you know personally, as well as celebrities you might watch on television news and interview shows. Observing actors on the large or small screen is a little less useful because they are guaranteed to be playing a role. Identifying a teacher or professor as a self-esteem model is widely practiced, as is observing successful family members and friends.

Create a High Self-Esteem Living Space

A panel of mental health specialists recommends that to enhance your self-esteem you should make your living space the kind that honors the person you are.[26] Whether you live in a single room, a small apartment, or a large house, make that space comfortable and attractive for you. If you have a clean, inviting living space, others are likely to treat you with more respect, which will contribute to your self-esteem. If you share your living space with others, dedicate some space just for you—a place where you can keep your things and know that they will not be disturbed and that you can decorate any way you choose.

Your living space is part of your self-image, so you may want to ask yourself if your living space projects the right self-image. Also, if you arrange your living space to fit your preferences you will feel better about yourself.

The Importance of Self-Confidence and Self-Efficacy

Learning Objective 3

Although self-confidence can be considered part of self-esteem (or almost its equivalent), it is important enough to study separately. Self-efficacy is confidence in your ability to carry out a specific task in contrast to generalized self-confidence. Various studies have shown that people with a high sense of self-efficacy tend to have good job performance, so being self-confident is important for your career. They also set relatively high goals for themselves.[27] Self-confidence has also long been recognized as a trait of effective leaders. A straightforward implication of self-efficacy is that people who think they can perform well on a task do better than those who think they will do poorly.

As with other traits and behaviors, there is an optimum level of self-confidence. When self-confidence is too low, a person will appear weak and unsure. When self-confidence is too high, the person will come across as arrogant. Staying a little humble helps prevent a person from becoming arrogant. Business consultant Jason Mendelson explains that the difference between arrogance and confidence is awareness of the other person’s needs.[28]

Research by college professors and psychological consultants George P. Hollenbeck and Douglas T. Hall suggests that our feelings of self-confidence stem from five sources of information.[29] The first source is the actual experience, or things we have done. Having done something before and succeeded is the most powerful way to build self-confidence. If you successfully inserted a replacement battery into your watch without destroying the watch, you will be confident to make another replacement.

The second source of self-confidence is the experiences of others, or modeling. You can gain some self-confidence if you have carefully observed others perform a task, such as resolving conflict with a customer. You might say to yourself, “I’ve seen Tracy calm down the customer by listening and showing sympathy, and I’m confident I could do the same thing.” The third source of self-confidence is social comparison, or comparing yourself to others. If you see other people with capabilities similar to your own perform a task well, you will gain in confidence. A person might say to himself or herself, “If that person can learn how to work with enterprise software, I can do it also. I’m just as smart.”

The fourth source of self-confidence is social persuasion, the process of convincing another person. If a credible person convinces you that you can accomplish a particular task, you will often receive a large enough boost in self-confidence to give the task a try. If the encouragement is coupled with guidance on how to perform the task, your self-confidence gain will be higher. So the boss or teacher who says, “I know you can do it, and I’m here to help you,” knows how to build self-confidence.

The fifth source of information for making a self-confidence judgment is emotional arousal, or how we feel about events around us and manage our emotions. We rely somewhat on our inner feelings to know if we are self-confident enough to perform a task. Imagine a person standing on top of a high mountain, ready to ski down. However, he or she is trembling and nauseous with fear. Contrast this beginner to another person who simply feels mildly excited and challenged. Skier number one has a self-confidence problem, whereas skier number two has enough confidence to start the descent. (Have your emotional sensations ever influenced your self-confidence?)

The more of these five sources of self-confidence are positive for you, the more likely your self-confidence will be positive. A subtle point about self-confidence is that being too low in self-confidence is a problem, yet being too high is also a problem. The overly self-confident person may not listen carefully to the suggestions of others, and may be blind to criticism.

The Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 3-3 provides some insight into your level of self-confidence. The accompanying insert describes a leader who appears to have high self-esteem and self-confidence.

Techniques for Developing and Enhancing Your Self-Confidence

Learning Objective 4

Self-confidence is generally achieved by succeeding in a variety of situations. A confident civil engineering technician may not be generally self-confident unless he or she also achieves success in activities such as forming good personal relationships, navigating complex software, writing a letter, learning a second language, and displaying athletic skills.

Although this general approach to self-confidence building makes sense, it does not work for everyone. Some people who seem to succeed at everything still have lingering self-doubt. Low self-confidence is so deeply ingrained in this type of personality that success in later life is not sufficient to change things. The following are seven specific strategies

Job-Oriented Interpersonal Skills in Action

UAW Vice President Cindy Estrada Capitalizes on her Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Cindy Estrada was elected a UAW (United Auto Workers) vice president in June, 2010, her fifteenth year of service to the union. Age 43 at the time, she was the UAW’s first Latina vice president. Insiders hinted that she might someday become the union’s first female president. Estrada’s previous position was director of the Union’s National Organizing Department.

Estrada developed her fascination with the labor movement while growing up listening to stories from her grandparents and other family members about their days in the fields as farm workers, and also as factory workers. Estrada’s earliest recollection of learning about the labor movement was when, as a seven-year old, she washed glasses at her father’s bar in Detroit, Michigan that served many GM production workers.

While still a college student, she moved to Mexico to become fluent in Spanish. Later she organized tomato and strawberry pickers in California, with coaching from the famous migrant worker organizer, Cesar Chavez. Although fiercely pro-union, Estrada has made concessions in negotiations about contracts for public service workers in Michigan.

A former auto-parts executive said that “Cindy brings a little bit of fire with her—old-school fire.” UAW President Bob King praises Estrada’s “tremendous passion and ability and courageous leadership.” Arturo Rodriguez, president of the United Farm Workers of America, who worked with Estrada in the early part of her career, noted that working with Mexican farm workers can be intimidating because they are often suspicious of outsiders. Yet Estrada was fearless. She had the ability to get workers to trust her, and get them to change old ways of doing things. When Estrada speaks to a large audience, she does so in a calm, deliberate manner, and usually hammers home the message that the labor movement is important to the future of manufacturing.

Questions:

What evidence do you find in this excerpt that Cindy Estrada probably has high self-esteem and self-confidence?

What does the fact that Estrada went to live in Mexico to become fluent in Spanish suggest about her self-confidence and self-esteem?

Sources: Original story created from facts in the following sources: Paul Egan, “UAW Vice President Cindy Estrada Shows ‘Old-School Fire,'” http://www.ufw.org, retrieved January 14, 2012; “UAW Vice President Cindy Estrada,” http://www.uaw.org, © Copyright 2012 UAW; “Cindy Estrada,” Latina Style Magazine (http://latinastyle.com/magazine), No. 4, 2012, pp. 1-2; “UAW Vice President Cindy Estrada Part of Panel at White House Event to Highlight the Auto Industry’s Successful Recovery, Jobs and Innovation,” http://region1d.uaw.org, June 27, 2012; “15 Elite Women to Watch in the Year Ahead: Cindy Estrada, Vice President, United Auto Workers,” Hispanic Business, April 2011, p. 30.

Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 3-3

 

How Self-Confident Are You?

Indicate the extent to which you agree with each of the following statements. DS = disagree strongly, D = disagree, N = neutral, A = agree, and AS = agree strongly.

	DS	D	N	A	AS
1. I frequently say to people, “I’m not sure.”	5	4	3	2	1
2. I perform well in most situations in life.	1	2	3	4	5
3. I willingly offer advice to others.	1	2	3	4	5
4. Before making even a minor decision, I usually consult with several people.	5	4	3	2	1
5. I am generally willing to attempt new activities for which I have very little related skill or experience.	1	2	3	4	5
6. Speaking in front of the class or another group is a frightening experience for me.	5	4	3	2	1
7. I experience stress when people challenge me or put me on the spot.	5	4	3	2	1
8. I feel comfortable attending a social event by myself.	1	2	3	4	5
9. I’m much more of a winner than a loser.	1	2	3	4	5
10. I am cautious about making any substantial change in my life.	5	4	3	2	1
Total score:

Scoring and Interpretation:

Calculate your total score by adding the numbers circled. A tentative interpretation of the scoring is as follows:

45–50: Very high self-confidence with perhaps a tendency toward arrogance

38–44: A high, desirable level of self-confidence

30–37: Moderate, or average, self-confidence

10–29: Self-confidence needs strengthening

Questions:

How does your score on this test fit with your evaluation of your self-confidence?

What would it be like working for a manager who scored 10 on this quiz?

Figure 3-2 Boosting Your Self-Confidence

and tactics for building and elevating self-confidence, as outlined in Figure 3-2. They will generally work unless the person has deep-rooted feelings of inferiority. The tactics and strategies are arranged approximately in the order in which they should be tried to achieve best results.

Develop a Solid Knowledge Base

A bedrock strategy for projecting self-confidence is to develop a knowledge base that enables you to provide sensible alternative solutions to problems. Intuition is very important, but working from a base of facts helps you project a confident image. Formal education is an obvious and important source of information for your knowledge base. Day-by-day absorption of information directly and indirectly related to your career is equally important. A major purpose of formal education is to get you in the right frame of mind to continue your quest for knowledge. In your quest for developing a solid knowledge base to project self-confidence, be sensitive to abusing this technique. If you bombard people with quotes, facts, and figures, you are likely to be perceived as an annoying know-it-all.

A solid knowledge base contributes to self-confidence also because the knowledge facilitates engaging in conversation with intelligent people. A weak counterargument is that having information stored in your brain is no longer important because information is so accessible online. When in a gathering of people, you could then use a smartphone to access some facts to talk about. Such behavior is unlikely to help a person project a confident, intelligent image.

Use Positive Self-Talk

A basic method of building self-confidence is to engage in positive self-talk, saying positive things about yourself. The first step in using positive self-talk is to objectively state the incident that is casting doubt about your self-worth.[30] The key word here is objectively. Terry, who is fearful of poorly executing a report-writing assignment, might say, “I’ve been asked to write a report for the company, and I’m not a good writer.”

The next step is to objectively interpret what the incident does not mean. Terry might say, “Not being a skilled writer doesn’t mean that I can’t figure out a way to write a good report or that I’m an ineffective employee.”

Next, the person should objectively state what the incident does mean. In doing this, the person should avoid put-down labels, such as “incompetent,” “stupid,” “dumb,” “jerk,” or “airhead.” All these terms are forms of negative self-talk. Terry should state what the incident does mean: “I have a problem with one small aspect of this job.”

The fourth step is to objectively account for the cause of the incident. Terry would say, “I’m really worried about writing a good report because I have very little experience in writing along these lines.”

The fifth step is to identify some positive ways to prevent the incident from happening again. Terry might say, “I’ll get out my textbook on business communications and review the chapter on report writing” or “I’ll enroll in a course or seminar on business report writing.”

The final step is to use positive self-talk. Terry imagines his boss saying, “This report is really good. I’m proud of my decision to select you to prepare this important report.”

Positive self-talk builds self-confidence and self-esteem because it programs the mind with positive messages. Making frequent positive statements or affirmations about the self creates a more confident person. An example would be, “I know I can learn this new equipment rapidly enough to increase my productivity within five days.”

Business coach Gary Lockwood emphasizes that positive self-talk is also useful for getting people past difficult times. “It’s all in your head,” he said. “Remember you are in charge of your feelings. You are in control of your attitude.” Instead of berating yourself after making a mistake, learn from the experience and move on. Say to yourself, “Everyone makes mistakes,” “Tomorrow is another day,” or “What can I learn from this?”[31]

Positive self-talk is included in self-compassion, or treating yourself kindly. Self-compassion can be useful in boosting self-confidence beause you view yourself in positive terms, and therefore feel more confident of your abilities. A series of studies by Mark Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, have found that self-compassionate people are happier. They also are more likely to accept the challenge of public speaking because they do not condemn themselves for looking foolish.[32] Self-compassion also includes regularly making lists of all the positive things you have done lately, as well as compliments you have received.

Despite the many advantages of positive self-talk, as with optimism, there can be times when thinking too positively can create problems. Negative thoughts are often useful in alerting us to potential problems, and prompting us to develop a plan of correction. Imagine that Lisa is job hunting, and that she has urgent need of employment. She has a promising interview, and her positive thinking prompts her to think, “There is no doubt that I will receive an offer real soon.” Her positive thinking blocks her from continuing her job search. When the offer in question does not come through, Lisa has lost momentum in her job search. In the words of author John Derbyshire, we must be “vigilantly realistic” toward the potential dangers of positive thinking.[33]

Avoid Negative Self-Talk

As implied, you should minimize negative statements about yourself to bolster self-confidence. A lack of self-confidence is reflected in statements such as “I may be stupid but . . .,” “Nobody asked my opinion,” “I know I’m usually wrong, but . . .,” and “I know I don’t have as much education as some people, but. . . .” Self-effacing statements like these serve to reinforce low self-confidence.

It is also important not to attribute to yourself negative, irreversible traits, such as “idiotic,” “ugly,” “dull,” “loser,” and “hopeless.” Instead, look on your weak points as areas for possible self-improvement. Negative self-labeling can do long-term damage to your self-confidence. If a person stops that practice today, his or her self-confidence may begin to increase.

Practice Public Speaking

Dale Carnegie, the original popularizer of human relations, built his empire on the foundation of the importance of public speaking in building self-confidence.[34] In the age of communication technology, this basic technique holds true. If you can stand in front of an audience, even a small meeting, and deliver your thoughts effectively, you will gain in self-confidence. However, just reading PowerPoint slides to the group is not enough. You have to look at the facial expressions of the audience and speak directly to them. Making a successful presentation to the class has been a self-confidence builder for millions of students. Presentations in the workplace, to community groups, religious groups, and sports groups can also be self-confidence builders.

Stockbyte/Thinkstock

Use Positive Visual Imagery

Assume you have a situation in mind in which you would like to appear confident and in control. An example would be a meeting with a major customer who has told you by e-mail that he is considering switching suppliers. Your intuitive reaction is that if you cannot handle his concerns without fumbling or appearing desperate, you will lose the account. An important technique in this situation is positive visual imagery, or picturing a positive outcome in your mind. To apply this technique in this situation, imagine yourself engaging in a convincing argument about why your customer should retain your company as the primary supplier. Imagine yourself talking in positive terms about the good service your company offers and how you can rectify any problems.

Visualize yourself listening patiently to your customer’s concerns and then talking confidently about how your company can handle these concerns. As you rehearse this moment of truth, create a mental picture of you and the customer shaking hands over the fact that the account is still yours.

Positive visual imagery helps you appear self-confident because your mental rehearsal of the situation has helped you prepare for battle. If imagery works for you once, you will be even more effective in subsequent uses of the technique.

Set High Expectations for Yourself (the Galatea Effect)

If you set high expectations for yourself and you succeed, you are likely to experience a temporary or permanent boost in self-confidence. The Galatea effect is a type of self-fulfilling prophecy in which high expectations lead to high performance. Similar to positive self-talk, if you believe in yourself you are more likely to succeed. You expect to win, so you do. The Galatea effect may not work all the time, but it does work some of the time for many people.

Workplace behavior researchers D. Brian McNatt and Timothy A. Judge studied the Galatea effect with 72 auditors within three offices of a major accounting firm over a three-month period. The auditors were given letters of encouragement to strengthen their feelings of self-efficacy. Information in the letters was based on facts about the auditors, such as information derived from their résumés and company records. The results of the experiment showed that creating a Galatea effect bolstered self-efficacy, motivation, and performance. However, the performance improvement was temporary, suggesting that self-expectations need to be boosted regularly.[35]

Develop the Explanatory Style of Optimists

According to the research and observations of consultant and trainer Price Pritchett, optimism is linked to self-confidence. Explaining events in an optimistic way can help preserve self-confidence and self-esteem. When experiencing trouble, optimists tend to explain the problems to themselves as temporary. Bad events are expected to be short-lived, and optimists look to the future when times will be better. Another aspect of optimists’ explanatory style protects their self-confidence. Rather than condemn themselves for failures, they look for how other factors or circumstances have contributed to the problem. Optimists then do not take all the blame for a problem, but look to external factors to help explain what went wrong.

Interpreting difficulties in this way gives the optimists a sense of control. Instead of looking at the unfortunate situation as hopeless, they have faith in their ability to deal with the problem.[36] Suppose an optimist purchases a computer workstation that comes packed in a box with many parts along with directions. A problem arises in that some of the screws and dowels do not fit, and the directions are unclear. A pessimist might suffer a drop in self-confidence and self-esteem, saying “What a fool I am. I can’t even assemble a piece of office furniture.” In contrast, the optimist might say, “I’m doing something wrong here, and I will get a buddy to help show me my mistake. But the manufacturer can also be blamed. The instructions are terrible, and all the parts may not fit together.” In this way, the optimist does not take such a big hit to self-confidence and self-esteem.

Strive for Peak Performance

A key strategy for projecting self-confidence is to display peak performance, or exceptional accomplishment in a given task. The experience is transient, but exceptionally meaningful. Peak performance refers to much more than attempting to do your best. Experiencing peak performance in various tasks over a long period of time would move a person toward self-actualization.[37] To achieve peak performance, you must be totally focused on what you are doing. When you are in the state of peak performance, you are mentally calm and physically at ease. Intense concentration is required to achieve this state. You are so focused on the task at hand that you are not distracted by extraneous events or thoughts. To use an athletic analogy, you are in the zone while you are performing the task. In fact, many sports psychologists and other sports trainers work with athletes to help them attain peak performance.

The mental state achieved during peak performance is akin to a person’s sense of deep concentration when immersed in a sport or hobby. On days when tennis players perform way above their usual game, they typically comment, “The ball looked so large, I could read the label as I hit it.” On the job, focus and concentration allow the person to sense and respond to relevant information coming both from within the mind and from outside stimuli. When you are at your peak, you impress others by responding intelligently to their input. While turning in peak performance, you are experiencing a mental state referred to as flow.

Although you are concentrating on an object or sometimes on another person during peak performance, you still have an awareness of the self. You develop a strong sense of the self, similar to self-confidence and self-efficacy, while you are concentrating on the task. Peak performance is related to self-confidence in another important way. Achieving peak performance in many situations helps you develop self-confidence.

Skill-Building Exercise 3-3 gives you the opportunity to work on enhancing your self-confidence.

Bounce Back from Setbacks and Embarrassments

Resilience is a major contributor to personal effectiveness. Overcoming setbacks also builds self-confidence, as implied from the description of the explanatory style of optimists.

Human Relations Skill-Building Exercise 3-3

 

Building Your Self-Confidence and Self-Efficacy

Most people can use a boost to their self-confidence. Even if you are a highly confident individual, perhaps there is room for building your feelings of self-efficacy in a particular area, such as a proud and successful business owner learning a new skill such as editing digital photos or speaking a foreign language. This skill-building exercise enhances your self-confidence or self-efficacy in the next two weeks by trying out one of the many suggestions for self-confidence building described in the text.

As part of planning the implementation of this exercise, think about any area in which your self-confidence could use a boost.A candid human relations student, who was also a confident cheerleader, said, “Face it. I’m terrible at PowerPoint presentations. I put up so many details on my slides that the audience is trying to read my slides instead of looking at me. I have to admit that my PowerPoint presentation consists mostly of my reading my slides to the audience. I’m much better at cheerleading.” So this student studied information in her human relations text about making better graphic presentations. She revamped her approach to using her slides as headlines and talking points. She tried out one presentation in class, and one at her church. She received so many compliments about her presentations that now she has much higher self-efficacy with respect to PowerPoint presentations.

Your instructor might organize a sharing of self-confidence building episodes in the class. If the sharing does take place, look for patterns of what seemed to work in terms of self-confidence or self-efficacy building. Also, listen for any patterns in failed attempts at self-confidence building.

An effective self-confidence builder is to convince yourself that you can conquer adversity such as setbacks and embarrassments, thus being resilient. The vast majority of successful leaders have dealt successfully with at least one significant setback in their careers, such as being fired or demoted. In contrast, crumbling after a setback or series of setbacks will usually lower self-confidence. Three major suggestions for bouncing back from setbacks and embarrassments are presented next.

Get Past the Emotional Turmoil

Adversity has enormous emotional consequences. The emotional impact of severe job adversity can rival the loss of a personal relationship. The stress from adversity leads to a cycle of adversity followed by stress, followed by more adversity. A starting point in dealing with the emotional aspects of adversity is to accept the reality of your problem. Admit that your problems are real and that you are hurting inside.

A second step is not to take the setback personally. Remember that setbacks are inevitable so long as you are taking some risks in your career. Not personalizing setbacks helps reduce some of the emotional sting. If possible, do not panic. Recognize that you are in difficult circumstances under which many others panic. Convince yourself to remain calm enough to deal with the severe problem or crisis. Also, get help from your support network. Getting emotional support from family members and friends helps overcome the emotional turmoil associated with adversity. Two professors of psychiatry who specialize in resiliency, Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney, believe that social support is a key factor in developing resiliency. They say that knowing someone you can count on is essential for bouncing back.[38]

Find a Creative Solution to Your Problem

An inescapable part of planning a comeback is to solve your problem. You often need to search for creative solutions. Suppose a person faced the adversity of not having enough money for educational expenses. The person might search through standard alternatives, such as applying for financial aid, looking for more lucrative part-time work, and borrowing from family members. Several students have solved their problem more creatively by asking strangers to lend them money as intermediate-term investments. An option the investors have is to receive a payback based on the future earnings of the students.

Strive to Develop Positive Psychological Capital

A comprehensive way of becoming more self-confident is to develop positive psychological capital, a positive psychological state of development in which you have hope, self-efficacy, optimism, and resilience. Note that self-efficacy and resilience have already been included in our study of self-confidence. In more detail, the components of positive psychological capital are as follows:

Hope refers to persevering toward goals and, when necessary, redirecting paths to a goal in order to succeed. In everyday language, don’t give up when pursuing your goals.

Self-efficacy refers to having the confidence to take on and invest the necessary effort to succeed at challenging tasks. Experience is a big help here, because if you have successfully completed the same task, or a similar one, previously, you will be more confident that you can succeed.

Optimism refers to making a positive attribution about succeeding now and in the future. If you are a natural pessimist, you will have to work harder at looking for the positive aspects of a given situation.

Resiliency refers to dealing with problems and adversity by sustaining effort and bouncing back to attain success. Conquering a major setback would be an enormous contributor to your self-confidence.

An encouraging note about positive psychological capital is that people can develop it. An experiment conducted with 187 working adults found that a Web-based, highly-focused two-hour training program raised the average level of psychological capital. The increase in psychological capital was measured by more positive responses after training to such statements as, “If I should find myself in a jam at work, I could think of many ways to get out of it” (hope).[39] Should the participants in the study really do a better job of getting out of jams in the future, you could be even more confident about how well training improves psychological capital.

Concept Review and Reinforcement

Key Terms

self-esteem   53

self-compassion   67

positive visual imagery   68

peak performance   69

Summary

Self-esteem refers to the overall evaluation people make about themselves. People with high self-esteem develop a positive self-concept. Self-esteem develops from a variety of early-life experiences. People who were encouraged to feel good about themselves and their accomplishments by key people in their lives are more likely to enjoy high self-esteem. Of major significance, self-esteem also results from accomplishing worthwhile activities, and then feeling proud of these accomplishments. Praise and recognition for accomplishments also help develop self-esteem.

Extremes in self-esteem have many important consequences. High self-esteem often results in career success (including a high income), organizational prosperity, good mental health, and profiting from feedback, and serves as a guide for regulating social relationships. One of the links between good mental health and self-esteem is that high self-esteem helps prevent many situations from being stressful.

High self-esteem can sometimes have negative consequences such as narcissism and envying too many people. Our own reference group has the biggest impact on self-esteem. Low self-esteem can result in romantic relationship problems including distancing oneself from one’s partner.

Self-esteem can be enhanced in many ways: (a) attain legitimate accomplishments, (b) be aware of personal strengths, (c) rebut the inner critic, (d) practice self-nurturing, (e) minimize settings and interactions that detract from your feelings of competence, (f) get help from others, including talking and socializing frequently with people who boost your self-esteem, (g) model the behavior of people with high self-esteem, and (h) create a high self-esteem living space.

Various studies have shown that people with a high sense of self-efficacy tend to have good job performance, so self-confidence is important for your career. There is an optimum level of self-confidence, with too much self-confidence appearing as arrogance. Our feelings of self-confidence stem from five sources of information: actual experiences, or things that we have done; experiences of others, or modeling; social comparison, or comparing yourself to others; social persuasion, the process of convincing another person; and emotional arousal, or how we feel about events around us and manage our emotions.

A general principle of boosting your self-confidence is to experience success (goal accomplishment) in a variety of situations. The specific strategies for building self-confidence described here are: (a) develop a solid knowledge base, (b) use positive self-talk, (c) avoid negative self-talk, (d) practice public speaking, (e) use positive visual imagery, (f) set high expectations for yourself (the Galatea effect), (g) develop the explanatory style of optimists, (h) strive for peak performance, (i) bounce back from setbacks and embarrassments, and (j) strive to develop positive psychological capital. Self-compassion is included in positive self-talk.

Questions for Discussion and Review

Why does holding an important job contribute to a person’s self-esteem?

A study by economists indicated that workers with higher levels of self-esteem tended to be more productive. What would be an explanation for this finding?

Why are people with high self-esteem to the point of being a narcissist often disliked by many other people?

The criticism is often heard that the American emphasis on building the self-esteem of children has resulted in a generation of young adults who expect to be strongly praised by their bosses, no matter what they accomplish. What is your opinion of this criticism?

Why is self-confidence considered to be so important for being an effective leader?

What positive self-talk can you use after you have failed on a major assignment?

In what way does your program of studies contribute to building your self-esteem and self-confidence?

Many pharmaceutical firms actively recruit cheerleaders as sales representatives to call on doctors to recommend their brand of prescription drugs. The firms in question say that cheerleaders make good sales reps because they are so self-confident. What is your opinion on this controversial issue?

What is it about success in public speaking that tends to boost the self-confidence of the public speaker?

Interview a person whom you perceive to have a successful career. Ask that person to describe how he or she developed high self-esteem. Be prepared to discuss your findings in class.

The Web Corner

www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/self-esteem.html

(Measuring and building your self-esteem)

www.self-confidence.co.uk

(Developing your self-confidence)

www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

(The difference between self-confidence and low self-confidence)

Internet Skills Builder: Learning More about Your Self-Esteem

The Self-Esteem Checklist in this chapter gave you one opportunity to assess your self-esteem. To gain additional insights into your self-esteem, visit  www.more-selfesteem.com . Go to “quizzes” under Free Resources, and take the self-esteem test. How does your score on this quiz compare to your score on The Self-Esteem Checklist? If your level of self-esteem as measured by the two quizzes is quite different (such as high versus low), explain why this discrepancy might occur.

Developing Your Human Relations Skills

Interpersonal Relations Case 3.1

High Self-Esteem Brandy

As Brandy Barclay navigated the challenging highways toward her job interview in Los Angeles, she rehearsed in her mind the importance of communicating that she is a unique brand. “I have to get across the idea that I am special, even if my brand is not as well established as Godiva Chocolates or Dr. Pepper. [A brand is a basket of strengths that sets you apart from others.] This administrative assistant position at the hotel and resort company will be a good way to launch my career and brand. After all, I am a very special person.”

An excerpt of her job interview with the hiring manager Gloria Gomez follows:

Gomez: Welcome Brandy, I am pleased that you made it through the online job application and the telephone screening interview. Tell me again why you would like to join our hotel company as an administrative assistant.

Barclay: Oh, I really don’t want to join you as an administrative assistant. I would prefer a vice president job, but I have to start somewhere. (Smiling) Seriously, I like the hotel field. It fits my brand called Brandy. I am a great support person, and a great people person. I’m so unique because I’m great with details and great with people. Many people have told me that I am a very special person.”

Gomez: Tell me specifically what key strengths would you bring to this job?

Barclay: As found in my brand called Brandy, I am high info tech and high touch. I’m a whiz at Microsoft Office Suite, and I’m sweet with people. Kind of catchy, don’t you think? Come to think of it, have you seen my business card? It contains loads of details about my skills and strengths on the back. The card is laminated so it will last, and it contains my photo, and even is like a hologram with a 3-D look.

Gomez: Yes, Brandy, I do have your card. You gave one to the receptionist, and she gave it to me. And why do you keep referring to yourself as a brand? Is this just a gimmick to get you noticed?

Barclay: Being a brand is the modern way to tell you that Brandy Barclay is one of a kind. I’ve got a skill set that is hard to beat. Besides, I want to build a reputation fast that will propel me to the top as an executive in the hotel field. I am quite proud of who I am.

Gomez: On your trip to the top, what do you plan to do for us as an administrative assistant?

Barclay: I will live up to the brand called Brandy by getting the job done big time. Just ask me to do something, and it will be done. Don’t forget I will be building my brand image while in this beginning assignment.

Gomez: Now let’s talk about details like the job assignment, salary, and benefits.

Barclay: Fine with me. We have to deal with the mundane at some point.

Case Questions

How effectively is Brandy Barclay presenting herself as a brand (or a unique individual)?

What suggestions can you offer Barclay for presenting herself as a strong individual more effectively?

To what extent do you think that Brandy’s high self-esteem has reached the point of narcissism?

Interpersonal Relations Case 3.2

Anthony Needs a Boost

“I’m losing my mojo,” said Anthony, a salesman who sells cargo space on ocean liners to companies all over the world who want to ship goods to or from the United States. After five consecutive years of being one of the top sales reps in his company, Anthony’s sales had plunged 25 percent. Quincy, his manager, was sympathetic, but he wanted to see Anthony sell more cargo space. A ship crossing the ocean with too much empty cargo space usually loses money for the shipper. Anthony explained to Quincy that he too wanted to boost sales, but you cannot force a company to ship goods he or she has not sold. Part of Anthony’s problem was the fact that many manufacturers in the United States were now doing more of their manufacturing in the United States, resulting in less demand for shipments of manufactured goods from other countries.

“My personal life is in a bigger slump than my sales performance,” explained Anthony. Two months ago Anthony totaled his car when he slipped off the road and hit a tree while driving 10 miles per hour beyond the speed limit. In addition to getting a speeding ticket, his insurance company raised his auto insurance premium by 25 percent. Another discouraging problem Anthony faced was that his fiancée broke off their engagement two months ago. She claimed that she suddenly felt trapped by the prospects of a committed relationship as well as marriage.

Anthony’s golf game life has suffered also suffered recently. “Maybe I’m bringing too much of my outside life onto the golf course. I’ve been shooting about six strokes higher than my average game recently. A big part of my problem is that it is difficult for me to concentrate on golf, particularly the putting. I keep thinking about my work and personal problems when I line up the ball.

“I want to get my life back on track, but I don’t know where to begin. I’m losing faith in my abilities.”

Case Questions

To what extent is Anthony facing a self-confidence problem?

What do you recommend that Anthony do to regain his self-confidence?

How might Anthony’s manager be able to help Anthony boost his self-confidence?

Interpersonal Relations Role-Play

Quincy Attempts to Boost Anthony’s Self-Confidence

Quincy is worried about the loss in self-confidence that Anthony appears to be experiencing, and believes that as Anthony’s manager he should attempt to be helpful. Quincy decides to conduct a one-on-one session with Anthony to do whatever he can to help the sales representative regain some of his self-confidence. Quincy believes that his knowledge of human relations should be useful in helping Anthony. Although Anthony is surprised about the meeting, he is eager to listen to any advice that could possibly help him regain his confidence.

Conduct this role-play for about seven minutes. Observers rate the role players on two dimensions, using a 1-to-5 scale from very poor to very good. One dimension is “effective use of human relations techniques.” Focus on the technique Quincy uses to attempt to booses Anthony’s self-confidence. The second dimension is “acting ability.” A few observers might voluntarily provide feedback to the role players in terms of sharing their ratings and observations. The course instructor might also provide feedback.

References

Michelle K. Duffy, Jason D. Shaw, Kristin L. Scott, and Bennett J. Tepper, “The Moderating Roles of Self-Esteem and Neuroticism in the Relationships Between Group and Individual Undermining Behavior,” Journal of Applied Psychology, September 2006, p. 1067.

April O’Connell, Vincent O’Connell, and Lois-Ann Kuntz, Choice and Change: The Psychology of Personal Growth and Interpersonal Relationships, 7th ed. (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson/Prentice Hall, 2005), p. 3.

“Better Self-Esteem,” http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/selfesteem/selfest.html, 1999, p. 2.

Ibid.

Cited in Randall Edwards, “Is Self-Esteem Really All that Important?” The APA Monitor, May 1995, p. 43.

Research reported in Jeffrey Zaslow, “The Most-Praised Generation Goes to Work,” The Wall Street Journal, April 20, 2007, p. W7.

David De Cremer et al., “Rewarding Leadership and Fair Procedures as Determinants of Self-Esteem,” Journal of Applied Psychology, January 2005, pp. 3–12.

Timothy A. Judge, Charlice Hurst, and Lauren S. Simon, “Does It Pay to Be Smart, Attractive, or Confident (or All Three)? Relationships Among General Mental Ability, Physical Attractiveness, Core Self-Evaluation, and Income,” Journal of Applied Psychology, May 2009, pp. 742–755. The definition of core self-evaluations is from Christian J. Resick et al., “The Bright-Side and the Dark-Side of CEO Personality: Examining Core Self-Evaluations, Narcissism, Transformational Leadership, and Strategic Influence,” Journal of Applied Psychology, November 2009, p. 1367.

Adam M. Grant and Amy Wrzenesniewki, “I Won’t Let You Down . . . Or Will I? Core Self-Evaluations, Other-Orientation, Anticipated Guilt and Gratitude, and Job Performance,” Journal of Applied Psychology, January 2010, pp. 108–121.

Nathaniel Branden, Self-Esteem at Work: How Confident People Make Powerful Companies (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1998); Timothy A. Judge and Joyce E. Bono, “Relationship of Core Self-Evaluations Traits—Self-Esteem, Generalized Self-Efficacy, Locus of Control, and Emotional Stability—With Job Satisfaction and Job Performance: A Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Applied Psychology, February 2001, pp. 80–92.

Research reported in Melissa Dittman, “Study Links Jealousy with Aggression, Low Self-Esteem,” Psychology Today, February 2005, p. 13.

As quoted in Erika Casriel, “Stepping Out,” Psychology Today, March/April 2007, p. 73.

Ibid.

Jon L. Pierce, Donald G. Gardner, Larry L. Cummings, and Randall B. Dunman, “Organization-Based Self-Esteem: Construct Definition, Measurement, and Validation,” Academy of Management Journal, September 1989, p. 623.

Andrew J. DuBrin, Narcissism in the Workplace: Research, Opinion, and Practice (Cheltenham UK: Edward Elgar, 2012), p. 1.

Cited in Brown, “The Boom and Bust Ego,” p. 73.

Cited in Julia M. Klein, “The Illusion of Rejection,” Psychology Today, January/February 2005, p. 30.

”Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide,” http://store.samhsa.gov/product/Building-Self-Esteem-A-Self-Help-Guide/SMA-3715, p. 2, accessed July 22, 2013.

Research mentioned in book review by E. R. Snyder in Contemporary Psychology, July 1998, p. 482.

Research cited in Elizabeth Bernstein, “Are We All Braggarts Now?” The Wall Street Journal, August 14, 2012, p. D1.

Research cited in Harriet Brown and Dan Winters, “The Boom and Bust Ego,” Psychology Today, January/February 2012, p. 69.

“Better Self-Esteem,” pp. 3–4.

Ibid., pp. 4–5.

Cited in “Self-Esteem: You’ll Need It to Succeed,” Executive Strategies, September 1993, p. 12.

Eugene Raudsepp, “Strong Self-Esteem Can Help You Advance,” Career Journal.com (The Wall Street Journal) August 10, 2004.

”Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide,” http://store.samhsa.gov/product/Building-Self-Esteem-A-Self-Help-Guide/SMA-3715, p. 2, accessed July 22, 2013.

Marilyn E. Gist and Terence R. Mitchell, “Self-Efficacy: A Theoretical Analysis of Its Determinants and Malleability,” Academy of Management Review, April 1992, pp. 183–211.

Cited in Erika Napoletano, “Confidence vs. Arrogance,” Entrepreneur, June 2011, p. 20.

George P. Hollenbeck and Douglas T. Hall, “Self-confidence and Leader Performance,” Organizational Dynamics, Issue 3, 2004, pp. 261–264.

Jay T. Knippen and Thad B. Green, “Building Self-Confidence,” Supervisory Management, August 1989, pp. 22–27.

Quoted in “Entrepreneurs Need Attitude: Power of Being Positive Can Help You to Succeed In Spite of Setbacks,” Knight Ridder, September 16, 2002.

Research reported in Elizabeth Bernstein, “Self-Help for Skeptics,” The Wall Street Journal, August 28, 2012, p. D1.

John Derbyshire, We Are Doomed (New York: Crown Forum, 2009).

Daniel Okrent, “The Best Salesman in Business,” Fortune, May 3, 2010, p. 204.

D. Brian McNatt and Timothy A. Judge, “Boundary Conditions of the Galatea Effect: A Field Experiment and Constructive Replication,” Academy of Management Journal, August 2004, pp. 550–565.

Price Pritchett, Hard Optimism: Developing Deep Strengths for Managing Uncertainty, Opportunity, Adversity, and Change (Dallas, TX: Pritchett, 2004), p. 16.

Frances Thornton, Gayle Privette, and Charles M. Bundrick, “Peak Performance of Business Leaders: An Experience Parallel to Self-Actualization Theory,” Journal of Business and Psychology, Winter 1999, pp. 253–264.

Steve Southwick and Dennis Charney, Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2012); Julia Savacool, “Anyone Can Learn to Be More Resilient,” USA Weekend, November 16–18, 2012, p. 4.

Fred Luthans, James R. Avey, and Jaime L. Patera, “Experimental Analysis of a Web-Based Training Intervention to Develop Positive Psychological Capital,” Academy of Management Learning and Education, June 2008, pp. 209–221.

Chapter 4 Interpersonal Communication

stockyimages/Fotolia

Learning Objectives

After reading and studying this chapter and completing the exercises, you should be able to:

Explain the basic steps in the communication process.

Explain the relationship-building aspect of interpersonal communication.

Understand nonverbal communication and improve your nonverbal communication skills.

Understand barriers to communication, including gender differences, and know how to overcome them.

Enhance your listening skills.

Maria is the director of e-commerce for a company in Brooklyn, New York, that was a reseller of a variety of specialty machines used in manufacturing. Many of the machines the company sells are new, and many refurbished. Competition from overseas manufacturers, particularly those in China, is making the sales of machines more difficult. Almost all of Maria’s contacts with customers and prospective customers are over the Internet, including e-mail and Facebook.

Maria noticed a year ago that she had not received an order from one of the company’s largest customers, a successful machine tool company in Detroit, Michigan. Maria wrote a few e-mails to her contact at the company, Larry, the chief operating officer, asking if there was any way her company could help his company. Larry basically ignored the e-mail messages, except for one response that his company was in good shape with respect to machinery.

Maria decided to telephone Larry and ask if she could visit him at his office. Larry responded, “We’ve done everything over the Internet so far. I had never thought of seeing you in person. But if you think the trip is worth your time and money, let’s schedule a date.” Maria did visit her customer in Detroit, and her visit lasted two hours. Larry proudly showed Maria how his company was expanding, and how her company’s machines were being deployed. Larry also went into detail about what he liked and did not like about the machines he had bought from Maria’s company.

Within three months after the visit, Maria’s company received two orders for machines that would help the Detroit company expand on a new product line. Larry also wrote to Maria, explaining that it was refreshing to see an e-commerce manager in person.

The story about the e-commerce manager actually making an in-person visit to a customer illustrates that in this era of high technology, face-to-face communication still plays an important role in business. Communication is the sending, receiving, and understanding of messages. It is also the basic process by which managers, customer-contact workers, and professionals accomplish their work. For example, a customer service representative cannot resolve a thorny customer problem without carefully receiving and sending information. Communication is also important because communication skills are a success factor for workers in a wide variety of jobs.

The subject of this chapter is interpersonal, or face-to-face, communication rather than electronic communication, such as e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging, and videoconferencing; however, almost all principles of interpersonal communication also apply to electronic communication. Chapter 5 deals with the interpersonal aspects of communication in the digital world. Chapter 8 includes a section about coping with cross-cultural communication barriers.

The importance of face-to-face communication has increased in the age of electronic communication. Many companies have discovered that the subtle aspects of communication possible in face-to-face communication can help productivity. A key example is talking to a person to help build a good working relationship. As illustrated in the case opener, there is not yet a good substitute for face-to-face contact in building relationships. Entrepreneurship consultant Jim Blasingame reports, “There is a comfort level that is achieved when you’ve met the person you’re doing business with.”[1]

A conference held with representatives from major American manufacturing companies pointed directly to the importance of communication skills for employability. One of the key subjects at the conference was the difficulty in finding qualified job candidates. Several industry representatives said that sometimes simply finding someone who could properly answer a telephone was a challenge.[2]

The information in this chapter is aimed at reducing communication problems among people and helping you enhance your communication effectiveness. The chapter approaches these ends in two ways. First, it explains the nature of a few key facets of interpersonal communication. Second, it presents guidelines for improving your effectiveness, along with skill-building exercises. We lay particular emphasis on listening as part of achieving good communication. Keep in mind that communication underlies almost every human relations activity, as much as running supports almost every sport. You need good communication skills to get through job interviews, perform well on the job, and get promoted.

Steps in the Communication Process

Learning Objective 1

One way to understand how people communicate is to examine the steps involved in transmitting and receiving a message, as shown in Figure 4-1. For effective communication to take place, six components must be present: a sender, a message, a channel, a receiver, feedback, and the environment. In addition, a seventh component, noise, affects the entire communication process. To help understand the communication process, assume that a production manager in a bicycle factory wants to inform a team leader that productivity in her department slipped last month.

Sender (or source): The sender in a communication event is usually a person (in this case the production manager) attempting to send a spoken, written, sign language, or nonverbal message to another person or persons. The perceived authority and credibility of the sender are important factors in influencing how much attention the message will receive.

Message: The heart of the communication event is the message, a purpose or idea to be conveyed. Many factors influence how a message is received. Among them are clarity, the alertness of the receiver, the complexity and length of the message, and how the information is organized. The production manager’s message will most likely get across if he says directly, “I need to talk to you about last month’s below-average productivity figures.”

message

A purpose or idea to be conveyed.

Channel (medium): Several communication channels, or media, are usually available for sending messages in organizations. Typically, messages are written (usually

Figure 4-1 A Basic Model of the Communication Process

electronically), spoken, or a combination of the two. Some kind of nonverbal signal such as a smile or hand gesture accompanies most spoken messages. In the production manager’s case, he has chosen to drop by the team leader’s cubicle and deliver his message in a serious tone.

Receiver: A communication event can be complete only when another party receives the message and understands it properly. In the example here, the team leader is the receiver. Perceptual distortions of various types act as filters that can prevent a message from being received as intended by the sender. If the team leader is worried that her job is at stake, she might get defensive when she hears the production manager’s message.

Feedback: Messages sent back from the receiver to the sender are referred to as feedback. Without feedback it is difficult to know whether a message has been received and understood. The feedback step also includes the reactions of the receiver. If the receiver takes action as intended by the sender, the message has been received satisfactorily. The production manager will know his message got across if the team leader says, “Okay, when would you like to review last month’s productivity reports?” Effective interpersonal communication, therefore, involves an exchange of messages between two people. The two communicators take turns being receivers and senders.

feedback

In communication, messages sent back from the receiver to the sender.

Environment: A full understanding of communication requires knowledge of the environment in which messages are transmitted and received. The organizational culture (attitudes and atmosphere) is a key environmental factor that influences communication. It is easier to transmit controversial messages when trust and respect are high than when they are low.

Noise: Distractions such as noise have a pervasive influence on the components of the communication process. In this context, noise is anything that disrupts communication, including the attitudes and emotions of the receiver. Noise includes such factors as stress, fear, negative attitudes, and low motivation.

noise

Anything that disrupts communication, including the attitudes and emotions of the receiver.

Relationship Building and Interpersonal Communication

Learning Objective 2

Another way of understanding the process of interpersonal communication is to examine how communication is a vehicle for building relationships. According to Ritch Sorenson, Grace DeBord, and Ida Ramirez, we establish relationships along two primary dimensions: dominant–subordinate and cold–warm. In the process of communicating, we attempt to dominate or subordinate. When we dominate, we attempt to control communication. When we subordinate, we attempt to yield control, or think first of the wishes and needs of the other person. Dominators expect the receiver of messages to submit to them; subordinate people send a signal that they expect the other person to dominate.[3]

We indicate whether we want to dominate or subordinate by the way we speak and write, or by the nonverbal signals we send. The dominator might speak loudly or enthusiastically, write forceful messages filled with exclamation points, or gesture with exaggerated, rapid hand movements. He or she might write a harsh e-mail message such as, “It’s about time you started taking your job seriously, and put in some real effort.”

In the subordinate mode, we might speak quietly and hesitantly, in a meek tone, and be apologetic. A subordinate person might ask, “I know you have better things on your mind than to worry about me, but I was wondering when can I expect my reimbursement for travel expenses?” In a work setting, we ordinarily expect people with more formal authority to have the dominant role in conversations; however, in more democratic, informal companies, workers with more authority are less likely to feel the need to dominate conversations.

The cold–warm dimension also shapes communication because we invite the same behavior that we send. Cold, impersonal, negative messages evoke similar messages from others. In contrast, warm verbal and nonverbal messages evoke similar behavior from others. Getting back to the inquiry about the travel-expense check, here is a colder versus warmer response by the manager:

Colder: Travel vouchers really aren’t my responsibility. You’ll just have to wait like everybody else.

Warmer: I understand your problem. Not getting reimbursed on time is a bummer. I’ll follow up on the status of your expense; check sometime today or tomorrow.

The combination of dominant and cold communication sends the signal that the sender of the message wants to control and limit or even withdraw from a personal relationship. A team leader might say that she cannot attend a Saturday morning meeting because she has to go out of town for her brother’s wedding. A dominant and cold manager might say, “I don’t want to hear about your personal life. Everyone in this department has to attend our Saturday meeting.”

Subordinate actions combined with warm communication signal a desire to maintain or build the relationship while yielding to the other person. A manager communicating in a warm and subordinate manner in relation to the wedding request might say, “We’ll miss you on Saturday morning because you are a key player in our department. However, I recognize that major events in personal life sometimes take priority over a business meeting.”

Figure 4-2 summarizes how the dual dimensions of dominant–subordinate and cold–warm influence the relationship-building aspects of communication. Rather than regarding these four quadrants of relationships as good or bad, think of your purposes. In some situations, you might want to dominant and be cold, yet in most situations you might want to submit a little and be warm in order to build a relationship. For example, being dominant and cold might be necessary for a security officer who is trying to control an unruly crowd at a sporting event.

Observe that the person in the quadrant dominant–cold has an impersonal relationship with the receiver, and the person in the warm–subordinate quadrant has a supportive relationship with the receiver. Being dominant and warm leads to a personal relationship, whereas being subordinate and cold leads to an accepting relationship.

Figure 4-2 Communication Dimensions of Establishing a Relationship

Source: Sorenson, Ritch; Debord, Grace; Ramirez, Ida, Business and Management Communication: A Guide Book, 4th Edition, p. 7. © 2001. Adapted by permission of Pearson Education, Inc., Upper Saddle River, NJ.

Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker adds additional insight into how warm acquaintances communicate. They go out of their way to look as if they are presuming not a dominant–subordinate relationship but instead a relationship of equals.[4] Your friend who values your relationship might say, “If you are going to the recycling center today, is there any chance you might be able to take along my old cell phone and laptop with you?”

An acquaintance not interested in maintaining a relationship with you might communicate in a cold, dominant–subordinate fashion by saying, “When you visit the recycling center today, take along my old cell phone and laptop with you.”

Nonverbal Communication in Organizations

Learning Objective 3

A substantial amount of communication between people takes place at the nonverbal level. Nonverbal communication refers to the transmission of messages through means other than words. These messages accompany verbal messages, or sometimes they stand alone. The general purpose of nonverbal communication is to communicate the feeling behind a message. For instance, you can say no with either a clenched fist or a smile to communicate the intensity of your negative or positive feelings. Workers who rely solely on verbal messages to communicate with employees miss what the majority of what work associates are saying.[5]

nonverbal communication

The transmission of messages through means other than words.

Observing the nonverbal communication of others is useful in understanding whether they are sending a mixed message. In this context, a mixed message is a discrepancy between what a person says and how he or she acts. If teammate Rex says he is eager to contribute to a rush project, yet looks angry and distracted and slams his writing pad on the table, you may not get the cooperation you need. To clarify whether Rex is going to put forth full effort today, you might ask, “Rex, you tell us that you are going to work full force today, but you look upset. Is there anything I can do to help?”

mixed message

A discrepancy between what a person says and how he or she acts.

The following paragraphs summarize the major modes of transmission of nonverbal communication and provide guidelines for improving nonverbal communication. Chapter 8, about cross-cultural relations, describes cultural differences in nonverbal communication.

Modes of Transmission of Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication can be transmitted in many modes. You may be surprised that certain factors, such as dress and appearance, are considered part of nonverbal communication.

Environment

The setting or environment in which you send a message can influence how that message is received. Assume that your manager invites you out to lunch at an upscale restaurant to discuss a problem. You will think it is a more important topic under these circumstances than you would if the manager had lunch with you in the company cafeteria.

Other important environmental silent messages include room color, temperature, lighting, and furniture arrangement. A person who sits behind a large, uncluttered desk, for example, appears more powerful than a person who sits behind a small, messy desk.

Interpersonal Distance

The placement of one’s body in relation to someone else is widely used to transmit messages (see Figure 4-3). In general, getting physically close to another person conveys a positive attitude toward that person. Putting your arm around someone is generally interpreted as a friendly act. (Some people, however, recoil when touched by someone other than a close friend. Touching others on the job can also be interpreted as sexual harassment.) Watch out for cultural differences in preferences for interpersonal distance, such as French people standing much closer to each other while conversing than do Americans.

Closely related to interpersonal distance is where and how you sit in relation to another person during a meeting. Sitting across the table from a person during a negotiation session creates a defensive, competitive atmosphere, often leading to each party taking a firm stand on his or her point of view. The table becomes a tangible and psychological barrier between both parties. Recognition of this observation leads many managers and salespeople to sit down with another person with either no table or a coffee

Figure 4-3 Four Circles of Intimacy

table between the two. Even when seated on separate chairs instead of a sofa, removal of a large table or desk separating the two parties leads to a friendlier, more open negotiation or sales discussion.

Posture

Posture communicates a variety of messages. Standing erect usually conveys the message that the person is self-confident and experiencing positive emotion. Slumping makes a person appear to be lacking in self-confidence or down in the dumps. Another interpersonal message conveyed by posture involves the direction of leaning. Leaning toward the sender suggests that you are favorably disposed toward his or her message; leaning backward communicates the opposite. Openness of the arms or legs serves as an indicator of liking or caring. In general, people establish closed postures (arms folded and legs crossed) when speaking to people they dislike.

Can you think of an aspect of your posture that conveys a specific message?

Hand Gestures

Frequent hand movements show positive attitudes toward another person. In contrast, dislike or disinterest usually produces few gestures. An important exception is that some people wave their hands furiously while arguing. Gestures are also said to provide clues to a person’s levels of dominance and submission. The gestures of dominant people are typically directed outward toward the other person. Examples include a steady, unwavering gaze and touching one’s partner. Submissive gestures are usually protective, such as touching oneself or shrugging one’s shoulders. A person who tucks his or her thumbs under his arms so that only the fingers are exposed is resisting what is being said.[6]

Facial Expressions and Eye Contact

Using your head, face, and eyes in combination provides the clearest indications of interpersonal attitudes. Looking at the ceiling (without tilting your head), combined with a serious expression, almost always communicates the message “I doubt what you’re saying is true.” Maintaining eye contact with another person improves communication. To maintain eye contact, it is usually necessary to move your face and eyes to follow the other person. Moving your face and eyes away from the other person is often interpreted as defensiveness or a lack of self-confidence.

Kinga/Shutterstock

The face is often used as a primary source of information about how we feel. We look for facial clues when we want to determine another person’s attitude. You can often judge someone’s current state of happiness by looking at his or her face. The term “sourpuss” attests to this observation. Happiness, apprehension, anger, resentment, sadness, contempt, enthusiasm, and embarrassment are but a few of the emotions that can be expressed through the face.

Voice Quality

Often more significance is attached to the way something is said than to what is said. A forceful voice, which includes a consistent tone without vocalized pauses, connotes power and control. Closely related to voice tone are volume, pitch, and rate of speaking. Anger, boredom, and joy often can be interpreted from voice quality. Anger is noted when the person speaks loudly, with a high pitch and at a fast rate. Boredom is indicated by a monotone. Joy is indicated by loud volume. Avoiding an annoying voice quality can make a positive impact on others. The research of voice coach Jeffrey Jacobi provides some useful suggestions. He surveyed a nationwide sample of 1,000 men and women and asked, “Which irritating or unpleasant voice annoys you the most?” The most irritating was a whining, complaining, or nagging tone.

Jacobi notes that we are judged by the way we sound. He also notes that careers can be damaged by voice problems such as those indicated in the survey. “We think about how we look and dress,” says Jacobi, “and that gets most of the attention. But people judge our intelligence much more by how we sound than how we dress.”[7] Complete Self-Assessment Quiz 4-1 to apply Jacobi’s findings to your development.

More recent research also supports the importance of voice quality in the workplace. The sound of a speaker’s voice has an impact twice as much as the content of a message, according to a study of 120 business executives’ speeches by a communication analytics company. Researchers used software to analyze the voices of speakers, then collected feedback from a panel of experts as well as 1,000 listeners. Voice quality accounted for 23 percent of listeners’ evalations, whereas content accounted for 11 percent of the evaluations. Other evaluation factors were the speakers’ passion, knowledge, and presence.[8] These findings do not mean that a person with a high-quality voice can speak nonsense and still make a good impression. A more accurate interpretaton is that voice quality creates a bigger impact than content, assuming that you have a worthwhile message to deliver.

Personal Appearance

Your external image plays an important role in communicating messages to others. Job seekers show recognition of the personal appearance aspect of

Self-Assessment Quiz 4-1

 

Voice Quality Checkup

The voice quality study cited a number of annoying voice qualities, including those ahead. A couple of extra voice problems are contained in the list.

Whining, complaining, or nagging tone

High-pitched, squeaky voice

Mumbling

Very fast talking

Weak and wimpy voice

Flat, monotonous tone

Frequent coughing

Frequent clearing of throat

Directions:

Ask yourself and two other people familiar with your voice whether you have one or more of the preceding voice-quality problems. If your self-analysis and feedback from others does indicate a serious problem, get started on self-improvement. Record your voice on video and attempt to modify the biggest problem. Another avenue of improvement is to consult with a speech coach or therapist.

nonverbal communication when they carefully groom for a job interview. People pay more respect and grant more privileges to those they perceive as being well dressed and neatly groomed. The meaning of being well dressed depends heavily on the situation. In an information technology firm, neatly pressed jeans, a stylish T-shirt, and clean sport shoes might qualify as being well dressed. The same attire worn in a financial services firm would qualify as being poorly dressed.

A current tendency is a return to more formal business attire, to suggest that a person is ambitious and successful. Even business casual is losing some acceptance, particularly when business casual resembles everyday casual (such as jeans and a T-shirt). The best advice for using appearance to communicate nonverbal messages is to size up the environment to figure out what type of appearance and dress connotes the image you want to project.

As you may have noticed, many men choose to shave their heads even when they are not experiencing natural baldness. A study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School suggests that men with shaved heads are perceived to be more dominant, and in some cases to have greater leadership potential, than their counterparts with longer hair or thinning hair.[9] For women, hair of moderate length often connotes more professionalism and leadership potential than does long, flowing hair.

Attention Paid to Other Person

The more attention paid to the other person during face-to-face interaction, the more valued and important that person feels. Paying attention to another individual includes other modes of nonverbal communication such as eye contact, an interested facial expression, and moving toward the other person. In a society that increasingly accepts and values multitasking, a natural tendency is to divide your attention between the person you are communicating and a computer screen, cell phone message, or a text message. Such multitasking is acceptable and natural to some people, yet makes many others feel unimportant and marginalized.

Research using electronic data supports the idea that the appropriate type of nonverbal communication has a positive impact on effectiveness. MIT professors Sandy Pentland and Daniel Olguín outfitted executives at a party with electronic devices that recorded data on their nonverbal signals, including tone of voice, gesticulation, and proximity to others. Five days later the same executives presented business plans to a panel of judges in a contest related to business plans. Without reading or hearing the presentations made to the judges, Pentland correctly predicted the winners, using only data collected at the party. The presence of a larger number of positive nonverbal signals was used to predict success in presenting a business plan.[10]

Guidelines for Improving Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication, like verbal communication, can be improved. Here are eight suggestions to consider.

Obtain feedback on your body language by asking others to comment on the gestures and facial expressions you use in conversations. Be videotaped conferring with another individual. After studying your body language, attempt to eliminate those mannerisms and gestures that you think detract from your effectiveness. Common examples include nervous gestures such as moving knees from side to side, cracking knuckles, rubbing the eyes or nose, head scratching, and jingling coins.

Learn to relax when communicating with others. Take a deep breath and consciously allow your body muscles to loosen. Tension-reducing techniques should be helpful here. A relaxed person makes it easier for other people to relax. You are likely to elicit more useful information from other people when you are relaxed. Also, you will appear more confident and credible when you are relaxed to an appropriate degree.

Use facial, hand, and body gestures to supplement your speech, but don’t overdo it. A good starting point is to use hand gestures to express enthusiasm. You can increase the potency of enthusiastic comments by shaking the other person’s hand, nodding approval, or smiling.

Avoid using the same nonverbal gesture indiscriminately. If you want to use nodding to convey approval, do not nod with approval when you dislike what somebody else is saying. Also, do not pat everybody on the back. Nonverbal gestures that are used indiscriminately lose their communication effectiveness.

Use role-playing to practice various forms of nonverbal communication. A good starting point would be to practice selling your ideas about an important project or concept to another person. During your interchange, supplement your spoken messages with appropriate nonverbal cues, such as posture, voice intonation, gestures, and so forth. Later, obtain the other person’s perception of the effectiveness of your nonverbal communication.

Use mirroring to establish rapport. Nonverbal communication can be improved through  mirroring , or subtly imitating someone. The most successful mirroring technique is to imitate the breathing pattern of another person. If you adjust your own breathing rate to match someone else’s, you will soon establish rapport with that individual. Another effective mirroring technique is to adopt the voice speed of the person with whom you are communicating. If the other person speaks more slowly than you typically do, slow down to mirror him or her.

mirroring

Subtly imitating someone.

You can also use mirroring by imitating a manager to win favor. Many subordinates have a relentless tendency to copy the boss’s mannerisms, gestures, way of speaking, and dress. As a consequence, without realizing why, your manager may think more favorably of you.

Caution: Do not use mirroring to the extent that you appear to be mocking another person, thereby adversely affecting rapport. Do Skill-Building Exercise 4-1 to get started developing your mirroring skills.

Check to see if your appearance fits the message you want to send to others in a work environment. It may take considerable courage, but ask several people to provide you with feedback on how well your appearance fits the image you want to portray, and the message you want to send in a work setting. Obtain impressions of your clothing style, grooming, and hairstyle (baldnesss included). If your appearance is lacking, make appropriate adjustments by observing a few role models as well as seeking written and spoken advice.

To appear in control and self-confident when standing, plant both feet firmly on the floor and with a distance between the feet of approximately twleve inches. Executive coach Sharon Sayler says that any other stance could send the message that you are off balance personally or professionally. [11]

Skill-Building Exercise 4-1

 

The Mirroring Technique

To practice mirroring, during the next 10 days each class member schedules one mirroring session with an unsuspecting subject. An ideal opportunity would be an upcoming meeting on the job. Another possibility would be to ask a friend if you could practice your interviewing techniques with him or her—but do not mention the mirroring technique. A third possibility would be to sit down with a friend and conduct a social conversation.

While holding an interview or discussion with the other party, use the mirroring technique. Imitate the person’s breathing pattern, rate of speech, hand movements, eye movements, leg movements, or any other noticeable aspect of behavior.

After the mirroring sessions have been conducted, hold a class discussion about the results. Questions include the following:

Did the other person notice the mirroring and comment on the behavior of the person doing the mirroring?

Was the rapport enhanced (or hindered) by the mirroring?

How many of the students intend to repeat the mirroring technique in the future?

Guidelines for Detecting Lying through Nonverbal Communication

Another interpersonal skill related to nonverbal communication is the ability to detect lying. A conservative approach is to regard certain indicators to suggest that a person might by lying, and then to investigate further the truthfulness of certain statements. For example, an employee suspected of selling employee social security numbers to an outside party might respond to any questioning about this theft with a quick, seemingly rehearsed answer. Further investigation, perhaps using a private detective, might be warranted.

It is important to recognize that surefire behavioral indicators of deception do not exist—that the behavior of liars is not consistently revealing. A team of three researchers who reviewed the evidence about human behavior and deception detection concluded that no researcher has documented a “Pinocchio response.” (The nose of the fairy tale character Pinocchio grew when he told a lie.) The finding means that there is no behavior or pattern of behavior that in all people, in all situations indicates deception.

What is known with reasonable certainty is that lying requires extra mental effort. The liar must think quite hard to cover up and create events that have not happened. The extra effort will show up in the nonverbal forms of longer pauses between thoughts, and the use of hand and head movements that accompany speech will be less frequent. Part of the extra effort stems from the liar changing his or her typical behavior.

With respect to emotions, liars do appear to be more nervous than truth tellers. The facial expressions of liars tend to be less pleasant, and also show higher vocal pitch, more tension in their voice, greater pupil dilation, and more fidgeting.[12] A related cue is that the vocal pitch suddenly going up or down is frequently associated with lying.

The scientific evidence about nonverbal indicators of lying therefore supports the generally-accepted belief that liars touch their face more, twitch more, avoid eye contact, and fidget considerably.[13]

Guidelines for Overcoming Communication Problems and Barriers

Learning Objective 4

Communication problems in organizations are ever present. Some interference usually takes place between ideation and action, as suggested earlier by the noise factor in Figure 4-1. The type of message influences the amount of interference. Routine or neutral messages are the easiest to communicate. Interference is most likely to occur when a message is complex, emotionally arousing, or clashes with a receiver’s mental set.

An emotionally arousing message deals with topics such as money or a relationship between two people. A message that clashes with a receiver’s mental set requires the person to change his or her typical pattern of receiving messages. Try this experiment. The next time you visit a restaurant, order dessert first and the main meal second. The server probably will not receive your dessert order because it deviates from the normal sequence.

1. Communicate honestly. 2. Understanding the receiver. 3. Minimize defensive communication. 4. Repeat your message and use multiple channels. 5. Check comprehension and feelings via verbal and nonverbal feedback. 6. Display a positive attitude. 7. Communicate persuasively. 8. Engage in active listening. 9. Prepare for stressful conversations. 10. Engage in metacommunication. 11. Recognize gender differences in communication style.

Figure 4-4 Overcoming Communication Problems and Barriers

Here we will describe strategies and tactics for overcoming some of the more frequently observed communication problems in the workplace, as outlined in Figure 4-4. A useful guideline is that the communicator should take the initiative to increase the probability that his or her message will get across as intended. In the words of Jess Thomas, the chairman, president, and CEO of Molina Healthcare of Michigan, “A sobering reality in communication is that the greater burden and basis for breakdown in effective communication rests with the communicator. The communicator has to be very articulate in communicating what he or she wants.”[14]

Communicate Honestly

A major reason many communicators are not taken seriously, and that their messages do not get across as intended, is because they are not trusted. When people lie, a communication barrier is erected. A similar perspective is that when people are trusted, their messages are more likely to be received. A person who communicates honestly is also more likely to receive honest communications from others. When people trust you, they are more likely to present you with accurate information.[15] For example, a team leader is more likely to be informed of a problem if the informer does not think he or she will be blamed for the problem. The subject of trust will be explored in more depth in relation to characteristics of a leader in Chapter 10.

Understand the Receiver

Understanding the person you are trying to reach is a fundamental principle of overcoming communication barriers. The more you know about your receiver, the better you are able to deliver your message effectively. Three important aspects of understanding the receiver are (1) developing empathy, (2) recognizing his or her motivational state, and (3) understanding the other person’s frame of reference.

Developing empathy requires placing yourself in the receiver’s shoes. To accomplish this, you have to imagine yourself in the other person’s role and assume the viewpoints and emotions of that individual. You have to imagine how you would feel if placed in that situation. For example, if a supervisor were trying to communicate the importance of customer service to sales associates, the supervisor might ask himself or herself, “If I were a part-time employee being paid close to the minimum wage, how receptive would I be to messages about superior customer service?” To empathize, you have to understand another person. Sympathy means that you understand and agree.

empathy

In communication, imagining oneself in the receiver’s role and assuming the viewpoints and emotions of that individual.

Research suggests that subtle patterns of brain cells, called mirror neurons, help us empathize with others. These brain circuits reflect the actions and intentions of others as if they were our own. Neuroscientist Marco Iacoboni explains that the mirror system gives us an open-mindedness and a propensity to understand others and other cultures. The cells work in this manner: When another person smiles or wrinkles his or her nose in distaste, motor cells in your own brain linked to those expressions resonate in response like a tuning fork. As a result, you get a hint of the feeling itself. The more empathy you have, the stronger the motor neuron response.[16]

The biological component to empathy should not lead you to conclude that empathy is not a skill that can be acquired. It is conceivable that as you develop empathy, your mirror neurons grow in number or become better developed, just as your calf muscles become better defined if you run frequently.

The receiver’s motivational state could include any active needs and interests operating at the time. People tend to listen attentively to messages that show promise of satisfying an active need or interest. Management usually listens attentively to a suggestion framed in terms of cost savings or increased profits. A coworker is likely to be attentive to your message if you explain how your idea can lead to a better year-end financial bonus for the group.

motivational state

Any active needs and interests operating at a given time.

People perceive words and concepts differently because their vantage points and perspectives differ. Such differences in frame of reference create barriers to communication. A frame of reference can also be considered a lens through which we view the world. A manager attempted to chastise a team member by saying, “If you continue to make these technical errors, we are going to have to assign you to a less technical role.” The technician replied, “That’s good news,” because he was becoming frustrated with doing technical work for the entire workday. Understanding another person’s frame of reference requires empathy.

frame of reference

The fact that people perceive words and concepts differently because their vantage points and perspectives differ.

On a day-by-day basis, understanding another person’s frame of reference often translates into figuring out his or her mindset. A woman telephoned a tech support center located in India with a sense of frustration in her voice. She said she was instructed by her computer to “press any key to continue,” and was upset that her keyboard didn’t have an “any” key. The caller’s mindset was that she had to search for the “any” key.[17] Of course, a more perceptive person might have noticed that the instructions did not say press the any key to continue, but any key.

Minimize Defensive Communication

An important general communication barrier is defensive communication—the tendency to receive messages in such a way that our self-esteem is protected. Defensive communication is also responsible for people sending messages to make them look good. For example, when being criticized for low production, a financial sales consultant might blame low mortgage rates, which are encouraging many people to invest in a new home rather than in the stock market.

defensive communication

The tendency to receive messages in such a way that our self-esteem is protected.

Overcoming the barrier of defensive communication requires two steps. First, people have to recognize the existence of defensive communication. Second, they have to try not to be defensive when questioned or criticized. Such behavior is not easy because of the unconscious or semiconscious process of denial—the suppression of information we find uncomfortable. For example, the sales consultant just cited would find it uncomfortable to think of himself or herself as being responsible for below-average performance.

denial

The suppression of information we find uncomfortable.

Repeat Your Message Using Multiple Channels (in Moderation)

Repetition enhances communication, particularly when different channels are used to convey the same message. Effective communicators at many job levels follow spoken agreements with written documentation. Since most communication is subject to at least some distortion, the chances of a message being received as intended increase when two or more channels are used. Many firms have a policy of using a multiple-channel approach to communicate the results of a performance evaluation. The worker receives an oral explanation from the manager of the results of the review. The worker is also required to read the form and indicate by signature that he or she has read and understands the meaning of the review. Another useful way of using multiple channels is to follow up a telephone call or in-person conversation with an e-mail or text message summarizing key facts or agreements. Such an approach helps overcome the communication problem of a person saying, “I never received your e-mail (or text message). Maybe it was placed in my junk mail.”

When repeating your message or using multiple channels, use moderation to avoid contributing to the problem of information overload—a phenomenon that occurs when people are so overloaded with information that they cannot respond effectively to messages. Research consistently suggests that the expanding volume of information can not only create stress, but also negatively affect decision making, innovation, and productivity.[18]

Check Comprehension and Feelings through Verbal and Nonverbal Feedback

Ask for feedback to determine whether your message has been received as intended. A frequent managerial practice is to conclude a meeting with a question such as, “Okay, what have we agreed upon?” Another useful form of feedback after a meeting is to have participants post on a company Web page (such as an intranet) what message they took away from the meeting. Unless feedback of this nature is obtained, you will not know whether your message has been received until the receiver carries out your request. If the request is carried out improperly, or if no action is taken, you will know that the message was received poorly.

Obtaining feedback is important because it results in two-way communication in which people take turns being sender and receiver, thereby having a dialogue. Dialogues take time because they require people to speak more slowly and listen more carefully. Obtaining feedback also contributes to an interactional encounter between two (or among several) people. By interacting with the other person, the other person is more likely to perceive you positively and support your ideas.[19] An easy way to prompt an interaction is to ask a question. For example, the store manager might make the following statement followed by a question: “We need to get more customers signing up for our warranty program. Why do you think so many customers are not signing up for the program?”

Feedback is also important because it provides reinforcement to the sender, and few people will continue to communicate without any reinforcement. The sender is reinforced when the receiver indicates understanding of the message. When the original receiver indicates that he or she understands the message, that person becomes the sender. A nod of approval would be an appropriate type of nonverbal reinforcement for the sender to receive.

In addition to looking for verbal comprehension and emotions when you have delivered a message, check for feelings after you have received a message. When a person speaks, we too often listen to the facts and ignore the feelings. If feelings are ignored, the true meaning and intent of the message is likely to be missed, thus creating a communication barrier. Your boss might say to you, “You never seem to take work home.” To clarify what your boss means by this statement, you might ask, “Is that good or bad?” Your boss’s response will give you feedback on his or her feelings about getting all your work done during regular working hours.

When you send a message, it is also helpful to express your feelings in addition to conveying the facts. For example, “Our defects are up by 12 percent (fact), and I’m quite disappointed about those results (feelings).” Because feelings contribute strongly to comprehension, you will help overcome a potential communication barrier.

Display a Positive Attitude

Being perceived as having a positive attitude helps melt communication barriers. This is true because most people prefer to communicate with a positive person. Being positive helps make you appear more credible and trustworthy, whereas being consistently negative makes you less credible and trustworthy. As one coworker said about a chronic complainer in his office, “Why take Margot seriously? She finds something wrong with everybody and everything.”

Communicate Persuasively

A powerful tactic for overcoming communication barriers is to communicate so persuasively that obstacles disappear. Persuasiveness refers to the sender convincing the receiver to accept his or her message. Persuasion thus involves selling to others. Hundreds of articles, books, audiotapes, and videos have been developed to help people become more persuasive. The following are 11 representative suggestions for becoming a more persuasive communicator, both in speaking and in writing.[20]

Know exactly what you want and communicate directly: Your chances of selling an idea increase to the extent that you have clarified the idea in your own mind. The clearer and more committed you are at the outset of a selling or negotiating session, the stronger you are as a persuader. After knowing what you want, you are in a position to communicate directly. Suppose you do not want to join your coworkers for lunch today because you are overloaded with work. An indrect statement would be, “It looks like the restaurants would be very crowded because it is St. Patrick’s Day.” You would be more persuasive if you said, “Thanks for the invitation, but I would prefer to join some other time. I am overloaded today.”

Never suggest an action without explaining its end benefit: In asking for a raise, you might say, “If I get this raise, I’ll be able to afford to stay with this job as long as the company likes. I will also increase my productivity because I won’t be distracted by thinking about meeting my expenses.”

Get a yes response early on: It is helpful to give the persuading session a positive tone by establishing a “yes pattern” at the outset. Assume that an employee wanted to convince the boss to allow the employee to perform some work at home during normal working hours. The employee might begin the idea-selling questions with “Is it important for the company to obtain maximum productivity from all its employees?”

Use power words: An expert tactic for being persuasive is to sprinkle your speech with power (meaning powerful) words. Power words stir emotion and bring forth images of exciting events. Examples of power words and expressions include consequences, impact, engagement, bonding with customers, surpassing previous profits, building customer loyalty, and sustainability. Using power words is part of having a broad vocabulary.

Minimize raising your pitch at the end of sentences: Part of being persuasive is not to sound unsure and apologetic. In English and several other languages, a convenient way to ask a question or to express doubt is to raise the pitch of your voice at the end of a sentence or phrase. As a test, use the sentence “You like my ideas.” First say ideas using approximately the same pitch and tone as with every other word. Then say the same sentence by pronouncing ideas with a higher pitch and louder tone. By saying ideas loudly, you sound much less certain and are less persuasive.

Talk to your audience, not the screen: Computer graphic presentations have become standard practice even in small-group meetings. Many presenters rely so heavily on computer-generated slides and transparencies that they basically read the slides and transparencies to the audience. In an oral presentation, the predominant means of connection between sender and receiver should be eye contact. When your audience is frequently distracted by movement on the screen, computer sounds, garish colors, or you looking at the screen, eye contact suffers. As a result, the message is weakened, and you are less persuasive. [21]  Many companies have virtually banned PowerPoint presentations because so many presenters use this technique poorly.

Back up conclusions with data: You will be more persuasive if you support your spoken and written presentations with solid data. You can collect the data yourself or quote from a printed or electronic source. Relying too much on research has a potential disadvantage, however. Being too dependent on data could suggest that you have little faith in your intuition. For example, you might convey a weak impression if, when asked your opinion, you respond, “I can’t answer until I collect some data.”

Minimize “wimp” phrases and words: Persuasive communicators minimize statements that make them appear weak and indecisive. Such phrases convey the impression that they are not in control of their actions. Wimp phrases include: “It’s one of those days,” “I’m not sure about that,” “Don’t quote me on that,” and “I’ll try my best to get it done.” (It is better to commit yourself forcibly by saying, “I’ll get it done.”) Wimpy words include “sort of,” “hopefully,” and “maybe.” A word that borders on being wimpy, or that is at least not strong, is “if” in place of “when.” Notice the difference between the two following statements: “If I get this report done this week, I’ll send you an e-mail” and “When I get this report done this week . . . . .”

Another problem with wimp words and phrases is that they can mar your image, or make you appear not in control of your work. Three examples follow:

“I’m too busy/I don’t have time/I’m just swamped.”

“I’m having one of those days/Things are crazy here/You have caught me at a bad time.”

“We’ll see how it goes/I’ll try my best.” [22]

Although wimp phrases and words should be minimized, there are times when they reflect honest communication, such as a team leader saying to the manager, “Maybe we can get this crash project completed by the end of the month.”

Avoid or minimize common language errors: You will enhance your persuasiveness if you minimize common language errors because you will appear more articulate and informed. Here are several common language errors:

“Just between you and I” is wrong. “Just between you and me” is correct.

Irregardless is not a word; regardless is correct.

Avoid double negatives when you want to express the negative, despite the increasing popularity of double negatives. Common examples of double negatives are “I got no nothing from my best customer this week” and “We don’t have no money in the budget for travel.” If expressed with the right inflection, a double negative can be correct. For example, to say “We don’t have no money” with an emphasis on no money means that the budget is not completely depleted. Yet in general, double negatives make the sender appear so ill-informed that they fail to persuade.

“Ask your guest what they want for lunch” is incorrect despite the widespread use of using a plural pronoun instead of the singular. “Ask your guest what he (or she) wants” is correct. A caution here is that it appears about 90 percent of Americans including the well-educated confuse the singular and plural today, so using “they” instead of “he” or “she” is not a dreadful error in grammar; however, using “themselves” instead of “him” or “her” is a dreadful error. An example of this misuse is, “I prefer a coworker who can speak up for themselves.”

Avoid overuse of jargon and clichés. To feel “in” and hip, many workers rely heavily on jargon and clichés, such as referring to their “fave” (for favorite) product, or saying that “At the end of the day” something counts, or that software is “scalable” (meaning it can get bigger). Add to the list “a seamless company” to mean the various departments cooperate with one another. The caution is that if a person uses jargon and hip phrases too frequently, the person appears to be too contrived and lacking in imagination. [23]

Avoid converting too many nouns into verbs: A frequent error in the workplace and in personal life is to convert too many nouns into verbs. Many

Skill-Building Exercise 4-2

 

I Want this Position

The purpose of this exercise is to practice your persuasive skills using a topic of interest to many people—being hired for an attractive position. One by one, students make a presentation in front of the class, presenting a persuasive argument for why they merit the attractive position they applied for. The instructor will decide whether to use a handful of volunteers or the entire class. The audience represents the hiring manager. The student will first explain the nature of the position. (Use your imagination here.) Next, make a three-minute convincing argument as to why you merit a job offer. You will probably have about fifteen minutes to prepare, inside or outside of class.

After the presentations, volunteers will offer feedback on the effectiveness of selected presentations. During the presentations of the other students, make a few notes about the presenter’s effectiveness. You may need a couple of minutes between presenters to make your notes. Consider these factors:

Overall, how convincing was the presenter? If you were the hiring manager, would you give him or her a favorable recommendation for being hired?

Which techniques of persuasion did he or she use?

What aspect of the presentation was unconvincing or negative?

What lessons did you take away from this exercise about persuasive communication?

nouns have become verbs, such as, “I will phone you tomorrow.” (The noun is phone.) Another positive example is, “We need to hammer home this point.” (The noun is hammer.) In contrast, a questionable communication practice is to say, “I’ll Skype you tonight,” or “I will W2 you tommorrow.” (W2 is the statement of wages and taxes given to employees as well as the Internal Revenue Service.)

If you can learn to implement most of the preceding 11 suggestions, you are on your way toward becoming a persuasive communicator. In addition, you will need solid facts behind you, and you will need to make skillful use of nonverbal communication. If you are looking for an example of a persuasive communicator in business, check out David A. Brandon, the former CEO of Domino’s Pizza. Brandon is such a great motivator and communicator that many people have encouraged him to run for public office. He is now the director of intercollegiate athletics at the University of Michigan. See if you can find a video of Brandon on the Internet.

Skill-Building Exercise 4-2 provides you with an opportunity to practice persuasive communication.

Engage in Active Listening

Learning Objective 5

Persuasion deals primarily with sending messages. Improving one’s receiving of messages is another part of developing better communication skills. Unless you receive messages as they are intended, you cannot perform your job properly or be a good companion. A major challenge in developing good listening skills is that we process information much more quickly than most people speak. The average speaking rate is about 130 words per minute. In contrast, the average rate of processing information is about 300 words per minute.[24] So, you have to slow down mentally to listen well. A related problem is that many people like to dominate conversations, making it difficult to listen. As expressed by investment banker Herb Allen, “It’s tough to listen when you’re talking.”[25]

Communication consultant Connie Kieken observes that in today’s time-pressed workplaces many people attempt to listen at high speed, causing their minds to fade in and fade out. To prevent this problem, focus on the other person’s meaning and motivation.[26]

Listening can be even more essential than talking when engaged in face-to-face communication. Listening is a particularly important skill for anybody whose job involves troubleshooting, because one needs to gather information to solve problems. Listening is also regarded as the front-end of decision making, because you need to absorb relevant facts before making a decision.[27] Another reason that improving the listening skills of employees is important is that insufficient listening is extraordinarily costly. Listening mistakes lead to reprocessing letters, rescheduling appointments, reshipping orders, and recalling defective products. Effective listening also improves interpersonal relations because the people listened to feel understood and respected.

A major component of effective listening is to be an active listener. The active listener listens intensely, with the goal of empathizing with the speaker. Several important skills and behaviors associated with active listening are presented next.

active listener

A person who listens intensely, with the goal of empathizing with the speaker.

Show Respect

A cornerstone of effective listening, including active listening, is to show respect for others in the form of being eager to receive their input. To actively listen to another person is to respect him or her as well as that person’s ideas. A good example is the chief operating officer of a large medical institution who was known to be an excellent listener. The executive in question said he could not run an operation as complex as a hospital without seeking input from workers at all levels, from the chief of surgery to the custodial crew.[28]

Accept the Sender’s Figure of Speech

A useful way of showing empathy is to accept the sender’s figure of speech. By so doing, the sender feels understood and accepted. Also, if you reject the person’s figure of speech by rewording it, the sender may become defensive. Many people use the figure of speech “I’m stuck” when they cannot accomplish a task. You can facilitate smooth communication by a response such as, “What can I do to help you get unstuck?” If you respond with something like, “What can I do to help you think more clearly?” the person is forced to change mental channels and may become defensive.[29]

Paraphrase and Listen Reflectively

As a result of listening actively, the listener can give feedback to the speaker on what he or she thinks the speaker meant. Feedback of this type relies on both verbal and nonverbal communication. Feedback is also important because it facilitates two-way communication. To be an active listener, it is also important to paraphrase, or repeat in your own words what the sender says, feels, and means. Paraphrasing is also referred to as reflective listening, because the listener reflects back what the sender said. You might feel awkward the first several times you paraphrase. Therefore, try it with a person with whom you feel comfortable. With some practice, it will become a natural part of your communication skill kit. Here is an example of how you might use paraphrasing:

Other Person: I’m getting ticked off at working so hard around here. I wish somebody else would pitch in and do a fair day’s work.

You: You’re saying that you do more than your fair share of the tough work in our department.

Other Person: You bet. Here’s what I think we should be doing about it.

Life coach Sophronia Scott advises that, after you have paraphrased, it is sometimes helpful to ask the person you listened to whether your impression of what he or she said is correct. Your goal is not to make others repeat themselves, but to extend the conversation so that you can obtain more useful details.[30]

Minimize Distractions

If feasible, keep papers, mobile devices, and your computer screen out of sight when listening to somebody else. Having distractions in sight creates the temptation to glance away from the message sender. Avoid answering a phone call unless you are anticipating an emergency call. At the start of your conversation, notice the other person’s eye color to help you establish eye contact. (But don’t keep staring at his or her eyes!)

Ask Questions

A major technique of active listening is to ask questions rather than make conclusive statements. Asking questions provides more useful information. Suppose a teammate is late with data you need to complete your analysis. Instead of saying, “I must have your input by Thursday afternoon,” try, “When will I get your input?”

Allow Sender to Finish His or Her Sentence

Be sure to let others speak until they have finished. Do not interrupt by talking about yourself, jumping in with advice, or offering solutions unless requested. Equally bad for careful listening is to finish the sentence of a receiver. Almost all people prefer to complete their own thoughts, even though there are two curious traditions that run counter to this idea. One is that business partners who have been working together for many years, and understand each other well, have a tendency to finish the other partner’s sentence. Couples in personal life behave similarly. Also, have you noticed how when you start to enter a phrase into a major search engine, suddenly you are given about 10 choices that are not necessarily what you are planning to write? (Of course, this is responding to writing, and not really listening, but the overtaking of your thinking is the same.)

Use Nonverbal Communication

Another component to active listening is to indicate by your body language that you are listening intently. When a coworker comes to you with a question or concern, focus on that person and exclude all else. If you tap your fingers on the desk or glance around the room, you send the message that the other person and his or her concerns do not warrant your full attention. Listening intently through nonverbal communication also facilitates active listening because it demonstrates respect for the receiver.

Observing nonverbal communication is another important part of active listening. Look to see if the speaker’s verbal communication matches his or her nonverbal communication. Suppose you ask another person if he or she would like to join your committee. If the person says “yes,” but looks bored and defensive, he or she is probably not really interested in joining your committee. Quite often a person’s nonverbal communication is more indicative of the truth than is verbal communication.

Minimize Words That Shut Down Discussion

A key part of listening is to keep the conversation flowing. According to executive coach Marshall Goldsmith, an especially useful approach to keep conversation going in most work situations is for the listener to minimize certain negatively toned words that frequently shut down conversation. When you say “no,” “but,” or “however,” you effectively shut down or limit the conversation. No matter what words follow, the sender receives a message to the effect, “You are wrong and I am right.” Even if you say “I agree, but . . .” the shutdown message still comes through. The other person is likely to get into the defensive mode.[31] Another way of shutting down conversation is to say, “I already know that.”

After the person has finished talking, there are times it will be appropriate to say “no,” “but,” or “however.” Assume, for example, that a worker says to the business owner that the company should donate one-third of its profits to charity each year. The owner might then reply, “I hear you, but if we give away all that money our profits will be too slim to grow the business.”

Avoid the Need to Lie or Fake When You Have Not Been Paying Attention

A consequence of active listening is that you will avoid the need to pretend that you have been paying attention. Performance management coach Joe Takash suggests that you remind yourself that other people can sense if you’re not listening. Force yourself to be honest and admit that you didn’t catch everything that was said. That means asking the other person to repeat or requesting clarification. In this way you’re being honest rather than deceitful—and deceit kills results-producing relationships fast.[32]

Specific suggestions for improving active listening skills are summarized in Figure 4-5. These suggestions relate to good listening in general, as well as active listening. Many suggestions reinforce what has already been described. As with any other suggestions for developing a new skill, considerable practice (with some supervision) is needed to bring about actual changes in behavior. One of the problems a poor listener would encounter is the difficulty of breaking old habits to acquire new ones. To practice your listening skills, do Skill-Building Exercise 4-3.

Figure 4-5 Suggestions for Active Listening

Prepare for Stressful Conversations

Communication barriers will frequently surface when two or more people are engaged in conversation fraught with emotion, such as giving highly negative performance feedback, rejecting a person for membership in your team, or firing an employee. Praising is another exchange that can make either or both parties uncomfortable. The sender might feel that he or she is patronizing the receiver, and the receiver might feel unworthy of the praise. One technique for reducing the stress in potentially stressful conversations is to prepare for them in advance.

A starting point in preparing for a stressful conversation is self-awareness about how you react to certain uncomfortable exchanges. For example, how do you feel when the receiver of the negative feedback reacts with hostility? Do you clam up, or do you become counterhostile? If you anticipate a hostile reception to an upcoming conversation, rehearse the scenario with a neutral friend. Deliver the controversial content that you will be delivering during the real event. Practice the body language you will use when you deliver a phrase such as, “As team leader, I must tell you that you have contributed almost nothing of value to our current project.” Another part of the rehearsal is to practice delivering clear content—be explicit about what you mean. “Almost nothing of value to our current project” is much more explicit than “Your contribution has much room for improvement.”

Also, practice temperate phrasing, or being tactful while delivering negative feedback. Communications specialist Holly Weeks suggests the following. Instead of snapping at someone—“Stop interrupting me”—try this: “Can you hold on a minute? I want to finish before I lose my train of thought.” Temperate phrasing will take some of the sting out of a stressful conversation.[33]

Skill-Building Exercise 4-3

 

Listening to a Coworker

Before conducting the following role-plays, review the suggestions for effective listening presented in the text and Figure 4-5. Restating what you hear (summarization) is particularly important when listening to a person who is talking about an emotional topic.

The Elated Coworker:

One student plays the role of a coworker who has just been offered a six-month assignment to the Rome, Italy, unit of the company. She will be receiving a 30 percent pay increase during the assignment plus a supplementary living allowance. She is eager to describe the full details of her good fortune to a coworker. Another student plays the role of the coworker to whom the first worker wants to describe her good fortune. The second worker decides to listen intently to the first worker. Other class members will rate the second student on his or her listening ability.

The Discouraged Coworker:

One student plays the role of a coworker who has just been placed on probation for poor job performance. His boss thinks that his performance is below standard and that his attendance and punctuality are poor. He is afraid that if he tells his girlfriend, she will leave him. He is eager to tell his tale of woe to a coworker. Another student plays the role of a coworker he corners to discuss his problems. The second worker decides to listen intently to his problems, but is pressed for time. Other class members will rate the second student on his or her listening ability.

When evaluating the active listening skills of the role players, consider using the following evaluating factors, on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high):

Evaluation Factor	Rating 1 2 3 4 5
1. Maintained eye contact
2. Showed empathy
3. Summarize what the other person said
4. Focused on other person instead of being distracted
5. Asked questions
6. Let other person speak until he or she was finished

Engage in Metacommunication

Sometimes the best way to overcome a communication barrier with another person is to describe the nature of the relationship between you two at the moment. Metacommunication is to communicate about your communication to help overcome barriers or resolve a problem. If you, as a team leader, are facing heavy deadline pressures, you may say to a team member, “I might appear brusque today and tomorrow. Please don’t take it personally. It’s just that I have to make heavy demands on you because the team is facing a gruesome deadline.” A more common situation is when the person with whom you are attempting to communicate appears angry or indifferent. Instead of wasting the communication event, it would be better to say, “You do not seem receptive to listening to me now. Are we having a problem? Should I try again later?”

metacommunication

To communicate about your communication to help overcome barriers or resolve a problem.

Recognize Gender Differences in Communication Style

A trend in organizations for many years has been to move toward gender equality. Despite this trend, substantial interest has arisen in identifying differences in communication styles between men and women. People who are aware of these differences face fewer communication barriers between themselves and members of the opposite sex. As we discuss these differences, recognize that they are group stereotypes. Please do not be offended by these stereotypes; they are exaggerations noticed by some researchers and observers. To cite one example that runs counter to the stereotype, some women dominate meetings, whereas some men focus on listening to and supporting others during a meeting. Individual  differences in communication style usually are more important than group (men vs. women) differences. Here we will discuss nine major findings of gender differences in communication patterns.[34]

Women prefer to use conversation for rapport building. For most women, the intent of conversation is to build rapport and connections with people. Women are therefore more likely to emphasize similarities, to listen intently, and to be supportive.

Men prefer to use talk primarily as a means to preserve independence and status by displaying knowledge and skill. When most men talk, they want to receive positive evaluation from others and maintain their hierarchical status within the group. Men are therefore more oriented to giving a report while women are more interested in establishing rapport.

Women want empathy, not solutions. When women share feelings of being stressed out, they seek empathy and understanding. If they feel they have been listened to carefully, they begin to relax. When listening to the woman, the man may feel blamed for her problems or feel that he has failed the woman in some way. To feel useful, the man might offer solutions to the woman’s problems.

Men prefer to work out their problems by themselves, whereas women prefer to talk out solutions with another person. Women look upon having and sharing problems as an opportunity to build and deepen relationships. Men are more likely to look upon problems as challenges they must meet on their own. The communication consequence of these differences is that men may become uncommunicative when they have a problem.

Women are more likely to compliment the work of a coworker, whereas men are more likely to be critical. A communication problem may occur when a woman compliments the work of a male coworker and expects reciprocal praise.

Men tend to be more directive in their conversation, whereas women emphasize politeness. Women are therefore more likely to frequently use the phrases “I’m sorry” and “Thank you,” even when there is no need to express apology or gratitude. For example, a supermarket manager notices that the store has suddenly become busy. She would therefore say to a store associate unpacking boxes, “I’m sorry Pedro, but we’ve become busy all of a sudden. Could you please open a new lane up front? Thank you.” A manager who is a stereotypical male might say, “Pedro, we need you to open a line up front, pronto. Put down the boxes and get up there.”

Women tend to be more conciliatory when facing differences, whereas men become more intimidating. Again, women are more interested in building relationships, whereas men are more concerned about coming out ahead.

Men are more interested than women in calling attention to their accomplishments or hogging recognition. In one instance, a sales representative who had already made her sales quota for the month turned over an excellent prospect to a coworker. She reasoned, “It’s somebody else’s turn. I’ve received more than my fair share of bonuses for the month.”

Men tend to dominate discussions during meetings. One study of college faculty meetings found that women’s longest turns at speaking were, on average, of shorter duration than men’s shortest turns. A possible explanation here is that women are still less assertive than men in the workplace.

How can the information just presented help overcome communication problems on the job? As a starting point, remember that these gender differences often exist. Understanding these differences will help you interpret the communication behavior of people. For example, if a male coworker is not as effusive with praise as you would like, remember that he is simply engaging in gender-typical behavior. Do not take it personally.

A woman can remind herself to speak up more in meetings because her natural tendency might be toward diffidence. She might say to herself, “I must watch out to avoid gender-typical behavior in this situation.” A man might remind himself to be more complimentary and supportive toward coworkers. The problem is that although such behavior is important, his natural tendency might be to skip the praise.

A woman should not take it personally when a male coworker or subordinate is tight-lipped when faced with a problem. She should recognize that he needs more encouragement to talk about his problems than would a woman. If the man persists in not wanting to talk about the problem, the woman might say, “It looks like you want to work out this problem on your own. Go ahead. I’m available if you want to talk about the problem.”

Men and women should recognize that when women talk over problems, they might not be seeking hard-hitting advice. Instead, they might simply be searching for a sympathetic ear so that they can deal with the emotional aspect of the problem.

A general suggestion for overcoming gender-related communication barriers is for men to improve communication by becoming more empathic (showing more empathy) listeners. Women can improve communication by becoming more direct.

Concept Review and Reinforcement

Key Terms

communication   77

message   78

feedback   79

noise   79

nonverbal communication   81

mixed message   81

mirroring   85

empathy   87

motivational state   88

frame of reference   88

defensive communication   88

denial   88

active listener   93

metacommunication   96

Summary

Communication is the basic process by which managers, customer-contact workers, and professionals accomplish their work. Communication is also important because communication skills are a success factor for workers in a wide variety of jobs. Communication among people is a complex process that can be divided into six components: sender or source, message, channel (or medium), receiver, feedback, and environment. Noise, or interference, can disrupt communication within any component.

Communication is a vehicle for building relationships. We establish relationships along two primary dimensions: dominant–subordinate and cold–warm. In the process of communicating, we attempt to dominate or subordinate. We indicate whether we want to dominate or subordinate by the way we speak or write or by nonverbal signals we send. The four combinations of the two primary dimensions lead to different types of relationship—dominant–cold (impersonal), cold–subordinate (accepting), subordinate–warm (supportive), and warm–dominant (personal).

Nonverbal communication plays an important part in sending and receiving messages and is especially important for imparting the emotional aspects of a message. The modes of nonverbal communication include the environment in which the message is sent, interpersonal distance, posture, hand gestures, facial expressions and eye contact, voice quality, personal appearance, and attention paid to the other person.

Nonverbal communication can be improved through such means as obtaining feedback, learning to relax, using gestures more discriminately, role-playing, and mirroring. The latter refers to subtly imitating someone. Another interpersonal skill related to nonverbal communication is the ability to detect lying, such as nonverbal indicators of extra effort including longer pauses between thoughts.

Methods of overcoming communication barriers include the following: (1) communicate honestly, (2) understand the receiver, (3) minimize defensive communication, (4) repeat your message using multiple channels, (5) check comprehension and feelings via verbal and nonverbal feedback, (6) display a positive attitude, (7) use persuasive communication, (8) engage in active listening, (9) prepare for stressful conversation, (10) engage in metacommunication (communicating about your communication), and (11) recognize gender differences in communication styles.

Skills and behaviors associated with active listening include the following: (1) show respect, (2) accept the sender’s figure of speech, (3) paraphrase and listen reflectively, (4) minimize distractions, (5) ask questions, (6) allow the sender to finish his or her sentence, (7) use nonverbal communication, (8) minimize words that shut down discussion, and (9) avoid the need to lie or fake when you have not been paying attention.

Questions for Discussion and Review

Why are communication skills important in the field you are in or intend to enter?

What is your opinion on the importance of face-to-face communication in the business world of today? For example, with all the new communication technology tools, is it still important to have face-to-face meetings and sales representatives calling on customers?

Identify several suggestions about communication contained in this chapter that you think are particularly important in communicating with deaf and hard-of-hearing coworkers.

What type of voice quality do you think would be effective in most work situations?

In what way might you have ever experienced information overload? What did you do, or what are you doing, to cope with the situation?

Should a person use power words when he or she is not in a powerful job? Explain.

Why does giving employees training in listening often lead to increased productivity and profits?

Professional listeners such as counselors, psychotherapists, and life coaches often say that they are exhausted after a day of listening. Why might listening be exhausting?

Assuming that you are a good listener, would you put this observation under the skills section in your job résumé? Why or why not?

Suppose your manager does not listen to your suggestions for job improvements. How would you metacommunicate to deal with this problem?

The Web Corner

http://www.optimalthinking.com/quiz-communication-skills.asp

(Rate your level of communication)

http://www.queendom.com

(Look for the Interpersonal Communication Skills Test)

http://nonverbal.ucsc.edu

(Explore nonverbal communications, and test your ability to read nonverbal communication)

http://center-for-nonverbal-studies.org

(Nonverbal dictionary of gestures, signs, and body language cues—includes YouTube links)

Internet Skill Builder: Practicing Listening Skills

Infoplease offers some practical suggestions for improving your listening skills that both support and supplement the ideas offered in this chapter. Infoplease divides listening into three basic steps: hearing, understanding, and judging. Visit the site at  www.infoplease.com/homework/listeningskills1.html

Developing Your Human Relations Skills

Interpersonal Relations Case 4.1

Why Am I Not Getting Through to These People?

A few years ago, Laura left her position as a supervisor in a health insurance company to start a lawn care, landscaping, and snow removal business. She started the business by taking care of the lawns and snow removal for a few relatives and friends. Laura charged them approximately half price just so that she could establish the legitimacy of her business and get started seeking customers. Her first employees were a 16-year-old nephew, an 18-year-old niece, and an uncle.

After passing out hundreds of flyers in her neighborhood, and three adjoining neighborhoods, Laura finally developed a big enough customer base to start obtaining referral business. After two years running her firm, “Laura’s Property Service,” Laura was breaking even, including paying herself a modest salary. Her firm had grown to taking care of more than 100 customers, with three full-time and six part-time employees.

When asked about her biggest challenge in operating her business, Laura replied:

Getting through to my workers is my biggest headache, no doubt. A big money drain in my business is repairing the damage we do to people’s lawn and driveway in the process of removing snow. Also, the fellows and gals sometimes bang into garages and drain pipes with our lawnmowers when they are cutting grass.

I keep telling the gang to be careful, but I am not making much of a dent in terms of reducing customer complaints about damage. The typical response I get when I deliver my message about being careful is, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be careful.”

Case Questions

What kind of communication problem does Laura appear to be facing?

What do you recommend Laura do so that her employees act positively in response to her message?

Interpersonal Skills Role-Play 4.1

Getting through to a Property Specialist

One person plays the role of Laura, who is somewhat frustrated. It is early spring, and five different customers have called to complain about the damage the snow removal team did to their driveways and lawn during the winter. Laura has gathered three of her workers (Tammy, Jud, and Ben) to explain once again the need for doing less damage to customer lawns and driveways while snow plowing. Three other students play the roles of Tammy, Jud, and Ben, and are wondering why Laura is complaining because they think such damage is inevitable.

Conduct this role-play for about seven minutes. Observers rate the role players on two dimensions, using a 1-to-5 scale from very poor (1) to very good (5). One dimension is “effective use of human relations techniques.” Focus on the communication skill that Laura demonstrates. The second dimension is “acting ability.” A few observers might voluntarily provide feedback to the role players in terms of sharing their ratings and observations. The course instructor might also provide feedback.

Interpersonal Relations Case 4.2

Troy, the Aspiring Hotel Manager

Troy spent the first two years in his hotel management career performing entry-level responsibilities. The tasks included working the front desk and helping in the dining room during banquets provided for customers such as business groups and wedding parties. Troy was then promoted to assistant manager in another hotel within the same chain, in the same city. Six months later, Troy met with Sharon, the hotel manager, to discuss his progress as assistant manager.

Sharon opened the conversation by asking Troy how he was enjoying his work as the new assistant manager at the hotel. Troy answered, “Thanks for even asking me how I like my job. I mean, an assistant manager isn’t really such an important person. I kind of like my job, even if it’s not the best in the world.”

“What could make this job better for you?” asked Sharon.

“I’m not exactly sure,” said Troy. “Well, maybe if I didn’t have so many different responsibilities to handle at once, my job could possibly be better.”

“Could you possibly be more specific?” asked Sharon.

“Well, I don’t exactly like to accuse anybody of anything,” said Troy. “But maybe, perhaps maybe, some of the other people around here could recognize that an assistant manager can’t work on five problems at the same time.”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Sharon.

“Oh well, perhaps I am overstating things a little,” replied Troy. “I’m sorry.”

With an exasperated expression, Sharon said, “Troy, if you want to be a success in hotel management, you’ve got to come across with more conviction.”

Case Questions

What evidence do you see that Troy needs to come across with more conviction?

What do you recommend that Troy do to become a more persuasive communicator?

Interpersonal Relations Role-Play 4.2

 

Troy Communicates Persuasively

One student plays the role of Troy, who has requested another meeting with Sharon to further discuss his progress as an assistant manager; however, Troy has taken quite seriously Sharon’s recommendations that he communicate more persuasively. The student who plays the role of Sharon will listen attentively to and judge his ability to communicate persuasively. Conduct the role-play for about seven minutes, and provide feedback to both role players about their communication effectiveness.

References

Jim Blasingame, “There Are No Handshakes ‘In the Clouds,’” The Wall Street Journal (Special Advertising Feature), October 13, 2009, B5.

Nick Schultz, “Hard Unemployment Truths About ‘Soft’ Skills,” The Wall Street Journal, September 20, 2012, p. A15.

Ritch Sorenson, Grace DeBord, and Ida Ramirez, Business and Management Communication: A Guide Book, 4th edition (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 2001), pp. 6–10.

Steven Pinker, The Stuff of Thought (New York: Viking, a Member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc., 2007).

Linda Talley, “Body Language: Read It or Weep,” HR Magazine, July 2010, p. 64.

Ibid., p. 65.

Jeffrey Jacobi, The Vocal Advantage (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1996).

Research reported in Sue Shellenbarger, “Is This How You Really Talk?” The Wall Street Journal, April 24, 2013, p. D1.

Study reported in Rachel Emma Silverman, “Bald Is Powerful,” The Wall Street Journal, October 3, 2012, p. B1.

Research presented in “We Can Measure the Power of Charisma,” Harvard Business Review, January–February 2010, p. 34.

Cited in “Body Language Do’s and Don’ts,” McClatchy Newspapers (MCT), July 25, 2012.

Mark G. Frank, Melissa A. Menasco, and Maureen O’Sullivan, “Human Behavior and Deception Detection,” in John G. Voeller, editor, Handbook of Science and Technology Security, Volume 5, (New York: Wiley, 2008), pp. 2–3.

Eric Benac, “Nonverbal Ways to Tell Someone is Lying,” retrieved February 2, 2013, from  http://ehow.com .

Benice Atufundwa, “The Art of Effective Communication,” Black Enterprise, November 2009, p. 47.

Randy G. Pennington, “Trust Is an Action Verb,”HR Magazine, February 2012, pp. 90–91.

Robert Lee Hotz, “How Your Brain Allows You to Walk in Another’s Shoes,” The Wall Street Journal, August 17, 2007, p. B1.

Jared Sandberg, “‘It Says Press Any Key. Where’s the Any Key?’” The Wall Street Journal, February 20, 2007, p. B1.

Paul Hemp, “Death by Information Overload,”Harvard Business Review, September 2009, p. 83.

Marty Stanley, “Focus on Communication Interactions,” Communication Briefings (Briefings Bonus), April 2011, p. 1.

Steve Tobak, Speak Up Without Being Kicked Out,” Communication Briefings, June 2011, p. 8; Frank Luntz, “Words That Pack Power,” Business Week, November 3, 2008, p. 106; Roberta H. Karapels and Vanessa D. Arnold, “Speaker’s Credibility in Persuasive Work Situations,” Business Education Forum, December 1997, pp. 24–26; Interview by Alyssa Danigelis, “Like, Um, You Know,” Fast Company, May 2006, p. 99; “Rid Your Speech of Weak Words,” Executive Leadership, October 2012, p. 5.

Jean Mausehund and R. Neil Dortch, “Communications—Presentation Skills in the Digital Age,” Business Education Forum, April 1999, pp. 30–32.

“Avoid Words That Mar Your Image,” Administrative Professional Today, January 2009, pp. 1–2.

For more details, see Brian Fugere, Chelsea Hardaway, and Jon Warshawsky, Why Business People Speak Like Idiots (New York: Free Press, 2005).

Joann Baney, Guide to Interpersonal Communication (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson/Prentice Hall, 2004), p. 7.

Quoted in Jessica Shambora, “Stop Talking and Start Listening,” Fortune, November 9, 2009, p. 24.

Cited in “Improve Listening Skills to Boost Career,” Tribune Media Services ( http://www.chicagotribune.com ), July 7, 2012, p. 3.

Bernard T. Ferrari, “The Executive’s Guide to Better Listening,” McKinsey Quarterly, February 2012, p. 1.

Ibid, p. 2.

Daniel Araoz, “Right Brain Management (RBM): Part 2,” Human Resources Forum, September 1989, p. 4.

Cited in Matthew S. Scott “Five Keys to Effective Listening,” Black Enterprise, March 2005, p. 113.

Ideas from Marshall Goldsmith cited in “Eliminate Bad Words,” Manager’s Edge, special issue, 2008, p. 5.

Quoted in Mimi Whitefield, “Listen Up—Your Job Could Depend on It,” Miami Herald (http://www.miamiherald.com), April 20, 2009.

Holly Weeks, “Taking the Stress Out of Stressful Conversations,” Harvard Business Review, July–August 2001, pp. 112–119. The quote is from p. 117.

Deborah Tannen, Talking from 9 to 5 (New York: William Morrow, 1994); Tannen, “The Power of Talk: Who Gets Heard and Why,” Harvard Business Review, September–October 1995, pp. 138–148; Daniel J. Canary and Kathryn Dindia, Sex Differences and Similarities in Communication (Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum, 1998), p. 318; John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (New York: HarperCollins, 1992).

Chapter 5 Interpersonal Skills for the Digital World

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Learning Objectives

After reading and studying this chapter and doing the exercises, you should be able to

Describe interpersonal skills related to one-on-one interactions in the digital world.

Describe interpersonal skills related to social networking.

Describe interpersonal skills related to working with small audiences with respect to digital devices.

Trevor worked as a product designer for Sensor Products, based in Portland, Oregon. The company designs and manufactures electronic controls used in automobiles, trucks, and related vehicles. His wife, Rita, an executive assistant, had to relocate back to Boston because her mother and father were in poor health. So, Trevor and Rita made the decision to move to an apartment in Boston.

Rita felt confident that she could find employment in Boston, but Trevor did not want to leave his position as a senior product designer. Because of Trevor’s reputation as a talented and dedicated worker, a top-level manager at Sensor agreed to let Trevor work mostly from home, spending about three days per month in Portland.

After several weeks of working from home in their cramped Boston apartment, Trevor began to feel uncomfortable. “I was going stir-crazy,” he said. “I enjoy my technical work, but I’m also a people person. Much of my career success stems from my enjoyment of interacting with people. Doing my designs on a computer and interacting with colleagues through e-mail is not enough for me. I kind of feel starved for human interaction.”

After some careful thought, Trevor modified his idea of working from home. He found a place called Galaxy Towers just 15 minutes from his apartment in Boston, where he was able to share office space, have his own desk, Internet, a conference room, and coffee and tea for $350 per month. Trevor would become what is now called a co-worker. His company agreed to pay the bill to keep Trevor happy and productive.

Trevor was now able to interact with other workers on occasion, even if they were working for different companies. As Trevor puts it, “Just shooting the breeze with intelligent, working adults stimulates by thinking. Our dog Lila is wonderful, but she doesn’t provide the kind of warm, human presence that I need to be at my professional best. Also, I can even brainstorm a bit with a few of the other tenants at Galaxy.”[1]

The story about the senior product designer illustrates one of the ways in which interpersonal skills figure into the digital age. Trevor’s ability to interact positively with others stimulates his own thinking—making him productive—and also contributes to his job satisfaction. In this chapter, we examine the interpersonal skill aspects of working in the digital age, an often-neglected aspect of making good use of the communication and information technology surrounding us in the workplace. This subject increases in importance as more companies permit, or even encourage, workers to conduct company business with their mobile devices.

We organize information about interpersonal skills for the digital world into two broad categories. First, we describe interpersonal skills for using digital devices in one-on-one interaction. Second, we examine the interpersonal skill aspects of using communication technology for social networking and small audiences.

To begin thinking through interpersonal skills in relation to the digital world, you are invited to take Self-Assessment Quiz 5-1. The statements in the quiz cover many of the behaviors relevant to digitally based interactions

Interpersonal Skills for One-on-One Interactions

Learning Objective 1

As with interpersonal skills in general, interactions with people one at a time create the majority of opportunities for displaying interpersonal skills related to the digital age. In this section, we describe four such settings or scenarios in which the communication is typically (not always) directed toward one person: cell phones (including smartphones) and text messaging, e-mail messages and instant messaging, webcam job interviews, and interpersonal aspects of multitasking.

Human Relations Self-Assessment Quiz 5-1

 

The Interpersonal Skills for the Digital World Checklist

Indicate whether each of the following statements is mostly true or mostly false as it applies to you (or would apply to you if you were in the situation indicated by the statement). Even if your reaction to a particular statement is “duh,” remember that all the statements reflect incidents of real behavior.

Statement	Mostly True	Mostly False
1. I get really upset if I send a coworker an instant message (IM), and I do not receive an answer within five minutes.
2. While being interviewed for a job, I receive and send text messages to a work associate or friend.
3. While working in a group, I regularly check my e-mail and text messages.
4. I often check Web sites such as ESPN, Facebook, Twitter, or home-shopping channels on my laptop while at a meeting.
5. I often eat while talking on my cell phone.
6. I typically check my e-mail, text messages, or a Web site while talking on my cell phone.
7. If I made a webcam presentation for work purposes, I would make sure that my grooming was at its best.
8. I would bring a pet such as a cat, dog, or parrot along to a webcam conference for business purposes.
9. If I were giving a presentation at a business banquet, I would keep my smart phone in my hand.
10. I keep my bottle of water in my hand at all times when making a PowerPoint presentation.
11. When making a PowerPoint presentation, I use the information on the slides as headlines for talking points rather than reading the slides to the audience.
12. If I attended a two-hour videoconference, I would see no problem in leaving the room from time to time just for a break.
13. I have posted, or would be willing to post, some outrageous videos of myself on Facebook, such as driving a vehicle with a bottle of beer in my hand.
14. I use, or would use, a social networking site to really blast a company whose product proved to be faulty.
15. For me, social networking sites are a useful place to post nasty things about people I do not like.
16. Older workers who are not savvy about information technology deserve nicknames like “Mr. Depends” or “Ms. Dinosaur.”
17. I laugh when I see somebody doing something as old-fashioned as reading a newspaper or consulting a telephone book.
18. I have received compliments about my ability to explain how to use technology to another worker.
19. I am patient and polite when a tech support person cannot resolve my technology problem right away.
20. I have sent hand-written thank-you notes to people even if they use e-mail and text messaging.

Scoring and Interpretation:

Give yourself one point (11) for each statement you gave in agreement with the keyed answer. The keyed answer indicates a positive interpersonal skill for the digital world.

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly true

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly true

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly true

Mostly true

Mostly true

15–20: If your answers are an accurate reflection of your behavior, you have better-than-average interpersonal skills related specifically to digital technology.

6–14: If your answers are an accurate reflection of your behavior, you have average interpersonal skills related specifically to digital technology.

1–5: If your answers are an accurate reflection of your behavior, you have let the use of digital technology interfere with having good interpersonal skills. You need to think through carefully how you can blend the use of communication technology with solid human relations skills.

Smartphones, Cell Phones, and Text Messaging

Smartphones have become such an integrated part of life both on and off the job that many photographs in magazines and newspapers of business people show them using their phones. Television advertisements also often depict workers using a smartphone, even when the advertisement is not for phones. In the business section of most cities, it appears that approximately two-thirds of the people in business attire on the street are using a mobile device. Cell phones, and their ability to send text messages, therefore represent an enormous opportunity for displaying good, as well as poor, interpersonal skills.

Positive Interpersonal Skills While Using Smartphones

The many positive behaviors possible when using smartphones and cell phones for one-on-one interaction usually are a question of doing the opposite of negative behaviors. The behaviors in the following list illustrate how positive interpersonal skills can be demonstrated while using smartphones and text messaging during one-on-one interactions.[2]

Use a standard ringtone instead of a loud, unusual tone. In this way, if your phone rings in the presence of a work associate, your behavior will not provoke surprise or laughter.

Inform the caller that you are receiving his or her call on a cell phone. If you let the caller know that you are on a cell phone, the caller will not be surprised when the reception fades in and out, or when you are interrupted by honking horns or other background noises, including the conversations of people walking by.

Inform work associates ahead of time if you are waiting for a call from a medical professional or in reference to an urgent home situation. Assume, for example, that you and a coworker are discussing a customer problem. Let your coworker know that your conversation might be interrupted by the type of urgent call just described. In this way, accepting a call will not be interpreted as rudeness.

Ask your work associate if he or she would like you to access an item of work-related information using your smartphone. Assume that sales rep Ashley is talking with customer Todd, and Todd wants to know if her company would have a large quantity of a specific product in stock. Ashley would be displaying good interpersonal skills by saying, “Todd, would you like me to access this information on my iPhone? It will take just a minute.” Todd will inevitably agree, and he will also understand why Ashley is using her iPhone in the middle of their conversation.

Inform your coworker that you are shutting off your cell phone or smartphone during your conversation. Because so many people do not think to, or refuse to, turn off their cell phones or smartphones, you can gain some psychological capital by mentioning your courteous behavior. You tell your work associate, “Our meeting is important, so just one second—I want to turn off my phone and put it out of view.”

For business purposes, use a fully functioning phone, and stay current with your cell phone bill. You will appear much more professional to work associates when your cell phone call is not interrupted by a disappearing voice or reception much like you are in heavy traffic or a shower. Keeping current with your bill avoids the unprofessional image created by a message that your phone number is “temporarily out of service” or your inability to send an outgoing message.

When making calls from outside the office, search for a relatively quiet environment so that your message will be clearer, and you will not have to ask the receiver to repeat information. Even in a busy environment like an airport, it is possible to find a relatively quiet alcove from which to make a call. The interpersonal skill link here is that you appear more professional when your communication is relatively free of environmental noise.

If absolutely necessary to take a cell phone call while interacting with a work associate, excuse yourself and move at least 15 feet away to process the call. Work associates who are themselves polite will appreciate your display of polite behavior.

When you are the driver of a vehicle, explain to your work associate that for safety’s sake you are putting your cell phone away. Point out that just as you would not be the driver when you are drunk, you will not use your cell phone for voice communication or text messaging while you are driving. Although many coworkers might think you are eccentric, the data are convincing about the dangers of cell phone use while driving. On balance, your concern for the safety of your passenger will be interpreted as a positive interpersonal skill.

When at work, make any personal cell phone calls on break and away from your assigned physical location, such as outside the building or in an employee lounge (but not in the restroom!). Blocking your personal calls and making them outside your assigned work area shows that you have enough interpersonal skill to care about the need of other workers for a tranquil work environment.

Negative Interpersonal Skills While Using Smartphones and Cell Phones

The dissatisfaction with, and anger toward, people who abuse mobile phones in the workplace continues to appear in articles, books, blogs, and letters to the editor. All this negativity, however, must be placed in the proper context. If the person with whom you are interacting does not perceive a particular use of the cell phone as rudeness, then it is not rude. For example, if your coworker smiles at you while you receive a phone call in his or her presence, you are probably not being perceived as displaying negative interpersonal behavior. The following is a list of frequent smartphone and text messaging behaviors that many (not all) people will interpret as rudeness and insensitivity. As a result, the person engaging in the act will be perceived as showing negative interpersonal skill.[3]

Accepting a call during a work conversation. You communicate the fact that your coworker or other work associate is less important than the caller when you allow a call to interrupt your conversation. Some people interpret making a call as even more insensitive than receiving a call, but both behaviors are dismissive of the importance of the work associate with whom you are interacting. Customers are likely to be irritated even more so than coworkers if you interrupt your conversation to accept or make a phone call. CEOs who use their cell phones while talking to other workers are likely to be perceived as power abusers and therefore arrogant. In short, by accepting a cell phone call in the presence of others, you diminish the status of the person who is physically present—hardly an impressive interpersonal skill.

Wearing a cell phone earpiece in the presence of a coworker when not on the phone. Wearing an earpiece while interacting with a coworker suggests that you do not intend to remain fully engaged in your conversation. Also, when wearing a phone earpiece, the person in your physical presence is never sure if you are listening to another call at the same time. Building rapport with a work associate includes making him or her feel important. The fact that you appear to be ready to connect to the outside world trivializes that person.

Making frequent personal calls on your phone in earshot of coworkers. A major complaint of people who work in cubicles is that someone in an adjoining cubicle spends much of the day making calls loudly on a cell phone. The same practice would be possible on a landline phone, but many people perceive using their cell phone for personal calls as more justified than using the office phone. Loud, personal calls made throughout the day suggest lack of consideration for others, as well as a low work ethic and an unwillingness to contribute a fair share of work.

Talking loudly and shouting on the cell phone. Whether in one-on-one interactions or in the middle of a group of work associates, talking loudly and shouting on the cell phone is widely disliked. Particularly annoying for many people is the compulsion many cell phone shouters have to repeatedly say “Okay” in a especially loud voice. Talking so loudly on the cell phone suggests insensitivity to the feelings of others as well as being egocentric.

Eating while making a phone call. Eating with the mouth open in a restaurant is a major violation of etiquette. Equally annoying and disgusting to many receivers of these messages is the sender eating while talking. Although the practice of eating while talking on the phone is widespread, its vulgarity to many people is not diminished, and will not be tolerated by many customers. On display is the negative interpersonal skill of poor etiquette.

Constant handling of or looking at the cell phone, even when not in use. Many workers have become so dependent on their mobile phones that they handle them during conversations, as well as keeping the phone in constant view. Workers have also been observed placing their smartphones on their laps while speaking with others. One manager frequently polishes his chrome-covered smartphone while talking to subordinates.

The physical attachments just mentioned all suggest the negative trait of being so dependent on a physical device that it interferes with concentrating on others. The constant physical or visual contact with the phone also has the negative impact of making the worker appear immature. An explanation offered for the physical attachment so many people have to their cell phones is that the phones have become “electronic pets.” A technology reporter observed, “You constantly see people taking their little pets out and stroking the scroll wheel, coddling them basically petting them.”[4]

Driving a work associate while under the influence of a smartphone, including text messaging. A positive interpersonal skill is not using your cell phone while driving a vehicle in which a work associate is present. A negative interpersonal skill is doing the opposite, even if you live in a state, province, or country in which cell phone use is permitted for drivers. A study published in a British medical journal reported that talking on the cell phone while driving quadruples your risk of being in an accident. Using a hands-free device does little to reduce the risk of an accident. [5]  Many work associates will accept driving while using a cell phone, including sending text messages, as typical and appropriate behavior. Yet others will interpret your behavior as a propensity to engage in senseless risks.

Accepting and sending phone messages from restrooms. A widely reported form of cell phone rudeness is sending and receiving cell phone calls from public restrooms. Many receivers of these calls who hear the water running from the faucets or toilets flushing will be appalled and disgusted. The restroom cell phone user will therefore be perceived as insensitive and lacking in social graces—both quite negative interpersonal skills.

Skill-Building Exercise 5-1 gives you an opportunity to practice a core skill with the use of a cell phone and text messaging in the office.

E-Mail Messages and Instant Messaging

E-mail messages and instant messages (IMs) provide another opportunity for displaying positive as well as negative interpersonal skills linked to the digital age. Many people believe that formality and careful use of language can be neglected when sending messages by e-mail, using instant messaging, and when sending text messages. Remember, however, that the way in which any message is sent tells something about the sender.

Skill-Building Exercise 5-1

 

The Important Message

Two coworkers are discussing a joint assignment about preparing a spreadsheet related to product returns. The analysis needs to be completed by 5 p.m. One student plays the role of the worker who is intently focusing on the task. Another student plays the role of the worker who feels the smartphone attached to his or her belt vibrate. The worker notices a text message from the bank indicating that five checks have bounced, which appears to be a bank mistake. The worker with the text message does not want to be totally rude, yet this is an urgent problem. Run the role-play for about four minutes. Observers might provide feedback on the quality of the interpersonal skills displayed in dealing with this text message challenge.

E-mail messages should be proofread, should be sent only when necessary, and generally should be no longer than one screen—not including attachments. Although many e-mail users rely on a strikingly informal and casual writing style, such informality for business correspondence is poor etiquette. For example, avoid confirming a meeting with your CEO in these words: “C U LTR, 4 sure.☺.” Overloading the company system with attachments containing space-consuming graphics is often considered rude. Text messaging, because of its limited space, can be more casual than other electronic messages.

Sending e-mails indscriminantly also contributes to stress from information overload, particularly if many people also send large numbers of unnecessary e-mail messages. The negative interpersonal skill here is that engaging in activities that create stress for coworkers is inconsiderate and rude. Here is an e-mail message sent during the workday that many people would perceive to be unessential: “Look out the window. The snow is coming down heavy.”

An e-mail etiquette problem with legal implications is that company e-mail messages are the property of the company, not the sender. So avoid sending insulting, vulgar, or inflammatory comments through e-mail because even deleted e-mail messages can be retrieved. Be careful not to forward an e-mail message that has negative comments about the recipient. For example, a customer service representative sent an e-mail to a customer attempting to resolve a complaint. However, instead of beginning with a fresh e-mail, the representative included an e-mail from her boss that said, “Give this idiot what she wants to get her off our back.” The customer later sued the company, then agreed to a small financial settlement.

Instant messaging has created additional challenges for e-mail etiquette. Because instant messaging allows you to intrude on coworkers anytime—and allows them to drop in on you—the opportunities to be rude multiply. Managers should not intrude upon workers through instant messaging unless it is urgent. Think before you send, and make sure the message has real value to the recipient. Suggest politely to “buddies” who are taking up too much of your time with messages that they contact you after work.

Many companies are shifting from extensive use of e-mail to having some of the written communication among people placed on intranets and internal Web sites similar to Facebook. For example, you can inform all your work associates at once that you are going on a business trip for three days and will not be able to respond to their messages. (Of course, this is a good way to invite criminals to burglarize your home.) All of the comments about the polite use of language apply to these replacement technologies for e-mail.

Figure 5-1 summarizes a large amount of information about etiquette related to e-mails and instant messaging. Following this accumulated wisdom will enhance your interpersonal skills linked to the digital age.

Webcam Job Interviews

Yet another interpersonal skill useful in the digital age is to perform well during a webcam interview. Performing well in such an interview combines interpersonal skills with those related to communication technology. On occasion, a hiring manager or human resource representative will request that an interview be conducted by webcam. The job candidate might have a webcam, or use one owned by a friend or the college placement office. (Skype is the leading software to communicate via webcam.) A challenge in being interviewed via a webcam is that some job candidates do not come across as strongly as they believe.

Observing the following tips will enhance your e-mail etiquette and electronic communication effectiveness, as well as enhancing your interpersonal skills. Address and sign your e-mail messages. Many people neglect to mention a person’s name in an e-mail, or sign their own name. Giving your e-mail a personal touch is a useful interpersonal micro-skill. Keep it simple. Each message should have only one piece of information or request for action so that it’s easier for the receiver to respond. However, avoid sending an e-mail with an attachment without some type of greeting or explanation. Do not allow e-mail threads longer than a couple of pages. E-mail messages longer than one screen often are filed instead of read. Brief e-mails messages show compassion for the recipient’s workload. Include an action step. Clearly outline what type of reply you’re looking for as well as any applicable deadlines. Use the subject line to your advantage. Generic terms such as “details” or “reminder” do not describe the contents of your message or whether it’s time sensitive, and so the receiver may delay opening it. “Came in Under Budget” illustrates a specific (and joyful) title. Do not forward a long chain of e-mails without changing the subject; otherwise, you might have a confusing subject line, such as “RE: FW: RE: FW: RE: FW.” Take care in writing e-mails. Clearly organize your thoughts to avoid sending e-mails with confusing, incomplete, or missing information. Use business writing style and check carefully for grammatical and typographical errors. (Also, generally avoid the trend to refer to yourself as “I” in lowercase [“i”].) When in doubt, use traditional formatting rather than bright colors and unusual fonts; many people prefer standard formatting. Inform receivers when sending e-mails from a mobile device. If you use a mobile phone, include a tagline informing people that you are using such a device; it will help explain your terseness. Without explanation, you might project an image of rudeness or limited writing skill. Be considerate. Use “please” and “thank you” even in brief messages. Part of being considerate, or at least polite, is to begin your e-mail with a warm salutation, such “Hello Gina,” rather than jumping into the subject with no greeting. Avoid profane or harsh language. Another way of being considerate is to send e-mails only when necessary, to help combat information overload. Sending copies to only recipients who need or want the information is part of being considerate. Don’t include confidential information. The problem is that e-mail is occasionally forwarded to unintended recipients. If your message is in any way sensitive or confidential, set up a meeting or leave a voice mail in which you request confidentially. Also, avoid including gossip such as negative rumors in e-mail messages because the subject of the gossip could voice a major complaint. Do not use e-mail to blast a coworker, and send copies to others. Criticizing another person with e-mail is equivalent to blasting him or her during a large meeting. Ask before sending huge attachments. Do not clog e-mail systems without permission. Encourage questions and demands for clarification. E-mail functions best when it is interactive, so ask receivers to send along questions they might have about your message, including any requests for clarification. Consider the timing of e-mail messages. An e-mail that makes a major request should be sent earlier in the day so that the person has time to process the request. Good news can be sent almost anytime. For some recipients, bad news is best sent early in the day so that they can ask for your support in dealing with the problem. However, very bad news (such as being laid off) is best delivered in person. Some people prefer to receive bad news later in the day so that it will not interrupt their entire workday. Avoid keeing a personal e-mail account on the job unless welcomed by management. An estimated one-quarter of e-mails received at work are for personal purposes. To resist the temptation of spending too much time with personal e-mails, it is best not to have a personal e-mail account, such as Gmail, on the office computer. You will appear more professional if you avoid the temptation to spend a lot of work time sending and receiving personal e-mails and instant messages. Minimize “BIF” messages in the evening and on weekends. In today’s demanding workplace, it is easy to send “before I forget” messages in the evening, on weekends, and during holidays. Some people will regard you as insensitive to their lifestyle if you badger them outside of regular working hours with e-mail messages. Save your urgent messages for the next workday—unless an immediate exchange of information is essential. Instant messaging requires a few additional considerations for practicing good electronic etiquette: Use instant messaging sparingly because it is interruptive. An instant message is likely to interrupt a person’s concentration on an important task, so it should be sent infrequently. Be careful not to send an instant message to a coworker who you know is working on an analytical task. However, if the company culture encourages the use of instant messaging, you display good interpersonal skill by going with the flow. Don’t be Big Brother. Some bosses use instant messaging to check up on others, to make sure that they are seated at their computer. Never intrude on workers unless it is urgent. Lay down the instant-messaging law. Make sure that your message has some real value to the recipient before jumping right in front of someone’s face. Instant messaging is much like walking into someone’s office or cubicle without an appointment or without knocking. Take it offline. When someone on your buddy list becomes too chatty, don’t vent your frustration. By phone, in person, or through regular e-mail, explain tactfully that you do not have time for processing so many instant messages. Suggest that the two of you might get together for lunch or coffee soon. Set limits to avoid frustration. To avoid constant interruptions, use a polite custom status message, such as “I will be dealing with customers today until 4:40.”

Figure 5-1 E-Mail and Messaging Etiquette

Source: “Communicating Electronically: What Every Manager Needs to Know,” Communication Solutions, Sample Issue, 2008, p. 2; Heinz Tschabitscher, “The Ten Most Important Rules of Email Etiquette,” http://email.about.com/cs/netiquettetips/tp/core_netiquette.htm, accessed September 9, 2013; Monte Enbysk, “Bosses: 10 Tips for Better E-mails,” Microsoft Small Business Center, www.microsoft.com/smallbusiness/resources/technology/communications/bossess_10, 2006; Nancy Flynn, “50% of Bosses Ban Personal E-mail Accounts,” Workplace Communication Examiner (http://www.examiner.com), July 28, 2009; “5 Tactics to Curb E-Mail Overload,” Manager’s Edge, June 2008, p. 6.

As webcam technology continues to improve, and more managers are familiar with the technique, the number of these computer-based interviews is likely to increase. (Unless both parties in a Skype conversation have current hardware and software, the video and audio can be poor.) Some companies use webcam interviews to reduce travel costs, and this type of interview provides more data than a phone call. Christa Foley, recruiting manager at Zappos.com, says, “If you see facial expressions and body language, you have a different sense of what a person is saying.”[6] After candidates are interviewed by webcam, the strongest ones are typically invited for an in-person visit to the company. Foley says that Zappos looks for job candidates who are a little weird and fun.[7]

Above all, a webcam interview is still an interview; so review the interview suggestions in Chapter 17 to appear at your best. In addition, keep in mind the following positive suggestions, all of which imply mistakes to avoid at the same time.[8]

Use even lighting. As with all forms of photography, lighting is a big part of making a successful webcam appearance. A bright light behind you is particularly poor because your face will be in shadow. Lighting bounced off the ceiling works the best for a soft, even image, yet side lighting will often suffice. Do not place a bright light on the computer in front of you to avoid too much glare on your face, particularly if you are light skinned.

Wear appropriate clothing. Dress as if you were having an in-person interview, and minimize the color white because it comes across poorly on computer screens. Loud patterns are also distracting. Unless otherwise directed, it is best to wear a business suit or dress. Investigate what type of clothing job applicants typically wear. For example, if you were applying for a management training position at Home Depot, business casual dress might be appropriate.

Do your best to appear relaxed and not overly stressed. Light exercise and a shower about 30 minutes before the interview will help give you a refreshed look. Use your favorite stress reduction technique shortly before the webcam interview. Familiarity with the webcam technology will help you feel relaxed.

Use or create an uncluttered area free of personal belongings, pets, and television sets. Although your living quarters may be the locale of your interview, you still want to simulate the appearance of a professional office. Tidy up the interview area, and move away as much clutter as possible. Background noise, including a ringing telephone or a television set turned on, would detract from a professional image.

Sit tall with good posture, and stay at approximately the same distance from the computer screen that you do for most of you computer work. The worst posture error webcam interviewees typically make is to move the head within a few inches of the screen. A close-up shot of this nature distorts the face and looks a little bizarre to most interviewers.

Rehearse so that you will be better able to implement the previous five suggestions. Collaborate with someone in your network of contacts to interview each other on webcam. The rehearsal will familiarize you with the technology, and you can also get feedback on the adequacy of the lighting, and how natural and positive you appeared. As was often said in the early days of photography, “Smile, you’re on camera.”

A fundamental reason that rehearsal for a webcam interview is important is that people have a tendency to overrate the image they project on video. A webcam image is, of course, a variation of a video image. Karen Friedman, a video presentation trainer, has this to say about the importance of getting accurate feedback on the video image you project:

People will tell you that they’re perceived as dynamic, engaging, and interesting, with full command of the material. And when they see themselves on videotape or DVD and it’s a rude awakening, because they see how other people really see them. You can pick up odd mannerisms you’re not aware of. You may have the words down and the verbal techniques, but your body language might give away that you’re nervous or unsure of yourself.[9]

“Your multitasking skills are second to none. You process information at lightning speed and have the organizational skills to manage multiple projects at once. Rising to the top under pressure while managing many different initiatives will set you apart from the crowd.”

—Brandi Blades, vice president of marketing at Gen Y talent acquisition agency Brill Street + Company, talking about how young professionals can use their youth to advantage during the job hunt and in the workplace[10]

Interpersonal Aspects of Multitasking

Multitasking has two meanings, and the difference is of major significance for interpersonal relationships. One meaning of multitasking is that you have two or more projects that you are working on, but you do not work on these projects at the same time. For example, a person might be responsible for investigating customer complaints as well as purchasing new furniture for the office. In the morning she works on the complaints, and in the afternoon she negotiates a furniture purchase. The other type of multitasking creates more potential interpersonal problems. With this type of multitasking, the person does two or more things simultaneously, such as visiting an office furniture Web site while talking on the phone with a dissatisfied customer.

Multitasking

(a) Having two or more projects that you are working on, but you do not work on these projects at the same time. (b) Doing two or more tasks simultaneously.

Chapter 16 deals with the productivity problems often associated with multitasking. Also, the The earlier discussion of cell phone use described the insensitivity of accepting and sending calls while talking to another person (a frequent type of multitasking). Here we explain how multitasking might have (a) a positive influence on interpersonal relationships and (b) a negative influence on interpersonal skills.

Multitasking and Positive Interpersonal Skills

In some situations, performing two tasks at once can enhance interpersonal skills because you are helping another person. Imagine that Sally asks Fernando for help in inserting accents into Spanish words, such as wanting to convert “carino” into “cariño” (with caring). Fernando sits down next to Sally at her computer, and says, “Watch me, Sally. I’m moving my hand over to the Num Lock keyboard. With a finger on my left hand, I press Alt. Then with a finger on my right hand, I press 0241 in sequence. See, we have an ñ. Next, I will show you how to use the character map that will get you all the Spanish accents you will ever need.”

Fernando is indeed doing two tasks at once—manipulating the keyboard and talking to Sally. If he had not multitasked, he would not have been a good tutor. Fernando is also not being rude because he has Sally’s implicit permission to multitask. A lot of coaching and tutoring requires multitasking of the nature just described.

The scenario of Sally and Fernando illustrates another key principle of using multitasking to enhance interpersonal skills. When two people are holding a conversation for purposes of joint problem solving, multitasking will sometimes enhance the problem solving, thereby creating a stronger interpersonal relationship. Visualize Mike and Tammy driving together on a business trip. Mike is driving, and his vehicle is not equipped with a GPS. Mike says to Tammy, “I think we may have missed the Liberty Road exit on this highway. It would be a nightmare to exit and find the way back. What should we do?”

“Hold on Mike,” says Tammy. I’ll access the GPS app on my BlackBerry and get us centered in a minute.” Fifty seconds later, Tammy says to Mike while still looking at the screen on her BlackBerry, “We’re good. The Liberty Road exit is 5.6 miles down the road. We’ll make a right turn off the exit ramp.”

Multitasking and Negative Interpersonal Skills

The major negative interpersonal skill aspect of multitasking is that it trivializes the person with whom you are interacting, as described with cell phone abuse. Imagine you are listening to a coworker who is describing a proposed solution to a problem. You shift your gaze to your computer so that you can seek who just “poked” you on Facebook. This immediately sends the message that your “poker” is more important at the moment than your coworker who wanted to discuss a legitimate work problem.

Another negative interpersonal skill associated with multitasking is more subtle. When you respond to an electronic interruption, such as an instant message or an e-mail alert, your attention is sapped for more time than it takes to read the message. You have to recover from the interruption and refocus your attention on your work associate. While you are in the recovery mode, perhaps even 30 seconds, you are paying less than full attention to the other person.[11] This inattentiveness is made obvious by the blank stare on your face or recovery murmurs such as “yeah, yeah.”

Multitasking can be particularly disruptive to others when working in the open spaces used by so many companies to foster collaboration. Coworkers are subject to a constant stream of people talking on the phone while performing other tasks. The noise level alone may create stress for others, leading to strained interpersonal relationships.[12]

A major contributing factor to the negative intepersonal consequences of multitasking is that many people today suffer from nomophobia, the fear of being without a mobile phone. (The term stems from “no mobile.”) Nomophobics feel anxious when not using or touching a smartphone or even when the phone battery is low. A lost phone can result in a panic attack. It therefore becomes difficult for many people to engage in interactions with others unless they are using a mobile gadget.

Nomophobia

The fear of being without a mobile phone.

Harassment of Others

A negative consequence of communication technology in the workplace is that it is easier to harass coworkers than in the analog age. To harass coworkers in the past, it was necessary to say nasty things to them in person, telephone them in a menacing way, write them threatening notes, or send them upsetting words on paper or photographs. The Internet, including e-mail and the Web, has made it much easier to harass people.

Creating a hostile environment by displaying pornography to coworkers who do not want to see it has become one of the most frequent forms of harassment. Aside from being rude, sexual harassment through pornography has frequently been ruled as illegal. A representative example is that the 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals in New York State consistently has ruled that “the mere presence of pornography in a workplace can alter the ‘status’ of women and may be objective proof of a hostile environment.”[13] (A hostile environment is one of the two forms of sexual harassment as described in Chapter 9.)

An employee can be accused of hostile environment harassment by simply leaving open a porn site on his or her desktop. Sending coworkers sexually oriented jokes by e-mail can result in similar accusations. If you work for a company that distributes adult films, pornography would be part of your job, and you therefore might be excluded from the harassment accusation.

Harassment can also deal with a person’s race or ethnicity, such as making insulting comments or jokes about a person’s race. Age is another demographic factor that could possibly lead to a person being harassed, such as continuous joking by e-mail that a senior worker was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.

Harassing others through communication technology is a negative interpersonal skill. A possible positive twist would be that the person who abstains 100 percent from any computer-related actions that could be interpreted as harassment is demonstrating a positive interpersonal skill. A behavioral specific would be to delete without opening an advertisement for adult videos that made its way past the company spam filter.

Interpersonal Skills for Social Networking and Small Audiences

Learning Objective 2

Learning Objective 3

Interpersonal skills related to the digital age are also demonstrated while interacting with large numbers of people, as well as groups. Among these settings are social networking by Internet, using laptop and netbook computers and smartphones during a meeting, making electronic presentations, videoconferencing, telecommuting, and preserving your online reputation. You will notice that a couple of these settings could be focused more on an individual than a large number of people or a group. For example, you might be sending a message on a social networking site to one person, and while telecommuting you might be interacting with one person.

Social Networking by Internet

Almost infinite knowledge exists about social networking, including its technology, application for building a personal network, and marketing.[14] Included in this abundance of information is how Twitter and Facebook have completely transformed the way we live,

PBNJ Productions/Getty Images

and how e-mail has now become obsolete because of social networking sites. Our aim here is to simply list a few of the positive and negative interpersonal skills associated with the use of social networking sites.

Positive Interpersonal Skills and Social Networking

The use of Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and the like provides the serious worker with several opportunities for displaying positive interpersonal skills, as follows:

Demonstrate your loyalty by posting gracious comments about your employer. Social networking sites include a heavy component of being mini-blogs, and therefore present an open forum for your ideas about the company. You can demonstrate empathy and compassion for the mission of your company by commenting on an action taken by the company that you perceive as positive. An example: “I’m proud to work for the Jeep division of Fiat/Chrysler. My wife and our three children were caught in a snow storm. I put my Cherokee into four-wheel drive and made it through the storm until we could find a motel. There were dozens of overturned vehicles, but we made it to safety. The vehicle stabilization feature really functions.”

Display your compassion for people in need. Post on the company social networking site, and also a public site, that you want to help people in need in some specific way. For example, you might state that you have a bunch of clothing that you want to give to a needy family in any way associated with the company. Or explain that you have developed your language tutoring skills, and you are willing to help for free any person who needs help in learning to read. Compassion might be considered a value, but it also translates into a skill in terms of helping people.

Demonstrate professional-level communication skills. When making entries on Twitter in particular, many people feel compelled to write carelessly, foolishly, and viciously. Demonstrate your professionalism by writing in a style suited for a printed newspaper or a term paper. Remember that many influential people regard written communication skills as a subset of interpersonal skills.

Demonstrate a willingness to collaborate with others. A major purpose of business networking Web sites is to foster collaboration and cooperation among workers. [15]  A worker therefore displays positive interpersonal skills by taking the initiative to demonstrate a willingness to collaborate with others. When asked for information by another worker, respond promptly and positively. A related positive approach is to ask to collaborate, such as taking the initiative to ask to contribute when you are made aware of a project being undertaken that fits your skill set and knowledge. Assume that a person works at Godiva, the luxury chocolate maker. He notices a posting about the company getting ready to expand into Hungary. A worker whose family is from Hungary might post the following: “I know the Hungarian culture pretty well. Can I be of help in this expansion of Godiva?”

Pay deserved compliments to company personnel. The ability to compliment others in a sensible way is an advanced interpersonal skill. Complimenting a person in private may be useful, but public compliments are welcome also. An example of a Facebook post of this nature: “I want everybody to know that Tom Barnes, our facilities manager, spearheaded the planting of a garden on the office building roof. We are saving the planet, one petunia at a time.”

Establish meaningful contact with workers far and wide. The major purpose of social networking is to develop valuable contacts with many people with whom it would be difficult to maintain person-to-person or phone contact. Selective use of social networking sites enables you to relate, at least on a written level, to a variety of people in your fields. You might be able to enhance your cross-cultural skills by interacting with professionals in different countries. (LinkedIn is particularly good for this purpose because virtually all of its members have a professional intent.)

Display a desire to help others grow and develop. Social networking sites afford an easy opportunity to point others toward helpful information, such as referring friends to useful Web sites and books. You can also alert people to dangers, such as a new scam related to the sale of gold. Although the same type of alerts can be accomplished by e-mail, social networking sites do not require long distribution lists. By pointing people in the direction of useful information, you will be demonstrating part of a useful interpersonal skill of helping others grow and develop. Instead of just writing about yourself on your post, include information that will help others.

Negative Interpersonal Skills and Social Networking

Social networking provides a setting for displaying negative as well as positive interpersonal skills. In general, all of the positive opportunities mentioned previously could be reversed to become negative. For example, instead of helping others grow and develop with postings on your site or their site, you slam and demean these people. Several adolescent suicides have been reported that appeared to have been triggered by being insulted on a teen-oriented social networking site. The following list presents a few ways in which negative interpersonal skills are sometimes displayed on social networking sites.

Using social networking sites to eliminate face-to-face interactions with work associates. As with e-mail, social networking sites provide an opportunity to avoid face-to-face interaction with coworkers, managers, and customers. However, the temptation is even greater with social networking sites because they tout the concept of being “friends” with people on your list of electronic contacts. A person might think consciously or subconsciously, “If my customer is already my friend, why should I have to talk to or personally visit him? Our relationship is already good.” If all relationships could be built and maintained electronically, you would not need to be studying human relations.

Showing the same casual attitude and approach on social business networks that is often used on public social networking sites. Social networking sites for business purposes such as  Salesforce.com  and Yammer are designed for company-wide information sharing and collaboration. Because these Web sites have the feel and look of general social networking sites, it is easy for many workers to communicate to coworkers and managers in an overly casual, cavalier, and often offensive manner. [16]  An example is this post: “Are you there? Why the       haven’t u answered me?”

Posting confidential or derogatory information about your employer. In the words of technology writer Bridget Carey, “Employees need to realize some conversations are privileged. Just because you’re in a meeting about a new product, or worse, layoffs, doesn’t mean you should be broadcasting to the world.” [17]  Posting negative information and insults about your employer demonstrates even lower emotional intelligence. Nasty comments about the employer, even if deserved, are often made out of uncontrolled anger. Thousands of employees have been fired because of making inflammatory comments on social networking sites (particularly Facebook) about their employers. [18]  Poor interpersonal skill is also displayed by joining a social networking group dedicated to destroying the reputation of your employer.

Posting extremely negative online reviews about other companies because of dissatisfaction with their products or services. It is almost inveitable that people will occasionally be frustrated with their customer experience at a given store or on the phone. The online reviews on social networks have become a natural place to post rants condemning the company that delivered a defective product or service. [19]  For example, “The name of this phone service provider should be ‘The Pits.’ The staff is stupid and uncooperative. Avoid this company like the plague.” Not only does a rant like this project rudeness toward the company in question, it might make you appear emotionally immature to your own employer (assuming the the post is viewed by a representative of your employer.) If you are job hunting, hiring managers and recruiters may not take kindly to your rants.

Posting derogatory information about and photos of a coworker. Social networking site administrators generally do not edit posts, so anybody registered on the site can post dreadful comments about another person as a mean prank or a deliberate effort to ruin the target’s reputation. YouTube can serve a similar evil purpose. Some of these negative posts reflect backstabbing because another person encourages you to engage in embarrassing behavior. He or she may quote you, or post a photo or video of you engaged in outrageous behavior.

Engaging in social networking at inappropriate times. Many “Tweeters” in particular are so habituated to visiting their favorite social networking site that they do so at inappropriate times, such as during work. Several NFL teams, including the Miami Dolphins, had to clamp down on players tweeting during practice. Many office workers access their social networking sites during meetings. The interpersonal skill deficiency of accessing a social network site for nonbusiness purposes during working hours is that it reflects insensitivity and immaturity. (Print-related distractions would also be unwelcome, such as doing crossword puzzles during a football practice or in a meeting.)

Bragging too much about being an “online celebrity.” A small percentage of the workforce has so many followers, contacts, and friends on social media that they view themselves as online celebrities or as having an Internet brand of their own. [20]  A person who is willing to spend endless hours at the task can usually accumulate thousands of Internet contacts. It is even possible to purchase thousands of these contacts for a few hundred dollars. The negative interpersonal skill in question is when the worker with thousands of contacts brags about being a brand as important as the employer or being an online celebrity. An example of this type of bragging is informing your coworkers, “Hooray for me. My followers on Twitter now number 10,000, and the number is growing by the hour.”

Laptop and Smartphone Use during Meetings

Whether the use of laptop and netbook computers as well as smartphones during meetings enhances your interpersonal skills depends on company custom and why you are using your computer. Some companies welcome computer use during meetings, while in other companies such practice is considered distracting and inconsiderate. Laptops are widely used during meetings at the business process consulting company Accenture.

At Ford Motor Company, CEO Alan Mulally is adamant about meetings not being interrupted by people using their BlackBerrys or laptop computers or by holding side conversations.[21] Another example of a company intent on boosting the productivity of meetings by banning digital devices is Adaptive Path, a design firm in San Francisco. Meeting participants must leave their laptops on their desks, and they must place mobile phones on a counter or in a box.[22]

The practice of consulting a smartphone during a meeting has the potential to annoy, therefore detracting from the image of the smartphone user. An example is Joel L. Klein, the former New York City schools chancellor. He has gained such a negative reputation for checking his BlackBerry during meetings that some parents joke that they might be better off sending him an e-mail message.[23]

As with cell phones, when laptop computers and smartphones are used at meetings to facilitate information gathering (with permission), they can enhance interpersonal skills. If you contribute to the purpose of the meeting and are not being rude or interruptive, you are displaying good interpersonal skill. Imagine you are present at a marketing meeting of a swimsuit designer and manufacturer. The head of marketing says, “We have been thinking of finding a distributor in Alaska, but I wonder what percentage of Alaskans own a swimsuit?” You say, “If you would like, give me five minutes to search the Internet for a factual answer to your question.” Particularly if you find a plausible answer, you will be perceived as constructive.

The etiquette aspect of laptops, netbooks, and smartphones at meetings has created a spirited debate. People with traditional attitudes about etiquette say the use of smartphones at meetings is as gauche as ordering out for pizza. In contrast, techno-evangelists insist that to ignore real-time text messages invites peril because so many people demand an immediate response to these messages.[24] Again, to avoid being perceived as gauche (rude), follow the corporate culture. Skill-Building Exercise 5-2 deals with this issue.

Skill-Building Exercise 5-2

 

Justifying Laptop Use during a Meeting

Five students play the role of a group of workers who are developing a marketing campaign for a new energy drink, Vitalize27. Ideas are flying around the meeting room. One student plays the role of a member of the group who suddenly opens a laptop computer and begins watching the screen. By mistake the audio is turned on, and the other members of the group can easily hear that the laptop user has accessed a sports channel, ESPN.com. The laptop user gets a few frowns and some stern questioning from the team leader. The student playing the role of the laptop user must present a sensible and diplomatic excuse as to why he or she was tuned into ESPN during the meeting. Another student plays the role of the team leader, who is disappointed with the behavior he or she has observed. The other three role players might make any comments they deem to be appropriate.

Observers rate the role players on two dimensions, using a 1-to-5 scale from very poor (1) to very good (5). One dimension is “effective use of human relations techniques.” The second dimension is “acting ability.” A few observers might voluntarily provide feedback to the role players in terms of sharing their ratings and observations. The course instructor might also provide feedback.

Interpersonal Aspects of Presentation Technology

Presentation technology has become almost synonymous with PowerPoint and other computer graphics programs. However, presentation technology also includes laptops, data projectors, remote controls, and presentation software. The use of presentation technology provides an exceptional opportunity to display interpersonal skills—good or poor. In the words of Whitey Bluestein, an advisor to technology companies, “. . . the best presentations are based on the value of the content, the skill of the delivery, and the charisma of the speaker.”[25]

The biggest challenge in using presentation technology is to maintain a human presence while still making effective use of the technology. Among the obvious indicators of good interpersonal skill during an electronic presentation are to maintain eye contact with the audience, smile, show a sense of humor, and interact with the audience. Among the potential displays of negative interpersonal skills are reading detailed slides to the audience, not maintaining eye contact, and continuous fiddling with your equipment, thereby ignoring participants at the meeting.

A practical way of maintaining a human presence is to tell a story, and use a few slides to support the story.[26] For example, a cost accountant making a PowerPoint presentation might tell a story about a pharmaceutical firm that went bankrupt because it did not carefully track how much it cost to make the drugs. The accountant might present a graph showing how costs began to outpace revenue for a drug that reduced inflammation in the joints.

All you have learned about making presentations (or public speaking) applies even though you might be tapping a key on your laptop computer while making a presentation. Self-Assessment Quiz 5-2 presents a checklist of behaviors that summarizes major points of demonstrating effective interpersonal skills during a presentation. Many people who are watching you make a presentation will be making judgments about your interpersonal and cognitive skills. One reason is that the digitized workplace has decreased other opportunities, such as visits to your work area, to form judgments about you.

Videoconferencing and Telepresence

Videoconferencing and teleconferencing place extra demands on making a good first impression and demonstrating good interpersonal skills. Telepresence is an advanced form of videoconferencing that comes closer to simulating a face-to-face meeting. Some telepresence meetings are set up in studios with a bank of high-definition screens and cameras. Others telepresence meetings are accomplished through robots containing the necessary electronics. Images are presented on giant screens, much like high-end television receivers. Keep the following considerations in mind for creating a good impression and demonstrating sensitivity to the situation at a videoconference:[27]

Choose your clothing carefully. Some participants expect the screen to display only their upper torso, and therefore wear business attire above the waist and perhaps shorts and sports shoes below. Busy patterns do not look good on camera.

Self-Assessment Quiz 5-2

 

The Presentation Technology Checklist of Interpersonal Behaviors

Directions: Indicate whether each of the following statements is mostly true or mostly false as it applies to you (or would apply to you if you were in the situation indicated by the statement).

Statement Number	Mostly True	Mostly False
1. I make frequent eye contact with as many members of theaudience as feasible.
2. I like to present a large number of slides in rapid sequence justto dazzle the audience.
3. I tend to get irritated if a member of the audience disagreeswith one of my points.
4. I will often attempt to loosen up the audience by telling a jokerelated to nationality, age, or hair color.
5. I attempt to pack as much information onto a slide as possible, even it requires using a 10-point font.
6. If somebody in the audience complains about not being able tohear me, I like to retort with a negative comment like, “Have you had your hearing checked lately?”
7. I smile frequently during my presentation.
8. I explain to the members of the audience that they can revisitmy presentation on a specific Web site, or that I am willing to send them an e-mail attachment of the presentation.
9. At the end of the presentation, I will typically thank the audiencefor having watched.
10. I will ask the audience an open-ended question such as, “Whatquestions do you have?” rather than a close-ended question like, “Any questions?”

Scoring and Interpretation:

Give yourself one point (11) for each statement you gave in agreement with the keyed answer. The keyed answer indicates a positive interpersonal skill for presentation technology.

Mostly true

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly false

Mostly true

Mostly true

Mostly true

Mostly true

9–10: You have good skills related to the interpersonal aspects of presentation technology.

1–8: You have much room for improvement in terms of your skills related to the interpersonal aspects of presentation technology.

Clothing may be more superficial than interpersonal skill, but your choice of clothing reflects on your judgment and how seriously you take the conference.

Speak in crisp, conversational tones, and pay close attention. Maintain eye contact with live participants and remote viewers; this is an important interpersonal skill, as it is with presentation technologies. Getting up to leave the room looks particularly bad on camera.

Never forget the powerful reach of the video camera. Behavior such as falling asleep or rolling the eyes in response to an executive’s suggestions are readily seen by associates in the same and other locations. Such behavior is likely to be interpreted as indicative of immaturity. It is also important to stay within reach of camcorders in both videoconferencing and telepresence. A recurring problem is that when a person stands to stretch or simply to pause from sitting down, the person may appear headless—hardly a way to establish rapport with people at other sites.

Avoid culturally insensitive gestures. For example, large hand and body motions make many Asians uncomfortable. Also, extreme behaviors sometimes appear magnified on video camera, although they might be less distracting in person.

Decrease nervousness about video interviews by rehearsing. Use a camcorder to see how you appear and sound during a practice interview, engaging the help of a friend. Solicit his or her feedback about your performance. Appearing relaxed during a videoconference helps you project the important interpersonal skill of being self-confident.

Interpersonal Skills Linked to Telecommuting

As illustrated in the chapter introduction, people who work from home face challenges to their interpersonal skills related to communication. Telecommuters can communicate abundantly via electronic devices, but they miss out on the face-to-face interactions so vital for dealing with complex problems. Another communication problem telecommuters face is feeling isolated from activities at the main office and missing out on the encouragement and recognition that take place in face-to-face encounters. (Of course, many telecommuters prefer to avoid such contact.) Many telecommuters have another communications problem: Because they have very little face-to-face communication with key people in the organization, they believe that they are passed over for promotion. Most telecommuters spend some time in the traditional office, yet they miss the day-by-day contact.

Another communication problem with telecommuting is that it lacks a solid human connection. As one telecommuting marketing consultant put it, face time is critical for building empathy. “It’s a human connection. It takes time, and human beings need visual cues, the symbols of being together and caring for one another.”[28] To combat the problem of isolation, most companies schedule some face time with remote workers perhaps every few months. At a minimum, a supervisor might phone the teleworkers at least once a week, or hold a monthly videoconference.[29]

To display positive interpersonal skills as a worker from home or other remote location, the individual should make good use of the limited face-to-face contact he or she has with other workers. Display warmth toward and interest in work associates. Staying in touch online with a human relations twist is also important. Occasionally asking how the other person is doing is helpful, as is an occasional question about the person’s interests or family life. Co-working (using shared office space) places extra demands on being cordial and friendly because the other people who rent co-working space came there in part for the opportunity to interact with other remote workers.[30] Also, because the space is so cramped, negative behaviors such as shouting on the phone and swearing in frustration should be minimized.

Many telecommuters are asked to attend an occasional company meeting. On these occasions, it is important to display high enthusiasm. To keep interpersonal skills sharp, it is good to interact with store associates and service workers such as the postal service and package delivery workers. The designer described at the chapter outset kept his interpersonal skills in use by interacting with other workers sharing the same office space.

Successful telecommuters also need the interpersonal skill of being able to work well without supervision. You also need to be able to work well in isolation, and not be dependent on frequent interaction with coworkers or a supervisor.[31] High-maintenance employees who need frequent praise and attention are much better suited for working in a traditional office than working from home.

Avoiding Damage to Your Online Reputation

Postings on the Internet, including newspaper articles, blogs, and video Web sites, can rapidly broadcast favorable or unfavorable data about your interpersonal skills and judgment. Based largely on the Internet, much more information about a person’s private life has become public. Some aspects of your personal life therefore affect your professional reputation. If an Internet blog contends that a given individual was an accessory to an armed robbery, that person’s job might become in jeopardy.[32]

Matt Zimmerman, senior staff attorney for the Electronic Frontier Foundation, explains the importance of having a squeaky clean reputation in these terms: “Now we have this giant megaphone of the Internet, where every little whisper about someone shows up in Google.”[33]

A positive interpersonal and cognitive skill is therefore to avoid having embarrassing information or photographs linked to you accessible through search engines. A CareerBuilder survey found that 65 peercent of the employers surveyed said they visited social media to investigate whether a given job candidate presents himself or herself professionally.[34] Many career-minded people who are concerned that a photograph of them posted on the Internet might damage their reputation are using a mobile application that deletes the photo within ten seconds. Such software is not designed for desktop computers.[35]

Your reputation can also be damaged by posting extreme viewpoints on the Web because these extreme viewpoints might be unwelcome by employers who want to avoid offending customers or potential customers. Two examples of extreme viewpoints are stating that (a) all people who wear fur coats should be physically attacked, and (b) all investment bankers who earn more than $2 million in an annual bonus should be sent to jail.

Another aspect of your online reputation is that you might need to distance yourself from others who share your name. If you have a LinkedIn or Facebook profile, insert a clear photo of yourself. During a job search, when you send your résumé either as a hard copy by mail or via the Internet, provide a link to your profile. Also, alert present or prospective employers if someone with the same name as yours has a negative online presence. A challenge in terms of job hunting is that an Internet search has become part of the employer’s background investigation. Negative information about oneself on the Web can sometimes be removed by request or by hiring a service for such purposes.

Concept Review and Reinforcement

Key Terms

multitasking   113

nomophobia   114

Summary

Effective interpersonal skills help make good use of the communication and information technology surrounding us in the workplace. Interactions with people one at a time create the majority of opportunities for displaying interpersonal skills related to the digital age. Smartphones, cell phones, and text messaging represent an enormous opportunity for displaying good, as well as poor, interpersonal skills. An example of a positive skill is to ask your work associate if he or she would like you to access an item of work-related information using your cell phone. An example of a negative skill is work-related driving under the influence of a cell phone, including text messaging.

E-mail messages and instant messaging (IM) provide another opportunity for displaying positive as well as negative interpersonal skills related to the digital age. The way in which a message is sent, positive or negative, tells something about the sender. Figure 5-1 summarizes a large amount of information about etiquette related to e-mail and instant messaging.

Another interpersonal skill useful in the digital age is to perform well during a webcam interview. Performing well in such an interview combines interpersonal skills with those related to communication technology. In some situations, performing two tasks at once can enhance interpersonal skills because you are helping another person, as is often done in coaching and tutoring. The major negative interpersonal skill aspect of multitasking is that it trivializes the person with whom you are interacting.

A negative consequence of communication technology in the workplace is that it is easier to harass coworkers than in the analog age. Creating a hostile environment by displaying pornography to workers who do not want to see it has become one of the most frequent forms of harassment.

Positive interpersonal skills associated with social networking include (1) demonstrating your loyalty by posting gracious comments about your employer, (2) displaying your compassion for people in need, (3) demonstrating professional-level communication skills, and (4) demonstrating a willingness to collaborate with others.

Negative interpersonal skills associated with social networking include (a) using social networking sites to eliminate face-to-face interactions with work associates, (2) posting confidential or derogatory information about your employer, (3) engaging in social networking at inappropriate times, and (4) bragging too much about being an “online celebrity.”

Whether the use of laptop and notebook computers as well as smartphones during meetings enhances your interpersonal skills depends on company custom and why you are using your computer. When laptop computers and smartphones are used at meetings to facilitate information gathering (with permission), they can enhance interpersonal skills.

The biggest challenge in using presentation technology is to maintain a human presence while still making effective use of the technology. An example of a positive interpersonal skill is maintaining eye contact with the audience; a negative skill is continuous fiddling with the equipment, thereby ignoring the audience.

Videoconferencing and telepresence place extra demands on creating a good first impression and demonstrating good interpersonal skills. A positive skill is to speak in crisp, conversational tones and pay close attention. People who work from home face challenges to their interpersonal skills related to communication. To display positive interpersonal skills, the worker from home should make good use of the limited face-to-face contact he or she has with other workers.

Protecting your online reputation is a skill. A positive interpersonal and cognitive skill is therefore to avoid having embarrassing information and photographs linked to you accessible through search engines. Many employers search social media sites to observe if a job candidate presents himself or herself professionally.

Questions for Discussion and Review

You and a coworker are having a work-related conversation, seated on a bench outside the office building during your lunch break. Your friend’s smartphone rings; he notices from the number that the boss is calling, so he answers the call immediately. Explain whether or not it is appropriate for your friend to have answered the call.

Assume that you send an instant message to the company CEO stating that you enjoy working for the company. Explain whether you think the CEO is obliged to respond immediately, or at all, to your message.

Assume that you send some useful information to a coworker, and he or she sends back an e-mail message or text thanking you. How important is it that you send back a reply that he or she is welcome?

Your author posted a message on the White House Web site in 2013, suggesting that the government conduct a nationwide charity drive to help reduce the federal debt. Two months later, President Barack Obama responded with an e-mail from the White House, addressed to “Dear Friend.” The e-mail contained a detailed description of the president’s plans for the economy. What does the interaction just described tell you about the digital interpersonal skills of President Obama (or his staff)?

What should a person who is invited for a webcam job interview do if he or she does not feel telegenic (photogenic on TV) to perform well in such an interview?

What might you be able to do in the next several days to demonstrate on Facebook or Twitter a positive aspect of your interpersonal skills?

Imagine that you are attending an in-person meeting as your favorite sports team is playing a championship game in a different time zone. Explain whether you would take a quick peek at the score from time to time on your smartphone during the meeting.

Give an example of one of the best displays of interpersonal skills you have seen in a PowerPoint presentation by one of your professors.

How might a person who telecommutes four days a week demonstrate to management that he or she has good interpersonal skills?

What could you possibly do to use YouTube to demonstrate to others that you have good interpersonal skills?

The Web Corner

http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/28/tech/mobile/netiquette-eight-phone-habits/

(Avoiding smartphone rudeness.)

http://www.virginmediabusiness.co.uk/Business-needs/Outlook-Magazine/Video-conferencing-Skills/

(Presenting yourself well during a videoconference.)

http://inspirationfeed.com/articles/blogging/how-to-develop-a-constructive-online-reputation/

(Developing a good online reputation.)

Internet Skill Builder: Interpersonal Skills of a Technology Executive

Think of a well-known information technology executive, such as the late Steve Jobs at Apple or Marissa Mayer at Yahoo!. Arrive at a judgment about his or her interpersonal skills through video research on the Internet. For example, you might find a brief video of your target executive on YouTube, Hulu, or Facebook. Based on this small sample of behavior, reach any conclusion you can about the technology executive’s interpersonal skills. Two traits to judge would be rudeness and insensitivity to people, because some well-known technology executives have the reputation of treating others poorly. Forget about the opinion of others; you are the judge in this assignment.

Developing Your Human Relations Skills

Interpersonal Relations Case 5.1

Sonya Takes Chances on Yammer

Sonya is a product placement specialist for an international manufacturer and distributor of a wide variety of beverages and snack foods. As a product placement specialist, her key role is to get company products displayed in movies, on TV, in video games, on social media, and even in TV ads for other products. One example would be to have someone in a film waiting for a bus sipping one of the company’s non-carbonated beverages. Another example of product placement would be an advertisement for an automobile in which people seated in the car are holding a bag of tortillas made by the company.

Six months ago Sonya’s company signed on with Yammer, essentially a social network for employees. Top management thought that Yammer would enhance communication among employees, leading to more creativity. Also, employees could quickly access relevant information without having to send so many e-mails to other employees. Along with any employee she spoke to, Sonya enjoyed communicating her ideas so freely and also having quick access to the thoughts of others.

One day Bruce, the director of product placement, sent Sonya an e-mail asking her to meet with him that afternoon in his office to discuss her over-the-top use of Yammer. Two minutes into the meeting, Bruce said to Sonya, “Here is what I’m talking about. I have accessed four of your Yammer postings that I think are over the top in terms of being a little rude and unprofessional.” The Yammer posts in question were as follows:

I had a great idea this morning. Why not a product placement at an open-coffin funeral? The corpse could be holding a bag of barbeque chips and a bottle of our vitamin water.

I’m a little worried about our vice president of finance. Have you seen her face lately? It looks like her boyfriend left her or her dog has been diagnosed with a brain tumor.

I heard an unconfirmed rumor today that our revenues are going to take a big hit next quarter. It seems that consumers are getting tired of paying premium prices for big-brand names and are shifting a little more to store brands.

Those penny pinchers in the finance department are questioning how much we are paying for product placements. If they knew anything about marketing, they would know that what we are doing has a tremendous return on investment.

Sonya looked at the posts and replied, “Okay, the jokes are a little edgy. But the other comments are totally honest. I thought the purpose of Yammer was for employees to engage in open communication.”

Case Questions

What is your evaluation of the criticisms that Bruce made of Sonya’s posts?

What suggestions can you make to Sonya to improve her interpersonal skills for the digital world? (Or, does she need any improvement based on the evidence presented in this case?)

Interpersonal Relations Role-Play

Bruce Confronts Sonya about Her Yammer Posts

Bruce decides that he needs a face-to-face meeting with Sonya to discuss her Yammer posts because she continues to write posts that many people might find objectionable. One person plays the role of Bruce, who does not want to violate Sonya’s freedom of expression, but does want her to use better judgment with respect to her Yammer posts. Another student plays the role of Sonya, who believes that open criticism and playfulness is acceptable on Yammer. Run the role-play for about seven minutes, and see if the two role players can resolve this issue about the use of Yammer.

Interpersonal Relations Case 5.2

Kevin, the Twitter Guy

Kevin, a real estate agent specializing in low-priced homes in Detroit, Michigan, is an avid Twitter user. He spends approximately two hours per day checking out his followers and the people he is following. Kevin posts about six tweets a day with the hope of building his reputation as an intelligent professional, as well as obtaining referrals of potential homebuyers. The contents of 10 tweets Kevin posted last month are presented next.

The #Detroit Lions might be good this season. Owing a home in downtown is a good investment. [email protected].

My buddies love my barbeques. Get in touch to buy a house. [email protected].

Looks like I have pinkeye today. Send along your home-hunting friends. [email protected].

I tried one of those #electronic cigarettes. No thanks. Home ownership is a great investment. [email protected].

My niece sent me a Valentine’s Day card saying she loves me. [email protected].

Just advised my folks to get a #reverse mortgage. I told them home ownership is good. [email protected].

Keep an eye on your #BMI (body mass index). Did you know that I sell houses? [email protected].

I may need a new transmission on my SUV. I’m waiting for a referral from you guys. [email protected].

It’s hot and my AC in the SUV is down. Home ownership is the American Dream. [email protected].

Did you know that Domino’s has made its pizzas spicier and tastier? Pizza goes great with a house. [email protected].

Case Questions

How well is Kevin doing in terms of projecting the image of an intelligent professional?

What advice might you give to Kevin so that his tweeting might lead to more referrals?

To what extent is Kevin just wasting time with his Twitter activity?

References

Several of the facts in this case are from Jessica Marquez, “Corporations Footing the Bill for Co-Working,” Workforce Management, August 11, 2008, pp. 10–11; Jeffrey Blackwell, “Shared Spaces,” RocNext, Democrat and Chronicle, August 19, 2012, pp. 1E, 5E.

Many of the ideas in this list are based on the following sources: Louise Lee, “Cell? Well . . . Use Your Phone for Good, Not Evil,” Business Week Small Biz, February/March 2009, p. 22; Catherine Hatcher, “11 Rules For Good Cell Phone Etiquette,” http://cbs1tv.com , Accessed December 30, 2007; Amy Novotney, “Dangerous Distractions,” Monitor on Psychology, February 2009, pp. 32–3; Elizabeth Bernstein, “The Miscommunicators,” The Wall Street Journal, July 3, 2012, pp. D1, D3.

The sources in endnote 2 also apply to endnote 3. In addition are the following: Rachel Emma Silverman, “Here’s Why You Won’t Finish This Article,” The Wall Street Journal, December 12, 2012, pp. B1, B6; Alex Williams, “Mind Your BlackBerry or Mind Your Manners,” The New York Times ( http://www.nytimes.com ); “Cell Phone Etiquette at the Office, Articlesbase, April 27, 2009; Lynette Spicer, “Civility in the Workplace,” Iowa State University Extension, (http://www.extension.iastate.edu/mt/civility), May 4, 2009.

Quoted in Christine Rosen, “Our Cell Phones, Ourselves,” The New Atlantis, p. 31.

Research cited in Novotney, “Dangerous Distractions,” Summer 2004, p. 32.

Quoted in Barbara Kiviat, “Résumé? Check. Nice Suit? Check. Webcam?” Time Magazine, November 9, 2009, p. 50.

“Christa Foley, Recruiting Manager,  Zappos.com ,”  Chequed.com  ( http://www.chequed.com/hr-interview-series ), April 7, 2011, p. 1.

Several of the suggestions for what to do and what not to do during a webcam interview are from Kiviat, “Résumé? Check. Nice Suit? Check. Webcam?” Time Magazine, November 9, 2009, p. 50.

Quoted in Abby Ellis, “Auditioning in a Video Résumé,” The New York Times (  http://www.nytimes.com  ), April 21, 2007, p. 3.

Quoted in Heather Huhman, “Use Youth to Your Advantage,”  http://www.examiner.com , accessed April 21, 2009.

Paul Hemp, “Death by Information Overload,”Harvard Business Review, September 2009, p. 85.

Rachel Emma Silverman, “Here’s Why You Won’t Finish This Article,” The Wall Street Journal, December 12, 2012, pp. B1, B6.

“Goes Without Saying, but Say It Anyway: No Porn at Work,” HR Specialist: New York Employment Law, June 2008, p. 1.

For a useful perspective on how social networking is changing society, see Steven Johnson, “How Twitter Will Change the Way We Live.” Time, June 15, 2009, pp. 32–37.

Ronald Deiser and Sylvain Newton, “Six Social-Media Skills Every Leader Needs,” McKinsey Quarterly (  http://www.mckinseyquarterly.com ), February 2013, p. 2.

Ashlee Vance, “Trouble at the Virtual Water Cooler,” Bloomberg Businessweek, May 2–May 8, 2011, p. 31.

Bridget Carey and Niala Boodhoo, “How to Deal with What Feels Like Online Identity Theft,” The Miami Herald ( http://miamiherald.com ), April 14, 2009.

Matthew Miller, “Employers Get a #Boost from @NLRB’s Social Media Report,” Workforce Management, April 2012, p. 10.

Kim Komando, “Use Discretion with Online Reviews,” Democrat and Chronicle, RocBusiness, June 25, 2012, pp. 5B, 6B.

Alexandria Samuel, “Your Employee Is an Online Celebrity. Now What Do You Do?” The Wall Street Journal, October 20, 2012, pp. B7, B8.

Alex Taylor III, “Fixing Up Ford,” Fortune, May 25, 2009, p. 49.

“Go ‘Topless,’” Manager’s Edge, August 2008, p. 6.

Alex Williams, “Mind Your BlackBerry or Mind Your Manners,” The New York Times ( http://www.nytimes.com ), June 22, 2009.

Ibid.

Quoted in Dan O’Shea, “How to Get to the Point,” Entrepreneur, October 2011, p. 46.

Bob Parks, “Death to PowerPoint,” Bloomberg BusinessWeek, September 3–September 9, 2012, pp. 83–85.

Joann S. Lublin, “Some Dos and Don’ts To Help You Hone Videoconference Skills,” The Wall Street Journal, February 7, 2006, p. B1; Drake Bennett, “I’ll Have My Robots Talk to Your Robots,” Bloomberg Businessweek, February 21–February 27, 2011, pp. 52–56.

“Work à la Modem,” Businessweek, October 4, 1999, p. 176.

“Bridge Gaps with Remote Workers,” Manager’s Edge, July 2008, p. 1.

Jeffrey Blackwell, “Shared Spaces,” RocNext, Democrat and Chronicle, August 19, 2012, pp. 1E, 5E.

Michelle Conlin, “Telecommuting: Out of Sight, Yes. Out of Mind, No,” Businessweek, February 18, 2008, p. 060.

Stephen Behnke, “Ethics in the Age of the Internet,” Monitor on Psychology, July/August 2008, pp. 74–75.

Anita Hamilton, “Outsmart Your Haters,” Time, October 6, 2008, pp. 67–68.

Debra Auerbach, “Employers Checking Social Sites,” CareerBuilder, May 6, 2012,

Felix Gillette, “Snapchat and the Right to be Forgotten,” Businessweek, February 11–February 17, 2013, pp. 42–47.